When To Cut Family Members Out of Your Life
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- Some relationships are toxic, and when that happens, it's important to know when to end that relationship.
Unfortunately with family members, those relationships can be unhealthy and cause a lot of detriment to your self, resulting in a ton of negative impacts.
If this is the case, it might be time to cut certain family members out of your life, or at least set very strict boundaries with them so you take care of yourself and aren't as negatively impacted by them.
Here are times when to consider cutting family members out of your life:
1. If they physically harm you.
2. If your physical health is being negatively impacted
3. If your mental health is being triggered by being around them
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Got depressed and suicidal because they constantly moking me and humiliating me. I have no family to defend me or telling me that is not ok. So depressed that I have now thyroid problems. Only thinking about them makes my stomach hurt. I feel rage when I hear about them... I may say I hate them.
Aye. I feel your pain. I am no contact with all of them. Thyroid problems from the constant mocking, humiliating, screaming, and HITTING.
Hang in there. It is tough when you cannot trust your own family.
You have to learn about narcissists and even scapegoat abuse. It will start to make sense, and you will finally set yourself free. If you want to talk. Message me
It’s sad how your own family can make you feel this way but I’m glad I’m seeing this gives me more courage I’m a person with her heart in her sleeves
dont mind cutting off them especially if you are financialy free. you live once dont waste your time
Thank you sooo much for this I have been mentallyabused, assaulted put down gossiped about by family members. I’m so glad I saw your video so I could never feel guilty about cutting these people completely out of my life. I haven’t spoken to them in two years since my grandmothers funeral thank you for this sweetheart 🙏🏽
gossiping is the main problem, that´s right
I have gone NC and if I hadn’t of done I would still be suffering. Shitty people want to do shitty things and just because they are blood related, it doesn’t give them the right to get away with it. They won’t stop, ever, so get away from them! Save your sanity and wellbeing.
Thank you so much for this comment!!! I’m going to write this paragraph in my journal and I’ll remember to quote you.
Whenever I feel defeated, I will read it.
One of the best RUclips comments ever. Short, to the point, and powerful words.
I have cut off a lot of them and could care less. For years I stayed in touch out of guilt and did my best to put effort into the relationships. I got tired of it being one-sided. My brother was my last hold-out. The same issue. I call and the phone ring and ring. No one is that "busy" they just don't want anything to do with you. It is no coincidence that I am in the best health that I have been for years and the stomach issues that have plagued me are finally leveling out. Trying to make them happy was making me sick and it is not that serious.
It's scary how most scapegoats(myself included)have the same issue with having had stomache problems all their life having been around their dysfunctional family or any toxic individuals in their lives.
I dislike my In-laws! Too much drama and they are always in my business! 😠
This speaks very true to my situation and why I eventually had to leave for my own health and safety. I get guilt tripped for leaving still and talked about behind my back which hurts and recently my mom cut me off saying that I hurt her by moving away. I never want to hurt anyone so that really makes me sad. 😔
Ask any successful, happy person and you will come to find they have little to no relationship with their extended families. Families are stifling if you want freedom of expression or autonomy.
So we’ll said. Dropping my Aunt. 40 years! Never see her again. Affected my mental health.
Did you know (and it's been proven), that emotional and mental abuse over time can be JUST AS, if not WORSE for one's health and well-being than physical abuse? We need to stress them all and stop pretending that physical is the only big no-no.
Im thinking of cutting both sides of my family & changing my first & last name go m.i.a start all over again new life new slate the last name doesn't fit me as person anyway Leve with out saying 👻
Anthony Quintero sometimes wanna do that
same here
Same
Same
All 3. No contact
First off, your so pretty. And second, I’m 19 and I’m pregnant, once my family found out (because of my mom) there was so many negative reactions that I was so surprised . One of my moms sister (her family and I .. I thought we were really close my cousin is also 19) and she was the one with the most negative responses ever! She started comparing me to her own daughter, and telling my mom how it sucks that her daughter is going to be a great lawyer and I’m.. going to be a mom but that everyone chooses to be what they want. She started saying so much stuff, and her daughter my cousin, as well started saying how she was going to be so successful and that I really messed up that good luck to me now .. it was just so surprising to think that my own family would be so rude ! & then my mom ... gosh it was like she didn’t even get bothered with the comments and stuff that they were saying about me. She ether agreed or just stayed quiet!.... once I told my mom I was cutting ties, I would no longer talk to none of my family members who’s continued to msg me just to say negative stuff, she said “well that’s so sad, you need to accept people how they are, because they are family, if you keep doing that your going to end up alone and that’s even more sad” like wtf???? Are you serious ? Lol
The last two are my current situations... I live with her and everytime I have a discussion with my MIL I get palpitations, bad anxiety attacks and slightly depressed, migraines and sometimes I get very nauseous.
