If RUclips teaches you what school should teach, it's better than school. If you educate people on narcissism, the behavior of many so called educators will be challenged even more than it already is. I became an anarchist while watching how the state treated me and my brethren in school. I really saw how bad things were from my experience with the special ed programs. And people will try to solve all the problems with the public schools by throwing more money at the problem, which so far has done about as much good as throwing money at the problem of a crack addiction. At risk of stating the obvious, politics really is the epicenter of narcissism and democracy is the engine of excuse making. Talk to a leftist and tell me you don't see the same patterns. When I was a leftist, my narcissism was at it's worst and now here I am watching these videos trying to understand my own behavior while most of the people here are looking for the patterns in others.
I was married to a narcissist for eight years. He spent lavishly on me at first but by the time I left him,I left with only my suitcase and my three daughters. I was an independent,educated woman before I married him but he turned me to something else and even use my degrees to insult me. I depended completely on him for my financial needs. I was cleaning and cooking for his visitors to boast his ego. I am grateful I got out before I loss my sanity. Now , I am healing and I am grateful to God , I got out.
My Father spent lots on his hobbies and my Mother on hers. Somehow it might be a good example of how to live, considering life is short. Then, please don't have children. Deal with yourselves, your fights about money and child raising, where one partner was gone a lot and the other was called, the one who takes all the blame for whatever goes awry with kids and schooling. The jealousy, the control, the cheating of one and the constant insatiable need to be with other people, to feel important and loved/popular of the other parent. One day, after an epic fight, they both got in separate cars and drove away. I was gradeschool age and the oldest of 4. What kind of people do these things, leaving children so alone? They knew that they could depend on me. They used that to the hilt. I didn't change and they didn't change, but my understanding of it grew. I still hear stories from my siblings about the time after I left at 17. Each found a way to leave, as early as possible, it seems.
I was in the exact same position. I didn’t have multiple degrees but I had a good job, although when e spit I was a stay at home parent. He left our children and myself with absolutely nothing. I’ve had to rebuilt from the ground up, I’m still working on it- it’s been two years.
They will do their best to take every penny you have. They will leave you with a mountain of debt , totally penniless and laugh heartily about it. These are some of the most evil people to walk on the face of the earth.
I never spoke about income, but he would actually cry he didn't have the money to fix his car, pay his mortgage. Blah, blan, blah. He paid for nothing. But he was covert, after a while I got so tired of how pathetic he was, tired of his begging and paying nothing back, and how ugly he was inside and out. I made him leave,I know he has lost his job, and there is no chance he will get another. So I smile now wondering who he is borrowing from these days. 😀
Oh ya, my ex narc had asked me- how much property will you get from your dad? How much did he get from his father? And he would say- I’m not asking for me, I’m asking for you.😂 And when I didn’t really share in detail no matter how many times he asked NICELY he started showing his true colours more and more
My ex pretended to be in a panic and desperate and embarrassed. At first, he paid things back. Then that stopped and he would just hint around that he simply had no money. There were times he wanted very large amounts of money. But i won’t do that. Once he figured that wasn’t working, he went back to asking for smaller amounts. He bills were always my problem, but my bills were never his problem. And it was always “you’re better at money than I am.” I’m so glad he’s gone. I don’t know how I believed all his fake crying bs.
I wish I saw this years ago. He was bankrupt and I saved his charming narc butt! Once he moved in , which I thought was temporary, the narc side emerged. I am a financially responsible person and he tried to make me feel as if I was a cheapskate…especially after I refused to buy him a Mercedes or BMW. That’s when I knew I had to get out . 12 years of financial pressure took a huge toll on me . Now Mr Fancy Pants and his Armani suits are borderline homeless. Living in a government subsidized apartment. Thank you Danish and everyone else for making me feel less insane.
@@sharonhorwitz7903 - My ex got with me because he wanted a trophy. I have figured out, ironically, now that I am grey haired and menopausal, that a lot of the men who would approach me only wanted me because I was what men considered "an attractive woman." My ex tried to paint me as "only after his money" because it was easy to get weak minded people to believe him. Women who are attractive are considered a commodity to men. I was very stylish and that too helped my narcisisstic ex gaslight others into believing I was "after his money." The fact that I was a bargain hound, came from an extremely impoverished background, and got a thrill from making my own clothes and finding quality clothing for pennies, was ignored. I remember my ex went shopping after we moved from the town where I was living and we'd moved to Montreal. We went shopping and I was embarrassed when he spent $1200.00 on a Hugo Boss suit and another $600.00 on shoes. I was used to paying $2.00 for a coat! He said to me, "pick out what you want." I went to a shoe store and picked out a pair of 1940s inspired, suede, plum-coloured, high heel shoes. They were $350.00 dollars. I felt uncomfortable at the waste of money. After I got them, he immediately began using them as evidence that I was "using him for his money." I still remember those shoes because of all the bad vibes on them after I got them. Some 20 years later, I still come to realisations that my ex had stolen from me and would control the finances. At one point, everything we owned, meaning all my past and sentimental items were gone forever, and his belongings which held no sentimental value were stolen when our moving truck was stolen from the warehouse. When we got the insurance settlement, I never actually saw any of it. I lived with his constant criticisms any time I bought *anything* for the house. I now wonder if it was deliberate on his part, keeping all the money which half belonged to me, away from me.
@@rtphotos4691 sounds like we were married to the same guy. He spent lavishly on himself while I got nothing. Then he accused me of being a gold digger and wanted me to sign a prenup before we got married. He had nothing. I was the one with a job.
@@karlabritfeld7104 - Yep, and this misogynist attitude is becoming more prevalent nowadays. If a man even mentions his money to me, I run, because I know he has nothing to offer and he is trying to buy my time, affection, and emotional labour.
Yes, after 8y of marriage and 2 kids, I had no idea of what he is spending his money on. When confronted, he wasnt able to justify more than 30% of his salary. I was paying for mostly everything - I have no idea how I ended up in such a situation, I felt so used and stupid
I was in the exact same position. When we finally split our two children and I were left with absolutely nothing. He doesn’t care. It’s been two years and I’m still recovering rebuilding.
My narc sister at 38 had to move in rent free with my parents because she can't afford living on her own...yet she bought an expensive truck, takes constant trips, smokes weed every day, gets nails done all the time, buys name brand glasses and purses, and constantly eats out... but yeah she can't afford to live on her own so she's living rent free with my parents. Makes sense lol.
My son lives with me and his covert came back after 2 years cause her new suppliers kicked her out she wants free rent she owns designer cloths for herself and nothing for anyone else. She tells my son all kinds of crap about me so he attempts to destroy me so I will leave and she gets to keep the furniture 💯 and everything I have bought to make this house a home.
@@jacalyntaylor6721 Don't allow this parasite of woman to take control of your home. She has her tentacles in your son, so he has a choice, he can stay she CAN'T! Stand your ground. God bless you.
You sound like you're jealous of your sister. Seriously, why do you care what she does? Society changed dramatically during and after Covid with lots of people moving back home, squeezing the whole extended family together, getting roommates, downsizing, fleeing the cities... whatever it takes to survive and it's still going on.
@@firehorse9996 I don't agree with your assessment. Nicole is stating FACTS about what her sister is doing with her money. Sounds like more like disgust than jealousy.
So true. Took all my money when I was ill. After 20 years I found out he took my money and doesn't want to pay for our 2 girls. Now I have a separate bank account and let him pay for family expenses. He is afraid that I will leave him, so he asks for money from time to time but he gets the same amount from me without raising the sum as he wishes.
It's exactly what happened with my ex-husband, he never shared a bank account, hide everything from me & was only give me a few money from time to time in banknotes, we were living in nice apartments but I never had any money. He controlled finances and I lived in total darkness. 🤷
Insisting on paying for everything, he never asked me or let me contribute. Then after engagement I told him I would get prenup, no combination of bank accounts. Then I found out he didn’t own his house or furniture?! Yeah the end, I ripped masks off, I went no contact and blocked!😅 dodged that bullet!
So true. My ex narc opted to purchase $300 Rayban sunglasses when I needed $120 for prescription glasses after insurance. He had a raged fit when I explained that replacing my cracked eyeglasses were needed and we could get the sunglasses the next pay period or get my glasses and him a cheaper pair sunglasses. He wanted total control of the finances and expected me to sacrifice my needs. I was already sacrificing my wants but enough is enough
It took me a long time to realize that I was being financially abused and things that were going on were absolutely not normal nor acceptable. The most toxic money habit that I observed was that the narcissist was extremely cheap and hated spending any (of their) money at all (they hoarded large amounts of money and other assets, just like you said). It was so bad that they would start seething, complaining or give the silent treatment when I would spend my own hard-earned money and things that I liked, needed or would bring me joy. This could be anything from a bag of candy to things costing thousands. Nearly all items for household/family use were purchased by me including groceries, childcare. To top it off, he kept excel spreadsheets showing how much money I "owed" him. Yes, they quickly combined finances by pressuring me into in purchasing multiple properties with him within a 5 year-time span. (And now does not want to pay out my home equity!)
@The mysterious Miss X A sadly perfect summary of how it is with these people. Only afterwards did I understand why doing nice things like dining in restaurants or receiving gifts almost never happened - they felt that I owed them a debt and so I wasn't worthy of spending money on, in their eyes.
My friend got involved with a rich narcissist. He gave her a car, a motorcycle and a boat. They want on nice vacations. He would not marry her. He would not put her on the title to the house. He said it was "just like being married" and that he would take care of her no matter what and he put her in the living trust. He had no children, so giving it all to her was not a problem. He had her quit her job so she could be with him all the time. Well, he treated worse and worse over the years, and she finally left. Everyone said she should sue him for "palimony". She found out that there was no such thing. She wanted her car, motorcycle and boat (hoping to sell them for money), and found out they were all in his name. He also took her off the living trust. In other words: After 13 years, she left with the clothes on her back. He even hid some of her sentimental possessions so that she could not take them - just another way to hurt her. He knew what he was doing from day one: lying that it was "just like being married" when he knew that he could abuse her and he would not have to provide for her if she left.
What a plan! How can someones gut didn't give them a instict but a shit at the end. Free money is never good, if there is no sincerity in relationship, you are in use until your juice is squeezed. Rude words but reality.
I would have left at 'her would never marry her'! So many obvious signs there, I'm sure she enjoyed all her perks and thought she was living the life - she must have valued these materialistic objects too!
