The Hidden Truth About Dysfunctional Relationships - Teal Swan -
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Completion Process Book
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Referenced Videos
I Can Have Me and I Can Have You Too
• I Can Have Me and I Ca...
How to Heal the Emotional Body
• How To Heal The Emotio...
Meet your Needs
• Meet Your Needs! - Tea...
How to Develop Healthy Boundaries
• Personal Boundaries vs...
How to Connect with Someone
• The Connection Process...
In this episode, Teal decodes dysfunctional relationships and explains what do to solve the patterns that cause them.
Formula to break the dysfunctional pattern
1.We have to realize and recognize the pattern of dysfunction in our relationships
2.We have to become completely aware of what needs we are to trying to have met through this dysfunctional pattern
3.Instead of meeting that need the way you normally would, through destruction find a way to meet that need in a different way that is constructive
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Teal Swan is a revolutionary for personal transformation and is one of The Most Spiritually Influential Living People in the world. As a renowned author, speaker and social media star, she travels the world teaching self-development and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
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Beginning Song:
Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel
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Please note that I do not respond to posts from this site. Please promptly reach out to a mental health practitioner near you discuss treatment options. My teachings on the subject of suicide are meant to supplement your treatment with a mental health practitioner and should not be in lieu of such treatment. The information contained on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for such professional medical or mental health advice. Always seek the advice of your own licensed and qualified medical and mental health professionals. The information provided in this site and in my videos should not be used for the diagnosis or treatment of any mental health condition. A licensed physician, psychologist, and/or mental health provider should be consulted for a diagnosis and treatment of any and all medical and mental health conditions. Please immediately call your physician, mental health professional or 911 for all emergencies.
I have to say, that after spending just two weeks listening to Teal's messages and working on my shadow self and fragmented pieces of my soul, I am doing well and feeling so much better. What helped me the most was to realize that the shadow part of me, as well as the devil, was not really an evil entity. Because I believed otherwise, I rejected a part of myself and labeled myself as evil. Teal Swan has shown me that the traditional views of evil versus good have been false, religious propaganda. To all who view her videos, please do not accept the negative comments made about her by so-called spiritual leaders. They are wrong. They put her down because her messages bring up their own fears and devils. Thank you so much, Teal Swan. You are an amazing young woman with a special gift to offer to the world. Blessings of healing to you dear, precious one. Many of us love you and appreciate you.
U know, for those of us who have done "so much" painful, gruesome work (reminds me of "Saw"..) to unveil other "truths"/propaganda ect. we were all initially pre-programmed, we are the truly blessed. This is our reward: Peace. xxx
I agree - great response.
Love this for you 🤍
Thank You So Much. I never payed attention to the negative but reading this comment made me realize teal swan videos In a different way her videos shows us are shadow selfs and i always thought they were to make us aware of un aware things but to heal the shadow and doing the work is gonna take more then a day
I've been doing this for, well, awhile haha.. and I've developed as my own philosophy is to take a curious approach to everything, Teal has demonstrated that beautifully... one thing negative negating has across the board is a certain lack of curiosity. There is no pure truth without curiosity, that I know for certain
I heal from watching Teal
John Jeyapaul me too
Me too
Me too
True
Me too 🙏
I wish I had found this years ago. I had developmental trauma and could not function well into my 20's. I went to therapy, and the therapists would give up; I tried different methods; nothing worked, and in fact it made everything 10x worse until I was unable to maintain any relationships. I reached a breaking point and said, "Either I get better, or I kill myself, because I can't live like this." Two years since, I'm so much better but have a long way to go. And I realized half the problem is exactly what's highlighted here: I was missing so many concepts and interpersonal skills, and was mentally and emotionally so delayed, that most of what the mental health profession recommends was pointless because they were tools I didn't know how use, and contained concepts I couldn't conceive. I've learned a lot of those skills and concepts on my own, but it still saddens me that therapists and psychologists, who are supposed to treat these things, just threw up their hands and gave up--and do the same to many others.
i been studying spirituality for 9 years, and it all has helped me grow, but coming from a very dysfunctional family and so much rejection and loss, something always felt missing for me to heal fully, she is spot on with her shadow work, were most people who work towards enlightenment teaches us to always be positive but how can this be if there is so much shadow work that is subconsciously unhealed, people have negative things to say about Teal, but i dont think every teacher is for you, their is so many ways to becoming enlightened and not every spiritual teacher is going to match your needs, thats why it is important to get in touch with your inner self so you can understand if the teacher resonates with your spiritual journey..
