Something that we often forget is that break ups happen for a reason. There were clearly fundamental problems that led to its end. Considering that we are here, we are learning and growing. Let’s say your partner was a terrible communicator or a liar, it’s almost inevitable that those behaviours are going to continue in their next relationship, especially if they aren’t willing to admit to their faults and put in the work to change. The new person they are with most likely isn’t experiencing a new improved version of your ex. They’re going to get the same toxic person that you were with. I know it’s not the most positive way to look at it but you are here, learning, growing and working on yourself and someone will come along and treat you with the respect and the love that you deserve.
I don't even wanna go back with him. But knowing the fact that he's spending intimate time and maybe enjoying it with his new partner is just making me feel kinda ashamed and idk how to control this anger and grief in an appropriate manner
*and he's cheated on me with this new girl omg. Why is it so hard to get over all the things about him??? Why do I even still kinda curious about the updates of his new relationship? Tho I'm the one who asked to break up and blocked him from every single social media
*and he's cheated on me with this new girl omg. Why is it so hard to get over all the things about him??? Why do I even still kinda curious about the updates of his new relationship? Tho I'm the one who asked to break up and blocked him from every single social media
What you’re describing is an incredibly normal experience! So many of us have these types of feelings despite knowing that a relationship is no good for us. There are usually feelings underneath our jealousy that require further attention and processing. For example, what does this person abandoning you bring up? Perhaps there’s a wound there that could use some compassion and understanding ❤️
This was so helpful! I've no desire to have my ex back, but you've hit the nail on the head, it's that ego thing where you are made to realise that you have lost importance in their world. I've lost a lot of self worth due to that relationship, so it seems ridiculous to be seeking worth from the same person that took it away! Time to do some inner healing!
I’m so happy it resonated with you! I know that feeling all too well. And wow, what an incredibly insightful realization! “I’ve lost a lot of self worth due to that relationship, so it seems ridiculous to be seeking worth from the same person that took it away!” BOOM! That’s a powerful statement 🙌🏼 well done.
When i recognise that jealousy is nothing but my low self worth talking to me it changed my way of perceiving. Thank you so much to give me a new perspective to see. I talked to myself like " I'm enough, my ex taught me a lot and it was necessary to come out of questioning self. I deserve being loved. And he also deserve love. We came together to learn something. And making him inferior or superior is not gonna work. I'm enough I deserve love I love people with full heart that's it."
I loved the part where you said “an asshole in one relationship is an asshole in another” my ex treated me like shit the whole time during our relationship and told me it was bc i wasnt good enough and it was bc i cared too much and then immediately aft we broke up he slid in one of my friend’s dms and then the day after we broke up he immediately got into a new relationship which was really confusing because he still had the guts to tell me he was so affected by the breakup :// i just dont understand how some people can be so ruthless even though all you had were good intentions for them :(
I’m SO sorry you went through that. What you’re describing sounds like verbal/emotional abuse and I’m so sorry someone treated you that way. Your ex sounds like a very damaged individual and I can assure you that he has not magically changed for this new person! Sending you so much love ❤️❤️
I think the reason why I feel jealous is because the things that were once so sacred to the relationship I was in, the love making, the laughter, the bonding with mutual friends and each other’s families, the trips, the dates, the comfortability and the sense of home with them that they are now sharing with someone else 😢 also, the way we broke up was so sudden after 5 years, I got no closure, I got no answers, I didn’t get to speak with him about it for a whole year because we both blocked each other. Fear of the unknown, overthinking, sulking and regrets have played a terrible, terrible role in all of this. But now, the reality that my ex is probably falling for someone else, living with someone else, happy with someone else is tearing me apart. Not knowing is the worst feeling in the world
I read a book called “ego is the enemy” that really opened my eyes to the way I was feeling after the breakup. I was still hoping for validation, value and some sort of control from her. It was only preventing me from truly accepting the situation and moving on. It’s still a struggle at times but far more manageable now.
That book sounds amazing! Thanks so much for sharing. I couldn’t agree more with that. Our egos often keep us stuck on our exes more than anything else!
Because he is shallow and will always have shallow relationships. You want something deeper & more meaningful, so take your time and the next one will be just that. ❤️
it’s pure frustration :/ i’m so young and stupid and i know i have so much life to live and i know this won’t matter in five years, but god it’s so hard being caught up on someone who doesn’t give a shit about you and the jealousy i feel isn’t so much jealously that someone else is with my ex, but more so that they moved on and i got left alone and in pain. i guess i’m jealous that they get to be happy even though i’m the one who was treated like shit
I think you are learning who you are without them, the longer you were together the more you might’ve lost yourself…at least I think that about myself. There are so many feelings, jealousy is certainly one of them, but at the end of the day I feel peace and no more tension in my home, and I always need to remember he was never really there for the hard times, he wasn’t even my friend anymore. It can feel lonely to be single again but not as lonely as being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you anymore.
I don’t know if it’s really jealousy towards her or what they could have (because as far as I knew they were just friends but he wanted her) it’s more like envy towards him. He was able to actually meet and want someone else. He was able to cut me out of his life after he started talking to her again. He is able to not care about my feelings and potentially start loving someone else...and I just can’t do that. I can’t picture myself with anyone else yet, I can’t stop caring about him and I just envy that he can because he has her.
What you’re describing here is incredibly valid! And I have certainly felt this myself - I know so many other can relate too. Please know that this is a very normal experience and you feeling stuck is not something to feel ashamed over. You will move on in your own timeframe ❤️
It’s been six months and I’ve been feeling that not-enoughness. It’s hard. It’s ego. But it’s also heartbreak because I really loved her. I know there’s elements of codependency in there perhaps but I gave all I knew to give and she moved on really quick. Thank you for this post. It’s time for me to stop watching posts with hopes that something will change and things will be restored. It’s time to let go. I’ve been trying for some time, but it’s very hard because I love very deeply.
I hate break ups.. and even as a male I feel these videos. I have a lot of deep internal feelings to deal with. I cant believe my ex has moved on and it is hard to believe that my life will never have her in it again. Thank you for your videos.
this so true, when I discovered that my ex was no longer single I got mad jealous (it was fine when THEY were single) and I was wondering why I was enraged/jealous at them being in a relationship when they were less attractive as a singleton and now I know it signaled things are beyond your control and it's part of letting go - crappy as that maybe - btw if they seemed to have moved on quickly, it's themselves and their new partner they're storing up trouble for
Remember guys it's not a competition who gets in a relationship or married first. My crush got engaged a year and a half after I stopped seeing her in college and got married 2 and a half years later to this relative of hers. To be honest I'm happy I'm not with her now after recently getting into contact with friends who told me nothing good about her which doesn't fit what I want from someone. She also seems to of lost respect for some friends along with my sister's friend who's related to her saying she's stuck up.
I needed this video/all your videos. I loved my ex so much that even through the emotional and verbal abuse and with the infidelity I stayed. Until he recently broke up with me and blamed me for the end of our relationship. I was hurt that it was over but even more heartbroken when I discovered he was moving on not even a couple of weeks it seems with another woman. It was a punch in the gut and all of those feelings of jealousy, sadness, betrayal came up and haven’t yet fully gone away. I’m jealous of the new relationship because I see I was “idolizing” him like one of your other videos mentioned. I feel like she is getting the version of him that I always hoped he would be for me. But like you said I really don’t know and the chances on him changing are slim to none if he never tries to do the work. Really love your videos. Never usually comment but this video and all the comments resonate so much. Funny during a break up you can feel like no one truly gets it, no one understands how hard it is but truth is a lot of us have been there
This experience you’re describing is SO valid and I know so many others will resonate with what you’re describing here - particularly the fear that this new person is getting a “new and improved” version of your ex. Which, I can confidently say is not the case! Someone who was abusive to you and moved on to someone else very quickly has likely not done any type of work needed to break that behavior/cycle. Good luck to his new partner! I’m so happy my videos resonate with you ❤️❤️ thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.
Struggling so hard with this right now. He’s talking to someone new and he seems to like her and vice versa. It’s only been 4 months since he broke up with me after a 3 year relationship, and I lived with him too. I can’t help but compare myself to her, I’ve looked through social media and she already seems to be better and seems to be someone he’d like better. It sounds irrational and I guess I don’t truly know but sometimes I feel like he’d think anyone is better than me. When you said that if he was an asshole with you he’d be an asshole with someone else.. he wasn’t one, I was the toxic one with insecurities and I always wonder if he’s thinking that I’ll be the same with the next person and that I’ll be someone else’s problem. I pushed him away bc I wasn’t where I need to be mentally, with myself. All my issues seeped into the relationship & I was just terrible most of the time. It sucks feeling like your ex doesn’t see a loss in letting you go bc honestly he seems to be way happier without me. I just watched your most recent video and I know he had emotionally checked out months before he left me. It hurts that he didn’t fight to not lose feelings and fight to fix our relationship, he and others say he did but did he really? Sometimes I feel like he did the basics of what a bf should do for their partner but then I think, well I didn’t always do the same and he got tired and I can’t stop blaming myself. I pushed him to this point, to the point where he thought he was better off without me, and with finding someone else. It kills me and I haven’t been able to let go of him.
