It's both for me. Moving forward is the only direction I can take. 40 plus years of wallowing in pain is just too much to bear. "As soon as forever is through I'll be over you" FHI...
Since most romantic relationships ultimately fail learning to love and cherish yourself cannot be underestimated. Searching for the perfect partner is the great illusion of romantic love.
It doesn't have to be perfect partner, but if you find someone you care for most, and it's unrequited, why would you let go? Just because she/he doesn't like you back?
After several failed relationships, I've come to the conclusion that I'm better off staying single. It's just not worth the time and energy investing in someone who doesn't see the value in you.
I felt the same. Several years ago i got close to someone, started to fall in love with her. Told her how I felt and got turned down and pushed away. Too me many years to get over it. I used the memory of that pain to keep me from ever falling in love again. This worked for years, until a new colleague came into my life. Over time, we became friends, and I enjoyed spending time with her. Then one day I realised I was in love with her but was too insecure to tell her. I changed companies and kept in touch with her. Then she told me one day that she was leaving the country. I tried to tell her how I felt but as usual my tucked up way of expressing myself caused her to push me away. Slowly over time I thought I was over her, but then she came back into my circle when I was at a very low place, this brought all the pain and love I felt for her right back into focus. Took me a long time to deal with this pain, not being able to tell her how I feel. She was only there for a brief time again, leading to more pain when she was gone again. That was over a year ago. I tried making new friends, but not with romance in mind, hoping this would help me move on. This weekend I came across her again, unexpectedly, and instantly, those feelings were back at full intensity. Breaking my heart all over again.
@@jimmyocallaghan9124That’s the best description, right there. I have felt that pain. You become numb and bitter. It pierces your soul when they push you away. I am your brother in pain, and I am here for you.
I want someone that doesn’t want an open relationship. This was a doomed relationship from the start and it has brought a lot of pain to me. I’ve tried to see him for something he is not and my time to walk away has been here. I have tried so many times to walk away but I miss him so much when I do I always go back. But why do I love someone who repeatedly tells me he wants an open relationship? And that he needs to get his life together first. I’m 45 yet I haven’t learned anything from my past because I continue to love the wrong person. That’s Not love. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I see myself dancing in the rain, taking walks, having romantic dinners, dancing, laughing, going on trips, hanging out at the house, watching movies, just a normal happy partnership. What I’m doing now is pulling away. He breaks promises to me and I’m tired of making excuses for him. I have gotten over bad partners in the past so I can get over this one. And this time I will date myself and do for myself. Take baths. Im just going to really try to make a change. I miss affection but I’ll figure it out. Im a pretty girl that finds men that don’t care for me. I always feel like I’m pressuring someone to care for me. They always run away from me. I miss my family. I have no friends so my partner becomes my best friend. And I think that’s part of the issue. I will focus on my health and myself. Today he called me twice and I don’t want to respond. He has so much power over me emotionally I can’t do that anymore. I need to take my power back today. Thanks for reading and God, Please help me
It feels as if there are 2 closed societies, one of women who want what you describe, and one of men with the same virtues. But we aren't allowed to associate with each other. I feel as though we are encouraged to accept the wanderer/wonderer, the heartbreaker, the user, the absent lover, ... in the guise of 'love' (panic love)
As a gay man who has watched straight couples in ‘monogamous’ relationships dealing with cheating & deceipt, so I’m a big proponent of open relationships because they are inherently more honest. HOWEVER, they don’t work unless 1) you’ve established a solid bond & mutual respect & willingness to not only set up rules but also STICK to those rules, 2) be loyal not faithful & make sure your actions coming from a place of love. My prerequisite is that if we’re in an open relationship & if we aren’t able to be together then it’s fine to physically be with someone else. But if you have a choice between spending time with me and a stranger, then you choice your partner every time.
Love and emotions associated with such an abstract concept are nothing but mental clutter in my life. Would be a blessing if I can snap my fingers and erase every emotion I had in my life except for basic happiness and anger.