All the signs are in me now.
Same
This was so helpful to watch, and it helped me find more peace regarding individuals that I made the decision to cut ties with several years ago. Even though I did the right thing for myself, I still feel anxious and devalued. There are inevitably moments where it's obvious that I'm perceived as a disappointment. The mental health afterwards can be just as bad, but it just happens in a different way.
2 out of three and I don't live with them but for years now I have been praying for God to remove them out my life for good. I went to a doctor with my ex husband and the doctor herself told my ex husband that I'm these people was not good for my health and that a move was needed well he was also with them on alot of several toxic manipulative interaction that they was involved in that was meant for evil. I moved away yet they are still around the mental health part was tge worst they effected in such a bad way like never before in my life. I will never be around them ever again. I ended the relationship for good as well. Now the sick part where your fighting off sick feelings, depression and other side effects because if them is true another sign you should never ignore what so ever you can call it a whole in your soul. It's why as often as possible I go to church and stay the heck away from them and never go around them again when people show you who they are believe them. Blood does not mean family but I'm glad I got my two children and grandbaby and most importantly I have learned to set hard strick boundaries with my now adult children because as toxic as family can be they can and will get in their ear yet I say no and still my own children could never under because it wasn't done to them what was done to me so them understanding is like a cancer patient explaining to a person who had never had cancer how bad of an effect it had on them when they had it.
After cutting a sibling out of my life, the repercussions have not been good. We still have the same parents and other relatives so there is collateral damage. Rather than make any attempt to resolve the situation, my abusive sibling is working hard to discredit me within that community.
@@jessicavalley9211 Wow. If you start notice improvements in your self esteem, you'll know you did the right thing.
I believe that many have to know when to distance oneself from close love ones. Sad!. Yet, essential to one's overall health.
If you have to take an anxiety pill evertime you have to be near them.
While watching
1) Physically harming me Yes 🥹
2) physical health affected YES ( my blood pressure is out of control , they put me on medicine (damaging my organs ,kidney, heart, brain )
3) Mental Health YES it’s affecting ME suffering from Depression 😭
😭
I have all of these 3 things 💯
I’m making plans to runaway in few days,
I had to just pickup some stuff n will be gone forever 💯
Thank you for the insight.
I cut off my brother because he made my mental illness worse with his narcissism. I'm glad my dad kicked him out of the house. He is 31 years old and he should have left anyway at his age. I have the best father ever. He also saw through my brother's bullshit. Thank you daddy.😭❤
When someone you cut off keeps trying to come in your life acting like nothing happened what do you do? They come up to you all smiles how are you .They ask you what the time is and if it’s going to rain and you kind of feel bad not answering.Should you answer? It seems like you just forget the fact that you want to cut them off especially when they ask you around other people because you look bad in front of them when you ignore them.But you know this person is wicked and you want nothing to do with them.I feel bad.Thoughts?
@ItsMerakiGemini thank you you are so right!
You are a GEM!!! PLEASE KEEP KNOWLEDGING PEOPLE!!
If you dread going home, it's time to plan your escape. Get out, stay out...
Save yourself. It's all you've got.
Do you have any tips how to handle the guilt when keeping boundary with close family members? I feel I am being selfish when keeping distance with them.
You just have to remind yourself that your feelings are valid, and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. Your can't sacrifice your own happiness for anyone else. We have to love ourselves enough, and set boundaries, even though it is hard at times to do.
Thank you for this Kristin
My problem is with my mother in law, the issue for me is I have no problem cutting her off but my wife still interacts with her even though she has been mean/toxic to my wife and my wife’s younger daughter so much so the the daughter doesn’t want her in her life anymore she is 14. When I talk to my wife she even acknowledged her mother is toxic/mean person but we are not able to agree with how to deal with her it doesn’t help with the fact that she has a lot of money and she also uses the money as one of her weapons against my wife. One of the things the bothers me is, I feel my wife is not able to cut her out of her life is she is choosing the money over are family. I get it is a life changing amount of money but I’m at a point in life the money is not as important as happiness
I cut them off for the rite reasons abuse took advantage of me ignores me bring up the past made me uncomfortable critizes me being petty didn't love me didn't have my back resentment towards me always drama and this is the reason i don't love or like visiting them on a count of that all a that above im happy free bless from them them toxic family members i been left them alone especially that cousin a my and the rest a them.