Spot on!:)😙
Well we are connected, but also individuals. Your cells are individuals, yet they too are connected and work as one.
So it is natural that different people resonate with different spiritual teachers. It is possible.
it is unbelievable how great spiritual and psychological knowledge you have:-))
Go Teal! It's so good to hear someone address the truth: We NEED each other. We are social beings....integrally connected. Also....just because you look like an adult doesn't practically mean you are one. Let's truly help each other to grow up. We can nurture each other and become healthy and happy. And we can also be autonomous when that is appropriate in accordance with our individual needs. Balance can be attained!
I don’t understand how this video doesn’t have more views. Mind blowing ❤️
Simply "Thank You." You have helped me in so many ways that it has become Infinite. What is coming thru You is "God-Sent." Thank You for following Your path because had you not, so many people would not have received this "Beautiful Gift."
Finally! Validating there are some needs that can't be met alone. Duh! I've been getting gas lit by spiritual/psychosocial teachings on this for the last 3 years. Done arguing my point which Teal so eloquently explained.
same
Right! Seeing your comment 7yrs later. There's an obsessive overcorrection in the psychology field around these needs as well. I have been hurt far more by the hardcore "independent" people (avoidants in denial) who "loved" me, than I've ever been hurt by the "needy" people who actually loved me.
Seriously, I hear this loud and clear. I’ve been trying to learn how to take care of myself for 5 years now after 20 yrs of a dysfunctional marriage…. And traumatic childhood all around. I’m 51 now. I feel like I’m failing miserably yet I’m living independently. I can’t let go of these ruminating thoughts of fantasies more or less. I feel like reaching for something, literally, every 30 mins but I have no idea what I want. I hyper focus on drawing to kill time… you can’t even imagine the thousands of drawings, paintings, and sculptures I’ve created. Im happy, healthier than I’ve ever been, I have absolutely NOTHING in my way……. Yet, I’m stuck here…. Wondering why I haven’t figured out which way to go. It’s a very odd place to be, mentally speaking.
Felt every word, (except the art talent I don't possess at all 😁) but the stuck part, yeah completely. I hope a yr later you're unstuck! 🥰
Thanks for the video, Teal. I've been exploring what Dr. Stan Tatkin calls "secure functioning" relationships in a "couple bubble." My life has progressed immensely because of being in a secure relationship, which took work and a LOT of boundary setting to create, as we both came in with our own wounds. It's been so worth it, though. Overall, we're both happier and more productive and independent / interdependent than ever before. Thanks also for the reminder to let ourselves off the hook for not knowing what secure relationships look like if we've never been exposed to one! Lots of love
This makes me feel like Im screwed in many ways. I have many unmet needs and I just cant do anything to get them met that wont require big risk, trade-offs and pain. Its true. Im too afraid or confused as to how to go about things. I've been to various psyhologists and they have been very unskillful. I dont go beyond 10-15 visits because I start feeling very guilty about the money being spent on something that feels useless.
+Liz Torres Hi Liz, I have been where you are, and thought it was impossible at one point, but hang in there...this method Teal is talking about really works, the method she talks about in this video is a method she demonstrates in another video titled, "Healing The Emotional Body"...Teal gives you a step by step demonstration of how to heal the unmet needs, one step at a time...by going through this method, its a good feeling to know that you have a path to meet those unmet needs deeply desiring to be met....
Ill check the video about healing the emotional body to see what you are talking about
I’ve taken risks to get my needs met and only got rejected. I feel like I can’t win.
@@westcoastorbust2462 Giving up can be a part of the process, but dont let it be the last stop. The more you resist something, the more you strengthen it kinda, in a painful way. So... dont resist the lack of things. I've read of the philosophy of Aikido years before watching Teal's videos, and they both have the same idea there. The path of least resistance.
