Essentially, we can't rely on the pathologically lonely to cure themselves... people have to reach out to them and keep at it. They need to rewire their brains. Expecting them to do it is is to ignore the reality.
A lot of people like to say: "you can't be helped if you don't help yourself" and then pat themselves on the back for doing it. Its really gross. Joy is just as contagious as misery but only misery can flourish in isolation. The joyful who banish the miserable are guilty of the communal neglect that leads to suicide or violence. The miserable always banish themselves before the joyful get the chance... the joyful rarely step up and do the responsible thing and instead reinforce the banishment through just enough contempt or apathy to walk away.
also a lot of "help" is stupid and condescending. A person hears a problem, thinks about it for 7 seconds, offers an answer and then blames the victim (of misery) for not having the right mindset. It's stupid. As if someone experiencing years or decades of a problem hasn't thought of, assessed, and attempted that very thing a thousand times already. Often what is needed is simply validation. Just knowing someone listens and doesn't condemn a person can work miracles on someones self esteem. No one needs to be told what to do or that what they're doing is wrong... they just need to know they don't have to face it alone.
Statistically, I will die of suicide that is contributed to by decades of pathological loneliness. The worst part about it is how commonly known things like cptsd are now a days compared to 20 or 30 years ago but how normal or healthy people still don't do shit about it and still expect the mentally unwell to behave just the same as the best of the mentally well behave.
Parents who leave the baby in the crib all day and night, only taking the baby out to feed them or change their diaper, are neglectful. This causes a person to be misattuned, which is akin to this topic of pathological lonliness. We have to work so hard to make sure not to misunderstand others because the whole concept of personal interactions is so foreign to us.
Many adults are not aware that children have emotional needs. Also, many adults are overwhelmed by never getting their emotional needs met. Ironically, they are probably the ones who don't realize kids have emotional needs! They should never have had children. Really vicious cycle. Sad, sad, sad situation. This is so complicated by poverty, divorce, and illness in these families. What can we do to change this ugly cycle? I believe that the decrease in marriage and especially the lack of desire to have kids is the biological, unconscious psychological response of many humans to this crisis.
that is exactly my story, parents and older sister. this video, for me has gone deep enough, in terms of soothing the pain, and i am becoming so tired of the pain, ideas?
I really relate to this unfortunately. I can be doing OK and even have been to an event around nice people but later in the day I can get triggered into this state of breathtaking loneliness. I think it's aloneness plus the abandonment wound getting triggered. That makes perfect sense about how our programming stops us from reaching out. I often fear new people will think I'm a bit weird or negative and I fear being rejected so I often isolate but the loneliness and isolation is devastating, I feel like it's killing me so I know I've got to make some changes to my life, I don't want to keep living like this.
Ive been struggling with identifying my feelings the last couple of weeks. And this is EVERYTHING! Thank you for the validation. Because it feels lonely, like no one cares about why and what your thinking and feeling. They cant relate. And i also feel unsafe, so u safe even attempting non close connections. Somehow someone will use what i say against me. Dont say too much, theyll disagree. Etc. Or i find they might be a bit like how i grew up and my parents who protect themselves above their kids. Trying to break free from my own self shame is hard work. Ive been getting on well until lately. I dont know why. I just suddenly feel worthless.
So true Michele about pathological loneliness and shame. I have been realizing that and this just affirms it. Feeling like because I have been doing all of the inner healing work and have had 'losses' (like my pup, for example) and am not in partnership that something is 'wrong' with me/defective, etc. because 'i have no one' and just this awful shame that I continually clear. Is getting better and better but man, still comes up. Hard to be alone on holidays since my brother and his family relocated to another state a few years ago, too. Have to really watch and stay in my heart and body so that I don't enter into something negative because of this aspect. And have to say - am succeeding quite well in that regard now, so I'll take that victory and celebrate. Thanks for this and so nice to 'see'' you. (Just did breathwork today "empower your heart" by Into the Deep ... thanks for teaching me this!!!) Sending love and gratitude.
I have forgotten many things from my past. But i still remember vividly a situation(and perhaps it wasnt a single one ever) when i got really upset about sth and started crying, i lay on the bed and turned to the wall crying out loud, i was about 12 yrs old and i think i wanted sth desperately but was rejected by my beloved mom. As i was lying and crying hugging my favourite toy i heard my mom talking to my grandmother just nearby to not pay attention and just wait when my histerics over. I wanted her to come and soothe me and say sth but she didnt. I think i learned to cry silently when im upset or hurting because of that upbringing so when she had to leave the country and leave me ‘in the care’ of my malignant alcoholic father and unpleasant narcissistic grandmother i only endured this hell never even thinking of complaining or demanding better living environment or leaving myself later. I just endured my ‘family’ environment and ruined my mental and physical health.
