When I woke up I realized I was surrounded. I have no one now, they all just fell away as I healed. All I can do now is keep healing and growing, I pray to find my tribe one day. I’m almost 50.😢
you are not alone. there are many people on that same path. Stay strong. Continue with self love and self respect so your energy vibration aligns with the good people you wish to mingle with. Blessings
@@user-hf500 he's the one who put us in this situation in the first place smh. He don't give a flying f about us and it truly shows smh! My mind cannot and will not be changed on that! He's proven it to me over and over and over again!
The golden child loves their position in the family. Nothing will allow them to “lower the veil”, nothing. There is every reason why they need to keep seeing you as the scapegoat.
@@TinaRixMusic I was dealing with that for 40 years up until now when I blocked them after trying to get along for so long,,my mother took ill 5 months ago and it got really bad with the sibling rivarly,,I'm there paying all my mother bills, taking her to all her doctor's appointment, and took a sabbatical from my job to help run her cleaning business where I was cleaning toilets 3 times a week..My baby brother and sister who lives out of state comes to help 1 time out of those 5 months (mind you I'm there the entire time) and they are heros when they came 1 time now trying to run stuff And the 1 brother who does nothing stirs the pot because I refuse to validate his insecurities with his Narc wife who helps him stir the pot because she wants him all to her mentally unstable self.. Then my other 3 siblings are scared to speak up but run to tell me how wrong they are to treat me like this..Since I speak my mind (typical Leo) they made up lies to get the "flying monkeys" (the other 3 siblings plus 2 cousins) on their side..So I blocked them all and end up taking that travel nurse practitioner job overseas I wanted to do but didn't because my mother became sick..So I blocked all of them from my social media and changed my phone number..I love my mother but I will not sacrifice myself and be hurt anymore for no one not even my mother..I let them do everything for my mother including cleaning "shitty" toilets and stop their lives like I did..I'm literally FREE and I feel great for the first time in my life..
@Sara Fox thank you for your kind gentle words because removing yourself from toxic family members is not an easy process because society has taught us "family is everything" ..I'm so grateful for the new online community who sharing all this amazing information so the Millennials and Gen Z don't have to suffer in silence and they have the right tools to be healthy in life..Blessings
Yep! My little sister was the golden child and I protected her her whole life and I thought we were close. Her husband and I who have never liked each other in over 20 yrs just found out their oldest child isn't his. She just turned 22 and has a child of her own. My sister got her other daughter and my 3 daughters to lie and cover for her and her oldest when she started sending her to visit with bio dad who lived out of state and was supposed to have raped my sister but nobody told me until after he left state about 20 yrs ago... Her husband called me first and told me everything! We've never called each other not one time as long as we've known each other. All I could do was break down and cry with him. I felt his pain thru the phone! I heard him breaking to pieces over the phone! I told him I love him and pleaded with him to come to Tennessee and stay with me for a little while PLEASE!!! I told him I'm on his side 💯 and I was so extremely sorry this is happening. Crazy thing is we both have sons and neither one of them knew anything about any of this. He did try to kill himself and is now in a psych ward. My sister blamed me and what I said to him on the phone is why he tried killing himself... I'm just now realizing what all has been going on and I thought I was the problem this whole time even though what others done was wrong but never held accountable. I'll be 45 in March and just now starting to figure out how deep and far back it goes. I've been in trouble over defending them and that was my fault how I reacted which is true but that's what they wanted and I did it. The reasons we didn't like each other were personal and we're both hard headed and not the types to back down. It had nothing to do with how he treated my sister or his kids. I ain't got anything bad to say about how he has done any of that even up to this point. I probably would have beat my sister's ass if I were him and he didn't so he's not a bad guy, we just didn't like each other. He didn't deserve any of this bullshit!
Cristina Megías Cana - yes I know. But they might get it from a friend. Having it in the universe might help someone. Perhaps disguising the intent from mature minds? It’s complex.
@@michaelgarrow3239 The thing is that I'm not sure if it would be better or worse because it's hard to know when a child is mature enough to use the information (for instance, mind-games like gaslighting) for safety or for their own advantage since children are naturally narcissists and I have read somewhere that where empathy resides (pre frontal brain) is the latest to develop and if it happens is around 25-30 years old. I really don't know. What I know is what I have already said, and at least in my case, I was continuously controlled and it wasn't out of protection or love. It was just making sure I remained miserable. My answer has nothing to do with being against making this information available for kids. In the hands of empathetic parents it would be great but not in the hands of narcissist parent; they can twist the Bible to their own interests.
There really needs to be some community gatherings and meet up for scapegoats. To this day , I am not connecting with people and I can feel the residual slander hovering in peoples minds.
It’s so scary to see this comment because I thought if I didn’t arise as a single mother and didn’t become financially free I might had to stay near my family for toxic “support” and endure the abuse.. 😞 this hard to fathom for others who don’t have the resources to walk away..
Yep, my family tried to annihilate me with their fantasy mythologies about me when I stood up for myself. Shocked them all, walked away. Haven't been to any family functions for past few years except my Dad's funeral. They can all go take a flying monkey leap off a cliff. Don't have time for negative Nellys. I wonder who they pick on now. My only thought about them now is I hope they repent.
YES!!! I'm the scapegoat and my twin sister is the golden child. It's horrible! There is so much unnecessary tension and distrust between us. It's horrific.
@@pennyp7382 I'm so sorry for your loss. And I hate to say it, I"m not surprised that you are still the scapegoat. My mother is elderly and i know that she has brainwashed and trained my siblings and other family members to scapegoat me. I know when she passes away nothing will change. It is a terribly painful pill to swallow. Know that YOU are NOT the problem. You never were!
10 months away my family tried to sacrifice me with all my friends and community. All poisoning me, there all in a cult I'm struggling alone though because I can't work because the masons got me blacklisted 😢
I was a 1950's kid who grew up with Narc dad and step mom. Everyone thought they were right about spreading nasty rumors about me, so I cut off all contact in 1997. they then moved to another scapegoat...
My mom had me at 16 and scapegoated me my whole life to cover for her lack of parenting. When I finally grew a spine in my 30s and stood up for myself she discarded me and it's now been 10 years since we've spoke. Since she's the boss of the family I'm cut off from the rest of my relatives as well. All I can say at this point is thank you for the validation and clarity you gave me on this topic. I feel like I am slowly healing and a large part of that is due to this channel. Right now my main problem is bitterness towards the world for allowing my mother and ex-wife to almost ruin me without facing any consequences. I feel like male victims of female narcissists have it the worst because we're not allowed to fight back without society judging us as hostile to women.
Fight back and f... What anyone thinks of it. This is about you now, stand up for yourself and you will win every time. You are not their worm, you are so precious and you belong to YOU. ❤
As a woman, fight back. Please fight back. And remember that not all women are like this. Some are low self esteem people pleasers due to being a scapegoat
I hear you. My dad was a victim of NM’s abuse his whole life and died with no idea about it. I always try to talk about this happening to males too, especially in the domestic abuse community that is dominated by females arguing that it’s always (or mainly) men. That may be true of the statistics but I don’t think it’s the reality (men are far less likely to report/discuss their experiences publicly). There are millions of us with narcissistic mothers, who know they abused their male spouses/partners/sons too.
Both of my parents were narcissists and I was the scapegoat for both of them. My sister was the golden child for my mom and brother was the golden child for my dad. I grew up so confused because I didn’t do anything wrong and yet I felt so much hate from them. I blocked my entire abusive family (and the enablers) New Year’s Day and it’s only been a few days, but I already feel so much better. People on the outside of our family see me as healthy but extended family will not understand why I did this. They see my mom specifically as such a good person. She’s evil! She made my sister the most evil! My sister even made fun of my 7yo to her face because she knows words mean nothing to me. I wasn’t protected but I will ALWAYS protect my kid from their abusive and manipulative crap.
Congrats and good on you for having the courage to walk away. It's been a while since you posted this, bit I hope you are still no contact. Trust me, no contact is the only way to fully heal. Speaking from 23 years of experience (I went no contact in 2000), my life has only gotten better. Those people never meet my daughter, and never will. God bless you. ❤
My Mom took me to be assessed for autism and ADHD when I was 9. The dr told my Mom that he thought she was the one with the problem. She hated that, and would remind me "can you believe that he thought that it was me?" It was insulting to me, but it was also accurate. I am actually autistic/ADHD, but she scapegoated me so heavily that the trauma from that was what was being treated under the guise of bipolar disorder. She used to pick fights with me on the way to psych appointments because she wanted the dr to see how bad I really was, because I was never so awful around anyone else. She was the variable and she couldn't/wouldn't see it no matter what was said. I've spent my entire life working through multiple generations worth of projected, unhealed trauma.
@@TheSpentPenny123 My mom did all that too and it escalated to unbelievable situations. She manipulated others to beat me within a inch of my life several times. She even confided in me that she wanted to kill me. By the time I turned 15, I had a working understanding of how to beat her at the game and keep myself safe. I have a restraining order against her now. If she ever comes near me I'll defend myself. Narcs live to destroy.
