My mom shares ALL of her issues with me. Ten-year-old me was shown a stack of bills and told we wouldn’t be able to pay all of them, and I have to listen to all of the marriage issues she’s having
Same here, I was always concerned with financial issues at a young age. Along with other things, mostly her only sharing problems and me not being able to share mine effected my childhood, or adulthood is what it felt like atleast.
Me too, as far as I remember I think I was 3 or 4 yr old. Couldn’t remember much, my memories are all damaged , the only thing I am certain that I was still in kindergarten. And now I have been struggling with mental and personality disorder all thanks to her too!
Yeah same. It started with her telling me she wanted to divorce my dad, way before even telling him. Meanwhile I felt guilty towards my dad because I couldn't tell him. Once they did end up divorcing, I tried to give more attention to my dad to kinda make up for it, while neglecting my own needs and mental health. Then later my mom couldn't work anymore because she got some health issues and started using me as a therapist to talk and complain about her pain and "our" bad financial situation as if we were in this together equally. I was 14 years old by the way.
Don't excuse your mom for this, if you've experienced this kind of neglect it's their fault and they should feel guilty. They were adults and decided to have you, it's their problem, you don't need to rebond with them. Believe me, if you'll cut them off, you'll feel better overtime
1. bosom buddies 0:43 2. boss and subordinate 1:50 3. the role-reversal relationship 3:01 4. the emotionally absent mother 4:46 5. the mom and her trophy child 5:50 I hope I could help!
Thank you so much for this video as an expecting mother I don't ever want to harm my child the way I was by my own mother who very much fits the emotionally absent mother type.
Sweetie you will do just fine a mother has to listen to her instincts no mother is perfect all we can try to do is better than what our parents did we all make mistakes and it's ok when your kids have kids they will know the sacrifices you made to give them a better life than you had!!! That's all we can do these days no matter what we do were wrong as parents and that's what's wrong with society and why so many kids are mixed up inside there parents live in fear the government will take them away no matter what we do someone's opinion will be against it!!!!!
My mother was very “Narcissistic.” It got so bad that I had to officially discontinue all communication with her which included having to let go of everyone I have ever known that stays in touch with her.
I can relate to it. My mother has been verbally abusive since childhood and she always compared me to my sibling and made my life so difficult. She could not accept that I am in love with someone than whine she wanted me to marry. I was finally in the healthiest relationship ever and she tried everything she can to break us up and it even involved calling cops. After all those episodes, I finally realized I have to block her out of my life for my own sanity and happiness. My mental health and temper has improved since.
Back when i was a kid, my mom would always tell me about her problems, the hardships that she faced and everything about how people hated her and her family, till how my dad is an absentee dad who's very selfish(which severed my relationship with my dad). I understand that everything was very hard for her and that caused me to want to help with everything i could, be it saving money through any way possible, such as eating the bare minimum at school, looking at every price tag when i purchase everything. All this when i was 8. Even though she had been through a lot of hardships, she never listened to how i feel, summarizing everything i did that was not according to her ways as rebellious and rude to her, thus fighting every day. Sometimes, even to this day, i just wonder if the problem is me all along. Because i know my mom wanted the best for me.
She wants all the best for you, that's true, but it doesn't necessary mean that's the reason you have to do everything as she said. Don't be so hard on yourself. You love her but remember to stay away from her toxicity. I mean, we celebrate our parents' greatness but not their negative sides.
Here is the actual definition: “The Devouring Mother “consumes” her children psychologically and emotionally and often instills in them feelings of guilt at leaving her or becoming independent.” ~ Caroline Myss. ... The Devouring Mother can also be those who hide behind our followers. This type of mother can make her children slaves to her emotions and her needs. In this type of relationship, the child can end up parenting the parent. This type of mother is never satisfied and she uses guilt like a weapon. The children of this type of parent usually end up doing one of two things They become so embroiled in the parents life, that they end up not having a life of their own; or They run away as soon as they are able, just to get away from and not to be “devoured” by this parents life. To avoid either of these traps, a child has to learn how to set boundaries with a parent and be able to ignore the parent when they start making absurd demands. If you have this type of parent, start setting boundaries now. Let your mother know that you love her and will always be there for her, but you have a life to live and now is your time to live it. Remind her that it is a parent’s job to always want better for their children and it’s a parent’s job to give their children the wings they need to learn how to fly from the nest. After learning about the horrible thins parents doto their children my respect for my own parents grew a million fold. They were negligent for sure but that was about the worst of it.And good luck out there.
Geez I'm the second child the one who guilt is used on when I want to do something. You've said exactly what my therapist told me that I'm too enmeshed with my Mum and need to start being myself. I need to start setting boundaries. I hope it goes well because so far it has but there was some resistance on my parent's side.
@@youtubecommentergal4346 Thanks for saying that, it means a lot because I'm a psychology student. Someday I will hold therapy sessions too, guiding a lot of people. And best of luck on your journey to a better future. Take it one step at a time and happiness will follow.🥰
I find that IMPOSSIBLE to do....My mom has been sick since diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer a tumor on her thyroid in the same year I have been her care giver for about ten years now. At 18 I kinda ran away since u could leave her with my grandma. I moved to colombia however between issues with meds and the lack of my grandma care she came here. Now I am her caregiver again and I have no social life. I find it hard to go out to the grocery store it does make me anxious since I should be studying and having fun like the rest of people my age. I'm an only child and I HAVE to take care of her or she can't survive. What am I supposed to do, like set what boundary. ??
I had a pretty bad childhood and I always said I won’t have children because I never want to end up being like my parents. I experienced both emotional and instrumental parentification. I took care of my siblings and our emotions 😕. Though not easy I’ve learned to heal from these trauma but I know how hard it can be to overcome so I’m praying that anyone else who relates finds peace and healing too 💛
Thank you, that was sweet. It’s hard seeing so many people going through similar things. I’m glad I read one comment that relieves the anxiety I feel reading what others went through.
Do you know what the climate is like, have you considered external factors to having a child such as, viruses(pandemics), changes of laws, war, global warming, life on earth isn't that great in my opinion. I don't want children because I don't want them to experience the world like I and many do. In the holocaust children died because ebb for parents didn't "think" something like that could happen. You have to expect the unexpected....not to mention I dislike being a girl in modern day society I find it horrid I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Plus top be born, is being born to die and I just can't do that. What about the carbon print, what about Venice flooding now, a pandemic that's killed thousands or more, war, and possibly world war three. It just makes me upset, my parents "wanted" a child like it's some doll and we live in some "wonderful" world sometimes I'm so upset my parents didn't even do anything to help the environment instead the OPPOSITE now I have to have the consequences in our life time. So why would I put someone else th dough this. Remember whenever you want to have children consider THEIR future not just hours. Think of your grand children. Remember that typically a child only spends a quarter of their potential life with the guardian then they are an adult an independent person.
@@youngjacuzzi3676 the intention is always that. However it still happens. My dad said the same and he was abusive and didn’t care to get to know me. He said he didn’t want to be like his father.....however people don’t do these consciously.
It's kind of funny. My mom somehow fulfills all of those types. She too was my "best friend", at least she said so. She managed everything and everything had to be done her way. She also was like "you can ask me for anything, I'll help you" but when I needed help, she didn't care. And when I couldn't help her (because I was a child and therefore not able to do certain things like earning money) she was like "you were so helpful when you were younger" (I heard that from her since I was twelve...). And whenever it came to exams she never got tired to tell me what she missed in school, how I had to do better to become whatever I wanted (and I'm pretty sure today that she would have made me being a nurse or something equal) and also she compared me with other students in my class and told me in the next sentence how she didn't care about other people...
I'm dealing with issues with my mom right now and I have been since I was a child because I have autism and she is so hard with me sometimes. These are all relatable.
I hope that you have (or will have) compassionate & empathetic people in your life, and that in the future, can choose what level of contact you want to have w/ your mom.
I am in the same boat and I happen to be her carer (well my father is the main carer but I help out). I have a lot of issues with my mental health and it doesn't help caring for her.
My mother managed a mix of all, depending where she was on her bipolar rage cycle. The more positive ones didn't work for engagement of course because I was already terrified of and hated her by the time I was 10.
your mother being your “best friend” can be so difficult because when you need her she’s almost never there or doesn’t know how to handle it i’ve had to give my mother a level of emotional support and planning im constantly asking “what do i need to to make this happen” because if i don’t do every single task that i physically can it will never happen we are planning a move and i know for a fact if i didn’t handle al of the custody school and job paperwork we would never leave it’s a constant push and pull begging for emotional support and when i ask for it it turns into a pity party for her because “all of my emotional issues are her fault” because she just wants to point all the fingers at her so she doesn’t have to deal with it and give comfort she only wants to receive it
My mom is litterally a mix of all of these. Especially the first one she always just dumps her problems, complaints, anger and sadness to me like I'm some kind of a trash bag for all her problems LIKE I HAVE TOLD HER MULTIPLE TIMES NOT TO TELL ME THIS STUFF BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW but when I say that she gets offended and is like "you don't care for your own mother" "what type of daughter are you"
both of my parents were like this, my dad made me be the parent- and he would yell at me when I wouldn’t cook, do the dishes, etc. i did everything my mom still leaves all of her problems on me and it’s so stressful, this video gave me some insight, thanks :)
same with me... buddy and now i am fucking depressed! i have anxiety issues they bark bad words on me for just little thing.. literally for nothing, no reason but they find something like shit to just for there frustration about other things and in india we girls are nothing in our homes... we never get any respect.. from so much of people but they done this with me but what about me? my anxiety get worsened....and now i am so frustrated and helpless, in my home no one talks to me like normally...everyone is always barks at me.. then i get mood swings i have weakness so i also yell at them... and sometimes if they are trying to control me and if i am not listening and arguing with them then they beat me....this idiots are not parents... they are fucking stupid
I am also suffering from the same problem but unfortunately my father died when I was a toddler so my elder sister helped me grow up properly, she is 8years elder than me but back then she was also small but still helped me . I hope the best for you mate 💜
My mother was a mixed bag. She'd throw tantrums, play favorites, Yell and slap and manipulate and we were just supposed to go along with it. She's gone now and I'm just stuck with these frustrations which can nag at me sometimes.
