Want to Be Happier Right Now? Don’t Make This Mistake (New Surprising Science)
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
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What is the secret reason you might not be #happy?
Did you know that there are common things that steal #fulfillment and #joy from your life?
Today, Mel is diving into the 3 research-backed #habits that can make your life better. Because happiness is not only possible; it is an option for you.
This conversation is not only comforting and impactful; it is also packed with practical and proven tools that can be put to work in your life immediately.
Mel is thrilled to introduce you to the incredible Dr. Judith Joseph, MD (@drjudithjoseph)
Dr. Joseph is a renowned double-board-certified psychiatrist who trained at and is affiliated with Columbia University and New York University. Dr. Joseph is also a pioneering researcher and the founder and principal investigator of her research institute, Manhattan Behavioral Medicine, where she has conducted over 60 clinical research trials, and today she is sharing her innovative work with you.
This interview took a surprising turn. In this hour-long conversation, Mel goes deeper than ever, discussing her struggle with the lingering feeling of “blah” she’s had for the past couple of years.
In this episode, you’ll also learn:
- Why you need to throw your idea of what happiness is out the window.
- The ONE thing you need to know if you want to achieve a happier life.
- What “anhedonia” is and what are the signs of struggling with it are.
- Learn if you have anhedonia (and Mel’s shocking results to Dr. Joseph’s quiz).
- Dr. Joseph’s ONE recommendation for anyone who wants more daily enjoyment in life.
- How long it will take you to be happier with Dr. Joseph's techniques.
- 3 simple steps to taking better care of yourself this year.
- The real reason the lack of joy is so common right now.
- Why you don’t remember as much anymore.
- The common mistakes you might be making that block joy.
- The connection between slowing down and increased meaning and happiness.
- The ONE thing Dr. Joseph will NEVER do to keep joy and happiness in her life.
For more resources, including links to Dr. Joseph’s work, studies, and quizzes to find out if you have anhedonia, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins...
I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.
Dr. Judith Joseph's resources: www.drjudithjo...
Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast: / themelrobbinspodcast
In this episode:
00:00 Intro
05:28: Why you need to throw your idea of what happiness is out the window.
08:55: What is anhedonia, and what are the signs you are struggling with it?
11:04: The connection between labeling feelings and overall happiness.
18:24: Why you may be forgetting your COVID pandemic memories.
23:52: Is secondhand stress really possible?
30:24: The mistakes you might be making if you feel like joy is out of reach or not a priority anymore.
31:12: The quiz Mel took to reflect on her symptoms of high-functioning depression: www.drjudithjo...
35:32: A psychiatrist's ONE recommendation for anyone who wants more daily enjoyment in life.
42:04: What the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is and why you need to try it tomorrow.
47:37: The connection between slowing down and increased meaning and happiness.
55:19: The ONE thing as a psychiatrist Dr. Joseph will NEVER do to keep joy and happiness in her life?
58:17: The small ways to insert joy into your life to be more successful.
1:01:42: What really happened when Mel stopped doing the small things that truly made her happy.
1:03:32: How long it will take you to be happier with Dr. Joseph’s techniques.
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I've spent the last 15yrs with grief..it's time to care about myself again..
Anhudonea
Same here brother for past 9 years.
Sane here
Let’s do this together!
@@joynewlun9560anhedonia 😂
It not happy people who are thankful. It's THANKFUL people who are HAPPY. 😊
❤ Wow ❤❤
One of my favorite quotes of all time. It’s so true!
Mel I swear you're my new best friend.... I listen to you each day and I am identifying my flaws, and maladaptive self sabotaging behaviors, and its giving me the the power to finally change.... I wish I met you 15 years ago!
I feel the same way
I’m 72, a self confessed “old hippie”. This is stuff many of us have known for YEARS! Glad someone else is picking up on it!
72 and and a young hippie getting younger every day after listening to Mel. Turn 73 tomorrow.
Agree with you 100%. Thanks
@@susanforster🎉🎉🎉Happy Birthday🎉
This interview was spot on!!!!!
No day is promised to us.
