Hey Richard I hear you and I respect what you’re saying and I agree wholeheartedly however without the body of work that you’ve done up to this point I don’t think I would’ve been able to process this video the way I have and I know for sure my life would not be where it is today those videos those talks about narcissism codependency and see PTSD have been invaluable in moving me out of the hell I was in into the present moment now which is not so bad not so dramatic thank you
NPD was barely recognized as “a thing” when I started exploring my difficult childhood with therapists. In my opinion, by not recognizing the ancestral illness, those therapists made the problem worse. Once I delved deep into narcissism and could “name” it and associate symptoms, I could get my arms around my own issues. It was a godsend. I believe the culture has become more narcissistic and it is the disease of our time. Like everything else in our current culture, it is used carelessly by people who are self-proclaimed experts, victims, and virtue signalers.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one. My life was destroyed by incompetency. I'm so sorry about what happened. I haven't found myself yet. I wish you the best.
@@Ms.Norths.Musings In my own situation, I believe it was both genetic and learned behavior passed on generationally. I believe that behaviors are ultimately encoded in the genes and then passed along through ancestry. I was able to observe similar behaviors through three generations of families.
@@Jane-ic5gy Awesome. Break the cycle... sometimes it's almost like a family curse or something but what has been learned and taught to us by narc caregivers can be unlearned. Including any unwanted traits we may have picked up from them.
My main dealings with people who fit the description of narcissism were in my childhood and a relationship/s before social media existed. So they've been around a long while lol. Social media has catapulted it and brought it mainstream. It's a narcs wet dream. I stepped away from fb about a year ago, theres something ever so empowering about stepping off the machine. I love doing things that no one knows about other than if we're in conversation and its relevant and or i choose to share it. As for narc videos i think if you are struggling at a certain point in your life or you are awakening to abuse, educate yourself and learn from others. Its helped me stand in my own truth and heal. Standing up to these people is tough and it needs practice. Saying no to one or turning your back on one makes you soul search. Hopefully in time and with practice i wont have to watch so many. Thats my goal lol it will just be water off a ducks back....
@@angelasome9044 in my family of 4, there seems to be 3. Cruel, to the point of sadistic....entitled, the projection is insane; mind-boggling. Also mind-boggling, that I didn't see it for what it was until I was in my 50's. I'm in a lot of groups and read comments on a lot of N channels, there are a lot of people with 2 parents who are abusive, not in contact with siblings, abusive spouses (of both sexes) Horror stories. I've experienced a lot of abuse, mostly emotional/psychological/mental but compared to some others' stories, I almost feel fortunate. Could have been much worse...but also could have been a lot better. Almost all of my childhood friends, the ones I was closest to, are abusive & very narcissistic. Of course they appear as normal decent people on FB. Very few are obvious from what they post on fb but boy the whole covid thing has brought some of them right out of the closet but they apparently have no clue. In their glory, shaming and quilting and bragging about their vax cards.
@@angelasome9044 I wonder if that’s why there’s so much talk about “just have boundaries” and such, like that’s a useful solution when dealing with malignant narcissism. If you’re dealing with malignancy, boundaries do shit. They often make things worse, and sometimes “just leaving” isn’t an option. I wonder if people understood this kind of abuse and TALKED about THIS kind of abuse, if the “solutions” would be different.
I see people’s personalities simply as authentic or fake, kind or unkind and the many grey areas in between. I try to stay away from those that display a strong inauthentic and unkind personality.
One of the best things I did was to research NPD & cluster B. I'm glad I was drawn to people who encouraged us to look within ourselves to see how we were drawn into it. I had zero need to diagnose. I needed to learn how to make better choices & set boundaries. No contact & grey rock were helpful tools that gave me space to listen to myself outside of an abusive situation, to reconnect with my own values, & yes, to grieve. I didn't end up grieving the loss of the partner, but the loss of what I hoped it could be. Hopium is quite a drug.
Hopium Addiction! Love it, it says it all about my illusions that had disappeared when I had acknowledged them for what they really were in my relationship...
So resonate with this; after doing the free course about 2 years ago I completely stopped telling horror childhood stories and horror relationship stories altogether. For me retelling with wasting my strength and money and energy. Poor me, poor me, no, not poor me, I'm my own hero.
People have a choice based on whether or not to follow the norms of society. That choice is based on conscience and levels of empathy. One cannot blame society completely for individuals’ actions and choices.
Exactly. That’s the problem too, when you’re trying to describe what you have been through in a relationship with someone. All of those behaviours are relational, and happens behind closed doors, so it’s a behaviour that only you have seen, with this other person, and there is no physical way to proove it, because the problem occurs in their brain. It’s all in the abstract.
Really? because i'm in some Narc groups and i hear the same abuse from people time after time..there is a distinct pattern there...at least one i can see...it's like these NPD's are all the same sad species that do the same thing to all of their victims....
The big problem is not narcissism but codependency. Everybody is a subject for me including nature (insects, trees, grass). And for myself i'm an object. I'm a codepentent supply and seek a place to put it. If i haven't got a subject to care of i die. Now i live alone and can't even prepare some food for myself. I try to take control. Take care of myself is so scary. I understand the dynamics by my neo-cortex. My body doesn't yet.
“Ah, Misha, he has a stormy spirit. His mind is in bondage. He is haunted by a great, unsolved doubt. He is one of those who don't want millions, but an answer to their questions.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
I didn't know about NPD until my mother was dying and my sister acted out all of the behaviors, which had tortured me for my whole life but became acute and exaggerated and did a lot of damage to me at that time - she was the source of PTSD. I think there's a difference between having narcissistic traits - self absorbed, wounded and no empathy - and being a full-blown toxic narcissist who is miserable and makes everyone around them miserable. My most recent job supervisor was just like her - needless to say I was forced out of the job, but not until after it really affected my health. I'm hoping I'm free of them forever - and now I have great narcdar! The culture - especially bureaucracies and dating - definitely promotes it. The tops of all govt agencies and corporations are loaded with them because the behavior is rewarded. That is why we're all so miserable!
Great points, Richard. I also feel that there are very few real solutions offered by the so-called "professionals" - and I'm a psychotherapist! Talking only goes so far and then action is needed in order to move forward. Unfortunately, I feel that a large percentage of people don't really want to move on, they'd rather just dwell in the why and stay the narcissistic victim.
Ex was cruel to me. No diagnosis needed. Social media didn't cause it. It wasn't just culture his friends loved him. He controlled who got his worst. Cheating wasn't an issue. I didn't need a diagnosis to benefit from videos about patterns that resonated with our marriage. Some of these videos are sanity savers. Toxic is toxic. Cruelty and manipulation cause damage and no diagnosis is needed to know to escape. Do we all need work? Yes. But some will never question themselves.
