This makes sense....my husband created a lot of chaos and confusion, which is a control tactic. Forget anything being resolved, you will be on a hamster wheel....and they will tell this person, that person, and you different stories, which also gives them control and allows them to take advantage of you and the situation
I still cry 😢 that my pastor covert narcissist husband wouldn't get help from you. I'm done with the cognitive dissonance. I cry from the death of a dream that was only deception. 13 years of hell on earth and I'm reminded Joseph also had 13 years of slavery. Praying 🙏 that others get your good help. 💞
You are absolutely right, Dr Hawkins. SO many people are oblivious to these patterns going on behind the scenes. Unfortunately these people are not oblivious to believing the narcissist's narrative. Narcissists cause destruction whether you stay or leave. Schqirl is correct. If she stays, the victim is destroyed as her individuality is gradually chipped away through slavery to what the narcissist wants. Outside the relationship, the victim is destroyed because so-called Christians would rather listen to the narcissist's gossip than seek the truth in order to actually heal the relationship. The destruction of someone else is always more palatable to an abuser than treating their own sin problem. That is certainly the reason why my own husband refused treatment from you.
@@Moolahmann I did leave him 7 months ago when he had another woman totally replaced me at church including reorganizing the kitchen and taking all my Thanksgiving decorations down to try to ruin Thanksgiving. Pastor idol worship is real and a wife gets in the way of his harem. The matriarch of the church even told me when I was crying to her about how he texts all other women more than he talks to me she said "of course, the church is more important than you." I realized my part in the sin of lying for him and there was another woman in the church that left her husband also because she got tired of lying for him also. We have to say their great men when they're terrible to us. But nobody cares as there's no accountability for men in churches.
I'm so sorry for your pain. There are so few who understand the depths of the nightmare. I hope you can get free. Even getting free hurts so much. I'm so deep I don't know how to get out and I am currently trapped from many angles. I'm married 23 years and have 3 children with a cruel empathyless man who does all this. Nobody in the world around knows or would believe how cruel he is. We look so normal outside. I was baptized with him 22 years ago and every year has held misery, fear, loneliness, pain and anger. I don't know my way out because a part of me doesn't want to go even if I had a way out which I don't right now. But my desperation is driving me now to seek the Lord for a way out, because I am thinking I've never actually truly lived under him. A prayer for you, I can believe how dreadful is your situation.
So important to understand that there really is no hope if they don't want to put the work in to change. Hanging around just waiting hoping for nothing. Thank you Dr David for helping me let go
I do get what you’re talking about- as a diagnosed narcissist I am grateful for your inspiring and insightful explanations. I’m in 1 on 1 therapy 5 years now and just recently beginning to understand myself in ways I’m sure I would not have without intervention and support. 👍🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My spouse DARVO'd me when I was asking questions about a certain event and he came back at me with such anger as if I were accusing him of something. Told him it didn't matter because I knew the truth and told him what it was. He never said a word after that and I have gone virtually no contact since. That has been 3 months ago. Told him we needed to go along to get along... basically until I know what the next move will be. Thank you for helping me understand that I am not crazy and that I do have self worth.
My brother (71 age) did the same exact reaction & further criticized me - Bullied- for no reason. I am 70. You cant have a level headed give & take with a narcissistic brother who wants the last word &.unwilling to hear alternative side. Impossible. He's been married over 35+ yrs! I guess his wife is the enabler since she now wont talk to me! 👀? Is this how that marriage works? He puts me down bcz Im unmarried. As if something is wrong with me. I have been married 2x. To Narcissists now that I can reflect. But that is his defense mechanism to support his view and irrational behavior by ripping me 😢
I have your videos so helpful and inspiring. I have left my abusive/narcissistic husband with a view to separation and ultimately divorce. I forgive him but I couldn't cope with his controlling and unreasonable behaviour, gaslighting, and defensive behaviour any longer, and also his pathological jealousy of my son with autism. Your videos and podcasts have helped me stay sane during a very difficult time. Thank you so much.
