Internalised Biphobia
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- Опубликовано: 6 авг 2024
- A short video exploring the unfortunate effects of internalised biphobia. Join Dr. Itchie as they attempt to explore this difficult topic.
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Other videos:
The Bi-Cycle: • The Bi-Cycle (and Why ...
Why We Hate Bi Men: • Why We Hate Bi Men
Why We Hate Bi Women: • Why We Hate Bi Women
The Lesbian Vampire: • The Lesbian Vampire in...
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Spider-Man, Class, and Militarization: • Spider-Man, Class and ...
"Am I actually attracted to women, or do I just think I am because society has sexualized women so much that I inheritly associate aesthetically attractive women with sex?" "Well, in school, I only had crushes on boys, so obviously I'm straight. No, those "squishes" and wanting to be BFFs with a cute girl are not the same as wanting to date a boy."
I've eerily had this thought almost word for word.
Damn, hearing those exact thoughts from someone else really means a lot. I struggle so much with the idea of associating the female body with sex due to its commodification in society and wondering whether I’m just straight and a bored overthinker and happen to get overly enthusiastic specifically very attractive women.
it’s funny, I’ve had this EXACT thought… I still struggle with whether I’m bi or straight. idek anymore
How dare you read my mind out loud 😭
I have this exact set of thoughts on like a weekly basis
Internalized biphobia w/ evil smirk: "I think your gay, no I think your straight, no your gay, no your straight"
10/10
That's when I called bullshit on my inner critic, lol!
That describes my inner conflict so much
I've had this problem so much to the point I'm just unlabeled.
My big one was “But you’re attracted to masculine women, that’s the same as just being attracted to men right? Definitely straight”
🙃🙃🙃
One of my more confusing moments was when I realized that my thing for feminine men wasn't an indication that I was a secret lesbian. I just don't like facial hair. (Plus, you know, I'm bi. 🤷♀️)
I have often tended to think of my gynephilia, my attraction to the feminine (regardless of gender), as just heterosexuality plus. I mean, it's difficult not to see it that way.
@@jospinner1183 Same! I worried that my interest in feminine men meant I wasn't actually bi.
@@jospinner1183 Omg yes especially since in a lot of Lesbian/ wlw spaces they always include that as a sign for some reason. There’s a lot Bi erasure in wlw spaces it hurts, even more erasure when a Bi girl has preference for men, there’s always some weird shame around the attraction to men in those spaces
Yeah, it took me an incredible amount of time to consider myself bi (and I'm still doubting sometimes!) , despite that I've had & enjoyed intimame moments with men no real straight man could've enjoyed.
I heavily relate to the, "I think you're gay, no straight, no gay, no straight, ace, definitely not bi" 🙃🙃🙃
Yup, same
Can't be bi, haven't been attracted to a woman for months.
I can't be straight, I haven't been attracted to a man for months.
Turns out, you can be bi and greysexual, who knew.
I am at the stage now where it just makes sense for me to abandon all labels. All there is is me and what I desire, behave and feel at a certain time. Yesterday I may have felt and behaved differently than today, tomorrow I may be different again. But at all times I'm just being true to myself at that moment. Sometimes others might think I'm cis, trans, NB, straight, gay, bi, asexual, objectum, pan or even just 'broken', 'ill, or 'perverse'. Their labels do not matter to me. My gender and my ssxuality is actually always the same: me. I am (insert name) gendered and (insert name) sexual/romantic.
Christ, I can relate to this
@@someonesomeone25 Yeah same here at this point
That internalized biphobia monologue was literally ripped straight from my head, I swear to god. I’ve struggled with this a lot in the past, so it’s funny that now, once I’ve actually worked through my issues, I’m able to actually label the real problem.
Does sound terribly familiar...
oof. felt the force of that soliloquy like a punch in the guts
Yeah same. Turns out I've got more internalized biphobia than I thought
Yes! Direct quotes from my head.
another banger Verity, thank you 💖💜💙
yesss I would love a collab with you two (:
Tara! Please give my best to the cow. I love her writing.
Although I'm not surprised to see you here, I'm glad to, nonetheless
Damn you're here? That's great😭😭🌸
E tara like 20212022 scream e
Finding this channel has genuinely been a journey if self discovery filled with "Oh my god that's a common bi thing?" and "I am so relieved to know other people feel like this". It's truly making me feel so much more comfortable with my sexuality and my expression of it. Thank you so much.
same same same. this channel is a godsend
saamee. There’s aren't many channels that talk about bi specific issues despite there being quite a few of us bi's.
I could not agree more.
same here-- this channel was the first time I even heard abt the bi-cycle, which was so helpful
Same here!
The bit about perversion hit home. I feel like bisexuality is still so sexualized in pop culture, and it leaves me feeling like I have an icky kink, not an orientation. Your channel really helps me learn to see myself as a whole person. Thank you.
