Hi.. Can you please help me forget the most hurtful thing people have said to me in the past? They told me that I should die , that I have nothing to live for, please can you help me?
I don't have BPD (at least I wasn't officially diagnosed as one yet) but I'd just refrain from making friends in general. I don't think anyone will like me anyways...
I'm in a relationship with someone who has BPD, we've been together for nearly two years now (on and off) and it's been the most enriching relationship I've been in. His heart is so big and his thoughts are so deep, he is exciting and full of ideas, and so creative! My partner has taken steps to help himself and I'm so proud of him. People with BPD have a lot to offer, they really do!
Thank you so much for this. I try it and my partner says I have a beautiful heart and great person. But man I hate I have episodes. Though I actively try to prevent them, and learned steps to help with my issues. Thank you
thank you for saying this. I have bpd and already feel hard to love and this video really made me feel bad about myself. your comment made me feel a lot better.
Yeah we have a lot to offer but at the same time we have a lot to suffer too... Overcoming episodes gets harder as each ends. I now wonder how Lucky I would be if I could spend a whole week without crying.... sounds like dream.
one of my closest friends has BPD and I absolutely adore them!! I'm trying to learn more so I can better help them through their tough times so if anyone has any tips please let me know :D
Knowing what is it and accepting is already such a compliment I think. Someone really important to me probably have it too. Sadly I never managed to get her to go for professional help.
Truth Troll or the BPD person is just too toxic and the friend can't handle it anymore. Persons with BPD are not the only one whose mental health is important. The friend's mental health is also important and maybe getting away from the BPD person is the way to get out of the toxicity specially if the BPD person refuses to get professional help. sometimes, you've done everything you have and you're already drained that the only option for your own sanity is to walk away from the toxicity.
@@bonitabanana9342 I've been in this situation unfortunately. I'm not sure if they had BPD or some other illness (but with the symptoms and other things I know about them, I think they have BPD along with a lot of other mental issues) but it was very toxic for me. I wanted to stay their friend and for the longest time I denied that they were manipulative or toxic to me, because I wanted to be their friend and help them so badly. At some point, after coming to terms with it several times, I finally decided that I couldn't handle it anymore. The worst part was, she acted as if she didn't care at all, didn't try to say or do anything. It was over text and I explained she was toxic and some other reasons, and after asking a few questions, she complied and we haven't spoken since. It was heartbreaking on my end, especially as it seemed as if she didn't care. It's difficult for her to show emotions and she's extremely depressed, along with other things, and so I never really knew if she cared or not, or if she just felt as if everyone gave up on her. It hurt knowing and thinking these things too, and I think I was kind of harsh on her, looking back on it. I was emotional and done with it too though. I still hope she's doing better, and although I might not care in the same way anymore, I still hope that she's able to heal. (Sorry for the long read 😅 and life story)
My wife has BPD. She has emotional episodes every now and then, and yeah, sometimes I bear the brunt of it. But honestly, the only thing that upsets me is that I cant help her out of it, she just has to come out of it herself, and then she feels terrible about the way she treated me. I just want her to know I'm not upset with her, I just want her to be happy.
@@beloved_christi3625 no worries! And yes to both. Sometimes we don't know when we're being abusive, reason why education about the condition, talking a lot (when possible and if it doesn't trigger a bad reaction, and crying while talking is totally normal, believe me... I have ninjas in front of my eyes that do their magic randomly. I just stopped to feel ashamed if someone else see me crying, is like what? Is natural) with that person, in order to have a perspective of their perception of life. I've been verbally and physically abusive. With guys. My poor and dear brother, my lovely stepfather, and a douchebag in highschool received the jackpot. My relatives verbally (well I broken some plates into my bro's feet but didn't hit his body with any of them, BTW he's 13y older. My stepfather was an inch about to be lift from the floor and throw, kicked and breaking his foot - he's a short sir, like 5'1" but electeomechanic, so he's strong he was on his late 40's - I managed myself to push him out of the house before it was too late). With the guy at highschool, I sent him to ER of the local clinic with minor open lacerations, but he was asthmatic and I put on his nostril the very opening of the spray and proceed to fumigate this poor guy twice, I beat the hell I could out of him, twice (I took a break to get a sip of water, I wasn't feeling the pepper spray but it gave me a lot of thirst). The guy was playing rough with a female friend with a petite complexion and I was just 2 inches shorter than him, but maybe 10k of mass above him and when I distracted him from my friend, he came after me. I warned him 3 times, showed him the pepper spray without the safety block and he cornered me pushing his hips against mine in a sexual way, I went nuts and the guy suffer. He puked and all. Police was called at highschool, cops didn't believe a 14y/o girl would beat a 16 and a half guy like that. With woman, verbally abusive is a compliment, nasty, shady, corrosive... Are more accurate adjectives. But those were episodes (others also but won't mention) that happened on my teens, I was undiagnosed and unmedicated. So yeah, we can be quite toxic. Not all are like that and now I'm 28, I work a lot to control my anger and sadistic tendencies that come to surface once the anger escalates. I try not to hurt people, but is like holding the ocean, to be polite, assertive and avoid being like that. Sometimes I take more than what I should from others in fear I will lash out terribly and then I won't be able to control the outcome. That's one of the reasons I trend to self harm, to inflict the pain/punishment on me rather than others. Is a tricky personality disorder, more with other psychiatric conditions, but here I am, healing with therapy and sticking to my meds since I was diagnosed at 26. Again, sorry for the long answer. Hope it helps.
@@beloved_christi3625 My ex fiance would punch and smack holes in our old apartment. To get a reaction out of me he would go after my dog. He never hit me, but the closest he did get to getting physical with me was when he ran up on me and held me up in the air. I thought he was going to body slam me in that still moment. I suffered from sexual abuse from a ex 15-19 and unfortunately my trigger is a fight mode once I get scared. After he dropped me and proceeded to scream profanity at me I ended up smacking him across the face rupturing his ear drum.
@@lycheemyusic your younger! Use that advantage for seek the proper help, if you need medication is your choice, in my case is needed. And take that time. I'm healing from a lot of things. At therapy I realized with my clinical psychologist that I also have CPTSD. It doesn't matter... I'm working to heal all, to develop what I didn't on time. You can do it 😉
I hate the delusion that my friends aren't really my friends. I constantly feel abandoned and alone. I make new friends then they just vanish. I get into vicious cycles of mood swings, mostly anger. I feel like my feelings destroy everyone around me. Just venting. Trying to see a therapist to see if I have BPD because I sure do fit the mold.
@@allybailey2045 update: I don't have BPD, I was diagnosed ADHD, bipolar and going to therapy and taking meds. My friends love me deeply and I understand that. I am my own worst enemy so I have to kill that enemy so Christ in me can help me love like I'm supposed to in this crazy world.
@@allybailey2045 It would be a really sad life staying away from people that you love because it's an effort from both sides when you have BPD. You have to work on yourself but also your friends, if they are your friends, should be understanding and patient as hard as it is to be that way when working with someone who has BPD. I have been recently diagnosed with BPD and it's really hard. I isolate myself when I feel like everyone hates me (and I have no reason to think these things), I push people away and I hurt them sometimes but they are trying to understand and they reach out to make sure I am okay when I do these things. If you have friends that love you, they will reinforce that and make sure they reassure you of their love because unfortunately, we need that. It's really hard sometimes because of the constant battle within our own minds to see that the thoughts we have are fabricated and what we think they are thinking, they aren't and we couldn't possibly know that because those thoughts of what they think of you are fabricated. We just have to learn how to fabricate positive thoughts for a positive reinforcement and it's a real struggle sometimes.
I find it funny how there’s plenty of material on how to live with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and whatnot, yet when it comes to BPD, it’s always about how to deal with a person who has BPD...
I guess it's because people with BPD learn social cues and how to fit in in the same way that people without it do, it just warps their perceptions initially because the condition makes it hard to be a chill spiritual oasis most times. They don't learn how people are supposed to react normally or "in rest mode" initially, other people's reactions are always of one or two types, never being a "normal" one. But as they get older they learn normalsy because at some point they will have contact with normalsy. Besides, understanding what the person is going through helps a lot on cutting the vicious cycle of rejection, because it gets rid of part of the rejection so the person can get a tad of normalsy Anyways, that's a supposition.
Probably it's because personality disorders don't work the same way the other disorders do. See, BPD is "egodystonic" (i.e, there's something wrong but there's a disconnect between that and themselves), so there aren't too many treatments (besides DBT) or experts who know how to help those who have the diagnosis. Most treatments are for egosyntonic conditions, as treatment for those are usually voluntary.
I had a girlfriend with bpd. The relationship became extremely toxic but she was the sweetest woman underneath it all. Leaving her was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
@@moonbunny7380 That's quite a bold statement to say for not knowing the whole story: a very narrow minded opinion. Have you considered that a child may have been affected by her behaviour ?? I didn't want to leave her but I was morally obligated to leave her for my daughters best interest. You're speaking from victim mentality 🙏
I completely understand what you are mean. I had a very life changing relationship with someone who was trying so hard to be there for my down times and he truly wanted to I understand me. But, our mental illness is different. And it cannot always be about us. That’s when our partners leave because the harsh truth is that we can be selfish. None of this is to degrade our experiences or make us look bad. But we need to see the stress we are putting our partners through. So thank you to everyone who gave us a chance and truly tried to understand us 💕
Thank you for touching on the "manipulative" part. I hate how often bpd is portrayed as just trying to manipulate others. I've never actively thought or tried to make someone stay by hurting myself. I've hurt myself out of pure desperation and not knowing how else to deal. It's more so hurting myself so I dont take it out on someone else.
@@taraelizabethdensley9475 I can relate to that as well. I didn't want to explode my frustration outwards onto others so I'd hurt myself instead. I'm 34 btw. I hope you are able to make progress and not hurt yourself anymore. I understand it can be so hard when you're deep within a trigger. But for me I just started to remind myself that it literally solves nothing. All it did was make me feel worse after leaving marks on my body. That we deserve love to and not to punish ourselves. You are valid even when you feel out of control and triggered. If you can be kind and protect others, you can turn that kindness onto yourself. Sending you so much love and thank you for sharing ❤💕
@@Madeviets Oh? I thought the opposite to be the case (maybe I'm wrong!). From what I understood, individuals with BPD go through severe emotional instability. As a result, this causes them to be more likely to use certain "tactics" in order to get attention from their peers which, could overstep set boundaries. I also genuinely connect with this because I live with an individual who was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and, there have been countless instances in which she would say and do extremely hurtful things that I definitely feel no "normal" person would commit no matter the ugliness of the situation.
I really love this because it doesn’t paint my disorder as something horrific and awful. I think something people forget is how strongly we love and care for others, we are probably the best friends a person can have just because of how loving, caring, giving and validating we are because of our past experiences and traumas. We feel stronger, we love harder. It’s not ALL bad, we just work very differently.
All right. I guess I’ll take your word for it. Unfortunately the BPD in my life was my mother who emotionally drained me and regularly terrorized me when I was growing up. Her abuse of me continued until she died when I was 46. I understand she was acting out of her own fear and pain, but it has left me unwilling to get close to anyone who identifies as having BPD or who behaves like her.
@@reginarodriguez-martin4928 People with BPD don't actually love others. They use others as an extension of themselves to seek validation. Nothing more. And so many of them refuse to take any accountability for their actions.
That awkward moment when you've been diagnosed with BPD and everyone automatically assumes you're abusive when you tell them but you'd never hurt the people you love
I feel this. I never wanna tell people but I also want people to now I have bpd and understand what it is so they can understand me. I’m terrified of people hating me or being afraid that I am manipulative and toxic.
When you've been diagnosed with BPD and are afraid to tell people how you actually are and feel about them because you know it will change later and that you'll upset them or scare them away.
If you have a mental illness you ARENT abusive. If its something you cannot control thats not your deal. Its like blaming a dreamwalking person for peeing on a carpet. Abusers know what they are doing.
I'm the friend with BPD And I can say one thing. My best friend has been my friend for 6 years. At first, I didn't know I had this until I was diagnosed. So our relationship was a rollercoaster. Then one day, I apologized and explained to her about that disorder. She didn't complain about it and just listened. She's a sweetheart and when I go too deep in my thoughts, she saves me from drowning. When I feel like exploding. She helps me breath. She never used triggering words, as she knew about my last relationship. She stood by my side and I'm so happy to have her.
I suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder 18 years ago as a teenage. Got diagnosed with BPD. Spent my whole life fighting BPD. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
YES sure of Dr.benfungi. Did straight shrooms in few nights. Left me like a blank slate after words, no more addictions, pains, ptsd and depression. Shit saved my life, all thanks to Dr.benfungi
100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma
Yes he's Dr.benfungi.Shrooms to me is a natrual healer. I know a guy who has used mushrooms in the same way and they have really helped him. mah dudes have safe trips all.
From my experience it really works excellently! It doesnt even need to be a full hit. With potent shrooms 2-3 small ones will still make a clear difference. It will be a few hour cosy rumbling moment around rest time, but afterwards its just calm and you feel amazing and gain your freedom. Psilocybin is different dudes, its the only "treatment" I would recommend to someone who genuinely wants to get better. There is no addiction, withdrawal, or negative side effects. It's just pure healing., far more effective than any anti-depressant. You can thank me later,
I haven’t been diagnosed with bpd but I feel a lot of these videos are too relatable. There is nothing wrong with a person suffering from a mental illness but while I can say I’ve professionally labelled with depression I feel there is a lot of grey area and carry over between these types of mental illness. I really appreciate these videos and I know they definitely help many people understand them selves and others, but even if this is a message solely to myself; don’t self diagnose. Being able to confine yourself to a subsect or group is very easy. While these issues do have a great impact upon ones self, dumping the blame upon that which you cannot control may almost certainly not be helpful. Help yourself be kind to you.
True, which is why you need to have almost all symptoms in order to get diagnosed but having a halfway here and there makes it trickier. Especially when you have suffered too much yet didn't go to the doctors about it
The symptoms can be relatable and overlap, so yes, that's why getting diagnosed professionally is essential. However, with people who actually have it, it is evident that these symptoms are much more intense than people without BPD and it can be debilitating and take over their whole life.
I'd highly recommend that you don't use these videos to diagnose yourself, and see an actual expert to see if you''re actually suffering from a mental disorder, and get help if you are. I love this channel's content but they really should make it clear that self diagnosis is extremely dangerous and these videos are not meant to be a substitute for a doctor.