I'm in the same boat as you. I was insecure and depressed and ended up pushing away my ex girlfriend. And now she seems happier with another guy. Meanwhile I cant get over her and im even more depressed. The only thing I can think of, and maybe this would help you, is that if I was to somehow get her back then what have I worked on? What have I changed about myself? How will this work out the 2nd time around? So even tho its so hard for me and hard for you the only choice you have now is to work on yourself and just try to be a better version of you. Maybe one day you'll get a chance to right your wrongs but for now we both gotta try not to beat ourselves up so much. I hate saying it but we gotta accept life for what it is now. We have to accept our new normal. And just try to work on ourselves from here on out. Love ourselves more and understand we aren't perfect and thats ok. We will be better. I hope its soon but one day we will wake up and be happier.
I was with my ex for a year and a half and nobody liked him, my friends or family. We were fwb for a year in which I still had feelings and weren’t able to move on. After a few months of blocking each other on social media he is now with someone new. This video explains the exact pain I’m going through right now which feels amazing because I thought I was just going crazy. He didn’t treat me the best in the relationship and before I watched this I used to think that he must have changed for her to be with him yet this video shows me I was very wrong. This has helped me so much ❤️
I’m so happy this video resonated with you and that you found it helpful! I know so many people relate to what you’re feeling - it’s so easy to get caught up in believing an ex has changed for someone else! But very, very rarely is that ever the case!
I needed to hear this! I ended a 8 year very emotionally abusive relationship in May. He moved on in TWO weeks!!!! Apparently his first love from 25 years ago. I am told he now has a “Real woman” and that I wasted 8 years of his life. What you described are the exact feelings I have been facing for the last few months. I wanted this over more than anything. I had to strategically plan how to get out safely. Anytime I have left in the past, he tries to destroy me to the point I have had to take out restraining orders. This time is for good. I feel terrible for this new woman who knows only the teenage side of this very narcissistic abusive man. Yet.... that feeling of not being good enough and did I make the right decision is always with me. This relationship destroyed me. Thank goodness for my therapist and videos like these ❤️ Thank you so much!!
Oh my goodness, two weeks is definitely a very very quick turn around time and certainly makes me question how genuine that new relationship could possibly be! This guy sounds like a complete jerk and the fact that he is actively rubbing this new relationship in your face is deeply disturbing. I’m so sorry to hear he’s doing that to you - I highly suggest you block him and stop allowing yourself to be available for his continued emotional/psychological abuse. I’m so happy to hear you’re taking your power back and prioritizing your healing through therapy ❤️ great work!!
By the sounds of it you made the right choice not being with him. Just think to yourself how would things turn out if you were with him still or even got married to him? He sounds like a control freak to me. 8 years is a long time so it will take some time moving on from them dispite these bad traits about them. I liked a girl for 7 years but wouldn't want to be with her as she got married along with finding out bad traits about her which I wouldn't want from someone. Because I liked her for so long it makes it hard still just letting go and forgetting about them
@@AshleyNord I messaged my ex after a year a couple nights ago about how I miss him I was so sad we were good friends but he had a secret he had a crush on my 15 year old daughter and I asked him he told me yes, I ended the relationship. Then how am I so jealous his new girlfriend he's been with for a year messaged me and said he's happy don't bother him and he blocked me...then today she messaged me again and said how do I think after a year of not talking he would still have feelings for you?... I was so mad but then again why when I was so hurt that he was looking at my daughter who was a teenager. It broke me so bad made me feel so icky and confused and just horrible to know we were so close and how can I be so jealous to see his new girlfriend moving in just weeks after him sending me flowers to my house and telling me he didn't like this girl. Like what is wrong with me.
Thanks Ashley, I'm a man and I need to hear these things my ex-girlfriend had deep insecurity problems, and the outside she was jealous controlling manipulative and perhaps a narcissist. I never encountered a woman like this ever. Of course I was trauma Bond. Love you girl this video means a lot thank you!🎉
My ex and I broke up last week Monday, we are still in AA together. I saw him Sunday and we didn’t speak. I felt jealous about him talking to an older more successful woman at the meeting but I didn’t react, I just thought about it and couldn’t look away. I have been allowing myself to cry more, to get through it. Sometimes I think about it and I don’t want to because deep down I want him to find happiness. Another part of him feels bad because he would not or could not find it with me.
My ex got with someone straight away after our 4 1/2 year relationship (monkey branched) it does make it so much harder, but I know it will make me so much stronger.
I definitely experience feelings of jealousy. I would look through my ex's new girl's social media a lot to the point where I was realizing that I was making my own self cry and breakdown in panic attacks. I struggle with anxiety, and depression so it doesn't help my mental state. I know logically now that looking at her socials will just feed me with insecurity and doubt about myself. I really lost my sense of self when my ex left, and now even more so when I see things of them on socials. It also doesn't help at all that my ex is on the snap-map because I got into a bad habit of checking up with where he's at (not in a weird way) since we were long distance anyways, although just to see what he's up to. I also now know that this is also toxic to myself, and will only make me feel more depressed. In my head I compared my FaceTime calls to theirs because he ended up face-timing her a week after me which made me feel quite inadequate, like I was not good enough to go back to or something. I think now I realize that they have far more history together anyways, and that there's truly a lot of healing that I need to choose to do now. Which includes not checking up on their socials anymore. Anyone else relate to this?
Oh god yeah. To me it's like I'm still addicted to my ex and their social media offers a window into their life and is the nearest I can get to being with them. It's like a hit of drugs. But like drugs, it ultimately hurts my mental state and makes me feel awful and worthless. It feels like her new guy is able to unlock a side to her that I never got to see because I didn't have the charisma or imagination to bring it out of her. I've never felt in control of my own life and have always suffered low self esteem, so this has been a massive trigger. I know I'll be happier if I fix my own life.
Your channel and specifically this video has been so helpful for me. I recently talked my ex of 4 yrs and he mentioned he was in a relationship and this video pinpointed exactly what came up in my head when we spoke and I feel like I can handle it so much better now. ❤️
Ashley, you are the Sad Guru of break-up healers!) so concise and clearly to the point. I had to comment because my shit has got more layers than a cake, and I find you are really helping! Than you!
It’s been almost 5months since the breakup, we dated on and off for over 4 years, We ended it because it was just getting very toxic... despite we both tried to work it out...I took my time to heal and thought he still loves me and I thought I was doing well but i recently find out that he started seeing someone else and that made me feel sooo crushed and helpless, I just can’t believe i truly lost my best friend and that he can get over our bond faster than I am... even though I know well that we don’t fit....I’m in so much pain.... please help
hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓
I'm experiencing this right now, it probably wouldn't be this bad If him and his new girl weren't in the same small Uni as me, and I wouldn' have to see them. It's amazing how awful you can feel in a situation like this... Even if I broke up with him, even if I know, I want nothing from him anymore, even if I wish ( try to wish) them happines, there is this discomfort in my body, my stomach, my heart. Like it's being squeezed, like there is a huge weight on me. It's your hurt ego, your desire for possesion towards them. I don't want to feel like this! I feel ashamed to feel like this, even tho I know it's normal. But your videos help me to understand, to accept and hopefully to get over these feelings. Thank you!
When you talk about the stories we tell ourselves...Girl, so true! I got into this relationship and kept going with it because the bullshit stories I would make up in my mind about him and I being so perfect, so in love, so meant for each other... When problems occured I would say nothing, because I imagined later on everything will change, because in my head I had a different picture about him, I was idealizing him. I was so stupid about not speaking up, because I thought then I would ruin my image, our image. This fantasizing can be so toxic, wether you're in the relationship or not anymore.
@@sarahdavid6348 I don't want him back at all. I would like to not see him everyday, that would be great, but I wouldn't want him back for shit:) But thanks for recommending THE MAN!:D
Hi all, going through this very situation at the moment. Don't want him back sowas very surprised and confused by this feeling of jealousy when I heard he's seeing someone. Made me realize that I have a lot of work to do within myself. Thanks for the video!
Thank you for your video! I went through a break-up a week ago and realized our relationship styles were so different. I’ve also realized A LOT of things about our relationship: some of the issues I had with her include her impulsive behaviors, the fact that she’s planning on starting a relationship and moving in with one of our mutual friends within several months’ time, though she straight up said she wasn’t ready for anything, and the fact she made false promises about spending the rest of her life with me, do make me glad things ended when they did and that her behaviors bothered me quite a lot to the point that we ended up just not being compatible. Ngl though, the feelings of being replaced, the feelings of inadequacy, and jealousy are so paramount in me right now and I don’t think I can overcome them anytime soon. Hopefully my soon-to-be life coach helps
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a breakup. They’re SO hard - and multiple existing feelings can exist at once. For example, realizing you weren’t compatible but also struggling with feeling replaced and abandoned. It’s important to allow all of them to exist ❤️ allow yourself to move through them in your own time.
