I had a rule for myself after childhood crushes that if I started catching feelings for someone I needed to ask them out within 2 weeks. I got rejected most times I did it but it still felt worth doing because it lowers the emotional stakes a lot. It lets the person know that I'm interested on the off chance they change their mind while allowing me to move on and not make further emotional investment on that person in a romantic context. The pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain I experienced having long-term crush on a friend during my adolescence. I struggled with it and it made me hold off on opportunities I could have had with other people.
Yup, I had an 8 year long crush, never confessed to... confessing and getting rejected early kinda feels better... though, it's generally after a month of knowing or more..
Totally agree, it´s the only way you can heal from those feelings and move on. The pain of rejection doesn´t last for long. The pain of never saying it, lasts forever. I wish I had made that decision before I was 25. After that age I started confessing to the guys I liked and never regreted it, even though I was rejected. Now I know I had the guts to do everything that was in my hands to be happy.
You have no idea. Infatuation is a chemical reaction very similar to doing drugs physiologically. Rationing your exposure, planning it exactly how much you can indulge yourself and following through can make the high last longer and be more satisfying. Take it from me, I've been infatuared with a girl for 12 years now and we live in different states.
Better advice. Don't be covert and sneaky about your intentions. If you flirt, flirt. But don't try to sneak into a relationship by being a friend.....
The fuck am I supposed to fucking do then? I can't tell them Im in love but I can't keep it to myself either...and what is "flirting"? I don't get it man.
No worries my guy. 1. The reason you dont confess your love is this. a. It means you have been discretely investing time and resources in her with unclear intentions and that comes off as cowardly, insecure and just plain manipulative. How can she trust a man who is being covert with his intentions and can't contend with the world boldly? b. If you are that infatuated with her without even having a relationship its because deep down you believe that her as the feminine ideal can somehow validate your miserable existence. Whichs means not only do you not even know her as a real individual, but you are also so pathetic you need her to make your existence have meaning or value. Woman can smell that on you. and its bad. 2. Flirting is the playful, teasing act of testing a potential partner. However you have to be in the right state of mind, and to be in the right state of mind you gotta be in the right place in life. If you are super depressed and anxious you're not going to be able to flirt. If you don't have a car, a stable living environment, a means of making money and a routine then chances are you are barely hanging on to reality and you have ALOT of reasons to be depressed and anxious. So if that is the case then first take care of those issues, then you will be able to get into that "play" mode where youre teasing, making jokes and having fun. This combined with the "making intentions known" is how you flirt. 3. Making your intentions known. Straight up tell her you like her and why. "You're cute, and I like x and y about you. We should go out on a date." and if she immediately rejects you then she could just be playing hard to get. Unless she is married or in a relationship, don't take it to heart and either dismiss it and try again, or play it cool and try again later. Women instinctually want to see you as a man go after what you want, especially when others don't want to give it to you. And frankly you as a man don't want a woman that will say yes right away. 4. Authenticity and this is the biggest one. Women are LOOKING for COMPETENCY and AUTHENTICITY. The greatest marker for competency has been wealth, but we live in a clown world where thats not the case. Plenty of women are getting burned by pyschopaths to fake the markers for competency and end up resenting all men. Authenticity means to be honest, not lie, genuinely be vulnerable and authentic with who you are. and if you can't do that then who you are isn't worth a damn ((YET)) but if you start being more honest with yourself and others, start adopting more responsibility then you will inevitably become more COMPETENT and AUTHENTIC, and thats what all women want. I hope this helped you out man, I took a few minutes to write it. Godbless brother and goodluck. @@ridleyroid9060
Feelings are instinctual and reactionary. As men we are meant ot temper ourselves against giving into all desire of the heart. That being said almost all guys fall in love with their friend girls. Men and women cannot just be friends.@@Danzilla1996
@@williamhamilton5868all this wall of text just breaks with how women treats celebs and rock stars saying the weirdest stuff to people that they see for the first time. I will not follow the rules that most people are not following as well.
"Hey, how would you feel if I asked you out on a date?" is so much better than some big confession of feelings. It's easygoing and flirtatious, and frames it like no big deal if they say no.
If you ask out your crush on a date out of nowhere, they will get curious first and you would probably need to confess at some point before you could get an answer. While it may not be the same thing, eventually, you would need to confess anyway.
Is that how it is? I've never had to say anything until things get "physical" just as a natural course of things and I have to ask if they are trying to make it a reoccurring thing or not. Or if we don't do that first it's pretty easy to tell that we have more than friend chemistry
Dumping your feelings on a crush is like when *a cat proudly drops a dead mouse on your feet.* I know it means a lot to the cat, but wtf am I supposed to do with this??
There are 2 options. Accept it and give the cat a pat on the head for their effort, or scoop it up and put it in the trash after telling the cat, "Thanks, I appreciate it, but no." Really kinda depends on how much you like the cat.
@brandotenda The point is that you should just ask someone on a date. Give them something to say a clear "yes" or "no" to. If someone confesses their feelings for me, I don't know if they were just getting it off their chest but know I don't like them, so I don't have to do anything, or if they want to immediately jump into a serious relationship since we already know each other, or wtf it is they want from me.
It really depends! I think if the confession was made to someone actually CARE about your emotions or your wellbeing.. they would not run away, they would take it seriously to consideration no matter how weird or alot it my have sounded.. i think thats what id do, cuz in my mind, your emotions matter as mine.
I confessed to my friend, because I grew feelings for him and didn't want to mislead him into thinking that I only see him as a friend. Fast forward, we're engaged now.
@@ryand1404 naw from what I've seen romance anime are for lonely incel men who fell validated by seeing cute high-school girls fawning on a below average dude
i confessed to my partner using a powerpoint… for multiple reasons, i didn’t want to just say it out of the blue. we were also 100% texting at the time (long distance) so i didn’t want to send a message saying, “i have something important to tell you” because i thought that’d be intimidating. so, i made a powerpoint explaining how i feel decorated with stock images to lighten it up. i made sure to affirm that whatever he feels is fine, i cherish him all the same. also, that he could reply whenever he wanted, i could wait. so, i sent it to him without saying what it was. and now our fourth anniversary is coming up. he still has the powerpoint..
Honestly, I reckon this sh!t only works when the girl is the adorer. When the script is flipped, girls get spooked and seem afraid to communicate clearly.
Funny. That’s actually how I chose my partner. He confessed his love for me and that’s what I needed. Nobody did this for me because they were trying too hard to keep the leverage in their ball park. I personally hated it because it became a game of who can be cooler and less caring than who. My man completely opened up to me and lost all leverage in this game we call love but I loved it because I knew it wasn’t a game. Now we’re the happiest we’ve ever been.
Agreed!! This is an experience that's really subjective to each person, because 2 out of the 3 times that I confessed it worked out great. Different people have different preferences. Some prefer the game and like to play it cool and have it played cool to them, while others (like you and I) prefer to let it all out in the open and be more honest!! :3
@@bockchoy123eI definitely agree with you too on professing your feelings and just putting it out there. That way you know for sure if The other person is into you. Just don't go too hard with your expression. Just straight to the point then the balls in their court
@@marklouis1890 for sure. I think if you're honest like "hey man, i think you're cool and i like you" nothing wrong with that. What was mentioned in the video was actually a form of confessing that i agree is quite harmful, the "oh dear, i need you, i miss you, i love you, come to me" blah blah blah... That is exactly right in saying that we should hold off on that form of confession. Really all it comes down to is immaturity. If you confess in a mature way, it's not harmful. If you confess in an immature way, it is. Same with playing the game. Sure it's fun, but at the end of the day, love isn't the game. Love is love, and it takes real maturity to get to that. People who play the game are immature like teenagers who wanna flirt and have fun, just as much as the teenagers who say they would die for their love and profess it in such a way.
@@bockchoy123e It's not that you have to hold off on the confession It's that you don't want to come off too clingy, sharing too many emotions too quickly I think that's what he was trying to get across in the video. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting your feelings be known in a subtle way, then take things from there
Definitely do tell people you are interested. Just do it casually "Hey I like you. Would you like to go out sometimes? It's ok if you don't. Just let me know." Best case scenario they are interested. Worst case scenario they aren't interested and you can move on instead of keep crushing on them like a fool that's too scared to go out of thw friendzone.
The other week a buddy of mine went into a store and he made a joke about a song by creed playing in the store. He goes up to the girl and tells her he’s sorry she has to listen to bad music. She said she made the playlist and loved creed. We all laughed, it was genuinely the funniest moment of foot in mouth I’ve seen from him. Flash forward to last week, we went to the same store and saw her. She recognized us and started playing creed. We laugh about it, but then, out of the fucking blue my buddy goes, “the joke was really funny. But I’ve been so love deprived lately that honestly I love the attention!” And her whole body language changed. Then he suddenly started just dumping about a bunch of emotional stuff. From the look on her face, you could tell it was a, “woah, this is a little too much.” Then after we left, he had the audacity to look me in the eyes and say, “I was gonna ask for her number, but I got nervous because she was at work. And I didn’t want to make it weird!” Like my dawg, you just fumbled harder than you’ll ever know. TLDR; don’t just dump emotionally heavy stuff on strangers, especially people you have a crush on. It’s mad dumb.
Did you explain that to him afterwards, or did you just drop the subject? He sounds like the sort of person that needs things explained very explicitly.
This feels like a personal attack. When I was 15 I sent a girl a letter. A fucking letter, gushing about my feelings for her. It went down like a lead balloon, as 24 year old me would expect.
Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I could still be friends with that one girl.😅Luckily, I have found my true love several years later, so I don't give a crap anymore.
Same. But that's the kind of expy that leads to personal growth I guess. When you cannot be cringy at 17 years old when can you? That's the perfect time to fail. Hard.
Uhm there is no such thing as bollywood soap operas. No one talks in English in soap operas and bollywood is a film industry. No one in bollywood talks like this either.
Absolutely agree! Receiving that dump is sooo uncomfortable. I had multiple crushes as a teenager and in my early 20’s. Trust me you - you don’t need to confess your love. Chances are that you’re emitting strong (and potentially awkward) vibes. So that person very likely already knows you like them. They may either choose to avoid you like the plague or they might choose to still remain friends with you whilst not telling you they know. If you need to tell them, then keep it simple and definitely don’t dump your emotions on them. If they agree to go on a date with you, take it easy and slowly, giving them the time and space to get to know you and like you for you who truly are. If they don’t feel the same way, it’s not a bad reflection on them, it’s just not working for them and you haven’t found the one just yet.
