I'm going through all of this right now - been in research mode since May '23 and came to the 'acceptance' cliff a couple weeks ago. I'm turning 40 soon.... My undergraduate and graduate degrees are in PSYCHOLOGY... I always knew I a bit odd, knew I could be intense, knew there were a lot of things that I avoided and had very complex (and wrong) reasons for avoiding. I never once, until actually refreshing everything I have ever been taught about autism, considered that I might be anything other than a bit odd. Suddenly had to take a very very hard look at my life and take that step of saying "ok... maybe I've been wrong" ... and doing that has finally handed me a key that unlocks so many closed doors in my head. It hurts like hell to re-examine my life, my parents, everyone of my relationships... but it also feels like giving myself space and grace to have been explainable different. In spite of that pain, and all the tears that have come out recently... I'm happy. It turns out, I like me. Or at the very least, I like being able to finally meet a me that is real.
Very like my experience, both Thomas's and Chris's. When I was unbeknown autistic I would have called myself "neurotic" and was aware of what I called "panic attacks". We may lack a good construct of "self", for decades even. I would have called myself a geek. I had "Assortative" friends - mine were scientists or people who worked for Marconi, Rolls Royce etc. A bit of a clue there really. Self awareness came as a shock. I had short term anger and grief then, perhaps typically, read a lot on the subject. Now I live just noting my conditions as "that's me being autistic". This actually helps me control my "symptoms" or at least not panic (even more!) about them.
I am amazed by how many similar experiences I am reading about following the algorithm and watching suggested videos. I am rotating in and out of the last 4 phases. I accept it then the ableism kicks in and I want to self help it away but alas all signs continue to point to autism.
I tend to think of myself as uniquely challenged, as opposed to disabled, though some days, when things are particularly difficult, I might be inclined to feel that "disabled" may be a bit more accurate.
I have never thought of myself as disabled but after being diagnosed with autism I’ve noticed other people feel that way about me and that’s not a pleasant experience.
@@Grace.allovertheplace I know exactly what you mean. It's one thing to feel disabled sometimes, but when people decide you are disabled due to a diagnosis like ads or audhd, they tend to assume that you are not capable of much of anything, and will treat you accordingly, despite the fact that you have been proving otherwise all your life.
Yes, there is a tsunami of self-knowledge, and that could definitely lead to depression for some. Many people no longer contact me, but there is this large community on social platforms. I was also able to help some people. What always amazes me in everyday life is the ability to recognize other autistic people. That would be an idea for another video!
Good video! My autistic traits were seen as traits of mental illnesses for most of my life. I was in a mental health bubble. I never would have considered autism without mental health professionals suggesting it. I got diagnosed with Autism level 2 last year at age 47. I think if I was a child now I would have been diagnosed earlier but in the 70's and 80's only more severe cases were diagnosed.
I knew I had “ADD” (actually ADHD-PI, but for some reason the psychiatrist who diagnosed me in 2004 didn’t know the proper terminology?!?), and that my little cousin was “Aspie”, but those were mutually exclusive diagnoses until I was 31! (2013, the DSM-V). Now we know that over half of autistic people are diagnosable with ADHD! I remember in elementary school (late 80’s), “slow” kids would be “held back”, which didn’t help in the long run and only made dropping out more likely. In my class of about 75 kids, 13 had been “held back” by the time I was in fourth grade! 🤦♀️
I really liked your video and have enjoyed much of your content in general! I am 53 and just realized that I am autistic within the last year. Initially, I strongly denied that I was autistic and as the reality of it sunk in, I experienced a lot of different stages of grief. But mostly, as I have accepted and embraced the reality that I am autistic, it has been incredibly liberating as it feels like my whole life suddenly makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I still have challenges, but now I know why I have these challenges, and "knowing" is half the battle. I am still figuring out how to live my best life as an autistic person, but I am very hopeful and feel my future is bright as I have already learned to deal with some issues that were causing damage to some important relationships in my life. Thanks again and keep the good content coming
My experience might be a little wonky, but I'm probably not completely alone here. I was diagnosed 15-years ago, at the age of 48, and I simply ignored that - for more than a decade; I could not wrap my mind around it. The stages and acceptance and all of it, only began a couple of years ago. I grew up in a time when it was accepted that "girls aren't autistic." I've been experiencing tremendous grief and anger, because my entire life has been really hard, and I just thought I was flawed. I started crying watching this, just because I feel so much loss - my life has been eaten by anxiety and depression, and I still feel really lost, and it's nearly impossible to find help or resources as an adult.
Definitely keep going. Look for helpful communities such as this. Keep educating yourself and surround yourself with other neurodivergent people Also helping others and advocating for their autistic rights who are worse off really helps me You got this indeed Have a look at Dr Kujo Safarti He's an American dual diagnosis aud-hd who's really inspiring and helps understanding too like Thomas Orien Kelly is also great if your late in life diagnosed or non diagnosed like I still am I don't know why we were missed out being female Life's a bit hard indeed at times. We can fluctuate between the last two levels a long time You'll get used to them and stay in the present moment doing what you love. Also find more people like us
I'm going through these things in waves. What I'm processing depends on the day. Sometimes it's positive like when I feel like I'm growing. Then there are days of mourning I get out of by comparing my life now to how it was before I found online help. BIG difference!
