Cheers for the video content! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would love your thoughts. Have you heard the talk about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my BF finally got astronomical results with it.
I saw you had the carnivore diet on your food playlist. Go plant based please it's a win win situation. It's in alignment with spirituality, environmentalism ethics and also human health.Do your own research. Wishing you the best ❤️
My mom always tried to shoot down my ideas, sayings "U dont know a thing'' I told her where to go, moved out. You can't be around ppl who always belittle you.
When I announced I was starting a business when I was 21 I had an aunt that freaked out and said "you will fail! You don't know how to do that you can't! But if you need money you can work for me for the minimum wage and do yardwork and stuff" My family nothing short of called the police and put me in a straight jacket to stop me from starting a business.
I am on the other side of this, meaning in past I've attracted ppl with intimacy issues bc of my attachment style having been anxious and at times avoidant too. Wishing the best to you, us all, may we all attune and connect to that beautiful open hearted kind of love for ourselves, from our life partners and from all relationships 🌬❤
When you're so closed off to intimacy because you've had enough of rejection, to the point where you've completely accepted being alone. Then eventually you have people trying to connect with you because they notice you're such an independent anchor of a person, but it's too late, because you don't know how to connect with people anymore.
@@davidpowell3469 Well, the " don't know how" is more correct. It's because, when a youngster, other youngsters either made fun of you, or ostracized you, thus completely obliterating your self esteem and your self image all in one, and the next time you see others playing together, your mind stops you, and says: NO! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to join in and be like the others because NO ONE ACCEPTS YOU (= I'm not good enough). And so, you shut yourself down emotionally and begin to 'hate" people because it's less painful to do so rather than be open, and 'try again.' Case in point: ME - I am 53 years old. I have never really had any more than a couple of friends (right now, I have none), I gave never had a girlfriend or kissed, ir had sex. From adolescence, I was completely repulsed by this idea that you have to 'chase' girls, say things to tease them, imply sexual ideas to their subconscious, flirt without fear, and express what you want. I considered it a form of pathetic grovelling. How wrong I was. No female has ever wanted me, and I've grown up resenting women for appearing tj ignore me. I WOUKD NOT KNOW A WONAN WAS FLIRTING WITH ME UNLESS SGE ACTUALLY *TOLD* ME SO.
I got only a few minutes in and I started bawling my eyes out. It felt like these were old feelings finally coming up to the surface. And I’m on the path to feeling again and being vulnerable again.
Yes I hear u. I was afraid people wouldn't accept me for who I truly am. Truth is I need to like myself more. I have to accept me for who I am first. I've been working diligently at this. Starts from my childhood to be honest. Grew up with a single Mom and she was more concerned about my younger Brother. I was given the belief system that I was not important so I took it personally and lived it out. I'm 45 years old now and it still has effect on my life. I'm ready to change my life for the better.. I wish you well.
I'm actually crying i always felt heart broken my dad hurt me so bad and the pain is still there im 25 and never been in a realationship and always like emotionaly unavailable men cause i know ill never be vulnerable with them i know it will go no where i really want to change i really do
scorpio rising at 25 I was far from understanding the links between my father being distant and the men in my life that are emotionally unavailable...you have gone a long way don't be discourage you are strong girl 💙
I’m 24 never been in a relationship because of the abuse from my step father, physically emotionally and sexually. I’m terrified. I crave intimacy, but run for the hills any time I feel anything toward anyone. Or at least when they show interest back... the impulse to run is huge. You aren’t alone, I hope we find or way. I love you friend
All parents need psychology 101. My parents weren’t emotionally available. It left such deep scars in my life. I hope you who listen to these videos turn better parents.
This is a deep dive. The connection between being authentic and being intimate becomes apparent and dealing with abandonment in childhood the goal. Thank you Teal.
Wow! Teal described my parents exactly! As a child I was not allowed to think, want or have any feelings, needs, thoughts, desires. I wasn't even allowed to make any noise. My heart is smashed to bits. I am 58...my whole life wasted.
When I watched this video for the first time, I saw my childhood clearly. Now I am watching it again and I see the childhood of my father...My wounds are the wounds of my father. I always wanted my father to understand and see me, but he has never met that need. He even thought that I was crazy and then I doubted myself as well...and now I see...He couldn't meet the need that he himself suppressed.
I am a great friend i can develop deep friendships that are multi layered, but i can never develop a connection with men romantically, i fear intimacy with them, my father has always been physically present but we never had an emotional connection..
I have this exact issue and I fear ending up alone 😔 seems like that connection is always missing and as for my own feelings, I'll project onto them a false idealized image
I’m in the same boat. I feel an anxiety in my stomach when I think about relying on a male to be kind to my emotional needs. My memories are ruining any possibility. They unconsciously become him. :(
My father was killed in a car accident when I was 5, my mother eventually remarried, my step dad did the best he could with what he had, I was a quiet child who never let others know what I was thinking or feeling, I was a good child who never got into trouble or caused trouble, I always did what was expected of me. I have friendships but nothing romantic, it is safer that way. How does one break away from this? Hobbies? Work? Story of my life. I had a job that secluded me from others, perfect for me. (Retired now.) Push and pull, shame, I thought it was because I was Catholic... Okay, I am starting from scratch.
19, still young, never had a bf, and can honestly say the idea of intimacy is terrifying. One reason being because I used to be incredibly open and was often ridiculed felt shamed for being this way growing up. Now I’m a turtle.
I know what you mean. I'm nearly a decade older than you and never had a bf either which doesn't bother me to be honest. In fact, I'm probably better off living alone or with my siblings for the rest of my life. I have a fear of intimacy and commitment which I think stems from childhood, being bullied at school an rejected by other kids. I also learn from other people's experiences especially regarding relationships. I've heard and witnessed too many failed relationships or massive fights within the relationship in my circles that it kinda put me off being with someone or even raising a kid. I don't like getting hurt nor do I want to hurt anyone so I never really get too close to anyone, i.e. close enough where I can be the me at home (flaws and all).
My mom constantly 24/7 always challenges my ideas, and beliefs and always shuts me down. Then she wants to claim that she loves me when she's always stabbing me with painful words.
Toshi Ezarik Join the club baby. I have one of those mothers. As I have gotten older, I do not tolerate her funny talk or her berating my children. It will get better as you find your voice.
I've been married for 27 years and I never knew what my husbands problem was, wow. Thanks for sharing this huge piece of the human puzzle. Obviously I have issues myself that he is mirroring, but I think I now know why we have never quite clicked. You CAN stay married to someone with issues if you understand that they consistently bring you to yourself for a reason, it's not easy, but it's possible. Ditto to all the other positive comments about Teal, she has taught me so much recently and I appreciate her willingness to share her insights with all of us. I started reading her Anatomy of Loneliness book and her definition of Love is the best definition I've ever heard, and that's saying something considering I've spent the last 20 years aggressively seeking the truth of this life.
Intimacy is an area that I have really been working over the last year and a half. It’s amazing that Teal’s points align with my growth. First I began keeping a journal to write my feelings to validate/ understand them. Then working on my physical insecurities and taking care of myself. Then working in a service job, which forced me to read social cues but also helped build stability in my life. Then I began to open up more to my coworkers and family. At first sharing my job frustrations and then more about myself and my beliefs. They would question my beliefs and vice versa. Also accepting that I have to (conditionally) trust people. I can’t assume everyone wants to hurt me, they can and might but I won’t build an authentic relationship feeling closed off. I am in the process of evaluating my priorities in life and what I want. As well as understanding my beliefs on love and sexuality. However, this video validated that I am on track, after pushing people away for a large portion of my life.
I’m crying right now. My mum never accepted my feelings. She looked after me but she always saw my feelings as some overdramatisation, dismissed them and told me to “get over it”. Whenever I expressed my feelings and needs as child it was seen as some sort of problem. “I’m sad/ I start crying” “Get over it” If I cried in public I was told to stop crying because it was an embarrassment. If I got angry or anxious in public I was told the same thing. The small scream of reassurance that someone cared about and actually wanted to help me with my feelings meant the world to me. “I’m tired, I don’t like it here I want to go home” “Too bad be patient” One time I tried to tell my teacher I was being bullied and she started bullying me. The most bizarre thing to me is that my younger brother is actually well-adjusted. Maybe it’s because I’m actually a very sensitive person and it completely blindsided my mum. Only a week ago I decided I wanted to try intimacy. I guess that’s how I found your videos.