I have BPD and one thing that I'd like to clarify is that BPD doesn't make people inherently bad or manipulative. I like this video, but am also slightly uncomfortable, because it subtly reinforces the rhetoric of people with BPD enthusiastically engaging in manipulation when really, our troubled relationships are often so because we act in ways that feels like it's overcompensatory to others, but appropriate for us to act. We may GENUINELY believe that acting in these ways is what OTHERS WANT. For example, someone might text their SO nonstop because they feel the SO becoming distant, and over-texting feels like a way to bridge the gap, rather than feeling overbearing or like harrassment. People with BPD are often villainized for "manipulation," but often times we don't have the intent to undermine others for our own sake. It's moreso like we see a lot of actual or perceived deficits, and believe that either party must change behavior to stabilize the situation, -- as such, a lot of behaviors seem extreme or inappropriate to a non-BPD person. In reality, I've found that I've had to set boundaries with my non-BPD friends where we have to communicate what emotional labor we'd like from one another (on a situational, case-by-case basis, normalizing asking for explanations/validations/support/time together or time alone, etc. Like this video said, people with BPD fear abandonment BECAUSE they're experienced a lot of rejection and abandonment in their life. It's a trauma, and a survivor of trauma who cannot rely on their friends to help them understand their contexts and situations is essentially fucked. I hope your next video actually includes 'asking people with BPD about their experiences and how you can support them'. People with BPD are humans, and their trauma doesn't exist in a vacuum. If you care about your BPD friend, learn how to communicate with them by demonstrating empathy (caring about their experiences and how it has shaped them) and integrating that into your own behavior and emotional skillset. The last part about being "direct" but also compassionate is probably the most important part of this video. People with BPD HATE when people are evasive or avoidant (because it legitimately is a form of rejection or abandonment or ghosting).
THANKS FOR SAYING IT! i also felt bad seeing that cuz bpd doesn’t make us bad people and if the others understood what’s behind the actions they would see the logic (even if twisted) there! being clear is one of best things you can do to a bdp person because we already live in an ocean of doubts and fears and that’s why ask so much or try so hard we want it to be solid so we don’t lose it all anymore…
Thank you for this clarification and for expanding on what was in the video, this is so helpful. We all seem to have some form of trauma, and BPD is just one expression of it. So I really feel your point about the need to open up dialogue with our close ones who express their trauma, and support one another through it
What's funny is I watch the video and think the video bends over backwards to not do what you're implying. Reading your comment makes me feel gaslit that we even saw the same video, which is ironically the kind of manipulation that my friend with BPD does. Your comment about setting up boundaries is exactly what my BPD friend does. She constantly sets up boundaries, but at the same time expects you to be able to their emotional support pet. Thinking that people who deal with NPD don't have empathy is laughable. If anything, it's because of the nonBPD's empathy that drains all their emotional bandwidth that becomes exhausting. Constantly trying to feel the other person's mood is empathy, and why they feel like they are walking on eggshells all the time to not trigger them. Your last sentence is why my nonBPD friend had to cut my BPD friend out of her life. By setting up boundaries (which could be interpreted as being avoidant or evasive), my BPD friend keeps saying it's ghosting, when it clearly is not.
I think it’d be really good to have a video on how to handle the responsibility of being the favourite person, as some people don’t know how sensitive it can be
I feel empty at least one a day. I think the fact that I feel lonely more often in social situations than lonely at home says a lot about my mental health
You guys pretty much nailed it with the "having one missing layer" and therefore always feeling the impact of things in such an intense way. That's exactly how Borders feel, and I should know for I've been dealing with my own self for years and it's a hard road full of burned bridges, people that you loved and would die for that suddenly become the enemy, periods of feeling like you're so fine you could rule the world and then, just like that, you can only feel the ache of that huge empty that's somewhere, somewhat, inside you. You scream, you shout and you try anything to make it stop, because it's THAT unbearable. Medication definitely helps, but it needs to be associated with therapy, otherwise, it's just a matter of time until something triggers you and it starts all over again (and each time it gets worse because it's trauma on top of trauma - like "oh no, not this again"). So facing the traumas through therapy and learning how to cope with the emotions is a MUST. It's therapy for life, but it really does wonders. As a diagnosed BPD who's been so many times through the ups and downs of this rollercoaster, I just want to thank you for taking your time to make this video and approach the "our side of the story" and how others can help us to maintain a relation of any kind. Sadly I see a lot of people talking non-sense and literally labeling psychopaths as BPDs!!! - this only makes social stigma worse :( Just as a curious factor: hundreds of incredibly famous actors and singers had/have BPD and anyone who's familiar with the behaviors can easily recognize them.
@@syphos9411 I guess the best thing I could say is: try to remember that this person who is now going through a down phase is still the same person you probably knew during a good phase - even though their behavior makes it difficult to see it. Therefore, simply assure them that you love them and won't give up on them, so as to show that, no matter how hard they try to pull you away, it's not going to work because you're there by their side and that's it. If you know the particular way(s) this person feels loved (each person has their own way(s) of feeling and showing love, be it in the form of saying so or needing to hear that, giving or receiving presents, protecting and paying company etc.) it can be easier and more effective.
@@hyp3rs0mni4tic thank you for your advice. Really thank you! I think what it makes it so difficult is that he hides. He won't read any messages, he won't answer the phone. But your words will give me the strength to keep trying! To encourage any baby steps, even though I am afraid that he thinks that he's not worth it and stop trying to beat his fears.
@@syphos9411 He's probably "avoiding" you because he really fears losing you and doesn't want to face or deal with this fear - the irony is that this behavior of his ends up making it easier for people to actually leave him. I know well. But I hope you do show him you're not going anywhere, and that time and maturity help him see that. Wish you all luck in the world.
I’m recently diagnosed with BPD. I honestly can say it feels so good to finally know why it is I keep sabotaging meaningful relationships but quite conversely I feel so sad for how awful it must be for the people who love me. It’s hard to not think vanishing is the answer in order to make life easier on the people I care about.
I’ve have BPD for awhile now and I appreciate videos like this. I suspected I had the condition at 13 and was diagnosed at 16. I found that early education like these helped me to recognize and address negative behaviours. I have 8 out of the 9 symptoms you need to diagnosis so I could have turned into a tornado of illness without early education. Youre helping people. I hope you know this Psych2Go.
I have BPD, but it took them like 2 years to diagnose me, just because they refuse to diagnose under 18 even though I obviously suffer from it. Then they wondered why I didn't respond to their treatments when they were avoiding my actually condition and the treatment I need for it.
BPD was only mentioned once in my appointment and it was never brought up again (because dear doctor forgot to key in my case report on time :'( ) Now the doctors keep saying that I just have poor coping mechanisms so I went to a private institution for a second opinion... I really wished that they had decent exposure to mental illness back in the days where I was so hurt by everything
I wish my fiance felt that way.... He left me today, because let's be honest, i'm unloveable as a borderline.... All I ever wanted out of this life was to be loved.... Just by one person... I guess that was too much to ask for....
@@laynedoe3455 You're not unlovable, some people just can't put up much with certain people. Some people aren't just meant for each other, their relationships don't work, not because one is a terrible person, but because you just can't fit a square in a circular mould. My best friend (who is also my crush) I've been there for her always, she has BPD and many of her friends have left. I haven't and I'll always be there for her even tho our friendship can get very exhausting at times. I love her to death and its not because I have a crush on her, but because of who she is as a person! I hope you get someone in your life who will love you unconditionally and be accepting of you at your core ❤️❤️ if you ever need to talk I'm always here
I have BPD, I have been getting help for my BPD. I am fortunate to have very good patient friends who struck it out with me for as long as they did and still are. We aren’t monsters, a lot of us have a lot to offer and never forget that ❤
I cried while watching this. a lot of us don’t know how to get people around us to understand, a lot of people steer clear of us when they find out we have this disorder and are constantly made out to be monsters. I really appreciate you reminding people that we can actually have successful relationships. I believe you did really well with this video, thank you so much 💚
Even if we do understand, sometimes there's nothing we can to help. I try to just make sure my person with bpd knows I'm still here for them. Sometimes I have to put some distance for my own wellbeing though
This has made me cry, but not on a bad way. I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago, pretty late diagnosis (I'm 32 now) but the disorder really fucked up my relationships for over a decade prior. I've been able to find and regularly maintain better medication for my mood disorders, and I think that, plus growing older, pursuing ongoing therapy, and leaving a toxic romantic relationship, has helped me maintain much better relationships with my loved ones. I still find myself remembering how I used to behave, though, and I still have those volatile moments of panic where I'm afraid they'll remember and leave me, or they'll realise I'm not worth their time and leave.
Just remind them that its you sumptoms, not you. I'm going through a rough time myself and i spoke to my loved one. I assured them; it has nothing to do with them, I'm just overwhelmed. Your loved one will understand if you tell them clearly. I do it and it makes a big difference. They are happy to see I trust them enough to be open and expressing myself about my fears. They know to not take it personal and they understand without judgment. Don't give up. ❤❤❤❤
My gf has bpd. She's the most amazing person I've ever known in my whole life! She's doing much better now. But she's always been amazing she's just now figured it out!
I have had success in dealing with a BPD by letting them make their escape when feeling threatened then after a few minutes I enter the room and sit with them and say nothing. I sit across the room, don't touch or speak. If asked why you are there just say in case you need me. Leave if they ask you to.. In this case I would sometimes wait near by. Nothing else until they're ready to move on. If you must leave simply excuse yourself and go. If you can do this consistently they'll be able to use your presence to help move on more quickly. They feel abandoned and alone. Just be there for them and that really helps them recover from an episode. PS I mean it! Don't speak and try to justify what caused it. You may be entirely justified but it can wait until later. PPS No! Shut up and wait till they feel better. If you can't you are just rubbing salt in the wound.
@@reneeladouceur Your summary is exactly what you'd expect from 2 normal individuals except for the non-apology.In which case that is what I'd expect from a BPD order. You are letting them recover on their own. I on the other time spend my time and use my presence to let them know that the melt down hasn't destroyed their life. They recover and know they are forgiven. You give them space and wait for an apology that they feel so bad about that it will never come. Don't treat a not quite normal person as if they are normal and then be upset when then don't respond like a normal person.
@@reneeladouceur I am no professional when it comes to knowing anything about psych. I'm just a guy with experience with my child. She is now grown with children of her own and a very understanding and loving husband. She sometimes calls and somehow she feels better later in the call. She still calls me her rock. This is just one case and how I deal with it. I hope it helps someone in the world. I agree with all you have said. God knows that my Ex was a complete failure at dealing with it. So, yes, a person can only take so much. My reward is that there isn't another person on earth who loves me more. May God send you the gifts you need in dealing with this.
@@reneeladouceur It sounds to me like you made the right choice. That sounds like a situation where he has made you feel responsible for his mental well being. And, well... this sounds like BPD AND much more. If the BPD was left to fester as a child I'd say that HE has bigger problems now. It doesn't sound like he's going to change. If you apologize, he may never realize there's a problem. I'm not saying that "he" is, but, I've seen these angry kind of people become dangerous. I feel like I must add one more thing. I don't like the advise your psych gave you. Again, my opinion, a shrink should never diagnose or attach labels to people they have never examined. I think the shrink sent you off on a wild goose chase. BPD in my experience are introverted. Their anger turns inward and are prone to cutting and other self destructive behaviors. BPD can be triggered by the slightest thing or sometimes nothing at all, but this sets off an emotional response. A triggered emotional response that is outward, angry and destructive to other people may be BPD, but it doesn't sound like it to me.By mentioning BPD I think you've looked for an answer that doesn't exist. This behavior sounds very narcissistic to me. Look for some info on narcissism and if you think that sounds like him, run and don't look back.
@@reneeladouceur As a person with BPD this is my biggest fear. Getting so into one of the episodes that I will mentally abuse people close to me. Sorry you had to go through it and it's okay to leave cause you have to keep yourself first. I hope you are doing better now. Not all of us are the same that is one of the reason why this disorder is so hard.
These types of videos have helped me a lot on how to cope with my girlfriend’s actions. We have been dating for 1 year and 7 months now and before meeting her I had never heard about BPD. Had to find out the “hard” and quick way, which was very stressful and mentally draining. After months I started watching these videos which helped me a ton and for sure helped her a lot. She’s getting better, she will get there. I’ll be right by her side, won’t ever leave her alone. ❤️
My Dad has BPD and goes from one extreme to another, frequently. When I was younger it was harder for me to cope with his behavior, as he refused to take medication for it. It can be hard to have relationships with people who have this mental illness, but they are more than that. I really like the messages this video gave us. 💞
I have BPD and started Ketamine treatments a little over a year ago. They saved and changed my life. Perhaps you can do some research and bring it up to him! They not only take away all suicidal ideation for me it helps the depression and borderline better than any medication. I no longer take any psychiatric medications except for Xanax as needed. I believe it has the potential to change how we treat many mental health disorders.
I would love to see that how to set boundaries video! One of my very close friends has BPD and I've struggled to set boundaries to begin with, and it's even harder with them. That video would be very useful for me!
I was diagnosed with BPD. I never want to hurt anyone so even before I was diagnosed I would tell them if I’m crossing the line or doing something wrong because I genuinely can’t notice them sometimes.i like it when people are directly with me and i manage to make long lasting friends that way
I recognise a lot of this in myself. I’ve never threatened anyone with anything, but... yeah. I just feel so raw and alone, even though I can quite clearly see that I’m not. Maybe I do overcompensate. I’ve got some research to do, it seems.
@Psych2Go: I don’t believe so. It’s an interesting thing to look at - I’ve had a lot of problems recently, so there are likely a lot of threads to separate out, but I’ve never really connected with more than a few people in my life. I don’t mean to imply that I’m unfriendly or anything, but I’ve never really felt that most people actually like me very much. I certainly agonise about all the things I’ve done wrong, the mistakes I made and the times I hurt someone when I didn’t mean to, in the dark watches of the night. Would a sort of low-grade paranoia be part of this subject? It feels like it might be. I often feel that this feeling makes me act in a strange way, where I don’t think I could help someone understand how I feel if I tried my hardest. @Jennifer H: I will, boss - don’t worry about that! I’m very much getting into self-care after a very scary eighteen months (which is how I found this channel!) so I feel I’m moving in the right direction. I’ve had help from medical professionals and continue to do so, but every so often something like this video comes along and a little lightbulb goes on in my head. I’m not in a place where I “ignore myself” if that makes any sense - I’m not about to stop trying, and that definitely means getting help and advice. @Kuga139: I shall find a copy and see what it has to say! Thank you for the recommendation!
