Hey Ash, I'm from Myanmar. I've always loved your video contents and followed your advices. Now I need help from you. So can you spare a minute and look for #WhatsHappeningInMyanmar as we are losing our human rights under military coup. I hope you guys can show some kindness. "Please use your liberty to promote ours" this is what our national leader "Aung San Su Kyi said. I would really appreciate if any of you would be willing to use your voice to help us. Heartfelt thanks
I’m so sorry to hear about this! I actually hadn’t heard about this in the news, but have just looked it up and am doing some reading now to educate myself. I’m so sorry that I was unaware of what was going on 😔 I have just pinned your comment so that others can become aware too! Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Are you and your family currently safe? This sounds very scary.
My dear if you seriously want help to get ur ex or a specific person Mr williams is the best when it comes to recovery relationship, he helped me get my ex and he can also help you
I'm also someone who takes years to just semi-get over ex's. "We idolise the qualities we lack in ourselves more than the person." That's so true. Thank you.
And we miss what they have that we don’t, and need to replace what they offered even if it wasn’t much, with actions we give to ourselves -We gotta practice being more confident in delivering to ourselves what we admired in the other person or how they made us feel.
Thanks for this video Ashley. I was in that boat in the first 2 months of my breakup. Then I realized that, although she is a very good person and we enjoyed the time we spent together, she wasn’t emotionally connected/invested in me and I deserve someone who will feel invested in me and who will choose to be with me.
What a powerful realization! I’m so happy you were able to come to this conclusion and understand that you deserve someone who is invested and committed ❤️
@@AshleyNord Thanks Ashley. I’m so glad that I found your channel and I really, really appreciate that you take the time to respond to my comments. Keep up the great work and looking watching more of your videos! They’ve been helpful. ☺️
Im going through the same thing atm. My ex was a good person, too. But i always gave 140% and he not enough. Even if you give 300% it still is only half of the relationship, because it takes two
Thanks Ash. I'm exactly in this idealization place with myself right now. My ex left me because he wanted to "find himself". Instead, he found someone else only after a few months. Although he broke me, I find myself placing too much emphasis on "what we were like", "what he was like". Why do I love someone that doesn't even care about me. It's time to see things for what they really are.
I’m so sorry to hear this, I’m sure seeing your ex move on with someone else massively took you off guard. I think anyone in your position would be feeling the exact same way! It’s perfectly normal to be replaying your relationship and memories of him through your head. Unfortunately, we can’t help who we love. But we can choose where to direct our energy ❤️
Oh my god this video is spot on. The story about your ex, and how you viewed him as better than you- because of all the qualities you wanted to embody, I totally understand this. I broke up with him to work on myself, but I still think of him all the time and a part of me wants to be with him, because I felt like he has all of these amazing qualities that for some reason, I don’t see with in myself. Thank you for this video.
Yesss the more I have talked about this experience, the more I realise how many people relate! So many of us unintentionally try to use others (particularly our partners) as a crutch - as if being with them is enough to make us feel good about ourselves. But it truly does have to come from within!
Always coming in hot with the content we didn’t know we needed, Truly. Quarantine can really fool you into thinking you may have lost your one true love and will in fact never meet another good human again, seeing as the times are dark out here on these streets. The idealizing is real. Thanks for making a video on this !
Aww I’m so pleased it struck the right chord for you!! But yes I completely agree, quarantine has been such a challenging time for so many of us. It’s SO easy to idealize and fantasize about the past or what could have been! But very very rarely is our perception of an “ideal” relationship or partner the truth.
I just want to say that I finally unfollow and removed my ex from my social media. I just want to say, thank you! Your videos have given me courage to move on.
You know what though I know couples who are STILL MADLY DEEPLY in love 20 years later because they both *idolize* and *ADORE* each other EQUALLY when that occurs and remains with BOTH PEOPLE and is TRULY EQUAL it WORKS.! What happens typically is that one usually loves More than the other person on a SOUL HEART And MIND level , not just a *mind* level in the relationship. I believe in that kind of love as long as its equally treated perceived but so often I see one person LOVING TOO MUCH with ALL THEY ARE and the other person simply speaking the words and loving the other person with their mind and mind love is fickle and conditional.
I feel a lot of shame when I fall into the idealization mode over my ex, and this video really helped me let go of that and realize how normal it is. I feel like this struggle is one that keeps coming back for me, but people like you make it more manageable. Thank you for this content!!! Also, you are absolutely stunning.
Oh THIS TOPIC 😅 This is so sick but true. We left them for " a reason"! We knew it was the best thing to do. Even if left.. Is just mean that we weren't focused enough on what was going on. But it's ok. It lasts months. Or until you have the chance to have closure or accept that closure. But do it, for yourself.
Thank you. Idealizing is indeed very difficult to handle and it is not only about viewing the things we admired about the person it is also about the dreams that this person shared with us. The hope that this person was going to bring into our life. Would it have become reality? nobody will ever know as the relationship is over. Thank you so much
This video was amazingly helpful, thank you. I was so close to figuring out why I kept idealising him when I knew we weren't right for each other. You gave me that extra push to see it, I want to be like the aspects of his personality I lacked. Not be with him again. Name it, Label it, Call it out in a non-judgemental way. Smashing advice. Anyone going through this mind wrecking sh*t, please hold on and know that it takes hard work but you'll get there.
