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wow, that's a LOT of responsibility on women to do ALL the relationship work. Why should we accept reluctant who never put in the work to learn and communicate? Because lady parts somehow make us Mother Theresa? Ladies - there are other guys out there that are not this emotionally crippled, you don't have to stay in a relationship that revolves entirely around his inner wounds and needs, wondering what on earth else you could do to stroke his fragile ego just the right way :D
You can’t sacrifice your happiness for a man with mommy issues and doesn’t know what they want. Amazing how these men expect women to be responsible for their own behavior. If you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship then stay single. Grow up or stay with mommy.
Amen. I raised a man and I'm not looking to raise anybody else's male child to be a man I don't need a little boy that wasn't raised to be a man by his mommy its not my job and I'm not responsible for the fact that his mommy failed him. I've got to many other things that I need to do.
Honestly, sometimes it’s simply not worth the effort...and that’s OK! But, you only get so much time on this planet, so how can you begin reclaiming your energy and time and wield it into something that really fires you up when you wake up in the morning? 🔥🔥
Yeah sounds like more work than I'm interested in doing. I raised my son to be a man as a single mom and I'm just at the age where I'm going to walk away from these little boys in grown men's body's bc I have other things to do.
When I was married I keep my voice calm while my future Ex flew off the handle for drama he created from nothing. It often calmed him down to realize I wasn't buying into his drama. So even with toxic people it does work. I was so relieved when I walked away. My health improved too.
I knew a psycho like that. He harbored a lot of anger towards his mom and it came out in rude remarks all day long. I got tired of taking so much sh$# and broke it off. He was shocked because he was happy in the relationship. NOT ME.
If a man doesn't want to be around you and he doesn't want to stick to you like glue it's best to leave him alone he is not the man for you if he doesn't care for you or show interest in whom you are as person just keep it moving because he's a waste of your time. Just work on being your best self until the right man comes alone that's right for you
I did that. I literally gave up him. Then he set up dates. Worse, he asked me to go to his place and ask me not to hold back. I said that was too much. So we decided to go for a drive. He then was sweet. I got excited. He then became distant. Now I'm not sure whether I d change my plan tommorrow. I am afraid to make a mistake with someone emotionally unavailable, which is never my track record. What a mess.
I never made a scene in a relationship. In my 20's I discussed reasonably. Today in my 30's I no longer discuss - I wait silently till he wants to talk. If I want something from him, I can put that in two sweet sentences. Using as few words as possible. The less words - the more he actually listens. And if he with draws emotionally I do the exact same till he finally remembers I exist. Good thing, I have great friends for emotional support, 3 jobs and lots of passions and hobbies.
I have to tell you this but that's not OK. You're just letting him be passive aggressive against you and stonewall you till he feels like he remembers you exist! WTH! Get out now. you sound like the mother of a teenager. I'm a mother I'm guessing you arent. Believe me when you have kids you wont want a grown up one to care for as well. You need a man who steps up and acts like a MAN.
Dated this one girl who “wasn’t sure about us” every couple weeks. Instead of pulling away, I told her that we’re both adults and that it was unnecessary emotional labor to do so. It is extremely toxic to abandon a partner without a conversation, the same way it is toxic to tantrum and force your partner to “fight” for you whenever you feel insecure, instead of having an adult conversation.
Amen ! My ex was like that, he would get distant, unsure and I would tantrum like you said to make him react. It was toxic. It was my first relationship and I regret behaving like this but at least I’ve learned what not to do. I Think the best thing is to talk about it and if they don’t want to just leave and cut your losses
Seriously. I got to the point of no longer giving any lengthy expressions of feelings or what his distance and detachment does. Now, I just say this isn't what I wanted, so I'm out and you just do you without me. If someone wants you and wants you around, they would make it known. No one should have to stick around at the expense of their own sanity and feelings while another can't handle their own in a mature and communicative way.
No it is not toxic to leave without a conversation when they never wanted to talk about anything that you were unhappy with before you left. They can suck it!
I would like maybe a possible video of someone a man professing his feelings and making them clear you are exclusive. But then suddenly stop communicating, is it because there scared?
Very good advice! A guy I'm dating was really late for a date (2 hours). He did let me know in advance. I remained calm. When he finally showed up, I didn't blow up at him or anything. Simply calmly stated "what happened?" and he explained everything and all was good. He doesn't arrive late anymore!
I'm so proud of you Ryan 😊 when I subscribed last year you we're just in less than 1k... Now... Omg!!! More and more power! Yup, everything I learned from your videos are very effective, especially all the best techniques you share. Thank you so much!
Yay! Thanks Carina for checking back with the channel! YES, the growth has been *very* exciting 😀 And I so appreciate you being there in the very beginning...thanks for subscribing! Should be an interesting year 😄
Yeah I'm thinking my guy was just emotionally unavailable. Besides who the hell wants a 50 year old man who still has his mother cook and clean for him....yes this was the last person I dated.
I hear you. But him screaming and going crazy all the time while you remain constantly calm and neutral takes a lot of effort, and after a while, it's draining, and you start to feel like an emotional dumping ground. It's like only one person is allowed to feel frustration, or any kind of strong emotion, etc. And it's not me. God bless his new girlfriend.
Well, I don't know if this is what Ryan meant, but What I believe is that this advice and this mindset will work logistically with men who are not mentally ill and who are sober from drugs or alcohol at the time of the conflict resolution. Anyone?
When a man screams, it activates the "danger alarm" in a woman's body. The main reason she is silent in such circumstances is because she is extremely stressed. In history, people died when men got angry. It takes a lot of self control and awareness for a woman to keep calm and detached when a man screams.
@@datingcoachryanpatrick It is possible but much more difficult that it is for men to stay calm and serene. If you have time, check out for Beyond Mars and Venus, by John Gray to find the scientific explanations.
Maybe it depends on if he is yelling at you and making it personal and yelling about something. If someone makes the argument personal, I'm walking away.
Good video! I’m guilty of this, lashing out emotionally. Entrainment, I’ll work on that. Along with breathing and taking a step back when my feelings get hurt. Thank you
Here I am 74 years of dealing with men, and now I'm seeing a 40 year old. I admit that our relationship is mostly sexual, still I need him emotionally as well. He pursued me at first and now he is distant, until we get together. I'm too old to not know what's going on in the relationship. I just want him to know it and don't know how to tell him and keep his interest in me.
So I have a situation here. There's this guy who used to be very interested and invested in our friendship and I thought it was going somewhere. Yet along the way, nothing really happened, but he started to grow very distant. We are still just friends and I believe he still trusts me enough to confide in me, but there's no chance that we could ever become more at this point. And I don't understand why. How does a guy go from liking you and always wanting you around to not texting in a matter of weeks? And if he does, should we do something to fix it?
I’m in the same boat. Started as friends then he saw someone and then they broke up and he came and popped up in my life interacted with all my insta feeds texted me saved pics of my story and joked around flitted had a first date and asked if I was open to dating. Cuddled he initiated a kiss. Then couple days later he acted wired I asked and he said he was not ready for romance but kissed me cause he wanted to show I was hot and me not to lose interest..so why do all that and say you’re not ready? Then he was on some hookup app. So geesh no relationship or sex lol? So confused but he texts me still daily as friends but earlier today he left me on read
@@atlation don't let him play with your feelings. Block him entirely and thoroughly. If he tries in the future to contact you, beware of his possible manipulation
Caught my boyfriend text. He got so mad and angry. He wants space now. I don’t know what to do. 😭😭😭.I just love him so much. He tell me if I love him leave him along if he comes back then is mine. Is that fair? he said he don’t know his feelings for me and don’t feel the same.. Please help. I want him back in my life.
I wish I had watched this 2 weeks ago. I blocked him because of wishy washy behaviour and not following through on plans, not calling when he said he would, and verbally abusing me. I lost my s#@&.