I have bpd and i find this video covers the most significant center core aspect of bpd which what it truly is is fear of hurt. im so thankful to the tips you have given i can never be more grateful bc i have been working so hard to tangle this complicated knot in my life. really thank you
Our fear of intimacy is often continued into adulthood because people in our environment are deceptive, predatory manipulative, acquisitive, or bullying, so for good reason we withdraw into what feel like safer boundaries. In fact when the leaders of the companies we work for, or even government officials, make decisions that are clearly not in our best interests, this causes a permeation of the distrust we feel for these leaders to increase in every sphere of our lives. We often feel a fear of intimacy in our daily lives, even with those closest to us, because it is still unsafe to allow ourselves to be authentic, much less intimate, because we have evidence that becoming vulnerable will lead to our being exploited, used, or abused.
Agreed. So many aspects of society are steeped in 'might makes right' ideology, so it can become a matter of defending oneself on most all levels, and therefore difficult to be vulnerable or engage in relationships that pose a risk.
Teal, this video of yours is the most revealing and my personal experience and experience with 100 elderly people (aging between 70 and 96) the loneliness they feel for having shut out their feelings as they most of the time had unwelcoming parents for their true feelings . feelings is the connection to our true being(soul), as we shut this part out we shut ourselves out and become depressed as we are not expressing(daring to) our true self
This is video is awesome! For a personal experience: For a few years I was basically only thinking about what I could say in 1 one 1 meetings with my friends. I was wondering why I was even part of their group, considering I was super akward and seemingly barely said interesting things in group convos. Only after my best friend expressed some of his own pain to me did I realise, that every one of these friends didnt care about what I had to say and just liked me for who I was. Now we are all close friends and I am much better at making friends... I still however have a fear of romantic intemacy, as I fear I wouldnt know how to move forward to a relationship and fear that me trying would result in rejection
All the videos that were suggested, even this one was clicked on accident, I was uninterested in. Turns out I need them the most... I was in a plateau in my spirituality thinking I needed to do shadow work but I didn't even know how to have a relationship with myself, let alone my shadow. 🙏 thank you, Teal. 🌈💗🌱🦋
I am in a stage where I am starting to recognize my paterns of behaviour around other people match those of my parents who hurt me. Trying to move from sheer panic to acceptence that that’s where I and start moving on from there. Thank you Teal for guidance.
When I’m OFF of RUclips, I go from viewing comments from subscribers who know what Teal is saying, to real people who don’t care very much about what I’m trying to say😢I’m 24 & have never been in a relationship. I’m a guy who became shy 😞
I'm autistic. The earliest memory that I have is of me as a toddler, backed into a corner, clinging to a doll in a classroom full of sensory overloaded playing children thinking "People are so loud and scary. I can tell that I'm not like everybody here. What am I supposed to do in a world that doesn't accommodate me? I'll just play pretend with my doll. This doll is my friend" so in other words, I'm fucked. I'll never heal. I'll never have true connections with people.
She read me like a book, I have few friendships and don’t like physical touch. I’ve never been in a relationship and I fear that emotional intimacy makes me feel vulnerable while physical intimacy terrifies me to the point I will break down. I am 20 years old and still don’t want to date. Also, whenever a negative thing happens in my life I shut off my feelings because it’s too hard to deal with. Often, I disconnect from others and feel nothing because it requires some sort of connection. Also, I feel when I do connect with someone they will use my vulnerabilities against me as if to manipulate me into doing what they want.
she makes me think so much about my life past, present and what i want for my future. I'm so thankful to have found her!!! she has become my super hero...as a man who's constantly seeking knowledge and inspirations!!!
I loved this its so profound but at the beginning my parents where great, they had their flaws but supported me and encouraged me to be open and honest with my feelings, it was full of love. But it was when i entered the outside the world, especially high school when i became shut down and fearful i didn't have any defence against others because i had never really needed to defend my self. So i was open honest vulnerable and intimate but with the wrong people and got screwed over and hurt. Thats when i experienced shame. Its not always parents though i could say that maybe i was so over protected that i was unprepared and damaged.
Amongst all the spiritual and psychologist talkers on You tube...Teal Swan..You are the most well versed, comprehensive and authentic person out there....LOVE YOUR VIDEOS TEAL...VERY WELL EDITED....VERY FOCUSED....VERY MAGNETIC VIDEOS..MOSTLY ALL OF THEM......THANK YOU TEAL FOR ALL YOUR TEACHINGS AND LECTURES YOU HAVE BEEN SHARING WITH THE WORLD ON REGULAR BASIS...YOU ARE AWESOME...AND THE FACT THAT YOU ARE Beautiful AND VERY Attractive MAKES YOU ...My Ideal Friend Forever !!
Thank once again Teal for divine insight. I didn’t realise i was so deep into this black hole of fear of intimacy. Even light itself can’t escape beyond these depths of disconnection and distrust. I think I see a glimmer of hope in one of your suggestions I’m going to run with that, and give that all the time it needs to begin this journey.
Excellent Video! Forgive me for butting in, I am interested in your opinion. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (google it)? It is a great one of a kind guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my BF after many years got amazing results with it.
OMG!!!! Amazing! This has stirred up deep truths inside me. Thought loving myself was enough... Now I need to deal with this element. Thank you Teal, your work is from the Divine xxxxx
" A life of achievement is absolutely useless if you don't have anyone to share it with." That hit me hard🙁 I have been doing it wrong for 22 years now. At this age , I have never been in a relationship because I push men away when things are about to be serious. I really don't like the idea of feeling vulnerable . I am afraid of someone getting to know me on a deeper level because of the fear of them finding out things about me they wouldnt like. I fear giving up the control of my emotions and giving that power to someone else. I have hurt a lot of good guys through my behaviour and I really don't know why I do this. Thank you Teal for this video. I have a lot of work to do on myself ❤
If someone would've asked me before this video if I had a fear of intimacy, I would've said definitely not because intimacy is the thing that I want the most. But Teal has nailed my situation on the head with this video, I could never understand my problems in this area. I've often thought that some supernatural being was torturing me by toying with my emotions. Thanks for this video :)
@@LilyElkind No, but thank you random person for your unsolicited snarky question. Seems like just the decent kind of behavior that Teal would recommend.
As a man that has never been in a relationship at the age of twenty six can say that i really feel ready to seek a great relationship with someone that is above surface level meaning someone who will talk about deeper topics and someone who will love me for who i am . There is a catch to they must be Vegan or transitioning from meat eater to veggie or Vegan . I really feel passionate about getting to know my soul mate and to travel the world with .
Joseph S Ⓥ I'm happy for you that you never wasted your time chasing empty relationships to try and fix what's within. The fact that you stood by yourself is worth celebrating.
Joseph S Ⓥ My own recommendation is that you not put conditions on this person you are looking for like being vegan or what not. Let the universe bring the right person. You are looking for soul level intimacy. Not for what's on the menu. The loop you throw out there needs to have some width to it. Don't cast too narrow a loop. You are on a growth path. The other person will be on theirs. Let them follow theirs too.
I love your comment. 24 here, never been in a relationship myself. Reasons based on fear, though this time alone has allowed me chances to contemplate heavily. You and I have had a great deal of time to really understand where we are and where we want to be when it comes to joining with another human. I used to have big specifics when it came to my certain someone, then all of a sudden I realized- based on my trauma growing up, I’d much rather ditch my limiting preferences and have the universe surprise me with someone greater than my narrow mind could possibly conceive! To let go and trust that I’ll get exactly what I’m supposed to is a much more comforting thought than forming this human myself. If that makes sense. I worry all the time if my guy will be what I wish- gentle, soft, cosmic thinker, vegan, no desire for kids, would like living in the middle of nowhere I could go on forever! Then I stop myself... Universe please surprise me and allow what’s meant for me to flow into my life, in the trickiest ways to give me a good giggle along the way! Even if I must wait ages, so long as it’s meant for me and the stars hand pick it :) Then I don’t have to worry. It’s up to fate. I guess I’m expressing this because it seems you and I need to surrender and trust. I wish you the best of luck my friend, we have a lifetime for things to fall into place. Let’s be open for the laughter life brings as SO much of the confusion could be laughed off! Joyous, blissful and sweet. Words I grasp tightly to.