The thumbnail....thats the little internalized biphobia gremlin in my brain.
So just to put it out there, this channel is the only „bi-space“ in my life. This content makes me feel so much better about myself and lessens my need to prove my sexuality to myself and others. This content is much needed representation.
Thank you for creating your videos.
Literally stumbled into this channel this morning. Hello, serendipity!
Reddit has some nice spaces
i feel that ❤️
Me too. That hit hard. I come from a place it was not safe to reveal anything and I know that lingers in how I live.
I didn't realize how much I was lacking Bi-spaces until this channel.
I'm a bi man, I tend to be romantically attracted to women more often but I like men as well. I dated a man at one point who would joke that I wasn't bi anymore because I was dating him exclusively. It got old to be told that I was gay just because I was dating a man, it felt like he was trying to erase my identity as a bisexual, which I explained to him multiple times. He'd brush off my protests and it made me uncomfortable so I eventually broke it off with him, not just over that but I can't say that it wasn't a major factor. Looking back I shouldn't have put up with it as long as I did, he clearly didn't respect me as a person. Excellent video btw, I love your channel.
My ex-boyfriend was bisexual (we were also poly), and he used to question and invalidate my bisexuality because I didn't desire women the same we he did. "You don't want to double penetrate a girl with me? You've only want to do hand stuff with women in our threesomes? That's not even real sex. You must not really be bi." Looking back, I wonder how much of it was internalized biphobia on his part. It seemed like at least part of the reason he had sex with as many men and women as possible, even ones he wasn't compatible with, was to "prove" himself as bisexual and poly.
My girlfriend is kinda like this. She’s mtf & has said the idea that im also attracted to men makes her insecure, partly due to dysphoria (shes worried im attracted to her for the wrong reasons) and partly because she feels a man could “give me something she couldn’t”. She’s also extremely unwilling to even acknowledge that attractive men can even exist and that theyre not ugly by default to everyone. If i mention offhand that a guy is cute she just says something along the lines of “uh...i mean hes certainly a man. I guess” as if i’m insane for being attracted to somebody she isn’t. I never get this reaction if i point out that i find a woman attractive & it’s made me reluctant to even bring it up if it’s a man :/ we have a great relationship otherwise but there’s been times shes jokingly said stuff like “why cant you just be a lesbian itd be so much easier” & its starting to bother me that she doesn’t want to acknowledge my attraction to men at all. It’s not like it comes up super often but this is who i am & it doesnt diminish my attraction to her but her not acknowleding all of me does run that risk
@@plumenommershpadoinkle7575 I had almost that exact situation with my ex gf. We broke up in the end.
@@ahumanbeena ah an update: she no longer feels this way & weve had lots of big talks about it getting feelings out in the open etc :) she admitted to me that she was insecure & defensive about my attraction to men but since being on HRT those feelings have almost completely gone.
I’m really sorry to hear things didnt work out with your ex boyfriend :( i hope eventually he can get over himself
Why would you break up with someone over your sexuality? I don't really understand, how is it that big of a deal?
As a married woman in a straight relationship it just feels like my bisexuality is more theoretical than anything else. So of course I have to overcompensate with as much gay media as possible... 🙃
Same. I didn't really start thinking I may be anything other than straight until college, but I didn't exactly have the tools to unpack those thoughts growing up in the Bible Belt. Was still thinking any weird feelings I had for women were strange exceptions or admiration when I met my husband.
I find myself wondering if the handful of fleeting crushes I've had on women are enough to "count" as bisexual. I can't imagine myself actually sleeping with a woman even if I find their bodies attractive, but maybe that's internalized homophobia.
Or maybe I just fell in love with and married my husband because of comp het. Had a mini crisis when I learned about that term, since I'm so prone to self doubt.
But like you said, it's all theoretical. I'm happy where I am, and that's what counts, whatever label I use. Besides, I'm in a monogamous het relationship, so it's not like I need acceptance from the bi community for support. But maybe that's biphobia too lol
Sorry for the wall of text under your reply I've just had a lot of self reflection lately.
@@dellybird5394 thanks for sharing :) I think it's fine to choose a label even if it's just for you to say "I know myself" even if you don't have the experience. For myself I'm pretty certain at this point, but I've never had the confidence or opportunity to date girls. For me I get to express myself during Pride. I get dressed up and dance in the street just for me :)
I identify as a supply and demand problem
I'm pretty sure I'm bi but how can you actually be sure until you've dated someone of the same gender? And how can you get with someone of the same gender if you're not out (because you're not sure) and there's hardly any queer girls who are out to you (because again, you're not out either)?
saaaame, didn’t come out to myself until after i was with the man i am now married to
@@andynonymous6769 you don't have to date multiple genders to call yourself bisexual. If you're bi you're bi
That internalized biphobia monologue was one of the most relatable things I've seen on the internet. And seeing how relatable it was to me really helped combat my own internalized biphobia. Those moments of realizing that what I'm thinking and experiencing is actually a common bi experience turn all those invalidating thoughts into things that, ironically, validate my bisexuality lol
Please internalize how helpful your bi advocacy content is!