I wonder how I’m going to deal with all those frustrations once my mom is gone too. She is an elderly woman now with many health problems and needs 80% care.. it’s exhausting, she plays favorites, she’s emotionally manipulative and knows how to guilt trip so bad. I feel so angry at her at times. It’s hard. She had a hard life with countless traumas. But it’s hard being her caregiver, especially to someone that is constantly making me feel like I have to give up my life for them because “she sacrificed so much when she was capable” not really.. I’ve been raising myself since I was 12 and younger. I have many many mixed emotions even saying this makes me feel like a terrible person.
@@Dandelion333F That's horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I struggle with not seeing myself as a good person when I get mad at others for not being there for me too. We just have to just try and take it one tiny step at a time. But remember, your emotions are just as valid as anyone else's. I know it's hard to do, but try to set some time for just you and only you. It really can help you just breath and clear your mind.
@@Psych2go There's good day and bad day like anything. But I still try and find the silver lining in everything I do even if sometimes I feel like I'm not moving forward at all. Impatience is not a virtue. Lol
I really do love my mom. She’s the one who could understand me. Ever since she was outcasted by her mother (my grandma) and lost her brother to cancer (his family is very toxic and blamed us for not being there for him), her sleeping pattern is not regular, she keeps on spending unnecessary items to the point my room is being used for her storage. The relationship between my mom and dad isn’t working well and they wouldn’t communicate like how they used to. They would argue over petty things and sometimes it would be me and mom arguing. My mother wouldn’t even give me a chance to cook although I have wanting to learn to cook. She’s not the person I that I used to know. I really love her.
I am sorry that you are having these struggles. It would be good to see if your family would try some counselling; it sounds as though stress is compounding and it won’t end well. Your mom seems to be hoarding, which is a symptom of stress/mental illness. Good luck to you.
Brother's death: Grief has to be processed, and your Mom naturally has to pay attention to that process. Anger and depression makes us react more, have less patience for awhile because they have less to give, they can sleep longer, are distracted, can wake up sobbing, etc. What makes her loss more difficult, is the blame from her family, thus anger, distance and guilt. When someone dies, it's natural to review what we did or didn't do, as if that person's choices and journey are our fault or we 'could have controlled their outcome'. The family created more loss in blaming your Mom for anything, but it may work itself out as they work through emotions. Your Mom: Keep being who you are. Tell those around you when you are hurting and need alone time to think and feel, because you don't want to hurt others around you. Her brother wouldn't want his family to suffer. A book of memory to copy and share with family might help heal the sorrow of loss. A Grief Group to listen and share and not feel alone in the process, finding similar responses and helpful suggestions may be worth looking for. Cooking: I decided as a very young married woman, if I could read, I could learn to cook padt watching my Mother make bread or Home Ec. I gathered recipes from food that looked good from church ladies in those days, but now the internet, websites and RUclips are full of instructions and nutrition info. I think we tend to want our Moms to have taught us everything. It's not possible. My nerves didn't handle driving time with teenagers, for instance. Also, time to explore more of life, to share with your kids, sibs and friends sometimes happens in later years. Ie: Gardening is something many are taking up for nutrition or food security or the joy of creating. I like flower gardens amid the veggies, ftuit trees and berries to draw pollinators. 'Learn to make the most of life, Lose no happy day. Time will never bring thee back Chances swept away. Leave no tender word unsaid, Love while life shall last. The mill will never turn again With water that has past.' A poem I had my children learn when they were little. So glad to hear you love your Mom. Honoring our parents for their strengths and weaknesses makes us worthy of the same kind of love we have had from them. Personal things to learn and new challenges can and do get in the way of our envisioned ability to be the best parents at all times.
She needs help ... Just be with her and listen to her. Parenting is so hard especially when if someone is forced to be parent with no choice left behind .
I've always had a strained relationship with my mother growing up and now as an adult we're like strangers and she thinks am responsible for her happiness. I moved out and lived my indepent life and raising my kids and she never calls or cares about her grandchildren. My mental health was more important than having a toxic mother in my life. She was always emotional unavailable
I developed BPD thanks to the toxic relationship I have with my mom, I always try to be a bigger person and fix our relationship but she just wont change her ways. If you are a mother or a father please understand that kids are not an extension of yourself and they are not meant to fulfill the standards you set for them. Kids are unique individuals and they are as human as you are. It is your responsability to accept that fact.
Sorta similar. Whenever I try telling my mom my feelings she yells at me and gets mad but she never apologizes for any argument she has. Even when my family is showing discomfort in her talking trash about me and calling me a bad daughter. Either way I hope you do better and take care 💕💕❤️
I realize that my mom never really recovered from her own childhood and after a couple of abusive relationships; she happens to be playing the role of victim to the point of where she can't even find me important enough to bury the hatchet with my dad and has to put it on us kids to make her feel important. Next month makes two years since I had to end all contact to protect myself.
I can relate to the bosom buddies thing (even to today) and though I love my mom, and always will, it sometimes feels like a chore to help with the problems she has---in addition to my own. Especially if she doesn't always execute whatever ideas I give her to try to help. I guess it's just an ear to listen to her is what she wants. But it can be too much sometimes.
@@Pink-zl2vq I guess what you could do is still be there for her, but, and this is whenever you're ready, let her know how it's making you feel. If she can express her feelings about things to you, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to do the same.
My mom was a narcissist and I was her trophy child. I’ve been through therapy and am currently keeping my mom at a very safe distance, learning who I am and becoming my true self without her influence. Videos like this remind me that I deserve to be strong and to be myself despite what my mother might say about it. Thank you ♥️
I'm confused. My mom tells me all her problems and what could happen and then gets really made at me when I try to give advice. She likes deciding a lot of things for me and ignores any emotional needs I have. What type of relationship would that be? 🤔
I find it a little funny how, at the start, I was trying to compare these to my mom. However I came to realize that most of these are my dad's relationship with me. We see eachother more as friends sortof, and he's typically emotionally distant. Which leads to another point of having a parent that gets you all of the best things possible. When I wanted to learn guitar, my dad would spend a ton of money on a setup for me, even though I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to learn it. My violin right now costs more than my instructor's, who plays in an orchestra. I told my dad I wanted to learn photography as a hobby, and I can't tell you how many features my camera has along with like 10 different lenses. It's overwhelming to have to feel like "If you don't learn this, you're gonna be wasting his money" and it creates almost a disinterest after awhile. I would've more than likely stuck with a lot of my interests if I was able to have a good starting point, as opposed to having to get used to professional-level equipment as I'm starting *just* something.
I think to a point, you're correct in the assessment that your Dad just wasn't ready to be a father... AND part of it is that he's just "trying too hard"... Look at his buying up or investing so heavily more like "He's trying to plan ahead"... SO you can grow INTO the professional ++ setup... NOT that you have to light a literal fire under your ass to avoid wasting his money... SO you've got a camera with a dozen lenses and filters, and more features than Darth Vader's Bathroom... It's probably also equipped for a basic "point and shoot" setting(s)... The "starting point" is in the "Quick Set Up Guide" whether its own little booklet, or a chapter in the FAT AS HELL "Owner's Manual"... JUST get the quick part down, and take some photo's... It's not going to matter much what you shoot, so long as you work on just getting your fundamentals down... how it handles light and shadow and motion... jitter... hands shaking... Can you mount it to a tripod or "selfie stick" and what does either of those accomplish? Etc... The first hundred or so shots should just be "stuff" in different settings around your house... AND then go through and see what you liked and what looks better or worse... AND more importantly "WHY"... Get to know the thing... AND dismiss the extras until you've gotten comfortable with the camera itself... AND then you can start picking up on the exploring parts as YOU are ready.... That's what makes it a "Hobby"... Look... BOTH of my parents were completely NOT ready for a kid when I came along. My mother and father were still riding motorcycles when she got pregnant... AND as a consequence, I wouldn't shut up and go to sleep until they packed me in a backpack for a night ride on a motorcycle for a couple YEARS into my infancy... AND if I showed any interest or aptitude at ANYTHING... I got SWAMPED with crap to do with... I'd sketch a cute looking elephant... AND the next thing you know, EVERY TABLE IN THE HOUSE was covered in butcher paper with pens, pencils, crayons, paints, markets... you name it and if it could leave a mark, it was in one of the piles somewhere... I made an improvisation to fix a leather jacket... AND now I have damn nearly enough leather-craft equipment AND LEATHER to supply any THREE shops in town... Built ONE dog house in the backyard... NOW I'm up to my nose in woodworking and carpentry tools... ...I had to learn from VERY early on what it is to literally get BURIED in anything "hobby"... AND you just find a place to start... try to "dummy down" the explanations about "How's that hobby going"... with lots of "Well, it's a work in progress, but I'm figuring it out fine." AND remember to occasionally just get out and away... "I need some ME TIME..." and I'd just disappear for a couple hours... just to breathe. As they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day."... You CAN learn and grow and explore and DO whatever... It just takes the time and "bandwidth" to focus on the thing when and as it really interests you. Sometimes you'll want to just sit and watch RUclips videos about whatever art/craft/skill you've got the kit to explore, so you can get inspired to explore your OWN creativity with this or that aspect of it (shutter-speeds versus light levels in photochemical cameras... as part of photography... for instance) AND other times, you'll be making your own notes about setting up or performing for whichever skillset... Anyways... it's just me speaking from my dubious experience... I hope it can help... ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 I see your point, however this isn't just a sorta one-time thing when it comes to me. When I did decide that doing guitar wasn't for me personally, he took it to heart. That's just sorta how he is. He ended up getting *really* into photography because of me, and will take me on photography trips to spend like 5 hours learning the ins-and-outs of the camera anatomy. He has a whole room dedicated to photography stuff (I'd reckon you could call it a studio at this point), but I just wanted to learn it so I could take photos of just random whatever stuff while I'm out on a walk. The problem he faces is similar to the one you had with your family, where he finds something I enjoy doing, and tries to connect with it by spending money on it. He's disappointed when he hears that I didn't go out and take any photos, because he's set his expectations for me to become a professional cameraman. He just sorta finds something I like and ends up overspending on it, and that's where the pressure comes from. The only things he ironically hasn't gotten too much into is my art hobby, and I've been able to learn it and grow at my own pace. I haven't had to feel pressured to become good at it *because* my dad wants me to.
