I caught my wife cheating on me 17 years ago. For complicated reasons, I never really dealt with the trauma at the time, and in fact never even considered the possibility that I had experienced trauma until learning about betrayal trauma very recently. I found that I would have an extremely strong stress reaction when hearing about other people who had been cheated on. In just the last few months, I've been practicing a kind of exposure/CBT therapy in which I've finally been confronting long-buried feelings. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is naively false, as it stands. It amazes me how raw a 17-year old wound can be when it wasn't adequately treated at the time, and how it can still be addressed.
Glad you're able to identify untreated wounds now and process through them. Betrayal trauma is very, very real. I wish you the best on your journey toward healing.
I can relate, my husband cheated on me about 13 years ago. I recently realized that I never dealt with the trauma at the time. This happened multiple times with random people. What was worse, the women were much younger than me. Looking back, I never even thought that this was happening at the time. When I learned about it, I confronted him. Then came the Sherlock Holmes, the admissions, the rationalisation. Talking about it now, he still has 'very good reasons ' for doing what he did. The videos I've watched thus far, is helping me put my feelings and reactions into perspective. I don't feel safe with him, after all these years. I'm ready to deal with this and get the help I need.
You’re not alone.. my husband of 46 years cheated on me probably for years, but abandoned me and our 3 young sons 25 years ago. We live in a very rural religious community, and I’d been suffering from emotional and psychological abuse for years with a little physical abuse too. I could NOT figure out how to escape. I was working nights at a well known trucking facility for an abusive female manager. It was horrible. Only recently learned hubs is a covert narcissist, his mother was also. She was left by her husband for another woman with 3 small children, my husband was only 1. She had gotten pregnant with her first child “ accidentally” while still in H. S… back then ( 1950’s) in this area you HAD to get married. Long story short, he ran… and married a lovely lady and they were married for at least 50 years til his death. My MIL, meanwhile was married at least 4 times and some live ins too. She was a bitch but NEVER got over him abandoning her until her death at 86!!!! She drove it into her kids heads their whole lives that he left them. So, without therapy, it seems people will take it to the grave. My hubby was the “golden child..”
My husband of 33 years, decided to “come clean” about his transactionship with babe (the wh0re of Havasu), all this while moving states, dealing with his cancer …and of course as soon as his cancer spread in what turned out to be his final four months, he came back so I could take care of him. That was the worst couple years of my life and I almost didn’t make it. I had to grieve what I thought my life was, grieve the marriage, grieve the death…it took a full year to stop waking up at 4 am, stop the constant ruminating, stop the fear and uncertainty…BUT, I’m here to say that was almost 2 years ago now and I’m doing great!!! I found a great therapist, kept myself busy and moving forward every day and started to live again. Freedom is a great feeling. I don’t wish harm on anyone but I say, may people like Miss Amanda get exactly what they deserve…AND, your videos helped me a lot!
I am so grateful to you for sharing your story with me and the community. May it inspire others and bring them hope of getting through this devastating crisis. 💕
@@KristinSnowden yes…this is exactly what helped me, people like you(and the community, basically survivors) with their experience of surviving to thriving. I think once you realize the person you trusted the most is a poser, it’s much easier to untangle yourself with logic, rather than emotion. I’m grateful to be out of that vortex of chaos, I do things to please myself, surround myself with authentic people and work on myself. Journaling has been wonderful because it’s concrete evidence of all the good and positive changes. Every day progress, the key is not to give up. Life after being enslaved for decades is FAN FREAKNG TASTIC!!!!!!!!
If it's OK with you, would you please share what made the therapist "great" for you.. Is it the way they listen? Modalities they use? Advice they give? Etc etc
@@LadyBugShaun it took 4 different therapists to find the right one. Not every therapist knows about NPD, so I basically interviewed them and if I didn’t feel a connection, on to the next. I looked at their bio’s, reviews and most therapists give you a free, 15-20 minute consult. I did an online search to find in my area, using search words, “trauma”, “ grief” “abuse “.I feel Seeing someone in person (vs zoom) much better. It took a while, but every day I was moving forward and time/distance from the trauma helped a lot. I also practiced radical self care. I kept a progress journal(I still use, to remind me how far I’ve come. Went out with friends, did a lot of walking, pool work, cooking whatever I liked, my dog was a lifesaver…the ruminating was the worst so every time I started thinking about the bad stuff, I’d redirect and read, go out, find something to clean, put music…just change the environment. It’s been 2+years and I’m a different person and I love it. I wish you the best in your healing journey, feel free to reach out. 💝
I'm 47 and spent about 25 years in 3 back to back relationships with narcissists. I also had a series of highly traumatic events occur which I still think about constantly even though they happened about 5-6years ago. I developed severe chronic pelvic pain that has started to slowly get better now after 4 years. I had 2 pelvic surgeries because I didn't know what was causing my pain and it was so severe and debilitating. I now realize that this was caused by the trauma I'm holding in my body. I have tension in all my muscles and I have a lot of pain. My skin even hurts. Talk therapy doesn't help, and I've tried everything. Walking my dog daily, meditation, journaling, breathing, baths, somatic tracking...is this just going to take a long time for the trauma to leave my body? Its been 2 years since I got out of the last relationship. I have a lot less pain than I once did and my system has calmed down a lot, but I'm still in a lot of pain every day and feel upregulated. The one thing that helped lower the pain has been starting strength training
Hi. My private practice is full but I hold regular, small groups. I’m always posting new ones. My next one is a 6 week session starting March 4. www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops join my mailing list for updates.