@TheSpentPenny123 I'm 22 but going on 23 like in the next six to five months right until now which is actually going to be on the 9th of August. And plus I can also relate to you too as well that I had a hard experience ever since when I was 7 yr old little girl in real life & plus she would always give me a harsh punishments like that involves of her lashing out on me & plus she has more treated my two siblings a lot nicer than me. And she was also being so hated towards me just literally because she doesn't like me just literally because she won't accept for what kind of person who I am really am. Even The drs told my mom about that he & she has thought that she was the with problems too. She even tried to burn with the lighter & as well with the cigarettes too just literally because I got in her nerves for over the stupidest things ever since when I was 9 years old & plus she used to emotional trying to blackmail me like that involves of such of her asking me for money & as well with my other items too & plus I also started to realize about the whole fact that my mom is only nice if she only wants something from me. And plus it was also very insulting to me, too as well but it was also very accurate. And plus I can also relate to you too about the whole fact that I was actually born with a "high" functioning autism & with ADHD too as well. And plus even now as an adult I still struggle with my very low self-esteem just literally because my mom would always start a big fight & as well with an argument with me on the way that she expects for to continue by living with her too. And I have been living with her for over the past like almost 15 years now. She would also like share rumours about me right in front of other people & including all of her friends & families in a very negative way to as well too actually make me feel like that I am a terrible person when I am actually not. And my mom also does see's me as a family scapegoat or even as a black sheep in the family & plus I am actually the middle born child out of my two siblings like even now as an adult. She was also a variable & she cannot/would not see it for no matter what was actually said too as well. And I have sent my whole entire life of working through a multiple generations projected, unhealing traumas. Thank u for sharing this comment my friend. And plus I am very sorry for what you had to go through too as well. And please take & God bless 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 in Jesus name Amen. Sending a big hug to help you feel better sweetie. Please stay well & safe my friend. 😳😃😁😏🤑❤️❤️❤️❤️
More sickening is that everything you says applies to adult scapegoats in families - even in their sixties. Thank you for such a brilliant commentary and such useful insight
His own mother called him "an embarrassment to the family" when he is the ONLY one with a college education. He is smarter than those self-absorbed dimwits and they hated him for it.
@@meep_murp8758 She did the same to Khloe it wasn’t until she started working out daily and lost the weight that the mom and some other family members stopped (Caitlyn also bodyshamed Khloe before her change, the same she did with Kylie ”you’re eating again” and she/Caitlyn said this when Kylie was a teen). I guess it might be the reason why Khloe and Rob were so close, more close than the other siblings because they both got treated bad by the others and especially the mom (considering a parent sets the dynamic in the family and not the children). I remember watching one episode in the later seasons where Kim and Kourtney literally physically fought each other and it’s clear they were never taught how to respect each other fully and how to solve conflicts and all that built up anger and frustration and lack of communication tools had them at their late 30s early 40s with a bunch of children in between them, resort to fist fighting. This is what they are teaching their kids they are just like the mom very emotionally immature. People laugh at Khloe for struggling with her men, but think about it she has never been encouraged to hold herself high and put up boundaries and even after Tristan and Lamar mistreated her the family encouraged her to keep going (it wasn’t until it became too public and too big of an issue brand wise they expressed it was time for her to not keep up the contact with Lamar). They did an intervention on Rob and the woman who went there to help pointed out what none of his family members had pointed out, that he was hurting inside. The family focused on the weight gain and substance abuse (the symptoms of his inner pain, selfdestructive tools he used to numb out his feelings binge eating and doing drugs). Mental health is what will decide our active actions and if someone is not taught how to cope with their emotions and on top of that is in a family dynamic where people attack each other to regulate their emotions it’s a sure recipe for failed mental health and the extension of that are often those symptoms such as depression, eating disorders (from binge eating, bulimia, anorexia etc), substance abuse, heading in to toxic/abusive relationship (some may become the abuser/toxic person). It’s a generational cycle I wish that some of their kids would manage to break free from because these days people talk about mental health mire and therapy is less stigmatized and that will give those kids a chance to not endure the same type of inner pain if they when they are older learn to deal with their emotions (I doubt it will be their parents). And Kourtney is no better, if you look at how her oldest deals with his emotions and how she had all those years of toxicity with Scott. It’s like they are in a pool and not able to swim. People on social media mock Kourtney’s oldest child, and wonder why he looks like that when he has been brought up on Kourtneys über healthy diet (teaching a child food is bad and put up a bunch of restrictions not tied to allergy, is making food bigger than it is for a child and it often results in a child feeling shame and eating in secret and they aren’t taught to regulate their intake because it’s done in hiding without the parent guiding them by asking if they are full and or encourage them to fill up with a bit of salad before heading in for seconds). This guiding helps a child become aware of their hunger ques. On top of that it has developed into emotional eating, remember Scott said ”Kourtney never let’s him eat anything fun so when he is with me he can eat whatever”. It won’t surprise me if more of those grbadkids develop issues that will be visible when they are teens/adults due to lack of emotional guidance that is healthy. They competed as kids for Kris’ attention and approval and it continues to this day even though they are now all adults, which is very unhealthy it’s conditional ”love”. True love is unconditional because love isn’t a tool people turn on and off depending if they wish to punish someone or want them to do something for them. Notice how they are only happy for each other if they feel they are in a good place with what they are doing?! Whenever some of the siblings will have more they get angry and express that in different ways by mocking or making it out as if the achievement is not important to take they joy out of it for the other one. Kendall is no better she is mean to Kylie and when she gets s reaction out of her she tells her ”don’t be sensitive”. It’s emotional abuse to gaslight someone like that. It’s an endless list but these are some things that shows how unhealthy their family dynamics are. And Kylie resorting to all that plastic surgery at such a young age and starting with parental approval when underage is also a sign a deep lack of self-esteem and coping mechanisms. So she continues to fix her inner pain by changing her physical appearance but the idea you fix insecurities with plastic surgery is so backwards deal with the emotions because the insecurity is an emotion. If you break your leg you don’t go to the dentist in hopes of fixing your leg you go to the doctor and get s cast!
I noticed tht alot of of scapegoats have been through narcissistic abuse. I would not know anything about narcissism if it would not be for ytube videos and all the scapegoats I have met. I don't know wht it would be.. We have each other scapegoats ❤❤
I was the scapegoat. My younger sister was the golden child, still is. But, as my parents got older she began to see how my mother treated both me and my dad and the veil lifted. She even recognized that our mum had treated me badly (and dad). All along She is actually angrier than I am at this point. I’m 65 and have had a lot of years to move forward while she’s only had five years. But enlightenment did happen. ❤️ Thank you so much for your videos Michelle 🙏🏼
They get worse because the person is no longer their energy source. A parasite needs another being in order to survive well. 2) your light serves as a background to show their true colours. 3) you inspire other people to change, or it will annoy their demons 4) you no longer react, it goes back to them
This is EXACTLY what happened in my family. My brother and I were both scapegoats. My sister was the Golden Child. It wasn't until a few years ago that I found out I've had PTSD for most of my life.
I have no contact with my evil family. Haven’t talked to them in years and will never deal with them again. I’m so much happier and now I am my true self. I should have done this decades ago.
I went no contact with my very large family, except for my youngest brother. He's 3 years younger than me. It took me awhile to realize that I was the family scapegoat. Even if I wasn't at a family event where drama erupted, I was blamed for it happening. I then realized that my narcissistic Mother was behind it all. She would act one way to my face and totally another way behind my back. One of my older sisters spread to all of my other siblings never to say or do anything around me that they didn't want getting back to our Mother. Believe me our Mother had her ways of finding out what she wanted to know without asking me anything. I was labeled the family gossip and trouble maker, bipolar, the sister who spread that I'm the family gossip is now has my oldest sister as our Mother replacement which was her plan all along. She manipulated to turn my oldest sister against me to have her attention all to herself. Seriously, if it sounds like I'm jealous, honestly I'm not. I'm finally at peace. I'm out of a toxic environment that I was involved in for decades that wore me down mentally and physically. I'm finally starting to feel like I've been given the keys to MY life back.
👋 scapegoated for yeeeeeears. The golden child was the narc. I was always the one "causing the problem". Not anymore. I went no contact and entirely apathetic and indifferent to his breathing oxygen and stopped being the tool. And then they saw it. 😳 But they were trauma bonded. It went back and forth for probably 20 years. They finally went no contact too. And I married a reflection of my brother. But the apathy and indifference are getting bigger and more familiar. More comfortable.
This was me. I thought I was going crazy but I went away 18yrs old and o learnt about behaviours of maliplation, gas lighting, idolise discarded all . I'm still trying to deprogram myself. I've a twin sister and my ma played us off each other. Great video. 👍
Right on Michele Lee! From a 75 year old happy survivor from a 52 year marriage. I’ve made it through the hardest transition. Memories come and leave. I’m happy again.
The number of SG children I know with autoimmune conditions is shocking. I have Vitiligo. Being scapegoated makes you physically ill. The constant fight/flight and stress - it's more then just the emotional consequences.
I cannot believe I am learning all this in my senior years. I wasted all my life trying to make my narcissistic mother and my golden child brother happy. Not knowing that it was not possible 😞
This is absolutely is the truth, I changed as a daughter in law and it was so hard on my mother in law and it truly got worse with her creating gang stalking situation. I tried to distance myself as much as possible but her flying monkeys were enjoying the game of hurting me. I left my husband and his country, it was the only way. Looking back, since I've been away for 6 months, it's hard not to see the fact that my husband knew and could have been a part of it. Sucks but I'm safe..