My mom did SO MANY things. She’d take my $100 Christmas money every year from my grandfather and put it in the bank for me to save. Started at 5. My sister was born when I was 6. This went on for 7 years after she was born until he died. When I finally got mine, I had $300 in there. My sister has probably $1.000, and she didn’t have as much to start with. She’s also stolen $60k equity from me because when I was single and 9 mo pregnant, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to pay for my house right after cuz not working. She convinced me to sell it to her for cost, then I could buy it back later. I was vulnerable and about to have a baby and I stupidly agreed (with pressure). Instead, it was bought under the family (not my family) business, immediately got loan for the equity, then started renting it out. Gone. So years later when she actually DID give me $50k for down payment on a house (which she just did so in her mind ‘she bought my house), I took it cuz it was already mine. She always ‘borrowed’ money from me when I was a child, even, because I saved it all. $2/wk allowance, bumped up to $5 in HS. I babysat starting at 11 (crazy when I think back on it), started working w/taxes at 14. Had to buy all my own stuff. My little sister was getting $300/mo in middle school. She’s been kept financially dependent on them. It was like two different sets of families in the same house with the way my sister and I were treated so differently(at the same time, most of it, mind you!!!). Thank god I’m mostly free now. People who didn’t grow up with one can’t even imagine. For me, it’s what I imagine a POW kinda feels. And her Christmas gifts are some random shit she bought clearance someplace and decided she didn’t want, and she never removes the tags! 😂😂 Sorry for the long post, I’ve got 49 years worth of stories lol.
I believe you right away. My father, the grandfather of my children, well he pretended he had opened a savings acount for my daughter and talked about it for years. When my daughter finally wanted to use the money, well there was no account at that bank on her name... I imagine he needed cash at one stage and took everything there was and closed the account.
Abuse by a family member, especially the mother is absolutely crushing. Your case is horrific, but continue to allow yourself to heal and live your best life. God bless you!
@@Mercuryrising56627 they are disgusting! They lie and say things to make themselves look good, but at the end of the day, everything is theirs. They are the only one who matters or deserves anything. I’m so sorry.
My narc mom did a lot of crazy stuff with money. I haven't spoken to her but thrice in almost 20 years. She stole just about all my 5K from my paper route money to pay the property taxes on a big house that had been paid off for five years already! She also conned me into buying my first and only house at 28 with her as the real estate agent so she could get the commission. Stupid me believed her lies about the commission as a down payment gift from her. So many more many con jobs from her too many to tell.
@@joanngross786 yeah, and that’s not even touching the physical abuse part. And she wonders why her adult kids don’t want to be around her and why we’ve all struggled with substance abuse!
My narc mother told all the relatives that she's giving me an apartment as inheritance coz I don't own a home. Everyone praised her. She did giv an apartment but made all da official papers in her own name and when I asked her why not in my name if u r giving it to me, she said " how dare u even think it's your house, it's my house. Who told u it's yours. i have only given u to stay in it, but it's my property." I was so shocked, i called up all my relatives one by one and told everyone that mom had liedd to everyone and in the future, if anything goes wrong den Dey shud know that I have nothing to do with dat apartment. So basically she wanted the praise frm society, plus she did not have to spend a single penny as well.n malign my image by calling me poor.
I too told everyone who'd called to let me know how poorly mom the lush (she covered up her dementia with booze), so, what could I do, covid and back stabbing cuz living rent free upstairs, mom's will said I'd get her dump, no thanks, I'd rather stay in my lovely home I created, cashed in her house via public trustee, but the apartment had strings attached, her chains ⛓!
14 years later…a divorce and I didn’t have the money to pay for an attorney and he took everything. I mean everything. All the examples you talk about he did to me! By the time I was done I was destroyed. It was extremely painful. I now am watch by him do the same thing to his new supply.
The narc I live with is just hilarious ,he comes out with food that he doesn’t like and is all ways cheap.He came with a leftover curry one night ,the whole container had only one tiny piece of meat and he is not vegetarian.The whole curry was nearly all potato the cheapest ingredient 😂He refuses to buy meat for his dog its too expensive.The narc has zero generosity of spirit ,they are complete tight arses .
@@alonzomosley7 Yep, the ones in my life will buy up old worn out junk anything then proceed to spend 2 to 5x what buying a newer and in good working condition one would've cost just to end up with a still worn-out piece of junk that still barely works anyway.
Experienced today. I reminded my mother in law ( grandiose covert narcissist) that my father in law hates the restaurant she said she wanted to eat at today. We had 8 people, and only she and her daughter like seafood. It was a crappy restaurant with crappy service. Normally we go to his favorite barbecue restaurant on his birthday. I’ve been in their family for 16 years and we have never had a family dinner at Red Lobster. Of course she says order whatever you want, and embarrasses my father in law when she hears him and his friend discussing splitting the bill. She tells the waitress to ignore his friend and give the bill to him. No one ordered anything above $20. His wife and daughter ordered everything, making the bill $215.00 and she kept embarrassing my father in law saying you pay it for their anniversary dinner. Which the friends hated seafood too. She said that then I know it’s your birthday but we missed their wedding anniversary. I mean how spiteful and nasty can you get? She emotional and financially abuses my father in law, and being a man he is embarrassed by it and says nothing. She can be quiet frightening when you disagree with her or have facts to back it up. We ( my husband- his son,) got him a $50 gift card to his favorite barbecue restaurant and told him not to tell his wife or daughter about it, it’s his. His friend who his wife embarrassed as well slipped $200 cash to my father in law as we walked to our cars. So he ended up having a decent birthday after all!
So true. My ex had to wear the best labels, always concealed his earnings and avoided paying taxes. When we divorced he was late and cheap about child support but took his new, skinny model GF to fancy restaurants. I worked the graveyard shift at the USPS to support my daughter.
Convinced me to invest in his ridiculous business ventures that always failed. Once the business became difficult (as all businesses do) he would bail on it rather than deal with the issues at hand, and then blamed everyone and everything but himself.
I spent 14 years of my life with a narcissistic person and tried on many occasions to make the relationship work because of my kids. I was made to look like I was crazy and needed help and tried very hard to keep no contact. I was belittled by his family members but remained silent through most of it. Towards the end I could not take the physical, emotional and mental abuse by him and his family members and finally got the courage to leave the relationship but feel I let myself down responding to his behaviour. I did get a restraining order in the end but he kept showing up to the kid's school every time he had a fight with his Girlfriend and then begged to see the kids and me. I finally got clarity watching RUclips videos about narcissism and what I was experiencing. He would force me and the kids to go to restaurants with him where he would spend money and argue afterwards to get the money back. I was left over drawn from my account because he would create stories for me to feel sorry and so he could get money from me. He was also the reason for my bad health where he would limit the amount of food I could eat in the home and because of this I had fainted on a number of occasions while he could see me falling ill and waited until I was unconscious. He called the ambulance on a number of occasions to act like a saviour because on paper he was saving my life. The final straw came when he started showing his true face when i fell unconcious and he left the kids in school until 6pm and then swore at me in the car to the kids while I was in hospital. He kept the kids in the dark in the car park fed them with a few snacks and would not let them use the toilet and the kids were left alone in the car. Since his absence now I am in better health and an ambulance has not been called since he left. I have made peace with this situation and know that this man will never change this behaviour it has been embedded in him and his family encourage it. There were red flags at the beginning but I failed to act upon them because he would speak half truths about what his previous relationships were like and he was at times the victim. He would often blame me for him going out and having affairs. On a number of occasions I asked him to leave only to take him back because I wanted a complete loving family. I am now single living with my kids and can say I am at peace without being scared what mood he will be in and whether he will beat me up or my children.
know you are the one who held to truth. Some battle illness for years. You fought narcissism. Make the most of every minute and for yourself. Get rid of all negative energy he left in you. Ask for almighty help. You are beautiful human being.
Not to be harsh but you're just as responsible for your troubles as you claim the other person is. You don't get to complain you're responsible for it.
My ex had 15 cars and got upset with me for buying house decorations that didn’t even add up to 1000. Every time he had money he would spend it for himself. He used our joint account all the time and I had no access to his personal account. He racked up so much debt I didn’t even know about and he stole thousands of dollars from his own parents. He acted as if their hard earned money belonged to him. The worst thing was he acted like a millionaire always showed off when we went out paying for everybody. Everyone thought we were rich. When we separated I was shocked to find out all the lies,cheating, scamming he did. The worst feeling was the betrayal and the shameless behaviour. If you are with a narc get out as soon as you can they only get worse. My ex was also an addict which only compounded his narcissistic behaviour. Thank you Danish I love your channel. When I listen to you I can’t believe there are other people like my ex in this world. God bless all the people who have had a narc in their life. The trauma lasts a long time.
I’m glad I saw your post I’m of the same mind, respect, kindness and good old values oh and great sense of humour matter much much more, somethings just can’t be bought with money!
My ex had sooo many “hobbies” and ideas to make money - they all entailed getting the best tools, best supplies, best everything …. Only to eventually walk away from all of it for something and someone else …. It was never enough, which was really, really hard for me to understand and totally exhausting in the end.
The issues I have observed with narcissists is out of the two I know, one did not want to spend a penny, he was so used to getting everything he wanted for free with minimal effort that when he was having encounters with people, he wouldn't take them on dates, dinner, movies, nothing because he was so entitled he knew he didn't have to, to get what he wanted without spending a thing. Meanwhile, he used it to gamble, buy drugs, and alcohol. He got mad one time, and said I could make it up to him by paying for his cable tv service. Ladies, don't pay for a man's anything. They are the men, they are supposed to act like men, let them pay for their own shit.
😢 very true, they are selfish and wants to know the in and out of other people's finance. They think they are big, and above the law. Thank you for sharing
In my experience as soon as you know the signs you will see it constantly. Some people (healthy people) need to pull away slowly. In most instances the Narc as created fear and for you to "depend" on them. It's all mental but it can have a hold on you. Mine has been living in my basement for about 6 months. I'm waiting for him to finish a fence before he leaves. (His choice). I had friends who told me I was using him and was just as toxic as him for keeping him around. Thanks to them for teaching me how to not care what others think. No one can truly understand your situation.
We became homeless because of his spending. We both had decent jobs but he wouldn't put anything away. He would pressure me to spend the little money I had. He claimed that we needed my checks to pay for the motel rooms, food, gas, his cigarette and his drugs. We would use his checks to put away for our new home. It never happened and the abuse worsened until I finally left him. In two days he spent the thousands of dollars (according to him) we had put away. He called me up furious staying that it was MY fault he spent everything because how dare I leave him?
