Man With Schizoaffective Disorder On Being 'Possessed' | Minutes With Podcast |
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- Опубликовано: 29 ноя 2022
- Since Jonny Benjamin was a child, something wasn’t quite right.
Growing up, he could hear the devil in his head and started thinking he was in The Truman Show. When Jonny reached university, and started exploring his sexuality, things got worse and he was driven to the very brink. Jonny opens up about how he was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia and his struggles with schizoaffective disorder today.
Warning: this episode contains some graphic descriptions and discussion of suicidal feelings.
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I had a friend that suffered from night terrors. They scared him so much that he would avoid sleeping, at times staying awake for weeks until psychosis set in and he would end up in the psych ward. None of the medications that were prescribed worked. He started using heroin and quickly became addicted. Initially it appeared to help alleviate his insomnia, but he wasn't sleeping- he was just nodding out and it just compounded his problems. Eventually he did get clean and moved to a small town in the country which was the last time I talked to him, but I often think of him especially whenever someone mentions night terrors as they literally almost killed my friend. I feel so bad for people that suffer from them because it negatively affects every aspect of their life and there's nothing you can do to help.
He didn't bother keeping in touch at all?
@@bitchyeyebrows its a two way street, and from the sounds of it, he had enough on his plate, why didn't the original commenter stay in touch? people have there own lives, sometimes its better to remember people for who they were as appose to know who they became. its my hope that this comment will inspire all who read it stop and think. good day!
It's a horrible experience. Have a friend who did something similar but it was alcohol, suboxone and benzos he'd use to help. He got off alcohol, is using suboxone responsibility and got the benzo switched to a longer acting one. Along with some therapy for PTSD, he's doing a lot better. Went from having one several times a week to now only having one once or twice a month and usually they're less severe. The alcohol was making them a lot worse cuz he'd sober up while sleeping. Says he'll still wake up after a nightmare anxious and breathing heavy and occasionally has a full on night terror but it's not as bad or as frequent as it used to be. Glad he's treating his PTSD, for the longest time he didn't want to believe it because he's never been to war. Finally, he realized all the symptoms matching up wasn't just a coincidence. Getting emotionally and physically abused as a kid and doing a lot of time in juvenile detention centers and jail as a teen really messed him up.
This could be me.
...... who are you
@@Tor010 Jay, who are you speaking to? Maybe, it's something that is happening to a lot of us. I feel that a lot of us have things in common.
So sad to see him visually cringing recalling behaviours totally out of his control during his childhood. Only ten minutes in but I wish this lovely man so much healing x
The guy interviewing him has so much compassion.
What a beautiful thing to see
As a professional I would recommend a clean room suit and riot shield amongst other things in case he starts throwing poo
I’m schizophrenic I’ve had several relapses major ones. Chin up champ get yourself down the gym and be proud of yourself and make sure you give yourself plenty of credit because only people who have truly battled with mental illnesses can understand how much it can cripple your life. Stay strong 💪🏻 NEVER give up
❤❤❤
Yo man I lowkey feel like I’m slowly developing scitzophrenia. I’ve had a drug induced psychosis before where I was hearing cicadas that’s stent there and I’ve had maybe 2 other times where I’ve heard like a deep voice say multiple complete random words while on the verge of sleeping I also have been feeling more and more mentally off put like bad and I’m wondering if I do develop it how difficult is life like will I ever be able to enjoy life like normal again or at least to a not so bad degree?
@@feeug7847you might be developing it due to you have had psychosis before. Make a doctor's appointment immediately. The earlier you get the right treatment the better - and you won't risk it getting worse to the degree you get severe relapses even though you are on meds. I believe in you! /psychiatric nurse
It's heartbreaking to see such a sweet guy go through something so difficult. I just want to give him a hug and tell him everything's going to be okay. Hopefully, his doctor will find a medication or treatment that will minimize his relapses or at least reduce their severity.
He doesn't need you to patronize him. I have the same disorder and if you gave me a hug and told me everything was going to be ok I would tell you to fuck off.
I felt the same way watching this....I hope he feels better with the right treatments and will keep the positive thoughts he has even through the darkness, such as the relapses. More people can say he's an inspiration with him talking about this!
Psychosis is such a scary experience for anyone who lives with or have episodes of it, I want more people to realise that even if someone psychotic seems unstable and thus scary, they may be just deeply frightened. Don’t try to argue with their deluded thinking or convince them of anything - just try to be calm. Try to be patient. They’re in a scared state where reality is very scary. Say things that are kind and non judgemental about their professions. ‘That sounds quite scary, I’m really sorry you’re scared. Do you want to wait somewhere safe? Do you have anyone you want me to call?’ Don’t try to touch them unnecessarily or deny their delusions. Psychotic episodes tend to accelerate with stress so it may be a vulnerable person who has a mental illness who is under a lot of stress, and it provokes an episode.
A person with psychosis isn’t a monster. They’re just scared. Decelerate. If a person is acting increasingly erratically, is actively or threatening to hurt themselves or others (and you feel you have grounds to be concerned the proclamation is a real one) you should call an emergency worker like the police and an ambulance. Ideally a loved one they trust should be the first port of call if someone isn’t at that level of crisis, but every episode is a scared person who deserves dignity and compassion.
You are spot on we are more scared than people who witness it x
I had never been more frightened in my life than when I had my first episode. It actually felt like people were out to get me and hurt me, I kept seeing and hearing threats everywhere.
Thank you for your bravery and honesty, Jonny. I’m so glad you’re still here today
You are so like my son - who also has schizoaffective disorder. ( he's 31 now) and he's beautiful, just like you Johnny 🥰
My son is 27, an extraordinary beautiful human being too and has almost the same experiences; it’a comforting in a way to know some pieces of the puzzle. I am grateful he is still alive…..