I am desperate Dr. Hawkins. I feel like all but one or two of my eight children have drank the darvo narc Kool aid of my covert narcissist husband of 31 years. Years of ebb and flow financial, spiritual and emotional abuse. I can maybe afford a few hours of assessment and therapy but I am at my end. My health of body. soul, and mind have suffered tremendously. Either I go down with the ship, you throw me a life preserver, or I jump out and hope I survive. Please help us.
Maybe this information can help you. Look into the books written by Steve Ozanich, Dr. John Sarno, Alan Gordon and a great RUclips channel called Pain Free You with Dan Buglio. These are amazing people who healed from chronic conditions. I healed all my allergies through mind body work. Dr. John Sarno was a leader in this field. I hope you find a way to heal.
This is succinct and so important for people to know. I tried and tried to deal with this type of personality since I was a child. It followed me throughout my adult life in every key relationship including my adult sons. That one really threw me. However, I had to break the trauma bonds to them to continue to allow the healing process which I have managed to come a long way. It took fading from relationships accept that with myself applying the knowledge of years of therapy combined with applying healing modalities to manage symptoms. Today more than any other time there is quality information. Thank you, and God bless you.
Thank you for making these videos Dr Hawkins. I always long for someone in person to understand, see, reach in and help me and Lord willing if it were possible, my marriage, but having your online videos, someone from far, to listen to has been a blessing to just hear your understanding and hold onto it.
The real problem with Narcissists is that they don't actually want to solve the real problem. They are drilling holes in your sinking relationship while you're dumping out buckets of water out the side of the boat. When you figure out they're drilling holes they are offended you would accuse them of such a thing while also complaining you must want to drown them because you're not putting in enough effort to get the water out more quickly or efficiently enough so you must not really care about them or else you'd be moving faster or finding a bigger bucket instead of them acknowledging how exhausted and drained you are and how not only are they not helping to solve the problem they are causing it in the first place while blaming you. It's a Zero Sum Game people. Rigged against you from the start. Before you were born. Before they ever met you. Before you started working with them or for them. Before you moved to their neighborhood or they moved to yours. Before they joined the friend group or you joined theirs. You are set up to fail in these relationships BY DESIGN. THEIR DESIGN. They have pre-designed the relationship with you to fail from the jump. And they already had planned to bare all the burden of blame on you before you were ever conceived or before they ever met you and asked you out or to come over for a one night stand turned situationship or ghosting or before they proposed to you or before you proposed to them. They have set you up to fail on purpose. Because they simply get off on the superiority of it. How powerful it makes them feel. The thrill they get from virtue signaling. They DON'T want harmony even if they present their lives as harmonious bliss. They want harmony FOR THEMSELVES but NOT for you.
Sounds like a real narcissist. They are the hardest to treat because they protect their false self to the death sometimes. My last relationship was with a BPD woman, you wanna talk about gaslighting? turned me off so bad I have not even bothered dating in 8 years. NPD cannot be treated, save yourself and your sanity.
This resonates; listening verifies and validates the situation I am experiencing with my wife, nearly to the letter……sadly, the counselling did not identify these points to address…………there is only one outcome to maintain long term mental health and inner peace.
This has been happening to me for 31 yrs and I’m drowning, it’s making me suicidal 😢 I can’t live like this anymore, it has rubbed off onto my son, and he is even treating me with disrespect like my husband, I’m so desperate for help
Hey guys I hear ya!.. Truly I do. I'm in a similar boat and I know how it draineds the life out out you, But please try to hold on and make more time for yourselves. Try to go out for walks, a coffee, exercise, biking etc whatever you enjoy to do, just spending time with you is so important. If you really have to leave, just make sure you plan it quietly. God Bless you both.... Pleases *Believe on what Christ did on the cross paying ALL your past, present, and future sins. It's not because of any of our efforts, just what he did.....ALONE! He died, was buried, & rose again....now you will have Eternal Life. He is coming back for ALL Believers a.s.a.p. 👑✝️🙌💟
It sucks I know, but deep breaths and one foot in front of the other. If anyone wants to vent about their situation, go for it, if I get the notice from YT I’ll read it and share my thoughts. God knows I’ve vented plenty myself.
