Same!! I feel a lot more comfortable calling myself a guy than calling myself a man. Man feels so binary and tied to gender norms, while guy feels a lot less strictly binary while still masc or “male-aligned” I guess.
Detransitioners have been on my mind as well. I see memes about how they're "getting what they deserve" or how the system is broken for letting them transition at all. I see transitioning like getting a tattoo or married. It is a life commitment with hard to take back consequences and changes your social world, and it should be a decision you make in love and faith for yourself. And, like transitioning, many, many people regret tattoos or marriages. The difference is we don't shame them for it the way transphobia allows detransitioners to be ridiculed.
It annoys me how many people think that those who detransition were "brainwashed" by trans people or "pc culture" into believing they're trans, that talking more about gender and educating people "confuses" them. In my experience, it's the gender binary and the strict expectations that come with it that lead to people transitioning and later detransitioning. As a trans guy, I sometimes heard people say "Why can't you just be a tomboy?" But as someone who presents kinda feminine, I also heard "You look ridiculous, guys with make up, that's just... ugh!" So, which one is it? Should I not transition, but presenting more androgynously is okay, or is it not okay and the only way to wear make up and be accepted is to be a woman? This is what confuses people, not "SJWs".
@@sourpetals1823 "the crazy transtrenders brainwashed and confused you" also really bothers me because it kind of implies detransitioners aren't able to think logically and make responsible decisions. As though more accessibility and information somehow corrupted your mind into thinking you must be trans or something. It's fucking stupid. Wasn't this how society talked about gay people in the past as well? "Don't be gay in public or it's gonna confuse and corrupt my child" It's extra frustrating because a lot of the people getting real angry about transtrenders like to pretend they're some paragons of facts and logic, as though they didn't just fall for one of the oldest bigoted arguments in the book
@@ichbinben. ill add this way of looking at it into my lexicon. like, im still a confused terrified mess who doesn't know anything, but this is a calmer way of seeing what im also potentially seeing as 'THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE"
Just statisticaly it's like .5% of peope detransition because it isn't right for them. Most people do it bc family acceptance, friends, or jobs etc.and 60 somrthing percent of people who do end up retransitioning
Thank you for this. I'm a cis man, but I actually feel that, beyond understanding trans people better, hearing about their experiences also gives me a fuller picture of my own gender and its meaning, which I think is something quite precious for people who otherwise might never have been curious enough to question such things. It's rough that a few people have to open up about something so intensely personal for the rest of us to get that benefit, and it shouldn't have to be that way. I hope you know that it's appreciated.
Thanks for the breakdown. I did the whole questioning-my-gender thing and came out the other side like “Nope, I’m definitely still a man.” so it helps my understanding to hear trans and non-binary experiences like this. Love your voice btw
I live in Germany, so it's a similar situation when it comes to pronouns and public awareness of non binary people. I was assigned female at birth, like you, I tried every way to be a girl, I was a tomboy at times, I was goth, I was punk, I was ultra-feminine... I tried to espress myself within the confines of womanhood and it didn't work. Transitioning was kinda hard on my mental health, because I felt like an imposter. I had to tell my doctors and psychologists and the judge for the name change and the surgeon for top surgery that I was 100% sure I was a man, or else they wouldn't let me. But I wasn't sure I was a man, I was sure I couldn't be happy as a woman and I hated my breasts and I wanted a beard. Those are the things I was sure of, and I'm still sure of them. I usually just say I'm a trans guy, just because it's easier, but I am very feminine in many regards and don't feel 100% like a man. But because of all the trouble I went through to get this identity "approved", I feel it is a big part of me. I often say that calling me a guy is mostly correct, most of the time. Sometimes it's partly correct, sometimes not at all. There is definitely some fluidity to my gender, but I'm not 100% "sold" on any particular label. Also, while I'm out as a gay trans guy to pretty much everyone, only very few people know that it isn't that clear cut. It's that expectation again to know 100% what's going on, who you are. Coming out as trans, gay, etc. is hard enough, but coming out as "something... actually not sure yet, maybe never will be...", to me is even more terrifying. So, yeah, long story short, this video really resonated with me. Sorry for the long comment, I had to get this off my chest.
Same! I'm genderfluid, and bounce all over the spectrum, but 90% of the time I'm a man. So I just say I'm a trans guy sometimes to either not get trolled about my gender identity or just because it's just an easy default.