@Nicolette James: that’s sort of what I meant. I’ve never threatened to kill myself to manipulate anyone or elicit a response. I mean, I’ve never threatened anyone with violence against them either, but even when I was seriously considering doing something last year, the only ones who knew were medical professionals. I’ll tell my friends eventually, but it’s still all a bit raw. It’d feel like a cry for attention, I suppose.
My girlfriend and I both have BPD. It was heaven at first, maybe I was a bit manic too. A few days ago she took a lot of meds because she felt triggered, and it’s very difficult since. Because I know for a fact that there’s nothing I can do except to wait for her to feel better. It’s so hard to stay calm and supportive when deep down I’m splitting and I want to run away and say awful things. But I won’t, I just have to keep reminding myself that I love her and that she’s ill, it’s not her fault. Having bpd is a nightmare. We hurt. So. Fucking. Much.
“No matter much you’re there for your friend, you can never do enough to make them see it” made me bawl my eyes out because I looked at myself from my family’s point of view when I “explode” and it made me feel horrible
I have a friend with BPD who helped me through my tough times as a bipolar. She helped me to get through it and also to control it. Every day we chatted even though it was out of topic. Days passed and she ignored me. I had another tough times but she’s not there anymore. In my mind I know it must be the BPD but who knows? Till this day I hope for the best for her. I love you Ca, I’ll always be
@@chrisroberts1435 no offense at all, but could you explain how it feels like when you 'ignore' your loved ones? For what reason? I know you dont mean any harm and i just want to know why. Its alright if you dont want to answer this question if its too personal ^-^
@@tee630 It's very hard to say. It starts with the fear of being abandoned so we do it first, to avoid the pain of seeing the ones you love leaving you. Then there's the feeling of being guilty that you left them, so you end up trapped and not able to come back since you just want to forget you hurt them Or like me, there's a part of abandon, but also the fact I'm scared of myself. I feel toxic because of my mood swings and hurt my lover with words. So then, I try to leave him, thinking he will be better without me Luckily, he's a strong one and never stop trying to keep me, our fight can last hours until I come back to my sense and then we are back as normal
@@tee630 I have BPD and for me it's because of the fear of intimacy. 😱 Even though we want to experience a relationship, it's just not possible if you afraid of interaction because of the abandonment trauma. I hope this helps you understand BPD and dissociative disorders.
I am diagnosed with BPD, I instantly clicked on this video and I am so glad you guys are shining some light onto it. As always, keep up your amazing work!
@@Psych2go yesss i am really grateful you guys raise awareness on these so called taboo topics. You really change the world for the better and help educate people on these not so known and misunderstood disorders. Keep up the great work and raising awareness!
My best friend has BPD. I run into some challenges here and there but I really appreciate that they are very engaged with treating their symptoms and staying on top of communication the best they can. I’m glad to see so many people in the comments that are proud to support their loved ones with BPD and stand with them 🙏
They were very accurate, I think you covered the most important aspects! You are the best mental health channel on RUclips. You guys are really doing great work!
It's so hard having BPD. I feel like I switch between extremes all the time. Suicidal depression, aggressive rage, hypomania, and then just nothing at all. I'm a "quiet" borderline, so people see me as well adjusted even though I feel like I'm melting on the inside and a lot of people don't believe I have it until they witness a split, which will usually end up making them withdraw even if 95% of the time the split wasn't even towards them.
In my case it's not a friend who suffers from BPD. It is a person I care for. And it is honestly really hard. One minute we talk to each other, laugh and have a great time, then all of a sudden a little mistake happens and she starts yelling at me and gets furious. She sits in a wheelchair and can't move her arms properly, so I have to be there for her in any case. I tried my best to talk to her about the yelling and that we both want to be respectful towards each other. I really try my best to not take it to heart, but it is so difficult. As you said in the video, it feels like nothing I do is good enough, even when I do my absolute best and everything works out.
I feel this so deeply. When they actively ignore me and not others knowing that I'm also not mentally well, it hurts to sit there and take this behavior over and over. Makes me want to drop them entirely. They sent the group chat this video while continuing to ignore me. I know the video said it's not personal. But boy does it feel that way.
@@SummerMationss its crazy to be brought back to this video 2 years later haha I went to therapy, set boundaries, got rid of my friendship with them, and learned that I was not only raised by a mom with BPD but also befriended a variety of people who hurt me over and over who also were diagnosed with BPD. So, not sure what the conclusion is, but I've been abused by people with BPD my whole life, evidently. But I'm growing to be better and keep myself protected. Not everyone with BPD is a bad person. But the 4 people with BPD that affected my life, left me with crippling PTSD. Food for thought.
My girlfriend was diagnosed with BPD, she's an awesome girlfriend, but it confused me so much the way she would get angry out of nowhere, the way she would get depressed, all the self harm she did to herself, and how happy and positive she was at the same time. She explained a lot of things to me, but this video clears a lot of questions I had, I can understand her better now and I know she's not a bad person, she just works differently. She's going to therapy and things are getting better, but I still want to support her and understand her
I just did the same. I sent the video to people that have cut me off due to BPD. I'm actually proud of myself, because one of the main issues for me is to be ignored and feel abandoned. I'm taking a risk by sending the videos, because if they don't respond, it could could send me back into the thoughts of abandonment. Instead of being fearful of abandonment, I'm telling myself, that the fact that I'm taking a risk, is inner strength. I hope that made sense.
Sucks to be the one with BPD. Sometimes I go through phases of extreme trust and distrust. Then go into isolation for weeks or months blocking everyone I love all because of one small pity argument. Then somehow become friends with everyone again, and then do the same thing all over. This time feels permanent and I can’t confront them anymore. I’ve retaliated too many times and destroyed all bridges. It’s impossible to keep friends, relationships, or jobs. I tick too easily and get overwhelmed with my own thoughts. I make threats or cause irrational behavior that would endanger me or people around me. I’m terrified of losing loved ones but sometimes it’s easier to leave everyone instead. Back into denial. Back to hurt. I just want to make it stop and keep my friends. I feel like a glass vase, fragile- and if broken, I’m a hazard to everyone.
i feel you so deeply i didnt even realize this is a thing and im sorry ur going through this and i just hope we can see a way out of it. sending you so much love xx
I’m the friend with BPD. I’d love to know how to set boundaries/ people should with me. I’ve lost a lot of friends these last few months/ years and I’m terrified of losing more so anything you could point me to to stop that happening would be amazing. Thank you for your spectacular work! xXx
hey im sorry you’re going through this, i dont know how to help bc im going through the same exact thing (except for i havent been diagnosed but i really fit into the criteria) i lost the closest ppl to me this year and i still dont know why or how or if its too late to fix it or not, it feels paralyzing like im helpless and lost in it all. this made me feel less alone so thank you for sharing it
If ur in therapy learn about splitting. Work on your splitting. You need to see yourself as a separate person with your own emotions and worth. When i ised to see everybody as super good or super nice, they could never do anything wrong. But they are humans too and they have flaws too. The i would switch to being clingy, overbearing and if rejected, just plain cruel. People walk away from this kind of behavior and we end up feeling more lonely and useless... .slowly learn to trust learn to see you'll be ok. learn that it's OK to not be perfect learn boundaries and i promise you, you'll be surprised how people will WANT TO be around you. 😘
I was diagnosed with BPD in May, shortly after my eighteenth birthday. I find it almost like, funny, in a really messed up way, that as soon as I hit the minimum age to be diagnosed with a PD, I am. I grew up alone with nobody to stand up for me or tell me it wasn't my fault in a household where I was manipulated, guilt-tripped, and invalidated by a bipolar parent. I've just now, as a young adult, started to realize the true impact my parents' actions have had on me. I didn't know that it was emotional abuse to do the things they did. I feel really angry and alone since my diagnosis, and for the past 8 months, since my most recent traumas, I've been getting sicker. Splitting has cost me almost every friend I made before I was diagnosed. The memories of what other people have done to me and how I handled it haunt me constantly and I feel like a broken, worthless wreck. I'm glad for this video, though, and I'm glad for everyone who understands that people with BPD aren't monsters by default. I want to be a happy, functional person. I'm getting the help I need and I know it'll be a long journey, but I hope I can get there.
I have friends who have BPD, one I was friends with before her diagnosis and one I knew she had it. We've had some crazy good times and also some very rough times together. It's not been easy, but as a person who also struggles with mental illness I've always stood by them as a pillar of support even when things got ugly. My story is not the only one... You will see others who write similar comments under the video :) I know you commented a year ago and I hope you are feeling a little less alone and grappling better with the realization of where and how your trauma developed alongside who caused it. I wish you all the best and for you to know that you are not alone ❤️
the friends i have that take the time to realize what triggers me and listen to me when i tell them its not personal, i get triggered less by. if i know that someone truly cares for me and understands my pain, i don’t feel like they’ll reject or abandon me. a person with bpd can be hard to be friends with but i personally do all i can do for my friends and their depression/anxiety/triggers, and i often don’t get the same effort in return. i find a lot of friendships that ended over my bpd were with people who weren’t exciting rays of sunshine themselves, and they were deflecting their negative behaviors on me as well.
I don't have BPD, but it must be a terrible thing to go through, especially since it's so misunderstood. I hope for all the people out there suffering with it that I hope it gets better for you.
You did hit the nail on the head with the missing layer of skin and thinking differently, however you managed to break our illness down to the two most stereotyped and negative POTENTIAL aspects of BPD which is manipulation and explosive anger. Once again reinforcing the idea that all people with BPD are angry, manipulative monsters that lash out at other people and make suicidal threats for attention. Yes some people with BPD do have these issues, however by tarring us all with the same brush you are still portraying us all as dangerous, cruel and attention seeking and creating a seriously detrimental image. Out of all 9 symptoms you managed to cherry pick the two scariest ones to talk about and ‘inform’ people how to ‘deal’ with someone with BPD. One that (on a personal note) made my parents terrified of me when I was diagnosed at the age of 18 despite having no history of anger outbursts or even being angry in front of them, no history at all of violence or manipulative behaviour. So thank you very much for reinforcing the negative stereotype further 👍🏼 And on the flip side (as I do know toxic BPD’s as well) a video on boundary setting would be amazing for both parties as clearly set boundaries are a great way to tackle some of the issues when navigating any kind of relationships when it comes to BPD as it can be daunting for someone who is new to being friends with someone with the condition! Also on a slightly more controversial note, maybe a video about how people with toxic BPD traits can try to manage the more extreme symptoms of the condition? Because it’s unhealthy to just pass them off as ‘oh it’s just the BPD’ and not deal with them, not to mention very dangerous and hurtful on the people around them’s mental health. A note from a sufferer of BPD & PTSD x 🌻
This made me cry.I struggle so hard with this, I don’t always feel like people get me or get the wrong idea and it’s frustrating not having control of your emotions not to mention exhausting.
As someone with bpd, this video makes me so happy. I always see things like "ppl with bpd are evil, they don't have empathy etc." and it hurts so much, makes me feel like im not human. Thank you for making this ♡ we are ppl too, and most of us are trying very hard to live a mentally healthy lifestyle ♡
If you don’t mind me asking do you have different effects after arguments than an everyday person and if so what are they? (if you don’t feel comfortable answering I understand)
People with BPD do have empathy so yeah I'm with you here. The problem is not everyone is aware of it like you are and many others here. Without them knowing what is going on with them well is really hard.
@white guy of narnia Thanks for sharing I am called insensitive a lot so I wanted to try and be understanding I’m not trying to get in your shoes cause I know I can’t unless I experience it but I wanted to get a little feedback to get an idea, thank you very much :)
I shared this to my FB page , ppl don’t understand me and they criticize me for feeling the way I do. I’m tired of feeling guilty because of my disorder. It’s a trigger in itself.
Thank you- this is helpful. I am trying to stay a friend for my BPD friend. It is hard, but I feel he needs people on his side very much. Things are getting worse by isolating...not better even if it seems for him in moments of despair and confusion
I have BPD and lost a few friends because i thought they didn't love me enough. Till i started seeing a psychiatrist and learned the importance of putting myself in my friend's shoes too. so even if i am having an episode, i know that they love me and it is not about them, it is about me feeling it more than they can. And at the end, this mutual efforts have made my friendships special
Thanks for this video my husband and I recently broke off a friendship with someone who has BPD. When we tried to explain our need for a break while we were experiencing a lot of loss, we received a barrage of deep-cutting insults from this friend. I can understand high emotions, but I cannot stand for someone saying every hurtful thing that they can think of and invalidating the pain of others. I wish that friend well. I know he has other people to support him, but we could not stick around at the expense of our well being.
I suffer from BPD and have done treatment and take medication to help me cope. I have learned a lot to help me manage myself. But what makes me really happy is all the really kind and caring comments here for people with BPD. Mostly I see how no one should ever be friends or date a person with BPD. Loads of negativity around what people think about people with BPD. But to see all this positivity is really refreshing and makes me cry. Thank you for being so understanding of people with BPD. We are humans, not monsters. We just got a lot more to deal with emotionally. That doesn't make us bad. Thank you for caring.
I like a woman who confessed she has BPD so educating myself about it. The comments inspire me greatly, happy to see many people make the relationships with someone who has BPD work ❤
Please do a video about setting boundaries with those with BPD. I have a friend with BPD and I've been working with my therapy to separate my self worth from their reactions to me, but I'd like to work more on my boundaries.
once i had such bad depression that i stopping talking for a week at school and the school system is so messed up that nothing happened while i was being cornered by peers trying to make me talk. i sat there crying.
Diagnosed. It’s like knowing that you are the problem, but not knowing how to change or stop hurting everyone around you. You feel worthless, as everyone around you gets tired of it or tell you that they “Can’t handle you.” So with that logic, if they can’t handle you, who can? Who ever will? Even though we may be in lows NEVER forget the highs. You may be extremely emotional, but try and use that to your benefit. When you laugh, it’s genuine. When you love, it’s passion. Those moments, even if they seem like they last one minute, are worth all of the pain, that happiness is beautiful. Keep going, and look for that happy.
I thought it was only me who fears of rejection and abandonment. Like i dreamt all my friends were mad at me for no reason and started avoiding me, and i woke up sobbing but i wasn’t crying, maybe i did cry in my dream
I have BPD and a friend of mine too. It's so interesting to figure out how my own personality works and after a lot of therapy I learned so much about life. Thank you for that video.