You could not have said this any better. "Some of these videos are sanity savers. Toxic is toxic. Cruelty and manipulation cause damage and no diagnosis is needed to know to escape. Do we all need work? Yes. But some will never question themselves."
SO WELL SAID!!!! "Cruelty and manipulation cause damage and no diagnosis is needed to know to escape! " Many people today think we got smart because of the info that is today available out there but in reality is the very basic, normal thoughts that anyone have if they live in a toxic relationship. Sooner or later all victims feel this, people don't need the right literature to tell them that something is not right.
@@bebe8842 our bodies have been telling us something is wrong. Cancer Lupus Fibromyalga Auto immune diseases in general Migraines Stomach issues Chronic pain Muscle spasms Panic Constant colds Infections Fatigue Any of the above (and much more) aren't all just bad luck. These relationships destroy health.
My journey started 6 years ago as I googled what was going on with me that started 2 months after I got away from the marriage. Quickly discovered you and Dana talking about abuse and CPTS. I denied it, stayed stuck and despite reading/watching made the same mistake again 3 years later. Admitted I had CPTS 4 months after being diagnosed in 2019. Used EMDR as a magic fix despite by that point getting in touch with a trauma expert friend who told me what to do. (Read his book surviving the shitstorm, by Graeme Bint)I hid behind it. At Christmas I got away from the ex gf and finally took responsibility, got proper help from Lisa Wesgate, did the work and healed. Absolutely correct. No one is coming, it is down to you or you will stay stuck in the pit. Awesome video.🙏
As a parent I am very conserned. Alot of kids are on tablets, and smartphones from two years old. And pretty much on social media very early. The inpact on their brains reward system might be worse than the generation before. For example if you take someone that is 10 today, when they are 20 and going out to workplaces, isn't the chance and severity of narcissism even higher then?
Yep, totally my thoughts lately too! "Obsession with a false sense of self" that's exactly what the institutions have been intentionally creating our culture to be. It's time for change and I'm very optimistic about it too!
My personal experience is that everthing your said here is so correct. In the beginning talking and thinking about it is important, to learn and understand, but I couldn't heal until I let go of it and stopped making it my focus. Art, creativity, gratitude, friends are what brought me joy and allowed me to move through. Best to anyone still struggling.
I studied grief and came out with an understanding that some people grief longer because it is their make up to do so. No coaches can change that. That process is necessary to close that chapter in life. I believe one should grieve for as long as they have something to grieve about. Grieve to the end. Stopping the grief because the social norm is to be happy and balanced makes the process of grievance incomplete. Some people take years to do so. And there is nothing wrong or unusual about that. But once that process is over it is important to never allow yourself to go back to that chapter in life. That life forward can be built on premises of lesson learned and there is never a need for ruminating again.
Well, whatever you call it, when you are truly with a narcissist, you will forever be changed. It is soul crushing, evil, and you never quite recover. There is a big difference between it being culturally acceptable to be an asshole and true narcissism.
There's definitely a sort of loss of innocence when you truly see the level of existence these people inhabit. It's tiring and soul destroying for the non Cluster b to have to keep watch at their level of existence but you have to sometimes because there's always at least one on your peripheries at any given time. No, you don't fully recover but you can grow in the authentic space created by your hard won awareness.
I think there's 'outside' behavour where there's accountability and people act a certain way for social acceptance and there's the 'inside' behavour where there's no accountability. My gran used to say, ' he seems like a nice person, very helpful but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors'. I think there's a split personality between how people act outside in the world to how they act in their own inside world. It's a lot of play acting out there and the grease paint comes off backstage. An incapabality to be authentic inside and out. A lot of damaged people hiding the fact they are damaged.
Very true. Sadly, people who are authentic, get labeled as “weird”. I guess it’s a compliment seeing that “normal” now means lacking the ability to be authentic.
Yes! I have been following Richard for several years and he definitely gets a lot of credit in my journey of overcoming lots of things. Now I just enjoy listening to him and tune in now and again. I always learn something and feel more refreshed.
I don't believe in individual narcissism anymore. I think our society is just creating a world full of NPCs. I used to get angry at people who weren't capable of any type of self-awareness but now I just pity them.
As we learn about the variety of presentations (overt/covert, grandiose/vunlerable) of narcissism maladaptive behaviors....understanding there is a realm of trauma behaviors that can be recognized and then personal work can transform them, and not many may, can really help shift what individuals want to do for themselves and in groupings at large. We are learning about ourselves deeply and now are learning how to hold ourselves and others accountable. Thank you for continuing to share these conversations.
My dear Mr. Grannon, the Dracaena trifasciata besides you is so beautiful. It is said this African species removes the evil eye. I think you, Mr. Grannon, teach and educate us to recognize the narcissism evil eye. We are so grateful for your valuable content. Best regards from Brazil!
I thought I could explore CPTSD, narc abuse and trauma etc with my new psyche doctor...I mentioned Richard Grannon and her eyes glazed over... Mentioned Pete Walker and she made a note. Finally, towards the end of the session, she asked: "So, how often do you miss taking your meds?"...I'm done
Have continued following you since I found my healing & released my Narcissist experience/self mirror behind several years back. Learned what I needed & moved on!🙏🤗💖, and I have enjoyed the Life
Richard, I applaud your points about how we need to stop pathologizing the individual but rather take into consideration the context within which they are living. More models of therapy and life coaching and all the rest of it should take this approach because of the disempowerment and damage the individual focus can bring. Thanks for these points.
Finally, someone is trying to look at the psychological issues in a complex way! Thank you, Richard! I had a brain tumor. You can't imagine my HORRIBLE behavior for about three years. A psychotherapist would have put all kinds of labels on me at the time, given I went to one. A simple MRI showed a large benign brain tumor. I don't mean to offend anyone, I do want to help: if someone you know or you yourself start to behave in an erratic way the first thing you should is an MRI of the brain.
I have thought there might be something physical going on with a loved one having an episode for three weeks now, but I doubt he will go to the doctor to get it checked out. Sad because I know he is suffering too.
I have been a nurse for 20 years and I worked in mental health and addictions for 10-ish years. You speak many truths that many people in helping professions cannot understand. The medical model--the foundation for how we treat MH&A--is ONE way of knowing/treating... and I am no longer convinced it is the best model.
Exactly! This is why I switched my major in college from psychology to sociology. I thought the psychological perspective is whacked because it treats people like isolated entities which we are not.
Childhood trauma is a big one. Many still think going to a psychologist means there is something wrong with you...or unfit to perform your duties. When they have tools to assist in dealing with the mental strain and how to cope these days. However people should be cautious. While they lead people down the horrible narcissistic vs empath theme. Love has no religion. Thank You for sharing.