Jonny. So brave coming and speaking so openly. I have Bipolar disorder. I have no shame about having this, but I do find I'm very embarrassed that I can't work anymore, and reply on government payments to live. People will openly think I'm being lazy, just not wanting to do something in particular. What people don't realise, is the human brain can only do so many things at once. Like a computer with a set amount of RAM. Once that RAM is being used, all other functions in addition, slow down or stop completely. Surviving mental illness that actively tries to kill you takes a huge amount of capacity, and a lot of times, people are at their limit just surviving the day. I also have night terrors, and without heavy meds, insomnia. Like you Jonny, I'm still here. Fighting day by day to live. It takes enormous strength and courage to do that when under attack mentally 24/7. Thanks for talking to us, the YT audience. I appreciate you :)
My sister has schizophrenia and has been committed several times, but always stops taking her meds. As a result, she's wildly delusional and abusive, and makes life scary and absolute hell for everyone around her.
I feel horrible for her and hate her at the same time.
All I want is for her to get better and really live life again.
My dad is the same, severe paranoid delusional schizophrenia. U cnt reason with insanity, its severely draining. My dad is very violent, we wer in a refuge wen young bt he continues to blame the big conspiracy and claim that we're all evil liars. I always say, if its us then leave us alone bt he bloody wont. He's nt allowed to c his grankids and we dont talk to him, bt often av him screamin outside our houses. I understand there's human rights, bt he shd b forced onto medication. Wen he does finally carry out the threat of killing his elderly mother or his son, then the system wil b to blame!
That's so awful in every way. I am so sorry! It's tough, isn't it, being in situations like this!
When people like your dad and my sister are in need of immediate help and creating so much pain and turmoil, but treated like adults who are fully capable of managing their illness - when they clearly aren't - yeah, sometimes I wish the same. It doesn't seem right or reasonable for them to have
...the same rights. Hit enter too soon.
My mom had paranoid schizophrenia and yeah I really relate
She makes my life hell but I still feel for her. Its up to my Dad and I to treat her but we've been so hesitate of doing it since it'll be done with force....
To sound bleak I'm really scared for my own future but this video really helped give me hope
So sorry she makes your life hell and that you lose hope for your future. 💔
The last time my sister was committed, one of the people who came to get her took my sister aside and said something in private. Whatever it was, it convinced her to go with them to the hospital peacefully...
I did an inpatient stint with people struggling with schizophrenia. I can’t imagine a more frightening state of mind than a psychotic break or those intrusive thoughts. Please just hold on tight like when you’re descending on a roller coaster, white knuckles and your stomach in your throat… there’s an end and a safe place. Much love to you.
Brave man, I hope things get better for him in the future.
Jonny has done an incredible job of speaking about his experiences and it's so valuable to see it, not just for people who have gone through similar but also for anyone who's ever experienced any psychological challenges that go beyond the normal experience. Hearing about the Truman delusions that are particularly sticky for him and then for him to come onto a show like this with all the equipment and delusion enforcing components is so incredibly brave and i hope he knows that we recognise the absolute courage this will have taken and any work he'll have to do to mitigate the impacts. Being taken seriously and being validated is so important for us as human beings, especially group settings i've noticed help a lot of people feel less 'other' when living with neuro and psychological divergence.
Have to say though, the add for razers and shaving placed just before the section on self harm was a tad poorly placed....
i agree with you
I relate so much to Jonny. It is hard to hear how differently his parents handled his night terrors and other problems than how mine did. Mine started right around the same age, nightmares every single night. I didn’t know it then, but my dad also has schizophrenia. He would come in my room and tell me that every nightmare I had was real and the monsters were coming to get me. Then they would shut their door and scream at me if I woke them up. I wasn’t allowed to turn the light on in my room and so I would just cry to myself and shake in complete fear of the monsters. This lasted years and never got better. I didn’t even realize that what was going on with me was abnormal until it got very bad. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if my parents got me help or comforted me when I was scared.
Jonny is really brave to be able to share his story, thank you. It really helps to know I’m not alone in this.
Wow, that's so sad. Have you forgiven your parents? Are you doing okay now?
@@sparklefairydustrodney2683 I tried to forgive them for years but my dad really wanted nothing to do with me and my mom I gave so many chances to stop hurting me and she just couldn’t so I had to cut ties. I moved across the country and I just found out last year about the schizophrenia- after I already had my 4 kids. It is really hard to cope with but I do it for my family the best I can each day.
I am so so sorry man. If it’s any consolation I hope you know your dad was sick and probably didn’t realise what he was doing ??? Regardless if he was or not
Hope u have love in life now, whether that be a teddy, hot water bottle, pet or a friend or a family member!
As someone who has gone through psychosis and episodes of schizophrenia this was very similar to what I went through. Thank you for sharing and reconfirming that I wasn't alone
episodes of psychosis and schizophrenia*
The interviewer handled this excellent. Johnny was so brave with speaking out about something you can hear in his voice is so difficult. It’s very interesting to hear from someone their side of this condition. I can relate to a lot of it from childhood. I’m so pleased he’s getting the help and is able to educate people.
I'm blown away by this channel and the fascinating subjects you cover. Please don't let this channel get gobbled up by some commercial entity that'll take away your freedom to explore these subjects.
