Dr Bruce Perry wrote the excellent book 'the boy who was raised as a dog' he is the world leading authority in my opinion on trauma and attachment problems in childhood. Excellent video in explaining traumatic attachments and brain organisation of trauma and stress and behavioural aspects - many caregivers are not capable of loving children because they have not dealt with 'their' own trauma(s)
Major determinant for eventual amelioration of suffering globally: teach parenting skills, basic psychology & humanitarianism in kindergarten. And permaculture!
24 years of having no will to live, no wonder. I hope I can surpass my pain and put my compassion into helping others who have survived childhood abuse. We all deserve love and security !
3yrs later, how you doing? Your comment struck a bell with me as I've had similar goals to prevent my suffering being inflicted on others. Unfortunately I've had to abandon them, the trauma triggered mental illness which makes psych a poor field for me. Hope you've had a better run of things
Attachment parenting builds confident children/successful adults who can rise above trauma. Being compassionate and empathetic and anticipating needs is a good investment of time in the raising of a child.
This is an excellent video for every parent, caregiver, or anyone who interacts with children. I am about to submit my final dissertation proposal on Toxic Stress: Wiping Out the Intergenerational Pattern and I am very glad I found this!
HI Amanda, I am a developmental interventionist collecting resources to help people understand the impacts of toxic stress and complex trauma on development of children. Is there any chance I could read or access a copy of your paper? If yes, my email is onegreyhair@hotmail.com Looking forward to hearing from you. Tammie
Thank you so much for this. Every parent should see and be supported in providing the best possible environment for the child. Also, we need TONS more info on how to rewire the brains of adults with Developmental Trauma. So many hurting people, so little help from psychology-medicine. :-(
Thank you Shay. You're absolutely right. Our mission is to create healing that effects all the generations! Love is healing for adults and children alike! The Oxytocin release mechanism can be built throughout the life span!
I was able to begin healing when I wrote a book about my childhood traumas. Not just by recalling them of course, but through a lot of thinking, many of them could be resolved. For example I understand now that my father went through some terrible terrible things in WW2, and his way of dealing with rearing a child and style of communication had a lot to do with those experiences.
So true shame that so much was unknown 40 years ago, however it's great these very proactive vigilant and comprehensive tests, training and understanding is available today......... Please tell me what happens to those of us who slipped through the cracks had seemly normal and full lives in early adulthood only to be back as a baby/child (so to speak) mid aged?? It's diabolical what I always said (my positive mantra of living life) and how I looked at all the trauma now has come back like a bullet train and now ???? I just am finding everything I thought was is not and now where do I go from here and sadly I know I am not the only person this has happened to! Health much love and light to ALL (the gal from oz)
Thank you Dr. Perry and all who spoke here and work in this field to make sense of the insanity felt within the traumatized child's mind-body-heart-spirit. I have just started watching this too, it is great for sense making and affirming. Sound levels matter little when the info is so specialized.
Thank you! I worry so much that my crankiness as a parent can't be undone. Parenting really is spotlighting my own childhood. I don't want to make the same mistakes... I don't want my eight year old son to feel the way I did. Then I find myself behaving less than, as if mirroring my fathers frustrated rage-y episodes and I feel horrified. How can I fix myself and assure my son I love him 24/7? Sometimes I just get too annoyed and need to scream. I'm a single mother without family nearby. I feel like a failure but at the same time, I need to not feel that way bc I realize I'm teaching my son to do whatever I do. I must BE the example. Ugh. I'm rambling.
Put your effort into what you do AFTER you lose it. Model for your child how to clean up the mess after your behavior has been less than stellar. After everyone is calm again say, “I’m sorry I spoke to you that way. I really value respecting each other. You didn’t deserve that. Here’s how I wish I had been able to say what I was trying to say.” It’s so hard to stay in integrity all the time. Especially when you have little support. This “broom and dustpan” approach models for your child how to repair the connection when it’s been broken. If you are gentle with yourself when you make mistakes, it models for him that mistakes are great for learning and growth and that he can be kind to himself when he makes mistakes too.
I started out being taught, Mr. Post's book "Beyond Consequences" to work with families. I found this video very helpful in putting in a few more pieces in a puzzle. Great job!
That is impossible with some parents. The parents we have dealt with are angry angry and do not believe they are to blame or have any problems that need fixing. They abuse and attack CS workers and govt workers. WIsh it could happen but can't with some.