@@AshleyNord Thank you so much for reaching out! So my ex is aromantic and non-monogamous by nature whereas I'm on the complete opposite end of the spectrum and our mutual is non-mono and aro as well. Both have had feelings for one another for a while (he also had feelings for me) and we had tried transitioning into a poly relationship, only for that to fall through because it was causing me a lot of stress and was moving way too fast. In the end, though we loved each other, we sadly knew a relationship wouldn't work out where both of us would truly be happy since our ideals were so different, though it really feels like a big punch in the gut knowing she and our mutual will likely get together at some point in the future. She is also very much non-hierarchal when it comes to liking people, saying that she loves her friends just as much as she loves her partners, and she has emphasized that no one is replacing anyone, including me, but why does that feeling in me still persist? I'm planning on chatting more with my therapist about it on Tuesday, but how do you silence and dismiss those feelings of being replaced and how do you deal with them if they pop up? I've been entering this inescapable spiral of feeling so inadequate and inferior in comparison to our mutual and it doesn't help I've been cheated on in my only other relationship before. I've tried a lot of things but those thoughts of feeling not enough just don't seem to subside.
My ex and I were good friends, we divorced in 1991 & stayed friends for the kids sake. In 1998 I met the woman of my dreams. My ex instantly became my worse enemy. Her change was so drastic I couldn’t believe it was the same woman I had married back in 1987.
Thank you for this video. We broke up about 1 year ago, it was 15 years of marriage. Sometimes because of the children, we talk. She has someone in her life. We are not in love. if she knocks my door and say that she wants to give it a try, i would say no. But some how, when i learned about that new person, i told her that she deserves to be happy. Same evening, i felt jealous, angry, sad, depressed, comparing myself with the new person... Found out that when she was single i was fine, but now the opposite: looks like i am a control freak... Sad but true. Because now i can really witness that she is not under my control, not under my image. i am just sad that i found out this lately and understand why she wanted a divorce after 15 years and 3 children. i am just so angry to myself, why am I that kind of person. guiltiness it is, big time...
He wanted to hangout two weeks ago and i said i didn’t think it was a good idea yet. He said i was right and it would be easier to not talk for a while. Now he is always hanging out with this new girl and apparently they are together. She is drop dead gorgeous and a model and I’m not anything close to that. I can’t stop picturing them together and comparing myself to her. This is torture
I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this! I’m sure this is extremely painful for you. It sounds like you might the right choice in deciding that hanging out with eachother wasn’t the best idea, and I commend you for sticking to your boundaries.
Thank you so much really needed this atm. I am exactly someone who grew up not feeling heard or seen or appreciated which is probably why rn my ex is seeing someone else and I m going crazy here. But not anymore so again thank youuuuuuu please make more videos!!❤️
Omg this video was such a great help, the mother of kid just got into her new Relationship and at every moment she gets a chance to disrespect me she always brings up “he is better than me” “he is not a loser like me” and I sit and stay very quite because I don’t want to feel out of control or react which I don’t but she says she is happy but she still acts the same and is more angry when we were together She holds a grudge against me when I ended the relationship, and will not let that go and I see her now and she says she is happy but is always mad I did get jealous but I see her that she is still the same
Thank you for this video. It's strangely accurate with me. Honestly I can't believe how much of this video applies to me. I was in a ten year relationship. The last year of the relationship was so bad, my partner went into a depression, there was so much arguing and she gave me zero affection. This woman was supposed to be the love of my life, the one I had a child with. The one I was supposed to grow old with. Have a house with. The one I wanted to marry. After we broke up she went to therapy. It's been 4 years now. And I had a friend gossip about my ex and she said she saw her with a guy hanging out at a cafe. I didn't want to hear it. Now that it's in my head. I feel like she changed for another man, she's happy now with another man. This man MUST be better than me. I was supposed to be the love of her life, but now I'm not. Now I don't feel like I was ever enough. I'm not good enough and it hurts so much. Deep down, I don't think it would ever work between us. Now she might be seeing another person, it feels like it's over forever.
You are so so so right. This is the first time I've ever been broken up with. I've broken up with people before but I've never been broken up with. I also have a more secure or even detached attachment style than she does so i was used to be pined after to an extent. To be dumped and see her pine after other girls is a massive hit to an ego I didn't know i had. It's uncomfortable to acknowledge a part of me I don't like. I like being pined after. It makes me feel secure and good about myself. Since I have a distant attachment style I thought I didn't need others to validate me. But that is apparently not exactly how that works and I hate that lol and I need to work on it to move on
I love your wisdom, solutions, humor and how you comment back on the posts. Thank you so much I plan to watch this over a few times to really let it sink in.
Oh this is such wonderful feedback 🥺 thank you so much! I really appreciate it, that means so much to me ❤️ I’m so happy my content resonates with you!
After a year, and the therapy I have done, the vlogs I have watched , I have come to realise. That I’m jealous. Of the attention he is giving to her, that I wanted him to give to me , All these feelings and emotional turmoil. And feeling worthless. Is all because of my jealously of the attention that he is giving to someone else, ??. Damn What. A silly thing to control my life ,
I’m so sorry to hear that this is something you’ve been struggling with! I can certainly relate. I find that underneath the jealousy, there is usually something even deeper that needs our attention. For example, feelings of worthlessness etc.
you’re speaking such truth omg it’s insane, and you give such good advice. you’re a queen and I needed this thank you, thank you for validating my feelings but also giving out great advice on dealing with these feelings.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I been stuck in the same place after i ended things over a year ago and only now i truly felt like i was being understood, literally started crying the first second of the „how to move on of your ex was a good person“ vid 😅.. after watching your videos something actually clicked and i come back whenever i feel like i need it. U made me look at things in a different perspective and without knowing, you have made me feel so much better. Much love keep doing what you’re doing ❤️
Your content is sooo good! I’m familiar with a lot of what you’re saying but the clarity with which you say it is fantastic! I only needed a small reminder and a confirmation of what I was already thinking and I have found it in your videos. Thanks Ash, our truth bombing fairy Godmother 😊
Hi! I am currently watching our videos and your advices felt so true and much more genuine in which we can actually use in our life. Your videos are great. Please keep up the good work. Thank you for answering all my questions.
My reality is, I didn’t know what I wanted until it was too late and I took her for granted. Her and I didn’t communicate but I think she was just following my lead to make me happy. The first guy the came along, she found happiness with. They haven’t been together long but I know they’re as happy as they seem and I’ll never forgive myself for allowing her to get away. The 3 of us work together and I have to see it everyday.
OMG i feel horrible she looks exact like me, but she’s 10 years younger it‘s scary !! He never wanted to be official with me, I gave my all for three years, but he kept hiding me. I‘m a loving person & very good looking (without to be arrogant) but it hurts that I had everything but he didn‘t acepted me 💔
I’m so sorry you experienced this 😔 you deserve to be chosen and for someone to be PROUD of having you by their side. Anyone who hides you is absolutely not worth your time. What a jerk!!
@@AshleyNord Thank you ❤️ Unfortunately he‘s an narcisstic too now I‘m watching him posting the girl every day on social media & she gets all the attention I always wished I had from him
Wow you are very good at this! You have it every spot I feel and you make so much sense! I need you in my life when that wave of insecurities kick in! Thank you
OMG you totally nailed it! This has been what I've been dealing with. I broke up with her a year ago this month, called off the engagement and said im done! I cant deal with your kids and problems any longer and want you out of my life. Was doing AMAZING until 2 weeks ago learning she is in another relationship and got completely blindsided and leveled by this rush of emotions and jealousy. I couldnt understand why and am so confused by the pain. Thank you for this video!!!
I have put up with a lot of pain and heartbreak from my ex from the past 3 years. I broken it off back in Dec of 2021 & met someone new and I am not turning back. I finally told my ex that I have some one new and it's best to cut all tides. It's funny on how things work out.Even if my new relationship doesn't work out I could NEVER go back to her. You dump a person for a reason & taking them back will put you back to that bad place.
I, to my shame, sent very nasty , jealous messages to my ex's new partner a couple of months ago., while under the influence of alcohol. He moved on with her within 3 months of walking out on me. She rightly called me a lot of things, like a stalker, jealous etc. I tore myself to bits after it. But I've had to try and forgive myself and move on with my life, I was in so much pain, I lashed out. Shit happens we're all human.
Thank you for sharing your story and for your willingness to be so transparent and honest! I really respect the fact that you are able to critically analyze your actions and own up to the fact that perhaps contacting this new person wasn’t the best move. I totally agree, we’re all human and we all do things we aren’t proud of - especially when we’re hurting!