I think my ex did this to his girlfriend before me. He painted her as after his money. I put bits and pieces together and I told his parents after we split up. The rent money was owed to his dad.
this is sooo true😢 they never buy the basics of what they need.. you Always have to beg them to keep simple stuff like dishwashing soap for clean dishes, toilet paper, toothpaste and ETC it’s ridiculous… some narcs also never saved any money, but if they do they will have someone else hold and save it for them…
My soon to be ex-wife was the blow money narc. She bugged me for a year to do joint accounts, after I finally did. She blowing my money away, so I stopped that. After that it was I need money for my bills and I stopped that too. After that she has now discarded me and I’m giving her the cold shoulder and rebuilding my life. Cause I deserve better than her sorry azz!!! You have been a big help, thank you and God bless you Danish
I made my narcissist hate me and divorce because during a PTSD event, I began to overspend on some store credit cards but didn’t tell him. I was fearful of his anger. When I finally did go to him, he pushed me in to a wall so hard that my shoulder blade made a dent in wall. He went to get a consolidation loan and told me I had to go back to work and have kids come home from school to empty house. What I made paid off the loan and he got a promotion with more money. Yet this incident came up 15 years later as a reason why he wanted a divorce. It just made him so angry that he never got over it and I guess he brooded over this for years. Also it led me to realize that money was the most important thing to him. I eventually realized that he had never actually loved me. But he loved his money.
Seen both sides. Seen the gift/love bombing and I've seen the greedy side, over spending on stuff but not responsible with bills, expecting you to pay for stuff. The bombing one is dangerous because they're the one who convinces you that they love you
Wow..i experienced everything you just spoke about...it took me 25 years to figure her out . Miser ? OMG! The biggest manipulation you will ever get. I never knew how much she made, 30yrs, until the Divorce I did on the adultrey. Taxes, finances , IRA's , savings , checking accounts , hidden things for all those years ..aweful to find out we were struggling and she misered 1/2 her income? In debt more than she owes. When the Divorce started , that's when I caught all the missing cash, stashed away behind my back . In court all comes out , so get ready for more unpredictable behavior that will surprise you. Just get completely away from these controlling demons . Just a surreal experience I'll never get over. You can know somebody for decades, yrs, and never really "Know Them" .The most sneaky people on the planet. Dishonest and takes all they can without them giving back .
In the years living together, I never knew how much money he made or if he had savings or what he spend his money on, so he was secretive. I barely received a greeting card on my birthday and valentine's day, but he would spend money on other people without hesitation. We never had a vacation since he said he didn't have vacation days, but he would go on vacation with his friends. Everything changed after the love bombing, and everything was an illusion.
Yes... this was what I experienced. My ex would harp on any money spent by or on me but he refused to submit to a budget and I never knew how much he actually made.
I thought my ex was the only adult with freakish spending/habits! He would NOT pay bills on time even though we had the money, he would “play chicken” when paying our mortgage, paying it at the last possible minute. Sometimes the payment made it on time, sometimes it didn’t and then he would go to the bank to have the late payment and fees reversed. He refused to return videos to the store on time racking large late fees, he bought luxury cars and sport cars every two years. At one time we had FIVE car payments. He hid, moved, spent and manipulated money and accounts without my knowledge. And yes, he’s guilty of gross tax fraud. (Of course, being a person with high narc traits, he’s convinced he’ll never be audited!)
My ex could be his brother! And yes! We did get audited,..that’s how I found out he was having an affair with his bosses wife and she was helping him hide money from me…lol…he also thought it was my fault somehow that he got audited…we almost went to prison for tax evasion cuz he had hidden more then $25,000 from me yet the boss and his wife were claiming the expenses we were having to pay out of what little I knew about lol…still don’t know how I was to blame for it..the auditor actually stuck up for me to him and his boss and his wife lol…
Yes he over many many years made me completely dependent on him financially! Very very very slow and this is the first time I’ve ever seen a video in the financial manipulation of a covert narcissist he
He came and went when he pleased in our 50 yr marriage. In 2012 he convinced me we could make a go of it. Talked me into selling my home and took the whole amount ($300,000) towards payment for a larger 4 bedroom house for us, so our children could visit. But when his narcissistic behaviour was coming out, I asked for $100,000 back, as I needed security money in case he left. I have never seen that money again. In the end, as I could not bear him any more, I left 3 years ago and he has hung on to my money to add on to his stash. The price I paid for my peace of mind!! I may add that he paid off his credit card and other debts while he hung on to my money!
Wow… I am speechless! I have been made the 60% shareholder in our business and I have been on pins and needles ever since. He even wanted me to sign papers to cancel the life insurance on him which I was willing to do because I felt sorry for him but then my friend told me to never make this mistake! But now I am smarter and wiser after watching educational videos such as yours. I thank you from the bottom of my heart 😅Basically I don’t even know my husband even though we have known each other for 38 years. Married for 36 years! He is a total stranger to me and I’m always worried about my old age :-(
A bit of unsolicited advice, speak with a lawyer -- even if you have no intention of filing. They might be able to offer you some advice on how to protect yourself.
Soo true! I have been in financial abuse situation for one year and he is narcissistic whatever you saying every single word is right , he took all my money and I used to beg for my monthly expenses and he used to humiliate me that I ask him for money He took credit cards on my name 😢
Thank you so much for this talk. As ever you think these behaviours are just the Narcissist in your life, not a symptom of the condition. Not paying bills, mean, then extravagant. Using money to feed their ego to the point of extreme irresponsibility. It’s all a package. So enlightening. Thanks to others for their comments it’s really enlightening.😊
Truly awesome, I can't wait to put in my papers now and set myself free from this narc. 25 and 20 years odd mt children's life, not one day he took them shopping and bought stuff for them but deprived us and spent on foolish investment all is which are today incomplete. Wiped my back account, made all the FDs in his name leaving me totally wiped clean. Thank you so much Danish your videos are truly helping me so much. God mightly bless you
Great video!! My ex was planning to attempt Insurance fraud until I found out and stopped it. I also caught her on other shady deals going on. She would never divulge her income (and she didn't have a job!!). I would help her with her bills and when I finally walked away, she called me a freeloader! And many other cruel things. She would love and gift bomb to keep me around and under control. So many red flags! Thank you for what you and others do to educate us on these disorders. It helps us to realize that it's not us and we have the power to escape.🙏👍
I was married to a narcissist for about six years in my 20's, she convinced me she was not into material things at all and was a bit of a hippy, as soon as we were married everything changed and she wanted expensive furniture, expensive curtains, expensive carpets, expensive holidays, and spent a fortune on clothes, I was earning a lot of money but she was spending it fast, I ended up divorced and almost bankrupt whilst she walked away with all the spoils , I was too mentally exhausted to fight it after years of emotional abuse
Yes, everythingGGGGG you mentioned is TRUE. They don’t care to go shopping without caring if bills have to be paid ECT ECT ECT. Then they get frustrated and blame others for not having money for the bills😡😡😡
He was a hardcore alcoholic and a chain smoker....I suffered financial abuse as well..physical emotional psychological abuse ...for a good 26 years ...psychotic and narcissistic....he took all my money and never returned any at all
This is true .. my ex wife never shared her financial details .even after 4 years I never knew her financial details . While she knew everything about mine
Hi Danish, I encountered this video shows that I am on my journey to heal . My son and I am left in that kind of state that we are struggling to manage our meals and arrange basics. Planning a strategy to leave seems like a dream. I am thankful to you from the bottom of my heart- I feel informed. Thank you 🙏🏻
I was married to a narcissist for 34 years. He mandated that I would be a SAHM and not work. Over the 3 decades we were married, he moved our family all over the country for his jobs. He was an aerospace engineer, and would work as a contractor. He might work for a year,then be laid off and unemployed for 6 months to 2 years. Even then, I wasn't allowed to work. I had to apply for food stamps and get help from food banks to feed my kids. We were essentially homeless several times; we stayed with his parents or sometimes my family (or lived in hotels until the money ran out). When he did work, he spent money on everything he wanted ( paintball equipment, boats,cars, and especially gambling). He literally would gamble all of his paycheck before bills were paid. Then he'd yell at me if I asked him for enough money to buy the kids shoes or clothes. I was constantly trying to squirrel money away for emergencies, and he would demand that I give him that money to "invest" in some stupid business venture,or for him to play the stock market. I was in constant stress trying to get bills paid before he drained the bank account dry. I was always to blame for HIS financial stupidity because he felt like I was sending him negative energy that made him LOSE the money on stocks, the casino or racetrack.
100% 🎯 only a few minutes in and you have described the narc I was involved with. He bought me expensive boots 2 days after meeting him, clothes and took me away for a weekend in a lovely cottage, then I paid the price when he threw in that I took advantage of him…he INSISTED and ordered stuff online without me even knowing he was doing it. We bought the best house on the street, then he started arguments that eventually led him to buy me out a few weeks later, his plan all along. He has the best top of the range car and buys jeans at £100 a time and still have the price tags on 5 pairs he bought years ago and never wore. In 2 weeks, he had 12 Amazon parcels delivered, spend, spend, spend to compensate his miserable existence. The neighbours here are all narrow small minded people who are beneath him, I hope he doesn’t need their help any time soon. 🙄
Worst money-related habit? Definitely the regular demands that I tell him everything I earn and spend, but never revealing his finances, which has been going on almost since the day we married. I have to buy and account for all family food and bills. I never have anything to spare.
Thanks Danish. I would only add the element of "control"; desperate need for control, with money being a great way of gaining such, whether its "gift bombing", being stingy, ensuring nobody knows how much they have, hording, etc...it all gives an insecure person some (false) security/control.
My "father" did this in my adult life, in my 30s, during a time of need. I got out of there when I was 18. I had no concept of narcissism back then, or even abused, but I grew up around all of it. So even now, and I think as a result of being around him... He may not know that I know this, but he is getting paid through some insurance policy, for being my caretaker. I was both sickened and found it absolutely ridiculous, because that was *never* the case. There's so much more, but I'm painted as unstable and sick and such... And it was money bombing (not even love, since I do not believe the two are synonymous). I'm glad I came up on your channel, thank you. I so look forward to the day I am free from their pernicious grip. It was always like this with them. He's just somehow the patriarch, ... Most malignant ... Turns out he's got a substantial gambling addiction, and ... I was discarded. Two narcissist parents here, what a great lottery. Yeah I'm angry but also I need to keep educating myself. It came at me from all angles. Not wanting to get sympathy or anything, I know that you know how it is, and so many comments. ... Thank you
The narc loves spending money on themselves and cheat their partners .My ex was a huge spender on herself ,I tried to reign in the spending she just got more credit cards without my knowledge .I had to take over the food shopping ,she had no idea how to shop on a budget .If there was an expensive shop she would find it ,mostly fashion shops ,hairdressers all for her .Then you have the other narcs I have dealt with ,they will give you the cheapest gifts ,they always come out on top financially .They give you “gifts “ they don’t want and they are always cheap gifts cheapest chocolate ,cheapest wine , she bought me nylon sheets and pillows that’s cost her nearly nothing .I just threw them straight in the bin it was just insulting yet she had quality everything in her house .Then she started petty theft from my house ,she was a millionaire.Every narc only spends money on themselves,they give you the cheapest gifts
I agree with all that you have explained here. She's giving a hell of a time to my daughter & my 3yrs.old grandson as she wants me to give her money & expensive gifts etc as a dowry in her name which I'm not giving her since last 6yrs. I give gifts to my daughter, grandson & sil.
