"Interviewing people, and not getting emotionally entangled with them before you've gotten a chance to know them is so so huge." No truer words have been spoken Stephanie. A lot of heartache could have been avoided if I did just that and believed them when they showed me who they really were. It was hard and I forgive myself but lesson learned.
My ex left me 4 weeks ago...we were together for 5 years...the relationship was so toxic and he did so many things that broke my trust but he swore he would change and forgave him time and time again because I didnt want to be alone...on the day he broke up with me I was completey blindsided and he told me the most horrible things and left...I have went no Contact and have been in a limbo of sadness and loneliness but trying to work on myself through journaling and attending a psychologist...2 days ago he sent me a message saying that he wanted to come back, promising to change...I didnt answer any of his messages or calls because there is nothing he can say that will change anything and I know he wont change...but still I feel so guilty for not giving him another chance...is this feeling normal? please help me
Do you ever mention marriage actually being a commitment that you just don't walk away from? My life ever 25 days because she can't stand up and assert herself with her controlling mother. Idk if she did the best she could. It's been 82 days since she left.
They never really loved you from the beginning. You didn’t lose anything of value it was just lesson in life. You know how to love and take care of yourself first now. This is a wonderful thing because if you can’t do that you could never be happy anyway.
That is true but when you got cheated on how is the person supposed to feel. When one was doing all the word and that person could never see the beauty in me
How to deal with the breakup: 1. Allow to 'feel' the feeling. Do not suppress the feeling. 2. Self parenting: give yourself validation and love for yourself. Mindfulness. And owning up it. Wounded child: be your own parent: tend yourself with love and care. 3. Accepting that what you did the best thing. Forgiving yourself and the other person. 4. Knowing what you want and leaving past behind you.
Well said, Stephanie! I particularly like what you said about FEELING. How annoying is it when someone says to "just get over it" when your heart is shattered and you don't know what to do with yourself because the pain of rejection is so painful.
This was the main reason i didn't talk to anyone about my feelings cause all every one said was "get over it" "move on" like tf if i could i would trust me not like i want to feel low and heartbroken 💔😔
Going through this right now. I had to move to the opposite side of the state to be out of site out of mind but my heart is shattered and she keeps texting me every 10 days that she misses me then I get sucked right back in like a wild tornado and end ip more shattered then the time before. My life is shit right now so it’s so hard to show myself any love when I don’t have time to love myself. Don’t know where to start, a lot of shoulda woulda couldas but didn’t. Regrets, shame, ugh wish I knew how to get out of this stuck mindset
I'm in the same place but I've realised if we couldnt make the relationship work we weren't going to be able to make a marriage work. She couldnt just speak her mind and tell me what she needed, and then after we were doing long distance for about a month she stopped being intimate with me and ended it soon after, over text. A 5 year long relationship and she didnt love me enough to tell me to my face. She still says I love you, but its "not the same". I'm 1 week into no contact, and although it's hard I'm reflecting on our relationship and I understand how flawed it was. It was our first attempt at love and we were just starting to get rolling in life, but once the distance was there things ended. If I wasnt good enough for her to love me when I gave her my heart and loyalty, she wasnt the one for me.
She is so speaking to me, my parents told me to suck it up. That's why it's difficult for me to feel any emotion, no wonder why my depression is so bad.
Assuming it doesn’t exist because you had it and nothing will ever measure up…but you can have something even better because it obviously wasn’t what you thought it was because it ended
That video, these tips are just beyond anything we could find directly online. You’re not giving only tips but you remind how to validate our feelings and to give time with logical explanation. Thank you!!!
I really needed that. After ending a toxic relationship I felt empty and hollow but your videos gives me hope that these feelings will pass and I will become the person I always meant to be. Much love for you and your content ❤️❤️ you’re changing lives
This one resonates with me. I'm currently going thru a divorce and am finding it difficult to find things to do to get out of the house. Sitting in here alone makes it too easy to start thinking about things then start feeling badly...
Needed some RUclips therapy. Recently I left my boyfriend of 3 years. I was HIS first real relationship and I had already experienced dating in my early 20's. I'm about to reach 30 and I am at a phase in my life where I know what I want and don't want. I have ambitions and goals and I ultimately felt like we were not on the some page. He treated me so well but still had his own insecurities that I couldn't help him with. I am feeling all kinds of guilt and sadness and trying to adjust to a new single life. So it helps hearing that what I feel is ok to feel. And I am going to have moments of not feeling the best but I will embrace that and acknowledge it. Thank you for sharing these videos.
You are so amazing. Your videos have helped me so much ! Decided to walk away from an unhealthy relationship a week ago and it was so hard. I know I deserve better. Watching your videos everyday has helped stay me strong and persistent in my goals of become full of self worth. I can't thank you enough! Xox Morgan from Montreal
These videos have helped me so much. I have had to end a horrible relationship. I did everything to grow, accommodate and consult. It had to end. I discovered so many secrets. But it’s so hard. I adore them and I’m alone in our first house. Thank you ❤
I went through a breakup and told my parents and they hugged me as I cried and supported me and gave me advice and it felt amazing ❤️ it’s crazy that I wasn’t letting my inner parent do the same when my actual parents did!! Thanks for your videos 🙏
Don't hurt yourself to bad. Remember, you were totally ignorant of what a narcissist was. You had no idea what kind of person you were dealing with. You were fooled. Just know you did everything you could to make a good relationship. How it turned out wasn't your fault. Accept you did the best you could for the wrong person. There's nothing wrong with you.
I always tell myself : This is real life man. It hurts I know but You have experienced vulnerability and your openness man. That's great. You can break your hand or get injured in a real match. You were brave enough to love . You had a real experience. Let us have a standing ovation for you( me and others inside me)
I’m so grateful to live in a time where therapy and self care videos like yours can help me through my tough journeys. It really is a blessing and I know we can’t take this for granted. Thank you universe and whoever it was that lead me to your wise lessons online. You’re a hero. Thank you
Sometimes these videos can be seen as very one-sided. Stephanie, you make these videos applicable to all of us going through some painful stuff in our lives. This is one of the few channels that I follow because your videos have been so helpful as I'm going through this painful time. So, thank you for reaching out and making the world a more happy and hopeful place.
"Love, validation, compassion and understanding" damn that hits a nail and why i still have resentment. She denied me that and I felt so hurt that reacted badly. But she did the best she could so time to move on.
