The Flavours Of Autistic Infantilisation
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- Опубликовано: 22 авг 2024
- Let's explore the many flavours of Autistic infantilisation, looking at 6 types of infantilisation that occur at work, in media and within relationships
Intantilisation occurs when someone treats you less than who you are, treats you like a child and undermines your personal independence in thought and behaviour... sadly this occurs for A LOT for Autistic adults!
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I asked my mother to stop criticising me all the time, even over little things, and to stop trying to treat like a child. I was not allowed to have my own personal space, or even be right in facts concerning my professional career and university qualifications. She made it clear that she was not going to stop doing that because 'I was a vulnerable person and I have always been weird'. I have since cut off all contact.
I tried to talk to a clinical psychologist about it and got told that ' I need to reconnect with mother and suck it up because my mother loves me.' WTf?
I am a 60 yo man who was not diagnosed until 56. I have lived unsupported for most of my adult life and achieved many things. Although there have been many difficulties.
You do not have to put up with being infantilised
I know, right? On the one hand, “thanks for caring”. But at the same time it’s kind of insulting. I haven’t been formally dx’d, but my siblings all recognize that I’m different. A couple of them seem never to pass up an opportunity to criticize me. And it’s usually regarding things they have zero understanding of or even any experience with. They don’t do that to each other, even though they sometimes disagree. But they seem to enjoy dissecting me, sharing their evaluation of me with each other, then telling me their consensus. I am financially and physically independent and do not need their help, but I have gratefully accepted their support at times, only to regret it. I have not cut them out of my life, but they are exhausting to be around because I cannot be myself and be accepted. And they are entirely convinced that they are in the right.
My foster parent tried to have me certified as disabled enough to get a conservatorship over me like my twin sister. She ended just throwing me out a month before my 21st birthday because I threatened her chances of even getting conservatorship of my twin sister.
people go no contact with a parent fir very good reasons. You know better than anyone what is healthy for you.
Good for you. Asserting yourself and enforcing your boundaries.
Such a bad psychologist… very harmfull and unproffesional
Let me out of this universe...I'm tired of roleplaying.
yeah me too man.
Same here!
Same. LARPING my life rather than living it. If it even is *my* life. It feels like it isn't
I just don’t do it anymore. 😂 It took me a couple of years to stop worry about how I’m perceived. But I got there.
I always hate when NT describes Autistic people regardless of age as "darling angels", "innocent", "naive", "an old soul", "Autism people are good in (fill in the stereotypical image)"
How NTs see autism is like how people wear Nirvana shirts but don't listen to their songs.
My dad wanted me to go to art school instead of a university with math classes.
Sometimes we are very old souls. you can ask Karra, Heather O"Rourke or Donna Douglas...
the sentence im innocent and naïve ... as an autistic i laughed as i typed it and i could not say the sentence at all i just laughed .. but i know the wisest person wears the jesters hat ..
For me each and every time it's always the question of whether I'm being infantilized because I'm autistic or because I'm a woman.
Por que no los dos?
Por que no los dos?
I'm 4"10", autistic and a woman. Being infantalised has been 99% of my existence. I'm shocked when people actually talk to me normally lmao. I try not to be angry about my life or "play the victim" as everyone says to me but come on, it's hard when you're life genuinely does suck and most people just tell you to "get over it". People act like I should be grateful to not be spat on.
Before realizing my Autism, I was really ambitious to have a career as an MFT. I got the Master's degree with honors and excelled as an academic. But I crashed an burned when it came to finding work. I got fired from every job I got because of communication issues with employers. I ended up filing for disability and quitting the working world. I then turned to property owning and managing but found it frustrating. When trying to converse with people about my business, I found them more interested in addressing the person standing quietly next to me (as moral support) when answering my questions. Finally, after being taken advantage of by nearly every tenant in my properties and finding virtually no professional help, I'm having to quit that business as well. It helps to know now that I am Autistic trying to find a niche in a neurotypical world that apparently sees me as subhuman, because I feel I can now stop trying so hard to fit in somewhere I was not made to be.
