Never prove yourself. Never react to the narcissists because they enjoy your emotional outbursts knowing your sensitivity since you see the truth in their madness. Leave as soon as you can to be as far away as you can possibly be from them. Create and find your own soul family that love you unconditionally for that support and sanity both online and offline. Work on self love affirmations and healing daily as a routine and always remember that you really loved and only made to be a scapegoat because of your inner greatness you need to discover about yourself in life. You are always on point as usual with your soothing voice. Thank you.
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d the killing terrifies me the most, they r monsters and have no soul. R they possessed cuz they r def not humane. How can people be like this? They r not born like that right? I cant get my head around it. Did u get death threaths? I also get them, its mostly threaths but does the damage already. Feeling extremely anxious, on edge and isolated
When I was around narcissistic people in the past, I was always trying to prove myself to them, but now I realize that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for the narcissist if they choose to see me as beneath them. Thank you so much for your channel! You and Doctor Ramani's channel have helped me so much!
Consider the source. Whenever my narcissistic parents are using disapproval to get their way with me I consider their credibility, level of soundness, what they have not master in their life. My narcissistic parents have zero control over me. I don’t let them play their tricks or try and manipulate me. It’s not always easy or pretty on my part but that’s small trade off.
@@suap309 Easier is a mirage. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t distance yourself. We just have to give up the notion that there is something we can do to make easier. The reason for that is because it is never the person who got taken advantage of fault that they got taken advantage of. So it’s not your fault and you aren’t to blame for any of it. But we can sure as hell make it harder for them to do anything like that by staying out of aiming distance. Nothing will de-condition the narcissist but pure frustration.
But it's not for no reason. They do it to cover up "THIER" Perversions and sickness and cowardice and weakness. It's cowardice and shame that they feel about themselves. Want to push thier buttons, laugh at thier fear and point out thier fear in public
Most people seem absolutely desperate to conform even if it's against all their best interests, many seem willing and eager to sacrifice a child to an ignorant conformity. They're more afraid of not being included then they have the desire to do good, learn, make money. A lot of what's going on with all of us here is some 'group' needed a scapegoat for reassurance, to scare each other from straying. They picked us. We don't have to ask for permission to leave, we just need to go. How many people have voted for politicians who are bullies? Who have lists of scapegoats? How many of the people who vote for these bullies are in financial straits? (All the tax cuts of the past 45 years? For most of us overall? 2%. For the rich and corporations? For awhile taxes were essentially voluntary. I heard myself say to one of these people, "I don't do anything based on fear." They're all afraid of the bogeyman in their heads. ) Our advantage having been kept outside the group is we see can what a hindrance it is. Do you really want to go to their drunken barbecue or would you rather travel the world? Do you want to sit around listening to them complain about 'eggheads'? Or go to university and read a thousand books? U2's "One" is about a lot of this: "Is it getting better Or do you feel the same? Will it make it easier on you Now you got someone to blame?" It's a great song. In this context it's both addressing the toxic parent, but also addressing the damaged scapegoated partner who can't love because they're still stuck. Don't be stuck, be amazing. Get started.
'Letting go doesn't mean you don't love the person'. 'Letting go doesn't mean you don't care'. "Letting go doesn't mean it isn't important.' Letting go means acknowledging what is out of your power'. Gifted Teaching that leads to Healing. Comforting. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, again.
I agree. The problem I've got was getting rid of the savior role; I felt it was my duty to save everyone but I don't know where that came from. One day I told myself; "you are not God" and it has nothing to do with arrogance...I have been told so many times about my duty to sacrifice myself that I felt responsible for whatever wrong was going on in the furthest corner of the planet. I had to find a different way to see humbleness in order to be fair with myself and don't let anyone punish me because I have no superpowers but still I had to pay for all evil outside my reach and will. It's crazy.
@@Lyrielonwind True. Take comfort in knowing you have been good to them, provided genuine support at times when they needed it, even if they don't appreciate it. Like Michele says, a time comes to move on, let them live their own life. And, you can create a new life for yourself, surrounded by people who are healthier and will appreciate you goodness. The challenge is getting over 'saying goodbye' and not looking back. Its a sunny day going forward, Rejoice.
This is so true. My 'mother" is a narc so is her golden child daughter. Her other "lost child" so also has narc traits. I was the scapegoat, abused, insulted, blamed, detested, devalued and smeared, and found myself in a similar role in most of my workplaces. I left those toxic workplaces some years ago and went no contact with the "family" unit over a year ago and feel so free. What they do is no longer my concern. I now surround myself with my chosen family and work in a positive workplace and couldn't be happier. No contact is the only way.
That’s So Oddly Funny and coincidental that I JUST wrote in my journal, the other day, about how living in that sort of reality IS JUST LIKE running in a hampster wheel !!! 🙌😉👌❤️
With my spouse I'm the scapegoat and my son (his stepson) is the golden child. I used to chase but thanks to people like you I'm understanding this better and I've stopped reacting and chasing.
This is why my only sister sees me as a rival, hates me and is super-competitive with me. I say "Hi, how are you?" and she hear "I hope you are doing poorly...". I realized that now being 39 after watching videos about narcissistic parents. Our mother brainwashed my sister. She started very soon, so my sister develop deep resentment towards me. She believes, I am her enemy. This hurts so much. There is no way into her heart. She is programmed not to trust me, so she is disconnected from me (the truth speaker, the scapegoat) and believes only our mother. :-( I tried to tell her directly, that she is manipulated before I found out about narcissism and how deeply one can be manipulated to believe something, if he is told that for a very long time. I went NC with my whole family. Both parents are narcs and I tried to open the eyes of my sister, sadly she is narcissistic as well and as the golden child she enjoys her position. Fun fact is, that in the past, my sister told me, that she is amazed that I was able to move out from parents and establish my own life, even get a mortgage. Well, I was forced to do it. Our mother kicked me out from her place as soon as she could do it legally. :-( My sister witnessed it and was totally unbothered about it. She seemed to be bored to see me crying and begging my mother (on my knees) to let me live there at least temporarily. She never contacted me to check upon me. That broke my heart. I asked my sister about her reaction and she either changed subject or called me an abusive manipulator. :O She is brainwashed by our mother for over 3 decades already, I realized that. Too long to be able to see the reality. This is her reality, I am the enemy.
I believe you have to accept she is narcissist as well. I have 5 more siblings. None of them worth a conversation; they were not narcissists (not all of them) in childhood. Now I had to accept, none of the ever care about me. Their excuse to not letting me go was that they were protecting me. I waisted my life miserably just helping them to bury me. I guess we need to love ourselves; no one else will and yes, it's so sad.
Its painful to accept that your siblings believe the lies of your parents. But at the end we have to. Because we don't have any other choice. My siblings also consider me as their enemy although I never did anything wrong with them. It hurts so much but I have accepted that I don't have any space in their lives nor have they in mine. Moreover your sister sounds like a narc so its better to not engage with her and let her go..