Hi Ash, thank you so much for this video. Your words have truly struck a chord within me and have made me come to the realization that yes, I think I also want to be LIKE my ex, not with. He is so crazy creative, performing, tattooing, designing. He's outgoing, hilarious and charismatic. People just seem to gravitate towards him. Being with him was perhaps now a validation for me as he wanted to be with ME and I've always considered myself to be more introvert, reserved, usually saying myself that my greatest strength was that "I'm a good listener". We broke up about 2 months ago now and it has completely devasted me as it pretty much came out the of blue for me. I'm really trying my hardest to move on but this process is proving to be way more difficult than I ever imagined. But today I'm going to try and remind myself that I am idealising our relationship. The last 4/5 months were not a great time for the both of us. I could feel him pulling away and I tried but I just didn't know how to fix it. I can't help but simply miss him so much. I'm so sad that this has to end and whilst I feel like absolute shit right now, I am also so determined to work this out and try to myself for the first time.
One of the reasons I'm having trouble taking him off the pedestal is because he has a better career than me and owns a property and has more friends than me. There are no guarantees I'll get a career as good as him or ever own a property due to the increase in prices. What is your advice for me to stop idolising him for these things? Thank you
This is one of the reasons why I'm going out of my way to try out all the hobbies, skills, etc. that my ex had which I admired him for. Partially to remove some of the mystique from them, and partially to remind myself that "hey, I can do this myself, I don't need someone else to provide these things for me." It's scary, but it's honestly helping so much and allowing me to have a much more clear view of him as a person - on equal ground, I can see him for who he is, not who I think he is.
Your highly informative and so knowledgeable guidance on relationship matters, Ashley, is outstanding. We - your subscribers - cannot thank you enough. 🌅
Yep❤we miss what they have that we don’t, and need to replace what they offered even if it wasn’t much, with actions we give to ourselves -We gotta practice being more confident in delivering to ourselves what we admired in the other person or how they made us feel.
Thanks so much for the video. I really feel crazy sometimes when I don't understand what's going on in my brain. That helps a lot for the idealizing issue that I have too and that made me go back towards my ex during the pandemic. In the end I just hurt her more and I feel really bad. I think idealizing what we had was the issue and wanting to be with her for the wrong reasons was quite damaging...
Thank you, thank you , thank you so much. I went through an unwanted separation and divorce 5 yrs ago after 2 decades of marriage. I have not been able to move on. I’ve kept ruminating and idolizing the time together with my ex. I knew that he was not perfect but , my heart had difficulty catching up with my head. I recently came to know that my ex had moved on with another person. This info once again brought back all verbal and emotional abuse this man put me through before the years leading to the divorce. This and your other videos are so helpful. It reinforces my belief that I am worthy of love and I am not the only reason the marriage failed. He had an equal role in it. At least I wanted to try and fix it and did everything humanly possible to salvage the relationship and I am better for person for it. 😊
My dear if you seriously want to recover ur relationship / get ex back or a specific person Mr williams is the best when it comes to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
Needed this rn, ex and I “tried again” but just didn’t feel right, we both agreed we have walls up for each other. Decided to just be “friends” for now and give more time and more healing to let the walls down. We both were in the same page but for some reason I feel like I’m goin back to square one of the break up. I was moved on and happy, but this for some reason is messing me up. All I can think is our relationship and fantasizing us but I don’t want to. I don’t want to go back to square one after all the work I put to be happy again.
It sounds like this took a lot of strength and emotional maturity for both of you to decide that trying again wasn’t the right decision at this point in time! It’s perfectly normal to feel set back by this, as there is likely a part of you that is having to re-grieve the loss of this relationship all over again.
It's been two weeks since she left me through messages saying she "lost" feelings what is unbelievable because we met one month before the break-up and she non officially asked me to be her' wife, also her body language, those eyes, gentle touches and . I just feel that the real reason is something different...but I still think about her before I go to sleep(that's why at this moment I'm watching this video to calm myself). I'm mad at her but I feel more hurt than mad because I can't believe that a person could say and do all things without feeling anything...I romantize her "past version" when we used to be closer emotionally, I just can't get her off my mind even if I feel happier without her but I still miss her a lot as a person with whom I was for 2 years in relationship. It just hurts
Hi, get anyone you love or(SP)attracted to you and also get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second Chance through the help of Dr BEN, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship also Dr BEN always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks
My dear if you seriously want help to get ur ex or a specific person Mr williams is the best when it comes to recovery relationship, he helped me get my ex and he can also help you
Thanks Ashley, i am starting to see my idealizing as a fantasy instead of "the truth". I know when my gf and i were a couple i did get an "ego boost" as well. But it also wasnt because we connected so well. I'm analyzing my paterns and hope it will get better from now going forward. Thanks.
