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34:51 What evidence is there that looks are not highly correlated to whether someone will be a fulfilling partner in the long term? Studies have shown that gap in attractiveness between partners is destabilizing for the relationship. Height difference between husband and wife is actually a strong predictor of whether the marriage will last.
Oh sorry I didn’t mean to imply that mutual attraction isn’t important, just that we over-estimate its importance in predicting other character traits (as in the halo effect). I wasn’t talking about relative attractiveness or attraction between partners as you are here, just that someone being “attractive” (in the sense of “rated attractive by most people”), in and of itself, doesn’t imply someone would be a good partner. There is also some research suggesting that more attractive people in general have less successful long-term relationships, and create more issues of jealousy. I take your point re: perceived/ relative attractiveness though. Sorry if I was unclear in the video, perhaps I should have been stricter with my phrasing and said “a high correlation has not been found between long-term relationship success and average ratings of physical attractiveness, as far as I know”
@@arrow2380 caught me! this truly inspires me, although I fail to see any solution, because creating offline bonds can also limit our options to greater extents, not always a good thing imo.
I believe the reason why people say love is meant to be "easy" is because you do the things you do *because* you love them. You work hard, you make compromises, you pay attention, you understand-- not because those things are inherently easy, but because you love them so much, these things come naturally
@@ana-mariaungureanu4660 yes I've experienced that too. I believe many people are stuck in a situation where their partner wants to receive, but not give--or only give when it's convenient. In this situation, love seems hard.
When somebody utters "If you don't love yourself, how can others." I counter "I have loved many people who struggle to love themselves. Family friends and romantic partners. I can't be the only one with that bizarre superpower."
The first phrase refers to romantic love/situations regarding love most of the time. Platonic and romantic love are not interchangeable when this phrase is uttered . Also i guess that super power only lasts a few months or years if you had several romantic partners lol.
empathy is the double edge sword that swoons the kidnapped towards their captor. while empathy opens your eyes to understanding others, it can also open the door to justify cruelty towards ourselves as reasonable.
And to add, people hurt on their search for love because they deny the abundance of it in front of them for the idea of 'love' they have been made to internalize
I think people have a very romanticised idea about marriage and love in the past. My grandmother couldn't marry the guy who loved her, because her family wasn't wealthy enough, so his family didn't want her. My other grandmother always claimed to have fallen in love with my grandfather at age 16 and they stayed together into their 80ies. Yet both of them cheated on each other during their marriage. My grandmother with about 3 different men. Going back to my great grandparents, two were forced into the marriage, the other one was disowned by her father for marrying someone from another class and the other great grandmother was abandoned by her husband for another woman, fought years for a divorce and married a colleague who helped her raise her daughter from the first marriage. They were a scandal back then.
My parents were real soulmates. They met at a party one night and my dad immediately knew my mom was the one. He did everything he could to see her again and was about to give up and then found out that he had been living in the apartment over the shop where she worked the whole time. The two of them grew closer and within three months they went off and eloped together. They had two kids, me and my sister and we were definitely problem children, but somehow they rarely fought. They were married for 22 years before my mom died. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry. Needless to say my standards for love are astronomical, and my parents are wholly to blame.
It's sadly a 2 way street which is the modern issue. It's so DIFFICULT to find someone who cares as much, who will go as out of their way, and someone who will compromise and speak about boundaries. People prefer to shove emotional work, physical work, and abuse the love from their partners. It's really really sad to see.
Yeah but I want a woman who would do that for me too…. Not a a woman that just accepts my extreme effort in trying to talk to her. Why would I want it to be one sided? I think modern women have thus strange idea that they should be chased only.. and that the girl shouldn’t chase the guy in any way. So many guys go way out of their way to treat her like a queen, but she never treats him like a king. That’s wrong, and a woman who doesn’t do that really isn’t desirable to a guy. The woman may be able to find someone to sleep with very easily.. but it will be near impossible to find a guy to stick around for more than a week or few weeks. She must earn my love too.
I had a soulmate, my wife, she died last year of cancer, now widowed at 32 with 3 children 3 and under (when she died). I can honestly say this soulmate connection depicted, is how it really was from the moment I met her. The Love was so great in fact, that I would do it all over again, including the tormenting & horrendous pain that was me taking care of her as she died of cancer, and accelerated after she died. That being said, a wonderful Love can exist outside of a soulmate, in friends and family as well as more grounded romance, and for most, that's probably preferable. Because losing a soulmate is the most crushing loss one can endure in the mortal coil. So be grateful for whatever Love you get. You'll attract the right kind of Love in whatever relationship type, by being 100% Authentically yourself.
I didn't want this beautiful comment left uncommented. Marc, thank you for writing it. I think I feel you. It's a terrible feeling, like losing your sense of reality.
you had a bit of a blessing in disguise being able to take care of your partner as they were dying. the vast majority of our species dies in sudden and often terrifying ways. actually most of our species gets tortured and murdered with eurocentric cultures labor induced starvation but thats getting off topic a bit lol. but yeah, actually being able to know when death is likely to come and being able to spend as much time with them as possible before that is something almost no one gets to do and wishes they could have. i dont really believe true love can exist in a world where only roughly 3% of the total species is allowed to obtain the necessities of life. if everyone is too busy starving to death while producing enough food to kill the species three times over with obesity diseases, wondering how they can possibly survive when all employers only want to pay 1/10 the cost of being barely alive, there is no capacity to feel love. you only have enough time and energy to barely survive into your 30's if you are lucky. no one born into poverty (the vast majority of the human species is born into it) is going to be allowed to have the capacity to live into their middle ages. its just not biologically possible to survive in such huge nutritional deficits with such great amounts of exhaustion inflicted on us... if you think im being dramatic - the average working poor person on earth will have to move at least 140k pounds of stuff per day just to earn enough to keep their bodies barely functional. most well off people dont do that amount of work in an entire year...
This was touching, and brave of you to share. I lost my first partner in the same way, five years ago. It shattered me and reshaped my consciousness. Now I am psychologically whole. However my wife has played a big part in that.
As a 24 y/o single man, this video is soooo refreshing. To hear someone talking about this subject in such a clear and concise manner while also drawing from great sources is like a breath of fresh air. Dating in modern society is hard. It's gotta be more difficult now than it's ever been (at least in modern society), and its primarily because of the point of the contradictory desires and people not understanding how to balance them. Also, I'm a Christian, and I truly appreciate how you respect the Biblical teachings, though you do not believe yourself. I love hearing that people find value in our teachings even though they may not believe in God.
few GFs i got would dump me and tell me "you deserve a better woman" THEY DOTN EXIST in the unmarried varrient :( once your above 18 your screwed! as woman marry MOMENT they turn 18 and obvius cant ddate under 18.
My father-in-law jokingly says that it is very fortunate God made young men and women stupidly fall in love, or else our rational brains would see our species ended. More seriously, I don’t think love has ever been as misunderstood as it is today. Our ancestors had a much greater understanding of love, which we merely equivocate with lust and sexual desire, or unhealthy infatuation. My kids will sometimes ask me how I knew I loved their mother, how I could tell she loved me. I always tell them the story of how I forgot my lunch at home in the middle of summer when I was working an hour and half away. I mentioned it in passing in a phone call with her at my break, and when lunch break came I went to my car and she was parked there. She drove all the way with a homemade lunch and cold iced tea. That was when I knew both I loved her and she loved me.
I don't see what is so irrational about having children if you are prepared for them. I'm in my late 30's and am getting married and then having kids. I missed out on the "young love" so I never had a child by accident but I still think it is worth doing because I have the time and money now and hopefully they will help me when I get older.
you can still have children if you know how to think clearly. our problem is more that all the females are in the workforce and are taught that money and status is what they should look for. so it's a matter of attitude, not intelligence. secondly, our ancestors surely did not have this idea of love you imagine. in fact, romantic love never existed until it was invented in the modern times. back in the day, you worked together just to survive. at other times, it was indeed just about lust or even about ownership your story is nice. it means your wife was willing to sacrifice her time and effort for you. indeed that is the most important thing in a relationship
@@Kit-kk9cb You misunderstand; that’s what romantic love is. It’s not about happy feelings, it is about survival and thriving. Love is subsuming the self to the good of others, which is why it is irrational. Strictly speaking, the logical course of action for a male wishing to reproduce his genes is to impregnate as many females he can, while not devoting any more resources to any given one than is necessary to achieve that.
@@Kit-kk9cb Agriculture is what changed everything and screwed everything up. Before agriculture and land ownership it didn't matter whose kid it was so women were having sex with multiple men and the most attractive men. That's why our DNA shows we have many more female ancestors than male ancestors. Because of land ownership it became important whose kid it was so the man was able to give his land to his own relation. In the modern age most people don't really own enough for inheritance so I don't really see why the lower classes anyway can't just go back to the old way. I'd imagine people would get more attractive at least. Monogamy is just holding us back genetically. Think about how crappy a cow herd would be if the rancher had one bull for each cow and just did it that way instead of selecting the best bull for many cows.
@@Jake-mv7yo genetically that may be correct. but monogamy and the family unit is the basis for today's society. if we let go of it completely, even more than we already have, everything will go to shambles. in fact, what we need is more monogamy. not necessarily for the genes, but for the stability of society.
This is like a compilation of all of my shower thoughts but more organized and less contradictory. I might be better equipped to win an argument against the shampoo bottles now.
As an old 43 year old married woman I’ve come to the conclusion that those success stories of old people who have been married for several decades did not live a life of sunshine and rainbows. There have been many times of disappointments, betrayals, annoyances, and getting “the ick” but it’s worth it to stay committed and work through those times. It really is worth it. It’s great to grow old with someone you love and hardships are an opportunity to strengthen the relationship. Also I believe that attraction is super important. That’s a natural instinct for a reason. Without attraction you will be less inclined to work through the rough patches and last. My husband and I have had some bad fights where we didn’t speak for days but physically I ached to be with him. He’s not some big tall muscle man but we have a mutual physical connection and it’s important. If you overlook that you’re setting yourself up for failure from the start.
That's so true. Once I was trying to be "too nice" to a guy and go out on a few dates with him but without any expectations. I was very young and had never been on dates before and actually I've never been since then. I was desperately hoping I would start to feel some attraction after I would get to know him better but it didn't happen. I felt like I cheated on him but I was just desperately hoping in my ability to manipulate my attraction for him. He was also begging me to keep seeing him. But when he was trying to kiss me I felt so repulsed and horrible afterwards. I felt like it was my fault for being superficial. I'm not particularly attractive either myself. But what can I do? I cannot force myself to be attracted to someone nor can I force anyone to be attracted to me either. Anyway, you're absolutely right. Romantic love doesn't work out without physical attraction. That's such a sad reality.
@@Nothingbutdust_ That happened to me before with a guy. I just wasn’t attracted and really pushed myself to feel it but it just wasn’t there. I even played mind games on myself like pretending he was the last man on earth to trick myself into being attracted and it didn’t work. In a way it’s actually a cruel thing to do to someone because I think everyone wants their partner to be attracted to them and I know I’d be so upset to find out the opposite.
My grandma‘s old friend said otherwise. She said, living alone and surround yourself with friends is far better than living with a cheating husband. She said, she‘s happiest now, that he‘s dead.
Here's my analogy: some people think of love as being like a buried treasure, where you just have to find the right thing and then you're set for life with no further effort required. In practice, love is more like a garden, where what you get out of it depends on the time and nurture and skill you put into it.
oh that’s a good one! and the ideal garden would also look different for every person. and you could discover the coziest place to start growing your garden in the most unexpected valley you accidentally discovered ✨
Indeed, and if you have God, God can act like a mysterious gardener who randomly goes into the garden while both of you aren't tending to it and pours in powerful nutrients (unconditional agape love) in the garden when all of the neglect would've otherwise destroyed the garden or allowed weeds or all sorts of resentments to grow everywhere displacing the beautiful flowers. Divorce and unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships & family systems will only grow when people don't have some higher transcendent force they feel accountable to.
I love this It's a personal thing on both sides And despite how much I seem to naturally filter people due to who I am and the impressions I give off I'm not going to play around. I would rather attract someone who in turn finds *me* interesting than an interesting game piece
And in every garden, you are bound to plant a bad seed. It may never grow no matter how hard you may try, but that doesn't mean you give up on the garden. Just plant a new seed.
People see love too casually these days rather than than a serious commitment it tends to be all about what that other person can provide them than who both of them are and what they can be together.
So true. I think all the dating apps have made people always look for ‘more’ when any problems occur in a new relationship. It’s the hope that ‘ the grass will be greener’ with someone else. It’s too easy to drop them and find another!
