I can very much relate to what Matt said in regard to having to hide who he was for so long. I am now over 65 and didn't start my "coming out" process until I was 42. It's been a very difficult journey. I very much appreciate what you guys are doing here. Thank you!
For me, social anxiety in gay groups has manifested an OCD-type reaction for me, possibly in relation to perceived sexual performance issues and shame. I think this has gone hand-in-hand with my desire to always blend in and be in the background. I like Reno's account of self-compassion eventually eclipsing worry over what others think. Great episode!
Thank you for sharing your experience. Social anxiety can be such a heavy burden, especially when it intertwines with deeper issues like shame. It’s great to hear that Reno’s perspective on self-compassion resonated with you-it’s such a powerful shift. We’re glad you found value in the episode, and we appreciate your openness!😍
I had social anxiety disorder really badly.. I was too afraid to leave my house and i also dissociated a lot. I felt alone and had no other gay men or straight people to talk about my first experience with a guy. Or atleast that's how i felt back then. Now i'm doing a lot better. I done a lot of meditation, breathing excercises, and innerwork. Especially shadowwork helped me. You can really find some good videos on RUclips about this. But what helped me the most is doing more what i actually liked doing. So i bought myself a piano and went on singing lessons for the first time. I even went on to play a bit in public or sing at family events. In the beginning people were kinda laughing at me for saying i did sing, but when they actually did hear me they kinda liked it. What also helped is i found someone likeminded like myself. I had to really search for him tho. But you just need that one anchor and it can change everything. This channel/group can really help being an anchor to a lot of people i believe :)
Thank you for sharing your journey-it’s really inspiring to hear how far you’ve come. Social anxiety can feel so isolating, especially when you don’t have anyone to talk to about such personal experiences. We love how you leaned into things you enjoy, like music, and found healing through meditation and inner work. Finding that one anchor can make all the difference, and we hope this space can be that for many. Your story is a reminder that progress is possible, even when it feels out of reach. 🌟
I love reading about how you got into piano and singing, following your authenticity, and how that became the mechanism of overcoming social anxiety; truly wonderful, thank you for sharing.
I am a gay man. I am an introvert. I am also a highly sensitive person (HSP) and an empath. Not surprisingly, I experience social anxiety. Any one of those aspects of me could lead to social anxiety, so imagine the combined and cumulative effect. I'm grateful for the awareness I now have, and the words so I can call a thing a thing. I'm currently doing my work to learn to manage being an empath, the same way one might manage any lifelong condition or affliction. To keep the social anxiety in check, a daily spiritual practice or routine like journaling, meditation, affirmative prayers, mantras, breath work, tapping/EFT, is absolutely essential to my success, and going for walks is another practical tool. Thanks for your contribution to the gay community and your commitment to this topic.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of deep work to understand yourself and develop tools that help you navigate the world as an introvert and empath. We really appreciate your insights-especially how you’ve turned that awareness into daily practices to manage social anxiety. It’s inspiring to hear how you've found balance. Wishing you continued success on your journey!🥰
You guys are doing a fantastic job ! I am myself working in mental health (gestalt practitioner) in Paris, with a sensitivity on trauma. I am very touched by the quality of your sharing and your authenticity. Keep it up, we, the community needs it!