Thank you so much for this. I had a really tough breakup recently that involved a lot of disappointment on my end. Your third point really hit home with me and I have now been practicing your tips every day. It also gave me insight into my ex’s mind, and how she felt hurt, because it was a 2 way street. Your videos are amazing, they are helping many of us out there, please keep it up :)
Thanks Stephanie! You have been super helpful to me after I got wrecked by a female narc! I am in a great relationship now but still struggling with lack of closure with previous toxic relationship because she was able to drop me without a 2nd thought. I find myself thinking about what she may be doing at any given moment and sincerely hope she is suffering even a fraction of what I have. I have learned by watching your video's these type of people totally lack empathy can easily move on to a new exciting life with someone that has the qualities she felt I lacked. Like more money! It makes me feel that I wasn't good enough. I will keep watching you and hope these feelings of anger and resentment dissipate. I fear it may intrude on my new relationship and makes me hesitant to fully commit to something like marriage.
Thank you, I never felt like my husband of 26 years ever put me first in his life and I lapped up the crumbs of affection he was willing to give out. Never sharing anything about himself with me. It s been a very lonely 26 years.
What a beautiful woman on the outside, but more beautiful on the inside! I wrote to you about 8 months ago and you replied! Thanks for that.I have the two best girls in the world and with the words of wisdom from you , I will do my best to keep it that way. 🥂
I think I find it hard to believe that at my age there are any ‘good guys’ who aren’t already happily married, and I also fear that they may turn out to be another narcissist 😕
There are millions of great men right in front of you. There may be reasons that they are avoiding any entanglement with you and your friends, eh? For the record, most married men are absolutely miserable with the constant shaming, abuse and degrading behavior they are subjected to by their wives. No man wants to admit his mistake (her) in public and feel that divorce is his failure, he's been conditioned to think that way. "Take it like a man", remember? I've defended, to my communities, a few of my very guilty ex's and a wife to simply carry on the illusion that she was a good person and I had not made a gross error. These women had hit me repeatedly, tried to stab me and had me incarcerated for made up heinous crimes, this beyond the daily down beating and psychological abuse. I've quite a few stitches in my body from women but have never raised a hand in self defense. Luckily for me, neighbors, hospital staff, police, gangbangers, local merchants and even Interpol. My ex wife accused me of ridiculous very heavy international crimes in an effort to have me incarcerated for life and murdered inside immediately. In each case they all seen what was going on and came to my defense. I tell you right now, if Interpol was not called by local authorities in the case of my ex wife, I would have been dead a long time ago. Most men have learned that what women offer is extremely sketchy at best and death/ruin a bit too probable. There are plenty of great men out here, they are most likely avoiding you and the rest for valid reasons. We know exactly how dangerous narcissists are and the vast majority of women unfortunately tick off most of the signs of that sickness. I avoid any interaction with women outside normal daily transactions in shops or the very few women I sometimes work with. Women can't offer anything that would cause me to take that gamble again and many many men now give the ultimate respect to women... distance.
@@FionaC1 Very much appreciated. However, please don not feel sorry what I've been through, I am not. Those hard times were part of my life and I don't regret them or any of the hard times in my life. They are lessons and scars are just unwittingly bought "tattoos" that serve as the reminders some of us need to become better to ourselves. I've many scars and some I am proud of, gained in great efforts in the mountains. you could call them weird badges of survival I suppose. Others are there to keep me in line with the lessons learned. As for healing and recovery, it starts with introspection and acceptance not only of things that others may have "done to me" but a clear view of how I made mistakes as well. I got myself involved with hurtful and dangerous people and invited somehow these things to happen. I feel no vengeance against the one who openly tried to kill me or the others who hurt me less, there's no reason. Should I make the same or similar errors of judgement, it's on me. I let them in, I failed me, they were just doing what they do, naturally. I've a joke about the 3 scars stacked on top of each other. The embarrassing one is on top, from a woman. It is my least favorite scar of many on my body because it partially covers a proud climbing one before it and a big silly one from wrestling with a tractor at 11. She ruined my awesome face scars! haha. That is how good men think and act, we're out there but are mostly ghosts these days, happy in our solitude, out of the fray. Thanks you though, it's good to know there are humans out there now and again. This is one of 3 interactions this year, not too shabby for a ghost. I do hope that some women can see the irony in using that hideous phrase " Where are the good men" ever again. It arrogantly states all of us are shit or too stupid to see your brilliance and worship you. That is exactly how it comes off and the battle cry off the insufferable Girl Gone Wild. That statement is the single biggest red flag a woman could wave, even sweetly. One would do well to not embarrass themselves like that, particularly if they are looking for a man, yah? Cheers, I mean that.
The way you explain things. Really helps me. I watch a lot of your videos recently. Have helped me so much get through some things. You are great at what you do.
I left a long comment on one of your other vids lol but Thank you for teaching me more about myself and how to grow.... your channel is helping me heal and realizing I take things to personally. I’m trying to become a better man and realize I have past hurts that need to heal. I’m also trying to be happy on my own that way when a great woman comes into my life I won’t be using that as a band aid but a compliment to my own life. 😊 You rock 💁🏻♀️
I don't know how to get there.. because i was really bad to my ex husband. I wasn't normal. I have mental health disease which i didn't treated so my ex husband dealt with a lot of horrible. Now i am in such a better place but he just had enough.. and he is now already engaged and living the life he wanted
Oh my gosh, I so needed to hear this. Im going thru an unwanted divorce and have been absolutely lost. This really helps point me in a better direction.
My mom is getting better, she used to tell me to get over things. I recently talked to her about my break up and she asked "does it help you to keep talking about it?" Lol... progress. Thank you so much for this video, it's helping me so much. 💖
I also know now not to HOP IN SOMETHING RIGHT AFTER TO EASE THE PAIN because it’s just a bandaid 🩹 I am now taking time to sit in my own space comfortably
You’re my new favorite life coach! I love your approach. Yes, we’ve all been hurt or mistreated, but so much on youtube centers around blame. All relationships act as mirrors into ourselves. As hard as it is, we need to take full responsibility for who we are and how we allow others to treat us.
You've been a blessing for my life. Thank you, and I thank God for leading me to your channel and videos. I needed to hear many of the things you're speaking of. Thank you.
I was very very depressed for a while, told my mum over skype, her reaction? "HAHAHAHA!! you will be ok!" and i was around 33, imagine me growing up, emotional neglect at its greatest, still working on it at 38.
Same experiences, older people laugh and act like its nothing. It's really sad. Thankful there a therapists and thankful for youtube that we can get this info so easily now!! I so wish I had youtube in my teens and college years. There's so much helpful info.
you are a truly astonishing young woman; where did you get all this from? - not just the knowledge and the insight, but the wisdom and the panache with which you deliver it. I am astonished. And deeply indebted. Thankyou
Be honest with yourself - see what’s before you, and go accordingly 💙 Very inspiring - choose love that feels authentic comforting kind caring true honest respectful peaceful easy warm safe secure - to name but a few.