@@MELLMAOMaybe they like psychology more or you know, money isn't their sole motivator in life. Sounds like the type of person I'd want to be my psychologist.
The main thing is you have to get to know them a bit first, and if you feel that you really click well, then ask them if they would be interested in a date from the get go. Don't just randomly ask them on a date if they hardly know you exist. Establish some type of rapport first. And ask them out fairly early when you first get to know them. That way, if they reject you, it won't really hurt as much because you don't have all those built up feelings yet.
Damn i did this and it backfired so bad 😀 didnt ask him for a date but i did basically "dump" my feelings for him 😭 after that he went like silent and told me its not awkward. But i feel like the rest 5 months got really awkward even though i think hes trying his best to not make it weird..
@@nanasenoah8139 It's not playing games. You are assessing whether this person is right for you. For example, if y'all have the same sense of humour, or perhaps if y'all have somewhat similar interests and can actually hold a conversation with each other for a prolonged period of time. If you ask them out before you get to know just a little bit, then the two of you are dating purely out of physical attraction. Physical attraction is obviously important, but you need to be attracted to their personality as well. I'm not saying you need to know everything about the person before you ask them out. You just need to know who they are at a surface level, then you can get to know them better when you actually go on a date. Also, if the girl knows you a little bit and she appreciates the way you communicate, then she'll be more likely to say yes to a date. If she has no idea who you are and you just ask her out, she's more likely to say no because you just put her on the spot. Get what I'm saying?
I just wonder how you can ask someone out early on when you simply don't feel anything towards them yet... like I can't just randomly fall in love with someone I've barely interacted with. A lot of the time I've fallen in love, it happened after a year or a few of being friends..
I needed to hear this when I was 17.. I'm now 30 and still haven't recovered from the embarassement, cringe, and trauma of rejection. I don't think it'll ever fade away. If you're thinking of confessing through a letter like I did.... Don't. Safe yourself So many moments of flashbacks full of embarrassment and wanting the earth to swallow you. Just don't. My brain is literally still processing what happened, I still have dreams about that person full of feelings of inferiority and embarrassment.
in the grand scheme of your life, that moment is a fly in the ointment. It happened when you were a teenager who had yet to face the world. Learn to look back and laugh rather than cringe. When attempting to get with someone new, be upfront with them now you've matured. A moment in the beginning should not eat away at the moments you live now.
I, too, feel a lot of shame about my younger self (for different reasons), but my man… you don’t deserve to suffer and beat yourself up over it for 13 years 😢. I genuinely hope you can one day regain your confidence and find peace ❤
Sounds crappy if the person kind of string you along in a flirtatious 5.0 kind of way... Than again maybe that person was like this 24/7 around the opposite sex? You will never admit that to yourself or to the public which is why the diagnosis of this rejection will forever be in your head. Bottom line: You either got played? Or else the other person was fully in the wrong which made your feelings very valid at the time.
Eh, depends. My ex made a beautiful confession to me. We were standing in a meadow, surrounded by thousands of flowers and the sounds of crickets, and it was a warm summer afternoon. He told me how he felt for me and how I had caught his eye from the moment he first saw me. I thought it was extremely brave of him. Long story short, we had 5 beautiful years together, and I will always treasure this memory. It has become one of my core memories, if you will. Sometimes, it's worth taking the leap, but that doesn't mean it's not risky.
It’s sad how unusual it is to see someone mentioning an ex without completely attacking their character and making them sound horrible calling them a narcissist etc. I’ve been with someone for 3 years I hope if it ends it’ll be like that.
@billjones642 Nope, still alive and well, as far as I know. We got separated by Covid for three years. He couldn't leave his country, and I wasn't allowed back in because I wasn't a citizen, and we hadn't gotten married yet. When we met again after three years, a lot of things had changed and we had to make a really hard decision. In a way, you are right, the man that I had fallen in love with had died, he didn't exist anymore. It was absolutely devastating, we'd been each other's first loves and had expected to be with each other forever. But sometimes life has other plans. Took me a good six months to mourn, to be finally able to move on. But that doesn't mean I can't still treasure those memories and be thankful for the time we had together.
@@pricklycatsssyeah, well I guess that's because people don't usually feel a need to share their good ex stories so much. 😅 it's good to talk about bad ones because it needs a lot of processing to make sure it doesn't happen again and the validation is great after a mind breaking dose of invalidation :3
He's not saying don't tell her. He's saying don't confess as if it's a crime. Don't dump a load of built up emotion in her lap. Just say, "I like you, do you want to go out sometime?"
You don't spew out all your romance and fantasies like your mind does whenever you're in your bed, you just woke from a warm dream, and you're having your bittersweet "feeling lonely and in love" moment. So, chances are said person is your friend, just talk to them! "I've actually been having these feelings, do you feel like talking about it?" It's just like that time you two talked when you were feeling sad, or that time you were feeling angry. Now you have another feeling, what's up? You just talk.
You could tell them you're interested, just don't go into too much depth and detail. For example, if you've been looking at them and thinking about them for a long time, they don't need to know for how long.
Yeah just ask them out without doing a 30min presentation on how much you like them beforehand. They will know your interested (since it's a clear sign) but won't feel overwhelmed.
I believe he's not saying "don't show interest" just "don't make someone feel responsible for your emotional state and retroactively force them to reinterpret your friendship"
Sure, but there are far far far far better ways of trying to get something romantic happening with someone you’re crushing on than spewing your feelings all over them. It very very rarely brings the desired result.
@@shardadongre1069 Just ask if they want to go on a date. It's more difficult if you are already friends with them, especially if for many years. But basically just ask as politely and clearly as possible without putting too much baggage on them. It's less difficult for them to deal with if it's a rejection and you're more likely to get a good response
@@shardadongre1069 it sucks, but move on and ask someone else. I've only had one relationship but had two rejections before that. 30% success rate isn't that bad in all honesty
I followed your advice about having a discussion rather than confessing, and while disappointed that my best friend didn't reciprocate my feelings for her, I'm extremely relieved that our close friendship remains stable and she isn't weirded out by me. And I'm okay with us being friends and not something more, because as friends we're still damn close and really appreciate each other's company. Thank you Dr. K 🙏
Dude got friend zoned and is trying to be ok with it. Walk away man, find a girl who actually cares about you like you do her. Some of us are just waiting for a guy, so don’t waste your time on a “friend”
Dr. K as always spitting facts!! I've had it happen once maybe twice to me that someone out of the blue backed me into a corner and confessed to me. It was awkward and always destroyed the friendship. It doesn't take the receiving person's feelings into consideration. In my current relationship it was a slow build from our friendship and it developed into something more through glances and touches then having a mature conversation along the lines of: 'I've love spending time with you and I would love to see where this goes, what's your opinion?' Instead of being blindsided and quite literally ambushed by someone you only considered a friend. And now you have to retrospectively reevaluate all your interactions with this person. A confessions like this out of nowhere and completely lacking any maturity and is putting so much pressure and anxiety on the receiving person. You'll most likely end up ruining the relationship you have with that person
I once got a message from a guy I had never noticed, and he wrote within 3 messages that he had seen me 2 years back, and he had been looking at me for a while. It was weird to imagine this stranger looking at me. I've been looking at people too, but I don't tell them. I was not looking for a boyfriend at a time, so I rejected him politely and tried to explain why it was over the top.
Honestly as a guy I’ve done worse I actually lost a good friend because I admit I had interest in her and honestly I became her friend because I had interest and I regret it I would of been better off just asking her out from the start and talking it from there but I spent months makeing her my friend and well if I wish I hadn’t got friend zoned instantly and I wish she was still a friend she was amazing and always giving me food I kind of thought she was into me because she said she really missed haveing a man to cook for i kind of thank the problem was she was 26 and I’m 21 and she said she was into older guys and that hurts even after 7 months because I can’t change my age
@@jeremybeaverson7167 That sounds painful :/ I personally wouldn't go on a date with a person I just met, but a week or two might make a difference, so asking early might be a good idea. The guy I rejected, I don't think he was very invested, because he had just left another relationship, and he found a new relationship less than a month later.
@@jamiececilielange5249 thanks it was but for context she was a co worker and we had few casual conversations before we became friends and I’m still dealing with it I’ve had a really hard time with social anxiety and meeting people lately honestly before I just thought I was a introvert guy but know I realize I’m a extroverted person that doesn’t know how to build connections
@jeremybeaverson7167 you got so close and then you started talking about the friend zone. The friend zone doesn't exist my guy. She wasn't ever really your friend, she was someone you were pursuing without being honest about your motivations, and that killed any chance you had at a real friendship with her. Learn from it, heal, try again.
@@RojaJanemanactually I kind of know the reason she basically said she was afraid to hurt me because she had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship and it destroyed her ironically it obviously hurt me anyway it made me feel like I was closer than I ever thought
Agreed, I find crushing on someone for an extended amount of time is ridiculous. Such as weeks, months, or even years. You are basically in a one-sided relationship. Your "falling" in love with them. Or more accurately your precived image of them. But they aren't developing romantic feelings for you. So if you do express your romantic interest to them, you have two problems. One, they turn you down, and now you're heartbroken because their rejection is equivalent to a breakup. Or two, they say yes, but they're at ground zero with their feeling. While your leaps and bounds above them. So ya, if you're developing feelings for someone, to heck with fear of rejections, just calmly inform them of your interest and go from there. Because the only time unrequited love works in favor of the protagonist is in books and film.
imo you should still confess to your crush, not in a needy/cringe way, ofc (which is what Dr. K is saying I believe), but like an fyi. Not only does it let you move on from them quicker if the answer is no (the sooner you find out the better) but it *can* also induce feelings into the other person if they are unsure. Not confessing at all is bad because you never even give yourself a chance!
I don't think he means don't confess your interest. You should absolutely ask them out and express your interest. The earlier the better. But don't confess all these feelings you have for them. Just makes you look obsessed....which you might be, but that's weird.