@@ange3489 doesn't help that most people well atleast people I've met don't tend to think long term, they see someone and all they think is how am I gonna get with them instead of is that person truly right for me. sure dating can help people figure that out but dating is also the phase where people put in the most effort when things get serius its like oh I succeeded and then there tends to be a lack of effort atleast from what I've seen my experience is not absolute afterall. still to me people kinda treat love as some conquest or matter of pride if someone didn't get intimate they tend to think oh somethings wrong with me or my life I might be pathetic I have to have a relationship. to me it almost seems like people treat other people as objects or status symbols on some level like whenever you ask someone what there girls in life is it's like get a job car wife why is wife included in there with job and car why not just say I wanna get married one day. maybe that's not the case and I just overthinking or had bad experiences but it just seems like that to me.
People…well really women…had to get married and marry early because it was difficult to earn a livelihood. This was true in basically every country. So they clearly often married men they didn’t love. The chances of finding someone you really love at 22 is low. So despite the illusion that people took love seriously a long time ago, in reality now people are only willing to be in a long term relationship if they have really found someone compatible. Not because of survival or social pressure.
My favorite line from Avril Lavigne is "Love hurts wether it's right or wrong" makes you realize that no pure pailess love exists, but rather love is painful and a struggle and to me its important to have a partner that would struggle to grow, work on the relationship with you rather than refuse to work, leave or degrade you
My friends ask a lot how my gf and I are in such a healthy relationship. I don't think it's that complicated: don't treat your relationship as a game, be honest with each other, value each other's time, treasure your time with each other, and remember that your partner is your best friend (so don't take advantage of that)
Ultimately, the commercialization of eros love and the mistaking and mislabeling of platonic love as something romantic has affected love in many negative ways. Then there's the fact that we hear very few real-life success stories in love but there're failed relationships and disappointments everywhere. And if God forbid, there's a success story, people are more likely to spread and project their negativity onto that relationship until we either don't hear about them anymore or worse. If people keep following the latest trends when it comes to love too, it's bound to face the turmoil of trends ebbing and flowing.
bro this video made me ugly cry because I was abandoned as a baby so the lack of love and abandonment issues has followed me into my (almost) 30s. Its heartbreaking
@@Cantread807 thats a fucked up thing to say to someone who expressed abandonment trauma. Who the fuck shit in your face today? Would you go to tell the same thing to some who experienced physical or sexual trauma??? Truly You need check your ugly soul
Answering the title of the video: the problem is that modern love is not love, is relationship consumerism a totally different thing than actual love. The main drive of having a romantic relationship nowadays is not to build connections and a legacy together, is about what can the other part provide me that may benefit my own personal agendas and ambitions and thats it.
''it's hard to feel loveable when there's no one to love you'' has to be the quote i'm relating to the most. i consider myself an individualist, yet i seek love too as any other human being. but never have been loved romantically resulted in me deciding that ''i should learn to love myself!!'' which is great. i'm doing it. but it's hard. because so far there've been no proof that i'm actually loveable.
Ngl, I dislike that quote, “you should love yourself”, it’s fucking annoying, then again, that’s because, like you said, there isn’t proof that I’m lovable
@@TheSuperappelflap it suggests the presence of platonic love in their life. They may have friends and family who love them, without ever having experienced someone displaying erotic love for them. Until my early twenties, in was in that same boat. The result was a pervading sense of wrongness in myself. Clearly there was a defect in me that prevented anyone from ever loving me in that way. Eventually, I did find a romantic partner and things were wonderful for a decade. Then, from one day to the next, my significant other went from enthusiastically planning the wedding and a child, to breaking off the relationship and immediately hopping into a relationship with a colleague and friend. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this brought back all of the previous doubts in myself, as apparently even this one magical exception had an expiration date. It's difficult to the point of impossibility to view oneself completely separate of how the environment views and treats you.
I think the biggest favour we can do for ourselves is admit that we might not be ready to love ourselves. That we don’t know or will one day forget how to love. Then we should build the courage to tell the people closest to us that we can’t handle their love, but they’re so important to us that we will try our best to learn to love them. And they can too
Oh, we are. With the right person with whom we click on all fundamental dimensions, we certainly are. The problem is people often end up with poor matches and then the negotiation and compromise nightmare begins.
tbh I am happy when pretty people acknowledge that ugliness is a disadvantage. It's like rich people admitting they're nepo babies but still have some talent.
@@dontburstmybubble686why is ugliness a disadvantage though? Unless you’re going for people significantly more attractive than you, there shouldn’t be any more issues. Reality is that people generally end up with other people of around the same level of attractiveness.
@@jurassicthunderHe's extremely good looking and his personality just makes him that much moreso, I appreciate him even if he's not someone I'd personally be attracted to, doesn't make him unattractive.
I find myself much in agreement when it comes to the part about Eros vs Philia! I've always thought of friendship as one of the most wonderful aspects of being human: it isn't bound by blood nor by attraction/carnal love but simply by finding comfort and fun and companionship in someone else for what and who they are. thank you for your videos, I can't stop watching them! Greetings from Italy!
@@ss-ds2dnit means the freedom of choice, specifically. Anxiety is fundamentally about decision making and if you have no options, you cannot have anxiety.
@@melitajay Anxiety is not solely about decision-making; it can arise from a wide range of factors, including biological, psychological, and situational influences. While having too many options can contribute to anxiety, having no options can lead to feelings of helplessness and loss of control, which can also cause anxiety. The complexity of anxiety involves more than just the number of choices available and varies greatly among individuals. I've been in relationships were I felt like I had zero options, and I certainly wasn't anxiety free. What you are saying is misinformation worst yet an oversimplification of a complicated emotion.
Being in love is stressful, wonderful, exciting, dull, depressing, elating… but most of the time, being in love just means being able to stand someone and not plot their demise after being together for a few years 😅 It’s so fun in the beginning but then the real test begins and that’s how you know if you’re actually in love. Can you stand them the majority of the time, when they do the things that you hate the most. Bc if you can both do that for each other, be honest with each other and work together for the benefit of your family, whatever may come, then you’ll know if it’s truly love. Love and infatuation truly are different things that feel so similar in the beginning. ❤
I rarely comment on videos. This one stirred something within me. The way your deliver those ideas is love, love for knowledge and learning, and in my opinion this video is a work of art. Thank you for sharing it with the world. Some of the ideas presented in this video are ideas that I thought about before and I can see them reflecting in my own relationship with my husband. It's a shame that some people will not sit through the whole video, every second of it is fascinating and well articulated. I was captivated for the entire hour.
Where were you 20 years ago, when I was madly and unhappily in love? I wish someone had explained the facets of love to me back then as excellently as you do in this superb video!!
Great research ! I love the phrase in the beginning of the video "To love is to be vulnerable " . Not many people today are ready to put their guards down and open up , in the era of selfishness and narcissism it's dangerous
>Not many people today are ready to put their guards down and open up , in the era of selfishness and narcissism it's dangerous No, because 90% of the time they will use it to fuck you over, so it's self destructive behaviour. Your 'sweetheart' will be the first one to do that btw xD
I agree with you sir, that we have indeed killed commitment, I see it with my friends and my acquaintances, they meet someone new, they get interested, but when asked about what they'll do about it, they say nothing, they give up instantly, they ramble on about things not working out, it's sad to see.
People seem to think everyone else they date should be perfect and tick every single stupid box they have. And the second they don't, they get dropped with some weaponized therapy speak type excuse. If you make it past that, love intensity is something that needs to be matched. If there is a lot of imbalance there, you'll be miserable. On the hard days with your partner, it can include the need for a bit of romantic delusion to get you through the fight. That's why some people say love is a choice you make every day. It can be. But again, without balance, you'll be miserable. If you're constantly intellectualizing your "love" to try to regain feelings it also won't work long term. As with most things, balance is key.
Both partners must see value in each other and are willing to put in the work. Most people smother any flames of potential when they’re too lazy or selfish to invest in a relationship.
Yeah no. I kept settling for people who didn't tick every box. And all they did was mistreat or abandon me. Then I finally got someone who ticks all my boxes. You can have your cake and eat it too yknow.
@@spectrademonicayou really can’t. I have someone who doesn’t tick every box and I’ve been married to her for 8 years yesterday…. If you care about the ticked boxes so much, then you may be self sabotaging yourself with people who don’t tick every box. Being married for 8 years in todays day and age is a freakin feat. I promise it is possible though.
As a christian, I find the neglect of friendship todays culture sad. Most people have a very "cut off what doesn't serve me" way of navigating relationships. We have become transactional. CS Lewis has a great quote, "Christ can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others. In a utilitarian sense friendship is impractical and unnecessary for survival, but it gives so much value to survival. My time, my resources, and my very self is so much better utilized when given to others
what is missing out nowadays is sacrifice. very few people are willing to do things which put themselves at any disadvantage for the sake of someone else. This lack of will to sacrifice makes it so everything has to be transactional or you feel slighted because everyone else gets something for the things they give up.
I feel the same way. My husband is a great friend, so I get to live vicariously through him in that way. He's had the same friends since he was a kid. Trying to make friends as an adult woman has been absolute hell because of what you outlined.
Humans survived as a species because we had friends and partnerships. Today we don’t need a friend to help gather or hunt food so it’s become more like a luxury to have friends to waste time with rather than having real bonds with people who care for each other and need each other.
@@vladys5238Not only that, but there's also the ignorance/refusal to *acknowledge* those sacrifices as well. Sure, you're not obligated to reciprocate and do the same if you genuinely don't want to... Especially if the other party tries to guilt you into doing it too (i.e. "Nice Guys™️") But being so lackadaisical about something that has immense weight on the other person, be it physically/emotionally/mentally, is honestly depressing. Telling them (either literally or through implication) that their willingness to be vulnerable doesn't matter to anyone else leaves a far deeper scar than you might realize. And unfortunately that just adds more into the "transactional" feeling too.
@@izzy1356 Yes, the "nobody owes you anything" mantra is in my opinion extremely damaging. Because sure, they don't OWE me anything, but it would be nice if we did things for each other so we could feel more belonging to the community.
The monk gautama actually said "Good friendship is the whole of the spiritual life." To Ananda, I believe, who said good friends were half of the spiritual path.
Literally the only ones I've developed a genuine bond of love and connection with are my family, particularly my mom and younger brother. I was practically a second mom to the kid, and he put up with so much of my mental issues and outbursts. And these bonds I've made with them, they're not well, "rationally" analyzed and easy to explain. The dynamic we have is definitely not fair, but I don't really care and neither do my family members. It took a lot of hard work, sacrifice and genuine dedication, tears to push through and sleepless nights to stand by these bonds I've built with them, but I wouldn't give them up now for anyone in the world. The bonds I've built with them make me feel complete, to put it the best way. And somehow we've built all of this without ever trying to correct or "one up" each other or compete with each other. I know all their little weaknesses, turn offs, anger moments, habits, etc. and they know all of mine. On one hand, I'm thankful that I've been given the chance to know what real love and heartfelt connection and trust feels like through them. But it also hurts knowing what compared to inside our house, what the world is like out there. It hurts that the unbreakable bonds I've built with mainly my mother and my brother, and knowing they feel the same way back, I'll maybe never be able to build with anyone else in my life. My younger brother is probably the only guy in my life I've developed a sincere bond with, and through essentially raising him he's learned to depend on me a lot. It really breaks me that it's highly likely I may have some romantic relationship out there with another guy, but it won't be built as genuine or as honest as my sibling relationship with my little bro.
This is word for word what I feel like and I have almost the exact same dynamic, except I'm a younger sister to an older brother with our mother. I have not had real friends before and exhibiting prosocial behaviour in public settings often results in others responding in baffling ways eg. To compliment someone, to joke around, to offer assistance or just be a decent human being often illicits some kind of expression as if I am crazy or flirting or attempting to get something from them in return. The final one I sadly understand though, because I have also found people often just use me rather than reciprocate. I am not destroyed by it though, because I understand that what others do is about them and not anything I was doing. However, I am smart enough to know that repeating the same things will only continue to leave me open to antisocial people, so I instead have decided to greyrock the world and focus my youth on enjoyment related to my interests and being supportive of my family, rather than wasting my time trying to 'prove' my innate value to people. I'm not interested in being liked by everyone, only the right people who match me. I don't want to have a serial streak of relationships gone by to write sad love songs about, I want to be a golden retriever as a human, I want to make sure I pay attention to this moment even if I'm not wealthy or in the best health or whatever. I still want to wake up to feel comfy in my bed, to feel the sun and the wind, to taste my food and sing to myself because I'm just happy to be here and take in the miraculous gift of existing and being myself right now.