Scapegoats are like retention ponds or oceans next to a factory spewing endless waste. The toxic family dynamic gives only 'run off' to everything about the Scapegoat. The toxic family teach others to do the same with thier waste. Most people are to sucked into thier own survival these days to question anything and usually take the opportunity to feel better smuggly about themselves. Thanks for your video! :)
This happened to me, On the rare occasions I see my brothers and their narcissistic wives they have clearly not changed but they have modified their behavior because they see they have no affect on me. Since Christ is my strength no one can manipulate feelings anymore.
Excellent video! I know of some people who have been a victim of a narcissist. So glad they got out of that situation. Thanks for sharing this video with us.
It's funny that you mentioned that disorder. I felt as though the LORD was speaking to me through several movies that discussed that syndrome/disorder. And how the toxic mother's was doing any and everything horrible to their children. He brought one of them to my remembrance recently, and felt as though, that HE was trying to tell me that my mom was like those mom's, in a sense. And when you mentioned it was like, I had a lightbulb moment. It was confirmation from GOD to and for me.
For us with ADD (ADHD inattentive): When the SG changes and heals: 1 The GC sees the Narc for who they are and now the GC can change 4:04 2 The narc gets worse and the relationship grows apart and eventually the relationship suffers 6:04 3 The narc doesn't change at all but their behavior doesn't affect you anymore. 7:25
Sometimes in narcissistic families, the scapegoat sees exactly how things really and will hope the parent will see the Golden Child for what they really are and knock them of the pedestal and when that happens, the scapegoat thinks they will get promoted to Golden Child. Sadly, that rarely happens and if it actually does, it won't last long and the former Golden Child will get their rank back and scapegoat will be sent back down. It's sad that kids have to be raised this way and can't just lead normal healthy lives and be who they are without fear.
I used to say... first they cut off your leg and after that they will say... look how poorly he is walking... let's not blame him for this because we are very decent and patient people. The weird thing is that they have absolutely no idea how disfunctional or toxic this is. And don't name it because they will make you the problem while in fact they are.
Yes. Thank you.. Ever since I started learn about this things are getting better. At a snails pace. Yet I am learning. Snd I see so many people caught up in the victim role. It's painful for me. As well as painful to see so many more people caught up in this and other weird dynamics. More.
Yes hi the victim role was thrust upon us. By a mean person who saw that abuse is a way to find happyness. Because does not the abuser feel good about that abuse they put upon us. As victims. No one can change that. That being avictum. Mean we have to stand up fir the right to say. Stop. You are abusing me. I am hurting. Then maybe the abuser will go away and find some one els to abuse.
You couldn’t make any Doctor, therapist or Mental health hospital ever understand what a person goes through with these families Thank God for an awakening world ❤ Happy 2024 to all suffering ❤❤❤
Leaving the system as scapegoat can change the GC role. That’s what happened to me. My scapegoat brother moved out and then I became the scapegoat to my NM. My toddler became her new GC and I was the new punching bag. I started to see the truth. Went to therapy and now finally I see the system and I apologized to my brother. Now I’m fighting to find my way out.
Tonight, I pray to God to bless you, to angels to guide and protect you, and to stars to lighten your path on the darkest of night. May God takes away all your problems and sends blessings while you are asleep. God sprinkles tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings on earth each day and I just caught one that’s so nice and true… it’s YOU! May God watch over you each hour of the night And grant you peace with the morning light! May God continue to bless you. Thank you for your love and sharing your knowledge, and experience. You’re a one in a lifetime, type of a Person. If you take time time to look, you will find beauty all around. Allow it to bless you. I thank God for blessing you all day long and pray to bless you for the rest of the night. May God bless you with a beautiful sleep to rest your body and soul. May God grant you a beautiful good night full of His blessings and mercy. Have a peaceful sleep and recharge yourself for the next day. Good night, Michelle⚘
Thank you Michael for all your fantastic work. My problem is despite my vail has been miraculously been removed for me after 50 years of living in the dark, I still can't get over what happened to me, the pain of being escapegoated all my life, the fact that I have no family anymore or I never had a family really, all extended family members believe my narcissistic mother who killed both my father and brother and I can't stop them from bothering me everyday of my life. Will it ever end ? Will I ever be able to live without thinking of them? and of what they done to me? I live in hope that the truth will emerge
i left parent home when i was on my mid teen years....gave them a second chance when I was on my early 30s and drop them for good on my mid 30s... never looked back. Life is SOOOO much better.
Thank you so much❤❤❤ , i am a scapegoat, to all my sisters and brothers who went through the same experience and succeeded to run away, we are survivors and should be proud of it . Personnaly i am a scapegoat and no way for me to return to the toxic destructive family where i was born and raised . I witnessed how two persons (narcissistic mother and narcissistic brother) succeeded in destroying an entire family .
Thank You ..Did that..left several times..now Mother has passed away.😥😥😥😥... her daughter also passed away from the others but in a different way .. Life.❤.Living🌞 ..with My Mother❤ Always by my side. Amen.❣️🗽🍀🕊
I’m the changed golden child described I this video. It was literally like a fog cleared one day after this ridiculous blow out with my mom. It’s been a painful process of really understanding the reality of my childhood but the truth is so much better. Now in our 30s, my sister and I are best friends and our relationship with our mother has completely disintegrated. I’m happy.
Lordy. That was great. I like how you boil it down. I'm an old man who's finally finding his way through this shite, and as you mentioned, largely due to the internet. I think I'll watch more of your videos. Thanks, lady.
Exactly! Finally... Well, the Golden child has the power to silence six or more victims and require their re-written narrative. Unlike the golden child, I'm not comfortable knowing there's other prey. Fraudulent prestige doesn't do it for my family image.
Emotional manipulation is awful. Once I quit being around my family, lots of things happened with my other siblings. Mother has fibromyalgia. Brother is atheist now and sister too.
Yup. They didn’t like all my changes. Lol. Wasn’t always funny at all, but strangely I can actually laugh about it at times now. No telling what all the gossiping rumors about me are now, as they all get together often and I never go to anything. Haven’t for years now. I was like Cinderella adopted in tho. Overt narc was step father. When I cut his supply off, my mother started abusing me similar to how he used to. Dealt with her and then my one step bro would then start in on me. Now they just all try (when I can’t avoid them altogether) but most days their bs tactics fall short. I’m about to move out of state and all I really care about now is my own adult son (who is also out of state at college). The step sister has pretty much always hated me tho. The other two step brothers. Idk. One is kind of lost with almost no boundaries. He married and divorced a narcissist woman. The other is kind of hard and avoidant and emotionally unavailable and nowadays it’s like he’s the step father’s parent. Calls him almost daily. Cleaned up a lot of his financial messes and so on. Gifts him expensive things (he’s loaded). Executor of his will. Etc. The whole lot of them (them, their spouses, kids, grandkids etc) I rarely ever see and some I’ve never met. The one niece hates me more than her mom does. 🙄 🤷🏻♀️
Im the scapegoat and after learning a ton about covert narcissism, realized that it was my “Dad” all along who was smearing me to my mother and siblings my entire life. Olderbro is gc & a narc. Younger sister also displays a ton of narc traits, very covert like “Dad”. It’s just mind boggling how cunningly my father makes himself out to be “a great nan” & has my less covert mother & sibs buy into it. He has been brainwashing them all & all are codependent, maintaing their roles. I cut contact finally & the path to healing is a full-time job, but I am finally free to live in authenticity as an empowered empath while the toxic family bonds by means of gossip, lies & smearing. My one hope is that none of my nieces & nephews are being emotionally sabotaged in any way by their disordered parents/grandparents.
Your channel and you is simply awesome. I praise and thank GOD for your channel, and for people like you. It have REALLY been a blessing to and for me. You just DON'T know, in more ways then one. I pray that the LORD continue to give you HIS knowledge, wisdom, strength, peace, and the understanding that YOU need to keep doing the work, and the call/assignment that HE have you own. I know that there was things that you experienced in life that wasn't pleasant whatsoever. But GOD absolutely allowed it/the pain to take place for a reason. It tend to give us strength, and teach us how to have compassion towards one another. It's just a test, that is building up a testimony for us. And I'm VERY grateful to GOD for that, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I can't and won't complain. I will choose to praise and glorify GOD for it anyhow/anyway.
No contact 3 years here. My gc brother loves his cognitive dissonance otherwise he would be not be able to function … this video about FSA is so spot on and bizarre as I feel like you’re telling my story ❤ So happy that I am on no contact but it took until 44 and an amazing psychologist to make me understand the dynamics of how I was carrying my families inter generational trauma they everyone wants to ignore because it’s “uncomfortable to talk about”
ive broke away for a year now properly, and didn't go home for Christmas. had a talking relationship with my mum but that broke down. since 3months of no contact from my narc mom, dad, and siblings. I've had false police reports filed claiming there worried about my welfare because I'm "mentally unwell". bribery with money. constant voicemails. they will not leave me alone. which is so hard when I'm trying to heal and i don't know how
My daughter's mother has been trying relentlessly with major things like to get my 8 years old crushed under heavy weights blinded, abducted harmed sexually molested sickened by lack of medical care or self medication overdose fed with unhealthiest junk to minor things even telling her no need to brush or if brush just swallow the toothpaste, no need to clip nails just chew them,..... and when I shared these with the family court with tons of videos that she knew I was filming the court said here in Illinois we dont look at video audios because how should we know they are taken with consent. And they said you offer no evidence for your claims but since it looks like you want to throw your wife under bus we take the child from you. And they did so dragged her by police force while my daughter was begging me to kill the police. I even told the court if you want to be sure that they were with consent just look at how many times I am telling her to stop abusive behavior because I am recording and she brazenly says again captured in videos "take as many videia as you wish no one will look at them in illinois"! And she was right!. I submitted 400 video and audio. They looked at exactly zero. Stupid laws like this allows these culprits to getaway with harming their own children.
