The older we get the more we as gay men grow into ourselves as people, and the more selective we become about who we surround ourselves with. The energy and wisdoms of our friends and sexual partners will shift over time.
Beautifully said! It’s so true that as we grow older, we become more in tune with ourselves and naturally more intentional about who we allow into our lives. The energy and wisdom we share with friends and partners definitely evolves, and that’s part of the journey. Thanks for sharing this insight! 🙏
Totally agree with you! It’s like the older we get, the more we realize what truly matters in friendships and relationships. Being picky is part of knowing our worth and what we need. Thanks for sharing that, Reno will definitely relate! 😊
One issue I have felt over the years of my sexual evolution is for me to be much more aware of having misguided 'expectations' when it comes to 'friendship' to clearly define what that is for me at a soul level, it is not about sex as my partner of some almost 20 years has shown me. For me sex is like having the cream on the pudding, or the candle added to the cake, it no longer is my prime 'goal', fulfilment is the deeper connection I have with another and sex does not bring me closer, it infact is a barrier for me. Thanks guys for sharing your experience, great to have perspective through others. Love and peace. namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reflection. It’s really powerful that you’ve come to understand the deeper meaning of connection beyond just the physical, especially after so many years with your partner. We love the way you describe fulfillment as something that goes beyond sex-it’s such a personal and profound realization. It’s also great to hear how much perspective you’ve gained through shared experiences. Wishing you continued love and peace on your journey! Namaste 🙏
I am a gay man 38 year old from the US. I never was able to make gay friends in my area because they are extremely narcissistic and exclusionary (despite them demanding acceptance from others) so for the last 20 years I have searched for friends online overseas. While I made some friends that way on and off with mixed results it’s still better than the gays here who are extremely toxic in their narcissism. Most overseas friends I made were in fact middle eastern Muslim men who despite their homophobia were far more welcoming and accepting of me than gays here! I always admired how close and intimate they are to each other again despite their homophobia! I even envy them for that! I met one of them while in was in Jordan 2 Christmases ago! We had such a great time together that I am planning to go back to visit him next year as I have made more friends there with him. I felt more comfortable in their company even online than I ever did with gays here! The Muslim men overseas that I have met were far more personable and approachable than most westerners regardless of sexual orientation! They treat me as their brother whereas most gays here despite their bravado about acceptance wouldn’t give me the time of day and for the shallowest of reasons too! Gay men are way too stuck up and shallow to even have small talk with! Much rather hang out with my Muslim brothers that despite their homophobia have the self-esteem to be welcoming unlike most gay men here!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It sounds like finding genuine connections has been tough, especially within the local gay community. It’s great to hear you've found a sense of brotherhood with others, even where cultural norms differ. Sometimes, connection comes from the most unexpected places. Your story shows the diverse paths we take to find belonging. You're not alone, and we hope you continue to find relationships that bring you joy. Sending you warmth and support! 🌈🤗
Very enlightening as usual. It’s funny because I’ve been in an open marriage for the last couple of years, and now that I don’t feel psychologically pressured to find the one, I can so easily make friends, friends with benefits, and enjoy the company of strangers in public places much more. Of course I want to be liked and considered intelligent, interesting attractive and fun, but fortunately I have found many good circles of gay friends. London is the best place for that because I have gay friends for dinner parties, other friends for trips, or clubbing, or museums, or dance classes, or movies and theatre… and I can be authentic with them, no one is toxic. The problem now is finding the time to have fun with them, and the money to do everything we want!
Thank you for sharing this-it’s wonderful to hear how your journey has opened up so many fulfilling connections for you. It’s amazing how letting go of that pressure can change our experiences and allow us to embrace friendships and new experiences more fully. It sounds like you've created such a vibrant and diverse community around you in London. Finding the time and money to enjoy it all is definitely a good problem to have! Wishing you many more fun and meaningful moments with your circles. 🥂🌈
Good topic. I'm an older gay man living in San Francisco. Most of my friends died of AIDS or moved out of the state/country. Right now I only have two friends left locally. I go out to The Castro to meet guys but I find it difficult due to meet younger men. Also, I'm not into pop culture which is difficult to add another layer.
Thank you for sharing that. We can imagine how tough it must be to lose so many friends and feel that sense of disconnection. It sounds like you're navigating some real challenges, especially with meeting younger guys and feeling out of step with pop culture. It's not easy, but you're showing a lot of strength just by putting yourself out there. We hope you're able to find more meaningful connections, even if they don’t fit the typical mold.💞
Finding an interest group can help maintain boundaries as you make new friends and navigate the FWB connection, especially in a large metro area. I joined a gay swim team when i was 20 and attribute my mental and physical health today (im in my 40s now) to the friendships back then. New subscriber here and i think what y'all are doing is solid.
