How I Was Diagnosed With Dissociative Identity Disorder | Life with DID
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- Blaine here 👋
We wanted to answer a question we got in our comments, but thought it was best to answer in the video format as it is a long story.
We didnt find out we were a system until it was brought up to us by a doctor which then lead us down the path of finding a DID specialist who diagnosed us. It took a long time and we had to confront a lot of internalized ablism along the way to accept our diagnosis, and its something we still struggle with 4 years later!
But we’re working on system communication and finding a new psychologist who can work with individuals with DID as we dont currently have one.
Our diagnosis process was long and scary but hopefully with more awareness about dissociative identity disorder and the symptoms other people can get diagnosed without having so much trouble finding the right diagnosis and treatment.
#dissociativeidentitydisorder #didsystem #dissociativedisorder
I can relate to the "I wanna go back home" phrase I tend to repeat that over and over during my meltdowns and just generally overreacting, saying i want to break up with my partner and of course I really do not :( I have been diagnosed as BPD and at risk for schizophrenia. i think I also had a point where I had something that looked like seizures in a sense but moreso just like jerking my head and body to one direction and this was in a week long "episode" for me. While I am not a system it is nice to hear about these symptoms because sometimes I think no one else understands that I genuinely cannot control my body / what I say when I feel threatened and have an episode. Thank you for sharing!
Ofc even people without DID can relate to other symptoms of dissociation that ppl w did experience
We're not diganoised and we won't be seeking one because we don't trust professionals with our system anymore. In our experince I, the host, have been accused of things I have no memory doing. People have even claimed to have met some of our system before I even knew. It's wild.
This is a very helpful video, thank you. Our current therapist has us working with EMDR and using the IFS model. We’re only slowly working up to being more open about how we think we’re a system. Knowing that another system works with/wants to work with these same things is very validating and makes us feel like we’re on the right path.
Thank you for speaking about your experience with such a complex neurological condition. I am a singlet, but I love learning about different disorders, including DID. From what I know, a lot of systems advise against sharing the names of one's littles online. Absolutely no hate towards you, just hope you keep your system safe 🙏
Thank you for sharing your story, it's always helpful to hear diffrent experiences from systems and that it's not all one-size-fit-all. I'm sorry to hear what y'all have been through and I'm also happy to see how far y'all have come.
TW// talk of psychogenic seizure experience// when i was in highschool i had psychogenic seizures typically during the school day because of the stress. My school handled it so poorly.
I have severe social anxiety and when I’m triggered being looked at triggers me even further. I remember when I had one of these psychogenic seizures I had to run out of my classroom and ended up collapsing on the floor in the hallway. At some point the teachers had moved me into an empty classroom but i swear the entire staff was just there watching me. The school security guard and the principal were just staring at me and having a conversation with each other about another problematic student and the nurse was yelling at me to breathe and waving her hands in my face, trying to make loud noises so I could hear her (that is not affective for us) That plus there were so many other staff just coming into this classroom to just talk to each other while I was on the floor screaming and crying. All of that made my flashbacks so much worse. I remember not understanding much of what was going around me but seeing all eyes on me, and I thought I was in a traumatic past scenario.
They ended up getting a wheelchair and taking me down to the nurses office during passing period so not only a whole bunch of teachers saw me but students too. It just sucked how poorly it always got handled.
This kind of thing happened so many times when i went to highschool. I never understood what was happening to me and I always told staff it was a panic attack. They’d always just send me right back to class after I could walk and speak again.
Thank you for sharing, for having a brave spirit, for being yourself, for informing those of us who did not know
I appreciate that ❤️
I am new to your channel but I really relate with you. I have recently been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder... not sure what specific disorder. But I also have something similar with the seizures. My doctors called it conversion disorder and that is what I call it, but it is the same as your seizures. I am in therapy but I am still trying to figure out what is going on with me and my spells. I know it is trauma but I feel as if I don't have a traumatic past but my therapist says my brain has just learned to switch to escape the situation... maybe that is traumatic but my dad has always said that I was different... but that is enough about me. I wanted to let you know that I really connect with this.
Yes PNES/FND is also known as a type of conversion disorder! :) thanks for watching and commenting im sorry you can relate but im glad youre here because you found the right place to hang out if you relate. Were all trauma survivors here ❤
hi, i'm Drazil from the disabled dandelions server. this was super informative and you explained it so well! thank you for sharing your journey! also-- *love* your nails
Thanks for watching :3 and im glad you liked it ❤❤❤
Also my nails are from etsy i love them but i need a new set
So many nuances in your story with our own. 😢 your channel has helped us. ❤
Thank you ❤
Omgggg can relate!! For so long!! "I don't know what's happening!" *shoves in box* boxing is what dissociative kids do best. ^~^
I was also first told by someone else. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for listening!
Hello, we are recently diagnosed.