So many gems of wisdom! Psychology NOT science. TRUTH! Hole. Hole. Hole. Get out of the hole. Requires ACTION, EFFORT & COURAGE. Thank you for this NEW direction. Resonates. 🙌🏼💗🌸🙏🏼
you cant live in a world surrouded by narcissists as a normal person,you need to become a chameleon.that does not mean being bad in any way,just be flexible to deal with whatever comes your way,and know people very well before engaging in somethin with them
I so agree with that. I've always said sympathy and empathy have their place, but after you've received that the question that comes next is, "Now what are you going to do about it?" That's the only way to move forward. If your only move is to gather sympathy or empathy are you any different from other selfish people? It's a big "me, me, me" world out there. Do you want to join in or become a responsible adult? Only you are responsible for your emotions and your actions. No one else is.
Great job! You grabbed me and pointed me in a wiser direction. I 've been obsessed with those videos in the past and have had a resurggence of labeling difficult friends n family members as narcissists. But the cultural model makes more sense than the individual diagnosis. Everything you said was helpful. My first of your videos but im going to subscribe and watch more. Thank you.
You deserve the Nobel Prize for this! Thank you! I need to share this one and only video that makes total sense! You have nailed it 👏🙌. There is a serious narcissistic personality and the degree of this creature is not the majority, thankfully! Not everyone is a narcissistic person, but I promise, you will know when you cross an actual one.
We are a funny culture. Our coordinates seem at times to be a little "off". We reward open evil and corruption and depravity when its institutional. Or when it seems to be "approved" by an institution. Then we clutch our pearls and screech when an individual behaves in exactly the way their culture just showed them wasnt just "acceptable" but in fact something to be celebrated! Isnt this odd? If culture itself is FUNDAMENTALLY NARCISSISTIC isnt it a bit redundant to pick out individuals who are simply manifesting their cultures norms and denounce them? We attack individuals but institutions are left, it seems, to do whatever the hell they like. Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at www.spartanlifecoach.com
I enjoy every video that you make, thank you for your insight. I thought it was interesting that you said "they love to point out how we are wrong". Watching youtube this morning there was an ad that said "8 mistakes you're making in the shower". I don't even know what to say to that but it was at that moment I realized how often we're told we suck. The song "Buttholes" by Tom MacDonald comes to mind. If you haven't heard him I found him to be very gifted at his craft. God bless you all and your families.
Thank you, Richard! Been on a similar journey and come to a similar conclusion. Enough of the blaming, shaming and box ticking already. We all need to start taking more responsibility for where we find ourselves both as a culture and as individuals, and stop being trapped in victimhood.
The only Narcissism videos I ever watch, excessively are HG Tudor YT channel. He breaks it down, tells the truth in simple terms (sometimes quite dark). I have been given the gift of clarity with him. With you too Richard. Thank you! 🌹
I learned something this summer. I got a foster cat mom in late June. She came with 2 lil kittens that I of course got way too attached to and decided to keep. One is a silky black male total luv bug and he's calm and I can do anything to him and he stays mellow. The female is a Siamese ( different daddies lol? ) and she's coy, and clever, selfish, hard headed, wants to do what she wants to do and not what I tell her LOL...in other words she's just a sociopath. The little bit of love she does show me seems more satisfying because I have to "earn it." LOL I realized how pandering I've been to hard to get people to treat me sweet. I've largely been able to get rid of most of these out of my life people wise. I think the little female ( WHO WILL NEVER BE TRULY SWEET LOL ) will remind me to keep my Narcs furry and strictly feline! He reminds me of me when I was younger. He's more like a doggie?
I agree with 99% of what you’re saying and that those that heal are applying the strategies for healing you discussed. I agree that over intellectualizing prevents true healing. I also think we are fortunate that information about narcissism is out there and that we’re better off having it available than not. Putting a blanket over the information would be a step backwards in my view point. Boundaries on how the information is used is perhaps a better strategy - to avoid ego stroking and promote healing (in the ways some here have suggested has worked well.) This was a great video. Thank you!
Wow. Yes. You totally Nailed it !!! Gotta crawl out of the Damn Hole. NObody is coming to save me. Ok - I must Focus on the Positive things ** I CAN DO ** !!!! THANK YOU !!!
Great content. I agree with we need to allow ourselves to feel everything that comes up within us, experience the feeling fully, learn from it what needs to be learned and move on. Our emotional growth is crucial to our overall well-being, but if we get stuck on a feeling then the growth gets blocked and we experience all sorts of unbalances inside and out. Thank you for the video.
Excellent speech Ritchie as always, you use such good logic and wisdom , this one is a revelation for me, (taking back your toys).. as you said in one of your videos it's time to live in the now and be productive and creative as much as we can making the best use of our time to reinvent ourself as it were, to be a better than ever version of ourselves, and stop dwelling on the past, focus on positivity not on negativity.👍🙏
Fortunately in my counseling training program, we ARE taught to be tentative with our language. “This may be caused by…” “Client reports feeling… which is consistent with a diagnosis of…” We speak subjectively and not as knowers of clear facts. Completely agree with the points of this video. 👌🏻
I think Richard, you need to calm down. Your videos over the years had helped me to heal myself, protect myself and thought me to analyse people motives around me. But now I feel like you are in the same place as I was, angry and frustrated. knowing everything doesn't mean you won't get hurt.
In my experience, the actual rule of my culture is summed up in the question “well, what are you gonna do about it?”. If you lack the ability to force someone to stop hurting or exploiting yourself or others you’re just… kinda screwed.
@@cheekibreeki4492 hi! I appreciate the curiosity but in order to not get hundreds of angry notifications everyday I’m going to reserve that information. Anyone can disagree or agree depending on where they are but my own experience itself isn’t negotiable, so I won’t invite people to a party I’m not having. I do appreciate your interest.
It's like excessively overweight people who cannot get up off the couch but they continue to eat too much and not exercise - the condition itself keeps them down and from taking action - there needs to be a transformation of the mind and heart to take action that will change their physiology.
I like the emphasis on "models" and "stories" which can be categorised as "helpful" or "unhelpful" rather then "true" or "false". So much so called "professionalism" remains trapped in assessment of need and risk, "when did the problem start?", "what other problems came with the problem?" none of which informs the path to take, and, infact what the solution will look like will bear no resemblance to the origins of our problems, there is no logical connection between the two.
I had 3 significant sexual relationships in my life, looking back they, were all the wrong fit, but only one was a narcissist. Love your videos man👌💪🌃💜
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 2 Timothy 3 1-5
2nd Timothy totally describes a entire culture of people who are very "Narcissistic", I believe we are there NOW. Unfortunately I also see it getting worse. There is NO Hero coming to save us, we must be the Hero thise who have the eyes to see (the truth), and the ears to hear (and comprehend).
