I can’t believe so many people are going through this exact same process of realization, shock, change, elimination of toxicity, depression and loneliness. Stay blessed and safe out there ❤️
I kid you not, my dog continues to save my life. We go hiking and play in the woods. She gave me the courage to go no contact. I love her so much and I know she loves me. Thanks for your channel.
People who knew me from the past know I'm very damaged from it and they also know that I am no longer the same as I was before.. I have an emptiness in me as well as depression.. I was so full of life so much promise of a great future now I am desperately trying to find myself as well as the courage to love again..
I stopped being lonely when I got rid off the narcissist. When I was finally alone, I got in touch with myself and that was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. First started yoga, because I knew deep down inside I was angry as hell... when I finally got myself to a point of some kind of balance, I got myself into therapy. I didn’t want to buy into the victim mentality long term which I later realized is nothing more than unprocessed anger. Nothing wrong with feeling angry it’s an emotion that actually protects us but I didn’t want to get stuck in it. Work, work but sooooooooo worth it.
Raynor Ezekiel Nobody said it is easy. I am doing it right now. I am crawling from mental, emotional and physical pain. I go deep into it. Lying on the floor snd crying. Going THROUGH is the OLNY ONE way. Trust me. I am in the middle of it. Every day is less painful. Still hurts and will be for some time. Ask yourself how long were you building up those hurtful feelings ? A year? 10? 46? Give yourself time to peel it off. Feel this shit! And it will dissolve. Bit by bit. It is worth! Takes you to free yourself from it, heal and rebuild. Stronger and happy! Good luck. I am with you!
@@Anna-hu9we Thanks Anna....So much...been being hard on myself for still hurting and wanting to cry...judging me. My little voice just says cry until there is no more tears left...so I will! BLESSINGS 💝
I have learned to be alone now, there’s a lot of so called friends that are also gone because of the changes I made in my life, but I’m less stressed and i’m enjoying this time. I have four children and they keep me busy, we do so much together. It’s amazing how things get better when toxic people are out of your life. Thank Meredith, I love your videos!
I actually prefer being alone now. I feel safe being by myself, and it's more peaceful and quiet. I don't feel comfortable in social gatherings, but I go due to family obligations.
I rarely feel lonely when I'm alone. I feel lonely more often when I'm with other people or when I see others hanging out with friends and family and having a good time. The inability to connect with others is what kills me. Sometimes I don't know if I have CPTSD or Asperger's. I just keep plugging away trying to be more authentic, assertive and autonomous every day. And what little interaction I have with others is very structured. I'm an American teaching English in Korea. So, besides interacting with my colleagues and students, I just spend time with some language-exchange partners. That's all I can handle. Cheers.
I think it is important to go within and enjoy the peace. Also I started a self-defense class and adult coloringi to into my artistic side. I am learning to be in the moment. I tend to think a lot of the past or future.
I had this same phase, I wanted to just be for myself (after being in an abusive relationship which originated bc I wanted to escape my narc mother+family enablers), but now, after I've been alone happily, I've come to the stage she talks about - that I find that I have noone in my life - can't bond with and/or trust nearly all family members, my former friendships all originated from the time with my narc mother (these were the few friends she "allowed"). It's now really hard for me bc I don't want to go back, at the same time I've bern alone at home, isolated for such a long time now, that I've been left with nearly noone. What I want to say: It's ok to want to be alone but maybe during this stage you can find new people, who you feel comfortable to be with - to be with alone together. So then, after this phase has ended - you've found new, "better" people to connect with.. as I wish I would've done this :) kind regards+all the best!
Thank you for this important message, Meredith! You are absolutely right - LEAN INTO THIS LONELINESS. It does pass after it washes over. Took me about six months. I've never felt more free and empowered. So much energy available too. I would never want to again compromise myself in order to be accepted. The rules have changed, baby!
Am in my 7th week and I started feeling lonely. Ooh the loneliness kicked in maaaan. The advice is on point. I'm taking my time and I want to heal geniunely
Nadia Sparkling I think cooking well fir yourself is a true sign of self love 💗Great! I admire the ability to make delicious & healthy food to enjoy with friends or myself.
Loneliness really is so difficult. I feel it mostly all the time despite being in a very happy and healthy relationship. It is definitely a result of having extremely narcissistic biological parents. My pet cats and dogs have helped with healing that wound, the unconditional love that they have is soothing. No judgements, no criticism just love.
What a beautiful woman! 👱🏻♀️and so smart, I feel sooooo sad for her narcissist, I hope he’s gotten the help that he needs. But beyond that, who cares anymore. M’s moved on WITH A VENGEANCE! And now helping millions do the same. Tony Robbins said in one of his speeches that his dad leaving his mom soon after somebody bought them food to their door for thanksgiving because they didn’t have enough money to put food on the table and the dad‘s ego got so injured that he tried to get rid of the guy, but the guy insisted he take the food and to not let his ego get in the way, Tony’s dad left the family and Tony was crushed. that was the worst day of his life and he didn’t understand it for years until he got a little older and he started to get it and he told himself that this was a gift and it became the best day of my life, his dad leaving, because he wouldn’t have been the Tony Robbins he is today, knowing that he’s living the life he’s living now would not have happened if that horrible thing didn’t happen.
The universe has given me this video today. It has literally stopped my pity party in its tracks and has made me take pause and reflect. I feel lost without my narcissistic ex ...although I know how unhealthy he is for me. For tonight, instead of crying, doing the poor me's and ruminating on the lost relationship. I will celebrate my universes pull towards my deep introspection that I clearly need!
I took an art class when I was being discarded by my narc ex. The community of the class let me still be social and make new friends away from my ex. It taught me new skills and allowed me to network - if you’re feeling lonely, I recommend taking a class! ❤️
Left my husband after 20 years because I was lonely with him. I love and prefer being alone. It is safe and as long as I have my dogs and cat, happy. I was in my 40's then. Now I am 59 and realized my mother was a narc. I have always loved horses. Now, for me, I volunteer at a ranch, just brushing, talking and snuggling with them. I now have something else to talk about other than the hell my mother is putting us all through. Good video! Thank you!
Wow you did it after 20 years and I look at 13 years and think it's tough....thanks for sharing its inspiring ....hopefully I can leave sooner than later
So now you work for free, for another Narciscist who is using your kind nature to create a false image for themselves as " horse people" . (Just guessing - bet you I'm right!) Get your very own horse and a real man to love.
Also: Take classes! Online, or in person, on something you love. Painting, writing, singing, exercising, biology - it all takes you out of yourself and gives you something back.
Mary Vogt. You are on point here. For me, I have to be careful about just overloading my schedule by keeping busy as a way to avoid the feeling of loneliness. The only way to learn how to be content in loneliness and aloneness is to practice it; not so much by doing, but simply by being. It helps to hear our own thoughts when we are alone and still. In time, we can gradually add things and people back into our space; after some much needed healing.
Taking a painting class really changed my life. Not only did it reacquaint me with something I love that I had been told I was no good at, but it got me out around people for just the right amount of time. My work started being shown and sold in local galleries- which involved me with more people at art openings, etc. and I painted more and more! I lose all sense of time when I paint, it has truly helped me heal from the hurt and pain I have experienced in my life.
This is absolutely outstanding!!! You covered every aspect of healing authentically after a Narcassistic relationship wether its romantic, friendships, parents and siblings......this type of abuse comes in many forms until you truly dedicate yourself to heal it will perpetuate
Thank you for this video. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Instead of beating myself up for my poor social skills I will begin to embrace the loneliness, and use it as a tool to know myself better. Be present. Be myself.
Thank you, Meredith. I've essentially been alone for almost twenty years after a breakdown due to burnout, and I'm working on sorting my life out with the aid of the internet and all the brilliant help there is available now. I've had several relationships with women that turned out to be re-runs of my relationship with my mother, and I want to be strong enough not to fall into that trap again. Like other commenters, I'm finding that I feel much more comfortable being alone, but it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that it's bad for everyone under all circumstances - which of is just not true. Thanks again, and keep up with this invaluable work.
I feel exactly the same It was not until I went to my first CODA meeting and The Twelve Steps were read out at the start that I fully understood that I am Codependent! Getting rid of ALL the toxic friends, groups, associates…..and hardest of all …your toxic family members who you love so much Is the only way I could wake up and start my recovery to heal from attracting people who covertly abuse me Starting from a place 100 % alone has been the biggest challenge of my life This happened to me in 2019 after I had a nervous breakdown when my ex and I finally separated after a 3 year on off extremely toxic psychologically abusive relationship which crushed my spirit and soul so that I could not even work or leave my flat Not one family member or friend understood why I went into social isolation Then in March 2020 the world went into Social Isolation! I was already prepared! It was very surreal. The one time in 2020 that you need your friends and family to help get you through lockdown… and I had no one! 3 years later I am still in recovery… But Alone this time…. Not lonely I don’t speak with my toxic friends and family members anymore I certainly would be so scared to meet another partner until I know how to have healthy friendships first. I still find this so hard now in 2023 May your recovery keep you safe from toxic people
Thank you for this great reminder. Toxic loneliness acquired in my childhood is exactly what got me into the many toxic intimate relationships of my life. I laughed out loud when I heard your suggestion of adopting a fish. I feel like that's what I did, falling in love with a sociopath. She had no empathy, was cold blooded and ended up eating her youth's soul. She was more like a piranhas. The irony is that her artistic outlet was painting carps. I guess now that it was all self portraits. Being a vegan, I am going to leave fish out of my plate, and out of my bed going forward. Today, I am authentic, passionate and whole.