I'm really grateful for your videos ❤️ Today I decided I'm gonna build back my self-confidence and don't let anyone abuse my kindness. I didn't have a dad to advice me things kind of things. Thank you very much for your advices!
5.5 years into marriage and my husband who had adored me became emotionally distant during my 2nd pregnancy and never returned. Almost two years later it's never returned. I went from I'll always work to wanting to stay home and homeschool and work 2 days a week. I've returned to working 40 to 60 hours a week but he never "came back" emotionally 😔 he stiffens when I hug him. I don't do those thing you talk about. He always made me happy. I always tried to smile when he came home. I always said I was happy but he couldn't handle my changes as a mom.
So dating a guy for last 3 months , exclusive calls me his GF.We are both in our 40’s. Recently started new job that entails travel long distance. I’ve been extremely supportive, no arguments till date. Communication however is very limited, when he travels. Sometimes no message for an entire day. I’m not sure whether I should initiate or not? I did the first time and he did respond but said he was in a meeting. So wondering how to handle this situation without sounding needy or a nag.
My 2 pennies worth I guess this is the 'having boundaries' that the coaches talk about. 1. Make the statement that you feel sad / anxious/ less than when you don't connect for over a day calmly and without anger or hurt .. like without emotion but with vulnerability (I am not sure how you are supposed to do that, but that's what you do). 2. Do not explain or say too much afterwards (write / blog/ rant to a friend - just not him) 3. If he doesn't modify behaviour - become more independent and don't respond to him with the same eagerness and enthusiasm. Again don't rant, nag or even explain. it's not they don't get it. Infact let me tell you they have very very sofisticated and intelligent ways of understanding when they can stop makeing an effort 4. If he changes behaviour - reward with verbal appreciation and using actions etc everytime he acts in yh desired manner. Reinforce that the behaviour makes you happy 5. Be read to walk out. In a sense, men learn in the 1st instance or never - so if you do not show the 1st time itself that this is important to you - he will know you won't leave and will continue to behave in this 'convenient' way. Most advices on men are as per above with some modifications here and there. If it or some variation works - let me know
What with a guy that you're in a relationship with, makes plans with you for the next couple of weeks where he suggests things himself and then suddenly breaks it off a week later? Still confused about all of this
I think some do this instead of just saying " I'm not interested, had a change of heart, seeing someone else..." etc. I know its so messed up. Cowardly. It's meant to put a woman off without them saying the words lol
Emotionally I couldn't stay he wouldnt show constancy he would say he loved me wanted to be with me. And didnt want to agure but he wouldnt listen to me. It seemed like no mater what I did he wouldnt take my feelings into consideration.
@@danaglover6801 Yup, it was. So we broke up! He clearly wasn't ready for my love and his emotional unavailable ways pushed me away. . I was clearly way too emotionally equipped for him to understand. AND he didn't want to LEARN how to be equipped.
Definitely not waiting on a dang turtle man! Got tired of being a therapist and mother to a guy who didn't want to learn how to be more expressive and less dismissive.
His right on about how men align female conflict with their mothers. About 'looking to her for the road back out of an emotional situation,' women should do this in a way that is not patronizing, authoritative or dismissive. And we should not see you doing this either. Do it because it's you're strong suit and you love him, in the same way you want him to lead you without rubbing your face in it. Good stuff here for women, imho. Cheers.
I think some women need to hear this because a lot of the times we’re like this and they listen for & wait for us to calm down but then we don’t return that favor the same way.
Would Love to know when You're doing another RUclips live. I'm new to the dating field after 22 yrs of marriage. I'm learning alot! Your videos are Great!
So what about the emotionally unavailable man who reaches out and goes in with all guns blazing but then backs off suddenly? To be honest it feels like a mindfuck, especially when the heavy communication ceases rapidly but you still see him stalking your SM... Is it over for good?
Yes, I have brought to his attention that I'm not pleased with his inconsistency. He doesn't make me feel a priority, not keeping his word . I used "I feel" statements . Still , too sensitive!
I think that setting a deadline for yourself is crucial. Don't wait 4 yrs with vague excuses (like I did) for him to decide whether he wanted to "take the next step"...Move on!
Great video! You made me laugh at some point, thank you so much. Dealing with an emotional distant man right now, he’s on divorce process! So you can imagine! I’ll try to keep calm 😓😓😓
He become emotionally distant to me because I done something that made him super upset and even I humble myself and I apologised to him and change myself, he still emotionally distant to me for 4 months already. But he told me he is contented to have relationship with me even we don't have often communication and told me that way he has peace of mind. Made me so stress and anxiety.
I'm the one bouncing off the walls not him. He stays calm and eventually I come back down to his level. Thanks to Ryan I'm learning and remembering to control my bounciness
What about men who commit very slowly. Like so slowly an inch feels like we came a mile? I have a man who says he has issues with commitment. He wont plan a future with me and I've given him several ways out and told him that I need someone who sees themselves with me. He started talking about weekend trips and it's a step in the right direction but I feel like this guy just wont let himself be all in...make a video about that lol
Wish I had this video before I let my emotions take over and chew him out... Lost him forever because of it and kicking myself for losing a good thing. Thank you for the future knowledge either way.
Emotions getting the better of us in something I think we can *all* relate to. It's a part of the human condition. Just because one good thing may have passed certainly doesn't mean that more good things aren't in store for you. Keep your head up 😉
Ryan Patrick so in relation to the comment above, is one disagreement (or perceived) truly enough to make someone leave? Or is this just an example of the person’s inability to communicate/express emotions? And if a particular conversation with an emotionally insecure person does end up in misunderstanding and that person shutting down, how do you go about making amends?
Happy New Year! This is very helpful, and I agree on learning each other's Love Language. Could you please address how this might apply to widowers? I'm dating a widower and getting mixed signals. I've asked him, but he's not forthcoming. In a normal situation, I would say he was bread-crumbing me, and I'd tell him, "Buh-bye!" (and I realize that may still be the case), but I'm hesitant to shut the door to him. I believe he's not ready for a relationship, and so am keeping channels open, but not expecting much from him at this point. But, maybe you could address this in more general terms? Thanks so much. p.s. Your wife is pretty darn lucky to have you! x
I think that's the right game plan with him. I'm not sure when he lost his spouse, but I could only imagine such a loss and it must take a great deal from someone to overcome it. If you can get to a point where you can openly talk about loss in general with him, I think it may help open up communication channels so he can see that you're trying to understand his path. 😉
Hey Ryan, sooo I'm in this new relationship (very fresh, 4months...). He says he wants the real thing with me, he talks about the future, me meeting his dad, or us moving in together one day. Seems like he's honest, and I want to believe him. Thing is like a lot of people I have trust issues. In few of my previous relationshipS, it was the same, the guy would say a lot of things like that, but in the end it's all talk no actions. And I really can't deal with that again. We live in two different cities but very close and yet we barely see each other, so of course everytime I see him I don't want to ruin the ambiance or whatever by bringing up my issues with how things are with him...I don't really know what to do because this situation puts me in this very anxious/stressfull/unhappy place right now....Any advice?
There's also the situation where he interrogates you or accuses of something ridiculous and gets you to lose your temper, then points out how irrational you are when you explode.