I wish I would had had a father like you and not the enabler who did my mother's dirty job. Save money for your child; she will need it for therapy once she can be rescued. My best wishes for both.
The justice system is a narc, they know what these women are that’s how they make so much money. It’s demonic to the core and run by narcs. The truth is ignored and lies are encouraged. If it was the other way round you’d still be the bad one, believe me I have a similar story to yours. Many Social workers also get into this type of work to help there fellow narc demons,wolves in sheeps clothing co abusing toss pieces . I’m sorry you had to go through this and also what you still no doubt will have to go through, and your child in the future. I really hope your situation improves, like I said I went through similar and I know the damage this causes when these so called caring people who should be helping the real victims are helping the abuser. It’s sick. And even though I don’t know you, after reading your message it makes my blood boil that you are experiencing this unnecessary damage to your mind, body and soul. And if it’s not bad enough being in a relationship with a narc Jezebel reprobate demon, you then get stitched up by the system that’s meant to protect you, and the insanity of it is you get trauma bonded to the narc, and on top of that you also get trauma bonded to the narc system, because yes that whole time you thought they would care and would listen to you and see your evidence, they couldn’t give a toss because they are just their for themselves. Greedy narc money grabbing toss peices, the justice system is built on a lie, a narcissistic illusion. They also tell you, you have rights as a father, but what they don’t say is you have to line our pockets with 1000s of dollars then you can have them. Anyways I hope everything works out for you and your daughter, seeing your daughter screaming kill them must play over and over in your mind, how traumatising for you both, I’m so sorry this is happening to you both. God Bless the both of you. Stay strong for your daughter, it will be hard I know but you got this. Peace brother.
I was moms scapegoat because I wouldn't play her game but I was dads favorite so thankfully I had some support. She cut me off 30 years ago. I was honestly surprised when she died that my siblings didn't try to help her at all and she died alone. All they did was squabble over the little money she had left. I never got my share because my brother, the executer kept it. The ironic thing is I actually was the only one who didn't want money and would have helped her. Maybe she figured that out in the end. Maybe not
I'm 32 this has been me my whole life I've had to cut out all my siblings and my mother would bring other family in after I cut them out aunts cousins w.e the only reason I've not completely detached yet is my father was the scapegoat before me, he is a very old veteran with Parkinson who can barly walk and will likely not see another year ( his health has been this bad for many years so it has become a cycle longer then I intended) but I know when I leave her finaly my dad would be it again, and I just can't bring myself to abandon him I was adopted this is how the father to me swap was made so easily, none of my siblings grew up with me, and my father worked alot when I was taken in it made me so very easy to swap to, I also witnessed some realy big things that I'm so glad I didn't understand back then, as I'm sure saying something wasn't safe
I was one of three scapegoats in the narcissistic family. I was 2nd in line to the worst scapegoat who was my sister. My brother was up one notch on the totem pole from me since he was older and friends with my older sister scapegoat since they were around the same age and attended school together. Funny thing is I outperformed the golden child while in college since I graduated community college in 2 years and it took her about 5 years. That was after I got out of the US army too. Still it wasn't enough for me to earn the respect of my narcissistic parents. There was nothing I could do to achieve their love.
Can you talk about when there is a group of narcissists in the "family" unit? When it is not one or two people, but a group of people who validate each other's abuse and gaslighting.
The only way to beat the parents is to find a way to get along! You’ve been programmed to dislike your own siblings by being pinned against each other and treated to vastly unfairly
The narcissists realizes he can't invite all of his other friends to the group chat because they dont play the same game as him. His other friend and I are stuck on another group chat
I was afraid it was too late for me to heal, but thanks to you and others like you, I realized it was them not me that was sick. I will never have a relationship with the golden child or my mom. ( my dad died). Or my ex In fact, my ex and my mom love each other (kindred souls?) And were in a "family" photo on a calendar my youngest gave me. It hurt at first, but then i was able to let it go.
My golden child sister now has stage four cancer. I went no contact w entire family over 3 years ago. I’m not going back there even though I love her. The Narc mother has made it impossible for me to be there for her
I have made the same comparison of munchausen syndrome by proxy and what my narcissist mother was doing to me. Wow, I am not the only person who thinks it was a form of this syndrome. It should have an official diagnosis. My mom would smear my name and then use how terrible of a child I was to gain sympathy or attention from other people.
I was just telling my husband last night that my sisters and I have different dads. I am the scapegoat-my golden child eldest sister is treated completely different than me. I am still trying to figure out what role my middle sister is but I don't know because we have been estranged for 17 years. I am now no contact with them all since my mom's passing. I am 50. Took me this long to figure it all out. (thank you therapy)
The belief needed is deliverance from these demons. Love the person, hate the demon. NARC'S = Jezebel spirit. Learning spiritual deliverance ministry will help.
Unfortunately , in most cases, they only hide it better and start mimicking your own good qualities ( almost trying to become you) and pressure so much it’s unbearable. It is extremely difficult to endure so they can paint you ‘ the true bad person’. It is horrifying 😣
When I woke up I realized I was surrounded. I have no one now, they all just fell away as I healed. All I can do now is keep healing and growing, I pray to find my tribe one day. I’m almost 50.😢
you are not alone. there are many people on that same path. Stay strong. Continue with self love and self respect so your energy vibration aligns with the good people you wish to mingle with. Blessings
Going through the same and it's hard af
@@user-hf500 he's the one who put us in this situation in the first place smh. He don't give a flying f about us and it truly shows smh! My mind cannot and will not be changed on that! He's proven it to me over and over and over again!
It seems as if the world punishes you for healing... Crazy times we're living in.
You are not alone and I will be in your tribe
The golden child loves their position in the family. Nothing will allow them to “lower the veil”, nothing. There is every reason why they need to keep seeing you as the scapegoat.
They are in a solo competition with you at all times.
Golden child only wants validation Jealousy brews in the golden child they are usually the Narc and stirring the pot behind closed doors
@@dr.aliadixonnursepractitio6473 Nailed it 🎯
@@TinaRixMusic I was dealing with that for 40 years up until now when I blocked them after trying to get along for so long,,my mother took ill 5 months ago and it got really bad with the sibling rivarly,,I'm there paying all my mother bills, taking her to all her doctor's appointment, and took a sabbatical from my job to help run her cleaning business where I was cleaning toilets 3 times a week..My baby brother and sister who lives out of state comes to help 1 time out of those 5 months (mind you I'm there the entire time) and they are heros when they came 1 time now trying to run stuff And the 1 brother who does nothing stirs the pot because I refuse to validate his insecurities with his Narc wife who helps him stir the pot because she wants him all to her mentally unstable self.. Then my other 3 siblings are scared to speak up but run to tell me how wrong they are to treat me like this..Since I speak my mind (typical Leo) they made up lies to get the "flying monkeys" (the other 3 siblings plus 2 cousins) on their side..So I blocked them all and end up taking that travel nurse practitioner job overseas I wanted to do but didn't because my mother became sick..So I blocked all of them from my social media and changed my phone number..I love my mother but I will not sacrifice myself and be hurt anymore for no one not even my mother..I let them do everything for my mother including cleaning "shitty" toilets and stop their lives like I did..I'm literally FREE and I feel great for the first time in my life..
@Sara Fox thank you for your kind gentle words because removing yourself from toxic family members is not an easy process because society has taught us "family is everything" ..I'm so grateful for the new online community who sharing all this amazing information so the Millennials and Gen Z don't have to suffer in silence and they have the right tools to be healthy in life..Blessings
My experience is that the golden child is equally narcissistic, the delusion is all-encompassing. 'No contact' is the best for me.
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Exactly NO golden child they are you usually the culprit of stirring the pot behind closed door
Yep! My little sister was the golden child and I protected her her whole life and I thought we were close. Her husband and I who have never liked each other in over 20 yrs just found out their oldest child isn't his. She just turned 22 and has a child of her own. My sister got her other daughter and my 3 daughters to lie and cover for her and her oldest when she started sending her to visit with bio dad who lived out of state and was supposed to have raped my sister but nobody told me until after he left state about 20 yrs ago... Her husband called me first and told me everything! We've never called each other not one time as long as we've known each other. All I could do was break down and cry with him. I felt his pain thru the phone! I heard him breaking to pieces over the phone! I told him I love him and pleaded with him to come to Tennessee and stay with me for a little while PLEASE!!! I told him I'm on his side 💯 and I was so extremely sorry this is happening. Crazy thing is we both have sons and neither one of them knew anything about any of this. He did try to kill himself and is now in a psych ward. My sister blamed me and what I said to him on the phone is why he tried killing himself... I'm just now realizing what all has been going on and I thought I was the problem this whole time even though what others done was wrong but never held accountable. I'll be 45 in March and just now starting to figure out how deep and far back it goes. I've been in trouble over defending them and that was my fault how I reacted which is true but that's what they wanted and I did it.