Thank you so much for this Meredith. Especially the big hug at the end. I've been trying to face my loneliness after a 2 year relationship with a narc ended. I told him in the end that I am worth so much more than you ever made me believe I was. So now I have to believe that and it's HARD! Thank you for the encouragement!
OMG, I never thought about this. 5 years after leaving my ex, you have helped to make sense of...everything. why I like being alone, why I had to get rid of friends, just so many things. Thank you so much!
Wow only " GOD" knows I needed to hear this today...For I honestly have been away from those toxic, draining, relationships. Being alone can be a dull ache. Yet also a beautiful awakening. After s this self reflective healing process. So many things make sense with so much clarity. So many things, people and situations I won't put up with no more!!! For the awarness of my authentic self is back. Which means self love and self protection. Inner peace, inner strength and guidance...To know thyself is one of the biggest healing obstacles to overcome and put your life on a renewed path with like minded, loving, people... So thank you for your video and your dog is adoral and those windows are absolutely gorg & fabulous!!! Great energy amd balance your place has. I luv it enjoy.
Thank you for this video. You mentioned that once you become aware of narcissistic abuse that you can finally start clearing your life of those narcissists. This is exactly what happened to me. And also finding myself alone because I had surrounded myself with so many. I finally got the last one out of my life recently and feel a great sense of peace. XO
This conversation helps me so much! I broke away from a narcissistic abuse 10 days ago. I suffered for over 22 years in that relationship. Finally I moved out, leaving everything as it was. At the new place, I went through overwhelmness, past events haunted me and I got depressed/anxious and I don't know what. Now I have embraced my aloneness. It's not loneliness. Thank you Inner Integration!
That's right. My mum was one. I saw my dad suffer in her relationship. He was calm, quiet guy. I did not know about narc/ abuse. I discovered it and realized it was abuse. Anyways, it's been over a year of no contact. I am happier, healthier and being productive.
I trained my mind to think in the present moment. It was hard in the beginning. Journaling help me. Music also brings me into the Now. My mind had been habitual to think about past and future. I did it for years. It became a habit. And you know habits are hard to break. It takes internal will.
@@rizwanqamar1974wow that’s amazing. I wish I had this trick in my twenty’s ! They called it something else at that time.. I have spent my life off and on trying to escape. Not I learn you got to lean into it. Music helps me too. I hope that I can try your method. Thanks for your comment.
@@LIVdaBrand this is what she's talking abt.. broken ppl needs to create them self again.. something like resetting comp program ,that program is in human brain,she's right we can't fallow the heart without taking care of major program which is the brain.
@@dc1397 I feel I am what I do in my best moments: when I act spontaneously upon the 'intuitive' urges from my higher Self. The mystery of Supreme Identity. The goal of quiet meditation.
I have been bringing my dogs to bed. It's nurturing and loving and they actually are grateful and don't consume your life. I was so alone in the relationship. I actually have never slept so good in my life.
All I have to do is remember how lonely I felt WITH Monte. The one that was supposed to love me, only disappointed me time and time again. I'm a smart girl. To think, I actually got excited about our date nights, plans, etc. Then come home to a pouting child. I always tried to make him happier. I tried everything. Still, sitting next to him, alone. Well, this weekend I'm leaving. After five years, he broke everything that was mine. Took his BELOVED PlayStation with him to work afraid of retaliation lol. I'm too good for that. I'm just leaving. Pathetic. It's his pattern, whoever he has next, will hate him within a few months. I was the one who stuck by him. Not anymore.
OMG have you been soooooooooooo enlightening!! I only started this journey of awakening 6 months ago. I had no idea the lengths the narcissist will go to and how calculating. I have cherished my aloneness, almost too much. Now I see why, after 4 years when I was first on my own, from 17-22, how I was target to a barrage of narcissists who preyed on my "wholesomeness". I married a man 40 years ago with no emotional attachment and now, with all your videos, am realizing it was so I could be alone! I accepted his narcissism, to not have to be with anyone. There is though, such a difference between solitude and loneliness. I have had my solitude. When I see other couples and groups of people living normal healthy lives, it is then, that I feel lonely.
I just love this channel. You are helping me so much and I am deeply grateful. I felt like I was dying inside with loneliness after the narc left and as a result I was targeted by two different narcopath "friends" who were covertly abusive. My little pooch has been my furry angel. He gave me unconditional love and it was the first time I had ever received genuine love since my mother was a malignant narc as was my fraternal twin sister. I have learned to embrace my aloneness and to go within. Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions.
I've pinpointed that any negative issue for me triggers my depression-like feelings. I hate my hometown. Im lonely for sure. I am doing that inner work now. I prefer to sit solo and not socialize with the peers prior to my narc wife. We from a rough neighborhood and i get threats from people or toxic predators try to associate to get over or make jokes about bs or play sad music. Her ultimate moment ruined a career and i relocated to my toxic small yet brutal home town. Smh. I am going to get past this experience. Live well and flourish really well.
If you disconnect from the music you used to listen on your hometown, and instead of going to your family... You simply go as a tourist, without meeting anybody from the past... I promise you, you will like it more! 😉❤️👠
Meredith, honestly, you always speak right to me! This video goes to the heart of where I am now in my healing from the covert narc's abuse. Thank you for your honest, tough words! I am back on track thanks to this video. I was feeling so low, so lonely, and so alone! Yup - quite a pity party! ... Got my big girl panties on again, and moving forward, thanks to you! Blessings!!
I was far more lonely when I was still with my ex-narc than I have been since. I am alone now and love it, not lonely at all! Also - love the bored doggo hanging out in the background lol
6:46 Your dog picked up on what you were saying & instead of wanting to go outside he just remained in the present, thinking 'I'm standing looking at the door. I'm fine indoors, it's too hot out there anyway' :)
Hi Meredith! You answered my questioned 6 months ago and made a video entitled Overcoming being raised by a narcissistic mom. That video changed my life! I played it over and over again, and it gave me strength. I have been no contact for a year now and am loving myself and my life. I still feel lonely sometimes, but I'm able to recognize the cause and change my mindset. I thank you with all my heart! Blessings to you!
You just described my life right now. I had this breakthrough recently almost word for word going through some big emotions around loneliness this summer. I ended many toxic relationships and ended up acutely lonely. I still live with my emotionally unavailable and emotionally / verbally abusive ex (separate floors, we don’t speak - thank god) who I’ve been estranged from for 2 years, said I needed to start seeing other 1 year ago, and finally separated in January. And like you said, the hardest kind of loneliness is when you’re surrounded by or near others and totally, utterly isolated. I’ve been so depressed this summer. Every time I have a good, positive, nurturing experience with non-toxic people, it reminds me of how poorly I’ve been letting people treat me for so so so long and I become despondent. I’m working through not eating my emotions away / binge eating so my crutch is gone. Or, my main one I should say. It’s been rough. Like ffs how long does this stage last?! I’m not looking for pity because I know this is a good thing in the long run because it’s a sign of the work I’m putting in, I’m just saying that you described it to a T and it was like wow, deja vu...I JUST figured this out and she’s reading my life 😟
I was always lonely while I was with my narcissistic ex. I did exactly as this video said, I ended up cutting every unhealthy person out of my life, and also, as soon as I meet someone new and they start to show me signs I cut them out. I don't know if I am over-doing it, but I just can't ignore that sensation tickling the back of my mind, so I would rather be by myself. Maybe that will change. It's been 2 years since I was with my narc. I haven't let anyone new close to me since.
Just Words Probably for the best. Don't get involved until they PROVE they are someone you can trust with your heart and soul. If the narcissist has not completely destroyed them (as is their goal).
When I feel I’m isolating myself too much I turn to my safe friends that I know are there for me every time I reach out. They respect my need to work through this but when I open myself to them again they are always there. Be authentic - be real - be vulnerable - these are all beautiful things ♥️
Always hope for the best and expect the worst. You seem like a wonderful person that’s been hurt in the past.....but make no mistake that you being a good person was not how you got there. But not listening to your instincts, possibly. Instincts are different from emotions and will never steer you wrong.....but they require knowing and listening to what is BEST for you. Self preservation is the middle. And self destruction/absorption are on either side. That’s what I’ve learned over time and what I try to be conscious of.
This was and is my exactly how I feel I’m still so hurt even though I do not want to be with my x narc , but I can’t get over the betrayal and all I gave
Thank you for the timely video. I am going to get a dog 🐶. I've been "alone" since January 1, 2017, after moving out of my house with my NARC husband of 23 years, who wanted me to have sexual relations with three men at the same time while he watches. I'm still sick 😣 of the thought that he would ask his WIFE and MOTHER of HIS CHILDREN such a perverted request. I never would have accepted his marriage proposal if any type of deviant behavior remotely displayed itself (subtle or overt). I needed to hear that from you. My deepest gratitude to you.
Perhaps that deviant behavior was not there when you married him over two decades ago. I know someone who, over many years, got into porn and made demands that almost ended the marriage. One spouse does not have the right to force the other into anything he/she does not want to do. God Bless you in your newfound freedom.