Great video, spot on, and reading these comments makes me feel so much better, seeing that there are people who understand the challenges BPD comes with but also see the positives and are still willing to help us and not leave us. Thank you
I may not have BPD, but I have all of these symptoms. When I'm happy, I'm euphoric, but one trigger can shoot my emotions up by 200%. I'm not in an "I want to live" mood right now, I'm constantly bothered by guilt, shame and emptiness. It's tiring, especially tiring when my family and my friends are tired of my condition, thus I can't get treatment nor a diagnosis, but thank you for this. It helps me to realize I'm not that bad of a person as I often think of myself.
This video explains a lot, thank you. I have a friend who shows a lot of the signs of BPD, although having no official diagnosis. He's a great friend and super kind, but can be difficult to deal with sometimes because of his clingy behaviour, habit of idolising people, and seeing people as either 'allies' or 'enemies' who he has to fight against. This helps me understand things a bit better, and I am encouraging him to seek help, and trying to be there for him without feeling responsible for protecting or taking care of him all the time.
I’ve been a fan of your channel for years. Yet I just discovered this video. For almost 10 years, I was romantically involved with a woman who was diagnosed with BPD. Understanding it, and talking to professionals about it wasn’t enough to save the relationship. I took a second job to make up for what she wasn’t able to earn. And from that point on, the abandonment - anger cycles became more frequent and more intense until the time I felt as if I was endangering myself staying in the relationship. The revenge cycle took months to quell and I have now sought my own counseling for the trauma this emotional intensity has caused within me. I am in the entertainment business, and I’ve experienced a lot of unique personalities. BPD has topped them all.
I have BPD, I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and spoken word performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my RUclips channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates.
Had this female friend with BPD for 11 years. Very good, close friendship. Because I got to close for her comfort I was split black out of nowhere in the past but after half a year we reconnected as friends. Happened again recently but this time got replaced by a new favorite person and shut me off completely. Arguments came out of nowhere and made no sense as nothing really happened. I was the only friend that was able to stay on her side for this long because I knew what was going on. Sadly she keeps repeating the same mistakes.
Remember that your feelings are just as important as hers. What people with BPD tend to do is make everyone around them prioritize the BPD-Sufferer's feelings over everyone else's. You are not a doormat. It's not your job to "fix" her.
As someone with BPD, I have tried to explain this to my friends. They sort of get it. But not completely. I do wish there was more awareness about it. I had an emotional crisis a few days ago and called a suicide hotline since my therapist wasn't available. The lady on the other line tried to understand but didn't seem to get it or why I was so upset; even though I told her I have BPD. So it can be frustrating to try to communicate what I'm going through to people other than my therapist.
If only my friend have seen this... She was the nicest person I ever met, like unrealistically nice, it's a miracle I met such person in my life. She didn't know what exactly was wrong with me. I didn't know either. Eventually her patience came to the limit. I've done and said some things I will regret for the rest of my life. Now I'm almost 30 and completely alone. The BPD is still with me. I kinda gave up on trying to build friendships and romantic relationships, don't want to hurt and traumatize myself even more. Just trying to take care of myself, to become a better version of me. But I still miss her, it still hurts after years
Please don't give up on trying to build the relationships. There are people who will accept you, you can also make friends with other BPD sufferers who will get what you are going through. Read the comments under this video, many people make it work, you can do it, buddy!!!
I have both a best friend with BPD, as well as a family member (my mother). It's generally a struggle to maintain a relationship, but you are correct on there being value in them. Whilst it is frustrating at times, I found with stronger boundaries as well as keeping in mind that not only is this not personal that they are also just as harsh with themselves, it was easier to keep the relationship. People with BPD really just need to be shown kindness, and empathy. As well as being kept firmly in place with what you are and are not okay with. Though, I do think a video on how to put boundaries in place would be a good idea given how difficult it is to get going.
Recently I got diagnosed BPD. Now I understand why everyone leaves me. All of my friends have either played with my emotions or abandoned me. Like who'll stay with a mental patient. It was quite uncomfortable to watch. It made me cry and made me broken hearted. 😊
I cut ties with a female friend who had BPD like a year ago. it was so emotionally draining and i didn't know why. i was her friend for a few years and she always seemed so different and much more sensible than a "normal" person. it was like 3 months before i cut ties with her that i learned she had BPD. I know i didn't act in the best possible way. but then i learned that i'm not forced to stay in a friendship that can feel toxic or draining. I'm talking things like she would get upset just by a "haha" react on facebook , and then i should go to explain myself over and over again. I started learning about psychology with the help of these videos, and i never figured it out that a friend of mine had BPD, but when she told me it all made sense. Don't feel forced to stay in a relationship that doesn't benefit you, but please don't make my mistake to cut ties entirely in a split second.
First of all: I taught myself how to speak and write in English, so I’m sorry for any mistakes in my spelling or grammar. To anyone who is suffering from Bpd: You are not alone and you’re gonna have friends in your life who will understand you and your problems. Try to tell them what you’re dealing with, about your feelings, about your anxiety, ... If they are real good friends, they will learn to understand what you’re suffering from. I‘ve been dealing with mental illnesses for over half of my life, exactly 12 and a half years now. As long as I can remember, I’ve talked about my feelings. In the beginning it was something like: „hey best friend, I don’t want to meet you because I don’t feel up to it.“ Later it turned into: „I’m feeling so sad for weeks now.“ and one day I told my friends: „from next week on, I won’t come to school for a few weeks because I’m going to a clinic for kids and teens with mental health issues.“ Of course as a young teenager I couldn’t explain everything so clearly, that everyone would have understood every little detail of it, but at least they knew, that something wasn’t okay and that I may have said or done things which weren’t about hurting them, but about me not being able to deal with my emotions. Ever since I can think, I have talked to friends and sometimes even strangers about what I was going through and it never, never, never happened to me, that someone wasn’t understanding and told me, that I was a bad friend or something like that. Everyone understood that it were my mental illnesses that made me the way I am. Sometimes it took a few months but people always understood my situation. Today I can say: I have the best friends i possibly ever could have asked for. I met my best friend when all these illnesses startet to become more and more present in my life. She has been there when I had good times, when I had bad ones and when I made it back into the good times. 2014 we moved into a flat together and just weeks later something triggered me so badly, that within a few weeks I went from the best time in my life, to the worst. For the next few months she tried to help me in every possible way but in the end all that I could do, was to push her away from me. A year after moving together, our friendship ended and we haven’t talked for over a year. When we met again, we had to hug eachother a bit harder than usual because we have missed eachother so badly. Today, five years after living together and going through the hardest times in life, she is my best friend. There is no one who understands me like she does. Especially in times like these, she is helping me in every possible way. If I am not able to go to get some food at the supermarket, she’s gonna do it for me. If I start crying in the middle of the day, because my financials are a catastrophe, she calls to make me smile again. Somedays I don’t even have to say anything and she will know what’s going on. I have a support system of friends who are there for me as much as they can and who are willed to understand that sometimes I can’t react in an appropriate way. They never said a bad word about my mental health, my behavior or my personality. All they tell me, is how much they love me and that they always gonna be there for me.
What they say in this video about BPD blocking a person’s ability to see context is very helpful. I think if people with BPD can work on reminding themselves of that and try to look at the context of other people’s actions as soon as rejection/abandonment fears start coming up inside, that would really help. And if their friends are made aware of this difficultly, and could pause to help the one with BPD see the context (without shaming them for not seeing it), that would really help too. Like if they see the pwBPD (person with BPD) starting to show body language or speech that shows insecurity, they could nip it in the bud by putting a hand on their shoulder and saying, “Hey, if something I or someone else said/did just now is causing you to feel those fears you shared with me about, can I share some context that you might not have noticed?” This would be super amazingly helpful if done in a reassuring and respectful way. (It would not be helpful of course if it was done as gaslighting by a person with narcissism).
My Best Friend has BPD, growing up was tough for her, not only due to family dynamics but school didn’t help either as she was bullied. Now that she’s grown up and experienced more of life, she is self-assured and copes a lot better with struggles, she is also much better at respecting herself and her needs too which is beautiful to see. We've been friends for over 17 years and I wouldn't change a thing about her x
thank you for sharing i have BPD and my best friend for over 10 years has put up with everything with me. her friendship is like my rock. we need people like you thank you for being so supportive
This video is concerningly accurate to how I feel most of the time. I feel like I don’t have BPD, but I’m not really sure... Great video tho! Learned a lot from it! 🙂
my girlfriend has bpd and i am autistic. i usually find it really hard to understand some feelings that i've never had, and to identify when i say something that might trigger her and how to make it up to her and give her the reassurance that she needs. she struggles to explain how she feels and what she needs and i feel lost when i don't have a step by step process, so this kind of videos are really helping me out. at the end of the day, the thing i want the most is for both of us to be happy and to make her happy myself. it's been so difficult, and it will be. i have hurt her. and no matter how scared i am, i will probably hurt her again. but i'll do anything for her. i 100% believe she's the love of my life. even though we are both too young, just looking at how far we've come after all the obstacles we've been through boosts me with enough hope to keep going. i'm so grateful either of us ever gave up. i love her so much.
I really appreciate this video's message and i realized why we need things like this. But its its literally so terrible to search something about bpd because you want to help yourself, and all the results being something along the lines of "how to cope with your partner/friend/family member who has bpd". It really sends a message to all of us who suffer from it that we are simply to be tolerated, the burden on our relationships. Because ultimately the blame falls on us for having bpd.
I thank you for making this video, I needed this so bad! I made so many mistakes that I am learning with my bpd friend. I almost lost him but I am learning because he really is worth it.
I have a special girl in my heart that has this and I love her everyday and looking forward to learning more about this and trying my best to communicate in that type of way to help and understand her fr❤️
Try reason alot of first hand comments to gain perspective because not everyone reiterates the same experience nor symptoms if you really look around. Best of luck!
![ROSÉ (로제) - number one girl [더 시즌즈-이영지의 레인보우] | KBS 241129 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/A9oByH9Ci24/mqdefault.jpg)
Do you have a bestfriend with BPD? Do you find this video accurate?
My mom has it 😬
I am that bestfriend with BPD lol
Hi.. Can you please help me forget the most hurtful thing people have said to me in the past? They told me that I should die , that I have nothing to live for, please can you help me?
@@caniedead6487 sorry for that. You need someone to talk to so you can build self worth.
I have bpd, this is a amazing video,, thank you. I never thought i would find a video that explains my thoughts and motives perfectly like this❤
"So chances are you have at least one friend who had BPD"
Bold of you to assume I have friends
Void Gaming thank you form this, It made me laugh :)
Lmao
I don't have BPD (at least I wasn't officially diagnosed as one yet) but I'd just refrain from making friends in general. I don't think anyone will like me anyways...
Didn't just assume you have a friend. Assumed you have 62.5 friends!
As an introvert I just have to say "Wtf?!"
I lose a lot of friends bc of this so ify
Them: Are you watching this because you have a friend with BPD?
Me: No I am just seeing how they see me.
That hit me right in the feels
Exactly
We really don’t mean to be this way
SAMEEEE
Big oof
I'm in a relationship with someone who has BPD, we've been together for nearly two years now (on and off) and it's been the most enriching relationship I've been in. His heart is so big and his thoughts are so deep, he is exciting and full of ideas, and so creative! My partner has taken steps to help himself and I'm so proud of him. People with BPD have a lot to offer, they really do!
Thank you so much for this. I try it and my partner says I have a beautiful heart and great person. But man I hate I have episodes. Though I actively try to prevent them, and learned steps to help with my issues. Thank you
thank you for saying this. I have bpd and already feel hard to love and this video really made me feel bad about myself. your comment made me feel a lot better.
Yeah we have a lot to offer but at the same time we have a lot to suffer too... Overcoming episodes gets harder as each ends. I now wonder how Lucky I would be if I could spend a whole week without crying.... sounds like dream.
one of my closest friends has BPD and I absolutely adore them!! I'm trying to learn more so I can better help them through their tough times so if anyone has any tips please let me know :D
i was in a relationship with someone with bpd and it was the most manipulative experience ever. i feel traumatized.
That awkward moment when you have recently been diagnosed with BPD and suddenly understand why all your friends never wanna be with you anymore...
Yeah.. it's heart breaking moment ..but maybe we have to accept this cause at the end we don't have just ourselves.
Knowing what is it and accepting is already such a compliment I think.
Someone really important to me probably have it too.
Sadly I never managed to get her to go for professional help.
If they don't want to be with you anymore they were never real friends in the first place.
Truth Troll or the BPD person is just too
toxic and the friend can't handle it anymore. Persons with BPD are not the only one whose mental health is important. The friend's mental health is also important and maybe getting away from the BPD person is the way to get out of the toxicity specially if the BPD person refuses to get professional help. sometimes, you've done everything you have and you're already drained that the only option for your own sanity is to walk away from the toxicity.
@@bonitabanana9342 I've been in this situation unfortunately. I'm not sure if they had BPD or some other illness (but with the symptoms and other things I know about them, I think they have BPD along with a lot of other mental issues) but it was very toxic for me. I wanted to stay their friend and for the longest time I denied that they were manipulative or toxic to me, because I wanted to be their friend and help them so badly. At some point, after coming to terms with it several times, I finally decided that I couldn't handle it anymore. The worst part was, she acted as if she didn't care at all, didn't try to say or do anything. It was over text and I explained she was toxic and some other reasons, and after asking a few questions, she complied and we haven't spoken since. It was heartbreaking on my end, especially as it seemed as if she didn't care. It's difficult for her to show emotions and she's extremely depressed, along with other things, and so I never really knew if she cared or not, or if she just felt as if everyone gave up on her. It hurt knowing and thinking these things too, and I think I was kind of harsh on her, looking back on it. I was emotional and done with it too though. I still hope she's doing better, and although I might not care in the same way anymore, I still hope that she's able to heal. (Sorry for the long read 😅 and life story)
My wife has BPD. She has emotional episodes every now and then, and yeah, sometimes I bear the brunt of it. But honestly, the only thing that upsets me is that I cant help her out of it, she just has to come out of it herself, and then she feels terrible about the way she treated me. I just want her to know I'm not upset with her, I just want her to be happy.
@@Mtz2604
Hello! May I ask a question? Do people with BPD actually get to hurt others physically? Or is it more on verbally? Thank you!
@@beloved_christi3625 no worries! And yes to both. Sometimes we don't know when we're being abusive, reason why education about the condition, talking a lot (when possible and if it doesn't trigger a bad reaction, and crying while talking is totally normal, believe me... I have ninjas in front of my eyes that do their magic randomly. I just stopped to feel ashamed if someone else see me crying, is like what? Is natural) with that person, in order to have a perspective of their perception of life.