Let’s take the time to appreciate the small pieces of joy we can find everyday🎉
Since my spouse passed away, I have had to seriously reevaluate my life. All of it, making time for friends and family. I am making time for moments of joy. I am seeing someone and practicing healthy boundaries. All of a sudden, I found a man who wants time with me. We joke, we watch movies, and he is really paying attention. I am enjoying time with people who matter, who let me matter. It's bizarre and new territory for me. It is so great to have this now in my life.
Happiness for me is progress...when I compare myself to an old version of myself and see that I have been keeping promises to myself and staying consistent with that. Happiness is not relying on anyone else for emotional validation or attention. Happiness is not being lonely because you love yourself and enjoy solitude.
I just love how when I come to your channel it’s ALWAYS something I NEEEED ! I am single( by chose) work has always come first. I have children 23 and 17 I’m lost I am scared about my future and want to be happy and this will help.
I haven’t felt in years 😢
Sadly I always thought pushing your feelings away and being numb was just being an adult. Shouldn't be your whole day... Very bad habit
"Anhedonia”, which is actually a greek word (ανηδονία) is such a powerful word! It signifies almost a paralysis (another greek word) of the emotion of happiness! Thank you Mel for this episode, I feel lucky that I have and enjoy moments of pure happiness and joy in my life!
Over the past 3 years I have lost 3 of the most important people in my life, so I've been convinced that I was grieving the losses and have struggled to get my life back together but to now understand that collectively COVID has us all in this space already on top of my grief it's no wonder I am struggling and have felt so empty. Thank you for talking about it!!
I needed this soooo much. It validated and confirmed so much for me. About a year and a half ago I was literally planning "my out" and I've spent the last year going back to the basics and basically focusing on healing spiritually, mentally, physically and just staying alive. It has been one of the hardest but also most rewarding things I've ever done in my life and everyday gets a little better. Going back to the basics also helped me to validate and understand that sometimes just staying alive IS ENOUGH.
I’m SO GLAD you’re still here! The strength to stay can be so overwhelming (I, too, know from experience), but, even with the ups and downs, I’m not where I was 6 years ago when my life was at its lowest. Things DO get better, we won’t know unless we’re here to experience them. ❤ Sending love!!! Go enjoy this day made especially for YOU! 😊❤
listening to this precious video while i'm grieving on my father who passed away 2 weeks ago 😢 i'm trying ti find a way of dealing with his loss (he was very dear to me) and also with all the sufferings he went through before he passed away 😢 this video definitely helps a lot even a person in a grieving situation like mine... but if you can also talk about how to deal with the loss of a parent, i will be extremely grateful, dear friend Mel ❤
So sorry for your loss 🙏🏻
@@ashley9776 thank you so much
Start Looking for signs of your beautiful father and maybe you can shift your perspective to the magic of life. Maybe ask him for a sign and then one day you could be hit with it out of the blue.
@@rosalieferreira125 thank you so much for this beautiful comment.. ill try to apply it and truly hope to find a message, a sign, a hint about him..... thank you 💜
This particular podcast has spoken to me as someone who has felt the trauma of the last few years deep in my soul. This conversation has given me motivation to really try to appreciate the small moments of joy today. A place to begin moving forward. I want to focus on being present in the moment. I thank you Mel and Dr. Judith - your conversation really mattered to me.
The trauma is still happening as well with active shooters
I work at a school and we were just in lock down yesterday bc of a student had a weapon
It’s not just schools
Pre schools
Grocery stores
Movie theaters
Thank you for this Mel
So sad that this continues to happen. 😢
Absolutely
❤ incredible ❤
I happen to stumble upon the word anhedonia a few weeks ago when someone asked me what do you do when you lose spark on the things you love, and I wanted to talk more about it. I’m so glad that this new episode really went deeper on what it means and how we can be “happier”.
