Holy crap, not ten minutes ago I was looking at videos about mental hospitals because of suicidal thoughts and anxiety. This explains EVERYTHING. 😭 THINK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!
So glad you found your way to this channel too! Isn't it amazing how much good it does to finally listen to someone who understands, and has found a road out of this? Hope you're doing well! ❤️
My emotional flashbacks are pure panic. Like a panic attack that goes on for about a week. Its hell. My brain cant stop thinking about every horrible scenario that would possibly happen in my life. Its cruel. Thank you for this. ❤
exactly how I`m feeling now, I have started to figure out not trying to suppress, and I know what kind of circumstance that I had in my childhood is related to this flashback, but still on the way to deal with.
My flashback feels like I'm not going to survive, like I am powerless, like everything is out of control, like nobody understands, anger, like it will never get better. It comes from my parents always argueing. My dad is a very smart narcissist. Those flashbacks from all the hurtful things my dad did to me. From how unsafe I felt.
I either get overly fearful, or I get fearless and feel as if I can do anything. As if some instinct kicks in where im responsible for neutralizing a threat. Night and day. I'm like the lion from wizard of oz and a coward, or I'm one punch man and feel invincible with this flat emotional malaise like "sighh.... this will only take a moment.."
My flashbacks are manly the feelings of fear and abandonment. I say a mantra. I am safe now, I am 40 years past my abusive father and loveless mother. I am safe now.
Whenever I say mantra I break down into tears thinking that how miserable I'm that I need to chant manthras in order to survive Fear, shame and abandonment are my flashbacks
Thank you Yes I'm going to use that mantra. Because I don't know how I can still feel the same way as a kid even tho all is Well & I am safe now. But maybe I'm having this experience so I can be brought forward here and receive all of this information. Thank you 💓
I like Richard Grannon’s hand mnemonic. Thumb is you. You are you, you are not your feelings, they exist separate from you. Stop and identify what feeling you’re having. Pointer finger, point to what feeling you’d rather have. Middle finger, the tallest sticks up like an antenna to tune in the feelings you want to have. Identify what you’d rather be feeling and what you actually need to do to feel that way. Ring finger is a commitment to yourself. DO IT. Pinky is the karate chop, chop off responsibilities that do not belong to you from responsibilities that are yours. You can only control you. Not others.
I did it as he recommended for 3 months, 5 times a day, it saved my life, I guess... now I feel I need to do it at least once a day, or I can lose the result. It's no magic, it really is self-duscipline everyone deserves. Glad to see your comment, mate
Thank you. I'm not alone and now understand my mood shifts. Living with anxiety and CPTSD has been tough. Im 52 and just now starting to heal my past because I now understand where it all comes from. Your videos have changed my life. Thank you.
Me too. I thought it was all my fault and I only had2 deal with my depression alone. My faith and God has helped me through good ppl of faith. I have had regular good therapy from 4 different counselors but the place I go to has always given me what I need. Catholic Charities.
hi sandi, i too am a fellow sufferer of the past childhood dysfunctional upbringing and glad to be part of the fairy family. i dont feel all alone anymore in my troubles as i did prior to getting the info on cptsd. its wonderful aint it? knowing its not just you who been struggling throughout life feeling like the odd ball all the time. yes it has been tough, i always thought well its just me and my burden to carry. that no one else understands me, but we do have good hope now. yeah, i knew all what i went through as a kid but like you in life i never could put it all together to know and realize that this is the very reason for the many aspects of my difficulty. i too found this out not long ago from miss anna and im 59. her vids have given me new life too in the sense of actually believing i am normal and was just coping normally to unnormal trauma suffered in my childhood upbringing. thanks to anna and all us here to help to share with one another.
My emotional flashbacks are much like yours - I wake up dysregulated and, if I have to rush around, I get all worked up into a panicked/agitated/angry frenzy. I start thinking about to-do lists as well and the spiraling intensifies. I'm so glad that now we know what these are - I really just thought I was a moody, hysterical person!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyDo you notice a hormonal correlation with this? Like the flashbacks get worse depending on where you are in a monthly cycle? I think sometimes the hormone drop really triggers this waking up dysregulated and immediately feeling overwhelmed.
This book- life saving. I remember feeling so ashamed about my past actions, blame myself for days and months only until Pete Walker’s book landed in my lap and I felt so validated and seen. It helped me to shift from guilt to self compassion. Im looking forward to the interview!
Omgosh 😭😭 yes that book has also helped me so much. I never knew what to call it until he said it in the book and the audiobook version is pretty great btw.
RUclipsr Richard Grannon has literally explained in detail that book. In between his channel and this channel I’ve healed tremendously. I bought the book around a year ago (recommended by Richard) and it has changed my life. I appreciate all these RUclipsrs that are saving the world. Thank you! You are the real heroes.
@@Midimoho glad I can help!! Knowing about emotional flashbacks and how to deal with them has been the key to my healing process. He also talks about “emotional literacy” check on that as well😉... I like him and the crappy childhood fairy it’s like a dynamic duo, I spent soooo much money in therapy and I never got the help I needed until I followed these 2 channels.
I've been describing this phenomenon to mental health professionals for years. One time I said it to a psychiatrist and she looked confused. I said, do you know what I mean. She shook her head. Man, I've got to wait until a book comes out?
It's okay, honestly it took me awhile just to figure out it was about shame. For a very long time I would just say, I feel bad, really bad like I want to hide away and disappear or die. Then in 2018 realized the feeling was shame and recently I read/listened to the audiobook and 🤯 now I understand what was happening to me. All this time I thought it was all just an indicator that I couldn't emotionally regulate properly and was wondering why I still have this issue. But also yeah I feel like the few times I did short term therapy, they would never understand it fully which frustrated me.
I went in for a consultation and within 15m she said I need to be on meds and evaluated by a psychiatrist. I said I'm experiencing emotional flashbacks and they are excruciating, I need emdr! I left there feeling worse then when I went in.
You asked us to tell what helps us: here’s what helped me. 1. Your channel 2. The app “The Tapping Solution” 3. Pete Walkers book on CPTSD. I’m not healed or perfect or something, but this helps me in a crisis. Oh, and I forgot: my family and friends. The best thing I learned during my life: how to get along with other people without being “fake”. Being yourself is not an easy thing when you grow up with trauma!
I will be 68 in a few weeks and I feel that no one has ever known me. I isolate myself, have social anxiety that has prevented me from going to gatherings (I've only been to a party a couple of times in my life) and often feel lethargic and unable to do anything. In the past I would put on the mask of whatever my job required and was able to be extroverted and do well. Now that I am retired, it seems that I am having trouble getting up the energy to do even the simplest of tasks and thanks in part to covid, I sometimes go months without speaking to anyone. I was physically and emotionally abused by both of my parents and sexually abused for years by my father. I feel like I haven't had a life at all.
I can completely relate to the thoughts "I have to do everything," but I do believe that is actually true. I was neglected by my parents too. My father was an alcoholic & drug addict and my mother is mentally ill. I learned at a very young age that I could not trust or rely on them so I felt I did have to be self-sufficient and handle things on my own. I feel that I've been exhausted since I was a child.
I am with you. I do have to do everything, because I am single and do not have children. There isn't any partner or kids to delegate or help so it does get upsetting & overwhelming at times. But I do it all b/c it has to get done... sometimes procrastinating b/c of the overwhelm. It's a crazy cycle.
I know this is an old comment but thank you for writing, how are you doing in your recovery? I also had to be self sufficient, but learned very young that sleep was "dangerous", because that's when bad things would happen. I'm 44 now and not having restorative sleep is so damaging, with the addition of feeling like I need to do everything for myself and for others, and for finding it difficult to ask for or accept help. I am perpetually exhausted also.
@@mish3563- I know about not getting restorative sleep. I've had insomnia for years. Don't ever feel tired enough to sleep until wee hours in the a.m., then "blink out" suddenly asleep during the day. It's weird. Btw, this woman and her channel is amazing. Plus Pete Walker, wowza!!
I've had to try and explain this concept to my husband, who comes from a loving home. In my case, there are certain phrases or tones that are my primary triggers. My mother's main arsenal was verbal and emotional abuse. Even seemingly innocent things like: "I know what you're like" or "stop crying" During small disagreements, my husband might say one of my trigger phrases entirely in context and innocently, but my brain hears the words and it's like my mother's voice and inflection are superimposed over his voice. I suddenly feel a rush of emotions that I used to feel whenever she'd say that thing to me and I'd react as I used to back then (anger, defensiveness, getting upset or emotional). It took me a while to figure out why such small disagreements with my husband would spiral so quickly into explosive fights. When I realised it was because I had been thrown back into fight or flight from a specific phrase, and wasn't actually hearing him anymore, I have been more self aware and taking a moment to ask myself "did he mean it like that or am I flashing back?"
This describes my whole life until I started the Daily Practice. It is amazing how I experience people now v. the "old days". bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy
Gosh, this answered so many questions. Have been beating myself up for decades for not being strong enough to control my feelings or that I was a horrible negative person internally. Thank you for the healing aha moment.
I have horrific nightmares and wake up with the flashbacks. At age 72 and I am remembering previously blocked memories. It’s sickening. I wake up feeling like the crap was literally beaten out of me. It was at the hands of my narcissistic mother. I have Pete’s book and obviously need to reread it. I read it years ago. But back then I didn’t know about narcissism and like I said, much of my memories around my mother were blocked and most still are. Thank you for shinning the light for us.
The crap was literally besten out of me, and I also saw it happen to my younger sibling. For many years of my life I had a recurrent nightmare. I used to wake the family up with my screaming. When I would actually wake- up from them and remember, it was a recurrent progressive flashback. Are you familiar with the Metallica song, One? The minute I heard it I identified with it. I had 5 years with a good therapist. I havent had the dream in many years know. I stull struggle with certainn things ( why Im here), but nowhere like it used to be. I wish you healing and peace.
I’m so so proud of you for being 72 and still with us and working hard towards healing❤️ The previously blocked memories are coming up because your brain feels safer now, which means that despite it feeling like the most awful thing in the world, you’re getting closer everyday to being able to have more power over your CPTSD. I know this is an old comment, but I wish you all the love and continual progress towards finally being safe and happy❤️ You deserve to feel safe
For me flashbacks are very visual in my mind. I relive and see moments from my past where I was hurt or extremely angry. I get this overwhelming feeling of rage at my father. Thankfully I am able to recognize now when I'm having one and it almost immediately stops it, and I'm able to safely let go of my anger.
