3 Steps People DON'T do to Move On Quickly after a Breakup, Divorce, Betrayal, Let Down!
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- Опубликовано: 1 апр 2019
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
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"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
Do you ever mention marriage actually being a commitment that you just don't walk away from? My life ever 25 days because she can't stand up and assert herself with her controlling mother. Idk if she did the best she could. It's been 82 days since she left.
I should have done that but I didn't and instead I got strangled and drugged continueously.
Nope
Except it's a narssistic person. In that case, RUN.
Oooooohhh truth
"Interviewing people, and not getting emotionally entangled with them before you've gotten a chance to know them is so so huge." No truer words have been spoken Stephanie. A lot of heartache could have been avoided if I did just that and believed them when they showed me who they really were. It was hard and I forgive myself but lesson learned.
Me too man I feel pretty stupid honestly but that’s it lesson learned no problemo
The sexual drive is the oldest part of the brain. Forgive yourself. 🙏
Exactly
My ex left me 4 weeks ago...we were together for 5 years...the relationship was so toxic and he did so many things that broke my trust but he swore he would change and forgave him time and time again because I didnt want to be alone...on the day he broke up with me I was completey blindsided and he told me the most horrible things and left...I have went no Contact and have been in a limbo of sadness and loneliness but trying to work on myself through journaling and attending a psychologist...2 days ago he sent me a message saying that he wanted to come back, promising to change...I didnt answer any of his messages or calls because there is nothing he can say that will change anything and I know he wont change...but still I feel so guilty for not giving him another chance...is this feeling normal? please help me
Believe them is key.... I hear it!
They never really loved you from the beginning. You didn’t lose anything of value it was just lesson in life. You know how to love and take care of yourself first now. This is a wonderful thing because if you can’t do that you could never be happy anyway.
It takes a while for the lesson to kick in and become center front for a person to really assess themselves. Once one gets there, its life changing
So well said
Thank you
So true. And I went for almost 4 yrs pretending to myself that the relationship was workable. Lol
Suppressing emotions=anxiety later
My wife does this chronically. Then one day.... Kaboom and we're done.
It happened to me. I got anxiety stacks after a year of separation. They are gone now.
So that's why I have anxiety now! Wow...
1) feel the feeling 2) take responsibility for your feelings 3) accept that both people did they best they could
That is true but when you got cheated on how is the person supposed to feel. When one was doing all the word and that person could never see the beauty in me
@@averythebutterfly I hear you. I'm sure you have tons of beauty on many levels to have done your part, irregardless what they did.
10x for resume.
What if it’s you who tired the best and not the other guy?
@@robertrainford6754 accept that they just weren't That interested in you and move on...
How to deal with the breakup:
1. Allow to 'feel' the feeling. Do not suppress the feeling.
2. Self parenting: give yourself validation and love for yourself. Mindfulness. And owning up it. Wounded child: be your own parent: tend yourself with love and care.
3. Accepting that what you did the best thing. Forgiving yourself and the other person.
4. Knowing what you want and leaving past behind you.
Thank you 😊
I'm still angry and idk if I can forgive her. I know holding on to anger is like poisoning the well but idk what to do about it...
Feel the pain till it hurts no more...
Yep! The only way thru it is going thru it right? But....don't get stuck there either.
Ugh.....i really miss the intimacy.... and the excitement about what a shared future looked like...
I'm in the same place but I've realised if we couldnt make the relationship work we weren't going to be able to make a marriage work. She couldnt just speak her mind and tell me what she needed, and then after we were doing long distance for about a month she stopped being intimate with me and ended it soon after, over text. A 5 year long relationship and she didnt love me enough to tell me to my face. She still says I love you, but its "not the same". I'm 1 week into no contact, and although it's hard I'm reflecting on our relationship and I understand how flawed it was. It was our first attempt at love and we were just starting to get rolling in life, but once the distance was there things ended. If I wasnt good enough for her to love me when I gave her my heart and loyalty, she wasnt the one for me.