Man i needed this comment, because this video made me feel kind off ashamed because i confessed to a girl this week. Not in weird way or anything just asked to hang out because i liked her but she wasn’t interested in me even though it seemed that way (for me at least). In the end i hope and don’t think i did anything wrong or weird but now my whole school knows about it (classic).
Brilliant advice. Wish I heard that as a younger person but, better late than never. Talk about feelings early in an objective manner, not later on in a dramatic and unreasonable way. Thank you Dr. K ♡
why not? men always say they wish women were more straightforward. and when girls like a guy they’re always questioning whether it’s mutual and afraid to make a fool of themselves, so it’s best to just tell them. also saves wasting time if it’s not mutual
My personal experiences have been different. My first love(it was beyond just a crush) told me he just wanted to keep things platonic and if I hadn't told him I was into him, I'd probably still be hoping for him for a long time after that confession. My second confession was with someone already in a relationship and I heavily prefaced my confession by telling him with "I don't want a relationship, I just want you to understand". Telling him was a way of letting go of something that was bogging me down for months, and he just accepted it and appreciated me telling him. While I don't have those feelings for either of those people anymore, they're probably some of my closest friends because they accepted my feelings and were honest in return
I dont think he means "never confess". I think he means 1- dont wait too long to confess and 2-don't be fucking dramatic. They don't need to know the depths of your feelinga. Just say "i like you"
@@Pomagranite167 Title seems to imply otherwise, but I think you're right cause this is a clip from another longer video and I think context is missing
Probably because of the opposite end of the confession dynamic. When someone you're not interested in tells you they have feelings for you, it creates this weird sense of guilt and almost like you are responsible for the other person's feelings. While this isn't true, it can definitely feel that way and as a result, people will distance themselves from you so as not to lead you on or make you think there's false hope when there isn't. Not that this is an appropriate response, but it's a way that women in particular have been socially conditioned to operate in order to keep ourselves safe because we tend to be blamed for the poor responses of men when they get rejected. Learn how to be platonic friends with women you have no interest in dating. Be honest about your motivations for forming friendships in the first place. Things will go better for you.
I actually told a girl I liked that I had a crush on her and it went really well, she seems quite atttracted to me as well. Unfortunately she has a boyfriend and lives in another country (I met her at a youth workers training program). The thing is to not dump any heavy emotions on the other person - resolve them first, then tell the person you have a crush on them in a casual, flirty manner. That works way better and is way more effective. BTW, I don't plan on destroying her relationship, if she is meant to be with her boyfriend. However if at any point that doesn't work out for them, well there's now a way higher chance we might hook up (if she becomes single) than before.
If confession is bad because it can happen after the feelings build up too much, then there's an implication that confessing is better early on so there's less tension to dump.
I agree, telling people you have a crush on them is not good. Your friends going and telling that person that you have a crush on them is also not good either so if you really want somebody don't tell your friends bout it unless they are trustworthy and don't cross lines.
ive been confessed to by a few friends and ive always wondered why i felt like crap each time. i thought it was just the guilt from not being able to reciprocate but thats an interesting perspective i hadnt considered lol
It's a terrible thing for someone to do because it's basically them making their feelings your responsibility, which is totally unfair. Most of the time, we can tell/know deep down if someone is reciprocal of our attraction and confessions are usually done as a way to try and force something that isn't really there either because of naivety or entitlement. Either way, it's an awful thing to do to someone you supposedly feel deeply for.
@@dangerxbadger2300If you can not listen to someone’s feelings without making it your responsibility, that is an issue with you, not them. You are responsible for no one’s feelings other than your own. If someone talks about their feelings/ them liking you, you can just say I think we would be better off as friends. You are not responsible for them being attracted to you
@leetaylor5345 this doesn't hold much water when you consider how women are socially conditioned. Sure, we technically aren't responsible for someone's feelings, but it sure feels that way when a confession happens. Not to mention the victim blaming that happens should we reject the confessor and they get violent...
@@sakurahirawa I mean as far as confessions go or being toxic yeah you are absolutely correct. However, it is an undeniable fact that women are socially conditioned differently than men and therefore are more likely to respond differently in this situation but I agree, it is awful to do to someone no matter the gender. And I say this as a woman who used to do this very thing.
I think it depends on how you do it. I knew being totally open was a stupid idea and wanted to keep the friendship so i opted for "ey, i know, wiered situation cause age difference so if you say no, the topic is closed, but you're a super charming person, would you go out with me " Obviously better worded but you catch my drift, show interest but not being pushy and overbearing, just a casual question. He said no and stated that he rather keep things as they are, we never talked about it again, but i still feel better because now i have clarity and i know there is no use in actively nurturing those feelings hoping he likes me too.
Thank you so much finally a voice of reason. I've been thinking about this a lot and I really find it terrible to dump your emotions on someone else who probably doesn't even know who you are and then expect them to be responsive.
For real. You can be heartfelt and act like an adult at the same time. Be aware of the potential pressure it can create for the other person and filter your emotions a tiny bit, but if you think someone is the most amazing person in the world and you’re just gonna be like “Hey I was wondering if you ever wanna go on a date” that’s just inhuman to me
Confessing is dumping your emotions you bonobo 🤣. When you CONFESS, you don’t play patty cake with the person. You dump that shit that’s been in on your mind to free/relieve yourself. THEY ARE THE SAME THING.
he is right tho still. what he is basically describing is how confessing turns into basically “dumping” because when u confess it is rly serious to u and puts pressure on another person
I'm an avid believer in letting things develop organically from a friendship. The friendship could naturally become flirty, and over time, if the feelings become clear as day and nothing goes awry, conversations about dating or marriage can be had.
Absolutely. I see my friends getting into situations where they've involved themselves romantically/sexually with someone they barely know. Then, it turns out they're incompatible, there's a red flag or they just have zero common interests and oh, look, now they're upset! It's going to do a lot of damage over time if you attach your heart to people so quickly. It blows my mind how many people think that it's somehow impossible to carry on a friendship with the opposite sex. I honestly find it unsurprising that these people are often the same ones that are so bitter about love. Queer people get used to being friends with potential partners REAL quick and we survive! Straight people can too! (sorry for the rant, I just agree with your sentiment very strongly!)
@@himesilva afaik it's generally bad for your chances. The friendzone is great, especially if it's mutual, most of my pals rn are girls, but usually moving it into romantic territory is harder than just starting off that way and seeing if it works.
Yes it can work... But honestly, being good friends does not necessarily translate well into a successful romantic relationship, because being a good friend doesn't automatically mean being a good partner. My ex-girlfriend was just my friend at first and things didn't work out. Sometimes I even think she listened more to me and respected me more when we were just friends, but not really gonna rant about it. Just giving an example. In summary, I'd say being a good partner requires more of people than being a good friend, and even when you think you know your friend enough, when you enter a romantic relationship with them you're going to see a side of them that you never got to see before There's also the fact that dating a friend is like opening a Pandora's box in the sense that your relationship won't ever be the same again
The important parts are: 1) Have multiple friends, especially friendships you may be interested in developing further. No sin to be friendly. 2) Make sure to match their investment. If they aren't putting in as much as you are, it's okay to withdraw. 3) Understand that it may never be more than a friendship, but that's okay because you wanted their company as a friend first and foremost. Having more friends who are cute and have similar interests to you is not a bad thing. If you do this, you won't hyperfocus on one single relationship until you're sure there's a path forward. That helps with countering "Nice Guy Syndrome" where you're trying to use your friendship as currency for a romantic or sexual relationship. It's not, but you are open to seeing who's willing to match your interest in more. That's normal and good, that's not being a Nice Guy that's being someone open to opportunities. Friendship isn't a currency, but sometimes friendship can grow into more.
@@danielpam6310 thanks :D I asked her out on 12/22 so this is still kinda raw but I think it's only going pretty well so far! Gl to you with your crush btw, what happened after you confessed??
@@Akashic85 that's so wonderful!! When you talk about your success so far it's just heart warming and I can't stop smiling! So damn wholesome OMG! ❤️after I confessed , I was SO nervous lol but she admitted she liked me too. And my life has changed. Everything feels better, looks better and even tastes better!
>You approach >You talk until you get to know her better >If the mood is going well(she show some level of interest) >You ask her out on a coffee/lunch >You tell her you like her that you wanted to go out >You get rejected so it will waste no one's time >She/he said yes well you get yourself a GF/BF.
😮😮😮! Where I work,have a lady crushing on me and likewise myself (we work in different capacities but on the same loccation). It started in March'24 and now in April, gonna take a portion of Dr.K's advice...and commenters. Get to know them via conversation - knowing each others names, knowing their likes / dislikes. Keep it simple...emotional intelligence goes a long way!😮😮❤❤
I have been contemplating confessing to my crush for months now. And I kept postponing it because I felt it would be weird or too much. Now I know for sure it absolutely would be too much 😅. I will just be patient and see how our relationship progresses naturally from here, while taking gradual [but subtle] steps to be closer to him. Thank you algorithm for this wonderful timing. 🙏
Or you could just ask him out, instead of making a big production out of a "confession" of your feelings like this video's talking about. If you know you're interested in him, better to get a yes or no early on so you can either start building your relationship or turn your attention and energy to other prospects.
This is what I always tell people... never "confess your feelings" to anyone. Ask them out, flirt, compliment them, etc. If they share your feelings they will 100% accept a date,
I needed this advice in my life. Thank you! Crushes creep up on you! I think having a crush is a form of manipulation. If anyone catches the disease of a crush, just ask yourself, “why?” Great Stuff!
I would add... 😎 If we're talking about a man confessing to a woman: 1. Most women tend to lose interest in a man who confesses his love for her. She knows she has him now. 2. As a result, she will typically treat him more like a friend or little brother or similar, an emotional shoulder to cry on if she's relatively nice. Or she will treat him like a free meals and gifts dispenser if she's not. 3. If you have a crush on her, just ask her out. Be confident and make your intentions clear to her. 4. If she's not interested, then move on. Don't get hung up on one woman. Interestingly women tend to have more interest in you if you have less interest in them than in your purpose or calling in life (e.g. to be a doctor or whatever you believe is your purpose). 5. If she says yes, then it's important to treat her as if you are interviewing her as a potential gf just as much as she will treat you as if she is interviewing you as a potential bf. That is, know what you want in a woman beforehand, don't compromise on your core standards even though you can compromise on less essential or peripheral things. If she has red flags, don't ignore them or brush them aside due to your feelings about her, because red flags usually get more red and more noticeable over time rather than less and as such red flags rarely get better or improve. You may be very excited she said yes, which is good, but at the same time keep your feelings in check and don't let them get the best of you. And try to think logically and reasonably about her, as you might think about, say, a job offer or something like that. Not that a relationship and a job are identical, but I'm just talking about the mindset or mentality.
