I’m 29 years old and a only child of two narcissistic parents. I have asperger syndrome and adhd, I spent my teenage years up until just five months ago caring for my last surviving parent which is my mother may she rest in peace. I’m so incredibly lost now , literally like you mentioned in this video being an extension of my parents and making sure their happy and needs are being met has cost me greatly. But now since my mom is gone it’s so discouraging to admit that I have no clue who I am. I’ve forgiven my parents for their mental abuse and cruel actions towards me, but I feel strange saying this but I wish they were still here because their all I know…i’m soo lost 😞
Hello Mrindescribable, It's also okay to be angry at your parents for a while. It's good to expres your emotions and feelings about your hurtful past. But after a while it's healthy to give yourself love and to pay attention how you speak to yourself and how the voices in your head speak to you. Than you can begin to bend the negative voices into mild and positive voices from you to yourself. Remember that you are not what your narcissistic parents told you you are. That's their projection. That's whats Petra also meant by forgiving yourself between the rules I think, that you can choose who you want to be. My whole youth and young adult age I often heard from 2 (narcissistic??) sisters and more real narcissistic teachers or people: "You are always so slow in your reaction" or "you are so dumb" or "look at yourself standing there moving with your body in a stupid way", or "look at your boring casual cloths" or "you speak so bad French plus you accent is very bad" from a teacher, always critic from many narcissist? I think narcissists, this were all my life also only a few of hondreds negative voices to myself from child my youth and whole young adult age, sometimes still. Now with no contact i can think "I'm so happy I am slow, the reason is because I think very good before I do things or react and I am slow because of perfectionism" or now I say to myself "They said I moved stupid, but that was because of much stress because of the narcissists, now I move very much to get the stress out of my body, that's love for myself". Or "They said my French was very bad, but now I have the time to learn, and nobody has the right to critic me, because I like French and I know I can learn and improve my French on my own way I want, and it don't has to be perfect", or "okay, I wear casual cloths and buy not much, so what, that means I can go longer on a nice camp holiday and travel in nature and I can do more what I really enjoy in life, cloths are not my thing. So trying to expressing your feelings and emotions is very important Mrindescribable, I don't blame yourself if that is very difficult, because expressing is very difficult with autism (aspergers) and also with the consequences of a youth with narcissistic parents who supressed your feelings. But try to put your build up negative trauma energy from inside to outside yourself, yell, scream, paint, yoga, jogging, expression therapy. And forgive yourself , and what Petra said remember that, you are not guilty at all and you have to right to throw all the negative things and people out of your life, and what what you want and who you want to be, no one else can do that for you. It is a (long) traject, but it will grow more and more into positive, especially if you stay authentic and with yourself if it comes you choices for yourself and how you talk to yourself. And many with Asperger can have very nice skills and more specific focus where you can et also a lot of selfworth from. I really am sure your feelings of being lost transform into feelings of mildness and compassion for yourself, and life and with the things in life where you have the right to feel happy about, amd if it is the case: That you will have or meet people who understand you and your past, people who'll get it or who have much empathy, understand or feel where you are going through. You are welcome on this world and you are loved!! The thing is you have to recognise and to become aware of this. And that comes with time as you get more selfworth and you look with more confident to yourself , than you feel no more lost, and you care less what (narcissistic!) people think about you. Because you are you, and you go stand with yourself.
I know that my narcissistic mother will never change. Recently she sent a flying monkey to inform me that IF I was to reach out to her..SHE would forgive me! This was after 5 years of me going no contact. Yes I have forgiven her. My Mom is who she is and she definitely is not going to change. I have moved on and will continue to love her from a far.
Toxic people are never willing to raise their consciousness or vibration, hence they feel that YOU owe them an apology for something that was never your fault to begin with. Wishing you continued strength and courage dear Susan ♥
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you. Watching your videos during the time of her discard and her efforts to turn everyone in my immediate family against me was a big part of my healing. Especially the encouragement to go no contact and to stay no contact.
My mother never thought she ever did anything wrong. So, there was no hope of any of this from her. She died in 2018. I don't miss her. You are so right: Introspection is beyond them. It's always someone else's fault.
Petra, I can't thank you enough. When it comes to our parents, we tend to play mind games with ourselves. It's so hard coming to terms that your parents were wrong about so many things.
Offer yourself grace and kindness, the abuse was never any of your fault. As an adult you get to make different choices for yourself, ones which are empowering as opposed to disempowering ♥
What makes it a struggle for you Miss Shirley? The same kindness, gentleness and forgiveness you offer others, must always be offered to yourself, as you are a demonstration of God in your own life ♥
I’m 29 years old and a only child of two narcissistic parents. I have asperger syndrome and adhd, I spent my teenage years up until just five months ago caring for my last surviving parent which is my mother may she rest in peace. I’m so incredibly lost now , literally like you mentioned in this video being an extension of my parents and making sure their happy and needs are being met has cost me greatly. But now since my mom is gone it’s so discouraging to admit that I have no clue who I am. I’ve forgiven my parents for their mental abuse and cruel actions towards me, but I feel strange saying this but I wish they were still here because their all I know…i’m soo lost 😞
Hello Mrindescribable,
It's also okay to be angry at your parents for a while. It's good to expres your emotions and feelings about your hurtful past. But after a while it's healthy to give yourself love and to pay attention how you speak to yourself and how the voices in your head speak to you.