Waw good summary! I have ‘intimacy diary’ where I talk to myself kindly and with complete acceptance (why I’m lovable today?! Hehe........I went through most of it, it was crazy as walking jungle lol! But I would do it again anytime... because intimacy with self and healthy sense of self is greatest gift you discover. Then you became your best company and people reflect it , they will treat you as you treat yourself ✨
I recently ended a 5 years friendship with a lovely, beautiful and smart girl, super cute when she wears her black glasses. It happened so fast and completely unexpected it left me shattered and broken right now. As it turns out my friend has a "Fear of Intimacy", and I only found that out after I read her breakup text to me. I have always suspected she may have a mental health issue like anxiety or bipolar disorder but I never really confront her about these things. I am not entirely sure if she even knows she has these mental health issues. She's always friendly, polite and kind and never raise her voice at me, not once in the 5 years we have known each other. Unlike me. Throughout the years I wanted more than just a friendship, I wanted an intimate relationship. She outright rejected me every time. No kisses, no hugs, no holding hands and told me friendship is all she has to offer. We don't even exchange Christmas presents because it scares her. Recently a third party was trying to divide us apart so he can be with her, he may have succeeded. I highly doubt she wants to be with this guy person, they only recently met through me. He secretly asked her to go to events with him, she may have gone with him. When i confront her about this I yelled at scream at her. I am really ashamed and embarrassed by this and regrets it deeply. I shouldn't have lost my temper. We have known each other for almost 5 years, we went to Vietnam, Japan and Quebec city together for the winter festival. And now we are no longer friends, I am completely heartbroken and fearful that I may never see my lovely and beautiful friend again. What should I do now? Is this over for us? Will there ever be a chance she'll reach out to me in the coming weeks/months? I like to help her and support her and do what I can. I don't want to reach out to her anymore because she's a very timid person, so I don't want to scare or terrify her in any way. Had I known what I know now, I would have been less forceful. I know mental health is a serious issue and it was completely unfair to her, what fool I am. I may have lost the most important person in my life.
Wasnt it painful being with her for 5 years always hoping for more than friendship? How could you take this for such a long time? I dont think you did anything wrong but leaving her in the first place and searching for a girlfriend that offers you what you wanted so much :)
maybe she is not straight?...what about u? how could u last 5 years looking at her and nothing more.........???? super will power! write her a letter as u did here....she will forgive u....
Maybe she just didn't feel the same way about you and her feelings towards you were purely platonic. You pushing a relationship on her wasn't a good move.. I can see why she ended the friendship despite that she likely really enjoyed having you as a friend. If you can't bear to be just friends with her then move on. My guy friends distanced themselves from me once they realized I didn't feel the same way. It's what's best for both parties.
Love you Teal. 💙 Every single sentence is so valuable and deep. I feel now that binge watching Teal’s videos does nothing good but remove us from daily physical reality. What we have to do is to take every single video seriously and rewatch it as many times as it takes to make an improvement in this area of our life... It is too valuable and important to just neglect and move to the next one. 🙌🏻
Wonderful, I am trying to let people in, it's exhausting having to shut people out and telling myself I do not need others. Deep down I know I'd love genuine people in my life,I'd want to have fun,and connect. I am starting from zero,this was encouraging. Thank you Teal
I keep going back to this video and I can't help it I cry the whole time. Thank you Teal, and your Team as well for what you are. I am so grateful to have access to such great content.
I had a fear of being seen and my thoughts and emotions being also seen,but now when I'm totaly exposed over every measure I think it will be easier to show how much vulnerable I actually am.I'm readying up for all discomfort that may rise in real relationships and use this practical tips.I chose now to feel my emotions.
This is genuinely making me emotional, I’ve always felt hurt. I was always shut down and antagonized for having an opinion or something to say growing up. Honestly I never would’ve considered my fear of intimacy because I didn’t know such a thing existed. Thank you so much
I am at my workplace watching this, i have a huge fear of intimacy w men (my dad's an alcoholic etc.), and the first time i looked at a man (customer) w not fear or not in a weird way. Thank you Teal. Your work is huge. Never stop.
You are truely a gift on this planet, helping millions of people, wish to watch your youtube shorts/videos trending no 1, much much success to you Teal❤️🤗
The chapter about "priorities" hit like a missile. Hobbies and obsessive work, relatable. I never connected to a woman in my life and due to my unconvencional nature, people reject me a lot. I felt like if I work and succeed in my higher goals, that will make up for that. I am so used to feeling lonely and unaccepted. However, my goals involve people accepting what I say or do, recognizing value in me. Other goals involve me and only me. Those are mostly survival goals, but how about thrival? Those indeed involve others. I have done public shadow work and people respected and appreciated it. I paved the way, if they wamna follow it. However that was one time. If I reveal too much of my beliefs, where I stand, there will be someone who will end up attacking me. That will put me in my shell. Fine. One in like 100 people will resonate with me, but the pattern is continuing, I am not experiencing the opposite, that which is healing. So what to do? Ill keep growing and finding a way. If I was in the endgame I wouldn't be here writing this. More healing is needed. Maybe I need to connect more into my heart and express it. Not online, but more in real life, where the fears lie. I shall go and heal some more ❤
Some of this I relate to and some not. I never felt like I wasn't allowed to have feelings or that they weren't valid, but I did often feel that it was bad to express feelings around other people. You go quietly to your room and read a favourite book, or you go outside and do something active, but whatever you do, never 'burden' another person with your feelings, and know that if you do they probably will think less of you forever after. Deal with all feelings privately and come back when you're ready to interact with other people again. This is not nearly as bad as what she's describing as it doesn't come with the same shame at all, but the idea of being vulnerable around another person feels kind of humiliating and dangerous, and that makes certain kinds of relationships challenging.
Teal, again, my gratitude for your understanding, addressing and laying out the groundwork for healing, knows no bounds. I don't think that i am afraid of vulnerability. I do have a low threshold of tolerance and accepting. I feel that i do have some intimacy, that is compartmentalized in a sense... (likely as a defense mechanism,) so that i am able to meet my needs, i sort of share intimacy with different people on different levels, making sure that I carefully avoid mixing the people (or aspects.) I see how this is just a form of manipulating aspects around me, and i am thankful for these, (as well as the upcoming,) revelations,( prior to receiving them in in the videos you recommended that I watch ) i mean, I don't think that i have felt terribly lost, but i am realizing that i was pretty effing clueless. So, thanks for dropping some clues. The power in your words is a beacon of light, which I am highly attracted to, and I truly sense that you are the messenger, sent for the purpose of getting me on the correct path, after having strayed from it. It is an uphill battle, and i appreciate having these tools, so that i can stop worrying about my dented, flimsy armor!
This helped me understand a man who abruptly broke up with me, it helped me understand him and all the hurt that was created. I didn't know people could fear intimacy that profoundly. I was naive thinking we all want to connect. Thank you.
People with a fear of intimacy still deeply crave connection, they just fear it too much, I would argue they (myself included) crave it more than those who don’t have this fear because it feels so unattainable and we don’t have a track record of having it
All of this rings true for different phases of my life. Definitely wasn't tolerated or valued by my parents, can't believe that someone would be made happy by making me happy, always feel I need to bring something along to most relationships because just myself isn't enough. I've done so much work on myself, trying to build my sense of self-worth and it feels like an uphill battle, and it never feels like I've done enough. I have developed empathy but still sometimes have to squint and focus hard to read the social cues, which makes me feel like a phony, but it's so important. I can't even contemplate a romantic relationship unless I am perfect and armoured up (ie never lol). But ... I have a strong, deep and honest relationship with my daughter, and she has taught me so much. She turns to me with problems and triumphs and I am so proud of the person she is.
Unfortunately noticing social cues and being there for people doesn’t always lead to them wanting to take your best interests and meet your needs reciprocally. Learned that lesson many a time!
This explains my parents so much. Thanks for this insight. My dad is like the first type mentioned and my mom is like the second. Never got to be myself and be seen or understood
When I hear intimacy I never think about sex. I always think about being vulnerable and authentic. I am scared of intimacy but I am such an open book and get so close to people. I get so close that it scares me. Don't know why. It feels like being naked with the soul.