You cant escape the pain of risk or consequences. Thats part of human experience. The pain will make you or break you, but its better than living in fear.
Thi is my favorite video of yours too. I like your plain attire & background images. With ADD, this helps me focus on content much easier.
I usually listen to her with my eyes closed or the screen down.
Ms Swan you just made my heart skip a beat. It’s like you’re showing me a mirror of myself and I can’t feel more related and anxious to what you’re saying.
This sounds so true to me about the therapist being my first secure relationship
Imagine I have to pay someone in order to have someone secure in my life 🤦🏻♀️
Most other people and friends even if they really care and try to be there for me have their own traumas and usually just give advice and project their own things onto me
You’re definitely not alone in that 🤟
I also need to say that no matter what is said about you I believe you have love in your heart. You're touching a level NOONE has been able to before. Were conditioned to think something is too good to be true when in fact we turn our cheeks to something that is potentially beneficial. Theres so much trauma that needs to be addressed its debilitating. You portray yourself well and I KNOW it takes a PROFOUND level of understanding and strength to deliver on the regular.
Thank you for existing, you're awesome.
I can't imagine anybody who is supposed to be on a spiritual journey finding a reason to be negative toward you, don't they realize they are revealing just how mentally broken they are by their need to put you down? Deep respect for all you sacrifice, to heal and love us. Deep respect for your honesty and courage. You are certainly loved and needed!
Our culture makes a fetish of independence with unhappy consequences for so many. Thanks to Teal for having the insight to see through this mirage and the courage to challenge it. See the work of Harville Hendrix that complements what Teal is saying: Getting The Love You Want and the sequel Keeping The Love You Find.
The.....all your needs can only be met by yourself, concept, has never made sense to me, and ive felt guilty for thinking to the contrary. But listening to you about this, has made me realize that what ive felt in my heart about dysfunctional relationships, hasnt been 'bad', or 'wrong'. It all makes sense to me now. Thankyou so much, Teal.
This explains why some modalities of therapy or spiritual development haven't worked for me. Somatic therapy is not currently very popular with insurance or providers in my area, so its a challenge to find. So I go swimming almost daily for a sense of security and love. In sexual relations most of my energy goes towards cuddling and touch, far more than any of my partners. Most of the time I just want to be held. So much of my trauma is about separation and adoption/abandonment. Often in mindfulness groups you hear the idea that if you simply sit with your feelings and accept them then you can grow, well, sometimes. This approach isn't always helpful in my case of developmental trauma and early childhood abandonment. I also see a lot of shaming and stigma towards developmental trauma in 12 step groups (incapable of being honest... those unfortunates...). The groups expect you to develop a bond of trust with others that is healthy and transparent but you may not have that skill set, so you are blamed for not being honest or being transparent or "willing", you are deemed hopeless and abandoned once again. The best thing about this video is it shows that its not my fault and that there is hope.
I can completely relate to much of this but would say the time of trauma was during the later teenage years and the transition to adulthood. Not having the proper guidance or realization of the importance of what to do career wise in order to even consider meeting those needs on my own or even what those needs would be was a major barrier to becoming fully independent. All I knew is that, at the age of 18, I was expected to suddenly do so on my own and I can say I was definitely not prepared properly to do so. Not having a Father for guidance certainly did not help & definitely did not make it easy for me to guide my own children either. History repeats itself & not for a lack of trying to do it properly. Another great share.
We have all this dysfunction having children since the introduction TV, movies and electronics to add to the parenting skills which are more and more lacking because of the separation this provides.
Giving us more dysfunctional people.
I recognize Sutro bathhouse in your background. totally appreciate your message. found you through infinite waters. thank you for being authentic
Hi Teal, although I have just come across you work just now this is exactly what I believe as well and have been really leaned into the last four years. I have just completed my training as a Conscious Uncoupling coach, helping people find personal freedom after the pain of a breakup. I just want to say to the man who mentioned that you are in a new relationship after having had previous relationships that this is a non-constructive judgement of you and your journey in the world. The fact that you opened your heart to love and are so resilient in the face of so much trauma, that is what we all need to be focussing on here about you. I am the same way as well and I am very proud of the work I have done to connect with my self in the body. Consciousness is relational and you can all take that to the bank!