As soon as you catch feelings you put them out there. Rejection hurts a lot less from a stranger then a friend. Plus if they like you it wont be uneven amount of affection towards each other.
I confessed to my friend, I told her I have feeling for her that surpass a friendship, she told me she felt the same but it’d ruin our friendship dynamic. We compromised to have a romantic relationship while still being best friends. It worked out perfectly until we decided to split up because she was moving out of the country. I was free to come with but, I’m finishing college at the moment and want to get a degree before changing continents😅
Telling people not to do something but not offering another solution is kinda unhelpful.... But I do agree. I'm kinda in my own situation, I have a crush on someone (my first crush!) and it's been struggle. When I first realized I was in love, I could dump FOREVER about how much I love and need them. But, what happened and I recommend, is to just wait for the honeymoon phase to die down. You'll learn if you really love this person or if it was just a fleeting infatuation. And, you'll have a clearer head to give a short and well thought out confession, making sure they have the opportunity to talk and are free to say no. Your confession should be a conversation, not a monologue
I believe everyone would agree that channeling your feelings into the confession is better/healthier than suppressing them. It’s probably not a great idea to start with “ I think of you every day” or “ let’s be together for the rest of our lives” but I argue, that if you have a crush and you both are single - you should confess your interest. Video is probably taken out of the context poorly.
He defines "Confession" as dumping a ton of weight of emotions on the other person. And he is correct that in most situations doing that no matter how you phrase it, is going to chase the other person away. Why? Because it's not balanced anymore. The amount of feelings and responsibilities/guilt for those feelings have suddenly majorly shifted. The receiving end most of the time won't want to engage because they feel guilty or overwhelmed because the confesser is all in whilst the confessed to is not.
My boy just straight up asked if he can be my boyfriend after 2 weeks of knowing me so I also think it does work to just be straightforward. If the person is attracted to you, you just put yourself into the priority queue, and don't waste time. If the person is not attracted to you, then you get rejected and it also doesn't waste time. But what Dr K says here is dont go professing your love in a barrage, it does scare people off. Saying "i think im falling in love with u" and ending it there or even "love you 😘" is fine
Saying, "I think I'm falling in love with you", to someone you just started developing feelings for is way too over the top and would scare most women off just as much as a barrage of emotion. That's literally the worst thing you could've suggested someone say lol
Yeah no don’t do that, just be chill and pretend like you’re just realizing you like them, even if you’ve liked them for a while. But chances are you liked them from the very beginning 99% of the time. So don’t fool yourself and never settle for getting friendzoned. Ever. If you want an intimate relationship don’t settle for a friendly one. Don’t even be scared of “losing” the person if you don’t get that relationship. In the long run you’ll torture yourself by trying to stick one foot out the door and keeping the other in. But be chill about the approach and make it seem genuinely inquisitive and not like a hostage situation.
i think it's coming from a very low-value, low self-worth place to think you confessing or indicating your interest is "dumping that on someone" - what he's talking about sounds more like trauma dumping or L-bombing to a stranger. i think throwing in words of affirmation throughout your interactions is actually a great, wholesome, and welcoming way to develop *mutual* interest with anyone, and may even actively contribute to getting a chance to go on a 1:1 date with this person. i would never want someone to randomly ask me out without having the sense of growth, purpose, and understanding of their preception and acknowledgement of me and the value i bring to the table before cementing that relationship in crush territory first.
Just be casual like "you know I kinda like you, wanna grab a coffee tomorrow night?" And if she makes an excuse that she has to study or something, let it go.
This is exactly what I've been trying to say ever since I was in high school. There's no way in hell you're going to make your pent up infatuation sound smooth if you admit it straight up. Yet the most common advice I always got was *"jUSt tELl hEr hOW yOU fEeL"* which like... what? In what world is that a good idea when they don't even know me yet? Lmao
dear algorithm, suggesting this a week earlier would have been FUCKING FANTASTIC.
Sorry dawg
sorry dawg
Sorry dawg
sorry dawg
Sorry dawg
A monk, a psychiatrist and a meme walks into a bar
Meme ask "Hey Psychiatrist! Why the long face?"
Ugh I don't know what else I could contribute
@Blacknig69 well, he is the first two, and him doing the face-in-hands makes him a meme. He's all three...but where's the bar? 'Nuf said? 😅
No one ducked?
Hi Dr K. The usual?
I had a rule for myself after childhood crushes that if I started catching feelings for someone I needed to ask them out within 2 weeks. I got rejected most times I did it but it still felt worth doing because it lowers the emotional stakes a lot. It lets the person know that I'm interested on the off chance they change their mind while allowing me to move on and not make further emotional investment on that person in a romantic context.
The pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain I experienced having long-term crush on a friend during my adolescence. I struggled with it and it made me hold off on opportunities I could have had with other people.
This is much more insightful and useful than what's in this video. Kudos.
Yup, I had an 8 year long crush, never confessed to... confessing and getting rejected early kinda feels better... though, it's generally after a month of knowing or more..
Yeha, there are 2 types of pain in life.
The pain of failing . And the pain of regret not even trying.
And one is like 100x worse than the other.
@@franzhose3313 💯 Facts.
Totally agree, it´s the only way you can heal from those feelings and move on. The pain of rejection doesn´t last for long. The pain of never saying it, lasts forever. I wish I had made that decision before I was 25. After that age I started confessing to the guys I liked and never regreted it, even though I was rejected. Now I know I had the guts to do everything that was in my hands to be happy.
imagine this is all an elaborate plan to stop anyone from confessing to his daughter
💀
500 iq
What if she ends up doing the confession 🤔Uno reverse
Wtf you an Aljoke bot ?😂😂😂❤
Mmm...P R O O F, where is it? Do you know if he has a daughter whom is of consentual age?
Note taken: edge your love
edgemaxx 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥💯💯💯
Edging 😏
Dont let it reach the throat
i always do 👍
You have no idea. Infatuation is a chemical reaction very similar to doing drugs physiologically. Rationing your exposure, planning it exactly how much you can indulge yourself and following through can make the high last longer and be more satisfying.
Take it from me, I've been infatuared with a girl for 12 years now and we live in different states.
"Love is stored in the balls."
Very accurate
it's just science
It’s scientific.
Thus, our confession line will be:
"hey, I like you. You want that love that's scientifically stored in my bawls?"
its scientific ok
"it's scientific ok" 😂
I lmao'd
Source: Trust me bro
I love how Dr. K is like, "You know what I'm about by now, and that I'm not full of shit." In an actual vid, he'd most likely give a source for that.
@@hongnhannguyen7286 😂
Welcome to literally all of psychology.
Source: Psych degree.
Better advice.
Don't be covert and sneaky about your intentions. If you flirt, flirt. But don't try to sneak into a relationship by being a friend.....
The fuck am I supposed to fucking do then? I can't tell them Im in love but I can't keep it to myself either...and what is "flirting"? I don't get it man.
No worries my guy.
1. The reason you dont confess your love is this.
a. It means you have been discretely investing time and resources in her with unclear intentions and that comes off as cowardly, insecure and just plain manipulative. How can she trust a man who is being covert with his intentions and can't contend with the world boldly?
b. If you are that infatuated with her without even having a relationship its because deep down you believe that her as the feminine ideal can somehow validate your miserable existence. Whichs means not only do you not even know her as a real individual, but you are also so pathetic you need her to make your existence have meaning or value. Woman can smell that on you. and its bad.
2. Flirting is the playful, teasing act of testing a potential partner. However you have to be in the right state of mind, and to be in the right state of mind you gotta be in the right place in life. If you are super depressed and anxious you're not going to be able to flirt. If you don't have a car, a stable living environment, a means of making money and a routine then chances are you are barely hanging on to reality and you have ALOT of reasons to be depressed and anxious. So if that is the case then first take care of those issues, then you will be able to get into that "play" mode where youre teasing, making jokes and having fun. This combined with the "making intentions known" is how you flirt.
3. Making your intentions known. Straight up tell her you like her and why. "You're cute, and I like x and y about you. We should go out on a date." and if she immediately rejects you then she could just be playing hard to get. Unless she is married or in a relationship, don't take it to heart and either dismiss it and try again, or play it cool and try again later. Women instinctually want to see you as a man go after what you want, especially when others don't want to give it to you. And frankly you as a man don't want a woman that will say yes right away.
4. Authenticity and this is the biggest one. Women are LOOKING for COMPETENCY and AUTHENTICITY. The greatest marker for competency has been wealth, but we live in a clown world where thats not the case. Plenty of women are getting burned by pyschopaths to fake the markers for competency and end up resenting all men. Authenticity means to be honest, not lie, genuinely be vulnerable and authentic with who you are. and if you can't do that then who you are isn't worth a damn ((YET)) but if you start being more honest with yourself and others, start adopting more responsibility then you will inevitably become more COMPETENT and AUTHENTIC, and thats what all women want.
I hope this helped you out man, I took a few minutes to write it. Godbless brother and goodluck.
@@ridleyroid9060
What if you don't catch feels until you're already friends?
Feelings are instinctual and reactionary. As men we are meant ot temper ourselves against giving into all desire of the heart. That being said almost all guys fall in love with their friend girls. Men and women cannot just be friends.@@Danzilla1996
@@williamhamilton5868all this wall of text just breaks with how women treats celebs and rock stars saying the weirdest stuff to people that they see for the first time. I will not follow the rules that most people are not following as well.
"Hey, how would you feel if I asked you out on a date?" is so much better than some big confession of feelings. It's easygoing and flirtatious, and frames it like no big deal if they say no.