When we first met we were like two worlds collide, but we didn't give up on each other. With passing years we clashed and broke and fought and felt, and now, finally, we are getting to the place where we know each other's strengths and weaknesses, we know each other's triggers and cures. If we started dating now we probably wouldn't have made through, but we put tremendous amount of effort and now we are reaping the juicy rewards. Our love feels divine, it's so warm, so pure, there is no escape plan, no other options (do yourself a favour- take divorce off the table as if it didn't exist and you shall see the power of love, compassion and communication), just the poetry of our passions, desires, longing, attentiveness.... there's no better feeling in the world! If it all came manufactured, perfect from the start, we wouldn't have chosen it. Only the dirt and the hard work made it taste so good!
Wont help. Divorce is always an option, and as a man you can never trust that a woman will never do it. Easy for you to say take it off the table, when you can put it back on the table whenever you want, and the man is still taking all the risk while you get all the profit.
The romantics made us believe that love must hurt. That love is obsesión and an incurable disease when it's infatuation, limerance or enmeshment. You can't love what you don't know . Even platonic love for knowledge has been distorted as the limerance of the avoidants. Theory of attachment explain it very well and, of course, it goes back to our own individual childhood attachment.
The situation is such that we often mistake sexual attraction and urges for love and in the human species love is a transactional tool that most seem unaware of.
Broke up a few days ago because of incompatibilities. He lied to me about something he was into multiple times. If he just told me the first time we wouldve known much sooner. If you have to hide yourself, theyre not the one. I wish he just let me make that decision longer ago, instead of him trying to cover it up.
Yeah your decision was completely valid, being open is part of being in a relationship. If he didn’t understand that then that’s his fault and not yours.
Initial love as in being in love is far different than the love you have for that person 50 years later. This happens step by step over time and you look back at the being in love stage with fondness while simultaneously rolling your eyes .
I think we are not only living in the cult of eros but the cult of mania Mania means the kind of love that is obsessive and was viewed negative by the greeks I see this type of love expressed a lot online usually by people who form unhealthy Parasocial relationships with their Favorit content creator
I’ve been spiraling watching more and more videos about the death of love in the modern age out of pure hopelessness I feel in my search for true love (not lust or infatuation). I’m trying to keep a positive outlook on things but it’s just so hard when everything feels so casual and meaningless, I just want something real! 😭
I'd like to say that you can find it eventually, but with the way things are going these days, it feels out of reach. A real relationship, is with someone you trust and understand, have honest communication with, and feel safe proceeding in life with that partnership. IMO
@@aubiek3208 Yeah it really does feel unattainable to find someone who will put in the effort and do all this. It’s always just been me putting in all the effort and getting nothing but getting played/ghosted in return 😭
@@floreroafloreril1458 Yes, but in communism or any other system, you straight up don't have sex ever. Just look at China today, men over there don't even have money to pay women for anything. The problem is exactly modern culture. When you decouple sex from marriage, you just turn it into marketable service, not a sacred union between man and woman.
@@kevinlawler3252 It could, but it wouldn't be consistent with the dominant ideology. If anything a codependent relationship would make more sense there. Luckily there are no communist societies today, so that isn't an issue.
@@venicec3310 only people that value friendship so much are damaged people that don't have a good relationship with their family or are incapable to love romantically a human person,imo stay away from people with lots of friends, they are not wife/husband material.
I am tired of friendships because they are so superficial these days, if it gets deep they are usually trying to manipulate you into lending them money or being an unpaid therapist.
I needed this conversation today. These ideas are something I've been trying to contemplate in a new relationship. Which of my thoughts are rational and reasonable questions/concerns, and what are my emotions and "love" overshadowing rationale? What am I willing to be accepting and compassionate toward, and what are actual "red flags"? Does my partner need to fulfill all categories of my needs or should I seek more friendships for fulfillment? You put things in a succinct and palatable way that really has my gears turning. Thank you for what you do!
Listened to every second of this. I love how well spoken you are, not no mention the charming British accent, which made it even better. I definitely take this as something to pump up my own ideas, as you said, and even if we should call it a lecture, it well deserves that name too. A partner can be "the one" for you in some things, but at the same time not in others. It would be truly hard, if not impossible, to find someone who is a 10/10 in everything. Even identical twins grown in the same womb and having the same genes have their differences in opinions, so no wonder any two strangers, regardless of how much love they have for one another, will fight about the most stupid things from time to time. Lovely video, thank you!
How common is English in Ghana? I need to find places to communicate with Africans on the internet about agriculture but I don’t know what forums they frequent
I just want to say thank you for reminding me about that detail from Romeo & Juliet. I couldn’t recall that their deaths resulted in the families finally ended the feud. I was just trying to explain to someone the other day how sometimes a tragedy can produce good results, and this would have been a prime example.
My problem personally lies in failing to fall in love or be attracted to someone in the first place rather than keeping a relationship alive. And it’s not really about “holding out for better options”, or not having found “the perfect match” but just a general lack of romantic/sexual interest in any particular person. I want love but I haven’t found anyone I want to/am in love with and that makes it feel just so incredibly frustrating. Constantly searching and longing for something and never feeling it, not even “not finding the perfect version of it” but not finding ANY version of it (romantic love that is not love period) What point is there to my willingness to work on myself and the other person and a relationship, when I never even get in a relationship because I can’t get past the point of being interested in someone? It’s driving me insane
Sounds like to me you may be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum (meaning having little to no romantic attraction to others. It's also a separate thing to sexual attraction). Might be worth looking into at the very least. I get the frustration, but you're not broken for not having those feelings towards others.
@@Irishxlily not aromantic but asexual spectrum, Demisexual to be precise. I figured that out round about 4 years ago in a truly hilarious way but that’s a long story. I am 100% sure that I have no problems falling in love (theoretically). The problem is that my lack of primary sexual attraction makes it hard to know who to pursue in a very visually driven dating market. If you feel attraction then it pushes you to maybe talk to that person or even pursue them which then allows you to forge a deeper connection. However since I don’t experience that I also don’t feel the urge to talk to strangers or flirt or pursue them. Demisexuality means that you experience secondary sexual attraction (=attraction based on information acquired over time) almost exclusively, so essentially what I need is a Friends to Lovers arc. However I don’t really have any male friends that are into girls because I study fashion design so my uni doesn’t have the largest proportion of men interested in women. And outside of uni I just don’t meet people. I’m stuck in this limbo where I either have to shoot in the dark in hopes of randomly meeting someone I will end up attracted to down the line, or I hope that I somehow make a lot of guy friends and fall in love with one of them. None of those options are great honestly and it’s just so annoying. I just wish that I could experience attraction like any other normal person because this is just so disorienting and frustrating
@@claracatlady9844 ah then we're more alike than I thought. Also asexual (currently labeled demi but could be something else or just fully ace. Still figuring things out) but capable of romantic attraction. I don't know how important a sexual relationship is to you with your partners, but to me I don't think sex is always needed in romantic relationships. I may never be sexually attracted to my future partner(s) or even willing to engage in sexual activities with them and finding someone who is perfectly okay with that is going to be hard. What I want is someone I can trust to give me the time and space to figure out the level of intimacy I'm comfortable with. That is hard to find no matter the sexual or romantic orientation someone belongs to lol. What I guess I'm getting at is it seems you're putting a lot of emphasis on having a sexual attraction/ relationship in order to have a relationship (idk how important being sexually attracted to your partner is to you). Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Putting the cart before the horse sort of thing. Forming a bond takes time, so maybe just focus on that first and enjoy the ride. If you end up forming that sexual attraction, great! If not: if you still enjoy being with the person or love them then I see no reason to end things just because you aren't sexually attracted to them. And maybe don't put so much pressure to be in a relationship (although I understand the desire to find someone, it gets lonely at times). It's okay to take time to be by yourself. It allows you to find yourself. But that's just me. I hope this helps, but I totally understand if it doesn't. Feelings are hard and not always rational. I wish you nothing but luck!
@@Irishxlily yeah I agree that for me a long term romantic relationship would need to involve intimacy, if not then we are just kinda friends because I definitely love all my friends. I personally don’t think I have a problem with being comfortable with intimacy at all, it’s more so that I’m not comfortable/interested in most people and subsequently don’t feel like doing intimate things (may that be sex, or sharing feelings or whatever) with them. For me I think that I would need to at least be attracted to a person in some capacity to be interested in being intimate but maybe it’s also FOMO who knows. I’m perfectly fine with being alone, which is kinda the problem 😂 I’m very comfortable in my own, very self sufficient so any potential partner has to compete with that is a sense like “would I rather spend time with this person than myself”. I know that I shouldn’t put so much stress on it but I’m just curious and I really want to understand what everyone is talking about, I want to relate. Also being in a perpetual state of sort of ambiguous horniness with no one to direct those feelings at is getting on my nerves a bit.
@@claracatlady9844 omg totally understand the "way too comfortable being by myself" and the last bit lol. I like the *idea* of sex and being sexually intimate but don't know if I'd be down with me being directly involved with it. Never gotten that far with anyone, and never been in a relationship with anyone I was actually romantically attracted to so it felt like I was kissing/making out with a wall (those relationships didn't last long and I was young and 'going with the flow' cuz this is what teenagers do right? And this was long before I even knew of the terms asexual or aromantic) lmao. I can also 'take care of myself' juuuust fine xD Comes back to communicating and trusting my partner again. I *think* I'm sex favorable regardless of my sexual attraction or lack thereof to my partner. So I'd like to try exploring having a sexual relationship but want to know that I can trust my partner to go at my own pace or be perfectly fine being with me regardless if anything beyond cuddling occurs jic I end up being sex repulsed. SIGH it's frustrating and confusing.
This video is really nice. I was married to a man who hated his life, and I watched him grow increasingly more angry that I could not fix it. He was always waiting for me, for circumstances, for the world to change. Yet, he stayed rooted right where he was. I tried to drag him to therapy. I tried to work on my communication to teach him. I tried to teach him how to love me, but nothing I ever did was good enough. So I left, I so desperately enjoy commitment and love. Even the imperfect pieces. I don't mind crying and talking through issues, yet now I'm scared I'm alone in this sentiment. I don't want easy love. All I want is a true one.
I had no idea how much I needed this (albeit one sided!) conversation! I have a feeling I'll be watching this many times over to percolate over the concepts and marvel at how it resonates so loudly in such a stunningly pragmatic way! Bravo 👏
This shooked me to the core, as I have always believed that love is built on an individual's competence to accommodate to one's partner. I felt a sense of relief and awe on the philosophy of love. Watching this video gave me a more broader and unbiased perspective towards loving an individual, not as a divine and sovereign character that holds control but seeing the humanity of love and perceiving someone for who they truly are. Just a human. I look forward in further developing my knowledge, insight and wisdom in the topic of not just love but also humanity. This was a great video, loved the content
Congratulations for another wonderful video, I’ve been watching your channel non-stop, such a brilliant mind and beautiful soul 😊 Your content is engaging, insightful, and well-crafted, making each video a pleasure to watch. The narratives you weave are reminiscent of the philosophical tradition, provoking deep thought and introspection. Much like philosophy seeks to understand the human condition and the world around us, your videos explore complex topics with nuance and clarity, inviting viewers to ponder and reflect. Keep up the fantastic work-it's clear that a lot of effort and passion go into every episode! Cheers from Australia 🇦🇺
As a young girl who's been having her own struggles with these things recently, this video has been incredibly helpful and has given me a lot to think about. Especially in terms of expectations both from myself and my partner. Thank you.
the most evident issue in my opinion is that in reality the majority of people aren’t willing to surrender to all the work love really and clearly requires. instead they’ve created dull perspectives to cover it all, making love and romantic views seem like something superficial when they’re not.. when they’re the pilar of so many relationships and principles in life. the effort is so visible. this is indeed a beautifully narrated, deep and thought-provoking video essay
I very much enjoy your content. What a privilege it is to have a voice from this generation interpret, analyze, and apply ancient wisdom. Thank you for all the work that you are putting into our communal ascent.
I've never understood why you incorporate subtitles in all your videos. You always enunciate each word quite clearly that it is difficult even for a non-native speaker of English to miss it. Or at least that has been my experience so far as a non-native speaker of English. Anyway, I appreciate that you're considerate of all the people to understand what you're saying whether they are native English speakers or not.