Same
Living in the future is an illusion though. I know it’s hard, but being present right here, right now is where we have to try to stay.
Agreed
It's a self-destructive delusion.
Don't do that to yourself.
I love how easy and kind yet assertive you are when it comes to explaining these topics to us. ❤️
Thank you.. takes practice 💗
Well said, Stephanie! I particularly like what you said about FEELING. How annoying is it when someone says to "just get over it" when your heart is shattered and you don't know what to do with yourself because the pain of rejection is so painful.
This was the main reason i didn't talk to anyone about my feelings cause all every one said was "get over it" "move on" like tf if i could i would trust me not like i want to feel low and heartbroken 💔😔
such is life it's not easy being lonely alone without the person you love, but life goes on, I lost my wife 3yrs ago, I understand how you feel, I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind, it'd be nice if you just say hi here is my number +1206-237-2054 😇
Going through this right now. I had to move to the opposite side of the state to be out of site out of mind but my heart is shattered and she keeps texting me every 10 days that she misses me then I get sucked right back in like a wild tornado and end ip more shattered then the time before. My life is shit right now so it’s so hard to show myself any love when I don’t have time to love myself. Don’t know where to start, a lot of shoulda woulda couldas but didn’t. Regrets, shame, ugh wish I knew how to get out of this stuck mindset
It actually have me a parenting tip with my own children. And myself, of course !
Feeling is healing 🌿
My favourite self-parenting lines:
“You’re going to make it through this”
“Learn the lesson...gracefully & gently move on”
I really needed that. After ending a toxic relationship I felt empty and hollow but your videos gives me hope that these feelings will pass and I will become the person I always meant to be. Much love for you and your content ❤️❤️ you’re changing lives
She is so speaking to me, my parents told me to suck it up. That's why it's difficult for me to feel any emotion, no wonder why my depression is so bad.
Wow! So sorry to hear that. Ask God to heal you!!
Hope your doing alright during this wild time in the world
This one resonates with me. I'm currently going thru a divorce and am finding it difficult to find things to do to get out of the house. Sitting in here alone makes it too easy to start thinking about things then start feeling badly...
Your literally my therapist I swear ❤️❤️
Same here! She really is.
You have been a Knowledgeable Angel to my sanity💛 Thank you Stephanie 🌻please don't stop what you're doing🧚
I depend on you so much🧡Thousands of People Do🏵️
Thank you 💦
Thank you 💦
Thank you💦
I feel the same! She has helped me so much and continues to help me.
So good - saving me tons of money on therapist for sure! Thank you for all you do Stephanie
No, this is good advice but it cannot replace therapy. Go find professional help.
1:35 Feel the feels
3:26 Self parenting
8:47 Acceptance
Your videos have helped me get over the worst break up of my life. Thank you so much
Having a Stephanie marathon in the background all afternoon to suppress the intrusive separation thoughts.
Thank you!
Needed some RUclips therapy. Recently I left my boyfriend of 3 years. I was HIS first real relationship and I had already experienced dating in my early 20's. I'm about to reach 30 and I am at a phase in my life where I know what I want and don't want. I have ambitions and goals and I ultimately felt like we were not on the some page. He treated me so well but still had his own insecurities that I couldn't help him with. I am feeling all kinds of guilt and sadness and trying to adjust to a new single life. So it helps hearing that what I feel is ok to feel. And I am going to have moments of not feeling the best but I will embrace that and acknowledge it. Thank you for sharing these videos.
Assuming it doesn’t exist because you had it and nothing will ever measure up…but you can have something even better because it obviously wasn’t what you thought it was because it ended
I also know now not to HOP IN SOMETHING RIGHT AFTER TO EASE THE PAIN because it’s just a bandaid 🩹 I am now taking time to sit in my own space comfortably
That video, these tips are just beyond anything we could find directly online. You’re not giving only tips but you remind how to validate our feelings and to give time with logical explanation. Thank you!!!