I've been verbally and physically abusive. With guys. My poor and dear brother, my lovely stepfather, and a douchebag in highschool received the jackpot. My relatives verbally (well I broken some plates into my bro's feet but didn't hit his body with any of them, BTW he's 13y older. My stepfather was an inch about to be lift from the floor and throw, kicked and breaking his foot - he's a short sir, like 5'1" but electeomechanic, so he's strong he was on his late 40's - I managed myself to push him out of the house before it was too late). With the guy at highschool, I sent him to ER of the local clinic with minor open lacerations, but he was asthmatic and I put on his nostril the very opening of the spray and proceed to fumigate this poor guy twice, I beat the hell I could out of him, twice (I took a break to get a sip of water, I wasn't feeling the pepper spray but it gave me a lot of thirst). The guy was playing rough with a female friend with a petite complexion and I was just 2 inches shorter than him, but maybe 10k of mass above him and when I distracted him from my friend, he came after me. I warned him 3 times, showed him the pepper spray without the safety block and he cornered me pushing his hips against mine in a sexual way, I went nuts and the guy suffer. He puked and all. Police was called at highschool, cops didn't believe a 14y/o girl would beat a 16 and a half guy like that. With woman, verbally abusive is a compliment, nasty, shady, corrosive... Are more accurate adjectives.
But those were episodes (others also but won't mention) that happened on my teens, I was undiagnosed and unmedicated.
So yeah, we can be quite toxic. Not all are like that and now I'm 28, I work a lot to control my anger and sadistic tendencies that come to surface once the anger escalates.
I try not to hurt people, but is like holding the ocean, to be polite, assertive and avoid being like that. Sometimes I take more than what I should from others in fear I will lash out terribly and then I won't be able to control the outcome. That's one of the reasons I trend to self harm, to inflict the pain/punishment on me rather than others.
Is a tricky personality disorder, more with other psychiatric conditions, but here I am, healing with therapy and sticking to my meds since I was diagnosed at 26.
Again, sorry for the long answer.
Hope it helps.
@@beloved_christi3625 My ex fiance would punch and smack holes in our old apartment. To get a reaction out of me he would go after my dog. He never hit me, but the closest he did get to getting physical with me was when he ran up on me and held me up in the air. I thought he was going to body slam me in that still moment. I suffered from sexual abuse from a ex 15-19 and unfortunately my trigger is a fight mode once I get scared. After he dropped me and proceeded to scream profanity at me I ended up smacking him across the face rupturing his ear drum.
@@Mtz2604 I was about to say all of this... except I'm 20 and single lol
@@lycheemyusic your younger! Use that advantage for seek the proper help, if you need medication is your choice, in my case is needed. And take that time. I'm healing from a lot of things. At therapy I realized with my clinical psychologist that I also have CPTSD. It doesn't matter... I'm working to heal all, to develop what I didn't on time. You can do it 😉
I hate the delusion that my friends aren't really my friends. I constantly feel abandoned and alone. I make new friends then they just vanish. I get into vicious cycles of mood swings, mostly anger. I feel like my feelings destroy everyone around me. Just venting. Trying to see a therapist to see if I have BPD because I sure do fit the mold.
Stay away from people!! Don’t hurt them and get some help
@@allybailey2045 update: I don't have BPD, I was diagnosed ADHD, bipolar and going to therapy and taking meds. My friends love me deeply and I understand that. I am my own worst enemy so I have to kill that enemy so Christ in me can help me love like I'm supposed to in this crazy world.
@@allybailey2045 more like they hurt us
Sounds like me
@@allybailey2045 It would be a really sad life staying away from people that you love because it's an effort from both sides when you have BPD. You have to work on yourself but also your friends, if they are your friends, should be understanding and patient as hard as it is to be that way when working with someone who has BPD. I have been recently diagnosed with BPD and it's really hard. I isolate myself when I feel like everyone hates me (and I have no reason to think these things), I push people away and I hurt them sometimes but they are trying to understand and they reach out to make sure I am okay when I do these things. If you have friends that love you, they will reinforce that and make sure they reassure you of their love because unfortunately, we need that. It's really hard sometimes because of the constant battle within our own minds to see that the thoughts we have are fabricated and what we think they are thinking, they aren't and we couldn't possibly know that because those thoughts of what they think of you are fabricated. We just have to learn how to fabricate positive thoughts for a positive reinforcement and it's a real struggle sometimes.
I find it funny how there’s plenty of material on how to live with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and whatnot, yet when it comes to BPD, it’s always about how to deal with a person who has BPD...
Elijah Naumov I agree
I guess it's because people with BPD learn social cues and how to fit in in the same way that people without it do, it just warps their perceptions initially because the condition makes it hard to be a chill spiritual oasis most times. They don't learn how people are supposed to react normally or "in rest mode" initially, other people's reactions are always of one or two types, never being a "normal" one. But as they get older they learn normalsy because at some point they will have contact with normalsy.
Besides, understanding what the person is going through helps a lot on cutting the vicious cycle of rejection, because it gets rid of part of the rejection so the person can get a tad of normalsy
Anyways, that's a supposition.
Probably it's because personality disorders don't work the same way the other disorders do.
See, BPD is "egodystonic" (i.e, there's something wrong but there's a disconnect between that and themselves), so there aren't too many treatments (besides DBT) or experts who know how to help those who have the diagnosis. Most treatments are for egosyntonic conditions, as treatment for those are usually voluntary.
Have you sear he's for "how to live with BPD"? Because...there's videos on it if you search.
- The CaitlynBot
This is so true! It's time to end the stigma. Do you know anyone who might be suffering from BPD?
now i need a video on “how to FIND friends if you have bpd” 👍🏻
youre so sweet i'd be your friend (with benefits)
@@nihill5995 tf
@@nihill5995 eeeeeeh...
I can be your friend☺️ i am a girl too. I have bpd
i wanna be your friend, i have bpd too
I had a girlfriend with bpd. The relationship became extremely toxic but she was the sweetest woman underneath it all. Leaving her was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
@@moonbunny7380 That's quite a bold statement to say for not knowing the whole story: a very narrow minded opinion.
Have you considered that a child may have been affected by her behaviour ??
I didn't want to leave her but I was morally obligated to leave her for my daughters best interest.
You're speaking from victim mentality 🙏
I completely understand what you are mean. I had a very life changing relationship with someone who was trying so hard to be there for my down times and he truly wanted to I understand me. But, our mental illness is different. And it cannot always be about us. That’s when our partners leave because the harsh truth is that we can be selfish. None of this is to degrade our experiences or make us look bad. But we need to see the stress we are putting our partners through. So thank you to everyone who gave us a chance and truly tried to understand us 💕
@@sleepinggiant333 Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.
Trust me, it was harder on her when you left 🤷♀️
@@alliescott1115 I'm sure it was
*when you are the friend with BPD*
Same
Same
Same
Yup
same it was uncomfortable to watch this
PS. It’s BPD Awareness Month, so shoutout to all my BPD fellas. Stay strong.
Thank you! I'll stay strong. Another BPD fella here
Thank you m8 I'll stay strong
🙋🏻♀️
I'll try 😂 thank you though. To all my bpd warriors - stay strong. stay safe. you can do it!
WTF 146 likes?! TY! 🥺 NEVER got so many likes before. ❤️
Thank you for touching on the "manipulative" part. I hate how often bpd is portrayed as just trying to manipulate others. I've never actively thought or tried to make someone stay by hurting myself. I've hurt myself out of pure desperation and not knowing how else to deal. It's more so hurting myself so I dont take it out on someone else.
I hurt myself so i wouldn't lash out at others, but didn't realise i was still indirectly hurting my family. I'm in my 40s now, but still struggle
@@taraelizabethdensley9475 I can relate to that as well. I didn't want to explode my frustration outwards onto others so I'd hurt myself instead. I'm 34 btw. I hope you are able to make progress and not hurt yourself anymore. I understand it can be so hard when you're deep within a trigger. But for me I just started to remind myself that it literally solves nothing. All it did was make me feel worse after leaving marks on my body. That we deserve love to and not to punish ourselves. You are valid even when you feel out of control and triggered. If you can be kind and protect others, you can turn that kindness onto yourself. Sending you so much love and thank you for sharing ❤💕
"How do you set boundaries with a loved one diagnosed with BPD?" - I would absolutely love a video on this!
Gavin Pintro hmmmmm.. be specific. What boundaries. Bpd are most respectful when it comes to boundaries. U talking narcissistic people?
PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON THIS
@@Madeviets Oh? I thought the opposite to be the case (maybe I'm wrong!). From what I understood, individuals with BPD go through severe emotional instability. As a result, this causes them to be more likely to use certain "tactics" in order to get attention from their peers which, could overstep set boundaries. I also genuinely connect with this because I live with an individual who was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and, there have been countless instances in which she would say and do extremely hurtful things that I definitely feel no "normal" person would commit no matter the ugliness of the situation.
Gavin Pintro that’s a narcist
@@Madeviets I see
Oh my gosh the art styles are so cute-
Agreed, their animation helps to bring a light hearted approach to an otherwise serious condition. 😊💡
Glad you like Grace's animation!
I know right?
I really love this because it doesn’t paint my disorder as something horrific and awful.
I think something people forget is how strongly we love and care for others, we are probably the best friends a person can have just because of how loving, caring, giving and validating we are because of our past experiences and traumas. We feel stronger, we love harder. It’s not ALL bad, we just work very differently.
Well said.
This!!!!
All right. I guess I’ll take your word for it. Unfortunately the BPD in my life was my mother who emotionally drained me and regularly terrorized me when I was growing up. Her abuse of me continued until she died when I was 46. I understand she was acting out of her own fear and pain, but it has left me unwilling to get close to anyone who identifies as having BPD or who behaves like her.
@@reginarodriguez-martin4928 People with BPD don't actually love others. They use others as an extension of themselves to seek validation. Nothing more. And so many of them refuse to take any accountability for their actions.
That awkward moment when you've been diagnosed with BPD and everyone automatically assumes you're abusive when you tell them but you'd never hurt the people you love
I feel this. I never wanna tell people but I also want people to now I have bpd and understand what it is so they can understand me. I’m terrified of people hating me or being afraid that I am manipulative and toxic.
When you've been diagnosed with BPD and are afraid to tell people how you actually are and feel about them because you know it will change later and that you'll upset them or scare them away.
i love the system pride pfp ;)
If you have a mental illness you ARENT abusive. If its something you cannot control thats not your deal. Its like blaming a dreamwalking person for peeing on a carpet. Abusers know what they are doing.
LMAO!
I'm the friend with BPD
And I can say one thing.
My best friend has been my friend for 6 years. At first, I didn't know I had this until I was diagnosed.
So our relationship was a rollercoaster.
Then one day, I apologized and explained to her about that disorder.
She didn't complain about it and just listened.
She's a sweetheart and when I go too deep in my thoughts, she saves me from drowning.
When I feel like exploding. She helps me breath.
She never used triggering words, as she knew about my last relationship.
She stood by my side and I'm so happy to have her.
That is so sweet, i hope you and your bestfriend have a long lasting friendship!!
Same have had my best friend for 7 years and I truly love her and feel blessed to have her as my friend
Friends like this exist? You're one lucky person honestly to have that kind of support ❤
That was so sweet. You're truly lucky to have someone who understands you.
I'm so happy to hear that 🥰.
I suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder 18 years ago as a teenage. Got diagnosed with BPD. Spent my whole life fighting BPD. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
YES sure of Dr.benfungi. Did straight shrooms in few nights. Left me like a blank slate after words, no more addictions, pains, ptsd and depression. Shit saved my life, all thanks to Dr.benfungi
100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Yes he's Dr.benfungi.Shrooms to me is a natrual healer. I know a guy who has used mushrooms in the same way and they have really helped him. mah dudes have safe trips all.
From my experience it really works excellently! It doesnt even need to be a full hit. With potent shrooms 2-3 small ones will still make a clear difference. It will be a few hour cosy rumbling moment around rest time, but afterwards its just calm and you feel amazing and gain your freedom. Psilocybin is different dudes, its the only "treatment" I would recommend to someone who genuinely wants to get better. There is no addiction, withdrawal, or negative side effects. It's just pure healing., far more effective than any anti-depressant. You can thank me later,
I haven’t been diagnosed with bpd but I feel a lot of these videos are too relatable. There is nothing wrong with a person suffering from a mental illness but while I can say I’ve professionally labelled with depression I feel there is a lot of grey area and carry over between these types of mental illness. I really appreciate these videos and I know they definitely help many people understand them selves and others, but even if this is a message solely to myself; don’t self diagnose. Being able to confine yourself to a subsect or group is very easy. While these issues do have a great impact upon ones self, dumping the blame upon that which you cannot control may almost certainly not be helpful. Help yourself be kind to you.
Personality disorders are NOT mental illnesses, that’s the first thing to learn.
@@M_SC Can you explain why?
True, which is why you need to have almost all symptoms in order to get diagnosed but having a halfway here and there makes it trickier. Especially when you have suffered too much yet didn't go to the doctors about it
The symptoms can be relatable and overlap, so yes, that's why getting diagnosed professionally is essential. However, with people who actually have it, it is evident that these symptoms are much more intense than people without BPD and it can be debilitating and take over their whole life.
I'd highly recommend that you don't use these videos to diagnose yourself, and see an actual expert to see if you''re actually suffering from a mental disorder, and get help if you are. I love this channel's content but they really should make it clear that self diagnosis is extremely dangerous and these videos are not meant to be a substitute for a doctor.
I have BPD and one thing that I'd like to clarify is that BPD doesn't make people inherently bad or manipulative. I like this video, but am also slightly uncomfortable, because it subtly reinforces the rhetoric of people with BPD enthusiastically engaging in manipulation when really, our troubled relationships are often so because we act in ways that feels like it's overcompensatory to others, but appropriate for us to act. We may GENUINELY believe that acting in these ways is what OTHERS WANT. For example, someone might text their SO nonstop because they feel the SO becoming distant, and over-texting feels like a way to bridge the gap, rather than feeling overbearing or like harrassment. People with BPD are often villainized for "manipulation," but often times we don't have the intent to undermine others for our own sake. It's moreso like we see a lot of actual or perceived deficits, and believe that either party must change behavior to stabilize the situation, -- as such, a lot of behaviors seem extreme or inappropriate to a non-BPD person.