Thank you all for your replies. I know there are many like me still thinking it is their fault somehow. Or that they do something wrong. No, it is the toxic parent that plays games with own children to make them resent each other. My mother won. There is nothing human left in my only sister. I wish I had more siblings, or at least one, who remained emphatic. Narcissism runs in both sides of my family, that is what attracted my parents to each other. The toxic kind of a relationship. They are divorced already, they fought every single day, many times including us, their children... and if we dared to take the bad side or none side, we were punished. I went no contact with my whole family. Before that I approached a few people to see, if they may not be narcs, sadly I found out, there is not a single biological person in my family, who is not narc. Their partners are not but they are brainwashed no to engage with me because I AM CRAZY :D Their ex partners on the other hand reached out and told me everything about their abuse. I was not surprised... I knew they were abused and cheated on. It is considered normal in my family. A partner is a thing to use... and you have to be in control of him and everything. I am in a therapy and happily married. I don't want to rule over my hubby, I like the fact we can talk about everything and there is no judgement or abuse or names calling. :-) I can cry, if I feel like it and there is no calling me weak. He hugs me and asks, what is going on, how he can help me. He is my treasure. He suggested and supported me to go to the therapy. :-)
When you are scapegoated as a child the smear campaign starts when you are an infant. You are literally innocent and just hoping to survive. Your parent is complaining about what a terrible baby you are to earn pity points from their flying monkeys. It's horrifying and disgusting.
So good to hear about the polarizing behaviour! The Golden Child / Scapegoat flipflop is a nightmare all its own! "None if that is in your control." "None of that is your fault." This can transpose from a family dynamic to behaviour of narcissistic system groups, in adulthood. Can take YEARS to recognize this!
Hi Michele. I‘m struggling so hard with accepting, being in peace with the amount of unfairness/injustice that’s going on... lies are taken as truth and truth as lies, you know..this inversion makes me mad, I struggle to let go... what s your point of view..? Thank you v much
I can tell you even above. My narcissistic mother blamed ME of my elder brother death despite the fact I was born a year later! But the cause of that baby boy death was my mother gave him antibiotics even if by stupid advice of conventional doctor
Yes a rotten aunt and cousin and my sister did this for 15 years with my brother smearing my name it was painful. But when they finally showed their true colours the eyes opened now I educated him about narcissism and he cannot just believe it and he gives them a piece of his mind whenever needed and it's great.
Thank you, Michelle!! Your video helped me finding out about my family is narcissistic! I have been watching your videos for two years now. Gradually recovering!
My grandmother is a narcissist and I was her original golden child, her mini me. Then I had encephalitis at the age of 6 and it changed my bubbly and lively personality to a withdrawn one. All of the sudden my little sister became grandma's golden child and she no longer cared for me. Ever since then I was branded the slow in the head, fat and lazy one with dim future ahead of me and constantly reminded of this. She accused me of crazy things. When I was about 15 years old I realised that I could never be enough in her eyes, she will always view me as a failure no matter what I did and I gave up trying to prove her wrong, I kind of accepted her labels and gave up on myself. Few years back she admitted to me that she couldn't forgive me for surviving illness and living with acquired brain damage as if that was her burden. She had incredibly hard start in life and was harsh on people around her to the point of being cruel in the name of honesty. I realise now that her honesty was just her opinion and not truth. I'm actually grateful that I wasn't her golden child. My sister grew up to be incredibly entitled mid range covert narcissist. I'm ok now, I understand our family dynamics and I know that they're broken people, not me. I just pity them both.
They most likely to find another scapegoat and usually that scapegoat was getting groomed to be the next scapegoat even in your presence. They also start hoovering the one who left but that's not always the case. It depends on the type of narcissist the parents are. Some narcs hoover their victims and some don't.
@@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789 Thanks for answering. I have been no contact for two years; they cannot hoover me, they are all blocked but I cannot believe everything is ok. Someone must be miserable for the sake of the cult but I cannot know Who might be, although I think is the golden girl, the first born and sure she hates me for leaving but won't get the point I was the rubbish can for my whole life before anyone and everyone was happy about it. I doubt anyone is studying narcissism although I told them before I left.
@@Lyrielonwind glad to know that you are free from them now. And definitely there would be someone carrying the dysfunction of the family. As for studying narcissism, I have observed that people don't try to understand these things unless they are forced to. Also in narcissistic families they don't want to self reflect or change so they don't even bother to understand something. Maybe the next scapegoat will try to learn just like we did.. God bless❤
@@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789 In one hand, I don't want to know about them, in another hand I am not only curious, I feel sorry for the new scapegoat, I know how that feels. Thanks a lot for sharing your insights and opinions. God bless u 2. 💖
It happens in families and in other scenarios, as well. I don't know about anyone else but, for me, the smear campaign feels like betrayal. Trust doesn't come easily, as it is; so when this happens, it feels like it's not safe to trust hardly anyone, at all. There have been so many times where I felt very disenchanted with life. What has helped me a lot is learning how to separate myself and my worth from other people's behavior and opinions. It still hurts sometimes but it's getting easier. Learning about this over the past few years has helped me to start putting dynamics like this into a much healthier and truthful perspective. It has helped me to walk away when I've needed to, or to disengage when there isn't another viable option at that time.
My father destroyed my relationship with my brother. I absolutely love my brother, but recently I overheard him saying something about me to my Dad, that was horrible. It was based on lies my Dad told him. There is nothing I can do to change what my brother thinks of me. He was my favorite person on this earth, I always thought he was the only person who understood me, and loved me unconditionally when both my parents didn't because they are not capable. I have to accept I have no family. I'm alone. I know there will be people who will be family, but they are not here yet. It's devastating. Thank you Michelle, for articulating these hard truths. People who have not been through it can't understand.
Swami Vivekananda said Kerala is a Lunatic Assylum. I know a Narcissistic Village. People there shame eachother and assigns nickname to everyone. Hope someone do some research on that village.
Hi all I’m back again I think I have listened to this video 10 times ! It summarizes so succinctly my life. My whole life has been about being good enough to be let out of the scapegoat role. I’m in shock to hear the solution. I had two spiritual experiences where God Himself told me to get out ! I’m old now and afraid of being alone. Both my parents trash me
I was scared about being alone but know and since I don't find honest people in my surroundings I'm scared of my social exclusion but afraid and lazy to try meeting people. I feel that while alone no one can hurt me. Besides, loneliness is the number one disease in the planet.
Me too...only through a 12 step recovery program; & being on steps 10,11 &12 was I warned.. First Very quietly & then through such a vicious narcissistic family "cult" gathering round dying mums bed. My Higher Power I choose to call God Showed me thru sending me other people in recovery programme. One friend just said :"Leave". I feel God took me out; thus time via a covert entitled brother shoving me away from visiting (as only 1 visitor a day; it HAD TO BE him!!) . It was devastating at the time & as only 2 weeks ago I'm still healing + guilt of not visiting But it finally just became too dangerous. I'm saying this at 61 & after knowing thru many such ",gatherings"(usually happier ones...[happier for them!!]; that the malignant mother rarely at the end even said much But clearly got huge supply to see youngest golden child attack me Over & over again. Trully evil. It's when my integrity on a 12 step programme & my safety + staying Sober were at risk when returning Especially when money & the Will is now involved. Pure evil. I'd rather be poor But Rich in Spirit. 🥰❤💓💓to all Trying to leave. Get out as soon as you can.. as they just destroy you more & more.