Being from Latin America, I see the points that you talked as well, most of the Spanish language is also gendered so it was quite amazing how you solve a problem that angloamericans or English speaking people don't even perceive.
i relate so much to your comment, seeing that I'm also from germany and also am more of a man than a woman but also not 100% man. I'm still at the beginning of the road of transitioning tho. i want my breasts gone, i want a beard and a deeper voice, i want to rather be seen as a feminine guy than a sorta manly woman
I am a trans man myself and what I don't understad sometimes is why do you see those feminine traits as part of your gender identity rather than gender expression. I mean you could still express yourself in a feminine without it invalidating your male identity. If cis men present in a stereotypically female way, they oftentimes still don't see themselves as less of a man because of that. I don't want to be rude or something, I'm just trying to understand nonbinary people better.
@@j.troup0609 I dont see being feminine make me less of a man and i dont think other enby people feel that way. It just that "being a man" doesn't resonate with me all together. I feel like I dont relate with manhood, or at least my own interpretation of manhood, but Im a masculine leaning person so I usually tell people Im a transguy. I dont really feel like im on the gender spectrum at all.
I'm genderfluid and a man 90% of the time. I usually just say I'm a trans guy to avoid being trolled, so I kind of relate. I'm super fem, and wear makeup whenever my dysphoria will let me, so it was really cool seeing you use the eyeglitter at the end. ❤
Thank you, this was really helpful. I have a lot of internalised bigotry from never really fitting into the masculine gender role, and it caused me to be kind of reactionary toward anything outside of the binary. Your explanation was so good that I think it's released some of the pressure I unconsciously put on myself to conform. It's very freeing to think outside of certain boxes.
personally, i say i'm transmasculine because i'm nonbinary and trans but closer to the male side of the spectrum. everyone's story is different but i usually stay away from the term "transman" since it just leads to confusion when people ask me for my pronouns. i usually use they/them pronouns, but occasionally i like to use he/him. thank you for talking about this subject; its hard to find videos about the nuances of nonbinary experience
i see you and accept you and think you're a marvelous enbie ... while i also appreciated your claiming and use of the term "soft boy" earlier on Twitter. i hadn't seen that term before and value the way that you help it make sense to the cis community. thank you for the sharing and the emotional work that you do putting things out there. i hope that it's uplifting and validating and a net positive in your world, much like it is for our worlds, too.
@@fropps1 it's wonderful to be anywhere, Fropps.... One more day on the right side of the dirt is a positive one, once you reach my age. Glad to see you here and all the best to anyone else who's happy to be here, too.
so i'm a cis woman and i watch a ton of videos of the trans community because i want to understand it as much as possible, you know, to never get someone's pronouns wrong or get in their shoes for a little while. i never really understand when people referred themselves as a non binary - boy or girl and i felt bad cause no one puts it right and simple. i know i sound so dumb but i want to get knowledge and i wanted to say thank u because you just explained everything so easy
@@mirandawatson99 "fem/femme" doesn't describe someone's gender identity, but the gender expression that is traditionally associated with femininity - for example someone wearing skirts and makeup while identifying as a man ☺️
im only 18 and not out yet, but part of me is worried that identifying as a ~trans nonbinary guy~ isnt valid and that people wont understand. this video really helped a lot, so thank you!
andrew Of course it’s not valid, it is based on sex stereotyping that prevents credibility. You don’t need an ideology to be valid. Validity comes from within, you are fine just as you are.
as a non-aligned nb person this is almost exactly what my experience was like, the only main difference being that i came out as nonbinary to my mom before my transition and she laughed at me so i decided to just become a guy to avoid the ridicule. took me give years to realize i was right all along. thanks for sharing your story 💓💕
honestly, although my story is a lot different, i felt this. I tried to be a man for nigh on 20 years, and though i didnt want to be a woman, something wasnt right with the way i was identifying/presenting. Thanks for the excellent content as always, from one nonbinary guy to another c:
Thank you so much for your content and for sharing your experience being non-binary. I'm so glad we have voices like you. On a side note, if you ever started a livestream where you read storybooks out loud, I'd play it every night while falling asleep.
Very relatable even though I'm amab and nearly 40yo rather than young and so pretty much from the opposite direction to you. I just wish I were able to be more feminine, though I don't really feel totally feminine but neither do I feel at all masculine. But I don't know how to do that in a country with very strict gatekeeping on all trans issues. But thanks to you younger people explaining it to us oldies who existed before the internet, I at least have the vocabulary and ideas to start understanding why I always felt wrong.