This is so relatable to my learning journey and revelations over the last 18 months/2 years, answering and coming to understand so much about my entire life. Having 3 grandchildren all diagnosed with autism sent me on this path wanting to learn everything I could to help and understand the hows’s and why’s. Thankyou Thomas
Thank you for this as my journey of self-discovery has been quite the process. I took an online test about 9 years ago when I was 48 and dismissed it as another label for my mental health issues, at the time I was fed up with going to therapy and getting meds for depression and anxiety without ever seeing real relief so yeah, another label. Over the years since then, I started taking the concept that I might be autistic more seriously and when I started looking at my life (all the way to early childhood) through the autistic lens, my life all of a sudden made sense and it was liberating to finally make sense of my past and has helped me make some peace with myself for poor choices and actions in my life. I'm finally going to start the process for an official diagnosis this year as I really want to know if I'm autistic and/or other things as well such as ADHD or borderline pd or something else different entirely because I just want to be able to make sense out of my existence and figure out how to coexist in a world that never feels quite right to me.
I also just saw autism as another mental health label at first. I have been diagnosed with 14 mental illnesses (not all at once). So when my counselor thought I had autism in 2006 I was like maybe. I didn't have the internet then. I went to the library and read 5 books on autism. One seemed to fit but 2 didn't fit and two sort of fit. They were mostly about children. And mostly about males. So I thought that I probably didn't have autism. About 5 years ago my case manager kept getting on my case to be diagnosed with autism. I didn't take her seriously until she got me to watch videos on autism. When I saw autistic women I was like, "Ohh, this does fit." It took me a couple of years but I am diagnosed with autism.
interestingly, even before autism came up as a possibility for me, in the awareness phase from your points, I always felt disabled because i was struggling with so many things that seemed to come easy to other people. I didn't believe that I was actually disabled though, cause just as other people didn't "see" me as disabled, I wasn't able to "see" it either (was stuck in that view I had been hearing everywhere, that i'm not really struggling unless it's visible). So i ended up with alot of self loathing of "why can't i just do this and that like everyone else?" (it's better now, but I'm still struggling with it at times when i get reminded that even things i want to do are not excempt)
I can’t believe how much this applied to me. Kind of shocking that what I assumed was quite an individual, personal experience is somewhat universal! Thank you so much for the great content.
I don't have a third eye, I have four eyes! 🤓 Um, anyway... 😏 I never heard of autism growing up in the 1970's and 80's. It was around of course but it wasn't on my radar. I've befriended many "disabled" classmates in my youth but I didn't ask questions, I just noticed that they were sort of outcasts like I was. ✋🏽WARNING ⚠️ MINDLESS FLUFF AHEAD: I hated myself for many reasons. Being different and what I thought at the time was being unloved were the main reasons. I also thought that my parents didn't like or love me - hating myself for being Black came in around the tenth grade. I also wasn't accepted by the few Black kids around, nor by some of the White kids. The Mexicans were more accepting somewhat; but it was the Polynesians, Vietnamese, Filipinos, and Southeast Asians that were very accepting of me. *No hate please, just sharing MY experiences from my neck of the woods back in the seventies and eighties. ***Side note: And I don't know why, but while traveling around in Singapore and Bali while in the military, the local people there kept asking me if I was from Guam or Indonesia... 🤔🤷🏽♀️ Anyway , those scoolmates didn't care that I was "different" and had a funny speech pattern and constantly talked about space, historical facts, Godzilla, super heroes, kung-fu, National Geographic and my rock, bone, stamp and coin collections among other things. 😮💨 🛣️🚦END OF FLUFF, SAFE TO PROCEED! When I got my ADHD diagnosis five years ago at the VA (Veterans Administration), I really didn't think much about it, but I knew that it didn't cover my other issues. Two years ago I started googling my issues. Autism popped up over and over again. So I took that online test just to see what the results would be. Well, the numbers were pretty high, but I took it with a grain of salt and mulled it over for awhile. After getting into the Ketamine program last year for my severe depression, I was better able to put my thoughts together and really dig deep into this autism thing. I asked my psychiatrist if there was a way for me to get tested for autism. He hooked me up with a neuropsychologist and my journey to diagnosis began; And yep, you guessed it, verified! The Dr. told me that I had what used to be called Aspergers but that that term was no longer used professionally. The funny thing was that I accepted it immediately! 🤸🏽♀️💃🏽 Yes, I did look back on my past in an analytical way and realized that my parents didn't hate me, they were autistic as well and were dealing with their issues. But I did the looking back while researching. It was like my whole life experiences hit me in an instant! - it was weird - It was like my past had been lived as if I knew what I know now, if you get what I mean? Like an alternate reality opened where everyone and everything in my past was lived openly through the lens of autism and there wasn't any ignorance and I had support. I know, weird! *Cue Twilight Zone intro.. du du du du..🕜 I immediately, instantly loved and accepted everything about who I was, and who I am now. (I accepted being Black (my way of being Black, and it's ok 👏🏽👍🏽) years ago by the way.) There wasn't an anger phase for me, just total love and acceptance. I still deal with the struggle of being me with the whole AuDHD, OCD; depressive disorder, possible dyslexia; lupus, fibromyalgia, heart defect, sciatica and a host of other issues. But I'm here to tell ya, I yam what I yam - why am I suddenly craving spinach spinach? And all is...oh look, a rock! 👀🪨 *Edited to correct a word
Thanks for sharing all of this. I've read it twice. You are a good soul and I think that is all that matters. Yes, chronic medical problems have plagued me too. Hans Asperger was a Nazi and collaborated in the murder of children with disabilities under the Third Reich. So we do not say his name. If that helps.