Thank you so much. I am crying right now because I finally feel like it’s not my fault . I haven’t created this terrible person who just goes off the wall at something and gets overwhelmed at the to do list. Thank you for helping me and everyone who relates to this 😭❤️🌻
Hi Anna - I have found an unusual remedy to flashbacks. I am 60 and have listened to Pink Floyd's song Comfortably Numb many times and for a lot of reasons- it's comforting is the best... Last week I was listening to the song and a lyric struck me - "There is no pain you are receiving- a distant ship smoke on the horizon." I'm not receiving pain, it's manufactured in my head. It's as distant as that ship on the horizon but I bring it close because of the flashbacks. What people do can make me angry or fearful or happy... but it's my choice to feel what I want or need to feel; not theirs. Am I there yet...meh... but I am going to get there CPTSD and ADD be damned. I have a couple of flashbacks which give me considerable pause... I just tell myself I'm ok and it's in my head - make it go far away to the ship on the horizon.. I don't want to be comfortably numb in life as the person in the song - the song is not about drugs btw - I do want to feel, but its my choice to feel or think good about myself and my choice to not feel something someone has made me feel or shamed me into thinking like I'm not worthy. btw any horizon is 27.2 miles due to the Earth's curve- that's a good far place to send that shame. - Peace y'all you do deserve it.
The concept that we are manufacturing our own pain is an advanced enlightenment it took me years to understand. I got there by doing the Daily Practice! Glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@@cacatr4495 the horizon is 27.2 miles from where you are. Because of the curvature of the Earth, we can’t quite see Russia from Alaska…lol. However imagining any pain we are feeling as having a home 27 miles away: to me I find it a good place to start to distance myself from it. Peace and healing and love to you
Emotional flashbacks are my primary nemesis. For me those emotions are sorrow, grief, hurt, a sense of utter lovelessness and worthlessness, that I am not good at anything. It’s a cavernous mixture of all these, as well as lessors, fear and self hate, it’s so unbelievably intense. I’ve fled in horror from this tsunami for decades. I began having repeated nightmares, reliving a tremendously violent day in my past, over months it dragged me into the emotional pit. I couldn’t remember anything to do, it’s like my thinking mind was gone. All I did was cry, the crying carried this intense desire to cut or kill myself, those were hostile tears, the bottom tears of a well that hated me. I literally turned on myself during that torture and began despising my own heart and anatomy for their capacity to inflict suffering. I cried for days. I got out of it accidentally, for some reason I just began humming, I was voicing those feelings, imposing nothing, just humming whatever melodic course my emotions transcribed. After an hour or so I relaxed somewhat, and began re-regulating. I went to those feelings kicking and screaming, but I learned I could speak to that mountain. After I regained some composure, I spoke to the thoughts and supplemented rational cognitions over that vicious dad voice in my head. The dreams begin dissipating. Sadly, it didn’t remove those feelings, but when emotional triggers occur, I wrestle with my erratic flight response, until I calm down, and I sit with them until they to leave. So far I’m managing to raggedly maintain control, I am doing much better. I find humming to be soothing. I was helpless and passive in that violence, when I’m in flashbacks I’m passive, or wanting to run wildly from the violence. So I’m not running and I’m being proactive and assertive. Each person has a different expression of trauma, for me a light beckons now and then, an important key is given to a traumatic lock, it’s the God heart in my journey showing me pieces of the puzzle. ♥️🌹🕊
I like what you said, " you sit with it until you calm down and it passes" That's what I'm trying to do. Pray. Write. Sit with it. Wait. I wait on the Lord. Until the peace comes or I have a new thought. Thank you for sharing.
@@merrym7174 Wish I hadn’t spent so long running from it, but there wasn’t any information, no Crappy Childhood fairy. You and I are in the same place, and I believe eventually these emotional triggers will dissipate and our spirits will find a calmer day. Fight or flight just reinforces the idea of danger, sitting and accepting these feelings, listening and learning, eventually it will get better. I’ll pray for you, pray for me, the victories will come in small steps I expect, but maybe we will run with freedom instead of fear in our future. ♥️🕊
This is an amazing description, and for the first time I am reading someone's explanation that is so similar to mine. I am so sorry that any human being feels this way, as I do. Thank you for your truth on these. It is so sad to be relieved that someone else understands, but I thank you sincerely for expressing.
Creativity helps me, it's my job but it grounds me in the moment, I guess its mindfulness. I have my safe places which are mine, my workshop and my greenhouse. I also now have a dog and that has helped me so much as she gives me so much love without any pressure to ask for it. Asking for help sometimes makes me feel shame as it shows to me I'm a victim and weak...I'm working on that
We might believe asking for help is weak but that isn't true- and we can start working on those beliefs that don't serve us by starting our healing work. -Cara@TeamFairy
I listened to Pete Walkers book a couple weeks ago and had the same intense "Aha!" moment about the emotional flashback piece. I have been trying to manage those emotions with present day methods, but after trying the 13 steps on Pete Walkers list my ENTIRE internal system was able to move through the emotions without being completely hijacked for the rest of the day and it's the biggest relief of my life.
Wow. This is me to a T. All the info here will be VERY HELPFUL to me. Just being able to say I'm having a emotional flash back and putting words to it is very liberating! Thanks so much!
I cannot recommend Pete Walker's book enough! It was my introduction to CPTSD and finally learning a language I had known my whole life but could not speak.
When you said that things happened before you could talk a light bulb went off for me. You made me wonder if cptsd is the reason I can't remember my childhood? Any memories I do have are negative. I have only one photo as a little girl where I am laughing and it is taken with my cousins. I look at it sometimes and think 'I can't remember being happy like that as a kid'. I am learning so much from your videos, thank you so much!
its one off the most difficult parts i find ,because you dont want to blame somebody when its not true .a;though the emotial abuse went on till she died . what give me so much peace yesterday is i have 11 off the 12 symptoms ,there i found my answers and finally understand where all the screwed up emotions come from. Anna you do so much fir me already ,thank you
There are a lot of pictures I have from when I was a child where I look sad (including a photo I wrote over “good girl (I’m ftm but.) outside bad inside” whenever I was a kid, which was very shocking to find.) and then there are photos where I was happy, apparently. don’t remember any of that. all I remember is being sad and only bad memories. : (
that book, and YOUR VIDEOS are changing MY LIFE!!! Also reading Bessel Van Der Volk. but that book is ME 100%. 55 years I have been searching for what the fk is wrong with me and found many things, but the label of CPTSD is the most fitting thing I ever found. More accurate than just my 12 step recovery for my addictions, my adhd, my eating disorders, wondering if I am narcissist, blacksheep, scapegoat, middle child, lost child. my isolation, its all in that book and in rapid amount of time I am noticing changes in my behaviour, and thoughts.. rapid! from reading THAT BOOK and listening to YOU !!! Thank you.. keep up the life saving work Anna!
Even though I know I have CPTSD and that I had emotional flashbacks, I viewed them only as reactions to specific triggers. I never realised that every few mornings when I wake up irritated, agitated, angry, stressed, bored, resentful and really grumpy and negative, that this was an emotional flashback! I always knew I needed to be alone a lot in the mornings (and at night...and ideally in the day too, lol) to de-compress...which sounds kind of ridiculous considering I JUST woke up, but it's how I feel. I think, after watching this video, that I need that quiet alone time to actually re-regulate myself as I've woken up dysregulated. Wow. That's an eye opener for me! I think it also took me a long time to even notice this because for the last 15 years, I've had the house to myself most days from long before I even got out of bed until just before dinner, so I never had to react, respond or interact with anyone. I'd be on my own time, be free to talk to myself about whatever, sing silly songs, and whatever else. Nowadays, I have extremely minimal space so...yeah. A question - I have BPD as well as CPTSD (and depression, anxiety and OCD), so I feel like most of the time, I'm LIVING in an emotional flashback. Like just always. I know where I am, I know I'm not 6 or 10 or 14 years old, but my whole entire state of consciousness still feels the same. My emotional flashbacks are roughly articulated as being... - Nobody cares about me and my needs - I hate myself for even having needs - I don't deserve to have my needs met - I hate my "favourite person" because... - My FP hates me because blah and blah - I am so unhappy - I am so bored...and boring - What's the point of getting up? It's safer in bed where I don't have to deal with anything and if I stay sleepy, I won't have to feel
Wow! I I know one of mine " they hate me" is definitely a part of the flashback. I will look for more. The tell tale is all the fear, anger and chaotic thinking and those words " they hate me" Both of Peter Walker's books are fantastic. He gave me permission to deeply grieve and cry as much as I can. Still can't cry very much but getting better. Still new to this channel but the single greatest help so far is knowing I am dysregulating. I judged myself mercilessly for not having control of my emotions. Now I am beginning to see how heroic I have been all my life. Although I have only done the fear/resentments w/ meditation less than a handful of times I already see it's power. Thank you Anna as always and really looking forward to Peter Walker Interview. He is a very kind person. I wrote him to ask a question about grief and was very pleasantly surprised to receive a warm and thoughtful reply. It was not something I had ever done before writing an author to ask for more specifics and was grateful to have been greeted with such warmth and kindness.
I don't think it was a flash back. ..but I had an episode today which brought me into a rage then tension & stress....neck,shoulder, back & anxiety....instead of going off ...I got myself alone, rested & did some deep breathing....my mind was racing with all thoughts of different thoughts of things...it took quite a while but suddenly eased away ...but tired & exhausted now....thank God you finally came up for me to listen to...thank you ✌️💖🌄
Your really a magical fiery. Can't thankyou enough for helping me I've been sinking with my ball and chain and I'm grabbing on to those pearls of wisdom and light. Thankyou
I thank you. I am 71 and have been living with these feeling most of my life but especially during the past 10 yrs, when my husband of most 50 yrs walked out of our marriage without thought of what he did to me. All the emotions of my childhood have resurfaced. I can't wait to read the book you mentioned. Thank you again.
As you are speaking I hear myself coming through your voice. You are talking of my emotional flashbacks. Thank you for putting a name to my craziness. I’ll be buying that book.
I've been with my wife for 23 years now and just recently found out that she has had sexual abuse trauma in her childhood, which now explains her bad behavior all of these rollercoaster years!.. I'm so drained emotionally nowadays from so much emotional abuse, minor physical and definitely heavy verbal abuse! The cold shoulder for days at a time, the no interest in having fun, going places etc.. She's comfortable at home reading drama filled books in mostly all of her spare time.. Thank God shes aware of her problem now thanks to your videos I've been sending her, hopefully now things can start to finally change for the better.. I feel so bad for what happened to her and ppl shutting her down about it telling her not to tell ppl because it was with her family.. it's like now after all these years how do I interact with her knowing wt I now know? Sex and intimacy has been the main thing she avoids and it's so obvious but she was in denial about all these years which just always turned into hamster wheel arguments. I need advice on how to maneuver through her triggers that she be in denial about.
The waking up dysregulated; not so much myself, although I always wake up cranky and nervous under stress, but I CLEARLY remember it in my sister. She would get out of bed with this resentful, sulky, furious look on her face when we were together. I'd feel "oh no, not again" because I knew she was going to work herself up to viciously emotionally attacking me. I always half realized she was having a flashback. She and I were like cats tied together in a bag as children.
