i was in a cult... 😅 // ICOC STORYTIME
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- hi besties! welcome to day twelve of the 13 NIGHTS OF SARAWEEN. this is the long awaited cult storytime. hopefully it's interesting 😅
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Hi! Welcome to the comment section of this video. If you are a practicing Christian and you are here to tell me about how God loves me and how to actually interpret the bible, please don't. The purpose of this video is to discuss religious trauma and warn against a dangerous group. I understand the desire to try to help me, but I'm asking you to resist the urge. Your comment WILL be deleted if it falls under those parameters. I would love for this comment section to remain a safe space for people to share their experiences with ICOC and/or other religious trauma. I hope that you all can respect my wishes, thank you.
rcitizengv1.blogspot.com/2023/12/intellectual-atom-bomb-blasphemy.html
Gotta love the hypocrisy of “we’ve all been talking and we think you gossip too much.” 💀 Glad you have found happiness, fellow speck!
hahah right!?
Lol
💀
My campus banned them from stepping foot on our campus (I went to a private institution). They also published a warning in our school newspaper. I’m so glad our interfaith campus office looked out for us. My ex was a member and he dealt with so much emotional abuse.
I stop seeing them on campus as well after pandemic happened
What school was this.
girl THANK YOU for this video. i was approached by the ICC (offspring of the ICOC) , and had been doing some bible studies with them at my college for a few weeks. I would’ve never known without this. I blocked all of their phone numbers, I am NOT getting involved in a cult. thank you thank you thank you
They almost got me too. I thought I was joining a typical Bible study. They told me I was not saved and needed to be baptized again since it wasn’t done by their church 😞 smh
@@redietdelelegne734 Same, they told me they were just a group of friends doing a Bible study. In the last Bible study, he asked me if I was ready to become a disciple, i.e joining their church, as if I wasn't a Christian already. I told him I was never interested in joining as I was doing just fine at the church I go to, so they ended the Bible studies with me there. So much for studying the Bible with a group of friends 🙃
They recently tried to recruit me as well. I went to one devotional and had set up a bible study and everything. The day after devotional something told me to do my research, I honestly can't say where the feeling came from, I just knew I needed to look it up. So, I asked for their IG, sure enough... it was ICC. I immediately withdrew myself.
Personally, I would be wary of any type of religion who approach you tbh, especially out of nowhere. Don't believe in every good things you hear, obviously they won't tell you the bad stuff. Especially since a lot of cults likes to love bomb people into wanting to join them.
wow! so ICOC and ICC are basically the same? Does this go for the Church of Christ too?
Saraaa. I grew up in this church and only left a year ago.. im 26 and it has devastated my life. I went to college in boston, which was 100% the MOST legalistic church in the entire congregation. I relate to EVERYthing you said. It was so much more intense where I was 😭😭 we need a support group
There's an ex ICOC group on Facebook you could join!
Hey Paulina I left the ICOC back in 2018. There are a couple of support groups on fb but the one I was in I left because the ICOC hurt these ppl to the point where they are atheist and even Bash God all the time. I always tell myself that God did nothing to me those ppl in the ICOC did and that God never hurt me those ppl in the ICOC did. But girl find new hobbies, make new friends, throw out all there teachings that is in your head the ones that were wrong and right and start all over again. Don’t be depressed and think your life is over because that’s what they want. Be happy, always laughing and enjoy your 20s and when you have healed find a new church not related to the ICOC.
I'm also from Boston and had a traumatic cult experience. I would like to get connected with you guys for sure ♥️
Glad you also got out Paulina! I think we may have crossed paths when I was visiting Boston back in my Uni days, and yeah even as a member in those days I thought Boston was out there. Now I know all the group was pretty out there…
Would love to interview you Paulina
I will just say, as an ex-member, that they actually *did* explicitly say that they were “The One True Church” and the only ones going to heaven. I was part of this church from a teenager to my mid-thirties, for over 20 years. Those “one true church” philosophies were endorsed all the way until 2003. People walked it back verbally but they still silently cling to it, as evidenced by the dating culture and the children’s ministry. Sadly, based on what I’ve heard from recent ex-members, the same things are still happening. I held several leadership positions and did my very best to hold to its teachings - and even disseminated them myself, until the chasm between my core values and beliefs, and the overt and covert teachings of the church, became too great for me to overcome. I left in 2018. 4 years later, I’m still working through the indelible mark the impact of the ICOC on virtually every aspect of my life. The only thing I regret is not leaving sooner.
I’m a ICOC survivor as well. My heart goes out to you. I was brought in my my parents as a 15yr old.
I never thought of CoC as a cult until,only in a private question area Travis Thomas admitted the exclusive nature of being baptised in CoC. This was in a debate aftershow on "The Layman's Seminary" of Feb.4. 2023. After listening to hours of debates it was the 1st time Travis admitted this(CoC's exclusiveness for salvation) in a pointed question yes/no form.
I was a member of the Chicago ICOC. Tithing time was compulsory and dysfunctional. Our leader had us write our name on a board in front of the whole church if we gave what they told us to give. Soooo like the Pharisees. I will say that being challenged to have daily quiet times was a POSITIVE thing. Discipling was nit-picky, petty, and super controlling. They also indicate that you toggle in and out of salvation all the time, which made it hard to be joyful. Lots of favoritism and power-tripping people. They say you should seek God’s will but then they would control your major life decisions. Turned my kids off the church. Still paying for that one, but my youngest is saved, so I thank God for that. I am strong in Christ now. God’s grace is sufficient for me, even ICOC’s wasn’t.
