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Broooooo crushes are brutal. They are simultaneously the best and worst feelings in the world. I’ve only found one other comparison years ago but totally different and so far, totally worth it
Yesss, like this one guy liked me for a while and then stopped but I kept on wondering why he liked me and now for some reason I’m just really interested in him and I don’t know how to stop😭
"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, you will never get any. If you are instead spending your time into building a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come, and if they don't, you will still have your beautiful garden."
This is why the “ick” is such a big thing today. People have these wild fantasies about their crushes and soon they see that they are merely flawed and human, and then they no longer see them as they once did. They gave them the “ick”.
This is where we've come to as humans today, on an emotional level. Always so obsessed with perfection, expecting or demanding it from both ourselves and others. Then we get disappointed and the cycle repeats itself
the ick isnt what people thought of it. it's not becoming disillusioned with someone's character over something minor, it's realizing your crush isnt perfect and your brain crashing tf out. still dumb but it was never what ppl said
I'm guilty of this I had crushed on people as if it was a game then was not interested in them for no reason It then took my best friend leaving to realise I needed to think of people as people
Most can relate to this, which is why we must distract ourselves with hobbies we can enjoy and focus on without the need of someone else. I'm not saying to completely avoid them, but find an activity that holds more value than the person you wish to share good memories with.
Yes, and if they share the interest, you have common ground that can allow a friendship to grow, which is different from a crush or a romantic relationship. Sometimes if you get interested in a hobby that they already have, that helps you be with them without the awkwardness, and it expands your world. Personally, I've found several truly life-changing interests because of crushes; the crush faded into history but the interest continued (and continues) to grow. .
Ok, but wait do if you kept avoiding the crush for a few weeks and the girl you have a crush on suddenly asks you out? Asking for a friend Update: Ok, so the date went well, but how do I treat a girl, well, like a girlfriend? I'm kind of worried about being too public or affectionate, but she's the one who's made all the major moves so far, because I'm too much of a coward yo
@@skidrift5134 Take it! But understand what the potential drawbacks are. Also, ask yourself why you/your friend likes this girl. Dont search for happiness from others. Only we can really make ourselves happy. Once you are happy with yourself, you can share it with others without 'crushing' on someone because you are already content with yourself. But obviously dont just take my word for it. Im just a random person on the internet, but I hope I helped even a bit :)
I was hurting for months until I read a quote online which goes; "You can knock on a deaf man's door forever." And that hit me hard. Now Im getting back slowly.
When first we fall in love with someone, we imagine them standing on an idealized pedestal, with soft, golden light illuminating their features to optimum effect...Not sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce.
I keep imagining that for some reason. Even when I was back a little child where I have crush on my cousin. I remember I keep thinking that it is kinda hot which is quite uncomfortable. I don't really have crush in almost a decade but man I can't stop thinking why I keep thinking about poop. Need to grow up one way or another.
I’ve never had a crush like me back, and once I realized that, I just enjoyed the crush for what is was, a fantasy, and didn’t let it get to me. It’s like your own personal movie in your head that is far better off never coming to life, anyway, because your fantasy of someone is always better than the reality of them. The issue is when you take your crush so seriously that you assign deleterious meanings to the lack of reciprocity. It doesn’t have to harm your self esteem, since self esteem comes from within.
I don’t think it’s better than real life. I do understand why you say that tho because you have never been in a relationship with them and from the outside it does seem better.
@@frisbeefrank It is better than real life. Cuz sure you can sleep with them but that’s a price, usually it’s money or something you don’t have like status or certain genes. I took a trip to Seoul one time and noticed how gorgeous many woman there were but I simply accepted that I’d never get one because the reality is I’m not on the same level or world they are in.
@@mikloridden8276My personal observation is, it’s better than life but not really a thing you should relive every time, less you be disillusioned by reality and not see the beauty and joy in it. Might I add its like cornography in a way, you are inadvertently seeing the person in a idealized way, or should I say a way they aren’t but in your head, you control how it is the story, the words. These could result in addictions in something not real, becoming the thing you seek and desire, yet the real appears more and more dull. There’s some examples of people on TikTok having “reality shifting” escapism to a world of fantasy imagination, some go to the Harry Potter world, some even the lion king. This reliving of a reality, of becoming something maybe in your head is fun, though less we control it and question why is this desire the one I go to, what am I missing, what am I not missing, what can I do to get the life I want. We will eventually fall to a deep abyss of a cycle we can change yet, it’s more pleasurable to stay in vr than real life. The rates of loneliness is high even among women, we need to be more proactive in meeting new people, despite if you have social anxiety or lack of social skills. Luckily we have neuroplasticity, so any skills not gained can still be gained, but through failure, and improvement which, people really don’t like, but in the long run it’s better to suffer a bit, than to stay plugged in a machine for your desires to run wild.
I like this one. I have a gym crush and honestly its fun to go to the gym and workout Im not planning on making moves but just that motivation and such
real. i kinda feel this way too, being ace. it feels like eventually all people ever want is sex and im bound to be seen as an object in some form, so id rather just keep it alive in my head until it inevitably fades.
Do not build a fantasy about your crush in your head, that's a bad mistake. I'm talking about imagining going out with this person, falling in love, getting married, having kids, etc.. As far as your mind might take it. Because you build up this delusion and your crush has no idea about any of this. Then the person who built the fantasy can feel betrayed and feel irrational anger when the crush rejects them, it can lead to harassing, stalking, and other bad behaviors. It's a bad road to go down
@orbitalpotato9940 this reminded me of the manipulation tactic someone once employed on me. I asked them questions about them after they asked a load of questions to me. And they're responses in return were like "Well you knoww, the usual, teehee" like come on....
I don’t think so. You can still have a crush on a person without pursuing it. The attraction is still there even when you know it’s hopeless, it’ll linger until it doesn’t. You don’t need validation, you just need your mind to let it go
@@littlewolf4177 exactly, i mean many people have crushes on people that arent even real or are obviously unavailable in the first place. I barely ever have crushes on people id ACTUALLY like to be with, i just happen to be attracted to them
Yeah liking someone but not wanting to date them is different than having a crush on them (but the first makes you wonder if you have commitment issues😂)
The most gratifying thing was telling my friend that I had a crush on her, and hearing that she felt the same. Looking back, we were both incredibly obvious about our feelings for one another, but we were both so intensely in our own heads that we couldn’t fathom the idea of it being mutual. We have been dating for over half a year lol.
Can't relate lmao... Led to me being iced out by her and disowned, and blowing my relationships with people we had mutual friendships .. fun times. But glad for you friend.
Best thing against crushes? Telling your crush you have crushed. It will be painful if you get rejected for a night or two or longer, depending on how long you secretly crushed but you'll also feel relieved and back to yourself and your heart will be healed soon enough. Far less pain than the everyday thoughts 'if we were together' and you finally stop distracting yourself from yourself, your life, your own stuff. You'll otherwise forever be stuck with your one-sided attachment, without the chance to resolve and evolve into new connections wth other people who may share your feelings
It’s been a year since he rejected me and I’m still healing. Thought I was ok but then I saw him walk another girl out of his apartment. Looks like I was still slightly delulu 🙃🙃
Miraculously enough, I saw the end of it last week... sometimes it's strange how peace can dawn on you like a morning coffee... I guess I took my time, but I am indeed better! Your channel just helps explore so many themes and viewpoints, I don't know if you realize how helpful you can be.
I had a crush on my high school girlfriend in 1979. She was the most beautiful girl in the school and we dated all of senior year. The crush finally ended in 2022. That’s 43 years.
@@NC-tc3qw I guess I never stopped thinking about her because I never met a woman who was even close to how great she is. But in the summer of 2022, it just stopped. Suddenly I’d go several hours or days without thinking about her. I’m glad it’s over. Too bad it lasted 43 years.
I disagree completely with the idea that living separate lives and keeping some mystery between the two, strengthens the love. I think when you know someone completely, faults and all, and you still love them, that’s when the real relationship begins. What you describe a quarter way through this video is people who’d rather live in a fantasy they have of their lover rather than the actual person. And there will always be someone more fascinating or mysterious than the person you’re with. That’s just a doomed way of looking at love in my opinion.
