Thank you for talking about this! I am currently in therapy trying to find a way to forgive and release negative emotions and trauma surrounding my unhealthy parent. It's been a painful process, but I feel as though my future children deserves a mom who is whole and equipped to be a parent.
I've had 3 parental figures in my life (my mum, my dad and my grandma) where only one was healthy and the other two were as unhealthy as it can get... I've been able to forgive them when I saw them as a whole, when I understood why they're the way they are, but most importantly when I realized that they just don't have enough self-awareness to see their flaws and to understand how they hurt me. (unfortunately, some people will always think that the problem are everyone around them but never admit that they themselves might be the problem). for a very long time I wanted them to see my pain, to realize their mistakes, and to apologize for their wrongs. I also thought that maybe there is a chance that they will change for the better and become happier themselves and stop spreading their unhappiness on me and all the other people around them. but then, after many unsuccesful tries, I realized that it's just the way they're wired and that I can't change other people if they don't want to change themselves (it's like that quote: "before you heal someone, ask them if they're willing to give up the things that make them sick") and that I can't control my circumstances but I can control my reaction to them. and that realization - that they're just humans that lack self-awareness that will never understand how they hurt me - freed me. I decided to cut myself off from them emotionally (and physically too, but later, when I had financial resources to do so) and forgave them literally only for myself - 'cause all I wanted is to let go of this pain and I wouldn't be able to do that if I thought that I need to "store" it in myself just to show it to them so they "saw their mistakes and learned from them". I never said to them that I forgive them 'cause, again, they wouldn't even understand what I'm forgiving them for. but I did, internally, for myself. I realized that they're just humans, and that even though we're family by blood, I'm allowed to not feel connected to them in any way if they never acted like a family to me and if they brought me too much pain. I don't hold any grudges against them anymore 'cause I even feel kind of empathetic towards them - they had their own problems that made them act the way they acted towards me (but, yeah, it's still not an excuse, more an explanation). and I know now that I don't need to carry their pain that they just inflicted on me anymore. I can be my own parent now and nurture my inner child and give her everything she wanted but wasn't able to get in childhood (and your last video was very helpful with that theme of my life).
This is great. Also, you don’t have to forgive your parents for you to heal and move on. Those are separate processes. Explanations of their terrible actions (eg. Their childhood trauma or other circumstances/context) are not excuses. Center your experience and perspective :- this is the most primal form of self-validation, re-esteeming, and reparenting of self. Release is for you. Forgiveness is what they earn.
My goodness… Somehow you knew i needed this. It’s been heavy on my heart lately…. Reminiscing on my childhood relationship with both my parents versus now. Me and my mother have a healthy relationship now, while me and my father are distant, maybe even more than when i was little. I’m beyond grateful i can have a healthy relationship with my mom.
I honestly don’t blame my parents for what they did in the past, where I struggle is their lack of change NOW when I ask them to do something specific to help me. They say they did what they did because they didn’t know better; but now when I can tell them what I need, they still don’t do it.
Thank you for this. Long story short, I'm very close with my mom, she is my best friend. She isn't perfect, but I can't imagine my life without her. My dad, however, was emotionally / verbally abusive when I was growing up, and now we barely have a connection anymore. I will likely never have a relationship with my dad, but I just want to heal from the resentment I told towards him, and release the trauma he caused me.
Thank you for shining a light on this topic! I especially liked when you talked about parentification because it made me feel less alone. Thank you so much Kalyn!! ❤
I needed to hear this. My parents are disabled and live in a different state as my brother takes care of them. I felt slightly abandoned. Which I know is silly.
Thank you for taking about this topic I really needed this. I am going through a very hard chapter of my life and trying to understand and forgive one of my parents and trying to slowly rebuild that relationship. Thank you for this much needed vlog I really needed to hear all of this amazing information.
I’m in a season of life on both sides of this with a mom of an Autistic twice exceptional teen son who sees my flaws and my wrongs because of some unhealed trauma by my parents and healed trauma that shows up at different stages of motherhood. Thanks for sharing.
Just watched your mothering yourself video yesterday and had a journal session. Excited for this Video too having a bit more of a strained relationship with my parents
I have a parent who I have to parent since I was 6, I took care of my two siblings mostly because my parent didn’t have the mental health support they needed at that time but also reacted badly to the help they did receive which at that time wasn’t helpful. I’m still struggling to spend time with this parent now as one myself. They can be so hurtful emotionally I have to have healthy space
I really needed this! I'm going through a very hard chapter of trying to understand and forgive my parents too, so this was so needed. Thank you, Kalyn.
I'm struggling with this right now I don't know how to forgive my mom I have a lot of anger towards her lately seeing this is going to help me with that and move forward I have having all this anger
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you for talking about this! I am currently in therapy trying to find a way to forgive and release negative emotions and trauma surrounding my unhealthy parent. It's been a painful process, but I feel as though my future children deserves a mom who is whole and equipped to be a parent.