I'd made leaps forward in recent weeks, then today crept up on me like a locomotive. Lost day. Then saw this video....exactly what is going on. 68 and sick of it destroying the good in my life. Thank you.
I have been lucky enough to find somewhere to help me realize all these things about myself. As a kid there were many times I just wanted to go outside, sometimes the ability to do that feels good and reminds me I am in control of my life.
"The overwhelm I sometimes wake up with is not about my to-do list, it's an emotional flashback" WHEWWW you are describing my life! thank you so much for your videos, discovered you 3 days ago and starting to notice my triggers and flashbacks- I finally feel on the right track!!
After 4 days of panicking in waves and trying to figure out how to make it stop, I came across this video and I’ve been in tears and finally feeling okay again within seconds. Thank you a million times
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I watch this now whenever I’m feeling that wave of anxiety come over me because I know I’m having an emotional flashback. I think I’ll sign up for the boot camp when I’m ready because this video both saved me but also forced me to think about things I’ve avoided for years. This video is my baby step. You truly are godsend. Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy. You’re a wonderful person and reading the comments show just how many of us appreciate you.
@@superapple6186 When the feelings come, let them happen. Then they de-sensitize over time. They come up to be experienced. Try not to tense and resuppress ❤
I never heard of Emotional flashbacks and now I have a name for what happens to me anytime I have “tasks” that fall on me!! I grew up in a home where adults were not responsible and the kids did everything!!! I always felt overwhelmed and had way to much responsibility put on me from a very young age. No wonder I freak out anytime someone asks me to do something!!!!
I have just found your channel and my god it all makes sense now. I've always found therapy didn't work but thought it was me. I also thought PTSD was for people who has suffered the most extreme forms of trauma and I feel mine was more emotional and subtle and also linked to a bully from school. I feel that COVID and lockdown have caused me extreme stress that I now feel I am losing a grip of myself and pushing my loved ones away. Finding you has opened my eyes to what is really wrong. Thank you
I just found this channel. WOW, there is someone talking about bad childhoods. I grew up with two alcoholic parents and a narcissistic mother. Now, I have a name to something that I could never understand...Emotional Flash Backs! Thank you.
I found this video at the perfect time. I can now put a name to what I’ve been referring to as “flare ups” all these years. I started remembering what was going on when they happened and it was usually something to do with a sense of hopelessness and abandonment.
Whew! I need this & just ordered the book. Thank you so much! I'm just realizing so much of my anger & rage reactions toward my husband are actually rooted in my relationship with my father (deceased for 10 yrs). We're working through it but it's so difficult to stop & recognize what it is when it's happening. I'm looking forward to learning more on how to slow it all down and realize each part of it so I can heal.
Hi @TeamFairy; is it possible to be in a permanent state of flashback? I have just started to try to be minddul since the new year. I am struggling so much. I have zero awareness, no emotional literacy, and feel like I am on constant fight flight or freeze. I feel completely trapped, but maybe this is just my mind telling me I am trapped. At a loss but really appreciated this video, even though now I am trying to get out of my emotional state and am unable. Even writing this feels like I am just on automatic. I find reflection almost impossible, which looks a lot like NPD to me. Is it possible to heal in my case?
If it is an emotional flashback, you can't help it. But you can learn to identify what is happening and the occurrences are less with healing -Cara@TeamFairy
I noticed what I believe is an emotional flashback a few years ago, they’ve gotten better. What seemed random, just randomly breaking down and screaming “I hate it here” over and over again for minutes.
When Pete Walker describes the feeling of an emotional flashback in the book, he says “it’s like a hot wind blows through you”. When I first read that it explained in words what I was feeling during an emotional flashback perfectly. His book has given me validity to what I have been experiencing for the past 35 years of my life. I think a lot of us had chopped our problems up to being mentally handicapped or emotionally stunted, in one way shape or form but to know that one it is not something we are born with and two it is something that we can heal from has finally given me hope that I can find peace.
I have the same negative mantra! I wake up. I'm ruminating. I got my list. And I already think I gotta do everything. And nobody reliable to depend upon. Whew, it's so exhausting to live like this. I hear u .I hear u. I hear you! 🤮
1 year into therapy and the emotional flashbacks last a week or two compared to before when they would last months. She recommended this book it’s been eye opening and comforting knowing what I have been going through
Thank you for these videos, I really appreciate them. You keep reminding me that “fffff I am okay, it’s okay, it will be okay” like damn it’s crazy when I get into these moods I literally FORGET the simple things like “ I am okay”. Thanks again :)
Life has been hard recently. Your videos have made me feel better and you've helped me get a better insight on myself. Also holy shit, I have spot on the same thoughts as you with the, "I have to do everything" mindset.
I have suffered with flashbacks of shame and guilt for over 20 years; my whole adult life. My head fills with the fuzz of the memory, my face turns red, I experience shortness of breath and then I usually shout out an expletive which has the effect of snapping me out of the flashback. This can loop for hours. This video has finally given me some relief in knowing that I do not suffer alone and that my emotions are recognised. Thank you for introducing me to Pete Walker and the term CPTSD. I will be ordering the book and researching the condition in more depth.
The unbearable amount of shame I have been carrying thought my life because all family members - and so called friends - would criticise and judge, making me believe something is totally wrong with me, I spent years trying to fight these off, criticizing, self loathing, ridiculing, inner battles, fear, anxiety. .. though about ten years ago I began to accept the "waves" and *listen* for the message. I realized on my own that there is always a message from within, that I have to have the courage to go through the emotional pain, within/beyond it lies a message of wisdom and deep connection, it is a gift. This was my first step to self love and self healing. But life can be chaotic, intense, I am required to function, perform, give face. I have been listening to you for a year now, and I realize so much of what I have been suffering from has names , and is completely normal for someone with my childhood background. I am ready to go deeper, with full trust and appreciation for you and what you do Your work is life saving
I had an emotional flashback when was triggered in what felt like a very personal way (may have been my extra sensitivity to micro aggressions) and managed to dissociate and hold it together until I got to my car where I felt safe. I broke down into the sort of panic attack where I couldn’t stop sobbing or calm my breathing down at all. It was so humiliating. Some kind and thoughtful friends came to check on me and all I could do is curl up and face away trying to wave them away because I couldn’t speak. It was the extra shame and feeling bad that came from people seeing me in my worst state, and not being able to explain that they haven’t made things worse, I’m just so ashamed and embarrassed to be this way. I hope that we can all get to a place of healing, and sending everyone watching this video love❤️ Thank you so much for this video
After studying Buddhism for 15 years, the first thing I was told, when I tried to tell my story to my teacher... Her words were: "drop the story", everyone has a story, not important. You get stuck in the story and identify with it so strongly you cannot break through". Thoughts aren't facts. Don't believe 99% of what your mind is telling you, it's all pretty much a lie. (The devil is a liar! His first point of attack is the mind!) A great Buddhist concept: something happens that is difficult, that's the first arrow, then we relentlessly-perpetually beat ourselves up about it, that's the second arrow, (which is often much worse than the original arrow). And there it is: suffering MULTIPLIED and AMPLIFIED, unnecessarily.
My teacher said: "go ahead, worry your life away..." with a smile on her face. And I realized how ridiculous it all was.
I remember reading something about CPTSD and the disconnect between thinking brain and feeling brain in relation to memories. I didn't quite grasp what it really meant until now! Thank you! I tell my husband "I feel very off today and I have no real reason to and I can't figure out why..." a lot. To realize there IS a reason even if it's not in the present moment means I can work to correct it over time!
Recently, I tried finding out what my flashbacks meant and now, thanks to you I know what it means. I’ve been having these flashbacks since I was a kid. I didn’t know what was happening. I’m so thankful that I’ve found your channel.
I am so incredibly grateful for your videos. Not long ago I realised that I don't even know what a healthy relationship looks like and I have no idea what are the behaviors that I do that are not ok. I recognize myself in what you say in so many videos and it has a fast healing effect. Cause you can not fix something you don't know it's broken. Thank you. I also love the compassion you have in all your videos. I pray that I can one day help people at the same deep level you do. You are a God sent
Thank you @Adriana for this beautiful message. Nothing could make my day like learning you've been able to change your life. Congratulations. Very glad you're here!
When I'm having an emotional flashback, and am present enough to realise that's what's happening, the most helpful thing I've found so far is to take several long, slow deep breaths. After that, the path out, whatever that may look like, is easier to see.
Havent seen my grandparents for months as i moved too a different country. I asked if i could stay the night to visit my grandmothers reply "umm i guess soo".. this caused an emotional flashback of neglect, my whole body feels rattled. No wonder my mothers emotionally immature.
On one hand, I'm thankful for my memories because they remind me to not let certain types of people into my life again, and on the other hand it's difficult to have strong emotions attached to these memories. Best wishes to you all, I know it's rough.
Wow, never realized what this was until watching this video. About once a week or so, I wake up in an irritable mood, feel like nothing is right, etc. My "coping skill" before was to drink alcohol, but I've finally stopped that. Lately, when I wake up like that I try to distract myself the entire day, which is tiring and leaves me drained. I hate how it feels, especially when there is no immediate reason for it.
Wow! My spirit led me here. 54 years old horrible past as far back as I can remember. I'm signing up. I started heeling two months ago watching these videos and as I'm healing I got kicked out of the house by my wife after 32 years of marriage. She's confused and she does not know what is happening to me although I have tried to explain it
I've been living on my own for about a week, she's cut me off from the bank account so she thinks I'm crazy and I'm going to start spending so once I figure out an alternative of paying your tuition I will sign up ASAP Thank you 🙏❤️🥲
Sadly, occasionally, I get hit by emotional back lash out of my past. Usually hits me when I'm feeling my weakest, depressed, suffering allergies, asthma, fibro pain, pain from my bone disease. Its tough, I try to dispel it, never using alcohol, no illegal drugs, etc. I work to do positive self esteem for myself.
Happening this morning, first thing I woke up. 😐 It was scary to start acknowledge I FEEL stuff. I used to think of myself as super rational.. because I immediately proceed to fix/solve something, anything, just to get rid of that nervous energy. Feels good to acknowledge what is happening to me and learn to show it compassion & care.
So many things you said resonate immensely. My mind is in overdrive. I’ve read this book, and it did change a lot for me. I can see the emotional flashback in my face as well. And all the energy in my body leaves but yet I can’t sleep either.