My experience is similar to yours. My autism was recently identified. I don't know what to think. I am curious to know if you feel like you struggled for high academic achievement without reaping the rewards.
Do you regret the time and resources you put in?
Get the estate agent to deal with it, let them take their 10% then it takes that stress away
I recommend transportation. For example, you can drive a school van with only a regular driver’s license, and a lot of the students you drive will also be autistic, or otherwise disabled. It’s a good part-time job, the sort of thing you could do even if you were getting disability, probably.
My experiences have been similar. I excelled academically and had special talents in music and art, but I did deep dives into psychology from age eight, and really wanted to become a therapist. I worked hard supporting my family by teaching art and English, Got along with students, had difficulties with principals and coworkers, had a rental property, tennants took advantage, finally got a masters degree in counseling and did counseling(CRC) for twenty years, but didn’t make much money so did that part time and kept teaching. I was finally diagnosed after retirement due to debilitating anxiety and depression. I am relieved that I now have an answer to why I am different and can embrace my differences and relax about things during retirement and be content with my life.
Making money from properties is parasitic. I kind of wonder how you can even succeed in school while surrounded by the stupefying influence of other people, I can only do it if not forced to attend class for a grade.
Omg so that’s why when I go to medical appointments, they ignore me and talk to the neurotypical person I’m with. Also, my parents are narcissistic and they do everything for me instead of helping me learn how to do it myself, and it just makes me feel so trapped because they’re abusive and I can’t escape from them because they’ve made me dependent on them by doing that.
Yep. I escaped by entering an abusive marriage. Then I had a baby, and could get benefits and child support based on that, and clawed my way up that way. But it was horrible. I don’t think my parents, especially my mother, really wanted me to become independent; I could cut them off, then, you see. 🤦♀️
@@misspat7555 I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s so horrible feeling so hopeless, trapped, and stuck due to being dependent on abusers. That’s totally what they’re doing when they infantilize us and don’t want us to become independent. My dad has literally said out loud to my brother that he thinks once I’m financially independent from him, I’ll cut him off. I’m proud of you for still being here today, I know it’s so hard❤️
@@misspat7555 I replied to this comment but it didn’t post for some reason. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s such a horrible feeling to feel so trapped, hopeless, and stuck with seemingly no way out. They definitely don’t want us to be independent. My dad has said out loud to my brother he thinks once I’m financially independent, I’ll cut him off. I’m proud of you for still being here, I know it’s not easy❤️
I am 29 and have ASD ADHD and Tourettes. I also do special Olympics and last week we went to a track and field meet
A lot of coaches call us Kids saying get the kids make sure the kids are all accounted for so we can leave. Very weird considering most of these athletes are older than the coaches
Very unnecessary
Seems like we get it only because we are disabled adults
I do know what you mean. Last year, after a turbulent, difficult experience, I brought my thoughts and a couple of solutions to my coach. He called me kiddo again. Then, he proceeded to make fun of my group. I sent a letter of complaint to the council. Long story short, after firing him. We all met up at the quarter meeting last November to discuss finances and events. He read out loud my private complaint and humiliated me. Later, the councillors asked him to remove himself. He was fired from the company overall. Gosh! It felt good to finally speak up! Don't let anyone ever tell you to quiet down or gaslight you in front of people. ✌️
@hameley12 I won't it's sad that your coach humiliated your group. But you got justice by getting him fired
Well the council fired him but that's what he gets for being a dick
We are human and deserve respect even more respect than most. We are the underdogs of the world and everytime we compete We prove to everyone that we can be exceptional athletes 💯
I do wonder if the cute portrayal of love on the spectrum was the only way to make autistic people seem likeable to the masses. In regular life, autistic people are judged quickly as being weird or off. And generally not likeable to most people. I'm talking about stereotypes of course.
i feel like editing clips of shows like "the bachelor" to have the "love on the spectrum" "soundtrack" on them lol.