I literally thought I was trans because every time I was around women, I felt like I wanted to be one. And I felt great when I was around women so I started to associate feeling good with feeling feminine. In reality, it was because my mother cheated on my dad and left us for another man when I was 3 years old. Just a couple of months later my dad meets another woman who ended up having borderline personality disorder, became an alcoholic, and who verbally and physically abused my brother and I. In the end I realised I wasn't trans, I just craved female attention and affection, and becoming a part of the "sisterhood" enabled me to have those natural, caring, yet non-sexual connections with women that I craved. My need for a female connection trumped my desire for a female partner...until I inevitably ended up falling for them. Shit, I am the "mommy issues" guy 😂. Where do I go from here 😅.
A big realisation for me was to find out there are actually 2 ,,identities" within me- the voice in the head,and the one who listens to it,that is always accepting any sort of behaviour attitude of the voice,absolutely passive by it s nature. I always found absurd the statement ,,be present and loving towards yourself" - I am already the voice in my head,I am alone,for a loving act to take place there have to be at least 2 parts!! I weren t even aware of this silent abandoned second self! I think it is important to mention to people first to even become aware first of this dualitie about their nature )
I am feel prolonged loneliness since child. I always hard to connect with other people. I don't know how. I am struggle to find connection. Am I destined to be loner? :((
❤you raise some interesting points here. 1. You mention ' a healthy person would do something about it....'. First of all, the loneliness traumatised person should not be called 'unhealthy', any more than you would call a black person (who grew up sensitized to having the n word thrown at him) 'unhealthy'. He's not 'unhealthy', he is sensitized to an unhealthy aspect of his social environment. Things had moved forward perhaps with regard to racism, but not for the 'lonely person. 'Lonely shaming' or how ever you want to call it. Every body still blames him or her. Shames him or her. Blames his or her childhood trauma, suggests go get yourself fixed. Never blames society or their own behavior. The person may be lonely, in adult years, because he is sensitized from childhood, and can see the fake smiles, fake connections people offer him. The dismissive ,deminuishing, some times patronizing behavior masking as 'friendship'. The 'healthy' person just charges ahead, he does not care if other people like him or not, are fake or not. He's often fake too, picks out those who are useful. Or is happy with really shallow connections. The lonely person often finds that hard; because he or she is more connected to their pain, they need a deeper connection. The lonely person often does not have the problem. A shallow insincere double standard community does.😂 But try saying that! You get shot down withslogans ( can't change others, can only change yourself etc). But it's all gaslighting the real problem. People in our society can be very cruel, they way the select who they want to connect with. People often befriend only those, who they percieve as getting themselves into 'better' circles. They do not look out for the lonely isolated person. People often despise 'neediness'. They will work volunteering for a charity to help the needy, but they fear and despise neediiness, won't let you into their home or circle. It is as if it is a 'crime'to be lonely and isolated, they avoid you and it snowball. They pick up the scent. You say a 'healthy person' would do something about it? There is nothing to do about it. You can go out, 'meet people', chat brightly, but you can't make them actually connect back to you and choose to want to take the first steps to have you in their life. People choose by a whole lot of criteria, you, by the very fact your isolated, don't meet their criteria, and create fear that you might need too much. Until society changes, and people rally round to give lonely people more time and connection, you won't heal loneliness.
There is nothing wrong with accepting we are sometimes unhealthy, physically or psychologically. Even in your own comment you say healthy people (even in quotes) to describe those that have not experienced this kind of childhood trauma. Yes healthy(-ier) people might not be so attuned to others hidden feelings and agenda, the same way that someone who does not experience chronic physical pain might not always look out for things that can hurt them further. Always being alert, looking for danger and overprotecting ourselves, is a sign we were hurt. Hurt being the key word. And it's absolutely fine to realise and try to fix, and ideally help each other. Having said that, I actually agree with most things you wrote. Our society is corrupt, making it even harder for people who overprotect themselves to trust themselves and others and allow for connection.
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
Essentially, we can't rely on the pathologically lonely to cure themselves... people have to reach out to them and keep at it. They need to rewire their brains. Expecting them to do it is is to ignore the reality.