At around 44:20 You perfectly nail my understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder, and part of the pathology of a narcissist in romantic relationships. However, I don't mean to say that this dynamic is not fairly common in many people who struggle with their own self-regard while in a relationship. In the past, I have certainly had the suspicious feeling that if someone loved me, it simply meant that they were an idiot, or did not "truly know and understand me" i.e. my repulsive and unlovable nature. So, our self-regard does indeed affect our ability to love and to be loved.
Loved this video, even as someone who's aroace! A very thorough and, I believe, unbiased take. I often enjoy pondering the meaning of love, and hearing someone else's research on it was fascinating!
If you're a "slightly less weird" looking adult I am so up a creek! But on topic, thank you for the video! You put into words so well how I feel about modern love, what I've observed, but I am not nearly as eloquent. I've always thought the idea of "soulmates" is rather silly, there can't possibly be only one person for you, if there were, we would statistically never find them, there are just too many people in the world. People just dislike doing work in a relationship when the rose colored glasses of come off, after the first flush of infatuation.
Pretty much this. I see a lot of silly comments about people having or losing their soul mates (I'm sorry for their loss) but it's complete BS. They had a good relationship.
I like the insight underlying your question. While it's a mixed bag of economic and political viewpoints, I found Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, Herbert Marcuse, Erich Fromm, and Slavoj Zizek to be very helpful in examining the spirit of your question.
Your explanation of the terrifying power of love was terrifiyingly accurate and hit the nail in every single way i had ever felt when i think about my experience..
This was a very strong video. You changed my mind about self love and helped me understand alot about the inner mechanations of love that ive never been able to put words to. I'm nearly convinced that there should be philosophers' firms. For someone who loves to learn philosophy but really struggles to grasp the bigger picture in books (I have poor eyesight and ADHD), you are an easy sell. Well done.
Man, you really hit a lot of philosophical itches I have with your content. Most of the philosophers you read are one's I've looked into. You just break it down so modernly and make it easier to understand.
Ok not gonna lie the shakespeare reference and showing one of my favourite paintings of all time within the first minute got me hooked. But my man artificial lighting right next to a open window with natural lighting, pls just don't, we don't conflict those. Choose one, it will make the whole background look much more calm and at ease. One of them has to be the main source
I’ve been in a couple long term relationships and they’ve all broken me to the point I didn’t even want to put the time and effort into anyone anymore. When I met my current gf I was at my lowest and didn’t want to be with anyone. She accepted me for who I was and stood by my side regardless of what I had and what I didn’t . I’ll forever be grateful for her, because not many are still as loyal. Now I try to shower her with love , penitence and gifts to show my appreciation
I just noticed this at 25:34 but *thank you* for having subtitles throughout the entire video that don't rely on RUclips's captions system. It's made it easy to understand what you're saying, and for any non-english names, helpful to know how they're spelled should I want to research them later. Just...thank you, and keep doing it. Please.
First time viewer here. I love how you explained this so clearly and with great examples. I totally agree with the idea of moderate pessimism, and to not put such heavy expectations on your partner, or even friends and family. But still love is extremely important to us, and an indispensable component to our lives. Loneliness is one of the most devastating feelings a human may have in their live, after all.
i loved this video especially the video chapter on "The cult of Eros"! articulated my thoughts on how there is such an overemphasis on eros compared to love we have for friends. It is so absurd to expect this one individual to shoulder everything.
This was a really good video. You speak very eloquently and with great vocabulary, and everything you said made sense and was backed up by good evidence. Great job, I wish I found this channel sooner.
It’s always been my thought that soulmates aren’t just born. They’re nurtured and shaped through understanding, holding and developing similar values, having the same or similarly aligned goals for the future and through conflicts both major and minor involving all of those things. And as that happens, you are shaped and changed as well.
I simply don't have words to describe my admiration for this video! It resonated with me so much, in so many areas - from describing what I had already thought about and concluded, to new ideas which I didn't know of and also depicting part of my life -, that i cannot express with a single comment. I will do my best to keep this video in my mind in the future. Thank You, sir! This was also your first video that I watched. I subscribed to this channel I can say that I loved this video, even though love for things is different from loving beings. After all, humans and pets change, videos don't, although the eyes registering the video do. Anyway, I went long enough. I hope you have a fantastic life!
I've always felt wounded after my last great love. We spent that time learning and growing together. Then it came like lightning, and I've felt broken ever since. There I was alone. Stranded on the other side of the world. Having lost my goals and my purpose. Two years later and it still hurts. Maybe it's not the epic long standing love you hear of. It was two friends ready to face the world together until one of them stopped. Teetering off the edge and you're all alone falling. You spend a lot of time doubting yourself; you ask yourself and others if it was ever real. Whether those ten years together really meant anything. You stop caring for yourself but not enough to make that selfish choice. You dive into your work and your hobbies to hope to stave off any chance of introspection. You start forgetting for the first time. Real and important things in your life until you find that last version of yourself untouched by what is broken. You feed it and give it space to grow. You find the space you and they spent together and nurture because you enjoy it. Eventually you make it your own once again. But there are things, special things that bring you back. And all of a sudden that lightning strike feels fresh to the skin. Your heart aches again and you're back there. Lost without a paddle. I allow myself to feel it because that is human. A great lost love is like the death of someone equally close to you. And in many individuals, one party is affected more than the other. I'm still lost. I'm still hurting. But I must come to live with the pain. In the hope that I move on in life as they did. Because that love lost does not exist anymore. Neither as a connection or physically as those people do not exist anymore.
The greatest show of love is being able to ‘let go’ someone you love bc that is what they need/want👉you’re not even missing that other person-you’re actually missing the person you were while with that person…..until you grasp this & Accept it you will continue hurting bc you’re self-sabotaging to put it bluntly! Happiness is: Surrendering the life you imagined & embrace the one you have👉Its about growing & learning (the butterfly cycle) and the other person just simply transformed & is in a different cycle than you…..think, the gift this relationship gave you is to ‘learn to let go’ & that space apart is necessary in all relationships to a degree…..say they came back to your arms today -most likely it would be you that leaves bc you’re no longer the person you were back then👉Go ahead and forgive them & yourself and start living your Best life👉I dare you!… 🦋
THIS VIDEO NEEDS TO BE SHARED, your video essay spits facts! Thank you for this wonderful and well-thought of video! Romantic relationships take as much effort, time, and energy as friendships, and they won’t fix you. You can’t truly love others if you don’t love yourself. And relationships aren’t supposed to be your entire life, but something that adds to it! I’ve seen so many people feeling so down concerning this subject because our society idealises romance far too much.. weather it’s toxic or not. To love being in relationship, you need to love being single. Because if you don’t love being at all, romance won’t fix that. Relationships are important because they will change your life, and it’s always good to seek out ones that will lift you up, but don’t depend on them. Trust yourself, too❤ God bless!
Hey man, I'm your new subscriber from the Czech Republic 🇨🇿 I just want to say thank you for your videos, what impressed me is how you express yourself and what topics you choose. Also thanks for adding subtitles to your videos, so I can eventually search for certain words as English isn't my first language.
I think love is also polluted by the modern notion of power dynamics where no two people are allowed to love one another unless they have equal "power". It's as if we turned a cooperative relationship into a competitive fight. That's not how it should be
@line7908 There are conditions that help a relationship to exist and conditions that test the strength of the relationship. I didn't say that equal power pollutes a relationship. I said that the idea of uneven power (however one would quantify it) or power dynamics being something that makes a relationship impure or inherently abusive is a notion that I don't believe in
@@line7908As a lot of people have said: A man with a Master's degree will fall in love with a Starbucks cashier if she's nice/kind/her type. There is a clear power imbalance there, but they could be happy. People nowadays will insist that he's taking advantage of her though, and that's the problem. This striving search for material balance is poisoning the well.
This video entirely encapsulates, in a single short hour, everything I think about love. It has been a comfort to me in a rather dark and difficult time, so I thank you. It might sound silly but I feel more understood and seen by this video than I've been made to feel by other people
I started to watch ur videos very recently after my break-up, i am very thankful that i have come across with ur content, its like having a personal psychotherapist in RUclips, i am exceptionally greatful that ur doing such content, i am trying to Move on from whom i loved the most i now understand how she felt i just wish i could turn back time by a bit. Anyways can u upload these same videos as podcast in Spotify it would be amazing, i think everyone would yearn to see u there. Anyways man i am greatful that i found u at this time of life, i think i will start reading some good amount of philosophy books.
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Hi, great vid! Are you still offering philosophy tutoring? I've sent an email to josephfolleytutoring@gmail.com regarding this
34:51 What evidence is there that looks are not highly correlated to whether someone will be a fulfilling partner in the long term? Studies have shown that gap in attractiveness between partners is destabilizing for the relationship. Height difference between husband and wife is actually a strong predictor of whether the marriage will last.
The issue is simple(Im only like 1 min in to watchtime)
We conflate love and romance and forget that the commitment part of love is a choice
Oh sorry I didn’t mean to imply that mutual attraction isn’t important, just that we over-estimate its importance in predicting other character traits (as in the halo effect). I wasn’t talking about relative attractiveness or attraction between partners as you are here, just that someone being “attractive” (in the sense of “rated attractive by most people”), in and of itself, doesn’t imply someone would be a good partner. There is also some research suggesting that more attractive people in general have less successful long-term relationships, and create more issues of jealousy. I take your point re: perceived/ relative attractiveness though. Sorry if I was unclear in the video, perhaps I should have been stricter with my phrasing and said “a high correlation has not been found between long-term relationship success and average ratings of physical attractiveness, as far as I know”
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 you should check out Jay Dyer, hes final boss of Philosophy
Because people now are increasingly treating intimacy and emotional connection as products that can be consumed, rather than bonds to be nurtured.
Consumerism truly consumes us far more than we consume it
Fellow avey tv watcher 😂
@@arrow2380 caught me! this truly inspires me, although I fail to see any solution, because creating offline bonds can also limit our options to greater extents, not always a good thing imo.
Perfect
@@copykatninjait consumes our souls if we're not careful.
I believe the reason why people say love is meant to be "easy" is because you do the things you do *because* you love them. You work hard, you make compromises, you pay attention, you understand-- not because those things are inherently easy, but because you love them so much, these things come naturally
That’s how I’ve experienced it for the past decade ❤
and yet they won't reciprocate
@@ana-mariaungureanu4660 oof... Better find someone else to love then. But don't stop loving.
@@ana-mariaungureanu4660 yes I've experienced that too. I believe many people are stuck in a situation where their partner wants to receive, but not give--or only give when it's convenient.
In this situation, love seems hard.
Love is hard.
When somebody utters "If you don't love yourself, how can others." I counter "I have loved many people who struggle to love themselves. Family friends and romantic partners. I can't be the only one with that bizarre superpower."
❤
Brilliant
The first phrase refers to romantic love/situations regarding love most of the time. Platonic and romantic love are not interchangeable when this phrase is uttered . Also i guess that super power only lasts a few months or years if you had several romantic partners lol.
I just mutter back: "that's a misquote"
If you can not love yourself, you can not love anyone else"
empathy is the double edge sword that swoons the kidnapped towards their captor. while empathy opens your eyes to understanding others, it can also open the door to justify cruelty towards ourselves as reasonable.
That feeling when you seek for love because you think it will comfort you, but it's actually the reason why you're aching in the first place.
ugh mood
Woah there no need to dox me like that
Golly yes
And to add, people hurt on their search for love because they deny the abundance of it in front of them for the idea of 'love' they have been made to internalize
@@masdalon Bro thanks, I needed to hear that 😭
The problem nowadays is that people treat love and relationships as a game. There's a lot of rules and mind games involved, it's like a transaction.
your right! thats why love is over
Relationships have been transactional for a long time, I don't think it's right to say this is a modern issue
@@W-I463Ditto, people have married off their daughters and sons to form alliances and or stop wars. That has never stopped.
@@W-I463well yes but it’s less ‘arranged’
I think people have a very romanticised idea about marriage and love in the past.
My grandmother couldn't marry the guy who loved her, because her family wasn't wealthy enough, so his family didn't want her.
My other grandmother always claimed to have fallen in love with my grandfather at age 16 and they stayed together into their 80ies. Yet both of them cheated on each other during their marriage. My grandmother with about 3 different men.
Going back to my great grandparents, two were forced into the marriage, the other one was disowned by her father for marrying someone from another class and the other great grandmother was abandoned by her husband for another woman, fought years for a divorce and married a colleague who helped her raise her daughter from the first marriage. They were a scandal back then.
I am a simple person, I see video title, I click, I hear British accent and well thought out vocabulary, I subscribe.
