Great video Ashley. I agree with you that closure has to come from within yourself. In my experience even when I have gotten closure from my exes it still was not enough, but in the long run brought more confusion. Also even for those who get the closure from an ex doesnt mean that what their ex is telling them is necessarily true as I found out myself years after the break up. The way how I have gotten over my recent relationship I have decided to write a romance novel that helps me connect with my darker and wounded self. Its been quite fun and I myself am surprised at how creative and romantic I can get. It really helps me understand and communicate with my hidden and rejected self. Additionally, throughout the story I have found out what kind of partner I would like and what kind of partner I am to others. Its really been a journey of self discovery. And thats how break up should be viewed as an opportunity for self discovery and self love, but most of us view break ups as loss which for many is taxing on the mind.
I absolutely LOVE what you have shared here - what an awesome, creative and unique way to move through your emotions and grief! So cool. Not only would this have been extremely therapeutic for you, but as you said, I’m sure connecting to yourself creatively has really cultivated a stronger relationship with yourself as well! I couldn’t agree with you more, it truly is an opportunity for self discovery and love. And you are doing just that so beautifully! ❤️
I actully do the same in life itself. However I was in an emotional abusive relationship for 12 years. Back then no one was talking about what I was going through it was as if it was Ok for emotional abuse to be allowed in our societies. But now that it has come to light. It has brought me so much closure why i left. It be amazing if you did a video on why u left the abusive relationship and why your being pulled back in i found out because he is a dismissive attachment. That he wasnt there emotionally. And it drew me into him he never chased or called me I did call and chase him. But with him he would then call if I didnt. And drawl me back in because I have no one. Usually i would break code but I am doing things different now that i have to heal my inner child. I am anxious avoiding but I now feel i have dismissive tendency with it due to the abuse. I empowering myself and call myself a survivor. Because he said I was playing a victim. I think it was all a fun game for him and a way to get his moms validation was to keep me around. It was a sick twisted game but my life and I always fears to let go because he would always say I was the problem i was to sensitive meaning he found emotion as weakness. Yet he was the one i had to walk on egg shells because he became anger for having oyr children like he held resentments. In the end I realized that he is NOT what i want in a partner its why i left. I use to question my motivates but. Now I am learning to love myself. At my own pace. I always wanted a family I got my 2 kids. I always wanted my true love but eventually I realized I am her. Yes same days I fail but no one is perfect. However I am for me.
My ex gave me some things like a candle, body balm, hair brush etc. I've been still using those often. Then one day candle ran out of wax and I was just staring at the smoke, smiling and letting go. Same happenned when body balm was finished and hair brush broke down. I felt grateful for those things that they served me well and then threw them away as there was no longer any use of it. Same as my past relationship.
I was the one who broke up. Its hard to give myself closure when it was me who left the relationship. I don't romanticese the past, but my ex haunts my dreams. I feel complete fear when he again comes up in my mind. Thank you for helping. If not you, I would go insane from the constant mourn and fear
"Humans are designed to HEAL" 🔥🦋 Even though I had that "last conversation " after my ex broke up with me through text message, 🙃 I definitely believe that MY decision to find closure was the best choice I made in my life. It was tough but one year later I'm here full of joy, I traveled, I moved to a new apartment, I got my dream car, and I have everything I want and need. You need to love yourself and enjoy this life because no one is irreplaceable. Thanks Ash for always being there for us. You really helped me through this process. 💪🏼🦋
Ugh, a text breakup 😖 I know that experience all too well! Such an awful way to be dumped. I’m so happy to hear that you have been able to navigate your way through the grief and have been able to experience so much joy! You should be so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. And I have no doubt you still have sooo much more to look forward to ❤️😘
I had the final closure conversation. I was even the one doing the breaking up, but it’s still hard. Closure does come from within. Learning that slowly but surely.
Such a helpful video. I've been in a similar position to and finally got told it wasn't my fault after months of being put through so much pain and abuse . Got told we would still be together had my ex been able to deal with their issues when we were a couple. This has helped me finally be able to sleep after a year of insomnia but has it helped me let go? No. You are so right closure comes from me. Your brain always wants more and more answers despite being told the ultimate thing. I have written your words of 'they stopped choosing you' down to revisit as that's the bit that has really really resonated and helped me. Thank you! We deserve to be chosen and fought for 😊 great video!
I’ve been struggling with closure. My ex broke up with me over a text after a five year relationship where we lived together for two. He blocked me immediately and I didn’t get to even respond. I still have to live where we lived together and feel the emptiness. It’s really hard to move on when everything around you reminds you of that person.
I’m so sorry to hear your brother is going through this! Thank you for sharing my video with him ❤️ I hope it’s able to bring him a little bit of comfort and reassurance.