So glad!
Emotions are like waves, they come, rise up and then fall and go away. Don’t be afraid to ride that wave of emotion when it comes. 🌊
well said Im gonn a write this sentence somewhere
I totally get what your saying I’m 37 and your lessons really apply to me so just wanted to say thanks for all of your help and kind words
I think I find it hard to believe that at my age there are any ‘good guys’ who aren’t already happily married, and I also fear that they may turn out to be another narcissist 😕
Same, its hard to know its out there. It's scary the older I get. I broke it off with someone a month ago, and I still don't feel over it yet.
Jae Me a month is not that long, take time to heal ❤️
There are millions of great men right in front of you. There may be reasons that they are avoiding any entanglement with you and your friends, eh? For the record, most married men are absolutely miserable with the constant shaming, abuse and degrading behavior they are subjected to by their wives. No man wants to admit his mistake (her) in public and feel that divorce is his failure, he's been conditioned to think that way. "Take it like a man", remember? I've defended, to my communities, a few of my very guilty ex's and a wife to simply carry on the illusion that she was a good person and I had not made a gross error. These women had hit me repeatedly, tried to stab me and had me incarcerated for made up heinous crimes, this beyond the daily down beating and psychological abuse. I've quite a few stitches in my body from women but have never raised a hand in self defense. Luckily for me, neighbors, hospital staff, police, gangbangers, local merchants and even Interpol. My ex wife accused me of ridiculous very heavy international crimes in an effort to have me incarcerated for life and murdered inside immediately. In each case they all seen what was going on and came to my defense. I tell you right now, if Interpol was not called by local authorities in the case of my ex wife, I would have been dead a long time ago.
Most men have learned that what women offer is extremely sketchy at best and death/ruin a bit too probable. There are plenty of great men out here, they are most likely avoiding you and the rest for valid reasons. We know exactly how dangerous narcissists are and the vast majority of women unfortunately tick off most of the signs of that sickness. I avoid any interaction with women outside normal daily transactions in shops or the very few women I sometimes work with. Women can't offer anything that would cause me to take that gamble again and many many men now give the ultimate respect to women... distance.
@@StaggerLee68 I’m sorry you have been through such a hard time. I hope you can find healing and recovery
@@FionaC1 Very much appreciated. However, please don not feel sorry what I've been through, I am not. Those hard times were part of my life and I don't regret them or any of the hard times in my life. They are lessons and scars are just unwittingly bought "tattoos" that serve as the reminders some of us need to become better to ourselves. I've many scars and some I am proud of, gained in great efforts in the mountains. you could call them weird badges of survival I suppose. Others are there to keep me in line with the lessons learned.
As for healing and recovery, it starts with introspection and acceptance not only of things that others may have "done to me" but a clear view of how I made mistakes as well. I got myself involved with hurtful and dangerous people and invited somehow these things to happen. I feel no vengeance against the one who openly tried to kill me or the others who hurt me less, there's no reason. Should I make the same or similar errors of judgement, it's on me. I let them in, I failed me, they were just doing what they do, naturally.
I've a joke about the 3 scars stacked on top of each other. The embarrassing one is on top, from a woman. It is my least favorite scar of many on my body because it partially covers a proud climbing one before it and a big silly one from wrestling with a tractor at 11.
She ruined my awesome face scars! haha. That is how good men think and act, we're out there but are mostly ghosts these days, happy in our solitude, out of the fray.
Thanks you though, it's good to know there are humans out there now and again. This is one of 3 interactions this year, not too shabby for a ghost. I do hope that some women can see the irony in using that hideous phrase " Where are the good men" ever again. It arrogantly states all of us are shit or too stupid to see your brilliance and worship you. That is exactly how it comes off and the battle cry off the insufferable Girl Gone Wild. That statement is the single biggest red flag a woman could wave, even sweetly. One would do well to not embarrass themselves like that, particularly if they are looking for a man, yah? Cheers, I mean that.