Hey Jen! I used to do one-on-one consultations and may return back to doing them soon. Otherwise, either commenting on a video or contacting me through my contact form on daterboy.com (my blog) can be a good way to at least get an initial response to a specific situation 😉
7:40 Not OMG Ryan do you think we are always wrong... More like OMG Ryan do you think we can control our emotions ':) you have lots of faith in us thank you
Hey @RyanPatrick! This is an interesting video, thank you! I don't know why, but I feel like I always have something with strange guys (however, the guys that I have had something with are a very little number). Or maybe all people are strange somehow, I don't know... Recently I had an expericence with a man who told me many times that he doesn't feel that I have feelings for him... I had feelings and I showed them to him, but he kept telling me this once in a while... He was the one initiating things to happen at the beginning and I even told him twice at the beginning that we cannot see each other because I feel that he might become changeabale in the future and not stable enough. But then we were together for about 6 months, he was trying hard to do everything right. Things were going good, but then he acted in an unacceptable way (rude) and I reacted very emotionally and didn't want to talk to him. Afterwards we have talked, texted, seen each other several times, but we do not manage to fix things. He even said several times (even when we were together) that he could not fall in love with me, but after certain time said that he has feelings for me (I was angry because he was giving me contradictory information). However, if I look for him, he will always agree to see me, to talk and acts like he has feelings for me. I feel like I really didn't give my full heart to him, because at times I was feeling like he was hiding things from me (and this feeling is almost always correct) and also the relationship was not developing. But I have shown him affetction a lot. I am interested in your opinion from psychological point of view! Have a great 2020! :)
Holding back is fine, as long as it's not manipulative in any way. It's kind of weird that he's telling YOU that you don't have feelings for him. That almost sounds a bit manipulative on his end. I feel he may have been hurt recently by a woman and is probably "walking on eggshells" with you for fear of screwing things up. He's doing things that shows he's got a good heart, but he simply need to make up his mind and not contradict himself! I would just tread lightly in these situations and only open up to him when you feel his actions and behaviors are congruent with one another 😉
@@datingcoachryanpatrick Thank you so much from all my heart! I really appreciate it very much! I have decided not to contact him (because I think that we cannot fix things) and I have not done it since November 19. He wrote me for Christmas (which is also my Name day), but I did not respond to him… I feel like he started to back away because he had already won me and there was no challenge anymore. That's what has happened to me before, but I do not have much experience… He says that he is not sure about us, because he is not sure I truly have feelings for him… I really want a happy relationship and I wanted to give him all my heart (as he says that he wants), but I feel like this won't work… The last time we have talked it was about that I wanted a normal relationship and he wanted to do things step by step and to see whether we will manage to work things out (which includes whether he will sense my feelings for him)... But I told him that we have been together and I do not want to have a relationship which is not a normal one (I mean, I wanted to act as a normal couple and not to go backwards, because we have already been a couple). We had been split for about 4-5 months back then, but during the split we have talked to each other once in a while, argued, seen each other...
You've explaind it in such a brilliant and realistic way. It's very neccesary that you've stayed subjective and pointed at the facts of natural behaviour of the different sexes. i always communicate with my man on a objective way in combination with own perspectives. I always try to point on the fact that every feeling that i experience, is something he can't feel when i don't express it or don't communicate about. every human being has it's own way of feeling and expressing itself. woman and man are different and when you put effort in someone then you always have to beware of the fact that you two are different from eachother. not just in person, also in a biological way and the way patrick explains how man deal with emotions is so accurate..... i've noticed that man really function like that and i hope woman can be true to themselves and don't expect anything. Love yourself and put your principals at first and when you put effort in a man, please always remember that he is someone you want to appreciate and love for who he is.. especially his natural-biological-instinctive behaviour. when you accept that and can be open in a non-judgemental way.. you will have a very healthy relationship. don't let your life depend on a man (because you love him)... no.. you only truly love him when you can truly accept him for who he is as a man and the true balance finds within. acceptance towards each other and then affection and true intentions will naturally take form.
Thank you for letting us know, now what if it 's my son who's wrapped up in his video games , he created a world no one can get into, he comes out from time to time to eat , go to sleep and bathroom stuff, very rarely he has any time to talk ..........peace shadow
As a mother of two small boys I feel for you. But you have to stop enabling him with them games. Set up rules and reward systems. I'm not sure how old he is but you need to set some boundaries and ground rules. You are responsible. Best wishes.
Yes I agree with Lady Warrior. It’s important to set the standard for YOUR household. If he’s living under your roof and eating your food, games can only be played for 1 HOUR a day, for example. You have the ability to knock him off this ridiculous waste of time and prodding him to engage in conversation and appreciate life. He’s certainly never a going to meet a partner, otherwise, so he’ll need you to lead and guide him. Don’t let him sweet-talk you either. Put that foot down 😉
What about when you don’t know if your partner sees you as long term? You try bringing up the future but they seem vague and don’t want to discuss. After 6 months together shouldn’t you know? Or am I expecting too much so soon
Hey Georgina! When you say “bringing up the future” with him, can you clarify why that means to you? Are you just looking to be exclusive with him? Or, if you already are, are you trying to feel out of he’s ready to settle down and get married?
Ryan Patrick sorry for my late reply! So he’s been my boyfriend for 7 months now and he never really talks about the future, he said he wants children and marriage but never brings it up. Am I expecting too much to soon? I’m 30 and just don’t want to waste my time. He’s not very good at opening up and sharing feelings, I’ve tried talking about the future but he gets a bit funny
Hi Ryan, thank you for this video. It makes me understand more about man. Do you have any advices for how to handle and treat an ADHD boyfriend who seems to be vulnerable most of the time. Pls help me Ryan. From Vietnam
Ryan pls could you start doing videos for men too? A lot of them are clueless about women. Pls don't say there are enough women doing that. There is a down to earth humorous perspective you bring to the table that men could definitely benefit from...
Thanks Debi. I used to coach men, but I don’t anymore, specifically, due to a variety of reasons. Although there are actually quite a bit of men on this channel who seem to enjoy this content too 👌🏼
I needed this, thank u. Ofc . men should do their part too , but its good to hear what to do . If a man and a woman loves eachother unconditionally, they will solve their problems. Good, selfless communication is the key!
Everything is going good; getting along & enjoying eachother's company. Then all of a sudden, he picks a fight. He distances himself from me in every way & blames me. If i stop txtn, he texts & qyestions why i stopped. He exhausts me & I'm really confused.
I’ve watched several of his videos but this is the only one that rubbed me the wrong way. What can women do to prevent him from cheating because he thinks the relationship is over….REALLY?!!!! 🙄
So maybe I'm wrong..but I get men are impatient.selfish. babies most times when dealing with emotions...hmmm they expect us to do all this ..while getting nothing back...😂😂😂😂 tell me I'm wrong..I am not in the dark any longer about why I am so much happier single...men are too much work...😒this is soo draining..I have a child to raise and baby right..who has time for all these tips..lol
I like those cushions of like and subscribe ☺️. Okay then to the topic. I’ve always been the one who breathes keeps calm etc. But I have noticed they don’t want to come down/ change habit understand come to terms or anything. When it’s all broken and there’s no way around it, there come the regrets. And 2 years later...7(!!) years later ..they still come around with the intention of recovering something which is impossible to recover. Men live an eternal present “?
I find this so sad. Are men really this fragile?! Good lord.... there’s too much responsibility put on women here. C’mon. We have to be calm all the time?! Come on. This is too much. Denying a woman’s righteous anger is insulting.
Missing a HUGE one…if they lost a job, lost someone, feels inadequate or sad in any way. I know when men are depressed they pull back and are not going to be very open with feelings-just let him know you are there but give him space and time.
How does one respond to a critical man? I've talked to different guys on the phone recently, and a few have chastised me like they were my mother. For example, the day after I got back from a trip, I said I was unpacking, "What?! You haven't unpacked yet?!" Or with another guy, I told him I had moved to the area a couple months ago, and I'm looking for a new physical therapist (for an injury I've had). I said I had thought I didnt need to keep going, but noticed some symptoms pop back up. He chastised me for "not attending to my health" and that I was making the injury last much longer than needed. This same guy also checked in to find out if I had finished packing before my trip. I do not like it when people make judgemental comments like this. What is the best way to handle these situations? Is there a way to get these types of comments to cease? Should I walk away from them? I'm naturally disinclined to stay in touch when people talk to me like this, but if I can change the dynamic, that might be helpful?