Thank you so much for your kind words and for the work you do in mental health, especially with a focus on trauma-it’s so important. We truly appreciate your support, and it means a lot to know our authenticity resonates with you. We’ll definitely keep pushing forward for the community!😍
We're glad you found that advice helpful! Focusing on positive “what-ifs” can really shift our perspective and open up new possibilities. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in how we approach challenges.😉
Hi. I’m a 60+-year-old gay man who is an original “house head” (danced at Chicago Warehouse and NYC Paradise Garage, 1977-80). I’ve always enjoyed dancing. House music is now no longer underground and is not only very popular in Chicago but appeals to younger guys. I have attended a few dance events attended by a majority of younger guys and I deliberately dance with my partner (not into dancing so much), a friend or alone because the young guys are often nasty. I’m not interested in them but go in good faith and spirit that we all wish to enjoy the music. In fact, I’m a little anxious going into ANY setting with younger gay men. My older friends agree we keep our distance because we are not interested in them sexually despite the (mostly) myths they assume. The younger guys REALLY need an attitude change. This helps explain why so many of them complain of loneliness.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s disheartening when spaces that should be inclusive and joyful feel unwelcoming. Your love for dancing and the music is so genuine, and it’s unfortunate that some younger folks don’t see past their own assumptions. We hope you continue to find ways to enjoy the music and connect with others who share your passion, and that the attitudes you’ve encountered start to shift towards more understanding and respect.🥰
So validating to hear you three, who I admittedly kind of idolize, you have this platform, you have your individual practices--from a listener's perspectives it's so easy to believe that you three are just super human and you've got it all together. So yeah, it's super validating to hear that you also experience these kinds of anxieties in these various forms and situations. I feel encouraged to continue with my coping strategies; and I think listening to this episode also enabled me to get a little more curious about what kind of situations I am feeling pulled toward, as opposed to the ones where I feel pressured to show up and perform in. I know I have groups in my area I can attend and be a part of, and I'm feeling inspired to go and do that now. I'm so loving having this podcast in my life, thank you guys ever so much. Peace, love, and rainbows to you all.
Hello! Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful and heartfelt message. It truly means a lot to hear that our openness has helped you feel validated and encouraged. We're just like everyone else, navigating life's ups and downs, and it’s incredibly humbling to know that our experiences resonate with you. It's wonderful to hear that this episode has sparked some curiosity for you and has inspired you to explore the spaces that feel right for you. Your journey and self-awareness are inspiring, and we're honored to be a part of it. Peace, love, and rainbows right back at you! 🌈💖
ThankU Fellows, great. Loved "...lean into the discomfort"--Reno. And loved Michael's embrace our insignificance. My social anxiety began in family of origin, ever the misfit. I needed therapy. But also became a performer, the training has elements like therapy. Being in an ensemble forces us to be open & communicate. My social anxiety is still stratospheric, but I push through anyway. I forget the author who wrote this: Compare & despair is generally cited as a disservice to ourselves, more negative self talk. Guess what, it also does disservice to that other--what do we call that other?, the exalted one that has it all, inspires our envy. It does a disservice to him as well. He has his defects, failures, tragedies. He doesn't want to be used to disparage ourselves. Don't strip him of his humanity. The wider issue is too much weight is placed on surface appearances. I suppose humans have always done so, it might be more pronounced in our culture where so much interaction occurs through the screen. Cheers!
Thank you for sharing such a rich and insightful reflection. It’s powerful how you’ve worked through your social anxiety, even finding ways to channel it through performance. The idea of "compare and despair" really resonates, and you’re so right-seeing others as fully human, beyond the surface, is something we often forget. We’re glad these conversations resonate with you, and we appreciate your thoughtful contributions. Cheers!
I've always found it so hard to find gay men that can be mates that click with me, whenever i go into clubs or bars it seems like none of them are ever interested in getting to know me past sleeping with me and i find it degrading and socially terrifying and it does make me really anxious in general going into gay male spaces.
We're really sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time finding genuine connections. It’s disheartening when it feels like people aren’t interested in more than just physical encounters, and I can understand how that would make you anxious about going into gay spaces. You deserve to find meaningful friendships and connections where you feel valued and respected. We hope you can find spaces or communities where you can be yourself and meet people who are looking for the same kind of connection.🥰
I agree with Michael on the Happy Birthday song. I've actually started asking people to stop singing it since my thirties because it feels so awkward to have all that attention from so many people at once.