This is limerence, or even infatuation that you’re describing, not unrequited love. Unrequited love is very real, as real as any love, very painful, and deeply life altering. Love is love. Even unrequited love. If you’ve truly experienced true unrequited love, you understand the difference. Love exists to inspire us, to make us better people. Closer to ‘God’. The universe always rewards love. Like all other forms of true love, it can and should be transmuted into something profound and selfless… the painful part is that the selflessness of that love does not ever go toward the other, where it has been rejected; it must be directed elsewhere in order to feel it reciprocated, and we must learn to accept that reciprocation with grace as a gift rather than a consolation prize. Toward community, art, purpose, yourself… It’s a very lonely, painful, confusing, but ultimately liberating gift. Very possible to love someone who does not love you back. It’s so much more reassuring and comforting to think otherwise, I know. But it is always better to honor love that is true than to repress or deny it. You just have to honor your unrequited love differently. And the greatest gift of unrequited love is that you get to love fully from the very depths of your soul and know that even after that, you WILL liberate yourself and love again, and it will be so much more profound and powerful when you do because of that.
Totally agree. Zillion thanks for profounding what I've been honestly feeling and going through for the longest time. Unrequited Love, painful as it is, can be the sincerest and purest Love one can ever experience.
Not completely, anyway. The love I feel for someone has lessened a bit, probably due to not seeing them for so long after they got engaged and married, but probably won't ever fade entirely.
This isn't a brutal truth it's just a glib comment. I rarely fall in love with people. It's never an infatuation. I have put in the time to get to know someone and it's always unrequited. After a while it gets harder to attach to people because of the expectation that is going to be yet another disaster. I'm old enough to remember before the apps etc and it was equally true then. Some people just don't get a happy outcome.
Awesome video thank you! I did the exercise and realized I am looking for some external point of reference, someone to gauge by whether the way I behave and my decisions in life are okay. Working on getting myself out of that loop, by following my dreams and expanding my community.
I’ve been trying to date for years now and my problem is that everyone I met that genuinely likes me back lives far asf and the people that live close to me just play games and waste my time I’m beyond frustrated
You lose credibility when you say things like “I’ve been in this situation SOOO many times….!” No you haven’t. It isn’t something you experience that many times, otherwise you’re mixing up lust and crushes for love. NOT THE SAME !!
I hope you are getting better, Justin. I thought of adopting a cat at the shelter. my concern is that if this cat dies one day, I will be so devastated...that's what preventing me from getting one 😔
I know the feeling. I lost my dog, Uzumaki, who was the first I adopted, named, and took financial responsibility for in addition to growing emotionally attached to (big mistake). Had him for not even three years; renal failure took him from me. T’was last December I put him down, and I’m still not over my grief.
@@GMell123 so sorry to hear about Uzumaki....not sure if it's a mistake for growing emotionally attached to your baby. I just think we as a human being should love wholeheartedly and the other party deserves it...how now? not getting a pet?
@@whitefrangipaniable Maybe “big mistake” was the wrong choice of words. I really loved that dog, and he was the sweetest best friend a man could ask for. I was just thinking about how much it sucks that dogs only live for a fraction of our human lives, and we’ve all the medical advancements to treat human ailments but very little for our pets. I’m not ready for another pet yet, but I do plan on getting myself a Husky down the road.
The perfect partner would be someone that I can really connect, like I'm with myself, it could bring the feeling of pleasure by sharing the life with someone else that can bring the same vibe back to me.
I have approaching girl like 9 times, but they never give a damn green light to me, so basically they don't give a sh*t how i feel, but instead most of them end up with rich person. I hate to admit it, but if i can make my family happy without getting married or have a child is more than enough to me.
That’s actually the very thing I want. Well, the child part at the very least. I want nothing more than to be the kind of father my own old man wasn’t for me. But at this point I’m resigned to spending most of my life childless and instead working on getting into my dream career and improving my self worth.
But i didnt have an ideal partner in my mind, i loved him unconditionally i excepted him for who he was. only to find out 15 months later he dint ever love me.