what makes me guilting leaving my ex is that he was suffering from severe anxiety, and unwantedly we had prolonged arguments over something which made him surprisingly aggressive but I still kep talking. later on text after 2 days of silence, i wrote him to normalize everything and he went so harsh with his words and blamed me. I just blocked him and unblocked him later after 1 week. he still talked to me in the normal way but i was still angry for his harsh words and didn't continue the conversation. *NOW I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BIT CALM, AND BLAMED MYSELF MORE SINCE HE WAS SUFFERING ROM ANXIETY, NOT ME!*
I do this, she's being super cold towards me, I'm super loving and tell her I love her, her positive characteristics, everything I loved when we were together. I can reminiss so many moments where I opened my heart telling her how great she was, why I loved her and all that, while not getting much of anything back. Not even telling me she cared about me or initiating that kind of expression on her own, always me saying stuff and she just responding to it. I kept doing it after the break-up too, wanting to be as nice as possible and telling her how much I still love her and why, and she's more cold than ever, haven't said one single positive thing about me or the relationship we had, not a single thing. I know I've been projecting a lot of what I wanted the relationship to be on her, craving that love and affection back, even though I love being that person myself without any conditions but eventually it's too much. I put her on a pedestal for sure, I have an anxious attachment style and I expressed my super intense love and affection too freely, always expressing love and care, and consequently she lost respect for me, becoming distant etc, the classic case. And me keeping that behaviour up even after the break-up, it causes me so much more pain, and it's so much harder to let go. I know anxious and avoidant attachment styles have a harder time letting go of a relationship, compared to a secure attachment style. And I keep fantasising and hoping for us to get together again, always thinking about the good parts of the relationship rather than any of the negative moments, which keeps fueling the positive feelings and emotions towards them.
So thankful and grateful for your guidance. Keep being you, you are helping so many people understand themselves and helping us learn crucial information on shifting to a positive mindset and perception. Thank you! X
I’m so thankful and grateful for YOU! 🥺 thank you for watching. It’s so heartwarming to know that you find my content so meaningful. You’re so welcome! ❤️❤️
thank you so much for this video 🥺❤️ i have a topic suggestion i'd love a video on. how do we deal with the heartbreak from our partners announcing a break. especially if neither of us knows how long it'll be and they actually want to take a break for both of us to better ourselves, and maybe MAYBE in the future come back together. im experiencing a lot of uncertainty and im making up expectations and false hope because of this
I’m so sorry you’re going through this ❤️ when you say a break, what exactly are you referring to? Do you mean an actual breakup, or just taking some temporary time apart with the intent to reconcile? I think you need to firstly be clear with one another about what the ultimate goal here is for both of you.
Ohhh Ashley I should have Found u sooner. Exactly, Ik that I'm Idolizing him but ahhhh!!! He got all the qualities I have ever looked for in a person. And the guilt trip that I hurted him....pulls me back
Hi, I am new to your channel:) This was a great and timely video for me. Understanding the forces that drive these loops and how to come to terms with them is practical advice that I really need. The obsessive thinking has waxed and waned over the last year; I feel I haven’t had the means to look under these thoughts to regain my strength. Thank you so much, Ashley!
I’m so glad that i subscribed ur channel! Struggling with life after a breakup recently, but this video provides me with some insights on how to cope. Such a nice video, thanks a lot!
I guess it's because he was older than me and had a lot of knowledge in different aspects and life in general so that gave a false sense of safety...because he clearly didn't wanted to provide safety for me or in the relationship. Even emotionally there wasn't any safety, he cheated and constantly invalidated my emotions, feelings and needs so i guess i was enfatuated with his potenial. He just didn't love me 🤷🏽♀️.
Omg thank youu!❤ i really needed this. Knowing that u also went through my situation and now are in a better place gives me hope. You really are a godmother💖💖
You are soooo amazingggg....thank you so much for making this video and other videos as well. I could totally relate with this video. Please keep up the good work🤗
I have not even done the break up yet. While dwelling on it, I also know I will think of him in such a positive way if he is actually gone...it’s the hardest thing
What if, due to insecurities, the break up was all your fault? That other person wasn't flawed at all she just wanted to love you but you pushed her away. I can't stop thinking about the future I've missed out on with the most perfect woman I've met.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this! The guilt of feeling like a relationship was all our fault can truly eat us alive. I’ve actually done a video on this exact topic which you might find helpful ❤️
I'm going through this right now. We just broke up and I'm heartbroken. And I feel like I can't do any better. He left cuz I wouldn't allow him to get drunk and come home late once a week. We fought and he left
im struggling to deal with the fact that I've been left by my fiancé… she left me two weeks ago and is already looking into other people but I still want to be with her and there for her. We have two kids and cant live apart due to our finances being intertwined (plus we are poor so we couldn't have one of us move out anyways). We moved about 13 hours away last month to get away from my toxic family and to get our finances and relationship back where we want to be... I want is to give it the best shot possible and be there for each other and our kids. I want us to go to therapy together and apart to see if this can actually work out. I want to fix all the mistakes I've made and I thought that moving so far away to a safer space would help in seeking that goal
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Although wanting to go to therapy and put in the effort to get your relationship back on track is wonderful, it’s key that the other person is just as willing and as invested in doing the same. Unfortunately, it sounds like your fiancé has very little interest in working things out. As painful and as difficult as it is, I think you have to respect her decision. I’m not qualified to advise you on what to do here in relation to separating your finances and doing what needs to be done in relation to transitioning into separate living situations, but I highly suggest speaking to someone who is so that they can help you with the next steps ❤️
You're great. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I study psychology as well. Check out books and articles about "limerence". That has helped me too to understand some things. Thank you for your amazing content! ❤️
Just dropped off some PPE's for lysol clorox wipes face shield and a B-DAY present... I felt Good doing it... HHHMMM 🤔🤔🤔🤔 now I will probably cry 😭😭😭😭... LOL
My dear if you seriously want help to get ur ex or a specific person Mr williams is the best when it comes to recovery relationship, he helped me get my ex and he can also help you
I placed my hope in the eventual reuniting with an ex for 15 years...It took me that long to realize if you love someone let them go. I only dated her a short while and looking back on it seems rediculus but shit happens emotionally.