@yoni-in-BAM Some of your interests and family experiences are similar to mine and a few others. Likewise, as a child and as an adult, I enjoyed/enjoy collecting stamps, coins, rocks, game cards Naruto, Pokemon, and Sailor Moon. Growing up in a home where they allowed us to express through time-pieces costuming, it helped us kids to discover our sense of style and comfort. Also, by the time I was old enough, my adoptive parents told me why I was removed from my family home. It wasn't that my parents hated me, but they weren't capable of taking care of themselves (my father being on the spectrum, never got diagnosed), and my siblings and me. That's why my grandpa sent me away where I would be safe and loved. He died long before we learned I was autistic. If he was still around, I'd thank him for everything he did for us. ✌️ 🙏
for me, it was by accident. I searched about my problems and my "symptoms" online and everything that showed up was about autism and ADHD, to the point the algorithm thought that's what I wanted so it started showing me more of those things, which I read/watched, and related, which lead me to research more and more and more... Everything about myself and my life started to click. I'm on my way to getting an official diagnosis in a month or so, and I'm excited and so scared. Scared of being wrong, and scared of being right. thought I was a pretty open minded and learned person, but I've been dealing with a lot of internalized ableism. So much of it, and grief, and joy. Tbh I'm very tired as I write this. On top of it all, my country sucks at mental health, the therapies and resources for autism and adhd are slim and straight out of the 70's.
Thank you, Thomas. So valuable! I think I’m oscillating between stage 4 & 5 lately, and here I thought the feeling of my identity breaking down was, like, a midlife crisis or perimenopause. Hah
Here is a unique situation that I have never seen in any comment section... Apparently, I was diagnosed and placed on the Spectrum at age ten (1970). I only recently discovered this by looking through some family records. I knew I was a screwed up kid because I kept having to go to these testing and counseling sessions. I remember the EEG tests with all those wires, etc. None of the other kids I knew had to do this. So I was convinced I was crazy or something. Even did a couple of years in a boarding school, where I actually thrived in academic areas. Socially? Not so much. After returning home from boarding school, I soon became disinterested in school again and ended up dropping out. Joined the Army (back then you didn't need to graduate HS to enlist). Did quite well at first, but ultimately ended up taking an Honorable Discharge as soon as I could. There is a lot more, but I won't bore you with all the details. All through my life I have felt like I was somehow "off". Not quite in line with most of my peers. I have had a decent life with ups and downs, like most people. But I have tended to deal poorly with many of life's events. Have never really felt like I quite fit in anywhere, etc. I could probably write a book about all of this. I knew I was Hyperactive (now known as ADHD) from a very early age. They didn't keep that from me. So why they chose to keep keep my Autism diagnosis from me is a question that will probably never be answered.
I was diagnosed at 33 in 2003, because of my own issues, not because I had a kid who was diagnosed. I have always been just a little too old to find good supports. And so few understand autism, even the 'professionals'. Most just help kids and parents. As an adult with autism, an older adult who is not a part of the online generations. I have no supports. I only make new friends in person, the old way. this new online world has tragically isolated me, I am unable to exist in this new online society. I have given up hope.
I have the opposite problem with socializing...I was diagnosed at 51, but the specialist was really mean to me simply because I was an adult. Her attitude was "You got this far. Why do you need a diagnosis?" She acted like I was deliberately wasting her time. She basically handed me a paper that said I was "high functioning" autistic and sent me out of her office. 8 years later I discovered the online community (2023) Now I have a life.
Similarly, here, I was diagnosed at the age 34 in 2018. I went through all the stages and nearly didn't get an actual diagnosis right away. I did my own research and met with different specialists until a guy Dr. saw through my suffering and gave me the proper diagnosis. I remember crying in his office. It took me months to go through the stages of self discovery. When I asked my family, they said,'We suspected for some time but didn't want to alienate you' Then explained it to my friends, some left and few stayed. The few who are still in my circle are my family, friends and my dear teacher. She saved me yrs ago from hurting myself. She was like a second mother and mentor, in fact she kept me save from bullies, strangers outside of school and taught afterschool classes. Which helped the minority and myself into graduating. I can't imagine my life without the people closest to me. And sometimes I feel guilty that others out there undiagnosed, being in disadvantaged situations don't have the knowledge, support or structure that I had.
Great vid. Hopefully gratitude is a part of the Self-acceptance stage. Like feeling grateful to discover one is not "weird", just a little different in some ways.
I was in denial for the last eight years. I'm trying to educate myself because I will find out how to finally set boundaries that way, I think. At this point I'm tying to decide if and how I'm going to tell my family. My dad really needs to know because he is certain to be Autistic as well.
Great Video and very accurate stages that I can also relate to. I'm in growth and change at the moment. Recently got some ANC headphones for sensitivity to quiet noises (which created ADHD symptoms - incorrectly diagnosed with ADHD 20 years ago, I'm 46yo). Got some blue light filtered glasses since I'm highly sensitive to LED and flurescent lighting, reducing stress. Also got a weighted blanket for sleeping/resting/chilling which just feels comforting. Allowing myself to stim more as needed now. And a digital notepad for keeping things in order at work. Discovered you via Woodshed Theory.