Also, I did many helpful things to let go of my ex, and one of the best things I did was a couple weeks ago! One year he gave me this beautiful tea set from Australia for my birthday. And the second he broke up with me I was like, I need to smash those. But I didn’t for a long time because I didn’t feel ready. But I knew I wanted to do it on a full moon night. So a couple weeks ago on February’s full moon I invited one of my gay guy friends over and we spent all day drinking wine and strawberry daiquiris and baking cookies and playing music and dancing. And he wanted to help me smash the dishes. So we were in onesie pajamas and safety goggles and boots, and went outside on my deck and played metal music, and smashed them all up. And it was the most amazing feeling in my life. He stomped on some with his boots. I took some and put them in a trash bag and swung it over my shoulder onto the ground. And then I left one cup for last and threw it at a concrete wall. And we hugged afterwards and it was the best time ever. I also purposely kept a hoodie of his that I want to burn, and I just ordered a new fire pit today for it. And that’ll be the last of his stuff. 😊
Oh my goodness I LOVE this 🙌🏼😝 I would be allllll over smashing gifts an ex gave me haha. Totally up my alley! Like I said in this video, there is something so cathartic about physical rituals/acts like that. And I love that you pointed out that you waited to do this. I think waiting and bringing a level of intention to it (instead of in the heat of the moment when you’re extremely upset) makes it all the more powerful and satisfying. And yes to the burning of the hoodie!! Love burning things too lol 😂
I am slowly building the courage to delete his pictures from my phone. Gosh, that guy gave me no gifts, why was I spending on him? 🙄 Life's lessons are costly, anyways.. Good riddance!!
Great video Ashley! In my last relationship, I did get closure. Although I thought it was a bit cold of her to let me know through texting. I think she could have given me a call, but it's all good. I'm totally healed from the tough heart break I suffered and I even want one 2 dates with 2 different women last week.
Ouch! Text breaksups are rough. But I’m happy you were able to get some type of closure! And so happy to hear you are feeling better and have been able to start moving on 😊
@@AshleyNord Yes text breakups are rough indeed. Thanks, I'm not in a new relationship yet, but I'm talking to few ladies that I'm meeting on Hinge. :)
Wow..... this is so true. It’s been 3 weeks and I’m trying to find closure. What you have said is so true to home. I needed to hear this. My ex just cut all contact with me and it’s suck a horrid feeling.
What other people think of you is none of your business 😉 this goes for ex’s too. Both people generally play a role in the breakdown of a relationship. Therefore, it’s important that both people take responsibility for the areas in which they could have done or been better. That’s all you can control ❤️
@@AshleyNord makes total sense, but she believes its 100%.....Matter of fact she called me 3:24am 4x but I was sleeping. I woke up and asked her are you ok...never got a call or text back.....that was 2 days ago
Your videos are great. I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. After being left for someone else after a 25yr marriage I wish I’d found your work sooner. 😎
wow. This video couldn't have come at a better time for me. Your actually amazing, deserve so much more recognition. thank you so much for your content.
Aww thank you so much 🥺 just being appreciated and valued by the people I have here is more than enough 🥰 but that’s so kind of you! So happy it resonated with you and came at the right time 😊
I just also wanted to share. My fiancee' got married to another woman without letting me and our kids know. We just saw the wedding from a post. It devastated us sooo much cause our wedding was set for Feb 2022. We have been together for 20 years. After their wedding they run away and not providing anything why and how could he do such a thing to me and my kids... I don't understand cause the last time (which I did not know was the last time) We are all good. My heart and my kids are soooo sooo ruined and betrayed ... How I wish he should have told us the truth. He played us really really well...
The best way I got closure was have some of my good friends write a letter pretending to be my ex and Mail (snail Mail, not email) it to me with a closure story they came up with. Cheesy, yes, but it actually helped the healing process
Thank you Hun. I found you when someone just decided to ghost me instead of fight me back. So I haven't received the closure you talk about. Therapy also helped, cutting off social media and starting some art therapy helped a LOT... I felt it all, cried, punched my bed with anger but I made it trought! After 5 months I'm over this toxis person, that funny enough to acknowledge calls me the toxic one. But that's their thinking, I know myself, my worth, my values... So if for this person is better to blame it all on me, I hope this can give a closure. I'm so fine now that I've realise a lot... Why I even started that hanging out, why is better to be free from that situation cause that person was not for me and I couldn't see it before. I felt so drained, not listened to, lonely... And was cause I attracted to my life what I acknowledge as "love", a narcissist, a "me me" person.
Hello lovely 😊 I always love seeing your comments! You’re always so thoughtful and introspective. And so happy to hear you’re feeling better, you’ve clearly done so much hard work to get here! ❤️❤️
Closure is an illusion. Them not choosing you is closure enough. Pen and paper releasing rituals. Write letters to them but don't send. Journal. Holding on makes you happy? Excuse to move on. What means letting go. What do you think letting go looks like? Why ru avoiding. Closure comes from yourself. Allow yourself to grieve.
Once I stopped the medication I was prescribed (!) that’s another discussion I refused to cover up my pain and when I went into withdrawal I finally felt my heart ache and this sped up my healing since I finally encountered the heartache and physical chest pain of loss
@@AshleyNord I just wanted to say I have never ever been fortunate in counseling and your RUclips was the closest thing to the book that helped me rebuilding when a relationship ends Other than that I stopped trusting professionals since they immediately stigmatize women and involve family law !!!
I have been in a relationship with this man for one yr three months, only to find out he made another woman pregnant and that they are staying together in his apartment. He broke my trust and shattered my heart a thousand times. Its really sad but i got to move on without him, he betrayed me and that's enough closure for me :-)
I am back writing songs again...singer songwriter guitarist, bassist, drummer. Its cathartic for me to journal a lot...turn into lyrics to put to music. I'll send a link ty Ash.