If only more parents saw this kind of content, we'd drift away from punishment and be much better to kids. We're all hurting; we just don't know it yet. The relationships we do have aren't harmonious and loving, not just today, but as far back as anyone decided parents need to "tough love" their kids. It's passed down from one generation to the next, and is still going on because people don't understand this stuff.
Imagine having all of those things at conception, inutero and in early developmental years - alcohol abuse, smoking, drug exposure, severe domestic violence and then mental health issues in the parents, then combine that with a very high saturated fat and sugar diet through the formative years only (no vegetables or healthy foods). The neglect of living in tents and cars, spending nights in a park, moving around at a moments notice, passed around to strangers who are drug addict friends, and then the trauma of being taken from their foundation (despite how dysfunctional it was) to be placed in care. How does all this affect children's brain long term?? I'm seeing it daily, and not having it acknowledged or supported by child protection 'professionals' who are funded to help us. I am jumping up and down trying to get CS and agencies realize this. Unbelievable!!
I appreciate your comment. Real for so many children and families. Schools, health care, and community organizations are struggling with understanding and having an effective approach. There are successful models if only they will research and implement change.
Thanks for that. I live in Australia, where the knowledge and understanding of what children in care would be struggling with from early childhood trauma on their developing brains is largely ignored, once placed with carers. I follow and read a lot of your material on your website which helps us a lot with our kids. Despite being funded for help and support by an Agency, we have not had that funding and support forthcoming for our children's specific needs, , despite repeatedly speaking up, so we've had to seek out our own help, and pay for it. We feel like these agencies are frauding the government by not providing effective, inclusive supports and therapy in the home with the child and their foster caregivers, to allow the children to successfully and healthily attach to us, have relationship, heal their brains etc They are just perpetrating the next generation of parents with their kids in care, continuing the generational cycle of abuse and neglect. Very sad.
I encourage you to visit www.postinstitute.com and sign up for our newsletter. We have several families in Australia in our network. Maybe we could be luck enough that there’s someone near you, you could connect with. Blessings to you and yours
Great video! But parents also need to forgive themselves and stay open to a process of learning. If they just feel guilt and shame about the harm they have already caused, the trauma continues.
Where did we loose this? We still have it, but don't have time to come to terms with it. "We have no time to stand and stare", wrote a poet. We have filled our 24 hours with enriching our superficial desires, TV, movies, sports, hanging out in the mall, shopping, politics etc. Leave our children with others who are not emotionally connected, day care, baby sitter etc. Just 200 years ago, the current state would have been termed "torture", being alone within the walls of confinement.
My son is nearly 3 now & my partner & I have caused fear in him through our own response to certain situations about 5 times We are afraid that we have traumatised him & want to help relieve him of it Does any one have any suggestions please 🙏 Loving dad
A friend of mine made some worksheets that do miracles for relationships. He gives them away for free on his website. If you're interested I can share his info & some videos. Below is something he calls "My Commitment" it's kind of like prayer/vow/affirmations. You are supposed to read it every day, either to the person, or just to yourself, in the bathroom mirror (preferably out loud)
My Commitment I promise to TRUST you enough to tell you the Truth, to be true to you and always engage in just and fair behavior with you. I commit to always be sweetness in your life, to nurture you daily and treat you LOVINGLY, Gently and with Respect in my thoughts, words and actions, whether in your presence or not. In every interaction I commit to affection for you, to look for and acknowledge the highest and best in you and, as I surrender to LOVE, our true nature, I will use only voice tones that reflect my deep caring for you. My connection to Love, our Source, gratitude for my relationship with you and our Serenity will always be more important than any issue. I open my Being to embrace you in my Love, I open my Being to be embraced in your Love. If anything unlike LOVE comes up in me, I will hold us in my Heart and listen as I learn to speak, experience, be RESPONSE-ABLE for and Forgive my own realities. I am here for and with you. I promise to speak only Truth to you as I keep communication open and keep LOVE Conscious, Active and present AS WE HEAL, CELEBRATE LIFE and GROW TOGETHER
at 18:32 they list how parents can respond... something seems to be missing: SAYING things that are reflective of how they are experiencing the child, with empathic observations and naming potential needs and emotions, would be very healing and supportive. Parents may not know WHAT to say to be 'supportive.' Let's teach that also.