Thank you for the awesome videos and this channel that you have developed. I must have some trauma, as this video has sent me back through some of the stages of grief outlined towards the end. I still remember the responses most of my friends to my initial suspicions were completely bananas. My girlfriend at the time just looked at me seriously and said, "yeah, that makes sense"... ramble ramble ramble
Hispanic male, born in 1979. I doubt my parents even considered the possibility of me being autistic. Stage 1: I was barely aware autistic people exists. Me? I'm just a weird freak, I'm not one of these persons who need speech or mobility therapy. Stage 2: Still unaware. Thinking I'm just a weirdo. I didn't relate (or refused to relate) to autistic characters on TV or movies. However, 3 shows had main, or co-protagonists that were autistic, and I really, really resonated with them. * Bright Minds. There an autistic archivist of the police department helps a commander to solve very complex cases. Astrid (she's the archivist) has a kinda severe autism, but her social awkwardness, her honesty, somehow how pretty she is.... she talked to me, in a way I didn't understand, I will re-watch the earlier seasons I missed. There was a chapter where Raphaelle (the commander) and Astrid help a murder witness, who is also an autistic teen. I almost cried in that chapter. * The deceptions: a web series (you can view the season 1 on YT. Season 2 will be up maybe in 2025): It's about a gay couple, a middle aged writer, and a young autistic software developer, (Dwight) . The thing about Dwight, unlike Astrid, you wouldn't even guess he's autistic, but he has weird "quirks" all on him. He resonated with me, BIG TIME: I'm also gay, and a software developer, and I have so many "quirks".... * Big Bang Theory. You know the deal with Sheldon, right? Back when the show was really popular, in my office my ex-boss (I worked as a system analyst in an insurance company 14 years ago) constantly joked about me being just like Sheldon, which I constantly brushed off. But I didn't made the connection. Maybe, somehow, he saw it a decade before I even realize it? ....Nah, it can't be possible, I thought. Please note how my stereotypes are still present. Even today, facing my self diagnosis. I'm crying as I write this, how I didn't imagine that I could be like them?? how could.... Stage 3,4 and 5: This week. In my YT feed I'm getting some autism vids. I go into one of them, showing 25 experiences he had as an autistic adult (because, somehow, YT throw me precisely vids about autistic adults). That video was revealing, it was like seeing myself in a frigging mirror!!! I got 20/25 but I still doubt the possibility. How could I, apparently a "normal" guy be autistic? There's nothing "normal" about me. I watched more vids, including yours, people that had VERY SIMILAR experiences to mine, I was getting scared. I always thought of myself that I was just a quirky guy. How could my eye avoidance, hate to changes and sudden and random events, my social anxiety, my inability to show emotions, my inability to read social cues or non-verbal behavior be so common on these guys and girls? I bite the bullet, entered in embrace-autism site and made almost every test, including AQ and RAASD-R. AQ gave 29, but RAASD-R showed a very strong possibility of autism, FQ and EQ were really lower... each test I took, the more sure I was. I have a pretty high possibility of being autistic, or maybe I AM autistic. The last two days I couldn't sleep, I can't focus, I'm obsessed... it's kinda opening a pandora's box. I self reflected and many, many events in my life, my habits.... now every piece is starting to fall in place. I'm going through the grieve phases, educating myself, and still self reflecting, I'm bouncing between the stages 3,4 and 5 like a mad tennis ball. What do I mask? what I DON'T mask? what is my true self??? I have yet to get the stages 6 and 7. In my country, Venezuela, getting a diagnosis is either extremely expensive, or near impossible in the few non-profit organizations, and most of them work only for adults. I'm gonna suggest this to my doctor next time and ask for advice, or look directly for a psychologist specialized in autism and have a few sessions with him/her. But I will have to live as a self-diagnosed person for a long time. And I don't know how I will break these news to my family, my mother will deny it. completely. Sigh....
l have spent my life from a young age asking myself what's wrong with me, I grew up in fear of myself, my biggest fear was being a lonely loner when I get old my fears have come true self filling, I know belive I could be suffering from Asperger's someone e work couch said I might have autism when I said I have social phobia when I was 60, I wonder about getting diagnosed as lt not going to be life change at my ag
That’s exactly what I have. I have ADHD I got diagnosed with that depression anxiety when I was 18 years old, but my ADHD is connected to my real disability, which is epilepsy.
I’ve reached the point where I’m not only 100% sure I’m autistic, I also have a formal diagnosis… but I’m now realizing that I can never be happy. If I interact with other people, it invariably wounds and enrages me. If I don’t, I feel deeply lonely. Probably better not to interact more than necessary, so as not to drag others into my inevitable misery. I wasn’t a good evolutionary experiment. 😓
Honestly, I've kinda stopped using neurodivergent as a way to describe myself and my people I prefer the term "Blessed" because the way our minds work is a blessing, we see connections where others may not see them. A lot of our people are blessed with wisdom and knowledge beyond our years
Your intentions are clearly good, but I can see how a lot of people might be upset by this. I definitely don’t consider the years of what can only be described as torture that I endured to be a “blessing”; and I’m fairly religious. From my viewpoint, God gave me the superhuman strength to survive; He did NOT send the torment in the first place. People abused in the name of or by representatives of “religion” would likely respond even more poorly. 😕
Can Stage 5 cause suicidal ideation? I never attended my appointment 14 years ago because of the negative thoughts it was causing. I'm currently waiting for a referral now and just gone through stage 5 and had suicidal ideation again but I think I've got through it this time. My partner had to hide my 250ml bottle of 72mg/ml nicotine liquid because I was attempting to rub it onto my skin. I feel a bit more at ease now. Hopefully theres no more surprises that bring up negative feelings.
i wasnt diagnosed till i was 26 by a Veterans hospital counselor.. and then a psyc.. but by THAT time.. i had been misdiagnosed with ADD in the 1980's.. but by the time i knew.. i had been in the army a few years including a tour in iraq... OMG.. iraq was NOT good for someone like me.. and im 41 now.. they didnt have the info back in the 80's here in the US..
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I'm going through all of this right now - been in research mode since May '23 and came to the 'acceptance' cliff a couple weeks ago. I'm turning 40 soon.... My undergraduate and graduate degrees are in PSYCHOLOGY... I always knew I a bit odd, knew I could be intense, knew there were a lot of things that I avoided and had very complex (and wrong) reasons for avoiding. I never once, until actually refreshing everything I have ever been taught about autism, considered that I might be anything other than a bit odd. Suddenly had to take a very very hard look at my life and take that step of saying "ok... maybe I've been wrong" ... and doing that has finally handed me a key that unlocks so many closed doors in my head. It hurts like hell to re-examine my life, my parents, everyone of my relationships... but it also feels like giving myself space and grace to have been explainable different.
In spite of that pain, and all the tears that have come out recently... I'm happy. It turns out, I like me. Or at the very least, I like being able to finally meet a me that is real.
