The abuse isn’t worth the disrespect. Lose lose proposition. They can’t change. You can’t fix them. The person you are trying to get back to doesn’t exist.
Thats why its so important to not fall too fast for people or depend on them for your happiness. If you can let them go easily then it doesn't provide fuel for them. A simple "okay,cool" response to their break up text or no anxious texting behind their back will actually insult/annoy/confuse/offend them.
Which makes them crave for more and come back to you, and more toxic. Nobody wins. Just tell them that they are literal gods and that they were right all along. And then do your thing and look for a healthy partner.
What do you do with that knowledge ?? You do loooot with it ! This is like being blind, or walk with closed eyes, but not anymore , your eyes are wide open now , you can see them everywhere , you can recognize them now and this is great knowledge and it will be with us for the rest of our life ! Thank you for a new lesson Joe! 😊🤗❤
I'm pretty certain I bother the hell out of all of mine when they comeback out of nowhere trying to take a bite again. I have figured them out and they HATE it, run along now DEMONS🎉
She told me she loved me within 2 months, I wasn't ready. After 6 months I finally said it back and within 2 weeks she discarded me out of nowhere. It's like she felt challenged to win my admiration and once she got that she felt the chase was over and got bored. She waiting until I finally got reeled in then betrayed me, even got on dating apps within days. These demons are the worst.
My relationship with my narcissistic ex was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It may also be the best thing that happened to me because the heartbreak and fallout caused me to be motivated to seek therapy and become the best possible version of myself. I’ve made a lot of progress in a short time, but That chapter of my life is still being written.
Exactly this. Perspective is everything, and everything is perspective. The only people who really know are the ones who lived it. People do tend to side with the actual narcissist though.
I fell for someone, a week later he discarded me. I let him come back about 5 weeks later, then tried discarding me again. This time I accepted it, didnt chase him. He came back asking to meet me again, and I told him to move on and meet someone else. Two weeks ago discovered that he was stalking me, watching my house from a car park across the road. I think he expected to be chased and was shocked when the discard backfired.
My chance of ever owning my own house again has probably gone… but so has she! I’m still authentic … And will remain so ! Material things taken from me versus moral virtue? She is right to assume the role of the victim. Thanks Joe 🙏🏻
Don’t give up on owning a home. I have been where you are and fought like hell to get my life back with small children. If I can do it, you can too. I lost everything in Hurricane Katrina and no help from my ex at all. I’m doing great now. Been through three houses. You got this, Hon
Mine covert narc relationship lasted 33 years since teens and one day out of the blue she discarded me like I was a one night stand. I really believe they get full throttle narcissist when aging. Honestly I’ve never noticed anything wrong with her personality in her younger years.
My thoughts as to y they have no feelings is I noticed their overbearing smothering mothers just overwhelm your feelings n shut them off out of pure emotional exhaustion n now I too feel void
Do you think this kind becomes a bit self aware where they skip the discard phase because they’ve realized that they get so terrible to some people that they don’t come back and that’s an injury to them. So they are skipping the discard so they don’t have to feel like they were the problem and just straight ghosting to cause confusion so the other person always wonders what they did so the other person will feel like the problem?