@@joeprimal2044 I found it very ominous when I was active USAF, that they came up with a new job title, it was Human Resources, once again very telling of the loss of humanity. I was a CMB MED.
What else would you expect from any individual who has a false core self. The only thing they need to stay away from is our reality to keep them going on towards their next victim. It's like asking to resolve the problem with a parasite, to take an alternative route not to be a parasite. Again their only oxygen apparently is to gaslight.
Maybe 'the real reason Narcissist have a problem in life is just because they can't understand how the parents, that were suppose to love and protect them treat them horrifically at such a younge age, as well as s defenseless age, (toddler age)
I feel there are a few corrupted brain cells that didnt develop or sync correctly at birth. And mother consistently wooed the problem into a spoiled rat. Any sibling that competed was thwarted by the Narc brat to no end.
God described the problem in the end times that we call "narcissism." The word "difficult" in the original language means "ragingly insane." 2 Timothy 3:1-5 Difficult Times Will Come "1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, [a]haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these." In my experience, it is impossible to resolve anything with a narcissist. They will fight to their own death rather than give in to anyone else so that both heal.
This makes sense....my husband created a lot of chaos and confusion, which is a control tactic. Forget anything being resolved, you will be on a hamster wheel....and they will tell this person, that person, and you different stories, which also gives them control and allows them to take advantage of you and the situation
I still cry 😢 that my pastor covert narcissist husband wouldn't get help from you. I'm done with the cognitive dissonance. I cry from the death of a dream that was only deception. 13 years of hell on earth and I'm reminded Joseph also had 13 years of slavery. Praying 🙏 that others get your good help. 💞
You are absolutely right, Dr Hawkins. SO many people are oblivious to these patterns going on behind the scenes. Unfortunately these people are not oblivious to believing the narcissist's narrative. Narcissists cause destruction whether you stay or leave.
Schqirl is correct. If she stays, the victim is destroyed as her individuality is gradually chipped away through slavery to what the narcissist wants.
Outside the relationship, the victim is destroyed because so-called Christians would rather listen to the narcissist's gossip than seek the truth in order to actually heal the relationship.
The destruction of someone else is always more palatable to an abuser than treating their own sin problem. That is certainly the reason why my own husband refused treatment from you.
You have to leave him! He will never admit to his personality disorder
Take care of yourself and live. 🙏
@@Moolahmann I did leave him 7 months ago when he had another woman totally replaced me at church including reorganizing the kitchen and taking all my Thanksgiving decorations down to try to ruin Thanksgiving. Pastor idol worship is real and a wife gets in the way of his harem. The matriarch of the church even told me when I was crying to her about how he texts all other women more than he talks to me she said "of course, the church is more important than you." I realized my part in the sin of lying for him and there was another woman in the church that left her husband also because she got tired of lying for him also. We have to say their great men when they're terrible to us. But nobody cares as there's no accountability for men in churches.
I'm so sorry for your pain. There are so few who understand the depths of the nightmare. I hope you can get free. Even getting free hurts so much. I'm so deep I don't know how to get out and I am currently trapped from many angles. I'm married 23 years and have 3 children with a cruel empathyless man who does all this. Nobody in the world around knows or would believe how cruel he is. We look so normal outside. I was baptized with him 22 years ago and every year has held misery, fear, loneliness, pain and anger. I don't know my way out because a part of me doesn't want to go even if I had a way out which I don't right now. But my desperation is driving me now to seek the Lord for a way out, because I am thinking I've never actually truly lived under him. A prayer for you, I can believe how dreadful is your situation.