🙂↕️
My parents were real soulmates. They met at a party one night and my dad immediately knew my mom was the one. He did everything he could to see her again and was about to give up and then found out that he had been living in the apartment over the shop where she worked the whole time. The two of them grew closer and within three months they went off and eloped together. They had two kids, me and my sister and we were definitely problem children, but somehow they rarely fought. They were married for 22 years before my mom died. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry.
Needless to say my standards for love are astronomical, and my parents are wholly to blame.
It's sadly a 2 way street which is the modern issue. It's so DIFFICULT to find someone who cares as much, who will go as out of their way, and someone who will compromise and speak about boundaries.
People prefer to shove emotional work, physical work, and abuse the love from their partners. It's really really sad to see.
@@imanijohnson1340 most of this should start from us, but we are the people we talk about
@@theosclong1201 a bunch of faking sick in the head people most are
Yeah but I want a woman who would do that for me too…. Not a a woman that just accepts my extreme effort in trying to talk to her. Why would I want it to be one sided? I think modern women have thus strange idea that they should be chased only.. and that the girl shouldn’t chase the guy in any way.
So many guys go way out of their way to treat her like a queen, but she never treats him like a king. That’s wrong, and a woman who doesn’t do that really isn’t desirable to a guy. The woman may be able to find someone to sleep with very easily.. but it will be near impossible to find a guy to stick around for more than a week or few weeks.
She must earn my love too.
@@Kino_pupthey got their extra benefits well past equality and now still want both the new age and the old age. It’s entitled and childish.
I had a soulmate, my wife, she died last year of cancer, now widowed at 32 with 3 children 3 and under (when she died). I can honestly say this soulmate connection depicted, is how it really was from the moment I met her.
The Love was so great in fact, that I would do it all over again, including the tormenting & horrendous pain that was me taking care of her as she died of cancer, and accelerated after she died.
That being said, a wonderful Love can exist outside of a soulmate, in friends and family as well as more grounded romance, and for most, that's probably preferable. Because losing a soulmate is the most crushing loss one can endure in the mortal coil. So be grateful for whatever Love you get. You'll attract the right kind of Love in whatever relationship type, by being 100% Authentically yourself.
I didn't want this beautiful comment left uncommented.
Marc, thank you for writing it. I think I feel you. It's a terrible feeling, like losing your sense of reality.
Back in my 30’s, I too was in love with my spouse
you had a bit of a blessing in disguise being able to take care of your partner as they were dying. the vast majority of our species dies in sudden and often terrifying ways. actually most of our species gets tortured and murdered with eurocentric cultures labor induced starvation but thats getting off topic a bit lol. but yeah, actually being able to know when death is likely to come and being able to spend as much time with them as possible before that is something almost no one gets to do and wishes they could have. i dont really believe true love can exist in a world where only roughly 3% of the total species is allowed to obtain the necessities of life. if everyone is too busy starving to death while producing enough food to kill the species three times over with obesity diseases, wondering how they can possibly survive when all employers only want to pay 1/10 the cost of being barely alive, there is no capacity to feel love. you only have enough time and energy to barely survive into your 30's if you are lucky. no one born into poverty (the vast majority of the human species is born into it) is going to be allowed to have the capacity to live into their middle ages. its just not biologically possible to survive in such huge nutritional deficits with such great amounts of exhaustion inflicted on us... if you think im being dramatic - the average working poor person on earth will have to move at least 140k pounds of stuff per day just to earn enough to keep their bodies barely functional. most well off people dont do that amount of work in an entire year...
This was touching, and brave of you to share.
I lost my first partner in the same way, five years ago. It shattered me and reshaped my consciousness.
Now I am psychologically whole. However my wife has played a big part in that.
This is such a beautiful comment. I am grateful to you for commenting it, and grateful that I could read it.
As a 24 y/o single man, this video is soooo refreshing. To hear someone talking about this subject in such a clear and concise manner while also drawing from great sources is like a breath of fresh air. Dating in modern society is hard. It's gotta be more difficult now than it's ever been (at least in modern society), and its primarily because of the point of the contradictory desires and people not understanding how to balance them.
Also, I'm a Christian, and I truly appreciate how you respect the Biblical teachings, though you do not believe yourself. I love hearing that people find value in our teachings even though they may not believe in God.
few GFs i got would dump me and tell me "you deserve a better woman" THEY DOTN EXIST in the unmarried varrient :( once your above 18 your screwed! as woman marry MOMENT they turn 18 and obvius cant ddate under 18.
My father-in-law jokingly says that it is very fortunate God made young men and women stupidly fall in love, or else our rational brains would see our species ended. More seriously, I don’t think love has ever been as misunderstood as it is today. Our ancestors had a much greater understanding of love, which we merely equivocate with lust and sexual desire, or unhealthy infatuation.
My kids will sometimes ask me how I knew I loved their mother, how I could tell she loved me. I always tell them the story of how I forgot my lunch at home in the middle of summer when I was working an hour and half away. I mentioned it in passing in a phone call with her at my break, and when lunch break came I went to my car and she was parked there. She drove all the way with a homemade lunch and cold iced tea. That was when I knew both I loved her and she loved me.
I don't see what is so irrational about having children if you are prepared for them. I'm in my late 30's and am getting married and then having kids. I missed out on the "young love" so I never had a child by accident but I still think it is worth doing because I have the time and money now and hopefully they will help me when I get older.
you can still have children if you know how to think clearly. our problem is more that all the females are in the workforce and are taught that money and status is what they should look for. so it's a matter of attitude, not intelligence.
secondly, our ancestors surely did not have this idea of love you imagine. in fact, romantic love never existed until it was invented in the modern times. back in the day, you worked together just to survive. at other times, it was indeed just about lust or even about ownership
your story is nice. it means your wife was willing to sacrifice her time and effort for you. indeed that is the most important thing in a relationship
@@Kit-kk9cb You misunderstand; that’s what romantic love is. It’s not about happy feelings, it is about survival and thriving. Love is subsuming the self to the good of others, which is why it is irrational. Strictly speaking, the logical course of action for a male wishing to reproduce his genes is to impregnate as many females he can, while not devoting any more resources to any given one than is necessary to achieve that.
@@Kit-kk9cb Agriculture is what changed everything and screwed everything up. Before agriculture and land ownership it didn't matter whose kid it was so women were having sex with multiple men and the most attractive men. That's why our DNA shows we have many more female ancestors than male ancestors. Because of land ownership it became important whose kid it was so the man was able to give his land to his own relation.
In the modern age most people don't really own enough for inheritance so I don't really see why the lower classes anyway can't just go back to the old way. I'd imagine people would get more attractive at least. Monogamy is just holding us back genetically. Think about how crappy a cow herd would be if the rancher had one bull for each cow and just did it that way instead of selecting the best bull for many cows.
@@Jake-mv7yo genetically that may be correct. but monogamy and the family unit is the basis for today's society. if we let go of it completely, even more than we already have, everything will go to shambles. in fact, what we need is more monogamy. not necessarily for the genes, but for the stability of society.
This is like a compilation of all of my shower thoughts but more organized and less contradictory. I might be better equipped to win an argument against the shampoo bottles now.
😂
same but in the wc
As an old 43 year old married woman I’ve come to the conclusion that those success stories of old people who have been married for several decades did not live a life of sunshine and rainbows. There have been many times of disappointments, betrayals, annoyances, and getting “the ick” but it’s worth it to stay committed and work through those times. It really is worth it. It’s great to grow old with someone you love and hardships are an opportunity to strengthen the relationship. Also I believe that attraction is super important. That’s a natural instinct for a reason. Without attraction you will be less inclined to work through the rough patches and last. My husband and I have had some bad fights where we didn’t speak for days but physically I ached to be with him. He’s not some big tall muscle man but we have a mutual physical connection and it’s important. If you overlook that you’re setting yourself up for failure from the start.
That's so true. Once I was trying to be "too nice" to a guy and go out on a few dates with him but without any expectations. I was very young and had never been on dates before and actually I've never been since then. I was desperately hoping I would start to feel some attraction after I would get to know him better but it didn't happen. I felt like I cheated on him but I was just desperately hoping in my ability to manipulate my attraction for him. He was also begging me to keep seeing him. But when he was trying to kiss me I felt so repulsed and horrible afterwards. I felt like it was my fault for being superficial. I'm not particularly attractive either myself. But what can I do? I cannot force myself to be attracted to someone nor can I force anyone to be attracted to me either.
Anyway, you're absolutely right. Romantic love doesn't work out without physical attraction. That's such a sad reality.
@@Nothingbutdust_ That happened to me before with a guy. I just wasn’t attracted and really pushed myself to feel it but it just wasn’t there. I even played mind games on myself like pretending he was the last man on earth to trick myself into being attracted and it didn’t work. In a way it’s actually a cruel thing to do to someone because I think everyone wants their partner to be attracted to them and I know I’d be so upset to find out the opposite.
yes commitment is to overcome challenges TOGETHER
My grandma‘s old friend said otherwise. She said, living alone and surround yourself with friends is far better than living with a cheating husband. She said, she‘s happiest now, that he‘s dead.
@@humanlikecaterpillar well ya, cheatings one of those things you can’t overlook. That’s a dealbreaker.
Here's my analogy: some people think of love as being like a buried treasure, where you just have to find the right thing and then you're set for life with no further effort required. In practice, love is more like a garden, where what you get out of it depends on the time and nurture and skill you put into it.
oh that’s a good one!
and the ideal garden would also look different for every person. and you could discover the coziest place to start growing your garden in the most unexpected valley you accidentally discovered ✨
Indeed, and if you have God, God can act like a mysterious gardener who randomly goes into the garden while both of you aren't tending to it and pours in powerful nutrients (unconditional agape love) in the garden when all of the neglect would've otherwise destroyed the garden or allowed weeds or all sorts of resentments to grow everywhere displacing the beautiful flowers.
Divorce and unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships & family systems will only grow when people don't have some higher transcendent force they feel accountable to.
That's what people do focusing on their job carrear and no time for family
I love this
It's a personal thing on both sides
And despite how much I seem to naturally filter people due to who I am and the impressions I give off I'm not going to play around.
I would rather attract someone who in turn finds *me* interesting than an interesting game piece
And in every garden, you are bound to plant a bad seed. It may never grow no matter how hard you may try, but that doesn't mean you give up on the garden. Just plant a new seed.
People see love too casually these days rather than than a serious commitment it tends to be all about what that other person can provide them than who both of them are and what they can be together.
So true. I think all the dating apps have made people always look for
‘more’ when any problems occur in a new relationship. It’s the hope that ‘ the grass will be greener’ with someone else. It’s too easy to drop them and find another!
@@ange3489 doesn't help that most people well atleast people I've met don't tend to think long term, they see someone and all they think is how am I gonna get with them instead of is that person truly right for me.
sure dating can help people figure that out but dating is also the phase where people put in the most effort when things get serius its like oh I succeeded and then there tends to be a lack of effort atleast from what I've seen my experience is not absolute afterall.
still to me people kinda treat love as some conquest or matter of pride if someone didn't get intimate they tend to think oh somethings wrong with me or my life I might be pathetic I have to have a relationship.
to me it almost seems like people treat other people as objects or status symbols on some level like whenever you ask someone what there girls in life is it's like get a job car wife why is wife included in there with job and car why not just say I wanna get married one day. maybe that's not the case and I just overthinking or had bad experiences but it just seems like that to me.
And that's not love
People…well really women…had to get married and marry early because it was difficult to earn a livelihood. This was true in basically every country. So they clearly often married men they didn’t love. The chances of finding someone you really love at 22 is low. So despite the illusion that people took love seriously a long time ago, in reality now people are only willing to be in a long term relationship if they have really found someone compatible. Not because of survival or social pressure.
@@juliahello6673 that's quite understandable but I was just saying people objectify each other a bit too much intentionally or unintentionally.
My favorite line from Avril Lavigne is "Love hurts wether it's right or wrong" makes you realize that no pure pailess love exists, but rather love is painful and a struggle and to me its important to have a partner that would struggle to grow, work on the relationship with you rather than refuse to work, leave or degrade you
My friends ask a lot how my gf and I are in such a healthy relationship. I don't think it's that complicated: don't treat your relationship as a game, be honest with each other, value each other's time, treasure your time with each other, and remember that your partner is your best friend (so don't take advantage of that)
I think even getting to the relationship stage is where the majority of people struggle
Don’t forget the biggest reason - she satisfies all her needs with a Chad from work.
"they only like me [...] because they haven't discovered that I am secretly an ugly repulsive goblin." 44:45
Nail on the head.