Than you can begin to bend the negative voices into mild and positive voices from you to yourself. Remember that you are not what your narcissistic parents told you you are. That's their projection. That's whats Petra also meant by forgiving yourself between the rules I think, that you can choose who you want to be.
My whole youth and young adult age I often heard from 2 (narcissistic??) sisters and more real narcissistic teachers or people: "You are always so slow in your reaction" or "you are so dumb" or "look at yourself standing there moving with your body in a stupid way", or "look at your boring casual cloths" or "you speak so bad French plus you accent is very bad" from a teacher, always critic from many narcissist? I think narcissists, this were all my life also only a few of hondreds negative voices to myself from child my youth and whole young adult age, sometimes still.
Now with no contact i can think "I'm so happy I am slow, the reason is because I think very good before I do things or react and I am slow because of perfectionism"
or now I say to myself "They said I moved stupid, but that was because of much stress because of the narcissists, now I move very much to get the stress out of my body, that's love for myself". Or "They said my French was very bad, but now I have the time to learn, and nobody has the right to critic me, because I like French and I know I can learn and improve my French on my own way I want, and it don't has to be perfect", or "okay, I wear casual cloths and buy not much, so what, that means I can go longer on a nice camp holiday and travel in nature and I can do more what I really enjoy in life, cloths are not my thing.
So trying to expressing your feelings and emotions is very important Mrindescribable, I don't blame yourself if that is very difficult, because expressing is very difficult with autism (aspergers) and also with the consequences of a youth with narcissistic parents who supressed your feelings. But try to put your build up negative trauma energy from inside to outside yourself, yell, scream, paint, yoga, jogging, expression therapy. And forgive yourself , and what Petra said remember that, you are not guilty at all and you have to right to throw all the negative things and people out of your life, and what what you want and who you want to be, no one else can do that for you. It is a (long) traject, but it will grow more and more into positive, especially if you stay authentic and with yourself if it comes you choices for yourself and how you talk to yourself.
And many with Asperger can have very nice skills and more specific focus where you can et also a lot of selfworth from.
I really am sure your feelings of being lost transform into feelings of mildness and compassion for yourself, and life and with the things in life where you have the right to feel happy about, amd if it is the case: That you will have or meet people who understand you and your past, people who'll get it or who have much empathy, understand or feel where you are going through. You are welcome on this world and you are loved!! The thing is you have to recognise and to become aware of this. And that comes with time as you get more selfworth and you look with more confident to yourself , than you feel no more lost, and you care less what (narcissistic!) people think about you. Because you are you, and you go stand with yourself.
Lovely to see you back on YT.
Thanks for the video Petra
It is sad trying to validate aone way street
I know that my narcissistic mother will never change. Recently she sent a flying monkey to inform me that IF I was to reach out to her..SHE would forgive me!
This was after 5 years of me going no contact.
Yes I have forgiven her. My Mom is who she is and she definitely is not going to change. I have moved on and will continue to love her from a far.
Toxic people are never willing to raise their consciousness or vibration, hence they feel that YOU owe them an apology for something that was never your fault to begin with. Wishing you continued strength and courage dear Susan ♥
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you. Watching your videos during the time of her discard and her efforts to turn everyone in my immediate family against me was a big part of my healing. Especially the encouragement to go no contact and to stay no contact.
You look very well and healthy! Thank you for your important wisdom about narcissism! Greetings from Austria!❤🎉❤
You're most welcome, and thank you I feel well and healthy too 😄
My mother never thought she ever did anything wrong. So, there was no hope of any of this from her. She died in 2018. I don't miss her.
You are so right: Introspection is beyond them. It's always someone else's fault.
❤ ft
Thank you for this healing message, Petra. 🩷✨
You're so welcome ♥
🩷 @@PetraVanDeijl
Mooie video Petra, hoop dat je hem ook op je Nederlandse kanaal wilt delen in het Nederlands.
Petra, I can't thank you enough. When it comes to our parents, we tend to play mind games with ourselves. It's so hard coming to terms that your parents were wrong about so many things.
Offer yourself grace and kindness, the abuse was never any of your fault. As an adult you get to make different choices for yourself, ones which are empowering as opposed to disempowering ♥
@@PetraVanDeijl you're the best. Thank you!
You are looking good
Forgiving myself is a struggle
What makes it a struggle for you Miss Shirley? The same kindness, gentleness and forgiveness you offer others, must always be offered to yourself, as you are a demonstration of God in your own life ♥
❤❤❤
Hello good to see you looking lovely ❤
Thank you ♥
Thank you so much for your work, Petra! You helped me so much over five or more years now! Take good care of you! ❤ Caro
Thank you for your kind words Caro. We're all in this together. You take care of you too ♥
@@PetraVanDeijl you are so welcome, Petra!
Good afternoon and Happy Holidays to you and your family Petra! Thank you for this message 🙏🙏 blessings to you!
Thank you Dwain! Happy holidays to you and yours.
@@PetraVanDeijl You are more than welcome! Your Podcast have been beneficial to myself and others Petra and I appreciate you!God bless 🙏🙏
Love your wisdom! Thank you so much!
Thank you, I feel humbled ♥
❤♥️❤♥️❤
Tja, mn ex zei tegen onze dochter sorry tijdens een familietherapie sessie, de dames therapeutes smolten, maar er veranderde (uiteraard) niets
Dus de therapeutes werden ook "betoverd" door de ex. Wat een ziek spelletje.