COPARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST WITH DR RAMANI PART 1
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
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HOW TO COPARENT WITH A NARCISSIST//Are trying to co-parent with a narcissist or a toxic ex? In this video, Rebecca sits down with @doctorramani and they discuss all things dealing with coparenting when you have a narcissist on the other side. Whether you are still married or in a relationship with a narcissist, divorcing a narcissist, or still trying to co-parenting with a narcissist ex, it can seem all but impossible. This is Part 1 of a 2 part episode on Co-Parenting with a Narcissist, and part of an overall series with Rebecca and Dr. Ramani on How to Negotiate with a Narcissist in Divorce. If you are ready for some real guidance on how to protect your children and get real world, usable advice on how to deal with coparenting with a narcissistic father or narcissistic mother, check out this video.
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"It's single-parenting with an elephant on your back."
"It actually would be easier to be a full-on single parent than to co-parent with a narcissist."
Those are the most accurate statements I've ever heard.
Right!!!!!!
I 100% AGREE!!!!
If I could offer just one piece of unsolicited advice to any young person it would be: "be VERY careful who you have a child with".
😂 lol
Amen
Thank you for saying “They don’t want what’s best for the kid, they want what’s best for them” it so true and a very sad thing to have to deal with for my daughter.
Yes. Correct. My ex took my daughter resort with her partner without notifying me. They are still in resort. They has not come back to Bangkok for a month because of corona. They say it is the best of interest for my daughter as it is dangerous to go back to Bangkok.
So many people with the same issues. She so good at it. She made the courts in California to make me look bad. We need to start a legal fund for everybody this is ridiculous for the children because they might end up repeating the same thing that they're going through now with their family. Tragic times.
I'm in the same boat and it's hard to see how it breaks my baby's heart
Stay strong!
I love Dr. Ramani! I love how she recognizes the fact the courts are not doing its best to handle these situations. Always keep it real!
Worst thing I ever did in my life was marry and have two children with one of these. 23 years of hell and I'm starting over with nothing at 57.
Same here. I'm now 69 & it's taken me this long to get to almost where I was financially at age 12. In the last 20 years I had 3 kids to raise, support through school, make sure they had braces, etc.
I laugh about the term co-parent. My children's dad didn't even realize he was supposed to feed the boys when they were in his world.
Talking about braces, I had to pay for & provide the children's braces, even though the court ordered him to provide the braces through his insurance from work. He fought them & put his new supply in charge of the children's medical & dental. I could not get any info without court orders that he kept being in contempt of.. After 2 years the need was critical for my youngest so I paid for all his orthodontist bills with cash.. The narc went into the dental office & screamed & threw a fit until he was removed by a sheriff deputy. He later bragged that he "won" another issue that I was "making up."
Im with you ladies. Its devestating. Im still not out from under this. Blindsided by an emergency exparte full of lies and lots of set ups. Including using my son who os such a mess right now. Which means im a mess and trying to come across as credible and calm in the crisis after 13 years every year is almost impossible. What does it feel like to be free?
@@anneabbott1868 The only advice I can give you is slow down your brain/body and breathe. He wants you to react and look unbalanced. Count to 10, tell him you need to go to the restroom, wait a day, whatever you need to do to calm yourself down. Then think, rest on it, and then respond. Whatever you can do to get yourself to respond and not react. I hope you have a therapist or a way to get one. Maybe even doc to your doctor about what's going on.
@@sylviaoesterwinter8858 thank you. Yes the trauma spin is so intense. He plans the bombs it like clockwork. Hes covert. The nicest guy ever. Just some hardluck. Dont know why that ex wife is always causing so much drama! Thats how it goes. I cant believe how many people he can fool.
I’m in the same boat age 52, it’s a tough gig.
Some narcissists don’t mind running back and forth to court and spending the time and money as They enjoy seeing you frustrated with the process .
It’s like a fun game for them!!!! They love it!!!
I'm just hoping my child gets out alive.....and becomes his genuine good hearted self.
I'm right there as well. :(
I know what you mean exactly. Never wanted these issues in our lives. Sad pockmarks. Prayers.
The only problem here is the narcissists themselves are incapable of being "good hearted" and will do everything they can to destroy any chance of any kind of loving relationship, and will USE the children to do it. the malignant narcissist will burn it to the ground and laugh about it. they do not care, even if it involves criminal acts against their own children they do not care. you have no idea.
It’s exhausting living in constant fear of your children’s safety when they are with such evil monsters. I’m always feeling despair and helpless, left praying I’ll see them again. But the courts are completely ignorant and don’t see how important it is to understand how dangerous these toxic parents are and deciding custody arrangements is not a “one size fits all” and should always entail a more thorough process. The family court system needs an overhaul and that needs to include education in behavioral psychology specifically toxic personality disorders and how detrimental these parents are to future generations. It’s a big problem, where to start?!! :(
Dr. Armani nailed it. It wasn't coparenting, it was single parenting with an elephant on your back. When my ex husband realized he could no longer abuse me, he went after psychologically abusing my daughter. He was a monster. Him and his narcissistic family descended on her like a pack of vultures and did nothing but terrorize her from the time she was a toddler. He would try to terrorize and legally threaten me despite having an agreement signed. I always responded to his behaviour towards me and his abuse towards our daughter under the guidance of a lawyer. I was told by a lawyer that if he brought up issues or tried to start trouble with my daughter then I had no choice but to deal with it because of how it might upset her. I had no choice but to teach her what I wanted her to know and try to shield her from his abuse regardless of what other people thought.