He told me I didn’t have to work but then got mad at me when I could no longer do things for him financially or especially when I asked him for money…so of course I went back to work and he got mad…he did the bare minimum for me financially during that time, but acted like he did the absolute most. I used to get anxiety when I had to ask him for money because I knew it was gonna be an argument to follow. I see now he was just trying to control me and make me need him. It worked for a few months until I woke up and smelled the coffee…I can’t make this up…he manipulated tf out of me and I let him because I loved him and couldn’t see through the fog.
The easiest way for me to wrap my head around the sometimes subtle, sometimes overt financial double-standard I endured was to switch out the word ‘narcissist’ with ‘con artist.’ I was conned into thinking I was in a relationship. In reality, I was a transaction for him to have access to finances and the appearance of a normal life: two things he is capable of producing if he’ll do his own work. Too many of us can relate to Amy Andrews’s character in the movie “Catch Me if You Can.” While being conned is a painful reality to embrace, our silver lining can still be that we are not the con artist, and we can like the person looking back at us in the mirror.
So true I only realized all this after years of marriage It should have been obvious from the dating years In the end I took a stand and her plans badly backfired The lesson: keep a look out for the way she handles and has handled money in the past People don’t change. She will do in the future what she has done in the past Her motto: “I want the best of everything and money (your money) is no object. Take a good look at the socio economic level she was raised in. That is the key.
They'll spend huge amounts of money on you, so they can brag about it to everyone they meet. EVERYONE!!! Then if it's an item they bought they will take (steal) it back, but still claim you have it.
BOOM! Mine has done this! Stolen back jewelry they gave me, along with jewelry I purchased, given to me by my parents, my parents jewelry, inherited jewelry, on and on, but claims I'm lying. Better yet, I have no idea where the money went, because they no longer have it.
He stole the jewelry that my grandmother left me and acted like someone had broken in our house. I was only able to figure it out years later when I put two plus two together. He couldn't stand the thought of me having something nice. Later I found out that he had sold it to a jewelry store in an expensive part of town.
Yours is one of three yt channels I view, where I hit the "like" button before watching. You get to the heart of unique problems in abusive narcissistic relationships that are rarely discussed and offer clear descriptions of abusive patterns. Thanks, Danish for all; your commenters only further support your work by sharing their own unique and often horrifying experiences. QUESTION: Would you consider doing a video where you share your own story of narcissistic abuse and how you came to realize your channel as a result? Thanks again!
My ex had a well-paying, long professional career and numerous investments/accounts, etc., but lived like a miser - 20-yr-old rusted-out dishwasher, used neighbor’s trash can (they were frequently gone) to avoid paying garbage service) - After he asked me to move in, he told me I needed to “contribute”. I relocated to live with him , and waspressured into taking a horrible job to pay him an unfair amount of “rent”, plus buying groceries, food for his pets, etc. Plus I was cleaning, cooking, decorating (at my expense), etc. Once I asked him what he actually did for me and he wrote a list of the places he had taken me to eat (which was infrequent because he is a miser), down to a McDonakd’s Egg McMuffin, and said any woman would appreciate what he did for me.
"I'm ready to unleash financial mayhemmmm" - Narc in everyones life (actually quoted from the ex narc in my life when he was expecting a lot of money and his nefarious plan didnt go his way at all so it created financial mayhem in his life anyways. I'm NEARLY out of debt, gaining weight when I started dating him I was 125lbs when it as OVER I was down to 103lbs, I am gaining weight and fleshing out and getting my wellness back more everyday .. in one month my skin cleared up. It's amaznig what no contact can do so fast focusing on my wellness and family. I remember him getting upset I used MY credit card, got more credit for myself "didnt let him use any of it" his words. Or I made a dress and sold it for $300 and didnt tell him because I learned later on the importance of not sharing successess with narcs so he found out and was mad I didnt "split" what I made with him... He hasnt called me in a month its been the best time now that its over.
When we first met, he was always spending on me, buying things I didn’t even want or need. Then later in the relationship - he moaned a lot about money and spending and resented spending the money he did in the beginning. He began to get tight with money in the end. Always moaning at me to spend more and often compared how much he spent in comparison to me - even though he earned more than I did, with a young adult to look after, plus my own home and bills to take care of.
All of the above! This is a great video. If I walked by a store window and admired anything, It would guarantee I would never get it. My experience was all taking,no giving. He was a financial executive but caused serious financial distress for our family. Always secretive, controlling, and devious!
I realized in hindsight that an ex bf is a covert narcissist...don't expect him to pay for anything unless it directly benefits him & there's a cheering section....boy am I glad I said no when he suggested getting a joint checking account! 😬
Yes... This is what is happening with me from 2 decades. He spends money on himself luxuriously but wont give me a single penny even for my medicals. If he has spend for me thn he will pay directly. He takes me twice a year to expensive trips n make me post them on social media n friends n family n to his circle too.. Every body outside the world thinks i am so lucky to have him as my spouse but he kills every day bit by bit with needles.
Absolutely true. How many times will you pay for nice restaurant outings, but never ever be treated yourself?? The narc will not EVER offer to even leave the tip. Very selfish. No generosity of spirit ever observed. Ever
She inherited some money from her mother, so rather than reduce her mortgage went on 3 holidays to the Maldives in 2 months. Spent the rest on shoes and handbags and a range rover, eventually forced by bank to sell house to pay of a loan she also spent and couldn't afford to pay back. People like her shouldn't be allowed money, they're too irresponsible.
Female narcs are more likely to spend money than save or invest it, so that doesn't surprise me at all. Blowing an inheritance is also quite common, regardless of whether one has a personality disorder or not. It's much easier to part with money that wasn't earned through labour.
He neglected the needs of family but made new temporary friends who he would pay bills for or buy things for in order to get never ending praise from these strangers who became temporary friend's relying on his charity.
Took me over 45 years to get help and a special somone who put a mirror in front of me in where I finally reconized the issue and got help. In those 45 years, I learned from my father who was an extreme NARC, a self made multi millionaire who controlled his victims (Including me) with money and power. In those 45 years, I went through over 30 new cars, 5 homes, bankrupcy, forclosure and 3 divorces before I finally woke up. I am the complete opposite now however I am controlling the urges with theropy but unfortunaltley I still crave the finer things in life but budget and watch what I spend. Hope that helps and I try to educate others and hope they learn from my history.
@@karlabritfeld7104 Interesting, you are not the first to include my therapist to say this. I do fall on the low end of the Narcissistict range but more OCD/ADHD is what drove me to all of these behaviors. Most if not all personality disorders flow into each other so its hard to pin point however in the begining, I never did say I was sorry or admit fault. It took me working through all of this to change lanes and get on the road to self healing and recovery.
I have a narcissistic brother in law who is a tradesman as I am but the difference is he HAS to have the most expensive tools and vehicles even though my less expensive tools and vehicles achieve the same quality of work. He must also always let others know the cost of his tools and vehicles ( which also far increases his hourly/daily rate ) . He has to brag about his expensive holidays, cars, big house etc which as I have witnessed does NOT impress his clients ( he also has no people skills, he treats his clients as inferior ). If we work together he has to praise himself as the best their is yet I am happy/content with my life and lesser earnings whilst he is completely unhappy and always panicking about what he has achieved and earned every single day ! I’d rather be the lesser earning, way more relaxed me !
Yes! I only found out his financial situation by happenstance… otherwise it’s SUPER weird how secretive he is with money, even after year’s of being together. Feels like living with a roommate in every way
Download the Free answer guide To Get Answers to the Top 10 Questions Every survivor of Narcissistic Abuse Asks: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com
He was very stinky
Danish why don't you make videos in Hindi
You hit the nail on the head! God blessed you sir.🙏❤️
Love it!! Can you please talk about narcissistic compassion
I really love all of your videos that I've viewed. You are really giving helpful information. I appreciate you.
This subject should be taught at school.
I agree and have said/thought this many times.
And taught again.
If RUclips teaches you what school should teach, it's better than school.
If you educate people on narcissism, the behavior of many so called educators will be challenged even more than it already is. I became an anarchist while watching how the state treated me and my brethren in school.
I really saw how bad things were from my experience with the special ed programs. And people will try to solve all the problems with the public schools by throwing more money at the problem, which so far has done about as much good as throwing money at the problem of a crack addiction.
At risk of stating the obvious, politics really is the epicenter of narcissism and democracy is the engine of excuse making. Talk to a leftist and tell me you don't see the same patterns. When I was a leftist, my narcissism was at it's worst and now here I am watching these videos trying to understand my own behavior while most of the people here are looking for the patterns in others.
No shit!
Hell yes!!
I was married to a narcissist for eight years. He spent lavishly on me at first but by the time I left him,I left with only my suitcase and my three daughters. I was an independent,educated woman before I married him but he turned me to something else and even use my degrees to insult me. I depended completely on him for my financial needs. I was cleaning and cooking for his visitors to boast his ego. I am grateful I got out before I loss my sanity. Now , I am healing and I am grateful to God , I got out.
My Father spent lots on his hobbies and my Mother on hers. Somehow it might be a good example of how to live, considering life is short. Then, please don't have children. Deal with yourselves, your fights about money and child raising, where one partner was gone a lot and the other was called, the one who takes all the blame for whatever goes awry with kids and schooling. The jealousy, the control, the cheating of one and the constant insatiable need to be with other people, to feel important and loved/popular of the other parent. One day, after an epic fight, they both got in separate cars and drove away. I was gradeschool age and the oldest of 4. What kind of people do these things, leaving children so alone? They knew that they could depend on me. They used that to the hilt. I didn't change and they didn't change, but my understanding of it grew. I still hear stories from my siblings about the time after I left at 17. Each found a way to leave, as early as possible, it seems.
I experienced the same thing! I'm still dealing with the trauma.
I was in the exact same position. I didn’t have multiple degrees but I had a good job, although when e spit I was a stay at home parent. He left our children and myself with absolutely nothing. I’ve had to rebuilt from the ground up, I’m still working on it- it’s been two years.
@@taramco1110 You will, of course, achieve the goals you make. ❤️
You wrote my story
A narcissist will take the marrow from your bones if they can. I'm so grateful to be free!!!
Bravo. You perfectly described my horrid 32 yrs with a covert narc. Am a widow now. Freedom is priceless.
🤣🤣! Yup!!
They actual do !
Perfectly said
you took the words wright out of my mouth ( picked bone dry )
Don't share financial information with a Narc. They will bleed you dry. Stay Safe.