Man that sounds really hard to live with that disorder! ... Much respect!
i was diagnosed with bpd last year at 16, but i've also struggled with severe delusions and hallucinations that pushed me to multiple suicide attempts. that feeling of losing complete control that jonny was talking about is so real and it's terrifying to reach a point where you can't recognise yourself or the people around you anymore. listening to jonny talk is so inspiring as someone who's still really young, and it genuinely makes me so hopeful for the future so thank you both for this interview
Thank you for sharing your story it's changes a lot and it's so informative. I have an older brother suffering from something similar and helps to understand how he views things as he hasn't gotten the help he needs and is living in denyal. I truly appreciate this and you. 🤗❤
Jonny’s story is both heart wrenching and inspiring. To have gone through all that and do what he does demonstrates a totally selfless commitment to helping others. I take my hat off to him, and others who are or may have been in similar dreadful situations. I am hoping there is a ‘small’ light at the end of the tunnel and they must know that they are an important part of our society and there is a strong network of supporters who are there for them. As he said, it’s having the courage to reach out and I’m sure that first step must seem impossible, as those who I served in the military have said when they sought help for what was undiagnosed PTSD.
You are a special person getting to where you are now with all the difficulties and trauma the condition causes x my son is 25 been diagnosed BPD but watching Jonny makes me cry as I can see all the pain he’s been through
Hope your life is fulfilling like you deserve
Bravo, Jonny! Thank you for this so soo very much! My 20 year old son has a very similar story but he is still unable to communicate how it's affecting him. I, as a mom, truly truly do appreciate this.
Jonny, thank you so much for your honesty and openness in telling your story. It's so important for others to hear and learn. Our mental health services have come so far but still sadly have so far to go, and I truly believe when we open up with the people around us and feel secure that we can, the better it will get. My pillow is soaked with tears of understanding, heartbreak, compassion, love and hope. Thank you ❤️
My best friend who's also 38 also has schizoaffective disorder and was diagnosed a few years back. I'd known him longer than his diagnosis though and went through the full episodes with him, to an attempt on his life, to getting help and now managing his condition. It's not as severe as Johnny's, but it still does affect him on a regular basis. He can usually tell when an episode is starting to manifest and I'll ask him if he's taking time for himself, sleeping okay, finding ways to destress, book an appointment with his therapist so we tag team him. He's doing well all things considered, but yeah, it will affect him for the rest of his life. I love the dude though, wonderful amazing bestie of a friend
Thank you for being brave enough to come forward and educate people on ur struggle!! Your helping so many people by just telling ur story! Thank you for being so vulnerable. I think ur great
This was a very helpful video. It is nice to hear from someone who has had schizophrenia and been able to learn how to manage it. Because Jonny really shows how a person can overcome.
This is beautiful to hear that he is willing and open to share his inner mind to help other people with theirs. I've struggled with what I suspect is this disorder and not just major depressive disorder since childhood and it is basically impossible to let people in to help you because you can't control the paranoia that they are trying to manipulate your brain (thoughts) and your heart (emotions). It has led me to have extremely disorganized attachments throughout my life that I find I can only regulate my heart and my brain when I am not attached to anyone intimately. I do enjoy and seek out connection regularly, which is why I regulate my emotional states better even with having depression. Mindful movement and breath work has done wonders for my ability to remain connected and not get triggered nearly as easily as I used to, but interpersonal relationships are still very hard to manage.
I’m not diagnosed with schizoaffective but I still relate a lot. In my experience it’s true that “it can get better” is the most helpful attitude to have towards someone who’s going through tough shit. “It *will* get better” can be way too daunting and/or meaningless when someone’s at rock bottom. Being bleak about it only affirms negative beliefs/delusions and honestly can push someone over the edge. Ignoring it/accommodating the condition most of the time will let it fester and get even worse. Before I got to see professionals, the latter three were all I got from the people I was expected to rely on.
As another way to put it, it’s like hanging off the edge of a cliff where there are 3 spectators who’ll do everything but take initiative. Maybe one says “you’re so strong,” while another says “it could get worse, you know,” while the last one just observes, saying nothing. Either way, not a single one of them is helping and the best case scenario is you managing to hold on long enough until someone actually takes one of your hands. Even then it’s not a guarantee that they can pull you up, but you sure as hell aren’t gonna fall if they can help it.
It’s also true that school systems are just not built for moderate to severe health conditions, especially mental health. Sometimes not even for what’s defined as mild conditions in the worst of places. There have been significant improvements in my area, but again, they’re significantly uneducated and unprepared for more severely impairing conditions. I was very luckily put on a waitlist for an adolescents mental health intervention program before I was in dire straits but tbh, timing was the only thing on my side at that point. Schools can easily claim to prioritize the well-being of their students but then immediately start doing everything in their power to keep the student working. In my case I would just burst out in tears or fully dissociate, try to ask basic questions about the assignment amidst a total panic attack, not utter a word for months and resort to basically mimeing to get the message across, have abnormally stark personality changes and unusual behaviours, etc, etc, etc.. the full list would actually be too long. By the time I saw professionals, I’d already effectively dropped out at 17. And I phrase it that way specifically because I didn’t formerly drop out through some sort of process, I just stopped attending because my psyche was finally in too many pieces to keep it together. Timing was what ultimately pulled me through it because the regular appointments started right around the time I’d run out of all prospects other than giving all my shit away and hanging myself. As it turns out, according to the psychiatrist I was (still am) suffering with Major Depression (preceded by dysthymia,) generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and a specific phobia. A year later-this year, ADHD was added to the diagnoses after being medicated for the MDD and GAD. Tbf the assessment was probably fast tracked compared to a situation which didn’t need immediate attention, so maybe some of it doesn’t hold up as well now. Nowadays I often feel like there should have been more attention on delusions and some partially blocked out traumas, as well as the PTSD. But I digress. I’m always glad to hear someone talk about their experiences with mental health. It’s a conversation that needs to be had and is especially important now. There are genuinely so many discoveries and revisions being made in the mental health fields right now, yet the general population barely knows the first thing about any of it. Medical reasearch and discoveries aren’t the first hashtag on Twitter, after all. More people need to know even just the basics of it, and imo there need to be more/effective PSAs on what to do in emergency mental health situations. Like how there are ads on public transportation identifying specific warning signs of physical health conditions. As well as more accurate portrayals of suicidality in the educational sphere. Less like “killing yourself & you’re going to hell” and more like “losing the battle with a disease.” There’s a colder attitude towards suicide because of the idea that it’s a choice. Along with not enough emphasis on the fact that many mental disorders can block off logical reasoning, along with practically every other avenue of independent thought until you’re convinced you have to do it and that there *is* no choice in the matter. It seems like a given that a sickness effecting the brain could have severe and incomprehensible consequences, but it’s easier for people to be cognitively dissonant when there isn’t enough information in their immediate vicinity/access.