They totally said “Christians” outside their church are not Christians…repeatedly.
PD, JT we’re angry men. You know who you are. Men could sign up a storm and it was no big deal. They could stay out all night and wives would be instructed to just be very pleasant when they eventually got home, but you make a mistake as a woman/wife and you were dealt with harshly…and by “mistake I mean like buying the wrong soap. Ridiculous.
Sara, I feel like I’ve learned all of this story over the last 7 years, but it’s so powerful to hear you talk about it all at once. I’m so sorry for the trauma and adversity you faced for those years, but I am so proud of the woman you’ve become being authentically you and not restricted by what was forced upon you. This is video is going to bring so much comfort and validation to those like us who have experienced these things. I love you so dearly ❤
love you emma!!! 💖💖💖💖
There is no exaggeration here. All of this is 100% accurate. I was a part of the church for 12 years. Left in 2009.
Man I just left like 1 month ago, had people tell me I needed to make "more diciples" (bring more people in their cult) in a country my dad was from cause God "called" me to do so 😂
I dedicated 17 years of my life to this cult before I left. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m glad you were able to leave 💗
Goal is to be like disciple of Christ, not the ICOC or self opinions.
@@johnabet1107 John, please do not reply to people's comments on this video. This is a safe place for people to discuss their trauma. I will absolutely block you if you continue this behavior.
Follow Jesus & not religious doctrine.. If you want to know Jesus you will follow Him and seek His nature reading scripture on your own. My experience is Most COC's don't seem to really LOVE Jesus, but they surely can say the day they got baptized, not the day when they met Jesus... and experienced his love... Mechanical, and dogmatic...
@@sarawithoutanH So a cult is if you're going to a church and they keep approaching you and telling you about home fellowships for over a year. Even when you tell them over and over it's too late at night for you. Also a busy body bombards you with very personal question's after almost every sunday service and even call's my home with being nosey. Are those thing's cult or are those things just weird/odd/controlling?
I am a male and was in ICOC in Los Angeles from 1997 to 2001. We were told who we should ask out for dates, who we should "encourage" and who to avoid. In my experience i had no control over my dating life. On time a sister called me because her car broke down really close to my house. I went and got her car running and I got in trouble from my discipler for not having others with us. I was then told to avoid her, I found out later from her when she left ICOC she was told the same from her discipler. It was ridiculous.
yeahhh that’s a thing ! (I left too )
That's nuts!
that's so gross how they assume men will just assault women or suddenly and randomly stat having sex just bc you're near another gender lol its really gross
It is insane that you went and selflessly helped another person, something Jesus actively pushed people to do, and you were disciplined for it? It makes me wonder why so many of these bible based cults seem to just outright ignore what Jesus wanted people to do. They seem to ignore all the 'be selfless and kind' parts of the bible in favor of the judgemental authoritarian and cruel aspects.
@@SputterbugI have always hated the belief that a man and a woman cannot just be friends, or casually friendly with each other. It's truly stupid. It is such an outdated and stupid way of thinking.
I’ve been married for 35 yrs to a ICOC member. I converted and attended for 13 years. I literally had to be schooled with their propaganda lesson- “Sharpening the Sword”. I finally left the church and got my children out of it. There’s no grace, no mercy in ICOC. Thankfully my kids now know that salvation isn’t found in baptism and being the member of “the one true church”. My husband still gets tempted to send his church members over to “minister” to me. I politely let him know that I do not believe that way and I have an intimate relationship with Christ. My husband still sends my kids propaganda on baptism and they don’t respond. It’s been an uphill battle. Vacations have to be cut short so he doesn’t miss “worship”, but I stand my ground. We will have months of peace and then he starts getting antsy and here comes the sermons on baptism. Baptism is the ICOC’s god. Thank you for this video. ❤
They really are the baptism police and can’t simply trust that God can work through whoever’s baptism He chooses to
@@thyatiran yes exactly! God’s word clearly says that we are not saved by works so that we many not boast. They boast “baptism saves” all the time and too blind to see it. SAD.
Thank God you got out of it and are saved by grace through faith and not by works. I was briefly in it 28 years ago prior to being saved in March 1995. Thank God He got me out too. I pray for your husband that he will eventually leave and be saved by Christ!
@@thyatiranfacts. they're taking credit for what should be God's work, not theirs.
how did they allow him to marry you if you weren't in their Church?
💀 I was born into a cult and left when I was 16. The feeling of being able to dress the way I want to and choose whatever I wanted to read is so healing, but 10 years later I still feel like I’m growing past guilt!
I’m sorry you had to go through that! I’m glad you were able to get out 💗
fr and I remember my church (which is very similar) would try to shame you from ever deciding to wear such things in the future
Sara, thank you for sharing your story publicly. The ICOC is totally a destructive cult and you did a good job explaining some of its odd practices. I am thankful that you got out. I totally belive seeing your videos were helpful in my own deconstruction process. Your videos gave me some hope, knowing that there was the possibility of having a life outside of the church.