Yes! I am currently feeling like that, my ex got involved with someone like two months after breaking up with me even though during the breakup he told me I taught him what love really was, and that before me he had never loved anyone. And I know we didn't break up because of her because he hadn't even met her yet. So ugh, I am so annoyed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! 2 months is definitely a short amount of time in my opinion, and it makes total sense you would be feeling a kick in the gut watching that happen so soon. It makes us question how much they could have really loved us if they were able to find it again so quickly! Your totally entitled to feelings of annoyance!
Honestly, the best thing to do is focus on yourself. Block them on everything, and get rid of all belongings that remind you of them. It'll save you in the long run.
For me the difficulty is that he treated me like a princess. We had quality time, amazing talks (he got me without words), shared each others hobbies, it was just so pure. The breakup was in march'19, but a few weeks ago he told me the real breakup reason. He is polyamorous. At first I thought: jesus christ, I can finally find closure because it does make sense! After a few weeks I went to a new feeling that our relationship is wasted potential. Now, with his new girl I see them play video games together, like we did, and I just imagine all the things we did, just with her..Cause I know he actually was a good guy, even though he was sick (mental health) and confused. And still, I feel so much anger and it comes from pain. Pain I have, because I keep searching for the mistakes from my side, although I know I didnt do anything wrong.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I certainly agree with that it sounds like no one is really at “fault” here, and I can understand how hard it is to move on and find closure when there is no obvious reason why things couldn’t work out. There are no mistakes to be found here... you two simply were not aligned when it comes to your core values. If you’re not interested in a polyamorous relationship, then I think that should be all the evidence you need to know that you are both better off without one another. That being said, I think jealousy watching someone you love/loved move on with someone else is normal and expected. I also think it’s unnecessary to torture yourself by forcing yourself to witness the things that are doing together. Is there a reason you are still seeing their activity?
one of thr reasons we split was money, we didn't have any to do anything so got stuck not going out...... she's now with a very rich guy they are out all the time and she is hitting the high life....
I’m sorry, I know you probably don’t check the comments of this video anymore, but I was also treated pretty badly by an ex in an off and on again relationship, and though the fact that they’re probably “an asshole in another relationship” as well is somewhat comforting, towards the end of our relationship they were treating me so much better and being so much kinder… how do I cope with that? For so long they took me for granted and used me as a back up plan and neglected me emotionally, but at the end it seems like they finally began to value me, but I ended it anyways because I was so hurt by everything else and I don’t know how to cope with it :( it hurts so bad. Did they really change ?
hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓
Yes i feel like I am having these jealous feelings bc I have lack of control over what is happening and with my daughter who she's going to be around since my ex already has a new BF who's 12 years older than her and has a 9 year old with his ex who left him for someone else. It's so not fair that people want to hurt others the way they've been hurt it's a power trip blah. My choice and fault for investing so much emotions in anything haha hard when your child is involved. My daughter is a divine light in my life
Yes!!! He upped and married someone else and didn’t care about me as much as I loved and cared about him. I thought at first what is she better than me? What does she have that I don’t? I felt intense jealousy and anger. He was my first love and I gave everything to him. I was hoping he’d come back. But no.🙄🙄🙄I’m healing this week. He never gave me the time of day and was always critical and busy with video games. I get pissed because it didn’t get my say so.
I know of a man who can attract back your ex within 48 hours hours begging you for a second chance....his name is (Dr Steve) He was the one who brought back my ex within 48 hours, ever since I got back with my ex I have been enjoying my reunion with more love and commitment.
hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓
Lol when I seen your text 😂 it made me laugh because I used to do all of that... The video I was trying to look up was how to I make something and his fiance stop being obsessed with me I swear what has happened to me you would not believe!! I could write a book about this! I knew this kid years ago he used to come over my house once & awhile followed me around like a puppy dog. So in may he sent me a lot of fb messages so I figured ok why not he kept bringing up saying I'm just warning you my ex is phyco that she was a stalker & holds there son against him that he would beat herself up and say he did it I just brushed it off like oh crazy baby mama I spent 2 days with him and they where the worst days of my life if you want to know the story & can give me advice for my court date message me
Right on: we falsely convince ourselves that we are renting significant space in the ex’s head as a protection measure for our own hurt egos. Dang, truth bomb.
I actually want her to be happy, if not with me then with someone else. That is my way of letting whatever she does be okay, I have no control over her just like she has no control over me. If I truly love her then why wouldn't I want her to be happy? Ego says I want what I want, life says not this time Cowboy, be happy for me and her! ❤️
My ex husband has a new girlfriend. I don't want him back, but seeing this woman in position that was my life for 10 years, makes me feel like a toddler who wants her toy back but doesnt really want the toy. We broke up for a reason though.
Thank you for this video and some of these comments below helps me feel better my ex cheated on me and never talked and hanged out with me a lot than after we broke up. He said it was himself on how he left..his depression and stress of other things and I believed it. An we were young but I feel so lonely and sad that I could have helped him but he didn’t try either to be there for me I was going through a lot and he didn’t do anything at all. I tried calling him and he didn’t even recognized my number. But it’s like he went back with the girl he cheated me on with so it’s like a backstab to me and tells me I wasn’t enough to begin with idk why I can’t shake this feeling when I see him like some of my old friends or girls pictures they are pretty I agree but just ...it’s hard. I feel complicated on this and feel like shit talking about it cause what if i wasn’t enough and we shouldn’t have been in contact but he was my best guy friend before this I thought I could have trusted him.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Honestly, this guy sounds like a jerk. I understand you feel very hurt (as would anyone in your position), but to me, it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet here! You deserve someone who is choosing you!
@@AshleyNord Thank you ☺️💗✨I’m doing a little better as my days been going on but I felt like I wasted so much time with him. That year and up till now could have been the best in my life but was just ruined heavily and still weights on me today.
Something that we often forget is that break ups happen for a reason. There were clearly fundamental problems that led to its end. Considering that we are here, we are learning and growing. Let’s say your partner was a terrible communicator or a liar, it’s almost inevitable that those behaviours are going to continue in their next relationship, especially if they aren’t willing to admit to their faults and put in the work to change. The new person they are with most likely isn’t experiencing a new improved version of your ex. They’re going to get the same toxic person that you were with. I know it’s not the most positive way to look at it but you are here, learning, growing and working on yourself and someone will come along and treat you with the respect and the love that you deserve.
i REALLY needed to hear this lmao
tash eve stay strong queen 🥰 it’ll get easier I promise
FACTS!! 🙌🏼 preach girl. “The new person they are with most likely isn’t experiencing a new improved version of your ex.” Amen 🙏🏼
So true.
I know of a man who can restore back your relationship or marriage without delay
I don't even wanna go back with him. But knowing the fact that he's spending intimate time and maybe enjoying it with his new partner is just making me feel kinda ashamed and idk how to control this anger and grief in an appropriate manner
*and he's cheated on me with this new girl omg. Why is it so hard to get over all the things about him??? Why do I even still kinda curious about the updates of his new relationship? Tho I'm the one who asked to break up and blocked him from every single social media
*and he's cheated on me with this new girl omg. Why is it so hard to get over all the things about him??? Why do I even still kinda curious about the updates of his new relationship? Tho I'm the one who asked to break up and blocked him from every single social media
What you’re describing is an incredibly normal experience! So many of us have these types of feelings despite knowing that a relationship is no good for us. There are usually feelings underneath our jealousy that require further attention and processing. For example, what does this person abandoning you bring up? Perhaps there’s a wound there that could use some compassion and understanding ❤️
@@febrilestari703 😭😭😭I feel the way you feel...it's hard
Find someone new to focus on.
This was so helpful! I've no desire to have my ex back, but you've hit the nail on the head, it's that ego thing where you are made to realise that you have lost importance in their world. I've lost a lot of self worth due to that relationship, so it seems ridiculous to be seeking worth from the same person that took it away! Time to do some inner healing!
I’m so happy it resonated with you! I know that feeling all too well. And wow, what an incredibly insightful realization! “I’ve lost a lot of self worth due to that relationship, so it seems ridiculous to be seeking worth from the same person that took it away!” BOOM! That’s a powerful statement 🙌🏼 well done.
I fully related to this!!
When i recognise that jealousy is nothing but my low self worth talking to me it changed my way of perceiving. Thank you so much to give me a new perspective to see. I talked to myself like " I'm enough, my ex taught me a lot and it was necessary to come out of questioning self. I deserve being loved. And he also deserve love. We came together to learn something. And making him inferior or superior is not gonna work. I'm enough I deserve love I love people with full heart that's it."
I neeeeded to hear this 💗
Hey, how are you doing now?
i need this!
Any update?
It is horrible. So many memories. But those memories I will have forever. Time to make new ones.
Sending you so much love ❤️ you will definitely have the good memories forever but you have SO many more to make!