Stephanie Lyn welcome you supposed to be telling me talk to enjoy to girls in the place you don't do it welcome welcome Selah meaning what talking about why not your toys Hobby Lobby something something for somewhere what store is here why not record yourself to show you go to yourself where you live show your toys take a picture please
Stephanie Lyn coaching 🎄 why you talking to you know why why not make everything quick you talk to college why not do everything quick do it for me to come you please knock it off a friendly telling you Tokyo come talk for me my place friend don't move myself for you please just do one more time I see somebody got my question somebody start against my question yeah you better do everything all right love you more start getting some people start against my question you move for my question you got a big problem come
Stephanie Lyn coaching why I need more children for what you are the best all all all all the child is very good in school why you need more children for what you got what we got many baby every child is really going to college in school yeah but it's very old baby college now why you need baby phone okay
Hi Stephanie, This topic is really helpful for me, because I didn't know how to deal with break ups. I would always throw my self into work just to avoid the problems. I understand now why learning self-parenting is so important. Thank you xo
I love all your videos and they are helping me a lot. I was abused as a child. Physical discipline and verbal abuse and it comes out in my current relationships with men. I definitely have a wounded spirit. hiding in me. Going through a separation now. I'm learning so much. Thank you. I hope I can take what I learned and heal.
Your definitely on point with the details of the emotions/backslash/life living scenarios....I hope you get all you want in your life....your videos are great and exhausting in a good way. I hope many fine direction for positive change in their lives because of you....peace, love and happiness
Yes this helped me alot . I'm blown away . it's like perfect timing seeing this . I'm so glad I saw this . I'm feeling much better now .so this is something I needed to learn .wow.now I'm not so upset as to why the silent treatment.best friends for 30yrs n she ghosted me . devalued me recently n didn't really know it n now I see it n now im not even n her life . I didn't even know it .what a learning experience .need to move on n take care of me first now.Amen for this recognizing.wow big eye opener.
Thank you so much Stephanie. I just ended an 8 month situationship. I thought I was good with it, that we were pretty much good friends who had sex. But it turns out that I was there for him when he needed me, but when I needed him, right now, when my daughter is going through health problems, he's absolutely not there for me. It hurts. That I was so wrong. That I was repeating the over-giving, no-needs pattern I learned in childhood. I'm in so much pain from the triggering of that. But thanks to you, I feel hopeful I'll grow from this. That feeling my pain is good. And I'm worthy of a real relationship.
Love this I'm going through this for the last almost 4 years finally divorce is February 21st after 18 years of marriage..it was / is so difficult in the beginning especially with kids so many emotions! He is a narcissist!
@@StephanieLynCoaching it's a rollercoaster of emotions still especially the financial abuse with attorney fees. I realize I need to focus on me I have been painting a picture (found on a website) which I need to get back into.. I am enjoying reading again. But still so busy with clearing out a storage unit of the things we had from the house we shared..in an apt now looking to move again. But he is no longer there giving me looks or the silent treatment oh the gas lighting too..the deflection.
I’m so glad I found you stephanie!!! Been binge watching your videos you have been helping me out so much especially during this quarantine stuck at home
good talk, willis :) thats what im talkin bout :) those glasses look good on you, especially with the frame line motifs of that top, blouse, etc, and your hair up. regarding your pep talk, today i snapped and i find myself being completely content and comfortable with allowing myself to speak the facts and my truth when i am finally tired and fed up with the constant obnoxious hyaena type chatter from the hecklers, who want to trigger and push buttons, and that's fine, i can respond to that with matter of fact recollections while still maintaining my 'composure' and thereafter returning to my 'normal' calm sense of chill and self direction, and i dont feel unrecovered, unhealed, unmoved on, or regressive / stunted for doing as often as necessary while still feeling clear and recovered / detached enough to not have it creating any kind of self destructive (mood, emotion, etc
Thank you so much for your videos. They helped me so much to get out of a narcissist abusive relationship. I tried your advice about no contact. And that seems to be working for me. I’m also doing the self care and taking care of myself so I can heal from all this. Plz continue your work it is so important for woman to know men like this are out there. And how to protect ourselves from them.
Stephanie you are a real life saver coach, please keep up with all your powerful and positive videos, always looking forward to seeing the new ones, you are a great help for all of us 🙏
This was a random "run-in" but intersting insight(s) better understanding the Earl Nightingale's " ...you become what you think about . . ." to tying in the vibrations ( energies ) which comes to questioning or self-reflecting a deep rooted issues that were overlooked from the past. Very easy can turn to the belief in hearing, the above, with the mentality of: there is a lot to unpack here . . .
Very true if you don't feel the emotions you can't heal. Been through a recent breakup and my son feel guilt that he caused the breakup because he did not really build a relationship with my partner for 2 and half years. Partner blamed my son... it's no contact for 2 months and we live in his house still he moved out. He was controlling.. I am doing EFT tapping, mantras, praying etc to heal myself and guiding child that adults also has issues inside that they did not deal with as a child. If a person has a hole they can't expect their partner to keep filling that hole at end of the day you take away your own worth away from you. Madly in love and we hardly ever argued. We had so many compliments from others as we were their example. Affectionate, holding hands, kisses, did chores together, respected one another BUT he had tendency to short fuse... works in toxic environment over 21 years so I guess it grew on him... I love your advice. From South Africa
Just going through a divorce after a 20 year marriage and have found out she had been cheating for a year and lots of your videos have been so so helpful so thank you ☺️
Wow. Why did it take an awful miserable break up that hurts so much before I really looked at my attachment style in the relationship? I wish I had known about or recognized these concepts over the last 4 years. It explains so much. I’m trying hard to self parent and forgive. Mostly I’m still in the feeling the pain part. But I’m learning as much as I can about why I behaved the way I did in the relationship. I want to be happy the next time. It was so hard to be so anxious all the time. I’m exhausted.
Just discovered you recently Stephanie. I think that your content is really great and I like that you adress the nitty gritty and deeper issues rather than just give band aid fix ideas. I've been searching for this sort of stuff. Thanks for putting it up for us to have access to!! :)
I was amazed at some of the stories I told myself. It too time to get control of those emotions, like you said, and move on with my life and heal. Acceptance is the key and time is the lock. Great video!
I seriously enjoy your content so much I've been listening to your podcast on spotify. I know I dont know you but I feel like your one of my closet friends. Your words build me up and help me in soooo many ways. 🤗❤🥰 Thank You to the moon and back!
Your advise was so helpful. Its been about a month before I realize that my relationship wasn't going forward after 8 years of off on on dating. After her telling me to shut up I came to my senses. I never said anything to her about it, instead I just cut of communication with her. The next day with her asking me did you get my morning text. My finally text back was yes, I've been really busy lately. So anyway, I've been doing really well with my health, and my job is awesome so im okay. Im focusing on myself and staying alert. Thanks again for the advise.