Yes. Feel You. And I think that can scare people. Like when I’m in, I’m IN. And it shocks people how real it is. Like, once I wanna go...let’s GO. I’ve seen often that I can be so real and open that people shut off or shut me down and don’t wanna hear so the safest place for me is to actually be alone a lot of the time or in nature (cos nature doesn’t judge or condemn me. Nature enjoys my connection to her and never pushes me out or tries to change me or water me down. I can show up fully in nature.) humaning is wonderful and terrible. Painful and pleasurable. But that is the raw beauty to me of Life and choosing Life again and again to show up. As my own authentic, and unique expression of God incarnated as the character of me :) bless x
The best video on the internet by far, about the truth about intimacy...Teal is the spiritual leader of our time, hands down...and I am so deeply grateful to have been here to experience her guidance in this time, especially when the world around us seems so lost and lacking any spiritual guidance at all...Teal reaches you on such a deeper spiritual level and provides tools for you to work with, spiritual tools and understandings that gives you the understanding you need, on a deeper level, to guide your own journey...she is a fierce spiritual leader like no one I have ever seen before...
Wow! Sent directly from higher source to me. This is the second video today I am seeing on this subject. Every word you say I realte to. You make me feel and realize I am not crazy! Thank you Teal! I live with derealization bc I was raised that my feelings, thoughts and even memories are all wrong. That my reality is wrong. But it's not, this validation means a lot to me
Thank you Teal. I've been trying to look into this topic for awhile and work through my issues, but this video is the first that really resonated with me. For me, it wasn't really my parents/family that caused the issue, but rather my friends and peers. I was picked on and isolated a lot growing up. I always felt left out and different, so as a result I eventually became very reserved and shy. I'm 24 now and have always struggled with connecting with people and developing intimate relationships. As a result I've never had a serious romantic relationship before....I've been driving myself crazy over the last few years trying to figure out why I can't seem to do so. Your videos are helping me gain a new perspective and put some of the pieces together. Thanks a bunch..
infinitely grateful, thankful for your teachings and sharings. this is life changing and makes me feel so alive, empowered and motivated to be me again, I am 30 and only finally putting the finger exactly where it hurts, where the problem has always been and why i have been living my life in autopilot lost for so long. You are one beauty of a powerful woman in this realm may we all be inspired and mirrored by you :)
I cant even articulate how grateful i am for this. Its almost like you just read the story of my life. After many years I realize what it is that ive been feeling my whole life, why when i chase others and then they willingly come to me i feel terrified and feel the need to push them away, why im so afraid to be in a vulnerable position or situation, why any kind of connection with a person results in me ghosting them or avoiding them.. Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for this video. I finally understand myself after hiding away from everyone, including myself, for my whole life. Everything is so confusing though, i can connect things in my life and see the link in what i experienced and my fear of intimacy, but its so confusing and so much to comprehend it doesnt make sense to me when my train of thought breaks. I guess this will be one hell of a journey bc now i realize that literally nearly ALL my problems (aka shame, not being understood, feelings of unworthiness, etc) are rooted from the same thing- my childhood. And my childhood isnt even bad, my parents love me and are truly amazing. In fact, this is crazy but my mom is actually a psychologist and life coach. Yet my parents somehow managed to let me grow up like this, hiding emotions from everyone, from them, from myself. I think i really need to work on my inner child.
I have come a lonnng way thanks to teal, but I still struggle with intimacy and closeness. I lost so many "friends" because i realised my relationships were not healthy at all. I can't wait to have people who genuinely care about me and I also can't wait to care for them. Feeling lonely right now, but integrating those aspects of me give me a sense of hope through the pain. I've come a long way though and I'm proud of myself and everyone else who is doing their best to change their lives.❤️
Absolutely the best video I have ever seen on this subject. Teal is amazing for sharing this knowledge and deeper truths, for our hearts, our souls to hear, and then to heal....unbelievable and absolutely amazing to feel this deeper guidance, and healing. Sending lots of love to Teal and crew for providing all that they do to help and heal others.
Teal, thank you so much! This points out everything I have left to work on and I am ready to do so. It is shocking to see how every day of my life up to this moment was effected by this crippling condition. And also, most people around me, it's crazy.
I avoid intimacy basically because it's TOO MUCH work. Unless i get to find someone who has same vibration and maturity level as me, i guess i would just be contend to be alone and im perfectly fine with that.
All eastern spiritual traditions are about stillness and conserving energy. That said, you can be silently present for people for short periods of time which can help them lot more than words
Solve fear of intimacy 1, keep in touch with your emotions it's a process of reunion our personal truth. 2, Identity ppl or situation which you disconnected with in fear of intimacy, and face it. 3, Social States que, living in self centered sphere can cause others to keep away from you 4,, Notice be awere when you disconnected with people. Imagine like you are brain apart from the Heart. 5,, support from genioune partners 6, Be Authentic 7,, check out your priorities, don't victimized by excise work or relationships. What u need is closeness understanding relationships. 8,, 9,, Face ur Shame 10,, if u have fear of intimacy it's impossible to have self awearness, 11, Be expert on other person for better intimacy 12, Discover your needs 13,, 14 15, be comfortable with vulnerability, The courage to be vulnerable 16
When she talked about the disconnection from feelings...it is so real! When I was 13 my parent rejected me and throw me out of the house for almost 13 days, when I was out my only need was to get someone to give the attention and recognized I'm the victim , i didn't care about my true feelings i was hiding them deep in me
Free psychological help, this girl is golden.
YES, she did so much more than my psychologistS did
Cheers for the video content! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would love your thoughts. Have you heard the talk about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my BF finally got astronomical results with it.
Truee...i cant thank her enough!
💯
Generous soul
26 years of life and I never knew I even had these wounds
so thankful for this spiritual community and the healing I've been able to do
Fiona Monroe
Great things coming your way!!!🌷🌷
Betty boo thank you!! ❤️❤️
Fiona Monroe amen 🙏🏼❤️
26 too 💕 happy for you
I saw you had the carnivore diet on your food playlist.
Go plant based please it's a win win situation.
It's in alignment with spirituality, environmentalism ethics and also human health.Do your own research.
Wishing you the best ❤️
My mom always tried to shoot down my ideas, sayings "U dont know a thing'' I told her where to go, moved out. You can't be around ppl who always belittle you.
I hope by now You think differently.
How are things for you now
Maybe that’s her way of warning you from making a bad decision.
Saying you don't know a thing is humiliating and causes doubt. She could've phrased that better.
When I announced I was starting a business when I was 21 I had an aunt that freaked out and said "you will fail! You don't know how to do that you can't! But if you need money you can work for me for the minimum wage and do yardwork and stuff"
My family nothing short of called the police and put me in a straight jacket to stop me from starting a business.
If you're reading this, may you find the love and intimacy you seek ❤️
Teal should be the president of earth
Yes indeed, we need more like her and teach it in the schools. Cut back the RRR subjects, metaphysics is more interesting.
Real
PLEASE!!! BE OUR PRESIDENT!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜
4 real
😂😂😂😂🔥❤️
Wow. She explained the emotions that I could not describe. She explained me like a book. I am so glad that I am not the only one that experience this.
I am on the other side of this, meaning in past I've attracted ppl with intimacy issues bc of my attachment style having been anxious and at times avoidant too. Wishing the best to you, us all, may we all attune and connect to that beautiful open hearted kind of love for ourselves, from our life partners and from all relationships 🌬❤
When you're so closed off to intimacy because you've had enough of rejection, to the point where you've completely accepted being alone. Then eventually you have people trying to connect with you because they notice you're such an independent anchor of a person, but it's too late, because you don't know how to connect with people anymore.
Hit me in the heart with that one. My right eye and left arm aswell.
May I quote you?
@@dapper_slapper4093 Sure, go right on ahead.
This is so beautifully worded. I feel like I am also on this chapter of acceptance.
@@davidpowell3469 Well, the " don't know how" is more correct. It's because, when a youngster, other youngsters either made fun of you, or ostracized you, thus completely obliterating your self esteem and your self image all in one, and the next time you see others playing together, your mind stops you, and says: NO! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to join in and be like the others because NO ONE ACCEPTS YOU (= I'm not good enough). And so, you shut yourself down emotionally and begin to 'hate" people because it's less painful to do so rather than be open, and 'try again.' Case in point: ME - I am 53 years old. I have never really had any more than a couple of friends (right now, I have none), I gave never had a girlfriend or kissed, ir had sex. From adolescence, I was completely repulsed by this idea that you have to 'chase' girls, say things to tease them, imply sexual ideas to their subconscious, flirt without fear, and express what you want. I considered it a form of pathetic grovelling. How wrong I was. No female has ever wanted me, and I've grown up resenting women for appearing tj ignore me. I WOUKD NOT KNOW A WONAN WAS FLIRTING WITH ME UNLESS SGE ACTUALLY *TOLD* ME SO.