They will do their best to take every penny you have. They will leave you with a mountain of debt , totally penniless and laugh heartily about it. These are some of the most evil people to walk on the face of the earth.
I never spoke about income, but he would actually cry he didn't have the money to fix his car, pay his mortgage. Blah, blan, blah. He paid for nothing. But he was covert, after a while I got so tired of how pathetic he was, tired of his begging and paying nothing back, and how ugly he was inside and out. I made him leave,I know he has lost his job, and there is no chance he will get another. So I smile now wondering who he is borrowing from these days. 😀
Oh ya, my ex narc had asked me- how much property will you get from your dad? How much did he get from his father? And he would say- I’m not asking for me, I’m asking for you.😂
And when I didn’t really share in detail no matter how many times he asked NICELY he started showing his true colours more and more
@@joanngross786 absolutely true. My ex ripped me off to make sure I got nothing.
@@ShoJ369 he will find someone. They are users.
This behavior isn't just wrong or cruel it is downright DEMONIC!!!
100% true!
Literally the spirit of satan.
Financial abuse was, definitely, his favorite tool for punishing me.
So true
They spend your money not theirs, and they don't pay their bills. Disaster.
My ex pretended to be in a panic and desperate and embarrassed. At first, he paid things back. Then that stopped and he would just hint around that he simply had no money. There were times he wanted very large amounts of money. But i won’t do that. Once he figured that wasn’t working, he went back to asking for smaller amounts. He bills were always my problem, but my bills were never his problem. And it was always “you’re better at money than I am.” I’m so glad he’s gone. I don’t know how I believed all his fake crying bs.
Sounds so familiar😔
I wish I saw this years ago. He was bankrupt and I saved his charming narc butt! Once he moved in , which I thought was temporary, the narc side emerged. I am a financially responsible person and he tried to make me feel as if I was a cheapskate…especially after I refused to buy him a Mercedes or BMW. That’s when I knew I had to get out . 12 years of financial pressure took a huge toll on me . Now Mr Fancy Pants and his Armani suits are borderline homeless. Living in a government subsidized apartment.
Thank you Danish and everyone else for making me feel less insane.
@@sharonhorwitz7903 - My ex got with me because he wanted a trophy. I have figured out, ironically, now that I am grey haired and menopausal, that a lot of the men who would approach me only wanted me because I was what men considered "an attractive woman." My ex tried to paint me as "only after his money" because it was easy to get weak minded people to believe him. Women who are attractive are considered a commodity to men. I was very stylish and that too helped my narcisisstic ex gaslight others into believing I was "after his money." The fact that I was a bargain hound, came from an extremely impoverished background, and got a thrill from making my own clothes and finding quality clothing for pennies, was ignored. I remember my ex went shopping after we moved from the town where I was living and we'd moved to Montreal. We went shopping and I was embarrassed when he spent $1200.00 on a Hugo Boss suit and another $600.00 on shoes. I was used to paying $2.00 for a coat!
He said to me, "pick out what you want." I went to a shoe store and picked out a pair of 1940s inspired, suede, plum-coloured, high heel shoes. They were $350.00 dollars. I felt uncomfortable at the waste of money. After I got them, he immediately began using them as evidence that I was "using him for his money."
I still remember those shoes because of all the bad vibes on them after I got them. Some 20 years later, I still come to realisations that my ex had stolen from me and would control the finances.
At one point, everything we owned, meaning all my past and sentimental items were gone forever, and his belongings which held no sentimental value were stolen when our moving truck was stolen from the warehouse. When we got the insurance settlement, I never actually saw any of it. I lived with his constant criticisms any time I bought *anything* for the house. I now wonder if it was deliberate on his part, keeping all the money which half belonged to me, away from me.
@@rtphotos4691 sounds like we were married to the same guy. He spent lavishly on himself while I got nothing. Then he accused me of being a gold digger and wanted me to sign a prenup before we got married. He had nothing. I was the one with a job.
@@karlabritfeld7104 - Yep, and this misogynist attitude is becoming more prevalent nowadays. If a man even mentions his money to me, I run, because I know he has nothing to offer and he is trying to buy my time, affection, and emotional labour.
I completely agree with the last point of being financially tied/ chained to them. It was such an awful feeling. Never again.
Yes, and when this happens with narc parents, well... I've been going through it myself.
I agree worst position you can find yourself in went through that never again
He definitely taught me to never financially depend on someone ever again.
Yes, after 8y of marriage and 2 kids, I had no idea of what he is spending his money on. When confronted, he wasnt able to justify more than 30% of his salary. I was paying for mostly everything - I have no idea how I ended up in such a situation, I felt so used and stupid
I was in the exact same position. When we finally split our two children and I were left with absolutely nothing. He doesn’t care. It’s been two years and I’m still recovering rebuilding.
My narc is cheap...but is lavish for himself.
My narc sister at 38 had to move in rent free with my parents because she can't afford living on her own...yet she bought an expensive truck, takes constant trips, smokes weed every day, gets nails done all the time, buys name brand glasses and purses, and constantly eats out... but yeah she can't afford to live on her own so she's living rent free with my parents. Makes sense lol.
My son lives with me and his covert came back after 2 years cause her new suppliers kicked her out she wants free rent she owns designer cloths for herself and nothing for anyone else. She tells my son all kinds of crap about me so he attempts to destroy me so I will leave and she gets to keep the furniture 💯 and everything I have bought to make this house a home.
@@jacalyntaylor6721 Don't allow this parasite of woman to take control of your home. She has her tentacles in your son, so he has a choice, he can stay she CAN'T! Stand your ground. God bless you.
You sound like you're jealous of your sister. Seriously, why do you care what she does? Society changed dramatically during and after Covid with lots of people moving back home, squeezing the whole extended family together, getting roommates, downsizing, fleeing the cities... whatever it takes to survive and it's still going on.
@@firehorse9996 I don't agree with your assessment. Nicole is stating FACTS about what her sister is doing with her money. Sounds like more like disgust than jealousy.
Ur parents r enablers...
He used to buy people
No penny for me and children
Gift bombing and taking more gifts from me
Each and every word of yours is true and correct
So true. Took all my money when I was ill. After 20 years I found out he took my money and doesn't want to pay for our 2 girls. Now I have a separate bank account and let him pay for family expenses. He is afraid that I will leave him, so he asks for money from time to time but he gets the same amount from me without raising the sum as he wishes.
Yes, a 100% description of my ex wife. I was under control for 5 years. It took me 10 years to recover from the trauma she caused.
i am glad you were awakened to this, many have spend decades not knowing what the heck was happening
Same here .. 10 years with this narcissist .. I left him 4 weeks ago .. I took the courage and took off .. after 10 years ..
no more abuse 😢
It's exactly what happened with my ex-husband, he never shared a bank account, hide everything from me & was only give me a few money from time to time in banknotes, we were living in nice apartments but I never had any money. He controlled finances and I lived in total darkness. 🤷
Insisting on paying for everything, he never asked me or let me contribute. Then after engagement I told him I would get prenup, no combination of bank accounts. Then I found out he didn’t own his house or furniture?! Yeah the end, I ripped masks off, I went no contact and blocked!😅 dodged that bullet!
So true. My ex narc opted to purchase $300 Rayban sunglasses when I needed $120 for prescription glasses after insurance. He had a raged fit when I explained that replacing my cracked eyeglasses were needed and we could get the sunglasses the next pay period or get my glasses and him a cheaper pair sunglasses. He wanted total control of the finances and expected me to sacrifice my needs. I was already sacrificing my wants but enough is enough
It took me a long time to realize that I was being financially abused and things that were going on were absolutely not normal nor acceptable.
The most toxic money habit that I observed was that the narcissist was extremely cheap and hated spending any (of their) money at all (they hoarded large amounts of money and other assets, just like you said). It was so bad that they would start seething, complaining or give the silent treatment when I would spend my own hard-earned money and things that I liked, needed or would bring me joy. This could be anything from a bag of candy to things costing thousands.
Nearly all items for household/family use were purchased by me including groceries, childcare.
To top it off, he kept excel spreadsheets showing how much money I "owed" him.
Yes, they quickly combined finances by pressuring me into in purchasing multiple properties with him within a 5 year-time span. (And now does not want to pay out my home equity!)
Yup that's a selfish lying user. Narcissist. It's all about them.
All true.
Same to me
@The mysterious Miss X A sadly perfect summary of how it is with these people. Only afterwards did I understand why doing nice things like dining in restaurants or receiving gifts almost never happened - they felt that I owed them a debt and so I wasn't worthy of spending money on, in their eyes.
Yes. I don't have any idea of his spendings.
My friend got involved with a rich narcissist. He gave her a car, a motorcycle and a boat. They want on nice vacations. He would not marry her. He would not put her on the title to the house. He said it was "just like being married" and that he would take care of her no matter what and he put her in the living trust. He had no children, so giving it all to her was not a problem. He had her quit her job so she could be with him all the time. Well, he treated worse and worse over the years, and she finally left. Everyone said she should sue him for "palimony". She found out that there was no such thing. She wanted her car, motorcycle and boat (hoping to sell them for money), and found out they were all in his name. He also took her off the living trust. In other words: After 13 years, she left with the clothes on her back. He even hid some of her sentimental possessions so that she could not take them - just another way to hurt her. He knew what he was doing from day one: lying that it was "just like being married" when he knew that he could abuse her and he would not have to provide for her if she left.
What a plan! How can someones gut didn't give them a instict but a shit at the end. Free money is never good, if there is no sincerity in relationship, you are in use until your juice is squeezed. Rude words but reality.
Yup same
I would have left at 'her would never marry her'! So many obvious signs there, I'm sure she enjoyed all her perks and thought she was living the life - she must have valued these materialistic objects too!
It was fine till she acted pure gold digger.
But once she was shown the correct place u crying narcissism 😅😂LOL
Word ✊️
My mom did SO MANY things. She’d take my $100 Christmas money every year from my grandfather and put it in the bank for me to save. Started at 5. My sister was born when I was 6. This went on for 7 years after she was born until he died. When I finally got mine, I had $300 in there. My sister has probably $1.000, and she didn’t have as much to start with. She’s also stolen $60k equity from me because when I was single and 9 mo pregnant, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to pay for my house right after cuz not working. She convinced me to sell it to her for cost, then I could buy it back later. I was vulnerable and about to have a baby and I stupidly agreed (with pressure). Instead, it was bought under the family (not my family) business, immediately got loan for the equity, then started renting it out. Gone. So years later when she actually DID give me $50k for down payment on a house (which she just did so in her mind ‘she bought my house), I took it cuz it was already mine.