Lynda will you contact me and give me advice. I'm in the thick of it. I need to protect my sons psyche.
Good for you!! It can be so hard trying to protect your child with all the lawyers and courts breathing down your neck telling you what to do/say or NOT do/say. Walking the fine line of not badmouthing the other parent is hard enough, good for you if you’re able to get to the point to not care what others think and parent the way you need to.
@@vanessagunn1910 I saw yr comment about yr narc husband & children…I hope all is well with U as their Mother today. I’m 66… just take a breath & remember U r the Daughter of God…His Child. Sit on His lap as His arms comfort U & tell Him ALL about it the rest there for yr healing Love…then pass yr Love & comfort to yr children. Say nothing about yr X…just Love on those kids. Sometimes U need to even say Unr sorry for Your pain they saw & tell them U understand their difficulties but ARE strong for all of them. Together Love will surround all of u in your home & seek peace everywhere -every time u can. If yr X is abusive…calmly report it but ALWAYS have times, dates & detail. Get a letter or documented call if someone else knows of this by witnessing the physical, verbal or mental abuse on yr child. Children r God’s in our care. Do it well & do it in Live. Be well
As a person who grew up with two narcissists, the best advice is... don't. I don't care if you have to move out of state. The things that were done to my head, and were normalized to me as a child were so damaging that it would have been healthier for me to grow up in FOSTER CARE than with my actual parents. 100%. Don't co-parent with a narcissist. They don't care about your child any more than they care for anyone else. Which is to say, they don't, unless the child is giving them supply. It WILL come back to haunt you, they WILL hurt the child no matter how much you think you can control the situation. Get away from them. Divorce them, run away, give your kid to extended family, surrender them to a fire station. I don't care how, just don't do this. Please. For your kid. Do not raise them with a narcissist. Get them away.
@@leeannzoe8547 Thank you
So there basically is NO WAY to Co-parent WITHOUT a court order ?!? Has it been seen?
I’m so afraid to go to war..
and OMG YES! he will charm the courts
Grrr so frustrating
My was a narcissist with a 15yo daughter and him and the mother didn’t have a court order.. but I think it’s rare. The daughter didn’t want to be around her dad because he was frightening, angry and abusive maybe not towards her directly but definitely in front of her
They don’t care any agreement. They break the agreement without any hesitation.
No matter what its there way or no way, My ex always says no that isn't gonna work and we can go to court if you can agree.
It's to the point that every little thing has to be broken down in detail in an agreement or he will argue about what is in the agreement.
Hire an attorney trust. It’s gonna be war. Get ready.
If you can afford it go courts. You need a third party to over see their well being
"Single parenting with an elephant oh your back", haha! No kidding. I did it once when my first wife decided she didn't want to be an adult anymore and it was much easier...I have already raised three daughters as a single father with zero help and now trying to co-parent with a narcissist mother with two young sons is darn near impossible so that resonated well with me. :-)
My cousin went through that. Whoa!!! I couldn't believe that his ex wife was so evil.
Ah ha moment when she says even when u were married u didnt co parent lol BINGO
I believe 50/50 should be automatic, then evidence needs to be given as to why not. Because fathers are not always the narcissistic parent. Sometimes it's the mother. So having the mother have them primarily and the dad getting them 4 days a month isn't always great. Please keep this in mind.
Usually, it's the mother/female who is the narcissist. That's what the data were showing before the very feminist APA removed NPD from their manual. Of course, we know this because every culture in the world has myths thousands of years old predicting this finding.
Very well said bro I went thruu exactly that
50/50 is terrible. Kids need a stable home base and 50/50 does not offer that. My child’s father ( we share one) and his ex wife ( they share 2) had the dumb idea to take /keep
The Kids every other day. Really? Every other dayc they are being rushed around to each parents house? Makes no sense. Would you like to go that? Most adults would hate that agreement
@@jamespeterson2690 women are most likely to have BPD and men APD/NPD. If someone is attracted to any of those types of people, it’s best to look within to see why , then to look outward and try to think of the reasons why you would have a child with someone who has those cluster b symptoms . Most often they show up before a child comes along, we just don’t want to see it.
@@jb-ze1yh
There's no reason to look around to figure out why anyone would be victimized by these creatures. The answer is: women are allowed to file for divorce. And they do. 80% of all divorces are filed by women.
So, the court encourages them. Back in the day, when everyone understood that woman worship means male human sacrifice because the Bible and history told them so, there were constraints on the selfish impulses of these Jezebels. The constraints came off, and the truth came out.
By comparison, I have a business. I once offered a full refund for any reason. I offer a service, so the product wasn't returnable. I saw 1 or 2 refunds ($2K) a month because people claimed they weren't satisfied. As soon as I ended that policy and just offer to fix any problems, I not only don't have refunds, but I don't get even close to 1 to 2 "fix it" requests a month:
My lax regulation empowered the worst impulses in these latent thieves. The law, which has become pagan, needs to stop favoring women. It should actually disfavor whoever files for divorce first because that person breaks promises and can't be trusted. Problem solved.
21:00 There are also times where the narcissist manipulates the therapist. Let's be honest, a lot of THERAPISTS don't understand narcissism. So the therapist is manipulated and then unwittingly becomes a co-abuser. I've seen it happen twice.