Well, that aplies more to me!! I'm the one that cant be emotional available because the man gets defensive or judgmental or just mean, so I totally understand men... and definitely applies to women as well..
Please help me.. Me and my guy were in a relationship from one and half year.. Initially i only proposed him and he did not accept because of our different religions. after that he accepted me because he loved the way i love and care about him.. He used to tell that nobody will love him the way i love him.. He told that we should maintain our relationship secretely. I should not tell any others about our relationship. I agreed with that. Because i love him so much. It was not a matter to me. We were really happy together for 5 months. He loved me like crazy. One day i seen his images with another girl ( which is his ex but he didnt admit that before he was in a relationship. He hide from everyone). But he loved me truly. He asked me to accept him. He cried to not leave him. But from that moment i started doubting and digging of his history. He cried and requested me to not ask about that things. But i was toxic. I tortured him. Made him sad all day.. Whenever we were together i was behaved like a psycho because I'm too much possessive. Like i didn't let him to spend his time with his most loving friends and family. I was really jealous.. He got really tired of me behaviour. I made the situation worst by calling his ex and his friend to ask about his past.. He got angry on me to not trusting him and to reveal our relationship with his friends. So he asked me to move on. From past 6 months i asked him to breakup our relationship for so many times because he was not happy with me because of my psycho behaviour. But he didn't let me to go.. He begged me to stay.. This time he asked me to breakup because it's already too late. I'm making things worse.. So.. He initiated the breakup .. And said let us breakup. And acting like really distant and cold.. He brokeup with me by may 15th But after 2 days of breakup i felt like dieing. I was missing him so much.. So i asked him to be in contact for somedays. Because i cant handle this. He agreed. And since our breakup he use to send good morning and good night messages regularly. I use to send him funny videos daily. And we both replied laughing emojies.. And some time he replied with my pet name he used to call.. And we were not talked anything personally.. But after breaking up with him i realised the mistakes i have done to him and how badly i treated him. Now i need him back.. But he is too cold and emotionally distant. From past two weeks he is also sending me funny videos. And some times he acts very cold like not opening my good morning msg too.. Yesterday i asked him like should i move on completely. But he replied like "I'll be like this only. Don't ask anything. It hurts too much." And i asked him to meet for last time.. But he said lets see.. I'll tell.. Like this.. What should i do.. I really don't know how to react with him.. How to get him back.. I need him he is my soul. I can't live without him😭🙏
This works only with a "normal" person. A narcissist will actually see you calm and explode even more, because you are not taking up his provocations. If you are calm in conflict and he freaks out even more, run. I could not run for many, many years, because the narcissist psychopath abuser in my life was my father.
How do I get my ex back? I broke up with him, but I might have been the one to run him off by being short with him and giving him the silent treatment. I moved back in to my house so he could have space and to see if he'd make the effort to come see me. For 2 years I drove to his house every Monday (a 30 minute drive one way.) I stopped going over there for personal reasons, but when I quit driving over there, I didn't tell him I wasn't going over there anymore nor did I tell him he's going to have to make the effort to come here from now on. He only came over once though. Am I in the wrong?
I’m in my 50’s and the men are going through their mid-life crisis. They all do it. Every married woman I know is flat out miserable. Focus on your career. Keep men at arm’s length. It’s a fact that single woman are happier and earn more than married woman. Married men are happier and earn more than single man. Basically, and generally speaking, men suck the life out of their partners.
What do you think of a guy that just says goodmorning to me and 8am and then 6.30 pm I get a goodnight!! Nothing else. Long distance relationship. Sometimes he sends me a plane ticket but I feel like a guest not very close to him.
I wish I had seen this video sooner. My husband clams up and runs to a corner in the house and says " I'm not going to argue with you". Tonight I told him " that's fine, don't argue with me, just go crawl into a little corner and act like you don't give a F". He suddenly gave me a look of shock which confused me and then did just that instantly. Main reason I am upset is because he is so aloof. I am just done with it. I went to my own corner of the house and gave him a taste of his own medicine. Not going to be the only one investing in my relationship.
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You guys are too high maintenance, I think I’d rather just have a cat.
hahaha..I like that
It’s easier to give a cat affection than it is to give a man affection.
I have a bearded dragon and he's very cute and appreciative
Wow, I guess if men put in as much work as this guy wants us to, the divorce rate would be 0. 😂 lol
Me too.. I need 🐈
wow, that's a LOT of responsibility on women to do ALL the relationship work. Why should we accept reluctant who never put in the work to learn and communicate? Because lady parts somehow make us Mother Theresa? Ladies - there are other guys out there that are not this emotionally crippled, you don't have to stay in a relationship that revolves entirely around his inner wounds and needs, wondering what on earth else you could do to stroke his fragile ego just the right way :D
I’m so sick of these types. So many in my ethnic community.
So true.....sigh
They're so freaking annoying!!! probably narcissist. I'm gonna need therapy.
couldn't agree more!
True. This video seems a bit codependent to me. Be patient when he screams at you? Seriously? I don't think we should be taught to accept more crap.
He’ll definitely remember my soft gaze and calmness, because that means I’m completely done and out.
Emotionally distant men can come around. It's not a hopeless cause, even tho it might feel like it sometimes 🙂
Emotionally unavailable men with fears of relationship can go to hell.
Respect you
Yes queen 👸
😂 omg
You can’t sacrifice your happiness for a man with mommy issues and doesn’t know what they want. Amazing how these men expect women to be responsible for their own behavior. If you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship then stay single. Grow up or stay with mommy.
Right On!
What Everrr 👍👊✌
Amen. I raised a man and I'm not looking to raise anybody else's male child to be a man I don't need a little boy that wasn't raised to be a man by his mommy its not my job and I'm not responsible for the fact that his mommy failed him. I've got to many other things that I need to do.
I needed to hear this right now omg
Oh my God I'm laughing so much... ur comment is hilarious.... 🤣😂
Sadly, I dnt really want to make it better anymore.
Honestly, sometimes it’s simply not worth the effort...and that’s OK! But, you only get so much time on this planet, so how can you begin reclaiming your energy and time and wield it into something that really fires you up when you wake up in the morning? 🔥🔥
@@datingcoachryanpatrick thank you for the advice. I greatly appreciate it. 👍🏽
Our soft nature gets fed up. That is just the truth after a while.
Yeah sounds like more work than I'm interested in doing. I raised my son to be a man as a single mom and I'm just at the age where I'm going to walk away from these little boys in grown men's body's bc I have other things to do.
When I was married I keep my voice calm while my future Ex flew off the handle for drama he created from nothing. It often calmed him down to realize I wasn't buying into his drama. So even with toxic people it does work. I was so relieved when I walked away. My health improved too.
I knew a psycho like that. He harbored a lot of anger towards his mom and it came out in rude remarks all day long. I got tired of taking so much sh$# and broke it off. He was shocked because he was happy in the relationship. NOT ME.
If a man doesn't want to be around you and he doesn't want to stick to you like glue it's best to leave him alone he is not the man for you if he doesn't care for you or show interest in whom you are as person just keep it moving because he's a waste of your time. Just work on being your best self until the right man comes alone that's right for you
Aww this is my current situation. Thank You for your message. 😊
Your walk away too fast over flaws in a man you will live & die alone! No one is perfect
"He he calling you first , setting up dates, he is pursuing you " the emotionally unavailable men will fall out quickly not wanting to invest .
that last one is so true!!
Totally!!
I did that. I literally gave up him. Then he set up dates. Worse, he asked me to go to his place and ask me not to hold back. I said that was too much. So we decided to go for a drive. He then was sweet. I got excited. He then became distant. Now I'm not sure whether I d change my plan tommorrow. I am afraid to make a mistake with someone emotionally unavailable, which is never my track record. What a mess.