She always ‘borrowed’ money from me when I was a child, even, because I saved it all. $2/wk allowance, bumped up to $5 in HS. I babysat starting at 11 (crazy when I think back on it), started working w/taxes at 14. Had to buy all my own stuff. My little sister was getting $300/mo in middle school. She’s been kept financially dependent on them. It was like two different sets of families in the same house with the way my sister and I were treated so differently(at the same time, most of it, mind you!!!).
Thank god I’m mostly free now. People who didn’t grow up with one can’t even imagine. For me, it’s what I imagine a POW kinda feels.
And her Christmas gifts are some random shit she bought clearance someplace and decided she didn’t want, and she never removes the tags! 😂😂
Sorry for the long post, I’ve got 49 years worth of stories lol.
I believe you right away. My father, the grandfather of my children, well he pretended he had opened a savings acount for my daughter and talked about it for years. When my daughter finally wanted to use the money, well there was no account at that bank on her name... I imagine he needed cash at one stage and took everything there was and closed the account.
Abuse by a family member, especially the mother is absolutely crushing. Your case is horrific, but continue to allow yourself to heal and live your best life. God bless you!
@@Mercuryrising56627 they are disgusting! They lie and say things to make themselves look good, but at the end of the day, everything is theirs. They are the only one who matters or deserves anything. I’m so sorry.
My narc mom did a lot of crazy stuff with money. I haven't spoken to her but thrice in almost 20 years. She stole just about all my 5K from my paper route money to pay the property taxes on a big house that had been paid off for five years already! She also conned me into buying my first and only house at 28 with her as the real estate agent so she could get the commission. Stupid me believed her lies about the commission as a down payment gift from her. So many more many con jobs from her too many to tell.
@@joanngross786 yeah, and that’s not even touching the physical abuse part. And she wonders why her adult kids don’t want to be around her and why we’ve all struggled with substance abuse!
My narc mother told all the relatives that she's giving me an apartment as inheritance coz I don't own a home. Everyone praised her. She did giv an apartment but made all da official papers in her own name and when I asked her why not in my name if u r giving it to me, she said " how dare u even think it's your house, it's my house. Who told u it's yours. i have only given u to stay in it, but it's my property." I was so shocked, i called up all my relatives one by one and told everyone that mom had liedd to everyone and in the future, if anything goes wrong den Dey shud know that I have nothing to do with dat apartment.
So basically she wanted the praise frm society, plus she did not have to spend a single penny as well.n malign my image by calling me poor.
I too told everyone who'd called to let me know how poorly mom the lush (she covered up her dementia with booze), so, what could I do, covid and back stabbing cuz living rent free upstairs, mom's will said I'd get her dump, no thanks, I'd rather stay in my lovely home I created, cashed in her house via public trustee, but the apartment had strings attached, her chains ⛓!
14 years later…a divorce and I didn’t have the money to pay for an attorney and he took everything. I mean everything. All the examples you talk about he did to me! By the time I was done I was destroyed. It was extremely painful. I now am watch by him do the same thing to his new supply.
I’m in the same boat. He hasn’t drained his new supply yet, but they have a baby and he’s working hard at it
My dad loves money above everything - but more having it than spending it.
Same here. He'll go through hell and back to spend anyone else's money but his own. 🤯
Typical of the money grubbing, hoarding variety of narcissist, the Arch Cheapskate.
The narc I live with is just hilarious ,he comes out with food that he doesn’t like and is all ways cheap.He came with a leftover curry one night ,the whole container had only one tiny piece of meat and he is not vegetarian.The whole curry was nearly all potato the cheapest ingredient 😂He refuses to buy meat for his dog its too expensive.The narc has zero generosity of spirit ,they are complete tight arses .
@@alonzomosley7 Yep, the ones in my life will buy up old worn out junk anything then proceed to spend 2 to 5x what buying a newer and in good working condition one would've cost just to end up with a still worn-out piece of junk that still barely works anyway.
People people people. Learn what a narcissist is. Anyone can be a tightwad, that doesn't make them a narcissist.
Experienced today. I reminded my mother in law ( grandiose covert narcissist) that my father in law hates the restaurant she said she wanted to eat at today. We had 8 people, and only she and her daughter like seafood. It was a crappy restaurant with crappy service. Normally we go to his favorite barbecue restaurant on his birthday. I’ve been in their family for 16 years and we have never had a family dinner at Red Lobster. Of course she says order whatever you want, and embarrasses my father in law when she hears him and his friend discussing splitting the bill. She tells the waitress to ignore his friend and give the bill to him. No one ordered anything above $20. His wife and daughter ordered everything, making the bill $215.00 and she kept embarrassing my father in law saying you pay it for their anniversary dinner. Which the friends hated seafood too. She said that then I know it’s your birthday but we missed their wedding anniversary. I mean how spiteful and nasty can you get? She emotional and financially abuses my father in law, and being a man he is embarrassed by it and says nothing. She can be quiet frightening when you disagree with her or have facts to back it up. We ( my husband- his son,) got him a $50 gift card to his favorite barbecue restaurant and told him not to tell his wife or daughter about it, it’s his. His friend who his wife embarrassed as well slipped $200 cash to my father in law as we walked to our cars. So he ended up having a decent birthday after all!
So true. My ex had to wear the best labels, always concealed his earnings and avoided paying taxes. When we divorced he was late and cheap about child support but took his new, skinny model GF to fancy restaurants. I worked the graveyard shift at the USPS to support my daughter.
So true, gift bombing ! And then somehow I’m paying everything and they are living high! It’s confusing for sure.
Convinced me to invest in his ridiculous business ventures that always failed. Once the business became difficult (as all businesses do) he would bail on it rather than deal with the issues at hand, and then blamed everyone and everything but himself.
I spent 14 years of my life with a narcissistic person and tried on many occasions to make the relationship work because of my kids. I was made to look like I was crazy and needed help and tried very hard to keep no contact. I was belittled by his family members but remained silent through most of it. Towards the end I could not take the physical, emotional and mental abuse by him and his family members and finally got the courage to leave the relationship but feel I let myself down responding to his behaviour. I did get a restraining order in the end but he kept showing up to the kid's school every time he had a fight with his Girlfriend and then begged to see the kids and me. I finally got clarity watching RUclips videos about narcissism and what I was experiencing. He would force me and the kids to go to restaurants with him where he would spend money and argue afterwards to get the money back. I was left over drawn from my account because he would create stories for me to feel sorry and so he could get money from me. He was also the reason for my bad health where he would limit the amount of food I could eat in the home and because of this I had fainted on a number of occasions while he could see me falling ill and waited until I was unconscious. He called the ambulance on a number of occasions to act like a saviour because on paper he was saving my life. The final straw came when he started showing his true face when i fell unconcious and he left the kids in school until 6pm and then swore at me in the car to the kids while I was in hospital. He kept the kids in the dark in the car park fed them with a few snacks and would not let them use the toilet and the kids were left alone in the car. Since his absence now I am in better health and an ambulance has not been called since he left. I have made peace with this situation and know that this man will never change this behaviour it has been embedded in him and his family encourage it. There were red flags at the beginning but I failed to act upon them because he would speak half truths about what his previous relationships were like and he was at times the victim. He would often blame me for him going out and having affairs. On a number of occasions I asked him to leave only to take him back because I wanted a complete loving family. I am now single living with my kids and can say I am at peace without being scared what mood he will be in and whether he will beat me up or my children.
know you are the one who held to truth. Some battle illness for years. You fought narcissism. Make the most of every minute and for yourself. Get rid of all negative energy he left in you. Ask for almighty help. You are beautiful human being.
Have courage. Believe in yourself. You survived a tsunami that to a very long one. You survived. You are strong. And could not have done different.
Not to be harsh but you're just as responsible for your troubles as you claim the other person is. You don't get to complain you're responsible for it.
@@serene9636 so sorry to all people's who suffer like this it sounds terrible to have to live like that hope life gets better for you all best wishes
Have you lived with a narcissist?
My ex had 15 cars and got upset with me for buying house decorations that didn’t even add up to 1000. Every time he had money he would spend it for himself. He used our joint account all the time and I had no access to his personal account. He racked up so much debt I didn’t even know about and he stole thousands of dollars from his own parents. He acted as if their hard earned money belonged to him. The worst thing was he acted like a millionaire always showed off when we went out paying for everybody. Everyone thought we were rich. When we separated I was shocked to find out all the lies,cheating, scamming he did. The worst feeling was the betrayal and the shameless behaviour. If you are with a narc get out as soon as you can they only get worse. My ex was also an addict which only compounded his narcissistic behaviour. Thank you Danish I love your channel. When I listen to you I can’t believe there are other people like my ex in this world. God bless all the people who have had a narc in their life. The trauma lasts a long time.
Narcissist uses people by each and every possible way which exists like financial, physical, mental, social, sexual and left you with extreme misery.
Yes I was gift bombed by two different narcissists when they found out I could not be bought they left me alone.
I’m glad I saw your post I’m of the same mind, respect, kindness and good old values oh and great sense of humour matter much much more, somethings just can’t be bought with money!
Thats how they decieve you into their web of cruelty
Gift bombed in the beginning is so right
Yea my ex was like this however he was NOT careless about his money. He was cheap and frugal. He new where every penny went. Not exaggerating either.
Same here. And then if they do spend a little, they don't remember doing so and blame you that you stole it.
My ex complained about spending money on our relationship, but had no problem dropping racks on bottle service and gambling...
Lol mine did the same. She would only stop spending if her card declined
Know that one well!
My ex had sooo many “hobbies” and ideas to make money - they all entailed getting the best tools, best supplies, best everything …. Only to eventually walk away from all of it for something and someone else …. It was never enough, which was really, really hard for me to understand and totally exhausting in the end.
My ex did this, and left 90% of his crap behind -- didn't even ask for it in settlement. I am still dealing with getting rid of it all.
Confused, controlled and stuck..you said it all.
The issues I have observed with narcissists is out of the two I know, one did not want to spend a penny, he was so used to getting everything he wanted for free with minimal effort that when he was having encounters with people, he wouldn't take them on dates, dinner, movies, nothing because he was so entitled he knew he didn't have to, to get what he wanted without spending a thing. Meanwhile, he used it to gamble, buy drugs, and alcohol. He got mad one time, and said I could make it up to him by paying for his cable tv service. Ladies, don't pay for a man's anything. They are the men, they are supposed to act like men, let them pay for their own shit.
😢 very true, they are selfish and wants to know the in and out of other people's finance. They think they are big, and above the law. Thank you for sharing
I am literally going through this now! I am slowly distancing myself. We stay together and I try to say nothing!
Get out of that relationship immediately and cut all ties before it's too late!
In my experience as soon as you know the signs you will see it constantly. Some people (healthy people) need to pull away slowly. In most instances the Narc as created fear and for you to "depend" on them. It's all mental but it can have a hold on you. Mine has been living in my basement for about 6 months. I'm waiting for him to finish a fence before he leaves. (His choice). I had friends who told me I was using him and was just as toxic as him for keeping him around. Thanks to them for teaching me how to not care what others think.