That seems fine to me but dating In the 2020s has proven very difficult for me
Same shit bro no kidding it only complicates things, better to confesa and skip the overthinking, if you want to stay in contact maybe don't confess 😂
If you ask out your crush on a date out of nowhere, they will get curious first and you would probably need to confess at some point before you could get an answer. While it may not be the same thing, eventually, you would need to confess anyway.
Is that how it is? I've never had to say anything until things get "physical" just as a natural course of things and I have to ask if they are trying to make it a reoccurring thing or not. Or if we don't do that first it's pretty easy to tell that we have more than friend chemistry
rizz?
The accent switch killed😭🤣🤣
Same
he switched accent and immediately became my 15yo Indian self dumping that shit on my crush. Instant death for me
True
same lmao this guy is funny 😂😂
@@ohmyumbrellaUr indian 💀💀
Dumping your feelings on a crush is like when *a cat proudly drops a dead mouse on your feet.* I know it means a lot to the cat, but wtf am I supposed to do with this??
There are 2 options. Accept it and give the cat a pat on the head for their effort, or scoop it up and put it in the trash after telling the cat, "Thanks, I appreciate it, but no." Really kinda depends on how much you like the cat.
well first off, people arent fucking cats lol so maybe change that approach.
@brandotenda The point is that you should just ask someone on a date. Give them something to say a clear "yes" or "no" to. If someone confesses their feelings for me, I don't know if they were just getting it off their chest but know I don't like them, so I don't have to do anything, or if they want to immediately jump into a serious relationship since we already know each other, or wtf it is they want from me.
It really depends! I think if the confession was made to someone actually CARE about your emotions or your wellbeing.. they would not run away, they would take it seriously to consideration no matter how weird or alot it my have sounded.. i think thats what id do, cuz in my mind, your emotions matter as mine.
you're supposed to skin it, cook it, then eat it
I confessed to my friend, because I grew feelings for him and didn't want to mislead him into thinking that I only see him as a friend. Fast forward, we're engaged now.
Good for you!
Did Dr. K just kill all romance anime?
Love Is War talks about this hahash
Seems to still be working given how many highschoolers/teenagers these days are having relationships and fucking already. @@ryand1404
I doubt the people producing or the main audience of romance anime care. Japan is... messed up in all sorts of ways when it comes to mental health.
Nah, romance anime itself came from a country without enough romance. So, ya know...maybe not the best example of how things should go lol
@@ryand1404 naw from what I've seen romance anime are for lonely incel men who fell validated by seeing cute high-school girls fawning on a below average dude
i confessed to my partner using a powerpoint… for multiple reasons, i didn’t want to just say it out of the blue. we were also 100% texting at the time (long distance) so i didn’t want to send a message saying, “i have something important to tell you” because i thought that’d be intimidating. so, i made a powerpoint explaining how i feel decorated with stock images to lighten it up. i made sure to affirm that whatever he feels is fine, i cherish him all the same. also, that he could reply whenever he wanted, i could wait. so, i sent it to him without saying what it was. and now our fourth anniversary is coming up. he still has the powerpoint..
😮❤❤❤❤❤
Good idea
are u guys still in an LDR ?
@@fay8183 yea!
Honestly, I reckon this sh!t only works when the girl is the adorer. When the script is flipped, girls get spooked and seem afraid to communicate clearly.
Funny. That’s actually how I chose my partner. He confessed his love for me and that’s what I needed. Nobody did this for me because they were trying too hard to keep the leverage in their ball park. I personally hated it because it became a game of who can be cooler and less caring than who. My man completely opened up to me and lost all leverage in this game we call love but I loved it because I knew it wasn’t a game. Now we’re the happiest we’ve ever been.
Agreed!! This is an experience that's really subjective to each person, because 2 out of the 3 times that I confessed it worked out great. Different people have different preferences. Some prefer the game and like to play it cool and have it played cool to them, while others (like you and I) prefer to let it all out in the open and be more honest!! :3
@@bockchoy123e 100%
@@bockchoy123eI definitely agree with you too on professing your feelings and just putting it out there. That way you know for sure if The other person is into you. Just don't go too hard with your expression. Just straight to the point then the balls in their court
@@marklouis1890 for sure. I think if you're honest like "hey man, i think you're cool and i like you" nothing wrong with that. What was mentioned in the video was actually a form of confessing that i agree is quite harmful, the "oh dear, i need you, i miss you, i love you, come to me" blah blah blah... That is exactly right in saying that we should hold off on that form of confession. Really all it comes down to is immaturity. If you confess in a mature way, it's not harmful. If you confess in an immature way, it is. Same with playing the game. Sure it's fun, but at the end of the day, love isn't the game. Love is love, and it takes real maturity to get to that. People who play the game are immature like teenagers who wanna flirt and have fun, just as much as the teenagers who say they would die for their love and profess it in such a way.
@@bockchoy123e It's not that you have to hold off on the confession It's that you don't want to come off too clingy, sharing too many emotions too quickly I think that's what he was trying to get across in the video. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting your feelings be known in a subtle way, then take things from there
Definitely do tell people you are interested. Just do it casually
"Hey I like you. Would you like to go out sometimes? It's ok if you don't. Just let me know."
Best case scenario they are interested.
Worst case scenario they aren't interested and you can move on instead of keep crushing on them like a fool that's too scared to go out of thw friendzone.
Worst case scenario they say yes then stand you up. Happened to me. Manny, you coward.
@@thorn.charmer yeap that does sound like a worse case scenario.
Worst case is them saying "Ew"
watch the full clip in the og video, he gives better advice
This guy did NOT think before speaking. If I dont confess, how will we ever actually get into a relationship?
the vine boom caught me off guard lmao
💀same
Bro same 💀
Same
Y'all doing the Rock eyebrow raise when you hear that
same lmaoooooo
The other week a buddy of mine went into a store and he made a joke about a song by creed playing in the store. He goes up to the girl and tells her he’s sorry she has to listen to bad music. She said she made the playlist and loved creed. We all laughed, it was genuinely the funniest moment of foot in mouth I’ve seen from him.
Flash forward to last week, we went to the same store and saw her. She recognized us and started playing creed. We laugh about it, but then, out of the fucking blue my buddy goes, “the joke was really funny. But I’ve been so love deprived lately that honestly I love the attention!” And her whole body language changed. Then he suddenly started just dumping about a bunch of emotional stuff. From the look on her face, you could tell it was a, “woah, this is a little too much.” Then after we left, he had the audacity to look me in the eyes and say, “I was gonna ask for her number, but I got nervous because she was at work. And I didn’t want to make it weird!”
Like my dawg, you just fumbled harder than you’ll ever know.
TLDR; don’t just dump emotionally heavy stuff on strangers, especially people you have a crush on. It’s mad dumb.
Did you explain that to him afterwards, or did you just drop the subject? He sounds like the sort of person that needs things explained very explicitly.
Yeah I hope you spelled it out for him.
Bro I'm looking for a friend like you who understands the game as well as me
That's wild and random 😂😂😂 a bit different to a regular crush context.
bros i am a master of the game and recruiting more bros to my game gang. dm for deets to the group chat
This feels like a personal attack. When I was 15 I sent a girl a letter. A fucking letter, gushing about my feelings for her. It went down like a lead balloon, as 24 year old me would expect.
Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I could still be friends with that one girl.😅Luckily, I have found my true love several years later, so I don't give a crap anymore.
Been there done that🙃
yup
don't feel bad it's what all media and friends where telling us at the time
😭😭
Bro just bombarded us with his indian accept. Fucking loved it xD
"You can't dump that shit on people, come on!!!" 😂😂😂
Those accidental puns 😂😂
-From a licensed doctor in the US
Wish 17 year old me had heard this so much sooner
Same. But that's the kind of expy that leads to personal growth I guess. When you cannot be cringy at 17 years old when can you? That's the perfect time to fail. Hard.
Jeez sorry to hear bro
As a 17 year old I find this common sense but maybe that’s because I’m shy anyway
Word
17yo you might not have taken the lesson to heart, sometimes you need to fail before you can see the value in the advice
The overdramatized Indian accent mimicking Bollywood/soap operas oh my God I can't!😂😂😂😂
Uhm there is no such thing as bollywood soap operas. No one talks in English in soap operas and bollywood is a film industry. No one in bollywood talks like this either.
@@mcchilde2903
Jesus Christ man. We all understood exactly what he was trying to say. 😂
I have no idea why you felt compelled to go off on this rant.
@@mcchilde2903This has gotta be one of the worst "um actually"s I've ever heard.
Someone trying too hard to be knowledgeable lol@@shalonsmith1337
@@aeririahelmoldUM AKCHUALLY,
Absolutely agree! Receiving that dump is sooo uncomfortable. I had multiple crushes as a teenager and in my early 20’s. Trust me you - you don’t need to confess your love. Chances are that you’re emitting strong (and potentially awkward) vibes. So that person very likely already knows you like them. They may either choose to avoid you like the plague or they might choose to still remain friends with you whilst not telling you they know. If you need to tell them, then keep it simple and definitely don’t dump your emotions on them. If they agree to go on a date with you, take it easy and slowly, giving them the time and space to get to know you and like you for you who truly are. If they don’t feel the same way, it’s not a bad reflection on them, it’s just not working for them and you haven’t found the one just yet.
"It's scientific, OK?"
-'Dr.K 2023
Someone already made this comment a week before you, and it got 30K likes. Hope you're happy with yourself.
@@IntegrityGames
I did not know
I just comment, I dont read them :)
Wow bro easy with the angst, will ya?🗿@@IntegrityGames
You inspired me to pursue psychology dude, i wish there are more like you
Be the change you wanna see in the world, I’m sure you’ll be great
Why not psychiatry lol
@@MELLMAOMaybe they like psychology more or you know, money isn't their sole motivator in life. Sounds like the type of person I'd want to be my psychologist.
not smart enough@@MELLMAO
He's psychiatrist
The main thing is you have to get to know them a bit first, and if you feel that you really click well, then ask them if they would be interested in a date from the get go. Don't just randomly ask them on a date if they hardly know you exist. Establish some type of rapport first. And ask them out fairly early when you first get to know them. That way, if they reject you, it won't really hurt as much because you don't have all those built up feelings yet.
Much healthier approach, can confirm.
Damn i did this and it backfired so bad 😀 didnt ask him for a date but i did basically "dump" my feelings for him 😭 after that he went like silent and told me its not awkward. But i feel like the rest 5 months got really awkward even though i think hes trying his best to not make it weird..