Dearest Anna Thank you for revealing what I’ve been suffering through and I just recently came to see these Emotional flashbacks which have been pounding me non stop since mid 2019
Absolutely, but it takes a lot of work to for many of us to achieve that. All these courses are designed to get us more here and now, happier with what we have, able to access the relationships we want :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@Merry_M I think maybe you don't know... these videos are the tip of the Fairy iceberg! I offer courses, coaching and host a very lively members' community (and yes, there will be large events and retreats after lockdown). Time to come on over to crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/yt-links
we are all supporting each other i think,so we are the support group and this is for the first time i feel completely safe can we do that ,i would love to,much love and hugs
Feel so safe listen/watching your videos. Also have a feeling of empowerment. A really safe place to cry. ..............................................Thank You, so much
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy do we explain to our kids who we really are ,because even though they are the most important people in my life ,they suffer to when i have an emotional flashback,maybe they understand think better ,also can we ask our children to help us when we have a flashback ,i mostly just like to know ,are we okay ,do you stick with me, much love ....Hinke.
I never knew what I was having was an emotional flashback. That’s extremely helpful to be aware of that and to have tools to help me through it. I just started reading Pete Walkers book. Thank you for all of the work you do and the videos you make to help us all through our struggles. ❤
Pete Walker has great matierial! A few years back, I found a lot of tools to help me regulate myself. I can relate very much to what you are talking about first thing in the morning overwhelm and immediate fatigue. About a year and half ago, I even started a set of emotional regulation short books. But you know, I wasn't really ready and went on to other goals. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you have started this channel, and that you are so articulate, constructive and compassionate in your presentation of talking about cptsd issues. Good for you!
My goodness. I just realized that my addiction was a way for me to get my own needs met. When you said that you had alcoholic parents and you were fearful of not having your physical needs met I understood it. I've probably been taught this many times but I get it now. I did not have alcoholic parents but I had parents who did not meet my emotional needs. I was not shown no physical or emotional affection at all from what I remember. I was however taken care of physically in the sense of shelter and food. So now when my wife does not want to take care of dinner I flip out. I have what you call an emotional flashback because that's the only way my mom showed me love.
Oh my god. Thank you for this! You put into words something I have been experiencing. I will be getting this book. Whenever I tried to verbalize the root of my emotional flashbacks, all I could get was the feeling "Someone I trusted hurt me." And no other answers. This helps to give me closure, and releases me from the pressure to "figure out" my trauma and simply have compassion and patience for myself.
This really helped me. I'm a lot younger - only 21. But I grew up in some bad environments, and my mom literally abandoned me when I was too young to remember. I mean, she would be in the same room as me, but would be high on like meth/heroin/cocaine, and would neglect to feed, bathe, or even change my clothing/diapers. I later got adopted by my grandparents(age 2 or 3) - but they compared me a lot to my mom and dad growing up, told me I'd end up the same way as them, all kind of stuff that made me feel bad about myself. Like they adopted me - and then literally complained about how much effort it took to "take care of me." They said I was their property until I was 18, told me they'd disown me if I dated a black guy or another girl(because I'm a girl.) It was horrible growing up, emotinally. I spent so much time crying as a child/teen. I saw a psychiatrist on Monday who thinks my anxiety is caused by past experiences, but she's hesitant to diagnose me with ptsd or c-ptsd just yet because she wants me to go to therapy. However, she did give me some medication. Then literally, a day later(Tuesday, yesterday at the time I'm writing this), I had one of these emotional flashbacks at work. It was the most humiliating experience because I kept trying to tell my supervisor I needed to leave, I wasn't "feeling well" and that I didn't care if she needed to fire me, because all I cared about in that moment was getting away from the current circumstances. Like I broke down into tears, because she kept asking me what was wrong but I had no words to express what was wrong. And even then, I was hyperventilating and crying so much that I literally could not speak. Like, my emotions took complete control. It physically felt like my heart was in my throat because the lump I got from the pain was so massive that I could not even breathe right - hence the hyperventilating. I'm not sure how anybody expected me to speak in that state. She called me unprofessional, told me my behavior was unacceptable and disrespectful, and honestly hearing that, in the middle of having the panic attack(+ emotional flashback), made it all so much worse. I haven't gone back yet because of the way she handled that situation. Because even if I wasn't having any kind of breakdown/panic attack - like if I was crying just like a normal person cries, I see no reason as to why that would be considered "unprofessional" and not considered "being human." Like wtf man. But it is so nice to know what I'm going through is real, and that I'm not crazy - just traumatized by life.
Sorry that happened at work! Many of us really understand how demoralizing it is to be criticized while in an emotional flashback and/or dysregulated. -Cara@TeamFairy
@FlyingMonkies325 she ended up quitting, and a week later I just ended up not going back. But you’re absolutely right that it was somewhat discriminatory at the time. I’m doing a lot better now though since I quit, I’m in school and working towards a better future. I haven’t had any kind of outbursts since. And it turns out I have had ADHD all these years undiagnosed, so I’m on medication now for that and my emotions are much easier to deal with now. So I think my ADHD was contributing to all those feelings, since everything is much, MUCH easier to manage now. I no longer think I really have CPTSD, or if I do I think any C-PTSD I have is very minor now compared to someone who deals with symptoms daily. I really do think it may have been ADHD making my minds drift to such dark and depressing memories and feelings. I’m sorry in my original comment I assumed I did, but it was because of what the doctor had told me. But I agree with everything you said, it’s sad how common it is now to deal with these kinds of things. I really feel for anyone who is struggling.
I just learned about emotional flashbacks from my old therapist! I thought she had retired but it turned out she hadn't so I got seven video sessions with her for the misery I've been in. This concept, and the tools for dealing with it that she gave me, have changed my whole life. I'm so glad to see this here.
I'm going to replay this video a few times. This is great. Listening to the steps calmed me down instantly. I was feeling so drained and now I'm suddenly fully awake and in the present. I just cant thank you enough. Sending you blessings from here. Happy to have found this community.
It was so insightful to your own life Anna, really honest and its really helped me today. I'm having a difficult day today. I woke up angry. And then two big triggers happened later on. I've meditated and then put your channel on. It honestly saves me each time. Thank you. Love to all survivors. We're going to be okay. ❤ 🇬🇧
11:43 steps for managing flashbacks - 1) say to yourself "I'm having a flashback" 2) remind yourself "I'm afraid but I'm not in danger" 3) Own your right/need to have boundaries, remind yourself that you are free leave unsafe situations and protest unfair behavior 4) speak reassuringly to the inner child 5) deconstruct eternity thinking - this will pass 6) remind yourself that you are an adult with resources that you didn't have as a child 7) ease back into your body 8) resist the inner critics messaging 9) allow yourself to grieve 10) cultivate safe relationships and take time alone if you need it, but don't isolate 11) learn to identify triggers 12) figure out what your flashing back to 13) be patient with slow recovery - this is a slow process
You are so helpful in allowing me to grasp an understanding at what is going on. What Im having trouble understanding is why does it make me cry when I confront the issues, for instance, today, listening to your video, tears began pulling up in my eyes and yesterday just seeing the title of the video made me save it to watch later. I dont understand why I get overwhelmingly upset when I see the things that I do and where they come from. Its comforting to know so why does it make me cry?
Without being a specialist I would venture to say that the relief or assurance is activating an emotional release in you. I cry at things all the time that aren't necessarily sad :) -Cara@TeamFairy
My partner has CPTSD. One of the many things I've noticed is his obsession about staying warm. He keeps the fire going almost the entire year. He gets extremely stressed about getting cold and has to have a huge stock pile of firewood to feel OK. I have been talking to him about his past and it turns out he almost died in the snow and severe cold of -40°C in Canada on a few occasions. So even though he lives in Australia now the emotional flash backs are still really strong.
Holy crap, not ten minutes ago I was looking at videos about mental hospitals because of suicidal thoughts and anxiety. This explains EVERYTHING. 😭 THINK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!
Beautiful!
I hope you're doing a bit better 💗 I know it helped me a lot when I realized that's what's happening. I wish you to get the help you need
Bless you!
Hope you're feeling better.
So glad you found your way to this channel too! Isn't it amazing how much good it does to finally listen to someone who understands, and has found a road out of this? Hope you're doing well! ❤️
My emotional flashbacks are pure panic. Like a panic attack that goes on for about a week. Its hell. My brain cant stop thinking about every horrible scenario that would possibly happen in my life. Its cruel. Thank you for this. ❤
Hello!How are you feeling now? Are you going to therapy? Curently dealing whit the same.
Hi I just saw your comment. I'm finally addressing my CPTSD this is what also happens to me. Something has to give. I hope we can heal quickly ❤
I hear you, had the same for many years. Now I finally know what's happening. It changes a lot for me.
Thank you for your share bc mine last days too and it's validating to hear bc a lot of ppl say "this will pass" and I'm like, WHEN?!
exactly how I`m feeling now, I have started to figure out not trying to suppress, and I know what kind of circumstance that I had in my childhood is related to this flashback, but still on the way to deal with.
My flashback feels like I'm not going to survive, like I am powerless, like everything is out of control, like nobody understands, anger, like it will never get better.
It comes from my parents always argueing. My dad is a very smart narcissist. Those flashbacks from all the hurtful things my dad did to me. From how unsafe I felt.
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
this is exactly what mine feels like:/ like I am weak, like it was my fault, like I have to get away, like nobody could love me or understand me
Whenever someone is angry at someone or I hear anger or someone is angry at me I always get super scared
Yes, I know that feeling, and I know many people here can relate too.
Same. I also go completely numb.
All the time
I either get overly fearful, or I get fearless and feel as if I can do anything. As if some instinct kicks in where im responsible for neutralizing a threat. Night and day. I'm like the lion from wizard of oz and a coward, or I'm one punch man and feel invincible with this flat emotional malaise like "sighh.... this will only take a moment.."
My flashbacks are manly the feelings of fear and abandonment. I say a mantra. I am safe now, I am 40 years past my abusive father and loveless mother. I am safe now.
I’m in my fifties still feel this way unfortunately married a man who continued were they left off. Although they treat me the same all my adult life.
Whenever I say mantra I break down into tears thinking that how miserable I'm that I need to chant manthras in order to survive
Fear, shame and abandonment are my flashbacks
@Steve good method!
Wow Steve, you just described my childhood.
Thank you Yes I'm going to use that mantra. Because I don't know how I can still feel the same way as a kid even tho all is Well & I am safe now. But maybe I'm having this experience so I can be brought forward here and receive all of this information. Thank you 💓
I like Richard Grannon’s hand mnemonic. Thumb is you. You are you, you are not your feelings, they exist separate from you. Stop and identify what feeling you’re having. Pointer finger, point to what feeling you’d rather have. Middle finger, the tallest sticks up like an antenna to tune in the feelings you want to have. Identify what you’d rather be feeling and what you actually need to do to feel that way. Ring finger is a commitment to yourself. DO IT. Pinky is the karate chop, chop off responsibilities that do not belong to you from responsibilities that are yours. You can only control you. Not others.
I follow his Fortress tutorials and it changed my entire outlook. I love the pragmatic steps he gives.
🏆🤣
:)
I did it as he recommended for 3 months, 5 times a day, it saved my life, I guess... now I feel I need to do it at least once a day, or I can lose the result. It's no magic, it really is self-duscipline everyone deserves. Glad to see your comment, mate
thank you for sharing! the pinky one is gold.