Your teachings are so awesome. After watching you, I feel so much better facing challenges. I think this is my first time watching. You really bring it! Keep up your phenomenal work!!!
A lot of time anger is ‘you punishing yourself for someone else’s mistake’ ! It’s good to 1. Be aware of what you’re feeling. 2. Then try to look at it from a non-emotional point of view (as if someone you don’t know at all was in this situation) and determine WHY you are feeling this and be honest if what you feel is based on fact or not (we can wake-up feeling down or happy for no reason. All feelings can be based on either fact/fiction/nothing) 3. Allow yourself to feel-> heal but take control. Don’t let your ego/emotions control how you see yourself/others or how you treat yourself/the world. And we also have to realize that our soul can (mostly more often than not) mislead and misinform us. So many times people think someone does not like them. Is looking at them with judgment. Is laughing at them (behind their back) etc... well basically people are self-centered and 90% of the time just thinking about themselves. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Be aware and take control to change what you want to change
Thank you so much for the videos. I was recently dumped by what I now think could be a Narcissist. Although I get confused sometimes feeling I had some Narcissistic characteristics myself. My ex left me in a hurtful manner during my 50th birthday. There was some abusive language that was absolutely emasculating and humiliating. However, she left telling me I was like a little boy and not a man. She complained about having to care for me like a boy. But when I look back, she was always taking on a mothering role. I would even complain about it sometimes telling her I wasn't a child when she behaved this way. Anyway, the video talks about leaving a relationship because you know there is something better out there for you. I feel that's why she left me. Months before the breakup she started going to a gym. There was a complete change in her attitude after she started working out. She admitted there were just guys there working out. So, if she were watching this video, I could see how she would justify her breakup with me. But, I was good guy. Faithful, loyal, I did the best I could . But it was never good enough. In some ways, I feel this video enables the attitude of entitlement, always deserving something better. I often felt her requirements of me were not realistic. Even after I complied and did the things she wanted, there was always something else.
Thank you for your videos. It's been 8 months since I was discarded by my ex narc. Im still having a hard time dealing with it. It came so abruptly and out of nowhere. I don't know what to do with all the emotion
Correct about the band-aid...I'm fine while with people or distractions..6 yr narcissistic personality male spouse...the minute I'm by myself I end up thinking about him..how could I have saved our relationship...it was always me trying to resolve our issues..it wore me down..I finally left as he would never ever try to see my point of view..very selfish..one-sided...gave me the silent treatment for days/ weeks I would walk on eggs...now here I am..6 months later..I've done the normal crying..watched 50 or more therapy videos...but still I miss this man..I don't want to ..I've prayed to God to heal me from his memories..I guess it will take much longer...I want it over..the thoughts of him...no contact..with him..just popping up when I'm by myself and my mind tries to rest.....I'm exhausted 😩
It's an older wound that is causing the longing. Not this man! Accpet that you have an attachment truama and causes you to long this previous relationship. Good news is you have your self to love and enjoy, with no distractions and negativity :)
I luv u, l luv your videos. You are saying, validating and guiding me in everything that i needed to hear since I was a child on this subject. You are an answer, a God send.i will stay to continue watching your videos! Thank you ! 🤗
Been separated for 5 months and divorced for 3. I was painting a bedroom and stumbled upon one of her old bags in my workshop area. About 15 minutes later my bluetooth speaker died and I was left in silence with nothing but my thoughts and feelings. It is not easy to feel those feelings and you never know when they'll come on. And the anger, oh the anger. Life is hard.
I remember watching this video 3 years ago getting enormously angry: "Like any of this _could_ be possible." 2 years in therapy and I'm seeing I've began thinking more along these lines. Long ways to go. Getting there slowly ❤️
"Interviewing people, and not getting emotionally entangled with them before you've gotten a chance to know them is so so huge." No truer words have been spoken Stephanie. A lot of heartache could have been avoided if I did just that and believed them when they showed me who they really were. It was hard and I forgive myself but lesson learned.
Me too man I feel pretty stupid honestly but that’s it lesson learned no problemo
The sexual drive is the oldest part of the brain. Forgive yourself. 🙏
Exactly
My ex left me 4 weeks ago...we were together for 5 years...the relationship was so toxic and he did so many things that broke my trust but he swore he would change and forgave him time and time again because I didnt want to be alone...on the day he broke up with me I was completey blindsided and he told me the most horrible things and left...I have went no Contact and have been in a limbo of sadness and loneliness but trying to work on myself through journaling and attending a psychologist...2 days ago he sent me a message saying that he wanted to come back, promising to change...I didnt answer any of his messages or calls because there is nothing he can say that will change anything and I know he wont change...but still I feel so guilty for not giving him another chance...is this feeling normal? please help me
Believe them is key.... I hear it!
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
Do you ever mention marriage actually being a commitment that you just don't walk away from? My life ever 25 days because she can't stand up and assert herself with her controlling mother. Idk if she did the best she could. It's been 82 days since she left.
I should have done that but I didn't and instead I got strangled and drugged continueously.
Nope
Except it's a narssistic person. In that case, RUN.
Oooooohhh truth
They never really loved you from the beginning. You didn’t lose anything of value it was just lesson in life. You know how to love and take care of yourself first now. This is a wonderful thing because if you can’t do that you could never be happy anyway.
It takes a while for the lesson to kick in and become center front for a person to really assess themselves. Once one gets there, its life changing
So well said
Thank you
So true. And I went for almost 4 yrs pretending to myself that the relationship was workable. Lol
1) feel the feeling 2) take responsibility for your feelings 3) accept that both people did they best they could
That is true but when you got cheated on how is the person supposed to feel. When one was doing all the word and that person could never see the beauty in me
@@averythebutterfly I hear you. I'm sure you have tons of beauty on many levels to have done your part, irregardless what they did.
10x for resume.
What if it’s you who tired the best and not the other guy?
@@robertrainford6754 accept that they just weren't That interested in you and move on...
How to deal with the breakup:
1. Allow to 'feel' the feeling. Do not suppress the feeling.
2. Self parenting: give yourself validation and love for yourself. Mindfulness. And owning up it. Wounded child: be your own parent: tend yourself with love and care.
3. Accepting that what you did the best thing. Forgiving yourself and the other person.
4. Knowing what you want and leaving past behind you.
Thank you 😊
I'm still angry and idk if I can forgive her. I know holding on to anger is like poisoning the well but idk what to do about it...
Suppressing emotions=anxiety later
My wife does this chronically. Then one day.... Kaboom and we're done.
It happened to me. I got anxiety stacks after a year of separation. They are gone now.
So that's why I have anxiety now! Wow...
Well said, Stephanie! I particularly like what you said about FEELING. How annoying is it when someone says to "just get over it" when your heart is shattered and you don't know what to do with yourself because the pain of rejection is so painful.