This is a nice video. However its going to be hard in that moment because it’s emotional where our logical thinking is not really able to help to much as the emotions are too great.
I'm soooooo in love with him. At times it feels like this is worse than actual physical pain. What's even worse is that I have to work with him on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong I know the saying "don't fu** the company" or "you don't sh** where you eat". I'm fully aware of that. But I've never asked for this. I never planned to fall in love with him. And it got a lot worse once we got physical. In the meantime I tried dating other guys, but it just doesn't feel the same way. I wish it was moving on that easily. I also have a better understanding that it's due to my attachment style (avoidant attachment) that I got myself into this situation. Albeit working on it, I also understand that it takes months to get out of it. I just wished it was easier to move and forget about it. 😢
I came out of one myself, to which I broke up with him. That was 5 years ago. Years later, I met someone new but I told this new guy that if he's got feelings for me - I'm never gonna have any for him & also I'm not gonna do anything in terms of, I won't do any striking up whatever chat with him, or reciprocating in anything at all. I won't put in any kinda work because I did all that w/my ex & it went nowhere.
Please dont pass your time with the other person. There are other ways of entertaining yourself. If you are not interested please be upfront. Be mature enough to let the other person know that you are not interested. It saves time and valuable emotion and energy which can be put in other things
The hard truths are found while in a romantic relationship where you're trying to sail that ship to its undisclosed, nowhere destination. Unrequited love outside of a relationship is simple after real heartbreak. Rejection is something all men will learn to navigate. Anyway, with all the ladyboys in Thailand, I'd imagine it'd be hard to find an appropriate place to film this video. They're all probably after you mate.
Practical and routined life. I try to install that but😅I laugh myself off right now ....recently I tried acid and I have to say it was may be a bit more intense but nothing unfamiliar. I dont like drugs. There is enough in me naturally that I can find the universe in a cut off fingernail and tell you stories. I experianced things in life thats been crazy. Hard to believe that they happend. I learned pottery 15 years ago. It helped me grounding myself. I mean pottery! It's mud It's earth and you build something lasting out of it. It really grounded me. Sure you can try to become more whole in life but sometimes you just can't replace someone. You live your life and you open up again to new people but I think it is ok and beautyfull to appriciate people that are different. May be I liked these brown eyes of someone, how could I be that if I'm blue eyed? We are all kind of same but we are all different. Some stuff that fascinates us about people....sure you learn, integrate and internalize things to become more independent. Sure its easier to let go of someone but I think there is something missing. It's good that we are different. This makes that we need each other. Thats why we want connection. That's why it hurts when we loose someone. We are scared. Some are more, some are less and some are in the golden middle with it.
Technology has ruined relationships- because you are right, there’s too much choice, and they can move on to another person so easily. Like a kid in a candy store- lots of choices, so I don’t need you anymore. In the fifties and sixties men and women respected and valued relationships more.
Seventy years ago women were conditioned that they have to get married and once they are they have to stay together. What changed is that women learned they are better alone than with wrong person.
For me, it's not the rejection that is painful. It's not getting to be with the person you've become so attached to.
It's both for me. Moving forward is the only direction I can take. 40 plus years of wallowing in pain is just too much to bear. "As soon as forever is through I'll be over you" FHI...
same
Never beg for relationship if we doesn't recieve the same effort we give, better cut it off and let go😌😤
Since most romantic relationships ultimately fail learning to love and cherish yourself cannot be underestimated. Searching for the perfect partner is the great illusion of romantic love.
Well said!
It doesn't have to be perfect partner, but if you find someone you care for most, and it's unrequited, why would you let go? Just because she/he doesn't like you back?
at least it is good that one realises that they are not alone...having felt this...
After several failed relationships, I've come to the conclusion that I'm better off staying single. It's just not worth the time and energy investing in someone who doesn't see the value in you.
Not to mentioned Archons 👽 feed off and siphon our misery😔
I’m here for you Sherry
Oh Sherry. I am so sorry.