Yes I experienced this and actually had a dissociative episode during the counseling session when the therapist spoke to me in a dismissive tone and seemingly sided with my abusive ex when responding to a made up story by him. I couldn't even speak I was so shut down. Definitely traumatic.
This happened to me so much! My ex dragged me to counseling to lie and gaslight me which caused further isolation (multiple therapists). My part, I quit standing up for myself. When it was clear that the therapist was believing his lies I just sat quietly and shrugged thinking there was no point. Never give up, always speak the truth.
These ideas are very text bookish. Narcissist knows how to get around all this. Does not work. Sorry
This needs to go Viral like I wish I watched this year's ago
Exactly.
Since my son was born I'd hoped that his mother would change, 5 years later the torture is still going on, majority of it is constantly belittling me in public and on social media.. I'm about to try parallel parenting and see if that helps because I can't take the stress anymore. This video is great 👍
I love Dr. Ramani too. Did you see the way she looked at the camera while being introduced.
I don’t know what to do all of this sounds so difficult and I’m already drowning. She projects everything on to me and convinces everyone I’m the problem. I just can’t do this anymore
You two are my ABSOLUTE favorites on this subject!!! I’m so glad you two gems of ladies have collaborated!!! This is pure platinum!!!!!❤️💕
sometimes they may have children because that's what hooks you
Custody evaluators can be very bad. Gave custody to the narcissist.
Professionals who aren’t savvy on pathological parental alienation make things worse. Happened to me too with a court ordered reunification counselor who called child welfare on me despite my daughter not being in my home for 9 months. Then, if that wasn’t enough, the child welfare report labeled me as the one causing “mental injury” when it’s my narcissistic ex causing the mental injury. It’s amazing how the narc can write a false narrative and weaponize their victimhood and have their own child do the same.
It was easier to be a single parent.
Dr Ramani, can you please do an ep on what to say to one's grown daughters about their narcissistic father? I have a strong instinct to warn them about such men, and also to explain how it was for me. But I also want them to have a relationship with their father, as I was estranged from mine. Just let them learn their own lessons? I have never liked how he often talks to them and worry re damaged self esteem.
You should have started that a long time ago
My ex got me pregnant, obviously I had a hand, but he did it to control me. When I escaped him, he was mad. Our child is literally an extension to his false image. There is no real concern or accountability to our child. He is currently trying to throw out my protection order to get visitation. Our child isn’t even two yet. So, I am worried I’ll be interacting with him more than the child. He has painted me to be mentally ill and unfit and a welfare professional, especially since I opened a child support case. To which he is lying about his earnings. He and his flying monkey mom, have money. They are lawyered up and serving me and just pushing these pending accusations. It’s overwhelming.
Omg we are in the same exact situation. I had to look at the user name to see if I didn't post this comment myself.
Flying monkey mom's are a monumental problem. My ex son in law ( 🤮 ) continues to be supported by his mother as he tears apart the lives of two ex wives and 7 children. His sense of entitlement and lack of empathy is unbelievable. I lay awake nights wishing that he will be dead in the morning.
@@dianahummel1874 my exes mother always has a safety net out for him even though she knows he is a shit father, she will still back him up and pay for every thing. She has created a monster. So entitled, and selfish, no culpability
@@melanierose584 " safety net " the perfect description of my ex son in law's mommy. He is 45. ......2 marriages and 7 children. All shattered because he had to boost his ego by having sex with married women while he was married himself. The 1st time his wife was pregnant with their third child. ( that IS, ...wben he got caught ). Second marriage.....my daughter was a stay at home mom of 4 children ages 2 - 10. What a scumbag. My husband and I bought them a brand new house. Boy were WE STUPID!!!
@@melanierose584 I just watched 2 separate Datelines of men who murdered their wives. Their mommy's were their safety net. Just like Scott Peterson's mother. I always wonder...
"Did those mothers CREATE their narc son's mental disorder?..Or are the mothers a victim of their son also?. He always spoke badly of her behind her back for not giving him large amounts of money that he asked her for. Including his inheritance BEFORE she dies...." because he NEEDS it". Poor woman STILL isn't dead. He asked her for her money 15 years ago to " pay off his exwife". He thinks everyone else is supposed to pay for his life. Talk about entitlement! He is shacking up with the skank he left his family for. He's 45. She is 35 and will be having his 8th child soon I'm sure. It is all about image to him. What a pathetic MORON. I caught him in lies from day 1. Warned my daughter who was 20 (him 28)
So grateful for you two! Sharing your knowledge and expertise to the public for free is something pretty outstanding! I'm clawing my way through each day. It's most definitely a fight but listening to you two and others on RUclips is really a great help, especially when the ruminating thoughts and horrid memories begin to creep up.
I love dr Ramani to infinity and I appreciate the honesty of the lawyer, first time watching her video.
Parental Alienation is common with the narcissist co parent. I’ve heard horror stories about brainwashing and alienating the other parent. It’s a nightmare.
Currently going through that :(
Thank you so much! Thank you 🙏🏻
The legal systems need to get with the times. Currently struggling with a narcissistic co- parent. It’s an exhausting uphill battle to keep my kid emotionally safe. I feel I see more court than my own home. It’s bullshit family court doesn’t take this into account and the damages it causes the children that never get addressed. I pray for changes, in the meantime I thank you for your coping strategies. It’s a huge help.