I can say with 100 percent certainty that my ex is a malignant narcissist. He hit me with a glass and then called his mom for help. Then the next day he told me I hit myself with the glass as I sat home from work with 2 black eyes. One of many examples….
@ 5:44 in my youth, I noticed the comedy dynamic of Sony and Cher as the 1st blip of this on my media horizon. I felt that a false equivalency was drawn with the physical humor of fellow icons Ball and Burnett. Bufoonery and slapstick were light hearted and silly. Sadly the iconic show was a feminist version of HER skillfully jabbing him with words as if wielding an 18 inch long hat pin. Watch the slow erosion of the energy of their art & marriage. Glad that we still got to see HER talent down other paths & grateful her lack of stand up comedy skills becomes glaring when jabbing HIM can't be the setup for every joke. Glad we got HIS talents, representing his constituents well & with integrity. Thanks for letting me vent this.
Yes i came to that...it's everywhere ...i think it's in every relationship...some degree of unconscious usory...ulterior motives....ex;exploitation...and it helps to see the dynamics so you catch urself playing into them or perpetuating that...then change those patterns in you and choose to be in ur life with people who do that. So in relationship or communication can grow..mutually. When in pain ...and recognize where it started......see it..talk about it ...don't deny or suppress it , but once or twice or maybe three times is enough...then..own it..move on. Do and be what and who you want to . That's what the science of brain and neural nets proves you can do . Takes focusing on THAT not on the past...to change it in you. So glad to hear this perspective ...wholly agree with and is another refreshingly relevant timely important message.
Richard! My ex had a vascular brain scan through Amen Clinics here in the US. He is off the charts narcissistic. But very covert, charming, and intelligent. Absolutely zero emotional intelligence or sense of empathy. But he’s dang good at mirroring others when he gets the admiration and obedience he craves. His brain scan showed no blood flow to the insula, and some “compromise“ or damage to the right prefrontal cortex. The doctor said his back brain was compensating. Great. The reptilian brain. 🙄 I have read up quite a bit on the insula, and some are saying it is the closest to the “seat of the soul“ that we have been able to find. I know there is more research to be done, but to me this sounds like a brain scan that can detect narcissism, and or psychopathy. My ex actually fits into the narcissistic psychopath category quite well. And it’s sad, because he was not always like that. At least I don’t think so… Cognitive dissonance anyone??
There is actually a video about how narcs will subconsciously seek out women with BPD and push them to cheat to experience mortification. But saying "most women" sounds misogynistic.
There is a difference between being occasionally “selfish”, and narcissism. For example, if you are having some health problems, expecting friends or family to help you out is selfish, but not narcissistic. It’s not an ongoing pattern of using people. Also, you will help them when they need it. True narcissists NEVER take turns. It’s all about them, ALWAYS. If you have one as a partner, don’t ever get sick. They will either expect you to keep serving them and their ego, or leave.
You're right. What I meant by taking turns is that (from my personal experience) in some relationships I was perceived as the narcissist (probably) by my partner, and in other cases, my partner was perceived as a narcissist by me. I have seen it occuring also in close friends relationships. And in child parent relationships as well...
A CPTSD population exhibiting narcissistic behaviors, often/usually in loyalty to person/belief/cause, and processing all social communication at every level through lenses of loyalty - not objective truth. It is a legacy of the past that our institutions and congenital wiring, are crafted to support continued rule in this state without real change. The basest rule over us - but when we learn how, and help each other not to cooperate, their loss of power could be perceived perceived by them as an existential threat. Their wired for that.
I had to go to a trendy part of my city earlier to get some tasks done and felt disconcerted by how people were practically walking into me. There was a really noticeable arrogant obnoxious vibe amongst the people, mainly students there. Three young women were walking on the pavement three abreast forcing me to stand aside or walk into them. Two tall teenage boys nearly knocked me over on their scooters on the pavement. Lots of people were walking around in fashionable clothes with with their noses in the air. I feel like I'm not obnoxious or arrogant enough to be part of society a lot of the time, I feel like I get looked down on, ignored, laughed at and even walked into. It definitely felt as if narcissism was the standard in that part of the the city anyway.
Hey Richard I hear you and I respect what you’re saying and I agree wholeheartedly however without the body of work that you’ve done up to this point I don’t think I would’ve been able to process this video the way I have and I know for sure my life would not be where it is today those videos those talks about narcissism codependency and see PTSD have been invaluable in moving me out of the hell I was in into the present moment now which is not so bad not so dramatic thank you
NPD was barely recognized as “a thing” when I started exploring my difficult childhood with therapists. In my opinion, by not recognizing the ancestral illness, those therapists made the problem worse. Once I delved deep into narcissism and could “name” it and associate symptoms, I could get my arms around my own issues. It was a godsend. I believe the culture has become more narcissistic and it is the disease of our time. Like everything else in our current culture, it is used carelessly by people who are self-proclaimed experts, victims, and virtue signalers.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one. My life was destroyed by incompetency. I'm so sorry about what happened. I haven't found myself yet. I wish you the best.
Jane, are you referring to genetic mental illness passed through generations or are you referring to actions committed by your ancestors?
@@Ms.Norths.Musings In my own situation, I believe it was both genetic and learned behavior passed on generationally. I believe that behaviors are ultimately encoded in the genes and then passed along through ancestry. I was able to observe similar behaviors through three generations of families.
Stop apologizing for being born!
God bless you 🙏 ❤
@@Jane-ic5gy Awesome. Break the cycle... sometimes it's almost like a family curse or something but what has been learned and taught to us by narc caregivers can be unlearned. Including any unwanted traits we may have picked up from them.
My main dealings with people who fit the description of narcissism were in my childhood and a relationship/s before social media existed. So they've been around a long while lol. Social media has catapulted it and brought it mainstream. It's a narcs wet dream. I stepped away from fb about a year ago, theres something ever so empowering about stepping off the machine. I love doing things that no one knows about other than if we're in conversation and its relevant and or i choose to share it.
As for narc videos i think if you are struggling at a certain point in your life or you are awakening to abuse, educate yourself and learn from others. Its helped me stand in my own truth and heal. Standing up to these people is tough and it needs practice. Saying no to one or turning your back on one makes you soul search. Hopefully in time and with practice i wont have to watch so many. Thats my goal lol it will just be water off a ducks back....