I was the scapegoat and the truth teller. My mother never forgave me for not being born a boy. If I had been a boy, my dad wouldn't have cheated. If I had been a boy, my dad would have been happy. I tried my best to be the boy he wanted, I played and excelled at sports. I was tough and could take the physical pain my father gave out as punishment but it was never ever enough. I would go between chasing their approval and thumbing my nose at them. I would try so hard and fail then gwt angry and act out. I refused to portray the approved image they demanded and hated myself for it at the same time.
MICHELLE, YOU ARE ALWAYS SO WONDERFUL SO SKILLFUL IN YOUR TEACHING, SO LOVING AND KIND SO TRUTHFUL, I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH,!!!!!AND YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!.
Virtually every relative I had/have were very narcissistic or psychopathic towards me especially my mother although I didn't realize it till just several years ago in my late forties. TO LATE. I've been robbed of everything and my life's hanging by a thread. These narcissist videos on RUclips I discovered a year or so ago provide some knowledge and consolation I guess but virtually none of them discuss getting any real tangible reparation from these destructive hurtful people. I talked about this with a therapist but pretty the same thing. On the other hand if I'd learned about this many years earlier my life could have been way better easily. God bless anyone effected by these kind of people.
In a family where both children are golden child, parents of these golden child look to their siblings, nephews, nieces or others for scapegoat including when their golden child openly errs. 🤔
Much of what Michele has said in her video is reminiscent of what happened during my own formative years; primarily with a religious twist, and is the primary reason why I went no contact with my "family" (siblings/parental units) of origin more than 21 years ago.
Indeed, the truthpill about smearing goes way back. I realised it 3 yrs ago. I recognized the pattern back when i was 24 the first time. I am 52 now, and after bringing 1 daughter back that flew out of the 2 back in, i am confronted with the same bs, and the SG, again! Very heartbroken.
This is so true. My siblings dont see the things that I see. I experience what seems like gaslighting because when I say something about our mother, other siblings would just say "oh you know, shes growing old. Oh she doesn't mean it" ... It's almost funny because they are so enmeshed and blinded.
I totally feel u and cudnt relate more! Its soo frustrating and lonely to be the only with clear vision and seeing the truth while everyoen turns a blind eye or makes up excuses. Omggg it pisses me off so badly! I hate my siblings, they always deny my reality and act like i deserve it and brought it upon myself. They r totally brainwashed. They really foolish
My narc father is soo cruel, degrading, belittling, coldblooded, emotionally abusive,constantly threaths to hurt me and even wishing to kill me or have me dead. He is so evil. He hates me for no reason. What have i done to deserve this! I feel so disgusted by him and feel so estranged and want him out of my life. He destroyed my self esteem, creates self doubt, always blames me for everything, never satisfied, never proud, never good enough, questioms my abilities, mocks me, the list is endless
Despicable shit. It just sunk in relatively recently just how deeply it all goes. Offering help several years ago (in waves over about 4 years) in ways I not only did not ask for, but which I never would have even thought to, but was in such need (breakdown) that I accepted. Worst decision of my entire life, bar none. Boy am I ever paying sooooome psychic debt now. Set up indeed: an evil ruse. It's terrifying. Animosity, anger & disgust, all orchestrated, and bought hook, like, sinker. You are so right. And I am trying to hold my own by remembering that letting go is the only viable option. 💙
@8:00 Minutes in, I realized how many times my mother and Stepfather "worked me over." Horrible people parading around as if they were good parents to all of us. Family pictures where we appear "Normal." Nope...two deeply disturbed "Only Children, got "Remarried," to Each OTHER, and had a "field day," abusing their little project of abuse, then "gifting," her strangely... Yes, Prism of REALITY, they are "Weirdos," broken souls for real." Lisa Rae Rousseau😗✝️
Unfortunately, I must dislike this video. It made me very upset and disappointed. I hope not many scapegoats will see it. You present other people's reality without much compassion and understanding of their very difficult situation. I get it, you make money on it, but I think you're not an actual therapist and I found the way you talk to the scapegoats potentially harmful and causing more even issues. For instance, a truth pill to swallow is a very unfortunate way to explain that the excluded kid in the family needs to deal with trauma and never expect justice or apology. Or the way you say "you will be blamed for everything" "it will always be your fault". Where is your compassion? As a person who apparently advises people who went through that trauma, you should present more understanding. Or is it just a way to make money on a popular topic? I hope there won't be more channels like that and people who are victims of narcissistic abuse will revert to channels created by actual psychologists and therapists.
What she is saying is true and you can check out all the comments that agreed with her and I don't see anything wrong but your comments. I guess you will say an abused scapegoat not to be pessimistic and attacking her for not being a psychologist sounds too narcissist to me. She is a coach and well trained. Where is her compassion? Have you read any scapegoat telling her she is wrong or not compassionate? I don't know who are you trying to fool but if is yourself that's your problem, not hers.
Folks, there’s narcs in the comment section. Be careful! This woman has one of the best channels for Scapegoats. Read this person’s comment, they are clearly trying to cause disruption and confusion. The clearest example of a narcissist.
When you drive. You don't use your rearview mirror. Narcs do this all the time. Move forward be the better you and keep in touch with your loved ones..
Now I know what to do. I will cut the ties with everybody from my past. I want to heal. But my abuse was so severe that I will never have friends. I have a social anxiety. I accepted that already. But I have my husband and this is a true blessing.
But what about international adoptees who had trauma from separation and then been abused in their new families, and then have the society tell them that they must be grateful and get no therapy and no help. I work in that field where you get severe ptsd, trauma, narcissism combined with racism. How is healing an option for those children/adults?
This is helping me so much I have ran so much chasing begging please spend time with us. Etc. I literally have vagus nerve disregulation and adrenaline fatigue and almost went into failure due to me quitting my steroids I became addicted to. Which I got my medical records I was on so much as an adult which resulted in an unhealthy adult. I'm finally getting healthy for the first time in my life. But the emotional scars are open now. For my health I have now for the first time put distance between me and my family. After YEARS GROWING UP WITH SEVERE ANXIETY. AFTER 5 MONTHS being away I'm 30 percent healed. IM ON THE RIGHT PATH
Maybe their just angry because they put all that effort in trying to play the nice person for the outward show while in the meantime trying to manipulate people that still won't do as they please, so all that effort is wasted and maybe they even recon their facade is crumbling, losing power. So they start lashing out because they need a return on the effort they invested and keep their usual way of manipulating things behind peoples backs. no holds barred. Because what else do they have ? Become "honest" and confess to all the shit they done ? There is no way back for them, their ego is built out of lies and deceit and that is their internal voice they cling onto in order to save their ego. So what can they do ? destroy their misplaced ego that is all they have and all they know ? Confess to the point it becomes clear even the outward positive show, the phantom self they cling to, is also a fake ? Could they even admit that to themselves ? And what would be left buy an agonizing void of negativity if they did ? So they won't. Scared to death of finding out their life is full of shit. And that's why they hate people who they expect may be on to this i guess. Narcissists are probably the most negative people that are around, true demons. Suddenly i think their like some kind of nasty computervirus or ransomware or stuff like that. Lucky computers, they can just be reinstalled and all corrupted files will be gone. I wish it was that easy for human brains.