Thanks for sharing that! We totally get where you're coming from-being the center of attention like that can feel overwhelming. It's great that you found a way to make your birthday feel more comfortable for you.😊
For me being in a social situation with straight, people causes very little anxiety because I have no expectations that I might need to impress someone for a date or sex. Groups of gay men, however make me feel very anxious, even if I have no true interest in hooking up or impressing. I have never made a gay acquaintance or friend in a group setting. All of my friends have been from individual introductions or being in a classroom or meeting on a list serve or something. And I haven’t had any meaningful connection in 14 years.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s really insightful how you’ve identified the difference in social anxiety between straight and gay groups. Group settings can be overwhelming, especially with the added layer of expectations, even if they’re unspoken. It sounds like your one-on-one connections have been more meaningful for you, and that’s completely valid. We're sorry to hear it’s been so long since you’ve had a meaningful connection-we hope you find spaces where you feel more comfortable and connected.❤
We totally get that! There’s a lot to take in, and sometimes it’s helpful to revisit things a few times. We're glad you’re finding it valuable enough to dive into more deeply. Thank you for watching!😍
So on point! I’m working on this with therapy (social anxiety) but this makes it a lot more concrete for me when talking about the gay part. The core believe I’m different still hits hard from time to time. But I understand it a bit better right now thnx ❤
Thank you for sharing that! We're so glad this resonated with you. It’s great that you’re working on it in therapy-understanding those core beliefs can be a huge step. That feeling of being different can hit hard, but it sounds like you’re making real progress in how you approach it. Keep going, you’re not alone in this!
Omg so much to relate to! I guess I’m different moments in my life and in different circumstances I’ve felt socially anxious on the first levels, nothing too extreme. I have definitely not felt well around straight men my whole life in general. But in the gay world, it’s a whole different story. I like to think that the gay friends that I have are not judgmental, but I still want to make a good impression on them all the time, and getting compliments never hurts. But the venues… I’ve always looked younger, so imagine me on my first nights out, not known my the dynamics, at 18 but looking 16 or 15, it was overwhelming. Of course I know now how it works, I usually feel confident, even take my top off, but sometimes being surrounded by stunning men in those situations is definitely not good for my self esteem. If the people in my group get some attention but not me, i absolutely think there’s something wrong with me. Getting older doesn’t help. But overall I think I handle well these situations, controlling my drinks and other substances has definitely helped, but it has taken time to get here. This was inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s so relatable-feeling socially anxious at different times and navigating both straight and gay spaces can be a real challenge. It’s great that you’ve found ways to feel more confident over time, but I get how being surrounded by stunning people can sometimes mess with your self-esteem. It sounds like you’ve come a long way in handling these situations, and that’s something to be proud of! We're glad this was inspiring for you.🥰
Hey guys, such a great episode! This is right up my alley, for sure. I'll definitely have to watch this one multiple times because there's so much good stuff discussed! I did a great job in my 20's by learning to make small talk. But, long story short, my introvert self came back as I got older. Being older also hinders me because I think nobody wants to talk to this greying haired dude. Lastly, when you guys came up with the sharing circles of 3, I was immediately like, NOPE! I'm out. Being in such small groups means I'll have to talk 😱😱😱. Thank you guys! Greg
Such a pertinent subject guys: it is a challenge for me to mix with gay men socially, there always a strong dominant character in a larger group and those men where I live are 'sleazy' a free for all, not my scene, at that point I walk away, then get criticised for walking away, the expectation among these men is not what I am willing to engage with. I empathise with Matt saying why he prefers to avoid large gatherings, noise, lack of order and shallow chat. He and I are very similar, I avoid gay gatherings because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I always come away 'triggered'. There are some rare exceptions. One guy who runs a large group near where I live is a very over dominating character, he is an English man with his own 'castle', actually its a Court House and grounds where Judge Dread used to come on his horse to have men executed for their 'Crimes' ? Lovely, sarcasm...sorry...the point being he is able to offer 'hospitality' to exclusively gay men, great, however it feels to me he expects 'favours' for doing so, he loves to dominate all conversation, so what I have learned to do is interrupt and repeat what he has just said, it took a while but the penny dropped, many of his close friends have tried to point this annoying habit to him but fail to help him recognise it, I feel he is very insecure 'under the covers'? This is how I have found other gay groups that I have attended over the years, so I concentrate on more bespoke smaller or one on one, I find some of these characters act different on their own and public as opposed to the group gathering? I am still seeking connection with like minded men who are wanting to go deeper beyond my friend who lives with me who I look after 7 days a week, we do have a beautiful relationship and deep, but like I say to him I am uneasy having all my eggs in one basket. Blessing to you wonderful guys. namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing so openly about your experience. It sounds like you’ve navigated some really challenging social dynamics, and I completely understand why you’d prefer smaller, more meaningful connections. It’s not easy to find spaces that align with what you value, but your insight and self-awareness are truly inspiring. We’re grateful you’re part of this community, and we hope you continue finding those deeper connections. Blessings to you and your friend. Namaste!🥰
I feel very disconnected in the Gay Community with social anxiety. I feel like social anxiety in the whole Gay conmunity has made me feel very lonely. I am unsure if I will ever find real love in the Gay community itself. I feel like I am always anxious person at some level. I have such a hard life. To even have Love.