@@angelasome9044 in my family of 4, there seems to be 3. Cruel, to the point of sadistic....entitled, the projection is insane; mind-boggling. Also mind-boggling, that I didn't see it for what it was until I was in my 50's. I'm in a lot of groups and read comments on a lot of N channels, there are a lot of people with 2 parents who are abusive, not in contact with siblings, abusive spouses (of both sexes) Horror stories. I've experienced a lot of abuse, mostly emotional/psychological/mental but compared to some others' stories, I almost feel fortunate. Could have been much worse...but also could have been a lot better. Almost all of my childhood friends, the ones I was closest to, are abusive & very narcissistic. Of course they appear as normal decent people on FB. Very few are obvious from what they post on fb but boy the whole covid thing has brought some of them right out of the closet but they apparently have no clue. In their glory, shaming and quilting and bragging about their vax cards.
@@angelasome9044 I wonder if that’s why there’s so much talk about “just have boundaries” and such, like that’s a useful solution when dealing with malignant narcissism. If you’re dealing with malignancy, boundaries do shit. They often make things worse, and sometimes “just leaving” isn’t an option. I wonder if people understood this kind of abuse and TALKED about THIS kind of abuse, if the “solutions” would be different.
I see people’s personalities simply as authentic or fake, kind or unkind and the many grey areas in between. I try to stay away from those that display a strong inauthentic and unkind personality.
Exactly
I fully agree 🥰
One of the best things I did was to research NPD & cluster B. I'm glad I was drawn to people who encouraged us to look within ourselves to see how we were drawn into it. I had zero need to diagnose. I needed to learn how to make better choices & set boundaries. No contact & grey rock were helpful tools that gave me space to listen to myself outside of an abusive situation, to reconnect with my own values, & yes, to grieve.
I didn't end up grieving the loss of the partner, but the loss of what I hoped it could be. Hopium is quite a drug.
Hopium Addiction!
Love it, it says it all about my illusions that had disappeared when I had acknowledged them for what they really were in my relationship...
This comment indicates that you are most probably a mentally healthy, mature adult.
So resonate with this; after doing the free course about 2 years ago I completely stopped telling horror childhood stories and horror relationship stories altogether. For me retelling with wasting my strength and money and energy. Poor me, poor me, no, not poor me, I'm my own hero.
People have a choice based on whether or not to follow the norms of society. That choice is based on conscience and levels of empathy. One cannot blame society completely for individuals’ actions and choices.
Exactly. That’s the problem too, when you’re trying to describe what you have been through in a relationship with someone. All of those behaviours are relational, and happens behind closed doors, so it’s a behaviour that only you have seen, with this other person, and there is no physical way to proove it, because the problem occurs in their brain.
It’s all in the abstract.
Really? because i'm in some Narc groups and i hear the same abuse from people time after time..there is a distinct pattern there...at least one i can see...it's like these NPD's are all the same sad species that do the same thing to all of their victims....
The big problem is not narcissism but codependency. Everybody is a subject for me including nature (insects, trees, grass). And for myself i'm an object. I'm a codepentent supply and seek a place to put it. If i haven't got a subject to care of i die. Now i live alone and can't even prepare some food for myself. I try to take control. Take care of myself is so scary. I understand the dynamics by my neo-cortex. My body doesn't yet.
“Ah, Misha, he has a stormy spirit. His mind is in bondage. He is haunted by a great, unsolved doubt. He is one of those who don't want millions, but an answer to their questions.”
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
I didn't know about NPD until my mother was dying and my sister acted out all of the behaviors, which had tortured me for my whole life but became acute and exaggerated and did a lot of damage to me at that time - she was the source of PTSD. I think there's a difference between having narcissistic traits - self absorbed, wounded and no empathy - and being a full-blown toxic narcissist who is miserable and makes everyone around them miserable. My most recent job supervisor was just like her - needless to say I was forced out of the job, but not until after it really affected my health. I'm hoping I'm free of them forever - and now I have great narcdar! The culture - especially bureaucracies and dating - definitely promotes it. The tops of all govt agencies and corporations are loaded with them because the behavior is rewarded. That is why we're all so miserable!
Great points, Richard. I also feel that there are very few real solutions offered by the so-called "professionals" - and I'm a psychotherapist! Talking only goes so far and then action is needed in order to move forward. Unfortunately, I feel that a large percentage of people don't really want to move on, they'd rather just dwell in the why and stay the narcissistic victim.
Ex was cruel to me. No diagnosis needed. Social media didn't cause it. It wasn't just culture his friends loved him. He controlled who got his worst. Cheating wasn't an issue.
I didn't need a diagnosis to benefit from videos about patterns that resonated with our marriage.
Some of these videos are sanity savers. Toxic is toxic. Cruelty and manipulation cause damage and no diagnosis is needed to know to escape.
Do we all need work? Yes. But some will never question themselves.
You could not have said this any better.
"Some of these videos are sanity savers. Toxic is toxic. Cruelty and manipulation cause damage and no diagnosis is needed to know to escape. Do we all need work? Yes. But some will never question themselves."
So well said. It feels good to know we are not alone.
💞
SO WELL SAID!!!!
"Cruelty and manipulation cause damage and no diagnosis is needed to know to escape! "
Many people today think we got smart because of the info that is today available out there but in reality is the very basic, normal thoughts that anyone have if they live in a toxic relationship. Sooner or later all victims feel this, people don't need the right literature to tell them that something is not right.
@@bebe8842 our bodies have been telling us something is wrong.
Cancer
Lupus
Fibromyalga
Auto immune diseases in general
Migraines
Stomach issues
Chronic pain
Muscle spasms
Panic
Constant colds
Infections
Fatigue
Any of the above (and much more) aren't all just bad luck. These relationships destroy health.
@@kitsune7351 I totally agree with your thoughts!
My journey started 6 years ago as I googled what was going on with me that started 2 months after I got away from the marriage. Quickly discovered you and Dana talking about abuse and CPTS. I denied it, stayed stuck and despite reading/watching made the same mistake again 3 years later. Admitted I had CPTS 4 months after being diagnosed in 2019. Used EMDR as a magic fix despite by that point getting in touch with a trauma expert friend who told me what to do. (Read his book surviving the shitstorm, by Graeme Bint)I hid behind it. At Christmas I got away from the ex gf and finally took responsibility, got proper help from Lisa Wesgate, did the work and healed. Absolutely correct. No one is coming, it is down to you or you will stay stuck in the pit. Awesome video.🙏
As a parent I am very conserned. Alot of kids are on tablets, and smartphones from two years old. And pretty much on social media very early. The inpact on their brains reward system might be worse than the generation before. For example if you take someone that is 10 today, when they are 20 and going out to workplaces, isn't the chance and severity of narcissism even higher then?
Yep, totally my thoughts lately too! "Obsession with a false sense of self" that's exactly what the institutions have been intentionally creating our culture to be. It's time for change and I'm very optimistic about it too!