I will start by saying I've never been in a relationship however I've seen people that lose themselves in their relationship and can't possibly live without the other person, I do too agree that you shouldn't have separated life or mystery as it drove the two apart and they end up in relationship that only benefiting their ego or creates some sense of belonging. As for my understanding, what that statement meant, is taking care of yourself and creating a routine that doesn't involve your partner , so finding joy from another source
“Even if you’re left far from home with no money no friends and no hope, in the end it’s all worth it. Because it’s better to have felt something than nothing at all.”
The statement itself doesn't make any sense. But in terms of religion, it makes perfect sense. Ignore facts, disbelieve what your eyes see right in front of you and follow blindly.
A part of me knew that my ex only had a crush/obsession. If I could go back in time, I'd show myself this video which explains why desire is simply not love. As you say, the reason for the crush is self serving because obsession doesn't feel like love for the person on the receiving end. I couldn't explain why it felt so isolating and lonely to be the object of a crush. But it's because love requires a soul connection that brings warmth and peace. Someone who loves you wants to know everything about you. They don't feel threatened by your relationship with your cats or your hobbies. Love desires to be close to you, not keep you at a distance by putting you on a weird pedestal. And their very first instinct isn't to run or freeze when there's real relationship conflict. These are all things that threaten their fantasy/idea of what you are. If I adored my cats, he was weirded out by it. If his sister loved their dog, it was cute and endearing. I quickly grew to resent my position in his hierarchy. When you are the object of someone's obsession the harsh truth is that you are at the bottom of the food chain. And it's explained so well by the idea that crushes are only really about what it means to the person crushing to be desired in return. It's not about the object as a real person but how being desired by them would serve them. The danger is declaring that it's love when it's actually the intense desire to be loved.
Cus the average person isn’t “impressive”. When you’re young you think the world is your oyster, as you grow older those possibilities slim down and you have to face your real life
I’m a mathematician and amateur philosopher. I exclusively watch educational RUclips videos, and quickly get bored by non-intellectual conversations. Most people regard me as pretty smart. And yet I become a blubbering middle school boy when I have a crush. I frequently get frustrated with my own obsession, and try to be rational and mature, but I cannot help but analyze my every word and cringe afterwards. Speaking from present day experience…
I can relate to this deeply. As I realised it is hard to find people whom I can have such conversations with I have become more closed up in day to day interaction as they don't have any benefit or give me any joy. I changed how I speak to people as I was called eloquent which made them feel distant to me and I craved for any kind of positive interaction/a sign to be seen as an worthy person. I found out I'm on the spectrum. The diagnosis has helped me understand that I constantly chase happy neurotransmitters (Dopamine, serotonin...). Crushes for me have become more of a quick dopamine fix and I'm learning how to accept that and behave once I have such "hyperfixations". Dunno what I wanted to contribute by this comment but maybe someone can relate to it or something 😅
@@Becca-wk6gw i relate entirely, being neurodivergent too. what bothers me when i try to explain this is that predominant ideas about love and crushes are only from a neurotypical perspective. i think, in some ways, i could love far more than a neurotypicalever could (e.g hyperfixative nature).
And therefore goes the saying, "Never meet your hero." In the context of love, they ALL will be disappointing sooner or later, it's just whether both parties would stay for each other.
As dark as this is, remember we came into the world alone and we die by ourselves (even if surrounded by family, YOU die not them). Our lives are experienced in our own minds by using our senses to “touch” the world. This means that other people, no matter how close, are just fleeting perceptions of your mind. You create the hype of your crush in your mind.
And also of whoever else exists in your life And the pain of all those you are around who injure you emotionally If you change the image of them in your mind, you change what their effect on you means
i love sooo much when someone draws parallels with contemporary problems with literature and mythic problems, it gives me such a relief to see it's a general human condition, not just contemporary affliction!
I liked the same guy for almost 2 years with no reciprocation, even after asking him out and getting rejected. I never BOTHERED him after the rejection, but it still hurt just as much as if we had been together when I heard he had feelings for someone that wasn't me. I cried and cried. And eventually I found out that everyone knew I liked him, and the way he talked about me behind my back was so dismissive and clear that he barely knew who I was and didn't care to hear. It just crumbled for me and I realized after pouring so much energy into this person it wasn't even worth the fantasy. Almost 2 years. I wasted it spending every second -- and I mean EVERY second -- obsessed with someone who probably forgot I existed as soon as he wasn't looking right at me.
It's soul crushing - that's why they are called crushes I guess lol. I already have everything I want - and yet the two crushes I have suddenly developed flirt with me then retreat during my social events. It turns my mind which is a fortress and plunges it into utter chaos. Curse these beautiful strangers - as soon as I make a connection with either, they become shy and runaway. The only solution is to cast away these fantasies, these feelings and just put the energy into my own health and fitness.
try to see the lessons this experience has taught you and feel grateful for them. if you do so, you'll discover that it wasn't wasted time and all the tears weren't really in vain.
My crush thinks I hate them, I go cold with people I like because there's no way I could hide my feelings if they talked to me. So I become as cold and unapproachable as possible. I know this is a bad way to do it but I'm scared of intimacy. I can do one night stands but if I have genuine feelings for somone I'd always imagine getting burnt.
This is exactly how my crush is toward me. He leaves me feeling so Hury and confused, like I don't even want to keep liking him anymore so I try to convince myself that we're just friends and that's how it's supposed to be. I just wish at leasy one of us weren't this shy😭
yeah i just confessed to mine and she said its better to stop talking. oof. Its really hard to focus on studying right now so im searching for these type of videos to listen as background noise
@@muhammadeyssa23648 Bro your reply brought me back to my comment. That week was absolute torture man! Thank god im feeling better now. Yeah you're right, glad i got that out of my system. Part of the reason why i was so upset is that i messed the confession up. she first said no and later on texted me apologizing & asking for some time to think. Me being the idiot i am said that "its fine dont worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea" to her face.. she did not take that well. (my intention was to comfort her by saying that she shouldnt feel pressured to give an answer, but i messed up big time) saddest thing is her friend circle likes me a lot too. So all the starts were aligned and I somehow managed to mess it up! Anyways the pain is all gone now and i feel much better. Are you going through the same thing? if so im willing to listen
@@muhammadeyssa23648 Bro your reply brought me back to my comment. That week was absolute torture man! Thank god im feeling better now. Yeah you're right, glad i got that out of my system. Part of the reason why i was so upset is that i messed the confession up. she first said no and later on texted me apologizing & asking for some time to think. Me being the idiot i am said that "its fine dont worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea" to her face.. she did not take that well. (my intention was to comfort her by saying that she shouldnt feel pressured to give an answer, but i messed up big time) saddest thing is her friend circle likes me a lot too. So all the starts were aligned and I somehow managed to mess it up! However i feel much better now. Are you going through something similar? if so im willing to listen
@@muhammadeyssa23648 Bro your reply brought me back to my comment. That week was absolute hellman! Thank god im feeling better now. Yeah you're right, glad i got that out of my system. Part of the reason why i was so upset is that i messed the confession up. she first said no and later on texted me apologizing & asking for some time to think. I messed up by saying that "its fine dont worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea" to her face.. she did not take that well. (my intention was to comfort her by saying that she shouldnt feel pressured to give an answer, but i messed up big time) saddest thing is her friend circle likes me a lot too. So all the stars were aligned and I still managed to mess it up! However all that pain is gone now. Are you going through something similar? If so im willing to listen
I was really struggling with this when I was younger, until I realized this : every crushes of mines live at the same time as me, so why complicate everything ? Just because I won't share intimacy with them ? That doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive. Letting go, as cliche as it is, is really powerful.
Bro, honestly, you would change every second of that loneliness to be with the people you want. There is not a universe where you would choose not to be with your crush. Letting go is not powerful. Is not beautiful. It's a defense mechanism for not being enough. You have nothing to offer in their eyes, and that hurts. You will never in your entire life make peace with suffering. You just will try to convince yourself that you can. Yeah, sure, "that doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive. Let them go with other people but me. I'm sure that that would be better than laying in bed with them, enjoying each other's heat. A heat that I would never forget. Let her go with that guy who will forget her in two weeks. I will be here thinking about her still."