“You can’t have courage in the absence of fear”🔥 sheeeeesh!
so disconnected.. i just started to realize this. Sometimes i literally have to meditate to see how i feel.
I got only a few minutes in and I started bawling my eyes out.
It felt like these were old feelings finally coming up to the surface. And I’m on the path to feeling again and being vulnerable again.
Teal broke me open to my narcissism. Relatable
Same just seeing this now 😢
She is right. I have aliened people because of my fear of intimacy. And it started in childhood.
Yes I hear u. I was afraid people wouldn't accept me for who I truly am.
Truth is I need to like myself more. I have to accept me for who I am first. I've been working diligently at this. Starts from my childhood to be honest. Grew up with a single Mom and she was more concerned about my younger Brother. I was given the belief system that I was not important so I took it personally and lived it out. I'm 45 years old now and it still has effect on my life. I'm ready to change my life for the better.. I wish you well.
I'm actually crying i always felt heart broken my dad hurt me so bad and the pain is still there im 25 and never been in a realationship and always like emotionaly unavailable men cause i know ill never be vulnerable with them i know it will go no where i really want to change i really do
scorpio risin Acknowledging this is a start. Becoming an expert on someone in particular like she mentioned will get you going. Best travels!
@@renelvital thank you
scorpio rising at 25 I was far from understanding the links between my father being distant and the men in my life that are emotionally unavailable...you have gone a long way don't be discourage you are strong girl 💙
I’m 24 never been in a relationship because of the abuse from my step father, physically emotionally and sexually. I’m terrified. I crave intimacy, but run for the hills any time I feel anything toward anyone. Or at least when they show interest back... the impulse to run is huge. You aren’t alone, I hope we find or way. I love you friend
@@tamisweetie God bless you
All parents need psychology 101. My parents weren’t emotionally available. It left such deep scars in my life. I hope you who listen to these videos turn better parents.
This is a deep dive. The connection between being authentic and being intimate becomes apparent and dealing with abandonment in childhood the goal. Thank you Teal.
Wow! Teal described my parents exactly! As a child I was not allowed to think, want or have any feelings, needs, thoughts, desires. I wasn't even allowed to make any noise. My heart is smashed to bits. I am 58...my whole life wasted.
I feel you 🥺❤❤
you can start training boxing for fitness. Helps with expression
30 years of my life explained in 27 minutes...
Double that for me. What a waste, and yet what joy to "learn" me.
.
When I watched this video for the first time, I saw my childhood clearly. Now I am watching it again and I see the childhood of my father...My wounds are the wounds of my father. I always wanted my father to understand and see me, but he has never met that need. He even thought that I was crazy and then I doubted myself as well...and now I see...He couldn't meet the need that he himself suppressed.
I am a great friend i can develop deep friendships that are multi layered, but i can never develop a connection with men romantically, i fear intimacy with them, my father has always been physically present but we never had an emotional connection..
I have this exact issue and I fear ending up alone 😔 seems like that connection is always missing and as for my own feelings, I'll project onto them a false idealized image
Omg so relatable. My father was never there but when he was he kind of still wasn't there.
I’m in the same boat. I feel an anxiety in my stomach when I think about relying on a male to be kind to my emotional needs. My memories are ruining any possibility. They unconsciously become him. :(
My father was killed in a car accident when I was 5, my mother eventually remarried, my step dad did the best he could with what he had, I was a quiet child who never let others know what I was thinking or feeling, I was a good child who never got into trouble or caused trouble, I always did what was expected of me. I have friendships but nothing romantic, it is safer that way.
How does one break away from this?
Hobbies? Work? Story of my life. I had a job that secluded me from others, perfect for me. (Retired now.)
Push and pull, shame, I thought it was because I was Catholic...
Okay, I am starting from scratch.
this is -exactly- my situation
19, still young, never had a bf, and can honestly say the idea of intimacy is terrifying. One reason being because I used to be incredibly open and was often ridiculed felt shamed for being this way growing up. Now I’m a turtle.
I know what you mean. I'm nearly a decade older than you and never had a bf either which doesn't bother me to be honest. In fact, I'm probably better off living alone or with my siblings for the rest of my life. I have a fear of intimacy and commitment which I think stems from childhood, being bullied at school an rejected by other kids. I also learn from other people's experiences especially regarding relationships. I've heard and witnessed too many failed relationships or massive fights within the relationship in my circles that it kinda put me off being with someone or even raising a kid. I don't like getting hurt nor do I want to hurt anyone so I never really get too close to anyone, i.e. close enough where I can be the me at home (flaws and all).
My mom constantly 24/7 always challenges my ideas, and beliefs and always shuts me down. Then she wants to claim that she loves me when she's always stabbing me with painful words.
I am on the Same boat
Mine uses what I share with her in intimacy moments against me in later arguments. I mean, used to. I learnt better...
Toshi Ezarik
Join the club baby. I have one of those mothers. As I have gotten older, I do not tolerate her funny talk or her berating my children. It will get better as you find your voice.
That's not love, and you deserve much better :)
it's cool dude I have the same issue 👍just allow it and forgive
I've been married for 27 years and I never knew what my husbands problem was, wow. Thanks for sharing this huge piece of the human puzzle. Obviously I have issues myself that he is mirroring, but I think I now know why we have never quite clicked. You CAN stay married to someone with issues if you understand that they consistently bring you to yourself for a reason, it's not easy, but it's possible. Ditto to all the other positive comments about Teal, she has taught me so much recently and I appreciate her willingness to share her insights with all of us. I started reading her Anatomy of Loneliness book and her definition of Love is the best definition I've ever heard, and that's saying something considering I've spent the last 20 years aggressively seeking the truth of this life.
Intimacy is an area that I have really been working over the last year and a half. It’s amazing that Teal’s points align with my growth.
First I began keeping a journal to write my feelings to validate/ understand them.
Then working on my physical insecurities and taking care of myself.
Then working in a service job, which forced me to read social cues but also helped build stability in my life.
Then I began to open up more to my coworkers and family. At first sharing my job frustrations and then more about myself and my beliefs. They would question my beliefs and vice versa.
Also accepting that I have to (conditionally) trust people. I can’t assume everyone wants to hurt me, they can and might but I won’t build an authentic relationship feeling closed off.
I am in the process of evaluating my priorities in life and what I want. As well as understanding my beliefs on love and sexuality.
However, this video validated that I am on track, after pushing people away for a large portion of my life.
That's awesome, I hope I'm able to do this soon also!
Thank you for sharing this comment ❤
It is so sad, it stems from our childhood. Disconnecting from our own truth is not good. Avoid vulnerability! Excellent view...thank you!
I’m crying right now. My mum never accepted my feelings. She looked after me but she always saw my feelings as some overdramatisation, dismissed them and told me to “get over it”. Whenever I expressed my feelings and needs as child it was seen as some sort of problem.
“I’m sad/ I start crying”
“Get over it”
If I cried in public I was told to stop crying because it was an embarrassment.
If I got angry or anxious in public I was told the same thing.
The small scream of reassurance that someone cared about and actually wanted to help me with my feelings meant the world to me.
“I’m tired, I don’t like it here I want to go home”
“Too bad be patient”
One time I tried to tell my teacher I was being bullied and she started bullying me.
The most bizarre thing to me is that my younger brother is actually well-adjusted. Maybe it’s because I’m actually a very sensitive person and it completely blindsided my mum.
Only a week ago I decided I wanted to try intimacy. I guess that’s how I found your videos.
INTIMACY IS BEAUTIFUL!!
GO FOR IT!!
Absolutely no compassion. How cruel she was.
You're a gift on this earth. Thank You Teal! From the depths of my heart I thank and cherish your existence
I have bpd and i find this video covers the most significant center core aspect of bpd which what it truly is is fear of hurt. im so thankful to the tips you have given i can never be more grateful bc i have been working so hard to tangle this complicated knot in my life. really thank you
I’m so thankful the world is at a place where it can finally handle a truth teller of Teal’s caliber. This material is golden. (And terrifying.)