My spiky profile manifested in the form of me being extremely intelligent, a fast learner, and detail oriented, but very slow at picking up social skills. Before I learned how to mask effectively, the infantilization was so extreme it would drive me insane and make me hate the people around me.
It clearly didn't matter how smart I was. I could spend dozens of hours watching documentaries, reading ahead in my school books, and could recite cold, hard facts about the universe. People would just pat me on the head, insist it wasn't true, then start telling me fairy tales that only a preschooler would believe. I once even had someone deny to my face that the Earth was thousands of miles deep and insisted I could dig all the way through with a plastic beach shovel. I don't remember how old I was, but I'd already been taught this information in school multiple years prior.
It feels like masking is the only way I can get neurotypicals (who are often far less intelligent than me) to stop speaking to me like a toddler. Its so frustrating! Just because I like to stim and speak in silly voices, does not mean I am an idiot. How are we the dumb ones when neurotypicals use social skills to judge intelligence?
I'm glad I was able to learn how to mask if for no other reason than to educate neurotypicals. Unfortunately, many still try to seperate me from lower masking autistics & insist we are "on different ends of the spectrum," but I'm slowly learning which combinations of words I need to use to get it through their head that they're being cruel.
I took honors classes in high school. Some idiot girl who sat next to me on the school bus thought I was r worded until she saw my report card.
@nuclearcatbaby1131 haha same here. Funny how much more respect i got when people saw As
@@nuclearcatbaby1131lol yeah it was so fun being that "weird girl" with no friends who got good grades and "always looked angry and depressed". Or the classic "You're so pretty but why are you so weird, awkward and sad!! You look good so you should act NORMAL"!!! I gave up trying to be attractive after those experiences because when you're a good looking woman people expect you to be neurotypical. And when you're not you're seen as a b*tch. So being ugly and invisible while not masking is better for my sanity personality. I get to exist rather than performance manage my meat sack (body)
@@GeminiPlatypus I always had my more severely autistic twin sister for a friend but now she's trapped in an abusive conservatorship where she isn't allowed to use the internet or communicate with me.
Someone saying “Haven’t you done well” (with reference to getting married, going to uni etc) or some sort of back handed compliment such as you are very articulate or such like positive quality (for an autistic person) often said in a patronising way.
I just got "That is very mature of you!" when I told my manager I would come in for the next shift after calling off last night.
For context, I was panicking because my POS coworker name-dropped my mother to me (who she shouldn't know) and threatened to talk shit about me to her because I've been reporting her. Our hospital opened in December but they haven't even posted the 3rd shift supervisor so we're the only people there. She's been getting away with refusing to do work and being an asshole to boot.
I'm over here like "Dear God, has she escalated to stalking me and my family? Am I in danger?" But his response is to talk to her about it, which is only going to make her treat me worse and want to harass my mother even more. He didn't even bother to get HR involved until I told him I wanted to quit because of her, and I have a feeling they're not actually going to do anything until we get a supervisor or she does something so terrible they can't drag their feet anymore.
TLDR; I'm risking my mental (and possibly physical) health to work with a terrible person who might be stalking me, and all I got was "You're such a big girl!"
Beware of your local laws and double check them as a Autistic Adult and potentially prep a lawyer for future problems. As a Adult it can get fkd. Take control of your own life ASAP.
The point about talking about people and not to them. I know this is not about autism, but I saw this a lot with my grandparents. Like I would be there playing scrabble with them, and others would talk about them to me. But grandparents know it’s about them, even if they are deaf and bad memory. It’s so awkward and painful/confusing for them.