I've Read Alice Miller Books which are absolutely wonderful for me as a scapegoat also They do not sugar coat anything and are true to life for me. The Body Never Lies when I get stomach pains I'm in trouble yes Although you have to recognize that narcissistic dynamics is telling you it's ok to cop out in other words. When it comes to actually being there for anyone sometimes in reality and responsibly put too. In other words you are slowly creating to some extent a person disinfranchised from the reality who needs to understand All by yourself what was going on? This is why I went to doctor's for years our parents were particularly neglectful of some of us. I know who the Golden Child is now etc However I won't be told I'm the best in family when I think that just isn't the truth so much either Thanks for this though PS my stomach is bothering me now I had recent contact ugh
Thank you. You explained perfectly the scapegoat seeing the abuse and the golden child not and putting a division up so no one believes scapegoat. My golden child narc brother has done this to protect my narc mother all my life and smeared my name to all
My sister is a narcissist and uses me as an scape goat blames me for things that make zero sense i liked your video helped me a lot the thing my sister does that causes brain pain 🙃 is she doesn't take in anything I say
Honestly this makes me sick. I'm leaving the family unit. Thanks I thought you got to explain this to the family. But I knew in the back of my mind it wont change anything.
im living like a rat, trying to fulfill everyones needs, while neglecting my ownself, scapegoated child really exhaust themself being abuse, perfectionism are all my childhood believe, inherited or perhaps, forced to us
I found that at first, we will "feel" it as uncomfortable because the old reaction is familiar and "programed by the narc, , but I learned that it's like a muscle. I Do the action even tho I "feel" uncomfortable, eventually, when I see positive results in my life, it gives ne engorgement to continue to "act my way into the feelings". Feelings aren't facts.
@@christianpulisic7784 thank you for that sweet compliment. Your 💯 right! I don't need any narcs in my life and I'm getting better at seeing the red flags earlier and not ignoring them.
Have gone no-contact for about a year and the effort to replace emotional thinking with reality is paying off. So sorry I did not know what was going on years ago but it is better to be late than never.
Hi Michelle, what if narcissist don't trust even if you try so hard to keep yourself faithful and honest.. and he always suspects.. how to respond to this?
My situation currently is being scapegoated by the old narc covert lady across the street neighbor and now since taking up for myself this has alienated me from my other neighbors whom I otherwise had a good relationship with.
There is an obvious common denominator here in your victim mindset and how you refer to everyone who doesn’t want to be involved with you as a narcissist. You might want to clean your own side of the street before shouting out clinic diagnosis of others without your PHD. Just saying, if the shoe fits…it’s probably your shoe!
I totally empathize with the setting you up to fail bit. I experienced this many times with my FOO. It seems so cowardly that they gang up on you as a way to bring you down, something they would never do individually.
I was treated like this by the wrong people in my life., I am always trying to please people around my family. I am all horrible and I don't take care of myself. I never knew my own worth. Now I am a loner and a hermit.
Thank You❣️Well explained and helpful! Also about the Triangulation..the narcissist on the top and the siblings in the corners below etc..now I understand it ones for all!! 😥🧐🤔🤨😠......🗽🍀🕊
100% true 💔💔💔 me mom told me that my "father" started with the smearing behind my back when I was 4 year old - even bevore he started abusing me. My brother never told me. My mother only told me because she was ill with terminal cancer and I was her caregiver. When she would not be so ill - I would maybe never know...
The truth is that most of the scapegoats will leave the family system even though it is painful.
Yes - and it is the healthiest thing they can do!!!
Yes did it yesterday - truly exhausting….. Bless em leave em ! That’s all we can do
@@FromSurvivingToThriving i dont know how to leave, i am financially dependent i am soo depressed and feel so hopeless😰😰
@@nahiedlaila9601 I can relate but we have to do our part to save ourselves and trust god too ♥️
Yup! What I've recently done. They're psychopaths.
Never prove yourself. Never react to the narcissists because they enjoy your emotional outbursts knowing your sensitivity since you see the truth in their madness.
Leave as soon as you can to be as far away as you can possibly be from them. Create and find your own soul family that love you unconditionally for that support and sanity both online and offline. Work on self love affirmations and healing daily as a routine and always remember that you really loved and only made to be a scapegoat because of your inner greatness you need to discover about yourself in life. You are always on point as usual with your soothing voice. Thank you.
You can't leave when you're the vulnerable child
I had to mourn what I never had from a family. Both parents are narcissists and my sibling is worst than them. No contact saved my life.
I'm so sorry - yes we do have to mourn the loss of what we deserved but didn't get!! Sending a huge hug your way!!!
My heart goes out for you ❤️❤️❤️
Amen Friend, I wish you Health, Wealth, Prosperity & Abundance
@@منالسيدةإلىالنساءالمحترمات are you Pakistani or urdu speaking?
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d the killing terrifies me the most, they r monsters and have no soul. R they possessed cuz they r def not humane. How can people be like this? They r not born like that right? I cant get my head around it.
Did u get death threaths? I also get them, its mostly threaths but does the damage already. Feeling extremely anxious, on edge and isolated
When I was around narcissistic people in the past, I was always trying to prove myself to them, but now I realize that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for the narcissist if they choose to see me as beneath them. Thank you so much for your channel! You and Doctor Ramani's channel have helped me so much!
I learn the hard way too. Narcissists will never validate us so they can control us. It's all about control. Stay strong. You deserve better.
Consider the source. Whenever my narcissistic parents are using disapproval to get their way with me I consider their credibility, level of soundness, what they have not master in their life. My narcissistic parents have zero control over me. I don’t let them play their tricks or try and manipulate me. It’s not always easy or pretty on my part but that’s small trade off.
❤
@@ConsistencyWins444 it's easier when you don't live near them and have very little face to face contact
@@suap309 Easier is a mirage. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t distance yourself. We just have to give up the notion that there is something we can do to make easier. The reason for that is because it is never the person who got taken advantage of fault that they got taken advantage of. So it’s not your fault and you aren’t to blame for any of it. But we can sure as hell make it harder for them to do anything like that by staying out of aiming distance. Nothing will de-condition the narcissist but pure frustration.