Ever since she moved on so fast , i feel like i lost my other half ,, and unfortunately i cant change my way of thinking and that she was better than me and that I don’t deserve her and that I wasn’t good enough it makes hate myself even more .. but i have to let it go .. I realize that she’s a human being and that I’m idealizing her and it kind of work for like 10 minutes but then feel the same and I’m tired of this ,, it has been a fuckin three years. I wish i didn’t know her or see her
I’m sorry to hear this has been something you have been stuck on! Have you spoken to a professional about this? It sounds like there is something deeper going on that needs your attention ❤️
He lied ,verbally/emotionally abused , and manipulated me the whole time , all while treating her like diamond encrusted gold .... so he is capable of love ... just not with me ..... She was and is his treasure ..... I was his trash, his fool , or whatever .... and they’re both amazing so I see why they’re a match .... Some people are just lucky , or blessed
It doesn’t at all sounds like either of these people are lucky or blessed. There is nothing admirable about a person who lies or abuses others. If he treated you that way, it is likely only a matter of time until he treats his current partner that way too. It’s impossible to know what truly goes on in someone else’s relationship ❤️
I feel like the photos on my phone lead to idealizing my former relationship, despite how toxic and abusive things were. Is it beneficial to delete the photos and all reminders of them?
It is. Erase and remove any reminders of him, i.e. deleting any pictures and photos together, unfollowing (or muting) on social media, taking down any gifts or picture frames from them, returning any borrowed hoodies, etc.
Hi, I hope you will read my cmnt, I was in relationship with someone I thought that I don’t love him. ( I told my friend that I don’t and she took a screenshot of our conversation and sent it to him ) he just blocked me without saying a word, I really don’t know what should I do ☹️( btw I do love him )
Geez, that doesn’t sound like a friend to me! Have you tried reaching out to your ex to explain? As a relationship OCD sufferer, I personally believe that it’s very normal to have doubts about whether or not we love our partners, it’s much more common than people realise and it certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t love them. That being said, if your ex isn’t willing to hear you out and reconcile, there isn’t much you can do here 😔
For me i feel like he had things which i liked and i am afraid i lost something that i will never meet someone who is going to be caring and loving however he cheated on me. i am afraid i do not know if there will be someone for me who would want to marry me or other things.
Don't give up on life and the universe I know of a great man who helped you me fix my broken hear beat relationship and everything was restored to pormal in days without delay
For me I don’t really want to be anything like him? I don’t resonate with this but there’s some good tips. I just am so frustrated he couldn’t be my person and we spent 5 years together. Idk
I’m sorry you feel this way. I can only imagine you’ve experienced a lot of hurt 😔 I know it’s hard to remain open, but shutting down isn’t helpful either ❤️
What were the good qualities of your ex just curious.? And is this the same as you mentioned in the other video about how to get over your ex? Because the bad bad characteristics you named if it is the same person but you won't explain what was good about him it doesn't sound like anything was or you might name it anyway maybe you just don't want to name it okay best wishes
Hey Ash, I'm from Myanmar. I've always loved your video contents and followed your advices. Now I need help from you. So can you spare a minute and look for #WhatsHappeningInMyanmar as we are losing our human rights under military coup. I hope you guys can show some kindness. "Please use your liberty to promote ours" this is what our national leader "Aung San Su Kyi said. I would really appreciate if any of you would be willing to use your voice to help us. Heartfelt thanks
I’m so sorry to hear about this! I actually hadn’t heard about this in the news, but have just looked it up and am doing some reading now to educate myself. I’m so sorry that I was unaware of what was going on 😔 I have just pinned your comment so that others can become aware too!
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Are you and your family currently safe? This sounds very scary.
@@AshleyNord OMG
@@AshleyNord And we don't know when we will lose our internet access again :(
My dear if you seriously want help to get ur ex or a specific person
Mr williams is the best when it comes to recovery relationship, he helped me get my ex and he can also help you
I'm also someone who takes years to just semi-get over ex's.
"We idolise the qualities we lack in ourselves more than the person." That's so true. Thank you.
And we miss what they have that we don’t, and need to replace what they offered even if it wasn’t much, with actions we give to ourselves -We gotta practice being more confident in delivering to ourselves what we admired in the other person or how they made us feel.
Woww you just opened my eyes
I always have to remind myself “that wasn’t him he was never nice to me! Stop romanticizing him Julie!” Like I have to say it outloud
Thanks for this video Ashley. I was in that boat in the first 2 months of my breakup. Then I realized that, although she is a very good person and we enjoyed the time we spent together, she wasn’t emotionally connected/invested in me and I deserve someone who will feel invested in me and who will choose to be with me.