Yes!!
I was desperately in love with a person of my same sex for years, admitted to myself that I was in love, and still believed I was 100% straight.
Lmao same. She was my best friend, me & another girl who was also obviously in love with her had a straight-up feud over her bc the other girl felt threatened by me & didnt want us to hang out but nope still “straight” lol
I once thought to myself, while playing spin the bottle, “I hope that girl joins in, cause… well maybe we’ll kiss then 👉🏼👈🏼”. I was also equally excited about kissing my crush as I was about having my first gay kiss with someone else. I would also admire girls a LOT, but would think “I’m just studying them with my eyes, cause I’m an artist” 🤦 These are like the most obvious of the signs I was bisexual, but only picked up on later lol. I thought I was straight while being so obviously into girls for like years.
@@thesleepydot this is what my mom said... Yes, it *did* make me feel uncomfortable and a bit upset
me, spending the evening crying about how much I miss my relationship with my same-sex ex-partner, somehow still having the thought “what if I’ve been straight this whole time” like as I’m actively mourning the loss of their lips on mine like lakshajshhshs MAKE IT MAKE SENSE
I tend to feel guilty when I notice I 'prefer' one gender over the other. Like, there's always that little voice going "You've already found four women attractive today and not a single man, look around right now and find a man you like." or "You've fantasized exclusively about men for the last week. Not very bi of you, is it?" And rationally, I know that even if I do have a preference, that's fine, but I still find it comforting that I have these thoughts both ways because it 'proves' that I'm 'truly bi'.
Yooo me too
I am scared to go to pride because I am a bi girl with a long term bf, but never have had a gf. Its just the way life went, me never dating a girl. Girls have literally tried to get me to leave my bf and be with them because ew men icky. Because god forbid i love men and women.
Remember: those women who wanted you to break up with your boyfriend to stay with them are icky
Go to Pride, nobody will actually judge you there. Straight people go to Pride all the time, and you'll meet other bi people
I know you commented this a year ago, but I can't even begin to tell you how much I relate! One of the biggest reasons why I didn't want to tell people was because of this reason! I thought no one would believe me and think I'm being an attention seeker. Aha It's hilarious I thought this since only my siblings and my bf know atm. Technically his family knows too, but it was mentioned so offhandedly and at the point I accepted my bisexuality so yeah. I still get nervous to wear my bi bracelet or necklace, but try my best not to overthink. It's hard though. Either way, I hope you're doing well and have gone to some pride parades at this point lol I wish you all the best! 💙💜💖
@@jackskellington4198 Thx for this commebt. I feel this so much
Me with my two bi best friends, and writing a novel with a bisexual protagonist: *start to doubt myself* I-I dunno...
I'm currently writing a bisexual and autistic protagonist in a portal fantasy story, with the duo antagonists hijacking her Oedipal and Electra complexities (the story also some Jungian and Freudian psychology thrown in) and issues with her (pro-eugenics) birth parents (who abandoned her as they saw her as 'broken', and she pines for their love and is confused and in denial about whats wrong with her).
@@sammyvictors2603 That's great, best wishes to you and your work ✨❤️
yooo i dont really write but my main OC is bisexual and i feel this
I commonly write my characters as sexually ambiguous. Some are shown as only being into the same or opposite gender and others are more fluid
I can relate. Most people I know or have known are bi, and I'm currently writing a novel with two bisexual main characters who fall for each other, because I prefer dating other bisexuals as a bi myself. Yet, my brain goes "haven't been thinking about women a lot lately, maybe you're gay" so, uhm, yeah.
I feel so seen whenever you include ace thoughts within the bi-cycle or internalized monologues in these videos. It's been so confusing trying to figure out if I like just one gender, multiple genders, or none at all and your videos have been so validating. Thank you so much
I found that so relatable. That is very much how my bi-cycle goes. "Maybe I'm gay/maybe I'm gay/maybe I'm asexual." I was "functionally" asexual until my mid-twenties, but then it turns out I was just very disconnected from both my gender and my attractions. Who knew!
same, with me it´s pretty much a cycle of: Men!...ok, nope, Women!....uhhh Idk, I´d rather read a book......still......oh, ok, men.....and so on
Same here, and it's a big reason why I'm still questioning between asexuality and bisexuality. It's a confusing mess, honestly.
@@Ssure2 A few decades back, asexuals and bisexuals were lumped together under the bisexuality umbrella and I think whoever did that understood what they were doing.