Thanks so much for subscribing and for sharing your story! Joining a group like a gay swim team can be such a game-changer for both friendships and boundaries. It's awesome to hear how those connections have had a lasting impact on your mental and physical health. We're so glad to have you with us, and we really appreciate your support! 🌟🏊♂
Thanks guys for another great episode! Speaking of TV shows or movies modelling friendships, I recently saw The Boys in the Band about a group of gay men who are friends (Jim Parson who's also in The Big Bang Theory is in it). From what Matt said, I suppose my comfort zone and happy place would be that kind of crew of friends, which makes sense considering I had something like that when I was in high school many years ago. It would be nice to have that right now, so as I've learned from Michael and Reno, I've got to put myself out there and create opportunities to develop that sort of thing.
Thanks so much for your comment! The Boys in the Band is such a powerful film, and it’s great that it resonated with you. It’s totally understandable to crave that close-knit circle of friends-those bonds can be so comforting. It's awesome to hear you're feeling inspired by what Michael and Reno shared. Putting yourself out there can be challenging, but it's a brave step toward finding that sense of community again. Wishing you all the best as you create those opportunities to build the friendships you want! 🌟
That’s such a tricky situation! It can be tough to navigate those feelings, especially when there’s an imbalance. Being clear about your intentions early on can help, but it’s definitely a delicate dance. Thanks for bringing this up-it’s something a lot of us can relate to!🙂
Interesting topic! I related to a couple of things. Matt began talking about how sometimes we may purposely select unattractive candidates to be friends to avoid there being any sexual tension. As a result, I tend to have collected a group of unattractive people out of fear that I may not be good enough for the pretty people. Sigh. Then, Michael mentioned that he has struggled with not sexualizing potential friends. This happens to me time and time again where I think I've made a new friend and then as soon as they find out I'm not interested in sleeping with them, they disappear. So frustrating!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! It sounds like you’ve really connected with some of the challenges Matt and Michael touched on. That feeling of navigating friendships without sexual tension is so relatable, and we can understand how frustrating it must be when people vanish after learning you're not interested in more. You’re definitely not alone in this. Let’s keep the conversation going-we all deserve meaningful connections! 🙌
Interesting reading your comment man, so for me if a guy pulls away then it is not what helps my higher self, I just 'let it go' because I now realise this guy would not be for me the friendship material I am seeking to help me grow and help them, all my true friendships have had mutual benefits, in my limited understanding that is what makes the world on connections work, at least for me, if I wanted a sexual gratification then most times thats what I get? I now seek a different 'intention' and that helps me greatly. Wish you all the best in your life's journey of self discovery. 🙏
@@aidenfreedom Thank you for sharing your perspective! It’s great that you’ve reached a point where you’re clear on your intentions and what you're looking for in friendships. Letting go of people who don’t align with that vision can be tough, but it also opens the door for deeper, more meaningful connections. We love how you emphasize mutual growth-it’s such a powerful way to build lasting friendships. Wishing you all the best on your journey as well! 🙏
This is the second episode I listened to, I wanted to give it a second try, but seriously, one reason it's hard to make friends in the gay community is the superficiality of so many gay men, these three being the main examples. They see themselves as intellectual and special, but they are as judgmental as the people they are complaining about.
Haha, sounds like San Francisco knows how to keep things fun! 😄 It’s great that you’ve found a dynamic that works for you and your friends-everyone’s relationships are so unique. Thanks for sharing and bringing some humor to the conversation!
my story. I am 66 years old I have no gay friends for over a real long time . when i was younger i had a lot of friends. gay men base looks as too imortant and not personal interest. People tell me me how handsome I am but I have no friends. I am artist and love art history. john
Thank you for sharing your story, John. It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot, and we can understand how disheartening it can feel when friendships seem more focused on looks than shared interests. Being an artist with a passion for art history is such a gift, and we truly believe there are people out there who would value that depth in you. Sometimes it takes time to find those meaningful connections, but your story and interests make you so much more than just appearances. Keep putting yourself out there-it’s never too late to find true friendships! 😊
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you guys! I took notes 📝
Wow, that's great! Thank you for watching!😍
The older we get the more we as gay men grow into ourselves as people, and the more selective we become about who we surround ourselves with. The energy and wisdoms of our friends and sexual partners will shift over time.