@@NekoVenture Yeah... I hear you... Maybe take a bit of time and just try to let him know "It's not a hell-no... it's just a not all at once immediately thing." He sounds like he had a certain level of neglect (emotionally) in his upbringing... or he feels like it... AND he's trying where he thinks he can, to connect with you. He thinks he can take an interest and show it by spending money on it, at least where he thinks he understands what to spend money on... The problem from here sounds just a little bit like he has a different personal style of showing interest than you quite get... so it feels like he's trying to "buy your love" when he doesn't have to... ANYWAYS... it's tough trying to figure everybody's sh*t out while you're also just trying to navigate your own feelings, mental hang-ups and issues while you grow up and figure out who YOU are... right??? It's just something to maybe mix into your calculations while you think on it. Sometimes letting someone "help" (even when they're helping us into a coniption fit) can be a kindness we're doing FOR THEM... In any case, I hope you can manage. I hope you can reach a healthier relationship and all. ;o)
I think some moms tend to only consider a few physical aspects of their kids' needs, (such as provisions, education, etc), and completely neglect the emotional/mental development of their children. It's the lack of empathy for me
Thank you for this video! I’ve always said my mother was my first bully not my first best friend. Always dumping her personal issues onto me always putting pressure on me to do well, gossiping or talking ill about me to my own sister. It very draining
My biggest fear has been having an unhealthy relationship with my children. I often worried if I was doing this mother thing right since I really didn’t have any positive examples. I thank you for the last quote. I try my best to be self aware and self reflective but I had no idea doing so was actually the best thing I could do not only for myself but also for my children. ❤❤❤❤
I miss my mom, My step mom doesn't believe that I have depression, she thinks I'm lying and said my depression and i'm just being "lazy" ... To the point where I have suicide thoughts because of her yelling and anger, and judgment. (I feel distress or uncomfortable whenever someone yells at me)
my father is the same way i understand the struggle i have tattoos planned of some of the horrible things he’s said to me about my depression getting tatted and crossed out on my body it’s going to be a liberating experience if you don’t like that idea you can always just write it down and correct it prove her wrong
@@Louise-kl7ow I called the suicide hotline 3 times, and the only way I can be ok is by seeking a therapist, and talk to my friends and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is planning to get me out of here, and come live with him. Where I can be safe and take a breather from my family
@@tanomatics7674 i have high hopes for you it’s extremely difficult to be in those situations all i can recommend is being careful with medication i’m dealing with some narly side affects because my nerves are being affected from withdraw of mine i got taken off of and they are not a cure all like you try to convince yourself KEEP UP WITH THERAPY even when you feel like you don’t need it EVERYBODY could use a therapist
@@tanomatics7674 i will say thou the mindset you seem to have is concerning the placebo affect is so powerful in psychiatric health and thinking think is only one solution or one thing that is unattainable to you at the moment that will “fix” your issues is very dangerous because that closes your mind to any and all other coping mechanisms available and even if you do get desperate enough to try them they might not work with the mindset that only one thing can fix your issue
@@Louise-kl7ow thank you, I just feel so horrible about myself... My friends pray (even tho they're aren't religious, they wanna pray for me and my situation. My boyfriend will soon hook me up with with a therapist Because he said i really needed this
I wish my mommy and granny knew English 💜 But I'm so happy I do and can know how to make a healthy relationship with my child in the future 😊 Thank you so much for this content 🙏
This video is so so accurate . My family is very sweet and over protective but at times they become way too controlling and that really feels like i did something horrible when i didn't I just said what i felt
All the comments tell stories of horrible, horrible abusive mothers oftentimes with a kind of biting hatred attached to them. And I don’t blame you guys, I would probably feel the same way. But as I exist as a person, I can’t imagine saying anything bad about my mom. She loves me so much and her life is stressful, and she’s a great friend to me. She helped me through a lot of tough emotional times, she goes on walks with me on occasion, and we’re a lot closer to each other than your average mother/son (not in the creepy way don’t worry). I always saw it as a good thing, even if I knew that most of my friends would consider it a bit unusual. I clicked on this video out of curiosity, not expecting to have any of these things apply to my mom and right away number one slaps me in the face. When I stop and think about what the rest of my home life is like though, all of a sudden the pieces began to fall together. This is not a good thing. This relationship was born out of toxicity, even if it wasn’t because of my mom but rather as a response to some other problems within my family. Sorry for ranting, I basically have no where else to put this shit except my brain. At least in my experience, that’s not a good place to keep stuff for too long.
Yeah. I know I am not at my best with my kids as far as connection. It's tough because I don't want to be like that but it's the way I was raised so that's the map I have in my brain but I truly truly hate it. I know it's not too late but it will take time. Things are getting better since I quit drinking but I'm not where I wish I could be. It's so helpful to have these videos. Thank you so much.
My story isn't about my mum but my father. My purpose in life is to live a life of my preference, which means to move out and live in other countries. However I can feel that my father thinks I am a selfish person and that he loved me so much that I took it for granted and only thought about myself. I mean??? what's the point? Am I selfish if I want to live a life to the fullest? Literally the traditional thoughts that have shaped my father really make me suffer. To his expectation, it's my responsibility to stay at home and take care of family stuffs. I don't want to live that life.
I feel I was very much stuck in a "boss/subordinate" relationship with a dash of "trophy child." High expectations, very little reward for meeting them, and very little agency. Instead of turning me into a dependent wreck, it turned me into someone who's typically independent to the point of my own detriment, because I resent control and authority that much. My oldest younger sister got stuck with something more like role reversal, and practically raised the other 3 until she bailed and got an apartment. Both of us barely speak to the incompetent, negligent mess we call "mom" at this point. The worst part is, the woman has no excuse. She was raised in a healthy, loving family and is quite literally a genius, so she doesn't even have the paper-thin excuse of having her own parental issues or being unable to fill her role.
I have never related to a comment section more. To my mother, everything is a result of my fault. Something bad at work? My fault. Something wrong with the weather? My fault. And she is so scary when she screamed at me, she will back me into the wall and I can feel her spit land on me because she is that close to me. Its like I am constantly walking on eggshells around her. She is the main reason I have anxiety, depression, shut down during confrontation, and I have hardly no healthy copeing skills because I was never taught any. At this point I just know that as an a adult I will NOT tolerate anyone yelling at me. I will kick them out. I will not be treated how my mother treated me.
When my sister and me first saw tangled we said that our mom reminded us of Gothel. But my mom really goes back and forth between the emotional and instructional parentifications.. rather than feeling like a daughter I feel like a servant and if I try to do anything good for me I’m told I’m being selfish and that I don’t consider how my mom feels
The emotional absent point was absolutely correct and for the first time I came to know why I behave this way. My mother ignored me never appreciated me.Now i see futility on engaging with anyone even talk to my classmates. Because subconsciously I think there's no point they ultimately gonna left me or ignore me .
My mom passed away when I was 2, so I was raised by my maternal grandmother. She would tell me I should’ve died instead of my mom one moment, then come crying asking for forgiveness the next. It was just a mess
My mom is a mix of all of these(except the second one) and the worst thing about it is she thinks she is the perfect parent. I understand how much she cares about me and all she has done for me and wants to do for me, but she still is very toxic towards me and thinks its okay. She belives its fine because I ended up turning out as a star child but had developed many mental issues later on. The only thing she can't handle is my sister who is the complete opposite of me and live freely but doesn't do what she needs to. The worst thing is she spoils my older sister and then my sister disregards anything my mom says and asks me for advice. I do give her advice by saying for her to set voundries and create rules but she never does. She also started trating me terribly for no reason at all recently and I think its because of the amount of time she spends with my sister. Everytime this happens, my mom resents me more and more and all I'm doing is trying my hardest to get through life and she continues to make it terrible. I wish I could move out but I'm 13 and can't even get a job.
Thankfully I don't have that issue because she cut me and my brother out of her life when we were young; was she toxic prior to that? Absolutely but she stopped all contact when I was 15 so it's a strangely blessed relief that I needn't deal with that pain anymore. Twenty years with no word from her, she's never reached out, never acknowledged our existence - she's the one missing out and I pity her, she made her choice and she'll have to live with that.
You guys are so good I finally feel understood because of this video so thank you so much so many people claim that they care for you and they do but the way that they do it is not appropriate
I love my mom dearly. She's always helped me when I was bullied at school, and she had me at an older age with my dad. When I was six, she started telling me all the bad things that were happening, and she once told me a bad experience she had in her youth with a woman that was a lesbian who wouldn't take a hint, which is why she dislikes lesbians. This has prevented me from coming out as bisexual to not only her, but my family as a whole because most of them are homophobic. My mom has also had a lot of health problems, so I've had to help her while my dad just walked away and left me with her. I have a lot of happy memories with my mom, especially since I'm on the Spectrum and is her first and only child.
Though my mother wasn't very mean to me, she still did fall in all those categories. She would always speak as if I was the one tying her to my father who was never really that concerned about the family. She would always talk about her concerns but never listen to mine and tell that all my concerns are trival and I am making a big fuss out of everything. And obviously, I also feel as if I am a product to show off in front of my relatives and parents friends. Even if I like something that they don't like, I have to not do all that, so I am forced to hide what I truly like doing. Sometimes I feel all of this just made me loose who I am. If only they could leave me alone and try to give me some space and time to think about myself rather than responsibilities. I do get that they sacrificed so much to take care of me, but I to am still a child who wants to live a normal life. I don't want to be bound by these chains of responsibility and expectations.
I wanted to do a college stats thesis on the correlation between abusive mothers to their sons, and whether there's a higher percentage of the those males being abusive towards women in a relationship compared to those who were not. It was deemed "offensive." I believe it to be very true.
I'm tired of always having to do what my mother says, I mostly don't care about that but then she says I have to obbey her and if I ask why she responds "because I'm your mother". It's true that I always want to do things my own way. I think the problem between us started since I was a child, same with my dad.