Thank you for being so open about your experience. We can really feel the weight of what you're going through, and you're not alone in feeling disconnected or anxious within the community. It can be tough, especially when it feels like love is out of reach. But we believe there are people out there who will see and appreciate you for who you are, anxiety and all. Don’t give up on finding love or connection-you deserve it just as much as anyone else.🥰 You may want to consider joining our Facebook group, click here: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood
Michael its funny because you would be fab in drag. Im not sure if you realise that. Your whole aura would lend itself to drag. Exploring drag in workshops with Body Electric was really healing and fun for me. 🌝
32:09 it's funny that you say you need a wingman to feel safe in a social setting You need social in order to overcome social anxiety... Judging by that, most of the people that going to gay events, at least where I live, have anxiety, because they would never go to those places alone and always need to be high on drugs or alcohol to have fun. If every person in a party coming with a "partner for socializing" forehand, it creates an isolated social events, event containing anxious closed sub groups rather than a community... What's the point about that?
You bring up a really interesting point! It’s true that social anxiety can create those small, closed-off groups, especially when people feel the need to rely on substances or a wingman. It’s tough to break out of that cycle. I think a lot of people are just trying to feel safe in environments that can be overwhelming. It would be amazing if we could create more spaces where everyone feels comfortable being themselves and connecting without those barriers.💓
I can very much relate to what Matt said in regard to having to hide who he was for so long. I am now over 65 and didn't start my "coming out" process until I was 42. It's been a very difficult journey. I very much appreciate what you guys are doing here. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your journey-it’s never too late to embrace who you are, and your story is truly inspiring. 💙
For me, social anxiety in gay groups has manifested an OCD-type reaction for me, possibly in relation to perceived sexual performance issues and shame. I think this has gone hand-in-hand with my desire to always blend in and be in the background. I like Reno's account of self-compassion eventually eclipsing worry over what others think. Great episode!
Thank you for sharing your experience. Social anxiety can be such a heavy burden, especially when it intertwines with deeper issues like shame. It’s great to hear that Reno’s perspective on self-compassion resonated with you-it’s such a powerful shift. We’re glad you found value in the episode, and we appreciate your openness!😍
I had social anxiety disorder really badly.. I was too afraid to leave my house and i also dissociated a lot. I felt alone and had no other gay men or straight people to talk about my first experience with a guy. Or atleast that's how i felt back then.
Now i'm doing a lot better. I done a lot of meditation, breathing excercises, and innerwork. Especially shadowwork helped me. You can really find some good videos on RUclips about this.
But what helped me the most is doing more what i actually liked doing. So i bought myself a piano and went on singing lessons for the first time.
I even went on to play a bit in public or sing at family events. In the beginning people were kinda laughing at me for saying i did sing, but when they actually did hear me they kinda liked it.
What also helped is i found someone likeminded like myself. I had to really search for him tho. But you just need that one anchor and it can change everything.
This channel/group can really help being an anchor to a lot of people i believe :)
Thank you for sharing your journey-it’s really inspiring to hear how far you’ve come. Social anxiety can feel so isolating, especially when you don’t have anyone to talk to about such personal experiences. We love how you leaned into things you enjoy, like music, and found healing through meditation and inner work. Finding that one anchor can make all the difference, and we hope this space can be that for many. Your story is a reminder that progress is possible, even when it feels out of reach. 🌟
Amazing story, just brilliant, thank you. ❤
I love reading about how you got into piano and singing, following your authenticity, and how that became the mechanism of overcoming social anxiety; truly wonderful, thank you for sharing.