I wish I could get therapy sessions from Teal, I would pay anything in my capacity for those sessions.
I am aware of the dysfunction in my family and other relationships. I feel like I have gotten used to it. I'm used to not having my needs be met by myself or anyone else.
+AWESOMESHEWOLF it's hard to get out of the habit of not asserting your needs clearly to a partner. Being assertive is a skill. Takes time and practice to get good at
I love your sign language too. It's very refreshing to see you using your psychic abilities to get your opinion on this matter out of the verbal sequence and into the body shop of language arts and sciences. You are truly a SCIENTIST OF HEALTHY LIVING AND WISDOM...
I have always repeated felt bad that you have to take this life in the way you experienced. But the information you are spreading to the completely slumbered consciousness is a beautiful light. Let us all awaken to one.
Best video on the internet that I have yet to watch. Hands down most helpful.
WOW, THAT WASN'T JUST FOOD FOR THOUGHT, IT WAS AN ENTIRE BUFFET FOR THOUGHT. THANK YOU. I WILL NOW HAVE TO DIGEST ALL YOU SAID, WATCH THE OTHER VIDEOS YOU SUGGESTED AND THEN BUY YOUR BOOK WHEN IT COMRS OUT.
Love!!!! We are here to experience here!! yes we evolve, but right now be present with our hearts, that's where we are at in growth, never suppress the emotions, it's like saying no to a very valid lesson. I love you so much real teal! keeping it real!! love an contentment an clarity to all!!
Hate is inside, and haters project that from inside to outside...Sent them love..Its the only thing we can do...Thanks teal for all your giving to the world from inside!!
A lot terrain to cover when embarking on a journey of reinterpreting and reconstructing one’s sense of self, in relation to others and people in a community.
Phew, thank you so much Teal. We really needed an expert, such as you, to come spell all this out for us.
The part after 17:30 made me cry, Teal. Of course growing up my mother worked overtime and when she was there it was for me to be her therapist. So I learned to only depend on myself and that to have people around when they are useful, which is horrible. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I have covert narcissistic tendencies and do things for me just so they like me. I'm learning that giving to someone without expectations doesn't have to make me feel like I'm giving myself with it.
I was afraid of relationships because of how I saw my father treats me and my mother but I saw worse with me and another girl. I was refusing myself happiness and love because of what happened to me everyone I thought was bad for me so God sent me pain but in a different way and it's like a wake up call to love my self and stop abusing it by running away from love or men in general. thank you your words are soothing and practical
omg i have been watching the video on narcissism and codependency and trying to figure it all out and heres this video in PERFECT timing!!!!!!!
There are many reasons for dysfunctional relationships. Being brought up in a marketing society that does not value psychological intimacy might be one.
Or having Celebrities and brainless sports players as Idols. As well as that, trying to learn is seen as uncool.
Well who said that her partners were parasitising off of her? From Teal's videos I gather that she is an Intelligent caring person, but what do we know of her personal life?
But what makes some people have healthy relationships while others don't and both groups are in the same society?
Teal this video is amazing.Thank you for sharing your wisdom ;)
And so, if you cannot have autonomy and connection at the same time, you end up having to make a choice about how you are going to attach to your caregivers. You will dismiss connection in an environment of neglect or you will seek closeness in proximity when you are fearful that your autonomy will cause you to be abandoned, either becoming too independent or not independent at all. Fearing connection vs fearing autonomy. Thus the push-pull of the dysfunctional relationship.
Wow the depth and clarity of this is amazing! I resonate so deeply with the Mary example and I feel I've experienced a lot of developmental and individuation trauma. It makes me feel sad but also grateful that now I have clarity as to why I don't have a desire to do certain things, to meet certain needs. This feels like a lot will unpack from it. Thank you Teal! 🙏🤍
10:05 "We find the whole idea of meeting our own needs traumatising, because it is the mirror of the original trauma that we had." OMG I wish more people in the mental health profession / life coaches etc were educated on this. How many people are out there like me, who are told "you have to love yourself first" etc, when we have zero template for that, and this advice not only feels like death but that we're failures as well.