Theres always a positive i have come to realise you have to adjust
i agree with you
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I also got diagnosed with Schizoaffective. I can relate. I thought I was in a movie several times. It didn’t help that I was working for a security company installing hidden cameras. Lol. At one stage I thought I was in a computer game.
One thing I found out was some Hindu scriptures said “life is a divine play” they were onto it thousands of years ago. Plus with physics and quantum entanglement that everything is connected and some theories say that all life and matter could be a simulation.
I can totally relate to the disappointment about our meaning and purpose in life. I’ve also worked as a mental health support worker. I believe that like 80% of the healing is in the arts. All mediums.
We are all one.
i agree with you
I could listen to Johnny for hours. I'm so glad we got to see him on this platform again with this topic handled with so much care by the interviewer. Johnny, I'm rooting for you !! Thank you for the reminder that we are all worthy.
I've been having psychologist/ psychiatrist assessments since I was 2 and I've not been diagnosed with anything apart from conduct disorder and anxious attachment along w anxiety and im 17 now. I always felt like there was something more, that all of these labels didn't quite nail it on the head. And I'm still waiting but again whatever happens your story w sexuality guilt fear lashing out even down to the ages when things changed, will guide me along as I have been through those struggles differently BUT very similarly. Thank you for everything you've done for people, including myself.
Please keep doing these podcasts, they're brilliant.
Thank you for sharing your story Jonny. I didn't know a whole lot about Schizoaffective Disorder and also my friend experiences Schizophrenia so I feel like it's important to educate myself about what it is to be a good friend, as well as talking to him about his experience.
My bro has schizophrenia from child abuse ,trauma is usually the reason why, Jonny you are letting your mess become your message and your story someone else's survival guide ,dont ever stop talking 🙏 I have BPD form a crap childhood and ended up a project manager in mental health creating employment for people in peer work as lived exp is incredible,the biggest stigma i found after case studying it was the stigma around mental health and people thinking it will never happen to them,we all are born with mental health its lives within us,when you give people back there PRIDE they become unstoppable ,much respect to you x
One small yet significant correction here that you need to take special note of: It is not PRIDE that we need as pride is part of the ego that drives egotistical behavior which is rooted in narcissism. 'Pride goeth before a fall' - is actually a thing, not just some dumb boring cliche or thoughtless bible scripture. What we want to do is also study language and not just psychology b/c we're a society full of ignorance about psychology (and many other topics) b/c we don't understand the right words to articulate our needs & struggles; therefore, we don't have the right ways to find solutions for them. If we understand it's DIGNITY we need that can help us to be unstoppable - not pride - then we're far better off.
We don't know or practice nuanced thinking in our culture due to lack of language-knowledge. This is where it all must begin. We need to learn about duality and how some words are to be viewed as antonyms and others as synonyms. And pride and dignity are NOT the same thing - not synonymous w/ ea other at all. They sound similar but they are not. Careful nuanced insight makes a huge diff in education and how to go forward.
If we can't understand when and how to align things/ topics together under proper unity and when and how to separate them under proper division, how in the hell can we then understand better how to manage or cure mental health crises of bipolar or BPD for example? The world thinks in way too much of a binary unified hive mind and this IS THE MAIN PROBLEM we have in regards to mental health. We need to STOP treating everyone w/ the same protocols and the same politics b/c the mainstream system loves money so much so they place profit over ppl b/c they can and b/c they don't want to be truly challenged by things they don't want to learn about. We have sloth and greed in the medical industry and thus why so many mentally ill ppl continue to suffer like they do.
But first, let us go back to READ our grammar/ English books b/c w/out the right language, we cannot fully understand how to READ the person and their diseases. This is sad that I even have to make these points that should be obvious but like I said, this is all upside-down b/c of greed and ego. The dr's who work for the state and for the gov pay-off's, these PRIDEFUL arrogant types don't care about the rest of us & our human DIGNITY - those who are the caretakers of the mentally ill are just as disrespected as the ill ones. We too get dismissed and ignored - mostly due to the narcissistic pride of so many others who are unfortunately in top-tier power.
@@kaitlynkarol4600 thanks for your interpretation of the word Pride ,it's your perception only
Words are just words ....Pride is now not a acceptable word because you have chosen to write war and peace above and declare it so? I take pride in my children my work and my actions does that make me a narc?? Thanks for your opinion but just because you believe it doesn't make it the truth or a fact @@kaitlynkarol4600
@@yourkarma2250- You are maybe not taking well what I said and that would make sense b/c you say you have BPD. I have relatives who are borderlines too so I know you have great trouble w/ duality dynamics. Are you in therapy or treatment? I hope so b/c you will need something like DBT for learning how to use language to help you distinguish well betw on side from its polar opposite one. Don't be naive or stubborn about facts b/c this is not MY perception only... The sky being blue and grass being green is NOT my opinion but is rather a FACT. My interpretation of truth is based on many things - books, history and history books, logic, third-party and peer-reviewed data and science, proven life experience and practiced theory which all truth is based upon as a standard way to depend upon how things are in the REAL world for real.