@@La_Horca I hope you are a teenager like the other toddler, because you seems to project your past experiences, applying it to everybody. Why are you so obsessed with the word "loneliness" ? Again, personally, I'm good. Let's say, you want someone already taken, and because this is adulthood, the "guy" in question won't forget her in two weeks, what do you do ? Are you immature to the point of not being able to handle the fact that your crush live a life disconnected from you ? Do you really think that you are the only one who can have a meaningful relationship ? Because this kind of thinking will only lead to a shitty one. No, crushing on someone doesn't mean it's the only person in the world, no need to dramatize everything. "A heat that I would never forget" yeah well, I will share this heat with someone else then, that's life. Also, "not being enough" doesn't mean anything, except in your head. Again, big projection. You two seems to come from balkangains channel or whatever, get out, touch some grass, stay away from this algorithm.
It is an amazing experience regardless of whether it ends up "well" or not. The hardest part of it is to let go of that expectation that we'll end up together, or the gruelling doubt about whether she'll like me too, but at the same time the high intensity of the feeling is what makes the experience so enjoyable and human for me.
Romance it's one of the most interesting ways humans can explore their mind, what they are and what they would like to be, as we often start to notice our defects even more when we fall for someone who has not yet confirmed their affections (a crush, pretty much); and when you mentioned this crush fueled by vanity, I immediately remember it. What an interesting and rich concept that is. On the other hand, I appreciate the last take on the video. Some people will argue that "true love" isn't passional, or that you are simply at peace with the person, this often makes people in other relationships frustrated. I think love it's different for every person, and I personally find it more rewarding when there's struggle and it's overcomed, or when the other person challenges me; some people prefer peace, and that it's alright. I just loved that last detail at the end. Great video, as always ♡
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 No problem, also can I make a small suggestion? I'm extremely interested in the topic "Obsession". I really hope you can make a video on that topic.
@@frisbeefrankTrue. Just last night I realized how much I have improved from the start of the summer. I am so much less insecure and have gone up so many “leagues”
I love having a crush! It's wonderful, simply magical! And it's not painful at all. The trick is simply not to expect anything from this person. Expectations are selfish, but true love is selfless. Loving is a thousand times better than being loved! Just try it!
Oh my goodness... thank you so much, this is the message I needed to see and comprehend. I've been torturing myself now for the last couple of weeks.... you are so right. Your words are the key that have finally broken me free from the chains of my own mental prison! Thank you!
The mix of hope and doubt is the cause of swan’s love for Odette. Proust you giant of literature, you had such a deep understanding of human psychology!
For the longest time I had trouble trying to label and understand my crushes and why I liked the person. I often found myself listing the attributes I enjoyed, but it was never deep. I think your explanation of often fooling ourselves, believing a crush is coming from a place of passion when in reality it's vain and egoistic. Explained my feelings accurately. Thank you. ❤
I plan to wait until I get out of school, or find someone who genuinely loves, understands, and doesn't like me for looks or for what I am outside, but deeper inside. Thanks for the video dude!!!
There's one answer, make a move, get rejected and you can move on, or don't get rejected and you attempt to make it work with this person. You're likely quite anxious and scared to make a move, but it's the only way to advance the state you're in. Well, you've probably thought about it before, and you probably know it already, but do try to muster up the courage
@@heart4740for me I feel like I can’t do this because we are becoming friends and he’s close friends with my close friends and we eat lunch together everyday and I know I’m not his type so if I confess I’ll get rejected but that will just make everything weird😭
Just want to clarify. Humans are not by nature rational. It is one of the great falseties in the modern world, we simply rationalise own irrationality after the fact
_*oxytocin,_ in the case of females. Hugs, cuddles, touch. Serotonin's sex-linked snugglebuddy babymaking cousin. 😊 Guys can get dopamine for cheap these days. I'm starving for _vasopressin,_ the pair-bonding as brothers-in-arms, success in completing tasks, the 'vincing.'
Definitely brilliant & dangerous lol. I get hung up on cycles of worry, imagining the worst, anger, remembering the best and repeat. Just figured out my habits in this area this week lol
I have broke the cycle of “will they like me or will they not” by putting friendship on the pedestal rather than an potential relationship. If that person can’t be friends with you, are they even good for an relationship? That’s one of the reasons why I never fall in love with an glimpse of an person only when the friendship is formed. And even though my beloved may be in an relationship that I so desire to be in, I fall In love more with their presence than potential. I may fantasise about potential but their flaws, strengths, their amazing personality is what makes my love tick for them.
I went through all of this last year as an adult for the first time. My goodness I was completely unhinged and couldn't understand what to make of it. Let the emotions unravel and experience it fully or try to fight against it? Regardless this experience left me miserable and caused me a lot of pain, because I came to the realization that the person I was crushing on isn't real (crystallization), and I indulged in vain love. In spite of going through this alone and on top of being unable to meet said person up close, I feel that the worst of it has shimmered down. I still feel admiration for this person, but I do not feel that tidal wave of overwhelming emotions any more. He is just another person, living a different life and I hope he is happy - as I also work on finding happiness within myself.
This couldnt have come at a better time for me. I've really been going through it and listening to this gave me a breakthrough and helped me realise part of what has been hurting me. Thank you, I feel so much better after having listened to it, now to put it into action
hey guys! i really need this. was at my lowest low. glad to know how common of a feeling this is (and how it can really derail u). wishing everyone self-love, don't forget to see your own light
I completely agree with this video. Half of freshman year was having a crush on this girl. I was so scared I never talked to her. I finally asked a girl today if she would be down to date or something along the line. Got rejected. It’s alright though
Man bro I’m a freshman too. Lemme give u a lil lesson real quick. If u don’t really know a girl, do not ask them on a date. Nope, that is how u get rejected. If you find a girl that’s super attractive and u wanna get to know her, walk up to her and compliment something she’s wearing, or you can ask them if they know a certain person because you’re trying to find them. If they say yes or no, no matter what the answer is, then say “what’s your name by the way?” they answer, you ask em what class they got after wherever you’re asking them, I’m assuming you’re asking them at lunch. She answers, prolly ask u the same question. Then u gotta look at your phone and say someone’s needing for something, ask the girl if they know who it is, if she say yeah you should ask her to go on a walk wit u to go get that person and if she say no u should say something along the lines as “see you later” or something, but before u leave compliment her personality and say u fuck with her, than ask for the number. She prolly gonna give it to u, but if she say no js say “aight, well Ill cya later (whatever her name is)” and walk off. If she says she do know the person u talkin about and u do end up walking her over there, she prolly wanna talk to that person. So when u get to the person, say “(girls name) wanna talk to you real quick” and then after yall yap to each other and the girls done with all of it, u gotta walk her back to where she was. U guys can have a basic conversation, asking how she know the person and all that, and then get the number. I know im yapping and blabbering to u but this always works for me and I don’t know if it a good thing but im considered a bop cuz of how much play i got. Anyways I hope this helps. Im praying them girls start saying yes to u fella nothings better than seeing yo homies finally start to have play after not being able to talk to girls for a long time
This is great timing, my no-longer-crush is getting married next week and I'm actually super happy for him. But I appreciate the reminder that the guy I knew in my imagination is not my real-life happily connected friend
Thats why, if you can't control something, just use it as your advantage. I used to have crushes all the time but I never wanted to know them because I knew that they were just part of my imagination. I realised that when I saw them I became rlly happy. So I became rlly excited to go to school bc they were in my class, and if I got to talk to them I got even more happy. That was enough. Happiness was so easy to feel because of this one person. I didn't need to know them and realise they weren't who I thought they were. So guess what, all my memories of high school were happy memories. I never dated anyone. Just had a lot of crushes.
had a boy crush on me for years. he would send love notes and declare his “love” repeatedly. i rejected him multiple times. his advances turned into sexual harassment. it didn’t advance further as our classes finally changed. pinning is not cute… what i hate is i’m sure he remembers me as his first love but i do not. that was so traumatizing and pretty sure has affected in the way i see romance/love. i do not want to date anyone ever. i get goosebumps just thinking about it.
Thanks Joe! Your piece on "modern love" is fantastic and has been valuable to several folks I've shared it with (my sons included). This is a great companion piece. Cheers, my brother! 🖖☕
Perfectly explains why people ‘fall in love’ with someone they only superficially know, while they are in committed relationships. Filling all the unknowns w ideals that are a product of our fantasy.