I’m so glad it has helped! I hope you’re doing well 💗
Couldn’t agree more!!
As a Ex-ICOC member this is 100% accurate
Sara- we haven’t spoke in years but from my high school time going to church with you and Emily, I always had bad vibes. I’m glad you were able to find yourself through all the brainwashing! Proud to know you!
You were so right to not get in too deep with us 😅 also if we said anything weird at that time just know it’s because we were weird at that time 😂
💕
I feel so bad for all the friends from high school I invited to this church 😂
Im a missionary at Kutztown University and I was approached by this group today claiming that they were launching a college ministry at our campus. It was super frustrating talking to them because they took every passage in the Bible and completely twisted it into something else
i'm currently halfway through the video and had to stop to write this comment because you're a GREAT storyteller. the 20+ mins that passed flew by.
💯
Aw thank you so much! 💗 I spent a lot of time thinking how I would sum up a decade of trauma into one video 😅
@@sarawithoutanH this is literally the best trauma cult breakdown I’ve watched 😂
💀 I was in the Chicago church for 12 years first as a high school graduate in the teens ministry, then as a college student, single and then the married ministry. You summed up so much of my experience so well and I appreciate you putting into words what I have so much trouble communicating. For 10 years I couldn't go into a church without bursting into tears. Finally found my way back to God and have been a deacon for a few years. I still struggle with prayer and personal Bible study (qt's) but give myself grace knowing that trauma leaves an indelible mark. I left 'the church' and my abusive husband in one day and never looked back.
Gurrrrrl…. I was a leader in the LA ICOC and in this cult for 17 years! We talk about this particular colt a lot on our WhaTheFlok podcast-The truth is that it was/is about 1000 times worse than what you even know… Let’s put it this way, I pretty much “know where all the bodies are buried”… It was hideous & destructive, and I’ll probably have PTSD for the rest of my life… But at least I am out and on the other side and happy and thriving!! Thanks so much for using your voice!…The more people that share their stories, the more people we can reach and help! ❣️💪🏼
Which episode!? I’d love to listen. I was in from 1995-2003. My family is now free and mostly deprogrammed.
How is your relationship with God since you left? And did learn anything from your time in the church?
Out of curiosity, what do members of the ICOC think of those in the church of Christ. Do they consider them saved, as brethren, or treat them as a denomination because they are not members of the ICOC or ICC? If you came across a member of the COC, would you try to convert them?
I was in that cult from 1997 to 2003 when the FAMOUS Henry Kriete letter came out. Thank you Henry Kriete!!! Otherwise, I'd probably still be running around like a chicken with his head cut off, going to pointless meeting after meeting and probably suffered from two or three mental breakdowns already. The longer you are in, the more impossible it is to leave that cult, because you would have to admit that the time spend was a lie. Although, their "doctrine" isn't 100% correct, the one thing I did appreciate was the emphasis of personal bible study. Unfortunately, it's through the lense of the ICOC.
Me too. I remember when that letter came out & we had a huge meeting to address it. A lady ran on stage, stole the mic & starting asking the ministry leader about the finances. It was wild after that. They had to end the meeting. Best ICOC church service ever. 😂😂
It must take so much courage to leave this kind of environment, I cant even imagine. You are so brave 🔥
One of the scariest parts of leaving is, like how Sara said, you build your ENTIRE life around it. When you leave, you often don’t have much, if anything, to leave to (at least initially).
thank you 💖
💀 felt so seen as someone who also grew up with deep religious trauma in the church. Thank you for sharing your story💕
So seeing this notification really through me bc I was also in this church (in the UK) I was born into it and finally left for good at 22 and ooff do I have boatloads of trauma from being in it/the process of leaving and I’m already relating so much to this video it’s always nice to know I’m not alone in this especially when leaving meant losing every friend I was allowed to be close to and coming to the realisation that it was a cult and at least for me a very toxic environment thank you so much for this video
i'm so sorry you had to experience this too! i'm glad you were able to get out. hope you're doing well now 💗
Sending love 💕
But why do you feel like it's so traumatizing? I mean what is really so bad that the church was doing to you?
@@OperativeBlue need I remind you of the comment “you don’t have a mental health problem, you have a sin problem?” If Sara wasn’t such a resilient person, this comment alone could have led to some dark places. Are you in the ICOC or something?
@@OperativeBlue it was really really bad actually I have CPTSD thanks to this church especially as the “same sex attracted” mentally ill feminist one it was not good for me I was not treated well not that I need to pulling my mile long list of things they did that traumatised me that’s between me and my therapist
I'm so sorry they made you feel worthless and lonely. Nobody deserves it. Thank you for sharing your story; I've never been in a situation like yours but I know videos like these are so important for so many people to feel less alone.
Sooooo... as an ex-member who was in "the church" for almost 20 years, I related to your story 100%. I was often looked at as the "struggling sister" and had many of those hard talks. One person even told me outright that I was going to hell. So glad I left that church and have felt so much better after doing so. Thanks so much for putting this unique experience to words. I often try to tell my friends now about this weird ass time in my life and can't quite articulate it right. You hit the nail on the head.