I am a gay man. I am an introvert. I am also a highly sensitive person (HSP) and an empath. Not surprisingly, I experience social anxiety. Any one of those aspects of me could lead to social anxiety, so imagine the combined and cumulative effect. I'm grateful for the awareness I now have, and the words so I can call a thing a thing. I'm currently doing my work to learn to manage being an empath, the same way one might manage any lifelong condition or affliction. To keep the social anxiety in check, a daily spiritual practice or routine like journaling, meditation, affirmative prayers, mantras, breath work, tapping/EFT, is absolutely essential to my success, and going for walks is another practical tool. Thanks for your contribution to the gay community and your commitment to this topic.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of deep work to understand yourself and develop tools that help you navigate the world as an introvert and empath. We really appreciate your insights-especially how you’ve turned that awareness into daily practices to manage social anxiety. It’s inspiring to hear how you've found balance. Wishing you continued success on your journey!🥰
You guys are doing a fantastic job !
I am myself working in mental health (gestalt practitioner) in Paris, with a sensitivity on trauma.
I am very touched by the quality of your sharing and your authenticity.
Keep it up, we, the community needs it!
Thank you so much for your kind words and for the work you do in mental health, especially with a focus on trauma-it’s so important. We truly appreciate your support, and it means a lot to know our authenticity resonates with you. We’ll definitely keep pushing forward for the community!😍
Practicing positive ¨what ifs¨ is very good advice.
We're glad you found that advice helpful! Focusing on positive “what-ifs” can really shift our perspective and open up new possibilities. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in how we approach challenges.😉
Hi. I’m a 60+-year-old gay man who is an original “house head” (danced at Chicago Warehouse and NYC Paradise Garage, 1977-80). I’ve always enjoyed dancing. House music is now no longer underground and is not only very popular in Chicago but appeals to younger guys. I have attended a few dance events attended by a majority of younger guys and I deliberately dance with my partner (not into dancing so much), a friend or alone because the young guys are often nasty. I’m not interested in them but go in good faith and spirit that we all wish to enjoy the music. In fact, I’m a little anxious going into ANY setting with younger gay men. My older friends agree we keep our distance because we are not interested in them sexually despite the (mostly) myths they assume. The younger guys REALLY need an attitude change. This helps explain why so many of them complain of loneliness.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s disheartening when spaces that should be inclusive and joyful feel unwelcoming. Your love for dancing and the music is so genuine, and it’s unfortunate that some younger folks don’t see past their own assumptions. We hope you continue to find ways to enjoy the music and connect with others who share your passion, and that the attitudes you’ve encountered start to shift towards more understanding and respect.🥰
So validating to hear you three, who I admittedly kind of idolize, you have this platform, you have your individual practices--from a listener's perspectives it's so easy to believe that you three are just super human and you've got it all together. So yeah, it's super validating to hear that you also experience these kinds of anxieties in these various forms and situations. I feel encouraged to continue with my coping strategies; and I think listening to this episode also enabled me to get a little more curious about what kind of situations I am feeling pulled toward, as opposed to the ones where I feel pressured to show up and perform in. I know I have groups in my area I can attend and be a part of, and I'm feeling inspired to go and do that now. I'm so loving having this podcast in my life, thank you guys ever so much. Peace, love, and rainbows to you all.
Hello! Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful and heartfelt message. It truly means a lot to hear that our openness has helped you feel validated and encouraged. We're just like everyone else, navigating life's ups and downs, and it’s incredibly humbling to know that our experiences resonate with you. It's wonderful to hear that this episode has sparked some curiosity for you and has inspired you to explore the spaces that feel right for you. Your journey and self-awareness are inspiring, and we're honored to be a part of it. Peace, love, and rainbows right back at you! 🌈💖
ThankU Fellows, great. Loved "...lean into the discomfort"--Reno. And loved Michael's embrace our insignificance. My social anxiety began in family of origin, ever the misfit. I needed therapy. But also became a performer, the training has elements like therapy. Being in an ensemble forces us to be open & communicate. My social anxiety is still stratospheric, but I push through anyway.
I forget the author who wrote this: Compare & despair is generally cited as a disservice to ourselves, more negative self talk. Guess what, it also does disservice to that other--what do we call that other?, the exalted one that has it all, inspires our envy. It does a disservice to him as well. He has his defects, failures, tragedies. He doesn't want to be used to disparage ourselves. Don't strip him of his humanity. The wider issue is too much weight is placed on surface appearances. I suppose humans have always done so, it might be more pronounced in our culture where so much interaction occurs through the screen. Cheers!