Thank you. I'm not alone and now understand my mood shifts. Living with anxiety and CPTSD has been tough. Im 52 and just now starting to heal my past because I now understand where it all comes from. Your videos have changed my life. Thank you.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you're into some healing work and glad you're here.
Me too. I thought it was all my fault and I only had2 deal with my depression alone. My faith and God has helped me through good ppl of faith. I have had regular good therapy from 4 different counselors but the place I go to has always given me what I need. Catholic Charities.
hi sandi, i too am a fellow sufferer of the past childhood dysfunctional upbringing and glad to be part of the fairy family. i dont feel all alone anymore in my troubles as i did prior to getting the info on cptsd. its wonderful aint it? knowing its not just you who been struggling throughout life feeling like the odd ball all the time. yes it has been tough, i always thought well its just me and my burden to carry. that no one else understands me, but we do have good hope now. yeah, i knew all what i went through as a kid but like you in life i never could put it all together to know and realize that this is the very reason for the many aspects of my difficulty. i too found this out not long ago from miss anna and im 59. her vids have given me new life too in the sense of actually believing i am normal and was just coping normally to unnormal trauma suffered in my childhood upbringing. thanks to anna and all us here to help to share with one another.
Im here too at 59.....with ya . keep in touch
I’m 66 and just starting to put it all together. Still a long road ahead, but this is the most practical approach I have seen in decades! 🥰
"the chapters are short, which is perfect for PTSD" I just feel understood and loved...
:)
My emotional flashbacks are much like yours - I wake up dysregulated and, if I have to rush around, I get all worked up into a panicked/agitated/angry frenzy. I start thinking about to-do lists as well and the spiraling intensifies. I'm so glad that now we know what these are - I really just thought I was a moody, hysterical person!
I think we all that!
Oh my gosh same here!!!!!
I go thru the same thing as you. It's so overwhelming.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyDo you notice a hormonal correlation with this? Like the flashbacks get worse depending on where you are in a monthly cycle? I think sometimes the hormone drop really triggers this waking up dysregulated and immediately feeling overwhelmed.
This book- life saving. I remember feeling so ashamed about my past actions, blame myself for days and months only until Pete Walker’s book landed in my lap and I felt so validated and seen. It helped me to shift from guilt to self compassion. Im looking forward to the interview!
Thanks, I'm looking forward to it too!
Omgosh 😭😭 yes that book has also helped me so much. I never knew what to call it until he said it in the book and the audiobook version is pretty great btw.
it is very impressive that you mentioned " Guilt to Self compassion "
RUclipsr Richard Grannon has literally explained in detail that book. In between his channel and this channel I’ve healed tremendously. I bought the book around a year ago (recommended by Richard) and it has changed my life. I appreciate all these RUclipsrs that are saving the world. Thank you! You are the real heroes.
Love Richard and this lady. I've untangled so many issues with the excellent insights provided. I will get that book now 😊
I love his hand nemonic. I combine his and her writing exercise.
THANK YOU so much for mentioning Richard Grannon!! I've never heard of him before, just googled his YT channel and OMG! love, love, love
@@Midimoho glad I can help!! Knowing about emotional flashbacks and how to deal with them has been the key to my healing process. He also talks about “emotional literacy” check on that as well😉... I like him and the crappy childhood fairy it’s like a dynamic duo, I spent soooo much money in therapy and I never got the help I needed until I followed these 2 channels.
Same here!
I've been describing this phenomenon to mental health professionals for years. One time I said it to a psychiatrist and she looked confused. I said, do you know what I mean. She shook her head. Man, I've got to wait until a book comes out?
we will get there!
I know right! So crazy and frustrating. We need to be the experts on ourselves to "teach" the experts.
It's okay, honestly it took me awhile just to figure out it was about shame. For a very long time I would just say, I feel bad, really bad like I want to hide away and disappear or die. Then in 2018 realized the feeling was shame and recently I read/listened to the audiobook and 🤯 now I understand what was happening to me. All this time I thought it was all just an indicator that I couldn't emotionally regulate properly and was wondering why I still have this issue.
But also yeah I feel like the few times I did short term therapy, they would never understand it fully which frustrated me.
I went in for a consultation and within 15m she said I need to be on meds and evaluated by a psychiatrist. I said I'm experiencing emotional flashbacks and they are excruciating, I need emdr! I left there feeling worse then when I went in.
You asked us to tell what helps us: here’s what helped me.
1. Your channel
2. The app “The Tapping Solution”
3. Pete Walkers book on CPTSD.
I’m not healed or perfect or something, but this helps me in a crisis.
Oh, and I forgot: my family and friends. The best thing I learned during my life: how to get along with other people without being “fake”. Being yourself is not an easy thing when you grow up with trauma!
Yes, I agree. It's hard to grow relationships when you can't be yourself. I don't want that anymore. I want to change in this area.
@Kassandra great list!
When I am climbing the walls I google, Brad Yates desperate, and about seven minutes later EFT has brought me back down to Earth again! Namaste 🙏
My same list - it’s been like growing on steroids.
I will be 68 in a few weeks and I feel that no one has ever known me. I isolate myself, have social anxiety that has prevented me from going to gatherings (I've only been to a party a couple of times in my life) and often feel lethargic and unable to do anything. In the past I would put on the mask of whatever my job required and was able to be extroverted and do well. Now that I am retired, it seems that I am having trouble getting up the energy to do even the simplest of tasks and thanks in part to covid, I sometimes go months without speaking to anyone. I was physically and emotionally abused by both of my parents and sexually abused for years by my father. I feel like I haven't had a life at all.
Omg I really hope Pete comes on the channel, it would be so great to see these two wonderful people talk.
Really excited!
Yes yes yes!!!! That would be A+ 💯✅👍😊
I can completely relate to the thoughts "I have to do everything," but I do believe that is actually true. I was neglected by my parents too. My father was an alcoholic & drug addict and my mother is mentally ill. I learned at a very young age that I could not trust or rely on them so I felt I did have to be self-sufficient and handle things on my own. I feel that I've been exhausted since I was a child.
We understand completely!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am with you. I do have to do everything, because I am single and do not have children. There isn't any partner or kids to delegate or help so it does get upsetting & overwhelming at times. But I do it all b/c it has to get done... sometimes procrastinating b/c of the overwhelm. It's a crazy cycle.
Oh, and yes, totally identify with feeling like you've been exhausted since childhood.
I know this is an old comment but thank you for writing, how are you doing in your recovery? I also had to be self sufficient, but learned very young that sleep was "dangerous", because that's when bad things would happen. I'm 44 now and not having restorative sleep is so damaging, with the addition of feeling like I need to do everything for myself and for others, and for finding it difficult to ask for or accept help. I am perpetually exhausted also.
@@mish3563- I know about not getting restorative sleep. I've had insomnia for years. Don't ever feel tired enough to sleep until wee hours in the a.m., then "blink out" suddenly asleep during the day. It's weird.
Btw, this woman and her channel is amazing. Plus Pete Walker, wowza!!
I've had to try and explain this concept to my husband, who comes from a loving home.
In my case, there are certain phrases or tones that are my primary triggers. My mother's main arsenal was verbal and emotional abuse. Even seemingly innocent things like: "I know what you're like" or "stop crying"
During small disagreements, my husband might say one of my trigger phrases entirely in context and innocently, but my brain hears the words and it's like my mother's voice and inflection are superimposed over his voice. I suddenly feel a rush of emotions that I used to feel whenever she'd say that thing to me and I'd react as I used to back then (anger, defensiveness, getting upset or emotional). It took me a while to figure out why such small disagreements with my husband would spiral so quickly into explosive fights. When I realised it was because I had been thrown back into fight or flight from a specific phrase, and wasn't actually hearing him anymore, I have been more self aware and taking a moment to ask myself "did he mean it like that or am I flashing back?"
This describes my whole life until I started the Daily Practice. It is amazing how I experience people now v. the "old days". bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Gosh, this answered so many questions. Have been beating myself up for decades for not being strong enough to control my feelings or that I was a horrible negative person internally. Thank you for the healing aha moment.
I second that
So glad it resonated!
I have horrific nightmares and wake up with the flashbacks. At age 72 and I am remembering previously blocked memories. It’s sickening. I wake up feeling like the crap was literally beaten out of me. It was at the hands of my narcissistic mother. I have Pete’s book and obviously need to reread it. I read it years ago. But back then I didn’t know about narcissism and like I said, much of my memories around my mother were blocked and most still are.
Thank you for shinning the light for us.
The crap was literally besten out of me, and I also saw it happen to my younger sibling. For many years of my life I had a recurrent nightmare. I used to wake the family up with my screaming. When I would actually wake- up from them and remember, it was a recurrent progressive flashback. Are you familiar with the Metallica song, One? The minute I heard it I identified with it. I had 5 years with a good therapist. I havent had the dream in many years know. I stull struggle with certainn things ( why Im here), but nowhere like it used to be. I wish you healing and peace.
I’m so so proud of you for being 72 and still with us and working hard towards healing❤️ The previously blocked memories are coming up because your brain feels safer now, which means that despite it feeling like the most awful thing in the world, you’re getting closer everyday to being able to have more power over your CPTSD.
I know this is an old comment, but I wish you all the love and continual progress towards finally being safe and happy❤️ You deserve to feel safe
"...and *I* have to do EVerything..." Bam!
You rock, Anna Runkle.
:)
For me flashbacks are very visual in my mind. I relive and see moments from my past where I was hurt or extremely angry. I get this overwhelming feeling of rage at my father. Thankfully I am able to recognize now when I'm having one and it almost immediately stops it, and I'm able to safely let go of my anger.
Something that’s helped me during my flashbacks is to tell myself, “feelings aren’t facts.” It seems to decrease the severity.
Great strategy!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Love this
Thank you so much. I am crying right now because I finally feel like it’s not my fault . I haven’t created this terrible person who just goes off the wall at something and gets overwhelmed at the to do list. Thank you for helping me and everyone who relates to this 😭❤️🌻
Thank you so much for sharing with us :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi Anna - I have found an unusual remedy to flashbacks. I am 60 and have listened to Pink Floyd's song Comfortably Numb many times and for a lot of reasons- it's comforting is the best... Last week I was listening to the song and a lyric struck me - "There is no pain you are receiving- a distant ship smoke on the horizon."
I'm not receiving pain, it's manufactured in my head. It's as distant as that ship on the horizon but I bring it close because of the flashbacks.
What people do can make me angry or fearful or happy... but it's my choice to feel what I want or need to feel; not theirs.
Am I there yet...meh... but I am going to get there CPTSD and ADD be damned.
I have a couple of flashbacks which give me considerable pause... I just tell myself I'm ok and it's in my head - make it go far away to the ship on the horizon..