What a powerful realization! I’m so happy you were able to come to this conclusion and understand that you deserve someone who is invested and committed ❤️
@@AshleyNord Thanks Ashley. I’m so glad that I found your channel and I really, really appreciate that you take the time to respond to my comments. Keep up the great work and looking watching more of your videos! They’ve been helpful. ☺️
@@lucturcotte6608 + 2347048781104🖤
Im going through the same thing atm. My ex was a good person, too. But i always gave 140% and he not enough. Even if you give 300% it still is only half of the relationship, because it takes two
@@couch_philosoph3325 100% 👍🏻
Thanks Ash. I'm exactly in this idealization place with myself right now. My ex left me because he wanted to "find himself". Instead, he found someone else only after a few months. Although he broke me, I find myself placing too much emphasis on "what we were like", "what he was like". Why do I love someone that doesn't even care about me. It's time to see things for what they really are.
I’m so sorry to hear this, I’m sure seeing your ex move on with someone else massively took you off guard. I think anyone in your position would be feeling the exact same way! It’s perfectly normal to be replaying your relationship and memories of him through your head. Unfortunately, we can’t help who we love. But we can choose where to direct our energy ❤️
Hi it’s been a long time.. but how are you doing now??
@@AshleyNord😊
Oh my god this video is spot on. The story about your ex, and how you viewed him as better than you- because of all the qualities you wanted to embody, I totally understand this. I broke up with him to work on myself, but I still think of him all the time and a part of me wants to be with him, because I felt like he has all of these amazing qualities that for some reason, I don’t see with in myself. Thank you for this video.
Yesss the more I have talked about this experience, the more I realise how many people relate! So many of us unintentionally try to use others (particularly our partners) as a crutch - as if being with them is enough to make us feel good about ourselves. But it truly does have to come from within!
Yes I do believe this is apart of why it's so hard to let go
Always coming in hot with the content we didn’t know we needed, Truly. Quarantine can really fool you into thinking you may have lost your one true love and will in fact never meet another good human again, seeing as the times are dark out here on these streets. The idealizing is real. Thanks for making a video on this !
Aww I’m so pleased it struck the right chord for you!! But yes I completely agree, quarantine has been such a challenging time for so many of us. It’s SO easy to idealize and fantasize about the past or what could have been! But very very rarely is our perception of an “ideal” relationship or partner the truth.
This is so true omg
I just want to say that I finally unfollow and removed my ex from my social media. I just want to say, thank you! Your videos have given me courage to move on.
Good for you!! That is such a massive step and you should be really proud of yourself ❤️🙌🏼 and you’re so welcome!! This makes me so humbled to hear 😌
You know what though I know couples who are STILL MADLY DEEPLY in love 20 years later because they both *idolize* and *ADORE* each other EQUALLY when that occurs and remains with BOTH PEOPLE and is TRULY EQUAL it WORKS.! What happens typically is that one usually loves More than the other person on a SOUL HEART And MIND level , not just a *mind* level in the relationship. I believe in that kind of love as long as its equally treated perceived but so often I see one person LOVING TOO MUCH with ALL THEY ARE and the other person simply speaking the words and loving the other person with their mind and mind love is fickle and conditional.
I feel a lot of shame when I fall into the idealization mode over my ex, and this video really helped me let go of that and realize how normal it is. I feel like this struggle is one that keeps coming back for me, but people like you make it more manageable. Thank you for this content!!! Also, you are absolutely stunning.
Oh THIS TOPIC 😅 This is so sick but true. We left them for " a reason"! We knew it was the best thing to do. Even if left.. Is just mean that we weren't focused enough on what was going on. But it's ok. It lasts months. Or until you have the chance to have closure or accept that closure. But do it, for yourself.
I agree! It’s totally okay to feel this way and it can take a long time to feel confident that moving on was the right decision 🙌🏼
When queen ash uploads I quite literally pause every other thing in my life to watch 😍🏃♀️
Awww I feel so humbled!! 🥺😭❤️ thank you so much for your support honey, I’m so happy that my content is meaningful for you! ❤️❤️
Thank you. Idealizing is indeed very difficult to handle and it is not only about viewing the things we admired about the person it is also about the dreams that this person shared with us. The hope that this person was going to bring into our life. Would it have become reality? nobody will ever know as the relationship is over. Thank you so much
This video was amazingly helpful, thank you. I was so close to figuring out why I kept idealising him when I knew we weren't right for each other. You gave me that extra push to see it, I want to be like the aspects of his personality I lacked. Not be with him again.
Name it, Label it, Call it out in a non-judgemental way. Smashing advice.
Anyone going through this mind wrecking sh*t, please hold on and know that it takes hard work but you'll get there.
Hi Ash, thank you so much for this video. Your words have truly struck a chord within me and have made me come to the realization that yes, I think I also want to be LIKE my ex, not with. He is so crazy creative, performing, tattooing, designing. He's outgoing, hilarious and charismatic. People just seem to gravitate towards him. Being with him was perhaps now a validation for me as he wanted to be with ME and I've always considered myself to be more introvert, reserved, usually saying myself that my greatest strength was that "I'm a good listener". We broke up about 2 months ago now and it has completely devasted me as it pretty much came out the of blue for me. I'm really trying my hardest to move on but this process is proving to be way more difficult than I ever imagined. But today I'm going to try and remind myself that I am idealising our relationship. The last 4/5 months were not a great time for the both of us. I could feel him pulling away and I tried but I just didn't know how to fix it. I can't help but simply miss him so much. I'm so sad that this has to end and whilst I feel like absolute shit right now, I am also so determined to work this out and try to myself for the first time.
Unfortunately the thing that I struggle with missing is physical touch. As thats my main love language. Thats what I miss about my ex.