“Single parenting with an elephant on your back” Yep!
Single parenting with one more child than you gave birth to who is so toxic and insists on riding on your back, you're right. Needs to be on the school curriculum.
What hurts me is that she does not care how her narcissistic behaviour tore our family - I love my kids but wish I could have had my 2 girls with someone sane. She used to yell at them and we always had fights about it, like do not take out your anger with the world on my kids. They live with her and I am worried my kids will adopt this behaviour as the only way to resolve issues.
I'm in the same exact situation as u bro
I’m just joking the boat bro i don’t know what to do
For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be what you want to be. There is no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. And if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Nix 123,You look stunning 🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
My ex wouldn’t let me parent. It is part of her control on me. Knowing it’s my biggest fear to be a bad father.
The courts do not punish this type of behavior harshly enough. My ex wife is so good at this stuff, she's fooled two different child therapists. It finally came out. All is good now with no contact and I have full custody of my daughter.
The app is a great idea. The narcissist resists it but if it's ordered it's a great way to expose their bad attitude and behaviour.
My ex refused to use it. I would have had to spend thousands of more dollars and days off work to take him back to court. They just think the rules dont apply to them.
You differentiate between divorce and paternity. This is important. Many children are born after short sexual involvements between people who are essentially strangers.
There are unique challenges to that circumstance, as you can imagine.
How to you deal without knowing the person for leverage or for anticipating their actions?
Thank you ladies for this amazing content, this is so difficult to watch the damage this behavior does to a child.. just knowing I'm not the only one helps!
This was intense. Personally dealt with every topic you touched. Thank you for teaming up to make these videos! Separation/ divorce with kids is one thing. But what happens after when you throw a narcissistic "co" parent in the mix! Thank you THANK YOU
This is a really hard to listen to.
I was a full time father and have been stuck with Disney Daddy status after going six in a half months without getting to physically see my child because my partner took our son and withheld him.
She convinced the court that I am an alcoholic, drug addict, emotionally and physically abusive, all in hear say. The judge made her decisions based on, “she could be telling the truth”.
She was constantly working and barely home and the court believed her when she said she relieved me every two hours because I was stressed and couldn’t handle taking care of our child alone. I left my job and became a full time parent when our son was ten months old.
This is triggering, but powerful and incredibly helpful. Thank you.
i’m so glad you two have come together especially talking about this topic . I have been looking for an episode about coparenting . thanks
this conversation is aimed very much as if the father is always the narcissist, it would be nice to actually hear the mother being the example, as that’s what i’m going through at the minute
Informative, however, I hate that this conversation leans towards the father being the narcissist. In my case, the mother is the narcissist and the court didn’t use the 50/50 situation as she moved a month before his birth to another state. So it’s more like 95/5 and I get 5 at best when she feels like being cooperative. Narcissist mothers benefit from courts who haven’t adopted the 50/50 and label the mom the best parent automatically. They stand in the same complain line as mothers who rightfully deserve full custody and they milk that sympathy.
Please get involved in "Shared parenting Law"! Children of color should have equal access to both their parents! Contact the National Parents Organization.
There are far more women narcissistic sociopaths because they are being given permission and even inspired to act this way. In my case its a woman.
@@mattlarson3795 What about children who aren't "of" color??? Such ridiculous word play. ALL CHILDREN should have that. Thanks.
@@mattlarson3795 Can you share a bit more info? My partner is currently dealing with something very similar.
In this day & age - how is it that family law attorneys & judges are still not required to attain knowledge with narcissistic personalities? Emotional well-being of the children really does not seem considered in “best child factors”.
Agree 100%. And the fact that the children, even when they are teens, have zero say is so wrong. Talking to kids would reveal a lot about what is really going on.
How do you get out of a toxic relation ship/ co parenting when you and child have no way out financially and family is far away. There not able to financially help out,waiting on housing lists that seem to be going nowhere.
I was in this same situation. Look up domestic violence shelters in your area And non-profits for women’s . I had to do a lot of asking and trying but I eventually got into a program that placed me in an apartment , I got daycare through county and started working ...3 years later and I now don’t need to ask anything of him or his family. Blessings 💕
Like mentioned above, you want to check out the shelters. From my personal experience , if you and your babies are in a shelter it kind of pushes you up on the list of programs.
Wow... I have been through all of this. Jan 2020 my story is so long and outdrawn due to covid and how the courts in NYC have handled my case against the mother. She refused to go to rehab. She refused to take my stepson to therapy. Family protective services asked if I would take him. I said yes. But she has final say because it is her son. We have a daughter 7 in common. And my stepson 11 has hit his sister in front of other people and family members. I was going for full custody of both kids. And she told the courts take her son off. And the courts granted it. I was removed from my house because she got and order of protection. I also had one. But I got served first. Which is a whole other disgusting law. So much confusion and non sense. She makes it all about her. She has her flying monkeys. And gaslights every chance. I finally agreed to a 50/50 split. And the judge could not find the case. So that prolonged the case. Finally in july 2021 she asked my lawyer if I would withdraw my custody case and my oop. And she would withdraw hers. I was told to go to my house which I own and work things out. She changed the locks to the house. She claims she was told by the court I would not return to my home. She makes statements like "I was under the impression." And "Moving forward." She has never shown any remorse for what she did to our daughter. I had to get another order and have a new court case. She is running a legal daycare in my house with no over head. And she keeps telling me "you can have your house back soon. I will make a purchase soon." I am in the process of evicting her. But the law changed again for evictions. My case started in Jan 2020. Was delayed over 4 to 5 times. The clerk or who ever would send the case to the wrong parts of the court. And finally I gave in july 27th 2021. I realized she withdraw her case because she would eventually have to testify to the things she had done. She has played me, the kids, the lawyers, the judge, family protective services, and everyone she can. I've seen her use people and when she no longer needs them. They are discarded. So many signs were there. But when you have kids....