My personal experience is that everthing your said here is so correct. In the beginning talking and thinking about it is important, to learn and understand, but I couldn't heal until I let go of it and stopped making it my focus. Art, creativity, gratitude, friends are what brought me joy and allowed me to move through. Best to anyone still struggling.
I studied grief and came out with an understanding that some people grief longer because it is their make up to do so. No coaches can change that. That process is necessary to close that chapter in life. I believe one should grieve for as long as they have something to grieve about. Grieve to the end. Stopping the grief because the social norm is to be happy and balanced makes the process of grievance incomplete. Some people take years to do so. And there is nothing wrong or unusual about that. But once that process is over it is important to never allow yourself to go back to that chapter in life. That life forward can be built on premises of lesson learned and there is never a need for ruminating again.
Well, whatever you call it, when you are truly with a narcissist, you will forever be changed. It is soul crushing, evil, and you never quite recover. There is a big difference between it being culturally acceptable to be an asshole and true narcissism.
He's not thinking this through very well. No matter if the entire world is narcissists, you can still compare their fruits to yours.
There's definitely a sort of loss of innocence when you truly see the level of existence these people inhabit. It's tiring and soul destroying for the non Cluster b to have to keep watch at their level of existence but you have to sometimes because there's always at least one on your peripheries at any given time. No, you don't fully recover but you can grow in the authentic space created by your hard won awareness.
💯💯💯
Excellent talk. You offer very helpful ideas.
I think there's 'outside' behavour where there's accountability and people act a certain way for social acceptance and there's the 'inside' behavour where there's no accountability.
My gran used to say, ' he seems like a nice person, very helpful but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors'.
I think there's a split personality between how people act outside in the world to how they act in their own inside world.
It's a lot of play acting out there and the grease paint comes off backstage.
An incapabality to be authentic inside and out.
A lot of damaged people hiding the fact they are damaged.
Very true. Sadly, people who are authentic, get labeled as “weird”. I guess it’s a compliment seeing that “normal” now means lacking the ability to be authentic.
I do agree with your understanding of the difference between the outside and inside behavioral choices. Thanks for sharing. Great insight!
Yea, it’s like wearing a mask. Only certain ppl and certain times I take it off
I feel that my evolution as a human parallels with yours. I tune in occasionally and it is always a refreshing validation.
Yes! I have been following Richard for several years and he definitely gets a lot of credit in my journey of overcoming lots of things. Now I just enjoy listening to him and tune in now and again. I always learn something and feel more refreshed.
I've been observing this phenomenon for a while now also. Thanks for bringing up discussion on the topic.
I don't believe in individual narcissism anymore. I think our society is just creating a world full of NPCs. I used to get angry at people who weren't capable of any type of self-awareness but now I just pity them.
The scary part is that they think that they are the aware, educated and in the 'right'.
@@killjoyredux8361 Yes, they seem to know everything but themselves right?
@@lostwoodproduction1411 indeed
As we learn about the variety of presentations (overt/covert, grandiose/vunlerable) of narcissism maladaptive behaviors....understanding there is a realm of trauma behaviors that can be recognized and then personal work can transform them, and not many may, can really help shift what individuals want to do for themselves and in groupings at large. We are learning about ourselves deeply and now are learning how to hold ourselves and others accountable. Thank you for continuing to share these conversations.
If you listen to one video today, let it be this one.
true🙏❤🥰
Richard, and anyone else here. Do you know of IFS, Internal Family Systems?
OMG he nailed it on this 😳👌🙏❤️
Blessed be.
Mr. Grannon, Thank you. That's all I can say right now.
My dear Mr. Grannon, the Dracaena trifasciata besides you is so beautiful. It is said this African species removes the evil eye. I think you, Mr. Grannon, teach and educate us to recognize the narcissism evil eye. We are so grateful for your valuable content. Best regards from Brazil!
I thought I could explore CPTSD, narc abuse and trauma etc with my new psyche doctor...I mentioned Richard Grannon and her eyes glazed over... Mentioned Pete Walker and she made a note. Finally, towards the end of the session, she asked: "So, how often do you miss taking your meds?"...I'm done
Look forward to what you have to say on this as I find your work relevant and fascinating.
Thank you.
Have continued following you since I found my healing & released my Narcissist experience/self mirror behind several years back. Learned what I needed & moved on!🙏🤗💖, and I have enjoyed the Life
Journey you've been taking! Doing the same thing! Namaste'🙏🌎💖
Richard, I applaud your points about how we need to stop pathologizing the individual but rather take into consideration the context within which they are living. More models of therapy and life coaching and all the rest of it should take this approach because of the disempowerment and damage the individual focus can bring. Thanks for these points.
I do also learn about boundaries, healthy communication, attunement/atonement, Imago, attachment theory, needs, self love, healthy lifestyle, etc etc.
Excellent advice! Saved to my favorites thank you!
Finally, someone is trying to look at the psychological issues in a complex way! Thank you, Richard! I had a brain tumor. You can't imagine my HORRIBLE behavior for about three years. A psychotherapist would have put all kinds of labels on me at the time, given I went to one. A simple MRI showed a large benign brain tumor. I don't mean to offend anyone, I do want to help: if someone you know or you yourself start to behave in an erratic way the first thing you should is an MRI of the brain.
I have thought there might be something physical going on with a loved one having an episode for three weeks now, but I doubt he will go to the doctor to get it checked out. Sad because I know he is suffering too.
I have been a nurse for 20 years and I worked in mental health and addictions for 10-ish years. You speak many truths that many people in helping professions cannot understand. The medical model--the foundation for how we treat MH&A--is ONE way of knowing/treating... and I am no longer convinced it is the best model.
Exactly! This is why I switched my major in college from psychology to sociology. I thought the psychological perspective is whacked because it treats people like isolated entities which we are not.
Great questions Richard, this should give us all pause to reflect & contemplate!
Pain is not to make you suffer.. it´s to make you take action
Childhood trauma is a big one. Many still think going to a psychologist means there is something wrong with you...or unfit to perform your duties. When they have tools to assist in dealing with the mental strain and how to cope these days. However people should be cautious. While they lead people down the horrible narcissistic vs empath theme. Love has no religion. Thank You for sharing.
So many gems of wisdom! Psychology NOT science. TRUTH! Hole. Hole. Hole. Get out of the hole. Requires ACTION, EFFORT & COURAGE. Thank you for this NEW direction. Resonates. 🙌🏼💗🌸🙏🏼
Followed you and benefitted for 5 years; thank you!
you cant live in a world surrouded by narcissists as a normal person,you need to become a chameleon.that does not mean being bad in any way,just be flexible to deal with whatever comes your way,and know people very well before engaging in somethin with them
We all have to be chameleons in life and society if we want to survive and get on. Seu comentário tá muito certo!