Just came across your channel, and wanted to say hi. 🥰
Welcome!! 🤗
1:50 oh no i'm not even 2 minutes into this video and already i'm listening to my exact experience.
after watching this, my experience has been a little different - but still so incredibly similar.
i developed a chronic illness in 2020 that became so bad throughout 2021 that i could not function anymore. I was in so much pain all the time, i could no longer stand or walk for long periods of time and i could no longer eat without becoming violently ill - and in the years since then, my doctors have not been able to find a physical cause. they've only found signs of damage to my body from being sick for so long.
i've been to numerous GI specialists, i've been tested for so many things, and i even ended up in physical therapy for pelvic pain.
i only recently found out that in my "file" it was said that these were somatic symptoms, and i only found out through court documents because i've been trying to get on disability since i've burned through my savings trying to figure out why i'm so sick so suddenly. my doctors did not tell me. one of my doctors even outright suggested that "i'm just stressed and need a vacation."
i started my evaluation last week. not diagnosed yet, but its coming.
thank you for being so open. im missing 98% of my childhood before 12 n any memorys i do have are 3rd person its weird as fuck. i need to get a therapist
This is a super long comment, I'm sorry. Sometimes I think that I have D.I.D. but I don't think my symptoms are severe enough? I don't remember most of my childhood. I have memories here and there of my childhood but I mostly only remember traumatic parts. My lack of memory has made it difficult to perform well in school (college) because I don't really remember what I have learned. I forget a lot of things but I don't even realize I'm forgetting most of the time, I don't think I have complete amnesia?? I always forget to do important things like turn in an assignment, pay rent, take medicine, I have to set alarms for everything and if it's super important I have to set several alarms for it. But this seems kind of minor to me, I've never really found something I bought without remembering that I bought it. I do forget WHEN I've bought things, I throw a lot of food out because I can't remember if I bought it last week or last month, I used to write dates on stuff whenever I buy it but it's so exhausting to have to do that. Anytime I go to a really stressful meeting such as a job interview or a therapy session I have to write down everything we talk about in a note book as we speak, otherwise my memory will become foggy after I leave and I won't remember everything we spoke about. I've experienced some dissociative symptoms such as my voice changing to a childs voice or a males voice and it feels so foreign to me but I don't know how to change it back. I have to wait for it to change back on its own. I get triggered anytime I experience conflict, it makes me feel terrified but I hide it well, sometimes I have to cry afterwards (when I'm alone) because I almost feel the same way I felt when I was being abused. I tried to be in my first relationship but my feelings with him were so conflicting and confusing. The beginning half of the day would be great, I would feel as though I was happy with him and wanted to be with him but then the other half of the day I would feel numb, like I didn't want any affection from him. I felt so confused but he was very patient with me the whole time. I eventually ended the relationship because I thought maybe I just didn't have real feelings for him. I often feel numb after a traumatic event happens and my brain pushes the memory far in the back of my mind so that I don't really remember it. Thanks if you read the whole thing, sorry if it was all over the place. I worry that if I bring up D.I.D. to a therapist they will automatically say that's not what it is since I'm the one who suggested it.😮💨
I would definitely bring these symptoms up to a therapist, even if its not DID/OSDD these symptoms are all connected to a dissociative disorder of some kind and you deserve to have treatment to lessen the amnesia symptoms. It sounds to me very similar to my experience with DID and would definitely encourage you to talk to a psychologist about it!
@@cryptidink Okay, thank you. I really appreciate it.
I don't know if you'll see this, but I read the whole thing. I relate to some of it (setting lots of alarms especially). I know what it is like to be unable to do what you need to do, even when you are trying as hard as you can. I know how it is when you open up about it only to be treated as if all you need is a can-do attitude. I had a hard time finding good help. Doctors sent my to pych, pych sent me to doctors. Based on what I've learned, a strictly phychological problem cant cause a high level of cognitive/executive dysfunction chronically, but only episodically. Neurological problems or physical heath problems, or a combination in my case, can cause chronic problems. Psychology, neurology, and physical health are entwined, of course which makes childhood trauma a real beast. It was hard find doctors with any avaibilty before i changed jobs and coverage, then it was hard to find any who would take it seriously and not think I was just being dramatic or hard on myself or something stupid like that. I never did find a psychologist who knew much about executive dysfunction, but I did find one who helped me get a little more control of my situation. I did finally get some medical treatment and more aggressive psychiatric treatment. I hope you are able to get some help and relief, but be prepared for a slog. Record your doctors visits. Mine always agreed to email me a synopsis since I was so forgetful, but they never emailed. Be direct and almost with doctors. Do not let them edit your story. If you say "pain" and they repeat back "discomfort," correct them in a neutral tone. Be ready for the absolute BS that is health care. Teal convos: "I didn't have sleep apnea last time I got tested and my symptoms havent changed." "OK I drove 2 hours out of town and payed money to get retested for sleep apnea because you refused to help me if I didn't. Not thrilled about that." "I don't dissappear just because you brush me off. I still have this problem. It still needs fixed. You can recommend me to someone or you can to keep trying to figue out whats wrong." At one point I even leveraged how much doctors hate it when patients try to play doctor on the internet. Like, "I already tried everything I read on web MD because I don't like to come here." Nothing makes doctors want to prove themselves like web MD
@@jharris3354 Thank you, I will try my best to speak up for myself in therapy sessions and ensure that I get the answers I need. I start therapy again next week so we'll see if this therapist listens or not. I'm suspecting that I may have a dissociative disorder. This therapist has experience with dissociative disorders but they don't specialize in them. They do however specialize in trauma and abuse, though I've been to therapists who specialized in abuse before and they weren't very understanding of my symptoms.
Hello fellow system...! 🖤🥀
Helllooooo
I love your nails. They are so awesome.
Thank you so much!
Has someone prescribed you testosterone at some point?
We were on t a few years ago, no longer on it for health reasons