I've had 3 parental figures in my life (my mum, my dad and my grandma) where only one was healthy and the other two were as unhealthy as it can get... I've been able to forgive them when I saw them as a whole, when I understood why they're the way they are, but most importantly when I realized that they just don't have enough self-awareness to see their flaws and to understand how they hurt me. (unfortunately, some people will always think that the problem are everyone around them but never admit that they themselves might be the problem). for a very long time I wanted them to see my pain, to realize their mistakes, and to apologize for their wrongs. I also thought that maybe there is a chance that they will change for the better and become happier themselves and stop spreading their unhappiness on me and all the other people around them. but then, after many unsuccesful tries, I realized that it's just the way they're wired and that I can't change other people if they don't want to change themselves (it's like that quote: "before you heal someone, ask them if they're willing to give up the things that make them sick") and that I can't control my circumstances but I can control my reaction to them. and that realization - that they're just humans that lack self-awareness that will never understand how they hurt me - freed me. I decided to cut myself off from them emotionally (and physically too, but later, when I had financial resources to do so) and forgave them literally only for myself - 'cause all I wanted is to let go of this pain and I wouldn't be able to do that if I thought that I need to "store" it in myself just to show it to them so they "saw their mistakes and learned from them". I never said to them that I forgive them 'cause, again, they wouldn't even understand what I'm forgiving them for. but I did, internally, for myself. I realized that they're just humans, and that even though we're family by blood, I'm allowed to not feel connected to them in any way if they never acted like a family to me and if they brought me too much pain. I don't hold any grudges against them anymore 'cause I even feel kind of empathetic towards them - they had their own problems that made them act the way they acted towards me (but, yeah, it's still not an excuse, more an explanation). and I know now that I don't need to carry their pain that they just inflicted on me anymore. I can be my own parent now and nurture my inner child and give her everything she wanted but wasn't able to get in childhood (and your last video was very helpful with that theme of my life).
This was beautifully written. ❤️ proud of you and hope to get there myself.
This is great. Also, you don’t have to forgive your parents for you to heal and move on. Those are separate processes. Explanations of their terrible actions (eg. Their childhood trauma or other circumstances/context) are not excuses. Center your experience and perspective :- this is the most primal form of self-validation, re-esteeming, and reparenting of self. Release is for you. Forgiveness is what they earn.
My goodness… Somehow you knew i needed this. It’s been heavy on my heart lately…. Reminiscing on my childhood relationship with both my parents versus now. Me and my mother have a healthy relationship now, while me and my father are distant, maybe even more than when i was little. I’m beyond grateful i can have a healthy relationship with my mom.
I honestly don’t blame my parents for what they did in the past, where I struggle is their lack of change NOW when I ask them to do something specific to help me. They say they did what they did because they didn’t know better; but now when I can tell them what I need, they still don’t do it.
You are a light in this world Kalyn! Thank you for everything that you post and share with us ❤
thank you so much 🧡
Just wanted to say thank you! This helped me a lot.
I feel less alone with this topic now 🌸 thank you so much, it came at the exact needed time for me
oh so we diving in DEEP this morning huh 😭
this came at the most perfect time.
Thank you for this. Long story short, I'm very close with my mom, she is my best friend. She isn't perfect, but I can't imagine my life without her. My dad, however, was emotionally / verbally abusive when I was growing up, and now we barely have a connection anymore. I will likely never have a relationship with my dad, but I just want to heal from the resentment I told towards him, and release the trauma he caused me.
Thank you for shining a light on this topic! I especially liked when you talked about parentification because it made me feel less alone. Thank you so much Kalyn!! ❤
Yay first like and comment. Love this content. Best to you and your family.
I needed to hear this. My parents are disabled and live in a different state as my brother takes care of them. I felt slightly abandoned. Which I know is silly.
I’m so sorry 😞 to hear that . Sounds very similar to my situation
This hurt, but was necessary. Thanks Kalyn xx
Thank you for taking about this topic I really needed this. I am going through a very hard chapter of my life and trying to understand and forgive one of my parents and trying to slowly rebuild that relationship. Thank you for this much needed vlog I really needed to hear all of this amazing information.
This episode legit came at the right time when I needed to hear it. Thank you Kalyn ❤❤
I’m definitely subscribing to your channel after watching this video about forgiving your parents
I’m in a season of life on both sides of this with a mom of an Autistic twice exceptional teen son who sees my flaws and my wrongs because of some unhealed trauma by my parents and healed trauma that shows up at different stages of motherhood. Thanks for sharing.
Just watched your mothering yourself video yesterday and had a journal session. Excited for this Video too having a bit more of a strained relationship with my parents
I have a parent who I have to parent since I was 6, I took care of my two siblings mostly because my parent didn’t have the mental health support they needed at that time but also reacted badly to the help they did receive which at that time wasn’t helpful. I’m still struggling to spend time with this parent now as one myself. They can be so hurtful emotionally I have to have healthy space
I had to parent my own parent and just when i figured it out they became disabled and had already lost all family members soo ugh.
I’m struggling with this right now…how to forgive my parents. Thank you
I really needed this! I'm going through a very hard chapter of trying to understand and forgive my parents too, so this was so needed. Thank you, Kalyn.
Love you kalyn. Have a almost 2 year old and so happy to be a mom.... lol he's so perfect 🥰 💞
Always on time love you so much 💓 kalyn from Algeria 🇩🇿 ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this.
We will always support you. God bless you always.
The timing is crazy
I'm struggling with this right now I don't know how to forgive my mom I have a lot of anger towards her lately seeing this is going to help me with that and move forward I have having all this anger
jaclyn discussed you in her video !
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Hard to believe you made a whopping 819 videos of which I plan to watch about 5% or a maximum of 40 some videos over a months time.
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