Terrible advice, just let your intentions be known from the start. If they're not interested, just move on. Is that simple, no need to play games
@@nanasenoah8139 It's not playing games. You are assessing whether this person is right for you. For example, if y'all have the same sense of humour, or perhaps if y'all have somewhat similar interests and can actually hold a conversation with each other for a prolonged period of time. If you ask them out before you get to know just a little bit, then the two of you are dating purely out of physical attraction. Physical attraction is obviously important, but you need to be attracted to their personality as well. I'm not saying you need to know everything about the person before you ask them out. You just need to know who they are at a surface level, then you can get to know them better when you actually go on a date. Also, if the girl knows you a little bit and she appreciates the way you communicate, then she'll be more likely to say yes to a date. If she has no idea who you are and you just ask her out, she's more likely to say no because you just put her on the spot. Get what I'm saying?
I just wonder how you can ask someone out early on when you simply don't feel anything towards them yet... like I can't just randomly fall in love with someone I've barely interacted with. A lot of the time I've fallen in love, it happened after a year or a few of being friends..
I needed to hear this when I was 17.. I'm now 30 and still haven't recovered from the embarassement, cringe, and trauma of rejection. I don't think it'll ever fade away. If you're thinking of confessing through a letter like I did.... Don't. Safe yourself So many moments of flashbacks full of embarrassment and wanting the earth to swallow you. Just don't. My brain is literally still processing what happened, I still have dreams about that person full of feelings of inferiority and embarrassment.
in the grand scheme of your life, that moment is a fly in the ointment. It happened when you were a teenager who had yet to face the world. Learn to look back and laugh rather than cringe. When attempting to get with someone new, be upfront with them now you've matured. A moment in the beginning should not eat away at the moments you live now.
I, too, feel a lot of shame about my younger self (for different reasons), but my man… you don’t deserve to suffer and beat yourself up over it for 13 years 😢. I genuinely hope you can one day regain your confidence and find peace ❤
Sounds crappy if the person kind of string you along in a flirtatious 5.0 kind of way... Than again maybe that person was like this 24/7 around the opposite sex? You will never admit that to yourself or to the public which is why the diagnosis of this rejection will forever be in your head.
Bottom line: You either got played? Or else the other person was fully in the wrong which made your feelings very valid at the time.
Bruv i get it but you gotta relize it aint that deep just accept what happened and move on
Good to know where ill end up in 10 years with mine. Similar situation
Eh, depends. My ex made a beautiful confession to me. We were standing in a meadow, surrounded by thousands of flowers and the sounds of crickets, and it was a warm summer afternoon. He told me how he felt for me and how I had caught his eye from the moment he first saw me. I thought it was extremely brave of him. Long story short, we had 5 beautiful years together, and I will always treasure this memory. It has become one of my core memories, if you will. Sometimes, it's worth taking the leap, but that doesn't mean it's not risky.
It’s sad how unusual it is to see someone mentioning an ex without completely attacking their character and making them sound horrible calling them a narcissist etc. I’ve been with someone for 3 years I hope if it ends it’ll be like that.
I'm guessing he died? Which teste had the tumour
@billjones642 Nope, still alive and well, as far as I know. We got separated by Covid for three years. He couldn't leave his country, and I wasn't allowed back in because I wasn't a citizen, and we hadn't gotten married yet. When we met again after three years, a lot of things had changed and we had to make a really hard decision. In a way, you are right, the man that I had fallen in love with had died, he didn't exist anymore. It was absolutely devastating, we'd been each other's first loves and had expected to be with each other forever. But sometimes life has other plans. Took me a good six months to mourn, to be finally able to move on. But that doesn't mean I can't still treasure those memories and be thankful for the time we had together.
@@pricklycatsssyeah, well I guess that's because people don't usually feel a need to share their good ex stories so much. 😅 it's good to talk about bad ones because it needs a lot of processing to make sure it doesn't happen again and the validation is great after a mind breaking dose of invalidation :3
this is too wholesome to be a real person's experience, this comment must be written by an AI
We staying single with this one ngl
forever
He's not saying don't tell her. He's saying don't confess as if it's a crime. Don't dump a load of built up emotion in her lap. Just say, "I like you, do you want to go out sometime?"
So basically ask them out but don't "confess" in a needy way? Something like that?
Yeah or like flirt with them if you can if they don't reciprocate then you know
You don't spew out all your romance and fantasies like your mind does whenever you're in your bed, you just woke from a warm dream, and you're having your bittersweet "feeling lonely and in love" moment.
So, chances are said person is your friend, just talk to them!
"I've actually been having these feelings, do you feel like talking about it?"
It's just like that time you two talked when you were feeling sad, or that time you were feeling angry. Now you have another feeling, what's up? You just talk.
I guess what he means is build up > shock
You could tell them you're interested, just don't go into too much depth and detail.
For example, if you've been looking at them and thinking about them for a long time, they don't need to know for how long.
Yeah just ask them out without doing a 30min presentation on how much you like them beforehand. They will know your interested (since it's a clear sign) but won't feel overwhelmed.
As a girl, I like when guys are clear and honest.
As a boy, society is cruel and I would rather not be ostracized
But tactful
I believe he's not saying "don't show interest" just "don't make someone feel responsible for your emotional state and retroactively force them to reinterpret your friendship"
same goes for girls
You think probably imagine honest as upfront and charismatic though, lots of honest situations are ugly and uncomfortable.
Never be needy, never be angry.
What about hangry?
What about nangry?
It's ok to be angry if someone fucks you over and you aren't trying to date them. being a delusional nice guy creep = not ok
Never say never
@@genericbotface In this specific situation, he means.
It's better to get rejected than never ask
Sure, but there are far far far far better ways of trying to get something romantic happening with someone you’re crushing on than spewing your feelings all over them. It very very rarely brings the desired result.
@@murphsviews enlight me
What are those
@@shardadongre1069 Just ask if they want to go on a date. It's more difficult if you are already friends with them, especially if for many years. But basically just ask as politely and clearly as possible without putting too much baggage on them. It's less difficult for them to deal with if it's a rejection and you're more likely to get a good response
@@morisan42 thanks brother
I appreciate it
But they can also reject my offer of date
What to do then
@@shardadongre1069 it sucks, but move on and ask someone else.
I've only had one relationship but had two rejections before that. 30% success rate isn't that bad in all honesty
I followed your advice about having a discussion rather than confessing, and while disappointed that my best friend didn't reciprocate my feelings for her, I'm extremely relieved that our close friendship remains stable and she isn't weirded out by me. And I'm okay with us being friends and not something more, because as friends we're still damn close and really appreciate each other's company.
Thank you Dr. K 🙏
Bro don't do this for urself, just stop💀
💀💀💀@@Averageenjoyer-br1zm
Wait why are all the replies saying otherwise
Don't friendzone yourself. it is literally self abuse.
Dude got friend zoned and is trying to be ok with it. Walk away man, find a girl who actually cares about you like you do her. Some of us are just waiting for a guy, so don’t waste your time on a “friend”
Dr. K as always spitting facts!! I've had it happen once maybe twice to me that someone out of the blue backed me into a corner and confessed to me. It was awkward and always destroyed the friendship. It doesn't take the receiving person's feelings into consideration.
In my current relationship it was a slow build from our friendship and it developed into something more through glances and touches then having a mature conversation along the lines of: 'I've love spending time with you and I would love to see where this goes, what's your opinion?'
Instead of being blindsided and quite literally ambushed by someone you only considered a friend. And now you have to retrospectively reevaluate all your interactions with this person. A confessions like this out of nowhere and completely lacking any maturity and is putting so much pressure and anxiety on the receiving person. You'll most likely end up ruining the relationship you have with that person
I once got a message from a guy I had never noticed, and he wrote within 3 messages that he had seen me 2 years back, and he had been looking at me for a while. It was weird to imagine this stranger looking at me. I've been looking at people too, but I don't tell them.
I was not looking for a boyfriend at a time, so I rejected him politely and tried to explain why it was over the top.
Honestly as a guy I’ve done worse I actually lost a good friend because I admit I had interest in her and honestly I became her friend because I had interest and I regret it I would of been better off just asking her out from the start and talking it from there but I spent months makeing her my friend and well if I wish I hadn’t got friend zoned instantly and I wish she was still a friend she was amazing and always giving me food I kind of thought she was into me because she said she really missed haveing a man to cook for i kind of thank the problem was she was 26 and I’m 21 and she said she was into older guys and that hurts even after 7 months because I can’t change my age
@@jeremybeaverson7167 That sounds painful :/ I personally wouldn't go on a date with a person I just met, but a week or two might make a difference, so asking early might be a good idea.
The guy I rejected, I don't think he was very invested, because he had just left another relationship, and he found a new relationship less than a month later.
@@jamiececilielange5249 thanks it was but for context she was a co worker and we had few casual conversations before we became friends and I’m still dealing with it I’ve had a really hard time with social anxiety and meeting people lately honestly before I just thought I was a introvert guy but know I realize I’m a extroverted person that doesn’t know how to build connections
@jeremybeaverson7167 you got so close and then you started talking about the friend zone. The friend zone doesn't exist my guy. She wasn't ever really your friend, she was someone you were pursuing without being honest about your motivations, and that killed any chance you had at a real friendship with her. Learn from it, heal, try again.
@@RojaJanemanactually I kind of know the reason she basically said she was afraid to hurt me because she had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship and it destroyed her ironically it obviously hurt me anyway it made me feel like I was closer than I ever thought
What I got outta this: "Don't let the confession vomit out."
"Hey Stan" *Vomits*
The one time I confessed I got rejected💀. Just ask them out to dinner and if they say no you move on.
I asked them out, they go out
@@aintlying9428 can you repeat that in English
@@mattj500 💀
@@mattj500Invite them to a date, they walk away
Health Gamer . . . You didn't post the link of the full video in the description ?
Agreed, I find crushing on someone for an extended amount of time is ridiculous. Such as weeks, months, or even years.
You are basically in a one-sided relationship. Your "falling" in love with them. Or more accurately your precived image of them. But they aren't developing romantic feelings for you.
So if you do express your romantic interest to them, you have two problems.