I never made a scene in a relationship. In my 20's I discussed reasonably. Today in my 30's I no longer discuss - I wait silently till he wants to talk. If I want something from him, I can put that in two sweet sentences. Using as few words as possible. The less words - the more he actually listens. And if he with draws emotionally I do the exact same till he finally remembers I exist. Good thing, I have great friends for emotional support, 3 jobs and lots of passions and hobbies.
Nymphe Echo best comment ever !! Best advice ever!!
Nymphe Echo can I ask why do you need a man then? I would be awesome on my own if I were you, that’s what I aspire to get to:)
sounds like a miserable relationship.. why do you put up with that, sad
@@kittime3807 I totally agree! what are you doing acting like his mother. Yuck. Walk away while you can.
I have to tell you this but that's not OK. You're just letting him be passive aggressive against you and stonewall you till he feels like he remembers you exist! WTH! Get out now. you sound like the mother of a teenager. I'm a mother I'm guessing you arent. Believe me when you have kids you wont want a grown up one to care for as well. You need a man who steps up and acts like a MAN.
Eeeeeeeh I just want to be my self , take it or leave it
But what about being yourself has to do with his emotional distance, Miss Taurus?
@@datingcoachryanpatrick find someone who won't distance themselves.
Or.... don’t do anything and leave.
I suppose that is always an option. Hopefully, your giving them an ample heads-up tho 🙂
Yes!
@@datingcoachryanpatrick Didn't they give us the heads up by them detaching and not even trying? Actions have consequences.
@@MissMcFluffyStuff exactly. Sounds silly to be asking US to give them notice lol tf
Emotionally distant man is just not into you, tired of finding the right one
Being in a relationship is akin to having to manipulate a not very bright child
LOL
@@michaelatorn8380 indeed sir
“Happy 2020” Is that a joke?
😆😆
Lmao 2020 am I a joke to you? 😂
Right!
It keeps on coming boys
Mine get mad or dumb things then ignores me for days then comes bck and acts like nothing !. It’s emotional draining
Ugh this was so painful to watch because I’m fresh out of a breakup and realize everything I did wrong. But I’m learning so much. 🙏🏼
Dated this one girl who “wasn’t sure about us” every couple weeks. Instead of pulling away, I told her that we’re both adults and that it was unnecessary emotional labor to do so.
It is extremely toxic to abandon a partner without a conversation, the same way it is toxic to tantrum and force your partner to “fight” for you whenever you feel insecure, instead of having an adult conversation.
Exactly.
Amen ! My ex was like that, he would get distant, unsure and I would tantrum like you said to make him react. It was toxic.
It was my first relationship and I regret behaving like this but at least I’ve learned what not to do. I Think the best thing is to talk about it and if they don’t want to just leave and cut your losses
Seriously. I got to the point of no longer giving any lengthy expressions of feelings or what his distance and detachment does. Now, I just say this isn't what I wanted, so I'm out and you just do you without me. If someone wants you and wants you around, they would make it known. No one should have to stick around at the expense of their own sanity and feelings while another can't handle their own in a mature and communicative way.
No it is not toxic to leave without a conversation when they never wanted to talk about anything that you were unhappy with before you left. They can suck it!
@@Terra_inthe406 I agree. I meant that ghosting is immature, not that your partner is entitled to make you answer to them.
I would like maybe a possible video of someone a man professing his feelings and making them clear you are exclusive. But then suddenly stop communicating, is it because there scared?
Either that or they were game playing. Sometimes all it is to them is a game. Once they know they have you hooked they disappear.
Very good advice! A guy I'm dating was really late for a date (2 hours). He did let me know in advance. I remained calm. When he finally showed up, I didn't blow up at him or anything. Simply calmly stated "what happened?" and he explained everything and all was good. He doesn't arrive late anymore!
I'm glad he at least had the decency to reach out to you in advance... and that he hasn't done it again! Lol 😄
I wonder if you could do a video on HOW to effectively communicate when personal buttons are being pushed?
Keeping that level state is so spot on, your partner will gain so much respect for you and open up so much faster & more fully.
Amen! 🙌🏼
I'm so proud of you Ryan 😊 when I subscribed last year you we're just in less than 1k... Now... Omg!!! More and more power! Yup, everything I learned from your videos are very effective, especially all the best techniques you share. Thank you so much!
Yay! Thanks Carina for checking back with the channel! YES, the growth has been *very* exciting 😀 And I so appreciate you being there in the very beginning...thanks for subscribing! Should be an interesting year 😄
I dont wanna be calm Ryan 🤣
Yeah I'm thinking my guy was just emotionally unavailable. Besides who the hell wants a 50 year old man who still has his mother cook and clean for him....yes this was the last person I dated.
I hear you. But him screaming and going crazy all the time while you remain constantly calm and neutral takes a lot of effort, and after a while, it's draining, and you start to feel like an emotional dumping ground. It's like only one person is allowed to feel frustration, or any kind of strong emotion, etc. And it's not me. God bless his new girlfriend.
💯
Well, I don't know if this is what Ryan meant, but What I believe is that this advice and this mindset will work logistically with men who are not mentally ill and who are sober from drugs or alcohol at the time of the conflict resolution. Anyone?
When a man screams, it activates the "danger alarm" in a woman's body. The main reason she is silent in such circumstances is because she is extremely stressed. In history, people died when men got angry. It takes a lot of self control and awareness for a woman to keep calm and detached when a man screams.
But it is certainly something she can attain 100% 🙌🏼
@@datingcoachryanpatrick It is possible but much more difficult that it is for men to stay calm and serene. If you have time, check out for Beyond Mars and Venus, by John Gray to find the scientific explanations.
Maybe it depends on if he is yelling at you and making it personal and yelling about something. If someone makes the argument personal, I'm walking away.
Agreed, I've had an abused past so I am terrified when he gets angry
Good video! I’m guilty of this, lashing out emotionally. Entrainment, I’ll work on that. Along with breathing and taking a step back when my feelings get hurt.
Thank you
It takes some practice, but having that sense of control over your emotions is *amazing* and well worth it!
Here I am 74 years of dealing with men, and now I'm seeing a 40 year old. I admit that our relationship is mostly sexual, still I need him emotionally as well. He pursued me at first and now he is distant, until we get together. I'm too old to not know what's going on in the relationship. I just want him to know it and don't know how to tell him and keep his interest in me.
I hate to tell you but you are in for a big let down, so be prepared
So I have a situation here. There's this guy who used to be very interested and invested in our friendship and I thought it was going somewhere. Yet along the way, nothing really happened, but he started to grow very distant. We are still just friends and I believe he still trusts me enough to confide in me, but there's no chance that we could ever become more at this point. And I don't understand why. How does a guy go from liking you and always wanting you around to not texting in a matter of weeks? And if he does, should we do something to fix it?
Crystal DeNiro I’ll never understand either. The silent treatment kills me
I’m in the same boat. Started as friends then he saw someone and then they broke up and he came and popped up in my life interacted with all my insta feeds texted me saved pics of my story and joked around flitted had a first date and asked if I was open to dating. Cuddled he initiated a kiss. Then couple days later he acted wired I asked and he said he was not ready for romance but kissed me cause he wanted to show I was hot and me not to lose interest..so why do all that and say you’re not ready? Then he was on some hookup app. So geesh no relationship or sex lol? So confused but he texts me still daily as friends but earlier today he left me on read
@@atlation he was on rebound
@@atlation don't let him play with your feelings. Block him entirely and thoroughly. If he tries in the future to contact you, beware of his possible manipulation
Caught my boyfriend text. He got so mad and angry. He wants space now. I don’t know what to do. 😭😭😭.I just love him so much. He tell me if I love him leave him along if he comes back then is mine. Is that fair? he said he don’t know his feelings for me and don’t feel the same.. Please help. I want him back in my life.