I felt the same. Several years ago i got close to someone, started to fall in love with her. Told her how I felt and got turned down and pushed away. Too me many years to get over it. I used the memory of that pain to keep me from ever falling in love again. This worked for years, until a new colleague came into my life. Over time, we became friends, and I enjoyed spending time with her. Then one day I realised I was in love with her but was too insecure to tell her. I changed companies and kept in touch with her. Then she told me one day that she was leaving the country. I tried to tell her how I felt but as usual my tucked up way of expressing myself caused her to push me away. Slowly over time I thought I was over her, but then she came back into my circle when I was at a very low place, this brought all the pain and love I felt for her right back into focus. Took me a long time to deal with this pain, not being able to tell her how I feel. She was only there for a brief time again, leading to more pain when she was gone again. That was over a year ago. I tried making new friends, but not with romance in mind, hoping this would help me move on.
This weekend I came across her again, unexpectedly, and instantly, those feelings were back at full intensity. Breaking my heart all over again.
@@jimmyocallaghan9124That’s the best description, right there. I have felt that pain. You become numb and bitter. It pierces your soul when they push you away. I am your brother in pain, and I am here for you.
I want someone that doesn’t want an open relationship. This was a doomed relationship from the start and it has brought a lot of pain to me. I’ve tried to see him for something he is not and my time to walk away has been here. I have tried so many times to walk away but I miss him so much when I do I always go back. But why do I love someone who repeatedly tells me he wants an open relationship? And that he needs to get his life together first. I’m 45 yet I haven’t learned anything from my past because I continue to love the wrong person. That’s Not love. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I see myself dancing in the rain, taking walks, having romantic dinners, dancing, laughing, going on trips, hanging out at the house, watching movies, just a normal happy partnership. What I’m doing now is pulling away. He breaks promises to me and I’m tired of making excuses for him. I have gotten over bad partners in the past so I can get over this one. And this time I will date myself and do for myself. Take baths. Im just going to really try to make a change. I miss affection but I’ll figure it out. Im a pretty girl that finds men that don’t care for me. I always feel like I’m pressuring someone to care for me. They always run away from me. I miss my family. I have no friends so my partner becomes my best friend. And I think that’s part of the issue. I will focus on my health and myself. Today he called me twice and I don’t want to respond. He has so much power over me emotionally I can’t do that anymore. I need to take my power back today. Thanks for reading and God, Please help me
It feels as if there are 2 closed societies, one of women who want what you describe, and one of men with the same virtues. But we aren't allowed to associate with each other. I feel as though we are encouraged to accept the wanderer/wonderer, the heartbreaker, the user, the absent lover, ... in the guise of 'love' (panic love)
damn, i could have written this myself
im 45 and in the same exact kind of relationship. its a maddening repeating cycle
i need to also walk away but i don't know if i can do it. i truly love him and miss him
As a gay man who has watched straight couples in ‘monogamous’ relationships dealing with cheating & deceipt, so I’m a big proponent of open relationships because they are inherently more honest. HOWEVER, they don’t work unless 1) you’ve established a solid bond & mutual respect & willingness to not only set up rules but also STICK to those rules, 2) be loyal not faithful & make sure your actions coming from a place of love. My prerequisite is that if we’re in an open relationship & if we aren’t able to be together then it’s fine to physically be with someone else. But if you have a choice between spending time with me and a stranger, then you choice your partner every time.
This video FALSELY assumes that those who do not reciprocate are 'well' and have 'many options'. That is certainly NOT always the case.
Love and emotions associated with such an abstract concept are nothing but mental clutter in my life. Would be a blessing if I can snap my fingers and erase every emotion I had in my life except for basic happiness and anger.
Seems to be the only love I've ever experienced. From childhood through to adulthood!
Same. From my parents to even my wife.
Have you heard of CoDA? It's helped me a lot @@brianmitchell8552
This is limerence, or even infatuation that you’re describing, not unrequited love. Unrequited love is very real, as real as any love, very painful, and deeply life altering. Love is love. Even unrequited love.