Very like my experience, both Thomas's and Chris's. When I was unbeknown autistic I would have called myself "neurotic" and was aware of what I called "panic attacks". We may lack a good construct of "self", for decades even. I would have called myself a geek. I had "Assortative" friends - mine were scientists or people who worked for Marconi, Rolls Royce etc. A bit of a clue there really. Self awareness came as a shock. I had short term anger and grief then, perhaps typically, read a lot on the subject. Now I live just noting my conditions as "that's me being autistic". This actually helps me control my "symptoms" or at least not panic (even more!) about them.
Same 👍 thank you for sharing
I am amazed by how many similar experiences I am reading about following the algorithm and watching suggested videos. I am rotating in and out of the last 4 phases. I accept it then the ableism kicks in and I want to self help it away but alas all signs continue to point to autism.
I have been through all of this I’m in the US born in 1979, black in the south and no one was looking for autistic black girls.
I would switch 6 and 7. I think acceptance comes after grieving, and growth comes after acceptance.
I tend to think of myself as uniquely challenged, as opposed to disabled, though some days, when things are particularly difficult, I might be inclined to feel that "disabled" may be a bit more accurate.
Yup, depends on the day
I have never thought of myself as disabled but after being diagnosed with autism I’ve noticed other people feel that way about me and that’s not a pleasant experience.
@@Grace.allovertheplace I know exactly what you mean. It's one thing to feel disabled sometimes, but when people decide you are disabled due to a diagnosis like ads or audhd, they tend to assume that you are not capable of much of anything, and will treat you accordingly, despite the fact that you have been proving otherwise all your life.
@@PaulaRoederer ❤️
I am on disability and so I am disabled. It is just a fact. However, being disabled doesn't mean that you are unable to accomplish anything.
Yes, there is a tsunami of self-knowledge, and that could definitely lead to depression for some. Many people no longer contact me, but there is this large community on social platforms. I was also able to help some people. What always amazes me in everyday life is the ability to recognize other autistic people. That would be an idea for another video!
Good video!
My autistic traits were seen as traits of mental illnesses for most of my life. I was in a mental health bubble. I never would have considered autism without mental health professionals suggesting it. I got diagnosed with Autism level 2 last year at age 47. I think if I was a child now I would have been diagnosed earlier but in the 70's and 80's only more severe cases were diagnosed.
I knew I had “ADD” (actually ADHD-PI, but for some reason the psychiatrist who diagnosed me in 2004 didn’t know the proper terminology?!?), and that my little cousin was “Aspie”, but those were mutually exclusive diagnoses until I was 31! (2013, the DSM-V). Now we know that over half of autistic people are diagnosable with ADHD! I remember in elementary school (late 80’s), “slow” kids would be “held back”, which didn’t help in the long run and only made dropping out more likely. In my class of about 75 kids, 13 had been “held back” by the time I was in fourth grade! 🤦♀️
I really liked your video and have enjoyed much of your content in general! I am 53 and just realized that I am autistic within the last year. Initially, I strongly denied that I was autistic and as the reality of it sunk in, I experienced a lot of different stages of grief. But mostly, as I have accepted and embraced the reality that I am autistic, it has been incredibly liberating as it feels like my whole life suddenly makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I still have challenges, but now I know why I have these challenges, and "knowing" is half the battle. I am still figuring out how to live my best life as an autistic person, but I am very hopeful and feel my future is bright as I have already learned to deal with some issues that were causing damage to some important relationships in my life. Thanks again and keep the good content coming
My experience might be a little wonky, but I'm probably not completely alone here. I was diagnosed 15-years ago, at the age of 48, and I simply ignored that - for more than a decade; I could not wrap my mind around it. The stages and acceptance and all of it, only began a couple of years ago. I grew up in a time when it was accepted that "girls aren't autistic." I've been experiencing tremendous grief and anger, because my entire life has been really hard, and I just thought I was flawed. I started crying watching this, just because I feel so much loss - my life has been eaten by anxiety and depression, and I still feel really lost, and it's nearly impossible to find help or resources as an adult.
Keep going. You’ve got this 💪
@@rhondasmith7413
Definitely keep going. Look for helpful communities such as this.
Keep educating yourself and surround yourself with other neurodivergent people
Also helping others and advocating for their autistic rights who are worse off really helps me
You got this indeed
Have a look at Dr Kujo Safarti
He's an American dual diagnosis aud-hd who's really inspiring and helps understanding too like Thomas
Orien Kelly is also great if your late in life diagnosed or non diagnosed like I still am
I don't know why we were missed out being female
Life's a bit hard indeed at times. We can fluctuate between the last two levels a long time
You'll get used to them and stay in the present moment doing what you love.
Also find more people like us
I'm going through these things in waves. What I'm processing depends on the day. Sometimes it's positive like when I feel like I'm growing. Then there are days of mourning I get out of by comparing my life now to how it was before I found online help. BIG difference!
This is so relatable to my learning journey and revelations over the last 18 months/2 years, answering and coming to understand so much about my entire life. Having 3 grandchildren all diagnosed with autism sent me on this path wanting to learn everything I could to help and understand the hows’s and why’s. Thankyou Thomas
I feel like stages 1-5 happened to me all at once, working on 6 and 7 now 😊 great video thank you!
Thank you for this as my journey of self-discovery has been quite the process. I took an online test about 9 years ago when I was 48 and dismissed it as another label for my mental health issues, at the time I was fed up with going to therapy and getting meds for depression and anxiety without ever seeing real relief so yeah, another label. Over the years since then, I started taking the concept that I might be autistic more seriously and when I started looking at my life (all the way to early childhood) through the autistic lens, my life all of a sudden made sense and it was liberating to finally make sense of my past and has helped me make some peace with myself for poor choices and actions in my life. I'm finally going to start the process for an official diagnosis this year as I really want to know if I'm autistic and/or other things as well such as ADHD or borderline pd or something else different entirely because I just want to be able to make sense out of my existence and figure out how to coexist in a world that never feels quite right to me.