This was the main reason i didn't talk to anyone about my feelings cause all every one said was "get over it" "move on" like tf if i could i would trust me not like i want to feel low and heartbroken 💔😔
Going through this right now. I had to move to the opposite side of the state to be out of site out of mind but my heart is shattered and she keeps texting me every 10 days that she misses me then I get sucked right back in like a wild tornado and end ip more shattered then the time before. My life is shit right now so it’s so hard to show myself any love when I don’t have time to love myself. Don’t know where to start, a lot of shoulda woulda couldas but didn’t. Regrets, shame, ugh wish I knew how to get out of this stuck mindset
It actually have me a parenting tip with my own children. And myself, of course !
Feel the pain till it hurts no more...
Yep! The only way thru it is going thru it right? But....don't get stuck there either.
I love how easy and kind yet assertive you are when it comes to explaining these topics to us. ❤️
Thank you.. takes practice 💗
Ugh.....i really miss the intimacy.... and the excitement about what a shared future looked like...
I'm in the same place but I've realised if we couldnt make the relationship work we weren't going to be able to make a marriage work. She couldnt just speak her mind and tell me what she needed, and then after we were doing long distance for about a month she stopped being intimate with me and ended it soon after, over text. A 5 year long relationship and she didnt love me enough to tell me to my face. She still says I love you, but its "not the same". I'm 1 week into no contact, and although it's hard I'm reflecting on our relationship and I understand how flawed it was. It was our first attempt at love and we were just starting to get rolling in life, but once the distance was there things ended. If I wasnt good enough for her to love me when I gave her my heart and loyalty, she wasnt the one for me.
Same
Living in the future is an illusion though. I know it’s hard, but being present right here, right now is where we have to try to stay.
Agreed
It's a self-destructive delusion.
Don't do that to yourself.
Feeling is healing 🌿
My favourite self-parenting lines:
“You’re going to make it through this”
“Learn the lesson...gracefully & gently move on”
She is so speaking to me, my parents told me to suck it up. That's why it's difficult for me to feel any emotion, no wonder why my depression is so bad.
Wow! So sorry to hear that. Ask God to heal you!!
Hope your doing alright during this wild time in the world
Assuming it doesn’t exist because you had it and nothing will ever measure up…but you can have something even better because it obviously wasn’t what you thought it was because it ended
That video, these tips are just beyond anything we could find directly online. You’re not giving only tips but you remind how to validate our feelings and to give time with logical explanation. Thank you!!!
So glad!
Your videos have helped me get over the worst break up of my life. Thank you so much
1:35 Feel the feels
3:26 Self parenting
8:47 Acceptance
I really needed that. After ending a toxic relationship I felt empty and hollow but your videos gives me hope that these feelings will pass and I will become the person I always meant to be. Much love for you and your content ❤️❤️ you’re changing lives
Having a Stephanie marathon in the background all afternoon to suppress the intrusive separation thoughts.
Thank you!
This one resonates with me. I'm currently going thru a divorce and am finding it difficult to find things to do to get out of the house. Sitting in here alone makes it too easy to start thinking about things then start feeling badly...
Needed some RUclips therapy. Recently I left my boyfriend of 3 years. I was HIS first real relationship and I had already experienced dating in my early 20's. I'm about to reach 30 and I am at a phase in my life where I know what I want and don't want. I have ambitions and goals and I ultimately felt like we were not on the some page. He treated me so well but still had his own insecurities that I couldn't help him with. I am feeling all kinds of guilt and sadness and trying to adjust to a new single life. So it helps hearing that what I feel is ok to feel. And I am going to have moments of not feeling the best but I will embrace that and acknowledge it. Thank you for sharing these videos.
Nothing annoys me more when somone tells me or anyone to get over something already. Like a person is gonna take THEIR OWN time to grieve.
You are so amazing. Your videos have helped me so much ! Decided to walk away from an unhealthy relationship a week ago and it was so hard. I know I deserve better. Watching your videos everyday has helped stay me strong and persistent in my goals of become full of self worth. I can't thank you enough! Xox Morgan from Montreal
I totally get what your saying I’m 37 and your lessons really apply to me so just wanted to say thanks for all of your help and kind words
Man, your channel is gold. You give us step by step information on how to handle real life situations and feelings. This is very helpful.
These videos have helped me so much. I have had to end a horrible relationship. I did everything to grow, accommodate and consult. It had to end. I discovered so many secrets. But it’s so hard. I adore them and I’m alone in our first house. Thank you ❤
I went through a breakup and told my parents and they hugged me as I cried and supported me and gave me advice and it felt amazing ❤️ it’s crazy that I wasn’t letting my inner parent do the same when my actual parents did!! Thanks for your videos 🙏
A healing is the first normal step to feel the hurt then you have to decide to you want to stay they no more on slowly
Don't hurt yourself to bad. Remember, you were totally ignorant of what a narcissist was. You had no idea what kind of person you were dealing with. You were fooled. Just know you did everything you could to make a good relationship. How it turned out wasn't your fault. Accept you did the best you could for the wrong person. There's nothing wrong with you.
I always tell myself : This is real life man. It hurts I know but You have experienced vulnerability and your openness man. That's great. You can break your hand or get injured in a real match. You were brave enough to love . You had a real experience. Let us have a standing ovation for you( me and others inside me)
I’m so grateful to live in a time where therapy and self care videos like yours can help me through my tough journeys. It really is a blessing and I know we can’t take this for granted. Thank you universe and whoever it was that lead me to your wise lessons online. You’re a hero. Thank you
11:00 Wow. When you think that there is not a person that does not exist your never going to meet that person. 🤲 So good.
Sometimes these videos can be seen as very one-sided. Stephanie, you make these videos applicable to all of us going through some painful stuff in our lives. This is one of the few channels that I follow because your videos have been so helpful as I'm going through this painful time. So, thank you for reaching out and making the world a more happy and hopeful place.
Hi Stephanie, still moving forward and seeing beauty in the little things, and often find myself talking with my hands.
"Love, validation, compassion and understanding" damn that hits a nail and why i still have resentment. She denied me that and I felt so hurt that reacted badly. But she did the best she could so time to move on.