@@Sandstimes Sometimes It's very complicated to disentangle what it is you personally want. Back in the day I had a lot of sex I felt very disconnected from, because none of it really responded to me wanting to have that sex for sexual reasons; a lot of it just felt like a performance for someone else's benefit. The main reason for that was that I never felt like I got to be a real person occupying my body who deserved to be doing the wanting. So there was no possibility of connection, because the performance can only go one way. Coming out as nonbinary and working on learning that I can have what I want outside of my head instead of what I think other people want from me has really helped, but it is a hard outlook to unlearn.
I've always loved being bi, my perception of being rejected by gay people was always, 'lol, you guys have bad taste'.
Same ✋
That low level hum wow, I feel like the “less important than” feeling is the biggest thing. Even coming out I feel indifferent about, I already know people will just do the “are you sure? How do you know? At least you’re still half straight” thing. Even down to the “I’m always gonna be alone”, it’s like a big empty nothing. I don’t think I’ve seen this articulated so well before.
this comment is golden.
@@CDLatin aw thank you 🥺
I'm not bisexual, but I'm an early-stage trans lady--and hearing someone say so confidently "when I was a man" warms my heart so much.
Yeah, its awesome. How are you, 2 ish years later?
Again: why did I have to get in my mid-thirties to know about this channel and content like this? If only I had had that in my teens.
I know it's not the same, but if it makes you feel better, I can confirm that watching this channel really is helpful as a young bisexual. I'm just glad there are people out there producing bi content, that was so important for me to understand my sexuality and accept myself sooner
@@cherry_chrome It does make me feel better channels like this exist now, all right, so you youngsters don't need to float in uncertainty and find out everything the hard way anymore as we old geezers had to.
I wish!
I'm in the same boat, I'm in my early thirties and just now I'm starting to understand what the hell is going on with me
Same T__T
My “best friend” for years when I was young was a gate keeping lesbian. She wasn’t the only person who felt entitled to define me, but she was the most exhaustingly relentless about it. What’s worse is it really messed with me and took a long time to repair my own perception of me after we went out separate ways.
I'm sorry you went through this.
There is a scene in Chasing Amy that sums this pretty well =/
@@enkiimuto1041 you’re right. She was smarter than me tho and told them off and stormed out much sooner than I did. I took the abuse for years and internalized it. I wish I had been more like her when I was younger.
@@enkiimuto1041 it’s been so long since I’ve seen that movie, I’m going to have to watch it again.
Also, thank you for your kind words.
RZ
Relatable, I had a phase where I tried to choose straightness.
Yupp.
Same. 10 years later and I can't ignore it
You sound like my roommate!
god this was me in 2019. when i realised i might be bi i freaked the fuck out and decided if i just ignored those thoughts i would eventually forget i ever considered it and i’d continue living happily as a straight person. it didn’t work lmao
I'm having it now. My mind tells me "well it's easier to date a man, and if you'll like some woman just get over it because it's 'not normal' ". I have very strict mindset about my future and family and idk what to do because what if all this " trying to be straight " bullshit will not work. I'm so scared of liking a woman I feel like if I do my future will be doomed
i knew i was bi since 14 and i had "accepted myself", when in reality it was me realizing i was bi and burying it away and ignoring it, telling myself it didn't matter. I've only properly started accepting my sexuality in the past two years, and i still worry im not bi because i can't imagine myself being in a relationship with a woman right now (but i can't see myself in a relationship right now period, and the biphobia forgets to mention that part), or that my attraction to women is because of patriarchy and an internalized male gaze. biphobia is a real pernicious thing and i wanna thank you for addressing it i love your channel
why do I feel like this is gonna hit WAYYYYYYY too closely to home…lol
i was right…that biphobia monologue definitely hit home lol but it was really good to hear someone else deals with these same thoughts
I came out as bisexual as a teenager, and then promptly went back into the closet and did my best to "be" straight for the next decade. I've only accepted my bisexuality in the past year, and told a few friends (gay and straight) with...lackluster reactions. I've had such a hard time feeling out of place, sad and overwhelmed. You put all of my feelings into words. I cried watching this (more cathartic rather than sad!). Thank you for giving such an eloquent voice to our community.
I’m a bi teenager, and I’m going through this exact thing right now (coming out and starting to go back into the closet, at least internally, due to confusion over wtf is going on in my head). It’s pretty shit. I was so sure that I was bi, and now I have more opposite sex attractions I’m not so sure… it’s all just so ridiculous.
I'm a Bi teenager and haven't told anyone except my brother, I don't plan on telling anyone really I'm comfortable with my sexuality and in my identity but yea sometimes there's doubts
You've described EXACTLY what I went through (high school-mid twenties).