No offense when I say this but this is reality what I tell you - not some schizo's or borderline's twisted warped perceptions of it. I am very healthy, balanced and very logical and am a writer, editor, communications coach who helps a lot of others and so I am not just loosely 'interpreting' some opinion nor do I hinge my bets or facts upon my moods and emotions.
Our other major prob we also face today is not just mental illness but MARXISM which needs to also be classified as a type of mental illness b/c this is a cultural phenomenon which teaches ppl how to lose their grip on reality by abandoning real books, history and truth and lean rather on your own made-up ideas and opinions and in popular things and trends your foolish hipster friends pressure you into following to be accepted and thought of as 'relevant' or cool like them. But these are just other boxes and entrapments folks get lost and locked in.
I can assure you that we should NOT live in our own little bubbles and/or echo chambers to survive. We need to thrive too and in order to do that, it's essential that we are properly educated - esp about language and its contextual meanings. In today's Marxist culture, evil agendas are being funded to remove the 1st A, mostly focused on tearing down the freedom of speech, w/ as much of our words as possible being tossed all in the name of appeasing hyper-sensitive ppl who can't handle truth in language or truth, period. All this does is make us all have to walk around on eggshells and not be our true selves or share any real truth w/ the undeveloped babies and sick ppl we have to feel obligated to coddle. Listen, I am an empath, but I will not coddle those in denial or cog diss. I know how to study duality correctly in order to understand how to balance the objective from the subjective. If you can't be open to learning to do that, you're going to have a much harder time coping w/ and maybe even healing from - BPD.
When I warn ppl 'to be careful w/ your language' - most blind ppl who are stuck in boxed thinking assume I mean the 'f word'...However, I do mean that - just in a diff way b/c the biggest F word we need to be concerned about is called FOOL. Most ppl allow themselves to be fooled by propaganda, echo chambers and bubble thinking - all promoted by the evils of political correctness advocated by either corporatism or Marxism. We need to be empathic and thoughtful but that is another thing - called 'tactful' or 'diplomatic' - NOT PC b/c political correctness is a kind of gov-backed tyranny used to control ppl - not something good to set us free & expand our minds. The very word 'political' should raise red flags if you're perceptive enough and know your language - esp the fine lines of duality in language.
Watch your steps out there on those slippery shoals you're walking on b/c if you subscribe to PC and hipster/ Marxist beliefs, you're just as sick if not sicker, than the ones diagnosed w/ these psych disorders. The DSM-5 hasn't been updated by the APA in a long time, so we need to take that into consideration too b/c there are many new mental disorders developing due to cultural Marxism where the delusional world of fairies and unicorns will all help us to heal one day! This kind of uptopian nonsense is actually dystopia disguised as a gift and childish minds who don't want to learn and be responsible will flock to it like candy.
I have so much respect for Jonny. He is a true warrior ❤️ I really appreciate him sharing his story and experiences. I wish him the very best, he deserves happiness ❤️❤️
Oh the tears. So important to hear but difficult. My has bipolar. It was so horrible she wasn't diagnosed until she was in her late 40s.
Thanks for your story.
Jonny, I dont know if you'll see this, but someone close to me has this condition and watching this video brought me some comfort. What you do matters and you matter, very very much. Thank you for talking about these issues perfectly. You made me feel less alone today. I just wish I could pass that feeling along to my friend.
Thank you Jonny. Wow this interview has really blown me away.
i always hated being trapped in multiple dreams. keep up the positive attitude
Mental illnesses are just that, an illness, it's just an illness of the brain the same as I'm ill with a heart defect. I also have a grandson, that is ill, with schizophrenia, it's kept under control, with medication just as my heart defect is, and we have hopefully helped him understand this.and He isn't ashamed of himself
digging that t-shirt man, I know I've suffered with this shit too in the past, not a lot but a few times and it's the most horrific thing ever, I noticed mine got worse when I couldn't sleep so then I had even more of a hard time sleeping and could never relax! usually had some kind of underlying factor like a major issue I had a t the time or something very stressful that I was going through..... I tried to self medicate with weed and booze and they definitely made it all worse cos I could only.sleep when I was blind drunk and then felt like shit with a hangover when I woke up. with no rest!! 🤦♂️
I suffer from Insomnia which caused me to get nocturnal epilepsy, when someone isn't sleeping correctly then it causes problems... some of which can be EXTREMELY serious.
I medicate daily either through tablets or cannabis and booze too btw.
@@KingDomsKingdom85 It can cause major health problems too, heart disease etc
@@KingDomsKingdom85 alcohol is the worst. My dad died from cirrhosis of the liver from years of drinking and it was absolutely the most horrible thing I've ever seen. He had blood coming out of every hole in his body- eyes ears nose mouth etc. I don't even drink socially anymore but I have my other vices. I would suggest sticking with marijuana as it seems to have a great many benefits and very little negative effects. You might put on a few pounds from having the munchies all the time but that's better than waking up with delirium tremors and having to have a beer with your morning breakfast just to be able to start your day!
@@birdflipper weed fecked me up. was sectioned for 3 months. I will never recover. sounds dramatic but I cant unthink the shi$. Not nocking weed or anyone who smokes it but it can mess ppl up.
Incredibly candid and clearly quite difficult for the interviewee at points. Thank you for sharing this.
Thankyou Johnnie. You are beautiful. I work in MH and see how lonely it is for ppl. Society should value ppl more that have mental illness. The work you are doing is amazing. I suffer from depression too and it is hard to pull yourself up again after having a breakdown. Don;t give up. You can get through another relapse. You have ppl that love you
Totally amazing hun I suffer myself but have my own ideas on where it comes from… it’s not an easy subject & fills people with fear… it’s a cruel thing to be afflicted with very tiring & isolating. X❤
Mate, you're brave and are making a positive difference in the world. Just remember when things get dark that to someone you cross paths with, YOU are the light to them that you once needed so badly.