I wish I had watched this 2 weeks ago. I blocked him because of wishy washy behaviour and not following through on plans, not calling when he said he would, and verbally abusing me. I lost my s#@&.
"You're creating the standard of energy that's coming into a conflict".........Amen.
🙌🏼🙌🏼
I'm really grateful for your videos ❤️
Today I decided I'm gonna build back my self-confidence and don't let anyone abuse my kindness.
I didn't have a dad to advice me things kind of things. Thank you very much for your advices!
5.5 years into marriage and my husband who had adored me became emotionally distant during my 2nd pregnancy and never returned. Almost two years later it's never returned. I went from I'll always work to wanting to stay home and homeschool and work 2 days a week. I've returned to working 40 to 60 hours a week but he never "came back" emotionally 😔 he stiffens when I hug him. I don't do those thing you talk about. He always made me happy. I always tried to smile when he came home. I always said I was happy but he couldn't handle my changes as a mom.
So dating a guy for last 3 months , exclusive calls me his GF.We are both in our 40’s.
Recently started new job that entails travel long distance.
I’ve been extremely supportive, no arguments till date.
Communication however is very limited, when he travels.
Sometimes no message for an entire day.
I’m not sure whether I should initiate or not?
I did the first time and he did respond but said he was in a meeting.
So wondering how to handle this situation without sounding needy or a nag.
Alex Johnson great question❗️ Hope there’s an answer❗️
My 2 pennies worth
I guess this is the 'having boundaries' that the coaches talk about.
1. Make the statement that you feel sad / anxious/ less than when you don't connect for over a day calmly and without anger or hurt .. like without emotion but with vulnerability (I am not sure how you are supposed to do that, but that's what you do).
2. Do not explain or say too much afterwards (write / blog/ rant to a friend - just not him)
3. If he doesn't modify behaviour - become more independent and don't respond to him with the same eagerness and enthusiasm. Again don't rant, nag or even explain. it's not they don't get it. Infact let me tell you they have very very sofisticated and intelligent ways of understanding when they can stop makeing an effort
4. If he changes behaviour - reward with verbal appreciation and using actions etc everytime he acts in yh desired manner. Reinforce that the behaviour makes you happy
5. Be read to walk out. In a sense, men learn in the 1st instance or never - so if you do not show the 1st time itself that this is important to you - he will know you won't leave and will continue to behave in this 'convenient' way.
Most advices on men are as per above with some modifications here and there.
If it or some variation works - let me know
axelashu amazing advice!
Did it work out Alex?
@@my-black-sun nope we broke up 2 months later as that was his way of ghosting me.
I’ve noticed if you do stay calm in arguments you end up leaving with your dignity instead of showing your whole ass great advice
What with a guy that you're in a relationship with, makes plans with you for the next couple of weeks where he suggests things himself and then suddenly breaks it off a week later? Still confused about all of this
I think some do this instead of just saying " I'm not interested, had a change of heart, seeing someone else..." etc.
I know its so messed up. Cowardly. It's meant to put a woman off without them saying the words lol
Emotionally I couldn't stay he wouldnt show constancy he would say he loved me wanted to be with me. And didnt want to agure but he wouldnt listen to me. It seemed like no mater what I did he wouldnt take my feelings into consideration.
I would like to hear the advice for this because my boyfriend is the same but he investing in me in material
So I must mother him...
Ugh, I'm done with doing that.
I did so many things and he still stayed in his stupid shell.. wouldn't budge!
Wow... sounds just like the one I’m dealin wit. It’s draining as hell. Too much work. You’re really better off by yourself...🤔
'....and he still stayed in his stupid shell'😂😂
@@danaglover6801 Yup, it was. So we broke up!
He clearly wasn't ready for my love and his emotional unavailable ways pushed me away. .
I was clearly way too emotionally equipped for him to understand.
AND he didn't want to LEARN how to be equipped.
Definitely not waiting on a dang turtle man!
Got tired of being a therapist and mother to a guy who didn't want to learn how to be more expressive and less dismissive.
Stephanie H We went thru thee same exact thing. That’s crazy.
I love it “ the guy needs to go find his channel and work on his stuff” 🤣
And then he proceeds to tell women how to fix the guys' stuff.
Lol, we can do it)) but why bother
His right on about how men align female conflict with their mothers. About 'looking to her for the road back out of an emotional situation,' women should do this in a way that is not patronizing, authoritative or dismissive. And we should not see you doing this either. Do it because it's you're strong suit and you love him, in the same way you want him to lead you without rubbing your face in it. Good stuff here for women, imho. Cheers.
Thank you for that of vote of confidence in the information, Mickey Cruise 😌
I think some women need to hear this because a lot of the times we’re like this and they listen for & wait for us to calm down but then we don’t return that favor the same way.
So true
Would Love to know when You're doing another RUclips live. I'm new to the dating field after 22 yrs of marriage. I'm learning alot! Your videos are Great!
Good question! Probably once the quarantine lifts and my wife and I aren't working from the same space, so hopefully that's soon! 👍🏼
We were fine on Valentines Day, but the next day, he dips. for days... why?? :(
So what about the emotionally unavailable man who reaches out and goes in with all guns blazing but then backs off suddenly? To be honest it feels like a mindfuck, especially when the heavy communication ceases rapidly but you still see him stalking your SM... Is it over for good?
Yes, I have brought to his attention that I'm not pleased with his inconsistency. He doesn't make me feel a priority, not keeping his word .
I used "I feel" statements . Still , too sensitive!
I’m mastering my grey rock face.. it’s the sister to my poker face 💋
Sometimes when he's yelling and bouncing around, calmness is the last thing I'm feeling. I wanna smack him! 🤣
I think that setting a deadline for yourself is crucial. Don't wait 4 yrs with vague excuses (like I did) for him to decide whether he wanted to "take the next step"...Move on!
So happy to see your channel grow sending love❤️
Thank you so much! 🙂 Happy New Year to you
Ryan Patrick Merci you too Ryan 🙏🏿
Great video! You made me laugh at some point, thank you so much. Dealing with an emotional distant man right now, he’s on divorce process! So you can imagine! I’ll try to keep calm 😓😓😓
He become emotionally distant to me because I done something that made him super upset and even I humble myself and I apologised to him and change myself, he still emotionally distant to me for 4 months already. But he told me he is contented to have relationship with me even we don't have often communication and told me that way he has peace of mind.
Made me so stress and anxiety.
Honestly he sounds like he plays games and is not worth your time
That means he got you girl, always keep up a mind set and attitude that you’re ready to leave, otherwise you’re going to have that heart achy breaky
@@pastrybear131 yah...He is DA and I am AP that time. Now i am ok. I am SA now.
This is the greatest video. It made me laugh and empowered me. Good job Ryan!
Glad to hear, South Florida! 😄
Emotionally unavailable men arent healthy in my experience. And best to just not bother with them!
Wow, pretty amazing stuff, Ryan. Your explanation is right on.
I'm the one bouncing off the walls not him. He stays calm and eventually I come back down to his level. Thanks to Ryan I'm learning and remembering to control my bounciness
What about men who commit very slowly. Like so slowly an inch feels like we came a mile? I have a man who says he has issues with commitment. He wont plan a future with me and I've given him several ways out and told him that I need someone who sees themselves with me. He started talking about weekend trips and it's a step in the right direction but I feel like this guy just wont let himself be all in...make a video about that lol
Wish I had this video before I let my emotions take over and chew him out... Lost him forever because of it and kicking myself for losing a good thing. Thank you for the future knowledge either way.
Emotions getting the better of us in something I think we can *all* relate to. It's a part of the human condition. Just because one good thing may have passed certainly doesn't mean that more good things aren't in store for you. Keep your head up 😉
Ryan Patrick so in relation to the comment above, is one disagreement (or perceived) truly enough to make someone leave? Or is this just an example of the person’s inability to communicate/express emotions? And if a particular conversation with an emotionally insecure person does end up in misunderstanding and that person shutting down, how do you go about making amends?