See Peter A. Levine, "Trauma Through a Child's Eyes." He writes extensively about the many sources of trauma, including circumcision and other "medical" trauma. He also developed Somatic Experiencing (SE). His web site, traumahealing.org, has a list of practitioners so you can (maybe) find someone near you who can assist with recovery.
I disagree I think everyone diserves to be happy and they can cope with being a mother just because they have problems. it hasn't stopped me from wanting kids in the future.
Ooow booo! Then problem has a child. Trust. I suspect that kinda track of mind gave birth to some influenced ... WelL..problems. ... Maybe its not genetic hygiene alter whatever said on certain drugs? ... Not that i believe that... But... Im sure that not thought i managed to extinct coz mentioned...
Home school is probably best. For a child to be with Mom and Dad in a healthy relationship is a healing process. For a child to see they were created with Love, can I get an AMEN!!!!
Jenny S best is that kids are with safe secure adults when preverbal. If attachments at home are secure enough kids feel safe to go home and express what happened during the day when they are at school. Many parents think they are secure when they’re not - hard to self assess.
Dr Bruce Perry wrote the excellent book 'the boy who was raised as a dog'
he is the world leading authority in my opinion on trauma and attachment problems in childhood. Excellent video in explaining traumatic attachments and brain organisation of trauma and stress and behavioural aspects - many caregivers are not capable of loving children because they have not dealt with 'their' own trauma(s)
Major determinant for eventual amelioration of suffering globally: teach parenting skills, basic psychology & humanitarianism in kindergarten. And permaculture!
24 years of having no will to live, no wonder. I hope I can surpass my pain and put my compassion into helping others who have survived childhood abuse. We all deserve love and security !
3yrs later, how you doing? Your comment struck a bell with me as I've had similar goals to prevent my suffering being inflicted on others. Unfortunately I've had to abandon them, the trauma triggered mental illness which makes psych a poor field for me. Hope you've had a better run of things
Be happy don’t pull the trigger my friend did it’s been hard without him
I am 24 and I am equal
Dr. Perry's first wife was murdered, and he has been helping people his whole life
Attachment parenting builds confident children/successful adults who can rise above trauma. Being compassionate and empathetic and anticipating needs is a good investment of time in the raising of a child.
This is an excellent video for every parent, caregiver, or anyone who interacts with children. I am about to submit my final dissertation proposal on Toxic Stress: Wiping Out the Intergenerational Pattern and I am very glad I found this!
HI Amanda, I am a developmental interventionist collecting resources to help people understand the impacts of toxic stress and complex trauma on development of children. Is there any chance I could read or access a copy of your paper? If yes, my email is onegreyhair@hotmail.com Looking forward to hearing from you. Tammie
Can we read it ? Are you able to email it :) ?
I would love to read your dissertation as I am studying Developmental Trauma
Thank you so much for this. Every parent should see and be supported in providing the best possible environment for the child. Also, we need TONS more info on how to rewire the brains of adults with Developmental Trauma. So many hurting people, so little help from psychology-medicine. :-(
Thank you Shay. You're absolutely right. Our mission is to create healing that effects all the generations! Love is healing for adults and children alike! The Oxytocin release mechanism can be built throughout the life span!
I was able to begin healing when I wrote a book about my childhood traumas. Not just by recalling them of course, but through a lot of thinking, many of them could be resolved. For example I understand now that my father went through some terrible terrible things in WW2, and his way of dealing with rearing a child and style of communication had a lot to do with those experiences.
History tells us a lot about ourselves as a collective and our psychology
So true shame that so much was unknown 40 years ago, however it's great these very proactive vigilant and comprehensive tests, training and understanding is available today......... Please tell me what happens to those of us who slipped through the cracks had seemly normal and full lives in early adulthood only to be back as a baby/child (so to speak) mid aged?? It's diabolical what I always said (my positive mantra of living life) and how I looked at all the trauma now has come back like a bullet train and now ???? I just am finding everything I thought was is not and now where do I go from here and sadly I know I am not the only person this has happened to! Health much love and light to ALL (the gal from oz)
Thank you Dr. Perry and all who spoke here and work in this field to make sense of the insanity felt within the traumatized child's mind-body-heart-spirit. I have just started watching this too, it is great for sense making and affirming. Sound levels matter little when the info is so specialized.
Excellent information. I will be using this as part of a training for my staff and for foster parents.