Our fear of intimacy is often continued into adulthood because people in our environment are deceptive, predatory manipulative, acquisitive, or bullying, so for good reason we withdraw into what feel like safer boundaries. In fact when the leaders of the companies we work for, or even government officials, make decisions that are clearly not in our best interests, this causes a permeation of the distrust we feel for these leaders to increase in every sphere of our lives. We often feel a fear of intimacy in our daily lives, even with those closest to us, because it is still unsafe to allow ourselves to be authentic, much less intimate, because we have evidence that becoming vulnerable will lead to our being exploited, used, or abused.
Well said
This.
Agreed. So many aspects of society are steeped in 'might makes right' ideology, so it can become a matter of defending oneself on most all levels, and therefore difficult to be vulnerable or engage in relationships that pose a risk.
Omg. I have so much work to do. Stopped SSRI and everything came back. I want to live, I want to learn thank you Teal
This channel needs way more subscribers.
Lady Swan, your intelligence feeds my intelligence.
Thank you
Hahaha stocker much???
Teal, this video of yours is the most revealing and my personal experience and experience with 100 elderly people (aging between 70 and 96) the loneliness they feel for having shut out their feelings as they most of the time had unwelcoming parents for their true feelings . feelings is the connection to our true being(soul), as we shut this part out we shut ourselves out and become depressed as we are not expressing(daring to) our true self
This is video is awesome! For a personal experience: For a few years I was basically only thinking about what I could say in 1 one 1 meetings with my friends. I was wondering why I was even part of their group, considering I was super akward and seemingly barely said interesting things in group convos. Only after my best friend expressed some of his own pain to me did I realise, that every one of these friends didnt care about what I had to say and just liked me for who I was. Now we are all close friends and I am much better at making friends...
I still however have a fear of romantic intemacy, as I fear I wouldnt know how to move forward to a relationship and fear that me trying would result in rejection
All the videos that were suggested, even this one was clicked on accident, I was uninterested in. Turns out I need them the most... I was in a plateau in my spirituality thinking I needed to do shadow work but I didn't even know how to have a relationship with myself, let alone my shadow. 🙏 thank you, Teal. 🌈💗🌱🦋
This is why i have so much love in my heart for her. Speaking truth.
I am in a stage where I am starting to recognize my paterns of behaviour around other people match those of my parents who hurt me. Trying to move from sheer panic to acceptence that that’s where I and start moving on from there. Thank you Teal for guidance.
When I’m OFF of RUclips, I go from viewing comments from subscribers who know what Teal is saying, to real people who don’t care very much about what I’m trying to say😢I’m 24 & have never been in a relationship. I’m a guy who became shy 😞
I know i feel like I need to cut down my tech use, but theres so many enlightened ppl here!
I'm autistic. The earliest memory that I have is of me as a toddler, backed into a corner, clinging to a doll in a classroom full of sensory overloaded playing children thinking "People are so loud and scary. I can tell that I'm not like everybody here. What am I supposed to do in a world that doesn't accommodate me? I'll just play pretend with my doll. This doll is my friend" so in other words, I'm fucked. I'll never heal. I'll never have true connections with people.
To be able to tell the difference between intimacy, sex and touch even though they are closely connected, is valuable.
some difficult truths to swallow, i used to pride myself in self-awareness.
She read me like a book, I have few friendships and don’t like physical touch. I’ve never been in a relationship and I fear that emotional intimacy makes me feel vulnerable while physical intimacy terrifies me to the point I will break down. I am 20 years old and still don’t want to date. Also, whenever a negative thing happens in my life I shut off my feelings because it’s too hard to deal with. Often, I disconnect from others and feel nothing because it requires some sort of connection. Also, I feel when I do connect with someone they will use my vulnerabilities against me as if to manipulate me into doing what they want.
Wow... 5:12 - 5:49 🙏. I feel like Teal just defined THE root cause of most of my problems.
she makes me think so much about my life past, present and what i want for my future.
I'm so thankful to have found her!!!
she has become my super hero...as a man who's constantly seeking knowledge and inspirations!!!
I loved this its so profound but at the beginning my parents where great, they had their flaws but supported me and encouraged me to be open and honest with my feelings, it was full of love. But it was when i entered the outside the world, especially high school when i became shut down and fearful i didn't have any defence against others because i had never really needed to defend my self. So i was open honest vulnerable and intimate but with the wrong people and got screwed over and hurt. Thats when i experienced shame. Its not always parents though i could say that maybe i was so over protected that i was unprepared and damaged.
bawling my eyes out.... didn't realize how bad my trauma was until this video
Amongst all the spiritual and psychologist talkers on You tube...Teal Swan..You are the most well versed, comprehensive and authentic person out there....LOVE YOUR VIDEOS TEAL...VERY WELL EDITED....VERY FOCUSED....VERY MAGNETIC VIDEOS..MOSTLY ALL OF THEM......THANK YOU TEAL FOR ALL YOUR TEACHINGS AND LECTURES YOU HAVE BEEN SHARING WITH THE WORLD ON REGULAR BASIS...YOU ARE AWESOME...AND THE FACT THAT YOU ARE Beautiful AND VERY Attractive MAKES YOU ...My Ideal Friend Forever !!
HERE HERE...
WELL SAID... 👌
She described my whole childhood without even knowing me
As a person with Intimacy issue...I don't think I can absorb everything in 1 seating.....really heavy stuff
Yo, I have to watch this twice. And not just because she's pleasing to the eyes.
same
Say that again
I now have an entire journal dedicated to all of this. oml
right, i feel i need to watch this a few times.
When she said “are you tired yet?,” I felt so much emotion surfacing. I have so much fear and anxiety inside of me
Thank once again Teal for divine insight. I didn’t realise i was so deep into this black hole of fear of intimacy. Even light itself can’t escape beyond these depths of disconnection and distrust.
I think I see a glimmer of hope in one of your suggestions I’m going to run with that, and give that all the time it needs to begin this journey.
This was heavy. I only got thru 13 minutes lbs. ..will finish later. Thank you.
exactly me too :(
Excellent Video! Forgive me for butting in, I am interested in your opinion. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (google it)? It is a great one of a kind guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my BF after many years got amazing results with it.
same here. i had to keep pausing cause the tears kept wanting to come out.
OMG!!!! Amazing! This has stirred up deep truths inside me. Thought loving myself was enough... Now I need to deal with this element. Thank you Teal, your work is from the Divine xxxxx
" A life of achievement is absolutely useless if you don't have anyone to share it with." That hit me hard🙁 I have been doing it wrong for 22 years now. At this age , I have never been in a relationship because I push men away when things are about to be serious. I really don't like the idea of feeling vulnerable . I am afraid of someone getting to know me on a deeper level because of the fear of them finding out things about me they wouldnt like. I fear giving up the control of my emotions and giving that power to someone else. I have hurt a lot of good guys through my behaviour and I really don't know why I do this. Thank you Teal for this video. I have a lot of work to do on myself ❤
If someone would've asked me before this video if I had a fear of intimacy, I would've said definitely not because intimacy is the thing that I want the most. But Teal has nailed my situation on the head with this video, I could never understand my problems in this area. I've often thought that some supernatural being was torturing me by toying with my emotions. Thanks for this video :)
So you jumped to the conclusion that ghosts are mind controlling you ?
@@LilyElkind No, but thank you random person for your unsolicited snarky question. Seems like just the decent kind of behavior that Teal would recommend.
@@BGlasnost i know exaclty what your saying its like some force striped you away of all your emotions
Pls you must respond to the art.by.italo comment it's my only hope of. Finding the answer in my life
As a man that has never been in a relationship at the age of twenty six can say that i really feel ready to seek a great relationship with someone that is above surface level meaning someone who will talk about deeper topics and someone who will love me for who i am . There is a catch to they must be Vegan or transitioning from meat eater to veggie or Vegan . I really feel passionate about getting to know my soul mate and to travel the world with .
Joseph S Ⓥ
I'm happy for you that you never wasted your time chasing empty relationships to try and fix what's within. The fact that you stood by yourself is worth celebrating.
Joseph S Ⓥ My own recommendation is that you not put conditions on this person you are looking for like being vegan or what not. Let the universe bring the right person. You are looking for soul level intimacy. Not for what's on the menu. The loop you throw out there needs to have some width to it. Don't cast too narrow a loop. You are on a growth path. The other person will be on theirs. Let them follow theirs too.