I'm in three months of break up after a 2 and half year relationship. Its still hard , every day the video tape starts playing in my head from rising to resting . So tired. Mental drained, she didn't even reach out to my kids to give them something before leaving , not even my mother , who she was the third woman to ever meet my mother in my life. Reach out to her daughter to let her know it wasn't her fault, and make sure she has me as a friend , twice. And my kids get nothing . Jezze . She was the only one I trusted around my kids, I'm the fool
Ty so much this am moms bday who passed away 4 yrs ago...found out ex cheated 30 days ago 2 months since reel me back in after her affair she hid.....as u know I journal hrs everyday since this...ty learn the lesson it's hard not to ruminate about this betrayal...she lost him when last visit her hurt him crushed me her supposed bf...just feel sick...I did get some closure from her she said ...I AM NO BETTER THAN MY EX BABY DADDY WHO CHEATED ANS THAT MAKES ME SICK....CANT LOOK IN MIRROR.... That's enough for me and the fact karma already and has been showing me shes suffering. Started drinking heavily never used to....hurt dude crushed me both of us no longer w her...she lost 2 jobs....etc etc grateful I found out after investigate all night...ty I'm trying doing knowing this a lesson in codependency w a narcissistic and very sick woman ty I will get thru this .
It’s so tough sometimes. I begged her for a conversation and got none. I assume she monkey branched to another relationship and wants no contact at all. I’m left here wondering what the hell happened… It’s so painful that someone who claimed to want to spend the rest of their life with you won’t spend 5 minutes to give you some peace
I feel you. My ex said something like "we already hashed this out a 1000 times" when we didn't. We never really sat down and discussed the whys. But when he said that to me in an annoyed tone, i realized that he never cared about me the way he said he did. Because if he did, he would have taken the time. And it showed me that he would never take responsibility. During half of the relationship i felt like i was giving 120%. So it makes sense that someone that in his action showed he wasn't willing to talk or work on things during the relationship, would not do these things one time to give me closure.
I’ve reached out several times to my ex for closure! None of them made me feel better 😂 The nice part about finding your own closure is that you get to determine the ‘why’, explore the things that made you feel bad and you’ll find the problems with the relationship ( try to be as unbiased as possible) and then try to understand that the ‘why’ doesn’t do a lot for you and it’s not worth dwelling on. You found the problems you can learn from them and grow. The fact is that person left.... and go from there, idk about you but I want to be with someone who didn’t do that. And actions speak louder than words. There’s some lyrics that really struck me in the song ‘ Cruel to be Kind’ and those lyrics are “ You say your love is Bonafide but that don’t coincide with the things that you do” I spent entirely too much time trying to figure out why she left and how that didn’t match up with what she said. And honestly looking back she said a lot of nice things but didn’t back up any of those with actions. And people do what they want to do. I love being told how much someone cares about me, but without action eventually those can just turn into words :( Quick pro tip: friends are great to have :) make sure to get some of those!! Nothing feels more freeing than having a sick crying sesh with the boys/ girls 😅
@@paigemarvel2129 thank you for the offer! But I’m quite alright without her. If she wants to come back and confront our problems I’d be right there with her. But If that’s not enough to make her want to come back then she’s not the one for me! I’ve done enough to try to save the relationship and I am going to choose to leave it where we left it. I love the girl but I can’t live my life waiting for her to choose me. I’ve got a lot of love to give and someone will come along, till then I get to hang with friends and pursue all my hobbies!! I hope you’re doing well!
I made a mistake, I craved closure from my ex but it just ended badly,, I typed and vented so much about the potential and the future, that I still loved her and so on. We broke up mostly due to me being in a really bad spot, and it affected my emotional en mental level, I became more insecure with myself and became more clingy etc, she got distant and I got frustrated, bla bla bla classic, right? haha. But anyways, I couldn't block her or stop trying to talk to her, which was my first mistake, the closure couldn't come from further communication, maybe it works for some people if both people are okay with the break-up, but I still love her a lot and want to be with her and me searching for that closure only causes me more pain because is there really any way to get full closure that way? Because I would only want to keep contacting her and asking questions, which I did, and it suffocated her and it ended up turbulent. She didn't want to keep talking about it but I had so much more to talk about. So the best thing would've been to block the day we broke up, block everywhere, leave until I felt better, but that's so easy to say when I'm currently in a moment where I'm super tired and I don't feel the anxiety and sadness, it's been so insanely painful and heart breaking so it's so hard to make the right decision while in a situation like that. It's one of the worst pains ever, since it cannot be soothed, only by time. I've cried more these 5 weeks after the break-up than I have ever done combined in the past 20 years, it's been every day, multiple times a day. It feels good and I'm not bottling anything up, but I never imagined the pain to be this rough.
It’s been 11 months my girlfriend broke up with me I still love her unconditionally in my heart I miss her every day the about grieving your spot on Moving on is the hard part for me she felt that after three years you weren’t compatible anymore my heart is broken
My ex broke up with me 6 months ago. I still love her but last week she called rang 4 time and hung up seconds later she text me this.... Oh my gosh... didn't mean to call you. I'm sorry....is she bread crumbling me?
Hi, I grieved the loss of my 7 year relationship with the help of therapy. She hasn’t and never has. Her pattern is to immediately get into relationships before she ends one. She is 54 . She left me for a man and engaged and live in his home. What are your feelings on this?