This was some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten since my breakup
One of the reasons I'm having trouble taking him off the pedestal is because he has a better career than me and owns a property and has more friends than me. There are no guarantees I'll get a career as good as him or ever own a property due to the increase in prices. What is your advice for me to stop idolising him for these things? Thank you
This is one of the reasons why I'm going out of my way to try out all the hobbies, skills, etc. that my ex had which I admired him for. Partially to remove some of the mystique from them, and partially to remind myself that "hey, I can do this myself, I don't need someone else to provide these things for me." It's scary, but it's honestly helping so much and allowing me to have a much more clear view of him as a person - on equal ground, I can see him for who he is, not who I think he is.
Your highly informative and so knowledgeable guidance on relationship matters, Ashley, is outstanding. We - your subscribers - cannot thank you enough. 🌅
Yep❤we miss what they have that we don’t, and need to replace what they offered even if it wasn’t much, with actions we give to ourselves -We gotta practice being more confident in delivering to ourselves what we admired in the other person or how they made us feel.
Thanks so much for the video. I really feel crazy sometimes when I don't understand what's going on in my brain. That helps a lot for the idealizing issue that I have too and that made me go back towards my ex during the pandemic. In the end I just hurt her more and I feel really bad. I think idealizing what we had was the issue and wanting to be with her for the wrong reasons was quite damaging...
Thank you, thank you , thank you so much. I went through an unwanted separation and divorce 5 yrs ago after 2 decades of marriage. I have not been able to move on. I’ve kept ruminating and idolizing the time together with my ex. I knew that he was not perfect but , my heart had difficulty catching up with my head. I recently came to know that my ex had moved on with another person. This info once again brought back all verbal and emotional abuse this man put me through before the years leading to the divorce. This and your other videos are so helpful. It reinforces my belief that I am worthy of love and I am not the only reason the marriage failed. He had an equal role in it. At least I wanted to try and fix it and did everything humanly possible to salvage the relationship and I am better for person for it. 😊
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Needed this rn, ex and I “tried again” but just didn’t feel right, we both agreed we have walls up for each other. Decided to just be “friends” for now and give more time and more healing to let the walls down. We both were in the same page but for some reason I feel like I’m goin back to square one of the break up. I was moved on and happy, but this for some reason is messing me up. All I can think is our relationship and fantasizing us but I don’t want to. I don’t want to go back to square one after all the work I put to be happy again.
It sounds like this took a lot of strength and emotional maturity for both of you to decide that trying again wasn’t the right decision at this point in time! It’s perfectly normal to feel set back by this, as there is likely a part of you that is having to re-grieve the loss of this relationship all over again.
It's been two weeks since she left me through messages saying she "lost" feelings what is unbelievable because we met one month before the break-up and she non officially asked me to be her' wife, also her body language, those eyes, gentle touches and . I just feel that the real reason is something different...but I still think about her before I go to sleep(that's why at this moment I'm watching this video to calm myself). I'm mad at her but I feel more hurt than mad because I can't believe that a person could say and do all things without feeling anything...I romantize her "past version" when we used to be closer emotionally, I just can't get her off my mind even if I feel happier without her but I still miss her a lot as a person with whom I was for 2 years in relationship. It just hurts
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Thanks Ashley, i am starting to see my idealizing as a fantasy instead of "the truth". I know when my gf and i were a couple i did get an "ego boost" as well. But it also wasnt because we connected so well. I'm analyzing my paterns and hope it will get better from now going forward. Thanks.
what makes me guilting leaving my ex is that he was suffering from severe anxiety, and unwantedly we had prolonged arguments over something which made him surprisingly aggressive but I still kep talking. later on text after 2 days of silence, i wrote him to normalize everything and he went so harsh with his words and blamed me. I just blocked him and unblocked him later after 1 week. he still talked to me in the normal way but i was still angry for his harsh words and didn't continue the conversation. *NOW I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BIT CALM, AND BLAMED MYSELF MORE SINCE HE WAS SUFFERING ROM ANXIETY, NOT ME!*
Hey girrrrl, like a miracle, this video popped up. Exactly what I needed to hear 💜🌈
I do this, she's being super cold towards me, I'm super loving and tell her I love her, her positive characteristics, everything I loved when we were together. I can reminiss so many moments where I opened my heart telling her how great she was, why I loved her and all that, while not getting much of anything back. Not even telling me she cared about me or initiating that kind of expression on her own, always me saying stuff and she just responding to it. I kept doing it after the break-up too, wanting to be as nice as possible and telling her how much I still love her and why, and she's more cold than ever, haven't said one single positive thing about me or the relationship we had, not a single thing. I know I've been projecting a lot of what I wanted the relationship to be on her, craving that love and affection back, even though I love being that person myself without any conditions but eventually it's too much. I put her on a pedestal for sure, I have an anxious attachment style and I expressed my super intense love and affection too freely, always expressing love and care, and consequently she lost respect for me, becoming distant etc, the classic case. And me keeping that behaviour up even after the break-up, it causes me so much more pain, and it's so much harder to let go. I know anxious and avoidant attachment styles have a harder time letting go of a relationship, compared to a secure attachment style. And I keep fantasising and hoping for us to get together again, always thinking about the good parts of the relationship rather than any of the negative moments, which keeps fueling the positive feelings and emotions towards them.
I sent you an email 📧❣️❣️
Amazing explanation. I used to feel confused why all this used to happen but now it all makes sense. Thank you so much!