I've been no contact for two and a half months from my narc. I cleared out all the toxic people and have been alone since no contact. I had two dogs that kept me company while I've been living in my van but my dog Luna was tragically killed two days ago. I'm in a safehouse now for domestic violence. I feel kinda lonely here. I'm surrounded by people but I've been doing so much inner work I still don't feel like I can connect on a that deep level about the same situation. It's comfoting having a bed again. I'm learning how to self soothe here an this is the first time I've told anyone about my story but I somehow still don't feel heard. Maybe it's the grief in me that people don't want to see. So much loss :( my heart broke open. Thanks for the space and sharing your wisdom
I'm so sorry about your pup Luna. Good job getting yourself to a safehouse where you can get some support to get back on your feet and generate your inner strength to move forward, step by step. You can do it! "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~Khalil Gibran
Love and compassion to you❤. As you start to share your story more often you feel more free and with a sense of duty toward humanity, other people will get comfort from you. I used to be shy in sharing even a single comment but now it is very enjoyable. xx Viola
Admirable. Stay strong and I promise you it will get better. You're better off without somebody toxic who will drain and use you. We fall in love with an illusion, not a real person. It is so difficult to come to terms with try to stay busy. Surround yourself with positive people. They don"t have to necessarily know your story in order to uplift your mood. Being with a narc can be very isolating. I found that time spent with family and friends that I was unable to do before made a huge difference (post break up). A cute cat helps too :-). Feel free to contact me via insta: Melmel221 if you ever feel lonely xx more than happy to help anybody who is recovering from narc abuse .
My heart still grives the loss of my dog (actually killed by the EX Narc btw) and was 8 years ago. Took convincing to allow a new dog imto my life and I feel blessed again. She is now a fully trained working service dog and we are that Team of One - I love her to the max and I do not love my first service dog any less... Never will forget her....
I was getting comfortable . Then out of nowhere today came a soul crushing sense of loneliness Ive never felt before. I get tired of working through things all the time and just want relief. I know this will pass like all the other times, but when it happens it really sucks and I get angry. i see couples and other people and it feels like I am alone in this world. The question is how alone are we in reality and how much of this feeling is just our misinterpretation of what is real ?
bmb6 I don't know how to answer that. I'm not sure how to heal myself, I don't trust anyone, I think she's right saying to give yourself a time out. If it's hard to be in social situations around a lot of people, then don't be. I can't be around a lot of people these days, I just wish I had one or two good friends I could talk to, but you never know when someone might turn on you sometimes, it's frustrating.
bmb6 you'll get over it...took me almost a year...just buried myself in work. When i get a call in for work, i consider it 'date night' except i get paid! It does get better. Say, 'i am'... I am good I am 'whatever you want to be.'
bmb6 "Soul Crushing Loneliness".. Poignant words there for sure. I don't think there are many people who feel fulfilled and complete without a partner in their life. I guess you could say it's built into our DNA to seek and pair-off with someone whom we can love and build our lives together. Yes, good friends and a solid support system do indeed help during adjustment periods of breaking away from an unhealthy emotional relationship. I think many times we gravitate to unhealthy relationships subconsciously, so as to focus all our emotional energy on them and their drama, instead dealing with our own emotional baggage. So the short of it is that you're still going thru an emotional adjustment. And yes, the crushing loneliness will pass,.. and you will heal and recover and move on.
We are never lonely with you, Meredith :) Thank you for changing our lives along with your own, I hope you are having a wonderful time every day as you are changing the world. Lots of love from France :)
This was almost a year ago, but it was very good. I have been struggling with the loneliness after a narcissistic abusive relationship. I am lucky to have a friend who experienced this as well and overcame it. I beat myself up sometimes and I liked how you emphasized the importance of staying in the present. Part of my loneliness and self-hatred comes from dwelling on the past. Logically, I know there is nothing I can do, but learn and focus on myself. You hit the nail on the head when you said, you need to really embrace the loneliness because you will start to go looking for someone to fill that void and the cycle will begin all over again. I have cut out a lot of people in my life recently and I looked around realizing I pretty much had no one. However, I did notice I was content with my decision. I am going to work even harder on overcoming this abuse and come out on the other side stronger!
At this current time I don't have a pet. I was thinking how nice it would be to have a dog or cat again around the house. Time with animals has always enriched my life.
Rosemary Alexander my ex didn't like animals, I love animals. I have been wanting a dog so bad, and during my lonliness I keep thinking a dog would be such a perfect way for some healthy affection and a way to keep me busy and away from my ex. I find that the lonely times are when he sends me some 'song' that reminds him of me, and it's during the loneliness that I fall for it....I'm on 2weeks of no contact, and holding strong...
Great vid Meredith! I'm enjoying my alone time now. It's been almost six months now, and I just don't see myself being with anyone right now. I can do what I want, be what I want...without judgement. After 17 years, it's important for me to discover ME!
i'm so thankful to have found your videos. The parallels, albeit unfortunate, are striking. You've nailed every nuance. From feeling that I've been the culprit of so much separation to [still] finding the ropes to climb out of the darkness. Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've learned. There's a long way to go, I'm not sure how I'll ever break through but ... one day I will.
its none of my buisness but what about re-inventing yourself , i felt like you did till i was about 45 then i just starting thinking 'im a decent human being' instead of im no good. it helps if you can actually back it up with some real integrity but i just know you have that.
I'm so sorry. These must be really really difficult. I hope you find the right people who will help and guide you through these process with sincerity and compassion. Know You are not alone
I have a quote on my fb page which i love......'You've been critisizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked, try approving of yourself and see what happens'.
you know yesterday i said i had enough and m not going to suffer anymore now..my wife passed away 15 months back due to kidney failure..i lost my job after four months ..and top of it my ex woman who is married left abroad with her husband and daughter keeps playing games and puts me down insted of supporting me..she now denies any marriage with me we had done secretly and friend zones me..and now i find out she had a ex bf abroad before i met her and had relationship with him..she said he lives in the next state closeby ..she has been cutting me ignoring me blocking me and manupulating me..she nearly sucked my life soul out of me(narcissist)..yet i decided to stand and said i had enough of this bullshit ....come on soul food let me see you stand up and say enough
Soul Food something I found which really helped me was the free course and video series by Pete Gerlach. His videos are on youtube and he talks a lot about authentic Self vs. fase selves. He also has a free website called Break the Cycle that is basically everything he learned through his long career as a councelor. It's like a text book, but aimed at your personal recovery as well as just information on healing childhood wounds.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have learned so much from your vids. Just started watching a couple of months ago. The narc abuse in my life not only left me extremely traumatized but my children also. I now send them links to your videos and I'm sure they are seeing a very different me! I am finally free from rage, depression and even loneliness! My CPTSD causes me to have seizures and panic attacks and after the last one which left me with a broken nose, jammed neck and cuts on my nose and face I realized I HAD to put everything else on the back burner and focus on getting myself healthy! It was a wake up call! Thank you so much for the work you are doing, it really matters so much to the one's who have been searching for help and never seeming to find it! You're the best!!!! Xoxo I am not alone!
I found that rediscovering my sense of self was the best way for me to overcome my loneliness. I checked off the list of things that define me as an individual, separate from others. I defined my value, my traits, my likes and dislikes, my moral code, my life goal, my talents and skills, my personal tastes, my hobbies, etc. This helped me to ground myself, get used to my own company, and become less dependent other people defining me. I hope this helps anyone who read it 😊
I watch soooo many videos for personal development and to help overcome my personal struggles in life. This is the first video that has ever perfectly described how I feel. Truly, thank you for posting!
Excellent video. Dogs are an amazing cure to the disease of disconnectedness (aka loneliness). I got a dog 6 months ago and I honestly haven't felt lonely since then. I also love Jackson Mackenzie's description of "two worlds" in his book "psychopath free". I feel really content spending time in my inner world now when I'm not required to be in the outter world. There's no need to escape it. I see how this ties into your point about authenticity and presence.
Wow, just wow ❤️ I hung onto every single word. 4 weeks ago my 19 year endurance with a very controlling narcissistic house share person ended and I've moved to the end of the line on the opposite side of the country in nz and feel everything that you've said. I've suffered more filthy, degrading and negative verbal abuse than one could ever imagine and I must be crazy and insane not to have left long ago. I feel so ashamed that I've lost the happy go lucky vibrant creative person I was in 2001 but it's still there somewhere deep within my heart. I feel everything you said here and yes, I'm on dog #2 little Buddy after my precious Toto died and Buddy is my staff and rod as crazy as that sounds. I now live in paradise but in exile in a beautiful community but 19 years of Seriously controlling abuse plus 1 physical attack has left me brain fogged, clumsy, lonely, apologetic for everything and a bumbling idiot. But i feel so ashamed and embarrassed to have let myself be subject to this awful abuse but I had a 6 year cancer recovery slap bang in the middle so will heed every single word you say here and work on my fashion design and music in the here and the now. The ocean is literally 3 minutes walk away and I'm ever grateful for your video. Much Gratitude ❤️
I've been researching codependency for the last year and a half, this video is awesome. I think the part about not being yourself and walking on eggshells is what really frustrated me the most about my social circle, some friendships and a particular relationship that pretty much crushed my heart. I could be surrounded by "friends" yet be lonely for an authentic connection.