In reality, I've found that I've had to set boundaries with my non-BPD friends where we have to communicate what emotional labor we'd like from one another (on a situational, case-by-case basis, normalizing asking for explanations/validations/support/time together or time alone, etc. Like this video said, people with BPD fear abandonment BECAUSE they're experienced a lot of rejection and abandonment in their life. It's a trauma, and a survivor of trauma who cannot rely on their friends to help them understand their contexts and situations is essentially fucked. I hope your next video actually includes 'asking people with BPD about their experiences and how you can support them'. People with BPD are humans, and their trauma doesn't exist in a vacuum. If you care about your BPD friend, learn how to communicate with them by demonstrating empathy (caring about their experiences and how it has shaped them) and integrating that into your own behavior and emotional skillset.
The last part about being "direct" but also compassionate is probably the most important part of this video. People with BPD HATE when people are evasive or avoidant (because it legitimately is a form of rejection or abandonment or ghosting).
so well said and exactly my experience with bpd. thank you.
THANKS FOR SAYING IT! i also felt bad seeing that cuz bpd doesn’t make us bad people and if the others understood what’s behind the actions they would see the logic (even if twisted) there! being clear is one of best things you can do to a bdp person because we already live in an ocean of doubts and fears and that’s why ask so much or try so hard we want it to be solid so we don’t lose it all anymore…
Its mostly mentally disabled people getting hate in general, and as an autistic person, I hate his they made an entire SLUR just to offend us.
Thank you for this clarification and for expanding on what was in the video, this is so helpful. We all seem to have some form of trauma, and BPD is just one expression of it. So I really feel your point about the need to open up dialogue with our close ones who express their trauma, and support one another through it
What's funny is I watch the video and think the video bends over backwards to not do what you're implying. Reading your comment makes me feel gaslit that we even saw the same video, which is ironically the kind of manipulation that my friend with BPD does.
Your comment about setting up boundaries is exactly what my BPD friend does. She constantly sets up boundaries, but at the same time expects you to be able to their emotional support pet. Thinking that people who deal with NPD don't have empathy is laughable. If anything, it's because of the nonBPD's empathy that drains all their emotional bandwidth that becomes exhausting. Constantly trying to feel the other person's mood is empathy, and why they feel like they are walking on eggshells all the time to not trigger them.
Your last sentence is why my nonBPD friend had to cut my BPD friend out of her life. By setting up boundaries (which could be interpreted as being avoidant or evasive), my BPD friend keeps saying it's ghosting, when it clearly is not.
I think it’d be really good to have a video on how to handle the responsibility of being the favourite person, as some people don’t know how sensitive it can be
I agree. It can be incredibly draining. I've developed trauma responses as a result of the friendship which I am trying to work on
I feel all of this yet I like being lonely because it’s the only way I can let out all my emotions and truly be myself without any judgement
Yeah, empty is at least just me
Empty all the time ... lockdown is terrible for me , dissociative symptoms still scare me
Sky Holland same
I feel empty at least one a day. I think the fact that I feel lonely more often in social situations than lonely at home says a lot about my mental health
I feel you!!
You guys pretty much nailed it with the "having one missing layer" and therefore always feeling the impact of things in such an intense way. That's exactly how Borders feel, and I should know for I've been dealing with my own self for years and it's a hard road full of burned bridges, people that you loved and would die for that suddenly become the enemy, periods of feeling like you're so fine you could rule the world and then, just like that, you can only feel the ache of that huge empty that's somewhere, somewhat, inside you. You scream, you shout and you try anything to make it stop, because it's THAT unbearable.
Medication definitely helps, but it needs to be associated with therapy, otherwise, it's just a matter of time until something triggers you and it starts all over again (and each time it gets worse because it's trauma on top of trauma - like "oh no, not this again"). So facing the traumas through therapy and learning how to cope with the emotions is a MUST. It's therapy for life, but it really does wonders.
As a diagnosed BPD who's been so many times through the ups and downs of this rollercoaster, I just want to thank you for taking your time to make this video and approach the "our side of the story" and how others can help us to maintain a relation of any kind. Sadly I see a lot of people talking non-sense and literally labeling psychopaths as BPDs!!! - this only makes social stigma worse :(
Just as a curious factor: hundreds of incredibly famous actors and singers had/have BPD and anyone who's familiar with the behaviors can easily recognize them.
I feel you man. totally...
Do you have a Tip on how to support someone with BPD? Especially when the person has a down phase?
@@syphos9411 I guess the best thing I could say is: try to remember that this person who is now going through a down phase is still the same person you probably knew during a good phase - even though their behavior makes it difficult to see it. Therefore, simply assure them that you love them and won't give up on them, so as to show that, no matter how hard they try to pull you away, it's not going to work because you're there by their side and that's it. If you know the particular way(s) this person feels loved (each person has their own way(s) of feeling and showing love, be it in the form of saying so or needing to hear that, giving or receiving presents, protecting and paying company etc.) it can be easier and more effective.
@@hyp3rs0mni4tic thank you for your advice. Really thank you! I think what it makes it so difficult is that he hides. He won't read any messages, he won't answer the phone. But your words will give me the strength to keep trying! To encourage any baby steps, even though I am afraid that he thinks that he's not worth it and stop trying to beat his fears.
@@syphos9411 He's probably "avoiding" you because he really fears losing you and doesn't want to face or deal with this fear - the irony is that this behavior of his ends up making it easier for people to actually leave him. I know well.
But I hope you do show him you're not going anywhere, and that time and maturity help him see that.
Wish you all luck in the world.
I’m recently diagnosed with BPD. I honestly can say it feels so good to finally know why it is I keep sabotaging meaningful relationships but quite conversely I feel so sad for how awful it must be for the people who love me. It’s hard to not think vanishing is the answer in order to make life easier on the people I care about.
I’ve have BPD for awhile now and I appreciate videos like this. I suspected I had the condition at 13 and was diagnosed at 16. I found that early education like these helped me to recognize and address negative behaviours. I have 8 out of the 9 symptoms you need to diagnosis so I could have turned into a tornado of illness without early education. Youre helping people. I hope you know this Psych2Go.
❤👼🕊 You're not along...💪❤
I realize that I push away the people who care the most about me . I hate myself so much it hurts
I have BPD, but it took them like 2 years to diagnose me, just because they refuse to diagnose under 18 even though I obviously suffer from it. Then they wondered why I didn't respond to their treatments when they were avoiding my actually condition and the treatment I need for it.
Emeralds4lyfe i got the “dance around it” like “were not saving you have BPD but if you did this is how you would self regulate emotions”
BPD was only mentioned once in my appointment and it was never brought up again (because dear doctor forgot to key in my case report on time :'( )
Now the doctors keep saying that I just have poor coping mechanisms so I went to a private institution for a second opinion...
I really wished that they had decent exposure to mental illness back in the days where I was so hurt by everything
My girlfriend has BPD, I love her so much.💜
I have that too. Please love me too. Im serious
@@oscarmoreno2585 ily ❤️
I wish my fiance felt that way.... He left me today, because let's be honest, i'm unloveable as a borderline.... All I ever wanted out of this life was to be loved.... Just by one person... I guess that was too much to ask for....
@@laynedoe3455 You're not unlovable, some people just can't put up much with certain people. Some people aren't just meant for each other, their relationships don't work, not because one is a terrible person, but because you just can't fit a square in a circular mould. My best friend (who is also my crush) I've been there for her always, she has BPD and many of her friends have left. I haven't and I'll always be there for her even tho our friendship can get very exhausting at times. I love her to death and its not because I have a crush on her, but because of who she is as a person! I hope you get someone in your life who will love you unconditionally and be accepting of you at your core ❤️❤️ if you ever need to talk I'm always here
my ex bf had it and even i loved him sooo much... well he decided himself to leave. 😢
I have BPD, I have been getting help for my BPD. I am fortunate to have very good patient friends who struck it out with me for as long as they did and still are. We aren’t monsters, a lot of us have a lot to offer and never forget that ❤
I cried while watching this.
a lot of us don’t know how to get people around us to understand, a lot of people steer clear of us when they find out we have this disorder and are constantly made out to be monsters. I really appreciate you reminding people that we can actually have successful relationships. I believe you did really well with this video, thank you so much 💚
The diagnosis is kinda scary
Don’t be put in an evil box
I think the infj NI loop might help to make it less scary
Even if we do understand, sometimes there's nothing we can to help. I try to just make sure my person with bpd knows I'm still here for them. Sometimes I have to put some distance for my own wellbeing though
My girlfriend is follower of this channel, just because she wants to understand me and help me, finally somethin about Borderline
This has made me cry, but not on a bad way. I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago, pretty late diagnosis (I'm 32 now) but the disorder really fucked up my relationships for over a decade prior. I've been able to find and regularly maintain better medication for my mood disorders, and I think that, plus growing older, pursuing ongoing therapy, and leaving a toxic romantic relationship, has helped me maintain much better relationships with my loved ones. I still find myself remembering how I used to behave, though, and I still have those volatile moments of panic where I'm afraid they'll remember and leave me, or they'll realise I'm not worth their time and leave.
Just remind them that its you sumptoms, not you. I'm going through a rough time myself and i spoke to my loved one. I assured them; it has nothing to do with them, I'm just overwhelmed. Your loved one will understand if you tell them clearly. I do it and it makes a big difference. They are happy to see I trust them enough to be open and expressing myself about my fears. They know to not take it personal and they understand without judgment. Don't give up. ❤❤❤❤
My daughter has borderline and this is the ONLY video that helped me understand her better. Thank you! :)
I have multiple friends with bpd, including myself. We support the heck out of each other
I’m so hopeful to hear this. I have quite bpd and I want to find someone with bpd who I can get along with too
@@elfglow4557 relatable
How can I join
My gf has bpd. She's the most amazing person I've ever known in my whole life! She's doing much better now. But she's always been amazing she's just now figured it out!
I have had success in dealing with a BPD by letting them make their escape when feeling threatened then after a few minutes I enter the room and sit with them and say nothing. I sit across the room, don't touch or speak. If asked why you are there just say in case you need me. Leave if they ask you to.. In this case I would sometimes wait near by.
Nothing else until they're ready to move on. If you must leave simply excuse yourself and go. If you can do this consistently they'll be able to use your presence to help move on more quickly. They feel abandoned and alone. Just be there for them and that really helps them recover from an episode.
PS I mean it! Don't speak and try to justify what caused it. You may be entirely justified but it can wait until later.
PPS No! Shut up and wait till they feel better. If you can't you are just rubbing salt in the wound.
@@reneeladouceur Your summary is exactly what you'd expect from 2 normal individuals except for the non-apology.In which case that is what I'd expect from a BPD order.
You are letting them recover on their own. I on the other time spend my time and use my presence to let them know that the melt down hasn't destroyed their life. They recover and know they are forgiven. You give them space and wait for an apology that they feel so bad about that it will never come.
Don't treat a not quite normal person as if they are normal and then be upset when then don't respond like a normal person.
@@reneeladouceur I am no professional when it comes to knowing anything about psych. I'm just a guy with experience with my child. She is now grown with children of her own and a very understanding and loving husband. She sometimes calls and somehow she feels better later in the call. She still calls me her rock.
This is just one case and how I deal with it. I hope it helps someone in the world. I agree with all you have said. God knows that my Ex was a complete failure at dealing with it. So, yes, a person can only take so much. My reward is that there isn't another person on earth who loves me more. May God send you the gifts you need in dealing with this.
@@reneeladouceur It sounds to me like you made the right choice. That sounds like a situation where he has made you feel responsible for his mental well being. And, well... this sounds like BPD AND much more. If the BPD was left to fester as a child I'd say that HE has bigger problems now. It doesn't sound like he's going to change. If you apologize, he may never realize there's a problem. I'm not saying that "he" is, but, I've seen these angry kind of people become dangerous.
I feel like I must add one more thing. I don't like the advise your psych gave you. Again, my opinion, a shrink should never diagnose or attach labels to people they have never examined. I think the shrink sent you off on a wild goose chase. BPD in my experience are introverted. Their anger turns inward and are prone to cutting and other self destructive behaviors. BPD can be triggered by the slightest thing or sometimes nothing at all, but this sets off an emotional response. A triggered emotional response that is outward, angry and destructive to other people may be BPD, but it doesn't sound like it to me.By mentioning BPD I think you've looked for an answer that doesn't exist. This behavior sounds very narcissistic to me. Look for some info on narcissism and if you think that sounds like him, run and don't look back.
@@reneeladouceur As a person with BPD this is my biggest fear. Getting so into one of the episodes that I will mentally abuse people close to me. Sorry you had to go through it and it's okay to leave cause you have to keep yourself first. I hope you are doing better now. Not all of us are the same that is one of the reason why this disorder is so hard.
Your approach sounds amazing- I admire your effort to demonstrate presence and understanding.
These types of videos have helped me a lot on how to cope with my girlfriend’s actions. We have been dating for 1 year and 7 months now and before meeting her I had never heard about BPD. Had to find out the “hard” and quick way, which was very stressful and mentally draining.
After months I started watching these videos which helped me a ton and for sure helped her a lot.
She’s getting better, she will get there.
I’ll be right by her side, won’t ever leave her alone. ❤️
My Dad has BPD and goes from one extreme to another, frequently. When I was younger it was harder for me to cope with his behavior, as he refused to take medication for it. It can be hard to have relationships with people who have this mental illness, but they are more than that. I really like the messages this video gave us. 💞
I have BPD and started Ketamine treatments a little over a year ago. They saved and changed my life. Perhaps you can do some research and bring it up to him! They not only take away all suicidal ideation for me it helps the depression and borderline better than any medication. I no longer take any psychiatric medications except for Xanax as needed. I believe it has the potential to change how we treat many mental health disorders.
I would love to see that how to set boundaries video! One of my very close friends has BPD and I've struggled to set boundaries to begin with, and it's even harder with them. That video would be very useful for me!
Following.
ϟ Teresa the Potato ϟ I have BPD, and I would like this video too!
I have a close friend too with it and it’s very difficult to continue our friendship. I’m so patient with her, but she exhausts me.
I was diagnosed with BPD. I never want to hurt anyone so even before I was diagnosed I would tell them if I’m crossing the line or doing something wrong because I genuinely can’t notice them sometimes.i like it when people are directly with me and i manage to make long lasting friends that way
I recognise a lot of this in myself. I’ve never threatened anyone with anything, but... yeah. I just feel so raw and alone, even though I can quite clearly see that I’m not. Maybe I do overcompensate.
I’ve got some research to do, it seems.
Did we miss any points that could be included Steve?
please don't self diagnosis,see a doctor!!