This was EXTREMELY eye opening Ashley, thank you so much 🙏🏼💛
So thankful and grateful for your guidance. Keep being you, you are helping so many people understand themselves and helping us learn crucial information on shifting to a positive mindset and perception. Thank you! X
I’m so thankful and grateful for YOU! 🥺 thank you for watching. It’s so heartwarming to know that you find my content so meaningful. You’re so welcome! ❤️❤️
This video hit home for me . Thank You for sharing this 🙏🏻
thank you so much for this video 🥺❤️ i have a topic suggestion i'd love a video on. how do we deal with the heartbreak from our partners announcing a break. especially if neither of us knows how long it'll be and they actually want to take a break for both of us to better ourselves, and maybe MAYBE in the future come back together. im experiencing a lot of uncertainty and im making up expectations and false hope because of this
I’m so sorry you’re going through this ❤️ when you say a break, what exactly are you referring to? Do you mean an actual breakup, or just taking some temporary time apart with the intent to reconcile? I think you need to firstly be clear with one another about what the ultimate goal here is for both of you.
This was actually really helpful thank you.
Very well said, wow you are such a talented influencer. Thank you so much for this. ❤️
you have so much wisdom. and thank you for helping a lot of people heal
Ohhh Ashley I should have Found u sooner. Exactly, Ik that I'm Idolizing him but ahhhh!!! He got all the qualities I have ever looked for in a person. And the guilt trip that I hurted him....pulls me back
Hi, I am new to your channel:)
This was a great and timely video for me. Understanding the forces that drive these loops and how to come to terms with them is practical advice that I really need. The obsessive thinking has waxed and waned over the last year; I feel I haven’t had the means to look under these thoughts to regain my strength.
Thank you so much, Ashley!
thank you :) I feel like by watching your vids im helping myself to heal in a good way
Its been a complete year I still have this false hope that she will come back or atleast call.
Thank you for the great video. I'm totally going through that right now.
I’m so glad that i subscribed ur channel! Struggling with life after a breakup recently, but this video provides me with some insights on how to cope. Such a nice video, thanks a lot!
Thanks Ash, this makes so much sense to me😊
I guess it's because he was older than me and had a lot of knowledge in different aspects and life in general so that gave a false sense of safety...because he clearly didn't wanted to provide safety for me or in the relationship. Even emotionally there wasn't any safety, he cheated and constantly invalidated my emotions, feelings and needs so i guess i was enfatuated with his potenial. He just didn't love me 🤷🏽♀️.
I adore you and your advice, thank you so much for your uploads
I adore you right back!! You’re so very welcome ❤️ thank you for watching!
Omg thank youu!❤ i really needed this. Knowing that u also went through my situation and now are in a better place gives me hope. You really are a godmother💖💖
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You are soooo amazingggg....thank you so much for making this video and other videos as well. I could totally relate with this video. Please keep up the good work🤗
Absolutely best words ever. Super helpful
This is absolutely amazing
I have not even done the break up yet. While dwelling on it, I also know I will think of him in such a positive way if he is actually gone...it’s the hardest thing
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Hi Ash! Just wanted to update you on my love. Me and Slooop are hanging out more than ever now that I can work from home.
I’m sure that you are 🤣 thanks for the update! ❤️
happy listening to you
Wow! Nailed it! I want to be like my ex! Like certain qualities of course. Lol i even copy certain organizy things he does
I really love this podcast. 🙂🤗
Love you, Ash! Thanks for sharing your emotional intelligence with us 🥰
Aww I love you too!! Such a lovely compliment, you’re very welcome ❤️❤️
Appreciate your video! It helped!
So happy to hear that! ☺️❤️
I desperately wait every single week for your video♥️😍
Aww this makes my heart happy!! Thank you for being such a loyal subscriber and supporter 😊❤️ it means so much to me!
thanks for this video 🙏🏻 cheers from Berlin
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What if, due to insecurities, the break up was all your fault? That other person wasn't flawed at all she just wanted to love you but you pushed her away. I can't stop thinking about the future I've missed out on with the most perfect woman I've met.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this! The guilt of feeling like a relationship was all our fault can truly eat us alive. I’ve actually done a video on this exact topic which you might find helpful ❤️
@@AshleyNord Do you have a link to it Ashley? I have watched most of your videos ☺️
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I'm going through this right now. We just broke up and I'm heartbroken. And I feel like I can't do any better. He left cuz I wouldn't allow him to get drunk and come home late once a week. We fought and he left
From my point if view you should have boundaries and being with a guy that wants to get drunk once per week can only get worse.
We need a podcast!
im struggling to deal with the fact that I've been left by my fiancé… she left me two weeks ago and is already looking into other people but I still want to be with her and there for her. We have two kids and cant live apart due to our finances being intertwined (plus we are poor so we couldn't have one of us move out anyways). We moved about 13 hours away last month to get away from my toxic family and to get our finances and relationship back where we want to be... I want is to give it the best shot possible and be there for each other and our kids. I want us to go to therapy together and apart to see if this can actually work out. I want to fix all the mistakes I've made and I thought that moving so far away to a safer space would help in seeking that goal
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Although wanting to go to therapy and put in the effort to get your relationship back on track is wonderful, it’s key that the other person is just as willing and as invested in doing the same. Unfortunately, it sounds like your fiancé has very little interest in working things out. As painful and as difficult as it is, I think you have to respect her decision. I’m not qualified to advise you on what to do here in relation to separating your finances and doing what needs to be done in relation to transitioning into separate living situations, but I highly suggest speaking to someone who is so that they can help you with the next steps ❤️
Loved this, Ashley!