You always give me a lot of food for thought! While I agree that autistic people are at high risk of being dismissed as ignorant, this phenomenon happens throughout society. It seems people are just generally treated is children until about age 30, for example. Women are often treated as silly, foolish things throughout life. Anyone who can’t speak, even temporarily, regardless of reason, tends to also be treated more like an object than a person. Same goes for impoverished/homeless people, even if they do things like have cars and hold down jobs. I guess people just like ignoring the opinions of people they perceive they can ignore the opinions of with no harm befalling themselves… 😕
My parents don't respect me due to my diagnosis and they always say I needed them "for the rest of my life".
They don't let me take any meaningful decisions and impose their beliefs onto me one by one. It's madness!
I’m sorry to hear this… they should embrace you and make an action plan together with you
I ran as soon as I could to get away from controlling people including a parent. I started from nothing, homeless and broke. Now at least I can rent a room and I'm lucky my current customer service job is understanding.
If you absolutely need to leave, bide your time until a solid opportunity. Just avoid getting institutionalized at all costs, you won't get back out of that system.
@@chey7691 I'm 16 and thus stuck here. 2 years is just too long!
@@trwn87 You have time to set up plans and backups then. Focus on keeping your sanity and then your need to leave. Don't worry too much about legality if your actual safety is at stake. And don't worry about how they feel because they sure as hell ain't respecting you or wondering how you are. Watch some videos on how to live around narcissistic personality disorder people.
@@chey7691 Ok, thanks! The problem is that I already lost my sanity and I just want it back. 🖤
I don't mind being called cute - combination of EDS with Autistic behaviours, somewhat androgynous appearance(nb spectrum) and dainty figure (I'm shortie) just couldn't result in many other adjectives - people usualy guess that I'm between 16 and 21 (I'm 36), record being guessed as 13yo last year 😮. Dude seriously thought that I'm my partner's daughter... while I'm 4 years older than him.I was even described as "looking like character from anime" and I still don't know it was compliment or an insult. I however mind people who try to explain my autism to me, or those who explain things I didn't ask for, but refuse to explain those I asked. And I hate when someone start to talk over me when I'm trying to verbalize my thoughts - I need time, not advocate...
Yeah, chances are that being called "cute" as an autistic adult will feel less jarring to non-men than to men due to how men and women are raised. As for non-binary folks, I imagine your mileage may vary depending on how masculine-of-center you are.
@@messinalyle4030 my gender is pretty fluid, but never goes to extremes, so depending on day I'm able to pass as 'cute boy' or 'tomboy' or usually as *visible confusion* XD. And also 'cute boys' are on the rage aparently (K-Pop bands, Asian drama actors) so I think that "cute" is evolving, being used more in positive rather than infantlising way
I feel more like I'm adultalized
in all seriousness. ive been pressured to work under my sister twice. i also had finished my bachelor's degree this year. i feel hopeless. i cant give all these details but i feel infantilised and patronised
the latest situation of infantilisation was somebody trying to tell me that blue bells are a woodland plant and that it was not the right place for them witch was nonsense. i have only written an entire paper on woodland regeneration i mean what would i know.
I raised a daughter who wasn't diagnosed until adulthood.
Having a (different) genetic anomaly myself ,I think people infantailize what they do not understand. Videos like this one can go a long way in that education.
I think neurodiverse bluntness is amazing personally, I think if the rest of the world worked under these same "rule sets" the world would be a much better place....
My dad wanted me to quit my dream of going to a real university to study physics and math and instead go to art school. I'm not even that great of an artist. Art in general had an infantile reputation so I feel infantilized that he wanted me to do that. I also take it as a backhanded compliment because if art is my best skill then I must be downright r worded at everything else.
"Oh, that's great! I'm so proud of you!", "You're so inspirational!", speaking loud Broken English, talking to NT appearing companion while ignoring us, "oh you must know so and so they are Autism like you!', "You got to meet so and so, I think you both would look so cute together!", "You have tattoos? You have coloured hair? You speak English very well! Did you mommy make that for you?" omg shut up people!!!!!
It's the "cutesie" baby-talk that NTs do for me ...
"Oh, HeWwO LiL' bUdDy! AwE yOu AwIgHt?!"