First and foremost good morning bro I just read everything you wrote understand you I just learned about these demons my son is one going onto she got a order protection on me she left with my son got him 3 hours away bro I'm doing research and by me doing that it's making me think about everything that ever happened was said done did I'm just trying to get the knowledge I already know I got a long journey
@@jamesthehustler1735 🙏📿🙏📿🙏📿Good morning. When they do those things they do. You are almost in a defenseless position. And by her taking the child far away. It gets even more complicated. My older son is in the same position as you. Right now My daughter will be 9 soon. She has asked me when she can stay with me full time. I told her between 13 and 14. So right now she is disappointed. She lives 5 minutes away now. And that helps because we can still see each other as much as we want. My daughter has a tremendous amount of empathy for others. I believe it will be hard for my ex to control her. Unlike my step son. He is the golden child of the narcissist and my daughter is the scape goat child. Educate yourself as much as you can. My ex was still having her mail sent to my house until last week. And that is because I called her out on her tax issues. Narcs are very irresponsible individuals. They are creatures of their own bad habits. And are prone to repeat the same toxic behaviors. Pray and educate yourself. The more she F ups the better for you.
Having their kids half the time is also to do with money , not love . Less maintenance payments to the mother .
Thank you ladies for sharing this information. It’s the first I’ve seen and pairing your expertise is brilliant. These situations are so heartbreaking especially for the children. The children are stuck in this toxic chaos without a choice. So thankful for your help.
Yes, she is spot on in the changes in statute and removal of language with regard to custody. It is unreal. I wish the court's would revisit a lot of their changes that caused this shift.
My narc ex husband goes to the SAME therapist as our 11 year old. He sees her as a patient to “recover” from our horrible marriage, and then he has her to go the same therapist to deal with her “anxiety, depression and issues with [me] as a mother.” (Like there is an 11 year old girl on the planet without an issue with her mother, especially when being manipulated by her father). He doesn’t see an issue with this.
Yessss, during the marriage coparenting was non existent but now its parallel parenting accusations and she has been a “hands on mom” yet would avoid any responsibility to their care. Come and go as she pleased or pawned off on her parents who enable the irresponsibility.
Educate yourself about the importance of finding a person who is mentally healthy and capable of doing it.
I love your knowledge because lawyers who don't have any experience in dealing with narcissist parents can messed up your case .I am dealing with a narcissist ex husband we have 2 kids together.I had 3 lawyers before I met one who can understand my feelings. He stills acting as a narcissist, he doesn't fallow law and rules even the lawyers are tired of him.They should educate family judges and lawyers about narcissist deshorder because too many victims
First off, I ADORE you both. You’re both very confident and intelligent women of different specialities. Because of that, this wasn’t the best video you two have done. There’s a lot of confident overspeaking each other and it doesn’t feel as warm and fuzzy as you two produce individually. If you choose this format again, may you consider carefully staging the format of the discussion to avoid speaking over each other or competing for who will deliver the awesome message?
Omg! Excellent post! So many truth bombs! Thank you for validating my observation that narcs are (among other things) desperate to keep up their facade or image. No matter how treacherous they are, they work to maintain the public image of being a respectable, caring person. The Narc ex of my family member asked her if they could take Christmas photos together. We thought it was insane, laughable and infuriating, considering that at that point, she was already gratefully divorced but still in the heat of a raging custody battle, during which the Narc pulled everything in the book to try to hinder her financial well-being while NOT providing for their child.
I don’t know my daughter’s teacher, I’ve not been invited to her school event, she invited her partner always. I’ve asked her “ why you can’t invite me? “ her answer is “ you don’t pay her school fee “ it is true “ I can’t pay her school fee, as she refused my payment her school fee “ They bring different reason and different story when I told a truth.
You are right! Courts do not want to hear anything from a psychologist input. Even as a child’s therapist informs court by 5 repetitive psychological reviews if the child’s behavior and states child feels abandonment by father. Father emotionally and physically is not interested about the child’s behaviors. They blame both parties. Court judge says..if the child wants a relationship with the other parent, that’s will honor it. Regardless if parent has display substance/alcohol abuse. They just make a court order for parent not too do the act in front of the child. She’s claimed, attorney brought it up, and the judge says don’t do it again! He still does. I was told, you know what he was before you had a child from and attorney. Now, child is displaying behaviors of the narcissistic parent. Now..fighting with child like the father...plus the father. He’s happy cause your right he won! The family court is a joke!
The courts don't care because the kids are a money pit to the family law legal system. Narcissist or not, judges know that more often than not the absent parent can't handle shared custody and will fail at it, thus prompting the more responsible parent to have to go back to court to prove filing for full custody. If you've been around enough family law attorneys, have you ever noticed how quick they are to say...'then come back to court'. Back to court means more money for the lawyers and judges...they need parents to keep fighting. The human race is a disgrace!