I also just saw autism as another mental health label at first. I have been diagnosed with 14 mental illnesses (not all at once). So when my counselor thought I had autism in 2006 I was like maybe. I didn't have the internet then. I went to the library and read 5 books on autism. One seemed to fit but 2 didn't fit and two sort of fit. They were mostly about children. And mostly about males. So I thought that I probably didn't have autism.
About 5 years ago my case manager kept getting on my case to be diagnosed with autism. I didn't take her seriously until she got me to watch videos on autism. When I saw autistic women I was like, "Ohh, this does fit."
It took me a couple of years but I am diagnosed with autism.
omg watching this after a livestream feels so!! 🧑🏫 Professor Henley
interestingly, even before autism came up as a possibility for me, in the awareness phase from your points, I always felt disabled because i was struggling with so many things that seemed to come easy to other people. I didn't believe that I was actually disabled though, cause just as other people didn't "see" me as disabled, I wasn't able to "see" it either (was stuck in that view I had been hearing everywhere, that i'm not really struggling unless it's visible). So i ended up with alot of self loathing of "why can't i just do this and that like everyone else?" (it's better now, but I'm still struggling with it at times when i get reminded that even things i want to do are not excempt)
I can’t believe how much this applied to me. Kind of shocking that what I assumed was quite an individual, personal experience is somewhat universal! Thank you so much for the great content.
I don't have a third eye, I have four eyes! 🤓
Um, anyway... 😏
I never heard of autism growing up in the 1970's and 80's. It was around of course but it wasn't on my radar. I've befriended many "disabled" classmates in my youth but I didn't ask questions, I just noticed that they were sort of outcasts like I was.
✋🏽WARNING ⚠️ MINDLESS FLUFF AHEAD:
I hated myself for many reasons. Being different and what I thought at the time was being unloved were the main reasons. I also thought that my parents didn't like or love me - hating myself for being Black came in around the tenth grade. I also wasn't accepted by the few Black kids around, nor by some of the White kids. The Mexicans were more accepting somewhat; but it was the Polynesians, Vietnamese, Filipinos, and Southeast Asians that were very accepting of me.
*No hate please, just sharing MY experiences from my neck of the woods back in the seventies and eighties.
***Side note: And I don't know why, but while traveling around in Singapore and Bali while in the military, the local people there kept asking me if I was from Guam or Indonesia... 🤔🤷🏽♀️
Anyway , those scoolmates didn't care that I was "different" and had a funny speech pattern and constantly talked about space, historical facts, Godzilla, super heroes, kung-fu, National Geographic and my rock, bone, stamp and coin collections among other things. 😮💨
🛣️🚦END OF FLUFF, SAFE TO PROCEED!
When I got my ADHD diagnosis five years ago at the VA (Veterans Administration), I really didn't think much about it, but I knew that it didn't cover my other issues. Two years ago I started googling my issues. Autism popped up over and over again. So I took that online test just to see what the results would be.
Well, the numbers were pretty high, but I took it with a grain of salt and mulled it over for awhile. After getting into the Ketamine program last year for my severe depression, I was better able to put my thoughts together and really dig deep into this autism thing. I asked my psychiatrist if there was a way for me to get tested for autism. He hooked me up with a neuropsychologist and my journey to diagnosis began; And yep, you guessed it, verified! The Dr. told me that I had what used to be called Aspergers but that that term was no longer used professionally.
The funny thing was that I accepted it immediately! 🤸🏽♀️💃🏽 Yes, I did look back on my past in an analytical way and realized that my parents didn't hate me, they were autistic as well and were dealing with their issues. But I did the looking back while researching. It was like my whole life experiences hit me in an instant!
- it was weird -
It was like my past had been lived as if I knew what I know now, if you get what I mean? Like an alternate reality opened where everyone and everything in my past was lived openly through the lens of autism and there wasn't any ignorance and I had support.
I know, weird! *Cue Twilight Zone intro.. du du du du..🕜
I immediately, instantly loved and accepted everything about who I was, and who I am now. (I accepted being Black (my way of being Black, and it's ok 👏🏽👍🏽) years ago by the way.) There wasn't an anger phase for me, just total love and acceptance.
I still deal with the struggle of being me with the whole AuDHD, OCD; depressive disorder, possible dyslexia; lupus, fibromyalgia, heart defect, sciatica and a host of other issues.
But I'm here to tell ya, I yam what I yam - why am I suddenly craving spinach spinach?
And all is...oh look, a rock! 👀🪨
*Edited to correct a word
Thanks for sharing all of this. I've read it twice. You are a good soul and I think that is all that matters. Yes, chronic medical problems have plagued me too. Hans Asperger was a Nazi and collaborated in the murder of children with disabilities under the Third Reich. So we do not say his name. If that helps.
❤ thank you for your story
I collect stamps, coins and to a lesser extent rocks as well! What kind of coins do you collect?
Also, I didn't think that was mindless fluff at all.
@yoni-in-BAM
Some of your interests and family experiences are similar to mine and a few others. Likewise, as a child and as an adult, I enjoyed/enjoy collecting stamps, coins, rocks, game cards Naruto, Pokemon, and Sailor Moon. Growing up in a home where they allowed us to express through time-pieces costuming, it helped us kids to discover our sense of style and comfort.
Also, by the time I was old enough, my adoptive parents told me why I was removed from my family home. It wasn't that my parents hated me, but they weren't capable of taking care of themselves (my father being on the spectrum, never got diagnosed), and my siblings and me. That's why my grandpa sent me away where I would be safe and loved. He died long before we learned I was autistic. If he was still around, I'd thank him for everything he did for us.