•Feeling like I had to PROVE my sexuality.
•Self-medicating with alcohol.
•Constantly feeling like the exception.
Thank you for making this video.
I'm happy to report that life got better.
I also “chose” to be straight when I was younger…I assumed everyone, or at least most ppl, found boys and girls attractive…and I would have to choose a binary just like everyone else…I’m so much happier now that I know who I am…thank you for your content…it helps keep the internalized biphobic monster at bay ❤️
"it's a background hum" that's such a great way to put it. thanks for another great video
i really appreciate that you make videos about bisexuality despite internal and external negativity you face! i'm a lesbian who had a bad comphet phase and i'm therefore a bit defensive when it comes to certain topics/arguments. some of the stuff you talk about makes me scoff "that's surely not true" or "that's overly dramatic/hyperbolic/accusatory" at first, but i try to move past those gut reactions and really listen and learn more about what bisexual people think and experience. and i have learned so much already! i really want to be a better ally to my bi sisters (and other siblings) and confront viewpoints that go against my own solidified ones. very grateful that you're providing content & sources/recommendations to help me & many others become better!
Thank you for being honest to yourself about your own shortcomings. That‘s one of the most important qualities a person can possess. We all struggle with it but too many people don‘t even try. It makes me very happy to see comments like this!
Finally, someone who didn't just double down. Good on you, not a lot of people are willing to put in the work to challenge their worldviews.
Thx
Thank you for making bi content. The world needs more!
TOTALLY AGREE 💗💜💙
"also maybe alcohol isn't the best substitute for loving yourself" ....I think I need to tattoo that on me.
As a lesbian I really appreciate all your bi content! It has really helped me understand the bi struggle more and become more empathetic to it. I've never particularly searched out bi academic thought or activism or even community so my understanding about the "B" in LGBT has been very limited. The things you talk about are things I've never really heard people talk about in depth. Even the bi/pan people in my life have never approached the subject of their own sexuality in quite the way you do.
Personally, I feel a greater connection to a greater number of queer people because of your videos. They've made me recognize and question my own biases about bi people and become more understanding of experiences that differ from my own.
Idk what my point is besides your very bisexual content has helped me become a better person and I am very grateful for that. I can only imagine the good you're doing for other bi people.
bisexuals do find each other and it is great
That biphobia monologue really hit in sensible places. As a bi person who never fell in love or got into a relationship, sometimes I even wonder how I dare label myself as such when I obviously know nothing about love, I know I like both men and women, but how true can that be if I never "tried"?
Once, when I felt too unsure to label myself, and legit refused to aknowledge I could be bi because I thought I would be doing it for "the aesthetic", a lesbian told me she hated bi people because "they don't know what they want", and even then it hurt deeply.
When I was 17 I went to my sixth form's LGBT+ society one time. They asked if there were any topics people would want discussion on. I talked to the president after and (very anxiously) askedif there could be anything about internalised prejudice, as I was really struggling with not feeling queer enough and wishing I was a lesbian and wanted to talk to others who felt the same and feel a sense of community. She told me that they were planning on talking about it at the next meeting where there was a powerpoint about bisexuality. I went along and what she was referring to was a slide about Megan Fox being shitty about bi men and how gross even bisexuals can be. It sounds stupid but that really made me ashamed of not only my bisexuality, but ashamed of the negative thoughts themselves and it just feel 100x worse about myself.
I'm not really sure what the point of that was but anyway this video almost made me cry and I love your content infinitely much, thank you Verity
You are my favorite LGBT RUclipsr, and I follow a lot. No disrespect to them, but you are my favorite.
As a bisexual man, your content has been incredibly useful to me as a person. So much of your content, from "Why We Hate Bi Men" to "Bisexual v Pansexual", to "Everyone is Attracted To Nonbinary People", and countless others, are amongst my favorite LGBT-related videos on RUclips. This one actually made me tear up a bit, just because it's so painfully accurate to the bisexual experience.
Please don't ever feel like your content is pointless or that it isn't helping anyone. It helps more than you know.
I just wanna say on behalf of Bi youth, thank you so much. Dealing with internalized biphobia is a fucking nightmare, and I'm so thankful to be able to have a place where I can feel validated. Keep doing what you're doing because it helps a fuck ton.
Your bi content is truly been healing to me, I continue to struggle with internalized Bi-phobia and your love and care and joy you bring to this sexuality makes me proud to be Bi in a way that I haven't felt before. I always felt that being Bi was always about being one type of mono-sexuality but a little bit gay one way or the other, instead of the whole sexuality it is. Thank you for being so vulnerable and making this type of content, it's what my gay little heart was yearning to see, and I feel more deeply loved in my sexuality with each video
a message I got over 10 years ago, as I was a young adult and trying to figure this out, was essentially:
-straight people don't like you because you're not straight
- gay people don't like you either because you haven't faced the same discrimination they have; you're undermining their efforts to prove sexual orientation is not a choice
- is "bi" just code for want to sleep around with a ton of people?
