"Worst Case Scenario Technique" May Save Your Life
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- Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2024
- Part of the 11-Stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program, Ross Rosenberg revisits Stages 6 & 7, which involve "Predictive Awareness" and Setting Boundaries in hostile environments. Specifically, defining the Worst Case Scenario for survival as accurately and realistically as possible, while removing irrational fear from the equation.
ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.
Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his RUclips channel with 23 million views and 260,000 subscribers and the sale of 155,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.
In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services. Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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This was very informative. I would add that Black women, as a group, are currently experiencing an epidemic of femicide that is neither being publicly acknowledged or addressed on a policy level. Content creators like leah gordone or black girl unlost, among several others, are covering these tragic stories almost every day. Based on what I've seen over the last three years, I believe that Black women should be made aware that they are at extremely high risk for femicide, and be counseled to always assume that the worst possible outcome is indeed very possible for them. Any fear that they have of that outcome should always be regarded as rational fear.
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Lynn I can identify fully with the reality and concern of your comment. After 33yrs of being
in a marriage that was neglectful,emotional,financial and psychological. As a Afo American woman often the
abuse sited were not taken as
serious. There were spoken & unspoken messages of "don't
leave your marriage no matter
what". I stayed pressured by the religious view of most in my Church that looked down on those who divorced. When
I decided to leave ,I being to form a support team of a few family members and trusted friends. For 33yrs I'd been no
more than a slave in this marriage. Now ,I had the God given courage to be free. I carefully planned my exit. This
included paying off bills,saving
funds for housing and moving my personal belongings into
a rental storage. I was extremely aware of the statistics you mentioned. That
the most likely time a woman, particularly a Black woman is
likely to be kill...is when separating or leaving the marriage or relationship. Knowing this, I left a dear John
letter on the kitchen counter. Only my trusted support team of eight knew my whereabouts and new cell #. My now ex husband had never physically harmed me. However I strongly felt my action of leaving him, would trigger such
anger & lost of control. That he
would be capable of doing great unintentional bodily harm. I couldn't take that chance, I couldn't risk my life,
and discuss my separating from him. Ladies this is
❤Domestic Violence Awareness Month❤ please
do not underestimate the dangers of being in a abusive
relationship. Your life is precious, you are loved and have much to live for. May the
Lord God protect,guide and give you His peace. Lynn thanks again for moving forward the message ,that
women come to know the
dangers of leaving a intimate relationship.
@@glowgirl2790 I'm so sorry I'm just now seeing and responding to your message. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story with me. I'm so proud of you for taking the statistics seriously, and planning your exit accordingly. I'm also so glad that you had a support team, and that you made it out safely! Thank you for showing other women how it's done! ❤
This was great Ross. I wished I had used this technique when
divorcing my husband. My unexamined fears caused me
to ask for less than I needed and less than an equal share of the martial assets. During the marriage of 33yrs he was
emotional,financial & mentally abusive. I thought my leaving would result in physical harm or worst. I planned my exit,and left a parting letter on
the kitchen counter. I didn't have the wherewithal to advocate for what was rightly mine. In hindsight I'd say ,pls
talk through any fears concerning equity of finances with your support team of trusted friends or family,pastor,therapist And your atty. Please don't sell yourself short, because of fear.
May the Lord God protect and guide you.❤
I studied Ross's material on this stage (video series). I then figured out the worst case scenario the narcissist would pull, researched it, figured out what was reasonably possible and what was not, and braced myself. The narcissist did not do the worst, but made two attempts, one very disarming. The narcissist contacted me and wanted me to go to a place and do them a favor - and if I did not cooperate people would feel sorry for them and people would be very mad at me. Right then I saw what was going on and nicely excused myself. This could be called "How to win without a fight." It was like the end of a movie where the supposedly fierce villian just gives up. I felt calm, and a little wary.
Thanks this helps me in trying to end a relationship I have with a covert.
Ross ,Your work and teaching has had a profound influence on my escaping a deeply toxic marriage .I wish I could share my story with you .I am relentlessly facing forward and determined to grow in awareness and consciousness from my traumatic 11 year experience . I am deeply grateful for your work , ODA 💪🙏
🙏🏻
Me 2 : I so identify after escaping 33yrs of a high dysfunctional marriage. Ross's videos & books
give me a realistic perspective
of why I couldn't see or fix the
destructive relationships I was a part of. Ross thank you for
being a catalyst to my *awakening and journey of self love.
Spent most of my life acting defensive and had no idea what that even was. Always thought my anger and force meant I was aggressive and on the offense. My colleagues helped bring to life a breakthrough. Many are not good at what they do and I rely on their services. Would get so wound up on them. Now, I'm like, there's no point being emotional about what others do or do not do. I just "arrived" at acceptance and not owning what belongs to others. It's such a relief. The net catches so many "not my circus" things....I just love it. Finally.....peace.