I feel the same! Thank you so much for giving me the words to explain this mess to people lol it truly was a unique life experience that is hard to share with ppl who weren’t in it. 100% relate to feeling isolated
I was in this church 20 years ago. I'm so glad that I was only in there for six months. I was shy and didn't go out to make disciples. I got sick of them always controlling me so I left with no regrets.
As someone who is actively transitioning out into another church in Texas... all of this is so true. Honestly it's kind of creepy how accurate this is across all the ICOC churches
What church in Texas ?
I grew up in this church. I feel robbed and slowly I’m working through the trauma of it all.
I grew up in the church. My mom was pregnant with me when my parents started studying the bible, and she was baptized shortly after I was born. It was all I ever knew. I left in 2020, right at the beginning of the pandemic. That church caused so much chaos in my family. My sister was in a relationship with her current husband, at a point when she was starting to leave the church. We were both in the campus ministry at that time, and the elders had a meeting with the whole campus ministry, telling them not to treat her like a sister anymore because she was immoral. The funny thing is, there were 2 other children of leaders, that were also in immoral relationships, but no announcement was made about them. That was the beginning of the end for me. Also, I hated how you would confide in someone about something, and they would go share it with someone else, but try to make it seem like it was because they cared. Like, "pray for Bianca, because she's struggling with XYZ." They also placed more responsibility on women for being modest, than they did did men's purity. My biggest problem, was because they always tried to act like they were the only "true Christians."
North River?
I was a part of the church for 26 years. All of what you said is true. I can say I have a lot of blessings from my time in the church but I can't argue with any of your points. Being a free thinker was hard and not easy in the church. My beliefs have changed considerably. I now for the first time feel free and joy.
💀💀💀
Girl this was soooo relatable!!!! I was in ICOC in Atlanta for 7 years at north river. I left in 2016
💛 always wild to hear about your experience with them and crazy to think about how much has changed even from when we first met!!
I’m happy we have been friends for so long 😭💗💗💗
💀 Solidarity from an ex-cult “sister”. Love seeing you life your best life out here in the real world. 💕✨
What's so bad about the ICOC? I mean I watched the entire video and I mean they aren't really a cult. They just follow the bible through scripture. And if you simply don't agree then you don't. But they really aren't a cult
I can relate... I too was in the ICOC... Kip McKinney was the biggest sack of s**t out there. I also remembered being pressured to get baptized when I was in the teen ministry, and being pressured to sharing my faith to random strangers. Being an introvert that was the worst thing. I wasted my youth and young 20s there.💀
loved watching this. The ICOC excommunicated me seven years ago, and to this day it was the best decision they ever made for me
same
So glad you made it out and your happy and thriving! I wouldn’t call my experience with religion a cult but it was traumatic. I have been away from the church 15 years and have no regrets. It makes me sick to look back on the subtly ways they would twist things to fit their narrative and hurt or exclude people, and my participation in it as well. I choose to live with love and understanding for ALL now and feel so much more at peace. ♥️
i'm glad we have both found peace 💖
I was in this cult for 21 years. Thank you for sharing.
Sis speak on it! You nailed the whole experience.
Man I was involved in this cult for 2-3 years before the pandemic the first thing that stood out to me was right after getting baptized i didn’t get a baptism certificate thank you for making this video
Just a little more information it actually more like 4-5 years that I was involved in a church that was part of this denomination but because of the pandemic I stopped going in 2020 and was still attending things but not at the same level I was before the pandemic because my mom has diabetes so we had to be careful more then most so I’d attend here and there on zoom but never in person i started attending in 2017 got baptized in 2018 so I was in almost 5 years but all truly in for 2-3 and they tried to get me to cut off my family because they didn’t attend at all,I mostly get attending because even though they have a building close to my house they don’t use and I don’t drive so I had to get rides to everything not to mention I don’t have a job at the time so if I tipped them it was my parents money which we need for food ,rent ,gas for our cars so I felt like they were just using me to get money and didn’t care that it could make us lose our home because of how much gas cost and how much rent is plus a lot of them had gas guzzlers so it cost a lot to feel them up
Not to mention now that I have a job they told me that how can I work if i can’t make it to church and I told them because im stopping my attendance to the church because I don’t believe that the teachings are in the Bible I actually felt like telling them well having a job is more important than going to church because you need money to be able to live you don’t need church to live but to me that felt a little to bitchy to say
💀 I’m sorry you had to go through that lonely time. I’m glad you’re in a happier place!
Thank you! 💗💗💗
Everything you said was one hundred percent accurate even down to the cadence and tone in how they would say things like they “missed you” or “did you get advice about that?” and it was like calm down I just saw you 2 days I repeat 2 days ago or like I can think for myself(which no you could not)!! Much love from another ex “sister” who also left in 2021! I was in for about 5/6 years. I had panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and more. They wanted me to quit my job to be a part of things mind you we met like every single day. It was exhausting and so destructive. I remember both the terror I felt in leaving but also the freedom from no longer “sipping the Kool-Aid”(as me and my friends called it). The trauma is very real and so hard to describe if you weren’t in it. At this point I’m waiting on the Netflix documentary lbvs
Best thing that came out of it was meeting my husband (which to everything you said about dating culture chile we may have been the worst of the worst rebels 😂 bc *gasp* he knew I liked him and we were genuine friends for awhile and when I say we almost didn’t date bc it was like 6-8months before anything happened and I just had to sit there watching him also take other girls on “encouragement dates” and I just had to sit there I was like oh hell nah I know my worth forget it!!! Thank God it all worked out in the end even tho that was also very traumatic n then we both ended up leaving later on 😂I’m so glad you got out as well and are doing so well and to others telling their stories much love❤
💀 Oh my gosh you don’t know refreshing this is to see someone else who was part of this church for as long as I was and understands what it was like.. it really does take over your life and becomes your identity.. I recently left and I’m so glad I did but I am struggling :( it’s hard losing all those friendships
You'll make new friends in time! Any friendship that is conditional isn't real friendship.