Emotions are like waves, they come, rise up and then fall and go away. Don’t be afraid to ride that wave of emotion when it comes. 🌊
well said Im gonn a write this sentence somewhere
Thank you so much for this. I had a really tough breakup recently that involved a lot of disappointment on my end. Your third point really hit home with me and I have now been practicing your tips every day. It also gave me insight into my ex’s mind, and how she felt hurt, because it was a 2 way street. Your videos are amazing, they are helping many of us out there, please keep it up :)
Thanks Stephanie! You have been super helpful to me after I got wrecked by a female narc! I am in a great relationship now but still struggling with lack of closure with previous toxic relationship because she was able to drop me without a 2nd thought. I find myself thinking about what she may be doing at any given moment and sincerely hope she is suffering even a fraction of what I have. I have learned by watching your video's these type of people totally lack empathy can easily move on to a new exciting life with someone that has the qualities she felt I lacked. Like more money! It makes me feel that I wasn't good enough. I will keep watching you and hope these feelings of anger and resentment dissipate. I fear it may intrude on my new relationship and makes me hesitant to fully commit to something like marriage.
Thank you, I never felt like my husband of 26 years ever put me first in his life and I lapped up the crumbs of affection he was willing to give out. Never sharing anything about himself with me. It s been a very lonely 26 years.
What a beautiful woman on the outside, but more beautiful on the inside!
I wrote to you about 8 months ago and you replied! Thanks for that.I have the two best girls in the world and with the words of wisdom from you , I will do my best to keep it that way.
🥂
I think I find it hard to believe that at my age there are any ‘good guys’ who aren’t already happily married, and I also fear that they may turn out to be another narcissist 😕
Same, its hard to know its out there. It's scary the older I get. I broke it off with someone a month ago, and I still don't feel over it yet.
Jae Me a month is not that long, take time to heal ❤️
There are millions of great men right in front of you. There may be reasons that they are avoiding any entanglement with you and your friends, eh? For the record, most married men are absolutely miserable with the constant shaming, abuse and degrading behavior they are subjected to by their wives. No man wants to admit his mistake (her) in public and feel that divorce is his failure, he's been conditioned to think that way. "Take it like a man", remember? I've defended, to my communities, a few of my very guilty ex's and a wife to simply carry on the illusion that she was a good person and I had not made a gross error. These women had hit me repeatedly, tried to stab me and had me incarcerated for made up heinous crimes, this beyond the daily down beating and psychological abuse. I've quite a few stitches in my body from women but have never raised a hand in self defense. Luckily for me, neighbors, hospital staff, police, gangbangers, local merchants and even Interpol. My ex wife accused me of ridiculous very heavy international crimes in an effort to have me incarcerated for life and murdered inside immediately. In each case they all seen what was going on and came to my defense. I tell you right now, if Interpol was not called by local authorities in the case of my ex wife, I would have been dead a long time ago.
Most men have learned that what women offer is extremely sketchy at best and death/ruin a bit too probable. There are plenty of great men out here, they are most likely avoiding you and the rest for valid reasons. We know exactly how dangerous narcissists are and the vast majority of women unfortunately tick off most of the signs of that sickness. I avoid any interaction with women outside normal daily transactions in shops or the very few women I sometimes work with. Women can't offer anything that would cause me to take that gamble again and many many men now give the ultimate respect to women... distance.
@@StaggerLee68 I’m sorry you have been through such a hard time. I hope you can find healing and recovery
@@FionaC1 Very much appreciated. However, please don not feel sorry what I've been through, I am not. Those hard times were part of my life and I don't regret them or any of the hard times in my life. They are lessons and scars are just unwittingly bought "tattoos" that serve as the reminders some of us need to become better to ourselves. I've many scars and some I am proud of, gained in great efforts in the mountains. you could call them weird badges of survival I suppose. Others are there to keep me in line with the lessons learned.
As for healing and recovery, it starts with introspection and acceptance not only of things that others may have "done to me" but a clear view of how I made mistakes as well. I got myself involved with hurtful and dangerous people and invited somehow these things to happen. I feel no vengeance against the one who openly tried to kill me or the others who hurt me less, there's no reason. Should I make the same or similar errors of judgement, it's on me. I let them in, I failed me, they were just doing what they do, naturally.
I've a joke about the 3 scars stacked on top of each other. The embarrassing one is on top, from a woman. It is my least favorite scar of many on my body because it partially covers a proud climbing one before it and a big silly one from wrestling with a tractor at 11.
She ruined my awesome face scars! haha. That is how good men think and act, we're out there but are mostly ghosts these days, happy in our solitude, out of the fray.
Thanks you though, it's good to know there are humans out there now and again. This is one of 3 interactions this year, not too shabby for a ghost. I do hope that some women can see the irony in using that hideous phrase " Where are the good men" ever again. It arrogantly states all of us are shit or too stupid to see your brilliance and worship you. That is exactly how it comes off and the battle cry off the insufferable Girl Gone Wild. That statement is the single biggest red flag a woman could wave, even sweetly. One would do well to not embarrass themselves like that, particularly if they are looking for a man, yah? Cheers, I mean that.
The way you explain things. Really helps me. I watch a lot of your videos recently. Have helped me so much get through some things. You are great at what you do.
She is so right. I was an advocate for avoid the feelings, but I learn to allow the feelings to surface and not judge it.
I left a long comment on one of your other vids lol but Thank you for teaching me more about myself and how to grow.... your channel is helping me heal and realizing I take things to personally. I’m trying to become a better man and realize I have past hurts that need to heal. I’m also trying to be happy on my own that way when a great woman comes into my life I won’t be using that as a band aid but a compliment to my own life. 😊 You rock 💁🏻♀️
Currently in that process of accepting i did the best I could. Thank you Stephanie for putting this content on RUclips. Such a blessing 🙏🏻
I don't know how to get there.. because i was really bad to my ex husband. I wasn't normal. I have mental health disease which i didn't treated so my ex husband dealt with a lot of horrible. Now i am in such a better place but he just had enough.. and he is now already engaged and living the life he wanted
Oh my gosh, I so needed to hear this. Im going thru an unwanted divorce and have been absolutely lost. This really helps point me in a better direction.
My mom is getting better, she used to tell me to get over things. I recently talked to her about my break up and she asked "does it help you to keep talking about it?" Lol... progress. Thank you so much for this video, it's helping me so much. 💖
I also know now not to HOP IN SOMETHING RIGHT AFTER TO EASE THE PAIN because it’s just a bandaid 🩹 I am now taking time to sit in my own space comfortably
You’re my new favorite life coach! I love your approach. Yes, we’ve all been hurt or mistreated, but so much on youtube centers around blame. All relationships act as mirrors into ourselves. As hard as it is, we need to take full responsibility for who we are and how we allow others to treat us.
You've been a blessing for my life. Thank you, and I thank God for leading me to your channel and videos. I needed to hear many of the things you're speaking of. Thank you.
Thank you so much Stephanie. Perfect timing for a message that I really needed to hear. Your outlook on life is a great inspiration to me!
I was very very depressed for a while, told my mum over skype, her reaction? "HAHAHAHA!! you will be ok!" and i was around 33, imagine me growing up, emotional neglect at its greatest, still working on it at 38.