Always fun when I tell them to do one in no uncertain terms, especially as I love the c-word ... and lude insinuations as to where they can go and what they can do with themselves when they get there!
@@calvinhumphries9595 I wouldn't even say that to a dog let alone a full grown adult. I love the B-word lol.
@@Jonz808 Unfortunately, there's a lot of adult humans that think anyone under the age of 10 or anyone with a disability have the mental capacity of a clump of wet pasta ... so you will find grown-ass adult humans that think it's ok to talk to disabled people and children in 'cutesie-wootsie baby-talk'!
These people really need the reality check of kids talking like mature AF adults and the disabled people being rude AF, gotta keep these fools in check!
With such people, I sometimes answer with their same posture and babying-you voice, and if they look shocked, ask if they had any idea what they sounded like. "You do realize that I'm an adult. ?"
Now and then I show "concern" ask if they are ill/ drunk. "Because you're talking rather oddly"
I dont even infantalize children
Baby talk is for the adults doing it, not the actual babies. It has no actual use except tone, and you can do that without sounding stupid.
I really appreciated your last point about moral ownership. I am on the autism spectrum myself, and I have someone in my general social circles who is also on the autism spectrum, but she behaves horribly towards others (for example, she encouraged her children to bully my daughter - even to the point of abandoning her in a neighborhood that she was unfamiliar with - because of a tiff she was having with my wife). When confronted she went to "well, it's not my fault, I'm autistic!" and most of the social group fell in to defend her - which pissed me off, as I am also autistic and I know that you don't encourage bullying or abandoning a child under any circumstances, much less circumstances that the child has no control over. As I began asking questions, I discovered that things had, since this woman was a child, moved from legitimately excusing genuine autistic behaviors (lack of eye contact, difficulty with social cues) to excusing some truly reprehensible behavior because "she's autistic, she doesn't know better!"
Never mind that most of us do know better.
This also puts me in mind of something that I saw quite often when I was diagnosed about 20 years ago (back then the diagnosis was Aspergers Syndrome, which has of course changed since then) where a lot of people, usually young men, would behave reprehensibly and then announce that they had Aspergers Syndrome so we had to excuse their behavior. I found that, when asked, most of these guys had never been diagnosed, they just seemed to find something that excused their behavior and claimed it. I wonder how much of the "autistic people can't be held accountable" is spillover from this sort of thing.
Others have described me as 'sincere' in a patronising way. I have experienced several women younger than me do the head tilt and 'awe you're so sweet' in response to something I've said that felt perfectly normal to me. I hate that patronising response. They're also advertising their lack of sincerity.
Oh god 😅 I am kind of blunt and rude. My colleague for example one day got in the office with a very nice bright green coat and my mind thought how bright it was…. …. My mouth instead said: hello leprechaun! 😂 the entire office went silent 😅
I am a bit childish and that has always been a problem with romantic relationships 😢 all of them left me because they couldn’t understand.
Thoughts about people doing things for me:
I generally don't like asking people for help. There are a few people I feel comfortable relying upon, but even then, I'm always thinking that I'm abusing of their generosity.
There are certain things for which I'm content doing on my own, but for which I'll accept help if offered.
Then there are things that I absolutely want to do myself. And if someone volunteers to help me in those tasks or situations, I will generally say "no thanks". After declining their help, if they then proceed to help or insist on helping, I get incredibly annoyed.
One of my exes was incredibly frustrating in this regard. He would do things I explicitly asked him not to do for me. And there are certain tasks that I entrusted to him that he didn't do after agreeing to do them. Drove me absolutely bonkers!
As an autistic adult, I've had experiences with friends and family where they're clearly uneasy about people telling dirty jokes in front of me.
Being late diagnosed, i have no experience with being infantilized. I have only ever shared my diagnosis with people who already know my quirks. Though surprised, none of them have treated me differently. I have not found a compelling reason to share my diagnosis with others. I would hate to infantilized and I wouldnt want to be treated differently.