@Aisha Johnson I always will but she has moved far away and is married to this man she left me for. So I can only wish her the best of life now. I’m heartbroken but healing
@Aisha Johnson thank you but no. I will not try and ruin her relationship. I’m not that person. I love her and that’s why I won’t hurt her that way. So please stop
Having been in sort of a relationship which we both didn't openly say we liked each other I was wondering if I should let her know how much I liked her. She's married now so can't get her back but was wondering if I could tell a mutual friend to pass my message on to her how I felt. Sounds like from the comments it's better to not say anything 🤔
Considering she’s married, I think you need to be very cautious about respecting healthy boundaries here. What are you hoping telling your ex your feelings would achieve? I think finding that out is key - and then seeing if you can achieve that without involving your ex.
I have a best friend who I have to end the friendship we have since I have feelings and she doesn't and I wanted to do it over a letter but she wouldn't have closure so I'm going to do it in person
I’m so sorry to hear this is what’s happened! I recall you telling me about your situation a little while back 😔 I still intend on covering this as a video topic! Considering the fact that you consider this person some a close friend, I think face to face goodbyes are usually a good idea. I’m so sorry that this is what it’s had to come to for you guys! ❤️ hang in there!
When I broke up with my ex and finally blocked her everywhere, she had sent me an email stating that she would of liked to talk and say “our final goodbyes”. It made no sense cause she was already a month or so into seeing someone else. Here I am now, nearing almost 3 years later and still would of liked some kind of closure. When I think about it though, she was in the wrong right from the first year we were together. Nothing but disrespect towards me, someone she claimed to “love” for almost 5 years. So because of that, if we were to ever have a closure talk there’s nothing she could say to make sense of what she said/did in the end. It is what it is, big learning experience for me. She skipped the grieving and closure part by immediately finding someone new. Knowing what I know now, I’ve opted out of dating completely. Men always lose in the end when it comes to dating through time, money, and feelings...women just move to a new guy like you didn’t even exist after being in a LTR. It’s just not worth it, don’t wanna go through it again.
I think this notion that the conversation would have provided you any type of legitimate emotional closure is an illusion. As you said, there’s likely nothing she could have said that would have changed anything for you. Although I agree with most of what you’re saying here, I think the mentality around “men always loosing in the end” is an extremely toxic, inaccurate generalization. This just simply isn’t true. What about the statistics about abuse, for example? An overwhelming majority of partner abuse victims are women. So therefore, women lose in the end plenty... And, trust me, men move on after relationships just as quickly. There is no evidence to support that women just jump ship to a new person. I have never done that myself, and i know most of my subscribers (who are 65% women) haven’t either.
@@AshleyNord I'll rephrase that, GOOD MEN always lose in the end. Dating today is toxic as hell, that's why a lot of men are waking up to this and checking out. What I dealt with was one of the many reasons for this movement. Don't need any evidence regarding women jumping ship to a new dude like the last one didn't exist. It's happened to me, and a lot of my friends as well in the past. Must be a way of coping for women, by basically continuing where you left off with the last guy. Doesn't make any sense to me, especially fresh from a LTR. If it was something short term, then I could so it being acceptable. Goes to show who was actually invested in the relationship though. You can't tell me that women who do this can just move in with a new guy, have a kid with em a year later and magically forget the last guy that they were with for almost 5 years, like they didn't exist.....without having any kind of lingering feelings, resentment or thoughts of the guy in general either good or bad. This is the part that I'll never make sense of. I agree that men do it too, but I feel like it's more so out of neediness (s3x) or as a jealousy revenge tactic. I know guys that I used to go to high school with who would jump from women to women, just for the sake of having one. Mostly short term relations, then it's onto the next.
Great video Ashley. I agree with you that closure has to come from within yourself. In my experience even when I have gotten closure from my exes it still was not enough, but in the long run brought more confusion. Also even for those who get the closure from an ex doesnt mean that what their ex is telling them is necessarily true as I found out myself years after the break up. The way how I have gotten over my recent relationship I have decided to write a romance novel that helps me connect with my darker and wounded self. Its been quite fun and I myself am surprised at how creative and romantic I can get. It really helps me understand and communicate with my hidden and rejected self. Additionally, throughout the story I have found out what kind of partner I would like and what kind of partner I am to others. Its really been a journey of self discovery. And thats how break up should be viewed as an opportunity for self discovery and self love, but most of us view break ups as loss which for many is taxing on the mind.
I absolutely LOVE what you have shared here - what an awesome, creative and unique way to move through your emotions and grief! So cool. Not only would this have been extremely therapeutic for you, but as you said, I’m sure connecting to yourself creatively has really cultivated a stronger relationship with yourself as well!
I couldn’t agree with you more, it truly is an opportunity for self discovery and love. And you are doing just that so beautifully! ❤️
I actully do the same in life itself. However I was in an emotional abusive relationship for 12 years. Back then no one was talking about what I was going through it was as if it was Ok for emotional abuse to be allowed in our societies. But now that it has come to light. It has brought me so much closure why i left. It be amazing if you did a video on why u left the abusive relationship and why your being pulled back in i found out because he is a dismissive attachment. That he wasnt there emotionally. And it drew me into him he never chased or called me I did call and chase him. But with him he would then call if I didnt. And drawl me back in because I have no one. Usually i would break code but I am doing things different now that i have to heal my inner child. I am anxious avoiding but I now feel i have dismissive tendency with it due to the abuse. I empowering myself and call myself a survivor. Because he said I was playing a victim. I think it was all a fun game for him and a way to get his moms validation was to keep me around. It was a sick twisted game but my life and I always fears to let go because he would always say I was the problem i was to sensitive meaning he found emotion as weakness. Yet he was the one i had to walk on egg shells because he became anger for having oyr children like he held resentments. In the end I realized that he is NOT what i want in a partner its why i left. I use to question my motivates but. Now I am learning to love myself. At my own pace. I always wanted a family I got my 2 kids. I always wanted my true love but eventually I realized I am her. Yes same days I fail but no one is perfect. However I am for me.