I loved the part where you said “an asshole in one relationship is an asshole in another” my ex treated me like shit the whole time during our relationship and told me it was bc i wasnt good enough and it was bc i cared too much and then immediately aft we broke up he slid in one of my friend’s dms and then the day after we broke up he immediately got into a new relationship which was really confusing because he still had the guts to tell me he was so affected by the breakup :// i just dont understand how some people can be so ruthless even though all you had were good intentions for them :(
I’m SO sorry you went through that. What you’re describing sounds like verbal/emotional abuse and I’m so sorry someone treated you that way. Your ex sounds like a very damaged individual and I can assure you that he has not magically changed for this new person! Sending you so much love ❤️❤️
Same here. But he did it same day as I broke up.
I think the reason why I feel jealous is because the things that were once so sacred to the relationship I was in, the love making, the laughter, the bonding with mutual friends and each other’s families, the trips, the dates, the comfortability and the sense of home with them that they are now sharing with someone else 😢 also, the way we broke up was so sudden after 5 years, I got no closure, I got no answers, I didn’t get to speak with him about it for a whole year because we both blocked each other. Fear of the unknown, overthinking, sulking and regrets have played a terrible, terrible role in all of this. But now, the reality that my ex is probably falling for someone else, living with someone else, happy with someone else is tearing me apart. Not knowing is the worst feeling in the world
How are you now??
I read a book called “ego is the enemy” that really opened my eyes to the way I was feeling after the breakup. I was still hoping for validation, value and some sort of control from her. It was only preventing me from truly accepting the situation and moving on. It’s still a struggle at times but far more manageable now.
That book sounds amazing! Thanks so much for sharing. I couldn’t agree more with that. Our egos often keep us stuck on our exes more than anything else!
Can you please leave the name of the book here?
why is the cheater always gets to move on faster and looks happier???
and the one got cheated on is taking a lot of time to heal. how fair is that.
Because he is shallow and will always have shallow relationships. You want something deeper & more meaningful, so take your time and the next one will be just that. ❤️
@@marleew6455 yeah 💯
Whenever I start to lose track in my moving on process and hit lows with my feelings I immediately come to your videos. Thank you.. truly
This is so wonderful to hear! I’m so happy my content helps you through those low times. You’re so welcome ❤️❤️
it’s pure frustration :/ i’m so young and stupid and i know i have so much life to live and i know this won’t matter in five years, but god it’s so hard being caught up on someone who doesn’t give a shit about you
and the jealousy i feel isn’t so much jealously that someone else is with my ex, but more so that they moved on and i got left alone and in pain. i guess i’m jealous that they get to be happy even though i’m the one who was treated like shit
It's rough, but you'll make it through
Girl, felt this and feeling it still!
Omg yes! This is exactly how I feel, took the words right out of my mouth.
This right here and she doesn’t address it in this video
right there's this sense of unfairness
I think you are learning who you are without them, the longer you were together the more you might’ve lost yourself…at least I think that about myself. There are so many feelings, jealousy is certainly one of them, but at the end of the day I feel peace and no more tension in my home, and I always need to remember he was never really there for the hard times, he wasn’t even my friend anymore. It can feel lonely to be single again but not as lonely as being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you anymore.
My FBI agent is getting to know me really well if their reccomending this
Haha! Love it!! I thank your FBI agent for bringing you here 😉
I don’t know if it’s really jealousy towards her or what they could have (because as far as I knew they were just friends but he wanted her) it’s more like envy towards him. He was able to actually meet and want someone else. He was able to cut me out of his life after he started talking to her again. He is able to not care about my feelings and potentially start loving someone else...and I just can’t do that. I can’t picture myself with anyone else yet, I can’t stop caring about him and I just envy that he can because he has her.
What you’re describing here is incredibly valid! And I have certainly felt this myself - I know so many other can relate too. Please know that this is a very normal experience and you feeling stuck is not something to feel ashamed over. You will move on in your own timeframe ❤️
@@AshleyNord thank you very much 🥺💗 I know healing isn’t linear but I can’t wait until I can finally say I’m over him.
It is important to kill your ego in this situation.
It’s been six months and I’ve been feeling that not-enoughness. It’s hard. It’s ego. But it’s also heartbreak because I really loved her. I know there’s elements of codependency in there perhaps but I gave all I knew to give and she moved on really quick. Thank you for this post. It’s time for me to stop watching posts with hopes that something will change and things will be restored. It’s time to let go. I’ve been trying for some time, but it’s very hard because I love very deeply.
I just watch these every night and cry. They are truly life changing
Good tears I hope! ❤️ I’m so happy my content resonates with you. Sending you lots of love ❤️
I hate break ups.. and even as a male I feel these videos. I have a lot of deep internal feelings to deal with. I cant believe my ex has moved on and it is hard to believe that my life will never have her in it again. Thank you for your videos.
Same
this so true, when I discovered that my ex was no longer single I got mad jealous (it was fine when THEY were single) and I was wondering why I was enraged/jealous at them being in a relationship when they were less attractive as a singleton and now I know it signaled things are beyond your control and it's part of letting go - crappy as that maybe - btw if they seemed to have moved on quickly, it's themselves and their new partner they're storing up trouble for
Remember guys it's not a competition who gets in a relationship or married first.
My crush got engaged a year and a half after I stopped seeing her in college and got married 2 and a half years later to this relative of hers. To be honest I'm happy I'm not with her now after recently getting into contact with friends who told me nothing good about her which doesn't fit what I want from someone. She also seems to of lost respect for some friends along with my sister's friend who's related to her saying she's stuck up.
Absolutely!! It’s definitely not a competition ❤️🙌🏼
Love is sweet, love is life, true love never die don't give up someone you love all hope is not lost okay
I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
Text him up in whatsap
✝2⃣3⃣4⃣9⃣0⃣5⃣8⃣6⃣2⃣6⃣0⃣6⃣3⃣
I needed this video/all your videos. I loved my ex so much that even through the emotional and verbal abuse and with the infidelity I stayed. Until he recently broke up with me and blamed me for the end of our relationship. I was hurt that it was over but even more heartbroken when I discovered he was moving on not even a couple of weeks it seems with another woman. It was a punch in the gut and all of those feelings of jealousy, sadness, betrayal came up and haven’t yet fully gone away. I’m jealous of the new relationship because I see I was “idolizing” him like one of your other videos mentioned. I feel like she is getting the version of him that I always hoped he would be for me. But like you said I really don’t know and the chances on him changing are slim to none if he never tries to do the work. Really love your videos. Never usually comment but this video and all the comments resonate so much. Funny during a break up you can feel like no one truly gets it, no one understands how hard it is but truth is a lot of us have been there
This experience you’re describing is SO valid and I know so many others will resonate with what you’re describing here - particularly the fear that this new person is getting a “new and improved” version of your ex. Which, I can confidently say is not the case! Someone who was abusive to you and moved on to someone else very quickly has likely not done any type of work needed to break that behavior/cycle. Good luck to his new partner!
I’m so happy my videos resonate with you ❤️❤️ thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.
Struggling so hard with this right now. He’s talking to someone new and he seems to like her and vice versa. It’s only been 4 months since he broke up with me after a 3 year relationship, and I lived with him too. I can’t help but compare myself to her, I’ve looked through social media and she already seems to be better and seems to be someone he’d like better. It sounds irrational and I guess I don’t truly know but sometimes I feel like he’d think anyone is better than me. When you said that if he was an asshole with you he’d be an asshole with someone else.. he wasn’t one, I was the toxic one with insecurities and I always wonder if he’s thinking that I’ll be the same with the next person and that I’ll be someone else’s problem. I pushed him away bc I wasn’t where I need to be mentally, with myself. All my issues seeped into the relationship & I was just terrible most of the time. It sucks feeling like your ex doesn’t see a loss in letting you go bc honestly he seems to be way happier without me. I just watched your most recent video and I know he had emotionally checked out months before he left me. It hurts that he didn’t fight to not lose feelings and fight to fix our relationship, he and others say he did but did he really? Sometimes I feel like he did the basics of what a bf should do for their partner but then I think, well I didn’t always do the same and he got tired and I can’t stop blaming myself. I pushed him to this point, to the point where he thought he was better off without me, and with finding someone else. It kills me and I haven’t been able to let go of him.
I'm in the same boat as you. I was insecure and depressed and ended up pushing away my ex girlfriend. And now she seems happier with another guy. Meanwhile I cant get over her and im even more depressed. The only thing I can think of, and maybe this would help you, is that if I was to somehow get her back then what have I worked on? What have I changed about myself? How will this work out the 2nd time around? So even tho its so hard for me and hard for you the only choice you have now is to work on yourself and just try to be a better version of you. Maybe one day you'll get a chance to right your wrongs but for now we both gotta try not to beat ourselves up so much. I hate saying it but we gotta accept life for what it is now. We have to accept our new normal. And just try to work on ourselves from here on out. Love ourselves more and understand we aren't perfect and thats ok. We will be better. I hope its soon but one day we will wake up and be happier.