Just finished listening to the podcast and can’t wait for the next episode!!! ❤
I'm definitely down and don't recognize myself. I made a list of little things that bring me joy. I thought I'd have like 6... I filled a page! Now I'll just be more intentional to do them and mindful while experiencing them. Thank you
This has me sobbing and I am not even halfway through yet. This hits so deep. I need the transcript, there are things here that just gave me words to explain everything I am feeling and going through, there are memories popping up that have never been dealt with or had that time to process the situations and they go way back before Covid hit. I have been living emotionally, mentally isolated and numb for over ten years. This is the first time I have a better understanding of why. HELP ? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
💜
I am only 36 but I have always been living a slow life until I met my partner 3years ago, and now it all makes sense why I feel so unhappy and unmotivated for 3 years. He is a person who moves in autopilot, everything is based on schedule and I feel stressed on my day off because i cant feel like I accomplished what I wanted to do which is spending time in trinket store or farmers market because my partner just wants us to go go go based and dont allow us to slow down. and we knew and realized were too incompatible and this is the major reason why we argue alot and are both unhappy. his values are different than mine, he wants to work as much as he can now and retire early but I want us to enjoy the moment responsibly. we decided to separate and now I feel free and excited to go back to slow living!! enjoying the thrist store, planting some herbs in the kitchen, walking around stores 😊
I’m new to your channel, started earlier this month, because I had reached a place in life where I couldn’t run anymore from my childhood trauma. It leached its way into every facet of my life and I had not realized I was living a life that was confined by my inner demons. Thank you so much for helping me get through the weeds.
Awesome 'start feeling the feelings again' and a 'simple life is a beautiful life'.. Mid last year I knew it was not good that I could not even cry, at all, I was numb... So I took six month off work as I was totally burnt out... NOW I feel again, thank you this is the first time I think I have realised what that six months off work did for me... No more gaslighting myself ever again! ♥...
It's interesting that we are talking about C19 here as if it's not still actively happening. Many of these struggles persist and the drive to "go-go" is present even more so now, without any protections, public information etc. The trauma "That we just survived"? Many are still sick, becoming disabled, are still isolated and experiencing trauma, dying. Second highest surge currently-this is ongoing trauma. True these things happened but the lack of acknowledgement that this is active,.now. This is awesome information from an amazing professional and I don't disagree, I just wish there was more honesty around that language as if this is over.
Great conversation. Thank you for letting us be a part of it. I felt a lot of emotions just from listening to this.
The validation of how we all have been through so much is so powerful and the recognition that a simple life is a beautiful life. I loved that the conversation focused on enjoying small things in big ways as the path to a happier, beautiful journey for all of us. Wonderful interview.
I can relate to this so much . I try to numb my feelings after mum passed away. If you are busy you don’t have time to feel the sadness !!!
Mel, you weren’t lying. This episode is so important
This video is just so necessary! I just felt the love coming from you two.Thank you all for offering this amazing content to us!❤❤❤
Mel robins is getting me through the day. She’s amazing! Wish I’d found her sooner. My 84 year old Nan listens to her too.
Thank you for bringing Dr. Judith on! This totally helped! I will be enjoying the small moments and to be "happier"!! I love you and please take the time for yourself!! We will all understand!!
Just found your work. Much needed inspiration- I was just recently wrongfully terminated from a job I gave 1000% to and hated. 💚💚💚
@@Amandahugginkizz Ugh- sorry to hear that! It will get better ❤️🩹
Thank you Mel and Judith! Happier ❤
Mel, this is about your daughter and how beautiful she sounds, I'm so happy she has her single out and we need an album. Congratulations to a proud mom and Kendall ❤
This is really validating my feelings.... thankyou so much xx
Wow! My points just increased today by listening to this….Thank you!
Basically: practice Mindfulness.
That's basically what she's saying (I'm only 35 mins in, but so far it just fits everything in Mindfulness).
Which I practiced religiously for like 2-3 months two years ago and it was amazing, and then for whatever reason I stopped and never started again (whenever I think I will do it again I just don't after a few days). Some level of self-sabotage or something.
I have been working on identifying my feelings deeper than just saying happy, sad, angry, mad. Using the feelings wheel.
Love you mel❤❤❤ u are a huge part of my success. I call my morning routine BUSINESS DAD MORNING. It literally supercharges my day ❤❤❤❤
Thank you both for validating the trauma that we’ve been through over the past 4 years. I have PTSD from a car accident and I’ve also found out that I have autism so I am really focusing on self regulating.