When I ended up going to the Sandy Springs Northside Hospital's emergency room in late December 2023 I ended up getting a paper or two about autism in children especially when I am an an autistic woman without intellectual disabilities and I also have been diagnosed with five other disabilities outside of autism because I kept having autism meltdowns over not being able to get the needed individualized in person OT for the disabilities I were born with to see if I could get help from one of the social workers working at this hospital. I kept having problems getting incontact with this Northside Hospital social worker until my mom got on the phone for me and I was only able to talk to him once and he never ever contacted me back after that.
Do you think that infantilization by parents of teenage and early adult autistic children can lead to mental health problems such as depression, a feeling of hopelessness, anger, etc.?
Yes
Many of us were taught self-infantilization
I wish I had that problem. People seem to like me in the short term when they first meet me, I got some memorize jokes and things that people enjoying the short-term, but something about my quarks leave me feeling universally hated by people. Often times people will say really hurtful things assuming like they don't even realize that they're doing it, and if I point it out to them, I'm the problem. Who I am as a person, the way I behave, my mannerisms, none of them personal choices at all, this is the cause of people being rude and mean. And I'm the type of person that would take a bullet for just about anybody. I care deeply for people as a whole, but I weep for humanity.
They read into things that aren't there and assume everyone is as duplicitous as them. Oh the things I have heard having to clear up misunderstandings that were completely on their end!
Neurotypicals (read NoRMal in a derogatory tone) are a special breed whose whole view of the world consists of "thin slice judgements" and other heuristics similar, they in fact always judge a book by the cover using passed down opinions and stereotypes. Until they have incentives to do otherwise that outweigh their intellectual laziness, they will never meet us halfway.
Yes I'm jaded, and all of my disdain for their ways is earned. They as a group refuse to use the brains they were given and make my life hell even when a always meet them halfway or more.
Your point about negative aspects of "good advices" (starting at 14:30) is really accurate, and may apply not only to how to manage your romantic relationship, but also how to manage your own interior life, things such as : "stop always asking yourself so many questions, because doing this you forget to be happy..." or even : "stop looking at your belly-buttons like that". Too many of these "advices" may even lead to autistic burn-out (as experienced last month), ... which results in stopping the flow of "good advices", and gives you time alone to realize all what you have pointed in your video. Thank you so much.
Important thing I learned about the NT repeating information. It's not actually that they think you didn't receive the facts, but rather that you're not putting enough emphasis on how the facts impact their emotions. Eg NT: My dog died. ASD: Oh, are you going to get a new dog? NT now clearly angry: OMG how could you say that! My dog just died! In this scenario the important info the NT is trying to convey is that they are emotionally upset and it's because of the event (dead dog). The NT is assuming the ASD person works backwards like they do, emotions first, reason for emotions second. Adult ASD's might recognize this, and have practiced various scripts of NT appropriate responses but the ASD brain works forward, event happens, then emotions come. They recognize that everyone reacts to situations differently so won't assume the emotional state. Sure someone's dog dying is typically sad, but sometimes it's relieving when the animal was suffering, or maybe they feel angry bc the dog was hit by a distracted driver on his phone. Either way "my dog died" isn't enough info for the ASD to form an appropriate opinion about how you want them to react. A simple "My dog died, which is why I'm very sad today." (Event + current emotional state) Is likely going to result in a very empathetic ASD response as they comfort the person in ways that person didn't even realize would help them. Basically NT's realize you need to add just a tiny bit more context to your words. ASD understand that NT's see emotions as the pinnacle of communication so if they repeat themselves it's likely bc they want you to understand the emotional context. When this happens repeat their words back to them, and add how does that make you feel. eg: "Oh my your dog died, how are you feeling?"
This was an important video to me.
There are two ways how people behave when infantilizing me:
Either they act very worried, take responsibilies away from me and call me cutsy names.
Or they talk down to me - even when I'm in a higher job position than me.