- "if you can choose, then why not just choose to date someone of the opposite gender so you'll make your life easier."
and then later, to myself, I thought
- if I'm monogamous and happily with one person forever, am I no longer bi? or, if I am happily monogamous with one person who is my opposite gender forever, does that mean I'm not part of the LGBT community? and also unfair because I get the privilege of escaping discrimination?
- if I'm not dating anyone because I don't want to at this point in my life (though I don't consider myself asexual), is it all just a moot point anyway?
my conclusions to myself now are:
I have some physical attractions to various genders, but that I'm bi/pan because I ultimately fall in love with the person and don't care what their genitals are. if there's love, that's all that matters.
It doesn't matter what other people react toward me or read me as, in that my sexuality is not their business.
I do have some privilege to not face as much discrimination.
I can consider myself LGBT, even if I don't fit exactly within parameters. But then, the LGBT community is pretty welcoming - can be. even if you might "look straight" or are single.
In any case, I'm pro-LGBT and trying to be true to myself. And just don't like intolerance. (but I do see how marginalized communities can also further marginalize people themselves, but I get it)
The manifestation of Internalised Biphobia kind of scared the crap out of me lol What a character! Well done. I recognize some of those rantings 😬 Thank you for sharing your personal history. Your perspective is illuminating. Also, 9:22 bi content *IS* a BIG deal! Thank you for putting it out there 😌
Your channel makes me feel safe 👍🏻🐐
Yes I think I do. But I'm trying to recognize it and address it asap. Hard for me not to have internalized biphobia with being in the closet for most of my life. It was a defense mechanism. But I'm trying to love myself now and challenge those feelings.
9:18 honestly these videos are so important, it feels so validating to have someone affirm and recognise all the intricasies of being bisexual in a predominantly heterosexual, monosexual world
Verilybitchie, your content is important to us bisexuals! Don't listen to your inner demons!
The X-Ray almost made me cry… too accurate lol
Hey, thank you for doing what you do? My sexual orientation is still a big ol' confused mess but whenever i hear you speak about your own experience, i find myself soothed. Like yeah, maybe i'm not a fraud, after all. Someone else feels the way I feel. So. Idk. I just wanted to tell you that I think what you do matters.
At least, it does to me.
💖💜💙
Thank you, Verily..! This video was just the birthday present I needed to receive..! That little shadowy smily gremlin is what I have to struggle with everyday. There is something ironic about being bi, people always think we will never lack company, but in reality, being bi, sometimes we feel so, so alone...!
Thanks for externalizing all that internal hatred so I can laugh at how over-the-top and contradictory it is right to its face like it deserves. It was a weirdly relaxing experience. Kind of like how I imagine other people might feel when they hear positive affirmations.
Your work on this channel is so important!
As a fellow bisexual I have learn so much from this channel! Especially about bi history which I knew so little about! Xxx
You've put my bi experience into words many times throughout your videos and it's so validating for me. Never stop making bi content please 💕
Your videos LITERALLY changed my life as a bi person and made me work through so many layers of internalized biphobia I never realized I had, and made me proud to be bisexual. Thank you for speaking up on the things you do, about micro-labels for bisexuality, biphobic tropes, and biphobia in cishet spaces and lgbt spaces. Everyday you're helping your bi subscribers in phenomenal ways :')
As always an amazing video!! Ive always had to deal both with internal and external biphobia, whether it be myself exaggerating my queerness to find acceptance by other queer people, even with lesbians that I happen to be flirting with that conveniently forget about my bi-ness, or from my mom telling me that bi people have to choose a side at some point. It's hard to not take it in and let it fester. Its also hard cause im gray-ace so I've never really had the whole sexual part of being bi to bond with others about, ive never been the type to see someone and have the "hot damn they're hot!!" moments. But I have found my people and I love them so much, finding people who take you as you are and want whats best for you is so so important no matter who you are, but on the topic of being bi it sure makes being bi easier when you have other bi people around!
I just wanted to say that I am also bi and gray ace. We're out there! 🎉
Same here! It's taken me so long to figure it out. It's so hard to figure out what label describes your attractions, without having any attractions to point it out
I’ve been starting to realize how much internalized biphobia I have about my own sexuality these past few months. It’s reassuring to know others have similar experiences, and the message that I have nothing to prove is really important. Thank you for this video.
God ... this entire video is so cathartic. Thank you, Verity.
Holy shit this was a roller coaster. Keep making bi content, your channel is amazing.