Thank you for sharing such a rich and insightful reflection. It’s powerful how you’ve worked through your social anxiety, even finding ways to channel it through performance. The idea of "compare and despair" really resonates, and you’re so right-seeing others as fully human, beyond the surface, is something we often forget. We’re glad these conversations resonate with you, and we appreciate your thoughtful contributions. Cheers!
I've always found it so hard to find gay men that can be mates that click with me, whenever i go into clubs or bars it seems like none of them are ever interested in getting to know me past sleeping with me and i find it degrading and socially terrifying and it does make me really anxious in general going into gay male spaces.
We're really sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time finding genuine connections. It’s disheartening when it feels like people aren’t interested in more than just physical encounters, and I can understand how that would make you anxious about going into gay spaces. You deserve to find meaningful friendships and connections where you feel valued and respected. We hope you can find spaces or communities where you can be yourself and meet people who are looking for the same kind of connection.🥰
I agree with Michael on the Happy Birthday song. I've actually started asking people to stop singing it since my thirties because it feels so awkward to have all that attention from so many people at once.
Thanks for sharing that! We totally get where you're coming from-being the center of attention like that can feel overwhelming. It's great that you found a way to make your birthday feel more comfortable for you.😊
For me being in a social situation with straight, people causes very little anxiety because I have no expectations that I might need to impress someone for a date or sex. Groups of gay men, however make me feel very anxious, even if I have no true interest in hooking up or impressing.
I have never made a gay acquaintance or friend in a group setting. All of my friends have been from individual introductions or being in a classroom or meeting on a list serve or something. And I haven’t had any meaningful connection in 14 years.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s really insightful how you’ve identified the difference in social anxiety between straight and gay groups. Group settings can be overwhelming, especially with the added layer of expectations, even if they’re unspoken. It sounds like your one-on-one connections have been more meaningful for you, and that’s completely valid. We're sorry to hear it’s been so long since you’ve had a meaningful connection-we hope you find spaces where you feel more comfortable and connected.❤
There is too much here to digest. I'll have to watch this several times just to gather everything.
We totally get that! There’s a lot to take in, and sometimes it’s helpful to revisit things a few times. We're glad you’re finding it valuable enough to dive into more deeply. Thank you for watching!😍
So on point! I’m working on this with therapy (social anxiety) but this makes it a lot more concrete for me when talking about the gay part. The core believe I’m different still hits hard from time to time. But I understand it a bit better right now thnx ❤
Thank you for sharing that! We're so glad this resonated with you. It’s great that you’re working on it in therapy-understanding those core beliefs can be a huge step. That feeling of being different can hit hard, but it sounds like you’re making real progress in how you approach it. Keep going, you’re not alone in this!
Omg so much to relate to! I guess I’m different moments in my life and in different circumstances I’ve felt socially anxious on the first levels, nothing too extreme. I have definitely not felt well around straight men my whole life in general. But in the gay world, it’s a whole different story.
I like to think that the gay friends that I have are not judgmental, but I still want to make a good impression on them all the time, and getting compliments never hurts.
But the venues… I’ve always looked younger, so imagine me on my first nights out, not known my the dynamics, at 18 but looking 16 or 15, it was overwhelming.
Of course I know now how it works, I usually feel confident, even take my top off, but sometimes being surrounded by stunning men in those situations is definitely not good for my self esteem. If the people in my group get some attention but not me, i absolutely think there’s something wrong with me. Getting older doesn’t help.
But overall I think I handle well these situations, controlling my drinks and other substances has definitely helped, but it has taken time to get here.
This was inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s so relatable-feeling socially anxious at different times and navigating both straight and gay spaces can be a real challenge. It’s great that you’ve found ways to feel more confident over time, but I get how being surrounded by stunning people can sometimes mess with your self-esteem. It sounds like you’ve come a long way in handling these situations, and that’s something to be proud of! We're glad this was inspiring for you.🥰
Hey guys, such a great episode! This is right up my alley, for sure. I'll definitely have to watch this one multiple times because there's so much good stuff discussed! I did a great job in my 20's by learning to make small talk. But, long story short, my introvert self came back as I got older. Being older also hinders me because I think nobody wants to talk to this greying haired dude. Lastly, when you guys came up with the sharing circles of 3, I was immediately like, NOPE! I'm out. Being in such small groups means I'll have to talk 😱😱😱.