There are plenty of fish in the ocean.............stay far away from ALL of them........this is a joke...but seriously plenty of sharks in there too...stay on land
Sharks are pretty harmless compared to most dangers you'll encounter on land😂. A life spent living in fear is merely surviving, and not living a life at all.😂
seeing this after i got my first girlfriend, it was so painful having to keep my feelings bottled and not telling her how much i loved her. now that im with her, im so much happier because she understands how i feel
This is very interesting to me because I am currently in a one sided crush with my friend. And it’s complicated and painful. This did put my situation into perspective. Soon I’ll talk to them about it and then let it go because it hurts so much and it feels silly that it hurts. I know I don’t stand a chance and yet I can’t kill my last stubborn whimper of hope.
I miss watching youtube videos like this where there isnt a cut every 8 seconds, it's not about pop culture gossip and it's not 3 minutes long. i love your videos ,thank you
@@illogicallogic2039 Yeah but he still makes some pauses and doesnt spear like hes about to die tomorrow, theres no sfx or over the top music just a man speaking
@@someoneelse8295 Yeah that's the first video of his that I've watched pretty cool. Also the comment section seems to be level headed with interesting takes.
Timely video for me. My high school crush, who was also crushing on me during that time, just got married. She’s someone I’ve obsessed over in my thoughts during our time in high school, continuing well after we graduated. I’ve been wrestling with my idealized fantasies of her for years. I hope to completely oust her from my thoughts someday.
I clicked on this because im curious about what other feel about "crushes" since i can't discern my feelings towards them too. But now I just realized that maybe my bestfriend who has a "crush" on me is probably admiring the idea of me and not the person I am.
Hey mate, love your stuff! I was wondering if you could potentially write a small list of all the ‘classic’ books such as metamorphosis and the stranger that you think are essential readings for a person getting into philosophy. I’d love to just have a little list to refer to of all your absolute essentials to read.
I feel called out :)). I do think of myself as a rational person, but I had a crush that really messed me up a few years ago. It's really crazy what a crush does to you. I couldn't be together with him and it was very painful. I don't regret going through it because it was quite an experience, but I honestly don't want to have a crush again, especially if I can't be together with that person.
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@unsolicited_advice could you ever make a video about virtue ethics and the fictional city of Adocentyn?
The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.
Dorothy Parker
You said you’d link Sisyphus 55 but didn’t.
I’ve fallen in love and lived full lives via dreams
Wild experience.
Broooooo crushes are brutal. They are simultaneously the best and worst feelings in the world. I’ve only found one other comparison years ago but totally different and so far, totally worth it
Someone once told me "a crush is a lack of information"
Wait that is so smart
Mystery creates the dance of imaginations whipping through your head.
Yesss, like this one guy liked me for a while and then stopped but I kept on wondering why he liked me and now for some reason I’m just really interested in him and I don’t know how to stop😭
Was it the yt video recommended right before this, because same.
I don't have 'crushes', I yearn like a real woman.
(yes I am a sapphic, how did you know)
"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, you will never get any. If you are instead spending your time into building a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come, and if they don't, you will still have your beautiful garden."
Or you end up with snakes in the garden instead. Nibbling on your ankles
@@IvanskiYakinovski that won't be a _beautiful_ garden
@@IvanskiYakinovskiFor crying out loud...😅
🤔😁
That’s bs, most of the “garden” is your genetics.
If you have bad genetics, then there isn’t much room for improvement lookswise
This is why the “ick” is such a big thing today. People have these wild fantasies about their crushes and soon they see that they are merely flawed and human, and then they no longer see them as they once did. They gave them the “ick”.
The "ick" is a TikTok thing.
The "ick" is a predominantly _feminine_ discovery.
The "ick" is _cringe-as-hell._
You must not "ick."
This is where we've come to as humans today, on an emotional level. Always so obsessed with perfection, expecting or demanding it from both ourselves and others. Then we get disappointed and the cycle repeats itself
the ick isnt what people thought of it. it's not becoming disillusioned with someone's character over something minor, it's realizing your crush isnt perfect and your brain crashing tf out. still dumb but it was never what ppl said
@@atroposVyeah
I'm guilty of this
I had crushed on people as if it was a game then was not interested in them for no reason
It then took my best friend leaving to realise I needed to think of people as people
People told me to treat crushes like I would treat others. So I did, by avoiding them, knowing that they're not attracted to me.
Most can relate to this, which is why we must distract ourselves with hobbies we can enjoy and focus on without the need of someone else. I'm not saying to completely avoid them, but find an activity that holds more value than the person you wish to share good memories with.
Yes, and if they share the interest, you have common ground that can allow a friendship to grow, which is different from a crush or a romantic relationship. Sometimes if you get interested in a hobby that they already have, that helps you be with them without the awkwardness, and it expands your world. Personally, I've found several truly life-changing interests because of crushes; the crush faded into history but the interest continued (and continues) to grow. .
Ok, but wait do if you kept avoiding the crush for a few weeks and the girl you have a crush on suddenly asks you out? Asking for a friend
Update: Ok, so the date went well, but how do I treat a girl, well, like a girlfriend? I'm kind of worried about being too public or affectionate, but she's the one who's made all the major moves so far, because I'm too much of a coward yo
@@skidrift5134 Take it! But understand what the potential drawbacks are. Also, ask yourself why you/your friend likes this girl. Dont search for happiness from others. Only we can really make ourselves happy. Once you are happy with yourself, you can share it with others without 'crushing' on someone because you are already content with yourself. But obviously dont just take my word for it. Im just a random person on the internet, but I hope I helped even a bit :)
@@vickibamman8333 so true... I discovered my favorite band because of my ex-crush.
I was hurting for months until I read a quote online which goes; "You can knock on a deaf man's door forever." And that hit me hard. Now Im getting back slowly.
Best of luck! You'll get through it.
Heard that loud and clear
He can feel the vibrations of you keep knocking
@@DylanDkoh☠️☠️☠️
@@DylanDkoh or you can just establish dominance by breaking into his house 💀
I read "why crutches are so painful" and still was interested enough to click on the video.
I had to rewind the video, I laughed so hard at your comment.
Love is such an exhausting thing.
It is 😐
Right...
😢🎯🎯
A crush isn't love though.
@@ismt9390 still is exhausting
When first we fall in love with someone, we imagine them standing on an idealized pedestal, with soft, golden light illuminating their features to optimum effect...Not sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce.
haha😂 I died with your last sentence.
I keep imagining that for some reason.
Even when I was back a little child where I have crush on my cousin.
I remember I keep thinking that it is kinda hot which is quite uncomfortable.
I don't really have crush in almost a decade but man I can't stop thinking why I keep thinking about poop.
Need to grow up one way or another.
@@mralumina3566ur a freak frfr once you imagine your crush laying a huge boat you should feel over them😂
Or farting beside you in bed followed by a big sigh and snoring on for the rest of the night. 😂
After 9 years I saw my crush . My first thought was the guy I used to like was him? .🙂 it so so
I’ve never had a crush like me back, and once I realized that, I just enjoyed the crush for what is was, a fantasy, and didn’t let it get to me. It’s like your own personal movie in your head that is far better off never coming to life, anyway, because your fantasy of someone is always better than the reality of them. The issue is when you take your crush so seriously that you assign deleterious meanings to the lack of reciprocity. It doesn’t have to harm your self esteem, since self esteem comes from within.
I don’t think it’s better than real life. I do understand why you say that tho because you have never been in a relationship with them and from the outside it does seem better.
@@frisbeefrank It is better than real life. Cuz sure you can sleep with them but that’s a price, usually it’s money or something you don’t have like status or certain genes. I took a trip to Seoul one time and noticed how gorgeous many woman there were but I simply accepted that I’d never get one because the reality is I’m not on the same level or world they are in.