My closure is the fact that he stopped choosing me.... realest sh*t ever...
It’s a hard truth isn’t it 😔❤️
My ex gave me some things like a candle, body balm, hair brush etc. I've been still using those often. Then one day candle ran out of wax and I was just staring at the smoke, smiling and letting go. Same happenned when body balm was finished and hair brush broke down. I felt grateful for those things that they served me well and then threw them away as there was no longer any use of it. Same as my past relationship.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! Wow I love the moment you described with the candle... it’s so symbolic! What a powerful experience.
I was the one who broke up. Its hard to give myself closure when it was me who left the relationship. I don't romanticese the past, but my ex haunts my dreams. I feel complete fear when he again comes up in my mind. Thank you for helping. If not you, I would go insane from the constant mourn and fear
"Humans are designed to HEAL" 🔥🦋
Even though I had that "last conversation " after my ex broke up with me through text message, 🙃 I definitely believe that MY decision to find closure was the best choice I made in my life. It was tough but one year later I'm here full of joy, I traveled, I moved to a new apartment, I got my dream car, and I have everything I want and need. You need to love yourself and enjoy this life because no one is irreplaceable.
Thanks Ash for always being there for us. You really helped me through this process. 💪🏼🦋
Ugh, a text breakup 😖 I know that experience all too well! Such an awful way to be dumped.
I’m so happy to hear that you have been able to navigate your way through the grief and have been able to experience so much joy! You should be so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. And I have no doubt you still have sooo much more to look forward to ❤️😘
I had the final closure conversation. I was even the one doing the breaking up, but it’s still hard. Closure does come from within. Learning that slowly but surely.
I totally agree! It’s nice when someone can participate in our closure process, but it truly is an inside job ❤️
Such a helpful video. I've been in a similar position to and finally got told it wasn't my fault after months of being put through so much pain and abuse . Got told we would still be together had my ex been able to deal with their issues when we were a couple. This has helped me finally be able to sleep after a year of insomnia but has it helped me let go? No. You are so right closure comes from me. Your brain always wants more and more answers despite being told the ultimate thing.
I have written your words of 'they stopped choosing you' down to revisit as that's the bit that has really really resonated and helped me. Thank you! We deserve to be chosen and fought for 😊 great video!
I’ve been struggling with closure. My ex broke up with me over a text after a five year relationship where we lived together for two. He blocked me immediately and I didn’t get to even respond. I still have to live where we lived together and feel the emptiness. It’s really hard to move on when everything around you reminds you of that person.
how are you feeling now ?
Wow, that's really tough 😢 a text after 5 years together! Hope you are feeling better now x
Same
My brother is going through a break up right now and I found your video that I think will help him a lot❤️ Thank you
I’m so sorry to hear your brother is going through this! Thank you for sharing my video with him ❤️ I hope it’s able to bring him a little bit of comfort and reassurance.
Also, I did many helpful things to let go of my ex, and one of the best things I did was a couple weeks ago! One year he gave me this beautiful tea set from Australia for my birthday. And the second he broke up with me I was like, I need to smash those. But I didn’t for a long time because I didn’t feel ready. But I knew I wanted to do it on a full moon night. So a couple weeks ago on February’s full moon I invited one of my gay guy friends over and we spent all day drinking wine and strawberry daiquiris and baking cookies and playing music and dancing. And he wanted to help me smash the dishes. So we were in onesie pajamas and safety goggles and boots, and went outside on my deck and played metal music, and smashed them all up. And it was the most amazing feeling in my life. He stomped on some with his boots. I took some and put them in a trash bag and swung it over my shoulder onto the ground. And then I left one cup for last and threw it at a concrete wall. And we hugged afterwards and it was the best time ever.
I also purposely kept a hoodie of his that I want to burn, and I just ordered a new fire pit today for it. And that’ll be the last of his stuff. 😊
Oh my goodness I LOVE this 🙌🏼😝 I would be allllll over smashing gifts an ex gave me haha. Totally up my alley! Like I said in this video, there is something so cathartic about physical rituals/acts like that. And I love that you pointed out that you waited to do this. I think waiting and bringing a level of intention to it (instead of in the heat of the moment when you’re extremely upset) makes it all the more powerful and satisfying.
And yes to the burning of the hoodie!! Love burning things too lol 😂
I am slowly building the courage to delete his pictures from my phone. Gosh, that guy gave me no gifts, why was I spending on him? 🙄 Life's lessons are costly, anyways.. Good riddance!!
You deserve so much more recognition! Amazing video as always. 🤍
Aww thank you very much ☺️❤️ so kind of you! Thanks for watching and for the lovely feedback 🥰
Great video Ashley! In my last relationship, I did get closure. Although I thought it was a bit cold of her to let me know through texting. I think she could have given me a call, but it's all good. I'm totally healed from the tough heart break I suffered and I even want one 2 dates with 2 different women last week.