Beautifully said! It’s so true that as we grow older, we become more in tune with ourselves and naturally more intentional about who we allow into our lives. The energy and wisdom we share with friends and partners definitely evolves, and that’s part of the journey. Thanks for sharing this insight! 🙏
@@GayMenGoingDeeper
Reno, I definitely got pickier with friends and romantic partners in my thirties too. I think that's just a part of growing up.
Totally agree with you! It’s like the older we get, the more we realize what truly matters in friendships and relationships. Being picky is part of knowing our worth and what we need. Thanks for sharing that, Reno will definitely relate! 😊
One issue I have felt over the years of my sexual evolution is for me to be much more aware of having misguided 'expectations' when it comes to 'friendship' to clearly define what that is for me at a soul level, it is not about sex as my partner of some almost 20 years has shown me. For me sex is like having the cream on the pudding, or the candle added to the cake, it no longer is my prime 'goal', fulfilment is the deeper connection I have with another and sex does not bring me closer, it infact is a barrier for me. Thanks guys for sharing your experience, great to have perspective through others. Love and peace. namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reflection. It’s really powerful that you’ve come to understand the deeper meaning of connection beyond just the physical, especially after so many years with your partner. We love the way you describe fulfillment as something that goes beyond sex-it’s such a personal and profound realization. It’s also great to hear how much perspective you’ve gained through shared experiences. Wishing you continued love and peace on your journey! Namaste 🙏
@@GayMenGoingDeeper ♥️🙏
I am a gay man 38 year old from the US. I never was able to make gay friends in my area because they are extremely narcissistic and exclusionary (despite them demanding acceptance from others) so for the last 20 years I have searched for friends online overseas. While I made some friends that way on and off with mixed results it’s still better than the gays here who are extremely toxic in their narcissism. Most overseas friends I made were in fact middle eastern Muslim men who despite their homophobia were far more welcoming and accepting of me than gays here! I always admired how close and intimate they are to each other again despite their homophobia! I even envy them for that! I met one of them while in was in Jordan 2 Christmases ago! We had such a great time together that I am planning to go back to visit him next year as I have made more friends there with him. I felt more comfortable in their company even online than I ever did with gays here! The Muslim men overseas that I have met were far more personable and approachable than most westerners regardless of sexual orientation! They treat me as their brother whereas most gays here despite their bravado about acceptance wouldn’t give me the time of day and for the shallowest of reasons too! Gay men are way too stuck up and shallow to even have small talk with! Much rather hang out with my Muslim brothers that despite their homophobia have the self-esteem to be welcoming unlike most gay men here!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It sounds like finding genuine connections has been tough, especially within the local gay community. It’s great to hear you've found a sense of brotherhood with others, even where cultural norms differ. Sometimes, connection comes from the most unexpected places.
Your story shows the diverse paths we take to find belonging. You're not alone, and we hope you continue to find relationships that bring you joy. Sending you warmth and support! 🌈🤗
Very enlightening as usual. It’s funny because I’ve been in an open marriage for the last couple of years, and now that I don’t feel psychologically pressured to find the one, I can so easily make friends, friends with benefits, and enjoy the company of strangers in public places much more. Of course I want to be liked and considered intelligent, interesting attractive and fun, but fortunately I have found many good circles of gay friends. London is the best place for that because I have gay friends for dinner parties, other friends for trips, or clubbing, or museums, or dance classes, or movies and theatre… and I can be authentic with them, no one is toxic. The problem now is finding the time to have fun with them, and the money to do everything we want!
Thank you for sharing this-it’s wonderful to hear how your journey has opened up so many fulfilling connections for you. It’s amazing how letting go of that pressure can change our experiences and allow us to embrace friendships and new experiences more fully. It sounds like you've created such a vibrant and diverse community around you in London. Finding the time and money to enjoy it all is definitely a good problem to have! Wishing you many more fun and meaningful moments with your circles. 🥂🌈
Good topic. I'm an older gay man living in San Francisco. Most of my friends died of AIDS or moved out of the state/country. Right now I only have two friends left locally. I go out to The Castro to meet guys but I find it difficult due to meet younger men. Also, I'm not into pop culture which is difficult to add another layer.
Thank you for sharing that. We can imagine how tough it must be to lose so many friends and feel that sense of disconnection. It sounds like you're navigating some real challenges, especially with meeting younger guys and feeling out of step with pop culture. It's not easy, but you're showing a lot of strength just by putting yourself out there. We hope you're able to find more meaningful connections, even if they don’t fit the typical mold.💞
Finding an interest group can help maintain boundaries as you make new friends and navigate the FWB connection, especially in a large metro area. I joined a gay swim team when i was 20 and attribute my mental and physical health today (im in my 40s now) to the friendships back then. New subscriber here and i think what y'all are doing is solid.