“It’s giving Mormon.” 💀😂
😂😅
💀I left the ICOC at 19. You did such a great job explaining what I have so much trouble articulating.
There are several things I need to say.
You told your experience and the whole vibe of the church amazingly and I was right there with you the whole time.
I felt really sad hearing of how lonely you felt and the way that the church can lure people in by exploiting their human feelings of being alone.
I watched your video of facts about you back in 2017, I think you made it like on your birthday or something, and ever since then you have been one of my very favorite Booktubers to watch.
I love your personality and I got so sad to hear of people excluding you and not being your friend anymore. So glad you started posting and found your people on here and have started LIVING your own life.
Makes me never wanna go to church again 💀💀💀
thank you for supporting me and my channel 💖 i think that facts video was the first time i ever swore out loud on my channel - there's actually a point in there where i talked about how i learned i could be whoever i want and i don't have to keep believing the same stuff and this story was what i was subtly referencing
@@sarawithoutanH honestly I need to rewatch the video now knowing that! Will always support you!
sara!!! thank you so much for sharing this story. i am so happy to see you’ve been doing better since your no longer in ICOC. i’ve never been involved in a religious cult, but i’ve also faced a lot of trauma from religion and it feels so nice to know i’m not the only one :) wishing you the best! 🥰💀
Encouragement dates were a joke… households were manipulative ways to control new members and “sharing faith” was bogus 😂
I’m glad you got out… 4 year of my life that I do not want to go back to ever again. Gaslighting university pretty much
I’ve always avoided encouragement dates and so did my sister. It never made sense to me
Are you still walking with God, and did you learn anything from the church?
You did an incredible job of explaining it all. Grateful my exit was less dramatic and traumatizing. The most cringe common occurrence for me was the justification of outright abuse and illegal actions as simply “sin.” “Well if they’ve repented then they’re forgiven.”
And EVERYTHING was a popularity contest. How many people asked you to “get time” with them this week = how popular you were. Asked to be in multiple bible studies? You must be super religious. And WTF was up with church leadership saying someone wasn’t *spiritual enough* to date 🤢 SO GLAD WE ARE OUT OF THERE. But how many years were wasted rewiring our indoctrinated brains. I pity the people still sucked in, still with their entire lives entwined in it all. They are missing out on so much beauty and LIFE.
Omg I forgot about the term “getting time” with someone! I really have blocked out a lot of random idioms and practices we used to have 😵💫 church was so weird!! I’m glad we are both moved on with our lives! I see your happy family on Instagram all the time and I’m so glad for you!! 💗
I’m a new subscriber, thanks for sharing your story. I grew up jw and am no longer religious. I also loveee knowing that I’m just a speck in the universe. That concept doesn’t bring everyone comfort, but for people who had to live their life for others it’s so freeing
💀 Former "kingdom kid" here. I grew up in the Boston area where it was founded and oh boy are you right on the money here. I left when I was 17 (which is omg like 18 years ago now) and you really hit the nail on the head with how frustrating it can be if you think for yourself in this group. Now a queer trans atheist and very grateful to have a family that accepts they'll never get me back in and also wants to be in my life, but I know lots of folks who have had much worse experiences. Thank you for sharing!
Hi! Are you related to Brie? I think we may have met before! I'm glad you were able to find your own identity and break away at a younger age 💗
ps. I'm almost positive there was one time when I roadtripped from Georgia with Brie and you were with us! Or at the very least your dog was there? I have a picture of myself in her car with a white pitbull mix lol
uhh holy shit lmao yeah that's me! Sorry my memory is shit especially around that time, I was with a really toxic person but I'm also free of that now ❤️ I'd love to see your pic of baby Gia sometime!
Just watched the whole video, oh hon I'm so sorry all that happened to you. I raised 3 kids in that church that are close to your age and we ALL left 4 years ago. If you ever want to talk I'm here for you. It's fucked with so many peoples heads😭
I was just watching your book reviews and stumbled onto this video! Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m so glad you’re out of that environment! I was part of a very controlling college Christian church and your examples reminded me so much of what they expected of us 😅 here’s to better communities and futures ❤️
Also the ways they would address dating with men vs women was insane. Before I started dating a guy in the church I was part of, I wasn’t allowed to even talk about my feelings for him but rather, “guard my heart”. He however knew I had a crush on him for MONTHS. I later found out he reciprocated those feelings when he was ASKING ME OUT. It was insane.
💀 this story was wild! Thanks for being so open en honest about it. So glad you’re in a happier place right now and living your best life!
thank you 💖💖
My niece is in this cult. And I think she’s one of those “mean” girls now. It breaks my heart
Thank you 💀 I'm so sorry you were dragged into this as a child.
