Why Do I Still Love My Abuser?😞 How To Recover After A Relationship With A Narcissist

Поделиться
HTML-код
  • Опубликовано: 19 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 72

  • @sarahb.art.a8100
    @sarahb.art.a8100 2 года назад +78

    The hardest thing for me to deal with was when all of my ex's enabler told me that I "allowed myself to be abused." This was extremely triggering for me, and I am sure it also is for anybody else who has been in an abusive relationship. People stay with abusers out of attachment and hope, and that does not make us a bad person. Staying also does not mean that we "enjoy the abuse." Often, the abuser gives us the one thing they know that we need and want. Because they give us that one thing we have always wanted in a relationship, we are that more likely put up with other abusive behavior because we get that one good thing from them.

    • @imrlaps7097
      @imrlaps7097 Год назад +7

      JESUS FUCK
      YOU SAID IT EXACTLY
      He promised me the one thing i needed most.
      Of course he never delivered.

    • @ae7315
      @ae7315 Год назад +6

      Exactly, that’s triggering. Thanks for finally saying it.

    • @Vipersnvinez
      @Vipersnvinez 4 месяца назад +1

      Thank you

    • @augustasimone9323
      @augustasimone9323 2 месяца назад +3

      You said it exactly ! I walked away 4 1/2 months preganant because I did not want my daughter to ever grow up with an Alcoholic, Rage-aholic, Workaholic, Narcissitic Insomniac !!!!! I have been vindicated now 24 years later ! She graduated from College and is so sweet and lovely person. I fell in love with the Sober version of this person who consealed his drinking well before we married due to long distance relationship. Everybody !!!! Long Distance relationships are a Red Flag !!! Be smart . You deserve the healthiest person who is capable of loving you and any chidren or pets.
      Flee from all demonic behavior after the 1st time you experience it ! There is a reason why they call it Demon Alcohol or Spirits ! They become literally possessed when under the influence of alcohol and rage .
      Learn how to pray and break any Trama Bonds as they are a curse you do not need to hang onto. The good times were the Temptation to fish for their next victim. Read Kenneth E. Hagin's The Authority Of The Believer and Ministering to the Oppressed of The Devil free onling Pdf . Worth memorizing the short prayer in the later. The person you fell in love with does not exist. Very Sad but true. I am sometimes haunted by the positive memories of what could have been. They never wanted what you want. They are Bad Actors. I agree with everything you said above. Thank you. Read regularly The Book Of Proverbs as the wisdom and warnings still hold true over thousands of years ! I thank God for all these years of long distance from this person .

    • @katflowfishfisher878
      @katflowfishfisher878 2 месяца назад

      It's a hard road when we wake up and the shock of .. this was not real! A MASTER MANIPULATOR. You said it perfectly . I concur with Every word. Thank you. I am only 2 + months physically free of his abuse yet going through a massive massive smear campaign. tk you again.

  • @lindaratzel7835
    @lindaratzel7835 2 года назад +23

    While in marriage counseling I was told I was living with a covert narcissist with passive/aggressive behaviors. At first, I didn't believe what she was saying! After 8 months of getting nowhere in the therapy and listening to how everything was my fault and the books, I was told to read to educate myself I understood nothing would help our relationship. Being married for 24 years I made the difficult decision to end the marriage. I went back and forth many times with my decision hoping some change would happen. With the support of my children, other family members, and very dear friends I made it through to where I am truly happy! I worked hard with my 2 therapists (in different states) over a period of 1 1/2 years and finally understood I had to cut ALL ties and move on.
    You are right about it being hard! The emotional pain was horrible and I am still fighting the belief that I am a worthy good person who loves deeply. I look forward to when those scars will get smaller. But at least now I am laughing again!

    • @hannahknights452
      @hannahknights452 2 месяца назад +2

      I am so proud of you for making that difficult choice! You are so strong, and glad to hear you are in a place where you are happier than before. Wish you best of luck on your continued recovery!

  • @CUBACHINA1986
    @CUBACHINA1986 9 месяцев назад +27

    5 years with the narcissist,5 years broken up,even knowing i cant trust him especially not in bed after he tried to kill me,i just keep telling myself all the bad that happened to try and forget about him forever 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽pray for me

    • @MissDee40
      @MissDee40 7 месяцев назад

      Prayers for you beautiful 😊

    • @motowngirl5891
      @motowngirl5891 3 месяца назад

      I broke off because he wanted to do the bondage sex
      I could not do that
      Anyone who will submit to that is setting them up for being harmed or killed

    • @casey5260
      @casey5260 7 дней назад

      how are you doing now?