@Psych2Go: I don’t believe so. It’s an interesting thing to look at - I’ve had a lot of problems recently, so there are likely a lot of threads to separate out, but I’ve never really connected with more than a few people in my life. I don’t mean to imply that I’m unfriendly or anything, but I’ve never really felt that most people actually like me very much. I certainly agonise about all the things I’ve done wrong, the mistakes I made and the times I hurt someone when I didn’t mean to, in the dark watches of the night. Would a sort of low-grade paranoia be part of this subject? It feels like it might be. I often feel that this feeling makes me act in a strange way, where I don’t think I could help someone understand how I feel if I tried my hardest.
@Jennifer H: I will, boss - don’t worry about that! I’m very much getting into self-care after a very scary eighteen months (which is how I found this channel!) so I feel I’m moving in the right direction. I’ve had help from medical professionals and continue to do so, but every so often something like this video comes along and a little lightbulb goes on in my head. I’m not in a place where I “ignore myself” if that makes any sense - I’m not about to stop trying, and that definitely means getting help and advice.
@Kuga139: I shall find a copy and see what it has to say! Thank you for the recommendation!
You also don't have to threaten or hurt people to have BPD. People with BPD are actually more likely to hurt themselves than others.
@Nicolette James: that’s sort of what I meant. I’ve never threatened to kill myself to manipulate anyone or elicit a response. I mean, I’ve never threatened anyone with violence against them either, but even when I was seriously considering doing something last year, the only ones who knew were medical professionals. I’ll tell my friends eventually, but it’s still all a bit raw. It’d feel like a cry for attention, I suppose.
My girlfriend and I both have BPD. It was heaven at first, maybe I was a bit manic too. A few days ago she took a lot of meds because she felt triggered, and it’s very difficult since. Because I know for a fact that there’s nothing I can do except to wait for her to feel better. It’s so hard to stay calm and supportive when deep down I’m splitting and I want to run away and say awful things. But I won’t, I just have to keep reminding myself that I love her and that she’s ill, it’s not her fault.
Having bpd is a nightmare. We hurt. So. Fucking. Much.
“No matter much you’re there for your friend, you can never do enough to make them see it” made me bawl my eyes out because I looked at myself from my family’s point of view when I “explode” and it made me feel horrible
I have a friend with BPD who helped me through my tough times as a bipolar. She helped me to get through it and also to control it. Every day we chatted even though it was out of topic. Days passed and she ignored me. I had another tough times but she’s not there anymore. In my mind I know it must be the BPD but who knows? Till this day I hope for the best for her. I love you Ca, I’ll always be
It is the bpd. I have bpd and get like that. to be honest
@@chrisroberts1435 no offense at all, but could you explain how it feels like when you 'ignore' your loved ones? For what reason? I know you dont mean any harm and i just want to know why. Its alright if you dont want to answer this question if its too personal ^-^
She’s a selfish witch
@@tee630 It's very hard to say. It starts with the fear of being abandoned so we do it first, to avoid the pain of seeing the ones you love leaving you. Then there's the feeling of being guilty that you left them, so you end up trapped and not able to come back since you just want to forget you hurt them
Or like me, there's a part of abandon, but also the fact I'm scared of myself. I feel toxic because of my mood swings and hurt my lover with words. So then, I try to leave him, thinking he will be better without me
Luckily, he's a strong one and never stop trying to keep me, our fight can last hours until I come back to my sense and then we are back as normal
@@tee630 I have BPD and for me it's because of the fear of intimacy. 😱 Even though we want to experience a relationship, it's just not possible if you afraid of interaction because of the abandonment trauma. I hope this helps you understand BPD and dissociative disorders.
I am diagnosed with BPD, I instantly clicked on this video and I am so glad you guys are shining some light onto it. As always, keep up your amazing work!
No worries!
@@Psych2go yesss i am really grateful you guys raise awareness on these so called taboo topics. You really change the world for the better and help educate people on these not so known and misunderstood disorders. Keep up the great work and raising awareness!
My best friend has BPD. I run into some challenges here and there but I really appreciate that they are very engaged with treating their symptoms and staying on top of communication the best they can. I’m glad to see so many people in the comments that are proud to support their loved ones with BPD and stand with them 🙏
Someone: Isn't as estatic about something I did as they are for someone else
Me: They hate me and just pretend to be my friend
THISSSSSSSSS IS SO ACCURATE
Omg this is so me 😭
@@leahwilson8982 yooooo my nickname is leah is this a sign💀
@@undead.angel001 oof! Maybe 🤣
@@undead.angel001 my actual name is Leah 😅
As “that BPD friend” I really appreciate this, and I am trying to improve. 🙁
Did you find the points reliable? Any that you feel could be added to the list?
They were very accurate, I think you covered the most important aspects! You are the best mental health channel on RUclips. You guys are really doing great work!
Sending love to you!!
Sevillana2001 awe you too, Stay safe during covid-19!
this is so cute i wish all my friends were like this!! stay safe :)
It's so hard having BPD. I feel like I switch between extremes all the time. Suicidal depression, aggressive rage, hypomania, and then just nothing at all. I'm a "quiet" borderline, so people see me as well adjusted even though I feel like I'm melting on the inside and a lot of people don't believe I have it until they witness a split, which will usually end up making them withdraw even if 95% of the time the split wasn't even towards them.
In my case it's not a friend who suffers from BPD. It is a person I care for. And it is honestly really hard. One minute we talk to each other, laugh and have a great time, then all of a sudden a little mistake happens and she starts yelling at me and gets furious. She sits in a wheelchair and can't move her arms properly, so I have to be there for her in any case. I tried my best to talk to her about the yelling and that we both want to be respectful towards each other. I really try my best to not take it to heart, but it is so difficult. As you said in the video, it feels like nothing I do is good enough, even when I do my absolute best and everything works out.
I feel this so deeply. When they actively ignore me and not others knowing that I'm also not mentally well, it hurts to sit there and take this behavior over and over.
Makes me want to drop them entirely.
They sent the group chat this video while continuing to ignore me.
I know the video said it's not personal. But boy does it feel that way.
@@Mortifysometimes some BPD people do things purposefully which sucks too
@@SummerMationss its crazy to be brought back to this video 2 years later haha
I went to therapy, set boundaries, got rid of my friendship with them, and learned that I was not only raised by a mom with BPD but also befriended a variety of people who hurt me over and over who also were diagnosed with BPD.
So, not sure what the conclusion is, but I've been abused by people with BPD my whole life, evidently. But I'm growing to be better and keep myself protected.
Not everyone with BPD is a bad person.
But the 4 people with BPD that affected my life, left me with crippling PTSD.
Food for thought.
My girlfriend was diagnosed with BPD, she's an awesome girlfriend, but it confused me so much the way she would get angry out of nowhere, the way she would get depressed, all the self harm she did to herself, and how happy and positive she was at the same time. She explained a lot of things to me, but this video clears a lot of questions I had, I can understand her better now and I know she's not a bad person, she just works differently. She's going to therapy and things are getting better, but I still want to support her and understand her
As someone with BPD I'd just like to say thank you for making a compassionate video about the disorder :)
I have BPD and I sent this video to my friends to help them understand me better thanks for this video it helps
aww that’s a good idea! i hope they were understanding 💕🥺🥰
I wont even tell since it would make me seem crazy and or them telling me to man up or grow up or some other stupid shit like that since im a male
@@jjjj-x9g that sucks
I just did the same. I sent the video to people that have cut me off due to BPD. I'm actually proud of myself, because one of the main issues for me is to be ignored and feel abandoned. I'm taking a risk by sending the videos, because if they don't respond, it could could send me back into the thoughts of abandonment. Instead of being fearful of abandonment, I'm telling myself, that the fact that I'm
taking a risk, is inner strength.
I hope that made sense.
Sucks to be the one with BPD. Sometimes I go through phases of extreme trust and distrust. Then go into isolation for weeks or months blocking everyone I love all because of one small pity argument. Then somehow become friends with everyone again, and then do the same thing all over. This time feels permanent and I can’t confront them anymore. I’ve retaliated too many times and destroyed all bridges. It’s impossible to keep friends, relationships, or jobs. I tick too easily and get overwhelmed with my own thoughts. I make threats or cause irrational behavior that would endanger me or people around me. I’m terrified of losing loved ones but sometimes it’s easier to leave everyone instead. Back into denial. Back to hurt. I just want to make it stop and keep my friends. I feel like a glass vase, fragile- and if broken, I’m a hazard to everyone.
im crying
i feel you so deeply i didnt even realize this is a thing and im sorry ur going through this and i just hope we can see a way out of it. sending you so much love xx
Uh oh. Pretty sure I have bpd. Never related more to anything in my life.
I know the pattern and it is so exhausting and unfulfilling
I’m the friend with BPD. I’d love to know how to set boundaries/ people should with me. I’ve lost a lot of friends these last few months/ years and I’m terrified of losing more so anything you could point me to to stop that happening would be amazing. Thank you for your spectacular work! xXx
hey im sorry you’re going through this, i dont know how to help bc im going through the same exact thing (except for i havent been diagnosed but i really fit into the criteria) i lost the closest ppl to me this year and i still dont know why or how or if its too late to fix it or not, it feels paralyzing like im helpless and lost in it all. this made me feel less alone so thank you for sharing it
If ur in therapy learn about splitting. Work on your splitting. You need to see yourself as a separate person with your own emotions and worth. When i ised to see everybody as super good or super nice, they could never do anything wrong. But they are humans too and they have flaws too. The i would switch to being clingy, overbearing and if rejected, just plain cruel. People walk away from this kind of behavior and we end up feeling more lonely and useless...
.slowly learn to trust
learn to see you'll be ok.
learn that it's OK to not be perfect
learn boundaries and i promise you, you'll be surprised how people will WANT TO be around you.
😘
I have BPD so I’d say this is accurate.
Kip Blank can you explain it to me please? I’m trying to compare for something
The video was a little confusing
Same
People dont use this video as a self diagnosis
Thanks for sharing! How do you feel after watching it?
I was diagnosed with BPD in May, shortly after my eighteenth birthday. I find it almost like, funny, in a really messed up way, that as soon as I hit the minimum age to be diagnosed with a PD, I am. I grew up alone with nobody to stand up for me or tell me it wasn't my fault in a household where I was manipulated, guilt-tripped, and invalidated by a bipolar parent. I've just now, as a young adult, started to realize the true impact my parents' actions have had on me. I didn't know that it was emotional abuse to do the things they did. I feel really angry and alone since my diagnosis, and for the past 8 months, since my most recent traumas, I've been getting sicker. Splitting has cost me almost every friend I made before I was diagnosed. The memories of what other people have done to me and how I handled it haunt me constantly and I feel like a broken, worthless wreck. I'm glad for this video, though, and I'm glad for everyone who understands that people with BPD aren't monsters by default. I want to be a happy, functional person. I'm getting the help I need and I know it'll be a long journey, but I hope I can get there.
I have friends who have BPD, one I was friends with before her diagnosis and one I knew she had it. We've had some crazy good times and also some very rough times together. It's not been easy, but as a person who also struggles with mental illness I've always stood by them as a pillar of support even when things got ugly. My story is not the only one... You will see others who write similar comments under the video :)
I know you commented a year ago and I hope you are feeling a little less alone and grappling better with the realization of where and how your trauma developed alongside who caused it.
I wish you all the best and for you to know that you are not alone ❤️
the friends i have that take the time to realize what triggers me and listen to me when i tell them its not personal, i get triggered less by. if i know that someone truly cares for me and understands my pain, i don’t feel like they’ll reject or abandon me. a person with bpd can be hard to be friends with but i personally do all i can do for my friends and their depression/anxiety/triggers, and i often don’t get the same effort in return. i find a lot of friendships that ended over my bpd were with people who weren’t exciting rays of sunshine themselves, and they were deflecting their negative behaviors on me as well.
I don't have BPD, but it must be a terrible thing to go through, especially since it's so misunderstood. I hope for all the people out there suffering with it that I hope it gets better for you.
As someone diagnosed with BPD, thanks alot for your comment ❤️
@@Zimtblut no problem, anything to help a fellow friend (・∀・)ノ
@@WatchfulEntity :)
BPD gal over here, thank you!
❤ thank you for your kind comment.
You did hit the nail on the head with the missing layer of skin and thinking differently, however you managed to break our illness down to the two most stereotyped and negative POTENTIAL aspects of BPD which is manipulation and explosive anger. Once again reinforcing the idea that all people with BPD are angry, manipulative monsters that lash out at other people and make suicidal threats for attention. Yes some people with BPD do have these issues, however by tarring us all with the same brush you are still portraying us all as dangerous, cruel and attention seeking and creating a seriously detrimental image. Out of all 9 symptoms you managed to cherry pick the two scariest ones to talk about and ‘inform’ people how to ‘deal’ with someone with BPD.
One that (on a personal note) made my parents terrified of me when I was diagnosed at the age of 18 despite having no history of anger outbursts or even being angry in front of them, no history at all of violence or manipulative behaviour.
So thank you very much for reinforcing the negative stereotype further 👍🏼
And on the flip side (as I do know toxic BPD’s as well) a video on boundary setting would be amazing for both parties as clearly set boundaries are a great way to tackle some of the issues when navigating any kind of relationships when it comes to BPD as it can be daunting for someone who is new to being friends with someone with the condition! Also on a slightly more controversial note, maybe a video about how people with toxic BPD traits can try to manage the more extreme symptoms of the condition? Because it’s unhealthy to just pass them off as ‘oh it’s just the BPD’ and not deal with them, not to mention very dangerous and hurtful on the people around them’s mental health.
A note from a sufferer of BPD & PTSD x 🌻
This made me cry.I struggle so hard with this, I don’t always feel like people get me or get the wrong idea and it’s frustrating not having control of your emotions not to mention exhausting.
As someone with bpd, this video makes me so happy. I always see things like "ppl with bpd are evil, they don't have empathy etc." and it hurts so much, makes me feel like im not human. Thank you for making this ♡ we are ppl too, and most of us are trying very hard to live a mentally healthy lifestyle ♡
@white guy of narnia LMAO i added it years ago but yeah it's pretty cringe
If you don’t mind me asking do you have different effects after arguments than an everyday person and if so what are they? (if you don’t feel comfortable answering I understand)
@@Rain-vk5mk i dont mind! What do you mean by effects?
People with BPD do have empathy so yeah I'm with you here.
The problem is not everyone is aware of it like you are and many others here.
Without them knowing what is going on with them well is really hard.