Paulo Furtado I’m rooting for you. You can do it 💪🏽
@@starsandstripes5013 thanks, im fine now, better than ever actually, but thank you.
Paulo Furtado that’s awesome to hear and you are inspiring. Wishing you so much peace, happiness, love, and blessings 🙏🏽
Same experiences, older people laugh and act like its nothing. It's really sad. Thankful there a therapists and thankful for youtube that we can get this info so easily now!! I so wish I had youtube in my teens and college years. There's so much helpful info.
you are a truly astonishing young woman; where did you get all this from? - not just the knowledge and the insight, but the wisdom and the panache with which you deliver it. I am astonished. And deeply indebted. Thankyou
You’re trying to flirt with her 😂
@@donnas8408 yeah, I know, but 3 years later and she's still not taking the bait 😞
Be honest with yourself - see what’s before you, and go accordingly 💙
Very inspiring - choose love that feels authentic comforting kind caring true honest
respectful peaceful easy warm safe secure - to name but a few.
I need to to lie coming out need to buy yourself to come out doesn't make any sense 307 nobody else in that question before
Stephanie Lyn welcome you supposed to be telling me talk to enjoy to girls in the place you don't do it welcome welcome Selah meaning what talking about why not your toys Hobby Lobby something something for somewhere what store is here why not record yourself to show you go to yourself where you live show your toys take a picture please
Stephanie Lyn coaching 🎄 why you talking to you know why why not make everything quick you talk to college why not do everything quick do it for me to come you please knock it off a friendly telling you Tokyo come talk for me my place friend don't move myself for you please just do one more time I see somebody got my question somebody start against my question yeah you better do everything all right love you more start getting some people start against my question you move for my question you got a big problem come
Stephanie Lyn coaching 🎄 Rhonda scare use your cell phone you scheduled for yourself I just show toys now I need to nobody no bicycle OK Google
Stephanie Lyn coaching why I need more children for what you are the best all all all all the child is very good in school why you need more children for what you got what we got many baby every child is really going to college in school yeah but it's very old baby college now why you need baby phone okay
Glad to be relatively young and learning these helpful skills to have a flourishing life and healthy relationship!
World bless your kids! They are so lucky to have your love and support every day of their lives. Thanks for sharing.
Loving all your videos! Strongly considering walking away from a toxic person. All your videos confirm I’m doing the right thing.
Hi Stephanie, This topic is really helpful for me, because I didn't know how to deal with break ups. I would always throw
my self into work just to avoid the problems. I understand now why learning self-parenting is so important.
Thank you xo
It's amazing. You know exactly what I'm going thru. You give better advise than my best friends. Thank you!
I love all your videos and they are helping me a lot. I was abused as a child. Physical discipline and verbal abuse and it comes out in my current relationships with men. I definitely have a wounded spirit. hiding in me. Going through a separation now. I'm learning so much. Thank you. I hope I can take what I learned and heal.
Your definitely on point with the details of the emotions/backslash/life living scenarios....I hope you get all you want in your life....your videos are great and exhausting in a good way. I hope many fine direction for positive change in their lives because of you....peace, love and happiness
Yes this helped me alot . I'm blown away . it's like perfect timing seeing this . I'm so glad I saw this . I'm feeling much better now .so this is something I needed to learn .wow.now I'm not so upset as to why the silent treatment.best friends for 30yrs n she ghosted me . devalued me recently n didn't really know it n now I see it n now im not even n her life . I didn't even know it .what a learning experience .need to move on n take care of me first now.Amen for this recognizing.wow big eye opener.
Thank you, I have really been struggling with letting go
OMG this is literally what im going through right now! i love this! I love all your videos.. Youve helped me in so many ways! Thank you!
This helped me gain my power back through shifting my thoughts into the right direction 😊
Thank you, Ms. Lyn. As per usual, you speak well, clearly, and directly to the heart. Thanking you SO much!
The projection aspect is huge. Thanks for the content!
Thank you so much Stephanie. I just ended an 8 month situationship. I thought I was good with it, that we were pretty much good friends who had sex. But it turns out that I was there for him when he needed me, but when I needed him, right now, when my daughter is going through health problems, he's absolutely not there for me. It hurts. That I was so wrong. That I was repeating the over-giving, no-needs pattern I learned in childhood. I'm in so much pain from the triggering of that. But thanks to you, I feel hopeful I'll grow from this. That feeling my pain is good. And I'm worthy of a real relationship.
I can never thank you enough for throwing out your amazing views on these situations
Love this I'm going through this for the last almost 4 years finally divorce is February 21st after 18 years of marriage..it was / is so difficult in the beginning especially with kids so many emotions! He is a narcissist!
Of course! How are you now?
@@StephanieLynCoaching it's a rollercoaster of emotions still especially the financial abuse with attorney fees. I realize I need to focus on me I have been painting a picture (found on a website) which I need to get back into.. I am enjoying reading again. But still so busy with clearing out a storage unit of the things we had from the house we shared..in an apt now looking to move again. But he is no longer there giving me looks or the silent treatment oh the gas lighting too..the deflection.
Like losing your classic car you never really get over a favorite a spot in your heart ❤️ and mind has died forever
God bless you for making these videos 🙏🏽 I have never seen anyone talking about that deep !!
I’m so glad I found you stephanie!!! Been binge watching your videos you have been helping me out so much especially during this quarantine stuck at home
good talk, willis :) thats what im talkin bout :) those glasses look good on you, especially with the frame line motifs of that top, blouse, etc, and your hair up. regarding your pep talk, today i snapped and i find myself being completely content and comfortable with allowing myself to speak the facts and my truth when i am finally tired and fed up with the constant obnoxious hyaena type chatter from the hecklers, who want to trigger and push buttons, and that's fine, i can respond to that with matter of fact recollections while still maintaining my 'composure' and thereafter returning to my 'normal' calm sense of chill and self direction, and i dont feel unrecovered, unhealed, unmoved on, or regressive / stunted for doing as often as necessary while still feeling clear and recovered / detached enough to not have it creating any kind of self destructive (mood, emotion, etc
Thank you so much for your videos. They helped me so much to get out of a narcissist abusive relationship. I tried your advice about no contact. And that seems to be working for me. I’m also doing the self care and taking care of myself so I can heal from all this. Plz continue your work it is so important for woman to know men like this are out there. And how to protect ourselves from them.
Stephanie you are a real life saver coach, please keep up with all your powerful and positive videos, always looking forward to seeing the new ones, you are a great help for all of us 🙏
This was a random "run-in" but intersting insight(s) better understanding the Earl Nightingale's " ...you become what you think about . . ." to tying in the vibrations ( energies ) which comes to questioning or self-reflecting a deep rooted issues that were overlooked from the past.