Spent too much time wondering why people didn’t respect me…. I figured it out eventually
So right. You wouldn't believe how people you grew up with and even your parent can literally try to destroy you - for absolutely no reason
I have an idea my cousin and her ex-husband may be suing my sister over the way she has treated me !!
same, we're like their dolls to them, control everysingle thing we like and destroying our sense of self
Mathew 10:36
But it's not for no reason. They do it to cover up "THIER" Perversions and sickness and cowardice and weakness. It's cowardice and shame that they feel about themselves. Want to push thier buttons, laugh at thier fear and point out thier fear in public
Most people seem absolutely desperate to conform even if it's against all their best interests, many seem willing and eager to sacrifice a child to an ignorant conformity. They're more afraid of not being included then they have the desire to do good, learn, make money. A lot of what's going on with all of us here is some 'group' needed a scapegoat for reassurance, to scare each other from straying. They picked us. We don't have to ask for permission to leave, we just need to go. How many people have voted for politicians who are bullies? Who have lists of scapegoats? How many of the people who vote for these bullies are in financial straits? (All the tax cuts of the past 45 years? For most of us overall? 2%. For the rich and corporations? For awhile taxes were essentially voluntary. I heard myself say to one of these people, "I don't do anything based on fear." They're all afraid of the bogeyman in their heads. )
Our advantage having been kept outside the group is we see can what a hindrance it is. Do you really want to go to their drunken barbecue or would you rather travel the world? Do you want to sit around listening to them complain about 'eggheads'? Or go to university and read a thousand books?
U2's "One" is about a lot of this:
"Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you
Now you got someone to blame?"
It's a great song. In this context it's both addressing the toxic parent, but also addressing the damaged scapegoated partner who can't love because they're still stuck. Don't be stuck, be amazing. Get started.
No one believes the scapegoat.
'Letting go doesn't mean you don't love the person'. 'Letting go doesn't mean you don't care'. "Letting go doesn't mean it isn't important.' Letting go means acknowledging what is out of your power'. Gifted Teaching that leads to Healing. Comforting. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, again.
I agree. The problem I've got was getting rid of the savior role; I felt it was my duty to save everyone but I don't know where that came from.
One day I told myself; "you are not God" and it has nothing to do with arrogance...I have been told so many times about my duty to sacrifice myself that I felt responsible for whatever wrong was going on in the furthest corner of the planet. I had to find a different way to see humbleness in order to be fair with myself and don't let anyone punish me because I have no superpowers but still I had to pay for all evil outside my reach and will.
It's crazy.
@@Lyrielonwind True. Take comfort in knowing you have been good to them, provided genuine support at times when they needed it, even if they don't appreciate it. Like Michele says, a time comes to move on, let them live their own life. And, you can create a new life for yourself, surrounded by people who are healthier and will appreciate you goodness. The challenge is getting over 'saying goodbye' and not looking back. Its a sunny day going forward, Rejoice.
Attacking and punishing them is also out of your power. It works both ways.
This is so true. My 'mother" is a narc so is her golden child daughter. Her other "lost child" so also has narc traits. I was the scapegoat, abused, insulted, blamed, detested, devalued and smeared, and found myself in a similar role in most of my workplaces. I left those toxic workplaces some years ago and went no contact with the "family" unit over a year ago and feel so free. What they do is no longer my concern. I now surround myself with my chosen family and work in a positive workplace and couldn't be happier. No contact is the only way.
That’s So Oddly Funny and coincidental that I JUST wrote in my journal, the other day, about how living in that sort of reality IS JUST LIKE running in a hampster wheel !!! 🙌😉👌❤️
How could I ever thank you ❤️ lots of love and prayers from Egypt
Wow - so amazing that we can connect with people all over the world - sending a huge hug your way!!!
With my spouse I'm the scapegoat and my son (his stepson) is the golden child.
I used to chase but thanks to people like you I'm understanding this better and I've stopped reacting and chasing.
I left 3 years ago and I am thriving!
How did u leave? Do u have any tips?
Hopefully all scapegoats will stop trying to be seen and heard by these evil weirdos. It was never you, it was always them
Thank you needed to hear this today
I can still create a beautiful and happy life.
Amen
Starting now!
This is why my only sister sees me as a rival, hates me and is super-competitive with me. I say "Hi, how are you?" and she hear "I hope you are doing poorly...". I realized that now being 39 after watching videos about narcissistic parents. Our mother brainwashed my sister. She started very soon, so my sister develop deep resentment towards me. She believes, I am her enemy. This hurts so much. There is no way into her heart. She is programmed not to trust me, so she is disconnected from me (the truth speaker, the scapegoat) and believes only our mother. :-( I tried to tell her directly, that she is manipulated before I found out about narcissism and how deeply one can be manipulated to believe something, if he is told that for a very long time. I went NC with my whole family. Both parents are narcs and I tried to open the eyes of my sister, sadly she is narcissistic as well and as the golden child she enjoys her position. Fun fact is, that in the past, my sister told me, that she is amazed that I was able to move out from parents and establish my own life, even get a mortgage. Well, I was forced to do it. Our mother kicked me out from her place as soon as she could do it legally. :-( My sister witnessed it and was totally unbothered about it. She seemed to be bored to see me crying and begging my mother (on my knees) to let me live there at least temporarily. She never contacted me to check upon me. That broke my heart. I asked my sister about her reaction and she either changed subject or called me an abusive manipulator. :O She is brainwashed by our mother for over 3 decades already, I realized that. Too long to be able to see the reality. This is her reality, I am the enemy.
I believe you have to accept she is narcissist as well. I have 5 more siblings. None of them worth a conversation; they were not narcissists (not all of them) in childhood. Now I had to accept, none of the ever care about me. Their excuse to not letting me go was that they were protecting me.
I waisted my life miserably just helping them to bury me.
I guess we need to love ourselves; no one else will and yes, it's so sad.
Its painful to accept that your siblings believe the lies of your parents. But at the end we have to. Because we don't have any other choice. My siblings also consider me as their enemy although I never did anything wrong with them. It hurts so much but I have accepted that I don't have any space in their lives nor have they in mine. Moreover your sister sounds like a narc so its better to not engage with her and let her go..
At first it will be difficult like any other thing but eventually you will be used to it..
Thank you all for your replies. I know there are many like me still thinking it is their fault somehow. Or that they do something wrong. No, it is the toxic parent that plays games with own children to make them resent each other. My mother won. There is nothing human left in my only sister. I wish I had more siblings, or at least one, who remained emphatic.
Narcissism runs in both sides of my family, that is what attracted my parents to each other. The toxic kind of a relationship. They are divorced already, they fought every single day, many times including us, their children... and if we dared to take the bad side or none side, we were punished.
I went no contact with my whole family. Before that I approached a few people to see, if they may not be narcs, sadly I found out, there is not a single biological person in my family, who is not narc.
Their partners are not but they are brainwashed no to engage with me because I AM CRAZY :D
Their ex partners on the other hand reached out and told me everything about their abuse. I was not surprised... I knew they were abused and cheated on. It is considered normal in my family. A partner is a thing to use... and you have to be in control of him and everything.
I am in a therapy and happily married. I don't want to rule over my hubby, I like the fact we can talk about everything and there is no judgement or abuse or names calling. :-) I can cry, if I feel like it and there is no calling me weak. He hugs me and asks, what is going on, how he can help me. He is my treasure. He suggested and supported me to go to the therapy. :-)
They do not appreciate They will not and cannot and never will The end Thank you Michele
When you are scapegoated as a child the smear campaign starts when you are an infant. You are literally innocent and just hoping to survive. Your parent is complaining about what a terrible baby you are to earn pity points from their flying monkeys. It's horrifying and disgusting.
