First question she asked; you can manage them and lose yourself or leave in my opinion. I understand and it's 'how' we do this. But least it's taking action now. They'd be same with anyone, it's not a reflection on us. Watch Najwa - she helps you remove yourself emotionally. Sending hugs and smiles to all and thank you for this video Kristin, subscribed ❤
Shortly after D-Day, I woke up one morning with intense, debilitating back pain, and ended up in the ER. My husband sat next to me in the waiting room hi AF on weed and playing games on his phone. They gave me a shot in my leg that was so painful, on top of, the back pain and my emotional state, that I just started crying. He started laughing. I will never forget that.
@@KeishaWilliams-e6d thank you dear!❤️🩹 I’ve had so many physical problems, with no “medical explanation”. I take MUCH better care of myself than he does, eat right, work out, more sleep, etc.. (well I used to be able to sleep, before all of this 😩) Yet, amazingly enough, he has remained healthy as horse!😣 All while my physical and mental health slowly erode
Jesus is the answer in every situation. I'm finally beginning to heal from yrs of marital rape & his 35 yr hidden corn addiction & he is a sex addict...as I legally had him removed from the home w/ a Temporary Protective Order (TPO). The divorce filing = done & SO thankful that Jesus gave me the best female attorney in my state.
Interesting video. Though as someone who is recovering from lifelong destructive addictive behavior, it feels kind of ...off to be compared to a narcissist. While a lot of the behavior may overlap, the motive or intent behind it is completely different. Also if these behaviors are onset from childhood trauma, then how does someone know when they are fully 'recovered'? If they are anything like I was, then they have no frame of reference of what the healthiest version of themselves even look like. My guess is that it's different for everyone. I would be lying if I said some of my past behavior did not lead to positive things, but it was more a failure of moderation and an unwillingness to engage with life that caused the issue to become out of hand. IDK just some rambling thoughts.
I appreciate you being here and sharing some of your thoughts. I’m sure it doesn’t feel good to be compared to narcissists or told you’re capable of harming yourself and others in your active addiction. However owning all we’re “capable of doing or being”-the good and the bad-is a very important part of our healing (it’s step 4 in 12 steps). It takes a lot of courage and distress tolerance to acknowledge the not-so-great parts of ourselves but there’s freedom and self-worth beyond that when we work hard to move away from our unhealthy coping, harmful reactions, and move closer to who we want to be.
A good topic would be the difference might be with a covert / victim narcissist and addiction and how they use alcohol and what the "signs" might be. Thank you.
Don't fall victim listening to this video . If you feel victim of infidelity it is for you to leave or the partner to leave . Leave the perpetrator to continue their play with out you being entangled and let the perpetrator to get help on their own and better their life with the next partner not with you . This is better for all victims to unvictimize themselves physically and mentally .
I am all about a victim of betrayal to “unvictimize”, but you cannot heal what you don’t even know or understand. It’s very confusing being married to or in relationship to an addict or someone who’s constantly lying, minimizing and manipulating. One has to become very well educated and grounded in what’s going on so they can see it, notice the patterns, understand their parts, and make healthy choices for themselves and their own healing.
Be careful with the group work, though. My husband ended up, friending some individuals, that encouraged ideas and thinking that did not align with values and morals of ours. For instance, the guy that he friended, encouraged M, as long as it didn’t involve corn. That’s a huge boundary with our relationship. And I saw that the messages that he had agreed with the guy. That’s a definite red flag! So please just be careful and discerning
Very fair point. Groups are made up of imperfect, fallible humans that may say or do the “wrong thing”. But it’s still important to attend groups where others have suffered and struggled in a similar way and you can, perhaps, pick a few people from that group who feel safe to connect with and share. And yes, you’ll definitely hear stories of your addict partner telling you that the group or sponsor has “ok’d” certain behaviors you consider to be not ok. You never know who’s telling whom what in those circumstances.
@@KristinSnowden also my husband started becoming very secretive about his groups, and I was finding new random contacts on his phone. He would barely and rarely talk about anything from his groups, or what he had learned etc. I saw no improvement. Also, one day there was a trans person in it. And he said he thought maybe he was attracted. It just brought up more issues and causes more secrecy. I think he enjoyed it, because it was a place for him to brag about all he was doing in his recovery (box-checker). Yet the fruit he was bearing in real life, was in contrast. Because for him “recovery” simply equaled “not acting out”. There’s been no amends for the destruction of our family. And arguments always end up getting shifted back to me, and “his needs, and “his feelings”. 21 years of lying and manipulation, (also a chronic weed addict) I think I am finally learning and accepting that I will never ever trust him again, and therefore will never feel safe with him. Eight months since Dday and I’ve had to emotionally distance myself for my own mental health.
![Digital Circus Episode 4 [TRAILER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/abZtsmMUbJo/mqdefault.jpg)
![Hunxho - Ball Forever [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nki9ZTF9Uls/mqdefault.jpg)
This is the best description of this I've seen. Thank you!
Excellent info…and accurate description of my marital situation ..and life with an addict. It becomes so difficult to maintain hope. TY Kristin.!