No one can truly understand your situation.
We became homeless because of his spending. We both had decent jobs but he wouldn't put anything away. He would pressure me to spend the little money I had. He claimed that we needed my checks to pay for the motel rooms, food, gas, his cigarette and his drugs. We would use his checks to put away for our new home. It never happened and the abuse worsened until I finally left him. In two days he spent the thousands of dollars (according to him) we had put away. He called me up furious staying that it was MY fault he spent everything because how dare I leave him?
I had to declare bankruptcy because of him. Thankfully I am out and free but the damage was done for 13 years!
I'm sorry that you went through that.
I think my ex did this to his girlfriend before me. He painted her as after his money. I put bits and pieces together and I told his parents after we split up. The rent money was owed to his dad.
this is sooo true😢 they never buy the basics of what they need.. you Always have to beg them to keep simple stuff like dishwashing soap for clean dishes, toilet paper, toothpaste and ETC it’s ridiculous…
some narcs also never saved any money, but if they do they will have someone else hold and save it for them…
My soon to be ex-wife was the blow money narc. She bugged me for a year to do joint accounts, after I finally did. She blowing my money away, so I stopped that. After that it was I need money for my bills and I stopped that too. After that she has now discarded me and I’m giving her the cold shoulder and rebuilding my life. Cause I deserve better than her sorry azz!!! You have been a big help, thank you and God bless you Danish
And was always wanted to know what was in my pocket but never Told what was in his. Always said I can hold on to your money for you.
I made my narcissist hate me and divorce because during a PTSD event, I began to overspend on some store credit cards but didn’t tell him. I was fearful of his anger. When I finally did go to him, he pushed me in to a wall so hard that my shoulder blade made a dent in wall. He went to get a consolidation loan and told me I had to go back to work and have kids come home from school to empty house. What I made paid off the loan and he got a promotion with more money. Yet this incident came up 15 years later as a reason why he wanted a divorce. It just made him so angry that he never got over it and I guess he brooded over this for years. Also it led me to realize that money was the most important thing to him. I eventually realized that he had never actually loved me. But he loved his money.
Seen both sides. Seen the gift/love bombing and I've seen the greedy side, over spending on stuff but not responsible with bills, expecting you to pay for stuff. The bombing one is dangerous because they're the one who convinces you that they love you
Wow..i experienced everything you just spoke about...it took me 25 years to figure her out .
Miser ? OMG!
The biggest manipulation you will ever get. I never knew how much she made, 30yrs, until the Divorce I did on the adultrey.
Taxes, finances , IRA's , savings , checking accounts , hidden things for all those years ..aweful to find out we were struggling and she misered 1/2 her income?
In debt more than she owes.
When the Divorce started , that's when I caught all the missing cash, stashed away behind my back .
In court all comes out , so get ready for more unpredictable behavior that will surprise you.
Just get completely away from these controlling demons .
Just a surreal experience I'll never get over.
You can know somebody for decades, yrs, and never really "Know Them" .The most sneaky people on the planet. Dishonest and takes all they can without them giving back .
In the years living together, I never knew how much money he made or if he had savings or what he spend his money on, so he was secretive. I barely received a greeting card on my birthday and valentine's day, but he would spend money on other people without hesitation. We never had a vacation since he said he didn't have vacation days, but he would go on vacation with his friends. Everything changed after the love bombing, and everything was an illusion.
Yes, Yes and Yes. I have been there. It's been a horrible experience.
Yes... this was what I experienced. My ex would harp on any money spent by or on me but he refused to submit to a budget and I never knew how much he actually made.
I thought my ex was the only
adult with freakish spending/habits! He would NOT pay bills on time even though we had the money, he would “play chicken” when paying our mortgage, paying it at the last possible minute. Sometimes the payment made it on time, sometimes it didn’t and then he would go to the bank to have the late payment and fees reversed. He refused to return videos to the store on time racking large late fees, he bought luxury cars and sport cars every two years. At one time we had FIVE car payments. He hid, moved, spent and manipulated money and accounts without my knowledge. And yes, he’s guilty of gross tax fraud. (Of course, being a person with high narc traits, he’s convinced he’ll never be audited!)
My ex could be his brother! And yes! We did get audited,..that’s how I found out he was having an affair with his bosses wife and she was helping him hide money from me…lol…he also thought it was my fault somehow that he got audited…we almost went to prison for tax evasion cuz he had hidden more then $25,000 from me yet the boss and his wife were claiming the expenses we were having to pay out of what little I knew about lol…still don’t know how I was to blame for it..the auditor actually stuck up for me to him and his boss and his wife lol…
Me too. I thought it was just my ex too
Yes he over many many years made me completely dependent on him financially! Very very very slow and this is the first time I’ve ever seen a video in the financial manipulation of a covert narcissist he
He came and went when he pleased in our 50 yr marriage. In 2012 he convinced me we could make a go of it. Talked me into selling my home and took the whole amount ($300,000) towards payment for a larger 4 bedroom house for us, so our children could visit. But when his narcissistic behaviour was coming out, I asked for $100,000 back, as I needed security money in case he left. I have never seen that money again. In the end, as I could not bear him any more, I left 3 years ago and he has hung on to my money to add on to his stash. The price I paid for my peace of mind!!
I may add that he paid off his credit card and other debts while he hung on to my money!
Wow… I am speechless! I have been made the 60% shareholder in our business and I have been on pins and needles ever since. He even wanted me to sign papers to cancel the life insurance on him which I was willing to do because I felt sorry for him but then my friend told me to never make this mistake! But now I am smarter and wiser after watching educational videos such as yours. I thank you from the bottom of my heart 😅Basically I don’t even know my husband even though we have known each other for 38 years. Married for 36 years! He is a total stranger to me and I’m always worried about my old age :-(
A bit of unsolicited advice, speak with a lawyer -- even if you have no intention of filing. They might be able to offer you some advice on how to protect yourself.
Overspending, reckless spending, spending until money was scarce, investing in pyramid schemes and bad business deals.
My parents are the biggest narcissists in the world. They ruined my life.
They do all that u said.
Soo true! I have been in financial abuse situation for one year and he is narcissistic whatever you saying every single word is right , he took all my money and I used to beg for my monthly expenses and he used to humiliate me that I ask him for money
He took credit cards on my name 😢
Thank you so much for this talk. As ever you think these behaviours are just the Narcissist in your life, not a symptom of the condition. Not paying bills, mean, then extravagant. Using money to feed their ego to the point of extreme irresponsibility. It’s all a package. So enlightening. Thanks to others for their comments it’s really enlightening.😊
1000% correct.
Truly awesome, I can't wait to put in my papers now and set myself free from this narc. 25 and 20 years odd mt children's life, not one day he took them shopping and bought stuff for them but deprived us and spent on foolish investment all is which are today incomplete. Wiped my back account, made all the FDs in his name leaving me totally wiped clean. Thank you so much Danish your videos are truly helping me so much. God mightly bless you
Great video!! My ex was planning to attempt Insurance fraud until I found out and stopped it. I also caught her on other shady deals going on. She would never divulge her income (and she didn't have a job!!). I would help her with her bills and when I finally walked away, she called me a freeloader! And many other cruel things. She would love and gift bomb to keep me around and under control. So many red flags! Thank you for what you and others do to educate us on these disorders. It helps us to realize that it's not us and we have the power to escape.🙏👍
I was married to a narcissist for about six years in my 20's, she convinced me she was not into material things at all and was a bit of a hippy, as soon as we were married everything changed and she wanted expensive furniture, expensive curtains, expensive carpets, expensive holidays, and spent a fortune on clothes, I was earning a lot of money but she was spending it fast, I ended up divorced and almost bankrupt whilst she walked away with all the spoils , I was too mentally exhausted to fight it after years of emotional abuse
TAX fraud.... wow. You just read my experiences word for word. I have experienced everything you just mentioned. EVERYTHING...
Yes, everythingGGGGG you mentioned is TRUE. They don’t care to go shopping without caring if bills have to be paid ECT ECT ECT. Then they get frustrated and blame others for not having money for the bills😡😡😡
He was a hardcore alcoholic and a chain smoker....I suffered financial abuse as well..physical emotional psychological abuse ...for a good 26 years ...psychotic and narcissistic....he took all my money and never returned any at all
This is true .. my ex wife never shared her financial details .even after 4 years I never knew her financial details . While she knew everything about mine
Vacationing with a narcissist ... had the experience of them insisting on staying at expensive places, knowing it is beyond your means.
Hi Danish, I encountered this video shows that I am on my journey to heal . My son and I am left in that kind of state that we are struggling to manage our meals and arrange basics. Planning a strategy to leave seems like a dream. I am thankful to you from the bottom of my heart- I feel informed. Thank you 🙏🏻
I was married to a narcissist for 34 years. He mandated that I would be a SAHM and not work. Over the 3 decades we were married, he moved our family all over the country for his jobs. He was an aerospace engineer, and would work as a contractor. He might work for a year,then be laid off and unemployed for 6 months to 2 years. Even then, I wasn't allowed to work. I had to apply for food stamps and get help from food banks to feed my kids. We were essentially homeless several times; we stayed with his parents or sometimes my family (or lived in hotels until the money ran out). When he did work, he spent money on everything he wanted ( paintball equipment, boats,cars, and especially gambling). He literally would gamble all of his paycheck before bills were paid. Then he'd yell at me if I asked him for enough money to buy the kids shoes or clothes. I was constantly trying to squirrel money away for emergencies, and he would demand that I give him that money to "invest" in some stupid business venture,or for him to play the stock market. I was in constant stress trying to get bills paid before he drained the bank account dry. I was always to blame for HIS financial stupidity because he felt like I was sending him negative energy that made him LOSE the money on stocks, the casino or racetrack.
100% 🎯 only a few minutes in and you have described the narc I was involved with. He bought me expensive boots 2 days after meeting him, clothes and took me away for a weekend in a lovely cottage, then I paid the price when he threw in that I took advantage of him…he INSISTED and ordered stuff online without me even knowing he was doing it.
We bought the best house on the street, then he started arguments that eventually led him to buy me out a few weeks later, his plan all along. He has the best top of the range car and buys jeans at £100 a time and still have the price tags on 5 pairs he bought years ago and never wore. In 2 weeks, he had 12 Amazon parcels delivered, spend, spend, spend to compensate his miserable existence.
The neighbours here are all narrow small minded people who are beneath him, I hope he doesn’t need their help any time soon. 🙄
Worst money-related habit?
Definitely the regular demands that I tell him everything I earn and spend, but never revealing his finances, which has been going on almost since the day we married. I have to buy and account for all family food and bills. I never have anything to spare.