❤
thank you, I bought resources from your website and survived my borderline narc. we are heading to custody battle. I am in much far better position than last year this time. thank god , I found a complete guide from you. all others on you tube gives idea but not complete. It is not really easy to scape narcissist . those who read this comment, believe me I passed through live and death situation , use Ross's 11 stages while the process of detaching from pathologically impaired narc.
Thank you. I always find your videos helpful. They say when you buy a new car (let’s say it’s red and unique) and you drive it out of the dealership for the first time, thinking you are one of only a few people with a unique, red car, but you become disappointed after purchase because all of a sudden you start seeing the same unique, red car everywhere. Over the last few years, I’ve been learning about narcissism and I’m starting to spot their behaviour everywhere (family, friends, work colleagues) just like the red, unique car. I’ve also learned that I was (and at times still am) reactive to narcissistic behaviour, not realising that this is what they want me to do (i.e., react). The saying by Bernard Shaw that you’ve taught us, ‘Never wrestle with a pig, you’ll get dirty and besides they like it’ and all the other information you have shared has helped me see ‘red, unique cars’ (so to speak) and to be less reactive to narcissists. I have a toxic neighbour. I reacted to their noise making. When I reacted, they escalated. I wrote Bernard Shaw’s quote on a piece of paper and blu-tacked it to my wall that I share with the toxic neighbour, to remind myself not to react. My neighbour never, never gave in, wanting me to react. For over 18 months they tried, so hard. It got so bad at one stage, but I never reacted because I knew they wanted me to react. They have since settled down. Every now and then the person (who is an older female, in her mid to late 60s) will make disturbing noises, often late at night and early on weekend mornings, but I just remind myself, she is just waiting for me to react. What is interesting, I have looked at my behaviour of reactivity and I believe this is a learned behaviour from my childhood. I am learning and trying to un-learn this unhealthy behaviour of mine, as I want to de-magnetise narcissists who are magnetised to reactive behaviour. As part of this process, I continue loving/liking and approving of myself. I tell many people about the information you share Ross because it’s life changing. Thank you. Forever grateful 🦋
This is amazing advice, such good points! Thank you!
Hi I saw a narc off by the observe don't absorb technique!really works . I found myself laughing inside cos once master it ,it works . They try harder and they show their true course . Thankyou . Learnt a lot from your techniques!
Thank you for this discussion ! I wish someone had made a video on this very real roadblock when I was stuck in a relationship with a sociopath- I couldn’t put into words , let alone break it down how my catastrophizing kept me stuck and I was not even legally married.
I also had many therapist during that relationship that lasted 18 years and none had any clarity on how to help me with a plan.
My take away from this is for whomever is going through this now, find the right help , ask for what you need from your therapist or follow a plan like this one and don’t be afraid to “ loose” something. Sometimes when you loose you win. 🙏❤
Great advice. I’ve run into the same issue. I try to find therapists that are trauma informed and specifically work in this area now- but most of those are private pay only..😬 In my experience- some therapists don’t specialize or recognize these issues…Sadly, it’s the same in the family courts~ they don’t seem to be aware or informed of the signs of these issues either… hope that changes.. Narcissistic people can be very convincing and charming and easily lie when they need to be. I felt myself wanting to say to the judge- watch his actions not just hear his words… like the fact he brought me to court every month for years? And forced 8 mediations but never wanted to mediate? Just make me sit there all day so I’d have to pay even more money in an attempt to wear me down. 🤦🏼♀️
I concur, wish my insurance money for therapy could go to Ross the boss Rosenberg! He
and others UTUBE specialist
with masters, Dr's and research, experience. Provides a boot camp experience that gets you up and running. Suddenly there awareness & clarity concerning "what the heck is going on " ,The 3 W's
are defined . Cause & effects
clarified, reality testing takes a new meaning and healing begins.
🙏❤🙏
Many thanks for continuing to share this type of message the way you do Ross, I'm so glad I happened upon you a few years ago. I really like your style as it were and you have helped me develop a language to think in when I'm near The Mud. I sometimes call it the Pinball Machine. I'd be the pinball in that analogy, shooting for the impossible, endlessly smashing around wondering why I wasn't racking up any points so to say. But the game with that kind of person who basically has you in the machine is rigged and it's not designed for you to win.
As I've come to my senses over time, the ODA mantra has really helped, even if I do hit a bumper, I've done my best to aim away from the next one so the bouncing doesn't happen like it does in pinball.
On this leg of the journey I find myself rolling down a quiet part of the board aiming for that little space betweet the flippers at the bottom knowing how easy it is to get flipped back up into the game.
After years of being caught up in the relationship, and scanning the horizon for a safe exit strategy I feel myself slipping past those flippers as I am finally in the process of moving out. I already feel the sun on my face, the taste of good food and the joy of cooking return, peace in the morning, and ease in the evening.