I luv listening to u Mel Robbins!!!!❤😊
My understanding of Happiness is that it is a state of being. The Happiness is not an ultimate goal of life but rather process in which living being strives for empowerment in all aspects of life, that includes physical and mental health. What is Happiness, is a deep existential question to answer, and it takes us to the never ending rabbit hole of our lives. The expedient Happiness is a splash of dopamine, short time buster/ external stimulation - goods and more goods, appearance and more of that on the top of everything else we think will make us happy/. And Happiness that derived from one's awareness and consciousness of being part of divine creation, beings connected to everything living, the ability to transcend perceived limitations and accept what is, brings you to the place of limitless potential and abundance. I am grateful for today, for my breath, for what I have, and with all avaliable tools at my disposal I am building the bridge to higher version of me.
Thank you for telling me what I've been feeling for years.❤
This was amazing! Thank you to both of you!!
I can't tell you how much I loved hearing this interview.❤
This really made a lot of sense to me! Detached is how I have felt and giving myself absolute permission to just take care of myself and to be around people who are loving and caring is what it is all about. TODAY, I was in the drive-up to get my daily coffee fix and the person in front of me paid for my coffee. Boy, that really made me so happy! I deserve to be treated kindly by a stranger, but then again, so do they! Thank you for being so wonderful, Mel. We truly appreciate you!
After listening to this wonderful interview I just realized how I ve never processed my traumatic experiences so yes have been living in a Numb state, and have been soothing myself with all sorts of distracting behaviors. So this talk is a life modifying.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏⭐⭐⭐⭐❤️
Ok wow. I’m only a few minutes in and this is making so much sense.
❤❤ Mel, ya did it again. I don't get tired of telling you. I love, love love the love you have for us all humanity. ❤❤
What an eye opener thank you Dr Judith❤❤❤
Aww, Mel, take a big hug coming your way. We, the podcast fam, love you and we don't want you to work too hard. It's winter. Take a cue from nature. Time to pause growth, and rest. You can't have summer energy all year long. We love you. If you did one podcast with a guest in Boston a month, and the rest off the top of your head in Vermont, we'd still be here! Mwah!
I am coming ALIVE again because of your insight, wisdom, motivation, love of life and others --- from the bottom of my heart, THANKS!!
I'm so glad to hear this because I couldn't figure out why I just can't shake the anhedonia. Because on top of the pandemic I discovered I had lung cancer in June of 2019. And in 2021 I developed a different lung cancer. Which I have been cured of both but it's terribly difficult to get a grasp on how to get back out into the world how to get back into Hobbies even. I'm not sure I'll ever know how to process all of this. I do try to stay in the now and I am very grateful for many things in my life which do make me happy. Like I'm breathing so there's more right with me than wrong with me. Happier sounds like being grateful when you discuss the glass of water and taking a sip you're grateful for how wonderful that feels, so you're taking the time to appreciate and be grateful for the things that you're gifted in life. The glass of water a blade of grass a beautiful rose an ocean wave a warm and cozy couch!
Teachers have to worry about being shot at nowadays never mind just having to buy something in school. When you think about it the teacher is supposed to be like some superhero that can teach kids and protect them and take down Mass Shooters and you know.
During the pandemic I was listening to one of your daytime talk shows and you had a dream specialist on. She has forever changed the way I see dreams, and paying close attention to my dreams allowed me to process all my emotions that I was going through at the time since dreams basically put your feelings on the wall like a museum of yourself! lol I mention this because this episode touched on that a little, we need to acknowledge these emotions so they can pass through us . I also believe that stoping to recognize our positive feelings in our day, goes a long way in being happy now because like you say, we are enough. We don’t need to become something and then we will be happy when we can be happy now.
Hi Mel, I am so happy. I introduced you to my sister. She loves you too. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Amazing Mel. Thank you for all your honesty and hard work. Amazing pod cast. Grateful for Dr Judith.
Thank you Mel and Dr. Judith! This was really great and hits home!
Teachers need to be addressed more in conversations like this. I bet all topics chosen for this channel could reach teachers by showing data related to teachers. Thanks for doing what you do in helping us savor our lives minutes a day. ❤
Wow,what they are saying is right on the the button,what we all went trough the last four years ,love this talk.
This is me I live where I work, and I never get a break. Property Management is a tough job. But I am blessed for having a home for me and my son =)
I really feel this. We just live in a world that doesn’t allow us to recover. I say it often, how terrified Covid and the media made us and now it’s happening again with the migrant situation and the media coverage on it while we watch helplessly. Not only this: the media turns us on eachother. Even our own selves
Thank you Mel. I love you. You are awesome.
