Secure Attachers Respond THIS way to the Dismissive Avoidant Style
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- Need Advice? Talk one on one 👇🏾
www.fruitfulseedz.com/
In today's video, Coach Court talks about Secure Attachers Respond THIS way to the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style.
Thank you for the overwhelming love and support on a channel that was purely created as a labor of love. This has turned into an amazingly supportive community so please feel free to subscribe!
____
Learn more about the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment with this PLAYLIST:
• The Dismissive Avoidan...
____
Public Facebook Page:
/ iamcoachcourt
Instagram:
/ iamcoachcourt
___
coach court, breakup, ex back, avoidant ex, fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant 
Хобби
You gotta know when to hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away and know when to run 🏃
I live by this.
Now, you've said something here. You've defined a secure person's response in the way that ' do but others around me don't. I live by the mantra, "Who do you want to be?" Meaning that in the face of all manner of behavior towards me, how do I choose to show up in my character, my intergrity and my grace from God. This means that as a secure person who chooses to be on the side of good, carrying myself with a sense of pride in how my family raised me, it doesn't bother me to show kindness towards my ex who is an avoidant. He doesn't talk to me, but I know he gets my occasional text messages (after no contact period) and feel that one day, when he's ready, he'll respond. And then again, maybe he won't. If that turns out to be the case, atleast I'll know that I didn't push, I didn't blame, I didn't complain that he didn't respond in a timely manner, I just went on with my life.
Why even reach out to someone who doesn't want to talk to you??? 🤔
@@Nat1031 Because society teaches us that not reaching out is the proud thing to do. The right thing to do. I've found that there are more men looking for answers to their broken hearts than women. I never even suspected this to be the case. My ex was an only child whose mother was sociopathically manipulative towards him. In fact, when he and I'd gotten together, she would call him while we were out requesting that he bring her some tic tacs right then. And he would do it just to get her off his back. She would ring and ring until she got him on the phone for some tic tacs. Crazy stuff. She even quit walking so that he could become her legs and have to do EVERYTHING for her. It was sad. She finally died a few years ago and he's been alone ever since. I'm not angry with him. I feel sad that all the years he should've been finding his life he felt a duty to cater to his mean, selfish mother. My life, on the other hand, is good. I've recently been offered an incredible career opportunity that causes me to feel so blessed that I hold no grudges towards anyone. I have room in my heart for forgiving and reaching out to this man who was there for me when I needed help that I couldn't get from any of my so-called family. I don't believe he doesn't like me. I do believe that he's afraid of me; wants to protect himself. When I reach out, I end the message with, 'Thank you, my friend'. Why? Because he's one of God's children too and it doesn't cost me anything to offer him grace as part of enjoying my plentiful life in Christ.
@sherrymshephard-massat5929 I see your explanation, just don't understand. Not judging at all if that's what you feel lead to do.
@@Nat1031 Thank you, Nat1031, for understanding. You see, I'm the selfish one. Offering the hand of grace and forgiveness releases ME.
Coach Court I came into my last relationship secure and left extremely anxious, texting with an avoidant and receiving a text hours laters is just the beginning on anxiety, it’s not sustainable in the long run!
Well, on the one side, "not presuming", then after the fact it's a massive TOLDA YA from your guts as you saw that coming from miles. And not only avoidant behaviors mind you. When two friends have grown past a friendship, well, never getting a phone call or a text means just what it means.
Great info! Thanks for the book recommendation.
Very informative. Would like to know how a secure would behave with an anxious preoccupied
This right here ^
Just my two cents, even an anxious person knows ppl are busy. When dealing with a DA it's extreme and no where neae normal- It' doesn't take days for anyone to respond. They do it because they are allowed to do it and ppl accept it. You couldn't not respond at work or any other area of you life. If you kid sent you a text you respond but if the person you are in a relationship does you can ignore it for a few days. People do what you allow. Insecure secure whatever attachment style. Secure ppl may not automatically go doom and gloom, I agree because insecure ppl think the worse. Anyone who is ghosted doesn't say gee I think the person was busy. You have to remind yourself it's them and no blame or associate your value with what happened.
@@kawanclinton950 that’s a good two cents!
I understand your perspective. Yet, if you've ever looked into the eyes of the man that you loved, who just happens to be a DA, and saw the little boy in him, you might think differently. When he's shared his stories of childhood abuse and neglect, and you can see his fear that you are also going to also leave, hurt him, use him, then you have to pause and determine if it's in you to keep holding his hand and being unconditional love. I've been a matriarch in my family since a very young age and I've had to hold the hands of many people in their darkest moments. So I was built for this, but because I don't self-abuse (anymore), I choose to stay because I keep checking in with God for divine guidance and as long as its in Divine Order then I stay secure. Fortunately, my DA doesn't lie or cheat, he just hides behind work and silence. I don't know....just my thoughts for your consideration.
Have you written a book on the attachment styles or could you recommend such a book written by a Black author? Thank you.
That's a great question. I haven't written one and am not aware of any black authors.