First of all, I really like Blaire White. Before watching your video, I thought that it was impossible to say "I'm a non-binary trans guy/woman". But, you explained quite well that it can be said. I'm a cis girl, so I can't really judge that much people who aren't cis, but I still am interested in this topic, because it's a normal thing we all should inform ourselves about, in my opinion. I don't think that Blaire is wrong in her saying, people pov can differ a lot with different explanations, it's great to hear different things from people with various mindsets, so it's easier to know what seems right or wrong to us. Keep going, your content is very interesting (I'm french and sometimes, I can't really understand everything in english videos, but you explained things correctly and I was able to perceive what you wanted to say without having too much difficulties). Thank you for helping me to widen my idea of who trans and non-binary people can be !
Thank you for explaining this!! I've been rather confused on this myself and how the two can go together, but now after this, I understand that I am basically a non binary gal.
Thanks for talking about this. Fellow non-binary guy here. I’m gender fluid and my sense of gender moves between no gender and male gender so That is why I feel like using non-binary trans guy fits best to describe me and how I want to be treated. All this gender policing by binary people must stop. Embrace the fluidity and richness of gender! 🌈
It's extremely comforting to know that there are many other people with similar experiences with gender as I've had. I thought of myself as a binary trans man for a very long time, and when I began HRT and slipped comfortably into the societal role of "man", I realized just how stifling it could be. I missed the kind of self expression that so often gets quashed by traditional masculinity, especially fashion/presentation wise. Much, but certainly not all of my dysphoria was eased by transitioning and winning the genetic lottery for good facial hair genes allowed me more room to explore my gender presentation by wearing jewelry, ""women's"" clothing, painted nails, grow my hair long, etc. without being seen as female. I now consider myself 2spirit, and being able to reclaim so much of femininity that I didn't allow myself to perform for years after realizing I was cisn't was probably the most liberating experience in my life.
You're simply a captivating speaker; the amount of presence you bring to each video is damn impressive, and the perceived ease at which you break down this - for fairly uninitiated people like me - complex topic, is seriously awe inspiring. Please keep up the good work! RUclips is a better place with you in it.
woof I am in this situation myself. Being around older men is easily the most uncomfortable thing now that I am read as male. Getting "sir" by strangers consistently now has lost it's shine. I want to be a guy in a feminine social role, but that seems to be sort of restricted to cis (or at least binary) gay men? I'm a genderfuck bisexual. I'm also in the "Bible Belt" of the USA so being a visibly femme "guy" or obviously not cis is a ticket to harassment or worse. Screams into the void forever. It's frustrating because I'm pretty much totally at ease around my friends who know my gender situation, but I spend 99.9% of my time navigating binary society. It really does feel like trading the discomfort you grew accustomed to for a new, unfamiliar discomfort that you haven't learned to tune out or deal with yet.
this is the video that broke my egg a year ago and i can say i went from non binary, to just guy to recently going for a more non binary guy vibe and now i come back to this and it makes so much sense now
Thank you so much for this, you have no idea how much I needed this. I've realized that I like being referred to with he/him pronouns as well as they/them, and I like being seen as a guy. I haven't told anyone because I'm afraid I'm not "masculine" enough (I adore cutesy things and pastel colors!). My parents know I'm nonbinary, but I don't know if they'd get that I'm both nonbinary and a guy. I apologize for rambling, I just wanted to thank you for making me feel a little less alone in the world. Thank you ♡
I've identified as a trans man for about 3 years. Lately I've been questioning if I am nb. This is exactly how I feel. This makes me feel so much more comfortable with being okay with being a nb tans-guy. I'm coming up on a year on T in about 2 weeks.
GOSHHH I just. SO appreciate your approach to these topics, your videos have proven some of the most accessible for me as I begin to settle into thinking about my own gender with curiosity instead of just... freaking out miserably about it lol. Your voice is one I connect with. You approach these delicate conversations with such genuine care. I really don't have the brain power to type out a more cerebral analysis of your work at the moment, so all I can do is excitedly aaAAaaaaaAaa at you in thanks hahahah KEEP GOING!!! ❤️
You encapsulate me and my feelings all too well. It's nice to hear someone else feel the same way as me. I feel less alone and less invalidated. So thank you for being you.
I loved this video. Videos like this really help me bc sometimes I want to put everyone into a neat box and The moment I don’t understand something, rather than feel stupid for not understanding, a part of me that tries to invalidate what someone says. But I don’t need to fully understand your experience, I just need to love and support you and hearing your story reminds me of that. Although, I need to be able to completely accept someone’s identity without hearing their story too
I feel like demi-gender fits exactly what you were describing. I myself am a demi-girl so it's something I wanna learn more about but I haven't seen anybody talking about it on youtube
I started with nonbinary as a "feeling out that space before I do any transitioning" but I found all of "trans nonbinary masc person" to bring me joy. I still want to medically transition as well. I thought it was confusing at first, but the more I lived with that idea, the more it felt right and less confusing. I should get some glitter eyeshadow as well, lol.