I spent 2 months with them & that was enough for me to see the love was all fake, was all forced, and they would be repremanded if they didn't love bomb every guest.
I wish i could give you a hug for all your strength to speak on this! You've helped at least get current ICOC/ICC members to question these feelings (they've undoubteably had) and at the same time opened yourself up to attack. True strength and courage!
Good luck with your channel, I'll be here to help root you along!! 🎉
*Skull emoji* Everything you've said is 100% TRUE! I grew up in ICOC and became a "member" when I was 15, 11 years later I finally decided to leave early 2021 because I had enough. It's been almost 2 years since I've left and I do not regret my choice at all. So glad you were able to get out when you did and fall in love with who you are!
I was a part of the ICOC for almost 18 years before I tenured my resignation from it 2 years ago this past November because the leadership looked at me as a problem part time member and I was devoting my time to my college education at Long Beach City College. Plus there was some members who gave me problems that the leadership didn't do anything about.
“you don’t have a mental health problem you have a sin problem” literally fuck that
i was raised Southern Baptist and i remember one time at church camp a leader approached me and asked if i had been “saved” and if my family had and i didn’t really know what that even meant so i said no and she told me like, “oh well make sure you get saved and make all of your family get saved or you’ll all go to hell.” i couldn’t sleep and had to get up in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom to call my mom, in tears, asking if we’d all been saved lol. now i take SO much comfort in just giving my life whatever meaning *I* want! cheers to healing religious trauma! thanks for sharing your story ❤
@@Lotterywinnerify this is a really rude response!
You're so amazing Sara. Thank you so much for this amazing video. You summed it up so well! I'm actually looking forward to sharing this video with a few people that I have confided in about my experiences. Keep being awesome. 💀
Thank you so much for sharing, Sara. I can relate to so much of what you're saying and I'm sorry for what happened to you. There is still a lot of hurt and pain from the church that I feel every day -- feeling wrong and like I'm not good enough no matter what I would do. I'm glad you can be your true self on the other side. Thanks for being so real. 💀
It sounds a LOT like being a Mormon from my past experience. Except the part about courtship. It's kinda the opposite w LDS church and I used to hear about a six week courtship that resulted in marriage. I'm SO happy for you. Regardless of the social benefits, organized religion in general is just a cult w more history. ❤
I admire the fact that you made this video. Also it sounded like it was exhausting.
EDIT I typed the fact but I mean you! You're awesome.
Sounds exhausting
It was!
You get it, Debra
Wowww I just found this page and I'm shocked at all the information you are sharing that I experienced with my Daughter & Son in Law over a 20yr span. They were introduced and indoctrinated in their early 20, they are in their mid 40's now. I found their process to be secretive especially since I refused to join the Cult. Over time my daughter grew further and further away from me. Before the Cult we were very close but eventually we only spoke 2x per month or 1xper month and I only saw her on holidays even though we lived within 10miles or less. I stayed confused and depress with being so isolated but I never complained because my daughter had trained me to not complain nor expect her to spend time with her. EVERY SINGLE THING YOU ARE SAYING I EXPERIENCED. IM TOTALLY ESTRANGED FROM MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I GOT THE NERVE TO BRING UP THE ISOLATION. THANK YOU FOR UN-CONFUSING ME❤❤❤
I was a part of the ICOC for a couple years in college. While I never experienced any sexual abuse, I experienced mental abuse. They tried to completely separate me from my friends and family outside the church. Anytime I wouldn't show up to one of their silly social events, I would get multiple texts asking why I wasn't there and would later get interrogated if I was falling away. It took years for me to recover after leaving. I hope this cult is finally held accountable
💀 I’m so sorry you’ve had such a bad experience with religion. I didn’t know anything about ICOC before this video and I’m really shocked at some of the things that happened in your church. I’m religious myself, but my experience has been very different than yours as I feel like my church and my relationship with God strengthen me and help me rather than hinder me. I’m so happy to hear you’re in a happier and healthier place now, and I wish you all the best in the future. ❤
I’m happy that you’ve had a much better church experience! 💗
If you haven’t you should look in to the book Cultish: the Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell, it discusses how and why cults use their own vocabulary and weaponize the community they create which I totally thought of when you mentioned the use of special terms within ICOC
yes, i should read that! a couple of people have recommended it
I grew up in the church, and this is 100% accurate to my experience. I started to question the church as a teen, and made the decision to stop attending. My mom was still very active in the church, and they had some of the other teens who were in the church and went to my school corner me between classes for a while in an effort to convince me to go back. There was also them trying to give me a job once I was working on deconstruction (so, trying to get me back again). They also recommended my mom to a "therapist", who was another lady in the congregation (read: my mom knew her prior, so this is a violation to the oath therapists take, permitting this lady was actually licensed). They also consistently told my mom to divorce my dad because he was raised Lutheran and wouldn't leave his Lutheran upbringing to join them.
I was part of ICOC in ucla from 1998-2001. They robbed me of my college years. All of this is 100% accurate. I recognize so much of the lingo.