I found your channel through “Dad Surviving Divorce” channel. You both absolutely have the best channels for providing advice beyond the recognition of our abusive relationships. Keep up the great work!
When you think you found his amazing person only to find out after a year they were taking everything you have it's a kick in the gut that s what you feel your stomach just hurts so bad from this bullshit time for me to fly🌝
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experience and wisdom with me. Being lonely after getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist is frightening however when you start realising that learning to be alone is your pathway to caring for yourself in the most healthy way then it is easier to embrace. Living life in my own time, doing what I want when I want and just allowing myself to be me, leads to authenticity and empowerment in the most positive way. My dog Toto has helped me enormously with this. She is always there for me. Unconditionally loving me and she is everything to me.
Thank you for this video! I can relate to this so much. After narc abuse I realized that I had a lot of toxic people in my life: toxic and narcissistic friends. My friendships didn´t feel good anymore. It takes time to shift and find new, healthier people. That can feel lonely at times, but it´s also a rewarding, beautiful journey. And yes, I am dreaming about getting a dog too :)
You’re awesome. Liked the hand raising, saying you’ve been there and to stop complaining. To look at it by being present. Stay present, focus on the moment. That’s great advice. Also to break the day into 4 or more parts, making sure you have a positive thought for each part and just focus on that.
I just found you and I'm so grateful!! I'm exactly in the space of having eliminated toxic people from my life and now learning to accept loneliness. First time I haven't had a drama filled relationship with a man or men in years. I'm going to watch your videos to help me thru this time and learn to heal and attract healthy people!!
i would love to have a dog! it would definitely help with the feeling of loneliness. but i have the issue that i work full time and could not leave the dog stuck in the apartment for about 9 hours by itself. i was even thinking about getting two small dogs, so they are not alone when i am at work...
I needed to hear this. This is an ongoing issue for me and like others, it's how the relationship ended along with the anger. I know time will help and I'm in that journey. I love being alone but the loneliness hurts, right now. I am working on it though, no cravings to fill it, I'm dealing with it the right way. I'm embracing it all!
What's hardest to hear (but I'm so glad to hear it) is to stop complaining. At first it can feel so good to vent and get all the negative feelings off your chest... but doing that for too long with no end in sight? That's just living in the past. Presence is so hard to master. Little by little. Anyone around us who's willing to listen at first has a limit, they might not say it but they definitely have a limit on negativity. And so do we on our own thoughts/actions. Thank you!
Thank you Meredith- I used to try so hard to open the eyes of narcs to good and what is right. It just spins you deeper into a tango with evil. Hosea 4:17 "Ephraim is joined to idols; Leave him alone" We think we are doing the right thing to try to help the narc, but as Scriptures even instruct us to go 'no contact' and leave them alone. They've joined themselves to that which is opposed all that is good. Any interaction no matter how well intended only pulls us deeper into that downward spiral. The Creator of Life instructs us to let go of them!
Written 2yrs ago.. But relivent rite now. Bible 2000 yrs ago and relivent now more than ever. So many scriptures about evil people who have no regard for us that know truth. So easy to get entangled with these sorts of people if we don't know the truth and know how evil people can be. It's been six months since she's been gone. It still hurts but I'm learning so SOOOOOO much about what a safe person is. And how to be better myself also. And it's all in the bible. Putting all my love in Jesus his word and my safe friends and family for a while.. Heal love God 1st. I want to find someone again eventually. But want more to do the work to heal. Listen to God, to really be a better than ever me and not give in to attracting unsafe people because I'm lonely.. Thank you for your comment. Hope your life now is beautiful and your blessed. 🙏
One of the things that helped my recovery was truly delving into my interests. Painting, writing, photography, walking in nature. All things my narcs didn’t and couldn’t understand about me. From childhood I was considered “the weird kid” because I wasn’t just like them (a lemming). They surround themselves with lemmings and I’ve noticed the individuality amongst their group is so limited they truly are cult like. I’m making plans to start traveling overseas. Another thing my narcs would NEVER do! The more I delve into myself the more I realize I lost very little when I lost them. Thanks for another great message Meredith!
I have been learning so much more about myself since being given the gift of the most abusive relationship of my life with a narcissist, which started at the tender age of 53. I am now 55 and have left him and gone no contact as a of a couple of months ago. I have done much therapy and self-help. My childhood trauma has to do with emotional neglect, childhood loneliness, and not being allowed to be myself or be heard. There was a lot of abandonment (my father left, my grandmother committed suicide). My mother is profoundly anxious, insecure and manipulative, i am an only child I understand that the route out of co-dependency means being clear about my needs and leaving alone those who won't or can't meet them. What I find so challenging in trying to work through it is discerning between the triggering of my trauma (which may cause an over-reaction) and "listening to my inner child's needs." Example: When I'm dating a man and he doesn't communicate for several days I am profoundly uncomfortable/anxious. So much so that I believe I stop seeing clearly. My instinct is to disappear myself...but is that my inner child enforcing a healthy boundary? Or my insecure/anxious attachment style over-reacting? It feels overwhelming and hard to be alone sometimes because I am wrestling these demons and it is exhausting. I have yet to find a way to really heal the childhood trauma so that it doesn't overwhelm me in every relationship. This is what leads to the tendency to isolate... Any tips appreciated.
Your videos and messages speak tremendous volumes to me. Thank you, so much. Many of the things you talk about are the exact things I always feel and go through but can't describe. The more I watch you the more I feel at ease with myself, because I know that even though I feel confused and sad I know I'm guiding my way through my own life and you are just the perfect kind of reminder that I'm not the only one going through this I always find myself tearing up with happiness to your videos so again thank you soooo much you amazing human 💓💖
thank you. someone i love has suffered narsassistic abuse and i have been trying to help them cope with this and learn to love themselves. the narsassist is their relative, so no option to cut them from their life. i have been trying to teach them boundaries and how to choose to make themselves happy and sometimes be selfish. choose what they want without worrying about judgement and fear.
![OsamaSon - ik what you did last summer [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4DIQDnu3mr4/mqdefault.jpg)
I can’t believe so many people are going through this exact same process of realization, shock, change, elimination of toxicity, depression and loneliness. Stay blessed and safe out there ❤️
Deanna Alexandrine Hobson same I am glad I’m not the only one
@@tatiana_films A year later I have changed my environment and changed my life🥰💘Stay hopeful stay blessed❣️🙏🏽
I feel so worthless 😞
💫❤️
I'm glad to know there's still good people out here in this world.
I feel more lonely being with the narcissist than being alone!
Exactly how I feel
This video is all about over coming that. Take responsibility and grow 🥰
Very true
I felt same thing
At the moment I feel it would be easier to go back to the narc. 😞
I kid you not, my dog continues to save my life. We go hiking and play in the woods. She gave me the courage to go no contact. I love her so much and I know she loves me. Thanks for your channel.
Solitude is a wonderful thing - I am so grateful that I can spend time alone with myself every day.
People who knew me from the past know I'm very damaged from it and they also know that I am no longer the same as I was before.. I have an emptiness in me as well as depression.. I was so full of life so much promise of a great future now I am desperately trying to find myself as well as the courage to love again..
I stopped being lonely when I got rid off the narcissist. When I was finally alone, I got in touch with myself and that was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. First started yoga, because I knew deep down inside I was angry as hell... when I finally got myself to a point of some kind of balance, I got myself into therapy. I didn’t want to buy into the victim mentality long term which I later realized is nothing more than unprocessed anger. Nothing wrong with feeling angry it’s an emotion that actually protects us but I didn’t want to get stuck in it. Work, work but sooooooooo worth it.
Acknowledge the pain. See it, feel it and keep moving forward.
Easier said than done, it sucks
Raynor Ezekiel Yes it is ❤️
It sucks but its worth it
Raynor Ezekiel
Nobody said it is easy. I am doing it right now. I am crawling from mental, emotional and physical pain. I go deep into it. Lying on the floor snd crying. Going THROUGH is the OLNY ONE way. Trust me. I am in the middle of it. Every day is less painful. Still hurts and will be for some time. Ask yourself how long were you building up those hurtful feelings ? A year? 10? 46? Give yourself time to peel it off. Feel this shit! And it will dissolve. Bit by bit. It is worth! Takes you to free yourself from it, heal and rebuild. Stronger and happy! Good luck. I am with you!
@@Anna-hu9we Thanks Anna....So much...been being hard on myself for still hurting and wanting to cry...judging me.
My little voice just says cry until there is no more tears left...so I will!
BLESSINGS 💝
I have learned to be alone now, there’s a lot of so called friends that are also gone because of the changes I made in my life, but I’m less stressed and i’m enjoying this time. I have four children and they keep me busy, we do so much together. It’s amazing how things get better when toxic people are out of your life. Thank Meredith, I love your videos!
I actually prefer being alone now. I feel safe being by myself, and it's more peaceful and quiet. I don't feel comfortable in social gatherings, but I go due to family obligations.
I feel the same way Melissa. Alone feels safe. The idea of getting involved with someone new feels too risky and draining.