What is the name of the 12-step group you recommend for a betrayed partner? I was a bit confused on your website in the free resource section. Maybe I’m not finding it? There is nothing on betrayal trauma there. Please share link, I could really use some help ❤
Hi. Any free group on sexandrelationshiphealing.com and Prodependence anonymous. Sometimes Alanon is helpful as well, as it’s for people who love/live with an addict.
You’re Great. For women who’ve actually experienced trauma. Somehow you’ve made trauma seem SO appealing, Many women are jumping-aboard with manufactured and exaggerated symptoms to join your club. This, ironically does a GREAT disservice to actual victims of trauma. It also lends credibility and arms potential victim colaterializers to mine normal, human experience as ‘trauma.’
![[DRAGON BALL LEGENDS REVEALS ＆ STUFF] LEGENDS FESTIVAL 2024 Special Edition Part 1](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/mV5bGIswTtQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I caught my wife cheating on me 17 years ago. For complicated reasons, I never really dealt with the trauma at the time, and in fact never even considered the possibility that I had experienced trauma until learning about betrayal trauma very recently. I found that I would have an extremely strong stress reaction when hearing about other people who had been cheated on. In just the last few months, I've been practicing a kind of exposure/CBT therapy in which I've finally been confronting long-buried feelings. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is naively false, as it stands. It amazes me how raw a 17-year old wound can be when it wasn't adequately treated at the time, and how it can still be addressed.
Glad you're able to identify untreated wounds now and process through them. Betrayal trauma is very, very real. I wish you the best on your journey toward healing.
I can relate, my husband cheated on me about 13 years ago. I recently realized that I never dealt with the trauma at the time. This happened multiple times with random people. What was worse, the women were much younger than me. Looking back, I never even thought that this was happening at the time. When I learned about it, I confronted him. Then came the Sherlock Holmes, the admissions, the rationalisation. Talking about it now, he still has 'very good reasons ' for doing what he did. The videos I've watched thus far, is helping me put my feelings and reactions into perspective. I don't feel safe with him, after all these years. I'm ready to deal with this and get the help I need.
So sorry! It’s such an out of body experience I don’t know how anyone gets unstuck😢
You’re not alone.. my husband of 46 years cheated on me probably for years, but abandoned me and our 3 young sons 25 years ago. We live in a very rural religious community, and I’d been suffering from emotional and psychological abuse for years with a little physical abuse too. I could NOT figure out how to escape. I was working nights at a well known trucking facility for an abusive female manager. It was horrible. Only recently learned hubs is a covert narcissist, his mother was also. She was left by her husband for another woman with 3 small children, my husband was only 1. She had gotten pregnant with her first child “ accidentally” while still in H. S… back then ( 1950’s) in this area you HAD to get married. Long story short, he ran… and married a lovely lady and they were married for at least 50 years til his death. My MIL, meanwhile was married at least 4 times and some live ins too. She was a bitch but NEVER got over him abandoning her until her death at 86!!!! She drove it into her kids heads their whole lives that he left them. So, without therapy, it seems people will take it to the grave. My hubby was the “golden child..”
I hope you find the peace of mind you deserve.
My husband of 33 years, decided to “come clean” about his transactionship with babe (the wh0re of Havasu), all this while moving states, dealing with his cancer …and of course as soon as his cancer spread in what turned out to be his final four months, he came back so I could take care of him. That was the worst couple years of my life and I almost didn’t make it. I had to grieve what I thought my life was, grieve the marriage, grieve the death…it took a full year to stop waking up at 4 am, stop the constant ruminating, stop the fear and uncertainty…BUT, I’m here to say that was almost 2 years ago now and I’m doing great!!! I found a great therapist, kept myself busy and moving forward every day and started to live again. Freedom is a great feeling. I don’t wish harm on anyone but I say, may people like Miss Amanda get exactly what they deserve…AND, your videos helped me a lot!