@white guy of narnia Thanks for sharing I am called insensitive a lot so I wanted to try and be understanding I’m not trying to get in your shoes cause I know I can’t unless I experience it but I wanted to get a little feedback to get an idea, thank you very much :)
I shared this to my FB page , ppl don’t understand me and they criticize me for feeling the way I do. I’m tired of feeling guilty because of my disorder. It’s a trigger in itself.
Thank you- this is helpful. I am trying to stay a friend for my BPD friend. It is hard, but I feel he needs people on his side very much. Things are getting worse by isolating...not better even if it seems for him in moments of despair and confusion
I have BPD and lost a few friends because i thought they didn't love me enough. Till i started seeing a psychiatrist and learned the importance of putting myself in my friend's shoes too. so even if i am having an episode, i know that they love me and it is not about them, it is about me feeling it more than they can. And at the end, this mutual efforts have made my friendships special
Thanks for this video my husband and I recently broke off a friendship with someone who has BPD. When we tried to explain our need for a break while we were experiencing a lot of loss, we received a barrage of deep-cutting insults from this friend. I can understand high emotions, but I cannot stand for someone saying every hurtful thing that they can think of and invalidating the pain of others. I wish that friend well. I know he has other people to support him, but we could not stick around at the expense of our well being.
I suffer from BPD and have done treatment and take medication to help me cope. I have learned a lot to help me manage myself. But what makes me really happy is all the really kind and caring comments here for people with BPD. Mostly I see how no one should ever be friends or date a person with BPD. Loads of negativity around what people think about people with BPD. But to see all this positivity is really refreshing and makes me cry. Thank you for being so understanding of people with BPD. We are humans, not monsters. We just got a lot more to deal with emotionally. That doesn't make us bad. Thank you for caring.
I like a woman who confessed she has BPD so educating myself about it. The comments inspire me greatly, happy to see many people make the relationships with someone who has BPD work ❤
Please do a video about setting boundaries with those with BPD. I have a friend with BPD and I've been working with my therapy to separate my self worth from their reactions to me, but I'd like to work more on my boundaries.
once i had such bad depression that i stopping talking for a week at school and the school system is so messed up that nothing happened while i was being cornered by peers trying to make me talk. i sat there crying.
Sending hugs 💜
Diagnosed. It’s like knowing that you are the problem, but not knowing how to change or stop hurting everyone around you. You feel worthless, as everyone around you gets tired of it or tell you that they “Can’t handle you.” So with that logic, if they can’t handle you, who can? Who ever will? Even though we may be in lows NEVER forget the highs. You may be extremely emotional, but try and use that to your benefit. When you laugh, it’s genuine. When you love, it’s passion. Those moments, even if they seem like they last one minute, are worth all of the pain, that happiness is beautiful. Keep going, and look for that happy.
I thought it was only me who fears of rejection and abandonment. Like i dreamt all my friends were mad at me for no reason and started avoiding me, and i woke up sobbing but i wasn’t crying, maybe i did cry in my dream
I failed miserably trying to help my friend. I thought I could but I could not. My own depression became triggered and I had to cut ties.
I have BPD and a friend of mine too. It's so interesting to figure out how my own personality works and after a lot of therapy I learned so much about life.
Thank you for that video.
I WAS WAITING FOR THIS OMG YESTERDAY I WAS SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING ABOUT BPD ON THIS CHANNEL AAAAAA (srry for my english) THANK YOU SO MUCH♡♡♡
YOU"RE WELCOME!:)
Wdym srry for your English? :/
@@hamyyy_yroo3743 i'm not an english speaker, i'm still learning;; maybe i made i mistake or something, idk. it was just in case djjs
fuuseless _ your English is very good :)
I know it’s a hard language so good job 😊
@fuuseless _ Oh I didn't even notice u were a English learner! But your English is like... Perfect so there's no need to be srry!
Great video, spot on, and reading these comments makes me feel so much better, seeing that there are people who understand the challenges BPD comes with but also see the positives and are still willing to help us and not leave us. Thank you
It’s when someone refuses to get help for their undiagnosed BPD…that’s where I toss my hands up. It’s necessary to protect your own peace🤷🏾♀️
I can’t wait to start my dialectical behavioral therapy. I put all my hopes in it. It will change my life.
So proud of you sweetheart, how did it turn out?
I may not have BPD, but I have all of these symptoms. When I'm happy, I'm euphoric, but one trigger can shoot my emotions up by 200%. I'm not in an "I want to live" mood right now, I'm constantly bothered by guilt, shame and emptiness. It's tiring, especially tiring when my family and my friends are tired of my condition, thus I can't get treatment nor a diagnosis, but thank you for this. It helps me to realize I'm not that bad of a person as I often think of myself.
This video explains a lot, thank you. I have a friend who shows a lot of the signs of BPD, although having no official diagnosis. He's a great friend and super kind, but can be difficult to deal with sometimes because of his clingy behaviour, habit of idolising people, and seeing people as either 'allies' or 'enemies' who he has to fight against. This helps me understand things a bit better, and I am encouraging him to seek help, and trying to be there for him without feeling responsible for protecting or taking care of him all the time.
I know someone with bpd and I'm really thankful because you made me understand more.
I’ve been a fan of your channel for years. Yet I just discovered this video.
For almost 10 years, I was romantically involved with a woman who was diagnosed with BPD.
Understanding it, and talking to professionals about it wasn’t enough to save the relationship.
I took a second job to make up for what she wasn’t able to earn.
And from that point on, the abandonment - anger cycles became more frequent and more intense until the time I felt as if I was endangering myself staying in the relationship.
The revenge cycle took months to quell and I have now sought my own counseling for the trauma this emotional intensity has caused within me.
I am in the entertainment business, and I’ve experienced a lot of unique personalities.
BPD has topped them all.
Your feelings count just as much as hers did. Remember that. Also...The entertainment world is a cluster b hive
Sorry you had to bear that, my friend. I hope youre in. abetter place now
I have BPD, I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and spoken word performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my RUclips channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates.
Had this female friend with BPD for 11 years. Very good, close friendship. Because I got to close for her comfort I was split black out of nowhere in the past but after half a year we reconnected as friends. Happened again recently but this time got replaced by a new favorite person and shut me off completely. Arguments came out of nowhere and made no sense as nothing really happened. I was the only friend that was able to stay on her side for this long because I knew what was going on. Sadly she keeps repeating the same mistakes.
Remember that your feelings are just as important as hers. What people with BPD tend to do is make everyone around them prioritize the BPD-Sufferer's feelings over everyone else's.
You are not a doormat. It's not your job to "fix" her.
Thanks so much for this psych2go! I have BPD so it is really appreciated when someone talks about this less known mental illness! ❤️
Np! Are there any other points that we could include in this video?
As someone with BPD, I have tried to explain this to my friends. They sort of get it. But not completely. I do wish there was more awareness about it. I had an emotional crisis a few days ago and called a suicide hotline since my therapist wasn't available. The lady on the other line tried to understand but didn't seem to get it or why I was so upset; even though I told her I have BPD. So it can be frustrating to try to communicate what I'm going through to people other than my therapist.
Real
"so chances are you have at least one friend with BPD"
"chances are"
Thank you so much! I'm sending it to friends so they can understand ❤❤ thank you
If only my friend have seen this... She was the nicest person I ever met, like unrealistically nice, it's a miracle I met such person in my life. She didn't know what exactly was wrong with me. I didn't know either. Eventually her patience came to the limit. I've done and said some things I will regret for the rest of my life. Now I'm almost 30 and completely alone. The BPD is still with me. I kinda gave up on trying to build friendships and romantic relationships, don't want to hurt and traumatize myself even more. Just trying to take care of myself, to become a better version of me. But I still miss her, it still hurts after years
Please don't give up on trying to build the relationships. There are people who will accept you, you can also make friends with other BPD sufferers who will get what you are going through. Read the comments under this video, many people make it work, you can do it, buddy!!!
I have both a best friend with BPD, as well as a family member (my mother).
It's generally a struggle to maintain a relationship, but you are correct on there being value in them. Whilst it is frustrating at times, I found with stronger boundaries as well as keeping in mind that not only is this not personal that they are also just as harsh with themselves, it was easier to keep the relationship.
People with BPD really just need to be shown kindness, and empathy. As well as being kept firmly in place with what you are and are not okay with.
Though, I do think a video on how to put boundaries in place would be a good idea given how difficult it is to get going.
You have the right idea.
I got BPD and this explains some of my issues very well, great job
Recently I got diagnosed BPD. Now I understand why everyone leaves me. All of my friends have either played with my emotions or abandoned me. Like who'll stay with a mental patient.
It was quite uncomfortable to watch. It made me cry and made me broken hearted. 😊
I cut ties with a female friend who had BPD like a year ago. it was so emotionally draining and i didn't know why. i was her friend for a few years and she always seemed so different and much more sensible than a "normal" person. it was like 3 months before i cut ties with her that i learned she had BPD.
I know i didn't act in the best possible way. but then i learned that i'm not forced to stay in a friendship that can feel toxic or draining. I'm talking things like she would get upset just by a "haha" react on facebook , and then i should go to explain myself over and over again.
I started learning about psychology with the help of these videos, and i never figured it out that a friend of mine had BPD, but when she told me it all made sense.
Don't feel forced to stay in a relationship that doesn't benefit you, but please don't make my mistake to cut ties entirely in a split second.
First of all: I taught myself how to speak and write in English, so I’m sorry for any mistakes in my spelling or grammar.
To anyone who is suffering from Bpd: You are not alone and you’re gonna have friends in your life who will understand you and your problems.
Try to tell them what you’re dealing with, about your feelings, about your anxiety, ... If they are real good friends, they will learn to understand what you’re suffering from.
I‘ve been dealing with mental illnesses for over half of my life, exactly 12 and a half years now. As long as I can remember, I’ve talked about my feelings. In the beginning it was something like: „hey best friend, I don’t want to meet you because I don’t feel up to it.“ Later it turned into: „I’m feeling so sad for weeks now.“ and one day I told my friends: „from next week on, I won’t come to school for a few weeks because I’m going to a clinic for kids and teens with mental health issues.“
Of course as a young teenager I couldn’t explain everything so clearly, that everyone would have understood every little detail of it, but at least they knew, that something wasn’t okay and that I may have said or done things which weren’t about hurting them, but about me not being able to deal with my emotions.
Ever since I can think, I have talked to friends and sometimes even strangers about what I was going through and it never, never, never happened to me, that someone wasn’t understanding and told me, that I was a bad friend or something like that. Everyone understood that it were my mental illnesses that made me the way I am. Sometimes it took a few months but people always understood my situation.
Today I can say: I have the best friends i possibly ever could have asked for. I met my best friend when all these illnesses startet to become more and more present in my life. She has been there when I had good times, when I had bad ones and when I made it back into the good times. 2014 we moved into a flat together and just weeks later something triggered me so badly, that within a few weeks I went from the best time in my life, to the worst. For the next few months she tried to help me in every possible way but in the end all that I could do, was to push her away from me. A year after moving together, our friendship ended and we haven’t talked for over a year. When we met again, we had to hug eachother a bit harder than usual because we have missed eachother so badly.
Today, five years after living together and going through the hardest times in life, she is my best friend. There is no one who understands me like she does. Especially in times like these, she is helping me in every possible way. If I am not able to go to get some food at the supermarket, she’s gonna do it for me. If I start crying in the middle of the day, because my financials are a catastrophe, she calls to make me smile again. Somedays I don’t even have to say anything and she will know what’s going on.
I have a support system of friends who are there for me as much as they can and who are willed to understand that sometimes I can’t react in an appropriate way. They never said a bad word about my mental health, my behavior or my personality. All they tell me, is how much they love me and that they always gonna be there for me.
So sweet from you thank you! Hope your day goes amazing
What they say in this video about BPD blocking a person’s ability to see context is very helpful. I think if people with BPD can work on reminding themselves of that and try to look at the context of other people’s actions as soon as rejection/abandonment fears start coming up inside, that would really help. And if their friends are made aware of this difficultly, and could pause to help the one with BPD see the context (without shaming them for not seeing it), that would really help too. Like if they see the pwBPD (person with BPD) starting to show body language or speech that shows insecurity, they could nip it in the bud by putting a hand on their shoulder and saying, “Hey, if something I or someone else said/did just now is causing you to feel those fears you shared with me about, can I share some context that you might not have noticed?” This would be super amazingly helpful if done in a reassuring and respectful way. (It would not be helpful of course if it was done as gaslighting by a person with narcissism).
My Best Friend has BPD, growing up was tough for her, not only due to family dynamics but school didn’t help either as she was bullied.
Now that she’s grown up and experienced more of life, she is self-assured and copes a lot better with struggles, she is also much better at respecting herself and her needs too which is beautiful to see.
We've been friends for over 17 years and I wouldn't change a thing about her x
thank you for sharing i have BPD and my best friend for over 10 years has put up with everything with me. her friendship is like my rock. we need people like you thank you for being so supportive
I recently made a friend who told me they have it. Really hope this friend ship will last
This video is concerningly accurate to how I feel most of the time. I feel like I don’t have BPD, but I’m not really sure...
Great video tho! Learned a lot from it! 🙂
my girlfriend has bpd and i am autistic. i usually find it really hard to understand some feelings that i've never had, and to identify when i say something that might trigger her and how to make it up to her and give her the reassurance that she needs. she struggles to explain how she feels and what she needs and i feel lost when i don't have a step by step process, so this kind of videos are really helping me out. at the end of the day, the thing i want the most is for both of us to be happy and to make her happy myself. it's been so difficult, and it will be. i have hurt her. and no matter how scared i am, i will probably hurt her again. but i'll do anything for her. i 100% believe she's the love of my life. even though we are both too young, just looking at how far we've come after all the obstacles we've been through boosts me with enough hope to keep going. i'm so grateful either of us ever gave up. i love her so much.
I really appreciate this video's message and i realized why we need things like this. But its its literally so terrible to search something about bpd because you want to help yourself, and all the results being something along the lines of "how to cope with your partner/friend/family member who has bpd". It really sends a message to all of us who suffer from it that we are simply to be tolerated, the burden on our relationships. Because ultimately the blame falls on us for having bpd.
I like that her voice is very soothing and comforting
I thank you for making this video, I needed this so bad! I made so many mistakes that I am learning with my bpd friend. I almost lost him but I am learning because he really is worth it.
I have a special girl in my heart that has this and I love her everyday and looking forward to learning more about this and trying my best to communicate in that type of way to help and understand her fr❤️
Try reason alot of first hand comments to gain perspective because not everyone reiterates the same experience nor symptoms if you really look around. Best of luck!