    • @heylol4103
      @heylol4103 22 часа назад

      Weird. My ex tried to kill me too. Hope ur okay 🙏

  • @jcdmb
    @jcdmb 2 года назад +22

    6 months after being discarded (5y living together) I still struggle. It is a lot easier now. I don’t care that much, try to stay distant, but still suffer inside. I am dating again, it feels great, but that void inside... Difficult. I think it will still take a while. I find comfort in knowing I could not have done anything better to save the relationship and have just to accept things as they are

    • @soufianenz
      @soufianenz 2 года назад

      It is what it is brother. same here. stay strong!

    • @samia6888
      @samia6888 День назад

      How are you doing now?

  • @drlarrymitchell
    @drlarrymitchell 4 месяца назад +9

    It's been over 4 years and I still don't feel like there's anybody else.I want to be with and I think that's just the way I am.I will never allow her to return.But in every way that matters my heart is spoken for.

    • @hfrt29
      @hfrt29 3 месяца назад +2

      SAME!!!!!IT SUCKS

    • @katflowfishfisher878
      @katflowfishfisher878 2 месяца назад +1

      @@hfrt29 oh no how dis-heartening to hear this from both of you. Surely we can recover. I cannot / will not allow him to control me any longer. Progress progress. I hope.

  • @brightphoebesays
    @brightphoebesays Месяц назад +4

    It's been 7 years since I had contact with the narcissist, and yet still, once in a while, I have either a bad dream or a good dream about him. Bad ones are where he is a threat to my safety and I am traumatized and frightened, and good ones are where he is the sweet version of himself, and is sweet to me and I feel drawn to protect and nurture him, and wake up missing him. I wish his memory would leave my subconscious alone!

    • @niccolomachiavell
      @niccolomachiavell Месяц назад

      Date others

    • @brightphoebesays
      @brightphoebesays Месяц назад

      @@niccolomachiavell Yes I did that. I was with a man for 1 year, moved in and all. It was how I broke out of the narcissistic abuse cycle. But after that I don't care to date anybody else. And anyway, there are no dateable men where I live. But thanks for the suggestion. I also dream about my ex-husband sometimes.

  • @OlBlueshound
    @OlBlueshound 5 месяцев назад +11

    I've been 18 months no contact and NEVER going back, even though she still has my heart, but I am slowly healing and accepting I can't go back. I have found great reassurance and understanding through Dr Emily's videos and insights in to NPD. I also read a lot of the comments who share a similarly sad experience with their narcissist, and they help me to better understand as well.. my thanks and best wishes to you all.

    • @DrEmilyMayfield
      @DrEmilyMayfield  5 месяцев назад

      I'm so grateful that each of you can heal from each other and feel less alone.

  • @fadik11
    @fadik11 4 месяца назад +9

    It is so hard to be in love with someone and you know that it’s impossible to have a good relationship with!
    I ask myself every day, will she be in my hart for the rest of my life?
    Honestly, I wish she won’t, because that feeling is killing me.

  • @mpsorr
    @mpsorr 15 дней назад +1

    When I have cognitive dissonance, I remind myself this person is a liar. Nothing adds up with liars. We never get all the information. The whole point of leaving was to never have to deal with that crap again. I don't need to add it up and the fact that I can't just confirms that the person is a liar. I'm glad I don't have to deal with lies and BS!

  • @Christian-wq5vm
    @Christian-wq5vm Год назад +9

    This is the best most poignant video I have seen on this topic. Everything is totally to the point. Thanks Emily!

    • @DrEmilyMayfield
      @DrEmilyMayfield  Год назад +2

      Thank you for the kind words! I'm pleased to see you found the information helpful.

  • @nataliemores
    @nataliemores Месяц назад +2

    He discarded me 2 years ago and I haven’t seen him in 1 year. I’m free physically but still hurt and feel devalued and miss him.

  • @johnjohnson1681
    @johnjohnson1681 2 года назад +5

    SIGH the ruination is horrible. what's worse is when you have kids with her, and she has used litigation and false allegations to further her grip of power and control over you 11 months i have not seen or spoken to my children. Every day it's an oscillation between complete hatred and rage or so depressed I just sit there and sob... The pain of missing my children was the only thing she had left to really hurt me as I had quit giving into the manipulations and gaslighting. "Now that you will never see your kids again, do us all a favor and go KYS like I always thought you would"-LChheng

  • @garycordle5295
    @garycordle5295 2 года назад +4

    I believe it's the trauma bond running hot and cold is what happens and it leaves everyone hope 👍 Dr Emily have a great weekend everyone 🦋🙏

  • @AromaticWisdomInstitute
    @AromaticWisdomInstitute 2 месяца назад +6

    Married to a Narc for 15 years, then I left him for someone else who is gentle and kind. But the Narc has stayed very much in my life for the past 25 years because of our kids. He never remarried and has been alone since. I’ve lived with deep guilt for 25 years for his being alone and wonder if I will ever feel peace with my decision?