Thanks so much for subscribing and for sharing your story! Joining a group like a gay swim team can be such a game-changer for both friendships and boundaries. It's awesome to hear how those connections have had a lasting impact on your mental and physical health. We're so glad to have you with us, and we really appreciate your support! 🌟🏊♂
Another good episode. Thanks, again.
Thank you so much for your support!😍
Thanks guys for another great episode! Speaking of TV shows or movies modelling friendships, I recently saw The Boys in the Band about a group of gay men who are friends (Jim Parson who's also in The Big Bang Theory is in it). From what Matt said, I suppose my comfort zone and happy place would be that kind of crew of friends, which makes sense considering I had something like that when I was in high school many years ago. It would be nice to have that right now, so as I've learned from Michael and Reno, I've got to put myself out there and create opportunities to develop that sort of thing.
Thanks so much for your comment! The Boys in the Band is such a powerful film, and it’s great that it resonated with you. It’s totally understandable to crave that close-knit circle of friends-those bonds can be so comforting. It's awesome to hear you're feeling inspired by what Michael and Reno shared. Putting yourself out there can be challenging, but it's a brave step toward finding that sense of community again. Wishing you all the best as you create those opportunities to build the friendships you want! 🌟
What if you want to be friends you are not attracted to and they are attracted to you?
That’s such a tricky situation! It can be tough to navigate those feelings, especially when there’s an imbalance. Being clear about your intentions early on can help, but it’s definitely a delicate dance. Thanks for bringing this up-it’s something a lot of us can relate to!🙂
Interesting topic!
I related to a couple of things. Matt began talking about how sometimes we may purposely select unattractive candidates to be friends to avoid there being any sexual tension. As a result, I tend to have collected a group of unattractive people out of fear that I may not be good enough for the pretty people. Sigh.
Then, Michael mentioned that he has struggled with not sexualizing potential friends. This happens to me time and time again where I think I've made a new friend and then as soon as they find out I'm not interested in sleeping with them, they disappear. So frustrating!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! It sounds like you’ve really connected with some of the challenges Matt and Michael touched on. That feeling of navigating friendships without sexual tension is so relatable, and we can understand how frustrating it must be when people vanish after learning you're not interested in more. You’re definitely not alone in this. Let’s keep the conversation going-we all deserve meaningful connections! 🙌
Interesting reading your comment man, so for me if a guy pulls away then it is not what helps my higher self, I just 'let it go' because I now realise this guy would not be for me the friendship material I am seeking to help me grow and help them, all my true friendships have had mutual benefits, in my limited understanding that is what makes the world on connections work, at least for me, if I wanted a sexual gratification then most times thats what I get?
I now seek a different 'intention' and that helps me greatly. Wish you all the best in your life's journey of self discovery. 🙏
@@aidenfreedom Thank you for sharing your perspective! It’s great that you’ve reached a point where you’re clear on your intentions and what you're looking for in friendships. Letting go of people who don’t align with that vision can be tough, but it also opens the door for deeper, more meaningful connections. We love how you emphasize mutual growth-it’s such a powerful way to build lasting friendships. Wishing you all the best on your journey as well! 🙏
This is the second episode I listened to, I wanted to give it a second try, but seriously, one reason it's hard to make friends in the gay community is the superficiality of so many gay men, these three being the main examples. They see themselves as intellectual and special, but they are as judgmental as the people they are complaining about.
I live in San Francisco, and we never get tired of having sex with each other as friends. LOL I love it!
Haha, sounds like San Francisco knows how to keep things fun! 😄 It’s great that you’ve found a dynamic that works for you and your friends-everyone’s relationships are so unique. Thanks for sharing and bringing some humor to the conversation!
my story. I am 66 years old I have no gay friends for over a real long time . when i was younger i had a lot of friends. gay men base looks as too imortant and not personal interest. People tell me me how handsome I am but I have no friends. I am artist and love art history. john
Thank you for sharing your story, John. It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot, and we can understand how disheartening it can feel when friendships seem more focused on looks than shared interests. Being an artist with a passion for art history is such a gift, and we truly believe there are people out there who would value that depth in you. Sometimes it takes time to find those meaningful connections, but your story and interests make you so much more than just appearances. Keep putting yourself out there-it’s never too late to find true friendships! 😊
@@GayMenGoingDeeper thank you for your kindness