I rarely feel lonely when I'm alone. I feel lonely more often when I'm with other people or when I see others hanging out with friends and family and having a good time. The inability to connect with others is what kills me. Sometimes I don't know if I have CPTSD or Asperger's. I just keep plugging away trying to be more authentic, assertive and autonomous every day. And what little interaction I have with others is very structured. I'm an American teaching English in Korea. So, besides interacting with my colleagues and students, I just spend time with some language-exchange partners. That's all I can handle. Cheers.
I think it is important to go within and enjoy the peace. Also I started a self-defense class and adult coloringi to into my artistic side. I am learning to be in the moment. I tend to think a lot of the past or future.
Melissa Cruz
I feel the same way.
I had this same phase, I wanted to just be for myself (after being in an abusive relationship which originated bc I wanted to escape my narc mother+family enablers), but now, after I've been alone happily, I've come to the stage she talks about - that I find that I have noone in my life - can't bond with and/or trust nearly all family members, my former friendships all originated from the time with my narc mother (these were the few friends she "allowed"). It's now really hard for me bc I don't want to go back, at the same time I've bern alone at home, isolated for such a long time now, that I've been left with nearly noone. What I want to say: It's ok to want to be alone but maybe during this stage you can find new people, who you feel comfortable to be with - to be with alone together. So then, after this phase has ended - you've found new, "better" people to connect with.. as I wish I would've done this :)
kind regards+all the best!
"The wound is a feeling." This is an amazing insight!
I agree.
‘You can’t heal it, if you don’t feel it”... thank you for this
Thank you for this important message, Meredith! You are absolutely right - LEAN INTO THIS LONELINESS. It does pass after it washes over. Took me about six months. I've never felt more free and empowered. So much energy available too. I would never want to again compromise myself in order to be accepted. The rules have changed, baby!
Good work mate !
... Detoxing from the narc.
Am in my 7th week and I started feeling lonely. Ooh the loneliness kicked in maaaan. The advice is on point. I'm taking my time and I want to heal geniunely
Feel it to heal it 👍😎💗
What we resist persists
hi hope you reply im out of five weeks of narc, feel tired, lonely
when i lived alone, cooking really helped me become present
its really nice :)
Nadia Sparkling I think cooking well fir yourself is a true sign of self love 💗Great! I admire the ability to make delicious & healthy food to enjoy with friends or myself.
Loneliness really is so difficult. I feel it mostly all the time despite being in a very happy and healthy relationship. It is definitely a result of having extremely narcissistic biological parents. My pet cats and dogs have helped with healing that wound, the unconditional love that they have is soothing. No judgements, no criticism just love.
What a beautiful room.
The narcs watching are envious and jealous of that beautiful room....BELIEVE THAT!!
What a beautiful woman! 👱🏻♀️and so smart, I feel sooooo sad for her narcissist, I hope he’s gotten the help that he needs. But beyond that, who cares anymore. M’s moved on WITH A VENGEANCE! And now helping millions do the same. Tony Robbins said in one of his speeches that his dad leaving his mom soon after somebody bought them food to their door for thanksgiving because they didn’t have enough money to put food on the table and the dad‘s ego got so injured that he tried to get rid of the guy, but the guy insisted he take the food and to not let his ego get in the way, Tony’s dad left the family and Tony was crushed. that was the worst day of his life and he didn’t understand it for years until he got a little older and he started to get it and he told himself that this was a gift and it became the best day of my life, his dad leaving, because he wouldn’t have been the Tony Robbins he is today, knowing that he’s living the life he’s living now would not have happened if that horrible thing didn’t happen.
@@Underrated7777 'sall good
i don't feel lonely when i watch your videos :)
The universe has given me this video today. It has literally stopped my pity party in its tracks and has made me take pause and reflect. I feel lost without my narcissistic ex ...although I know how unhealthy he is for me. For tonight, instead of crying, doing the poor me's and ruminating on the lost relationship. I will celebrate my universes pull towards my deep introspection that I clearly need!
I love being single and living alone (with my pooches). It's so healing. And yes, empowering.
Mary Vogt glad you found some peace
I hope to be there one day
Mary Vogt ditto. I’ve got a cairn terrier
Mary Vogt , I am with you! I have 2 dogs. I love them. Life is good. I love this “alone time”!
Presence is a discipline that is INCREDIBLY HARD TO PRACTICE FROM MOMENT TO MOMENT BUT THE CLARITY I GAIN IS ASTOUNDING!
I took an art class when I was being discarded by my narc ex. The community of the class let me still be social and make new friends away from my ex. It taught me new skills and allowed me to network - if you’re feeling lonely, I recommend taking a class! ❤️
Left my husband after 20 years because I was lonely with him. I love and prefer being alone. It is safe and as long as I have my dogs and cat, happy. I was in my 40's then. Now I am 59 and realized my mother was a narc. I have always loved horses. Now, for me, I volunteer at a ranch, just brushing, talking and snuggling with them. I now have something else to talk about other than the hell my mother is putting us all through. Good video! Thank you!
New Chance Rise From the Ashes is a film about #NarcissisticAbuse. Watch the Trailer Here: ruclips.net/video/V9WUWhkcIXk/видео.html
Wow you did it after 20 years and I look at 13 years and think it's tough....thanks for sharing its inspiring ....hopefully I can leave sooner than later
So now you work for free, for another Narciscist who is using your kind nature to create a false image for themselves as " horse people" . (Just guessing - bet you I'm right!) Get your very own horse and a real man to love.
Also: Take classes! Online, or in person, on something you love. Painting, writing, singing, exercising, biology - it all takes you out of yourself and gives you something back.
Mary Vogt. You are on point here. For me, I have to be careful about just overloading my schedule by keeping busy as a way to avoid the feeling of loneliness. The only way to learn how to be content in loneliness and aloneness is to practice it; not so much by doing, but simply by being. It helps to hear our own thoughts when we are alone and still. In time, we can gradually add things and people back into our space; after some much needed healing.
Consider going to the library.
Taking a painting class really changed my life. Not only did it reacquaint me with something I love that I had been told I was no good at, but it got me out around people for just the right amount of time. My work started being shown and sold in local galleries- which involved me with more people at art openings, etc. and I painted more and more! I lose all sense of time when I paint, it has truly helped me heal from the hurt and pain I have experienced in my life.
You are a lovely human being Meredith
Yess! You are so right, having my dogs around and loving them having them snuggle with me brings me so much joy!!
thank you. this is the reason i attract narcs because I am so lonely deep down. I really appreciate your help. It has changed my life for the better.
Read comments forideas for help
This is absolutely outstanding!!! You covered every aspect of healing authentically after a Narcassistic relationship wether its romantic, friendships, parents and siblings......this type of abuse comes in many forms until you truly dedicate yourself to heal it will perpetuate
Thank GOD for my seven year old daughter. She has saved me. There is no love like my love for her. I’m grateful beyond words for her.
Same. If I didn't have kids I'm not sure I could've survived this.
Your kid isn’t supposed to save or rescue you! That’s role reversal and it’s actually toxic.
Thank you for this video. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Instead of beating myself up for my poor social skills I will begin to embrace the loneliness, and use it as a tool to know myself better. Be present. Be myself.
Thank you, Meredith. I've essentially been alone for almost twenty years after a breakdown due to burnout, and I'm working on sorting my life out with the aid of the internet and all the brilliant help there is available now. I've had several relationships with women that turned out to be re-runs of my relationship with my mother, and I want to be strong enough not to fall into that trap again. Like other commenters, I'm finding that I feel much more comfortable being alone, but it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that it's bad for everyone under all circumstances - which of is just not true. Thanks again, and keep up with this invaluable work.
I feel exactly the same
It was not until I went to my first CODA meeting and The Twelve Steps were read out at the start that I fully understood that I am Codependent!
Getting rid of ALL the toxic friends, groups, associates…..and hardest of all …your toxic family members who you love so much
Is the only way I could wake up and start my recovery to heal from attracting people who covertly abuse me
Starting from a place 100 % alone has been the biggest challenge of my life
This happened to me in 2019 after I had a nervous breakdown when my ex and I finally separated after a 3 year on off extremely toxic psychologically abusive relationship which crushed my spirit and soul so that I could not even work or leave my flat
Not one family member or friend understood why I went into social isolation
Then in March 2020 the world went into Social Isolation!
I was already prepared! It was very surreal. The one time in 2020 that you need your friends and family to help get you through lockdown… and I had no one! 3 years later I am still in recovery… But Alone this time…. Not lonely
I don’t speak with my toxic friends and family members anymore
I certainly would be so scared to meet another partner until I know how to have healthy friendships first. I still find this so hard now in 2023
May your recovery keep you safe from toxic people
Thank you for this great reminder. Toxic loneliness acquired in my childhood is exactly what got me into the many toxic intimate relationships of my life. I laughed out loud when I heard your suggestion of adopting a fish. I feel like that's what I did, falling in love with a sociopath. She had no empathy, was cold blooded and ended up eating her youth's soul. She was more like a piranhas. The irony is that her artistic outlet was painting carps. I guess now that it was all self portraits. Being a vegan, I am going to leave fish out of my plate, and out of my bed going forward. Today, I am authentic, passionate and whole.
Thank you so much, your message is just what I needed right now! Big hug back to you and everyone else who is lonely right now.
I needed this more than ever today thank you!