✌️ 🙏
for me, it was by accident. I searched about my problems and my "symptoms" online and everything that showed up was about autism and ADHD, to the point the algorithm thought that's what I wanted so it started showing me more of those things, which I read/watched, and related, which lead me to research more and more and more... Everything about myself and my life started to click. I'm on my way to getting an official diagnosis in a month or so, and I'm excited and so scared. Scared of being wrong, and scared of being right.
thought I was a pretty open minded and learned person, but I've been dealing with a lot of internalized ableism. So much of it, and grief, and joy. Tbh I'm very tired as I write this. On top of it all, my country sucks at mental health, the therapies and resources for autism and adhd are slim and straight out of the 70's.
there was denial after before-while education for me. That stage took me 3 years alone
also, loved the video-incredibly helpful and well said, as always
Thank you, Thomas. So valuable! I think I’m oscillating between stage 4 & 5 lately, and here I thought the feeling of my identity breaking down was, like, a midlife crisis or perimenopause. Hah
You nailed it!
Hehehe your cut where you said g damnit was heartfelt my guy 😊
😁😁😁
Here is a unique situation that I have never seen in any comment section...
Apparently, I was diagnosed and placed on the Spectrum at age ten (1970). I only recently discovered this by looking through some family records. I knew I was a screwed up kid because I kept having to go to these testing and counseling sessions. I remember the EEG tests with all those wires, etc. None of the other kids I knew had to do this. So I was convinced I was crazy or something. Even did a couple of years in a boarding school, where I actually thrived in academic areas. Socially? Not so much. After returning home from boarding school, I soon became disinterested in school again and ended up dropping out. Joined the Army (back then you didn't need to graduate HS to enlist). Did quite well at first, but ultimately ended up taking an Honorable Discharge as soon as I could.
There is a lot more, but I won't bore you with all the details. All through my life I have felt like I was somehow "off". Not quite in line with most of my peers. I have had a decent life with ups and downs, like most people. But I have tended to deal poorly with many of life's events. Have never really felt like I quite fit in anywhere, etc. I could probably write a book about all of this. I knew I was Hyperactive (now known as ADHD) from a very early age. They didn't keep that from me. So why they chose to keep keep my Autism diagnosis from me is a question that will probably never be answered.
Love your videos, thank you for the great content. Diagnosed on Monday at 43 years old
Thanks a bunch, and congratulations 🥳
I was diagnosed at 33 in 2003, because of my own issues, not because I had a kid who was diagnosed.
I have always been just a little too old to find good supports. And so few understand autism, even the 'professionals'. Most just help kids and parents. As an adult with autism, an older adult who is not a part of the online generations. I have no supports. I only make new friends in person, the old way. this new online world has tragically isolated me, I am unable to exist in this new online society.
I have given up hope.
I have the opposite problem with socializing...I was diagnosed at 51, but the specialist was really mean to me simply because I was an adult. Her attitude was "You got this far. Why do you need a diagnosis?" She acted like I was deliberately wasting her time. She basically handed me a paper that said I was "high functioning" autistic and sent me out of her office.
8 years later I discovered the online community (2023) Now I have a life.
Similarly, here, I was diagnosed at the age 34 in 2018. I went through all the stages and nearly didn't get an actual diagnosis right away. I did my own research and met with different specialists until a guy Dr. saw through my suffering and gave me the proper diagnosis. I remember crying in his office. It took me months to go through the stages of self discovery. When I asked my family, they said,'We suspected for some time but didn't want to alienate you' Then explained it to my friends, some left and few stayed. The few who are still in my circle are my family, friends and my dear teacher. She saved me yrs ago from hurting myself. She was like a second mother and mentor, in fact she kept me save from bullies, strangers outside of school and taught afterschool classes. Which helped the minority and myself into graduating. I can't imagine my life without the people closest to me. And sometimes I feel guilty that others out there undiagnosed, being in disadvantaged situations don't have the knowledge, support or structure that I had.
Hope of what, exactly? 🤔
Great vid. Hopefully gratitude is a part of the Self-acceptance stage. Like feeling grateful to discover one is not "weird", just a little different in some ways.
Everytime i have a Video of you in my feed it validates my thoughts over the past week 🙏 thank you, my brain and i are very thankfull
I was in denial for the last eight years. I'm trying to educate myself because I will find out how to finally set boundaries that way, I think. At this point I'm tying to decide if and how I'm going to tell my family. My dad really needs to know because he is certain to be Autistic as well.
Great Video and very accurate stages that I can also relate to. I'm in growth and change at the moment. Recently got some ANC headphones for sensitivity to quiet noises (which created ADHD symptoms - incorrectly diagnosed with ADHD 20 years ago, I'm 46yo). Got some blue light filtered glasses since I'm highly sensitive to LED and flurescent lighting, reducing stress. Also got a weighted blanket for sleeping/resting/chilling which just feels comforting. Allowing myself to stim more as needed now. And a digital notepad for keeping things in order at work. Discovered you via Woodshed Theory.
Big thanks for these videos . Going through the process in late twenties . Your content is super helpful!
Thank you for the awesome videos and this channel that you have developed.
I must have some trauma, as this video has sent me back through some of the stages of grief outlined towards the end. I still remember the responses most of my friends to my initial suspicions were completely bananas. My girlfriend at the time just looked at me seriously and said, "yeah, that makes sense"... ramble ramble ramble
I just got diagnosed at age 34... I had no idea.... I am devastated
Hispanic male, born in 1979. I doubt my parents even considered the possibility of me being autistic.
Stage 1: I was barely aware autistic people exists. Me? I'm just a weird freak, I'm not one of these persons who need speech or mobility therapy.