Ouch! Text breaksups are rough. But I’m happy you were able to get some type of closure! And so happy to hear you are feeling better and have been able to start moving on 😊
@@AshleyNord Yes text breakups are rough indeed. Thanks, I'm not in a new relationship yet, but I'm talking to few ladies that I'm meeting on Hinge. :)
Wow..... this is so true. It’s been 3 weeks and I’m trying to find closure. What you have said is so true to home. I needed to hear this. My ex just cut all contact with me and it’s suck a horrid feeling.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this! Breakups are so hard, and 3 weeks is still really fresh! Give yourself time ❤️
You should do video on ex making you feel like you're that problem
What other people think of you is none of your business 😉 this goes for ex’s too. Both people generally play a role in the breakdown of a relationship. Therefore, it’s important that both people take responsibility for the areas in which they could have done or been better. That’s all you can control ❤️
@@AshleyNord makes total sense, but she believes its 100%.....Matter of fact she called me 3:24am 4x but I was sleeping. I woke up and asked her are you ok...never got a call or text back.....that was 2 days ago
Your videos are great. I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. After being left for someone else after a 25yr marriage I wish I’d found your work sooner. 😎
wow. This video couldn't have come at a better time for me. Your actually amazing, deserve so much more recognition. thank you so much for your content.
Aww thank you so much 🥺 just being appreciated and valued by the people I have here is more than enough 🥰 but that’s so kind of you!
So happy it resonated with you and came at the right time 😊
I just also wanted to share. My fiancee' got married to another woman without letting me and our kids know. We just saw the wedding from a post. It devastated us sooo much cause our wedding was set for Feb 2022. We have been together for 20 years. After their wedding they run away and not providing anything why and how could he do such a thing to me and my kids... I don't understand cause the last time (which I did not know was the last time) We are all good. My heart and my kids are soooo sooo ruined and betrayed ... How I wish he should have told us the truth. He played us really really well...
It’s exciting watching your channel grow! 🙏🏽❤️✨
Aww thanks so much!! 🥰❤️
The best way I got closure was have some of my good friends write a letter pretending to be my ex and Mail (snail Mail, not email) it to me with a closure story they came up with. Cheesy, yes, but it actually helped the healing process
Thank you Hun. I found you when someone just decided to ghost me instead of fight me back. So I haven't received the closure you talk about.
Therapy also helped, cutting off social media and starting some art therapy helped a LOT... I felt it all, cried, punched my bed with anger but I made it trought! After 5 months I'm over this toxis person, that funny enough to acknowledge calls me the toxic one. But that's their thinking, I know myself, my worth, my values... So if for this person is better to blame it all on me, I hope this can give a closure. I'm so fine now that I've realise a lot... Why I even started that hanging out, why is better to be free from that situation cause that person was not for me and I couldn't see it before. I felt so drained, not listened to, lonely... And was cause I attracted to my life what I acknowledge as "love", a narcissist, a "me me" person.
Hello lovely 😊 I always love seeing your comments! You’re always so thoughtful and introspective. And so happy to hear you’re feeling better, you’ve clearly done so much hard work to get here! ❤️❤️
@@AshleyNord as much as I love to see the notification popping when you add videos on this growing channel ❤️🔔
Closure is an illusion. Them not choosing you is closure enough. Pen and paper releasing rituals. Write letters to them but don't send. Journal. Holding on makes you happy? Excuse to move on. What means letting go. What do you think letting go looks like? Why ru avoiding. Closure comes from yourself. Allow yourself to grieve.
Thank you for all your videos. I have been rewatching this daily since I had to leave an unhealthy situationship.
Its amazing how this video has NO dislikes.
Omg !!! Thank you
I was taking meds to hide from my pain
When I stopped I actually encountered physical heart ache of my loss when my marriage ended
Yes! It’s often underestimated how physically debilitating emotional pain can be ❤️
Once I stopped the medication I was prescribed (!) that’s another discussion I refused to cover up my pain and when I went into withdrawal I finally felt my heart ache and this sped up my healing since I finally encountered the heartache and physical chest pain of loss
@@AshleyNord I just wanted to say I have never ever been fortunate in counseling and your RUclips was the closest thing to the book that helped me rebuilding when a relationship ends Other than that I stopped trusting professionals since they immediately stigmatize women and involve family law !!!
Lawyers psychiatrist and pharmaceuticals get $$$ on your loss
I have been in a relationship with this man for one yr three months, only to find out he made another woman pregnant and that they are staying together in his apartment. He broke my trust and shattered my heart a thousand times. Its really sad but i got to move on without him, he betrayed me and that's enough closure for me :-)
thanks for your videos, it has been super helpful to me going through a break up, I appreciate what you do :)
You’re so welcome! I’m so happy to hear my videos have been helpful to you ❤️ thank you for watching!
Thank you so much for this! I needed this and going to use this
Amazing video!!!
Thanks so much! 🥰
I am back writing songs again...singer songwriter guitarist, bassist, drummer. Its cathartic for me to journal a lot...turn into lyrics to put to music. I'll send a link ty Ash.
Thank you Ashley, thank you so much! I appreciate your kind/wise words.