Thanks Danish. I would only add the element of "control"; desperate need for control, with money being a great way of gaining such, whether its "gift bombing", being stingy, ensuring nobody knows how much they have, hording, etc...it all gives an insecure person some (false) security/control.
My "father" did this in my adult life, in my 30s, during a time of need. I got out of there when I was 18. I had no concept of narcissism back then, or even abused, but I grew up around all of it. So even now, and I think as a result of being around him... He may not know that I know this, but he is getting paid through some insurance policy, for being my caretaker. I was both sickened and found it absolutely ridiculous, because that was *never* the case. There's so much more, but I'm painted as unstable and sick and such... And it was money bombing (not even love, since I do not believe the two are synonymous). I'm glad I came up on your channel, thank you. I so look forward to the day I am free from their pernicious grip.
It was always like this with them. He's just somehow the patriarch, ... Most malignant ... Turns out he's got a substantial gambling addiction, and ... I was discarded. Two narcissist parents here, what a great lottery. Yeah I'm angry but also I need to keep educating myself. It came at me from all angles. Not wanting to get sympathy or anything, I know that you know how it is, and so many comments. ... Thank you
The narc loves spending money on themselves and cheat their partners .My ex was a huge spender on herself ,I tried to reign in the spending she just got more credit cards without my knowledge .I had to take over the food shopping ,she had no idea how to shop on a budget .If there was an expensive shop she would find it ,mostly fashion shops ,hairdressers all for her .Then you have the other narcs I have dealt with ,they will give you the cheapest gifts ,they always come out on top financially .They give you “gifts “ they don’t want and they are always cheap gifts cheapest chocolate ,cheapest wine , she bought me nylon sheets and pillows that’s cost her nearly nothing .I just threw them straight in the bin it was just insulting yet she had quality everything in her house .Then she started petty theft from my house ,she was a millionaire.Every narc only spends money on themselves,they give you the cheapest gifts
I agree with all that you have explained here. She's giving a hell of a time to my daughter & my 3yrs.old grandson as she wants me to give her money & expensive gifts etc as a dowry in her name which I'm not giving her since last 6yrs. I give gifts to my daughter, grandson & sil.
Your videos Danish are pure gold!
You are saving souls!!!
Thank you for sharing the knowledge !!
I now know a narcissist from a mile away.....❤️💯❤️💯❤️
He told me I didn’t have to work but then got mad at me when I could no longer do things for him financially or especially when I asked him for money…so of course I went back to work and he got mad…he did the bare minimum for me financially during that time, but acted like he did the absolute most. I used to get anxiety when I had to ask him for money because I knew it was gonna be an argument to follow. I see now he was just trying to control me and make me need him. It worked for a few months until I woke up and smelled the coffee…I can’t make this up…he manipulated tf out of me and I let him because I loved him and couldn’t see through the fog.
I don't feel like he was an overspender but he definitely used money to control me.
Yes
Same
Spot on Danish every word applies to my hubby. He built a bungalow,bought lots of land etc all on the quite
The easiest way for me to wrap my head around the sometimes subtle, sometimes overt financial double-standard I endured was to switch out the word ‘narcissist’ with ‘con artist.’ I was conned into thinking I was in a relationship. In reality, I was a transaction for him to have access to finances and the appearance of a normal life: two things he is capable of producing if he’ll do his own work. Too many of us can relate to Amy Andrews’s character in the movie “Catch Me if You Can.” While being conned is a painful reality to embrace, our silver lining can still be that we are not the con artist, and we can like the person looking back at us in the mirror.
Amen to that!
So true
I only realized all this after years of marriage
It should have been obvious from the dating years
In the end I took a stand and her plans badly backfired
The lesson: keep a look out for the way she handles and has handled money in the past
People don’t change. She will do in the future what she has done in the past
Her motto: “I want the best of everything and money (your money) is no object.
Take a good look at the socio economic level she was raised in. That is the key.
They'll spend huge amounts of money on you, so they can brag about it to everyone they meet. EVERYONE!!! Then if it's an item they bought they will take (steal) it back, but still claim you have it.
BOOM! Mine has done this! Stolen back jewelry they gave me, along with jewelry I purchased, given to me by my parents, my parents jewelry, inherited jewelry, on and on, but claims I'm lying. Better yet, I have no idea where the money went, because they no longer have it.
He stole the jewelry that my grandmother left me and acted like someone had broken in our house. I was only able to figure it out years later when I put two plus two together. He couldn't stand the thought of me having something nice. Later I found out that he had sold it to a jewelry store in an expensive part of town.
Unfortunately some narcissists that don't have a lot of money want to spend other people's money like their mate.
100% CORRECT ! i experienced ALL of this .
Yours is one of three yt channels I view, where I hit the "like" button before watching. You get to the heart of unique problems in abusive narcissistic relationships that are rarely discussed and offer clear descriptions of abusive patterns. Thanks, Danish for all; your commenters only further support your work by sharing their own unique and often horrifying experiences. QUESTION: Would you consider doing a video where you share your own story of narcissistic abuse and how you came to realize your channel as a result? Thanks again!
He has said in one of his videos that his father was a narcissist.
My ex had a well-paying, long professional career and numerous investments/accounts, etc., but lived like a miser - 20-yr-old rusted-out dishwasher, used neighbor’s trash can (they were frequently gone) to avoid paying garbage service) - After he asked me to move in, he told me I needed to “contribute”. I relocated to live with him , and waspressured into taking a horrible job to pay him an unfair amount of “rent”, plus buying groceries, food for his pets, etc. Plus I was cleaning, cooking, decorating (at my expense), etc.
Once I asked him what he actually did for me and he wrote a list of the places he had taken me to eat (which was infrequent because he is a miser), down to a McDonakd’s Egg McMuffin, and said any woman would appreciate what he did for me.
"I'm ready to unleash financial mayhemmmm" - Narc in everyones life (actually quoted from the ex narc in my life when he was expecting a lot of money and his nefarious plan didnt go his way at all so it created financial mayhem in his life anyways. I'm NEARLY out of debt, gaining weight when I started dating him I was 125lbs when it as OVER I was down to 103lbs, I am gaining weight and fleshing out and getting my wellness back more everyday .. in one month my skin cleared up. It's amaznig what no contact can do so fast focusing on my wellness and family. I remember him getting upset I used MY credit card, got more credit for myself "didnt let him use any of it" his words. Or I made a dress and sold it for $300 and didnt tell him because I learned later on the importance of not sharing successess with narcs so he found out and was mad I didnt "split" what I made with him... He hasnt called me in a month its been the best time now that its over.
Everything was an emergency and always put me into scenarios that creates an emergency that i had to fork over and pay for something!!!
My son
@@loisrogers9042 I'm sorry - it's good that we can learn and move forward
When we first met, he was always spending on me, buying things I didn’t even want or need.
Then later in the relationship - he moaned a lot about money and spending and resented spending the money he did in the beginning. He began to get tight with money in the end. Always moaning at me to spend more and often compared how much he spent in comparison to me - even though he earned more than I did, with a young adult to look after, plus my own home and bills to take care of.
All of the above! This is a great video. If I walked by a store window and admired anything, It would guarantee I would never get it. My
experience was all taking,no giving. He was a financial executive but caused serious financial distress for our family. Always secretive, controlling, and devious!
I realized in hindsight that an ex bf is a covert narcissist...don't expect him to pay for anything unless it directly benefits him & there's a cheering section....boy am I glad I said no when he suggested getting a joint checking account! 😬
Yes... This is what is happening with me from 2 decades. He spends money on himself luxuriously but wont give me a single penny even for my medicals. If he has spend for me thn he will pay directly. He takes me twice a year to expensive trips n make me post them on social media n friends n family n to his circle too.. Every body outside the world thinks i am so lucky to have him as my spouse but he kills every day bit by bit with needles.
My old narcist "friend" had a gambling addiction. He always had a "system" When he lost, he was extra grumpy.
Absolutely true. How many times will you pay for nice restaurant outings, but never ever be treated yourself?? The narc will not EVER offer to even leave the tip. Very selfish. No generosity of spirit ever observed. Ever
She inherited some money from her mother, so rather than reduce her mortgage went on 3 holidays to the Maldives in 2 months. Spent the rest on shoes and handbags and a range rover, eventually forced by bank to sell house to pay of a loan she also spent and couldn't afford to pay back. People like her shouldn't be allowed money, they're too irresponsible.
Female narcs are more likely to spend money than save or invest it, so that doesn't surprise me at all. Blowing an inheritance is also quite common, regardless of whether one has a personality disorder or not. It's much easier to part with money that wasn't earned through labour.
He neglected the needs of family but made new temporary friends who he would pay bills for or buy things for in order to get never ending praise from these strangers who became temporary friend's relying on his charity.
Took me over 45 years to get help and a special somone who put a mirror in front of me in where I finally reconized the issue and got help. In those 45 years, I learned from my father who was an extreme NARC, a self made multi millionaire who controlled his victims (Including me) with money and power. In those 45 years, I went through over 30 new cars, 5 homes, bankrupcy, forclosure and 3 divorces before I finally woke up. I am the complete opposite now however I am controlling the urges with theropy but unfortunaltley I still crave the finer things in life but budget and watch what I spend. Hope that helps and I try to educate others and hope they learn from my history.
Atleast your aware man.some people will never get there
A mirror? You aren't a narcissist if you learned a lesson. Narcissists do not admit fault. They do not apologize. They never say the word sorry.
@@karlabritfeld7104 Interesting, you are not the first to include my therapist to say this. I do fall on the low end of the Narcissistict range but more OCD/ADHD is what drove me to all of these behaviors. Most if not all personality disorders flow into each other so its hard to pin point however in the begining, I never did say I was sorry or admit fault. It took me working through all of this to change lanes and get on the road to self healing and recovery.
the special someone was probably your df i imagine
@@karlabritfeld7104 unless they really are not sorry. Like I am sorry about xyz and xyz is nothing one should apologize for.
I have a narcissistic brother in law who is a tradesman as I am but the difference is he HAS to have the most expensive tools and vehicles even though my less expensive tools and vehicles achieve the same quality of work. He must also always let others know the cost of his tools and vehicles ( which also far increases his hourly/daily rate ) . He has to brag about his expensive holidays, cars, big house etc which as I have witnessed does NOT impress his clients ( he also has no people skills, he treats his clients as inferior ). If we work together he has to praise himself as the best their is yet I am happy/content with my life and lesser earnings whilst he is completely unhappy and always panicking about what he has achieved and earned every single day ! I’d rather be the lesser earning, way more relaxed me !
Yes! I only found out his financial situation by happenstance… otherwise it’s SUPER weird how secretive he is with money, even after year’s of being together. Feels like living with a roommate in every way
Same here