I am so grateful to you for sharing your story with me and the community. May it inspire others and bring them hope of getting through this devastating crisis. 💕
@@KristinSnowden yes…this is exactly what helped me, people like you(and the community, basically survivors) with their experience of surviving to thriving. I think once you realize the person you trusted the most is a poser, it’s much easier to untangle yourself with logic, rather than emotion. I’m grateful to be out of that vortex of chaos, I do things to please myself, surround myself with authentic people and work on myself. Journaling has been wonderful because it’s concrete evidence of all the good and positive changes. Every day progress, the key is not to give up. Life after being enslaved for decades is FAN FREAKNG TASTIC!!!!!!!!
If it's OK with you, would you please share what made the therapist "great" for you.. Is it the way they listen? Modalities they use? Advice they give? Etc etc
@@LadyBugShaun it took 4 different therapists to find the right one. Not every therapist knows about NPD, so I basically interviewed them and if I didn’t feel a connection, on to the next. I looked at their bio’s, reviews and most therapists give you a free, 15-20 minute consult. I did an online search to find in my area, using search words, “trauma”, “ grief” “abuse “.I feel Seeing someone in person (vs zoom) much better. It took a while, but every day I was moving forward and time/distance from the trauma helped a lot. I also practiced radical self care. I kept a progress journal(I still use, to remind me how far I’ve come. Went out with friends, did a lot of walking, pool work, cooking whatever I liked, my dog was a lifesaver…the ruminating was the worst so every time I started thinking about the bad stuff, I’d redirect and read, go out, find something to clean, put music…just change the environment. It’s been 2+years and I’m a different person and I love it. I wish you the best in your healing journey, feel free to reach out. 💝
You are are great therepist thank you so much God bless you .
Tears form in my eyes every time I watch one of your videos.
From someone who was cheated on you are a Godsend
Makes complete sense. Still awful situation to be in
I'm 47 and spent about 25 years in 3 back to back relationships with narcissists. I also had a series of highly traumatic events occur which I still think about constantly even though they happened about 5-6years ago. I developed severe chronic pelvic pain that has started to slowly get better now after 4 years. I had 2 pelvic surgeries because I didn't know what was causing my pain and it was so severe and debilitating. I now realize that this was caused by the trauma I'm holding in my body. I have tension in all my muscles and I have a lot of pain. My skin even hurts. Talk therapy doesn't help, and I've tried everything. Walking my dog daily, meditation, journaling, breathing, baths, somatic tracking...is this just going to take a long time for the trauma to leave my body? Its been 2 years since I got out of the last relationship. I have a lot less pain than I once did and my system has calmed down a lot, but I'm still in a lot of pain every day and feel upregulated. The one thing that helped lower the pain has been starting strength training
You're amazing! Thanks for making me feel not alone.
You are definitely not alone
Thank you!
Excellent explanation
Glad you think so!
Thank you and I hope you could help me via zoom in the very near future
Thank you , very helpful 🙏🏻 can you please put a link to videos you refer to in the text ?
This happened in my relationship. Can i only heal when i leave?????
How can o join your group
I have groups on my website and sexandrelationshiphealing.com also has a ton of groups.
I had to move out of state to get out of the fight flight mode it did the trick
Cant when ur still living the aftermath of it
Omg i got to get it together
Do you still have patients? And do it virtually??
Hi. My private practice is full but I hold regular, small groups. I’m always posting new ones. My next one is a 6 week session starting March 4. www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops join my mailing list for updates.
These small groups are live but virtual. www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops
@@KristinSnowden
What is the name of the 12-step group you recommend for a betrayed partner? I was a bit confused on your website in the free resource section. Maybe I’m not finding it? There is nothing on betrayal trauma there. Please share link, I could really use some help ❤
Hi. Any free group on sexandrelationshiphealing.com and Prodependence anonymous. Sometimes Alanon is helpful as well, as it’s for people who love/live with an addict.
You’re Great. For women who’ve actually experienced trauma. Somehow you’ve made trauma seem SO appealing, Many women are jumping-aboard with manufactured and exaggerated symptoms to join your club.
This, ironically does a GREAT disservice to actual victims of trauma. It also lends credibility and arms potential victim colaterializers to mine normal, human experience as ‘trauma.’
Ew.
You are are great therepist thank you so much God bless you .
Thank you for your kind comments.