Escaping Core Shame. Self-Love Abundance is the Cure!
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- Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2024
- In this video, Ross Rosenberg discusses the critical component of the SLDD Pyramid: CORE SHAME. Specifically, what it is, how it differs from guilt, what its connection to narcissism is, and how one can vanquish their core shame.
ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.
Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his RUclips channel with 23 million views and 260,000 subscribers and the sale of 155,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.
In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services. Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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The latest turning point for me was to tell myself “if being my true authentic self means nobody will ever love me, then so be it. No relationship is worth sacrificing my authenticity for”.
So I decided being myself was my top priority, getting in touch with that sweet, kind generous child that loves to make people smile that I still remember being. Not making friends, not getting a gf, not getting ahead at work, just bringing that kid that I loved being out. And the funniest thing happened, ever since then, I feel more magnetic like people like being around me and open up more. But even still, I’m not going to get sidetracked by all that external validation. I must stay focused not resisting my inner child, and making him feel safe.
Thank you for sharing and your honesty with your inner child really makes the tears come out of my eyes.
Kudos to you. Now I’m more proud and confident to be an authentic person and learning to love myself more and in peace with my inner child as well.
What an excellent comment. It's very genuine. I agree with you. 😊
Good for you!!! Hang in there. You are right...and you've got this! Namaste!
🎉❤🎉❤❤❤❤ LOVE 💖😘❤😊😊LUV LOVED ALL the AMAZING Comments, U Guys R SO Soo Right & Soo So TARGET!!! KEEP UP the AWESOME WORK & PLEASE KNOW UR ALL in MY THOUGHTS & Prayers 🙏💕🙏🙏🙏💕🙏❤❤❤❤❤😊😊😊🎉🎉😊😊🎉🎉!!!
One of MY PERSONAL FAVORITE QUOTES: "Let YOUR SMILE 😁😊 CHANGE The WORLD 🌍🌍🌍; DON'T Let the world Change YOUR SMILE 😊!!!" Anonymous Author. I saw this on a wooden plaqard at My Dentist's office a few years ago.
Absolutely! Me too! People get attracted to that kind of genuineness and gravitate towards it. It’s hard to let the right one in, but maybe it will be possible someday.
Ross help me more than words can describe. I had the craziest wife in the most miserable marriage. Hard to imagine how broken I really was .
Dr. Rosenberg, you are a national treasure 🙏❤
Dr Rosenbergs work on sldd literally saved my life , forever grateful 💡💪👊❤️🙏😊
Mind me asking if you did it by yourself or with a therapist? I need help with this. This is me.
@@ciaranmullins2102 Hello 🤗, having lived a very long life filled with narcissistic abuse I literally had a lightbulb moment after watching Dr Rosenbergs video , my whole life up until that point made complete sense literally all at once . Everything slotted into place and I was able to heal and change a lifelong pattern . Self love abundance is the cure ,it literally gave me boundaries for the first time in my life and once you have boundaries coming from self love you physically are no longer able to tolerate abusers and their bullshit . Being overlooked neglected as a child and taking on the role of caring for others early on got me through then and helped me survive but it was wrong and extremely dysfunctional , but that role was forced upon me and was a coping mechanism.
I’m so sorry I can’t really be of much help but I hope you’re okay 🙏❤️.I didn’t have a therapist as I literally understood it myself . Another resource I found helpful at the time was AJ Mahari . You can do this 💡👼🙏❤️👊💪⚖️🤗 x
These truths are hidden from us by our own brains. It is too frightening and painful to accept that we were damaged by parents who were not able to parent properly for whatever reason.
Both toxic shame and toxic guilt are used by predators to control others. IT is basic component of Coercive control and Operand Conditioning. When we have high moral and ethical standards and in the same time if we are convinced we are inept and worthless - our own empathy and urge to do good will be used as a tool for predators to abuse us and manipulate us and take advantage of us. Even more so, our urge to do good (avoid mistakes, to be perfect and never cause harm and trauma to others as we experienced) - the more easily we are triggered by nitpicking over our mistakes, errors and flaws.
We get trapped in hamster wheel worry how to not make mistakes and how to please the critic(s), that we never actually stop and process deeply what is truly going on: that we are pulled like on a string by pathological narcissist who is exploiting our moral and ethical standards against ourselves.
Toxic people love to control others through guilt and shame,
and we are trained to control abuse, errors, mistakes, flaws by our own guilt and shame in overdrive (by being silent and by self censoring ourselves). Explosive match.
We can only stop it - by develop protest mentality (like we have seen in Sinead O'Connor life - tearing off Pope picture on national TV and destroying own career), developing warrior mentality without killing anyone (Castaneda talked about that).
