Healthy Communication: The Difference Between Responding vs. Reacting
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- In any long-lasting intimate relationship, especially a healthy one, both people in the relationship must learn healthy communication techniques. This is an extremely essential part of the relationship. If you have healthy communication, you can get through any hurdle in the way.
There is a strong difference between unhealthy communication and healthy communication, so I wanted to make this video for you to help you shift to a more healthier path if you are currently not on one, and most importantly, I want you to know WHY the path you're on is unhealthy. The more we learn about ourselves and why we do what we do, then the more conscious we become about making better and healthier choices.
Unhealthy Communication Skill: Reacting
Reacting has to do with an instant response. Usually we get triggered by something our partner says to us and we do a knee jerk reaction and say something back. Often times these times of reactions we do are not well thought out, and thus the person reacting ends up saying things or doing things that they often regret later as it often leads to a big fight. When we react to something, we are often giving away our power in the situation because we're operating from more of an emotional state and subconscious mind where we start pulling from assumptions or fear or anger, instead of pulling from a place of logic and reason.
Healthy Communication Skill: Responding
Responding includes a brief pause in between your partner's actions and your actions. Therefore a response is often slower than what a reaction would be. A response involves consideration and thoughtfulness. Not only does it take into account how you're feeling and thinking, but what your partner is thinking and feeling. And this is a HUGE relationship skill to be able to master.
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Kristin Coaching is a relationship coach and dating expert for both men and women. Kristin Coaching loves offering relationship advice to anyone who wants to strengthen their relationship, and have that long-lasting, happy relationship they deserve!
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I wish there was a love button! I needed this video!!! My past relationships were very toxic to say the least!.. I did some therapy and took a year to love myself; learn what I wanted and would accept before dating again. My boyfriend and I just hit a year dating December 24th! He is kind, respectful, protective and very good to my kids and I. However, I find myself getting irritated with him all the time over the littlest of things and reacting aggressively with words and pushing him physically and emotionally. Playing mind games with his words and getting him all exasperated; then I calm down. As well as trying to change how he does stuff and talks. I don't realize in the moment that I'm doing it but when he gets worked up he tells me he needs space, sometimes to the point of yelling because I'll follow him or won't let him leave. After we're both calm I understand where he's coming from and see how my actions are inappropriate and how what I'm getting bent out of shape over is really small. I like the idea of taking a second or two to think before responding. Do you think I didn't take enough time to heal and that's why I lash out at him? I didn't used to do stuff like this, I just took the mistreatment. At first I thought I was defending myself but now I see how it's toxic. He's really a great man and has been being patient and understanding with me. I don't know why I get so angry over little things he does... especially because when I make mistakes he gives me grace. He talked about taking a break tonight because he can't take my attitude anymore he says I need to change or he's gone for good. He says he knows my worth that's why he respects me but he needs the same in return. What would you suggest besides taking a moment or two before communicating how I feel?
Just take it a day at a time. Speak calmly always
❤
You are brilliant, so useful, thank you for your great, sincere tips
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words :)
Easy to say but when you are triggered reaction don’t give us a sec to think it just happened. I will keep a glass of water with me and try my best to give it a pause before I say anything
Thank you 💕 so we’ll put and explained
This technique is a challenge especially if you're the only one consciously using this technique. If my spouse flies off the handle which has happened numerous times this doesn't work if he doesn't use this technique.
Choosing to react because your partner reacts does not resolve the situation. So I definitely think that no matter what, being able to respond on your end will always be helpful because you'll think more clearly, logically, and figure out the best course of action to take, especially during an argument. But yes, the ideal thing is that BOTH people in the relationship practice responding...that is the goal.
Good morning Kristin. Let me get straight into it. What you say about being calm & thinking what to say in response to what my spouse says to me to make me react makes sense. But when it is that you try to stay calm , and be patient, she provokes you further. She makes sarcastic remarks that says she thinks you are being childish even though you are doing your best to mature. It makes you feel like nothing you do is worthwhile. How does one deal with that provocation ?