This had a great zeal behind it. Thanks for sharing.
heartfire451 Love this.
I love your comment. 24 here, never been in a relationship myself. Reasons based on fear, though this time alone has allowed me chances to contemplate heavily. You and I have had a great deal of time to really understand where we are and where we want to be when it comes to joining with another human. I used to have big specifics when it came to my certain someone, then all of a sudden I realized- based on my trauma growing up, I’d much rather ditch my limiting preferences and have the universe surprise me with someone greater than my narrow mind could possibly conceive! To let go and trust that I’ll get exactly what I’m supposed to is a much more comforting thought than forming this human myself. If that makes sense. I worry all the time if my guy will be what I wish- gentle, soft, cosmic thinker, vegan, no desire for kids, would like living in the middle of nowhere I could go on forever! Then I stop myself... Universe please surprise me and allow what’s meant for me to flow into my life, in the trickiest ways to give me a good giggle along the way! Even if I must wait ages, so long as it’s meant for me and the stars hand pick it :) Then I don’t have to worry. It’s up to fate. I guess I’m expressing this because it seems you and I need to surrender and trust. I wish you the best of luck my friend, we have a lifetime for things to fall into place. Let’s be open for the laughter life brings as SO much of the confusion could be laughed off! Joyous, blissful and sweet. Words I grasp tightly to.
Waw good summary! I have ‘intimacy diary’ where I talk to myself kindly and with complete acceptance (why I’m lovable today?! Hehe........I went through most of it, it was crazy as walking jungle lol! But I would do it again anytime... because intimacy with self and healthy sense of self is greatest gift you discover. Then you became your best company and people reflect it , they will treat you as you treat yourself ✨
So youre trying to meet your need all by yourself?
The timing of this is so uncanny that it almost feels like you've done this video for me personally!
What an amazing woman :-)
This is my boyfriend exactly. Its sooo crazy that you spoke straight to me to explain his ways... Thank you for your insight, you are a gift!
I recently ended a 5 years friendship with a lovely, beautiful and smart girl, super cute when she wears her black glasses. It happened so fast and completely unexpected it left me shattered and broken right now. As it turns out my friend has a "Fear of Intimacy", and I only found that out after I read her breakup text to me. I have always suspected she may have a mental health issue like anxiety or bipolar disorder but I never really confront her about these things. I am not entirely sure if she even knows she has these mental health issues. She's always friendly, polite and kind and never raise her voice at me, not once in the 5 years we have known each other. Unlike me. Throughout the years I wanted more than just a friendship, I wanted an intimate relationship. She outright rejected me every time. No kisses, no hugs, no holding hands and told me friendship is all she has to offer. We don't even exchange Christmas presents because it scares her. Recently a third party was trying to divide us apart so he can be with her, he may have succeeded. I highly doubt she wants to be with this guy person, they only recently met through me. He secretly asked her to go to events with him, she may have gone with him. When i confront her about this I yelled at scream at her. I am really ashamed and embarrassed by this and regrets it deeply. I shouldn't have lost my temper. We have known each other for almost 5 years, we went to Vietnam, Japan and Quebec city together for the winter festival. And now we are no longer friends, I am completely heartbroken and fearful that I may never see my lovely and beautiful friend again. What should I do now? Is this over for us? Will there ever be a chance she'll reach out to me in the coming weeks/months? I like to help her and support her and do what I can. I don't want to reach out to her anymore because she's a very timid person, so I don't want to scare or terrify her in any way. Had I known what I know now, I would have been less forceful. I know mental health is a serious issue and it was completely unfair to her, what fool I am. I may have lost the most important person in my life.
Wasnt it painful being with her for 5 years always hoping for more than friendship? How could you take this for such a long time? I dont think you did anything wrong but leaving her in the first place and searching for a girlfriend that offers you what you wanted so much :)
maybe she is not straight?...what about u? how could u last 5 years looking at her and nothing more.........???? super will power! write her a letter as u did here....she will forgive u....
let her go
Maybe she just didn't feel the same way about you and her feelings towards you were purely platonic. You pushing a relationship on her wasn't a good move.. I can see why she ended the friendship despite that she likely really enjoyed having you as a friend.
If you can't bear to be just friends with her then move on. My guy friends distanced themselves from me once they realized I didn't feel the same way. It's what's best for both parties.
Love you Teal. 💙 Every single sentence is so valuable and deep. I feel now that binge watching Teal’s videos does nothing good but remove us from daily physical reality. What we have to do is to take every single video seriously and rewatch it as many times as it takes to make an improvement in this area of our life... It is too valuable and important to just neglect and move to the next one. 🙌🏻
The ammount of crying i did during this video is no joke. I never noticed how much of this I reproduced.
Wonderful, I am trying to let people in, it's exhausting having to shut people out and telling myself I do not need others. Deep down I know I'd love genuine people in my life,I'd want to have fun,and connect. I am starting from zero,this was encouraging. Thank you Teal
Omg! This video changed my whole 27 years of “rightful” unhappy alone vision into the embracing emotion status in 27 mins. You are a gem!❤
I keep going back to this video and I can't help it I cry the whole time. Thank you Teal, and your Team as well for what you are. I am so grateful to have access to such great content.
I had a fear of being seen and my thoughts and emotions being also seen,but now when I'm totaly exposed over every measure I think it will be easier to show how much vulnerable I actually am.I'm readying up for all discomfort that may rise in real relationships and use this practical tips.I chose now to feel my emotions.
This is genuinely making me emotional, I’ve always felt hurt. I was always shut down and antagonized for having an opinion or something to say growing up. Honestly I never would’ve considered my fear of intimacy because I didn’t know such a thing existed. Thank you so much
I am at my workplace watching this, i have a huge fear of intimacy w men (my dad's an alcoholic etc.), and the first time i looked at a man (customer) w not fear or not in a weird way.
Thank you Teal. Your work is huge.
Never stop.
You are truely a gift on this planet, helping millions of people, wish to watch your youtube shorts/videos trending no 1, much much success to you Teal❤️🤗
The chapter about "priorities" hit like a missile. Hobbies and obsessive work, relatable. I never connected to a woman in my life and due to my unconvencional nature, people reject me a lot.
I felt like if I work and succeed in my higher goals, that will make up for that. I am so used to feeling lonely and unaccepted. However, my goals involve people accepting what I say or do, recognizing value in me. Other goals involve me and only me. Those are mostly survival goals, but how about thrival? Those indeed involve others.
I have done public shadow work and people respected and appreciated it. I paved the way, if they wamna follow it. However that was one time. If I reveal too much of my beliefs, where I stand, there will be someone who will end up attacking me. That will put me in my shell. Fine. One in like 100 people will resonate with me, but the pattern is continuing, I am not experiencing the opposite, that which is healing. So what to do? Ill keep growing and finding a way. If I was in the endgame I wouldn't be here writing this. More healing is needed. Maybe I need to connect more into my heart and express it. Not online, but more in real life, where the fears lie. I shall go and heal some more ❤
Holy crap. I thought I was self aware, and then this video happened. Thank you! Wow I feel like I can see my full picture now :)
Some of this I relate to and some not. I never felt like I wasn't allowed to have feelings or that they weren't valid, but I did often feel that it was bad to express feelings around other people. You go quietly to your room and read a favourite book, or you go outside and do something active, but whatever you do, never 'burden' another person with your feelings, and know that if you do they probably will think less of you forever after. Deal with all feelings privately and come back when you're ready to interact with other people again.
This is not nearly as bad as what she's describing as it doesn't come with the same shame at all, but the idea of being vulnerable around another person feels kind of humiliating and dangerous, and that makes certain kinds of relationships challenging.
Teal, again, my gratitude for your understanding, addressing and laying out the groundwork for healing, knows no bounds. I don't think that i am afraid of vulnerability. I do have a low threshold of tolerance and accepting. I feel that i do have some intimacy, that is compartmentalized in a sense... (likely as a defense mechanism,) so that i am able to meet my needs, i sort of share intimacy with different people on different levels, making sure that I carefully avoid mixing the people (or aspects.) I see how this is just a form of manipulating aspects around me, and i am thankful for these, (as well as the upcoming,) revelations,( prior to receiving them in in the videos you recommended that I watch ) i mean, I don't think that i have felt terribly lost, but i am realizing that i was pretty effing clueless. So, thanks for dropping some clues. The power in your words is a beacon of light, which I am highly attracted to, and I truly sense that you are the messenger, sent for the purpose of getting me on the correct path, after having strayed from it. It is an uphill battle, and i appreciate having these tools, so that i can stop worrying about my dented, flimsy armor!