Either way, I can't do anything, I've tried talking to them, they just keep thinking the same old way. If they are not going to change their way of raising, then I'm going to stop thinking they will change
Another toxic trait that should be added to the list is dealing with an alcoholic mother. When my mother was still alive, she drank almost everyday when she was raising me. She was ex-military from the United States Air Force. I had a rough childhood and teen life having up and down relationships with my mom, plus going through fights as well because of her severe alcoholism that really angered me as a child. She even lied to me many times for years about trying to quit drinking, but I understand that alcohol addiction was very hard to quit, plus she tried to get help, but everything failed to get her to stop drinking. In 2010, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cirrohsis and still kept on drinking until mid-2011, where she developed more health issues, which she finally did stop drinking, but it was already too late as the damage has been done. My mother died in 2012 from that liver disease. I will always remember the good times with my mom and I wish I could have patched things up with her from all the fighting and other stuff in the past. Even as an adult I still struggle with mother issues since my dad is now remarried to my step-mom because of some things I still had in the past with my mom. The exception though is my step-mom does not drink and she was able to get my father to stop drinking alcohol because of their good relationship, but there were some similar things from her that reminded me of my relationship with my mom, which is why I struggle sometimes with my relationship to my step-mom. Alcoholism runs in the family, but it's better to never follow in those footsteps and do the best you can to live life to the fullest.
With each of your parenting videos, I appreciate my parents more! My mom isn't perfect, though she's absolutely the best that she can be under her particular circumstances, and she's helped me be that way too. I hope I'm able to thank her adequately.
I think my mom is my best friend, so like bosom buddies. However around 9 my mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and a cancerous tumor on her thyroid in the same year. I ended up falling and repeating 3rd grade. Luckily in that time I had my step dad helping us. Unfortunately after they split we moved to another state, Maryland. There I started becoming her caregiver and I still am today (I'm 23) it is kinda scary that I have no social life. When I started dating this guy he got tired of me only being able to see him once a week for the night (not even a day) that lasted a few months and I'm alone again. He didn't even know all the preparation I had to do for that little bit of time and feel anxious if my mom is alright or had a convulsions :(
My mum told me how she felt about family members, told me gossip but only about the members she didn't like until i felt the same about them which is a huge regret for me and she would dump all her work life on me too so i knew every person she worked with and what they were like. When i tried to talk about myself she never had time to listen, it was always "i've just got up" or "i've just got home from work" or she was asleep in front of the tv 😔 she was emotionally absent with me but not with my sisters
That's how it is with my mother. I'm her best friend and she comes to me with her problems and expects ideas and advice from me. But she's also the boss and I'm the servant. I do a lot for her but I receive very little respect back, mainly boundaries/borderlines of peace and privacy.
as a gifted child, i’m constantly shown off to other people. personally, i just want to work on getting a healthier body (i’m hella overweight, and my hair is not healthy, neither is my skin) and i want to grow up to own a small cafe/library. sadly, my parents want to to stay smart, go to college, start a big business, buy them a nice house and pay for their crap. sounds like a movie lol
Empathy is so important in any relationship not just family you're allowed to be angry you're allowed to say what you feel never let anyone make you feel that just because you're a child you don't have real feelings which is so sad
I really do have a toxic mother…she said something that said that I’m not a normal person. This especially hurt because I have autism, ADHD, etc. My mother has been toxic to me…
I definitely had an emotionally absent mother. She died when I was 23, but I don’t remember when she last said “I love you” or hugged me. 😢 I was a self-entertaining child, but I suppose I grew that way because when she was at college/work, I was left with my emotionally absent grandmother. I grew to like being left alone, but I desperately craved her love and attention.
Oof. That fun realization that your Mom was a funky mashup of 4/5 of the examples, in varying degrees and flavors. Bosom Buddies & Role Reversal came as a 2 for 1 deal 🙃 These sorts of things are informative and helpful to try to parse through my relationship with her, it's just weird and feels almost wrong to do it now that she's passed away. We were damn near attached at the hip, and I can't help but feel like she's watching me figure this out and feeling hurt about it. Which is silly, I know, but... yeah.
Parenting is hard, especially as the kids get more mature. If you have a friend who is a parent, especially a single parent, check in on them and offer to help out or just spend time with them, even if the kids are around.
Parenthood is is not easy and there's no perfect way to raise a child....The only thing needed is acknowledging the fact that the two parents and the child might be together and and are emotionally attached to eachother are three separate individuals with their thoughts,ideas and feelings the key is helping each other improve upon those ideas and not change cause you think yours is better and empathize with the feeling instead of shrugging them making them or feel guilty or sorry for themselves instead empathize with them and encourage and be supportive and let them find the best possible solution to their problems.There will always be times when mistakes will be avoid keeping any baggage.
Yah my parents only want to show others that im a good child i really am a good child but when they talk about sensitive topics like that it really breaks my heart and thats where's i draw the line
The role-reversal is my mom from when I was really young I was forced to play the role of Mom and I had to raise my two sisters and the more that my mom said that is better for us and ended up being worse and getting us to really bad situations all the way up to abuse
My mother liked to to make everything seem like everything is picture perfect and pretended that she took care of us 24/7 and that she was the best mother
HEY GOOD EVENING MY FRIENDS AND TOXIC FAMILY, I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY TO SEE HOW EVERYONE IS DOING THIS EVENING. PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS, I'M A LITTLE UNDER THE WEATHER.TEE💯🙏💪💙
" . . .engaging is useless so they start to suppress their emotions . . . they may also become closed off because of the heightened fear of rejection they experienced as children." The schizoid recipe. It works really well in a family with a long lineage of schizoids.
At the end of the day, we should accept that human beings can never be perfect esp. as a parent, we can never be perfect enough but as much as we love them, do yourself a favor and choose your own self for your own growth especially if the parents are not willing to be aware of their own inadequacy anymore and when you realize being with them/near them hurts both your relationship. We can love them from a distance, and when they are finally ready to open their hearts and confront their own shadows as we are too, we can finally be close once again, or maybe for some, it can never be but that's okay and we should never feel guilty. We should never hold on to those unclear promises and expectations to the parents that they will get better or just cause they say they love us, and choose how we can be authentic to ourselves and to choose what our hearts yearn for instead- most likely without them. I hope I can finally obtain freedom for myself and live alone someday that way, I can really explore who I really am and can finally have the space to rediscover myself all over again, just need to find a stable job so I can find a room to rent to 😅
emotionally absent mother, i have this. but my mother mainly sits in her room, covered in dog piss. she left my father to raise me. and only really cares about me if it's my mental state.
I hope you don't mind if I just vent, fellow people Ok now to start from the start I first of all want to say That I know my mom loves me but she's just irresponsible and really doesn't care about my mental health when I told her I may have Anxiety she told she knew that BUT refused to get me medical intention and just said "get over it" and "stop stressing so much" oh btw a side note my mom wasn't really there for me as a child because she was a doctor and overall just really busy whenever I tired to show her my affection for her she just ignored it .. leaving me to see my aunt as a mother figure to me as she took my affection and love and gave me some in return but I can't blame her tbh she didn't go to work on Sundays to be with me. I have to say my little brother is the lucky sibling here since We moved closer to my mom's clinic he can go to her whenever he wants and my mom's more responsible and just overall better at parenting then before also, sorry for ranting for so long- 😅Edit: so AND I AM NOT EVEN DONE BTW -
My mom shares ALL of her issues with me. Ten-year-old me was shown a stack of bills and told we wouldn’t be able to pay all of them, and I have to listen to all of the marriage issues she’s having
Same here, I was always concerned with financial issues at a young age. Along with other things, mostly her only sharing problems and me not being able to share mine effected my childhood, or adulthood is what it felt like atleast.
Me too, as far as I remember I think I was 3 or 4 yr old. Couldn’t remember much, my memories are all damaged , the only thing I am certain that I was still in kindergarten.
And now I have been struggling with mental and personality disorder all thanks to her too!
huh so it's that common
You should write up a bill and tell her it's for your counseling services.
Yeah same. It started with her telling me she wanted to divorce my dad, way before even telling him. Meanwhile I felt guilty towards my dad because I couldn't tell him. Once they did end up divorcing, I tried to give more attention to my dad to kinda make up for it, while neglecting my own needs and mental health. Then later my mom couldn't work anymore because she got some health issues and started using me as a therapist to talk and complain about her pain and "our" bad financial situation as if we were in this together equally. I was 14 years old by the way.
Don't excuse your mom for this, if you've experienced this kind of neglect it's their fault and they should feel guilty. They were adults and decided to have you, it's their problem, you don't need to rebond with them. Believe me, if you'll cut them off, you'll feel better overtime
I kinda want to but I'll feel bad cuz I still love them even though they were emotionally absent to us most of the time
@@fakexdd8979 That's....sad.
@@fakexdd8979 i feel the same way.. i love my mum but she's never really there for me
@@a.tiredlesbian same :( i love them but it's hard to be strong alone
@@fakexdd8979 yeah..
1. bosom buddies 0:43
2. boss and subordinate 1:50
3. the role-reversal relationship 3:01
4. the emotionally absent mother 4:46
5. the mom and her trophy child 5:50
I hope I could help!
I relate to 3 and 4. My mom focuses more on her eBay and she never does any housework. I’m glad I don’t have contact with her anymore.
Definitely
Thx 💕
I relate to 2
All 5
Thank you so much for this video as an expecting mother I don't ever want to harm my child the way I was by my own mother who very much fits the emotionally absent mother type.
Sweetie you will do just fine a mother has to listen to her instincts no mother is perfect all we can try to do is better than what our parents did we all make mistakes and it's ok when your kids have kids they will know the sacrifices you made to give them a better life than you had!!! That's all we can do these days no matter what we do were wrong as parents and that's what's wrong with society and why so many kids are mixed up inside there parents live in fear the government will take them away no matter what we do someone's opinion will be against it!!!!!
Noogies
All the best for you!
Treat them like a little person when it comes to their good personality parts and let them be them
You are going to be a great mom!💗🌻
My mother was very “Narcissistic.” It got so bad that I had to officially discontinue all communication with her which included having to let go of everyone I have ever known that stays in touch with her.
You are brave! ❤️ I still have contact cus of my younger siblings.
My situation is the same and it has been over 3 years now. It is like mourning their death because of full no contact.
I am so sorry that you had to do this.
I can relate to it. My mother has been verbally abusive since childhood and she always compared me to my sibling and made my life so difficult. She could not accept that I am in love with someone than whine she wanted me to marry. I was finally in the healthiest relationship ever and she tried everything she can to break us up and it even involved calling cops. After all those episodes, I finally realized I have to block her out of my life for my own sanity and happiness. My mental health and temper has improved since.