The reasons we didn't like each other were personal and we're both hard headed and not the types to back down. It had nothing to do with how he treated my sister or his kids. I ain't got anything bad to say about how he has done any of that even up to this point. I probably would have beat my sister's ass if I were him and he didn't so he's not a bad guy, we just didn't like each other. He didn't deserve any of this bullshit!
A children’s book on this might save some kids that don’t understand what they are going through.
No narc father or mother would care buying and reading the book to their scapegoated child.
Cristina Megías Cana - yes I know. But they might get it from a friend. Having it in the universe might help someone.
Perhaps disguising the intent from mature minds? It’s complex.
@@michaelgarrow3239
The thing is that I'm not sure if it would be better or worse because it's hard to know when a child is mature enough to use the information (for instance, mind-games like gaslighting) for safety or for their own advantage since children are naturally narcissists and I have read somewhere that where empathy resides (pre frontal brain) is the latest to develop and if it happens is around 25-30 years old. I really don't know. What I know is what I have already said, and at least in my case, I was continuously controlled and it wasn't out of protection or love. It was just making sure I remained miserable. My answer has nothing to do with being against making this information available for kids. In the hands of empathetic parents it would be great but not in the hands of narcissist parent; they can twist the Bible to their own interests.
If parents allow them to read it.
They should release the books in the schools so they can try to identify if a kid is being abused by a narcissistic parent
Once I saw the Light, they sensed it. All hell broke loose.
Yep. 💣💥 Light the fuse, and watch the fireworks.
It happened that way for me too. They knew I saw them in a different light.
Words don’t express the life off a scapegoat, the evil visited upon them is just pure evil 👿 many don’t make it out alive.
There really needs to be some community gatherings and meet up for scapegoats. To this day , I am not connecting with people and I can feel the residual slander hovering in peoples minds.
It’s so scary to see this comment because I thought if I didn’t arise as a single mother and didn’t become financially free I might had to stay near my family for toxic “support” and endure the abuse.. 😞 this hard to fathom for others who don’t have the resources to walk away..
@@Stardust12397 problem with support groups they infiltrate them and make you even sicker they are hard too catch lots off the time
@@Stardust12397 Same .
Same
Yep, my family tried to annihilate me with their fantasy mythologies about me when I stood up for myself. Shocked them all, walked away. Haven't been to any family functions for past few years except my Dad's funeral. They can all go take a flying monkey leap off a cliff. Don't have time for negative Nellys. I wonder who they pick on now. My only thought about them now is I hope they repent.
How did you feel at your dad's funeral?
You are my hero
@@icantpaychildsupport6151 God bless you, sir.
@@corporaterobotslave400 no, may god bless you, sir ❤💯🙏
@@icantpaychildsupport6151 l
YES!!! I'm the scapegoat and my twin sister is the golden child. It's horrible! There is so much unnecessary tension and distrust between us. It's horrific.
❤ I'm sorry. It's true in my Irish twin setting. I'm 11 months older than my golden sister. ✨️
My Mom just passed. I am still the scapegoat.
@@pennyp7382 I'm so sorry for your loss. And I hate to say it, I"m not surprised that you are still the scapegoat. My mother is elderly and i know that she has brainwashed and trained my siblings and other family members to scapegoat me. I know when she passes away nothing will change. It is a terribly painful pill to swallow. Know that YOU are NOT the problem. You never were!
@@cindy7733 🫂 Thank you. Take care. Your words were so comforting.
I’m so sorry. What a shame. My mother tried to break me and my twin sister.. but she was unsuccessful and I’m thankful ❤
I’m going thru this right now:( being the scapegoat is incredibly painful
zero contact is THE BEST solution. Courage to you. Blessings
Walk away it’s POWERFUL.. I just did it a few months back for my sanity
@@dr.aliadixonnursepractitio6473 yes it really is, i’m alone now it really ended up being the only way
10 months away my family tried to sacrifice me with all my friends and community. All poisoning me, there all in a cult I'm struggling alone though because I can't work because the masons got me blacklisted 😢
@@looselipssinkships333this is weird but I'm in the exact same situation and Im moving to a new city in 2 days.
I was a 1950's kid who grew up with Narc dad and step mom. Everyone thought they were right about spreading nasty rumors about me, so I cut off all contact in 1997. they then moved to another scapegoat...
My mom had me at 16 and scapegoated me my whole life to cover for her lack of parenting. When I finally grew a spine in my 30s and stood up for myself she discarded me and it's now been 10 years since we've spoke. Since she's the boss of the family I'm cut off from the rest of my relatives as well. All I can say at this point is thank you for the validation and clarity you gave me on this topic. I feel like I am slowly healing and a large part of that is due to this channel. Right now my main problem is bitterness towards the world for allowing my mother and ex-wife to almost ruin me without facing any consequences. I feel like male victims of female narcissists have it the worst because we're not allowed to fight back without society judging us as hostile to women.
Fight back and f... What anyone thinks of it. This is about you now, stand up for yourself and you will win every time. You are not their worm, you are so precious and you belong to YOU. ❤
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That's exactly what I'm going through. The boss of the family
As a woman, fight back. Please fight back. And remember that not all women are like this. Some are low self esteem people pleasers due to being a scapegoat
I hear you. My dad was a victim of NM’s abuse his whole life and died with no idea about it. I always try to talk about this happening to males too, especially in the domestic abuse community that is dominated by females arguing that it’s always (or mainly) men. That may be true of the statistics but I don’t think it’s the reality (men are far less likely to report/discuss their experiences publicly). There are millions of us with narcissistic mothers, who know they abused their male spouses/partners/sons too.
Both of my parents were narcissists and I was the scapegoat for both of them. My sister was the golden child for my mom and brother was the golden child for my dad. I grew up so confused because I didn’t do anything wrong and yet I felt so much hate from them. I blocked my entire abusive family (and the enablers) New Year’s Day and it’s only been a few days, but I already feel so much better. People on the outside of our family see me as healthy but extended family will not understand why I did this. They see my mom specifically as such a good person. She’s evil! She made my sister the most evil! My sister even made fun of my 7yo to her face because she knows words mean nothing to me. I wasn’t protected but I will ALWAYS protect my kid from their abusive and manipulative crap.
Congrats and good on you for having the courage to walk away. It's been a while since you posted this, bit I hope you are still no contact. Trust me, no contact is the only way to fully heal. Speaking from 23 years of experience (I went no contact in 2000), my life has only gotten better. Those people never meet my daughter, and never will. God bless you. ❤
My Mom took me to be assessed for autism and ADHD when I was 9. The dr told my Mom that he thought she was the one with the problem. She hated that, and would remind me "can you believe that he thought that it was me?" It was insulting to me, but it was also accurate. I am actually autistic/ADHD, but she scapegoated me so heavily that the trauma from that was what was being treated under the guise of bipolar disorder.
She used to pick fights with me on the way to psych appointments because she wanted the dr to see how bad I really was, because I was never so awful around anyone else. She was the variable and she couldn't/wouldn't see it no matter what was said. I've spent my entire life working through multiple generations worth of projected, unhealed trauma.
Yes! This!
@@JaelH7 I was a child. There was so much pressure on me, and nobody saw the dysfunction of the entire family dynamic except for me.
@@TheSpentPenny123 My mom did all that too and it escalated to unbelievable situations. She manipulated others to beat me within a inch of my life several times. She even confided in me that she wanted to kill me. By the time I turned 15, I had a working understanding of how to beat her at the game and keep myself safe.
I have a restraining order against her now. If she ever comes near me I'll defend myself. Narcs live to destroy.
@TheSpentPenny123 I'm 22 but going on 23 like in the next six to five months right until now which is actually going to be on the 9th of August. And plus I can also relate to you too as well that I had a hard experience ever since when I was 7 yr old little girl in real life & plus she would always give me a harsh punishments like that involves of her lashing out on me & plus she has more treated my two siblings a lot nicer than me. And she was also being so hated towards me just literally because she doesn't like me just literally because she won't accept for what kind of person who I am really am. Even The drs told my mom about that he & she has thought that she was the with problems too. She even tried to burn with the lighter & as well with the cigarettes too just literally because I got in her nerves for over the stupidest things ever since when I was 9 years old & plus she used to emotional trying to blackmail me like that involves of such of her asking me for money & as well with my other items too & plus I also started to realize about the whole fact that my mom is only nice if she only wants something from me. And plus it was also very insulting to me, too as well but it was also very accurate. And plus I can also relate to you too about the whole fact that I was actually born with a "high" functioning autism & with ADHD too as well. And plus even now as an adult I still struggle with my very low self-esteem just literally because my mom would always start a big fight & as well with an argument with me on the way that she expects for to continue by living with her too. And I have been living with her for over the past like almost 15 years now. She would also like share rumours about me right in front of other people & including all of her friends & families in a very negative way to as well too actually make me feel like that I am a terrible person when I am actually not. And my mom also does see's me as a family scapegoat or even as a black sheep in the family & plus I am actually the middle born child out of my two siblings like even now as an adult. She was also a variable & she cannot/would not see it for no matter what was actually said too as well. And I have sent my whole entire life of working through a multiple generations projected, unhealing traumas.