I don't want to be comfortably numb in life as the person in the song - the song is not about drugs btw - I do want to feel, but its my choice to feel or think good about myself and my choice to not feel something someone has made me feel or shamed me into thinking like I'm not worthy.
btw any horizon is 27.2 miles due to the Earth's curve- that's a good far place to send that shame. - Peace y'all you do deserve it.
The concept that we are manufacturing our own pain is an advanced enlightenment it took me years to understand. I got there by doing the Daily Practice! Glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Off-topic, but having read the comment, and now replying to it, 27.2 miles would make a mighty small Earth.
@@cacatr4495 the horizon is 27.2 miles from where you are. Because of the curvature of the Earth, we can’t quite see Russia from Alaska…lol. However imagining any pain we are feeling as having a home 27 miles away: to me I find it a good place to start to distance myself from it. Peace and healing and love to you
Great description + thank you for sharing your analysis...Great song also. 🖤🫂☯️ We are in control of only us...Step 1 of emotions anonymous 🖤☯️
Emotional flashbacks are my primary nemesis. For me those emotions are sorrow, grief, hurt, a sense of utter lovelessness and worthlessness, that I am not good at anything. It’s a cavernous mixture of all these, as well as lessors, fear and self hate, it’s so unbelievably intense. I’ve fled in horror from this tsunami for decades. I began having repeated nightmares, reliving a tremendously violent day in my past, over months it dragged me into the emotional pit. I couldn’t remember anything to do, it’s like my thinking mind was gone. All I did was cry, the crying carried this intense desire to cut or kill myself, those were hostile tears, the bottom tears of a well that hated me. I literally turned on myself during that torture and began despising my own heart and anatomy for their capacity to inflict suffering. I cried for days. I got out of it accidentally, for some reason I just began humming, I was voicing those feelings, imposing nothing, just humming whatever melodic course my emotions transcribed. After an hour or so I relaxed somewhat, and began re-regulating. I went to those feelings kicking and screaming, but I learned I could speak to that mountain. After I regained some composure, I spoke to the thoughts and supplemented rational cognitions over that vicious dad voice in my head. The dreams begin dissipating. Sadly, it didn’t remove those feelings, but when emotional triggers occur, I wrestle with my erratic flight response, until I calm down, and I sit with them until they to leave. So far I’m managing to raggedly maintain control, I am doing much better. I find humming to be soothing. I was helpless and passive in that violence, when I’m in flashbacks I’m passive, or wanting to run wildly from the violence. So I’m not running and I’m being proactive and assertive. Each person has a different expression of trauma, for me a light beckons now and then, an important key is given to a traumatic lock, it’s the God heart in my journey showing me pieces of the puzzle. ♥️🌹🕊
You'll need help dealing with this, the Daily Practice can be a lifesaver, was for me :)
bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I like what you said, " you sit with it until
you calm down and it passes"
That's what I'm trying to do.
Pray. Write. Sit with it. Wait.
I wait on the Lord. Until the peace comes or I have a new thought.
Thank you for sharing.
@@merrym7174 Wish I hadn’t spent so long running from it, but there wasn’t any information, no Crappy Childhood fairy. You and I are in the same place, and I believe eventually these emotional triggers will dissipate and our spirits will find a calmer day. Fight or flight just reinforces the idea of danger, sitting and accepting these feelings, listening and learning, eventually it will get better. I’ll pray for you, pray for me, the victories will come in small steps I expect, but maybe we will run with freedom instead of fear in our future. ♥️🕊
This is an amazing description, and for the first time I am reading someone's explanation that is so similar to mine. I am so sorry that any human being feels this way, as I do. Thank you for your truth on these. It is so sad to be relieved that someone else understands, but I thank you sincerely for expressing.
Beautiful insight. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so grateful you did this video! Few people even heard of it.
That is changing we hope...
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy with you. Yes.
Creativity helps me, it's my job but it grounds me in the moment, I guess its mindfulness. I have my safe places which are mine, my workshop and my greenhouse. I also now have a dog and that has helped me so much as she gives me so much love without any pressure to ask for it. Asking for help sometimes makes me feel shame as it shows to me I'm a victim and weak...I'm working on that
We might believe asking for help is weak but that isn't true- and we can start working on those beliefs that don't serve us by starting our healing work.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow you have a husband and kids despite what you have been through! I don't let ppl anywhere near me.
I did this every day for years (still do) bit.ly/3608opl
I listened to Pete Walkers book a couple weeks ago and had the same intense "Aha!" moment about the emotional flashback piece. I have been trying to manage those emotions with present day methods, but after trying the 13 steps on Pete Walkers list my ENTIRE internal system was able to move through the emotions without being completely hijacked for the rest of the day and it's the biggest relief of my life.
So glad to hear that!
Wow. This is me to a T. All the info here will be VERY HELPFUL to me. Just being able to say I'm having a emotional flash back and putting words to it is very liberating! Thanks so much!
I'm so glad it helped!
I cannot recommend Pete Walker's book enough! It was my introduction to CPTSD and finally learning a language I had known my whole life but could not speak.
When you said that things happened before you could talk a light bulb went off for me. You made me wonder if cptsd is the reason I can't remember my childhood?
Any memories I do have are negative.
I have only one photo as a little girl where I am laughing and it is taken with my cousins. I look at it sometimes and think 'I can't remember being happy like that as a kid'. I am learning so much from your videos, thank you so much!
Thanks for being here, blocking out memories from childhood is not unusual for CPTSD.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow I can relate
its one off the most difficult parts i find ,because you dont want to blame somebody when its not true .a;though the emotial abuse went on till she died .
what give me so much peace yesterday is i have 11 off the 12 symptoms ,there i found my answers and finally understand where all the screwed up emotions come from.
Anna you do so much fir me already ,thank you
There are a lot of pictures I have from when I was a child where I look sad (including a photo I wrote over “good girl (I’m ftm but.) outside bad inside” whenever I was a kid, which was very shocking to find.) and then there are photos where I was happy, apparently. don’t remember any of that. all I remember is being sad and only bad memories. : (
that book, and YOUR VIDEOS are changing MY LIFE!!! Also reading Bessel Van Der Volk. but that book is ME 100%. 55 years I have been searching for what the fk is wrong with me and found many things, but the label of CPTSD is the most fitting thing I ever found. More accurate than just my 12 step recovery for my addictions, my adhd, my eating disorders, wondering if I am narcissist, blacksheep, scapegoat, middle child, lost child. my isolation, its all in that book and in rapid amount of time I am noticing changes in my behaviour, and thoughts.. rapid! from reading THAT BOOK and listening to YOU !!! Thank you.. keep up the life saving work Anna!
Thanks so much for appreciating the Anna's work :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Even though I know I have CPTSD and that I had emotional flashbacks, I viewed them only as reactions to specific triggers. I never realised that every few mornings when I wake up irritated, agitated, angry, stressed, bored, resentful and really grumpy and negative, that this was an emotional flashback!
I always knew I needed to be alone a lot in the mornings (and at night...and ideally in the day too, lol) to de-compress...which sounds kind of ridiculous considering I JUST woke up, but it's how I feel. I think, after watching this video, that I need that quiet alone time to actually re-regulate myself as I've woken up dysregulated.
Wow. That's an eye opener for me!
I think it also took me a long time to even notice this because for the last 15 years, I've had the house to myself most days from long before I even got out of bed until just before dinner, so I never had to react, respond or interact with anyone. I'd be on my own time, be free to talk to myself about whatever, sing silly songs, and whatever else. Nowadays, I have extremely minimal space so...yeah.
A question - I have BPD as well as CPTSD (and depression, anxiety and OCD), so I feel like most of the time, I'm LIVING in an emotional flashback. Like just always. I know where I am, I know I'm not 6 or 10 or 14 years old, but my whole entire state of consciousness still feels the same.
My emotional flashbacks are roughly articulated as being...
- Nobody cares about me and my needs
- I hate myself for even having needs
- I don't deserve to have my needs met
- I hate my "favourite person" because...
- My FP hates me because blah and blah
- I am so unhappy
- I am so bored...and boring
- What's the point of getting up? It's safer in bed where I don't have to deal with anything and if I stay sleepy, I won't have to feel
Thanks for sharing- this is the starting point for getting out of that "groundhog day" type feeling bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
All of this.
Yessssss😭 I hate when I get into those
Im so glad I found you. I cried multiple times watching this because I finally felt understood and seen.
I'm so glad you're here!
Wow! I I know one of mine " they hate me" is definitely a part of the flashback. I will look for more. The tell tale is all the fear, anger and chaotic thinking and those words " they hate me"
Both of Peter Walker's books are fantastic. He gave me permission to deeply grieve and cry as much as I can. Still can't cry very much but getting better.
Still new to this channel but the single greatest help so far is knowing I am dysregulating. I judged myself mercilessly for not having control of my emotions. Now I am beginning to see how heroic I have been all my life. Although I have only done the fear/resentments w/ meditation less than a handful of times I already see it's power. Thank you Anna as always and really looking forward to Peter Walker Interview. He is a very kind person. I wrote him to ask a question about grief and was very pleasantly surprised to receive a warm and thoughtful reply. It was not something I had ever done before writing an author to ask for more specifics and was grateful to have been greeted with such warmth and kindness.
Small steps! And some people just don't cry, it doesn't mean you aren't benefiting :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't think it was a flash back. ..but I had an episode today which brought me into a rage then tension & stress....neck,shoulder, back & anxiety....instead of going off ...I got myself alone, rested & did some deep breathing....my mind was racing with all thoughts of different thoughts of things...it took quite a while but suddenly eased away ...but tired & exhausted now....thank God you finally came up for me to listen to...thank you ✌️💖🌄
Great job, Lisa! Thanks for sharing... it gives others hope 🙏🏼💫💞
Oh wow, that sounds intense. Thank you for being here!
Your really a magical fiery. Can't thankyou enough for helping me I've been sinking with my ball and chain and I'm grabbing on to those pearls of wisdom and light. Thankyou
You are so welcome- thanks for watching!
I thank you. I am 71 and have been living with these feeling most of my life but especially during the past 10 yrs, when my husband of most 50 yrs walked out of our marriage without thought of what he did to me. All the emotions of my childhood have resurfaced. I can't wait to read the book you mentioned. Thank you again.
Thank you for your comments!
As you are speaking I hear myself coming through your voice. You are talking of my emotional flashbacks. Thank you for putting a name to my craziness. I’ll be buying that book.
Thanks for watching!