That's true but way too time consuming. It's hard trying to be someone I am not.
I so agree with that. I've always said sympathy and empathy have their place, but after you've received that the question that comes next is, "Now what are you going to do about it?" That's the only way to move forward. If your only move is to gather sympathy or empathy are you any different from other selfish people? It's a big "me, me, me" world out there. Do you want to join in or become a responsible adult? Only you are responsible for your emotions and your actions. No one else is.
your videos helped me put the focus on my own healing and stop obsessively trying to figure out "my" narc ♡ been a fan ever since. Thank you!!!
Great job! You grabbed me and pointed me in a wiser direction.
I 've been obsessed with those videos in the past and have had a resurggence of labeling difficult friends n family members as narcissists. But the cultural model makes more sense than the individual diagnosis. Everything you said was helpful. My first of your videos but im going to subscribe and watch more. Thank you.
You deserve the Nobel Prize for this! Thank you! I need to share this one and only video that makes total sense! You have nailed it 👏🙌. There is a serious narcissistic personality and the degree of this creature is not the majority, thankfully! Not everyone is a narcissistic person, but I promise, you will know when you cross an actual one.
We are a funny culture.
Our coordinates seem at times to be a little "off".
We reward open evil and corruption and depravity when its institutional.
Or when it seems to be "approved" by an institution.
Then we clutch our pearls and screech when an individual behaves in exactly the way their culture just showed them wasnt just "acceptable" but in fact something to be celebrated!
Isnt this odd?
If culture itself is FUNDAMENTALLY NARCISSISTIC isnt it a bit redundant to pick out individuals who are simply manifesting their cultures norms and denounce them?
We attack individuals but institutions are left, it seems, to do whatever the hell they like.
Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at www.spartanlifecoach.com
I have given up. I hope my daughters will be all right and aware . 🙏 thank you very much
Bahaha…🙏🏻 I have never had a therapist who was able to be of help.
I enjoy every video that you make, thank you for your insight. I thought it was interesting that you said "they love to point out how we are wrong". Watching youtube this morning there was an ad that said "8 mistakes you're making in the shower". I don't even know what to say to that but it was at that moment I realized how often we're told we suck. The song "Buttholes" by Tom MacDonald comes to mind. If you haven't heard him I found him to be very gifted at his craft. God bless you all and your families.
Thank you, Richard! Been on a similar journey and come to a similar conclusion. Enough of the blaming, shaming and box ticking already. We all need to start taking more responsibility for where we find ourselves both as a culture and as individuals, and stop being trapped in victimhood.
The only Narcissism videos I ever watch, excessively are HG Tudor YT channel. He breaks it down, tells the truth in simple terms (sometimes quite dark). I have been given the gift of clarity with him. With you too Richard. Thank you! 🌹
I learned something this summer. I got a foster cat mom in late June. She came with 2 lil kittens that I of course got way too attached to and decided to keep. One is a silky black male total luv bug and he's calm and I can do anything to him and he stays mellow. The female is a Siamese ( different daddies lol? ) and she's coy, and clever, selfish, hard headed, wants to do what she wants to do and not what I tell her LOL...in other words she's just a sociopath. The little bit of love she does show me seems more satisfying because I have to "earn it." LOL I realized how pandering I've been to hard to get people to treat me sweet. I've largely been able to get rid of most of these out of my life people wise. I think the little female ( WHO WILL NEVER BE TRULY SWEET LOL ) will remind me to keep my Narcs furry and strictly feline! He reminds me of me when I was younger. He's more like a doggie?
After following your earlier work for the last 5 months this has come at just the right time. very freeing and uplifting advice. Thank you
Things like this vid have a way of popping up just at the right moment! Thanks!
I don't see innocence in children like before. That gift has been taken from the air only my pets and animals show their ability to live in the moment
Youre right, Richard. the good thing is now we can spot it and avoid it/put them in their place. We've grown!
Grieving is one thing, moving on is a bit more challenging.
I agree with 99% of what you’re saying and that those that heal are applying the strategies for healing you discussed. I agree that over intellectualizing prevents true healing. I also think we are fortunate that information about narcissism is out there and that we’re better off having it available than not. Putting a blanket over the information would be a step backwards in my view point. Boundaries on how the information is used is perhaps a better strategy - to avoid ego stroking and promote healing (in the ways some here have suggested has worked well.) This was a great video. Thank you!
@19:51 “What could YOU do differently?” It’s called finally TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY for self… and GROWING UP.
Wow. Yes. You totally Nailed it !!! Gotta crawl out of the Damn Hole.
NObody is coming to save me. Ok - I must Focus on the Positive things ** I CAN DO ** !!!!
THANK YOU !!!
Great content.
I agree with we need to allow ourselves to feel everything that comes up within us, experience the feeling fully, learn from it what needs to be learned and move on. Our emotional growth is crucial to our overall well-being, but if we get stuck on a feeling then the growth gets blocked and we experience all sorts of unbalances inside and out.
Thank you for the video.
Wow yes completely thank you, you just re read everything I was trying to explain to myself. Nice one dude xx
you are brilliant, excellent and very clear in your way of teaching, and funny.
Excellent speech Ritchie as always, you use such good logic and wisdom , this one is a revelation for me, (taking back your toys).. as you said in one of your videos it's time to live in the now and be productive and creative as much as we can making the best use of our time to reinvent ourself as it were, to be a better than ever version of ourselves, and stop dwelling on the past, focus on positivity not on negativity.👍🙏
Fortunately in my counseling training program, we ARE taught to be tentative with our language. “This may be caused by…” “Client reports feeling… which is consistent with a diagnosis of…” We speak subjectively and not as knowers of clear facts. Completely agree with the points of this video. 👌🏻
I think Richard, you need to calm down. Your videos over the years had helped me to heal myself, protect myself and thought me to analyse people motives around me. But now I feel like you are in the same place as I was, angry and frustrated. knowing everything doesn't mean you won't get hurt.
In my experience, the actual rule of my culture is summed up in the question “well, what are you gonna do about it?”. If you lack the ability to force someone to stop hurting or exploiting yourself or others you’re just… kinda screwed.
What is your culture out of interest?
If we resist evildoers, the evildoers will flee from us.
@@cheekibreeki4492 hi! I appreciate the curiosity but in order to not get hundreds of angry notifications everyday I’m going to reserve that information. Anyone can disagree or agree depending on where they are but my own experience itself isn’t negotiable, so I won’t invite people to a party I’m not having. I do appreciate your interest.
Marching around saying “hole hole hole hole hole” ahahahahaha, so funny but because it’s so true and basic, and TRUE. 😂😂😂😂
It's like excessively overweight people who cannot get up off the couch but they continue to eat too much and not exercise - the condition itself keeps them down and from taking action - there needs to be a transformation of the mind and heart to take action that will change their physiology.