You are very brave! Sorry for this, hope it gets better soon
Back when i was a kid, my mom would always tell me about her problems, the hardships that she faced and everything about how people hated her and her family, till how my dad is an absentee dad who's very selfish(which severed my relationship with my dad).
I understand that everything was very hard for her and that caused me to want to help with everything i could, be it saving money through any way possible, such as eating the bare minimum at school, looking at every price tag when i purchase everything. All this when i was 8. Even though she had been through a lot of hardships, she never listened to how i feel, summarizing everything i did that was not according to her ways as rebellious and rude to her, thus fighting every day.
Sometimes, even to this day, i just wonder if the problem is me all along. Because i know my mom wanted the best for me.
She wants all the best for you, that's true, but it doesn't necessary mean that's the reason you have to do everything as she said. Don't be so hard on yourself. You love her but remember to stay away from her toxicity. I mean, we celebrate our parents' greatness but not their negative sides.
Thank you for sharing this!
Here is the actual definition:
“The Devouring Mother “consumes” her children psychologically and emotionally and often instills in them feelings of guilt at leaving her or becoming independent.” ~ Caroline Myss. ... The Devouring Mother can also be those who hide behind our followers.
This type of mother can make her children slaves to her emotions and her needs. In this type of relationship, the child can end up parenting the parent. This type of mother is never satisfied and she uses guilt like a weapon. The children of this type of parent usually end up doing one of two things
They become so embroiled in the parents life, that they end up not having a life of their own; or
They run away as soon as they are able, just to get away from and not to be “devoured” by this parents life.
To avoid either of these traps, a child has to learn how to set boundaries with a parent and be able to ignore the parent when they start making absurd demands.
If you have this type of parent, start setting boundaries now. Let your mother know that you love her and will always be there for her, but you have a life to live and now is your time to live it. Remind her that it is a parent’s job to always want better for their children and it’s a parent’s job to give their children the wings they need to learn how to fly from the nest.
After learning about the horrible thins parents doto their children my respect for my own parents grew a million fold. They were negligent for sure but that was about the worst of it.And good luck out there.
Geez I'm the second child the one who guilt is used on when I want to do something. You've said exactly what my therapist told me that I'm too enmeshed with my Mum and need to start being myself. I need to start setting boundaries. I hope it goes well because so far it has but there was some resistance on my parent's side.
@@youtubecommentergal4346 Thanks for saying that, it means a lot because I'm a psychology student. Someday I will hold therapy sessions too, guiding a lot of
people. And best of luck on your journey to a better future. Take it one step at a time and happiness will follow.🥰
@@avidhossanmansur9830 , thank you so much for your words. I hope you're successful in your endeavours.
@@youtubecommentergal4346 👍✌✌
I find that IMPOSSIBLE to do....My mom has been sick since diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer a tumor on her thyroid in the same year I have been her care giver for about ten years now. At 18 I kinda ran away since u could leave her with my grandma. I moved to colombia however between issues with meds and the lack of my grandma care she came here. Now I am her caregiver again and I have no social life. I find it hard to go out to the grocery store it does make me anxious since I should be studying and having fun like the rest of people my age. I'm an only child and I HAVE to take care of her or she can't survive. What am I supposed to do, like set what boundary. ??
I had a pretty bad childhood and I always said I won’t have children because I never want to end up being like my parents. I experienced both emotional and instrumental parentification. I took care of my siblings and our emotions 😕. Though not easy I’ve learned to heal from these trauma but I know how hard it can be to overcome so I’m praying that anyone else who relates finds peace and healing too 💛
Opposite for me, I want children to teach and show them the proper way. Do things better than my parents. Way better!
Why a troubled upbringing?🔥🔥🔥🔥
Thank you, that was sweet. It’s hard seeing so many people going through similar things. I’m glad I read one comment that relieves the anxiety I feel reading what others went through.
Do you know what the climate is like, have you considered external factors to having a child such as, viruses(pandemics), changes of laws, war, global warming, life on earth isn't that great in my opinion. I don't want children because I don't want them to experience the world like I and many do. In the holocaust children died because ebb for parents didn't "think" something like that could happen. You have to expect the unexpected....not to mention I dislike being a girl in modern day society I find it horrid I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Plus top be born, is being born to die and I just can't do that. What about the carbon print, what about Venice flooding now, a pandemic that's killed thousands or more, war, and possibly world war three.
It just makes me upset, my parents "wanted" a child like it's some doll and we live in some "wonderful" world sometimes I'm so upset my parents didn't even do anything to help the environment instead the OPPOSITE now I have to have the consequences in our life time. So why would I put someone else th dough this. Remember whenever you want to have children consider THEIR future not just hours. Think of your grand children. Remember that typically a child only spends a quarter of their potential life with the guardian then they are an adult an independent person.
@@youngjacuzzi3676 the intention is always that. However it still happens. My dad said the same and he was abusive and didn’t care to get to know me. He said he didn’t want to be like his father.....however people don’t do these consciously.
It's kind of funny. My mom somehow fulfills all of those types. She too was my "best friend", at least she said so. She managed everything and everything had to be done her way. She also was like "you can ask me for anything, I'll help you" but when I needed help, she didn't care. And when I couldn't help her (because I was a child and therefore not able to do certain things like earning money) she was like "you were so helpful when you were younger" (I heard that from her since I was twelve...). And whenever it came to exams she never got tired to tell me what she missed in school, how I had to do better to become whatever I wanted (and I'm pretty sure today that she would have made me being a nurse or something equal) and also she compared me with other students in my class and told me in the next sentence how she didn't care about other people...
damn, the accuracy
Many mothers project their emotional baggage on their children... Everyone has a healing process!
totally related 😞
I'm dealing with issues with my mom right now and I have been since I was a child because I have autism and she is so hard with me sometimes. These are all relatable.
I hope u and ur mom get a healthy relationship soon!
@@sora.rosemary thanks and I hope so too. I'm just feeling tired of her lately and being around her because of our issues.
I hope that you have (or will have) compassionate & empathetic people in your life, and that in the future, can choose what level of contact you want to have w/ your mom.
I am in the same boat and I happen to be her carer (well my father is the main carer but I help out). I have a lot of issues with my mental health and it doesn't help caring for her.
You got this!
My mother managed a mix of all, depending where she was on her bipolar rage cycle. The more positive ones didn't work for engagement of course because I was already terrified of and hated her by the time I was 10.
Same. But my mom has BPD
Same, tried to run away at 11, got caught and handcuffed to the dresser in the corner of her room.
Ah, my mom has bipolar too. And that sucks...
Sameeee my mom never got diagnosed but we think she's got narcissism
Sorry about this... Have you discussed this with your friends? Maybe they also share similar sentiments.
your mother being your “best friend” can be so difficult because when you need her she’s almost never there or doesn’t know how to handle it i’ve had to give my mother a level of emotional support and planning im constantly asking “what do i need to to make this happen” because if i don’t do every single task that i physically can it will never happen we are planning a move and i know for a fact if i didn’t handle al of the custody school and job paperwork we would never leave it’s a constant push and pull begging for emotional support and when i ask for it it turns into a pity party for her because “all of my emotional issues are her fault” because she just wants to point all the fingers at her so she doesn’t have to deal with it and give comfort she only wants to receive it
Very true.
My mom is litterally a mix of all of these. Especially the first one she always just dumps her problems, complaints, anger and sadness to me like I'm some kind of a trash bag for all her problems LIKE I HAVE TOLD HER MULTIPLE TIMES NOT TO TELL ME THIS STUFF BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW but when I say that she gets offended and is like "you don't care for your own mother" "what type of daughter are you"
Girl I feel you, ✊🏼
I felt bad bc I didn't know what to say to her problems and I thought I was supposed to know
Interesting... Hope your relationship improves :)
@@insertunoroginalnamehere6189 same.
same, I feel bad of course but I wish she keep it to her therapist, as she doesn't understand it affects me as well.
both of my parents were like this, my dad made me be the parent- and he would yell at me when I wouldn’t cook, do the dishes, etc. i did everything
my mom still leaves all of her problems on me and it’s so stressful, this video gave me some insight, thanks :)
same with me... buddy and now i am fucking depressed! i have anxiety issues they bark bad words on me for just little thing.. literally for nothing, no reason but they find something like shit to just for there frustration about other things and in india we girls are nothing in our homes... we never get any respect.. from so much of people but they done this with me but what about me? my anxiety get worsened....and now i am so frustrated and helpless, in my home no one talks to me like normally...everyone is always barks at me.. then i get mood swings i have weakness so i also yell at them... and sometimes if they are trying to control me and if i am not listening and arguing with them then they beat me....this idiots are not parents... they are fucking stupid
I am also suffering from the same problem but unfortunately my father died when I was a toddler so my elder sister helped me grow up properly, she is 8years elder than me but back then she was also small but still helped me . I hope the best for you mate 💜
@@jellybox5758 hope the best for you too bro 💜💜
@@hypnoticmush same to you bro 🔥💜
Sorry about this and we're glad you gained insight :)
Speak the truth even if your voice shakes, don't let anyone judge you by your mistakes... they just don't know what it takes.
Facts!
Easy to say than to do, my dad would beat tf out of me even if I am sick and a child-
My mother was a mixed bag. She'd throw tantrums, play favorites, Yell and slap and manipulate and we were just supposed to go along with it. She's gone now and I'm just stuck with these frustrations which can nag at me sometimes.
I wonder how I’m going to deal with all those frustrations once my mom is gone too. She is an elderly woman now with many health problems and needs 80% care.. it’s exhausting, she plays favorites, she’s emotionally manipulative and knows how to guilt trip so bad. I feel so angry at her at times. It’s hard. She had a hard life with countless traumas. But it’s hard being her caregiver, especially to someone that is constantly making me feel like I have to give up my life for them because “she sacrificed so much when she was capable” not really.. I’ve been raising myself since I was 12 and younger. I have many many mixed emotions even saying this makes me feel like a terrible person.
@@Dandelion333F That's horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I struggle with not seeing myself as a good person when I get mad at others for not being there for me too. We just have to just try and take it one tiny step at a time.
But remember, your emotions are just as valid as anyone else's. I know it's hard to do, but try to set some time for just you and only you. It really can help you just breath and clear your mind.
Sorry about this... Hope your healing process is smooth.