I went through a breakup and told my parents and they hugged me as I cried and supported me and gave me advice and it felt amazing ❤️ it’s crazy that I wasn’t letting my inner parent do the same when my actual parents did!! Thanks for your videos 🙏
Nothing annoys me more when somone tells me or anyone to get over something already. Like a person is gonna take THEIR OWN time to grieve.
I always tell myself : This is real life man. It hurts I know but You have experienced vulnerability and your openness man. That's great. You can break your hand or get injured in a real match. You were brave enough to love . You had a real experience. Let us have a standing ovation for you( me and others inside me)
You are so amazing. Your videos have helped me so much ! Decided to walk away from an unhealthy relationship a week ago and it was so hard. I know I deserve better. Watching your videos everyday has helped stay me strong and persistent in my goals of become full of self worth. I can't thank you enough! Xox Morgan from Montreal
Be honest with yourself - see what’s before you, and go accordingly 💙
Very inspiring - choose love that feels authentic comforting kind caring true honest
respectful peaceful easy warm safe secure - to name but a few.
I’m so grateful to live in a time where therapy and self care videos like yours can help me through my tough journeys. It really is a blessing and I know we can’t take this for granted. Thank you universe and whoever it was that lead me to your wise lessons online. You’re a hero. Thank you
Man, your channel is gold. You give us step by step information on how to handle real life situations and feelings. This is very helpful.
Hi Stephanie, still moving forward and seeing beauty in the little things, and often find myself talking with my hands.
Thank you so much Stephanie. Perfect timing for a message that I really needed to hear. Your outlook on life is a great inspiration to me!
Thank you, Ms. Lyn. As per usual, you speak well, clearly, and directly to the heart. Thanking you SO much!
"Love, validation, compassion and understanding" damn that hits a nail and why i still have resentment. She denied me that and I felt so hurt that reacted badly. But she did the best she could so time to move on.
Sometimes these videos can be seen as very one-sided. Stephanie, you make these videos applicable to all of us going through some painful stuff in our lives. This is one of the few channels that I follow because your videos have been so helpful as I'm going through this painful time. So, thank you for reaching out and making the world a more happy and hopeful place.
OMG this is literally what im going through right now! i love this! I love all your videos.. Youve helped me in so many ways! Thank you!
I left a long comment on one of your other vids lol but Thank you for teaching me more about myself and how to grow.... your channel is helping me heal and realizing I take things to personally. I’m trying to become a better man and realize I have past hurts that need to heal. I’m also trying to be happy on my own that way when a great woman comes into my life I won’t be using that as a band aid but a compliment to my own life. 😊 You rock 💁🏻♀️
What a beautiful woman on the outside, but more beautiful on the inside!
I wrote to you about 8 months ago and you replied! Thanks for that.I have the two best girls in the world and with the words of wisdom from you , I will do my best to keep it that way.
🥂
Thank you- I love the part about validating children’s feelings so much
Like losing your classic car you never really get over a favorite a spot in your heart ❤️ and mind has died forever
Thank you, I never felt like my husband of 26 years ever put me first in his life and I lapped up the crumbs of affection he was willing to give out. Never sharing anything about himself with me. It s been a very lonely 26 years.
The projection aspect is huge. Thanks for the content!
11:00 Wow. When you think that there is not a person that does not exist your never going to meet that person. 🤲 So good.
Thank you so much for this. I had a really tough breakup recently that involved a lot of disappointment on my end. Your third point really hit home with me and I have now been practicing your tips every day. It also gave me insight into my ex’s mind, and how she felt hurt, because it was a 2 way street. Your videos are amazing, they are helping many of us out there, please keep it up :)
My mom is getting better, she used to tell me to get over things. I recently talked to her about my break up and she asked "does it help you to keep talking about it?" Lol... progress. Thank you so much for this video, it's helping me so much. 💖
I was very very depressed for a while, told my mum over skype, her reaction? "HAHAHAHA!! you will be ok!" and i was around 33, imagine me growing up, emotional neglect at its greatest, still working on it at 38.