@@mikloridden8276My personal observation is, it’s better than life but not really a thing you should relive every time, less you be disillusioned by reality and not see the beauty and joy in it. Might I add its like cornography in a way, you are inadvertently seeing the person in a idealized way, or should I say a way they aren’t but in your head, you control how it is the story, the words. These could result in addictions in something not real, becoming the thing you seek and desire, yet the real appears more and more dull. There’s some examples of people on TikTok having “reality shifting” escapism to a world of fantasy imagination, some go to the Harry Potter world, some even the lion king. This reliving of a reality, of becoming something maybe in your head is fun, though less we control it and question why is this desire the one I go to, what am I missing, what am I not missing, what can I do to get the life I want. We will eventually fall to a deep abyss of a cycle we can change yet, it’s more pleasurable to stay in vr than real life. The rates of loneliness is high even among women, we need to be more proactive in meeting new people, despite if you have social anxiety or lack of social skills. Luckily we have neuroplasticity, so any skills not gained can still be gained, but through failure, and improvement which, people really don’t like, but in the long run it’s better to suffer a bit, than to stay plugged in a machine for your desires to run wild.
I like this one. I have a gym crush and honestly its fun to go to the gym and workout Im not planning on making moves but just that motivation and such
real. i kinda feel this way too, being ace. it feels like eventually all people ever want is sex and im bound to be seen as an object in some form, so id rather just keep it alive in my head until it inevitably fades.
THE TIMING, I WAS LITERALLY JUST FEELING THIS
Glad I'm not the only one 😅
Exquisite timing indeed 💚
same..
Confirmation bias
Yeah it kind of sucks tbh. Knowing they don’t care but you do. But life will move on so you can too.
Do not build a fantasy about your crush in your head, that's a bad mistake. I'm talking about imagining going out with this person, falling in love, getting married, having kids, etc.. As far as your mind might take it. Because you build up this delusion and your crush has no idea about any of this. Then the person who built the fantasy can feel betrayed and feel irrational anger when the crush rejects them, it can lead to harassing, stalking, and other bad behaviors. It's a bad road to go down
Easiest way to get rid of crushes is to imagine them on a toilet dropping a fat load.
@orbitalpotato9940 this reminded me of the manipulation tactic someone once employed on me. I asked them questions about them after they asked a load of questions to me. And they're responses in return were like "Well you knoww, the usual, teehee" like come on....
@@orbitalpotato9940XD
@@orbitalpotato9940 Tried that, honestly just endeared me more.
@@Vekcrazah GG
You've been absolutely crushing it lately
Thank you! I am glad you think so :)
I second this sentiment
Nice pun! Hehehehe
Ba dum tss 🥁
your joke made me die inside (in a good way)
Once we develop a crush but realise that it's being unreciprocated, it's no longer about genuinely liking them but more about validating our ego
I don’t think so. You can still have a crush on a person without pursuing it. The attraction is still there even when you know it’s hopeless, it’ll linger until it doesn’t. You don’t need validation, you just need your mind to let it go
@@littlewolf4177 exactly, i mean many people have crushes on people that arent even real or are obviously unavailable in the first place. I barely ever have crushes on people id ACTUALLY like to be with, i just happen to be attracted to them
7:13 "the day after you stole my heart, everything i touched told me it would be better shared with you," says a great poet 🙃
ALEX TURNER!
The teasing of the fire, followed by the thud 🔥🔥💥
ARCTIC MONKEYS MENTION!!!
Me, happy knowing who you’re referring to 😁
Its weird realizing how even just thinking you might like someone or having an interest in them can be entirely different than crushing on someone.
I’ve always had a crush. I can’t imagine starting a relationship without one. Which is why I’ve always had dysfunctional relationships.
It is better to have a crush on someone than to crush someone
@@User-jr7vf Haha, a comedian 😂😂
Yeah liking someone but not wanting to date them is different than having a crush on them (but the first makes you wonder if you have commitment issues😂)
Can you explain the difference please 😭😭
Imagine your crush telling you that crushes are painful like yeah I know UnsolicitedAdvice 😔✋
Yikes can't imagine anyone doing something like that at all nope there's no way someone would actually no.
😂😂😂😂.. sorry..
@@cultofhercules LMAOO
@@bibaolaitan5189 it's okay sweetheart
I feel personally attacked 😂
my (ex) crush introduced me to this channel, legit crying
bro.... 😭☝🏼 that hurts and also exciting bcos you can share common interests with them 🥲
I am available
"Ex crush" 😢
(Ex) crush is still better than ex (crush)
Deep cut there @c-eb3634
Crush is your imaginary lover. Any imagination that doesn’t matches with your reality is hurt..
so true so so so true
The most gratifying thing was telling my friend that I had a crush on her, and hearing that she felt the same. Looking back, we were both incredibly obvious about our feelings for one another, but we were both so intensely in our own heads that we couldn’t fathom the idea of it being mutual. We have been dating for over half a year lol.
Can't relate lmao... Led to me being iced out by her and disowned, and blowing my relationships with people we had mutual friendships .. fun times. But glad for you friend.
@@geoffdb8118 I’m really sorry. I hope you find people that love and value you the way you deserve. There’s always hope!!
Happy to hear. Glad you guys worked things out and are living well. May you guys be happy for a long time.
Lots of love.
A stranger in the internet.
That's beautiful. I'm happy for you 🎉 hopefully your good fortune will rub off on us 😂
Best thing against crushes? Telling your crush you have crushed. It will be painful if you get rejected for a night or two or longer, depending on how long you secretly crushed but you'll also feel relieved and back to yourself and your heart will be healed soon enough. Far less pain than the everyday thoughts 'if we were together' and you finally stop distracting yourself from yourself, your life, your own stuff. You'll otherwise forever be stuck with your one-sided attachment, without the chance to resolve and evolve into new connections wth other people who may share your feelings
It’s been a year since he rejected me and I’m still healing. Thought I was ok but then I saw him walk another girl out of his apartment. Looks like I was still slightly delulu 🙃🙃
Some people need quite a while longer to bounce back....
doesn't always work if you severely misjudged your crush's character and they lead you on on purpose for being vulnerable :)
@@JuliaMarieHdon't beat yourself up over it. I think those sorrowful feelings would befall anyone in this situation
@@sleepylilac69and the chances are?
Didn’t need to explore my heart like that, but I’m grateful nonetheless
Ah thank you! I am glad you enjoyed the video (and I hope your heart is okay)
unus annus
Miraculously enough, I saw the end of it last week... sometimes it's strange how peace can dawn on you like a morning coffee... I guess I took my time, but I am indeed better!
Your channel just helps explore so many themes and viewpoints, I don't know if you realize how helpful you can be.
@@captainobvious.29yearsago70 memento mori
Always explore your heart. If more people did, I'm sure it would help, instead of escaping ourselves.
I had a crush on my high school girlfriend in 1979. She was the most beautiful girl in the school and we dated all of senior year. The crush finally ended in 2022. That’s 43 years.
What kept her in your mind for all that time and what made you let go of her?
I’m curious about the question asked below
Maybe they got married and she passed....?
Edit: Well I was terribly mistaken...
@@NC-tc3qw I guess I never stopped thinking about her because I never met a woman who was even close to how great she is. But in the summer of 2022, it just stopped. Suddenly I’d go several hours or days without thinking about her. I’m glad it’s over. Too bad it lasted 43 years.
Wow.
Rationality?
Gone.
Self-Respect?
Gone.
Dignity?
What's that?
Hotel?
Trivago
Damn you bring that joke back
2017-2019 ahh joke 🔥
DONT BRING THAT BACK 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺
damn you're really bring that back??? 🤨
Yes bring that back what are the replies talking about😭🙏
I disagree completely with the idea that living separate lives and keeping some mystery between the two, strengthens the love. I think when you know someone completely, faults and all, and you still love them, that’s when the real relationship begins. What you describe a quarter way through this video is people who’d rather live in a fantasy they have of their lover rather than the actual person. And there will always be someone more fascinating or mysterious than the person you’re with. That’s just a doomed way of looking at love in my opinion.
drama addiction, among other issues
I will start by saying I've never been in a relationship however I've seen people that lose themselves in their relationship and can't possibly live without the other person, I do too agree that you shouldn't have separated life or mystery as it drove the two apart and they end up in relationship that only benefiting their ego or creates some sense of belonging.
As for my understanding, what that statement meant, is taking care of yourself and creating a routine that doesn't involve your partner , so finding joy from another source
Good point
“Even if you’re left far from home with no money no friends and no hope, in the end it’s all worth it. Because it’s better to have felt something than nothing at all.”