Fair point. Love listening to you. Thanks for sharing
I did. I noticed i was spending way too much energy on it .
I love your model of understanding people... it comes down to values and boundaries.
You've made so many excellent points here! We need to learn to move on.
I like the emphasis on "models" and "stories" which can be categorised as "helpful" or "unhelpful" rather then "true" or "false". So much so called "professionalism" remains trapped in assessment of need and risk, "when did the problem start?", "what other problems came with the problem?" none of which informs the path to take, and, infact what the solution will look like will bear no resemblance to the origins of our problems, there is no logical connection between the two.
"What can YOU do?" Boom!! It must be you doing it, how lovely :-)
Wonderful video, thank you 🙏✌️✨
I had 3 significant sexual relationships in my life, looking back they, were all the wrong fit, but only one was a narcissist. Love your videos man👌💪🌃💜
Thank you, Richard!
great explaining richard,always excite me with your deeply undesrtanding ability✨💫💙
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3 1-5
Thank you, Paul, just what's needed,' The Royal We' by Kevin on youtube, it would be good for you Richard to, give it a go.
jeeez 😀 it's these times or defintley near future 😄💫💫
2nd Timothy totally describes a entire culture of people who are very "Narcissistic", I believe we are there NOW. Unfortunately I also see it getting worse. There is NO Hero coming to save us, we must be the Hero thise who have the eyes to see (the truth), and the ears to hear (and comprehend).
I can say with 100 percent certainty that my ex is a malignant narcissist. He hit me with a glass and then called his mom for help. Then the next day he told me I hit myself with the glass as I sat home from work with 2 black eyes. One of many examples….
driven, seeking answers to relational difficulties and negotiating our part and if there is anything we can fix...course correct...but it
Sorry I missed it live. Spot on Richard.
@ 5:44 in my youth, I noticed the comedy dynamic of Sony and Cher as the 1st blip of this on my media horizon.
I felt that a false equivalency was drawn with the physical humor of fellow icons Ball and Burnett.
Bufoonery and slapstick were light hearted and silly.
Sadly the iconic show was a feminist version of HER skillfully jabbing him with words as if wielding an 18 inch long hat pin. Watch the slow erosion of the energy of their art & marriage. Glad that we still got to see HER talent down other paths & grateful her lack of stand up comedy skills becomes glaring when jabbing HIM can't be the setup for every joke.
Glad we got HIS talents, representing his constituents well & with integrity.
Thanks for letting me vent this.
@Douglas Farshtey I was a teenage "Jesus Freak" and the glee that some women had over the vicious barbs made towards him me feel sad for everyone.
I want to see Richard Grannon on Tinfoil Hat podcast.
Or two mikes…
Yes i came to that...it's everywhere ...i think it's in every relationship...some degree of unconscious usory...ulterior motives....ex;exploitation...and it helps to see the dynamics so you catch urself playing into them or perpetuating that...then change those patterns in you and choose to be in ur life with people who do that. So in relationship or communication can grow..mutually.
When in pain ...and recognize where it started......see it..talk about it ...don't deny or suppress it , but once or twice or maybe three times is enough...then..own it..move on. Do and be what and who you want to . That's what the science of brain and neural nets proves you can do . Takes focusing on THAT not on the past...to change it in you. So glad to hear this perspective ...wholly agree with and is another refreshingly relevant timely important message.
ends up, its us trying to control ..other behavior to help us validate our own..🥰🥰Narcissism entrained in each culture
Richard! My ex had a vascular brain scan through Amen Clinics here in the US. He is off the charts narcissistic. But very covert, charming, and intelligent. Absolutely zero emotional intelligence or sense of empathy. But he’s dang good at mirroring others when he gets the admiration and obedience he craves.
His brain scan showed no blood flow to the insula, and some “compromise“ or damage to the right prefrontal cortex. The doctor said his back brain was compensating. Great. The reptilian brain. 🙄
I have read up quite a bit on the insula, and some are saying it is the closest to the “seat of the soul“ that we have been able to find.
I know there is more research to be done, but to me this sounds like a brain scan that can detect narcissism, and or psychopathy. My ex actually fits into the narcissistic psychopath category quite well. And it’s sad, because he was not always like that. At least I don’t think so… Cognitive dissonance anyone??
I love listening to you!
My intellectual vanity is crushing super hard on you right now. Hahahaa. Love what you had to say
Very good comment, Richard!
Thank you so much Richard!
Most women: My ex boyfriend/husband was a narcissist!
Friend: Whys that?
Most women: He broke up with me when I cheated on him.
Friend: Oh.
There is actually a video about how narcs will subconsciously seek out women with BPD and push them to cheat to experience mortification. But saying "most women" sounds misogynistic.
Yeah true, mental maturation over painful issues is addictive and easy to slip into, I have this challenge as do many I suspect.
Narcissism is a dynamic. A roleplay. We take turns.
There is a difference between being occasionally “selfish”, and narcissism. For example, if you are having some health problems, expecting friends or family to help you out is selfish, but not narcissistic. It’s not an ongoing pattern of using people. Also, you will help them when they need it. True narcissists NEVER take turns. It’s all about them, ALWAYS. If you have one as a partner, don’t ever get sick. They will either expect you to keep serving them and their ego, or leave.
You're right. What I meant by taking turns is that (from my personal experience) in some relationships I was perceived as the narcissist (probably) by my partner, and in other cases, my partner was perceived as a narcissist by me. I have seen it occuring also in close friends relationships. And in child parent relationships as well...
A CPTSD population exhibiting narcissistic behaviors, often/usually in loyalty to person/belief/cause, and processing all social communication at every level through lenses of loyalty - not objective truth. It is a legacy of the past that our institutions and congenital wiring, are crafted to support continued rule in this state without real change. The basest rule over us - but when we learn how, and help each other not to cooperate, their loss of power could be perceived perceived by them as an existential threat. Their wired for that.
Brilliant as always!
Love Thyself.Look,Gran loves you.
I had to go to a trendy part of my city earlier to get some tasks done and felt disconcerted by how people were practically walking into me. There was a really noticeable arrogant obnoxious vibe amongst the people, mainly students there. Three young women were walking on the pavement three abreast forcing me to stand aside or walk into them. Two tall teenage boys nearly knocked me over on their scooters on the pavement. Lots of people were walking around in fashionable clothes with with their noses in the air. I feel like I'm not obnoxious or arrogant enough to be part of society a lot of the time, I feel like I get looked down on, ignored, laughed at and even walked into. It definitely felt as if narcissism was the standard in that part of the the city anyway.
Richard you have a success here 🙌 with the emotional literacy. I did it/own it/know it.