Thank u for sharing this comment my friend. And plus I am very sorry for what you had to go through too as well. And please take & God bless 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 in Jesus name Amen. Sending a big hug to help you feel better sweetie. Please stay well & safe my friend. 😳😃😁😏🤑❤️❤️❤️❤️
A mini tape recorder in your pocket for said car ride would change the results of the therapy session. Immediately
More sickening is that everything you says applies to adult scapegoats in families - even in their sixties. Thank you for such a brilliant commentary and such useful insight
I stopped watching the Kardasian show when I noticed everyone bullying Rob over his weight. I'm glad he finally stopped talking to them.
I never knew they stopped talking to him
His own mother called him "an embarrassment to the family" when he is the ONLY one with a college education. He is smarter than those self-absorbed dimwits and they hated him for it.
@@meep_murp8758 She did the same to Khloe it wasn’t until she started working out daily and lost the weight that the mom and some other family members stopped (Caitlyn also bodyshamed Khloe before her change, the same she did with Kylie ”you’re eating again” and she/Caitlyn said this when Kylie was a teen). I guess it might be the reason why Khloe and Rob were so close, more close than the other siblings because they both got treated bad by the others and especially the mom (considering a parent sets the dynamic in the family and not the children). I remember watching one episode in the later seasons where Kim and Kourtney literally physically fought each other and it’s clear they were never taught how to respect each other fully and how to solve conflicts and all that built up anger and frustration and lack of communication tools had them at their late 30s early 40s with a bunch of children in between them, resort to fist fighting. This is what they are teaching their kids they are just like the mom very emotionally immature. People laugh at Khloe for struggling with her men, but think about it she has never been encouraged to hold herself high and put up boundaries and even after Tristan and Lamar mistreated her the family encouraged her to keep going (it wasn’t until it became too public and too big of an issue brand wise they expressed it was time for her to not keep up the contact with Lamar). They did an intervention on Rob and the woman who went there to help pointed out what none of his family members had pointed out, that he was hurting inside. The family focused on the weight gain and substance abuse (the symptoms of his inner pain, selfdestructive tools he used to numb out his feelings binge eating and doing drugs). Mental health is what will decide our active actions and if someone is not taught how to cope with their emotions and on top of that is in a family dynamic where people attack each other to regulate their emotions it’s a sure recipe for failed mental health and the extension of that are often those symptoms such as depression, eating disorders (from binge eating, bulimia, anorexia etc), substance abuse, heading in to toxic/abusive relationship (some may become the abuser/toxic person). It’s a generational cycle I wish that some of their kids would manage to break free from because these days people talk about mental health mire and therapy is less stigmatized and that will give those kids a chance to not endure the same type of inner pain if they when they are older learn to deal with their emotions (I doubt it will be their parents). And Kourtney is no better, if you look at how her oldest deals with his emotions and how she had all those years of toxicity with Scott. It’s like they are in a pool and not able to swim. People on social media mock Kourtney’s oldest child, and wonder why he looks like that when he has been brought up on Kourtneys über healthy diet (teaching a child food is bad and put up a bunch of restrictions not tied to allergy, is making food bigger than it is for a child and it often results in a child feeling shame and eating in secret and they aren’t taught to regulate their intake because it’s done in hiding without the parent guiding them by asking if they are full and or encourage them to fill up with a bit of salad before heading in for seconds). This guiding helps a child become aware of their hunger ques. On top of that it has developed into emotional eating, remember Scott said ”Kourtney never let’s him eat anything fun so when he is with me he can eat whatever”. It won’t surprise me if more of those grbadkids develop issues that will be visible when they are teens/adults due to lack of emotional guidance that is healthy.
They competed as kids for Kris’ attention and approval and it continues to this day even though they are now all adults, which is very unhealthy it’s conditional ”love”. True love is unconditional because love isn’t a tool people turn on and off depending if they wish to punish someone or want them to do something for them. Notice how they are only happy for each other if they feel they are in a good place with what they are doing?! Whenever some of the siblings will have more they get angry and express that in different ways by mocking or making it out as if the achievement is not important to take they joy out of it for the other one.
Kendall is no better she is mean to Kylie and when she gets s reaction out of her she tells her ”don’t be sensitive”. It’s emotional abuse to gaslight someone like that. It’s an endless list but these are some things that shows how unhealthy their family dynamics are. And Kylie resorting to all that plastic surgery at such a young age and starting with parental approval when underage is also a sign a deep lack of self-esteem and coping mechanisms. So she continues to fix her inner pain by changing her physical appearance but the idea you fix insecurities with plastic surgery is so backwards deal with the emotions because the insecurity is an emotion. If you break your leg you don’t go to the dentist in hopes of fixing your leg you go to the doctor and get s cast!
@@soilgrasswaterairI know this is 2 years later, but that was great, and helped me a lot. Thanks ☺️
I noticed tht alot of of scapegoats have been through narcissistic abuse. I would not know anything about narcissism if it would not be for ytube videos and all the scapegoats I have met. I don't know wht it would be.. We have each other scapegoats ❤❤
I am starting to lose weight, I look people in the eyes, and I feel so good. Almost two years not being everybody punching bag.
I was the scapegoat. My younger sister was the golden child, still is. But, as my parents got older she began to see how my mother treated both me and my dad and the veil lifted. She even recognized that our mum had treated me badly (and dad). All along She is actually angrier than I am at this point. I’m 65 and have had a lot of years to move forward while she’s only had five years. But enlightenment did happen. ❤️
Thank you so much for your videos Michelle 🙏🏼
They get worse because the person is no longer their energy source. A parasite needs another being in order to survive well. 2) your light serves as a background to show their true colours. 3) you inspire other people to change, or it will annoy their demons 4) you no longer react, it goes back to them
I’m 26 and I’m grateful to figure this out so early even tho it’s painful
Did you go no-contact? How are you doing now?
This is EXACTLY what happened in my family. My brother and I were both scapegoats. My sister was the Golden Child. It wasn't until a few years ago that I found out I've had PTSD for most of my life.
I have no contact with my evil family. Haven’t talked to them in years and will never deal with them again. I’m so much happier and now I am my true self. I should have done this decades ago.
Me too. The are evil
I went no contact with my very large family, except for my youngest brother. He's 3 years younger than me. It took me awhile to realize that I was the family scapegoat. Even if I wasn't at a family event where drama erupted, I was blamed for it happening. I then realized that my narcissistic Mother was behind it all. She would act one way to my face and totally another way behind my back. One of my older sisters spread to all of my other siblings never to say or do anything around me that they didn't want getting back to our Mother. Believe me our Mother had her ways of finding out what she wanted to know without asking me anything. I was labeled the family gossip and trouble maker, bipolar, the sister who spread that I'm the family gossip is now has my oldest sister as our Mother replacement which was her plan all along. She manipulated to turn my oldest sister against me to have her attention all to herself. Seriously, if it sounds like I'm jealous, honestly I'm not. I'm finally at peace. I'm out of a toxic environment that I was involved in for decades that wore me down mentally and physically. I'm finally starting to feel like I've been given the keys to MY life back.
Holy shit do we have the same life????? I’m slowly limiting contact to eventually go no contact from these abusive assholes.
👋 scapegoated for yeeeeeears. The golden child was the narc. I was always the one "causing the problem". Not anymore. I went no contact and entirely apathetic and indifferent to his breathing oxygen and stopped being the tool. And then they saw it. 😳
But they were trauma bonded. It went back and forth for probably 20 years. They finally went no contact too.
And I married a reflection of my brother. But the apathy and indifference are getting bigger and more familiar. More comfortable.
This was me. I thought I was going crazy but I went away 18yrs old and o learnt about behaviours of maliplation, gas lighting, idolise discarded all . I'm still trying to deprogram myself.
I've a twin sister and my ma played us off each other.
Great video. 👍
Right on Michele Lee! From a 75 year old happy survivor from a 52 year marriage. I’ve made it through the hardest transition. Memories come and leave. I’m happy again.
Yep! I was the scapegoat. And I had many autoimmune difficulties.
The number of SG children I know with autoimmune conditions is shocking. I have Vitiligo. Being scapegoated makes you physically ill. The constant fight/flight and stress - it's more then just the emotional consequences.
Same.
My parents did to me the smear campaign to another family member and friends, no one talk about, thank you for mention it..
I cannot believe I am learning all this in my senior years. I wasted all my life trying to make my narcissistic mother and my golden child brother happy. Not knowing that it was not possible 😞
This is absolutely is the truth, I changed as a daughter in law and it was so hard on my mother in law and it truly got worse with her creating gang stalking situation. I tried to distance myself as much as possible but her flying monkeys were enjoying the game of hurting me. I left my husband and his country, it was the only way. Looking back, since I've been away for 6 months, it's hard not to see the fact that my husband knew and could have been a part of it. Sucks but I'm safe..