Yay! So happy you enjoyed it! ❤️❤️
This is super helpful!
You're great. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I study psychology as well. Check out books and articles about "limerence". That has helped me too to understand some things.
Thank you for your amazing content! ❤️
Aw yayyy! Welcome to a fellow psych lover 😍 I absolutely will! Sounds fascinating, thanks for the suggestion.
You’re so very welcome ❤️
needed this
Love this! Thank you for the advice!!!
You’re so welcome! So happy you enjoyed it 😊❤️
Yes... She is on a pedestal and she was my lover... I miss her so much and can't get her out of my head
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard it is to take an ex off a pedestal! ❤️
What to do?
I have a lot of videos on these topics with advice 😊
Just dropped off some PPE's for lysol clorox wipes face shield and a B-DAY present... I felt Good doing it... HHHMMM 🤔🤔🤔🤔 now I will probably cry 😭😭😭😭... LOL
I love you so much @ashley nord❤️
Thank you for this ... really helped me a lot. ❤️
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This is great, thank you!
Woman, I LOVE you! ❤️
Awww I love you right back!! ☺️🥰
Bobs... That beings said who would be coconuts to leave you
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Thank you thank you for this video
I placed my hope in the eventual reuniting with an ex for 15 years...It took me that long to realize if you love someone let them go. I only dated her a short while and looking back on it seems rediculus but shit happens emotionally.
Yep! Sometimes it can take a VERY long time for us to work through certain emotions. And that’s okay! We all have our own path ❤️
Ever since she moved on so fast , i feel like i lost my other half ,, and unfortunately i cant change my way of thinking and that she was better than me and that I don’t deserve her and that I wasn’t good enough it makes hate myself even more .. but i have to let it go .. I realize that she’s a human being and that I’m idealizing her and it kind of work for like 10 minutes but then feel the same and I’m tired of this ,, it has been a fuckin three years. I wish i didn’t know her or see her
I’m sorry to hear this has been something you have been stuck on! Have you spoken to a professional about this? It sounds like there is something deeper going on that needs your attention ❤️
He lied ,verbally/emotionally abused , and manipulated me the whole time , all while treating her like diamond encrusted gold .... so he is capable of love ... just not with me .....
She was and is his treasure ..... I was his trash, his fool , or whatever ....
and they’re both amazing so I see why they’re a match ....
Some people are just lucky , or blessed
It doesn’t at all sounds like either of these people are lucky or blessed. There is nothing admirable about a person who lies or abuses others. If he treated you that way, it is likely only a matter of time until he treats his current partner that way too. It’s impossible to know what truly goes on in someone else’s relationship ❤️
I know what you mean 😢
ohh so spot on! I want to be like him! I want to be him! :(
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your cat is so cute what is their name :)
I feel like the photos on my phone lead to idealizing my former relationship, despite how toxic and abusive things were. Is it beneficial to delete the photos and all reminders of them?
It is. Erase and remove any reminders of him, i.e. deleting any pictures and photos together, unfollowing (or muting) on social media, taking down any gifts or picture frames from them, returning any borrowed hoodies, etc.
Hi, I hope you will read my cmnt, I was in relationship with someone I thought that I don’t love him. ( I told my friend that I don’t and she took a screenshot of our conversation and sent it to him ) he just blocked me without saying a word, I really don’t know what should I do ☹️( btw I do love him )
Geez, that doesn’t sound like a friend to me! Have you tried reaching out to your ex to explain? As a relationship OCD sufferer, I personally believe that it’s very normal to have doubts about whether or not we love our partners, it’s much more common than people realise and it certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t love them. That being said, if your ex isn’t willing to hear you out and reconcile, there isn’t much you can do here 😔
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you're me, in female form. amazing.
For me i feel like he had things which i liked and i am afraid i lost something that i will never meet someone who is going to be caring and loving however he cheated on me. i am afraid i do not know if there will be someone for me who would want to marry me or other things.
My ex slept with my cousin. I’m broken
Yikes! I’m so sorry 😖 both your ex and cousin sound like jerks
Don't give up on life and the universe I know of a great man who helped you me fix my broken hear beat relationship and everything was restored to pormal in days without delay
For me I don’t really want to be anything like him? I don’t resonate with this but there’s some good tips. I just am so frustrated he couldn’t be my person and we spent 5 years together. Idk
It really works on me
Some one did helped
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just be cold it's the only way
I’m sorry you feel this way. I can only imagine you’ve experienced a lot of hurt 😔 I know it’s hard to remain open, but shutting down isn’t helpful either ❤️
@@AshleyNord Shutting down, will ensure being hurt like that can never happen again.
Very good
8:30 your so cutee ☺ I like you 😆😆
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the one thumbs down...jealous competitor
Haha I love that!! 🤣🤣
I needee this
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What were the good qualities of your ex just curious.? And is this the same as you mentioned in the other video about how to get over your ex? Because the bad bad characteristics you named if it is the same person but you won't explain what was good about him it doesn't sound like anything was or you might name it anyway maybe you just don't want to name it okay best wishes