So good to hear about the polarizing behaviour! The Golden Child / Scapegoat flipflop is a nightmare all its own!
"None if that is in your control."
"None of that is your fault."
This can transpose from a family dynamic to behaviour of narcissistic system groups, in adulthood. Can take YEARS to recognize this!
Everything you said Michelle is true. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Your help and support is huge!
Hi Michele. I‘m struggling so hard with accepting, being in peace with the amount of unfairness/injustice that’s going on... lies are taken as truth and truth as lies, you know..this inversion makes me mad, I struggle to let go... what s your point of view..? Thank you v much
@RicksterAF I really hardly understand those kind of..vampires? Or, strange, really strange human beings... it is absolutely shocking
I feel you its a scary messed up world. I cant handle it anymore its almost unbearable. Everyone seems to have turned into a narc
@@nahiedlaila9601 yes it’s a difficult reality
@@nahiedlaila9601 *or path, may I say.
@RicksterAF what kind of indecisions are you thinking of for example?
I can tell you even above. My narcissistic mother blamed ME of my elder brother death despite the fact I was born a year later! But the cause of that baby boy death was my mother gave him antibiotics even if by stupid advice of conventional doctor
Wow.. Its mind blowing. They can be this MUCH irrational..
Yes a rotten aunt and cousin and my sister did this for 15 years with my brother smearing my name it was painful. But when they finally showed their true colours the eyes opened now I educated him about narcissism and he cannot just believe it and he gives them a piece of his mind whenever needed and it's great.
Nice!
Happy to know he did not become an enabler.
Thank you, Michelle!! Your video helped me finding out about my family is narcissistic! I have been watching your videos for two years now. Gradually recovering!
This was so helpful. I was thinking i was both the scapegoat and golden child in my family, and this validated that.
My grandmother is a narcissist and I was her original golden child, her mini me. Then I had encephalitis at the age of 6 and it changed my bubbly and lively personality to a withdrawn one. All of the sudden my little sister became grandma's golden child and she no longer cared for me. Ever since then I was branded the slow in the head, fat and lazy one with dim future ahead of me and constantly reminded of this. She accused me of crazy things. When I was about 15 years old I realised that I could never be enough in her eyes, she will always view me as a failure no matter what I did and I gave up trying to prove her wrong, I kind of accepted her labels and gave up on myself. Few years back she admitted to me that she couldn't forgive me for surviving illness and living with acquired brain damage as if that was her burden. She had incredibly hard start in life and was harsh on people around her to the point of being cruel in the name of honesty. I realise now that her honesty was just her opinion and not truth. I'm actually grateful that I wasn't her golden child. My sister grew up to be incredibly entitled mid range covert narcissist. I'm ok now, I understand our family dynamics and I know that they're broken people, not me. I just pity them both.
I would like to know what happens when the scapegoat leaves, do they find another scapegoat or do they kill each other?
They most likely to find another scapegoat and usually that scapegoat was getting groomed to be the next scapegoat even in your presence. They also start hoovering the one who left but that's not always the case. It depends on the type of narcissist the parents are. Some narcs hoover their victims and some don't.
Rolls will shift & change to continue supporting their distorted perception
@@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789
Thanks for answering. I have been no contact for two years; they cannot hoover me, they are all blocked but I cannot believe everything is ok. Someone must be miserable for the sake of the cult but I cannot know Who might be, although I think is the golden girl, the first born and sure she hates me for leaving but won't get the point I was the rubbish can for my whole life before anyone and everyone was happy about it.
I doubt anyone is studying narcissism although I told them before I left.
@@Lyrielonwind glad to know that you are free from them now. And definitely there would be someone carrying the dysfunction of the family.
As for studying narcissism, I have observed that people don't try to understand these things unless they are forced to. Also in narcissistic families they don't want to self reflect or change so they don't even bother to understand something. Maybe the next scapegoat will try to learn just like we did..
God bless❤
@@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789
In one hand, I don't want to know about them, in another hand I am not only curious, I feel sorry for the new scapegoat, I know how that feels.
Thanks a lot for sharing your insights and opinions. God bless u 2. 💖
It happens in families and in other scenarios, as well. I don't know about anyone else but, for me, the smear campaign feels like betrayal. Trust doesn't come easily, as it is; so when this happens, it feels like it's not safe to trust hardly anyone, at all. There have been so many times where I felt very disenchanted with life. What has helped me a lot is learning how to separate myself and my worth from other people's behavior and opinions. It still hurts sometimes but it's getting easier. Learning about this over the past few years has helped me to start putting dynamics like this into a much healthier and truthful perspective. It has helped me to walk away when I've needed to, or to disengage when there isn't another viable option at that time.
My father destroyed my relationship with my brother. I absolutely love my brother, but recently I overheard him saying something about me to my Dad, that was horrible. It was based on lies my Dad told him. There is nothing I can do to change what my brother thinks of me. He was my favorite person on this earth, I always thought he was the only person who understood me, and loved me unconditionally when both my parents didn't because they are not capable. I have to accept I have no family. I'm alone. I know there will be people who will be family, but they are not here yet. It's devastating. Thank you Michelle, for articulating these hard truths. People who have not been through it can't understand.
sending you love
@@kjbkjhkjhjk7775 Wow, thank you! ❤🩹
Yes, they started smearing my name since at least teenage years.
Absolute evil personified narcs are!! No wonder my brother never ever became close to me no matter how much I tried 🙄😡
Swami Vivekananda said Kerala is a Lunatic Assylum. I know a Narcissistic Village. People there shame eachother and assigns nickname to everyone. Hope someone do some research on that village.
Hi all I’m back again I think I have listened to this video 10 times ! It summarizes so succinctly my life. My whole life has been about being good enough to be let out of the scapegoat role. I’m in shock to hear the solution. I had two spiritual experiences where God Himself told me to get out !
I’m old now and afraid of being alone. Both my parents trash me
How are you now?
How did God warn you?
I also want out of this game
I was scared about being alone but know and since I don't find honest people in my surroundings I'm scared of my social exclusion but afraid and lazy to try meeting people. I feel that while alone no one can hurt me.
Besides, loneliness is the number one disease in the planet.
Me too...only through a 12 step recovery program; & being on steps 10,11 &12 was I warned..
First Very quietly & then through such a vicious narcissistic family "cult" gathering round dying mums bed.
My Higher Power I choose to call God
Showed me thru sending me other people in recovery programme.
One friend just said :"Leave".
I feel God took me out; thus time via a covert entitled brother shoving me away from visiting (as only 1 visitor a day; it HAD TO BE him!!) . It was devastating at the time & as only 2 weeks ago I'm still healing + guilt of not visiting
But it finally just became too dangerous.
I'm saying this at 61 & after knowing thru many such ",gatherings"(usually happier ones...[happier for them!!]; that the malignant mother rarely at the end even said much
But clearly got huge supply to see youngest golden child attack me
Over & over again.
Trully evil.
It's when my integrity on a 12 step programme & my safety + staying Sober were at risk when returning
Especially when money & the Will is now involved. Pure evil.