The change where there is no primary parent and the whole visitation which is ridiculous. I think it's a great thing for all the fathers out there that really do love and cherish there time with there children. Even though marriages and relationships end. You never stop being parents and I do think it is in the best interest that both parents start out with equal rights to there children. Instead of the old way where the father had know say when it came to the children. Thank God it is changing
The elephant on my back is 100%spot on...thank you for recognizing that.
I love your videos. My son is going through HELL with the mother of his child.. She is trying to moved away for the second time. First from Woodland, CA, For 5 years we deal with a total narcissist personality, it was everything about first her, her husband, her family, his family and my son was the last for their child’s life. Now she is trying to move to Maryland because her Marine husband has to go to traingin to add to his career. First she said was minimum to 12 months, now she is telling my son is for “indefinite time”. My son if filling a motion to oppose to this move. The child is 7 y/o who loves her dad and all family here in CA. I pray this woman does not get his way, since is not in the best interest of this child at all. Thank you
My very toxic mom had us so she didn't have to work. She spent a lifetime sitting on the couch watching tv. She so obese, her knees gave out and she can't walk anymore and I don't feel sorry for her. She enjoys hurting others. That's all she does. My dad was a sociopath so neither of them were bothered with each other's toxic behaviors. My childhood was truly hell. My life today is good but all my exes were covert narcissists including my daughters father. He's not as far on the spectrum as my parents but he's on it and he's a lousy parent. He showed up to family court drunk so he has no custody or visitation, he didn't want it. He says he does but he ruined it all on his own. I am truly a single parent with no partner and no family. Afraid to ever date again. My life is too good to have one ruin it and I now know I'm a magnet for them but I'm at a point in my life I can quickly identify even the most covert thanks to these videos. I am very strong woman with so much love for my child. I've educated her on this disorder too because I want to spare her from ever getting involved with one.
Oh gods the travel. 10 to 18 months old, kiddo had to do a 3 hr long car trip once every week.
We love long car drives, but it was hell on kiddo.
I understand the tidings was of the back and forth just to be petty on there parts my step son has to wake up super early every other day just to b dropped off Nd picked up to his narc mom becuz she doesn’t want to agree to consistent days
My divorce decree is out of Nevada, my narcissistic ex husband coerced and threatened me into signing divorce and custody papers saying I’d never get custody of my kids because at the time I was an alcoholic. Oh and he had gotten me arrested for domestic battery 2 years prior. He’s 250lbs. And I’m 100lbs. yet I got arrested. He then told me he wouldn’t turn in the papers unless I did something to upset him. Well we then moved to Utah (where we are both from and got married). For the next year I was 100% sober and doing my part. He however was getting more abusive. Then a major physical domestic violence incident happened. I then had a temporary P.O and custody of the kids through that C.P.S, which he originally called them on me! It turned against him. This was when I found out he had turned the divorce papers in before we moved that gave him full custody. And me out I’d state parent time. He ended up getting the P.O dropped, 3 mo. in jail w/work release, though he nearly killed me. The end of that he got full custody again. Now he uses that against me. Moved back to Nevada. Manipulated me into having a relationship with him again so I could see the kids more and now if I break up with him he won’t let me see the kids, if I fight him on it he’ll go after me for back pay in child support(which he was collecting) and all this other stuff...as you can see already a long story and I could keep going.
You need a lawyer
Also- a womens shelter could help you
Our Family Wizard Saved Me Sanity I was Able to Use to Heal and Become a Better Person and Parent 💞
Here's to Authentically Healthier Future Generations. With Authentic Dignity, Respect, and Growth.
This is all so relatable. So grateful to you both for putting this content out there! It’s so helpful!
Best thing to do is do what you think is right and isn't harmful to the child and show no anger, also do not argue just keep records of everything. They will get more upset because they cant control anything that you do and you aren't letting them get under your skin.
Wow!
True!
Wow!
Window dressing….wow!
True!
Disney dad….true!
Great advice.
10:40 I am the father & non-narcicist parent who is co-parenting with a covert narcissist. If it wasn't for 50/50 my kids wouldn't have it as good.
My covert narc has my kids and I only get them weekends
Same thing here
My son is grown & his father agreed to therapy but then told my son it didn't work. It was a weekly fight. My son started disrespecting me & then I made the biggest mistake of sending him to live with his dad. My son suffered dearly & we are rebuilding. He does have love & compassion. He was depressed very young. I didn't know he was one till way after we split. My mother & my sister were & so that part of my life covered his up. My son was surrounded by them & I didn't start researching till he was in 7th grade about my sister. I found out about my mom when I cared for her the last 9 years of her life because my sister was so evil so young I'm assuming. It wasn't until helping my friend deal with narcissim that I realized about my son's father. I didn't know you attract them unless you heal.
Sorry but all data indicates that 50/50 parenting is the best for kids. The courts are usually very biased against fathers. Mothers with NPD are therefore an extreme problem as they very well take advantage of this. I am shocked that you are talking about gender equality in courts that way. Its actually really good that the whole thing shifted. It was more than over due. My first son killed himself with 15 because mothers had all the rights back in the day and I was alienated while he was left alone with his extreme narc mother. If you really think that way you are part of the problem. But maybe you think this is bad as you are both prospering from the situation? I dont know. I was looking for advice and it seems I came to the wrong place from what I have heard in the beginning of the video.