Both I find very frustrating
I've hated this since I was a child. I always recognized when people were addressing me as if I can't tell they're not interested in what I have to say. Made me feel awful- and no one even knew/thought I was autistic. I was diagnosed when I was 19. I haven't had it happen much since then but the worst instance was when I went to vote and I had my sister with me. It was my first time so I didn't know what to do and I'm slow so I needed her help. As soon as she mentioned that she was helping me because I'm autistic (just to put it simply) to the person we were handing forms to, SHE IMMEDIATELY STARTED TALKING TO ME LIKE THIS. AS IF I COULDN'T HEAR OR COMPREHEND WHAT SHE WAS SAYING. It irritated me in the moment but now we tend to laugh about how ridiculous it was.
4:37 This. I get the eye roll or a patronizing smile from certain people when I do this. It has taken me a long time to realize that my need to deep dive into a topic is not typical.
I find infodumps endearing, especially when you want to share what gets you excited about the topic. Valuable information followed by showing me what makes you feel alive and passionate? Amazing if I have the time, but I always try and make time for those a care about anyway.
I just want to say Thomas, that the look and the presentation of this video is really cool. The colour scheme and the blue lighting and the text effects/sound effects are all looking on point. All together with another important well articulated topic.
Now gen z are bringing there parents to job interviews yet they think we are being babies?😅
HAHAHA
Yet at rehab they want to teach addicts they have a disease and not a disability😢if they just critically think they would have known they have late diagnosed ADD,ADHD,ASD people at rehab😅or there doing it on purpose to milk there money?
Yes to the second one. No one there is capable nor wants to treat anything that may have contributed to said addiction.
The addiction IS a disease, but a ill conceived crutch for people with other issues. Gotta find out why you got started and unravel your actual blocks to recovery.
This all is SO familiar !! I was forced to retire from my job a few months ago. It was due to their failure to accept and acknowledge my autism.
6:04 I think it’s rude to do to children, too. If you are in parent-teacher situation, why do it in front of the child? Nobody likes to be talked about in front of them.
Good points brought up. Thank you. Right now I’m going through something with a friend who acts like he needs to give me advice, even though I don’t need that advice. Then he gets irritated when I don’t “follow instructions”.
I like this video. I have more I want to say, but I’m incredibly low spoons and none of my thoughts are turning into words that mean what I want them to.
One of the things about someone helping you without being asked, some people honestly just like to help others. I am a high functioning autistic myself and when I try to help another person it is genuine with no self motive. It is simply a reaction to a person in need and or maybe I have information that is valuable to their situation. It is almost always met with anger. I lack a lot of emotions that people normally have. I got the robotic internalized emotions thing. I can express emotions outwordly but they do not last long kind of there then gone in just a couple of seconds. I took my first random IQ test last year and scored a 138 on it while skipping any questions I did not understand properly. Next thing I know I got a email from MENSA asking me to take their test. I ignored it, I do not have a properly functioning ego it honestly is almost nonexistant apart from self preservation. Not only does it cause me issues with dealing with others but it also leaves me highly vulnerable to social attacks. I try to look people in the eyes but it is not easy, especially when I know I can not trust the person. The part that is the hardest is that I can remember down to when I was around 2 and a half jumping around in bouncy swings and running around in a roller chair. I do not have the luxury of being able to forget.
Ooh, I loved that trippy intro!
At this point in life when I find myself being patronized or 'splained to, I 'splain right back. Recently had someone try talking over me about a bug infestation in my home. They insisted it was centipedes rather than carnivorous larvae. So instead of my usual where I'd ignore and give up, I walked them through step-by step, teaching them what antennae were, what jaw shapes are, and every bit of detail that diffrentiates the two in the same tone of voice, then calling them out for treating me like I'm stupid. I'm older than they were.
Does not help that I'm short and frankly, cute. But it's been a rather healing part of my journey to demand respect and demand that my expertise be respected. I've also gotten snippier about being criticized, and have come to demand being treated nicely and without snark by even my loved ones. I might be "less friendly", but I'm happier this way.