Much love from Sydney, Australia.
He's so articulate, intelligent and emotionally connected. He demonstrates how fragile we are and at the same time how resilient the human spirit can be. The World is better with him in it.
I understand that you/we wish him the best and want to see him in the best possible light. But we should still remain honest and objective. Articulate...come on now, he wasn't articulate at all. There is no need to lie in order to make someone look better or to put someone on a pedestal. Regarding his intelligence or emotional intelligence/connectedness, I don't know, hard to say, since this conversation was a short one and there was nothing in it that indicated that those characteristics apply to him. I don't want to come across as harsh or whatever, I just want to be honest and hence I don't like it much when people aren't.
This is very interesting because I have some similar background, but I'm diagnosed ADHD. My Dad, however, had schizoaffective disorder and we could not ever have a normal healthy relationship because of it. SO... The toys thing... really got me. I did the same thing with my toys, even up to age 11-13, but they wouldn't break things etc. I would be living out scenarios through the toys, kind of like acting, through them. It wasn't in the same way as little girls play with their Barbie dolls and make them go around the doll house doing doll things. It was in the way that I was acting out an entire real life scenario, usually quite dramatic and/or funny, but the toys would be doing the actions. It's very hard to explain... I also shook my Barbies and did this which was very stress relieving. But the way that you describe the toys is exactly what I did as a child. Also, I had hallucinations as a child, but they went away. I wouldn't sleep alone until I was approximately 12 years old. I could hear people talking at night, hitting glasses together in a cheer, and making other noises on the other end of the house. I would often wake my grandparents up and say that someone was breaking in the house and they needed to go check NOW, only for nothing to be there. There was a floral arrangement facing the bed on the wall for a long time, but I would hallucinate it having eyes watching me. Eventually it had to be taken down. Again, I am 25 and don't have these hallucinations anymore, but they were serious enough to affect my life and gave me immense anxiety back then. I guess it was just an overactive imagination and the toys thing was a way to stim.
It was torture watching John relate his story. What a hideous disease. I wish you all the best,John, you are strong and brave and kind. ❤️🇨🇦
Brilliant interview, sensitively handled, and a very clear expression of what the condition feels like to a person who has it. Johnny is a lovely man, and very brave. I hope his future is kinder than his past, but his present will help many because he speaks so passionately on a subject so often avoided.🖤🇨🇦
Absolute warrior 💯
The demons that people like him go through is so upsetting. Power to him, a real sickness that is overlooked and yet there are people who don't know what toilet to use who genuinely have similar traits.
I think my daughter has schizoaffective disorder, she’s 14. Im happy to see you on here speaking so eloquently. I’m trying not to feel defeated on finding something for that works best for her. I wish you the best.
Thank you for sharing and being so brave. I understand more than you could know. Keep going. Just for today, right.
Jonny you are such an inspiration. I admire you so much for being so open about your illness and tbh if it was someone suffering a physical illness they would talk freely . Keep talking it can only help you and others . Keep sharing your thoughts and experiences,. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Many many thanks. All the best to you Johnny
This dude is an absolute legend. Massive respect, for having the courage to choose such powerful vulnerability.
This is really helpful - thank you for your important work 💜⚡️
This is so very interesting. I knew someone who had completely untreated schizophrenia and did not know she had it, just lived in her quite scary world of conspiracies and delusions. It's fascinating to hear someone be so articulate about their experiences. It strikes me that there's something about being highly creative and imaginative, a hyper connected mind, intelligent, very sensitive, and a strong fear response, that makes some individuals tip over into this condition. Through film, tv, photography, storytelling, we have the ability to conjure vivid, unreal and quite scary or dramatic worlds and stories and religions that really light up people's brains.
Where one person might enjoy a scary film or an interesting idea in a film, another is scared witless and feels it to be extremely real and vivid. Religion often uses fear as a way to try and control behaviour and some people won't feel that fear, some will be mildly concerned, and other people will be petrified. I know someone who is traumatised by nightmares of hell from church as a kid, even today, even though he isn't really religious any more.
It's also fascinating how certain films really stand out to people with schizophrenia. The Truman Show being one of them, The Matrix, The Dark Knight. And how these films get taken up by conspiracy theorists. If you look at Qanon and all that, it's interesting to look at it through the lens of mental health or simply through the lens of fear and worry and how these ideas become appealing to people who are highly anxious. I wonder what films and stories in the past would have been the ones that would have commonly stood out for people. I wonder how a child raised in a hunter gatherer tribe would fare, how much modern society amplifies that fear and imagination.
So much of what Jonny said I could relate to, just to a lesser degree as if some of my own traits are just amplified in him. I have had one episode of what would have been considered psychosis which lasted only a couple of hours and it gave me a huge insight into what people experience. The things I took from that are simply just how petrified people experiencing this can be, and how sincerely held and real the beliefs are.
57:20 Similar with us autistics. We want to belong, have purpose, have work, be respected, not rejected again and again. I understand what he says about fearing the next episode and how he cannot take it anymore. I’ve been s***al since I was 10, 45 now. It’s hard, I too dread another job loss, another ‘you don’t fit in’, another rejection. I’m seeing psych for about a year now, but cannot imagine another ‘episode’ of rejection. I’ll self-delete, it’s been too much.
God bless you young man, I’m so in awe of your courage, resilience, strength, perseverance. And I am yet to meet ‘that’ man on the bridge. Love to you forever!
This is such a fascinating and truthful story. He is such a warrior!
Omg I've been going through the same thing 😢. Thank you for your video❤
my mum had one psychotic episode when she was in her early 20s after a period of extreme stress. She tried to dig bugs out from under her skin and would see spiders everywhere. It was so scary for her and she had no idea what was happening.