Make a good life map for yourself so that you can be assured you do not die with regrets. You do not want to be saying to yourself I should have, I would have, I could have.
It’s been done to us….by those in power…deliberately I’m sorry to say. However, we need to take care of ourselves and recover because we know best not those in power! Do not leave your destiny in their hands…we must make our own decisions and stand our ground to prevent the despicable decisions made upon us that have traumatised the world.
No more….
❤ is the answer and self love 💗
What litterally saved my sanity and life for the last 4 years was my interoception daily practices, only then didn’t even know that’s what I was doing. I take warm water with salt every morning, bless my water, do gratitude affirmations and do my coffee while blessing it with healing and loving affirmations while I do my cacau drink with adaptagens like Lions Mane that helps the release of emotions and spices. I do this every day still, even on difficult days, like today, I cried a lot last night over so much I’ve been supressing but being in my sensorial space today feels nurturing while on other times I used it simply as a stimulant to keep on going.
Just have to disagree with the doctor when she says we can’t control our genetics and certain disease states. Just ask Dr Joe Dispenza and Dr Bruce Lipton about that ;)
Ahnedonia. Go figure. There's a name for my current state of being. Don't know if it helps, but at least I'm not crazy. The numbness is real and profound. Thanks for giving me hope.❤
I am listening on Audible (where I first fortunately discovered you, Mel). THANKYOU both for this very excellent podcast. It reso ates, it's accessible, it's relevant. Dr. Joseph is a fantastic guest! Thank you both again. I would like the links to her books. I shall look for them.
This is functional freeze. The trauma response. Many nervous system coaches like myself work on moving through this. Recognizing our trauma and moving through it somatically without reliving the trauma is key.
Thank you Mel and Dr. Judith!! This is great!!🙏🙏😃🙂😁💛💓💗💖
I was a first responder/essential personnel, in 2020-2021. I dealt with COVID positive people daily. I got COVID twice, once believed I was going to die (put my affairs in order). Prayed and made it through.
My kids had to do school online. My kids are now more comfortable online than around people. They intentionally avoid people, and each other because they got so used to avoidance out of necessity. I try to get them off their computers and back out into the world as much as I can but how can I help them realize the world is outside, not on a screen?
❤ yes!! Enjoy each moment. Each day I feed my ducks, I look around and thank God for this beautiful world and life he has created for me. This past year, my fiance and I bought a small piece of land, put a mobil home on it. And now raising our children. As we always dreamed and talked about. Instead of renting!! We finally are living off the land. I can't wait to have my first garden. Extremely blessed.thsk you for being my daily positivity and go to when I need help.. ❤😊🫂♥️✌️
Oh my god. I didn't expect this content based on the title. You might as well be talking right about me, and my small business. I want to cry and laugh but I also still feel numb (ha!). I'm only halfway through the episode so I hope I get to find out how to move forward. Either way, I definitely feel validated. I'm not broken. It's not that I'm the only one who can't make it past the pandemic within their business.
Just listening to this (while doing my work, of course), I feel seen and validated, as you said, but also grounded and nurtured. I am being present right now and it made me happier already. Thank you both so much for this wonderful conversation ❤
Great interview! On the pandemic topic. It is supposed to be over but governments never made it clear, never want to loosen the power grip... Never gave closure... Time to feel free
Had to listen three times...it is so profound to name the pandemic etc. as a trauma. It is so true we have not had time breathe. I love there is a simple step to begin the work.
.... you see how far you are ahead of the so-called leaders,Mel
There is again...no more circkles please!
Mel you know what i am tallkig about...
Love xou...
Hello ,how are you doing ?
I need to study this lady. This is a answer to all my problems
I’d like to add, that in this younger generation 21 and up. Doctors are prone to just prescribe medications for symptoms like anti anxiety, expression, no sleep Etc.
I’m 50 now and this is me since age nine.
Loved this episode so much!!! I am so understanding this is me! Just glowing through life absolutely numb. Going to try some of these things and see if I can feel again. I want to be able to enjoy the small things. ❤
I use the Panera Bread SIP CLUB! It is such a joy for me every day!!!