I've been with my wife for 23 years now and just recently found out that she has had sexual abuse trauma in her childhood, which now explains her bad behavior all of these rollercoaster years!.. I'm so drained emotionally nowadays from so much emotional abuse, minor physical and definitely heavy verbal abuse! The cold shoulder for days at a time, the no interest in having fun, going places etc.. She's comfortable at home reading drama filled books in mostly all of her spare time.. Thank God shes aware of her problem now thanks to your videos I've been sending her, hopefully now things can start to finally change for the better.. I feel so bad for what happened to her and ppl shutting her down about it telling her not to tell ppl because it was with her family.. it's like now after all these years how do I interact with her knowing wt I now know? Sex and intimacy has been the main thing she avoids and it's so obvious but she was in denial about all these years which just always turned into hamster wheel arguments. I need advice on how to maneuver through her triggers that she be in denial about.
If you'd like to submit a letter for Anna to respond to on RUclips, you can submit it here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
The waking up dysregulated; not so much myself, although I always wake up cranky and nervous under stress, but I CLEARLY remember it in my sister. She would get out of bed with this resentful, sulky, furious look on her face when we were together. I'd feel "oh no, not again" because I knew she was going to work herself up to viciously emotionally attacking me. I always half realized she was having a flashback. She and I were like cats tied together in a bag as children.
Thanks for sharing!
-Calista@TeamFairy
I'd made leaps forward in recent weeks, then today crept up on me like a locomotive. Lost day. Then saw this video....exactly what is going on. 68 and sick of it destroying the good in my life. Thank you.
You got this!
I have been lucky enough to find somewhere to help me realize all these things about myself. As a kid there were many times I just wanted to go outside, sometimes the ability to do that feels good and reminds me I am in control of my life.
"The overwhelm I sometimes wake up with is not about my to-do list, it's an emotional flashback" WHEWWW you are describing my life! thank you so much for your videos, discovered you 3 days ago and starting to notice my triggers and flashbacks- I finally feel on the right track!!
Welcome! Glad you're here!!!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
After 4 days of panicking in waves and trying to figure out how to make it stop, I came across this video and I’ve been in tears and finally feeling okay again within seconds. Thank you a million times
I'm so glad it helped!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I watch this now whenever I’m feeling that wave of anxiety come over me because I know I’m having an emotional flashback. I think I’ll sign up for the boot camp when I’m ready because this video both saved me but also forced me to think about things I’ve avoided for years. This video is my baby step. You truly are godsend. Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy. You’re a wonderful person and reading the comments show just how many of us appreciate you.
@@superapple6186 When the feelings come, let them happen. Then they de-sensitize over time. They come up to be experienced. Try not to tense and resuppress ❤
I never heard of Emotional flashbacks and now I have a name for what happens to me anytime I have “tasks” that fall on me!! I grew up in a home where adults were not responsible and the kids did everything!!! I always felt overwhelmed and had way to much responsibility put on me from a very young age. No wonder I freak out anytime someone asks me to do something!!!!
Great that you have the awareness now :)
I have just found your channel and my god it all makes sense now. I've always found therapy didn't work but thought it was me. I also thought PTSD was for people who has suffered the most extreme forms of trauma and I feel mine was more emotional and subtle and also linked to a bully from school. I feel that COVID and lockdown have caused me extreme stress that I now feel I am losing a grip of myself and pushing my loved ones away. Finding you has opened my eyes to what is really wrong. Thank you
Welcome to the channel! You'll learn so much here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I just found this channel. WOW, there is someone talking about bad childhoods. I grew up with two alcoholic parents and a narcissistic mother. Now, I have a name to something that I could never understand...Emotional Flash Backs! Thank you.
I found this video at the perfect time. I can now put a name to what I’ve been referring to as “flare ups” all these years. I started remembering what was going on when they happened and it was usually something to do with a sense of hopelessness and abandonment.
I'm so glad you found it helpful, welcome!
Whew! I need this & just ordered the book. Thank you so much! I'm just realizing so much of my anger & rage reactions toward my husband are actually rooted in my relationship with my father (deceased for 10 yrs). We're working through it but it's so difficult to stop & recognize what it is when it's happening. I'm looking forward to learning more on how to slow it all down and realize each part of it so I can heal.
It is hard work and worth it. This practice helps a lot to recognize triggers, dysregulation and emotional flashbacks
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi @TeamFairy; is it possible to be in a permanent state of flashback? I have just started to try to be minddul since the new year. I am struggling so much. I have zero awareness, no emotional literacy, and feel like I am on constant fight flight or freeze. I feel completely trapped, but maybe this is just my mind telling me I am trapped. At a loss but really appreciated this video, even though now I am trying to get out of my emotional state and am unable. Even writing this feels like I am just on automatic. I find reflection almost impossible, which looks a lot like NPD to me. Is it possible to heal in my case?
This is me. So sad. My mom is bewildered as to why I feel this way.
If it is an emotional flashback, you can't help it. But you can learn to identify what is happening and the occurrences are less with healing
-Cara@TeamFairy
I noticed what I believe is an emotional flashback a few years ago, they’ve gotten better. What seemed random, just randomly breaking down and screaming “I hate it here” over and over again for minutes.
When Pete Walker describes the feeling of an emotional flashback in the book, he says “it’s like a hot wind blows through you”. When I first read that it explained in words what I was feeling during an emotional flashback perfectly. His book has given me validity to what I have been experiencing for the past 35 years of my life. I think a lot of us had chopped our problems up to being mentally handicapped or emotionally stunted, in one way shape or form but to know that one it is not something we are born with and two it is something that we can heal from has finally given me hope that I can find peace.
Yes.
Dread & nausea
Always waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting
It is, we don't have to live like that anymore!
Just knowing about it is helpful. At least a first step. Thanks.
Glad it was helpful! You might be interested in this free course bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have the same negative mantra!
I wake up.
I'm ruminating.
I got my list.
And I already think I gotta do everything. And nobody reliable to depend upon.
Whew, it's so exhausting to live like this.
I hear u .I hear u. I hear you! 🤮
Welcome :)
1 year into therapy and the emotional flashbacks last a week or two compared to before when they would last months. She recommended this book it’s been eye opening and comforting knowing what I have been going through
Thank you for these videos, I really appreciate them. You keep reminding me that “fffff I am okay, it’s okay, it will be okay” like damn it’s crazy when I get into these moods I literally FORGET the simple things like “ I am okay”. Thanks again :)
Thanks for being here! Appreciate you watching and commenting!
Life has been hard recently. Your videos have made me feel better and you've helped me get a better insight on myself. Also holy shit, I have spot on the same thoughts as you with the, "I have to do everything" mindset.
I think a lot of us have that feeling :)
My headache and sadness goes whenever I listen to you. Bless you and thankyou. 🙏💚
I look forward to your interview with Pete Walker!!!
Thanks Kamala, you'll be one of first to know!
Pete Walker’s book is life changing. Thanks goodness for the book.
Agreed.
I have suffered with flashbacks of shame and guilt for over 20 years; my whole adult life. My head fills with the fuzz of the memory, my face turns red, I experience shortness of breath and then I usually shout out an expletive which has the effect of snapping me out of the flashback. This can loop for hours. This video has finally given me some relief in knowing that I do not suffer alone and that my emotions are recognised.
Thank you for introducing me to Pete Walker and the term CPTSD. I will be ordering the book and researching the condition in more depth.
The unbearable amount of shame I have been carrying thought my life because all family members - and so called friends - would criticise and judge, making me believe something is totally wrong with me, I spent years trying to fight these off, criticizing, self loathing, ridiculing, inner battles, fear, anxiety.
.. though about ten years ago I began to accept the "waves" and *listen* for the message. I realized on my own that there is always a message from within, that I have to have the courage to go through the emotional pain, within/beyond it lies a message of wisdom and deep connection, it is a gift. This was my first step to self love and self healing.
But life can be chaotic, intense, I am required to function, perform, give face.
I have been listening to you for a year now, and I realize so much of what I have been suffering from has names , and is completely normal for someone with my childhood background. I am ready to go deeper, with full trust and appreciation for you and what you do
Your work is life saving
I have had the same experience and i do the same. Their feelings that want to be felt, experienced to finally leave.
I had an emotional flashback when was triggered in what felt like a very personal way (may have been my extra sensitivity to micro aggressions) and managed to dissociate and hold it together until I got to my car where I felt safe. I broke down into the sort of panic attack where I couldn’t stop sobbing or calm my breathing down at all. It was so humiliating. Some kind and thoughtful friends came to check on me and all I could do is curl up and face away trying to wave them away because I couldn’t speak. It was the extra shame and feeling bad that came from people seeing me in my worst state, and not being able to explain that they haven’t made things worse, I’m just so ashamed and embarrassed to be this way.
I hope that we can all get to a place of healing, and sending everyone watching this video love❤️
Thank you so much for this video
"Before we could speak" was the most powerful bit for me to reflect on...Thank you.
After studying Buddhism for 15 years,
the first thing I was told,
when I tried to tell my story to my teacher...
Her words were:
"drop the story", everyone has a story, not important.
You get stuck in the story and identify with it so strongly you cannot break through".
Thoughts aren't facts.
Don't believe 99% of what your mind is telling you, it's all pretty much a lie.
(The devil is a liar! His first point of attack is the mind!)
A great Buddhist concept:
something happens that is difficult, that's the first arrow,
then we relentlessly-perpetually beat ourselves up about it, that's the second arrow,
(which is often much worse than the original arrow).
And there it is: suffering MULTIPLIED and AMPLIFIED, unnecessarily.
My teacher said: "go ahead, worry your life away..."
with a smile on her face.
And I realized how ridiculous it all was.
I remember reading something about CPTSD and the disconnect between thinking brain and feeling brain in relation to memories. I didn't quite grasp what it really meant until now! Thank you! I tell my husband "I feel very off today and I have no real reason to and I can't figure out why..." a lot. To realize there IS a reason even if it's not in the present moment means I can work to correct it over time!
Yes you can! Thanks for watching!
This video is a lightbulb moment for me. I often wake up depressed or panicked for seemingly no apparent reason and I never made the connection why.
Aha. Yes.
Recently, I tried finding out what my flashbacks meant and now, thanks to you I know what it means. I’ve been having these flashbacks since I was a kid. I didn’t know what was happening. I’m so thankful that I’ve found your channel.
I'm so glad Anna helped piece some parts of the puzzle together for you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am so incredibly grateful for your videos. Not long ago I realised that I don't even know what a healthy relationship looks like and I have no idea what are the behaviors that I do that are not ok. I recognize myself in what you say in so many videos and it has a fast healing effect. Cause you can not fix something you don't know it's broken. Thank you. I also love the compassion you have in all your videos. I pray that I can one day help people at the same deep level you do. You are a God sent
Thank you @Adriana for this beautiful message. Nothing could make my day like learning you've been able to change your life. Congratulations. Very glad you're here!
When I'm having an emotional flashback, and am present enough to realise that's what's happening, the most helpful thing I've found so far is to take several long, slow deep breaths. After that, the path out, whatever that may look like, is easier to see.
Yes, great tip!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Havent seen my grandparents for months as i moved too a different country. I asked if i could stay the night to visit my grandmothers reply "umm i guess soo".. this caused an emotional flashback of neglect, my whole body feels rattled. No wonder my mothers emotionally immature.