Right, spot on 😂😅
Ultimately, the commercialization of eros love and the mistaking and mislabeling of platonic love as something romantic has affected love in many negative ways. Then there's the fact that we hear very few real-life success stories in love but there're failed relationships and disappointments everywhere. And if God forbid, there's a success story, people are more likely to spread and project their negativity onto that relationship until we either don't hear about them anymore or worse. If people keep following the latest trends when it comes to love too, it's bound to face the turmoil of trends ebbing and flowing.
bro this video made me ugly cry because I was abandoned as a baby so the lack of love and abandonment issues has followed me into my (almost) 30s. Its heartbreaking
❤
Someone stepped up to nurture you, that's the best you can get.
@@Cantread807 thats a fucked up thing to say to someone who expressed abandonment trauma. Who the fuck shit in your face today? Would you go to tell the same thing to some who experienced physical or sexual trauma??? Truly You need check your ugly soul
Praying for you right now 😢. Keep your head up brother I hope you find the peace you need!
@@Cantread807 get fucked. What a shit thing to say to someone who expressed abandonment.
Answering the title of the video: the problem is that modern love is not love, is relationship consumerism a totally different thing than actual love. The main drive of having a romantic relationship nowadays is not to build connections and a legacy together, is about what can the other part provide me that may benefit my own personal agendas and ambitions and thats it.
You sound like a Sheraseven watcher.
@@Noosenoodl sorry but I don't know who this person is, so I take that as a compliment...
hi, what do you mean by building a legacy together? like, do you mean a relationship to look back on when all gray and old?
@shine-uy5fq Yes, memories, also children, nice family home, maybe a business, etc
@@shine-uy5fqprobably building a life together instead of women expecting the men to already have it all
''it's hard to feel loveable when there's no one to love you'' has to be the quote i'm relating to the most. i consider myself an individualist, yet i seek love too as any other human being. but never have been loved romantically resulted in me deciding that ''i should learn to love myself!!'' which is great. i'm doing it. but it's hard. because so far there've been no proof that i'm actually loveable.
Ngl, I dislike that quote, “you should love yourself”, it’s fucking annoying, then again, that’s because, like you said, there isn’t proof that I’m lovable
What do you mean "never been loved romantically". You have been loved, but not romantically? Peculiar turn of phrase.
The harsh truth is not everyone is lovable and not everyone deserves love. Actually no one deserves anything.
@@TheSuperappelflap it suggests the presence of platonic love in their life. They may have friends and family who love them, without ever having experienced someone displaying erotic love for them.
Until my early twenties, in was in that same boat. The result was a pervading sense of wrongness in myself. Clearly there was a defect in me that prevented anyone from ever loving me in that way. Eventually, I did find a romantic partner and things were wonderful for a decade. Then, from one day to the next, my significant other went from enthusiastically planning the wedding and a child, to breaking off the relationship and immediately hopping into a relationship with a colleague and friend. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this brought back all of the previous doubts in myself, as apparently even this one magical exception had an expiration date. It's difficult to the point of impossibility to view oneself completely separate of how the environment views and treats you.
Hmm I disagree. Who can you love if you are not loving yourself enough. You have just a limited amount of love to give.
I think the biggest favour we can do for ourselves is admit that we might not be ready to love ourselves. That we don’t know or will one day forget how to love. Then we should build the courage to tell the people closest to us that we can’t handle their love, but they’re so important to us that we will try our best to learn to love them. And they can too
Oh, we are. With the right person with whom we click on all fundamental dimensions, we certainly are. The problem is people often end up with poor matches and then the negotiation and compromise nightmare begins.
When people ask me when will I be ready to love myself, I just tell them give me 5 minutes.
"slightly less weird looking adult" it's almost insulting coming from such a handsome guy
tbh I am happy when pretty people acknowledge that ugliness is a disadvantage. It's like rich people admitting they're nepo babies but still have some talent.
@@dontburstmybubble686bro is not even that good looking
@@jurassicthunderhes pretty good looking 😂
@@dontburstmybubble686why is ugliness a disadvantage though? Unless you’re going for people significantly more attractive than you, there shouldn’t be any more issues. Reality is that people generally end up with other people of around the same level of attractiveness.
@@jurassicthunderHe's extremely good looking and his personality just makes him that much moreso, I appreciate him even if he's not someone I'd personally be attracted to, doesn't make him unattractive.
I find myself much in agreement when it comes to the part about Eros vs Philia! I've always thought of friendship as one of the most wonderful aspects of being human: it isn't bound by blood nor by attraction/carnal love but simply by finding comfort and fun and companionship in someone else for what and who they are.
thank you for your videos, I can't stop watching them! Greetings from Italy!
"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom"
Søren Kierkegaard
Idk you can definitely feel anxiety in captivity too. I think it's more about inability to accept that you can't prepare for everything.
@@ss-ds2dnit means the freedom of choice, specifically. Anxiety is fundamentally about decision making and if you have no options, you cannot have anxiety.
@@melitajay being in captivity doesn't guarantee people will feel that they have no options. They can just shift their focus to smaller concerns
@@melitajay Anxiety is not solely about decision-making; it can arise from a wide range of factors, including biological, psychological, and situational influences. While having too many options can contribute to anxiety, having no options can lead to feelings of helplessness and loss of control, which can also cause anxiety. The complexity of anxiety involves more than just the number of choices available and varies greatly among individuals. I've been in relationships were I felt like I had zero options, and I certainly wasn't anxiety free. What you are saying is misinformation worst yet an oversimplification of a complicated emotion.
Uh i’d say thats hella wrong tf😭
Being in love is stressful, wonderful, exciting, dull, depressing, elating… but most of the time, being in love just means being able to stand someone and not plot their demise after being together for a few years 😅
It’s so fun in the beginning but then the real test begins and that’s how you know if you’re actually in love. Can you stand them the majority of the time, when they do the things that you hate the most. Bc if you can both do that for each other, be honest with each other and work together for the benefit of your family, whatever may come, then you’ll know if it’s truly love.
Love and infatuation truly are different things that feel so similar in the beginning. ❤
I rarely comment on videos. This one stirred something within me. The way your deliver those ideas is love, love for knowledge and learning, and in my opinion this video is a work of art. Thank you for sharing it with the world. Some of the ideas presented in this video are ideas that I thought about before and I can see them reflecting in my own relationship with my husband. It's a shame that some people will not sit through the whole video, every second of it is fascinating and well articulated. I was captivated for the entire hour.
Where were you 20 years ago, when I was madly and unhappily in love? I wish someone had explained the facets of love to me back then as excellently as you do in this superb video!!
Great research ! I love the phrase in the beginning of the video "To love is to be vulnerable " . Not many people today are ready to put their guards down and open up , in the era of selfishness and narcissism it's dangerous
Also trauma, don’t forget trauma, I have TERRIBLE trust issues due to the fact that people are garbage 😔
It's not narcissism or selfishness that makes most people clam up. like Skookie said, it's largely trauma.
>Not many people today are ready to put their guards down and open up , in the era of selfishness and narcissism it's dangerous
No, because 90% of the time they will use it to fuck you over, so it's self destructive behaviour.
Your 'sweetheart' will be the first one to do that btw xD
I agree with you sir, that we have indeed killed commitment, I see it with my friends and my acquaintances, they meet someone new, they get interested, but when asked about what they'll do about it, they say nothing, they give up instantly, they ramble on about things not working out, it's sad to see.
People seem to think everyone else they date should be perfect and tick every single stupid box they have. And the second they don't, they get dropped with some weaponized therapy speak type excuse. If you make it past that, love intensity is something that needs to be matched. If there is a lot of imbalance there, you'll be miserable. On the hard days with your partner, it can include the need for a bit of romantic delusion to get you through the fight. That's why some people say love is a choice you make every day. It can be. But again, without balance, you'll be miserable. If you're constantly intellectualizing your "love" to try to regain feelings it also won't work long term.
As with most things, balance is key.
'True love' is built, not found.
Both partners must see value in each other and are willing to put in the work. Most people smother any flames of potential when they’re too lazy or selfish to invest in a relationship.
Yeah no. I kept settling for people who didn't tick every box. And all they did was mistreat or abandon me. Then I finally got someone who ticks all my boxes. You can have your cake and eat it too yknow.
@@damien678 Sometimes people find it. It's not often or common, but it happens.
@@spectrademonicayou really can’t. I have someone who doesn’t tick every box and I’ve been married to her for 8 years yesterday…. If you care about the ticked boxes so much, then you may be self sabotaging yourself with people who don’t tick every box.
Being married for 8 years in todays day and age is a freakin feat. I promise it is possible though.
As a christian, I find the neglect of friendship todays culture sad. Most people have a very "cut off what doesn't serve me" way of navigating relationships. We have become transactional.
CS Lewis has a great quote, "Christ can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.
In a utilitarian sense friendship is impractical and unnecessary for survival, but it gives so much value to survival. My time, my resources, and my very self is so much better utilized when given to others
what is missing out nowadays is sacrifice. very few people are willing to do things which put themselves at any disadvantage for the sake of someone else. This lack of will to sacrifice makes it so everything has to be transactional or you feel slighted because everyone else gets something for the things they give up.
I feel the same way. My husband is a great friend, so I get to live vicariously through him in that way. He's had the same friends since he was a kid.
Trying to make friends as an adult woman has been absolute hell because of what you outlined.
Humans survived as a species because we had friends and partnerships. Today we don’t need a friend to help gather or hunt food so it’s become more like a luxury to have friends to waste time with rather than having real bonds with people who care for each other and need each other.
@@vladys5238Not only that, but there's also the ignorance/refusal to *acknowledge* those sacrifices as well.
Sure, you're not obligated to reciprocate and do the same if you genuinely don't want to... Especially if the other party tries to guilt you into doing it too (i.e. "Nice Guys™️")
But being so lackadaisical about something that has immense weight on the other person, be it physically/emotionally/mentally, is honestly depressing. Telling them (either literally or through implication) that their willingness to be vulnerable doesn't matter to anyone else leaves a far deeper scar than you might realize.
And unfortunately that just adds more into the "transactional" feeling too.
@@izzy1356 Yes, the "nobody owes you anything" mantra is in my opinion extremely damaging. Because sure, they don't OWE me anything, but it would be nice if we did things for each other so we could feel more belonging to the community.
There is really a lot of information packed into this hour 😳. I need to watch it again, several times probably, if I really want to get it all.
The monk gautama actually said "Good friendship is the whole of the spiritual life." To Ananda, I believe, who said good friends were half of the spiritual path.
Literally the only ones I've developed a genuine bond of love and connection with are my family, particularly my mom and younger brother. I was practically a second mom to the kid, and he put up with so much of my mental issues and outbursts.
And these bonds I've made with them, they're not well, "rationally" analyzed and easy to explain. The dynamic we have is definitely not fair, but I don't really care and neither do my family members. It took a lot of hard work, sacrifice and genuine dedication, tears to push through and sleepless nights to stand by these bonds I've built with them, but I wouldn't give them up now for anyone in the world. The bonds I've built with them make me feel complete, to put it the best way. And somehow we've built all of this without ever trying to correct or "one up" each other or compete with each other. I know all their little weaknesses, turn offs, anger moments, habits, etc. and they know all of mine.
On one hand, I'm thankful that I've been given the chance to know what real love and heartfelt connection and trust feels like through them. But it also hurts knowing what compared to inside our house, what the world is like out there. It hurts that the unbreakable bonds I've built with mainly my mother and my brother, and knowing they feel the same way back, I'll maybe never be able to build with anyone else in my life. My younger brother is probably the only guy in my life I've developed a sincere bond with, and through essentially raising him he's learned to depend on me a lot. It really breaks me that it's highly likely I may have some romantic relationship out there with another guy, but it won't be built as genuine or as honest as my sibling relationship with my little bro.
This is word for word what I feel like and I have almost the exact same dynamic, except I'm a younger sister to an older brother with our mother. I have not had real friends before and exhibiting prosocial behaviour in public settings often results in others responding in baffling ways eg. To compliment someone, to joke around, to offer assistance or just be a decent human being often illicits some kind of expression as if I am crazy or flirting or attempting to get something from them in return. The final one I sadly understand though, because I have also found people often just use me rather than reciprocate. I am not destroyed by it though, because I understand that what others do is about them and not anything I was doing. However, I am smart enough to know that repeating the same things will only continue to leave me open to antisocial people, so I instead have decided to greyrock the world and focus my youth on enjoyment related to my interests and being supportive of my family, rather than wasting my time trying to 'prove' my innate value to people. I'm not interested in being liked by everyone, only the right people who match me. I don't want to have a serial streak of relationships gone by to write sad love songs about, I want to be a golden retriever as a human, I want to make sure I pay attention to this moment even if I'm not wealthy or in the best health or whatever. I still want to wake up to feel comfy in my bed, to feel the sun and the wind, to taste my food and sing to myself because I'm just happy to be here and take in the miraculous gift of existing and being myself right now.