It is really important that you look after yourself and pay attention to all the pillars of health. It can make a huge difference to the frequency of relapses and that will make all the effort of eating right, exercising, supplementing, getting enough sleep and practising stress reducing disciplines, worthwhile. I don't underestimate how difficult it is to do this, especially when one is already suffering with mental health issues and yes, I'm not walking my talk. But I'm, once again, resolving to try.
Lost for words thanks for telling your story 😭❤️👍
💜Hi,
Thank you so much for this video.
I cried throughout this video because my husband of 40yrs ( he passed away at 63yrs old 2021) suffered sooo much throughout our marriage. It got worse not properly diagnosed .
* I have a question , ok.
How do you get them to go get help.
I tried and tried. My family tried. What measures and support would someone find, to get your loved ones help?! I mean physically and safely , to
a ficility Like , how do you go about it??? Or maybe there's something to address and create to doctors , law enforcements etc. to be trained.
As you and everyone can see, they can be quite clever, and maybe a born actor with this. I'm an Artist, not a doctor , and I needed the medical professions to help me.
I , and my daughter tried, but that one link was so frustrating.
My heart is still broken to have watched my husband suffer Soo much.
And I can see and hear in his voice all of his sufferings 😢.
Thank you again for this video.
Jonny Benjamin you are an amazing human being and I’m so happy you are alive today ❤ It makes me feel great that I’m not alone. You’re an inspiration. Thank You 🙏🏽💕
I live with schizophrenia, if I stay on my meds they really help with the positive symptoms but i still have a lot of paranoia but it's the symptoms that are lesser known such as negative and cognitive symptoms that are the most disabling day to day like I don't have much emotions and have very little motivation and just don't want to talk sometimes or socialise most of the time. The cognitive symptoms for me are poor memory and concentration along trouble processing information and following instructions along with being completely incapable making some decisions, it's all pretty crap
I'm starting to think I should get checked out... I've had worryingly similar episodes as young as when I was 7 or 8. I used to think that I was in a cartoon or tv show because I could see what looked like a black outline around everything & that everything that happened was scripted & I wondered why I couldn't remember my script, or when I was going through middle school and had daily breakdowns about the thought of death and that it could happen at any given second, that it's just around the corner waiting for me. I could slip and fall, a stray bullet could hit me, a car accident, anything. I was scared of how small things could possibly be and how we could still be considered small, and how big the universe actually is. I'm almost 18 and I'm managing, not well but I'm making it. I'm at least 75% sure I exist and have free will. i mean, how else did i write this comment?
Pls get some outside help - seek the help of two diff pros to keep from biased info. Seek out an eval from a psychiatrist (who can prescribe meds if nec.) and a psychologist (who focuses more on therapy) and you will be able to match things up to finding balance better.
Listen to your kids they are more aware than you realise .
I wish the mainstream media would get more behind this cause - so much misunderstanding out there. You make a difference Jonny. I take my hat off to you! xx
Aww bless your heart. X I had the police forensic team out because I thought my neighbour had put cameras in my flat. It's good that you had a positive delusion with cameras. X
Jonny, we can see you're such a great guy !! I LOVED what you said about not calling a person by a diagnosis, I've always believed that too. I was wondering if you've ever considered that the skills of 'deep fantasy', that your mind possesses, would make you an incredible designer or artist. I don't believe people have these hybrid 'experiences' for nothing, I instead think you're a special gifted person who hasn't found how to give your gift to the World yet.
Thank you, its difficult to explain to people or to hear and realize it.
Well done going on youtube and telling everybody all this. Very brave mate.
Don't feel alone anymore . Thx!!! ❤❤❤
What an amazing person, I just want to hug him ❤️
I suffered night terrors as a child and my daughter did also. We both have manic depression now.
There is definitely a link in some cases.
My daughters night terrors increased I spoke to her school counsellor and then referred to a psychologist. It was the best decision I made for her at the time.
She is 20 now and living her best life.
When she is questioned about he mental health she always explains "It helps to have parents that believe you as a child."
I didn't have that. As you say in the 80s and 90s parents would dismiss these things as a child's imagination. It's not thier fault, society just weren't as educated at that time.
What an amazing man so brave. ❤
I have Bipolar with a history of hearing voices Remarkably entering uni this year here in the UK to study mental health nursing. Lived experience is something so.many are telling me will help alot.
Thank you for sharing.
jonny, you are incredible. such an inspiration.
im 17 just got told i am schizoaffective and its scary i knew i was bipolar and had adhd but none of those scare me my uncle and dad are fully schitzo and i love them to death but they have had full blown conversations with no one creepy as shit and its normal like a daily thing idk man
It took until a schizophrenic cousin of mine murdered his mom in a paranoid episode for the family secret curse of mental health to be talked about openly. My grandpa was a schizophrenic and along with several other family members. There’s been suicides and abuse and addiction and it was never talked about. When It was talked about it was always superstitious nonsense. Thankfully the cycles being broken
I think this young man is incredibly brave and wonderful. ❤️ 🙏
the guy is such a good interviewer
What a beautiful human being. I wish he could read the comments and realise that not only is he very appreciated for who he is just as he is, but that he already does serve more of a purpose in life than dang 90% + of the human race, and that most of us don't have much of a purpose beyond the mundane living to survive, some to thrive, and many to love those close to us. And importantly - that he doesn't have to serve a purpose further than that if he doesn't want to - I think making the world a better place by just being a positive influence in it in his immediate surroundings is something he does naturally, and thats already just perfect. I hope he finds life easier as time goes on, and feels the love and acceptance.