So important to understand that there really is no hope if they don't want to put the work in to change. Hanging around just waiting hoping for nothing. Thank you Dr David for helping me let go
You are right on with DARVO being the primary issue and cause of serious relationship issues. Thank you, Dr Hawkins!!!
I do get what you’re talking about- as a diagnosed narcissist I am grateful for your inspiring and insightful explanations. I’m in 1 on 1 therapy 5 years now and just recently beginning to understand myself in ways I’m sure I would not have without intervention and support. 👍🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Yes! Dr. Hawkins explains this so well. These videos are so helpful.
My spouse DARVO'd me when I was asking questions about a certain event and he came back at me with such anger as if I were accusing him of something. Told him it didn't matter because I knew the truth and told him what it was. He never said a word after that and I have gone virtually no contact since. That has been 3 months ago. Told him we needed to go along to get along... basically until I know what the next move will be. Thank you for helping me understand that I am not crazy and that I do have self worth.
My brother (71 age) did the same exact reaction & further criticized me - Bullied- for no reason. I am 70. You cant have a level headed give & take with a narcissistic brother who wants the last word &.unwilling to hear alternative side. Impossible. He's been married over 35+ yrs! I guess his wife is the enabler since she now wont talk to me! 👀? Is this how that marriage works? He puts me down bcz Im unmarried. As if something is wrong with me. I have been married 2x. To Narcissists now that I can reflect. But that is his defense mechanism to support his view and irrational behavior by ripping me 😢
I have your videos so helpful and inspiring. I have left my abusive/narcissistic husband with a view to separation and ultimately divorce. I forgive him but I couldn't cope with his controlling and unreasonable behaviour, gaslighting, and defensive
behaviour any longer, and also his pathological jealousy of my son with autism. Your videos and podcasts have helped me stay sane during a very difficult time. Thank you so much.
You’re spot on. Lived it for 2 decades. He doesn’t care…bottom line.
I am desperate Dr. Hawkins. I feel like all but one or two of my eight children have drank the darvo narc Kool aid of my covert narcissist husband of 31 years. Years of ebb and flow financial, spiritual and emotional abuse. I can maybe afford a few hours of assessment and therapy but I am at my end. My health of body. soul, and mind have suffered tremendously. Either I go down with the ship, you throw me a life preserver, or I jump out and hope I survive. Please help us.
Maybe this information can help you. Look into the books written by Steve Ozanich, Dr. John Sarno, Alan Gordon and a great RUclips channel called Pain Free You with Dan Buglio. These are amazing people who healed from chronic conditions. I healed all my allergies through mind body work. Dr. John Sarno was a leader in this field. I hope you find a way to heal.
This is succinct and so important for people to know. I tried and tried to deal with this type of personality since I was a child. It followed me throughout my adult life in every key relationship including my adult sons. That one really threw me. However, I had to break the trauma bonds to them to continue to allow the healing process which I have managed to come a long way. It took fading from relationships accept that with myself applying the knowledge of years of therapy combined with applying healing modalities to manage symptoms. Today more than any other time there is quality information. Thank you, and God bless you.
*Respect 💫
Thank you for making these videos Dr Hawkins. I always long for someone in person to understand, see, reach in and help me and Lord willing if it were possible, my marriage, but having your online videos, someone from far, to listen to has been a blessing to just hear your understanding and hold onto it.
The real problem with Narcissists is that they don't actually want to solve the real problem. They are drilling holes in your sinking relationship while you're dumping out buckets of water out the side of the boat. When you figure out they're drilling holes they are offended you would accuse them of such a thing while also complaining you must want to drown them because you're not putting in enough effort to get the water out more quickly or efficiently enough so you must not really care about them or else you'd be moving faster or finding a bigger bucket instead of them acknowledging how exhausted and drained you are and how not only are they not helping to solve the problem they are causing it in the first place while blaming you. It's a Zero Sum Game people. Rigged against you from the start. Before you were born. Before they ever met you. Before you started working with them or for them. Before you moved to their neighborhood or they moved to yours. Before they joined the friend group or you joined theirs. You are set up to fail in these relationships BY DESIGN. THEIR DESIGN. They have pre-designed the relationship with you to fail from the jump. And they already had planned to bare all the burden of blame on you before you were ever conceived or before they ever met you and asked you out or to come over for a one night stand turned situationship or ghosting or before they proposed to you or before you proposed to them.