One, they turn you down, and now you're heartbroken because their rejection is equivalent to a breakup.
Or two, they say yes, but they're at ground zero with their feeling. While your leaps and bounds above them.
So ya, if you're developing feelings for someone, to heck with fear of rejections, just calmly inform them of your interest and go from there.
Because the only time unrequited love works in favor of the protagonist is in books and film.
and in video games.
@@iche9373 Yes, those too. =)
@@iche9373 basically fiction.
A 2 way isn't much different either. Just different images
I think ridiculous is a bit harsh but in general I agree.
imo you should still confess to your crush, not in a needy/cringe way, ofc (which is what Dr. K is saying I believe), but like an fyi. Not only does it let you move on from them quicker if the answer is no (the sooner you find out the better) but it *can* also induce feelings into the other person if they are unsure. Not confessing at all is bad because you never even give yourself a chance!
Theres a difference between letting the other person you are attracted to them than confessing.
I don't think he means don't confess your interest. You should absolutely ask them out and express your interest. The earlier the better. But don't confess all these feelings you have for them. Just makes you look obsessed....which you might be, but that's weird.
We have Similar ID's and same color for the profile 😂
Man i needed this comment, because this video made me feel kind off ashamed because i confessed to a girl this week. Not in weird way or anything just asked to hang out because i liked her but she wasn’t interested in me even though it seemed that way (for me at least). In the end i hope and don’t think i did anything wrong or weird but now my whole school knows about it (classic).
I tried it like an fyi but lost even the friendship entirely, idk the right way lol
Brilliant advice.
Wish I heard that as a younger person but, better late than never.
Talk about feelings early in an objective manner, not later on in a dramatic and unreasonable way.
Thank you Dr. K ♡
why not? men always say they wish women were more straightforward. and when girls like a guy they’re always questioning whether it’s mutual and afraid to make a fool of themselves, so it’s best to just tell them. also saves wasting time if it’s not mutual
Don't forget that this clip needs some context, of course; Dr. K. still mentions how it's good to be honest with your emotions.
Do you know what the clip is from? A RUclips video, or a livestream?
Where is this from?
I can’t find the video, was it a stream?
Please where is it from
The Celeste chad™️ consumes Dr. K's enlightenments, that just feels right 😼🚬
My personal experiences have been different.
My first love(it was beyond just a crush) told me he just wanted to keep things platonic and if I hadn't told him I was into him, I'd probably still be hoping for him for a long time after that confession.
My second confession was with someone already in a relationship and I heavily prefaced my confession by telling him with "I don't want a relationship, I just want you to understand". Telling him was a way of letting go of something that was bogging me down for months, and he just accepted it and appreciated me telling him.
While I don't have those feelings for either of those people anymore, they're probably some of my closest friends because they accepted my feelings and were honest in return
I dont think he means "never confess". I think he means 1- dont wait too long to confess and 2-don't be fucking dramatic. They don't need to know the depths of your feelinga. Just say "i like you"
@@Pomagranite167 Title seems to imply otherwise, but I think you're right cause this is a clip from another longer video and I think context is missing
I learned this the hard way. I told someone I liked them and they got really cold toward me
I think you got the wrong message out of the video
Probably because of the opposite end of the confession dynamic. When someone you're not interested in tells you they have feelings for you, it creates this weird sense of guilt and almost like you are responsible for the other person's feelings. While this isn't true, it can definitely feel that way and as a result, people will distance themselves from you so as not to lead you on or make you think there's false hope when there isn't. Not that this is an appropriate response, but it's a way that women in particular have been socially conditioned to operate in order to keep ourselves safe because we tend to be blamed for the poor responses of men when they get rejected. Learn how to be platonic friends with women you have no interest in dating. Be honest about your motivations for forming friendships in the first place. Things will go better for you.
@@dangerxbadger2300what a great response, thank you
@@dangerxbadger2300 Thanks Dr.Phil.
But didnt he say we should confess in order to get out of pointless friend zone in another video?
I actually told a girl I liked that I had a crush on her and it went really well, she seems quite atttracted to me as well. Unfortunately she has a boyfriend and lives in another country (I met her at a youth workers training program). The thing is to not dump any heavy emotions on the other person - resolve them first, then tell the person you have a crush on them in a casual, flirty manner. That works way better and is way more effective.
BTW, I don't plan on destroying her relationship, if she is meant to be with her boyfriend. However if at any point that doesn't work out for them, well there's now a way higher chance we might hook up (if she becomes single) than before.
Right! Stay silent forever, got it!
This is what I do, except I try and ignore the person for a few days until the feeling dies.
@@Melthemagholderyou are lucky that the feeling dies in a few days, I am currently two months in, still can't get her out of my head
@@twojstarypijany154 Yeah that happens to me too, we just gotta endure it, everything shall be okay.
I’ve known this for years, but dude, where were you when I needed this great advice when I was in high school/college?
Maybe in highschool/college himself, making the same dumb mistakes he is teaching about now 😂
Yup probably right in the same shoes lmao
He was a monk back in India, studying wisdom and peaceful monk stuff, far before going to Harvard and then creating a YT channel
If confession is bad because it can happen after the feelings build up too much, then there's an implication that confessing is better early on so there's less tension to dump.
absolutely, within a week best
I agree, telling people you have a crush on them is not good. Your friends going and telling that person that you have a crush on them is also not good either so if you really want somebody don't tell your friends bout it unless they are trustworthy and don't cross lines.
ive been confessed to by a few friends and ive always wondered why i felt like crap each time. i thought it was just the guilt from not being able to reciprocate but thats an interesting perspective i hadnt considered lol
It's a terrible thing for someone to do because it's basically them making their feelings your responsibility, which is totally unfair. Most of the time, we can tell/know deep down if someone is reciprocal of our attraction and confessions are usually done as a way to try and force something that isn't really there either because of naivety or entitlement. Either way, it's an awful thing to do to someone you supposedly feel deeply for.
@@dangerxbadger2300If you can not listen to someone’s feelings without making it your responsibility, that is an issue with you, not them. You are responsible for no one’s feelings other than your own.
If someone talks about their feelings/ them liking you, you can just say I think we would be better off as friends. You are not responsible for them being attracted to you
@leetaylor5345 this doesn't hold much water when you consider how women are socially conditioned. Sure, we technically aren't responsible for someone's feelings, but it sure feels that way when a confession happens. Not to mention the victim blaming that happens should we reject the confessor and they get violent...
@@dangerxbadger2300I don’t think it’s a woman or man thing. Just a human thing.
@@sakurahirawa I mean as far as confessions go or being toxic yeah you are absolutely correct. However, it is an undeniable fact that women are socially conditioned differently than men and therefore are more likely to respond differently in this situation but I agree, it is awful to do to someone no matter the gender. And I say this as a woman who used to do this very thing.
No dumping.
Love it when Dr K goes full Indian. Never be afraid to make fun of yourself for no other reason than to acknowledge your differences!
Bro really said 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇮🇳🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇬🇧🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳
I think it depends on how you do it.
I knew being totally open was a stupid idea and wanted to keep the friendship so i opted for "ey, i know, wiered situation cause age difference so if you say no, the topic is closed, but you're a super charming person, would you go out with me "
Obviously better worded but you catch my drift, show interest but not being pushy and overbearing, just a casual question.
He said no and stated that he rather keep things as they are, we never talked about it again, but i still feel better because now i have clarity and i know there is no use in actively nurturing those feelings hoping he likes me too.
Thank you so much finally a voice of reason. I've been thinking about this a lot and I really find it terrible to dump your emotions on someone else who probably doesn't even know who you are and then expect them to be responsive.
Dumping your emotions and confessing are two very différence things, just don't be a weirdo and act like act/talk like an adult.
For real. You can be heartfelt and act like an adult at the same time. Be aware of the potential pressure it can create for the other person and filter your emotions a tiny bit, but if you think someone is the most amazing person in the world and you’re just gonna be like “Hey I was wondering if you ever wanna go on a date” that’s just inhuman to me
Confessing is dumping your emotions you bonobo 🤣. When you CONFESS, you don’t play patty cake with the person. You dump that shit that’s been in on your mind to free/relieve yourself. THEY ARE THE SAME THING.
he is right tho still. what he is basically describing is how confessing turns into basically “dumping” because when u confess it is rly serious to u and puts pressure on another person
*Express Interest*
I love the way this man explains things. He is just SO funny and the stressful expression on his face when he talks is like so relatable
I'm an avid believer in letting things develop organically from a friendship. The friendship could naturally become flirty, and over time, if the feelings become clear as day and nothing goes awry, conversations about dating or marriage can be had.
Absolutely. I see my friends getting into situations where they've involved themselves romantically/sexually with someone they barely know. Then, it turns out they're incompatible, there's a red flag or they just have zero common interests and oh, look, now they're upset! It's going to do a lot of damage over time if you attach your heart to people so quickly.
It blows my mind how many people think that it's somehow impossible to carry on a friendship with the opposite sex. I honestly find it unsurprising that these people are often the same ones that are so bitter about love. Queer people get used to being friends with potential partners REAL quick and we survive! Straight people can too!
(sorry for the rant, I just agree with your sentiment very strongly!)
@@himesilva afaik it's generally bad for your chances. The friendzone is great, especially if it's mutual, most of my pals rn are girls, but usually moving it into romantic territory is harder than just starting off that way and seeing if it works.
Yes it can work... But honestly, being good friends does not necessarily translate well into a successful romantic relationship, because being a good friend doesn't automatically mean being a good partner. My ex-girlfriend was just my friend at first and things didn't work out. Sometimes I even think she listened more to me and respected me more when we were just friends, but not really gonna rant about it. Just giving an example.
In summary, I'd say being a good partner requires more of people than being a good friend, and even when you think you know your friend enough, when you enter a romantic relationship with them you're going to see a side of them that you never got to see before
There's also the fact that dating a friend is like opening a Pandora's box in the sense that your relationship won't ever be the same again
Same ,yet no real experience with me to ever know what struggles this could have
The important parts are:
1) Have multiple friends, especially friendships you may be interested in developing further. No sin to be friendly.
2) Make sure to match their investment. If they aren't putting in as much as you are, it's okay to withdraw.