Excellent points. Narcs make me laugh. I love blocking & rejecting them they’re highly attracted to me. There’s so identifiable. At an event a narc guy was flirting with me by trying to interrogate me. Where do I live? How do I make money blah blah blah and then he was trying to neg. As he threw in some compliments inviting me to dinner. I rejected him. Actually told him no I wouldn’t be going out with him in a few minutes later in walked his ex girlfriend, whom he texted. I got out of there ASAP
I agree that this is typically a narcissistic behavior or trait but I also know that sometimes the term is often misused or thrown around too loosely. So unless I know for certain that a person is a NPD I tend to give benefit of the doubt because we never really know what may be going on in someone’s life at any given time. I know for example that I can appear rather self absorbed or distracted when I have too many pans in the proverbial fire. In these situations sometimes others have to take a back seat for a time. It doesn’t mean that I have gone anywhere or that I don’t value the person/relationship. We all have those times in our lives (whether it’s health related, work, etc.)… But if I know for certain that someone has actually been diagnosed with NPD, that’s entirely different…
@@reneegardner2286 very few, typically they have to hit the proverbial bottom which is different for each one. What you find is that women are more likely to seek therapy than men in general. Men are typically taught to suck it up and be strong. Having narcissistic traits doesn’t equate to being a narcissist from a therapeutic practice, since every one of us can exhibit narcissistic traits from time to time. Even the most empathetic of us. Sometimes we confuse someone highly confident as being an overt narcissist. That’s why there is guidance in the DSM and the Psychodynamic manual to the diagnostic process. That process provides that there are no other physical, emotional or mental explanations that must be ruled out before an actual diagnosis of NPD can be made. That’s because there can be other explanations or factors that are more appropriate. The term narcissist is often thrown around in a pop psychology manner and while mental illness is more accepted in society, when used inappropriately it can cause a lot of damage or prolongs a true diagnosis. That’s true of any psychological disorder or even health condition. Much in the same way a physician takes the oath to do no harm so to does a therapist. They also have a set of ethics and guidelines to follow that the general public doesn’t. So while having the general information is great knowledge to have and be aware of, it often falls short of the intricacies of the full patient history and experience. Does that make sense? So that is why I hesitate to label anyone…
They don't need to be diagnosed to be highly toxic people exhibiting the same traits as those with NPD. If they are treating you this way there is something wrong with them whether they are diagnosed or not, it's a sign to get out!
@@face2799 True… but we all have a choice of whether we want to deal with the toxicity or not; or for how long. Just because someone is behaving in a toxic way doesn’t necessarily mean that they have mental illness either. There’s a difference between saying that someone is behaving in a toxic or narcissistic manner and saying they are a narcissist. There are some people who are just hell bent on being a total jerk (and that is putting it mildly) because if they are miserable they want company… Just because someone else doesn’t behave or respond the way we do or expect them to doesn’t make a mental illness. Some people just don’t have the resources or were never taught… We can all act out of character from time to time. We are not all made from the same quilt. That’s where empathy and emotional EQ has to be strong enough to discern the difference. A person can be highly intelligent but still be lacking in empathy and emotional intelligence.
I think you make a great point about narcissists attracting each other. When we started dating my narcissism was sky high. He was just more toxic/pathological than me. Brought out all my toxicity and held up a mirror. It was horrible to see all of that reflected back at me. Almost caused a psychotic break. In a way I'm grateful and I think the experience was a blessing in disguise. I don't have as much hatred for him anymore. He's just a sick person who reflected back my own sickness. I hope he is able to grow and find peace and stop hurting/abusing people.
Exactly the same story I had with my narc. After this relationship my whole life passed me and I saw all of my narc behavior. And now I understand that my parents are narc too, my grama and go on in past. Now I know my goal. Stop it on me not pass it to my children.
@@Casiusss3 I think it's awesome that you're able to see it and grow from it. I think a lot of victims get stuck in this victimhood mindset which doesn't help them evolve at all. In order for the narc's bullshit to work on you, you have to be pretty delusional yourself. He was able to feed my ridiculous ego in a way that no healthy person would entertain. That's why they feel like a "soulmate", because it's pure fantasy. Obviously no one deserves to be abused etc. But I don't think you can be attracted to that toxicity if you are a healthy individual with a strong sense of self - or you wouldn't entertain it for very long at least. Unfortunately, I was addicted to that toxic cycle - and I ended up being the perpetrator just as much as the victim near the end. My ex would've sent most healthy people running due to his behaviour. But my narcissism blinded me to all of that. Your kids are lucky to have a parent who wants to heal all that generational trauma. I also come from a family full of personality disorders and disfunction. It really blurs your perception of the world.