Thank you for sharing this! I don't have any direct religious trauma but when I got together with my current partner he was just leaving the church. I saw quite a few things similar to what you spoke about here, like his "church friends" messaging him asking if he was "pursuing me" and if he thought it was wise. Honestly made me wat to vom. His experiences are still affecting him now 6 years later but he's doing well 😊 im glad you're in a much better place now! 💀
i know exactly how that sort of story goes. i'm glad he was able to leave and you guys could stay together 💖
Thank you for sharing your story. The "it was giving unlicensed therapist vibes" 😂 & the whole church culture being so dumb about mental health that got me. Holy shit. So many times my depression as a teen was blamed on demons or me being evil.😅 I was a good kid too. Didnt swear, read my bible, went to church every Sunday...
💀I didn't grow up in a cult church, but there were a lot of culty elements. I really wanted to believe. I couldn't understand why I found it so hard to read the bible. Also similar to you, I was a christian for 10 years. I 'prayed the prayer' and got baptized at age 11, then my shelf broke at age 21 and I de-converted. I feel really sad for my younger self because I went through 10 years of needless suffering while being in the closet and hating who I was. I'm 24 now and far more confidant & happy being my queer agnostic self.
I’m so happy you were able to leave and live your best life! 💗
I kept getting distracted by your eye shadow. I need to know what it is. Hearing all this stuff is wild.
it's the flutterby palette from colourpop! i used the pressed glitter in it called 'overpacked' with some neutral shades in my crease 💖
This is WILD 👀 thanks for sharing, this was so interesting
💀 thank you for sharing and articulating this traumatic experience so eloquently. I also grew up in the ICOC but recently left almost 2 years ago now. It was the hardest but best decision I have ever made. I left with my partner (another sister in the church) after we were outed for secretly dating & forced to “confess” to all our close friends and leadership. At the time I was working for the church and given the choice to either quit or be fired. I quit after the first sermon our pastor gave after we told them was, “Get well or go to hell”. We were renting with another sister at the time in a “sister household” but once they found out they immediately wanted to break the lease even though I offered to leave while still paying rent. All our “friends” cut us off from all of the social gatherings. Most of them avoided us entirely after we made the decision to leave. I lost my job, housing & relationships in an instant. It was scary to realize how tied up I was in it all and how much control they had over my life. We are still working through the trauma but have been better off since. It feels like I can breath again. It’s so hard to see it when you’re on the inside but now I can’t un-see it. I feel like I have a new appreciation and joy for my life that I never had before because my life revolved around the church. I hope more people can find this same peace 💛
😥I am so sorry Shannell
Love this video. It’s informative while also being entertaining and absolutely WILD. I’ve been waiting for this video
I was one of the people hoping you'd share your story about this and wow, thank you for doing so! Very eye opening and I'm so glad you're in a better place now away from all that. I never had a formal church I was a part of, but I feel like I have a bit of religious trauma just from going through my teens in a small, conservative town in FL and having religious people in my family. My stepmom tried to covert heavily when I was in middle school and she used my parents divorce and me living with my mom as ammo to tell me I was a bad person for "being of the world" and always wanted me to go youth group with my stepsister when I'd visit my dad. My white family is annoyingly religious with their Christianity to the point that I just grew up default thinking I was a Christian. It wasn't until I moved to FL and was around actual religious people that I was like, oh no honey you're not. But then I always would make friends with people who'd try to get me to go their church or want me to join groups where everyone was super religious and idk, it just became a big no for me eventually. To the point that now I honestly don't enjoy being around people who claim to be Christian or catholic. My other side of the family is Hindu and I actually never felt uncomfortable around them or even going to temples bc they never made me feel bad about myself - idk, maybe i wasn't around them enough. But my mom is first Gen immigrant indian and also isn't religious despite my grandparents being Hindu so she helped me a lot in being able to comfortably back of out religion. To this day, I just don't like overly religious people and can't vibe with them.
I was not a part of this specific church/cult, I was in several Pentecostal/evangelical/conservative churches and SO much of this resonated with me. The homophobia, misogyny (the stumbling block thing OOF, we couldn’t wear leggings) the strict rules on dating, guilt and sin (even in passing thoughts) converting friends to Christ, being saved in the right way, etc. I spent so much of my life feeling so conflicted and guilty and confused about what was right and true. I don’t care what ANYONE says, telling a 3rd grader that if they don’t invite their friends to church they’re going to spend eternity in hell is so incredibly fucked up and emotionally manipulative. Cause I believed that shit, but I also knew how ridiculous it was to go up to someone and talk about religion. Thank you for sharing your story! I’m so glad myself and others are leaving these toxic, hateful places.
My aunt was one of Kip McKean's first disciples. I am VERY well aware of this church and their antics. I became a disciple myself in Dec of 2012. Stayed 4 years. I am soo glad more and more stories are coming out a bout this damaging cult. All of my fam have left this cult by now too. There was a letter shared by Henry Krete that opened up a lot of people's eyes about ICOC. I grew up in the church so I was referred to as a "Kingdom Kid" 😂
💀 I love what you said about being a speck in the universe. I’ve always found that comforting too and I feel like other people will think that’s crazy lol
Thanks for sharing, you broke it down extremely well. I was part of this church for almost 2 years and left around the time you posted this video. I invited my ex girlfriend to the church and they convinced her I that I wasn't strong enough spiritually to lead her. They didn't like that i dated outside the church but were smart of enough to use me to get her in now she's hooked. It's amazing how subtle they are but what makes them a cult in my opinion are the things that are not so subtle like they would sheep steal and they believed they are the one true church (but would never overtly say like you mentioned). There's so much to gain from cults like that but there's even more to lose from them. It's heart breaking and while im still a christian and Im sure your understandably can't stand us, I wish you the best.