This video changed my life. I can’t thank you enough…
This helped me understand a man who abruptly broke up with me, it helped me understand him and all the hurt that was created. I didn't know people could fear intimacy that profoundly. I was naive thinking we all want to connect. Thank you.
People with a fear of intimacy still deeply crave connection, they just fear it too much, I would argue they (myself included) crave it more than those who don’t have this fear because it feels so unattainable and we don’t have a track record of having it
All of this rings true for different phases of my life. Definitely wasn't tolerated or valued by my parents, can't believe that someone would be made happy by making me happy, always feel I need to bring something along to most relationships because just myself isn't enough. I've done so much work on myself, trying to build my sense of self-worth and it feels like an uphill battle, and it never feels like I've done enough. I have developed empathy but still sometimes have to squint and focus hard to read the social cues, which makes me feel like a phony, but it's so important. I can't even contemplate a romantic relationship unless I am perfect and armoured up (ie never lol). But ... I have a strong, deep and honest relationship with my daughter, and she has taught me so much. She turns to me with problems and triumphs and I am so proud of the person she is.
I love you Teal, all you say here is gold. I’m crying
Unfortunately noticing social cues and being there for people doesn’t always lead to them wanting to take your best interests and meet your needs reciprocally.
Learned that lesson many a time!
I'm watching this video for a second time. Teal, you are fantastic! May the Universe give you peace, love and joy!
This explains my parents so much. Thanks for this insight. My dad is like the first type mentioned and my mom is like the second. Never got to be myself and be seen or understood
When I hear intimacy I never think about sex. I always think about being vulnerable and authentic. I am scared of intimacy but I am such an open book and get so close to people. I get so close that it scares me. Don't know why. It feels like being naked with the soul.
Yes. Feel You. And I think that can scare people. Like when I’m in, I’m IN. And it shocks people how real it is. Like, once I wanna go...let’s GO.
I’ve seen often that I can be so real and open that people shut off or shut me down and don’t wanna hear so the safest place for me is to actually be alone a lot of the time or in nature (cos nature doesn’t judge or condemn me. Nature enjoys my connection to her and never pushes me out or tries to change me or water me down. I can show up fully in nature.) humaning is wonderful and terrible. Painful and pleasurable. But that is the raw beauty to me of Life and choosing Life again and again to show up. As my own authentic, and unique expression of God incarnated as the character of me :) bless x
You are a coward.
Your welcome
Whew, same here
Sex is the epitomy of vulnerability - you're physically open yourself up to be penetrated.
The best video on the internet by far, about the truth about intimacy...Teal is the spiritual leader of our time, hands down...and I am so deeply grateful to have been here to experience her guidance in this time, especially when the world around us seems so lost and lacking any spiritual guidance at all...Teal reaches you on such a deeper spiritual level and provides tools for you to work with, spiritual tools and understandings that gives you the understanding you need, on a deeper level, to guide your own journey...she is a fierce spiritual leader like no one I have ever seen before...
26:14
Luke " I'm not afraid ! "
Yoda: " You will be " haha
Wow I have always explained my experience as floating above my body! I can’t believe she just said that, I am blown away!
Wow! Sent directly from higher source to me. This is the second video today I am seeing on this subject. Every word you say I realte to. You make me feel and realize I am not crazy! Thank you Teal! I live with derealization bc I was raised that my feelings, thoughts and even memories are all wrong. That my reality is wrong. But it's not, this validation means a lot to me
Thank you Teal. I've been trying to look into this topic for awhile and work through my issues, but this video is the first that really resonated with me. For me, it wasn't really my parents/family that caused the issue, but rather my friends and peers. I was picked on and isolated a lot growing up. I always felt left out and different, so as a result I eventually became very reserved and shy. I'm 24 now and have always struggled with connecting with people and developing intimate relationships. As a result I've never had a serious romantic relationship before....I've been driving myself crazy over the last few years trying to figure out why I can't seem to do so. Your videos are helping me gain a new perspective and put some of the pieces together. Thanks a bunch..
infinitely grateful, thankful for your teachings and sharings. this is life changing and makes me feel so alive, empowered and motivated to be me again, I am 30 and only finally putting the finger exactly where it hurts, where the problem has always been and why i have been living my life in autopilot lost for so long. You are one beauty of a powerful woman in this realm may we all be inspired and mirrored by you :)
I cant even articulate how grateful i am for this. Its almost like you just read the story of my life. After many years I realize what it is that ive been feeling my whole life, why when i chase others and then they willingly come to me i feel terrified and feel the need to push them away, why im so afraid to be in a vulnerable position or situation, why any kind of connection with a person results in me ghosting them or avoiding them.. Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for this video. I finally understand myself after hiding away from everyone, including myself, for my whole life. Everything is so confusing though, i can connect things in my life and see the link in what i experienced and my fear of intimacy, but its so confusing and so much to comprehend it doesnt make sense to me when my train of thought breaks. I guess this will be one hell of a journey bc now i realize that literally nearly ALL my problems (aka shame, not being understood, feelings of unworthiness, etc) are rooted from the same thing- my childhood. And my childhood isnt even bad, my parents love me and are truly amazing. In fact, this is crazy but my mom is actually a psychologist and life coach. Yet my parents somehow managed to let me grow up like this, hiding emotions from everyone, from them, from myself. I think i really need to work on my inner child.
I have come a lonnng way thanks to teal, but I still struggle with intimacy and closeness. I lost so many "friends" because i realised my relationships were not healthy at all. I can't wait to have people who genuinely care about me and I also can't wait to care for them. Feeling lonely right now, but integrating those aspects of me give me a sense of hope through the pain. I've come a long way though and I'm proud of myself and everyone else who is doing their best to change their lives.❤️
I was unaware that I had a fear of intamacy until I watched this video. thank you
Absolutely the best video I have ever seen on this subject. Teal is amazing for sharing this knowledge and deeper truths, for our hearts, our souls to hear, and then to heal....unbelievable and absolutely amazing to feel this deeper guidance, and healing. Sending lots of love to Teal and crew for providing all that they do to help and heal others.
I can watch this video a billion times. She hits EVERY. NAIL. ON. THE. HEAD.!
I just love you, your teachings have help me immensely, they have helped me to literally change my life. I'm so grateful for your videos❤️
Never forget what you are, a seeker of truth who wanted to see beyond the dysfunction of the veil. This is how you know! Thank you! ❤
Teal, thank you so much! This points out everything I have left to work on and I am ready to do so. It is shocking to see how every day of my life up to this moment was effected by this crippling condition. And also, most people around me, it's crazy.
This video describes me so completely. It makes me realize that I am not so unique.
You really blew my mind with this. Thank you! I have homework!
I avoid intimacy basically because it's TOO MUCH work. Unless i get to find someone who has same vibration and maturity level as me, i guess i would just be contend to be alone and im perfectly fine with that.
You just shut yourself down right there
All eastern spiritual traditions are about stillness and conserving energy. That said, you can be silently present for people for short periods of time which can help them lot more than words
I felt so released after watching this video. Thank you so much. I finally knew where to go ,to heal, to forgive.
Solve fear of intimacy
1, keep in touch with your emotions it's a process of reunion our personal truth.
2, Identity ppl or situation which you disconnected with in fear of intimacy, and face it.
3, Social States que, living in self centered sphere can cause others to keep away from you
4,, Notice be awere when you disconnected with people. Imagine like you are brain apart from the Heart.
5,, support from genioune partners
6, Be Authentic
7,, check out your priorities, don't victimized by excise work or relationships. What u need is closeness understanding relationships.
8,,
9,, Face ur Shame
10,, if u have fear of intimacy it's impossible to have self awearness,
11, Be expert on other person for better intimacy
12, Discover your needs
13,,
14
15, be comfortable with vulnerability, The courage to be vulnerable
16
When she talked about the disconnection from feelings...it is so real!
When I was 13 my parent rejected me and throw me out of the house for almost 13 days, when I was out my only need was to get someone to give the attention and recognized I'm the victim , i didn't care about my true feelings i was hiding them deep in me