I need your help! I’m 39 and have a chronic illness. My mom has gotten physical with me twice. Both times I had an IV in my arm going into my heart due to needing to take IV antibiotics at home. The 1st time I was only 95 lbs I was soo sick and I didn’t curse at her or tell her off. I think I just said” whatever “ and while my medicine was dripping into my heart, she kicked me in the shin. A few years later, I also had an IV going into my heart and was moving into my mom and stepdads due to my divorce. Just because she wanted me to hang up clean clothes and I was too tired to do it at the moment, she used her upper body to wrestle me back into the room. Mind you I was also at the top of a steep staircase and kept calmly saying “ mom please stop, your hurting me” I finally broke free, ran down the stairs and left shaking for 2 hours! I need to add my mom has had mental illness since I was born. We recently got in a verbal argument and she screamed “ I don’t wanna hear from you for a month!” I’m lucky that she’s now moved out of state. She just today texted me that I can call her tomorrow IF I don’t bring up past events. What do I do??!!! A huuge part of me wants to cut contact
I just cut my mom out of my life she's toxic and narcissistic and can't take responsibility for anything. She blames me for my son illness and she was trying to buy my son love and that's not going to happen. My mental health is more important than anything.
When they become verbally and physically aggressive. T.T.G. time to go.
My step dad mentally abused me. And called me a narcissist even tho that’s him. He’s stops me from seeing my family. Called me names. Dragged me out the house by my arm which hurt and left me in my pjs and no phone. For no reason. He got up to punch me once. For no reason. He can’t handle me being autistic that’s what it is. Because he’s fine with my brother and sister. I dreaded going home to the point I was staying at friends houses for a few days but he even got to them and they believed him. I’ve got fucking no one. It got to the point where he kicked me out my own home he’s nothing to my family he’s married into it and he kicked me out. But I feel free now. I have my mum sister brother aunt uncle and cousins. But i don’t even speak to my brother he’s always in America. And my sister never wants to see me so I’m always alone and suicidal and I don’t know what is stopping me from ending my life because it would be better for everyone and me because I wouldn’t be in any hurt or emotional pain anymore. None of my family believe me because he’s twisted the story to save his own ass. He left at one point but came back because he’s got my mum doing everything for him.
I've got a massive problem. My son lives here and Ive been verbally abused daily but he knows I won't kick him out as it would make his 8 yr old daughter that I mind 40 hours per week , homeless too. I'm stuck in abuse
I am thinking of cutting my two daughters out, one daughter just phones to tell me all about herself never ever asks about me how I am and if I do start to talk about myself she says I have to go here, call ended. They both ignore my messages and phone calls for weeks , my other daughter shes gossiping about anything I tell her, telling my ex husband and others I'm restricted from being my authentic self. Limited to what I say now, both haven't visited me in years they dont live that far away either. I have tried to visit them but they make excuses they are busy. I suffered childhood trauma and I am estranged from my original family and 7 months now no contact from a narcissistic relationship, it dosnt feel good, feel left out and never see my gran kids .I cant have them treating me like this , it just feels like abuse again being dismissed and ignored like I dont matter , they are all I got but I just feel punished every day . I cant take it no more.
Love these advices.....so you have anything on how to help your kids deal with the same toxic in laws??
@ItsMerakiGemini thanks I have started doing that. The kids and hussy would go and I wouldn't visit. I really am enjoying my peace
@ItsMerakiGemini and they really don't go all the time with their Dad. I really don't force them
What to do if it's one sided family visiting and they always call you when they want something or just a favor🤨🤨
I understand that. I am being used in the same way. I pay for a birthday party for my granddaughter, and am not even sent a picture of her at trampoline park or called to say thank you or just let me talk to her. I am sorry you are going through that.
The last two are my current situation 🤢
Believe me , it was helpful.
Some people cannot understand or accept you cutting ties.
Absolutely 💯
Agree 💯
ive been seein 555 all day, and other numbers as well thru the week like 222-333-444-555-111-1111 funny im going thru the same thing, she told me she cutting me off, cusses me out tells me go to hell etc. etc. and so far i cant get ahold of her thru calls or texts. AND im not blocked, does this mean im suspended or grounded in the dog house? or is cutting someone off mean break up, not coming back, dont call, dont text? im confused about this, please HELP me understand this.
How i tell my family member not to mention a sorting family member name around without being rude?
What if both of us feel the other is negatively impacting us? With my family member we've both been abused and take it out on each other, I want to get out of the situation because I don't want this cycle to continue. I feel really lost rn
My sister spit on me and my face and threw stuff at me smh
Same smh
what about a sister with her bro,she doesnt make anything for him neither doesnt ask for him no food they live both he pays all bills for her but she want to separate him of girl he loves and he is afraid
Hi Kristin! This is a great topic and great advice although what do I do when certain cousins have been disrespectful towards my dad in the past yet my dad has forgiven them. Do I forgive them as well? or when my dad let my cousin borrow a video where my mom who passed away comes out in and never returned the video back? Or when certain family members gossip behind your back? What I have done is just limited my contact with them and the one who has disrespected my dad and kept the video my dad let him borrow has wondered why I don't visit him when my dad goes but never really gave him a response. Did I do the right thing by not giving a response? Am I doing the right thing by not visiting him?