Real shit.
copium
Anywhere can be heaven as long as you have the will to live
Tell that to the starving leper or emaciated dehydrated kid in some corrupt third world village with no food, sanitation, health care.
@@WeabooScourgeKiller As long as the sun, the moon, and the Earth exist, anywhere can be paradise. After all, you're alive.
I was down bad, I needed this. I need to lock back in.
This video reminded me of this quote: Doubt is too lonely to know that faith is it's twin brother. -K.Gibran
N I C E !!! Yeah, I heard a theologist say on TV years ago "Doubt is the essence of faith" 🦧
The statement itself doesn't make any sense. But in terms of religion, it makes perfect sense. Ignore facts, disbelieve what your eyes see right in front of you and follow blindly.
@@CharliCharboneau Faith ≠ blind faith.
Nice
A part of me knew that my ex only had a crush/obsession. If I could go back in time, I'd show myself this video which explains why desire is simply not love. As you say, the reason for the crush is self serving because obsession doesn't feel like love for the person on the receiving end. I couldn't explain why it felt so isolating and lonely to be the object of a crush. But it's because love requires a soul connection that brings warmth and peace. Someone who loves you wants to know everything about you. They don't feel threatened by your relationship with your cats or your hobbies. Love desires to be close to you, not keep you at a distance by putting you on a weird pedestal. And their very first instinct isn't to run or freeze when there's real relationship conflict. These are all things that threaten their fantasy/idea of what you are. If I adored my cats, he was weirded out by it. If his sister loved their dog, it was cute and endearing. I quickly grew to resent my position in his hierarchy. When you are the object of someone's obsession the harsh truth is that you are at the bottom of the food chain. And it's explained so well by the idea that crushes are only really about what it means to the person crushing to be desired in return. It's not about the object as a real person but how being desired by them would serve them. The danger is declaring that it's love when it's actually the intense desire to be loved.
"The danger is declaring that it's love when it's actually the intense desire to be loved"
Damn that slaps.
as we get older, we arent more grounded, its just that impressive people become more rare. Most people stop growing after some time.
🎉
Cus the average person isn’t “impressive”. When you’re young you think the world is your oyster, as you grow older those possibilities slim down and you have to face your real life
The timing man.
My limerence with someone is currently fading and I think this video will finally make me get rid of it
I’m a mathematician and amateur philosopher. I exclusively watch educational RUclips videos, and quickly get bored by non-intellectual conversations. Most people regard me as pretty smart. And yet I become a blubbering middle school boy when I have a crush. I frequently get frustrated with my own obsession, and try to be rational and mature, but I cannot help but analyze my every word and cringe afterwards.
Speaking from present day experience…
bro if it helps im quite similiar to you personality wise. it does annoy me too that i can get visibly flustered as usually im composed..
I can relate to this deeply. As I realised it is hard to find people whom I can have such conversations with I have become more closed up in day to day interaction as they don't have any benefit or give me any joy. I changed how I speak to people as I was called eloquent which made them feel distant to me and I craved for any kind of positive interaction/a sign to be seen as an worthy person.
I found out I'm on the spectrum. The diagnosis has helped me understand that I constantly chase happy neurotransmitters (Dopamine, serotonin...).
Crushes for me have become more of a quick dopamine fix and I'm learning how to accept that and behave once I have such "hyperfixations".
Dunno what I wanted to contribute by this comment but maybe someone can relate to it or something 😅
@@Becca-wk6gw i relate entirely, being neurodivergent too. what bothers me when i try to explain this is that predominant ideas about love and crushes are only from a neurotypical perspective. i think, in some ways, i could love far more than a neurotypicalever could (e.g hyperfixative nature).
And therefore goes the saying, "Never meet your hero." In the context of love, they ALL will be disappointing sooner or later, it's just whether both parties would stay for each other.
As dark as this is, remember we came into the world alone and we die by ourselves (even if surrounded by family, YOU die not them). Our lives are experienced in our own minds by using our senses to “touch” the world. This means that other people, no matter how close, are just fleeting perceptions of your mind. You create the hype of your crush in your mind.
And also of whoever else exists in your life
And the pain of all those you are around who injure you emotionally
If you change the image of them in your mind, you change what their effect on you means
Perfectly put 👌🏼
Depressing.
@Hmebrickstube6000 not in the most literal sense. They exit the woman’s body one after another.
@@donharris8846 What about conjoined twins
i love sooo much when someone draws parallels with contemporary problems with literature and mythic problems, it gives me such a relief to see it's a general human condition, not just contemporary affliction!
I liked the same guy for almost 2 years with no reciprocation, even after asking him out and getting rejected. I never BOTHERED him after the rejection, but it still hurt just as much as if we had been together when I heard he had feelings for someone that wasn't me. I cried and cried. And eventually I found out that everyone knew I liked him, and the way he talked about me behind my back was so dismissive and clear that he barely knew who I was and didn't care to hear. It just crumbled for me and I realized after pouring so much energy into this person it wasn't even worth the fantasy. Almost 2 years. I wasted it spending every second -- and I mean EVERY second -- obsessed with someone who probably forgot I existed as soon as he wasn't looking right at me.
It's soul crushing - that's why they are called crushes I guess lol.
I already have everything I want - and yet the two crushes I have suddenly developed flirt with me then retreat during my social events. It turns my mind which is a fortress and plunges it into utter chaos.
Curse these beautiful strangers - as soon as I make a connection with either, they become shy and runaway.
The only solution is to cast away these fantasies, these feelings and just put the energy into my own health and fitness.
try to see the lessons this experience has taught you and feel grateful for them. if you do so, you'll discover that it wasn't wasted time and all the tears weren't really in vain.
This video dropped at the perfect time. My crush just got a boyfriend, she used to flirt with me alot , I thought she had same feelings...
Good luck with that one. I recommend completely avoiding this person IRL and on socials.
Disappear from her/his life. Erase them from everywhere and go out with others.
That's how they get power over you
Talk to them about how you need space, it'll really help in the longrum
in a similar boat. I cut them off because of this and some other stuff. It’s been months but it still hurts.
My crush thinks I hate them, I go cold with people I like because there's no way I could hide my feelings if they talked to me. So I become as cold and unapproachable as possible. I know this is a bad way to do it but I'm scared of intimacy. I can do one night stands but if I have genuine feelings for somone I'd always imagine getting burnt.
Dito. Hope you're okay.
@@MuscleBanditwatch good will hunting trust.
This is exactly how my crush is toward me. He leaves me feeling so Hury and confused, like I don't even want to keep liking him anymore so I try to convince myself that we're just friends and that's how it's supposed to be. I just wish at leasy one of us weren't this shy😭
That sounds like a trip to therapy, man.
Damn Hurting others to avoid them from hurting you
Wish therapy was as free as this comment 😂
Imagine you realized your best friend only see you just as an acquaintance and never invite you to anything.
Time to move them to the acquaintance category and move accordingly
why imagine, when it's already true :')
Happened to me :(
Imagine considering someone best friend without them doing anything to suggest that they're one...a connection is mutual and not one sided lol
I wish I could imagine instead of it actually happening
You have got to be kidding me.
This topic couldn’t have come at a better time (or worse time)
yeah i just confessed to mine and she said its better to stop talking. oof. Its really hard to focus on studying right now so im searching for these type of videos to listen as background noise
@@hobbosen-jz4pq Well at least you won’t be having any lingering thoughts of what could’ve been.
@@muhammadeyssa23648 Bro your reply brought me back to my comment. That week was absolute torture man! Thank god im feeling better now.
Yeah you're right, glad i got that out of my system. Part of the reason why i was so upset is that i messed the confession up. she first said no and later on texted me apologizing & asking for some time to think. Me being the idiot i am said that "its fine dont worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea" to her face.. she did not take that well. (my intention was to comfort her by saying that she shouldnt feel pressured to give an answer, but i messed up big time)
saddest thing is her friend circle likes me a lot too. So all the starts were aligned and I somehow managed to mess it up! Anyways the pain is all gone now and i feel much better.
Are you going through the same thing? if so im willing to listen
@@muhammadeyssa23648 Bro your reply brought me back to my comment. That week was absolute torture man! Thank god im feeling better now.