    • @colamarie8
      @colamarie8 18 дней назад +2

      You did what was best for you. His inability to find a partner is not your fault. You did the right thing.

  • @pamkay1756
    @pamkay1756 3 месяца назад +13

    I just want to be happy. I just want him.to love me. I never felt loved by anyone really. I always love/like others more than they do me. 😢

  • @katflowfishfisher878
    @katflowfishfisher878 2 месяца назад +2

    I was so afraid to search for a video 'why i still love the narcissist after all the abuse'. I was afraid of the answer. Of what was/is wrong with me that I still love and miss him. I Must be really sick, right? It's been 2 and a half months and I did a terrible thing .. I left him yet I unmasked him. with... ' The pennies have dropped , one by one. I knew nothing about love bombing and of idealization then discard. I was bitter and did not hold back. I said our relationship of 11 months was really maybe a month with all the idealization lasting only a few hours then followed by discard of a week or two. I am 73 years old and he too. The most unfortunate was to follow as we live in the same apartment building. A full on smear campaign that had about 40 other residents now poisoned against me. And the shunning and stoning continues. Not one has courage to come to me and tell me what they heard and I no courage or knowing how to deal with this either. No therapy available for months on a waiting list. However .. I am no longer in fright, flight, freeze. My daily meditations is now always daily ,, and sometimes it takes that i can sit and stay for a few hours of relief. It took this for me to let go of people / all people for sources of getting my happiness from. The only path is inside out. AS... because ... No One is fine of the world. Everyone is running around projecting and having opinions on everything and everyone. Even if they don't say so , we think so , don't we. My issues that i thought were cured , it took him to show I was covering up with bravado. I became strong in personality and confidence , that was all taken away. So what's bad is good and what's good is bad. So much pain, yet not the fright, freeze. For me I bring everything to meditation and with this... 'why I still love the Narcissist'. I will come to know this too. Big part is .. I want to stop suffering, it's grace that the suffering gets me to let go and just sit ,, and watch. and keep the faith. As I write this ,, I have a feeling of being ... grateful.. like ,, gee thanks mr. H. for the opportunity of becoming free. and I will .. I have 2 choices.. to stay stuck in suffering or breaking Free. Thank you to all who share , you are a great help for me as I hope I can be that too for someone. k.f.

  • @johnjohnstone9805
    @johnjohnstone9805 2 года назад +6

    I'm Currently Trying To Study Myself. Case Of Had To. And I'm Seeing That With The Help Of All These Videos On Narcissism. That 1.Not All People Are Trustworthy. 2.That I Can't Tell The Difference Very Well Between Those You Can Trust And Those You Can Not. I Was Mocked AS A Teen For Being Gullible. I Didn't Know What That Meant Or What To Do About It So You Just Carry On. Plus It Felt Humiliating And I Was Afraid To Face That. Now I'm Seeing I Was Just Too Dependent On Others Opinions And It Would Be Good If I Could Somehow Learn To Think For Myself. Would Solve Most Of My Problems With Others. Reduce My Ignorance. I See There Weren't Many Forces Growing Up Encouraging You To Form Your Own Opinions.

    • @katflowfishfisher878
      @katflowfishfisher878 2 месяца назад

      I don't trust what people Say anymore. It's about behaviour. Trust our instincts / our gut brain. This is one blessing that came out of this.

  • @christinewilliams5426
    @christinewilliams5426 5 месяцев назад +3

    Thank you for making this video

  • @iinnirgtrea
    @iinnirgtrea 4 месяца назад +2

    you video really helped me but I don't agree that the narcissist cannot care about other people, I do believe they can change, and in forgiving him praying for him I find it hard to think of him in a negative way but in a way of a terminally I'll person

    • @DrEmilyMayfield
      @DrEmilyMayfield  4 месяца назад +2

      They can change but it is very difficult and they have to want to change and that is the obstacle they have a hard time getting over.

  • @Tampa2Enjoy
    @Tampa2Enjoy 2 года назад +3

    I like that your videos are short and to the point. Thank you very much.

  • @kmz3
    @kmz3 Год назад +9

    This describes EXACTLY where I am
    It is so difficult and i feel so stuck, hurt and it feels like it will never end or I will be normal agian even 6mos post break up and over 3 mos no contact. Will I ever get myself back?