I am sorry to hear this about your son. This video is a kick in the guts for fathers who lose access to children through court assisted parental alienation. Stay strong brother.
I am dealing with a custody battle with a covert narcissist. My daughter has Down Syndrome and I’m scared to death of him getting joint custody.
I requested a custody evaluation in Ogemaw county, Michigan on June 8, 2023. Referee instructed at prehearing the court can’t do that.
Both of my kids mom's have kept ny kids from me before because i didnt agree with something they said or did. I wasn't allowed at their birth and im not on one of my kids birth certificates & i was constantly accused of being a narcissist when all i was trying to do was be involved in my kids life. And when i got mad for them taking them away i was called a narcissist. I seen a few therapists and non of them labled me a narcissist but what i can say is i have two baby mamas who are narcissist and they will never admit it. I just choose to parallel parent with them. One of them still gets mad at me and when i ignore them when they try and fight with me they get even more mad.
Great video! I just finished your book and I want to say thank you!!! It was very helpful and definitely worth the read.
I filled and this is her first weekend with them. She had got really mad thinking it was my decision when she sees the kid and paying child support. I did not want child support at all but the judge ordered it and now I’ve decided I want it. And she was OK with joint custody me having residential custody, then would get really upset and tell me I kicked her out. Two days ago she said don’t ever tell anyone this but I’m glad you kick me out for 15 years I have had to take care of other people. And it feels so good to only have to take care of myself. I am finding myself again and it feels great and for that I love you. My response was I get it but in the process you really hurt me her response was we both hurt each other 🤦♂️. I finally stood my ground and said no you cannot come here to see the kids now she is really mad telling me I’m trying to take her kids from her. I am lost and confused. What do I do??
it's like a superhero mashup episode
Here is the REAL TRUTH. Parenting with a Narc is just living hell, and the courts, the attorneys, the mediators, the child protective services, will NEVER BE ABLE TO HELP YOU. You are alone, and your children will suffer. PERIOD. Maybe in 1000 years from now, society will be mature enough to deal with it. Today, no chance. Don't even hope.
One parent consent for child counseling is a nightmare... My ex forwarded 3 separate child psychologist applications which were unnecessary for the child and all targeted at me as the cause - I was quite happy to have input into the counselor chosen as well as assessment criteria... Very dangerous scenario for the child IMO.
Wow. I’m just a few minutes in and this is ringing so incredibly true!
Well I’m going through a divorce with my soon to be ex wife who is narcissistic. She filed for divorce and was a stay at home mom who also homeschooled our children. She didn’t teach them through accredited program and was hardly home when I got back from work. House was always dirty and she would always Be with HER family most of the time. Courts gave me 25/75 joint custody. Me being a very caring father now does not get to see my kids nor hardly get to speak with them on the phone because of my wife/ex wife’s narcissist ways. In my county where I live they automatically give mother main conservative role. My hands are tied and before she served me with divorce papers she alienated me from our kids for 3 weeks prior. It’s not always the men is my point and I would do anything to have a 50/50 split parenting role. I consider the ones who do get 50/50 lucky.
In my case I live in Thailand. Thai court will not judge on non Thai National kid. I’m Japanese, my ex from Australia. My daughter came out of non married couple. We had an agreement through ARD. A first of week after the agreement, she broke the agreement. She said to me “ baby sitter is not available so she can not come to see you on Sat” I messaged her “ please follow the agreement. Please bring my daughter here” she messaged me back “ you want to the court?” They don’t care anything. They break the agreement without any hesitation. Took my daughter to travel without notifying me 3 or 4 times already. They don’t care at all. Unfortunately I’ m very tired of them.
Listening to this while I work out, good stuff
What happened to the rest of the video? Ends abruptly ,at 25:43 it goes to a screen saying "missing file"..
Thank you for sharing this information. In divorce process with a deputy who is/ has influenced DCF and law informant in all negative way's to perform on his advancement. I will not give up 👠
Thank you. Great video.
In Norway, when 50/50 is not the answer, as often is the case when conflict is so high between a decent human being and an evil one, more than 90 % of the custody cases is ruled in favor of the mother. The fact that mothers need to be very visibly incapable of parenting (like drug addicts) for the judge to rule in favor of the father, is utterly deplorable. Meeting a covert narcissistic mother in a child custody case is, therefore, absolute hell for the father and the child (speaking of my own experience). You do need to be the modern version of Hercules to survive such a poisonous mayhem, short and long term. I reckon this is a nice fact to take with you. What do a father do in a feminism ruled and mother favouring by default country? Most give up. Why? Because it shows the doomed situations for the families when the father is the decent human being, and the mother is the covert narcissist. So decent and competent women like yourself should make an effort to unmask these psychopaths and the pathological practices of the courts, because people need to wake up and make much more a fuzz over this insane problem.