You are amazing. I needed to hear this right now. I am undergoing difficult period and every word of you hit the nail.. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this Meredith. Especially the big hug at the end. I've been trying to face my loneliness after a 2 year relationship with a narc ended. I told him in the end that I am worth so much more than you ever made me believe I was. So now I have to believe that and it's HARD! Thank you for the encouragement!
OMG, I never thought about this. 5 years after leaving my ex, you have helped to make sense of...everything. why I like being alone, why I had to get rid of friends, just so many things. Thank you so much!
Wow only " GOD" knows I needed to hear this today...For I honestly have been away from those toxic, draining, relationships. Being alone can be a dull ache. Yet also a beautiful awakening. After s this self reflective healing process. So many things make sense with so much clarity. So many things, people and situations I won't put up with no more!!! For the awarness of my authentic self is back. Which means self love and self protection. Inner peace, inner strength and guidance...To know thyself is one of the biggest healing obstacles to overcome and put your life on a renewed path with like minded, loving, people... So thank you for your video and your dog is adoral and those windows are absolutely gorg & fabulous!!! Great energy amd balance your place has. I luv it enjoy.
Thank you for this video. You mentioned that once you become aware of narcissistic abuse that you can finally start clearing your life of those narcissists. This is exactly what happened to me. And also finding myself alone because I had surrounded myself with so many. I finally got the last one out of my life recently and feel a great sense of peace. XO
I was just talking about this with my therapist this week. Was a tough session. I'm so glad you're addressing this right now.
This conversation helps me so much! I broke away from a narcissistic abuse 10 days ago. I suffered for over 22 years in that relationship. Finally I moved out, leaving everything as it was. At the new place, I went through overwhelmness, past events haunted me and I got depressed/anxious and I don't know what. Now I have embraced my aloneness. It's not loneliness. Thank you Inner Integration!
That's right. My mum was one. I saw my dad suffer in her relationship. He was calm, quiet guy. I did not know about narc/ abuse. I discovered it and realized it was abuse. Anyways, it's been over a year of no contact. I am happier, healthier and being productive.
I trained my mind to think in the present moment. It was hard in the beginning. Journaling help me. Music also brings me into the Now. My mind had been habitual to think about past and future. I did it for years. It became a habit. And you know habits are hard to break. It takes internal will.
@@rizwanqamar1974wow that’s amazing. I wish I had this trick in my twenty’s ! They called it something else at that time.. I have spent my life off and on trying to escape. Not I learn you got to lean into it. Music helps me too. I hope that I can try your method. Thanks for your comment.
Today has been rough, im glad there are so many people here on youtube that understand
Be yourself it's the best way to find yourself
kentoxymoron but who are you? That is what i struggle with...everything i liked was disparaged...the association is difficult to get over.
Or just create yourself🙂
@@LIVdaBrand this is what she's talking abt.. broken ppl needs to create them self again.. something like resetting comp program ,that program is in human brain,she's right we can't fallow the heart without taking care of major program which is the brain.
@@dc1397 I feel I am what I do in my best moments: when I act spontaneously upon the 'intuitive' urges from my higher Self. The mystery of Supreme Identity. The goal of quiet meditation.
I need a person like this exactly like her in my life to talk to me like this & put crap into my face in a real way.
I have been bringing my dogs to bed. It's nurturing and loving and they actually are grateful and don't consume your life. I was so alone in the relationship. I actually have never slept so good in my life.
God bless my dog. 🙏
Also, make a garden. Watch things grow, day by day - it's Zen. You are Zen. ❤
Good idea!
Aww animals really help!
Thanks. Early days for me, loneliness and the constant feeling of anxiety are hard. To all watching this, keep it up, we'll get there...I mean here.😘
Hello. I noticed you posted 1 year ago. Would love to know how you are now. Early days for me now. Not doing well at all.
All I have to do is remember how lonely I felt WITH Monte. The one that was supposed to love me, only disappointed me time and time again. I'm a smart girl. To think, I actually got excited about our date nights, plans, etc. Then come home to a pouting child. I always tried to make him happier. I tried everything. Still, sitting next to him, alone. Well, this weekend I'm leaving. After five years, he broke everything that was mine. Took his BELOVED PlayStation with him to work afraid of retaliation lol. I'm too good for that. I'm just leaving. Pathetic. It's his pattern, whoever he has next, will hate him within a few months. I was the one who stuck by him. Not anymore.
OMG have you been soooooooooooo enlightening!! I only started this journey of awakening 6 months ago. I had no idea the lengths the narcissist will go to and how calculating. I have cherished my aloneness, almost too much. Now I see why, after 4 years when I was first on my own, from 17-22, how I was target to a barrage of narcissists who preyed on my "wholesomeness".
I married a man 40 years ago with no emotional attachment and now, with all your videos, am realizing it was so I could be alone! I accepted his narcissism, to not have to be with anyone. There is though, such a difference between solitude and loneliness. I have had my solitude. When I see other couples and groups of people living normal healthy lives, it is then, that I feel lonely.
I used to tell my ex boyfriend how I feel single even though I was in a relationship with him. And now I get it.
I just love this channel. You are helping me so much and I am deeply grateful. I felt like I was dying inside with loneliness after the narc left and as a result I was targeted by two different narcopath "friends" who were covertly abusive. My little pooch has been my furry angel. He gave me unconditional love and it was the first time I had ever received genuine love since my mother was a malignant narc as was my fraternal twin sister. I have learned to embrace my aloneness and to go within. Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions.
I've pinpointed that any negative issue for me triggers my depression-like feelings. I hate my hometown. Im lonely for sure.
I am doing that inner work now. I prefer to sit solo and not socialize with the peers prior to my narc wife.
We from a rough neighborhood and i get threats from people or toxic predators try to associate to get over or make jokes about bs or play sad music.
Her ultimate moment ruined a career and i relocated to my toxic small yet brutal home town. Smh.
I am going to get past this experience. Live well and flourish really well.
If you disconnect from the music you used to listen on your hometown, and instead of going to your family... You simply go as a tourist, without meeting anybody from the past... I promise you, you will like it more! 😉❤️👠
Meredith, honestly, you always speak right to me! This video goes to the heart of where I am now in my healing from the covert narc's abuse. Thank you for your honest, tough words! I am back on track thanks to this video. I was feeling so low, so lonely, and so alone! Yup - quite a pity party! ... Got my big girl panties on again, and moving forward, thanks to you! Blessings!!
Mindful cooking and nature walks with my two doggo friends have truly saved my life 💖 sending you all much love 😊
I was far more lonely when I was still with my ex-narc than I have been since. I am alone now and love it, not lonely at all! Also - love the bored doggo hanging out in the background lol
6:46 Your dog picked up on what you were saying & instead of wanting to go outside he just remained in the present, thinking 'I'm standing looking at the door. I'm fine indoors, it's too hot out there anyway' :)
I became so fixated on the dog who remains in the present, I had to relisten to be present.
Hi Meredith! You answered my questioned 6 months ago and made a video entitled Overcoming being raised by a narcissistic mom. That video changed my life! I played it over and over again, and it gave me strength. I have been no contact for a year now and am loving myself and my life. I still feel lonely sometimes, but I'm able to recognize the cause and change my mindset. I thank you with all my heart! Blessings to you!
You just described my life right now. I had this breakthrough recently almost word for word going through some big emotions around loneliness this summer. I ended many toxic relationships and ended up acutely lonely. I still live with my emotionally unavailable and emotionally / verbally abusive ex (separate floors, we don’t speak - thank god) who I’ve been estranged from for 2 years, said I needed to start seeing other 1 year ago, and finally separated in January. And like you said, the hardest kind of loneliness is when you’re surrounded by or near others and totally, utterly isolated. I’ve been so depressed this summer. Every time I have a good, positive, nurturing experience with non-toxic people, it reminds me of how poorly I’ve been letting people treat me for so so so long and I become despondent. I’m working through not eating my emotions away / binge eating so my crutch is gone. Or, my main one I should say. It’s been rough. Like ffs how long does this stage last?! I’m not looking for pity because I know this is a good thing in the long run because it’s a sign of the work I’m putting in, I’m just saying that you described it to a T and it was like wow, deja vu...I JUST figured this out and she’s reading my life 😟
Thanks so much! After 33 years of misery, just now realized what true abandonment is. Thanks.
I was always lonely while I was with my narcissistic ex. I did exactly as this video said, I ended up cutting every unhealthy person out of my life, and also, as soon as I meet someone new and they start to show me signs I cut them out. I don't know if I am over-doing it, but I just can't ignore that sensation tickling the back of my mind, so I would rather be by myself. Maybe that will change. It's been 2 years since I was with my narc. I haven't let anyone new close to me since.
Just Words
Probably for the best. Don't get involved until they PROVE they are someone you can trust with your heart and soul. If the narcissist has not completely destroyed them (as is their goal).
Just Words I feel same thing I cut ppl out real quick and not sure it’s seen as cold .
When I feel I’m isolating myself too much I turn to my safe friends that I know are there for me every time I reach out. They respect my need to work through this but when I open myself to them again they are always there. Be authentic - be real - be vulnerable - these are all beautiful things ♥️
Always hope for the best and expect the worst. You seem like a wonderful person that’s been hurt in the past.....but make no mistake that you being a good person was not how you got there. But not listening to your instincts, possibly. Instincts are different from emotions and will never steer you wrong.....but they require knowing and listening to what is BEST for you. Self preservation is the middle. And self destruction/absorption are on either side. That’s what I’ve learned over time and what I try to be conscious of.