Happy New Year! This is very helpful, and I agree on learning each other's Love Language. Could you please address how this might apply to widowers? I'm dating a widower and getting mixed signals. I've asked him, but he's not forthcoming. In a normal situation, I would say he was bread-crumbing me, and I'd tell him, "Buh-bye!" (and I realize that may still be the case), but I'm hesitant to shut the door to him. I believe he's not ready for a relationship, and so am keeping channels open, but not expecting much from him at this point. But, maybe you could address this in more general terms? Thanks so much.
p.s. Your wife is pretty darn lucky to have you! x
I think that's the right game plan with him. I'm not sure when he lost his spouse, but I could only imagine such a loss and it must take a great deal from someone to overcome it. If you can get to a point where you can openly talk about loss in general with him, I think it may help open up communication channels so he can see that you're trying to understand his path. 😉
Hey Ryan, sooo I'm in this new relationship (very fresh, 4months...). He says he wants the real thing with me, he talks about the future, me meeting his dad, or us moving in together one day. Seems like he's honest, and I want to believe him. Thing is like a lot of people I have trust issues. In few of my previous relationshipS, it was the same, the guy would say a lot of things like that, but in the end it's all talk no actions. And I really can't deal with that again. We live in two different cities but very close and yet we barely see each other, so of course everytime I see him I don't want to ruin the ambiance or whatever by bringing up my issues with how things are with him...I don't really know what to do because this situation puts me in this very anxious/stressfull/unhappy place right now....Any advice?
There's also the situation where he interrogates you or accuses of something ridiculous and gets you to lose your temper, then points out how irrational you are when you explode.
I'm in quite the situation now and have no clue what to do. This all hits home. Do you give one on one advice?
Hey Jen! I used to do one-on-one consultations and may return back to doing them soon. Otherwise, either commenting on a video or contacting me through my contact form on daterboy.com (my blog) can be a good way to at least get an initial response to a specific situation 😉
Dang! you guys are so complicated😊
7:40 Not OMG Ryan do you think we are always wrong... More like OMG Ryan do you think we can control our emotions ':) you have lots of faith in us thank you
Oh my gosh!!! This is SO good!!!!
Thank you Amanda!!
This was what i needed to hear thanks
Sure thing, Eriadna! Thanks for watching 🙂
Hey @RyanPatrick! This is an interesting video, thank you! I don't know why, but I feel like I always have something with strange guys (however, the guys that I have had something with are a very little number). Or maybe all people are strange somehow, I don't know... Recently I had an expericence with a man who told me many times that he doesn't feel that I have feelings for him... I had feelings and I showed them to him, but he kept telling me this once in a while... He was the one initiating things to happen at the beginning and I even told him twice at the beginning that we cannot see each other because I feel that he might become changeabale in the future and not stable enough. But then we were together for about 6 months, he was trying hard to do everything right. Things were going good, but then he acted in an unacceptable way (rude) and I reacted very emotionally and didn't want to talk to him. Afterwards we have talked, texted, seen each other several times, but we do not manage to fix things. He even said several times (even when we were together) that he could not fall in love with me, but after certain time said that he has feelings for me (I was angry because he was giving me contradictory information). However, if I look for him, he will always agree to see me, to talk and acts like he has feelings for me. I feel like I really didn't give my full heart to him, because at times I was feeling like he was hiding things from me (and this feeling is almost always correct) and also the relationship was not developing. But I have shown him affetction a lot.
I am interested in your opinion from psychological point of view! Have a great 2020! :)
Holding back is fine, as long as it's not manipulative in any way. It's kind of weird that he's telling YOU that you don't have feelings for him. That almost sounds a bit manipulative on his end. I feel he may have been hurt recently by a woman and is probably "walking on eggshells" with you for fear of screwing things up. He's doing things that shows he's got a good heart, but he simply need to make up his mind and not contradict himself! I would just tread lightly in these situations and only open up to him when you feel his actions and behaviors are congruent with one another 😉
@@datingcoachryanpatrick Thank you so much from all my heart! I really appreciate it very much! I have decided not to contact him (because I think that we cannot fix things) and I have not done it since November 19. He wrote me for Christmas (which is also my Name day), but I did not respond to him… I feel like he started to back away because he had already won me and there was no challenge anymore. That's what has happened to me before, but I do not have much experience… He says that he is not sure about us, because he is not sure I truly have feelings for him…
I really want a happy relationship and I wanted to give him all my heart (as he says that he wants), but I feel like this won't work…
The last time we have talked it was about that I wanted a normal relationship and he wanted to do things step by step and to see whether we will manage to work things out (which includes whether he will sense my feelings for him)... But I told him that we have been together and I do not want to have a relationship which is not a normal one (I mean, I wanted to act as a normal couple and not to go backwards, because we have already been a couple). We had been split for about 4-5 months back then, but during the split we have talked to each other once in a while, argued, seen each other...
Can you do a video on why friends get distant all the sudden?why they randomly block you.
You've explaind it in such a brilliant and realistic way. It's very neccesary that you've stayed subjective and pointed at the facts of natural behaviour of the different sexes. i always communicate with my man on a objective way in combination with own perspectives. I always try to point on the fact that every feeling that i experience, is something he can't feel when i don't express it or don't communicate about. every human being has it's own way of feeling and expressing itself. woman and man are different and when you put effort in someone then you always have to beware of the fact that you two are different from eachother. not just in person, also in a biological way and the way patrick explains how man deal with emotions is so accurate..... i've noticed that man really function like that and i hope woman can be true to themselves and don't expect anything. Love yourself and put your principals at first and when you put effort in a man, please always remember that he is someone you want to appreciate and love for who he is.. especially his natural-biological-instinctive behaviour. when you accept that and can be open in a non-judgemental way.. you will have a very healthy relationship. don't let your life depend on a man (because you love him)... no.. you only truly love him when you can truly accept him for who he is as a man and the true balance finds within. acceptance towards each other and then affection and true intentions will naturally take form.
Thank you for letting us know, now what if it 's my son who's wrapped up in his video games , he created a world no one can get into, he comes out from time to time to eat , go to sleep and bathroom stuff, very rarely he has any time to talk ..........peace shadow
As a mother of two small boys I feel for you. But you have to stop enabling him with them games. Set up rules and reward systems. I'm not sure how old he is but you need to set some boundaries and ground rules. You are responsible. Best wishes.
Yes I agree with Lady Warrior. It’s important to set the standard for YOUR household. If he’s living under your roof and eating your food, games can only be played for 1 HOUR a day, for example. You have the ability to knock him off this ridiculous waste of time and prodding him to engage in conversation and appreciate life. He’s certainly never a going to meet a partner, otherwise, so he’ll need you to lead and guide him. Don’t let him sweet-talk you either. Put that foot down 😉
Ryan, all I can say is thank you so much for your video's. They help immensely. You're so smart. It doesn't hurt that you're pretty cute too! lol
What about when you don’t know if your partner sees you as long term? You try bringing up the future but they seem vague and don’t want to discuss. After 6 months together shouldn’t you know? Or am I expecting too much so soon
Hey Georgina! When you say “bringing up the future” with him, can you clarify why that means to you? Are you just looking to be exclusive with him? Or, if you already are, are you trying to feel out of he’s ready to settle down and get married?