To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Black Boys on Mopeds
Song by Sinéad O'Connor
If your tendency is to make sense out of chaos, start chaos.
🟦 Carlos Castaneda
True. It’s frightening to accept, but it’s more frightening to allow it to continue.💯
@@WeR1bodyNChrist "it’s more frightening to allow it to continue"
This is victim blaming, so common in coercive control.
The target of abuse is perceived as someone who "allows" the abuse.
The abuse is not consent.
The abuse is evil act, willing choice to hurt and harm the target. The target does not have any influence in someone's evil choice to cause harm and hurt.
This is not tango.
Evil person, perpetrator uses many techniques of pathological lying and control and manipulation to carry out the abuse.
In this toxic society - the target of abuse is seen as someone who welcomes the abuse and has a choice to leave. This perception is wrong and toxic.
Society is abuser-centered where abuser is seen as "strong" for having guts to hurt and harm other people. As if being abused relinquishes the human rights of the target of abuse.
@@ranc1977 Did you enjoy your rant? lol. Are you a narc? I'm glad WeR1bodyNChrist ignored you but I won't. That person was just saying it stops in her generation she won't parent like her parents did. It's not victim blaming.
"It is never too late to be the person you should have been."
Great video!
I just discovered your channel about 30 minutes ago. I am so glad I did! Thank you. You are awesome! ❤
Wow, thank you so very much! Much blessings to you and to whoever read this, you are worthy of your best life ❤
Beautifully narrated the toxic dynamics. Hats off sir. Core shame the villain of our life. Coming out is lifelong process and most importantly is your responsibility.❤
Thank you for This brilliant message, it is so very Spot on. Shame is a soul killing emotion. shaming others should be perceived as crime against humanity. We must look at our mistakes as place with a potential to grow, we are works in progress and it is human to err, healing core shame is essential to start living a true life as the core shame is a big lie about a human being. Your analysis of This problem is extremely enlightening. God bless you❤
A huge shift happened for me when I finally came to realize - and said out loud - about my narc husband - that
"I deserve better from him ..."
Followed by a pause and -
"I deserve better, period."
A few months later I am in the process of divorcing him (wish me the best there!) In spite of him dragging his feet I'm moving forward and onward.
For many years, I have had an elusive awareness of this core shame - it's nice to be able to have a name for it. It's less slippery and easier to keep hold of while addressing it.
Im so glad i stumbled on Dr Rosenberg's chsnnel! It was just what i needed to finally understand
We call it "Condemnation" in church. That feeling of inadequacy. Never good enough. Always attaining, never achieving. It moves with it's sisters, fear and depression. Thank you Dr Ross. Your videos are on a standard of their own. God bless you for the simplicity you bring on complex issues. You make it easy.
Amen
The church - modern American western church-ianity, and the church since the first century does not know Father, has a perverted view of Father, of who He is and His nature, and so therefore do not know their own identity. After the Cross, from the foundation of the world, Father says we are blameless, faultless and all Ppl are loved unconditionally... but the church is too busy worshipping themselves and merchandising for profit for their ministry in their own name...
Easier! It's still not easy!
This is great material as always Dr. Rosenberg. I’ve followed you for a few years now. You never disappoint!
I can sense you are a very nice person Dr Rosenberg... And you explain everything so well...
I know that I am lovable and likable. I do not care what others think of me.
This program works! And so well ❤
Thanks
Thank you for all of your work. Been learning for approximately 2 yes. Its a slow climb
Every single day is a continuation of the dysfunctional deeds of a narcissist, day-to-day, everyday!!! None Stop. Whether it is emotional, physical, financial, or the evil plots stirring up in the narcissist’s deranged head. 💯
Listening to this gave me immense anxiety. Narc free for five years and I fall into the exact patterns you covered here. Not sure how to move forward except to continue to isolate myself.
Dr Rosenberg, I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work and your investment in this field. Your videos and book are literally saving me life. You opened a whole new dimension to me. I never even imagined that I could feel this good about myself. And this happened in such a short time. I already gifted your book to two of my friends suffering from the same LSDD issues. It might sound like too much, but I actually reached a point where I am able to easily recognize people in toxic relationships. Therefore, I am indefinitely grateful to you sir. THANK YOU!
Very good message. Thank you so much
So wise, we luv u Dr Rossemberg 🙌❤️🕊
He is simply wonderful
The victim role is what gets us into this SLD situation. My ex would say how skinny I was. He would always say I was not eating enough and then pick fights with me, right before we were about to eat. I would try to assuage this by saying we are just hungry, but he would rarely stop. I started loosing weight. After we broke up, the weight started to be healthy again. Words mean something. People can cast spells. They stay with you.