This is a positively brilliant and inspirational, and something to do right in the moment, right now! Brilliant!!! love the present moment talking… love the points of joy! One of the best interviews I’ve seen in ages! Thank you, thank you thank you❤❤❤
My 2nd video I’ve seen I may listen to you all day.
2018 was my trauma year. That December I had medical specialist appointments every single weekday. By Christmas, I was exhausted, excluded from holiday & family joy, etc. For me, which is admittedly a from different cause, 2020 felt no different. That has been concerning to me.
So happy I listened to this one. I used to read/meditate on portions of Thoreau's Walden, and would lose myself in his descriptions of ants crawling on an ant hill or bubbles in ice, and I want to get back to losing myself in that.
Mel, this podcast has got to be the best on the subject of being happier vs being happy!!! I've viewed and listened to this podcast at least 6 or 7 times. I've practiced some of the suggestions Dr. Joseph gave re how to be happier in the moment every day!! Phenomenal and practical in every way. Thanks Mel!!! :) :) Know my four cats are better for what I've learned. They've noticed and appreciated!! 😄😀
Thank you so much for validating. That’s exactly where I am and I see a lot of my friends and people doing this as suffering for this things that are used to enjoy. I have a hard time getting myself to do them.❤
Robin, love your podcast! I do have a request. Is it possible to incorporate some history of resilience in our country and the world? Feeling like we are getting more and more self centric and missing our joined history of strength.
Hello Diane,how are you doing?
This!!!! As an educator/administrator I needed to hear this. Thank you both for your impactful content and practical advice. #happier
You are right Mel, this is the most important episode you have done so far. I cannot thank you enough for this eye opening interview. I am listening it for the second time I absorbing every bit of information and using the technique right away to improve my life and feel happier ❤
I love this video! One my favorites. A lot good information, you are the best Mel ❤️❤️
I respectfully disagree that happiness isn’t a state. It absolutely can be. I live there, so I know it’s possible. However, I agree that most people couldn’t get there from where they are right now. It’s a journey and it requires a lot of inner work. It has taken me many years to build my inner world. I like the idea of using these tools to move people from where they are now out of this blah, unfeeling and unprocessed state to a more awake and alive state. What she’s describing is mindfulness and consciousness. I always love it when there are scientific, psychological and spiritual aspects or explanations that all agree. To me these are universal truths. ❤
This is very helpful. My marriage also ended during the pandemic, and menopause hit, so those added other layers of stress/trauma/changes. Feelings have been somewhat muted since then, but I don’t think I have anhedonia, and the quiz said it is possibly mild for me. It helps me to focus on healthy activities and goals that make me feel good and “normal” and present-/future-focused. (gardening, dog activities/sports, photography, exploring nature)
If you want stability, you need flexibility! Love it… thank you, Nicole and BAD!
I have been thinking about the numbness part for the past 6 months, and now it makes so much sense. Thank you!
Sorry about so many comments, but this is a FANTASTIC podcast!!!!!
Good morning Mey and Dr. Jule. Thank you! Lately in the morning before I drink the water I talked to the water. Being grateful. And I do take a little time to enjoy. Thank you again for everything that you do.🙏♥️
I think reaching out to friends and family and disconnecting from the internet is a good strong start
I love listening to you, Mel! I can listen to you all day! ❤
We also need to clarify how many years of learning children have lost, and if there are certain subjects & skills that were lost.
Thanks Mel I started watching your videos when the UnF+++ureself video popped up.Ive been watching your videos since.Its help my social life my thinking my emotions.Your podcast have made such a difference in my life.Here I thought it was just me but I'm not alone.Thankyou for sharing with us...God bless you!!
i really enjoy all your podcast they give me great direction when i am stuck we are all in the same boat looking at the same skies praying under the same moon god loves us all at the same time
Epic! Nailed it! Thank you!
this was Phenomenal. Being Type A personality this literally reset my clock. Thank you Mel for bringing this out. I have studied this have been teaching this as part of inner child healing but yeah fails many a time when it comes to me just like that teacher who checks the sheets even while taking lunch. Much Love
Can you share the list of simple points of joy the Dr. read ?