When we first met we were like two worlds collide, but we didn't give up on each other. With passing years we clashed and broke and fought and felt, and now, finally, we are getting to the place where we know each other's strengths and weaknesses, we know each other's triggers and cures. If we started dating now we probably wouldn't have made through, but we put tremendous amount of effort and now we are reaping the juicy rewards. Our love feels divine, it's so warm, so pure, there is no escape plan, no other options (do yourself a favour- take divorce off the table as if it didn't exist and you shall see the power of love, compassion and communication), just the poetry of our passions, desires, longing, attentiveness.... there's no better feeling in the world!
If it all came manufactured, perfect from the start, we wouldn't have chosen it. Only the dirt and the hard work made it taste so good!
Wont help. Divorce is always an option, and as a man you can never trust that a woman will never do it. Easy for you to say take it off the table, when you can put it back on the table whenever you want, and the man is still taking all the risk while you get all the profit.
The romantics made us believe that love must hurt. That love is obsesión and an incurable disease when it's infatuation, limerance or enmeshment.
You can't love what you don't know . Even platonic love for knowledge has been distorted as the limerance of the avoidants.
Theory of attachment explain it very well and, of course, it goes back to our own individual childhood attachment.
The situation is such that we often mistake sexual attraction and urges for love and in the human species love is a transactional tool that most seem unaware of.
I think the Greeks had a better idea of different forms of love.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 They absolutely did. I use the Greek types of love in daily life. It helps me categorise my relationships.
one thing I have noticed, vintage musical pieces often focus on the romantic part of love while modern ones focus on the sexual part of it...
Broke up a few days ago because of incompatibilities. He lied to me about something he was into multiple times. If he just told me the first time we wouldve known much sooner. If you have to hide yourself, theyre not the one. I wish he just let me make that decision longer ago, instead of him trying to cover it up.
polyamorous? Trying to hide it
porn
Yeah your decision was completely valid, being open is part of being in a relationship. If he didn’t understand that then that’s his fault and not yours.
@abbieevans3845 Nah, not really. Actually irrational if you think about it.
Good
Initial love as in being in love is far different than the love you have for that person 50 years later. This happens step by step over time and you look back at the being in love stage with fondness while simultaneously rolling your eyes .
Pls RUclips make this channel more popular, this type of ideas are incredible, complex and beautiful. Super nice video man
I think we are not only living in the cult of eros but the cult of mania
Mania means the kind of love that is obsessive and was viewed negative by the greeks
I see this type of love expressed a lot online usually by people who form unhealthy Parasocial relationships with their Favorit content creator
I’ve been spiraling watching more and more videos about the death of love in the modern age out of pure hopelessness I feel in my search for true love (not lust or infatuation). I’m trying to keep a positive outlook on things but it’s just so hard when everything feels so casual and meaningless, I just want something real! 😭
I'd like to say that you can find it eventually, but with the way things are going these days, it feels out of reach.
A real relationship, is with someone you trust and understand, have honest communication with, and feel safe proceeding in life with that partnership. IMO
@@aubiek3208 Yeah it really does feel unattainable to find someone who will put in the effort and do all this. It’s always just been me putting in all the effort and getting nothing but getting played/ghosted in return 😭
I appreciate your honest approach ,it's hard to find an unbiased account
Ah thank you! I hope this video lives up to that :)
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 Of all the figs available that hit the slot perfectly lol
Modern Western culture makes long lasting love almost impossible to achieve. We are far too used to our freedoms of choice and the whims of taste.
Interesting insight. I fear you may be right.
I think it isn't modern western culture as a whole.
Transactional relationships don't make any sense in any framework, but in capitalism.
@@floreroafloreril1458 Yes, but in communism or any other system, you straight up don't have sex ever. Just look at China today, men over there don't even have money to pay women for anything.
The problem is exactly modern culture. When you decouple sex from marriage, you just turn it into marketable service, not a sacred union between man and woman.
Could be transactional perhaps in a communist society while starving and in crippling depression.
@@kevinlawler3252 It could, but it wouldn't be consistent with the dominant ideology. If anything a codependent relationship would make more sense there. Luckily there are no communist societies today, so that isn't an issue.
I’m learning English and I’m practicing my listening with your videos, I love them ❤
thats a good channel for this purpose, he has pretty good diction and deep spectrum of vocabulary
.
Better yet. I miss a time when friendships are valued.
Friendships are overrated, you can only spread your care and attention so much.
Friendships are overrated imo very surface level familial love or romantic love is much deeper
@@venicec3310 only people that value friendship so much are damaged people that don't have a good relationship with their family or are incapable to love romantically a human person,imo stay away from people with lots of friends, they are not wife/husband material.
I am tired of friendships because they are so superficial these days, if it gets deep they are usually trying to manipulate you into lending them money or being an unpaid therapist.
I needed this conversation today. These ideas are something I've been trying to contemplate in a new relationship. Which of my thoughts are rational and reasonable questions/concerns, and what are my emotions and "love" overshadowing rationale? What am I willing to be accepting and compassionate toward, and what are actual "red flags"? Does my partner need to fulfill all categories of my needs or should I seek more friendships for fulfillment? You put things in a succinct and palatable way that really has my gears turning. Thank you for what you do!
Listened to every second of this. I love how well spoken you are, not no mention the charming British accent, which made it even better. I definitely take this as something to pump up my own ideas, as you said, and even if we should call it a lecture, it well deserves that name too.
A partner can be "the one" for you in some things, but at the same time not in others. It would be truly hard, if not impossible, to find someone who is a 10/10 in everything. Even identical twins grown in the same womb and having the same genes have their differences in opinions, so no wonder any two strangers, regardless of how much love they have for one another, will fight about the most stupid things from time to time. Lovely video, thank you!
From Ghana 🇬🇭 Africa. Love your intellectual contents bro.
How common is English in Ghana? I need to find places to communicate with Africans on the internet about agriculture but I don’t know what forums they frequent
@victorygarden566 Ghanaians and Nigerians and many other countries in Africa (Kenya, South Africa) speak perfectly good English. It’s very common
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God bless Ghana.
English is our official language. And the official languages of many countries here in Africa.@@victorygarden556
We speak English in Africa dude😭😭@@victorygarden556
I just want to say thank you for reminding me about that detail from Romeo & Juliet. I couldn’t recall that their deaths resulted in the families finally ended the feud.
I was just trying to explain to someone the other day how sometimes a tragedy can produce good results, and this would have been a prime example.
Would have been a good example if Romeo and Juliet was an actual historical account and not a fictional story written by Shakespeare
You truly have the gift of eloquence. You are very articulate, it's a delight to listen to your videos. Please keep going. Love from France !
My problem personally lies in failing to fall in love or be attracted to someone in the first place rather than keeping a relationship alive. And it’s not really about “holding out for better options”, or not having found “the perfect match” but just a general lack of romantic/sexual interest in any particular person. I want love but I haven’t found anyone I want to/am in love with and that makes it feel just so incredibly frustrating. Constantly searching and longing for something and never feeling it, not even “not finding the perfect version of it” but not finding ANY version of it (romantic love that is not love period) What point is there to my willingness to work on myself and the other person and a relationship, when I never even get in a relationship because I can’t get past the point of being interested in someone? It’s driving me insane
Sounds like to me you may be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum (meaning having little to no romantic attraction to others. It's also a separate thing to sexual attraction). Might be worth looking into at the very least.
I get the frustration, but you're not broken for not having those feelings towards others.
@@Irishxlily not aromantic but asexual spectrum, Demisexual to be precise. I figured that out round about 4 years ago in a truly hilarious way but that’s a long story. I am 100% sure that I have no problems falling in love (theoretically). The problem is that my lack of primary sexual attraction makes it hard to know who to pursue in a very visually driven dating market. If you feel attraction then it pushes you to maybe talk to that person or even pursue them which then allows you to forge a deeper connection. However since I don’t experience that I also don’t feel the urge to talk to strangers or flirt or pursue them. Demisexuality means that you experience secondary sexual attraction (=attraction based on information acquired over time) almost exclusively, so essentially what I need is a Friends to Lovers arc. However I don’t really have any male friends that are into girls because I study fashion design so my uni doesn’t have the largest proportion of men interested in women. And outside of uni I just don’t meet people.
I’m stuck in this limbo where I either have to shoot in the dark in hopes of randomly meeting someone I will end up attracted to down the line, or I hope that I somehow make a lot of guy friends and fall in love with one of them. None of those options are great honestly and it’s just so annoying. I just wish that I could experience attraction like any other normal person because this is just so disorienting and frustrating
@@claracatlady9844 ah then we're more alike than I thought. Also asexual (currently labeled demi but could be something else or just fully ace. Still figuring things out) but capable of romantic attraction.
I don't know how important a sexual relationship is to you with your partners, but to me I don't think sex is always needed in romantic relationships. I may never be sexually attracted to my future partner(s) or even willing to engage in sexual activities with them and finding someone who is perfectly okay with that is going to be hard. What I want is someone I can trust to give me the time and space to figure out the level of intimacy I'm comfortable with. That is hard to find no matter the sexual or romantic orientation someone belongs to lol.
What I guess I'm getting at is it seems you're putting a lot of emphasis on having a sexual attraction/ relationship in order to have a relationship (idk how important being sexually attracted to your partner is to you). Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Putting the cart before the horse sort of thing. Forming a bond takes time, so maybe just focus on that first and enjoy the ride. If you end up forming that sexual attraction, great! If not: if you still enjoy being with the person or love them then I see no reason to end things just because you aren't sexually attracted to them. And maybe don't put so much pressure to be in a relationship (although I understand the desire to find someone, it gets lonely at times). It's okay to take time to be by yourself. It allows you to find yourself. But that's just me. I hope this helps, but I totally understand if it doesn't. Feelings are hard and not always rational. I wish you nothing but luck!
@@Irishxlily yeah I agree that for me a long term romantic relationship would need to involve intimacy, if not then we are just kinda friends because I definitely love all my friends. I personally don’t think I have a problem with being comfortable with intimacy at all, it’s more so that I’m not comfortable/interested in most people and subsequently don’t feel like doing intimate things (may that be sex, or sharing feelings or whatever) with them. For me I think that I would need to at least be attracted to a person in some capacity to be interested in being intimate but maybe it’s also FOMO who knows. I’m perfectly fine with being alone, which is kinda the problem 😂 I’m very comfortable in my own, very self sufficient so any potential partner has to compete with that is a sense like “would I rather spend time with this person than myself”. I know that I shouldn’t put so much stress on it but I’m just curious and I really want to understand what everyone is talking about, I want to relate. Also being in a perpetual state of sort of ambiguous horniness with no one to direct those feelings at is getting on my nerves a bit.
@@claracatlady9844 omg totally understand the "way too comfortable being by myself" and the last bit lol. I like the *idea* of sex and being sexually intimate but don't know if I'd be down with me being directly involved with it. Never gotten that far with anyone, and never been in a relationship with anyone I was actually romantically attracted to so it felt like I was kissing/making out with a wall (those relationships didn't last long and I was young and 'going with the flow' cuz this is what teenagers do right? And this was long before I even knew of the terms asexual or aromantic) lmao. I can also 'take care of myself' juuuust fine xD
Comes back to communicating and trusting my partner again. I *think* I'm sex favorable regardless of my sexual attraction or lack thereof to my partner. So I'd like to try exploring having a sexual relationship but want to know that I can trust my partner to go at my own pace or be perfectly fine being with me regardless if anything beyond cuddling occurs jic I end up being sex repulsed. SIGH it's frustrating and confusing.
congratulations on the sponsorship
Thank you!
This video is really nice. I was married to a man who hated his life, and I watched him grow increasingly more angry that I could not fix it. He was always waiting for me, for circumstances, for the world to change. Yet, he stayed rooted right where he was. I tried to drag him to therapy. I tried to work on my communication to teach him. I tried to teach him how to love me, but nothing I ever did was good enough. So I left, I so desperately enjoy commitment and love. Even the imperfect pieces. I don't mind crying and talking through issues, yet now I'm scared I'm alone in this sentiment. I don't want easy love. All I want is a true one.
This video made me cry so much. Realizing how scary love is but it’s so needed…
I am so glad you include tidbits of literature and paintings, especially the bit about getting past embarrassment. No one says it these days
I had no idea how much I needed this (albeit one sided!) conversation! I have a feeling I'll be watching this many times over to percolate over the concepts and marvel at how it resonates so loudly in such a stunningly pragmatic way! Bravo 👏
An hour?! You are spoiling us!