3 years no contact after discarded, never going back. They'll never invite or reach out to me anyway they know I know they're full of shit 😂
Scapegoats are like retention ponds or oceans next to a factory spewing endless waste. The toxic family dynamic gives only 'run off' to everything about the Scapegoat. The toxic family teach others to do the same with thier waste. Most people are to sucked into thier own survival these days to question anything and usually take the opportunity to feel better smuggly about themselves. Thanks for your video! :)
This happened to me, On the rare occasions I see my brothers and their narcissistic wives they have clearly not changed but they have modified their behavior because they see they have no affect on me. Since Christ is my strength no one can manipulate feelings anymore.
Excellent video! I know of some people who have been a victim of a narcissist. So glad they got out of that situation. Thanks for sharing this video with us.
It's funny that you mentioned that disorder. I felt as though the LORD was speaking to me through several movies that discussed that syndrome/disorder. And how the toxic mother's was doing any and everything horrible to their children. He brought one of them to my remembrance recently, and felt as though, that HE was trying to tell me that my mom was like those mom's, in a sense. And when you mentioned it was like, I had a lightbulb moment. It was confirmation from GOD to and for me.
Dammmmmmn! Profound & in depth… I have Cut off my family as the family too has distanced themselves from my boundaries.
For us with ADD (ADHD inattentive):
When the SG changes and heals:
1 The GC sees the Narc for who they are and now the GC can change 4:04
2 The narc gets worse and the relationship grows apart and eventually the relationship suffers 6:04
3 The narc doesn't change at all but their behavior doesn't affect you anymore. 7:25
Sometimes in narcissistic families, the scapegoat sees exactly how things really and will hope the parent will see the Golden Child for what they really are and knock them of the pedestal and when that happens, the scapegoat thinks they will get promoted to Golden Child. Sadly, that rarely happens and if it actually does, it won't last long and the former Golden Child will get their rank back and scapegoat will be sent back down. It's sad that kids have to be raised this way and can't just lead normal healthy lives and be who they are without fear.
I don’t think becoming the golden child is much of a promotion. Yuck.
I used to say... first they cut off your leg and after that they will say... look how poorly he is walking... let's not blame him for this because we are very decent and patient people. The weird thing is that they have absolutely no idea how disfunctional or toxic this is. And don't name it because they will make you the problem while in fact they are.
Yes. Thank you..
Ever since I started learn about this things are getting better. At a snails pace. Yet I am learning. Snd I see so many people caught up in the victim role.
It's painful for me. As well as painful to see so many more people caught up in this and other weird dynamics. More.
Yes hi the victim role was thrust upon us. By a mean person who saw that abuse is a way to find happyness. Because does not the abuser feel good about that abuse they put upon us. As victims. No one can change that. That being avictum. Mean we have to stand up fir the right to say. Stop. You are abusing me. I am hurting. Then maybe the abuser will go away and find some one els to abuse.
You couldn’t make any Doctor, therapist or Mental health hospital ever understand what a person goes through with these families Thank God for an awakening world ❤ Happy 2024 to all suffering ❤❤❤
Leaving the system as scapegoat can change the GC role. That’s what happened to me. My scapegoat brother moved out and then I became the scapegoat to my NM. My toddler became her new GC and I was the new punching bag. I started to see the truth. Went to therapy and now finally I see the system and I apologized to my brother. Now I’m fighting to find my way out.
Tonight, I pray to God to bless you, to angels to guide and protect you, and to stars to lighten your path on the darkest of night. May God takes away all your problems and sends blessings while you are asleep. God sprinkles tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings on earth each day and I just caught one that’s so nice and true… it’s YOU!
May God watch over you each hour of the night And grant you peace with the morning light! May God continue to bless you. Thank you for your love and sharing your knowledge, and experience. You’re a one in a lifetime, type of a Person. If you take time time to look, you will find beauty all around. Allow it to bless you.
I thank God for blessing you all day long and pray to bless you for the rest of the night.
May God bless you with a beautiful sleep to rest your body and soul.
May God grant you a beautiful good night full of His blessings and mercy. Have a peaceful sleep and recharge yourself for the next day. Good night, Michelle⚘
As a scapegoat child.....this is how have healed and changed my life. There is such a need for healing around our parents. This message was powerful. Thank you Michele!
**Pillar of Light **
Let me be your pillar of light in what seems like an endless darkness,
Let me love you unconditionally while guiding your through the tears and heartbreak that seem to never disappear.
I am your light, I am your hope, I am your strength, I am whatever you need me to be.
Let me remind you that you matter, that you are worthy of endless blessings and happiness.
I am your pure white light of everything honest, true and good that surrounds you.
Let me wrap you in the glittering essence of love and healing.
Let me hold you when you feel there is no one else near, let me revitalize your will to survive whatever it is, let my light shine bright, guiding you every step of the way.
Let me wipe each tear away and replace it with the faith of what is to come.
Let me ease this lingering gloom, let me illuminate my love into the depth of your heart and soul filling you with joy, peace and happiness.
I will never judge you, I will never hurt you intentionally, I will never walk away leaving you all alone.
I will be the light, the faith, the love you never knew you needed.
Your wounds, the depth of your scars, they make you even more resilient, more precious and more beautiful than you ever imagined.
You are so much more than you ever knew possible. You are a limitless being of God.
You are forgiveness, You are Love, You are an adored Spirit, You are a Reason, You have a Purpose,
You are Remarkable.
You too are a pillar of light, illuminating every day, a shimmering glow that everyone sees.
No more trying to dim your light, no more trying to shrink who you are, because you are a brilliant and extraordinary being meant to be here, meant to do amazing things.
Let me be your pillar of light, always reminding you to radiate no matter what comes to dim the essence of your inspiration and love.©
Written By: Michelle Custer 10-22-21
Thank you Michael for all your fantastic work. My problem is despite my vail has been miraculously been removed for me after 50 years of living in the dark, I still can't get over what happened to me, the pain of being escapegoated all my life, the fact that I have no family anymore or I never had a family really, all extended family members believe my narcissistic mother who killed both my father and brother and I can't stop them from bothering me everyday of my life.
Will it ever end ? Will I ever be able to live without thinking of them? and of what they done to me?
I live in hope that the truth will emerge
🙌
You are amazing. That is all.
💙💙💙
i left parent home when i was on my mid teen years....gave them a second chance when I was on my early 30s and drop them for good on my mid 30s... never looked back. Life is SOOOO much better.
Thank you so much❤❤❤ , i am a scapegoat, to all my sisters and brothers who went through the same experience and succeeded to run away, we are survivors and should be proud of it . Personnaly i am a scapegoat and no way for me to return to the toxic destructive family where i was born and raised . I witnessed how two persons (narcissistic mother and narcissistic brother) succeeded in destroying an entire family .
Thank You ..Did that..left several times..now Mother has passed away.😥😥😥😥... her daughter also passed away from the others but in a different way .. Life.❤.Living🌞 ..with My Mother❤ Always by my side. Amen.❣️🗽🍀🕊
I did think that I was the cause of all the problems for a very long time.
I’m the changed golden child described I this video. It was literally like a fog cleared one day after this ridiculous blow out with my mom. It’s been a painful process of really understanding the reality of my childhood but the truth is so much better. Now in our 30s, my sister and I are best friends and our relationship with our mother has completely disintegrated. I’m happy.
I feel so safe watching your videos.
Lordy. That was great. I like how you boil it down. I'm an old man who's finally finding his way through this shite, and as you mentioned, largely due to the internet. I think I'll watch more of your videos. Thanks, lady.
Thank god all of them happened.❤️🔥
We are the G.O.A.T.
Truth spoken...I can relate to this 💯🎯❤️✌️
Exactly! Finally...
Well, the Golden child has the power to silence six or more victims and require their re-written narrative. Unlike the golden child, I'm not comfortable knowing there's other prey. Fraudulent prestige doesn't do it for my family image.
Oh my this video is about me!!! And my sister, the golden child. How validating. Thank you!!!
I love every word in This message. Thank you.
Emotional manipulation is awful. Once I quit being around my family, lots of things happened with my other siblings. Mother has fibromyalgia. Brother is atheist now and sister too.
Yup. They didn’t like all my changes. Lol. Wasn’t always funny at all, but strangely I can actually laugh about it at times now. No telling what all the gossiping rumors about me are now, as they all get together often and I never go to anything. Haven’t for years now. I was like Cinderella adopted in tho. Overt narc was step father. When I cut his supply off, my mother started abusing me similar to how he used to. Dealt with her and then my one step bro would then start in on me. Now they just all try (when I can’t avoid them altogether) but most days their bs tactics fall short. I’m about to move out of state and all I really care about now is my own adult son (who is also out of state at college). The step sister has pretty much always hated me tho. The other two step brothers. Idk. One is kind of lost with almost no boundaries. He married and divorced a narcissist woman. The other is kind of hard and avoidant and emotionally unavailable and nowadays it’s like he’s the step father’s parent. Calls him almost daily. Cleaned up a lot of his financial messes and so on. Gifts him expensive things (he’s loaded). Executor of his will. Etc. The whole lot of them (them, their spouses, kids, grandkids etc) I rarely ever see and some I’ve never met. The one niece hates me more than her mom does. 🙄 🤷🏻♀️
I’m going thru exactly what your saying ,unbelievable 😊
Wow, this is so spot on. Thank you Michelle!!! ❤️
Im the scapegoat and after learning a ton about covert narcissism, realized that it was my “Dad” all along who was smearing me to my mother and siblings my entire life. Olderbro is gc & a narc. Younger sister also displays a ton of narc traits, very covert like “Dad”. It’s just mind boggling how cunningly my father makes himself out to be “a great nan” & has my less covert mother & sibs buy into it. He has been brainwashing them all & all are codependent, maintaing their roles. I cut contact finally & the path to healing is a full-time job, but I am finally free to live in authenticity as an empowered empath while the toxic family bonds by means of gossip, lies & smearing. My one hope is that none of my nieces & nephews are being emotionally sabotaged in any way by their disordered parents/grandparents.