Very easy can turn to the belief in hearing, the above, with the mentality of: there is a lot to unpack here . . .
Very true if you don't feel the emotions you can't heal. Been through a recent breakup and my son feel guilt that he caused the breakup because he did not really build a relationship with my partner for 2 and half years. Partner blamed my son... it's no contact for 2 months and we live in his house still he moved out. He was controlling.. I am doing EFT tapping, mantras, praying etc to heal myself and guiding child that adults also has issues inside that they did not deal with as a child. If a person has a hole they can't expect their partner to keep filling that hole at end of the day you take away your own worth away from you. Madly in love and we hardly ever argued. We had so many compliments from others as we were their example. Affectionate, holding hands, kisses, did chores together, respected one another BUT he had tendency to short fuse... works in toxic environment over 21 years so I guess it grew on him... I love your advice. From South Africa
Just going through a divorce after a 20 year marriage and have found out she had been cheating for a year and lots of your videos have been so so helpful so thank you ☺️
Wow. Why did it take an awful miserable break up that hurts so much before I really looked at my attachment style in the relationship? I wish I had known about or recognized these concepts over the last 4 years. It explains so much. I’m trying hard to self parent and forgive. Mostly I’m still in the feeling the pain part. But I’m learning as much as I can about why I behaved the way I did in the relationship. I want to be happy the next time. It was so hard to be so anxious all the time. I’m exhausted.
Just discovered you recently Stephanie. I think that your content is really great and I like that you adress the nitty gritty and deeper issues rather than just give band aid fix ideas. I've been searching for this sort of stuff. Thanks for putting it up for us to have access to!! :)
Thank you- I love the part about validating children’s feelings so much
I was amazed at some of the stories I told myself. It too time to get control of those emotions, like you said, and move on with my life and heal. Acceptance is the key and time is the lock. Great video!
Binge watching your videos. Im learning so much. 😊
I seriously enjoy your content so much I've been listening to your podcast on spotify. I know I dont know you but I feel like your one of my closet friends. Your words build me up and help me in soooo many ways. 🤗❤🥰 Thank You to the moon and back!
Thank you so much, your videos have helped me make a very hard decision. Thank you
Your selection of words. Thanks for creating this video. Really good for self love
Your advise was so helpful. Its been about a month before I realize that my relationship wasn't going forward after 8 years of off on on dating. After her telling me to shut up I came to my senses. I never said anything to her about it, instead I just cut of communication with her. The next day with her asking me did you get my morning text. My finally text back was yes, I've been really busy lately.
So anyway, I've been doing really well with my health, and my job is awesome so im okay. Im focusing on myself and staying alert. Thanks again for the advise.
Your teachings are so awesome. After watching you, I feel so much better facing challenges. I think this is my first time watching. You really bring it! Keep up your phenomenal work!!!
A lot of time anger is ‘you punishing yourself for someone else’s mistake’ !
It’s good to 1. Be aware of what you’re feeling. 2. Then try to look at it from a non-emotional point of view (as if someone you don’t know at all was in this situation) and determine WHY you are feeling this and be honest if what you feel is based on fact or not (we can wake-up feeling down or happy for no reason. All feelings can be based on either fact/fiction/nothing) 3. Allow yourself to feel-> heal but take control. Don’t let your ego/emotions control how you see yourself/others or how you treat yourself/the world.
And we also have to realize that our soul can (mostly more often than not) mislead and misinform us. So many times people think someone does not like them. Is looking at them with judgment. Is laughing at them (behind their back) etc... well basically people are self-centered and 90% of the time just thinking about themselves. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Be aware and take control to change what you want to change
Thank you so much for the videos. I was recently dumped by what I now think could be a Narcissist. Although I get confused sometimes feeling I had some Narcissistic characteristics myself. My ex left me in a hurtful manner during my 50th birthday. There was some abusive language that was absolutely emasculating and humiliating. However, she left telling me I was like a little boy and not a man. She complained about having to care for me like a boy. But when I look back, she was always taking on a mothering role. I would even complain about it sometimes telling her I wasn't a child when she behaved this way. Anyway, the video talks about leaving a relationship because you know there is something better out there for you. I feel that's why she left me. Months before the breakup she started going to a gym. There was a complete change in her attitude after she started working out. She admitted there were just guys there working out. So, if she were watching this video, I could see how she would justify her breakup with me. But, I was good guy. Faithful, loyal, I did the best I could . But it was never good enough. In some ways, I feel this video enables the attitude of entitlement, always deserving something better. I often felt her requirements of me were not realistic. Even after I complied and did the things she wanted, there was always something else.
Its just ungratefulness and selfishness
Thank you for your videos. It's been 8 months since I was discarded by my ex narc. Im still having a hard time dealing with it. It came so abruptly and out of nowhere. I don't know what to do with all the emotion
Correct about the band-aid...I'm fine while with people or distractions..6 yr narcissistic personality male spouse...the minute I'm by myself I end up thinking about him..how could I have saved our relationship...it was always me trying to resolve our issues..it wore me down..I finally left as he would never ever try to see my point of view..very selfish..one-sided...gave me the silent treatment for days/ weeks I would walk on eggs...now here I am..6 months later..I've done the normal crying..watched 50 or more therapy videos...but still I miss this man..I don't want to ..I've prayed to God to heal me from his memories..I guess it will take much longer...I want it over..the thoughts of him...no contact..with him..just popping up when I'm by myself and my mind tries to rest.....I'm exhausted 😩
It's an older wound that is causing the longing. Not this man! Accpet that you have an attachment truama and causes you to long this previous relationship. Good news is you have your self to love and enjoy, with no distractions and negativity :)
I luv u, l luv your videos. You are saying, validating and guiding me in everything that i needed to hear since I was a child on this subject. You are an answer, a God send.i will stay to continue watching your videos! Thank you ! 🤗
Been separated for 5 months and divorced for 3. I was painting a bedroom and stumbled upon one of her old bags in my workshop area. About 15 minutes later my bluetooth speaker died and I was left in silence with nothing but my thoughts and feelings. It is not easy to feel those feelings and you never know when they'll come on. And the anger, oh the anger. Life is hard.
You said Boston!!!!
I’ve gone on 14 dates this month, for shits and gigs.
It’s abundant out here!
I watch your videos every night to get me though each day. Thank you.
Thanku! I forget that my self forgiveness includes what I projected out of my needs. Makes forgiving them logical & so much easier 💛💙💜
Yes it helped and yes I enjoyed it very much. It's a great framework for journaling and affirmations.
You really know what your saying it's sooo true and I'm learning a lot from your videos..thank u
I remember watching this video 3 years ago getting enormously angry: "Like any of this _could_ be possible." 2 years in therapy and I'm seeing I've began thinking more along these lines. Long ways to go. Getting there slowly ❤️