Upon my observation, the emotion of love without the will for action, and action directed towards the being if possible, is not love at all.
Your script is so well-written and eloquent that I just use it as a daily podcast to train my own English! Love this episode and keep up the work!
This shooked me to the core, as I have always believed that love is built on an individual's competence to accommodate to one's partner. I felt a sense of relief and awe on the philosophy of love. Watching this video gave me a more broader and unbiased perspective towards loving an individual, not as a divine and sovereign character that holds control but seeing the humanity of love and perceiving someone for who they truly are. Just a human.
I look forward in further developing my knowledge, insight and wisdom in the topic of not just love but also humanity. This was a great video, loved the content
Congratulations for another wonderful video, I’ve been watching your channel non-stop, such a brilliant mind and beautiful soul 😊 Your content is engaging, insightful, and well-crafted, making each video a pleasure to watch. The narratives you weave are reminiscent of the philosophical tradition, provoking deep thought and introspection. Much like philosophy seeks to understand the human condition and the world around us, your videos explore complex topics with nuance and clarity, inviting viewers to ponder and reflect. Keep up the fantastic work-it's clear that a lot of effort and passion go into every episode! Cheers from Australia 🇦🇺
Ah thank you! I really appreciate the support and the kind words
As a young girl who's been having her own struggles with these things recently, this video has been incredibly helpful and has given me a lot to think about. Especially in terms of expectations both from myself and my partner. Thank you.
Spoiler you dont have any expectations for yourself and have unrealistic expectations for your partner and thats why you are "struggling"
Good thing you are getting sponsors! Much better content than most youtubers nowadays ngl.
the most evident issue in my opinion is that in reality the majority of people aren’t willing to surrender to all the work love really and clearly requires. instead they’ve created dull perspectives to cover it all, making love and romantic views seem like something superficial when they’re not.. when they’re the pilar of so many relationships and principles in life.
the effort is so visible. this is indeed a beautifully narrated, deep and thought-provoking video essay
I very much enjoy your content. What a privilege it is to have a voice from this generation interpret, analyze, and apply ancient wisdom. Thank you for all the work that you are putting into our communal ascent.
50 bloody 7 minutes? I'll be enjoying myself this evening
an interesting choice of words indeed
Dildo on the menu tonight I take it?
Guffaw, yeah, I like brevity. Still, he is engaging.
I've never understood why you incorporate subtitles in all your videos. You always enunciate each word quite clearly that it is difficult even for a non-native speaker of English to miss it. Or at least that has been my experience so far as a non-native speaker of English. Anyway, I appreciate that you're considerate of all the people to understand what you're saying whether they are native English speakers or not.
It's helps deaf it hard if hearing people. Some voices and accents are just hard for people to hear correctly.
I love your philosophical mindset coupled with classical art. You make sound arguments!
At around 44:20 You perfectly nail my understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder, and part of the pathology of a narcissist in romantic relationships.
However, I don't mean to say that this dynamic is not fairly common in many people who struggle with their own self-regard while in a relationship.
In the past, I have certainly had the suspicious feeling that if someone loved me, it simply meant that they were an idiot, or did not "truly know and understand me" i.e. my repulsive and unlovable nature.
So, our self-regard does indeed affect our ability to love and to be loved.
Loved this video, even as someone who's aroace! A very thorough and, I believe, unbiased take.
I often enjoy pondering the meaning of love, and hearing someone else's research on it was fascinating!
If you're a "slightly less weird" looking adult I am so up a creek!
But on topic, thank you for the video! You put into words so well how I feel about modern love, what I've observed, but I am not nearly as eloquent. I've always thought the idea of "soulmates" is rather silly, there can't possibly be only one person for you, if there were, we would statistically never find them, there are just too many people in the world. People just dislike doing work in a relationship when the rose colored glasses of come off, after the first flush of infatuation.
Pretty much this. I see a lot of silly comments about people having or losing their soul mates (I'm sorry for their loss) but it's complete BS. They had a good relationship.
One of the things left to wonder is how much the economy has influenced or even been the main cause of this love conundrum
Ah yes that's also true - though I am no economist so I haven't touched upon that here
I like the insight underlying your question. While it's a mixed bag of economic and political viewpoints, I found Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, Herbert Marcuse, Erich Fromm, and Slavoj Zizek to be very helpful in examining the spirit of your question.
Roe vs Wade has also affected things. Women are seeing a lot of hidden misogyny come up and now they are taking a break from dating.
@@kellharris2491 Interesting point, do you think something similar is happening in countries outside of US?
@@kellharris2491Oh comen what misogyny?
Your explanation of the terrifying power of love was terrifiyingly accurate and hit the nail in every single way i had ever felt when i think about my experience..
This was a very strong video. You changed my mind about self love and helped me understand alot about the inner mechanations of love that ive never been able to put words to. I'm nearly convinced that there should be philosophers' firms. For someone who loves to learn philosophy but really struggles to grasp the bigger picture in books (I have poor eyesight and ADHD), you are an easy sell. Well done.
Man, you really hit a lot of philosophical itches I have with your content. Most of the philosophers you read are one's I've looked into. You just break it down so modernly and make it easier to understand.
Ok not gonna lie the shakespeare reference and showing one of my favourite paintings of all time within the first minute got me hooked.
But my man artificial lighting right next to a open window with natural lighting, pls just don't, we don't conflict those.
Choose one, it will make the whole background look much more calm and at ease. One of them has to be the main source
This might be one of the best youtube videos I have seen.
Phenomenal. Start to finish.
What an amazing speaker, one day I want to speak like him. Amazing english, amazing messages,
I’ve been in a couple long term relationships and they’ve all broken me to the point I didn’t even want to put the time and effort into anyone anymore. When I met my current gf I was at my lowest and didn’t want to be with anyone. She accepted me for who I was and stood by my side regardless of what I had and what I didn’t . I’ll forever be grateful for her, because not many are still as loyal. Now I try to shower her with love , penitence and gifts to show my appreciation
The first 5 mins of this video and I'm like he's stalking me 🤣. Sounds like my state of mind atm.
Right?? Lmao this came at too perfect a time 😂
That’s what I said too!!!
I just noticed this at 25:34 but *thank you* for having subtitles throughout the entire video that don't rely on RUclips's captions system. It's made it easy to understand what you're saying, and for any non-english names, helpful to know how they're spelled should I want to research them later.
Just...thank you, and keep doing it. Please.
First time viewer here. I love how you explained this so clearly and with great examples. I totally agree with the idea of moderate pessimism, and to not put such heavy expectations on your partner, or even friends and family. But still love is extremely important to us, and an indispensable component to our lives. Loneliness is one of the most devastating feelings a human may have in their live, after all.
i loved this video especially the video chapter on "The cult of Eros"! articulated my thoughts on how there is such an overemphasis on eros compared to love we have for friends. It is so absurd to expect this one individual to shoulder everything.
This was a really good video. You speak very eloquently and with great vocabulary, and everything you said made sense and was backed up by good evidence. Great job, I wish I found this channel sooner.
Your vid showed up in my feed over ten times so I’m finally here
It’s always been my thought that soulmates aren’t just born. They’re nurtured and shaped through understanding, holding and developing similar values, having the same or similarly aligned goals for the future and through conflicts both major and minor involving all of those things. And as that happens, you are shaped and changed as well.
Thank you for this video, it helped me a lot to get out of a depressive rut that was brought about by a difficult break up
I think this is my favorite video ever. I have watched it like 3 times already over the weeks
I simply don't have words to describe my admiration for this video! It resonated with me so much, in so many areas - from describing what I had already thought about and concluded, to new ideas which I didn't know of and also depicting part of my life -, that i cannot express with a single comment. I will do my best to keep this video in my mind in the future. Thank You, sir! This was also your first video that I watched. I subscribed to this channel
I can say that I loved this video, even though love for things is different from loving beings. After all, humans and pets change, videos don't, although the eyes registering the video do. Anyway, I went long enough.
I hope you have a fantastic life!
I've always felt wounded after my last great love. We spent that time learning and growing together. Then it came like lightning, and I've felt broken ever since.
There I was alone. Stranded on the other side of the world. Having lost my goals and my purpose. Two years later and it still hurts. Maybe it's not the epic long standing love you hear of. It was two friends ready to face the world together until one of them stopped. Teetering off the edge and you're all alone falling.
You spend a lot of time doubting yourself; you ask yourself and others if it was ever real. Whether those ten years together really meant anything.
You stop caring for yourself but not enough to make that selfish choice. You dive into your work and your hobbies to hope to stave off any chance of introspection. You start forgetting for the first time. Real and important things in your life until you find that last version of yourself untouched by what is broken.
You feed it and give it space to grow. You find the space you and they spent together and nurture because you enjoy it. Eventually you make it your own once again.
But there are things, special things that bring you back. And all of a sudden that lightning strike feels fresh to the skin. Your heart aches again and you're back there. Lost without a paddle.
I allow myself to feel it because that is human. A great lost love is like the death of someone equally close to you. And in many individuals, one party is affected more than the other.
I'm still lost. I'm still hurting. But I must come to live with the pain. In the hope that I move on in life as they did. Because that love lost does not exist anymore. Neither as a connection or physically as those people do not exist anymore.
The greatest show of love is being able to ‘let go’ someone you love bc that is what they need/want👉you’re not even missing that other person-you’re actually missing the person you were while with that person…..until you grasp this & Accept it you will continue hurting bc you’re self-sabotaging to put it bluntly! Happiness is: Surrendering the life you imagined & embrace the one you have👉Its about growing & learning (the butterfly cycle) and the other person just simply transformed & is in a different cycle than you…..think, the gift this relationship gave you is to ‘learn to let go’ & that space apart is necessary in all relationships to a degree…..say they came back to your arms today -most likely it would be you that leaves bc you’re no longer the person you were back then👉Go ahead and forgive them & yourself and start living your Best life👉I dare you!…
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Im sorry man
THIS VIDEO NEEDS TO BE SHARED, your video essay spits facts! Thank you for this wonderful and well-thought of video!
Romantic relationships take as much effort, time, and energy as friendships, and they won’t fix you. You can’t truly love others if you don’t love yourself. And relationships aren’t supposed to be your entire life, but something that adds to it!
I’ve seen so many people feeling so down concerning this subject because our society idealises romance far too much.. weather it’s toxic or not.
To love being in relationship, you need to love being single. Because if you don’t love being at all, romance won’t fix that.
Relationships are important because they will change your life, and it’s always good to seek out ones that will lift you up, but don’t depend on them. Trust yourself, too❤
God bless!
Hey man, I'm your new subscriber from the Czech Republic 🇨🇿
I just want to say thank you for your videos, what impressed me is how you express yourself and what topics you choose. Also thanks for adding subtitles to your videos, so I can eventually search for certain words as English isn't my first language.
🇨🇿❤
I think love is also polluted by the modern notion of power dynamics where no two people are allowed to love one another unless they have equal "power". It's as if we turned a cooperative relationship into a competitive fight.
That's not how it should be
How do you imagine the ideal conditions in a relationship, if equality in power is polluting the foundation?
@line7908 There are conditions that help a relationship to exist and conditions that test the strength of the relationship. I didn't say that equal power pollutes a relationship. I said that the idea of uneven power (however one would quantify it) or power dynamics being something that makes a relationship impure or inherently abusive is a notion that I don't believe in
Fr
@@line7908As a lot of people have said: A man with a Master's degree will fall in love with a Starbucks cashier if she's nice/kind/her type.
There is a clear power imbalance there, but they could be happy. People nowadays will insist that he's taking advantage of her though, and that's the problem. This striving search for material balance is poisoning the well.
@@line7908 People are trying to balance a seasaw in the middle when the weights constantly shift around.
This video entirely encapsulates, in a single short hour, everything I think about love. It has been a comfort to me in a rather dark and difficult time, so I thank you. It might sound silly but I feel more understood and seen by this video than I've been made to feel by other people
Dam, it really hit on the nail..The unique approach together with philosophical comedown is hard to come by...Keep up mate
I started to watch ur videos very recently after my break-up, i am very thankful that i have come across with ur content, its like having a personal psychotherapist in RUclips, i am exceptionally greatful that ur doing such content, i am trying to Move on from whom i loved the most i now understand how she felt i just wish i could turn back time by a bit.
Anyways can u upload these same videos as podcast in Spotify it would be amazing, i think everyone would yearn to see u there.
Anyways man i am greatful that i found u at this time of life, i think i will start reading some good amount of philosophy books.