Every time I see "that person" in my life still though I always think to myself, "Don't forget your training".
Just wanted to share some joy to whomever reads it, and say thank you Ross for helping conceptualize a map of the territory. It was chaos, no wonder I was lost.
🌬️🌊⚓🧭👣
Thank you Ross Rosenberg.
very balanced information from experienced doctor 👍👍
Thank you for a very informative and supportive message Ross.
Gives you peace this method, the entire observe dont absorb method from a-z is a must going through all this crap.
Thank you for this valuable information.
A nod to Albert Ellis who encouraged his clients to deal with the worst-case scenario would have been appreciated
Really good explanation!
I always go to the worst case scenario, catastrophise in all areas of my life so I’m not disappointed if things go bad😅
I realize that there is some sort of aura that I give off that allows people to target me. Just last week, I was in a board meeting for a charitable organization, when the new president said "We will need to vote on our annual budget today because we didn't have a quorum on Zoom last week". Then she turned to me in from of everyone and said " Jan, why weren't you at our Zoom meeting last week?" I am not sure why people feel it is OK to target me like this when clearly a number of people did not attend. I then attempted to explain That I was used to receiving a calendar invite from the previous president , but she screamed and cut me off mid-sentence. What can I do to prevent being targeted like this?
I don't think its your fault, or your aura. There are just people like that who assert their dominance. They try it with everyone, in any moment they can enforce it. ❤
I totally understand what you’re explaining as I feel the same way… like there’s a sign on me that says “it’s ok for me to be the dog you kick”.. so confusing, exhausting, and I’ve found myself just withdrawing and wanting to be alone which isn’t always good either. Maybe I need to learn better boundaries and fix my
Self confidence? As a self
Confidence just seems to shine off a person and that can be a deflection. So much to learn. Grateful there’s solutions tho. 💛🌟 I don’t feel so alone after listening to these videos. I’m
Hopeful.
@kristen9827 When I feel targeted by someone, I back way off from them and refuse to give them further free labor or support. I also tend to hang out by myself to garden, work on art projects, or read when people get aggressive with me.
I wish you well on your journey ❤️
@marleyofficialmedia I would like to think you are right. Whether someone is having a bad day, generally toxic, or specifically targeting me, I back away.
Best wishes to you in your journey ❤️
@@janathena7164best wishes to us all ❤
Thank you Ross 🙏🏻
Oh I have actually just started using this kind of method wow this is so cool!!!
great work- I escaped, but I still have the wish for others to congratulate me for this. Of course this does not happen and does not work. It was a success but it seems I cannot believe it in the depth; it is really good though. I have an excellent situation now.
Love to be a part of the community
What do people fo that are dealing with this but are broke. I want to heal SO badly but how? I can’t afford to pay $$ I have insurance but I haven’t seen anyone therapist know about codependency enough to treat it correctly. I’ve had years of CBT
Thanks 😊
Engrossing myself in various vids from people like Ross has done just as much for me as any rl therapy, if not more. Some offer courses or member groups for less $ than traditional therapy, and they specialize in c-ptsd, and narcissistic abuse, where many insurance covered therapist seem to be narcissist themselves, or deny that they are your problem. I understand we need to heal ourselves to not fall victim but I've never had rl therapist to really grasp how we needed to learn about these people and understand that they don't love like we do, they don't have the morals we do, they don't have the committment to the relationship like we do, and ultimately they really only look to feed themselves. Ttaditional therapy isn't going to teach us to protect ourselves, I found it just planted more blame at my feet for op's bad behavior. So if you can't afford anything, you can afford free yt vids at least. Maybe a book or two. Check out the other legit vids and therapist on yt too.
Very beneficial ❤
Too Good 💎
Not deal with pig. First one walks away is the winner🎉
Is SLD "self love deficient"?
Yes re named from co dependent
Is this narcissistic behavior learned by parents?
The narc parent /s CREATE the Narc child or the codependent child
Yes
I think it can also be childhood trauma in general for both the narc and codependent
I always catastrophise, no wonder i got entangled with one of these monstrosities.
How did d u know i need this video so badly from a agressive drunken bheigbhor..? He absolutely hates me ..did three tours in vietnam. Mad at me because i domt do the fawning older women thing. He is exhauting ross..literally does not take a bath.....its bad
I remember while working through steps in Al-Anon decades ago - I remember looking at the worst case scenarios. One was that I'd be raising the kids all alone. Well, I was already doing that I realized. Those steps helped me to detach with love from my ex while at the same time attaching to the same degree to Jesus. Step seven helped me unload a truckload of fear and start trusting God in place of that fear. Years later, the kids are all ok, and I'm ok too. God will not pick you up only to drop you; he hasn't me. Al-Anon, for friends and family of alcoholics and/or drug addicts, is a wonderful program that works when a person works it.
God took care of my children and I too, it wasn’t easy but we made. Thank you for sharing your testimony