@@Lotterywinnerify Good question i think defining terms is important when it comes to conversations like this. Sheep stealing is taking members of the church in a deceptive way to bring to your congregation, grow your numbers etc. John10:1 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber".. If a Roman catholic was clear in their intentions "hey this is what we believe" then it isnt sheep stealing they have entered by the door. Also to steal sheep from ANY other congregation which the ICOC does would imply they are the only true church which they deny. Thats a paradox there isn't. Ive seen them do it to members in the COC (less toxic derivative) even though they share the same doctrine and had them get rebaptized. I didnt even know i was getting baptized into the ICOC, I thought it was just my church in Chicago. One of my close friends told me after the fact that they harassed her to join even though she was in a happy healthy church. But off course they dont truly believe outsiders are real christians (everyone but them is Lukewarm)
Ha! Former member here….
They are misguided. One thing I can give Kip is that he can brainwash people. They kicked him out, yet kept his teachings.
Kip McKeon from the Boston Movement. Yep, I remember that name from the 1980’s.
Makes sense to me, letting you go on "pretend" Dates. It's breadcrumming, they give you a little piece of what you need therefore staying in control without you getting your needs actually met. So you have the need for more and come back to them. Because of the brainwash/ control they are the only source of love and they get to decide what it looks like :(
This comment took me out 😵💫 so accurate - took a screenshot and sent it to my friends who have also left
@@sarawithoutanH Respect to you and your friends who had the strenght to leave! I have been in a few abusive relationships, so I can see the pattern and understand, it's important to remind yourself that even the "good" things were just there to control you more/ keep you from leaving.
💀former kingdom kid here too and this was so cathartic to watch, thanks for sharing
My cousins wife was once in the Boston Church of Christ which is part of the ICOC. She still goes to church just not the ICOC lol
I'm sad to hear how horrible your time over here in Australia was! I can relate to a lot of this with my home town church even though it was far less 'culty' than what your experience sounds like. I was basically ostracised by being too honest in the end as well though! Luckily I did move away and get out by attending university, but I did see other friends just go deeper into an even more cult-like church when they moved as well which was rough. I love watching your videos and am so glad you're in a much happier and overall better place now, thank you for sharing! 💕
I did love living in Australia as a place! I hope to come back someday. Especially since now I have meet booktube friends who live there!
I had a run-in with ICOC in college. They told me my baptism wasn’t valid, too. I lasted maybe 3 weeks before I was done.
The only thing I didn't hear you mention which was part of my experience, was always being pressured to give money to the church. And your faith would be questioned if you didn't give at least 10 percent of what you made
I gave money sometimes but because a lot of my time as a member was as a teenager and college student, I often didn't give bc I didn't have any money. But you're right! That was a really weird thing they insisted on
OMG.....I was in ICOC from 1997-1999. I was actually DISFELLOWSHIP after the death of my aunt in Brooklyn and was told to never come back. Fast-forward to me bumping into the woman who disfellowshipped me...and she avoided me so hard and even denied it!!
And bit by bit they steal all your individuality and personality... I grew up in a an evangelical community and I see what you said here all around me. I left when I was 18 ( I was a pretty combative person and highly angry and defiant - they hated that), when, on a saturday teen church club, I heard someone say that this boy thought he was hay, but they could change that. They were 14/16 year olds talking about trying to convert someone. And when I was highly drepressed and anxious, my parents would tell me that that was the devil, that I was posessed...
i'm so sorry you had to experience that! i'm glad we have both moved on 💗
Thank you for sharing this! I'm so sorry you had to go through that and so glad that you got out and are thriving! 💀
As someone who grew up in the church and attended Mars Hill in Seattle, I 1000% agree that "just being a Christian" *is* participating in a cult. Especially when they are that controlling and manipulative. I support those who truly benefit from church and am happy they have found something to help improve their lives, but the damage that it does to so many people is heartbreaking.
💀
I was in this cult and dragged one of my friends into it. He had the good sense to get out & convinced me to leave too. And I'm thankful for it. We're both still Christians. It wasn't a fun experience, but it helped me be more decerning when folks try to teach something other than what's written in the Bible.
💀 thanks for sharing your experience and helping others not get pulled into this traumatizing cult. I was born in from 1988-2011. Congrats to post members living their best lives and regaining their own sense of self. Doing so is incredibly hard but absolutely worth it! 💓
This is all true. And you are actually being pretty generous and kind in the way that you are describing it.
This church was HUGE in Tallahassee! When I was in nursing school, boy did I get targeted!!
I was raised in the church from 5 until I was finally able to stop going at 19. I never wanted to study even though they did try to force it on me at age 13. I realized I was an atheist at about 17, but my mother refused to let me leave the church. I was bullied through the youth ministry and teen ministry and eventually kicked out of the teens because I was leading other teens "astray". I was a bad seed. They are the most hypocritical and horrible cult. They preach love and acceptance, but the moment you don't go with what they want you are excluded.
I didn't think it was clickbait because I just ran into some culty people last week. They freaked me out