Ryan Patrick sorry for my late reply! So he’s been my boyfriend for 7 months now and he never really talks about the future, he said he wants children and marriage but never brings it up. Am I expecting too much to soon? I’m 30 and just don’t want to waste my time. He’s not very good at opening up and sharing feelings, I’ve tried talking about the future but he gets a bit funny
Hi Ryan, thank you for this video. It makes me understand more about man. Do you have any advices for how to handle and treat an ADHD boyfriend who seems to be vulnerable most of the time. Pls help me Ryan. From Vietnam
Love to hear a guy's perspective. It really helps
Ryan pls could you start doing videos for men too? A lot of them are clueless about women. Pls don't say there are enough women doing that. There is a down to earth humorous perspective you bring to the table that men could definitely benefit from...
Thanks Debi. I used to coach men, but I don’t anymore, specifically, due to a variety of reasons. Although there are actually quite a bit of men on this channel who seem to enjoy this content too 👌🏼
I needed this, thank u. Ofc . men should do their part too , but its good to hear what to do . If a man and a woman loves eachother unconditionally, they will solve their problems. Good, selfless communication is the key!
Healthy relationship means men pursuing women and women pursuing men
Everything is going good; getting along & enjoying eachother's company. Then all of a sudden, he picks a fight. He distances himself from me in every way & blames me. If i stop txtn, he texts & qyestions why i stopped. He exhausts me & I'm really confused.
It’s also called the “midnight Dj voice”
I’ve watched several of his videos but this is the only one that rubbed me the wrong way. What can women do to prevent him from cheating because he thinks the relationship is over….REALLY?!!!! 🙄
So maybe I'm wrong..but I get men are impatient.selfish. babies most times when dealing with emotions...hmmm they expect us to do all this ..while getting nothing back...😂😂😂😂 tell me I'm wrong..I am not in the dark any longer about why I am so much happier single...men are too much work...😒this is soo draining..I have a child to raise and baby right..who has time for all these tips..lol
I like those cushions of like and subscribe ☺️. Okay then to the topic. I’ve always been the one who breathes keeps calm etc. But I have noticed they don’t want to come down/ change habit understand come to terms or anything. When it’s all broken and there’s no way around it, there come the regrets. And 2 years later...7(!!) years later ..they still come around with the intention of recovering something which is impossible to recover. Men live an eternal present “?
Thank Niki! They're so soft 😊And if men can't bring it down when you do and they're consistent about that, just say ADIOS!
I find this so sad. Are men really this fragile?! Good lord....
there’s too much responsibility put on women here.
C’mon. We have to be calm all the time?! Come on.
This is too much.
Denying a woman’s righteous anger is insulting.
Missing a HUGE one…if they lost a job, lost someone, feels inadequate or sad in any way. I know when men are depressed they pull back and are not going to be very open with feelings-just let him know you are there but give him space and time.
SMH...I’m 8 months in with my boyfriend and he’s beginning to exhibit this behavior...I guess it’s downhill from here😒
This the same man he get jealous when I talk to someone else and saying he my man
How does one respond to a critical man? I've talked to different guys on the phone recently, and a few have chastised me like they were my mother. For example, the day after I got back from a trip, I said I was unpacking, "What?! You haven't unpacked yet?!"
Or with another guy, I told him I had moved to the area a couple months ago, and I'm looking for a new physical therapist (for an injury I've had). I said I had thought I didnt need to keep going, but noticed some symptoms pop back up. He chastised me for "not attending to my health" and that I was making the injury last much longer than needed. This same guy also checked in to find out if I had finished packing before my trip.
I do not like it when people make judgemental comments like this. What is the best way to handle these situations? Is there a way to get these types of comments to cease? Should I walk away from them? I'm naturally disinclined to stay in touch when people talk to me like this, but if I can change the dynamic, that might be helpful?
Well, that aplies more to me!! I'm the one that cant be emotional available because the man gets defensive or judgmental or just mean, so I totally understand men... and definitely applies to women as well..
Please help me.. Me and my guy were in a relationship from one and half year.. Initially i only proposed him and he did not accept because of our different religions. after that he accepted me because he loved the way i love and care about him.. He used to tell that nobody will love him the way i love him.. He told that we should maintain our relationship secretely. I should not tell any others about our relationship. I agreed with that. Because i love him so much. It was not a matter to me.
We were really happy together for 5 months. He loved me like crazy.
One day i seen his images with another girl ( which is his ex but he didnt admit that before he was in a relationship. He hide from everyone). But he loved me truly. He asked me to accept him. He cried to not leave him. But from that moment i started doubting and digging of his history. He cried and requested me to not ask about that things. But i was toxic. I tortured him. Made him sad all day.. Whenever we were together i was behaved like a psycho because I'm too much possessive. Like i didn't let him to spend his time with his most loving friends and family. I was really jealous.. He got really tired of me behaviour. I made the situation worst by calling his ex and his friend to ask about his past.. He got angry on me to not trusting him and to reveal our relationship with his friends. So he asked me to move on.
From past 6 months i asked him to breakup our relationship for so many times because he was not happy with me because of my psycho behaviour. But he didn't let me to go.. He begged me to stay.. This time he asked me to breakup because it's already too late. I'm making things worse.. So.. He initiated the breakup .. And said let us breakup. And acting like really distant and cold..
He brokeup with me by may 15th
But after 2 days of breakup i felt like dieing. I was missing him so much.. So i asked him to be in contact for somedays. Because i cant handle this. He agreed.
And since our breakup he use to send good morning and good night messages regularly. I use to send him funny videos daily. And we both replied laughing emojies.. And some time he replied with my pet name he used to call.. And we were not talked anything personally..
But after breaking up with him i realised the mistakes i have done to him and how badly i treated him. Now i need him back.. But he is too cold and emotionally distant. From past two weeks he is also sending me funny videos. And some times he acts very cold like not opening my good morning msg too.. Yesterday i asked him like should i move on completely. But he replied like "I'll be like this only. Don't ask anything. It hurts too much."
And i asked him to meet for last time.. But he said lets see.. I'll tell.. Like this..
What should i do.. I really don't know how to react with him..
How to get him back.. I need him he is my soul. I can't live without him😭🙏
perfect timing for this video lol
Excellent 😏
Ryan you are Awesome.. Sorry you had to deal with a Narcissist growing up 🙏
Thanks Cc! It made me stronger! Thanks for your kind words 🙂
This works only with a "normal" person. A narcissist will actually see you calm and explode even more, because you are not taking up his provocations. If you are calm in conflict and he freaks out even more, run. I could not run for many, many years, because the narcissist psychopath abuser in my life was my father.
Emotionally detached men is reason why I have high standards. It helps me alot cus I love my high standards more than my freedom.
Thank you for this video. It made me understand what I did wrong just recently. I now see why he went away in hiding.
How do I get my ex back? I broke up with him, but I might have been the one to run him off by being short with him and giving him the silent treatment.
I moved back in to my house so he could have space and to see if he'd make the effort to come see me. For 2 years I drove to his house every Monday (a 30 minute drive one way.) I stopped going over there for personal reasons, but when I quit driving over there, I didn't tell him I wasn't going over there anymore nor did I tell him he's going to have to make the effort to come here from now on. He only came over once though. Am I in the wrong?
I’m in my 50’s and the men are going through their mid-life crisis. They all do it. Every married woman I know is flat out miserable. Focus on your career. Keep men at arm’s length. It’s a fact that single woman are happier and earn more than married woman. Married men are happier and earn more than single man. Basically, and generally speaking, men suck the life out of their partners.
What do you think of a guy that just says goodmorning to me and 8am and then 6.30 pm I get a goodnight!! Nothing else. Long distance relationship. Sometimes he sends me a plane ticket but I feel like a guest not very close to him.
I wish I had seen this video sooner. My husband clams up and runs to a corner in the house and says " I'm not going to argue with you". Tonight I told him " that's fine, don't argue with me, just go crawl into a little corner and act like you don't give a F". He suddenly gave me a look of shock which confused me and then did just that instantly. Main reason I am upset is because he is so aloof. I am just done with it. I went to my own corner of the house and gave him a taste of his own medicine. Not going to be the only one investing in my relationship.