I feel like my soul has been stolen from being attached to these people 💔
I feel for you. And it's not, it's not stolen! We can act, I hope, in ways to get better. ❤
First question she asked; you can manage them and lose yourself or leave in my opinion. I understand and it's 'how' we do this. But least it's taking action now. They'd be same with anyone, it's not a reflection on us. Watch Najwa - she helps you remove yourself emotionally. Sending hugs and smiles to all and thank you for this video Kristin, subscribed ❤
Right. It's been 2 years since i got that toxic person in my life.
Im still not mentally right.
Shortly after D-Day, I woke up one morning with intense, debilitating back pain, and ended up in the ER. My husband sat next to me in the waiting room hi AF on weed and playing games on his phone. They gave me a shot in my leg that was so painful, on top of, the back pain and my emotional state, that I just started crying. He started laughing. I will never forget that.
I'm so sorry
Sooo sorry you had to go through that alone
@@KeishaWilliams-e6d thank you dear!❤️🩹 I’ve had so many physical problems, with no “medical explanation”. I take MUCH better care of myself than he does, eat right, work out, more sleep, etc.. (well I used to be able to sleep, before all of this 😩) Yet, amazingly enough, he has remained healthy as horse!😣 All while my physical and mental health slowly erode
What a painful awful traumatizing experience of neglect.
You are very good at educating us!
Yes, Kristen is phenomenal! Knowledgeable and a good teacher. She's also passionate about her field
@LadyBugShaun aw, thanks for the kind words.
They can relapse at any time even if they've changed for 5-10-20-30 years.
Jesus is the answer in every situation.
I'm finally beginning to heal from yrs of marital rape & his 35 yr hidden corn addiction & he is a sex addict...as I legally had him removed from the home w/ a Temporary Protective Order (TPO).
The divorce filing = done & SO thankful that Jesus gave me the best female attorney in my state.
Interesting video. Though as someone who is recovering from lifelong destructive addictive behavior, it feels kind of ...off to be compared to a narcissist. While a lot of the behavior may overlap, the motive or intent behind it is completely different. Also if these behaviors are onset from childhood trauma, then how does someone know when they are fully 'recovered'? If they are anything like I was, then they have no frame of reference of what the healthiest version of themselves even look like. My guess is that it's different for everyone. I would be lying if I said some of my past behavior did not lead to positive things, but it was more a failure of moderation and an unwillingness to engage with life that caused the issue to become out of hand. IDK just some rambling thoughts.
I appreciate you being here and sharing some of your thoughts. I’m sure it doesn’t feel good to be compared to narcissists or told you’re capable of harming yourself and others in your active addiction. However owning all we’re “capable of doing or being”-the good and the bad-is a very important part of our healing (it’s step 4 in 12 steps). It takes a lot of courage and distress tolerance to acknowledge the not-so-great parts of ourselves but there’s freedom and self-worth beyond that when we work hard to move away from our unhealthy coping, harmful reactions, and move closer to who we want to be.
ADDICTIONS TAKE MANY FORMS AND MEN LOVE TO BATHE INTO THEM ….TAKE HEED ….THIS IS NOT A JOKE AT ALL .
A good topic would be the difference might be with a covert / victim narcissist and addiction and how they use alcohol and what the "signs" might be. Thank you.
Don't fall victim listening to this video . If you feel victim of infidelity it is for you to leave or the partner to leave . Leave the perpetrator to continue their play with out you being entangled and let the perpetrator to get help on their own and better their life with the next partner not with you . This is better for all victims to unvictimize themselves physically and mentally .
I am all about a victim of betrayal to “unvictimize”, but you cannot heal what you don’t even know or understand. It’s very confusing being married to or in relationship to an addict or someone who’s constantly lying, minimizing and manipulating. One has to become very well educated and grounded in what’s going on so they can see it, notice the patterns, understand their parts, and make healthy choices for themselves and their own healing.
It's a thin line.
Be careful with the group work, though. My husband ended up, friending some individuals, that encouraged ideas and thinking that did not align with values and morals of ours. For instance, the guy that he friended, encouraged M, as long as it didn’t involve corn. That’s a huge boundary with our relationship. And I saw that the messages that he had agreed with the guy. That’s a definite red flag! So please just be careful and discerning
Very fair point. Groups are made up of imperfect, fallible humans that may say or do the “wrong thing”. But it’s still important to attend groups where others have suffered and struggled in a similar way and you can, perhaps, pick a few people from that group who feel safe to connect with and share.
And yes, you’ll definitely hear stories of your addict partner telling you that the group or sponsor has “ok’d” certain behaviors you consider to be not ok. You never know who’s telling whom what in those circumstances.
@@KristinSnowden also my husband started becoming very secretive about his groups, and I was finding new random contacts on his phone. He would barely and rarely talk about anything from his groups, or what he had learned etc. I saw no improvement. Also, one day there was a trans person in it. And he said he thought maybe he was attracted. It just brought up more issues and causes more secrecy. I think he enjoyed it, because it was a place for him to brag about all he was doing in his recovery (box-checker). Yet the fruit he was bearing in real life, was in contrast. Because for him “recovery” simply equaled “not acting out”. There’s been no amends for the destruction of our family. And arguments always end up getting shifted back to me, and “his needs, and “his feelings”. 21 years of lying and manipulation, (also a chronic weed addict) I think I am finally learning and accepting that I will never ever trust him again, and therefore will never feel safe with him. Eight months since Dday and I’ve had to emotionally distance myself for my own mental health.
@@KristinSnowden where did my comment go, that I just replied??