Hi. You are correct. Thank you. I was a scape goat.
Love your videos... You made my recovery so easy... thank you ♥
Your channel and you is simply awesome. I praise and thank GOD for your channel, and for people like you. It have REALLY been a blessing to and for me. You just DON'T know, in more ways then one. I pray that the LORD continue to give you HIS knowledge, wisdom, strength, peace, and the understanding that YOU need to keep doing the work, and the call/assignment that HE have you own. I know that there was things that you experienced in life that wasn't pleasant whatsoever. But GOD absolutely allowed it/the pain to take place for a reason. It tend to give us strength, and teach us how to have compassion towards one another. It's just a test, that is building up a testimony for us. And I'm VERY grateful to GOD for that, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I can't and won't complain. I will choose to praise and glorify GOD for it anyhow/anyway.
Amazing video Michelle! If I may add a fourth: the scapegoat completely breaks off the family system and live their best life.
No contact 3 years here. My gc brother loves his cognitive dissonance otherwise he would be not be able to function … this video about FSA is so spot on and bizarre as I feel like you’re telling my story ❤ So happy that I am on no contact but it took until 44 and an amazing psychologist to make me understand the dynamics of how I was carrying my families inter generational trauma they everyone wants to ignore because it’s “uncomfortable to talk about”
Clearly you've been observing me and my family attempt to interact with each other like normal human beings.
Thank you for your support. You have been a great mentor in my most darkest times.
Keep doing what you do best.
One Love❤
ive broke away for a year now properly, and didn't go home for Christmas. had a talking relationship with my mum but that broke down. since 3months of no contact from my narc mom, dad, and siblings. I've had false police reports filed claiming there worried about my welfare because I'm "mentally unwell". bribery with money. constant voicemails. they will not leave me alone. which is so hard when I'm trying to heal and i don't know how
You are so insightful Michelle.
My daughter's mother has been trying relentlessly with major things like to get my 8 years old crushed under heavy weights blinded, abducted harmed sexually molested sickened by lack of medical care or self medication overdose fed with unhealthiest junk to minor things even telling her no need to brush or if brush just swallow the toothpaste, no need to clip nails just chew them,.....
and when I shared these with the family court with tons of videos that she knew I was filming the court said here in Illinois we dont look at video audios because how should we know they are taken with consent. And they said you offer no evidence for your claims but since it looks like you want to throw your wife under bus we take the child from you. And they did so dragged her by police force while my daughter was begging me to kill the police.
I even told the court if you want to be sure that they were with consent just look at how many times I am telling her to stop abusive behavior because I am recording and she brazenly says again captured in videos "take as many videia as you wish no one will look at them in illinois"!
And she was right!.
I submitted 400 video and audio. They looked at exactly zero.
Stupid laws like this allows these culprits to getaway with harming their own children.
I wish I would had had a father like you and not the enabler who did my mother's dirty job. Save money for your child; she will need it for therapy once she can be rescued. My best wishes for both.
The justice system is a narc, they know what these women are that’s how they make so much money. It’s demonic to the core and run by narcs. The truth is ignored and lies are encouraged. If it was the other way round you’d still be the bad one, believe me I have a similar story to yours. Many Social workers also get into this type of work to help there fellow narc demons,wolves in sheeps clothing co abusing toss pieces . I’m sorry you had to go through this and also what you still no doubt will have to go through, and your child in the future. I really hope your situation improves, like I said I went through similar and I know the damage this causes when these so called caring people who should be helping the real victims are helping the abuser. It’s sick. And even though I don’t know you, after reading your message it makes my blood boil that you are experiencing this unnecessary damage to your mind, body and soul. And if it’s not bad enough being in a relationship with a narc Jezebel reprobate demon, you then get stitched up by the system that’s meant to protect you, and the insanity of it is you get trauma bonded to the narc, and on top of that you also get trauma bonded to the narc system, because yes that whole time you thought they would care and would listen to you and see your evidence, they couldn’t give a toss because they are just their for themselves. Greedy narc money grabbing toss peices, the justice system is built on a lie, a narcissistic illusion. They also tell you, you have rights as a father, but what they don’t say is you have to line our pockets with 1000s of dollars then you can have them. Anyways I hope everything works out for you and your daughter, seeing your daughter screaming kill them must play over and over in your mind, how traumatising for you both, I’m so sorry this is happening to you both. God Bless the both of you. Stay strong for your daughter, it will be hard I know but you got this. Peace brother.
A holdover from the days of true white nationalism. The church owns you in this state
3:30 That is me right now!!! 50 years old and finally, i can be myself without the dysfunction.
Finally a video about changing paradigms
Thank you. This REALLY helped me.
A lot of Munchausen by proxy syndrome occurs in mothers that work in the medical field
I was moms scapegoat because I wouldn't play her game but I was dads favorite so thankfully I had some support. She cut me off 30 years ago. I was honestly surprised when she died that my siblings didn't try to help her at all and she died alone. All they did was squabble over the little money she had left. I never got my share because my brother, the executer kept it. The ironic thing is I actually was the only one who didn't want money and would have helped her. Maybe she figured that out in the end. Maybe not
I'm 32 this has been me my whole life I've had to cut out all my siblings and my mother would bring other family in after I cut them out aunts cousins w.e the only reason I've not completely detached yet is my father was the scapegoat before me, he is a very old veteran with Parkinson who can barly walk and will likely not see another year ( his health has been this bad for many years so it has become a cycle longer then I intended) but I know when I leave her finaly my dad would be it again, and I just can't bring myself to abandon him
I was adopted this is how the father to me swap was made so easily, none of my siblings grew up with me, and my father worked alot when I was taken in it made me so very easy to swap to, I also witnessed some realy big things that I'm so glad I didn't understand back then, as I'm sure saying something wasn't safe
I was one of three scapegoats in the narcissistic family. I was 2nd in line to the worst scapegoat who was my sister. My brother was up one notch on the totem pole from me since he was older and friends with my older sister scapegoat since they were around the same age and attended school together. Funny thing is I outperformed the golden child while in college since I graduated community college in 2 years and it took her about 5 years. That was after I got out of the US army too. Still it wasn't enough for me to earn the respect of my narcissistic parents. There was nothing I could do to achieve their love.
Great explanation.
Can you talk about when there is a group of narcissists in the "family" unit? When it is not one or two people, but a group of people who validate each other's abuse and gaslighting.
Thank you so much!
The only way to beat the parents is to find a way to get along! You’ve been programmed to dislike your own siblings by being pinned against each other and treated to vastly unfairly
Shouldn’t the scapegoat go no contact?
The narcissists realizes he can't invite all of his other friends to the group chat because they dont play the same game as him. His other friend and I are stuck on another group chat
I was the scapegoat..as a child, then in my marriage.
I was afraid it was too late for me to heal, but thanks to you and others like you, I realized it was them not me that was sick. I will never have a relationship with the golden child or my mom. ( my dad died). Or my ex
In fact, my ex and my mom love each other (kindred souls?) And were in a "family" photo on a calendar my youngest gave me. It hurt at first, but then i was able to let it go.
Thank You for this video!
It helped me to think of 3 possible scenarios what could happen while the scapegoat start to heal and change!
My golden child sister now has stage four cancer. I went no contact w entire family over 3 years ago. I’m not going back there even though I love her.
The Narc mother has made it impossible for me to be there for her
I have made the same comparison of munchausen syndrome by proxy and what my narcissist mother was doing to me. Wow, I am not the only person who thinks it was a form of this syndrome. It should have an official diagnosis. My mom would smear my name and then use how terrible of a child I was to gain sympathy or attention from other people.
Thanks & good job! I'm trying to heal. It's hard.
I was just telling my husband last night that my sisters and I have different dads. I am the scapegoat-my golden child eldest sister is treated completely different than me. I am still trying to figure out what role my middle sister is but I don't know because we have been estranged for 17 years. I am now no contact with them all since my mom's passing. I am 50. Took me this long to figure it all out. (thank you therapy)
The belief needed is deliverance from these demons. Love the person, hate the demon.
NARC'S = Jezebel spirit. Learning spiritual deliverance ministry will help.
Never saw the Munchausen syndrome angle. So so true 👍 😢
Plz address sigma infj super EMPATH & the dynamics of "SUPER NOVA" preparations!
Unfortunately , in most cases, they only hide it better and start mimicking your own good qualities ( almost trying to become you) and pressure so much it’s unbearable. It is extremely difficult to endure so they can paint you ‘ the true bad person’. It is horrifying 😣
How does it work if the golden child is a narcissist?
what you said is true. .
Do I have to protect my siblings from becoming the next scapegoat?
You're an amazing person 👊
BLOCKED THEM ALL…they can shred the shit out each other now!