Feeling Guilty about No Contact with a Narcissistic Mother

Feeling guilty about No Contact with a narcissistic mother: "I´m 59 years old and have always carried around a constant sense of shame and anxiety, but I didn't use to know why. My 2 siblings went no contact with our mother a few years ago and I have very little contact with either of them. In spite of the terrible feelings I have about my mother, I feel deeply sorry for her, so I continue to communicate with her and occasionally visit her, most of the time in a gray rock state, but on a bad day I resent and loathe her and it just sometimes just seethes inside of me. Even on a good day, I feel anxious about her. It´s like my little girl inside totally loves her and remembers good times when she seemed like a loving human being. But, now, as an adult, I realize I don´t like her at all. What kills me is that I am the mother of three kids myself and I can't even begin to imagine the heartbreak if one of them went NC with me. I'm all she has left and going no contact just doesn´t seem like a black and white decision to me, in fact, in my case, it seems a cruel thing to do. Also, even if I did go NC, I would continue to feel tormented mentally and emotionally. Just to let you know, I am in therapy and on medication for depression. I guess I would just like to ask you to talk about making such a decision when I know I would feel terrible about myself. I just can't seem to find my way out of her grip on my soul. I just signed up for your sana recovery course, but if you could speak a little about what I am describing I would really appreciate it."
Mothers Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters
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Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!