I'm very grateful that TS mentions this is the origin of BPD. The one insightful psychiatrist who actually prompted my healing told me that not only did he believe I'd make a full recovery, but it would involve being in a relationship with someone who wouldn't abandon me. He was right, too, and I'm 3+yrs in remission. I'm now realising how 'radical' his perspective was!
I feel like there's a massive overcorrection in society coming towards people who have attachment trauma of this type, where therapists are so overconcerned with the person not being "co-dependent" for having connection needs, that they push them towards a cliff essentially.
Ohh I LOVE your sweater. It looks so beautiful on you.
Absolutely amazing. Spot on. Thank you so much, Teal, for your wisdom and insight. Namaste
So refreshing to hear a guru talking like this. It seems most people believe the solution is for the whole world to become egocentric.
Brilliant as always!
This is so incredible Teal. Thank you. X
Thank u so so much for ur teachings that hv helped me understand myself more than i hv ever in my 63 years blessings to u
OK Synchronisity time: My sister mentioned codependancy a week ago and a few days ago i started learning about codependency and watching videos "Narcissism" and the Teals interview with Ross Rosenberg. It made clear what i was coming to realise about my friendship with my best friend, and gave me the emotional safety to end the relationship when i saw it as a form of self love(or at least step in that direction). and then this video came up ^^ Love you Teal ;)
wow, this is really great stuff. I've never heard it explained this way. It makes so much sense. I can't wait to continue with your help. Thank You!
New to listening to Teal. Excellent food for thought!! Thank you Teal❤
You are simply amazingly aware (like confuscious)
This video is amazing Teal! A truth bomb
I like you Teal, world is better place thanks people like you . You are like a shining star, thanks a lot for your time and love.
This is exactly how borderline personality disorder happens.
Yes just a summery of "severe, chronic-unmet-needs and/or sexual abuse" syndromes.
...where "chronic" being the key word: as the poison had entered into one's soul, by the time of diagnosis, almost like..., the final stage of mental "cancer" ?
To shed some light on early- screening would be beneficial...as girls are always so "well-behaved" at all times...
Your guidance is so appreciated
Thank you Teal for all your wisdom. I am perpetually inspired by all of the connections that you make.
You are a beautiful and wise woman. Thank you 🙏🏾
i as a mother felt seperation trauma from my son after my son was born, thus it reinforced my ongoing depression and made it into prenatal depression
Your expressions speak a language all there own. ❤️🧡💚💙💜💛
You make complete sense to me and help me through a whole lot of issues that I will watch your other videos over and over thank you
for sharing your knowledge it's so helpful to me
Ayahuasca can help with this one too.
Ayahuasca is highly intelligent. It knows what an individual needs that the person is not yet aware of. Its is "mother" nature.
Can i get it here in the u.s? Or in only in Peru?
Important video for my understanding. I look forward to getting your book in the Fall. Thank you, Teal.
You are wonderful and greatly appreciated! i have listened to you for years. i appreciate your wisdom and insights, thank you for sharing and for being you! You are a blessing in my life...Thank you for being open, thank you for all you do! You are the best!
I agree about being an individual, and being self reliant and happy. But what about when there are lies, and infidelity due to independence behind closed doors? Isn't the point of being with someone to work together in life, as a single unit? If not, what is the point in being with someone?
***** Blind Faith is for fools when BOLD evidence points elsewhere. Last week I walked into my partners X boyfriends house and found her hiding in the bedroom closet. If that is a relationship any fool would want to endure, good for the fool to live under the bonnet of lies. Not even God tolerates that.
I would like to see a video going into more depth of how to prevent trauma as a parent with our children. I have so many questions through out the day as I interact with my 6 month old son.. I have trouble understand when I should meet his needs or when I should meet my own. I find we both need things at the same time. Also what should I do if my son bites me while breastfeeding.. Not too hard but he is testing it I think and I say ouch and he laughs.. I kind of think it's cute but I don't want him to bite harder.. Should I say no? And stop feeding him if he does that?