Yeah you're right, glad i got that out of my system. Part of the reason why i was so upset is that i messed the confession up. she first said no and later on texted me apologizing & asking for some time to think. Me being the idiot i am said that "its fine dont worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea" to her face.. she did not take that well. (my intention was to comfort her by saying that she shouldnt feel pressured to give an answer, but i messed up big time)
saddest thing is her friend circle likes me a lot too. So all the starts were aligned and I somehow managed to mess it up! However i feel much better now.
Are you going through something similar? if so im willing to listen
@@muhammadeyssa23648 Bro your reply brought me back to my comment. That week was absolute hellman! Thank god im feeling better now.
Yeah you're right, glad i got that out of my system. Part of the reason why i was so upset is that i messed the confession up. she first said no and later on texted me apologizing & asking for some time to think. I messed up by saying that "its fine dont worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea" to her face.. she did not take that well. (my intention was to comfort her by saying that she shouldnt feel pressured to give an answer, but i messed up big time)
saddest thing is her friend circle likes me a lot too. So all the stars were aligned and I still managed to mess it up! However all that pain is gone now.
Are you going through something similar? If so im willing to listen
I was really struggling with this when I was younger, until I realized this : every crushes of mines live at the same time as me, so why complicate everything ? Just because I won't share intimacy with them ? That doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive.
Letting go, as cliche as it is, is really powerful.
keep telling yourself that cope lonely man
@@42smash36 I don't feel lonely, thanks for the concern bitter manchild.
@@42smash36 I'm not lonely tho, thanks for the concerns bitter manchild.
Bro, honestly, you would change every second of that loneliness to be with the people you want. There is not a universe where you would choose not to be with your crush.
Letting go is not powerful. Is not beautiful. It's a defense mechanism for not being enough. You have nothing to offer in their eyes, and that hurts. You will never in your entire life make peace with suffering. You just will try to convince yourself that you can.
Yeah, sure, "that doesn't erase the reasons as to why I find them attractive. Let them go with other people but me. I'm sure that that would be better than laying in bed with them, enjoying each other's heat. A heat that I would never forget. Let her go with that guy who will forget her in two weeks. I will be here thinking about her still."
@@La_Horca I hope you are a teenager like the other toddler, because you seems to project your past experiences, applying it to everybody. Why are you so obsessed with the word "loneliness" ? Again, personally, I'm good.
Let's say, you want someone already taken, and because this is adulthood, the "guy" in question won't forget her in two weeks, what do you do ? Are you immature to the point of not being able to handle the fact that your crush live a life disconnected from you ? Do you really think that you are the only one who can have a meaningful relationship ? Because this kind of thinking will only lead to a shitty one.
No, crushing on someone doesn't mean it's the only person in the world, no need to dramatize everything. "A heat that I would never forget" yeah well, I will share this heat with someone else then, that's life.
Also, "not being enough" doesn't mean anything, except in your head. Again, big projection.
You two seems to come from balkangains channel or whatever, get out, touch some grass, stay away from this algorithm.
my word im amazed by how you make videos so quickly. these all seem like a ton of research
God's timing about recommending me videos about things on my mind is great
It is an amazing experience regardless of whether it ends up "well" or not. The hardest part of it is to let go of that expectation that we'll end up together, or the gruelling doubt about whether she'll like me too, but at the same time the high intensity of the feeling is what makes the experience so enjoyable and human for me.
Beautifully said !
That's exactly how I feel.
Making me wish I would have a crush on someone even tho I never will ;-;
Romance it's one of the most interesting ways humans can explore their mind, what they are and what they would like to be, as we often start to notice our defects even more when we fall for someone who has not yet confirmed their affections (a crush, pretty much); and when you mentioned this crush fueled by vanity, I immediately remember it. What an interesting and rich concept that is.
On the other hand, I appreciate the last take on the video. Some people will argue that "true love" isn't passional, or that you are simply at peace with the person, this often makes people in other relationships frustrated. I think love it's different for every person, and I personally find it more rewarding when there's struggle and it's overcomed, or when the other person challenges me; some people prefer peace, and that it's alright. I just loved that last detail at the end. Great video, as always ♡
Finally, I'm the first. You're quite honestly a great youtuber and I love your soothing calming voice, coupled with your insightful analysis.
Ah that is very kind! Thank you
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 No problem, also can I make a small suggestion? I'm extremely interested in the topic "Obsession". I really hope you can make a video on that topic.
Ugh so lucky he responded to you 😩😍
Having a crush is grueling but vabing a crush knowing the person is out of your league is crushing. It just genuinely hurt
I think the most reasonable thing to do in that scenario is to get in her league. It’s not as hard as people think it is. It really isn’t.
@@frisbeefrankTrue. Just last night I realized how much I have improved from the start of the summer. I am so much less insecure and have gone up so many “leagues”
Pfp fits too well 💀
I love having a crush! It's wonderful, simply magical! And it's not painful at all. The trick is simply not to expect anything from this person. Expectations are selfish, but true love is selfless. Loving is a thousand times better than being loved! Just try it!
Oh my goodness... thank you so much, this is the message I needed to see and comprehend.
I've been torturing myself now for the last couple of weeks.... you are so right.
Your words are the key that have finally broken me free from the chains of my own mental prison! Thank you!
@5:15 "until you see someone in an extremely stressful situation ..." how someone responds to that tells a lot about them
the timing is astronomically accurate
Not the goat talking of such a passionating topic
The mix of hope and doubt is the cause of swan’s love for Odette. Proust you giant of literature, you had such a deep understanding of human psychology!
I’ve had enough passion ‼I just wanna chill 😭 but then I end up feeling like I’m missing out on life. Ohh conundrum
Let me know when you figure out how to deal with this
For the longest time I had trouble trying to label and understand my crushes and why I liked the person. I often found myself listing the attributes I enjoyed, but it was never deep. I think your explanation of often fooling ourselves, believing a crush is coming from a place of passion when in reality it's vain and egoistic. Explained my feelings accurately. Thank you. ❤
It's easy to get blinded by the things we desire for ourselves I suppose. 😭👍
"Don’t let his opinion be the compass to your heart. Love yourself enough to know you're the one who defines your worth."
The way you talk is so smooth. The annunciation plus your accent is literally drowning me in comfort lol
*enunciation
@@plousia ohh thank you :)
Crushes are harder than any addiction I’ve ever had (no hard drugs). Deadass hard chapters in my life looking back
Not me rewatching this video three times because it puts things into perspective so well
Same here
I plan to wait until I get out of school, or find someone who genuinely loves, understands, and doesn't like me for looks or for what I am outside, but deeper inside.
Thanks for the video dude!!!
I never go far, not because I fear love, I fear attachment, and thanks for the video!
I'm in a crush right now and I'm taking notes just to find a cure or be happy with her for the rest of my life
Tell me about it... This guy Im crushing on has agreat hold on me... I feel Im a bit insane
There's one answer, make a move, get rejected and you can move on, or don't get rejected and you attempt to make it work with this person. You're likely quite anxious and scared to make a move, but it's the only way to advance the state you're in. Well, you've probably thought about it before, and you probably know it already, but do try to muster up the courage
@@heart4740for me I feel like I can’t do this because we are becoming friends and he’s close friends with my close friends and we eat lunch together everyday and I know I’m not his type so if I confess I’ll get rejected but that will just make everything weird😭
Just want to clarify. Humans are not by nature rational. It is one of the great falseties in the modern world, we simply rationalise own irrationality after the fact
There he is! The legend, the goat. I just happened to fall out of the crushing stage today, what a coincidence.
Love never hurts its the expectation from it when not satisfied hurts,
When at the wnd of the day, oir biology wants dopimine we cant deny. Period
_*oxytocin,_ in the case of females. Hugs, cuddles, touch. Serotonin's sex-linked snugglebuddy babymaking cousin. 😊
Guys can get dopamine for cheap these days. I'm starving for _vasopressin,_ the pair-bonding as brothers-in-arms, success in completing tasks, the 'vincing.'
Definitely brilliant & dangerous lol. I get hung up on cycles of worry, imagining the worst, anger, remembering the best and repeat. Just figured out my habits in this area this week lol
The best philosopher is you bro 🐐👏🙏 thanks for your advice
Love really hurts when the one you love doesn't want you. So choose wisely, kids.
You don’t exactly get to choose though, that’s the problem.