If you’ve truly experienced true unrequited love, you understand the difference.
Love exists to inspire us, to make us better people. Closer to ‘God’.
The universe always rewards love.
Like all other forms of true love, it can and should be transmuted into something profound and selfless… the painful part is that the selflessness of that love does not ever go toward the other, where it has been rejected; it must be directed elsewhere in order to feel it reciprocated, and we must learn to accept that reciprocation with grace as a gift rather than a consolation prize. Toward community, art, purpose, yourself… It’s a very lonely, painful, confusing, but ultimately liberating gift. Very possible to love someone who does not love you back. It’s so much more reassuring and comforting to think otherwise, I know. But it is always better to honor love that is true than to repress or deny it. You just have to honor your unrequited love differently.
And the greatest gift of unrequited love is that you get to love fully from the very depths of your soul and know that even after that, you WILL liberate yourself and love again, and it will be so much more profound and powerful when you do because of that.
Totally agree. Zillion thanks for profounding what I've been honestly feeling and going through for the longest time. Unrequited Love, painful as it is, can be the sincerest and purest Love one can ever experience.
unrequited love is true unconditional love
Love that is real will not fade away.
Not completely, anyway.
The love I feel for someone has lessened a bit, probably due to not seeing them for so long after they got engaged and married, but probably won't ever fade entirely.
This isn't a brutal truth it's just a glib comment. I rarely fall in love with people. It's never an infatuation. I have put in the time to get to know someone and it's always unrequited. After a while it gets harder to attach to people because of the expectation that is going to be yet another disaster. I'm old enough to remember before the apps etc and it was equally true then. Some people just don't get a happy outcome.
Awesome video thank you!
I did the exercise and realized I am looking for some external point of reference, someone to gauge by whether the way I behave and my decisions in life are okay. Working on getting myself out of that loop, by following my dreams and expanding my community.
I’ve been trying to date for years now and my problem is that everyone I met that genuinely likes me back lives far asf and the people that live close to me just play games and waste my time I’m beyond frustrated
You lose credibility when you say things like “I’ve been in this situation SOOO many times….!” No you haven’t. It isn’t something you experience that many times, otherwise you’re mixing up lust and crushes for love. NOT THE SAME !!
I hope you are getting better, Justin. I thought of adopting a cat at the shelter. my concern is that if this cat dies one day, I will be so devastated...that's what preventing me from getting one 😔
I know the feeling. I lost my dog, Uzumaki, who was the first I adopted, named, and took financial responsibility for in addition to growing emotionally attached to (big mistake). Had him for not even three years; renal failure took him from me. T’was last December I put him down, and I’m still not over my grief.
@@GMell123 so sorry to hear about Uzumaki....not sure if it's a mistake for growing emotionally attached to your baby. I just think we as a human being should love wholeheartedly and the other party deserves it...how now? not getting a pet?
@@whitefrangipaniable Maybe “big mistake” was the wrong choice of words. I really loved that dog, and he was the sweetest best friend a man could ask for. I was just thinking about how much it sucks that dogs only live for a fraction of our human lives, and we’ve all the medical advancements to treat human ailments but very little for our pets. I’m not ready for another pet yet, but I do plan on getting myself a Husky down the road.
The perfect partner would be someone that I can really connect, like I'm with myself, it could bring the feeling of pleasure by sharing the life with someone else that can bring the same vibe back to me.
when you love someone who used to love you, but then stopped....that is a pain i cant describe. especially when you are the last to find out about it.
I have approaching girl like 9 times, but they never give a damn green light to me, so basically they don't give a sh*t how i feel, but instead most of them end up with rich person.
I hate to admit it, but if i can make my family happy without getting married or have a child is more than enough to me.
That’s actually the very thing I want. Well, the child part at the very least. I want nothing more than to be the kind of father my own old man wasn’t for me. But at this point I’m resigned to spending most of my life childless and instead working on getting into my dream career and improving my self worth.