As a bi person who has realized in the last year that they're trans...you have been extremely pivotal in the acceptance of myself. I've come to understand my past experiences with monosexual people where I previously believed I was being a dishonest or inauthentic person. Thank you so much for existing and thank you for all the work you have done for our community. 💜
Your bi content has truly been some of the most healing stuff I’ve ever experienced in making peace with my identity. You’ve been able to put so many of my thoughts into words and made me feel less alone. I always recommend your videos when people want to learn more about bisexuality too.
From one bi to another - this content rules!
The bisexuality-related content on this channel and a few others is among the main reasons I've been able to actually accept my own sexuality as a legitimate part of my identity and not something to be ashamed of, so thank you Verity!
Hmm...I have externalize "phobic-phobia" - I tend to get hostile towards bigots. ...I should probably work on that...
Don't ever change, you are perfect the way you are!
I hear you.
Another youtuber said this:
"If we tolerate the intolerant, it leads to too much intolerance. But if we don't tolerate the intolerant, it leads to too much intolerance."
As in, obviously if we say or do nothing, it condones them. But, if we just call intolerant people bigots, it shuts down the conversation and they dig even deeper.
So how do we generate conversations while not tolerating their intolerance?
Or is it just not worth it to try and talk with some people, right?
It's probably a balancing act of figuring out who is willing to have a conversation and might be amenable or naive, and who is truly beyond being able to talk with.
SAME
i also immediately distrust almost irrationally and honestly yeah hostile if theyre catholic mormon or JW, so many times getting attached only to find out they resent your orientation comparing it to beastiality or pedo and therefore hate your existence but still ''love'' you.. somehow? which i know it isnt fair to jump to conclusions and i need to work on that but at the same time im afraid if i loosen up i'll get burned, but getting hostile and defensive just makes it worse
maybe we could have like, meetings similar to AA but less culty and harmful
who wants to go first? or, erhm, next..? lol sorry for the tangent
Yes.
What is internalized Biphobia?🙄😳
@@janycebrown4071 Biphobia that comes from yourself (so bipohibc thoughts or comments aimed at yourself).
Finally a subject I'm familiar with🥰
Hello! I am also really grateful for your very informative and helpful videos for example the one about the bi-cylce. This was really an eyeopener. Bi phobia and bi erasure is really such an important topic that is so often not adressed or ignored! Thank you so much for your important work!
I participate in a queer community where we meet to talk about identity and discrimination, here in Santiago, Chile. Your videos have been incredibly helpful to establish a vocabulary to discuss our positions, from a perspective that is simultaneously informative, sensible and fun. Thank you! hugs from Chile (we Chileans are huggers)
Still working on it in therapy
No but I have internalized transphobia does that count? 🥺
Triple feature of 3 great vids all premiering in a row!
jessie gender and philosophy tube being the other 2 right?
@@akisok0311 yep
😄 Not just me then who had to choose
just want to be a voice saying that your videos have helped me immensely through community, reminding me of my love of theory, and just generally feeling seen. the "internalised monologue" - i can only imagine that was not easy to write and share, and very powerful and difficult to hear another person say, parts of which i mostly hear myself say in my head. thank you for these amazing videos, the various types of effort that they contain, and the humor. 💜😭💜
as a bi person ur bi content matters a lot to me 💕💜💙
I hate every time you post. You are going to explain my experiences to me better than I can. Please keep it up, you are genuinely helping people.
I have never seen a depiction of this kind of internal struggle and I've never felt so seen. Thank you so much for this.
A lot of the inner biphobic monologue is similar to the things I say to myself as a questioning/unlabeled woman... I just constantly feel like every Real Queer Person hates me, and that they're right to do so
I'm so happy I've found this video I'm watching it almost crying. Thank you so much. I've been dealing with this since I was a teenager. I tried coming out to my dad, and he just said I wasn't and ignored it. My mum said I probably just wanted to be like the women I saw or that everyone woman can appreciate the female form. It confused me, and now, at 26, I'm only just starting to explore this side to me. I struggle with picturing myself as a man when I fantasise about women and feel like I have to be masculine. When I'm with a man, I feel like I have to be feminine and don't know how to get over it. This video is helping me with some of this, and I just want to thank you!
Thank you for all your effort and time in the creation of these video's. They make me feel seen, and real. And that means a lot to me!
Thank you so much for what you’re doing with this channel. As others have said, the internalised biphobia monologue could literally have been my internal demon. As a standard issue cis man in a monogamous hetero relationship, content like this is the first of its kind I have found. I’m clinging to it.
A huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this content with us 💖💜💙 I have definitely had that monologue playing in my head several times and it’s comforting to know I am not alone. I have turned to your videos several times to stay informed but also because I love the way you make it so accesible and add a flair of theatricality to it. It’s very unique and always puts a smile on my face. You have a lovely community here. Stay fabulous ☺️
That one dislike is from the manifestation of internalized biphobia.