This was and is my exactly how I feel I’m still so hurt even though I do not want to be with my x narc , but I can’t get over the betrayal and all I gave
I was abandoned by my father as a child so this was bang on for me. Thank you so much for posting. It was very helpful.
Thank you for the timely video. I am going to get a dog 🐶. I've been "alone" since January 1, 2017, after moving out of my house with my NARC husband of 23 years, who wanted me to have sexual relations with three men at the same time while he watches. I'm still sick 😣 of the thought that he would ask his WIFE and MOTHER of HIS CHILDREN such a perverted request. I never would have accepted his marriage proposal if any type of deviant behavior remotely displayed itself (subtle or overt). I needed to hear that from you. My deepest gratitude to you.
Perhaps that deviant behavior was not there when you married him over two decades ago. I know someone who, over many years, got into porn and made demands that almost ended the marriage. One spouse does not have the right to force the other into anything he/she does not want to do. God Bless you in your newfound freedom.
My experience too...... almost killed my soul.
Oh no! Praying for your healing. Please be safe.
Glad you are free.😭🙏🏾📖😢🎉
I've been no contact for two and a half months from my narc. I cleared out all the toxic people and have been alone since no contact. I had two dogs that kept me company while I've been living in my van but my dog Luna was tragically killed two days ago. I'm in a safehouse now for domestic violence. I feel kinda lonely here. I'm surrounded by people but I've been doing so much inner work I still don't feel like I can connect on a that deep level about the same situation. It's comfoting having a bed again. I'm learning how to self soothe here an this is the first time I've told anyone about my story but I somehow still don't feel heard. Maybe it's the grief in me that people don't want to see. So much loss :( my heart broke open. Thanks for the space and sharing your wisdom
I'm so sorry about your pup Luna. Good job getting yourself to a safehouse where you can get some support to get back on your feet and generate your inner strength to move forward, step by step. You can do it! "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~Khalil Gibran
Love and compassion to you❤. As you start to share your story more often you feel more free and with a sense of duty toward humanity, other people will get comfort from you. I used to be shy in sharing even a single comment but now it is very enjoyable.
xx
Viola
My message is for Taniya Reed💕
Admirable. Stay strong and I promise you it will get better. You're better off without somebody toxic who will drain and use you. We fall in love with an illusion, not a real person. It is so difficult to come to terms with try to stay busy. Surround yourself with positive people. They don"t have to necessarily know your story in order to uplift your mood. Being with a narc can be very isolating. I found that time spent with family and friends that I was unable to do before made a huge difference (post break up).
A cute cat helps too :-). Feel free to contact me via insta: Melmel221 if you ever feel lonely xx more than happy to help anybody who is recovering from narc abuse
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My heart still grives the loss of my dog (actually killed by the EX Narc btw) and was 8 years ago. Took convincing to allow a new dog imto my life and I feel blessed again. She is now a fully trained working service dog and we are that Team of One - I love her to the max and I do not love my first service dog any less... Never will forget her....
Just watched a whole bunch of your videos. Genuinely loving them. Straightforward, and always highly relatable. Loving your approach. Thank you:)
Thank you for this! I've recently realized that almost everyone in my life is a Narc and I've had to let them go. It's so hard having to start over.
I was getting comfortable . Then out of nowhere today came a soul crushing sense of loneliness Ive never felt before. I get tired of working through things all the time and just want relief. I know this will pass like all the other times, but when it happens it really sucks and I get angry. i see couples and other people and it feels like I am alone in this world. The question is how alone are we in reality and how much of this feeling is just our misinterpretation of what is real ?
bmb6 hi. Contact me so we can talk
bmb6 I don't know how to answer that. I'm not sure how to heal myself, I don't trust anyone, I think she's right saying to give yourself a time out. If it's hard to be in social situations around a lot of people, then don't be. I can't be around a lot of people these days, I just wish I had one or two good friends I could talk to, but you never know when someone might turn on you sometimes, it's frustrating.
bmb6 you'll get over it...took me almost a year...just buried myself in work. When i get a call in for work, i consider it 'date night' except i get paid!
It does get better. Say, 'i am'...
I am good
I am 'whatever you want to be.'
bmb6
I feel really alone. It's toxic in itself.
bmb6 "Soul Crushing Loneliness".. Poignant words there for sure. I don't think there are many people who feel fulfilled and complete without a partner in their life. I guess you could say it's built into our DNA to seek and pair-off with someone whom we can love and build our lives together. Yes, good friends and a solid support system do indeed help during adjustment periods of breaking away from an unhealthy emotional relationship. I think many times we gravitate to unhealthy relationships subconsciously, so as to focus all our emotional energy on them and their drama, instead dealing with our own emotional baggage.
So the short of it is that you're still going thru an emotional adjustment. And yes, the crushing loneliness will pass,.. and you will heal and recover and move on.
We are never lonely with you, Meredith :) Thank you for changing our lives along with your own, I hope you are having a wonderful time every day as you are changing the world. Lots of love from France :)
This was almost a year ago, but it was very good. I have been struggling with the loneliness after a narcissistic abusive relationship. I am lucky to have a friend who experienced this as well and overcame it. I beat myself up sometimes and I liked how you emphasized the importance of staying in the present. Part of my loneliness and self-hatred comes from dwelling on the past. Logically, I know there is nothing I can do, but learn and focus on myself. You hit the nail on the head when you said, you need to really embrace the loneliness because you will start to go looking for someone to fill that void and the cycle will begin all over again. I have cut out a lot of people in my life recently and I looked around realizing I pretty much had no one. However, I did notice I was content with my decision.
I am going to work even harder on overcoming this abuse and come out on the other side stronger!
I am alone and DEFINITELY not lonely. This is the most peaceful time of my life!
At this current time I don't have a pet. I was thinking how nice it would be to have a dog or cat again around the house. Time with animals has always enriched my life.
Go for it if you can. I have kitties and love them.
They will love you too.
So comforting.
Rosemary Alexander my ex didn't like animals, I love animals. I have been wanting a dog so bad, and during my lonliness I keep thinking a dog would be such a perfect way for some healthy affection and a way to keep me busy and away from my ex. I find that the lonely times are when he sends me some 'song' that reminds him of me, and it's during the loneliness that I fall for it....I'm on 2weeks of no contact, and holding strong...
***** i think u are right!
They like to snuggle. :) felt my energy soften again for the first time while listening to this.
Great vid Meredith! I'm enjoying my alone time now. It's been almost six months now, and I just don't see myself being with anyone right now. I can do what I want, be what I want...without judgement. After 17 years, it's important for me to discover ME!
This is such a powerful topic that you are talking about today. Thank you for being the voice that so many people need to hear!
i'm so thankful to have found your videos. The parallels, albeit unfortunate, are striking. You've nailed every nuance. From feeling that I've been the culprit of so much separation to [still] finding the ropes to climb out of the darkness. Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've learned. There's a long way to go, I'm not sure how I'll ever break through but ... one day I will.
Meredith, you helped me so much three years ago. Still come back to your videos when I need a voice to bring me back to the moment. Thank you.
I don't know who is my authentic self bc all I know is anxiety depression and self hatred since I was a little girl.
its none of my buisness but what about re-inventing yourself , i felt like you did till i was about 45 then i just starting thinking 'im a decent human being' instead of im no good. it helps if you can actually back it up with some real integrity but i just know you have that.
I'm so sorry. These must be really really difficult. I hope you find the right people who will help and guide you through these process with sincerity and compassion. Know You are not alone
I have a quote on my fb page which i love......'You've been critisizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked, try approving of yourself and see what happens'.
you know yesterday i said i had enough and m not going to suffer anymore now..my wife passed away 15 months back due to kidney failure..i lost my job after four months ..and top of it my ex woman who is married left abroad with her husband and daughter keeps playing games and puts me down insted of supporting me..she now denies any marriage with me we had done secretly and friend zones me..and now i find out she had a ex bf abroad before i met her and had relationship with him..she said he lives in the next state closeby ..she has been cutting me ignoring me blocking me and manupulating me..she nearly sucked my life soul out of me(narcissist)..yet i decided to stand and said i had enough of this bullshit ....come on soul food let me see you stand up and say enough
Soul Food something I found which really helped me was the free course and video series by Pete Gerlach. His videos are on youtube and he talks a lot about authentic Self vs. fase selves. He also has a free website called Break the Cycle that is basically everything he learned through his long career as a councelor. It's like a text book, but aimed at your personal recovery as well as just information on healing childhood wounds.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have learned so much from your vids. Just started watching a couple of months ago. The narc abuse in my life not only left me extremely traumatized but my children also. I now send them links to your videos and I'm sure they are seeing a very different me! I am finally free from rage, depression and even loneliness! My CPTSD causes me to have seizures and panic attacks and after the last one which left me with a broken nose, jammed neck and cuts on my nose and face I realized I HAD to put everything else on the back burner and focus on getting myself healthy! It was a wake up call! Thank you so much for the work you are doing, it really matters so much to the one's who have been searching for help and never seeming to find it! You're the best!!!! Xoxo I am not alone!
Not to discount this beautiful message.........but I found it too cute how your dog was taking it all in. Hugs back to you!