@@Psych2go There's good day and bad day like anything. But I still try and find the silver lining in everything I do even if sometimes I feel like I'm not moving forward at all. Impatience is not a virtue. Lol
I really do love my mom. She’s the one who could understand me. Ever since she was outcasted by her mother (my grandma) and lost her brother to cancer (his family is very toxic and blamed us for not being there for him), her sleeping pattern is not regular, she keeps on spending unnecessary items to the point my room is being used for her storage. The relationship between my mom and dad isn’t working well and they wouldn’t communicate like how they used to. They would argue over petty things and sometimes it would be me and mom arguing. My mother wouldn’t even give me a chance to cook although I have wanting to learn to cook. She’s not the person I that I used to know. I really love her.
I am sorry that you are having these struggles. It would be good to see if your family would try some counselling; it sounds as though stress is compounding and it won’t end well. Your mom seems to be hoarding, which is a symptom of stress/mental illness. Good luck to you.
Brother's death: Grief has to be processed, and your Mom naturally has to pay attention to that process. Anger and depression makes us react more, have less patience for awhile because they have less to give, they can sleep longer, are distracted, can wake up sobbing, etc. What makes her loss more difficult, is the blame from her family, thus anger, distance and guilt. When someone dies, it's natural to review what we did or didn't do, as if that person's choices and journey are our fault or we 'could have controlled their outcome'.
The family created more loss in blaming your Mom for anything, but it may work itself out as they work through emotions.
Your Mom: Keep being who you are. Tell those around you when you are hurting and need alone time to think and feel, because you don't want to hurt others around you. Her brother wouldn't want his family to suffer. A book of memory to copy and share with family might help heal the sorrow of loss. A Grief Group to listen and share and not feel alone in the process, finding similar responses and helpful suggestions may be worth looking for.
Cooking: I decided as a very young married woman, if I could read, I could learn to cook padt watching my Mother make bread or Home Ec. I gathered recipes from food that looked good from church ladies in those days, but now the internet, websites and RUclips are full of instructions and nutrition info.
I think we tend to want our Moms to have taught us everything. It's not possible. My nerves didn't handle driving time with teenagers, for instance. Also, time to explore more of life, to share with your kids, sibs and friends sometimes happens in later years. Ie: Gardening is something many are taking up for nutrition or food security or the joy of creating. I like flower gardens amid the veggies, ftuit trees and berries to draw pollinators.
'Learn to make the most of life,
Lose no happy day.
Time will never bring thee back
Chances swept away.
Leave no tender word unsaid,
Love while life shall last.
The mill will never turn again
With water that has past.'
A poem I had my children learn when they were little.
So glad to hear you love your Mom. Honoring our parents for their strengths and weaknesses makes us worthy of the same kind of love we have had from them. Personal things to learn and new challenges can and do get in the way of our envisioned ability to be the best parents at all times.
She needs help ... Just be with her and listen to her. Parenting is so hard especially when if someone is forced to be parent with no choice left behind .
Love can be complex, but your insight is extremely valuable!
I'm pretty much my moms therapist, she tells me(as far as I know), every problem between Bills, working, marital, and more
I've always had a strained relationship with my mother growing up and now as an adult we're like strangers and she thinks am responsible for her happiness. I moved out and lived my indepent life and raising my kids and she never calls or cares about her grandchildren. My mental health was more important than having a toxic mother in my life. She was always emotional unavailable
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable part of your life. Have you resonated with others in this comment section?
I developed BPD thanks to the toxic relationship I have with my mom, I always try to be a bigger person and fix our relationship but she just wont change her ways. If you are a mother or a father please understand that kids are not an extension of yourself and they are not meant to fulfill the standards you set for them. Kids are unique individuals and they are as human as you are. It is your responsability to accept that fact.
Sorry about this..
Being a mother is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but I couldn’t imagine my life now without my son ❤️
My mother would yell at me while she knew i would cry, and then she would apologize.
My mom does the exact same thing.
mine don't even apologize
@Jonu Remix wtf why did that send me to a porn site?
@@whael1e im sorry your having to go through this
Sorta similar. Whenever I try telling my mom my feelings she yells at me and gets mad but she never apologizes for any argument she has. Even when my family is showing discomfort in her talking trash about me and calling me a bad daughter. Either way I hope you do better and take care 💕💕❤️
*sigh* my parents are in denial of my mental health issues. Ik they care just in a different way😔
I realize that my mom never really recovered from her own childhood and after a couple of abusive relationships; she happens to be playing the role of victim to the point of where she can't even find me important enough to bury the hatchet with my dad and has to put it on us kids to make her feel important. Next month makes two years since I had to end all contact to protect myself.
Great insights... Allows for a change of perspective and development of understanding!
A video that will make me relive some traumatizing memories in the name of self-analyzing my life and relationships? Yeah, let's do it!
I took so much for granted with my parents. Now being in my 30s I can't be anything but grateful. I understand I'm one of the lucky ones.
I can relate to the bosom buddies thing (even to today) and though I love my mom, and always will, it sometimes feels like a chore to help with the problems she has---in addition to my own. Especially if she doesn't always execute whatever ideas I give her to try to help. I guess it's just an ear to listen to her is what she wants. But it can be too much sometimes.
wow same here! i totally relate to this
Same but am also scared to tell her am uncomfortable with the shit she shares since I feel like I need to know and help her now it's weird
@@Pink-zl2vq I guess what you could do is still be there for her, but, and this is whenever you're ready, let her know how it's making you feel. If she can express her feelings about things to you, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to do the same.
My mom was a narcissist and I was her trophy child. I’ve been through therapy and am currently keeping my mom at a very safe distance, learning who I am and becoming my true self without her influence. Videos like this remind me that I deserve to be strong and to be myself despite what my mother might say about it. Thank you ♥️
Glad you gained from this video! Any other topic suggestions?
I'm confused. My mom tells me all her problems and what could happen and then gets really made at me when I try to give advice. She likes deciding a lot of things for me and ignores any emotional needs I have. What type of relationship would that be? 🤔
I guess it is a mix of role reversal and emotionally absent mother.
Not a good one at the least, and I know what I‘m talking about sadly…
in our household, she's the only one who's allowed to be sad or mad. show those emotions and you're punished for it.
I find it a little funny how, at the start, I was trying to compare these to my mom. However I came to realize that most of these are my dad's relationship with me. We see eachother more as friends sortof, and he's typically emotionally distant.
Which leads to another point of having a parent that gets you all of the best things possible. When I wanted to learn guitar, my dad would spend a ton of money on a setup for me, even though I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to learn it. My violin right now costs more than my instructor's, who plays in an orchestra. I told my dad I wanted to learn photography as a hobby, and I can't tell you how many features my camera has along with like 10 different lenses. It's overwhelming to have to feel like "If you don't learn this, you're gonna be wasting his money" and it creates almost a disinterest after awhile. I would've more than likely stuck with a lot of my interests if I was able to have a good starting point, as opposed to having to get used to professional-level equipment as I'm starting *just* something.
^ Should also add that I, by no means, hate my dad. However I'm just saying that I don't think he was quite ready to be a father figure.
I think to a point, you're correct in the assessment that your Dad just wasn't ready to be a father... AND part of it is that he's just "trying too hard"...
Look at his buying up or investing so heavily more like "He's trying to plan ahead"... SO you can grow INTO the professional ++ setup... NOT that you have to light a literal fire under your ass to avoid wasting his money...
SO you've got a camera with a dozen lenses and filters, and more features than Darth Vader's Bathroom... It's probably also equipped for a basic "point and shoot" setting(s)... The "starting point" is in the "Quick Set Up Guide" whether its own little booklet, or a chapter in the FAT AS HELL "Owner's Manual"... JUST get the quick part down, and take some photo's... It's not going to matter much what you shoot, so long as you work on just getting your fundamentals down... how it handles light and shadow and motion... jitter... hands shaking... Can you mount it to a tripod or "selfie stick" and what does either of those accomplish? Etc... The first hundred or so shots should just be "stuff" in different settings around your house... AND then go through and see what you liked and what looks better or worse... AND more importantly "WHY"...
Get to know the thing... AND dismiss the extras until you've gotten comfortable with the camera itself... AND then you can start picking up on the exploring parts as YOU are ready.... That's what makes it a "Hobby"...
Look... BOTH of my parents were completely NOT ready for a kid when I came along. My mother and father were still riding motorcycles when she got pregnant... AND as a consequence, I wouldn't shut up and go to sleep until they packed me in a backpack for a night ride on a motorcycle for a couple YEARS into my infancy...
AND if I showed any interest or aptitude at ANYTHING... I got SWAMPED with crap to do with... I'd sketch a cute looking elephant... AND the next thing you know, EVERY TABLE IN THE HOUSE was covered in butcher paper with pens, pencils, crayons, paints, markets... you name it and if it could leave a mark, it was in one of the piles somewhere... I made an improvisation to fix a leather jacket... AND now I have damn nearly enough leather-craft equipment AND LEATHER to supply any THREE shops in town... Built ONE dog house in the backyard... NOW I'm up to my nose in woodworking and carpentry tools...
...I had to learn from VERY early on what it is to literally get BURIED in anything "hobby"... AND you just find a place to start... try to "dummy down" the explanations about "How's that hobby going"... with lots of "Well, it's a work in progress, but I'm figuring it out fine." AND remember to occasionally just get out and away... "I need some ME TIME..." and I'd just disappear for a couple hours... just to breathe.
As they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day."... You CAN learn and grow and explore and DO whatever... It just takes the time and "bandwidth" to focus on the thing when and as it really interests you. Sometimes you'll want to just sit and watch RUclips videos about whatever art/craft/skill you've got the kit to explore, so you can get inspired to explore your OWN creativity with this or that aspect of it (shutter-speeds versus light levels in photochemical cameras... as part of photography... for instance) AND other times, you'll be making your own notes about setting up or performing for whichever skillset...
Anyways... it's just me speaking from my dubious experience... I hope it can help... ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 I see your point, however this isn't just a sorta one-time thing when it comes to me. When I did decide that doing guitar wasn't for me personally, he took it to heart. That's just sorta how he is. He ended up getting *really* into photography because of me, and will take me on photography trips to spend like 5 hours learning the ins-and-outs of the camera anatomy. He has a whole room dedicated to photography stuff (I'd reckon you could call it a studio at this point), but I just wanted to learn it so I could take photos of just random whatever stuff while I'm out on a walk. The problem he faces is similar to the one you had with your family, where he finds something I enjoy doing, and tries to connect with it by spending money on it. He's disappointed when he hears that I didn't go out and take any photos, because he's set his expectations for me to become a professional cameraman.