Stage 2: Still unaware. Thinking I'm just a weirdo. I didn't relate (or refused to relate) to autistic characters on TV or movies. However, 3 shows had main, or co-protagonists that were autistic, and I really, really resonated with them.
* Bright Minds. There an autistic archivist of the police department helps a commander to solve very complex cases. Astrid (she's the archivist) has a kinda severe autism, but her social awkwardness, her honesty, somehow how pretty she is.... she talked to me, in a way I didn't understand, I will re-watch the earlier seasons I missed. There was a chapter where Raphaelle (the commander) and Astrid help a murder witness, who is also an autistic teen. I almost cried in that chapter.
* The deceptions: a web series (you can view the season 1 on YT. Season 2 will be up maybe in 2025): It's about a gay couple, a middle aged writer, and a young autistic software developer, (Dwight) . The thing about Dwight, unlike Astrid, you wouldn't even guess he's autistic, but he has weird "quirks" all on him. He resonated with me, BIG TIME: I'm also gay, and a software developer, and I have so many "quirks"....
* Big Bang Theory. You know the deal with Sheldon, right? Back when the show was really popular, in my office my ex-boss (I worked as a system analyst in an insurance company 14 years ago) constantly joked about me being just like Sheldon, which I constantly brushed off. But I didn't made the connection. Maybe, somehow, he saw it a decade before I even realize it?
....Nah, it can't be possible, I thought. Please note how my stereotypes are still present. Even today, facing my self diagnosis. I'm crying as I write this, how I didn't imagine that I could be like them?? how could....
Stage 3,4 and 5: This week. In my YT feed I'm getting some autism vids. I go into one of them, showing 25 experiences he had as an autistic adult (because, somehow, YT throw me precisely vids about autistic adults). That video was revealing, it was like seeing myself in a frigging mirror!!! I got 20/25 but I still doubt the possibility. How could I, apparently a "normal" guy be autistic?
There's nothing "normal" about me. I watched more vids, including yours, people that had VERY SIMILAR experiences to mine, I was getting scared. I always thought of myself that I was just a quirky guy. How could my eye avoidance, hate to changes and sudden and random events, my social anxiety, my inability to show emotions, my inability to read social cues or non-verbal behavior be so common on these guys and girls?
I bite the bullet, entered in embrace-autism site and made almost every test, including AQ and RAASD-R. AQ gave 29, but RAASD-R showed a very strong possibility of autism, FQ and EQ were really lower... each test I took, the more sure I was.
I have a pretty high possibility of being autistic, or maybe I AM autistic. The last two days I couldn't sleep, I can't focus, I'm obsessed... it's kinda opening a pandora's box. I self reflected and many, many events in my life, my habits.... now every piece is starting to fall in place. I'm going through the grieve phases, educating myself, and still self reflecting, I'm bouncing between the stages 3,4 and 5 like a mad tennis ball. What do I mask? what I DON'T mask? what is my true self???
I have yet to get the stages 6 and 7. In my country, Venezuela, getting a diagnosis is either extremely expensive, or near impossible in the few non-profit organizations, and most of them work only for adults. I'm gonna suggest this to my doctor next time and ask for advice, or look directly for a psychologist specialized in autism and have a few sessions with him/her. But I will have to live as a self-diagnosed person for a long time. And I don't know how I will break these news to my family, my mother will deny it. completely. Sigh....
l have spent my life from a young age asking myself what's wrong with me, I grew up in fear of myself, my biggest fear was being a lonely loner when I get old my fears have come true self filling, I know belive I could be suffering from Asperger's someone e work couch said I might have autism when I said I have social phobia when I was 60, I wonder about getting diagnosed as lt not going to be life change at my ag
That’s exactly what I have. I have ADHD I got diagnosed with that depression anxiety when I was 18 years old, but my ADHD is connected to my real disability, which is epilepsy.
I’ve reached the point where I’m not only 100% sure I’m autistic, I also have a formal diagnosis… but I’m now realizing that I can never be happy. If I interact with other people, it invariably wounds and enrages me. If I don’t, I feel deeply lonely. Probably better not to interact more than necessary, so as not to drag others into my inevitable misery. I wasn’t a good evolutionary experiment. 😓
Honestly, I've kinda stopped using neurodivergent as a way to describe myself and my people
I prefer the term "Blessed" because the way our minds work is a blessing, we see connections where others may not see them.
A lot of our people are blessed with wisdom and knowledge beyond our years
Your intentions are clearly good, but I can see how a lot of people might be upset by this. I definitely don’t consider the years of what can only be described as torture that I endured to be a “blessing”; and I’m fairly religious. From my viewpoint, God gave me the superhuman strength to survive; He did NOT send the torment in the first place. People abused in the name of or by representatives of “religion” would likely respond even more poorly. 😕
How was it when u went though it? Did u get support ?
Can Stage 5 cause suicidal ideation? I never attended my appointment 14 years ago because of the negative thoughts it was causing. I'm currently waiting for a referral now and just gone through stage 5 and had suicidal ideation again but I think I've got through it this time. My partner had to hide my 250ml bottle of 72mg/ml nicotine liquid because I was attempting to rub it onto my skin.
I feel a bit more at ease now. Hopefully theres no more surprises that bring up negative feelings.
I only relate to the social difficulties but not the rest, moreso undiagnosed innattentive ADHD for the rest
Beautiful man and Autistic the whole package 😍😍
Sir.
Всем привет
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Be careful about expressing your socio-political views on autism! 😂
Have you thought about trimming your eyebrows?
i wasnt diagnosed till i was 26 by a Veterans hospital counselor.. and then a psyc.. but by THAT time.. i had been misdiagnosed with ADD in the 1980's.. but by the time i knew.. i had been in the army a few years including a tour in iraq... OMG.. iraq was NOT good for someone like me.. and im 41 now.. they didnt have the info back in the 80's here in the US..