A lot of people like to say: "you can't be helped if you don't help yourself" and then pat themselves on the back for doing it. Its really gross. Joy is just as contagious as misery but only misery can flourish in isolation. The joyful who banish the miserable are guilty of the communal neglect that leads to suicide or violence. The miserable always banish themselves before the joyful get the chance... the joyful rarely step up and do the responsible thing and instead reinforce the banishment through just enough contempt or apathy to walk away.
also a lot of "help" is stupid and condescending. A person hears a problem, thinks about it for 7 seconds, offers an answer and then blames the victim (of misery) for not having the right mindset. It's stupid. As if someone experiencing years or decades of a problem hasn't thought of, assessed, and attempted that very thing a thousand times already. Often what is needed is simply validation. Just knowing someone listens and doesn't condemn a person can work miracles on someones self esteem. No one needs to be told what to do or that what they're doing is wrong... they just need to know they don't have to face it alone.
Statistically, I will die of suicide that is contributed to by decades of pathological loneliness. The worst part about it is how commonly known things like cptsd are now a days compared to 20 or 30 years ago but how normal or healthy people still don't do shit about it and still expect the mentally unwell to behave just the same as the best of the mentally well behave.
Parents who leave the baby in the crib all day and night, only taking the baby out to feed them or change their diaper, are neglectful. This causes a person to be misattuned, which is akin to this topic of pathological lonliness. We have to work so hard to make sure not to misunderstand others because the whole concept of personal interactions is so foreign to us.
I'm 66 years old and this video opened up understanding for me. Thank you so much.
Many adults are not aware that children have emotional needs. Also, many adults are overwhelmed by never getting their emotional needs met. Ironically, they are probably the ones who don't realize kids have emotional needs! They should never have had children. Really vicious cycle. Sad, sad, sad situation. This is so complicated by poverty, divorce, and illness in these families. What can we do to change this ugly cycle? I believe that the decrease in marriage and especially the lack of desire to have kids is the biological, unconscious psychological response of many humans to this crisis.
Thanks for this. I've struggled with this my entire life due to the abuse from my parents and older sister.
Hi..even me... now that I have lost my dad..I feel depressed
that is exactly my story, parents and older sister. this video, for me has gone deep enough, in terms of soothing the pain, and i am becoming so tired of the pain, ideas?
I really relate to this unfortunately. I can be doing OK and even have been to an event around nice people but later in the day I can get triggered into this state of breathtaking loneliness. I think it's aloneness plus the abandonment wound getting triggered. That makes perfect sense about how our programming stops us from reaching out. I often fear new people will think I'm a bit weird or negative and I fear being rejected so I often isolate but the loneliness and isolation is devastating, I feel like it's killing me so I know I've got to make some changes to my life, I don't want to keep living like this.
Ive been struggling with identifying my feelings the last couple of weeks. And this is EVERYTHING! Thank you for the validation. Because it feels lonely, like no one cares about why and what your thinking and feeling. They cant relate. And i also feel unsafe, so u safe even attempting non close connections. Somehow someone will use what i say against me. Dont say too much, theyll disagree. Etc. Or i find they might be a bit like how i grew up and my parents who protect themselves above their kids. Trying to break free from my own self shame is hard work. Ive been getting on well until lately. I dont know why. I just suddenly feel worthless.
thank you
This fits. But I am seeing a proliferation of these types of sites that then "sell" something including being in a group.
So true Michele about pathological loneliness and shame. I have been realizing that and this just affirms it. Feeling like because I have been doing all of the inner healing work and have had 'losses' (like my pup, for example) and am not in partnership that something is 'wrong' with me/defective, etc. because 'i have no one' and just this awful shame that I continually clear. Is getting better and better but man, still comes up. Hard to be alone on holidays since my brother and his family relocated to another state a few years ago, too. Have to really watch and stay in my heart and body so that I don't enter into something negative because of this aspect. And have to say - am succeeding quite well in that regard now, so I'll take that victory and celebrate. Thanks for this and so nice to 'see'' you. (Just did breathwork today "empower your heart" by Into the Deep ... thanks for teaching me this!!!) Sending love and gratitude.
I have forgotten many things from my past. But i still remember vividly a situation(and perhaps it wasnt a single one ever) when i got really upset about sth and started crying, i lay on the bed and turned to the wall crying out loud, i was about 12 yrs old and i think i wanted sth desperately but was rejected by my beloved mom. As i was lying and crying hugging my favourite toy i heard my mom talking to my grandmother just nearby to not pay attention and just wait when my histerics over. I wanted her to come and soothe me and say sth but she didnt. I think i learned to cry silently when im upset or hurting because of that upbringing so when she had to leave the country and leave me ‘in the care’ of my malignant alcoholic father and unpleasant narcissistic grandmother i only endured this hell never even thinking of complaining or demanding better living environment or leaving myself later. I just endured my ‘family’ environment and ruined my mental and physical health.