@@TheShitArtist I understand my way deeply since I look into spiritual aspect of the narc thing. Since my awaking I went through dark night of my soul. Since that my dreams was 100% spot on what happened what my goals are. I was so frightened about that. Every think from my dreams was on point in my reality. For a while I thought I am loosing my mind, my contact with 3D word. Now I know that it was destinied to my. I subconsciously search that women with this narc trades. Now I know that. One time I took a shrooms with her, I saw her soul. During our trip I immerse into her (she was lying on me). I felt like I was collapsed into the darkness. It was grey/dark very cold with no sound, just nothingness. I've seen my body and her lying on me. I thought I died. It was so strange. I could not distinguish if I am a live or I died. Then on my left I spotted her soul. Very bright, warm ball of light dimmed, trapped in this gray/dark cloud. This soul /light couldn't break through this foggy gray thing. I saw that as her soul was disconnected from her body and couldn't connect with her. It was so frightened. I never told her about it. I think that everyone and everything carries a God light in it but through trauma, other situation and choice, (conscious or not) you can disconnect from the One. Your way is to find yourself, find your soul (in this life or in other if you fails in current one)
I never knew the real meaning of coward until I understood a narcissist
Narcissists are terrified of love and authenticity. They can't bare real emotions.
They do 3 months of love bombing and then...POOF gone! They got you hooked and now their games begin!
Spot on ! Exactly my scenario….
Yup many times exactly right gotta beat me to teach me apparently
3 months at the most the narc I dealt with lasted 2 months lol
@@JacK-qn4zh lmao 😂 sad and true. 3 months of work can get them years of your labor. It’s a crap deal for you, great for them.
If it's short and sweet, it can be painful, but just be grateful that it didn't end up further down the line with even more shit as a result
The abuse isn’t worth the disrespect. Lose lose proposition. They can’t change. You can’t fix them. The person you are trying to get back to doesn’t exist.
I’m pretty sure I won’t be jumping into the deep end of the pool anymore.
Yes I think he saw I was so in love and kicked me to curb...my presence annoyed him the fact that I was kind and loving
Been there done exactly that
Thats why its so important to not fall too fast for people or depend on them for your happiness.
If you can let them go easily then it doesn't provide fuel for them. A simple "okay,cool" response to their break up text or no anxious texting behind their back will actually insult/annoy/confuse/offend them.
Which makes them crave for more and come back to you, and more toxic. Nobody wins. Just tell them that they are literal gods and that they were right all along. And then do your thing and look for a healthy partner.
What do you do with that knowledge ?? You do loooot with it ! This is like being blind, or walk with closed eyes, but not anymore , your eyes are wide open now , you can see them everywhere , you can recognize them now and this is great knowledge and it will be with us for the rest of our life ! Thank you for a new lesson Joe! 😊🤗❤
Yes eyes wide open….they’re bloody everywhere!!! How did I not see it before 🤦♀️😂 ! Thanks Joe ❤️
I'm pretty certain I bother the hell out of all of mine when they comeback out of nowhere trying to take a bite again. I have figured them out and they HATE it, run along now DEMONS🎉
She told me she loved me within 2 months, I wasn't ready. After 6 months I finally said it back and within 2 weeks she discarded me out of nowhere. It's like she felt challenged to win my admiration and once she got that she felt the chase was over and got bored.
She waiting until I finally got reeled in then betrayed me, even got on dating apps within days. These demons are the worst.
My relationship with my narcissistic ex was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It may also be the best thing that happened to me because the heartbreak and fallout caused me to be motivated to seek therapy and become the best possible version of myself. I’ve made a lot of progress in a short time, but That chapter of my life is still being written.
I resonate with that completely
Same
Yup… she said I love you after I met her family… two days later she broke up with me. My dumb ass chased. 16 months later I was absolutely gutted.
I’m pretty sure that sadistic supply is the name of the next level supply
Exactly this. Perspective is everything, and everything is perspective. The only people who really know are the ones who lived it. People do tend to side with the actual narcissist though.
This is the year it ends! This is why we talk about it so much !
Grasp the thistle as much as it hurts.
We are not alone.
I fell for someone, a week later he discarded me. I let him come back about 5 weeks later, then tried discarding me again.
This time I accepted it, didnt chase him. He came back asking to meet me again, and I told him to move on and meet someone else.