3) Understand that it may never be more than a friendship, but that's okay because you wanted their company as a friend first and foremost. Having more friends who are cute and have similar interests to you is not a bad thing.
If you do this, you won't hyperfocus on one single relationship until you're sure there's a path forward. That helps with countering "Nice Guy Syndrome" where you're trying to use your friendship as currency for a romantic or sexual relationship. It's not, but you are open to seeing who's willing to match your interest in more. That's normal and good, that's not being a Nice Guy that's being someone open to opportunities. Friendship isn't a currency, but sometimes friendship can grow into more.
Confessing to my Crush was one of the best things I've done. She and I grew closer than ever because of it.
Youre the exception.
i confessed to my crush on the train when she had her head resting on my shoulder and she said she liked me back now we dating :D
@@Akashic85 that is literally so cute!!! Omg best of luck with your relationship 💯
@@danielpam6310 thanks :D I asked her out on 12/22 so this is still kinda raw but I think it's only going pretty well so far! Gl to you with your crush btw, what happened after you confessed??
@@Akashic85 that's so wonderful!! When you talk about your success so far it's just heart warming and I can't stop smiling! So damn wholesome OMG! ❤️after I confessed , I was SO nervous lol but she admitted she liked me too. And my life has changed. Everything feels better, looks better and even tastes better!
Great clarification on the belly button there Doc 👌😂
The moral: there’s no passion once the chase is over 😂
From the way he described it, the best thing to do is digest your love. Which makes sense in a metaphorical way.
I fucking love Dr.K , easily one of the greatest of our time
>You approach
>You talk until you get to know her better
>If the mood is going well(she show some level of interest)
>You ask her out on a coffee/lunch
>You tell her you like her that you wanted to go out
>You get rejected so it will waste no one's time
>She/he said yes well you get yourself a GF/BF.
>She recorded the date and posted it on social media ruining your fucking life
>Depression
@@joaojonito3764why would that ruin your life though
😮😮😮! Where I work,have a lady crushing on me and likewise myself (we work in different capacities but on the same loccation). It started in March'24 and now in April, gonna take a portion of Dr.K's advice...and commenters. Get to know them via conversation - knowing each others names, knowing their likes / dislikes. Keep it simple...emotional intelligence goes a long way!😮😮❤❤
He’s the PERFECT mesh of medicine, psychology, and common sense
"Hey. You wanna get something to eat.?"
"Omg stop please you're dumping all this on me too soon!!"
My crush introduced me to the channel, now I know not to confess 😅
Did she show you this video or did you find it on your own?
Damn 😂
Imagine your crush finds this comment.
@@Orange_Swirllet’s give it likes so it pop up :D
You can tell them you like them. Just don't make it their problem. Be loose and casual about it.
I needed to hear this when I was 13 😂
I have been contemplating confessing to my crush for months now. And I kept postponing it because I felt it would be weird or too much. Now I know for sure it absolutely would be too much 😅. I will just be patient and see how our relationship progresses naturally from here, while taking gradual [but subtle] steps to be closer to him. Thank you algorithm for this wonderful timing. 🙏
Or you could just ask him out, instead of making a big production out of a "confession" of your feelings like this video's talking about. If you know you're interested in him, better to get a yes or no early on so you can either start building your relationship or turn your attention and energy to other prospects.
I wish I saw this earlier before I confessed my feelings to someone. It ended horribly, way more than I imagined
If I may ask, how did you confess and what was their reaction?
This is what I always tell people... never "confess your feelings" to anyone. Ask them out, flirt, compliment them, etc. If they share your feelings they will 100% accept a date,
I needed this advice in my life. Thank you! Crushes creep up on you! I think having a crush is a form of manipulation. If anyone catches the disease of a crush, just ask yourself, “why?”
Great Stuff!
He wanted to say chakras so badly... if you know you know
bro just showed us his real accent for a sec
First, the balls harden.
I would add... 😎 If we're talking about a man confessing to a woman:
1. Most women tend to lose interest in a man who confesses his love for her. She knows she has him now.
2. As a result, she will typically treat him more like a friend or little brother or similar, an emotional shoulder to cry on if she's relatively nice. Or she will treat him like a free meals and gifts dispenser if she's not.
3. If you have a crush on her, just ask her out. Be confident and make your intentions clear to her.
4. If she's not interested, then move on. Don't get hung up on one woman. Interestingly women tend to have more interest in you if you have less interest in them than in your purpose or calling in life (e.g. to be a doctor or whatever you believe is your purpose).
5. If she says yes, then it's important to treat her as if you are interviewing her as a potential gf just as much as she will treat you as if she is interviewing you as a potential bf. That is, know what you want in a woman beforehand, don't compromise on your core standards even though you can compromise on less essential or peripheral things. If she has red flags, don't ignore them or brush them aside due to your feelings about her, because red flags usually get more red and more noticeable over time rather than less and as such red flags rarely get better or improve. You may be very excited she said yes, which is good, but at the same time keep your feelings in check and don't let them get the best of you. And try to think logically and reasonably about her, as you might think about, say, a job offer or something like that. Not that a relationship and a job are identical, but I'm just talking about the mindset or mentality.
Love starts in the belly and move to the throat? It's an alien parasite!
0:46 His accent really kicks in here and it makes it so much funnier!
Makes him sound like Raj.
Doc, you uploaded this right in time after I did confess
Good that's one less loose end
Would you like to share how the concession went
As soon as you catch feelings you put them out there. Rejection hurts a lot less from a stranger then a friend. Plus if they like you it wont be uneven amount of affection towards each other.
I should have listened to all of this decades ago. Thank you!!
I confessed to my friend, I told her I have feeling for her that surpass a friendship, she told me she felt the same but it’d ruin our friendship dynamic. We compromised to have a romantic relationship while still being best friends. It worked out perfectly until we decided to split up because she was moving out of the country. I was free to come with but, I’m finishing college at the moment and want to get a degree before changing continents😅
Is there a full video?
Telling people not to do something but not offering another solution is kinda unhelpful....
But I do agree. I'm kinda in my own situation, I have a crush on someone (my first crush!) and it's been struggle. When I first realized I was in love, I could dump FOREVER about how much I love and need them. But, what happened and I recommend, is to just wait for the honeymoon phase to die down. You'll learn if you really love this person or if it was just a fleeting infatuation. And, you'll have a clearer head to give a short and well thought out confession, making sure they have the opportunity to talk and are free to say no. Your confession should be a conversation, not a monologue
That accent came out really strongly when he was meming lmao
I believe everyone would agree that channeling your feelings into the confession is better/healthier than suppressing them.
It’s probably not a great idea to start with “ I think of you every day” or “ let’s be together for the rest of our lives” but I argue, that if you have a crush and you both are single - you should confess your interest.
Video is probably taken out of the context poorly.
That depends on the situation.
He defines "Confession" as dumping a ton of weight of emotions on the other person.
And he is correct that in most situations doing that no matter how you phrase it, is going to chase the other person away.
Why? Because it's not balanced anymore. The amount of feelings and responsibilities/guilt for those feelings have suddenly majorly shifted.
The receiving end most of the time won't want to engage because they feel guilty or overwhelmed because the confesser is all in whilst the confessed to is not.
My boy just straight up asked if he can be my boyfriend after 2 weeks of knowing me so I also think it does work to just be straightforward. If the person is attracted to you, you just put yourself into the priority queue, and don't waste time. If the person is not attracted to you, then you get rejected and it also doesn't waste time.
But what Dr K says here is dont go professing your love in a barrage, it does scare people off. Saying "i think im falling in love with u" and ending it there or even "love you 😘" is fine
Saying, "I think I'm falling in love with you", to someone you just started developing feelings for is way too over the top and would scare most women off just as much as a barrage of emotion. That's literally the worst thing you could've suggested someone say lol
😂😂😂😂 the beginning made me laugh too hard. Thanks for clarifying what you're pointing at, even though that didn't even cross my mind
Yeah no don’t do that, just be chill and pretend like you’re just realizing you like them, even if you’ve liked them for a while. But chances are you liked them from the very beginning 99% of the time. So don’t fool yourself and never settle for getting friendzoned. Ever. If you want an intimate relationship don’t settle for a friendly one. Don’t even be scared of “losing” the person if you don’t get that relationship. In the long run you’ll torture yourself by trying to stick one foot out the door and keeping the other in. But be chill about the approach and make it seem genuinely inquisitive and not like a hostage situation.
As an autistic person, i hate all these mind games and pretending.
Why can't everyone just be real? Life would be so much easier.
i think it's coming from a very low-value, low self-worth place to think you confessing or indicating your interest is "dumping that on someone" - what he's talking about sounds more like trauma dumping or L-bombing to a stranger. i think throwing in words of affirmation throughout your interactions is actually a great, wholesome, and welcoming way to develop *mutual* interest with anyone, and may even actively contribute to getting a chance to go on a 1:1 date with this person. i would never want someone to randomly ask me out without having the sense of growth, purpose, and understanding of their preception and acknowledgement of me and the value i bring to the table before cementing that relationship in crush territory first.
Relax, you're not that important and it's not that deep. Feeling's not reciprocated? Say so and either propose to remain friends or part ways.
The occasional change in the accent really gets me.😂
😂😂😂Doc, you caused some full belly laughs on this one. Great acting😂
I'm going send this to my friends who keep telling me to confess to my crush 😂😂
But you SHOULD! Just not in a needy way.
@@TimoKanal yeah ik but still
Just be casual like "you know I kinda like you, wanna grab a coffee tomorrow night?" And if she makes an excuse that she has to study or something, let it go.
@@Gaze73 I mean that's what I would say if I had to ask someone out. But in the end no luck. It is what it is
Full video link missing from description?
did u find it?
@@BroskiXP I'm watching from mobile so the actual full length video can be clicked above the title of the short while you're watching it
@@BroskiXP "The Real Reason You Don't Get A Second Date"
This is exactly what I've been trying to say ever since I was in high school. There's no way in hell you're going to make your pent up infatuation sound smooth if you admit it straight up. Yet the most common advice I always got was *"jUSt tELl hEr hOW yOU fEeL"* which like... what? In what world is that a good idea when they don't even know me yet? Lmao
I love it when Dr K does Indian accents 😂
I had a lot better luck with love when I stopped having “crushes” on guys and just liked them