Hello, I too have difficulty with certain family members in my life. The best thing you can honestly do is too keep staying away from them. Remember people don't change their colors. If you have a long negative history among those particular family members then, I suggest you simply keep on living your Best Life & surround yourself with people that love & want the best for you. Bless you & good luck💖💜😃
Sorry forgot to add one more thing: If spending time with those particular family members feels like a "forced obligation", then the answer to your question is: simply stay away from them. Best of luck with your final decision. ✌
@@sonalsharma6283 thanks for your feedback
I think it's great you are setting boundaries with your cousins...that is very important. If they are gossiiping behind your back, you dont need to spend time with them if you don't have to. It sounds like your cousin has done things to your father AND you. So you can set boundaries based on how they treat you or what they've done to you in the past. Your father's situation is separate and if he chose to forgive them that's fine. But you can do what you need to do in terms of how they've treated you. Hope that makes sense :)
@@vcalvillo17 Your welcome
good
me and my husband are very happy its my side and his of the family are jerks
they just want so badly to separate us its not right its wrong i cut my family off over 6 months ago ive been very happy with my husband hes my soulmate hes the best thung that ever happened to me and yet my family doesnt like him because he is his own person
he speaks his mind his grandmother shes a real jerk and my aunt makes me feel like crap
its stupid it makes me sad that my own brother or sister doesnt understand i love my husband i want to be happy so i made a choice
i picked my happiness with my better half and i decide to be with my husband and im happy im a mom our son is turning 1 years old
and ill have to tell him when hes older that my side of the family didnt bother to see him in the hospital when he was born
and how they could have tried to get along with my husband so that they can see how happy we are it would have been nice if they would bother to
help us out but this is why i dont want yo talk to them ever again my brother continues to stay in contact with me in my chats he argues just to piss me off he talked yesterday i didnt pick up the phone he call 2 times today im not picking up the phone
i am done im over it my side has a problem with my family then they have a problem with me
im not a door mate im not a child but i do have a child soon to be 1yrs old im 33 years old im not putting up
my side of the family or his side of the family he doesnt talk to
either side of the family either he doesnt like bullshitters if they have a problem with us then leave us alone im done
with the bullshit
👍
Hi Kristin!Thanks for great topics and videos.I ask your advise before,because I want to divorce with my husband.I am very happy person in general and do get alone with people easy.at work at college,stores ,my friends But when it gets to my husband or his twin brother,I can’t be around them .I do get sick mentally,I cry ,I just obligated to be around them or serve sometimes dinner.He said I am obligated by law as I am his wife.His twin brother install GPS in my car and followed me .Me and my 20 years son figure it out and found the GPS.I made decisions that I will not stay with him anymore,but there is another problem.We have a Goldendoodles dog,he is 14 months old ,his name is Milo,I want to move out of the house to apartment,as can not afford house at the moment,lose my job and finishing my college.But they not allowed 65 lb dog in apartment and I can’t take care of Milo now .I talk to groomer ,who does Milo cuts,she loves and want to take him and take care of him,but my husband doesn’t agree.He know I love Milo and if I let him go then nothing keep me in the house with him.He is Ok with relationship like now,I just stay in house for cooking and cleaning and not have any relationship like husband and wife.What should I do ?Any recommendation?I don’t want to be in the house when he is at home ,I do get stressed out and have issues as you mentioned in this video.Thanks again
Hi Nadiya. I know I've said something similar before in previous answers I've provided and I feel inclined to say it again. I really think in your gut/heart that you know what the best answer is for you, and I encourage you to follow that. In any situation, no matter what it is, if it's impacting your physical and mental health, that is not good and one must take action to change that and take care of themselves...putting themselves first.
Thanks 😊 I know what I want to do exactly,but my soft personality makes it harsh on me .I know exactly I will be happier ,when all this done
This is all common sense.
Can i cut off my older sister? She send people to mentally attack me always put me down and tell people I laugh when her dog died...
Okay but if u heard someone sick or died the guilt will eat u away:(
Not if you dont care anymore and it's not your fault they treated you so badly causing you to cut them off.
sibling rivalry is completely normal and should die down when u are in adulthood. It is meant to help teach u early on how to stand up for yourself and grow thicker skin. Please forgive them after each mistake whether they say sorry or not. I’m sorry you’re going through this but did u know many mean siblings actually have a past of getting extremely bullied? Do not take it personally. I would actually be more worried about your sibling. Labeling someone toxic is not the same as someone being completely toxic to you forever. You have no idea who’s heart u might crush u cut them off. Just for now maybe keep a distance and let their true character heal and show as you both grow up and mature ❤️ it’s complex and often our light brings out the dark in others depending on how our very presence in their life connects to them etc, watching reiki for releasing karmic cords is super helpful and both parties will feel less toxicity