He says only 1 of those phrases to me: "you will never find anyone better then me."
So well said, thanks again Teal!
Change the options we have to respond to in our childhood
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Dont need adults being breast feed, we can recreate a few or even many different childhoods and have our needs meet in potentially a variety of ways in our constructions of the past
Wow, deep stuff. Incredible video Teal! Thank you!
Ok how am I getting hung up on the fact that we need our needs to be met in order to be interested in meeting them ourselves.. but we have to take the initiative to get the needs met in order to move forward 😅 haha
This is helpful. Thank you!
perfect timing❤️ thank you teal🌟
Teal, you are brilliant - thank you for the work you do.
Thank you teal swan laurafahey and PA I’m not gonna lie in the beginning of watching you I thought you kind of spoke all these intellectual words and because I knew you said you wanted to be like the best and what not but now so I quit watching you right now and I watch you it’s like you’re more down to earth you tell it like it is down to earth and I love that so thank you for that and I also want to tell you look haters are gonna hate like Taylor Swift says and I’m just gonna stand stand stand don’t listen to the haters why do you listen to the haters there’s always gonna be haters what are you gonna do you’re gonna just dance dance dance love you Laurafahey currently in Pennsylvania with love and gratitude I think you Namaste ha ha
that was awesome teal it got me thinking
So True Words,they say so much!! Thank You Teal..Btw Why is there Only One Los Angeles Video?? and by a confused person. with negative on screen graphics???.so not fair!.. Wtf?!!..anyway,Peace to You Always..from California:)
What a great speech wonderful job you're reaching out to people you're awesome people should know more what you're talking about you did a wonderful job you're amazing have a wonderful day take care
Awesome video Teal. Much love and warrior energy you have my precsious. keeping following joy.
I'm grateful to teal swan
Good look trying to find someone who you can trust to meet your needs 👍🏻
This is so what I'm working on, Ty dear Teal🙏🙌💞
Wow, this makes so much sense to me now!
some people think by expecting their needs to being constantly met by others, they are "so good" at "meeting there needs directly" as suggested by Teal .... they actually get triggered when suggested to meet some of there needs by themselves. When Teal said in her "meet your needs"-video, that needs can or even should (also) be met by other people, a person i know who leeches of from others, had the perfect justification for getting pride in the behaviour to always parasitically leech off from others, the person thought he was meeting his needs so perfectly directly by just expecting it from others.... no so healthy i guess. would be great if teal could talk about that some time in the future, because i think there are really missunderstandings there to be cleared. dysfunctional people really think they are meeting there needs directly and better than others because they leech off of and just expect being served.
I thank God I found your channel.... the truth!
This is toooooooo much! How many of us have issues like this?
its crazy to think of all the trauma and wrongness that is transmited generation after generation and with the social pressure on top of that.
I always wonder why my dad can’t meet his own needs and also need others’ support and love (or reassurance) to be happy. Now I know.
Well i realize that my relationship with my "therapist"-facilitator wasn't a secure one. She was changing the rules of the relationship without telling anything and many times i found myself accountanble for things she had changed in her mind without any notice. Now i don't trust anyone.
OMG i bought the book last week and haven't seen the disclaimer about being out in 5 month :O.... I was so looking forward to it, now i have to limp 5 more month :/ ... to make the matter even worse I bought the express delivery xD
thank you for putting that piece into my jig saw puzzle.
Real Teal,thanks for this blissful message.😌
Thank you Teal, your video is amazing and most clear I have seen!
Very good, Teal. Thank you
Thank you from my heart for this video
Das entspricht auch meiner Erfahrung als Atemtherapeut.
This is also my experience as a breathwork therapist.
Wow, this is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
I come from a dysfunctional family and I've become estranged from all my siblings the latest 1 of them I quit talking to since I have to listen to him tell me I'm crazy, nuts, mentally ill, bad among other put downs especially after we enter into a disagreement.
Great Video. I love watching you Teal. I always learn so much. I plan on doing the online video next week with you. Looking forward to hearing from you.