Wow this is exactly me
@@eddiea611well said
I feel the same way ❤
@andreaestrada8658 I’m going through this now, how do you feel 3 years later? ❤
I was with my ex for a year and a half and nobody liked him, my friends or family. We were fwb for a year in which I still had feelings and weren’t able to move on. After a few months of blocking each other on social media he is now with someone new. This video explains the exact pain I’m going through right now which feels amazing because I thought I was just going crazy. He didn’t treat me the best in the relationship and before I watched this I used to think that he must have changed for her to be with him yet this video shows me I was very wrong. This has helped me so much ❤️
I’m so happy this video resonated with you and that you found it helpful! I know so many people relate to what you’re feeling - it’s so easy to get caught up in believing an ex has changed for someone else! But very, very rarely is that ever the case!
you just read the hell out of me. that point about abandoning myself really hit me. youre reallyyyy good. too good 😭
I’m so happy to hear it resonated with you! Being able to identify our patterns is so important ❤️ sending you lots of love!
Great video. Made me feel better. She was an abusive person with borderline personality disorder. I don’t want her back. It just all felt so unfair
I needed to hear this! I ended a 8 year very emotionally abusive relationship in May. He moved on in TWO weeks!!!! Apparently his first love from 25 years ago. I am told he now has a “Real woman” and that I wasted 8 years of his life. What you described are the exact feelings I have been facing for the last few months. I wanted this over more than anything. I had to strategically plan how to get out safely. Anytime I have left in the past, he tries to destroy me to the point I have had to take out restraining orders. This time is for good. I feel terrible for this new woman who knows only the teenage side of this very narcissistic abusive man. Yet.... that feeling of not being good enough and did I make the right decision is always with me. This relationship destroyed me. Thank goodness for my therapist and videos like these ❤️ Thank you so much!!
Oh my goodness, two weeks is definitely a very very quick turn around time and certainly makes me question how genuine that new relationship could possibly be! This guy sounds like a complete jerk and the fact that he is actively rubbing this new relationship in your face is deeply disturbing. I’m so sorry to hear he’s doing that to you - I highly suggest you block him and stop allowing yourself to be available for his continued emotional/psychological abuse. I’m so happy to hear you’re taking your power back and prioritizing your healing through therapy ❤️ great work!!
By the sounds of it you made the right choice not being with him. Just think to yourself how would things turn out if you were with him still or even got married to him? He sounds like a control freak to me. 8 years is a long time so it will take some time moving on from them dispite these bad traits about them. I liked a girl for 7 years but wouldn't want to be with her as she got married along with finding out bad traits about her which I wouldn't want from someone. Because I liked her for so long it makes it hard still just letting go and forgetting about them
@@AshleyNord I messaged my ex after a year a couple nights ago about how I miss him I was so sad we were good friends but he had a secret he had a crush on my 15 year old daughter and I asked him he told me yes, I ended the relationship. Then how am I so jealous his new girlfriend he's been with for a year messaged me and said he's happy don't bother him and he blocked me...then today she messaged me again and said how do I think after a year of not talking he would still have feelings for you?... I was so mad but then again why when I was so hurt that he was looking at my daughter who was a teenager. It broke me so bad made me feel so icky and confused and just horrible to know we were so close and how can I be so jealous to see his new girlfriend moving in just weeks after him sending me flowers to my house and telling me he didn't like this girl. Like what is wrong with me.
Thanks Ashley, I'm a man and I need to hear these things my ex-girlfriend had deep insecurity problems, and the outside she was jealous controlling manipulative and perhaps a narcissist. I never encountered a woman like this ever. Of course I was trauma Bond. Love you girl this video means a lot thank you!🎉
My ex and I broke up last week Monday, we are still in AA together. I saw him Sunday and we didn’t speak. I felt jealous about him talking to an older more successful woman at the meeting but I didn’t react, I just thought about it and couldn’t look away. I have been allowing myself to cry more, to get through it. Sometimes I think about it and I don’t want to because deep down I want him to find happiness. Another part of him feels bad because he would not or could not find it with me.
My ex got with someone straight away after our 4 1/2 year relationship (monkey branched) it does make it so much harder, but I know it will make me so much stronger.
Love is sweet, love is life, true love never die don't give up someone you love all hope is not lost okay
I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
Text him up in what sap
✝2⃣3⃣4⃣9⃣0⃣5⃣8⃣6⃣2⃣6⃣0⃣6⃣3⃣
How are you doing now?
I definitely experience feelings of jealousy. I would look through my ex's new girl's social media a lot to the point where I was realizing that I was making my own self cry and breakdown in panic attacks. I struggle with anxiety, and depression so it doesn't help my mental state. I know logically now that looking at her socials will just feed me with insecurity and doubt about myself. I really lost my sense of self when my ex left, and now even more so when I see things of them on socials. It also doesn't help at all that my ex is on the snap-map because I got into a bad habit of checking up with where he's at (not in a weird way) since we were long distance anyways, although just to see what he's up to. I also now know that this is also toxic to myself, and will only make me feel more depressed. In my head I compared my FaceTime calls to theirs because he ended up face-timing her a week after me which made me feel quite inadequate, like I was not good enough to go back to or something. I think now I realize that they have far more history together anyways, and that there's truly a lot of healing that I need to choose to do now. Which includes not checking up on their socials anymore. Anyone else relate to this?
I relate to this and it hurts a lot
i relate to this
@@futureblesskid2500 hang in there
@@Gonefromyou. hang in there
Oh god yeah. To me it's like I'm still addicted to my ex and their social media offers a window into their life and is the nearest I can get to being with them. It's like a hit of drugs. But like drugs, it ultimately hurts my mental state and makes me feel awful and worthless. It feels like her new guy is able to unlock a side to her that I never got to see because I didn't have the charisma or imagination to bring it out of her. I've never felt in control of my own life and have always suffered low self esteem, so this has been a massive trigger. I know I'll be happier if I fix my own life.
Your channel and specifically this video has been so helpful for me. I recently talked my ex of 4 yrs and he mentioned he was in a relationship and this video pinpointed exactly what came up in my head when we spoke and I feel like I can handle it so much better now. ❤️
Ashley, you are the Sad Guru of break-up healers!) so concise and clearly to the point. I had to comment because my shit has got more layers than a cake, and I find you are really helping! Than you!
It’s been almost 5months since the breakup, we dated on and off for over 4 years, We ended it because it was just getting very toxic... despite we both tried to work it out...I took my time to heal and thought he still loves me and I thought I was doing well but i recently find out that he started seeing someone else and that made me feel sooo crushed and helpless, I just can’t believe i truly lost my best friend and that he can get over our bond faster than I am... even though I know well that we don’t fit....I’m in so much pain.... please help
hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓
+2 3 4 7 0 3 0 8 9 4 8 9 2.
This is 10x harder when they move on w the person they cheated on your with
I'm experiencing this right now, it probably wouldn't be this bad If him and his new girl weren't in the same small Uni as me, and I wouldn' have to see them. It's amazing how awful you can feel in a situation like this... Even if I broke up with him, even if I know, I want nothing from him anymore, even if I wish ( try to wish) them happines, there is this discomfort in my body, my stomach, my heart. Like it's being squeezed, like there is a huge weight on me. It's your hurt ego, your desire for possesion towards them. I don't want to feel like this! I feel ashamed to feel like this, even tho I know it's normal. But your videos help me to understand, to accept and hopefully to get over these feelings. Thank you!
When you talk about the stories we tell ourselves...Girl, so true! I got into this relationship and kept going with it because the bullshit stories I would make up in my mind about him and I being so perfect, so in love, so meant for each other... When problems occured I would say nothing, because I imagined later on everything will change, because in my head I had a different picture about him, I was idealizing him. I was so stupid about not speaking up, because I thought then I would ruin my image, our image. This fantasizing can be so toxic, wether you're in the relationship or not anymore.
@@sarahdavid6348 I don't want him back at all. I would like to not see him everyday, that would be great, but I wouldn't want him back for shit:) But thanks for recommending THE MAN!:D
Hi all, going through this very situation at the moment. Don't want him back sowas very surprised and confused by this feeling of jealousy when I heard he's seeing someone. Made me realize that I have a lot of work to do within myself. Thanks for the video!