2:46 "You're far too privileged for that."
That line hit home so hard, my God.
yes i do shame me
Your content is so well researched and affirming! You so eloquently put into words what a lot of us bisexuals are struggling with and it is a joy to be able to support your important work.
there was awhile when i tried to convince myself that i was entirely gay because i found gay communities were so hostile to my bisexuality, and the amount of double think it required was astounding. i would literally fantasize about and get off to men regularly but i somehow convinced myself that that wasn’t “real attraction” because xyz reasons. internalized biphobia is a powerful thing.
Ugh the internalized bi guilt to be "enough" is so real. My guilt fluctuates between feeling as though I'm not appearing "straight enough" or "gay enough". I worry that I don't have "enough" attraction to a certain gender to be considered bi. I've internalized so much guilt that if I'm not feeling "enough" attraction to my partner 100% of the time, I worry that I may not be attracted to their gender after all (as if ANYONE is capable of giving affection every hour of every day). As you mentioned in the video, it has felt as though I constantly have something to prove as if I'm not allowed to be a whole, complex person. Your channel has been a godsend, thanks for doing what you do!
Thank you so much for your influence in my life, I know you don't know me but your content has been so important to me. I always knew that I am bi, and I internalized bi and homophobia for many, many years, but I just decided don't do it anymore and you are helping me, and my bi friends, a lot in this journey.
Your point about finding comfort in bi communities is so correct! I was lucky to be able to find a small group of queer friends in theatre and choir spaces in high school but I was one of the only ones who was bi rather than gay, lesbian, or trans and I never really got to talk about my bi-specific insecurities. But in college I was lucky to fall into an almost entirely bi/pan friend group and it did so much for me to be able to talk to other people who got it. And in the last few months since ai happened upon this channel, I’ve found so much more comfort in learning about bi history and activism. Thank you so much for what you do! 💗💜💙
This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
I find myself coming back to your channel when I need to fight the internalized biphobia goblin. Thanks for your beautiful content, you are a treasure to the bi community
This is so accurate, I just can’t-
Thank you so much for this! So needed. Those internal voices get loud some days.
3:45 ………ooofff……… that’s exactly the phrase I grew up using on myself. Everyone around me was disenfranchised and had terms for it, and shouted at everyone about it. I was a kid when “check your privilege” was a common phrase for overly-online teenagers like myself. It’s not that other people advocating for themselves was the problem, (even if they were doing it in that sloppy, aggressive and shamey way teens do when they’re first learning,) it was that * I * didn’t have any terms to talk about my own experience with them. “So I just must not have any experience,” I would think, “and I need to shut the fuck up.”
If I had terms to talk about the intricacies of my own experience, I don’t think I would have grown up feeling so alienated and unwelcome in spaces of other queer/lgbtq+ spaces. I always felt like an impostor, when in a better world, I might have felt united with them.
To know it’s a far more universal feeling is both comforting and sad.
Same with the feeling of explicit inferiority to other gay people, and being “not good”. That you’re some kind of stain on the community or “taking away” from everyone else by being there. I still grapple with a lot of these things you mentioned.
9:24 I’m sure glad you do it 💚💚💚 I know this is an older video, but I’m glad someone pointed me to it. It helped
That was absolutely marvelous. Beautifully executed.
I'm glad I stopped whatever podcast I saw you on and subscribe to immediately. I would have forgotten.
Video isn't even out yet and... well yes. Defs yes.
Now that it is out I can just say "Gay people are good. I am less good" hit HARD
what a lovely video! i struggle with lots of internalized biphobia bc i'm bi and in a "straight" relationship and it's comforting to find other people going through the same thing and helping each other. to all the other bisexuals here: you are amazing and deserve love and acceptance.
You can really tell that allot of time, effort, and thought go into your videos. Loved this
Thank you so much for approaching this topic with empathy and nuance. Your channel has helped me so much! 💜
I see your point in finding other bi people in real life so much! I have several bi friends and am in a bi monogamous relationship (me and my partner are both bi) and just the ability to go to pride together, discuss things together etc makes up for so much!!
Glad to see that most of the comment section feel the same way I do. Your channel is the only virtual bi space I know. I learned so much about bisexuality thanks to you and you made me feel less alone. I'm fortunate to have bi friends I can talk to about these things and I've recommended your channel to them as well. Thank you for doing what you do. I hope you internalize how important you are to us. 💖
so happy I found this channel. I'm watching the old videos too and I'm loving it. I wish I had found it before
just found your channel recently and this video today. many tears and laughter and feelings of being seen are just abundant for me rn. ty for creating such an amazing channel and a beautiful space. i didn’t know i needed to hear this and it was so weirdly healing to see the demon personality narrate the voice in my head. again thank you, i appreciate the work you’re doing 💖