Paulo Furtado I’m rooting for you. You can do it 💪🏽
@@starsandstripes5013 thanks, im fine now, better than ever actually, but thank you.
Paulo Furtado that’s awesome to hear and you are inspiring. Wishing you so much peace, happiness, love, and blessings 🙏🏽
Same experiences, older people laugh and act like its nothing. It's really sad. Thankful there a therapists and thankful for youtube that we can get this info so easily now!! I so wish I had youtube in my teens and college years. There's so much helpful info.
Stephanie you are a real life saver coach, please keep up with all your powerful and positive videos, always looking forward to seeing the new ones, you are a great help for all of us 🙏
It's amazing. You know exactly what I'm going thru. You give better advise than my best friends. Thank you!
Your definitely on point with the details of the emotions/backslash/life living scenarios....I hope you get all you want in your life....your videos are great and exhausting in a good way. I hope many fine direction for positive change in their lives because of you....peace, love and happiness
I’m so glad I found you stephanie!!! Been binge watching your videos you have been helping me out so much especially during this quarantine stuck at home
Binge watching your videos. Im learning so much. 😊
Excellent! Thanks so much for this Stephanie!
Your teachings are so awesome. After watching you, I feel so much better facing challenges. I think this is my first time watching. You really bring it! Keep up your phenomenal work!!!
When I listen to you I feel my calling.
Thank you for being so real and Authentic. I value that in myself and others when they are. I appreciate the self parenting piece.
Wow, Stephanie! You hit it all on the head!!! Excellent wisdom shared...! thank you :)
Loving all your videos! Strongly considering walking away from a toxic person. All your videos confirm I’m doing the right thing.
I can never thank you enough for throwing out your amazing views on these situations
Hi Stephanie, This topic is really helpful for me, because I didn't know how to deal with break ups. I would always throw
my self into work just to avoid the problems. I understand now why learning self-parenting is so important.
Thank you xo
The way you explain things. Really helps me. I watch a lot of your videos recently. Have helped me so much get through some things. You are great at what you do.
I seriously enjoy your content so much I've been listening to your podcast on spotify. I know I dont know you but I feel like your one of my closet friends. Your words build me up and help me in soooo many ways. 🤗❤🥰 Thank You to the moon and back!
This helped me gain my power back through shifting my thoughts into the right direction 😊
This is amazing!! Thanks Stephanie ❤️❤️
She is so right. I was an advocate for avoid the feelings, but I learn to allow the feelings to surface and not judge it.
I love your channel. It is so incredibly helpful.
you are a truly astonishing young woman; where did you get all this from? - not just the knowledge and the insight, but the wisdom and the panache with which you deliver it. I am astonished. And deeply indebted. Thankyou
You’re trying to flirt with her 😂
@@donnas8408 yeah, I know, but 3 years later and she's still not taking the bait 😞
Currently in that process of accepting i did the best I could. Thank you Stephanie for putting this content on RUclips. Such a blessing 🙏🏻
I don't know how to get there.. because i was really bad to my ex husband. I wasn't normal. I have mental health disease which i didn't treated so my ex husband dealt with a lot of horrible. Now i am in such a better place but he just had enough.. and he is now already engaged and living the life he wanted
This is super relevant to me. You share your insight beautifully.
You really know what your saying it's sooo true and I'm learning a lot from your videos..thank u
You've been a blessing for my life. Thank you, and I thank God for leading me to your channel and videos. I needed to hear many of the things you're speaking of. Thank you.
This was truly an amazing video thank you so much again and again for your encouragement and wisdom tools and those fabulous three steps☀️
God bless you for making these videos 🙏🏽 I have never seen anyone talking about that deep !!