Thank you for your video! I went through a break-up a week ago and realized our relationship styles were so different. I’ve also realized A LOT of things about our relationship: some of the issues I had with her include her impulsive behaviors, the fact that she’s planning on starting a relationship and moving in with one of our mutual friends within several months’ time, though she straight up said she wasn’t ready for anything, and the fact she made false promises about spending the rest of her life with me, do make me glad things ended when they did and that her behaviors bothered me quite a lot to the point that we ended up just not being compatible. Ngl though, the feelings of being replaced, the feelings of inadequacy, and jealousy are so paramount in me right now and I don’t think I can overcome them anytime soon. Hopefully my soon-to-be life coach helps
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a breakup. They’re SO hard - and multiple existing feelings can exist at once. For example, realizing you weren’t compatible but also struggling with feeling replaced and abandoned. It’s important to allow all of them to exist ❤️ allow yourself to move through them in your own time.
@@AshleyNord Thank you so much for reaching out! So my ex is aromantic and non-monogamous by nature whereas I'm on the complete opposite end of the spectrum and our mutual is non-mono and aro as well. Both have had feelings for one another for a while (he also had feelings for me) and we had tried transitioning into a poly relationship, only for that to fall through because it was causing me a lot of stress and was moving way too fast. In the end, though we loved each other, we sadly knew a relationship wouldn't work out where both of us would truly be happy since our ideals were so different, though it really feels like a big punch in the gut knowing she and our mutual will likely get together at some point in the future. She is also very much non-hierarchal when it comes to liking people, saying that she loves her friends just as much as she loves her partners, and she has emphasized that no one is replacing anyone, including me, but why does that feeling in me still persist? I'm planning on chatting more with my therapist about it on Tuesday, but how do you silence and dismiss those feelings of being replaced and how do you deal with them if they pop up? I've been entering this inescapable spiral of feeling so inadequate and inferior in comparison to our mutual and it doesn't help I've been cheated on in my only other relationship before. I've tried a lot of things but those thoughts of feeling not enough just don't seem to subside.
The 2 people who disliked this video are probably my exes...
Hahah!! I like your thinking!
My ex and I were good friends, we divorced in 1991 & stayed friends for the kids sake. In 1998 I met the woman of my dreams. My ex instantly became my worse enemy. Her change was so drastic I couldn’t believe it was the same woman I had married back in 1987.
Thank you for this video. We broke up about 1 year ago, it was 15 years of marriage. Sometimes because of the children, we talk. She has someone in her life. We are not in love. if she knocks my door and say that she wants to give it a try, i would say no. But some how, when i learned about that new person, i told her that she deserves to be happy. Same evening, i felt jealous, angry, sad, depressed, comparing myself with the new person... Found out that when she was single i was fine, but now the opposite: looks like i am a control freak... Sad but true. Because now i can really witness that she is not under my control, not under my image. i am just sad that i found out this lately and understand why she wanted a divorce after 15 years and 3 children. i am just so angry to myself, why am I that kind of person. guiltiness it is, big time...
He wanted to hangout two weeks ago and i said i didn’t think it was a good idea yet. He said i was right and it would be easier to not talk for a while. Now he is always hanging out with this new girl and apparently they are together. She is drop dead gorgeous and a model and I’m not anything close to that. I can’t stop picturing them together and comparing myself to her. This is torture
I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this! I’m sure this is extremely painful for you. It sounds like you might the right choice in deciding that hanging out with eachother wasn’t the best idea, and I commend you for sticking to your boundaries.
You couldn't have said it better... thank you so much, this was very helpful!
You’re so welcome! I’m happy it resonated with you 😊 thanks for watching!
Thank you so much really needed this atm. I am exactly someone who grew up not feeling heard or seen or appreciated which is probably why rn my ex is seeing someone else and I m going crazy here. But not anymore so again thank youuuuuuu please make more videos!!❤️
Omg this video was such a great help, the mother of kid just got into her new
Relationship and at every moment she gets a chance to disrespect me she always brings up “he is better than me” “he is not a loser like me” and I sit and stay very quite because I don’t want to feel out of control or react which I don’t but she says she is happy but she still acts the same and is more angry when we were together
She holds a grudge against me when I ended the relationship, and will not let that go and I see her now and she says she is happy but is always mad
I did get jealous but I see her that she is still the same
this is sooooo good, had to give it a re-listen ❤️
Yay I’m so happy you like it! ❤️
Thank you for this video. It's strangely accurate with me. Honestly I can't believe how much of this video applies to me.
I was in a ten year relationship. The last year of the relationship was so bad, my partner went into a depression, there was so much arguing and she gave me zero affection.
This woman was supposed to be the love of my life, the one I had a child with. The one I was supposed to grow old with. Have a house with. The one I wanted to marry.
After we broke up she went to therapy.
It's been 4 years now. And I had a friend gossip about my ex and she said she saw her with a guy hanging out at a cafe. I didn't want to hear it.
Now that it's in my head. I feel like she changed for another man, she's happy now with another man. This man MUST be better than me. I was supposed to be the love of her life, but now I'm not. Now I don't feel like I was ever enough. I'm not good enough and it hurts so much. Deep down, I don't think it would ever work between us. Now she might be seeing another person, it feels like it's over forever.
You are so so so right. This is the first time I've ever been broken up with. I've broken up with people before but I've never been broken up with. I also have a more secure or even detached attachment style than she does so i was used to be pined after to an extent. To be dumped and see her pine after other girls is a massive hit to an ego I didn't know i had. It's uncomfortable to acknowledge a part of me I don't like. I like being pined after. It makes me feel secure and good about myself. Since I have a distant attachment style I thought I didn't need others to validate me. But that is apparently not exactly how that works and I hate that lol and I need to work on it to move on
I love your wisdom, solutions, humor and how you comment back on the posts. Thank you so much I plan to watch this over a few times to really let it sink in.
Oh this is such wonderful feedback 🥺 thank you so much! I really appreciate it, that means so much to me ❤️ I’m so happy my content resonates with you!
Absolute nail
On the head with what you said
Brilliant. I don’t want her back but ruminate. Pisses me off
After a year, and the therapy I have done, the vlogs I have watched , I have come to realise. That I’m jealous. Of the attention he is giving to her, that I wanted him to give to me , All these feelings and emotional turmoil. And feeling worthless. Is all because of my jealously of the attention that he is giving to someone else, ??. Damn What. A silly thing to control my life ,
I’m so sorry to hear that this is something you’ve been struggling with! I can certainly relate. I find that underneath the jealousy, there is usually something even deeper that needs our attention. For example, feelings of worthlessness etc.
I must have watched four of your videos back to back I needed to hear all of that thanks!
you’re speaking such truth omg it’s insane, and you give such good advice. you’re a queen and I needed this thank you, thank you for validating my feelings but also giving out great advice on dealing with these feelings.
My partner was the perfect man, tall handsome ripped and packing, i thought we would just come back together, didn't think he would move on 💔
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I been stuck in the same place after i ended things over a year ago and only now i truly felt like i was being understood, literally started crying the first second of the „how to move on of your ex was a good person“ vid 😅.. after watching your videos something actually clicked and i come back whenever i feel like i need it. U made me look at things in a different perspective and without knowing, you have made me feel so much better. Much love keep doing what you’re doing ❤️
This video just became my holy grail. Thank you
Grass is always greener on the other side
This is amazing video! This should have so much more views!!! 💜
I really like how you break down the science of the the psychological mind of the woman in this video. It’s very intriguing and totally awesome!
Your content is sooo good! I’m familiar with a lot of what you’re saying but the clarity with which you say it is fantastic! I only needed a small reminder and a confirmation of what I was already thinking and I have found it in your videos. Thanks Ash, our truth bombing fairy Godmother 😊
I loved the part when you said if you had a shitty ex/ relationship he’s gonna be the same to the next and that’s what I keep having to tell myself
Hi! I am currently watching our videos and your advices felt so true and much more genuine in which we can actually use in our life. Your videos are great. Please keep up the good work. Thank you for answering all my questions.
Thank you so much for such lovely feedback! I’m so happy you enjoy my videos and that you find them helpful. Thank you for sharing 🥰❤️
My reality is, I didn’t know what I wanted until it was too late and I took her for granted. Her and I didn’t communicate but I think she was just following my lead to make me happy. The first guy the came along, she found happiness with. They haven’t been together long but I know they’re as happy as they seem and I’ll never forgive myself for allowing her to get away. The 3 of us work together and I have to see it everyday.
OMG i feel horrible
she looks exact like me, but she’s 10 years younger
it‘s scary !!
He never wanted to be official with me, I gave my all for three years, but he kept hiding me.
I‘m a loving person & very good looking (without to be arrogant) but it hurts that I had everything but he didn‘t acepted me 💔
I’m so sorry you experienced this 😔 you deserve to be chosen and for someone to be PROUD of having you by their side. Anyone who hides you is absolutely not worth your time. What a jerk!!
@@AshleyNord Thank you ❤️ Unfortunately he‘s an narcisstic too
now I‘m watching him posting the girl every day on social media & she gets all the attention I always wished I had from him
Wow you are very good at this! You have it every spot I feel and you make so much sense! I need you in my life when that wave of insecurities kick in! Thank you
Love it! Thanks for the clarity!