    • @Thatonechick778
      @Thatonechick778 8 месяцев назад +1

      This is EXACTLY where I am. I moved out 4 months ago and have been 2 months no contact. Please tell me it gets easier. I’m hating this and don’t want to keep going

    • @diamondsngunns88
      @diamondsngunns88 6 месяцев назад +1

      How are things a year later? ❤

    • @diamondsngunns88
      @diamondsngunns88 6 месяцев назад

      @@Thatonechick778how are things now? Looking for hope ❤

    • @Thatonechick778
      @Thatonechick778 6 месяцев назад +3

      @@diamondsngunns88 Honestly? Good days and bad days. Some days I have to talk myself out of going down the “what if” and “why” rabbit holes or being angry at him or myself… and other days I feel as light as a feather. Even when I’m feeling my lowest though, i still don’t regret leaving him. Only that I didn’t do it sooner. Healing is a journey and I’m doing my best with therapy, self care etc but it takes a long time to untanglethe BS they plant in your mind. Working out and spending time with friends and my dog have seemed to be some of the most helpful. I’m still working on building my self esteem back up. How are you?

    • @rainstaley6285
      @rainstaley6285 5 месяцев назад +2

      I had a bad boating accident, a man drowned. Best advice I got was from my mom, “ you’ll never be the same person, it’s up to you if you want to be better or worse.”. But now I just broke up with the meanest, narcissist I’ve ever met but I miss her. I understand the “ mom” theory, but it’s hard as hell to decide, ok I’m gonna be better. Having video evidence of her and bruises I should be happy her on the farm. But I miss her. No I don’t. She was a bad habit, one that needs quitting. The thoughts, the memories, the smells, all need to be removed from your mind. It can be done. Mom says so. Peace my ftriend.
      Raine

  • @mentoraliji5081
    @mentoraliji5081 4 месяца назад +2

    5 years of marriage Abuse me in front of my kid , called me names in front of my kid about my disibility . It’s when i decided i want out but it’s been hard

    • @DrEmilyMayfield
      @DrEmilyMayfield  4 месяца назад +1

      You are strong. It is hard but keep focused on what will help you heal.

  • @treatmenice1564
    @treatmenice1564 2 года назад +3

    I wear a body cam when I'm force to be around the NARC. I ask the so called " wanna be my support system" if they want to see the videos. The reply I get is " maybe later". WTF! Nobody even wants to view the freaking evidence! Now I'm a piece of shit for setting boundaries and not going near this narc.🤮

    • @mr.melontoyou
      @mr.melontoyou 5 месяцев назад +1

      Get a new support system.
      The camera is not wrong. When someone abuses you and you tell the police they don’t believe you so, camera is good plus evidence.
      And for you ur own sanity.
      Watch the movie: ‘A girl like her’
      Wish you all the best.

    • @katflowfishfisher878
      @katflowfishfisher878 2 месяца назад +1

      Remember... THEY ARE... MASTER MANIPULATORS... AND ... THEIR GAME NEVER NEVER ENDS. PERIORD

    • @GthiskahbHlovesyky
      @GthiskahbHlovesyky 15 дней назад

      ​@@mr.melontoyouso true, i just make sure to always have my phone or other phones ready to capture at any moments

  • @evelynbailey9396
    @evelynbailey9396 14 дней назад

    Why do narcissistic people, move on so quickly. Been a week and a bit and I feel like my ex has already moved on. We have a son together and blocked me.
    The way son connects with him, is through his grandfather, my exes dad.
    It’s extremely hard

  • @leighkimble
    @leighkimble Месяц назад

    I have left 2 narcissists in my life. One tried to kill me with a gun…it was easier not to love him after that but it took me 10 years to heal. Then I met another one and recognized the abuse after 2 years and left…it’s been almost 3 years and he still hovers me to keep my on a string…I do still love him but I know the bad out weighed the good in our relationship. Now im confused because I met a great man (not narcissist) and decided to make him the father to my child…only to lose our child at 36weeks. Why would god take a way the one person I needed to help me heal from my past. She was my prize for escaping the abuse…now im lost even more without her.

  • @tagridmitchell285
    @tagridmitchell285 5 месяцев назад +1

    Still struggling 😢

  • @dellamclendon5541
    @dellamclendon5541 19 дней назад

    Dr.Ramani saved my life

  • @nicholecornes1915
    @nicholecornes1915 Месяц назад

    Emily rocks!

  • @Ryan_Gym
    @Ryan_Gym 2 месяца назад

    I have gone no cintact just over a year and i still feek stuck i get on witb my life neeo buay but they are on my mind 24 7 !,£ my emotions r all over the place , past few month i stsrted having dreams about them like i was being hunted by them , them talking to me nd visiting me in my dreams , am i going kinda mad ??? Please help

    • @Trustfm9631
      @Trustfm9631 Месяц назад

      You are not alone🙏🏼