I'd rather be poor
But Rich in Spirit. 🥰❤💓💓to all
Trying to leave. Get out as soon as you can.. as they just destroy you more & more.
I was the scapegoat and the truth teller. My mother never forgave me for not being born a boy. If I had been a boy, my dad wouldn't have cheated. If I had been a boy, my dad would have been happy. I tried my best to be the boy he wanted, I played and excelled at sports. I was tough and could take the physical pain my father gave out as punishment but it was never ever enough. I would go between chasing their approval and thumbing my nose at them. I would try so hard and fail then gwt angry and act out. I refused to portray the approved image they demanded and hated myself for it at the same time.
They have turned me into this evil ,self sabotaging, victimized, angry soul and I feel trapped and I’m like I’m turning into them
Thank you for your video and your channel. 🙏❤
MICHELLE, YOU ARE ALWAYS SO WONDERFUL SO SKILLFUL IN YOUR TEACHING, SO LOVING AND KIND SO TRUTHFUL, I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH,!!!!!AND YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!.
Thank you for everything!!!
Wow wow wow as if this is the playbook my family is following- very sad
Thank you Michelle for your insight and wisdom.
Virtually every relative I had/have were very narcissistic or psychopathic towards me especially my mother although I didn't realize it till just several years ago in my late forties.
TO LATE.
I've been robbed of everything and my life's hanging by a thread.
These narcissist videos on RUclips I discovered a year or so ago provide some knowledge and consolation I guess but virtually none of them discuss getting any real tangible reparation from these destructive hurtful people.
I talked about this with a therapist but pretty the same thing.
On the other hand if I'd learned about this many years earlier my life could have been way better easily.
God bless anyone effected by these kind of people.
God Bless you too!!
You can't do anything. The problem is in their heads. You just have to go your own way
I found out at 55 but still healing with 59. My best wishes
In a family where both children are golden child, parents of these golden child look to their siblings, nephews, nieces or others for scapegoat including when their golden child openly errs. 🤔
Much of what Michele has said in her video is reminiscent of what happened during my own formative years; primarily with a religious twist, and is the primary reason why I went no contact with my "family" (siblings/parental units) of origin more than 21 years ago.
Indeed, the truthpill about smearing goes way back. I realised it 3 yrs ago. I recognized the pattern back when i was 24 the first time. I am 52 now, and after bringing 1 daughter back that flew out of the 2 back in, i am confronted with the same bs, and the SG, again! Very heartbroken.
You just explained my marriage in a nutshell. I’ll never be with a narcissist again. Thank you for waking me up. God bless you. ❤
This is so true. My siblings dont see the things that I see. I experience what seems like gaslighting because when I say something about our mother, other siblings would just say "oh you know, shes growing old. Oh she doesn't mean it" ... It's almost funny because they are so enmeshed and blinded.
Yes those excuses they make for her are denial
I totally feel u and cudnt relate more! Its soo frustrating and lonely to be the only with clear vision and seeing the truth while everyoen turns a blind eye or makes up excuses. Omggg it pisses me off so badly! I hate my siblings, they always deny my reality and act like i deserve it and brought it upon myself. They r totally brainwashed. They really foolish
They r called flying monkeys right?
They empower the narc and protect their image like slaves. Its disgusting
Naheid yes 😊 sadly they dont know they are flying monkeys 😂
My narc father is soo cruel, degrading, belittling, coldblooded, emotionally abusive,constantly threaths to hurt me and even wishing to kill me or have me dead. He is so evil. He hates me for no reason. What have i done to deserve this! I feel so disgusted by him and feel so estranged and want him out of my life. He destroyed my self esteem, creates self doubt, always blames me for everything, never satisfied, never proud, never good enough, questioms my abilities, mocks me, the list is endless
Despicable shit. It just sunk in relatively recently just how deeply it all goes. Offering help several years ago (in waves over about 4 years) in ways I not only did not ask for, but which I never would have even thought to, but was in such need (breakdown) that I accepted. Worst decision of my entire life, bar none. Boy am I ever paying sooooome psychic debt now. Set up indeed: an evil ruse. It's terrifying. Animosity, anger & disgust, all orchestrated, and bought hook, like, sinker. You are so right. And I am trying to hold my own by remembering that letting go is the only viable option. 💙
Michele, thank you ! ❤
Mira G,You are beautiful 🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Letting go is better for me in the long run.
I so needed to hear this video today
@8:00 Minutes in, I realized how many times my mother and Stepfather "worked me over." Horrible people parading around as if they were good parents to all of us. Family pictures where we appear "Normal." Nope...two deeply disturbed "Only Children, got "Remarried," to Each OTHER, and had a "field day," abusing their little project of abuse, then "gifting," her strangely... Yes, Prism of REALITY, they are "Weirdos," broken souls for real."
Lisa Rae Rousseau😗✝️
"Lisa Lida"was an at+t f* up forced in me. I complained, they s*ck.
Unfortunately, I must dislike this video. It made me very upset and disappointed. I hope not many scapegoats will see it. You present other people's reality without much compassion and understanding of their very difficult situation. I get it, you make money on it, but I think you're not an actual therapist and I found the way you talk to the scapegoats potentially harmful and causing more even issues. For instance, a truth pill to swallow is a very unfortunate way to explain that the excluded kid in the family needs to deal with trauma and never expect justice or apology. Or the way you say "you will be blamed for everything" "it will always be your fault". Where is your compassion? As a person who apparently advises people who went through that trauma, you should present more understanding. Or is it just a way to make money on a popular topic? I hope there won't be more channels like that and people who are victims of narcissistic abuse will revert to channels created by actual psychologists and therapists.
What she is saying is true and you can check out all the comments that agreed with her and I don't see anything wrong but your comments. I guess you will say an abused scapegoat not to be pessimistic and attacking her for not being a psychologist sounds too narcissist to me. She is a coach and well trained.
Where is her compassion? Have you read any scapegoat telling her she is wrong or not compassionate? I don't know who are you trying to fool but if is yourself that's your problem, not hers.
Folks, there’s narcs in the comment section. Be careful!
This woman has one of the best channels for Scapegoats.
Read this person’s comment, they are clearly trying to cause disruption and confusion.
The clearest example of a narcissist.
When you drive. You don't use your rearview mirror. Narcs do this all the time. Move forward be the better you and keep in touch with your loved ones..
Now I know what to do. I will cut the ties with everybody from my past. I want to heal. But my abuse was so severe that I will never have friends. I have a social anxiety. I accepted that already. But I have my husband and this is a true blessing.
But what about international adoptees who had trauma from separation and then been abused in their new families, and then have the society tell them that they must be grateful and get no therapy and no help. I work in that field where you get severe ptsd, trauma, narcissism combined with racism. How is healing an option for those children/adults?
The scapegoating ends when exposing the narcissist to family members finally with awareness,when it's about a marriage relationship!!💛💛🌞
Exactlyyy! Cant wait to find a righteous loving husband to finally experience happiness😰
Are you speaking from experience?
@@nahiedlaila9601 from experience, I'm speaking!! it's not easy for them,to abandon their fake self!!