They have set you up to fail on purpose. Because they simply get off on the superiority of it. How powerful it makes them feel. The thrill they get from virtue signaling. They DON'T want harmony even if they present their lives as harmonious bliss. They want harmony FOR THEMSELVES but NOT for you.
You must be miserable to come to this conclusion. Leave the relationship
I don't know if I've ever seen it articulated so clearly! Thank you!
This is so TRUE! Thank you for this video! ❤
But what if they refuse to be held accountable?
Sounds like a real narcissist. They are the hardest to treat because they protect their false self to the death sometimes. My last relationship was with a BPD woman, you wanna talk about gaslighting? turned me off so bad I have not even bothered dating in 8 years. NPD cannot be treated, save yourself and your sanity.
Always AWESOME videos!
Thank you so much.
God bless you
from JANESVILLE, WI
This resonates; listening verifies and validates the situation I am experiencing with my wife, nearly to the letter……sadly, the counselling did not identify these points to address…………there is only one outcome to maintain long term mental health and inner peace.
This has been happening to me for 31 yrs and I’m drowning, it’s making me suicidal 😢 I can’t live like this anymore, it has rubbed off onto my son, and he is even treating me with disrespect like my husband, I’m so desperate for help
Same
Hey guys I hear ya!.. Truly I do. I'm in a similar boat and I know how it draineds the life out out you, But please try to hold on and make more time for yourselves. Try to go out for walks, a coffee, exercise, biking etc whatever you enjoy to do, just spending time with you is so important. If you really have to leave, just make sure you plan it quietly. God Bless you both.... Pleases *Believe on what Christ did on the cross paying ALL your past, present, and future sins. It's not because of any of our efforts, just what he did.....ALONE!
He died, was buried, & rose again....now you will have Eternal Life. He is coming back for ALL Believers a.s.a.p.
👑✝️🙌💟
It sucks I know, but deep breaths and one foot in front of the other. If anyone wants to vent about their situation, go for it, if I get the notice from YT I’ll read it and share my thoughts. God knows I’ve vented plenty myself.
Seems like they treat others as objects, or possessions. Just about everyone I know does that, why I stay to myself these days.
Yes exactly. If you’ve ever watched the walking dead, I keep hearing Negan saying “people are resources!” That is what we are to them, resources.
@@joeprimal2044 I found it very ominous when I was active USAF, that they came up with a new job title, it was Human Resources, once again very telling of the loss of humanity. I was a CMB MED.
You have to leave him! He will never admit his personality disorder.
Dr. Hawkins, thank you!
DENY Attack Reverse Victim Offender
What else would you expect from any individual who has a false core self. The only thing they need to stay away from is our reality to keep them going on towards their next victim. It's like asking to resolve the problem with a parasite, to take an alternative route not to be a parasite. Again their only oxygen apparently is to gaslight.
Maybe 'the real reason Narcissist have a problem in life is just because they can't understand how the parents, that were suppose to love and protect them treat them horrifically at such a younge age, as well as s defenseless age, (toddler age)
🔄
Yeah except my little narcissist wife had wonderful parents and an excellent upbringing. Some people are just born this way.
I feel there are a few corrupted brain cells that didnt develop or sync correctly at birth.
And mother consistently wooed the problem into a spoiled rat. Any sibling that competed was thwarted by the Narc brat to no end.
God described the problem in the end times that we call "narcissism." The word "difficult" in the original language means "ragingly insane."
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult Times Will Come
"1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, [a]haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
In my experience, it is impossible to resolve anything with a narcissist. They will fight to their own death rather than give in to anyone else so that both heal.