Two weeks ago discovered that he was stalking me, watching my house from a car park across the road.
I think he expected to be chased and was shocked when the discard backfired.
My chance of ever owning my own house again has probably gone… but so has she!
I’m still authentic …
And will remain so !
Material things taken from me versus moral virtue?
She is right to assume the role of the victim.
Thanks Joe 🙏🏻
Don’t give up on owning a home. I have been where you are and fought like hell to get my life back with small children. If I can do it, you can too. I lost everything in Hurricane Katrina and no help from my ex at all. I’m doing great now. Been through three houses. You got this, Hon
@@heatherwagar5868 Thank you, Heather. Never say never is a motto I always use. Good luck to you 🙏🏻👍🏻
Mine covert narc relationship lasted 33 years since teens and one day out of the blue she discarded me like I was a one night stand.
I really believe they get full throttle narcissist when aging.
Honestly I’ve never noticed anything wrong with her personality in her younger years.
Sounds more.like borderline, npd little cousin that's better hidden
Always enjoy your vids brother. Godspeed!
This resonated. 💯
Thank you, Joe ❤ my favourite
❤
My thoughts as to y they have no feelings is I noticed their overbearing smothering mothers just overwhelm your feelings n shut them off out of pure emotional exhaustion n now I too feel void
Do you think this kind becomes a bit self aware where they skip the discard phase because they’ve realized that they get so terrible to some people that they don’t come back and that’s an injury to them. So they are skipping the discard so they don’t have to feel like they were the problem and just straight ghosting to cause confusion so the other person always wonders what they did so the other person will feel like the problem?
It doesn’t makes sense since it just gives them so much supply
13 years hes gone
I’m at thirteen years my ex stayed ughhh working on it though
Ty 🕊️✨🙏🪽🫶
Excellent points. Narcs make me laugh. I love blocking & rejecting them they’re highly attracted to me. There’s so identifiable.
At an event a narc guy was flirting with me by trying to interrogate me. Where do I live? How do I make money blah blah blah and then he was trying to neg. As he threw in some compliments inviting me to dinner.
I rejected him. Actually told him no I wouldn’t be going out with him in a few minutes later in walked his ex girlfriend, whom he texted. I got out of there ASAP
My ex loved to steal my feelings n emotions my friends family job n house n my vehicle n boy I feel beyond stupid n broken
*BRITTNEY SPEARS SANG YOU'RE TOXIC.*
Okay?
🙏💙
I agree that this is typically a narcissistic behavior or trait but I also know that sometimes the term is often misused or thrown around too loosely. So unless I know for certain that a person is a NPD I tend to give benefit of the doubt because we never really know what may be going on in someone’s life at any given time. I know for example that I can appear rather self absorbed or distracted when I have too many pans in the proverbial fire. In these situations sometimes others have to take a back seat for a time. It doesn’t mean that I have gone anywhere or that I don’t value the person/relationship. We all have those times in our lives (whether it’s health related, work, etc.)… But if I know for certain that someone has actually been diagnosed with NPD, that’s entirely different…
What narcs do you know that go to therapy seeking out a diagnosis
@@reneegardner2286 very few, typically they have to hit the proverbial bottom which is different for each one. What you find is that women are more likely to seek therapy than men in general. Men are typically taught to suck it up and be strong. Having narcissistic traits doesn’t equate to being a narcissist from a therapeutic practice, since every one of us can exhibit narcissistic traits from time to time. Even the most empathetic of us. Sometimes we confuse someone highly confident as being an overt narcissist. That’s why there is guidance in the DSM and the Psychodynamic manual to the diagnostic process. That process provides that there are no other physical, emotional or mental explanations that must be ruled out before an actual diagnosis of NPD can be made. That’s because there can be other explanations or factors that are more appropriate. The term narcissist is often thrown around in a pop psychology manner and while mental illness is more accepted in society, when used inappropriately it can cause a lot of damage or prolongs a true diagnosis. That’s true of any psychological disorder or even health condition. Much in the same way a physician takes the oath to do no harm so to does a therapist. They also have a set of ethics and guidelines to follow that the general public doesn’t. So while having the general information is great knowledge to have and be aware of, it often falls short of the intricacies of the full patient history and experience. Does that make sense? So that is why I hesitate to label anyone…
They don't need to be diagnosed to be highly toxic people exhibiting the same traits as those with NPD. If they are treating you this way there is something wrong with them whether they are diagnosed or not, it's a sign to get out!