I found that rediscovering my sense of self was the best way for me to overcome my loneliness. I checked off the list of things that define me as an individual, separate from others. I defined my value, my traits, my likes and dislikes, my moral code, my life goal, my talents and skills, my personal tastes, my hobbies, etc. This helped me to ground myself, get used to my own company, and become less dependent other people defining me. I hope this helps anyone who read it 😊
I watch soooo many videos for personal development and to help overcome my personal struggles in life. This is the first video that has ever perfectly described how I feel. Truly, thank you for posting!
Same 🙏
Spot on! Just what i needed to hear as i experience ' the silent treatment' yet again. Thank you for putting this into words.
Excellent video. Dogs are an amazing cure to the disease of disconnectedness (aka loneliness). I got a dog 6 months ago and I honestly haven't felt lonely since then.
I also love Jackson Mackenzie's description of "two worlds" in his book "psychopath free". I feel really content spending time in my inner world now when I'm not required to be in the outter world. There's no need to escape it. I see how this ties into your point about authenticity and presence.
I just recently get out of a narcissist abuse relationship, and this video is helping me a lot. Thank you so much
Wow, just wow ❤️ I hung onto every single word. 4 weeks ago my 19 year endurance with a very controlling narcissistic house share person ended and I've moved to the end of the line on the opposite side of the country in nz and feel everything that you've said. I've suffered more filthy, degrading and negative verbal abuse than one could ever imagine and I must be crazy and insane not to have left long ago. I feel so ashamed that I've lost the happy go lucky vibrant creative person I was in 2001 but it's still there somewhere deep within my heart. I feel everything you said here and yes, I'm on dog #2 little Buddy after my precious Toto died and Buddy is my staff and rod as crazy as that sounds. I now live in paradise but in exile in a beautiful community but 19 years of Seriously controlling abuse plus 1 physical attack has left me brain fogged, clumsy, lonely, apologetic for everything and a bumbling idiot. But i feel so ashamed and embarrassed to have let myself be subject to this awful abuse but I had a 6 year cancer recovery slap bang in the middle so will heed every single word you say here and work on my fashion design and music in the here and the now. The ocean is literally 3 minutes walk away and I'm ever grateful for your video. Much Gratitude ❤️
I've been researching codependency for the last year and a half, this video is awesome. I think the part about not being yourself and walking on eggshells is what really frustrated me the most about my social circle, some friendships and a particular relationship that pretty much crushed my heart. I could be surrounded by "friends" yet be lonely for an authentic connection.
I found your channel through “Dad Surviving Divorce” channel. You both absolutely have the best channels for providing advice beyond the recognition of our abusive relationships. Keep up the great work!
Thank you, Meredith! You're timing is impeccable! Love you! :)
When you think you found his amazing person only to find out after a year they were taking everything you have it's a kick in the gut that s what you feel your stomach just hurts so bad from this bullshit time for me to fly🌝
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experience and wisdom with me. Being lonely after getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist is frightening however when you start realising that learning to be alone is your pathway to caring for yourself in the most healthy way then it is easier to embrace. Living life in my own time, doing what I want when I want and just allowing myself to be me, leads to authenticity and empowerment in the most positive way. My dog Toto has helped me enormously with this. She is always there for me. Unconditionally loving me and she is everything to me.
Embracing loneliness is the topic of Alessia Cara's "Trust My Lonely." Great song for this topic!
Thank you for this video! I can relate to this so much. After narc abuse I realized that I had a lot of toxic people in my life: toxic and narcissistic friends. My friendships didn´t feel good anymore. It takes time to shift and find new, healthier people. That can feel lonely at times, but it´s also a rewarding, beautiful journey. And yes, I am dreaming about getting a dog too :)
You’re awesome. Liked the hand raising, saying you’ve been there and to stop complaining. To look at it by being present. Stay present, focus on the moment. That’s great advice.
Also to break the day into 4 or more parts, making sure you have a positive thought for each part and just focus on that.
My dog huggybear came through for me when I was in extreme emotional pain and he has been here even after everyone else has fell by the waist side. 🐶
I just found you and I'm so grateful!! I'm exactly in the space of having eliminated toxic people from my life and now learning to accept loneliness. First time I haven't had a drama filled relationship with a man or men in years. I'm going to watch your videos to help me thru this time and learn to heal and attract healthy people!!
Rescue dogs! Rescue cats! They save your life and make life so much better! And you will save a life!
Mary Vogt you are so right! Got three rescue cats! The narc killed my last one before I divorced him.
i would love to have a dog! it would definitely help with the feeling of loneliness. but i have the issue that i work full time and could not leave the dog stuck in the apartment for about 9 hours by itself. i was even thinking about getting two small dogs, so they are not alone when i am at work...
Patricia Jones 😲
Mary Vogt I have nowhere to go
@@delasjourney9104 pray for a way out!
I needed to hear this. This is an ongoing issue for me and like others, it's how the relationship ended along with the anger. I know time will help and I'm in that journey. I love being alone but the loneliness hurts, right now. I am working on it though, no cravings to fill it, I'm dealing with it the right way. I'm embracing it all!
I'm allergic to cats so I got a ferret and I'm so glad I did! They are really funny and playful like cats too.
What's hardest to hear (but I'm so glad to hear it) is to stop complaining. At first it can feel so good to vent and get all the negative feelings off your chest... but doing that for too long with no end in sight? That's just living in the past. Presence is so hard to master. Little by little. Anyone around us who's willing to listen at first has a limit, they might not say it but they definitely have a limit on negativity. And so do we on our own thoughts/actions. Thank you!
Thank you Meredith- I used to try so hard to open the eyes of narcs to good and what is right. It just spins you deeper into a tango with evil. Hosea 4:17 "Ephraim is joined to idols; Leave him alone" We think we are doing the right thing to try to help the narc, but as Scriptures even instruct us to go 'no contact' and leave them alone. They've joined themselves to that which is opposed all that is good. Any interaction no matter how well intended only pulls us deeper into that downward spiral. The Creator of Life instructs us to let go of them!
Written 2yrs ago.. But relivent rite now. Bible 2000 yrs ago and relivent now more than ever. So many scriptures about evil people who have no regard for us that know truth. So easy to get entangled with these sorts of people if we don't know the truth and know how evil people can be. It's been six months since she's been gone. It still hurts but I'm learning so SOOOOOO much about what a safe person is. And how to be better myself also. And it's all in the bible. Putting all my love in Jesus his word and my safe friends and family for a while.. Heal love God 1st. I want to find someone again eventually. But want more to do the work to heal. Listen to God, to really be a better than ever me and not give in to attracting unsafe people because I'm lonely.. Thank you for your comment. Hope your life now is beautiful and your blessed. 🙏
One of the things that helped my recovery was truly delving into my interests. Painting, writing, photography, walking in nature. All things my narcs didn’t and couldn’t understand about me. From childhood I was considered “the weird kid” because I wasn’t just like them (a lemming). They surround themselves with lemmings and I’ve noticed the individuality amongst their group is so limited they truly are cult like. I’m making plans to start traveling overseas. Another thing my narcs would NEVER do! The more I delve into myself the more I realize I lost very little when I lost them. Thanks for another great message Meredith!
I have been learning so much more about myself since being given the gift of the most abusive relationship of my life with a narcissist, which started at the tender age of 53. I am now 55 and have left him and gone no contact as a of a couple of months ago. I have done much therapy and self-help. My childhood trauma has to do with emotional neglect, childhood loneliness, and not being allowed to be myself or be heard. There was a lot of abandonment (my father left, my grandmother committed suicide). My mother is profoundly anxious, insecure and manipulative, i am an only child
I understand that the route out of co-dependency means being clear about my needs and leaving alone those who won't or can't meet them. What I find so challenging in trying to work through it is discerning between the triggering of my trauma (which may cause an over-reaction) and "listening to my inner child's needs." Example: When I'm dating a man and he doesn't communicate for several days I am profoundly uncomfortable/anxious. So much so that I believe I stop seeing clearly. My instinct is to disappear myself...but is that my inner child enforcing a healthy boundary? Or my insecure/anxious attachment style over-reacting? It feels overwhelming and hard to be alone sometimes because I am wrestling these demons and it is exhausting. I have yet to find a way to really heal the childhood trauma so that it doesn't overwhelm me in every relationship. This is what leads to the tendency to isolate...
Any tips appreciated.
Leigh Costain thank you for sharing. I feel similarly. Sending love.
Your videos and messages speak tremendous volumes to me. Thank you, so much. Many of the things you talk about are the exact things I always feel and go through but can't describe. The more I watch you the more I feel at ease with myself, because I know that even though I feel confused and sad I know I'm guiding my way through my own life and you are just the perfect kind of reminder that I'm not the only one going through this I always find myself tearing up with happiness to your videos so again thank you soooo much you amazing human 💓💖
Oh my word, the timing of this was perfect. You precisely described what I am going through. Thank you! ❤️
thank you. someone i love has suffered narsassistic abuse and i have been trying to help them cope with this and learn to love themselves. the narsassist is their relative, so no option to cut them from their life. i have been trying to teach them boundaries and how to choose to make themselves happy and sometimes be selfish. choose what they want without worrying about judgement and fear.
Bless you.
Darshna Rach even if the narc is a relative go no contact. They're demons!