WOW! IM GOING TO SHARE THIS WITH THE WOMEN! this is so validating for what I share with them.
I would love to see an up to date video of this.😊
Thank you! I worry so much that my crankiness as a parent can't be undone. Parenting really is spotlighting my own childhood. I don't want to make the same mistakes... I don't want my eight year old son to feel the way I did. Then I find myself behaving less than, as if mirroring my fathers frustrated rage-y episodes and I feel horrified. How can I fix myself and assure my son I love him 24/7? Sometimes I just get too annoyed and need to scream. I'm a single mother without family nearby. I feel like a failure but at the same time, I need to not feel that way bc I realize I'm teaching my son to do whatever I do. I must BE the example. Ugh. I'm rambling.
Dootzy Bug
Believe in yourself I'm sure your child feels really loved by u
Get some personal therapy by a therapist who understands attachment and trauma.
Put your effort into what you do AFTER you lose it. Model for your child how to clean up the mess after your behavior has been less than stellar. After everyone is calm again say, “I’m sorry I spoke to you that way. I really value respecting each other. You didn’t deserve that. Here’s how I wish I had been able to say what I was trying to say.” It’s so hard to stay in integrity all the time. Especially when you have little support. This “broom and dustpan” approach models for your child how to repair the connection when it’s been broken. If you are gentle with yourself when you make mistakes, it models for him that mistakes are great for learning and growth and that he can be kind to himself when he makes mistakes too.
I started out being taught, Mr. Post's book "Beyond Consequences" to work with families. I found this video very helpful in putting in a few more pieces in a puzzle. Great job!
Yes Powerful. Will share this with my colleagues in well child health and encourage parents too. Thanks
Thank you for this very benificial episode
22:14 to stop the cross generational passage of trauma and insecure attachment it would be for parents to start a process of self-understanding
That is impossible with some parents. The parents we have dealt with are angry angry and do not believe they are to blame or have any problems that need fixing. They abuse and attack CS workers and govt workers. WIsh it could happen but can't with some.
If only more parents saw this kind of content, we'd drift away from punishment and be much better to kids. We're all hurting; we just don't know it yet. The relationships we do have aren't harmonious and loving, not just today, but as far back as anyone decided parents need to "tough love" their kids. It's passed down from one generation to the next, and is still going on because people don't understand this stuff.
Imagine having all of those things at conception, inutero and in early developmental years - alcohol abuse, smoking, drug exposure, severe domestic violence and then mental health issues in the parents, then combine that with a very high saturated fat and sugar diet through the formative years only (no vegetables or healthy foods). The neglect of living in tents and cars, spending nights in a park, moving around at a moments notice, passed around to strangers who are drug addict friends, and then the trauma of being taken from their foundation (despite how dysfunctional it was) to be placed in care. How does all this affect children's brain long term?? I'm seeing it daily, and not having it acknowledged or supported by child protection 'professionals' who are funded to help us. I am jumping up and down trying to get CS and agencies realize this. Unbelievable!!
I appreciate your comment. Real for so many children and families. Schools, health care, and community organizations are struggling with understanding and having an effective approach. There are successful models if only they will research and implement change.
Thanks for that. I live in Australia, where the knowledge and understanding of what children in care would be struggling with from early childhood trauma on their developing brains is largely ignored, once placed with carers. I follow and read a lot of your material on your website which helps us a lot with our kids. Despite being funded for help and support by an Agency, we have not had that funding and support forthcoming for our children's specific needs, , despite repeatedly speaking up, so we've had to seek out our own help, and pay for it. We feel like these agencies are frauding the government by not providing effective, inclusive supports and therapy in the home with the child and their foster caregivers, to allow the children to successfully and healthily attach to us, have relationship, heal their brains etc They are just perpetrating the next generation of parents with their kids in care, continuing the generational cycle of abuse and neglect. Very sad.
I encourage you to visit www.postinstitute.com and sign up for our newsletter. We have several families in Australia in our network. Maybe we could be luck enough that there’s someone near you, you could connect with. Blessings to you and yours
postinstitute hi, yes have done that! As I said in earlier reply, I source a lot of your info, which has helped us so much :)
A good watch for the classroom!
Thanks for the useful information.
Great video! But parents also need to forgive themselves and stay open to a process of learning. If they just feel guilt and shame about the harm they have already caused, the trauma continues.
Thank you a lot for this video...
you guys re all amazing ! thx for the video it's helpful !