@@face2799 True… but we all have a choice of whether we want to deal with the toxicity or not; or for how long. Just because someone is behaving in a toxic way doesn’t necessarily mean that they have mental illness either. There’s a difference between saying that someone is behaving in a toxic or narcissistic manner and saying they are a narcissist. There are some people who are just hell bent on being a total jerk (and that is putting it mildly) because if they are miserable they want company… Just because someone else doesn’t behave or respond the way we do or expect them to doesn’t make a mental illness. Some people just don’t have the resources or were never taught… We can all act out of character from time to time. We are not all made from the same quilt. That’s where empathy and emotional EQ has to be strong enough to discern the difference. A person can be highly intelligent but still be lacking in empathy and emotional intelligence.
@@kerimorgan6665 abuse doesn't need a label or diagnosis either. Toxic is toxic
I think you make a great point about narcissists attracting each other.
When we started dating my narcissism was sky high. He was just more toxic/pathological than me. Brought out all my toxicity and held up a mirror. It was horrible to see all of that reflected back at me. Almost caused a psychotic break. In a way I'm grateful and I think the experience was a blessing in disguise. I don't have as much hatred for him anymore. He's just a sick person who reflected back my own sickness. I hope he is able to grow and find peace and stop hurting/abusing people.
Exactly the same story I had with my narc. After this relationship my whole life passed me and I saw all of my narc behavior. And now I understand that my parents are narc too, my grama and go on in past. Now I know my goal. Stop it on me not pass it to my children.
@@Casiusss3 I think it's awesome that you're able to see it and grow from it. I think a lot of victims get stuck in this victimhood mindset which doesn't help them evolve at all. In order for the narc's bullshit to work on you, you have to be pretty delusional yourself. He was able to feed my ridiculous ego in a way that no healthy person would entertain. That's why they feel like a "soulmate", because it's pure fantasy.
Obviously no one deserves to be abused etc. But I don't think you can be attracted to that toxicity if you are a healthy individual with a strong sense of self - or you wouldn't entertain it for very long at least. Unfortunately, I was addicted to that toxic cycle - and I ended up being the perpetrator just as much as the victim near the end. My ex would've sent most healthy people running due to his behaviour. But my narcissism blinded me to all of that.
Your kids are lucky to have a parent who wants to heal all that generational trauma. I also come from a family full of personality disorders and disfunction. It really blurs your perception of the world.
@@TheShitArtist I understand my way deeply since I look into spiritual aspect of the narc thing. Since my awaking I went through dark night of my soul. Since that my dreams was 100% spot on what happened what my goals are. I was so frightened about that. Every think from my dreams was on point in my reality. For a while I thought I am loosing my mind, my contact with 3D word. Now I know that it was destinied to my. I subconsciously search that women with this narc trades. Now I know that.
One time I took a shrooms with her, I saw her soul. During our trip I immerse into her (she was lying on me). I felt like I was collapsed into the darkness. It was grey/dark very cold with no sound, just nothingness. I've seen my body and her lying on me. I thought I died. It was so strange. I could not distinguish if I am a live or I died. Then on my left I spotted her soul. Very bright, warm ball of light dimmed, trapped in this gray/dark cloud. This soul /light couldn't break through this foggy gray thing. I saw that as her soul was disconnected from her body and couldn't connect with her. It was so frightened. I never told her about it. I think that everyone and everything carries a God light in it but through trauma, other situation and choice, (conscious or not) you can disconnect from the One. Your way is to find yourself, find your soul (in this life or in other if you fails in current one)
Those are antisocials not narcissists. They might be even worse
Or avoidants.