A healing is the first normal step to feel the hurt then you have to decide to you want to stay they no more on slowly
Just discovered you recently Stephanie. I think that your content is really great and I like that you adress the nitty gritty and deeper issues rather than just give band aid fix ideas. I've been searching for this sort of stuff. Thanks for putting it up for us to have access to!! :)
I just left someone who had stopped telling me that they loved me or cared about our connection even after I was real with them and told them I needed that to stay in the connection. We have a 5 month old daughter that he has yet to legally claim or provide for, we never cohabitated and the time we spent together was entirely at his convenience. I just woke up to the one-sided nature of the situation and realized I deserve more.
Oh my gosh, I so needed to hear this. Im going thru an unwanted divorce and have been absolutely lost. This really helps point me in a better direction.
This was so helpful, thank you for sharing your wisdom Stephanie Lyn!
Thanks Stephanie! You have been super helpful to me after I got wrecked by a female narc! I am in a great relationship now but still struggling with lack of closure with previous toxic relationship because she was able to drop me without a 2nd thought. I find myself thinking about what she may be doing at any given moment and sincerely hope she is suffering even a fraction of what I have. I have learned by watching your video's these type of people totally lack empathy can easily move on to a new exciting life with someone that has the qualities she felt I lacked. Like more money! It makes me feel that I wasn't good enough. I will keep watching you and hope these feelings of anger and resentment dissipate. I fear it may intrude on my new relationship and makes me hesitant to fully commit to something like marriage.
Thank you so much Stephanie. I just ended an 8 month situationship. I thought I was good with it, that we were pretty much good friends who had sex. But it turns out that I was there for him when he needed me, but when I needed him, right now, when my daughter is going through health problems, he's absolutely not there for me. It hurts. That I was so wrong. That I was repeating the over-giving, no-needs pattern I learned in childhood. I'm in so much pain from the triggering of that. But thanks to you, I feel hopeful I'll grow from this. That feeling my pain is good. And I'm worthy of a real relationship.
Thank you! I SO needed to hear this
Thank you so much your BEAUTIFUL stephanie and you have helped me so much..
Im GETTING there slowly getting it ❤❤
Thank you so much! This is really helpful.
Your selection of words. Thanks for creating this video. Really good for self love
Amazing...exactly what I needed today. Forgiveness for others...as well as myself. Thank you Stephanie...
Glad to be relatively young and learning these helpful skills to have a flourishing life and healthy relationship!
Thanks for such great advice. I love all your videos. Great job!
I love all your videos and they are helping me a lot. I was abused as a child. Physical discipline and verbal abuse and it comes out in my current relationships with men. I definitely have a wounded spirit. hiding in me. Going through a separation now. I'm learning so much. Thank you. I hope I can take what I learned and heal.
World bless your kids! They are so lucky to have your love and support every day of their lives. Thanks for sharing.
You help me alot and i just started watching your videos im grateful for you giveing these advice and really helping me grow thank you.
Thank you for sharing such valuable insights into ourselves. I’m going to work on self parenting now, I know I’ve been parking it for a long time .
Yes it helped and yes I enjoyed it very much. It's a great framework for journaling and affirmations.
Thanks. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Peace.
Thank you so much, your videos have helped me make a very hard decision. Thank you
I totally agree with you. Thanks for posting this video.
You’re my new favorite life coach! I love your approach. Yes, we’ve all been hurt or mistreated, but so much on youtube centers around blame. All relationships act as mirrors into ourselves. As hard as it is, we need to take full responsibility for who we are and how we allow others to treat us.
I was amazed at some of the stories I told myself. It too time to get control of those emotions, like you said, and move on with my life and heal. Acceptance is the key and time is the lock. Great video!
Thank you so much-
This is so helpful for my journey for healing and a beautiful life ❤️
God bless
Timeless advice ❤ Thank you 🙏
This is amazing advice. Thank you.💙