Experiencing this right now sadly. He left me and a month later was with someone completely opposite of me and it was painful.
OMG you totally nailed it! This has been what I've been dealing with. I broke up with her a year ago this month, called off the engagement and said im done! I cant deal with your kids and problems any longer and want you out of my life. Was doing AMAZING until 2 weeks ago learning she is in another relationship and got completely blindsided and leveled by this rush of emotions and jealousy. I couldnt understand why and am so confused by the pain. Thank you for this video!!!
I have put up with a lot of pain and heartbreak from my ex from the past 3 years. I broken it off back in Dec of 2021 & met someone new and I am not turning back. I finally told my ex that I have some one new and it's best to cut all tides. It's funny on how things work out.Even if my new relationship doesn't work out I could NEVER go back to her. You dump a person for a reason & taking them back will put you back to that bad place.
I, to my shame, sent very nasty , jealous messages to my ex's new partner a couple of months ago., while under the influence of alcohol. He moved on with her within 3 months of walking out on me. She rightly called me a lot of things, like a stalker, jealous etc. I tore myself to bits after it. But I've had to try and forgive myself and move on with my life, I was in so much pain, I lashed out. Shit happens we're all human.
Thank you for sharing your story and for your willingness to be so transparent and honest! I really respect the fact that you are able to critically analyze your actions and own up to the fact that perhaps contacting this new person wasn’t the best move. I totally agree, we’re all human and we all do things we aren’t proud of - especially when we’re hurting!
Yes! I am currently feeling like that, my ex got involved with someone like two months after breaking up with me even though during the breakup he told me I taught him what love really was, and that before me he had never loved anyone. And I know we didn't break up because of her because he hadn't even met her yet. So ugh, I am so annoyed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! 2 months is definitely a short amount of time in my opinion, and it makes total sense you would be feeling a kick in the gut watching that happen so soon. It makes us question how much they could have really loved us if they were able to find it again so quickly! Your totally entitled to feelings of annoyance!
@@AshleyNord Omg yes, exactly :( Your videos have really helped me through this, thank you 😊♥️
Honestly, the best thing to do is focus on yourself. Block them on everything, and get rid of all belongings that remind you of them. It'll save you in the long run.
For me the difficulty is that he treated me like a princess. We had quality time, amazing talks (he got me without words), shared each others hobbies, it was just so pure.
The breakup was in march'19, but a few weeks ago he told me the real breakup reason. He is polyamorous. At first I thought: jesus christ, I can finally find closure because it does make sense! After a few weeks I went to a new feeling that our relationship is wasted potential.
Now, with his new girl I see them play video games together, like we did, and I just imagine all the things we did, just with her..Cause I know he actually was a good guy, even though he was sick (mental health) and confused. And still, I feel so much anger and it comes from pain. Pain I have, because I keep searching for the mistakes from my side, although I know I didnt do anything wrong.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I certainly agree with that it sounds like no one is really at “fault” here, and I can understand how hard it is to move on and find closure when there is no obvious reason why things couldn’t work out. There are no mistakes to be found here... you two simply were not aligned when it comes to your core values. If you’re not interested in a polyamorous relationship, then I think that should be all the evidence you need to know that you are both better off without one another. That being said, I think jealousy watching someone you love/loved move on with someone else is normal and expected. I also think it’s unnecessary to torture yourself by forcing yourself to witness the things that are doing together. Is there a reason you are still seeing their activity?
Man this video explained me so much
Thank you so much explaining it to me
My god! Thank you so much for this queen. You have shed some light into my darkness 😞
one of thr reasons we split was money, we didn't have any to do anything so got stuck not going out...... she's now with a very rich guy they are out all the time and she is hitting the high life....
I’m sorry, I know you probably don’t check the comments of this video anymore, but I was also treated pretty badly by an ex in an off and on again relationship, and though the fact that they’re probably “an asshole in another relationship” as well is somewhat comforting, towards the end of our relationship they were treating me so much better and being so much kinder… how do I cope with that? For so long they took me for granted and used me as a back up plan and neglected me emotionally, but at the end it seems like they finally began to value me, but I ended it anyways because I was so hurt by everything else and I don’t know how to cope with it :( it hurts so bad. Did they really change ?
You are that powerful intelligent woman I always needed after my breakup ❤️
Omg thank youuu❤️ You helped me sooo muchh😭💕
Aw yay I’m so happy I was able to help you ❤️❤️
you are gorgeous
thank you for squaring me back into reality
Soooo good!🔥🔥 Your position, interesting thought.
hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓
+2 3 4 7 0 3 0 8 9 4 8 9 2.
Thanks it was much needed to hear♥️
Stop being jealous and go find someone and move on.
Yes i feel like I am having these jealous feelings bc I have lack of control over what is happening and with my daughter who she's going to be around since my ex already has a new BF who's 12 years older than her and has a 9 year old with his ex who left him for someone else. It's so not fair that people want to hurt others the way they've been hurt it's a power trip blah. My choice and fault for investing so much emotions in anything haha hard when your child is involved. My daughter is a divine light in my life
My ex would yell at me if I mentioned marriage or kids. Now he's married and has a son with his current partner and I'm just like welp 🙃
Yes!!! He upped and married someone else and didn’t care about me as much as I loved and cared about him. I thought at first what is she better than me? What does she have that I don’t? I felt intense jealousy and anger. He was my first love and I gave everything to him. I was hoping he’d come back. But no.🙄🙄🙄I’m healing this week. He never gave me the time of day and was always critical and busy with video games. I get pissed because it didn’t get my say so.
I know of a man who can attract back your ex within 48 hours hours begging you for a second chance....his name is (Dr Steve) He was the one who brought back my ex within 48 hours, ever since I got back with my ex I have been enjoying my reunion with more love and commitment.
+2 3 4 7 0 3 0 8 9 4 8 9 2.
+2 3 4 7 0 3 0 8 9 4 8 9 2;
hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓
Lol when I seen your text 😂 it made me laugh because I used to do all of that... The video I was trying to look up was how to I make something and his fiance stop being obsessed with me I swear what has happened to me you would not believe!! I could write a book about this! I knew this kid years ago he used to come over my house once & awhile followed me around like a puppy dog. So in may he sent me a lot of fb messages so I figured ok why not he kept bringing up saying I'm just warning you my ex is phyco that she was a stalker & holds there son against him that he would beat herself up and say he did it I just brushed it off like oh crazy baby mama I spent 2 days with him and they where the worst days of my life if you want to know the story & can give me advice for my court date message me
Your video like a balsam for my soul
I love your shirt
Your words are on point!!! 🙌🏻
I love the intro song! Link? Also love your videos, they are so real. Thank you, Ashley!
Right on: we falsely convince ourselves that we are renting significant space in the ex’s head as a protection measure for our own hurt egos. Dang, truth bomb.
Yesss that’s exactly IT 🙌🏼👏🏼 and yes of course! The link is in bio 😊 it’s Wild by Qveen Herby!
Thank you, you helped me see things differently
Everyones eventually miserable with someone else.
I actually want her to be happy, if not with me then with someone else. That is my way of letting whatever she does be okay, I have no control over her just like she has no control over me. If I truly love her then why wouldn't I want her to be happy? Ego says I want what I want, life says not this time Cowboy, be happy for me and her! ❤️
perfect video for me right now, thank you 💗
My ex husband has a new girlfriend. I don't want him back, but seeing this woman in position that was my life for 10 years, makes me feel like a toddler who wants her toy back but doesnt really want the toy.
We broke up for a reason though.
This is extremely valuable 👏
phenomenal advice. thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us!
Thank you so much! I’m so happy it resonated with you ❤️ you’re very welcome 🥰
Thank you for this video and some of these comments below helps me feel better my ex cheated on me and never talked and hanged out with me a lot than after we broke up. He said it was himself on how he left..his depression and stress of other things and I believed it. An we were young but I feel so lonely and sad that I could have helped him but he didn’t try either to be there for me I was going through a lot and he didn’t do anything at all. I tried calling him and he didn’t even recognized my number. But it’s like he went back with the girl he cheated me on with so it’s like a backstab to me and tells me I wasn’t enough to begin with idk why I can’t shake this feeling when I see him like some of my old friends or girls pictures they are pretty I agree but just ...it’s hard. I feel complicated on this and feel like shit talking about it cause what if i wasn’t enough and we shouldn’t have been in contact but he was my best guy friend before this I thought I could have trusted him.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Honestly, this guy sounds like a jerk. I understand you feel very hurt (as would anyone in your position), but to me, it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet here! You deserve someone who is choosing you!
@@AshleyNord Thank you ☺️💗✨I’m doing a little better as my days been going on but I felt like I wasted so much time with him. That year and up till now could have been the best in my life but was just ruined heavily and still weights on me today.
But let’s not forget we left an impression on them so they are missing out on our awesomeness. Oh well.
Absolutely!! 🙌🏼