Amen bro
YES. I cannot agree with this more. Almost all court systems view mothers as "the most important parent" and rule in favour of them. I'm from Ontario, Canada and courts are like that here. I am a stepmother of a beautiful, smart and loving little girl. My partner is the most hardworking, purehearted, kind and honest man I have met. Even after all the abuse and horrible things, the courts ruled in the mother's favour.. she is a narcissist. Through and through. My stepdaughter is now suffering with mental health issues due to the abuse and when we tried to get her into counseling and/or therapy.. the mother pulled her out. We only get her 4 ish days a month and the court order was so vague that it basically gave all the decision making to the mother. So we get her when the mother says so. It's so hard and it's like fighting a losing battle. It hurt to hear these two discuss automatic 50/50 with such disgust and saying they wish things were like they used to be when mothers were favored. No, 50/50 should be the starting point and then evidence should be reviewed and considered EQUALLY to move in favour of child. Father's rights are something that radical feminists are not willing to discuss nor fight for.
@@ambermikkelsen3269 I was your opinion until i saw the narc face of my exhusband. Could've killed us during a crazy car ride: Me heavily pregnant. He sure didnt give a single crap about his unborn child nor me. Of course, there is female narcs as well. But in DV its 80% female survivors. I WISH I had custody. I would still enable my kid seeing his dad, as long as he doesnt make his life a living nightmare.
@Gemma Dann I am also a mother. If my partner and I ever did split up, I would ensure that my biological daughter would see her father for 50% of her time. Her father is a very important role in her life. As are many fathers. Unfortunately I grew up without a father and watching my girls grow up with an amazing father really opened my eyes to what I was missing. So yeah, fathers are important. Just like mothers. Mothers are not superior. Nor are fathers. Now, if one is unfit then yes this should be brought up and the courts should weight the time appropriately. I'm sorry you feel this way as the one who will suffer the most is your child. The best thing to do is put your own emotions and pride to the back burner and put your child(ren)'s wellbeing first.
@Gemma Dann I understand your point of view. I just want to firstly state that I do not have an ex-husband. My partner is my biological daughters father. Yes, I understand that this is about narcissistic behaviour in parents. My issue with it is the bias. Women are just as capable as men are at being the abuser. As someone who has worked closely with the children's aid society and is going through for a degree in social work/psychology, I have come across many situations in which the tables are turned and the woman is the abuser/narcissist and should not be around the children unsupervised. Now, in most cases (even with narcissism) children benefit from having both parents present. The act of ripping an important figure from a child is traumatic. Even if the child is subject to abuse it's hard on the child. In those cases, yes the abusive parent should have limited access. Unless there is immediate danger to the child. Regardless of gender. Hence my views on having the starting point be 50/50 then both sides presenting evidence as to why it shouldn't be. Legitimate evidence. This isnt some job title. These are children who have emotions, wants, needs and most importantly futures. What happens in their childhood can and will likely shape their future. So again, courts having a bias towards mothers being the most fit parent in every case is dangerous. Fathers go through a lot as well when it comes to children and the upbringing of said children. Even pregnancy and birth. I really dont feel like typing a novel though, so I will cut it short here and just say that narcissistic people can be anyone and we need to be vigilant for the children. I will no longer be engaging in this conversation as I feel I have made my point and we may not be on the same page but we are reading the same book. And I hope you reach this chapter. I wish you and your children well. Thank you.
omg....this is so so so helpful. thank you so much for this video!!!!
I cry every day
My custody evaluator fell for his lines. I even had a psych evaluation and it says he had narc tendencies(using different words)
I can pick a therapist for her but can not find one that knows anything about narcissist
Stephanie Gregory,You look stunning 🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
Parallel parenting is much better word to describe the parenting and still further single parenting would describe it best
Please elaborate "you need both parents CONSENTING to medical care." This has not happened for us at all. We were under the impression that each parent had independent decision making during their time. We're 50/50, not parallel.
The children being an extension of their identity would be true for my ex. I was also an extension of his identity- his own image. It is very sad to see my kids being an object like that and I worry about the impact that will have on them.
Still watching both of you and your updates daily! It’s time! I really think you should do another show together!
I am dealing with a vicious, textbook, scary narcissist. She is the mother of 3 beautiful children that I "step parent" on weekends. She is scarily down the rabbit hole and I'm terrified that she will be able to manipulate custody in her favor. She isnt dangerous to their direct safety ( that can be proven ) but she is an addict, jobless, unstable, impoverished, dysfunctional, malicious, mean spirited person. I'm scared for my partner and his time with his children. Are the odds in his favor to gain control over the majority of dicisions for the children? He works and cant have them physically during the week, but major stressors in her life provoke her to rescind weekend visits, holiday time, etc.
Helppp
Thank you both 💖💖
How do you handle the therapy of children when the other parent dosent allow the father to be part of the decision, hides it and constantly switches therapists as soon as they don't agree with her smear campaign. Even as far as filling out paperwork therapists have sent out to be completed by father by changing adress to her own and returning it without me even knowing about anything?
Get a lawyer
I really wish that Ms. Zung would let Ms. Ramani speak. It’s very hard to watch this interview because she doesn’t let her talk.
Geaux Thrift,You look stunning 🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
The court doesn’t care- and it’s abusive of the court system.
How do I find a good mediator that knows about narcissism like she talks about on the video?
Omg is true my ex doesn’t know anything about the children and now wants 50/50 interesting his 50/50 is 5 nights a week??? But everything you say completely true!
Btw our family wizard is the best especially if you have a dv order, police can breech instantly
What do you mean police can breech instantly? But I’ve had this app and two other suggested. It’s good to hear this comment!
How do you know he doesn’t know anything about children and if so why have kids with him? Co parents should have 50/50 custody unless someone is seen unfit