Very clear
I read a book called rebuilding when a relationship ends
I'm in three months of break up after a 2 and half year relationship. Its still hard , every day the video tape starts playing in my head from rising to resting . So tired. Mental drained, she didn't even reach out to my kids to give them something before leaving , not even my mother , who she was the third woman to ever meet my mother in my life. Reach out to her daughter to let her know it wasn't her fault, and make sure she has me as a friend , twice. And my kids get nothing . Jezze . She was the only one I trusted around my kids, I'm the fool
Right, love and being in a relationship is choice...unfortunately, she just stopped chooosing me
Ty so much this am moms bday who passed away 4 yrs ago...found out ex cheated 30 days ago 2 months since reel me back in after her affair she hid.....as u know I journal hrs everyday since this...ty learn the lesson it's hard not to ruminate about this betrayal...she lost him when last visit her hurt him crushed me her supposed bf...just feel sick...I did get some closure from her she said ...I AM NO BETTER THAN MY EX BABY DADDY WHO CHEATED ANS THAT MAKES ME SICK....CANT LOOK IN MIRROR.... That's enough for me and the fact karma already and has been showing me shes suffering. Started drinking heavily never used to....hurt dude crushed me both of us no longer w her...she lost 2 jobs....etc etc grateful I found out after investigate all night...ty I'm trying doing knowing this a lesson in codependency w a narcissistic and very sick woman ty I will get thru this
.
Hello friend, I can recommend you to the powerful relationship healer that helped me get my ex back after separation. He can also help you💯..
Mssg him on whatspp
It’s so tough sometimes. I begged her for a conversation and got none. I assume she monkey branched to another relationship and wants no contact at all. I’m left here wondering what the hell happened… It’s so painful that someone who claimed to want to spend the rest of their life with you won’t spend 5 minutes to give you some peace
I feel you. My ex said something like "we already hashed this out a 1000 times" when we didn't. We never really sat down and discussed the whys. But when he said that to me in an annoyed tone, i realized that he never cared about me the way he said he did. Because if he did, he would have taken the time. And it showed me that he would never take responsibility. During half of the relationship i felt like i was giving 120%. So it makes sense that someone that in his action showed he wasn't willing to talk or work on things during the relationship, would not do these things one time to give me closure.
True very true
Fuck! I can’t wait until I don’t need to watch these videos anymore… but they are very helpful and I truly appreciate them
It’s interesting how i still seek him out as way to reach out
thank u so much for your videos, you have no idea how helpful they are
Aww I’m so happy to hear that! You’re very welcome ❤️❤️
I feel closure when I find out they're with someone else
That's painful...
Yes, as painful as it can be, I think knowing an ex is with someone else can force us to close the door!
Unfortunately I’m still waiting for a closure from ex.
I’ve reached out several times to my ex for closure! None of them made me feel better 😂
The nice part about finding your own closure is that you get to determine the ‘why’, explore the things that made you feel bad and you’ll find the problems with the relationship ( try to be as unbiased as possible) and then try to understand that the ‘why’ doesn’t do a lot for you and it’s not worth dwelling on. You found the problems you can learn from them and grow.
The fact is that person left.... and go from there, idk about you but I want to be with someone who didn’t do that.
And actions speak louder than words. There’s some lyrics that really struck me in the song ‘ Cruel to be Kind’ and those lyrics are “ You say your love is Bonafide but that don’t coincide with the things that you do”
I spent entirely too much time trying to figure out why she left and how that didn’t match up with what she said. And honestly looking back she said a lot of nice things but didn’t back up any of those with actions. And people do what they want to do. I love being told how much someone cares about me, but without action eventually those can just turn into words :(
Quick pro tip: friends are great to have :) make sure to get some of those!! Nothing feels more freeing than having a sick crying sesh with the boys/ girls 😅
My dear i know of a man who can help you get back your ex in less than 24 hours
He just helped me restore my relationship with law of attraction manifestation.
He's a great restorer who works for free. I urge you tọ seek help from him
+2 3 4 9 0 1 7 3 4 7 5 4 1 ✅✅💕💕💕
@@paigemarvel2129 thank you for the offer! But I’m quite alright without her.
If she wants to come back and confront our problems I’d be right there with her. But If that’s not enough to make her want to come back then she’s not the one for me!
I’ve done enough to try to save the relationship and I am going to choose to leave it where we left it. I love the girl but I can’t live my life waiting for her to choose me. I’ve got a lot of love to give and someone will come along, till then I get to hang with friends and pursue all my hobbies!!
I hope you’re doing well!
I made a mistake, I craved closure from my ex but it just ended badly,, I typed and vented so much about the potential and the future, that I still loved her and so on. We broke up mostly due to me being in a really bad spot, and it affected my emotional en mental level, I became more insecure with myself and became more clingy etc, she got distant and I got frustrated, bla bla bla classic, right? haha. But anyways, I couldn't block her or stop trying to talk to her, which was my first mistake, the closure couldn't come from further communication, maybe it works for some people if both people are okay with the break-up, but I still love her a lot and want to be with her and me searching for that closure only causes me more pain because is there really any way to get full closure that way? Because I would only want to keep contacting her and asking questions, which I did, and it suffocated her and it ended up turbulent. She didn't want to keep talking about it but I had so much more to talk about. So the best thing would've been to block the day we broke up, block everywhere, leave until I felt better, but that's so easy to say when I'm currently in a moment where I'm super tired and I don't feel the anxiety and sadness, it's been so insanely painful and heart breaking so it's so hard to make the right decision while in a situation like that. It's one of the worst pains ever, since it cannot be soothed, only by time. I've cried more these 5 weeks after the break-up than I have ever done combined in the past 20 years, it's been every day, multiple times a day. It feels good and I'm not bottling anything up, but I never imagined the pain to be this rough.