He just sorta finds something I like and ends up overspending on it, and that's where the pressure comes from. The only things he ironically hasn't gotten too much into is my art hobby, and I've been able to learn it and grow at my own pace. I haven't had to feel pressured to become good at it *because* my dad wants me to.
@@NekoVenture Yeah... I hear you... Maybe take a bit of time and just try to let him know "It's not a hell-no... it's just a not all at once immediately thing."
He sounds like he had a certain level of neglect (emotionally) in his upbringing... or he feels like it... AND he's trying where he thinks he can, to connect with you. He thinks he can take an interest and show it by spending money on it, at least where he thinks he understands what to spend money on...
The problem from here sounds just a little bit like he has a different personal style of showing interest than you quite get... so it feels like he's trying to "buy your love" when he doesn't have to...
ANYWAYS... it's tough trying to figure everybody's sh*t out while you're also just trying to navigate your own feelings, mental hang-ups and issues while you grow up and figure out who YOU are... right???
It's just something to maybe mix into your calculations while you think on it. Sometimes letting someone "help" (even when they're helping us into a coniption fit) can be a kindness we're doing FOR THEM...
In any case, I hope you can manage. I hope you can reach a healthier relationship and all. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 Thanks. And yeah, you pretty much nailed it there
I think some moms tend to only consider a few physical aspects of their kids' needs, (such as provisions, education, etc), and completely neglect the emotional/mental development of their children.
It's the lack of empathy for me
Thank you for this video! I’ve always said my mother was my first bully not my first best friend. Always dumping her personal issues onto me always putting pressure on me to do well, gossiping or talking ill about me to my own sister. It very draining
My biggest fear has been having an unhealthy relationship with my children. I often worried if I was doing this mother thing right since I really didn’t have any positive examples. I thank you for the last quote. I try my best to be self aware and self reflective but I had no idea doing so was actually the best thing I could do not only for myself but also for my children. ❤❤❤❤
Through reflection, you are able to prevent this from happening to the next generation :)
I miss my mom,
My step mom doesn't believe that I have depression, she thinks I'm lying and said my depression and i'm just being "lazy" ...
To the point where I have suicide thoughts because of her yelling and anger, and judgment. (I feel distress or uncomfortable whenever someone yells at me)
my father is the same way i understand the struggle i have tattoos planned of some of the horrible things he’s said to me about my depression getting tatted and crossed out on my body it’s going to be a liberating experience if you don’t like that idea you can always just write it down and correct it prove her wrong
@@Louise-kl7ow I called the suicide hotline 3 times, and the only way I can be ok is by seeking a therapist, and talk to my friends and my boyfriend.
My boyfriend is planning to get me out of here, and come live with him. Where I can be safe and take a breather from my family
@@tanomatics7674 i have high hopes for you it’s extremely difficult to be in those situations all i can recommend is being careful with medication i’m dealing with some narly side affects because my nerves are being affected from withdraw of mine i got taken off of and they are not a cure all like you try to convince yourself KEEP UP WITH THERAPY even when you feel like you don’t need it EVERYBODY could use a therapist
@@tanomatics7674 i will say thou the mindset you seem to have is concerning the placebo affect is so powerful in psychiatric health and thinking think is only one solution or one thing that is unattainable to you at the moment that will “fix” your issues is very dangerous because that closes your mind to any and all other coping mechanisms available and even if you do get desperate enough to try them they might not work with the mindset that only one thing can fix your issue
@@Louise-kl7ow thank you, I just feel so horrible about myself...
My friends pray (even tho they're aren't religious, they wanna pray for me and my situation. My boyfriend will soon hook me up with with a therapist
Because he said i really needed this
Exactly what I needed today honestly
I wish my mommy and granny knew English 💜 But I'm so happy I do and can know how to make a healthy relationship with my child in the future 😊 Thank you so much for this content 🙏
Thank you for supporting us!
@@Psych2go My pleasure 💜
This video is so so accurate . My family is very sweet and over protective but at times they become way too controlling and that really feels like i did something horrible when i didn't I just said what i felt
All the comments tell stories of horrible, horrible abusive mothers oftentimes with a kind of biting hatred attached to them. And I don’t blame you guys, I would probably feel the same way. But as I exist as a person, I can’t imagine saying anything bad about my mom. She loves me so much and her life is stressful, and she’s a great friend to me. She helped me through a lot of tough emotional times, she goes on walks with me on occasion, and we’re a lot closer to each other than your average mother/son (not in the creepy way don’t worry). I always saw it as a good thing, even if I knew that most of my friends would consider it a bit unusual. I clicked on this video out of curiosity, not expecting to have any of these things apply to my mom and right away number one slaps me in the face. When I stop and think about what the rest of my home life is like though, all of a sudden the pieces began to fall together. This is not a good thing. This relationship was born out of toxicity, even if it wasn’t because of my mom but rather as a response to some other problems within my family. Sorry for ranting, I basically have no where else to put this shit except my brain. At least in my experience, that’s not a good place to keep stuff for too long.
Yeah. I know I am not at my best with my kids as far as connection. It's tough because I don't want to be like that but it's the way I was raised so that's the map I have in my brain but I truly truly hate it. I know it's not too late but it will take time. Things are getting better since I quit drinking but I'm not where I wish I could be. It's so helpful to have these videos. Thank you so much.
Y’all are the best and help so much
My story isn't about my mum but my father. My purpose in life is to live a life of my preference, which means to move out and live in other countries. However I can feel that my father thinks I am a selfish person and that he loved me so much that I took it for granted and only thought about myself. I mean??? what's the point? Am I selfish if I want to live a life to the fullest? Literally the traditional thoughts that have shaped my father really make me suffer. To his expectation, it's my responsibility to stay at home and take care of family stuffs. I don't want to live that life.
My mom is more like a friend to me, like, a person who i adore, trust and easily being open with.
As someone abandoned by they're mother I wouldn't know this one lol
im lucky to have a caring mom but everyone with mom issues pls take care!
I never realized until much, much later in life that what I had growing up was NOT normal or RIGHT.
Ikr? When I was facing trauma I thought everybody had it so I didnt really care... But then I saw the cruel side of the world, eh.
I feel I was very much stuck in a "boss/subordinate" relationship with a dash of "trophy child." High expectations, very little reward for meeting them, and very little agency. Instead of turning me into a dependent wreck, it turned me into someone who's typically independent to the point of my own detriment, because I resent control and authority that much. My oldest younger sister got stuck with something more like role reversal, and practically raised the other 3 until she bailed and got an apartment. Both of us barely speak to the incompetent, negligent mess we call "mom" at this point. The worst part is, the woman has no excuse. She was raised in a healthy, loving family and is quite literally a genius, so she doesn't even have the paper-thin excuse of having her own parental issues or being unable to fill her role.
I have never related to a comment section more. To my mother, everything is a result of my fault. Something bad at work? My fault. Something wrong with the weather? My fault. And she is so scary when she screamed at me, she will back me into the wall and I can feel her spit land on me because she is that close to me. Its like I am constantly walking on eggshells around her. She is the main reason I have anxiety, depression, shut down during confrontation, and I have hardly no healthy copeing skills because I was never taught any.
At this point I just know that as an a adult I will NOT tolerate anyone yelling at me. I will kick them out. I will not be treated how my mother treated me.
Take care
My mother literally dumb all her problem on me. Further worsening my suicidal thoughts.
Sorry about this... hope your healing journey is smooth!
Thanks for making this video! It's, unfortunately, very familiar to me and I'm glad you are educating on mother-child dynamics to avoid.
When my sister and me first saw tangled we said that our mom reminded us of Gothel. But my mom really goes back and forth between the emotional and instructional parentifications.. rather than feeling like a daughter I feel like a servant and if I try to do anything good for me I’m told I’m being selfish and that I don’t consider how my mom feels
The emotional absent point was absolutely correct and for the first time I came to know why I behave this way. My mother ignored me never appreciated me.Now i see futility on engaging with anyone even talk to my classmates. Because subconsciously I think there's no point they ultimately gonna left me or ignore me .
Wait- moms are a solid person who sticks around and doesn’t come and go, both emotionally and physically?!!!
The emotionally absent mother is real, she doesn't give an F about me and never will :(
My mom passed away when I was 2, so I was raised by my maternal grandmother. She would tell me I should’ve died instead of my mom one moment, then come crying asking for forgiveness the next.
It was just a mess
This is why- I dont want to have kids, until *I* am mentally prepared
My mom is a mix of all of these(except the second one) and the worst thing about it is she thinks she is the perfect parent. I understand how much she cares about me and all she has done for me and wants to do for me, but she still is very toxic towards me and thinks its okay.
She belives its fine because I ended up turning out as a star child but had developed many mental issues later on. The only thing she can't handle is my sister who is the complete opposite of me and live freely but doesn't do what she needs to. The worst thing is she spoils my older sister and then my sister disregards anything my mom says and asks me for advice. I do give her advice by saying for her to set voundries and create rules but she never does. She also started trating me terribly for no reason at all recently and I think its because of the amount of time she spends with my sister. Everytime this happens, my mom resents me more and more and all I'm doing is trying my hardest to get through life and she continues to make it terrible.
I wish I could move out but I'm 13 and can't even get a job.
Thankfully I don't have that issue because she cut me and my brother out of her life when we were young; was she toxic prior to that? Absolutely but she stopped all contact when I was 15 so it's a strangely blessed relief that I needn't deal with that pain anymore. Twenty years with no word from her, she's never reached out, never acknowledged our existence - she's the one missing out and I pity her, she made her choice and she'll have to live with that.
You guys are so good I finally feel understood because of this video so thank you so much so many people claim that they care for you and they do but the way that they do it is not appropriate
0:24 “am I a good mom”
Wearing *that* anime mom hairstyle: 🧍🏻♀️
Reminds me of Langa's mom's hairstyle
She looks like someone from march comes in like a lion
I love my mom dearly. She's always helped me when I was bullied at school, and she had me at an older age with my dad. When I was six, she started telling me all the bad things that were happening, and she once told me a bad experience she had in her youth with a woman that was a lesbian who wouldn't take a hint, which is why she dislikes lesbians. This has prevented me from coming out as bisexual to not only her, but my family as a whole because most of them are homophobic. My mom has also had a lot of health problems, so I've had to help her while my dad just walked away and left me with her. I have a lot of happy memories with my mom, especially since I'm on the Spectrum and is her first and only child.