Oh Thomas, you're adorkable.
Definitely mixed feelings on LoTS as well, I also love the representation from everyone on the show but some of the production elements like the cutesy filler music, zooming in when someone's having a social/awkward moment, the likes/dislikes did make me cringe a little, like the autistics were turned into cartoonish characters at their own expense for entertainment value...yes, they all agreed to be on the show, but i'm sure some of the participants' panic attacks and "bathroom breaks" were at least in part caused and exacerbated by the fact that there's a full TV production capturing everything...if they'd involved the cast in the production or had maybe a few extra episodes with the participants debriefing what they thought/learned or something, that'd be cool. But in spite of all that at least the show exists and gives much needed visibility to autistics, and I really do feel like a child inside in many ways, so I don't know how much I have license to complain about.
Thank you 💙👊
a lot of these reasons are reasons I've never really told anyone I am Aspergers. The downside of that is that people notice my "symptoms" (for lack of a better term) and have no idea why I'm like that and just assume i'm a weirdo, or, intentionally being dumb or obstinate. But I've never been officially diagnosed and I'm sure that even if I was, and told people about it, people especially the people I know would tell me that no i'm not autistic, or that I'm using that as an excuse. I already know it and I dont wanna hear it so I keep my mouth shut and just try to mask as best I can day by day. To say it aint fun is an understatement. It's extremely challenging as I'm sure you all know. Calling them out on it, like you said in the video, would be futile because they'd just get pissed off and defend themselves and tell me to stop being so sensitive; it would go nowhere.
Not certain as an ASD if I understand it but parts of me do….. 🤔
As someone like myself who's on the spectrum, I don't mind being called cute I take it as a compliment, I rather be called cute than being called creepy, which unfortunately people who don't understand autistic people, call them that.
Thank you for making this video 🙏
Great video!
7:40 That is exactly what *I* sometimes end of doing to others, instead of them doing it to me! it gets them very annoyed and makes me feel like an idiot . It's not intentional
It seems like for me autism is constantly being overestimated, underestimated or both at once!
You are soo cute, you never really grew up, you are so sweet....can't hear it anymore. They mean it nicely usually but I eventually feel bad hearing that from anybody over the years. Having three university degrees it also feels weird that people uninvitedly feel I need to be taken care if because I come across kind of cute and childlike. Actually I can be a pretty bad ass person and I'm totally self sufficiant and independent, but that never comes across, gotta live with it 😅
Once or twice ppl have started to speak slooowly to me. One of the times i actually prefered it comparing to how mean she was before i said i had aspergers.
well said!
it is annoying
Cute you may seem, wise you are!
Im working at a place i really like but im just not getting training from the people in charge and such cant do certain tasks.
I have on another occasion gotten training to another task and can do that just fine.
Simpler tasks requires more memory power dont have so when im failing that i bet i look really incompetent with.
Even things ive succeeded at/not made mistakes in im not allowed to do because i believe they think its to complex for me. Its not a hill i want to die on since i wont work there much longer but its still frustrating seeing new employers get a detailed run trough/training on things i never did even though ive been here 5 times longer.
Yeah I get that, it can actually happen to anyone nowadays. Gradual improvement of any skills is better than nothing, and anything that can get you another job is worth polishing.
Perhaps you can mention your inadequate training to someone, and voice concerns? Imply that it might lead to you leaving if you feel that they will try to keep you.
@@chey7691 I'll be leaving soon either way as im a specialty hire that's only there for work experience. I'll be sure to mention in the next place I work at though
I agree! Autistic people can lie, and can do bad things. People with disabilities are not angels .. Infantilisation It's common in relationship. Even in NT . Things like " my sweet boy o girl" .
But It's nice if you just use it to demostrate afection .
I don't wanna be here anymore
love your little intro! Cute and funny! silly boy. :)
❤