Love love love this. Thanks guys xxx
Thank you so so so so much for this. 🙏🏽
Very powerful!!! I' ve learned a lot!
Where did we loose this? We still have it, but don't have time to come to terms with it. "We have no time to stand and stare", wrote a poet. We have filled our 24 hours with enriching our superficial desires, TV, movies, sports, hanging out in the mall, shopping, politics etc. Leave our children with others who are not emotionally connected, day care, baby sitter etc. Just 200 years ago, the current state would have been termed "torture", being alone within the walls of confinement.
Excellent video!!
Thx you
so incredibly brilliant.
I only hear the mother this the mother thatWhat about the father?????Can HE help his baby development????
It's just the most important bond. A woman could do it without the father.
But I totally get where you're coming from
They do say parents though
Very insightful!
Very interesting and important.
My son is nearly 3 now & my partner & I have caused fear in him through our own response to certain situations about 5 times
We are afraid that we have traumatised him & want to help relieve him of it
Does any one have any suggestions please 🙏
Loving dad
A friend of mine made some worksheets that do miracles for relationships. He gives them away for free on his website. If you're interested I can share his info & some videos. Below is something he calls "My Commitment" it's kind of like prayer/vow/affirmations. You are supposed to read it every day, either to the person, or just to yourself, in the bathroom mirror (preferably out loud)
My Commitment
I promise to TRUST you enough to tell you the Truth, to be true to you and always engage in just and fair behavior with you. I commit to always be sweetness in your life, to nurture you daily and treat you LOVINGLY, Gently and with Respect in my thoughts, words and actions, whether in your presence or not.
In every interaction I commit to affection for you, to look for and acknowledge the highest and best in you and, as I surrender to LOVE, our true nature, I will use only voice tones that reflect my deep caring for you.
My connection to Love, our Source, gratitude for my relationship with you and our Serenity will always be more important than any issue. I open my Being to embrace you in my Love, I open my Being to be embraced in your Love.
If anything unlike LOVE comes up in me, I will hold us in my Heart and listen as I learn to speak, experience, be RESPONSE-ABLE for and Forgive my own realities.
I am here for and with you. I promise to speak only Truth to you as I keep communication open and keep LOVE Conscious, Active and present AS WE HEAL, CELEBRATE LIFE and GROW TOGETHER
at 18:32 they list how parents can respond... something seems to be missing: SAYING things that are reflective of how they are experiencing the child, with empathic observations and naming potential needs and emotions, would be very healing and supportive. Parents may not know WHAT to say to be 'supportive.' Let's teach that also.
1 in 3 kids assaulted, abused or neglected in the US is #NOTOKAY OK?
fantastic basis for the effects of trauma.
although, i'm a little disappointed that they didn't mention circumcision as a kind of trauma.
See Peter A. Levine, "Trauma Through a Child's Eyes." He writes extensively about the many sources of trauma, including circumcision and other "medical" trauma. He also developed Somatic Experiencing (SE). His web site, traumahealing.org, has a list of practitioners so you can (maybe) find someone near you who can assist with recovery.
excellent
turn-up the sound, turn-down the sound, turn-up the sound, turn-down the sound. I can't watch this.
You sound hyper-reactive.. you should check your childhood [lol]
I was literally saying the same thing with my thumb over the speakers
I disagree I think everyone diserves to be happy and they can cope with being a mother just because they have problems. it hasn't stopped me from wanting kids in the future.
Ooow booo! Then problem has a child. Trust. I suspect that kinda track of mind gave birth to some influenced ... WelL..problems. ... Maybe its not genetic hygiene alter whatever said on certain drugs? ... Not that i believe that... But... Im sure that not thought i managed to extinct coz mentioned...
Home school is probably best. For a child to be with Mom and Dad in a healthy relationship is a healing process. For a child to see they were created with Love, can I get an AMEN!!!!
Jenny S best is that kids are with safe secure adults when preverbal. If attachments at home are secure enough kids feel safe to go home and express what happened during the day when they are at school. Many parents think they are secure when they’re not - hard to self assess.
Lots of problems here. It says something about any therapist/academic who would collaborate with Post.
Unfortunately, Parents are many times their child's abusers, so there is no safe adult for that child to go to for comfort or help.
4:52 sus
Thats Jesus !
+Christine Yeshua Personally I would trust the Tooth Fairy more than I would Jesus