This is helping me so much I have ran so much chasing begging please spend time with us. Etc. I literally have vagus nerve disregulation and adrenaline fatigue and almost went into failure due to me quitting my steroids I became addicted to. Which I got my medical records I was on so much as an adult which resulted in an unhealthy adult. I'm finally getting healthy for the first time in my life. But the emotional scars are open now. For my health I have now for the first time put distance between me and my family. After YEARS GROWING UP WITH SEVERE ANXIETY. AFTER 5 MONTHS being away I'm 30 percent healed. IM ON THE RIGHT PATH
The best approach is to be comfortable in our own skin and walk away from the dynamic.
Right you are.
Maybe their just angry because they put all that effort in trying to play the nice person for the outward show while in the meantime trying to manipulate people that still won't do as they please, so all that effort is wasted and maybe they even recon their facade is crumbling, losing power.
So they start lashing out because they need a return on the effort they invested and keep their usual way of manipulating things behind peoples backs. no holds barred.
Because what else do they have ? Become "honest" and confess to all the shit they done ?
There is no way back for them, their ego is built out of lies and deceit and that is their internal voice they cling onto in order to save their ego.
So what can they do ? destroy their misplaced ego that is all they have and all they know ?
Confess to the point it becomes clear even the outward positive show, the phantom self they cling to, is also a fake ? Could they even admit that to themselves ? And what would be left buy an agonizing void of negativity if they did ? So they won't. Scared to death of finding out their life is full of shit. And that's why they hate people who they expect may be on to this i guess.
Narcissists are probably the most negative people that are around, true demons.
Suddenly i think their like some kind of nasty computervirus or ransomware or stuff like that.
Lucky computers, they can just be reinstalled and all corrupted files will be gone.
I wish it was that easy for human brains.
I've Read Alice Miller Books which are absolutely wonderful for me as a scapegoat also They do not sugar coat anything and are true to life for me. The Body Never Lies when I get stomach pains I'm in trouble yes Although you have to recognize that narcissistic dynamics is telling you it's ok to cop out in other words. When it comes to actually being there for anyone sometimes in reality and responsibly put too. In other words you are slowly creating to some extent a person disinfranchised from the reality who needs to understand All by yourself what was going on? This is why I went to doctor's for years our parents were particularly neglectful of some of us. I know who the Golden Child is now etc However I won't be told I'm the best in family when I think that just isn't the truth so much either Thanks for this though PS my stomach is bothering me now I had recent contact ugh
Best not to be with someone with that nature! Egotist!
Thank you. You explained perfectly the scapegoat seeing the abuse and the golden child not and putting a division up so no one believes scapegoat. My golden child narc brother has done this to protect my narc mother all my life and smeared my name to all
First my mother, now daughter. It’s amazing how they twist the reality to make my argument theirs - even though I didn’t do anything. I’m done.
Thanks for this information… so important for us
The hamster wheel is a great analogy.
My sister is a narcissist and uses me as an scape goat blames me for things that make zero sense i liked your video helped me a lot the thing my sister does that causes brain pain 🙃 is she doesn't take in anything I say
Honestly this makes me sick. I'm leaving the family unit. Thanks I thought you got to explain this to the family. But I knew in the back of my mind it wont change anything.
Thanks for the video very true ibeen for 60 years with all the wrong that narsesset will do all in.a bad way now I’m out maybe have a good life Carmen
Thank you. Unfortunately I'm an adult in my 50s living with narc parent atm.
im living like a rat, trying to fulfill everyones needs, while neglecting my ownself, scapegoated child really exhaust themself being abuse, perfectionism are all my childhood believe, inherited or perhaps, forced to us
I found that at first, we will "feel" it as uncomfortable because the old reaction is familiar and "programed by the narc, , but I learned that it's like a muscle. I Do the action even tho I "feel" uncomfortable, eventually, when I see positive results in my life, it gives ne engorgement to continue to "act my way into the feelings". Feelings aren't facts.
Donnebonn,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
@@christianpulisic7784 thank you for that sweet compliment. Your 💯 right! I don't need any narcs in my life and I'm getting better at seeing the red flags earlier and not ignoring them.
I am agree with you. Prayers for everyone watching this
11:03 😢 I wish I had a kind father.
Have gone no-contact for about a year and the effort to replace emotional thinking with reality is paying off. So sorry I did not know what was going on years ago but it is better to be late than never.
And that mother of mine started her smear campaign decades ago. A stealthy, sly, deadly operator.
Hi Michelle, what if narcissist don't trust even if you try so hard to keep yourself faithful and honest.. and he always suspects.. how to respond to this?
Truth #5 at 12:15 is so spot on ...
You are doing such a good job. Very clear, informative with a lot of inner understanding for all us who went through this.
First time seeing your videos. I’m a scapegoat at 71 years and the pills are valid. Love the way you presented this with meaningful examples. 🙏🏼👍
My situation currently is being scapegoated by the old narc covert lady across the street neighbor and now since taking up for myself this has alienated me from my other neighbors whom I otherwise had a good relationship with.
This is a unique case but yes it can also happen. Scapegoating can happen anywhere and in any scenario..
There is an obvious common denominator here in your victim mindset and how you refer to everyone who doesn’t want to be involved with you as a narcissist. You might want to clean your own side of the street before shouting out clinic diagnosis of others without your PHD. Just saying, if the shoe fits…it’s probably your shoe!
Narcissistic neighbors suck I think ours was a psychopath and we didn't know it
I totally empathize with the setting you up to fail bit. I experienced this many times with my FOO. It seems so cowardly that they gang up on you as a way to bring you down, something they would never do individually.
Thank you, you are so helpful!
I'm so glad!
I was treated like this by the wrong people in my life., I am always trying to please people around my family. I am all horrible and I don't take care of myself. I never knew my own worth. Now I am a loner and a hermit.
This is making me feel very sad.
Same keep crying and feel so emotional😰
Very,very good video.Well explained and much needed!
I grew up to be the absolute antithesis of my mother because of the way she scapegoated and bullied me.
What happens once you have gone no contact particularly with family?
Do you think the narcissist‘ S target is in a version of hell. I feel like I’m in a bad dream.
Really spot on explanation thanks..
Great one michele👏👏👏
I don't understand. In the example why didn't that woman tell her family members that her mother was mean to her just before they arrived?
Went through about 6 glasses of water trying to get those pills down. 😅
What is dad is when your own father isn’t man enough to stand up to you nasty mother and sister!!!
Tell that to my kid's, my brother and sister...my grandparent's...my is dead now still haunting me from her grave...
Try, “Don’t be like your Aunt - - - -!
Am I supposed to believe this is a woman?
Wow this gives me so much clarity.
I cant live or function in their reality I jist can't
Thank You❣️Well explained and helpful! Also about the Triangulation..the narcissist on the top and the siblings in the corners below etc..now I understand it ones for all!! 😥🧐🤔🤨😠......🗽🍀🕊
100% true 💔💔💔 me mom told me that my "father" started with the smearing behind my back when I was 4 year old - even bevore he started abusing me.
My brother never told me.
My mother only told me because she was ill with terminal cancer and I was her caregiver.
When she would not be so ill - I would maybe never know...