How u doing?
It’s been 11 months my girlfriend broke up with me I still love her unconditionally in my heart I miss her every day the about grieving your spot on Moving on is the hard part for me she felt that after three years you weren’t compatible anymore my heart is broken
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re currently experiencing heartbreak 😔 I know how hard it is ❤️
Lové your video, as always
Aww so happy to hear that!! Thank you 🥰❤️
Thank you 🙏
Thank you once again :))
You’re so welcome!! ❤️❤️
My ex broke up with me 6 months ago. I still love her but last week she called rang 4 time and hung up seconds later she text me this....
Oh my gosh... didn't mean to call you. I'm sorry....is she bread crumbling me?
Yeah disregard this
It’s impossible for me to know what her intentions were. But if it continues, I would suggest blocking her.
Please add subtitles in english
Wow I really needed to hear this today! I’m grateful for you Ashley!
So happy it resonated with you!! 😊❤️
Hi, I grieved the loss of my 7 year relationship with the help of therapy. She hasn’t and never has. Her pattern is to immediately get into relationships before she ends one. She is 54 . She left me for a man and engaged and live in his home. What are your feelings on this?
@Aisha Johnson not any longer. She married the rebound
@Aisha Johnson I always will but she has moved far away and is married to this man she left me for. So I can only wish her the best of life now. I’m heartbroken but healing
@Aisha Johnson thank you but no. I will not try and ruin her relationship. I’m not that person. I love her and that’s why I won’t hurt her that way. So please stop
@Aisha Johnson ya it will. No thank you anyway
Having been in sort of a relationship which we both didn't openly say we liked each other I was wondering if I should let her know how much I liked her. She's married now so can't get her back but was wondering if I could tell a mutual friend to pass my message on to her how I felt. Sounds like from the comments it's better to not say anything 🤔
Considering she’s married, I think you need to be very cautious about respecting healthy boundaries here. What are you hoping telling your ex your feelings would achieve? I think finding that out is key - and then seeing if you can achieve that without involving your ex.
I have a best friend who I have to end the friendship we have since I have feelings and she doesn't and I wanted to do it over a letter but she wouldn't have closure so I'm going to do it in person
I’m so sorry to hear this is what’s happened! I recall you telling me about your situation a little while back 😔 I still intend on covering this as a video topic!
Considering the fact that you consider this person some a close friend, I think face to face goodbyes are usually a good idea. I’m so sorry that this is what it’s had to come to for you guys! ❤️ hang in there!
She so pretty
Unblock great words
When I broke up with my ex and finally blocked her everywhere, she had sent me an email stating that she would of liked to talk and say “our final goodbyes”. It made no sense cause she was already a month or so into seeing someone else.
Here I am now, nearing almost 3 years later and still would of liked some kind of closure. When I think about it though, she was in the wrong right from the first year we were together. Nothing but disrespect towards me, someone she claimed to “love” for almost 5 years. So because of that, if we were to ever have a closure talk there’s nothing she could say to make sense of what she said/did in the end.
It is what it is, big learning experience for me. She skipped the grieving and closure part by immediately finding someone new. Knowing what I know now, I’ve opted out of dating completely. Men always lose in the end when it comes to dating through time, money, and feelings...women just move to a new guy like you didn’t even exist after being in a LTR. It’s just not worth it, don’t wanna go through it again.
I think this notion that the conversation would have provided you any type of legitimate emotional closure is an illusion. As you said, there’s likely nothing she could have said that would have changed anything for you.
Although I agree with most of what you’re saying here, I think the mentality around “men always loosing in the end” is an extremely toxic, inaccurate generalization. This just simply isn’t true. What about the statistics about abuse, for example? An overwhelming majority of partner abuse victims are women. So therefore, women lose in the end plenty...
And, trust me, men move on after relationships just as quickly. There is no evidence to support that women just jump ship to a new person. I have never done that myself, and i know most of my subscribers (who are 65% women) haven’t either.
@@AshleyNord I'll rephrase that, GOOD MEN always lose in the end. Dating today is toxic as hell, that's why a lot of men are waking up to this and checking out. What I dealt with was one of the many reasons for this movement.
Don't need any evidence regarding women jumping ship to a new dude like the last one didn't exist. It's happened to me, and a lot of my friends as well in the past. Must be a way of coping for women, by basically continuing where you left off with the last guy. Doesn't make any sense to me, especially fresh from a LTR. If it was something short term, then I could so it being acceptable. Goes to show who was actually invested in the relationship though.
You can't tell me that women who do this can just move in with a new guy, have a kid with em a year later and magically forget the last guy that they were with for almost 5 years, like they didn't exist.....without having any kind of lingering feelings, resentment or thoughts of the guy in general either good or bad. This is the part that I'll never make sense of.
I agree that men do it too, but I feel like it's more so out of neediness (s3x) or as a jealousy revenge tactic. I know guys that I used to go to high school with who would jump from women to women, just for the sake of having one. Mostly short term relations, then it's onto the next.