This was sad, heartbreaking 😭😢😭😢😢😢
Jonny seems like he still holds onto a lot of shame or at least, strong sense of self consciousness about the thoughts and ideas he would hold as a young man and even as a grown man. Of course if he can’t help these feelings I’m not saying he’s doing something wrong - but I feel incredibly sympathetic towards his self consciousness, like he has something bizarre about himself he has to explain. It’s incredibly human to want to be loved, liked, approved of. As a young person struggling with schizoaffective symptoms and questioning his sexuality, for that to manifest as a validating-at-first obsession that he was being watched and everyone liked him seems like an ever-so-slightly dialed up but enormously sincere and earnest thing to want.
He’s not wrong that psychosis and psychotic symptoms, like delusions, unrealistic or magical beliefs, convictions that are logically untrue to most people - still carries so much stigma in todays society and maybe that’s why he feels he must apologise or accommodate himself to the average person. Because the truth is we all, no matter how hard we bury it, want to be liked and approved of. It’s baked in. It might only not be present when someone has a very particular, inflexible personality (like a personality disorder).
I’ve not even finished the interview yet but as someone with multiple mental health struggles myself I’ve carried since childhood I feel a lot of kindness and kinship for him, and want him to feel comfortable, safe and fulfilled.
I've experienced cannabis induced psychosis before. Time was completely distorted, minutes felt like hours. I went from giggling, to tears, cackling away at nothing to being certain everyone in the room was out to get me, especially my best friend. I made a call to my now ex pleading for help but he laughed it off and hung up. (He's an ex for a reason)
I couldn't go back to the living room, one mate came out to talk to me and i was reading into every facial expression. Each muscle in her face meant something and I was convinced she was plotting too, trying too but trying to be nice about it. I ended up crying in bathroom sure I died and because everything seemed to keep repeating itself (reality, I kept repeating myself) I thought I was in hell. Its become a inside joke now about the time I took too many edibles - with a gin and tonic. But I was petrified that night, I completely understand what he means when he says, this delusions are facts and even though you might be aware you're ill/high it doesn't change your perception of reality. Sending my love out to him and everyone else that has suffered a psychotic break
This happened to me about 3 weeks ago after smoking weed. I have no care to ever do it again. I've also had a psychotic break after doing so insanely stupid drugs. That night was terrifying. One of the dumbest things I ever did. It was the lonliest I ever felt. The way the hospital treated me didn't really help. Didn't have my insurance card so they practically did nothing for me. Horrible people those doctors work. The main doctor looked at me with such disgust. I hate the way that man looked at me.
Omg I literally used to have night terrors of the BFG too never got schizophrenia but my brother did. I also used to think I could fly when I was little.. maybe I just missed the boat.
Very inspirational! Keep going! Beautiful how you share your story ❤🙏🏻 thank you! Highly recommend this book to anyone: ‘no bad parts’ by Richard Schwartz. Thank you again for your honesty and openness, you’re doing important work 💪🏻❤
It's concerning that a lot of what he talks about is something I've been through myself, I remember the jight terrors and hallucinations, they put it down to an antibiotic I was taking.
It's good to see the change in attitude to mental health but it's still a long way behind, at least its not as taboo as it was.
I have Schizophrenia. Thank you for being so open about this ❤
negative entity attachment , there is nothing wrong with your brain , negative thoughts are not your own you just observe those thoughts coming from these beings
@@lightninggornallwhat a terrible thing to say.
You can see that he's struggling hard to express himself, and the emotions are just under the surface, trying to tear through. I've got my own mental health struggles, including depression and paranoia, which allows me to somewhat relate to his experiences. It can be very hard, and when someone at work accosts me and has no compassion, especially a superior, it has a very negative impact on me. I hope that a solution can be found so that Jonny no longer has episodes!
❤❤❤
I hope this interview wasn’t too triggering for Johnny. I’m really worried that it went too far here
It has made me feel very concerned for him too.
I always have a set back...the camera looking at him will be triggering him. Making his speech disorganised..I struggle with it. I feel loads inside that my mouth cannot express without music.
I have severe OCD - difference is I don't have 'delusions', more just my brain being like but WHAT IF it's real?? No longer have this but as a teenager was constantly having intrusive thoughts about what if im in the truman show, what if the matrix is real and we're in the matrix... all tied to my OCD. I knew rationally it wasn't possible but the pure anxiety of these thoughts filled me with terror that I wouldnt wish on anyone.
I also have OCD and know exactly what you mean. You can be as rational and logical as you like, but the crippling anxiety that accompanies the intrusive thoughts make it impossible to ignore
i don’t have ocd but i have pretty severe anxiety and i suspect bpd, and that constant “what if” eats me alive. it’s debilitating because there will be so much proof that something isn’t true, but my brain will fully convince me that it is or that it might come true. so then i act out and behave as if these delusions and anxious thoughts are true. it ruins my relationships and my ability to trust myself and my intuition/instincts. it’s so awful
I relate to so much of what you're saying but I think it might be a little different for men and women, and no one I'm seeing on youtube is talking about it. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar I. I'd appreciate it if you'd bring a woman on who can tell her experience. Thanks and good luck :)
I love Jonny. Followed him for years.
Why do I feel he has an ability to see what others don't genuinely? The minute I saw him I was feeling in my heart that he has abilities. And he was connected to Henry the 8th era. Then he said it so strange.
I felt that.
I been diagonosed with shizo affective but i never have hallucinations. I take abilifiy but i rather not take my meds because they slow me down make me really hungry and tired. I gain a lot of weight. Sometimes I really question my diagnosis its not easy for me to accept because I feel I am functional and can do without meds and all I need is more compassion. I often rather face the episodes myself with my high and low moods because it will mean that overall I will feel less hungry and more energetic anyhow the moods will not last forever. I know eventually I will calm down. But I feel so powerless and like society would not allow me to be off my meds. I really struggle with not wanting to take the medication at all.