I literally thought I was trans because every time I was around women, I felt like I wanted to be one. And I felt great when I was around women so I started to associate feeling good with feeling feminine. In reality, it was because my mother cheated on my dad and left us for another man when I was 3 years old. Just a couple of months later my dad meets another woman who ended up having borderline personality disorder, became an alcoholic, and who verbally and physically abused my brother and I. In the end I realised I wasn't trans, I just craved female attention and affection, and becoming a part of the "sisterhood" enabled me to have those natural, caring, yet non-sexual connections with women that I craved. My need for a female connection trumped my desire for a female partner...until I inevitably ended up falling for them. Shit, I am the "mommy issues" guy 😂. Where do I go from here 😅.
You’re just so bang on the money, thanks Michelle ❤️
Michele, you're so good. I relate with what you say in every video. Thank you so much.
A big realisation for me was to find out there are actually 2 ,,identities" within me- the voice in the head,and the one who listens to it,that is always accepting any sort of behaviour attitude of the voice,absolutely passive by it s nature.
I always found absurd the statement ,,be present and loving towards yourself" - I am already the voice in my head,I am alone,for a loving act to take place there have to be at least 2 parts!!
I weren t even aware of this silent abandoned second self!
I think it is important to mention to people first to even become aware first of this dualitie about their nature )
Wow!!! Soothing intrapersonally…
Thanks Michelle, great content -
Does anyone feel this a physical pain and exhaustion....like feeling you always have the flu?
I am feel prolonged loneliness since child. I always hard to connect with other people. I don't know how. I am struggle to find connection. Am I destined to be loner? :((
Thank you Michael you are wonderful ❤️❣️❤️❤️ all your vedios content amazing information 😍😍❤️❤️❤️🌺🌷🌹
Everyone is evil and heartless and selfish just push me off the bridge
Is there a way to solve this? I can’t live with this feeling anymore
❤you raise some interesting points here. 1. You mention ' a healthy person would do something about it....'. First of all, the loneliness traumatised person should not be called 'unhealthy', any more than you would call a black person (who grew up sensitized to having the n word thrown at him) 'unhealthy'. He's not 'unhealthy', he is sensitized to an unhealthy aspect of his social environment.
Things had moved forward perhaps with regard to racism, but not for the 'lonely person. 'Lonely shaming' or how ever you want to call it. Every body still blames him or her. Shames him or her. Blames his or her childhood trauma, suggests go get yourself fixed. Never blames society or their own behavior.
The person may be lonely, in adult years, because he is sensitized from childhood, and can see the fake smiles, fake connections people offer him. The dismissive ,deminuishing, some times patronizing behavior masking as 'friendship'. The 'healthy' person just charges ahead, he does not care if other people like him or not, are fake or not. He's often fake too, picks out those who are useful. Or is happy with really shallow connections. The lonely person often finds that hard; because he or she is more connected to their pain, they need a deeper connection.
The lonely person often does not have the problem. A shallow insincere double standard community does.😂 But try saying that! You get shot down withslogans ( can't change others, can only change yourself etc). But it's all gaslighting the real problem. People in our society can be very cruel, they way the select who they want to connect with. People often befriend only those, who they percieve as getting themselves into 'better' circles. They do not look out for the lonely isolated person.
People often despise 'neediness'. They will work volunteering for a charity to help the needy, but they fear and despise neediiness, won't let you into their home or circle.
It is as if it is a 'crime'to be lonely and isolated, they avoid you and it snowball. They pick up the scent.
You say a 'healthy person' would do something about it? There is nothing to do about it. You can go out, 'meet people', chat brightly, but you can't make them actually connect back to you and choose to want to take the first steps to have you in their life.
People choose by a whole lot of criteria, you, by the very fact your isolated, don't meet their criteria, and create fear that you might need too much.
Until society changes, and people rally round to give lonely people more time and connection, you won't heal loneliness.
There is nothing wrong with accepting we are sometimes unhealthy, physically or psychologically. Even in your own comment you say healthy people (even in quotes) to describe those that have not experienced this kind of childhood trauma. Yes healthy(-ier) people might not be so attuned to others hidden feelings and agenda, the same way that someone who does not experience chronic physical pain might not always look out for things that can hurt them further. Always being alert, looking for danger and overprotecting ourselves, is a sign we were hurt. Hurt being the key word. And it's absolutely fine to realise and try to fix, and ideally help each other.
Having said that, I actually agree with most things you wrote. Our society is corrupt, making it even harder for people who overprotect themselves to trust themselves and others and allow for connection.
Is it possible to not be lonely?
💯❤💎
So now what? Besides jumping off a bridge