Though my mother wasn't very mean to me, she still did fall in all those categories. She would always speak as if I was the one tying her to my father who was never really that concerned about the family. She would always talk about her concerns but never listen to mine and tell that all my concerns are trival and I am making a big fuss out of everything.
And obviously, I also feel as if I am a product to show off in front of my relatives and parents friends. Even if I like something that they don't like, I have to not do all that, so I am forced to hide what I truly like doing.
Sometimes I feel all of this just made me loose who I am.
If only they could leave me alone and try to give me some space and time to think about myself rather than responsibilities. I do get that they sacrificed so much to take care of me, but I to am still a child who wants to live a normal life. I don't want to be bound by these chains of responsibility and expectations.
I wanted to do a college stats thesis on the correlation between abusive mothers to their sons, and whether there's a higher percentage of the those males being abusive towards women in a relationship compared to those who were not. It was deemed "offensive."
I believe it to be very true.
I was just talking about my mum yesterday and my relationship with her and this video popped up
Thank you ^^
I'm tired of always having to do what my mother says, I mostly don't care about that but then she says I have to obbey her and if I ask why she responds "because I'm your mother". It's true that I always want to do things my own way. I think the problem between us started since I was a child, same with my dad.
Either way, I can't do anything, I've tried talking to them, they just keep thinking the same old way. If they are not going to change their way of raising, then I'm going to stop thinking they will change
Another toxic trait that should be added to the list is dealing with an alcoholic mother. When my mother was still alive, she drank almost everyday when she was raising me. She was ex-military from the United States Air Force. I had a rough childhood and teen life having up and down relationships with my mom, plus going through fights as well because of her severe alcoholism that really angered me as a child. She even lied to me many times for years about trying to quit drinking, but I understand that alcohol addiction was very hard to quit, plus she tried to get help, but everything failed to get her to stop drinking. In 2010, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cirrohsis and still kept on drinking until mid-2011, where she developed more health issues, which she finally did stop drinking, but it was already too late as the damage has been done. My mother died in 2012 from that liver disease. I will always remember the good times with my mom and I wish I could have patched things up with her from all the fighting and other stuff in the past. Even as an adult I still struggle with mother issues since my dad is now remarried to my step-mom because of some things I still had in the past with my mom. The exception though is my step-mom does not drink and she was able to get my father to stop drinking alcohol because of their good relationship, but there were some similar things from her that reminded me of my relationship with my mom, which is why I struggle sometimes with my relationship to my step-mom. Alcoholism runs in the family, but it's better to never follow in those footsteps and do the best you can to live life to the fullest.
With each of your parenting videos, I appreciate my parents more! My mom isn't perfect, though she's absolutely the best that she can be under her particular circumstances, and she's helped me be that way too. I hope I'm able to thank her adequately.
I think my mom is my best friend, so like bosom buddies. However around 9 my mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and a cancerous tumor on her thyroid in the same year. I ended up falling and repeating 3rd grade. Luckily in that time I had my step dad helping us. Unfortunately after they split we moved to another state, Maryland. There I started becoming her caregiver and I still am today (I'm 23) it is kinda scary that I have no social life. When I started dating this guy he got tired of me only being able to see him once a week for the night (not even a day) that lasted a few months and I'm alone again. He didn't even know all the preparation I had to do for that little bit of time and feel anxious if my mom is alright or had a convulsions :(
My mum told me how she felt about family members, told me gossip but only about the members she didn't like until i felt the same about them which is a huge regret for me and she would dump all her work life on me too so i knew every person she worked with and what they were like. When i tried to talk about myself she never had time to listen, it was always "i've just got up" or "i've just got home from work" or she was asleep in front of the tv 😔 she was emotionally absent with me but not with my sisters
I once asked for this and I'm SUPER happy about it
That's how it is with my mother. I'm her best friend and she comes to me with her problems and expects ideas and advice from me. But she's also the boss and I'm the servant. I do a lot for her but I receive very little respect back, mainly boundaries/borderlines of peace and privacy.
as a gifted child, i’m constantly shown off to other people. personally, i just want to work on getting a healthier body (i’m hella overweight, and my hair is not healthy, neither is my skin) and i want to grow up to own a small cafe/library. sadly, my parents want to to stay smart, go to college, start a big business, buy them a nice
house and pay for their crap. sounds like a movie lol
Empathy is so important in any relationship not just family you're allowed to be angry you're allowed to say what you feel never let anyone make you feel that just because you're a child you don't have real feelings which is so sad
I really do have a toxic mother…she said something that said that I’m not a normal person. This especially hurt because I have autism, ADHD, etc. My mother has been toxic to me…
i’ve been blinding thru 3 out of 5 of these blindly, thank you so much
I definitely had an emotionally absent mother. She died when I was 23, but I don’t remember when she last said “I love you” or hugged me. 😢 I was a self-entertaining child, but I suppose I grew that way because when she was at college/work, I was left with my emotionally absent grandmother. I grew to like being left alone, but I desperately craved her love and attention.
Oof. That fun realization that your Mom was a funky mashup of 4/5 of the examples, in varying degrees and flavors. Bosom Buddies & Role Reversal came as a 2 for 1 deal 🙃
These sorts of things are informative and helpful to try to parse through my relationship with her, it's just weird and feels almost wrong to do it now that she's passed away. We were damn near attached at the hip, and I can't help but feel like she's watching me figure this out and feeling hurt about it. Which is silly, I know, but... yeah.
Very helpful for me for raising my son in a positive way ❤️👍
I'm too scared to show this to my mom... I'm too scared to share anything with her😔 I cried watching this..
The second thing you said sounds like my father, except my mom is almost the opposite so I kinda get a balance
Parenting is hard, especially as the kids get more mature. If you have a friend who is a parent, especially a single parent, check in on them and offer to help out or just spend time with them, even if the kids are around.
I listen to your videos even i can't understand some words. Just your voice relaxes me. Really your voice is like heaven💜💜💜
My mother is definitely number one .
Start the video the first point describe my mother very well
I've been told by my mom that i was unimpactful and useless, never thought that until this years i would still believe it.
Parenthood is is not easy and there's no perfect way to raise a child....The only thing needed is acknowledging the fact that the two parents and the child might be together and and are emotionally attached to eachother are three separate individuals with their thoughts,ideas and feelings the key is helping each other improve upon those ideas and not change cause you think yours is better and empathize with the feeling instead of shrugging them making them or feel guilty or sorry for themselves instead empathize with them and encourage and be supportive and let them find the best possible solution to their problems.There will always be times when mistakes will be avoid keeping any baggage.
Please make one off father's who's motives are hidden behind the mother's toxicity
I feel like my relationship with my mother is a price of all of this
Xoxo hope you find peace and happy healing
I do feel like my mom and i have toxic relationship even without starting the video 😭
Yah my parents only want to show others that im a good child i really am a good child but when they talk about sensitive topics like that it really breaks my heart and thats where's i draw the line
The role-reversal is my mom from when I was really young I was forced to play the role of Mom and I had to raise my two sisters and the more that my mom said that is better for us and ended up being worse and getting us to really bad situations all the way up to abuse
My mother liked to to make everything seem like everything is picture perfect and pretended that she took care of us 24/7 and that she was the best mother
@@yuliy_20811 ah... I'm really sorry for what have you been gone through! But I truly believe that you are a wonderful and strong person.
HEY GOOD EVENING MY FRIENDS AND TOXIC FAMILY, I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY TO SEE HOW EVERYONE IS DOING THIS EVENING. PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS, I'M A LITTLE UNDER THE WEATHER.TEE💯🙏💪💙
I can relate to some of these 🥺 thank you🌹
I get screamed at from my mom everyday
" . . .engaging is useless so they start to suppress their emotions . . . they may also become closed off because of the heightened fear of rejection they experienced as children." The schizoid recipe. It works really well in a family with a long lineage of schizoids.
At the end of the day, we should accept that human beings can never be perfect esp. as a parent, we can never be perfect enough but as much as we love them, do yourself a favor and choose your own self for your own growth especially if the parents are not willing to be aware of their own inadequacy anymore and when you realize being with them/near them hurts both your relationship. We can love them from a distance, and when they are finally ready to open their hearts and confront their own shadows as we are too, we can finally be close once again, or maybe for some, it can never be but that's okay and we should never feel guilty. We should never hold on to those unclear promises and expectations to the parents that they will get better or just cause they say they love us, and choose how we can be authentic to ourselves and to choose what our hearts yearn for instead- most likely without them.
I hope I can finally obtain freedom for myself and live alone someday that way, I can really explore who I really am and can finally have the space to rediscover myself all over again, just need to find a stable job so I can find a room to rent to 😅
I have a young brother who rules over me 😅. Please make a video on how one should treat his/her brother 😊. I will be very grateful 🌈
emotionally absent mother, i have this. but my mother mainly sits in her room, covered in dog piss. she left my father to raise me. and only really cares about me if it's my mental state.
The best online therapist, lets admit it
Also the issue of the parent undermining and criticizing your choices, even if they deny or dont notice it.
It's difficult to feel like you can make "the right choice" in the situation.
I hope you don't mind if I just vent, fellow people
Ok now to start from the start I first of all want to say That I know my mom loves me but she's just irresponsible and really doesn't care about my mental health when I told her I may have Anxiety she told she knew that BUT refused to get me medical intention and just said "get over it" and "stop stressing so much" oh btw a side note my mom wasn't really there for me as a child because she was a doctor and overall just really busy whenever I tired to show her my affection for her she just ignored it .. leaving me to see my aunt as a mother figure to me as she took my affection and love and gave me some in return but I can't blame her tbh she didn't go to work on Sundays to be with me. I have to say my little brother is the lucky sibling here since We moved closer to my mom's clinic he can go to her whenever he wants and my mom's more responsible and just overall better at parenting then before also, sorry for ranting for so long- 😅Edit: so AND I AM NOT EVEN DONE BTW -