On one hand, I'm thankful for my memories because they remind me to not let certain types of people into my life again, and on the other hand it's difficult to have strong emotions attached to these memories. Best wishes to you all, I know it's rough.
Best wishes to you as well!
Wow, never realized what this was until watching this video. About once a week or so, I wake up in an irritable mood, feel like nothing is right, etc. My "coping skill" before was to drink alcohol, but I've finally stopped that. Lately, when I wake up like that I try to distract myself the entire day, which is tiring and leaves me drained. I hate how it feels, especially when there is no immediate reason for it.
Wow! My spirit led me here. 54 years old horrible past as far back as I can remember. I'm signing up. I started heeling two months ago watching these videos and as I'm healing I got kicked out of the house by my wife after 32 years of marriage. She's confused and she does not know what is happening to me although I have tried to explain it
I've been living on my own for about a week, she's cut me off from the bank account so she thinks I'm crazy and I'm going to start spending so once I figure out an alternative of paying your tuition I will sign up ASAP Thank you 🙏❤️🥲
Sadly, occasionally, I get hit by emotional back lash out of my past. Usually hits me when I'm feeling my weakest, depressed, suffering allergies, asthma, fibro pain, pain from my bone disease. Its tough, I try to dispel it, never using alcohol, no illegal drugs, etc. I work to do positive self esteem for myself.
There are strategies to help us realize what is happening and get out more quickly. That's the best we can do and it's a lot!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Happening this morning, first thing I woke up. 😐 It was scary to start acknowledge I FEEL stuff. I used to think of myself as super rational.. because I immediately proceed to fix/solve something, anything, just to get rid of that nervous energy. Feels good to acknowledge what is happening to me and learn to show it compassion & care.
Thank you so much for watching and sharing!
Peter Walker has helped me so much 🙏
Excellent book!!
He's very wise!
So many things you said resonate immensely. My mind is in overdrive. I’ve read this book, and it did change a lot for me. I can see the emotional flashback in my face as well. And all the energy in my body leaves but yet I can’t sleep either.
Dearest Anna Thank you for revealing what I’ve been suffering through and I just recently came to see these Emotional flashbacks which have been pounding me non stop since mid 2019
So glad to be helping!
Man's domain is the present moment.
The more you live in the present the more power you have in your life. That's what I've discovered, at least.
Absolutely, but it takes a lot of work to for many of us to achieve that. All these courses are designed to get us more here and now, happier with what we have, able to access the relationships we want :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, I just had an idea! I wish there were support groups for this!! That would be SOOOOOOOO cool!
@Merry_M I think maybe you don't know... these videos are the tip of the Fairy iceberg! I offer courses, coaching and host a very lively members' community (and yes, there will be large events and retreats after lockdown). Time to come on over to crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/yt-links
we are all supporting each other i think,so we are the support group and this is for the first time i feel completely safe can we do that ,i would love to,much love and hugs
Feel so safe listen/watching your videos.
Also have a feeling of empowerment.
A really safe place to cry.
..............................................Thank You, so much
Thank you! I'm so glad you feel safe :)
Your videos are really really helping me thankyou so much!! They make me feel a little bit less alone 💖🦋
You are so welcome!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy do we explain to our kids who we really are ,because even though they are the most important people in my life ,they suffer to when i have an emotional flashback,maybe they understand think better ,also can we ask our children to help us when we have a flashback ,i mostly just like to know ,are we okay ,do you stick with me,
much love ....Hinke.
I never knew what I was having was an emotional flashback. That’s extremely helpful to be aware of that and to have tools to help me through it. I just started reading Pete Walkers book. Thank you for all of the work you do and the videos you make to help us all through our struggles. ❤
Pete Walker has great matierial! A few years back, I found a lot of tools to help me regulate myself. I can relate very much to what you are talking about first thing in the morning overwhelm and immediate fatigue. About a year and half ago, I even started a set of emotional regulation short books. But you know, I wasn't really ready and went on to other goals. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you have started this channel, and that you are so articulate, constructive and compassionate in your presentation of talking about cptsd issues. Good for you!
Thanks so much, so glad you joined us!
Yes I have this happen alot. Really sucks. Helps so much to understand what the steps are when you go though these
Yes, it does!
My goodness. I just realized that my addiction was a way for me to get my own needs met. When you said that you had alcoholic parents and you were fearful of not having your physical needs met I understood it. I've probably been taught this many times but I get it now. I did not have alcoholic parents but I had parents who did not meet my emotional needs. I was not shown no physical or emotional affection at all from what I remember. I was however taken care of physically in the sense of shelter and food. So now when my wife does not want to take care of dinner I flip out. I have what you call an emotional flashback because that's the only way my mom showed me love.
Once you can see that it's a flashback, it gets WAY easier to step out of it. Good work!
Oh my god. Thank you for this! You put into words something I have been experiencing. I will be getting this book. Whenever I tried to verbalize the root of my emotional flashbacks, all I could get was the feeling "Someone I trusted hurt me." And no other answers. This helps to give me closure, and releases me from the pressure to "figure out" my trauma and simply have compassion and patience for myself.
I'm so glad it helped, the book will help even more!
This really helped me. I'm a lot younger - only 21. But I grew up in some bad environments, and my mom literally abandoned me when I was too young to remember. I mean, she would be in the same room as me, but would be high on like meth/heroin/cocaine, and would neglect to feed, bathe, or even change my clothing/diapers. I later got adopted by my grandparents(age 2 or 3) - but they compared me a lot to my mom and dad growing up, told me I'd end up the same way as them, all kind of stuff that made me feel bad about myself. Like they adopted me - and then literally complained about how much effort it took to "take care of me." They said I was their property until I was 18, told me they'd disown me if I dated a black guy or another girl(because I'm a girl.) It was horrible growing up, emotinally. I spent so much time crying as a child/teen.
I saw a psychiatrist on Monday who thinks my anxiety is caused by past experiences, but she's hesitant to diagnose me with ptsd or c-ptsd just yet because she wants me to go to therapy. However, she did give me some medication.
Then literally, a day later(Tuesday, yesterday at the time I'm writing this), I had one of these emotional flashbacks at work. It was the most humiliating experience because I kept trying to tell my supervisor I needed to leave, I wasn't "feeling well" and that I didn't care if she needed to fire me, because all I cared about in that moment was getting away from the current circumstances.
Like I broke down into tears, because she kept asking me what was wrong but I had no words to express what was wrong. And even then, I was hyperventilating and crying so much that I literally could not speak. Like, my emotions took complete control. It physically felt like my heart was in my throat because the lump I got from the pain was so massive that I could not even breathe right - hence the hyperventilating. I'm not sure how anybody expected me to speak in that state.
She called me unprofessional, told me my behavior was unacceptable and disrespectful, and honestly hearing that, in the middle of having the panic attack(+ emotional flashback), made it all so much worse. I haven't gone back yet because of the way she handled that situation. Because even if I wasn't having any kind of breakdown/panic attack - like if I was crying just like a normal person cries, I see no reason as to why that would be considered "unprofessional" and not considered "being human." Like wtf man.
But it is so nice to know what I'm going through is real, and that I'm not crazy - just traumatized by life.
Sorry that happened at work! Many of us really understand how demoralizing it is to be criticized while in an emotional flashback and/or dysregulated.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@FlyingMonkies325 she ended up quitting, and a week later I just ended up not going back. But you’re absolutely right that it was somewhat discriminatory at the time. I’m doing a lot better now though since I quit, I’m in school and working towards a better future. I haven’t had any kind of outbursts since. And it turns out I have had ADHD all these years undiagnosed, so I’m on medication now for that and my emotions are much easier to deal with now. So I think my ADHD was contributing to all those feelings, since everything is much, MUCH easier to manage now. I no longer think I really have CPTSD, or if I do I think any C-PTSD I have is very minor now compared to someone who deals with symptoms daily. I really do think it may have been ADHD making my minds drift to such dark and depressing memories and feelings. I’m sorry in my original comment I assumed I did, but it was because of what the doctor had told me. But I agree with everything you said, it’s sad how common it is now to deal with these kinds of things. I really feel for anyone who is struggling.
I just learned about emotional flashbacks from my old therapist! I thought she had retired but it turned out she hadn't so I got seven video sessions with her for the misery I've been in. This concept, and the tools for dealing with it that she gave me, have changed my whole life. I'm so glad to see this here.
I'm so glad!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Me, too!
WOW that’s me exactly....always just thought I was a grouchy morning person. But dang the way you described it is spot on
:)
People used to call it "waking up on the wrong side of the bed."
I'm going to replay this video a few times. This is great. Listening to the steps calmed me down instantly. I was feeling so drained and now I'm suddenly fully awake and in the present.
I just cant thank you enough. Sending you blessings from here. Happy to have found this community.
Also glad you found us, thanks for commenting!
Keep Pushing, Fairy! 🍀
Always!
It was so insightful to your own life Anna, really honest and its really helped me today. I'm having a difficult day today. I woke up angry. And then two big triggers happened later on. I've meditated and then put your channel on. It honestly saves me each time. Thank you. Love to all survivors. We're going to be okay. ❤ 🇬🇧
Love back at you!
11:43 steps for managing flashbacks - 1) say to yourself "I'm having a flashback" 2) remind yourself "I'm afraid but I'm not in danger" 3) Own your right/need to have boundaries, remind yourself that you are free leave unsafe situations and protest unfair behavior 4) speak reassuringly to the inner child 5) deconstruct eternity thinking - this will pass 6) remind yourself that you are an adult with resources that you didn't have as a child 7) ease back into your body 8) resist the inner critics messaging 9) allow yourself to grieve 10) cultivate safe relationships and take time alone if you need it, but don't isolate 11) learn to identify triggers 12) figure out what your flashing back to 13) be patient with slow recovery - this is a slow process
You are so helpful in allowing me to grasp an understanding at what is going on. What Im having trouble understanding is why does it make me cry when I confront the issues, for instance, today, listening to your video, tears began pulling up in my eyes and yesterday just seeing the title of the video made me save it to watch later. I dont understand why I get overwhelmingly upset when I see the things that I do and where they come from. Its comforting to know so why does it make me cry?
Without being a specialist I would venture to say that the relief or assurance is activating an emotional release in you. I cry at things all the time that aren't necessarily sad :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
My partner has CPTSD. One of the many things I've noticed is his obsession about staying warm. He keeps the fire going almost the entire year. He gets extremely stressed about getting cold and has to have a huge stock pile of firewood to feel OK. I have been talking to him about his past and it turns out he almost died in the snow and severe cold of -40°C in Canada on a few occasions. So even though he lives in Australia now the emotional flash backs are still really strong.
I am so excited to watch your interview with Pete Walker! You have truly been a life saver Anna
Thanks so much, I'm also looking forward to it!