Life is not fair, that's what makes things interesting.
This video is genuinely helpful, thank you so much, thank you
this is the best video ive ever saw on youtube
Thanks for that
But i didnt have an ideal partner in my mind, i loved him unconditionally i excepted him for who he was. only to find out 15 months later he dint ever love me.
This is a nice video. However its going to be hard in that moment because it’s emotional where our logical thinking is not really able to help to much as the emotions are too great.
I'm soooooo in love with him. At times it feels like this is worse than actual physical pain.
What's even worse is that I have to work with him on a daily basis.
Don't get me wrong I know the saying "don't fu** the company" or "you don't sh** where you eat". I'm fully aware of that.
But I've never asked for this. I never planned to fall in love with him.
And it got a lot worse once we got physical.
In the meantime I tried dating other guys, but it just doesn't feel the same way. I wish it was moving on that easily.
I also have a better understanding that it's due to my attachment style (avoidant attachment) that I got myself into this situation.
Albeit working on it, I also understand that it takes months to get out of it. I just wished it was easier to move and forget about it. 😢
love minus zero
I came out of one myself, to which I broke up with him. That was 5 years ago. Years later, I met someone new but I told this new guy that if he's got feelings for me - I'm never gonna have any for him & also I'm not gonna do anything in terms of, I won't do any striking up whatever chat with him, or reciprocating in anything at all. I won't put in any kinda work because I did all that w/my ex & it went nowhere.
Please dont pass your time with the other person. There are other ways of entertaining yourself. If you are not interested please be upfront. Be mature enough to let the other person know that you are not interested. It saves time and valuable emotion and energy which can be put in other things
I’m going through this right now. It’s awful
The hard truths are found while in a romantic relationship where you're trying to sail that ship to its undisclosed, nowhere destination. Unrequited love outside of a relationship is simple after real heartbreak. Rejection is something all men will learn to navigate. Anyway, with all the ladyboys in Thailand, I'd imagine it'd be hard to find an appropriate place to film this video. They're all probably after you mate.
Practical and routined life. I try to install that but😅I laugh myself off right now ....recently I tried acid and I have to say it was may be a bit more intense but nothing unfamiliar. I dont like drugs. There is enough in me naturally that I can find the universe in a cut off fingernail and tell you stories. I experianced things in life thats been crazy. Hard to believe that they happend. I learned pottery 15 years ago. It helped me grounding myself. I mean pottery! It's mud It's earth and you build something lasting out of it. It really grounded me. Sure you can try to become more whole in life but sometimes you just can't replace someone. You live your life and you open up again to new people but I think it is ok and beautyfull to appriciate people that are different. May be I liked these brown eyes of someone, how could I be that if I'm blue eyed? We are all kind of same but we are all different. Some stuff that fascinates us about people....sure you learn, integrate and internalize things to become more independent. Sure its easier to let go of someone but I think there is something missing. It's good that we are different. This makes that we need each other. Thats why we want connection. That's why it hurts when we loose someone. We are scared. Some are more, some are less and some are in the golden middle with it.
I see her with me on nature walks! Amazing advice bro!
Lovely!
well, that is not really letting go... is it? Maybe it is fooling yourself? Hope your okay..
The only thing that doesn't pontlessly meander in this post are the commercials
days and age. what kind of arranged marriage is what you mean??
Love is putting on a clean shirt to make a video about self love.
Dangerous.....very Bad situations
Technology has ruined relationships- because you are right, there’s too much choice, and they can move on to another person so easily. Like a kid in a candy store- lots of choices, so I don’t need you anymore. In the fifties and sixties men and women respected and valued relationships more.
Seventy years ago women were conditioned that they have to get married and once they are they have to stay together. What changed is that women learned they are better alone than with wrong person.
Was just talk to someone I know about this
Great timing.
totally disagree
Video too long for the topic..
Thanks for letting me know.
I disagree with this, as someone who just spent 8 months thinking about a dream/illusion, 11 minutes to heal is nothing.