He played on my insecurities, on my shame or guilt. In the end, he cured me of it (or started the process), but I was lucky. There was definitely violence and I was left in dangerous places, dressed up for my narc. I realized again and again that I did not feel protected by him. I would also react to his rage, trying to protect my boundaries…but I should have just run.
It’s how you feel after they leave, that really tells you what they are. If you’re always drained afterwards, then that’s your sign.
You’re worthy of respect and kindness. We all are. People who don’t have common decency and manners, should be avoided…even if the sex is amazing. It’s a drug addiction. Take your soul back before you loose it. ❤
Thank you dr
Thank you ❤!!
How to address shame that cames from sexual abuse at age of 3 ? Was my first core memory while I was living in neglect , my mother left me with my grandparents since I was 1 year old. They were faithing , my granpa was angry and violent with my grandma who had alcohol addiction. I did had no memory of my mother who suddenly appeardwhen I was 3 and half, and she rejected me, she was screaming at my grandma to take me away of her sight..like I was something horrible.
She had an suicide attempt by then and i thaught it was my fault..then she dissapeared again, and every time she would return she was acting same way towards me..yelling at me to get away..like I would be some rabbid dog.
Meanwile I was trough more sexual abuse , mostly by elder brothers of the girls of my age that I used to play with..
That was making the shame more deepened in me ..was like I was deserving all this..and I was not able to verbalise.
Once my grandpa' tooked me with him when he was about to visit my mother in town, I was 4 years, and when we got there it happend again, my mom was making a big scene from the fact I was brought there. She was living with her new man , in his parents house.. Nobody, not even my granpa said something..like it was normal for her to act like that.. which made me feel that indeed..I am something horrible.I should not exist or something.
I am sooo sorry that happened to you. You are NOT the problem. I send you the sincere hope that you learn to love yourself. You deserve it. And then extend that love to your sad mother...but from a safe distance! Namaste! ❤
Thank you. Makes a great deal of sense
Thank you 😊
It's very important the job you do, yo find exactly the wrords, thank you🙏
Loved this and it came right on time ❤
Thank you, kind Sir 😇🙏
Thank you for this Material Ross!
I've just come across your videos having been recommended by a therapist to look into codependency. This resonates so deeply with me, especially the parts around cognitive and anorexic sldd. Thank you! Can anyone recommend how someone with a cognitive coping style can start benefitting from Ross' work without plunging into another black hole of self study?
Dr. Ross : How Core shame is related to the personality changes 50 years of narcissistic abuse have made in some of us? I mean, it is horrible for us to see how damaged we are... Is there a chapter about it? I appreciate specially minute 14 of your beautiful video. Thanks a lot
Thank you
Thank
Damn Ross!
Wow you preficted my future which is now my past . Many years of poir decisions
What lectures would you recommend for a beginner in this journey. I thought i was to old to try. Been living this appliance life for 30 years. I want to be free and at peace in my soul
Ross Rosenberg and The Little Shaman literally saved my life. She'll help you understand narcissists and Dr. Ross will help you understand why you fell prey to them in the first place. Listen to their entire video collection, changed the entire way I see life. My life is much more peaceful now. Dr. Ross is also correct, if you start on a self love abundance journey it'll likely destroy your "relationships,." I'm preparing financially for my divorce, never felt more like the true "me" in 35 years. Go on the ride, bumpy but worth it, because you get your true soul back.
Any chance you know what happened to Meredith Miller of Inner Integration? No videos for 2 years now
😮OMG: This IS Soo So Soo ME: Head On The Nail 4 SURE 4 ME😮 WOAH!!!!
How can I access to your podcasts Dr. Rosenberg?
🌴❤️❤️❤️🌴
😍😍😍😍😍
Dr Ross I get you have important things to share and I appreciate that and everything BUT 62????? No way this man is 62 😭😭😭
I am the one that keeps calling reaching out to my narcissistic wife we are separated for 6 months. I keep hearing in different videos that why the narcissist keeps contacting..keeps reaching out...my wife is doing none of it...I'm the one who keeps reaching out and sitting by the phone waiting for her reply or call...I'm sick of it
Stop! You are only hurting yourself!
I understand with my head i have a right to exist and i am someone there is a heavy weight in my stomach that doesn't agree
You DESERVE and are WORTHY to exist...and to love and be loved. ❤
Dr rosenberg what SL are you in apa? Lol
He's on telegram
Thank you