Don’t choose. let it come to you when the time is right
@redrox3312 yeah, you right. I'd rather wait for her to come to me. 😉
I have broke the cycle of “will they like me or will they not” by putting friendship on the pedestal rather than an potential relationship. If that person can’t be friends with you, are they even good for an relationship? That’s one of the reasons why I never fall in love with an glimpse of an person only when the friendship is formed. And even though my beloved may be in an relationship that I so desire to be in, I fall In love more with their presence than potential. I may fantasise about potential but their flaws, strengths, their amazing personality is what makes my love tick for them.
i feel comfort in watching and listening to your philosophical analysis when i’m suffering
I went through all of this last year as an adult for the first time. My goodness I was completely unhinged and couldn't understand what to make of it. Let the emotions unravel and experience it fully or try to fight against it? Regardless this experience left me miserable and caused me a lot of pain, because I came to the realization that the person I was crushing on isn't real (crystallization), and I indulged in vain love. In spite of going through this alone and on top of being unable to meet said person up close, I feel that the worst of it has shimmered down. I still feel admiration for this person, but I do not feel that tidal wave of overwhelming emotions any more. He is just another person, living a different life and I hope he is happy - as I also work on finding happiness within myself.
This couldnt have come at a better time for me. I've really been going through it and listening to this gave me a breakthrough and helped me realise part of what has been hurting me. Thank you, I feel so much better after having listened to it, now to put it into action
One thing I can say is bro is a professional speaker that is no lie ofc.
That is pure ART.
hey guys! i really need this. was at my lowest low. glad to know how common of a feeling this is (and how it can really derail u). wishing everyone self-love, don't forget to see your own light
I completely agree with this video. Half of freshman year was having a crush on this girl. I was so scared I never talked to her. I finally asked a girl today if she would be down to date or something along the line. Got rejected. It’s alright though
Man bro I’m a freshman too. Lemme give u a lil lesson real quick. If u don’t really know a girl, do not ask them on a date. Nope, that is how u get rejected.
If you find a girl that’s super attractive and u wanna get to know her, walk up to her and compliment something she’s wearing, or you can ask them if they know a certain person because you’re trying to find them. If they say yes or no, no matter what the answer is, then say “what’s your name by the way?” they answer, you ask em what class they got after wherever you’re asking them, I’m assuming you’re asking them at lunch. She answers, prolly ask u the same question.
Then u gotta look at your phone and say someone’s needing for something, ask the girl if they know who it is, if she say yeah you should ask her to go on a walk wit u to go get that person and if she say no u should say something along the lines as “see you later” or something, but before u leave compliment her personality and say u fuck with her, than ask for the number. She prolly gonna give it to u, but if she say no js say “aight, well Ill cya later (whatever her name is)” and walk off.
If she says she do know the person u talkin about and u do end up walking her over there, she prolly wanna talk to that person. So when u get to the person, say “(girls name) wanna talk to you real quick” and then after yall yap to each other and the girls done with all of it, u gotta walk her back to where she was. U guys can have a basic conversation, asking how she know the person and all that, and then get the number.
I know im yapping and blabbering to u but this always works for me and I don’t know if it a good thing but im considered a bop cuz of how much play i got. Anyways I hope this helps. Im praying them girls start saying yes to u fella nothings better than seeing yo homies finally start to have play after not being able to talk to girls for a long time
@@shortkidevanalright now time for the messages what do you say?.
This is great timing, my no-longer-crush is getting married next week and I'm actually super happy for him. But I appreciate the reminder that the guy I knew in my imagination is not my real-life happily connected friend
Thats why, if you can't control something, just use it as your advantage. I used to have crushes all the time but I never wanted to know them because I knew that they were just part of my imagination. I realised that when I saw them I became rlly happy. So I became rlly excited to go to school bc they were in my class, and if I got to talk to them I got even more happy. That was enough. Happiness was so easy to feel because of this one person. I didn't need to know them and realise they weren't who I thought they were. So guess what, all my memories of high school were happy memories. I never dated anyone. Just had a lot of crushes.
had a boy crush on me for years. he would send love notes and declare his “love” repeatedly. i rejected him multiple times. his advances turned into sexual harassment. it didn’t advance further as our classes finally changed. pinning is not cute… what i hate is i’m sure he remembers me as his first love but i do not. that was so traumatizing and pretty sure has affected in the way i see romance/love. i do not want to date anyone ever. i get goosebumps just thinking about it.
Thanks Joe! Your piece on "modern love" is fantastic and has been valuable to several folks I've shared it with (my sons included). This is a great companion piece. Cheers, my brother! 🖖☕
Perfectly explains why people ‘fall in love’ with someone they only superficially know, while they are in committed relationships. Filling all the unknowns w ideals that are a product of our fantasy.
You talk like a living book, how amazing ✨
I honestly wanted the video to be longer. Its filled with so much wisdom.
11:34 "Though it often takes surprisingly little hope to keep us enamored with someone we have no chance of being with"
Oof...
What a fool believes. Just heard the song yesterday and was contemplating the crafty lyrics.
There are plenty of fish in the ocean.............stay far away from ALL of them........this is a joke...but seriously plenty of sharks in there too...stay on land
But likewise, remember that the most successful fisherman are the most patient and smart with their catch
@@C-Farsene_5 Queue: 'Jaws' theme
Sharks are pretty harmless compared to most dangers you'll encounter on land😂.
A life spent living in fear is merely surviving, and not living a life at all.😂
@@SakuraMoonflower Sharks eat meat...guess what we are made of...
Remember if you're fishing for a fish to eat , do not choose a jellyfish
dunno why but I'm always hooked into the love content spoken in British accent. It somehow makes me think more and ache in a sophisicated way
this is such a very time-relevant video for me; it's insane
The timing of this video is scary. I agree with the view of Stendhal more than stoicism. Great video thanks a lot!
seeing this after i got my first girlfriend, it was so painful having to keep my feelings bottled and not telling her how much i loved her. now that im with her, im so much happier because she understands how i feel
This is very interesting to me because I am currently in a one sided crush with my friend. And it’s complicated and painful. This did put my situation into perspective. Soon I’ll talk to them about it and then let it go because it hurts so much and it feels silly that it hurts. I know I don’t stand a chance and yet I can’t kill my last stubborn whimper of hope.
I miss watching youtube videos like this where there isnt a cut every 8 seconds, it's not about pop culture gossip and it's not 3 minutes long. i love your videos ,thank you
But there is literally a cut every 5 to 10 seconds
@@illogicallogic2039 Yeah but he still makes some pauses and doesnt spear like hes about to die tomorrow, theres no sfx or over the top music just a man speaking
@@someoneelse8295 Yeah that's the first video of his that I've watched pretty cool. Also the comment section seems to be level headed with interesting takes.
28 minute video yet he called out everything I needed to hear about myself and it felt like 5 minutes
truly enlightening
Thank you :)
I am in the process of being overwhelmed by my feelings for my cursh. Timing could not have been better.
Timely video for me. My high school crush, who was also crushing on me during that time, just got married. She’s someone I’ve obsessed over in my thoughts during our time in high school, continuing well after we graduated. I’ve been wrestling with my idealized fantasies of her for years. I hope to completely oust her from my thoughts someday.
Definitely guilty of putting my crushes on a pedestal 😂 great video as always! Hope you’re taking care of yourself and not pushing yourself too hard
Dude love your content
Thank you!
I clicked on this because im curious about what other feel about "crushes" since i can't discern my feelings towards them too. But now I just realized that maybe my bestfriend who has a "crush" on me is probably admiring the idea of me and not the person I am.
Hey mate, love your stuff! I was wondering if you could potentially write a small list of all the ‘classic’ books such as metamorphosis and the stranger that you think are essential readings for a person getting into philosophy. I’d love to just have a little list to refer to of all your absolute essentials to read.
This channel is actually underrated, I can't get enough of your work!
I feel called out :)). I do think of myself as a rational person, but I had a crush that really messed me up a few years ago. It's really crazy what a crush does to you. I couldn't be together with him and it was very painful.
I don't regret going through it because it was quite an experience, but I honestly don't want to have a crush again, especially if I can't be together with that person.
Not just crush but love itself
I’ve only just come across this channel but you are an incredibly smart and articulate person, kept me engaged the whole way through