Thank you guys!
Greg
Such a pertinent subject guys: it is a challenge for me to mix with gay men socially, there always a strong dominant character in a larger group and those men where I live are 'sleazy' a free for all, not my scene, at that point I walk away, then get criticised for walking away, the expectation among these men is not what I am willing to engage with.
I empathise with Matt saying why he prefers to avoid large gatherings, noise, lack of order and shallow chat.
He and I are very similar, I avoid gay gatherings because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I always come away 'triggered'.
There are some rare exceptions. One guy who runs a large group near where I live is a very over dominating character, he is an English man with his own 'castle', actually its a Court House and grounds where Judge Dread used to come on his horse to have men executed for their 'Crimes' ? Lovely, sarcasm...sorry...the point being he is able to offer 'hospitality' to exclusively gay men, great, however it feels to me he expects 'favours' for doing so, he loves to dominate all conversation, so what I have learned to do is interrupt and repeat what he has just said, it took a while but the penny dropped, many of his close friends have tried to point this annoying habit to him but fail to help him recognise it, I feel he is very insecure 'under the covers'?
This is how I have found other gay groups that I have attended over the years, so I concentrate on more bespoke smaller or one on one, I find some of these characters act different on their own and public as opposed to the group gathering?
I am still seeking connection with like minded men who are wanting to go deeper beyond my friend who lives with me who I look after 7 days a week, we do have a beautiful relationship and deep, but like I say to him I am uneasy having all my eggs in one basket. Blessing to you wonderful guys. namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing so openly about your experience. It sounds like you’ve navigated some really challenging social dynamics, and I completely understand why you’d prefer smaller, more meaningful connections. It’s not easy to find spaces that align with what you value, but your insight and self-awareness are truly inspiring. We’re grateful you’re part of this community, and we hope you continue finding those deeper connections. Blessings to you and your friend. Namaste!🥰
@@GayMenGoingDeeper thank you so much for your encouragement guys 💕🙏
@@aidenfreedom You’re so welcome! We’re really glad the encouragement resonates with you. Thanks for being part of this journey with us!🥰
I feel very disconnected in the Gay Community with social anxiety. I feel like social anxiety in the whole Gay conmunity has made me feel very lonely. I am unsure if I will ever find real love in the Gay community itself. I feel like I am always anxious person at some level. I have such a hard life. To even have Love.
Thank you for being so open about your experience. We can really feel the weight of what you're going through, and you're not alone in feeling disconnected or anxious within the community. It can be tough, especially when it feels like love is out of reach. But we believe there are people out there who will see and appreciate you for who you are, anxiety and all. Don’t give up on finding love or connection-you deserve it just as much as anyone else.🥰
You may want to consider joining our Facebook group, click here: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood
i'm sending my heart to you ❤🌈
Thank you so much-that really means a lot. Sending our hearts right back to you! ❤
Michael its funny because you would be fab in drag. Im not sure if you realise that. Your whole aura would lend itself to drag.
Exploring drag in workshops with Body Electric was really healing and fun for me. 🌝
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!😍
32:09 it's funny that you say you need a wingman to feel safe in a social setting
You need social in order to overcome social anxiety...
Judging by that, most of the people that going to gay events, at least where I live, have anxiety, because they would never go to those places alone and always need to be high on drugs or alcohol to have fun.
If every person in a party coming with a "partner for socializing" forehand, it creates an isolated social events, event containing anxious closed sub groups rather than a community... What's the point about that?
You bring up a really interesting point! It’s true that social anxiety can create those small, closed-off groups, especially when people feel the need to rely on substances or a wingman. It’s tough to break out of that cycle. I think a lot of people are just trying to feel safe in environments that can be overwhelming. It would be amazing if we could create more spaces where everyone feels comfortable being themselves and connecting without those barriers.💓
Hello guys
Hi there! Thank you for watching!