It's funny to me that some people don't think you can be a non binary guy or girl, I mean non binary is THE term for people who don't entirely fit the binary, that includes non binary guys and girls
Okay i wanted to say something about my experience but turns out it is mostly the same I am french, don’t know if I am non binary or a guy perceived as feminine by society and honestly I stopped thinking about it and I already used « non binary guy » to describe myself I don’t know why I think it suits me well It is so cool to find out I am not alone ! Thank you !
Chances you won't see this comment, so I have this urge to express myself, so here I go... I guess this video was like hearing a soft ring close to home for me... First of all, Shalom to you, Regardless of your calming and warm tone of voice, I've subscribed a few days ago when I'd got to know your channel by watching the Shane commentary you'd made. I deeply appreciated how creatively non-conforming you were in your approach; daring to state your mind with the words and phrases you believe that suits best to your perception of the world. At that time, before watching this video, I didn't knew how you identified yourself, but now it makes even more sense to me. Disclaimer: I feel much more comfortable talking about philosophy and big ideas than about myself so I'll start from macro to micro... There is a quote I love which says "שפה יוצרת מציאות" or "שפה מעצבת תודעה", means: "language creates reality" or "language articulates consciousness." I believe the idea or essense of it all is portrayed perfectly well in the "1984" novel by George Orwell. There is a uniqueness in the perceptions of people within the trans spectrum sometimes, which just draws me in; captivated by the authenticity of all of it. People who were not challenged by their given identities might've missed the opportunity to get to know the depth of the worlds within themselves and others out of ignorance or being feared of fear; being to absorb in distractions to pursue their existence. I'm an afab and never felt comfortable within the gender boxes. As I've grown older, I've realized, the only way for me to feel free and comfortable and true to myself is by leting them go, as these boxes didn't have any use for me personally. To this day, I identify as genderqueer, and although this definition give me all the space I need, my surrounding keeps drowning me in fear and self-loathing. Being out of the closet, mindfulness and therapy have been helping to sooth the pain and bring some self compassion. However, I still have questions that I'm afraid to ask. I've heard this person who talked about [romantic/queerplatonic] relationships and said 'you'll balance yourself out of existence' and this sentence stuck with me and struck me with fear. As if "I'm supposed to be unhappy without someone; [and I think to myself] But aren't I someone?" ("My Future" by Billie Eilish]. And yet, being like a monk, single, I sometimes feel a sense of loneliness, and even feel as if I'm lacking. And then I'm glad I'm not in that kind of non-platonic relationship, because I want to be whole or at peace with my limitless before getting into this; to be one who meets another one. I can't fall for anyone anyways as the only ones I do are toxic people (being aware of this helps not getting into this and add more unnecessary trauma... not that there is a "necessary" one. I just have enough for a lifetime). As a perfectionist, I'm too afraid to be mistaken since this world of mine hasn't shown me much forgiveness and compassion. I thought a lot about trying testo and top-surgery, but I also thought a lot about potential regret. Hearing your voice and your fearless gentleness you carry with you and I just felt like - if I had a better moratorium space, would I give this a go? would my voice finally sound the way it does in my head or will I lose my ability to sing? will this body feel like my own or will I get even more hairy and detest it? can I let this chest be clear of this bumps I've never felt like my own, or will I be deranged as a human in this society and consequently or just genuinely come to have missed the femininity of it? can I really be comfortable and love this body I should call my home? how will I be able to love healthily when I struggle this much with loving myself? All this writing and I still feel like I haven't manage to express... What are words for if I just get even more frustrated using them, you know? haha Thank you for your honesty, sharing this video about yourself. It is gives a powerful sense of being vulnerable to me. I'm not even dreaming of a reply since this probably is incomprehensible. I don't know if my intention was just to share, or maybe sort my thinking, or even get some guidance... Maybe someday, in the probably far future, I'll have some answers, and be brave enough and safe enough to seek them. In the meantime, I try to have peace and gratitude with who I am now and what I've gotten and been through so far. At the end of the day, it's all about the journey, and I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and if I'll get to opportunity to experience it... Long story short, and most importantly, Take care ♥ V
This video was really helpful to me. I’m a cis girl and I am still learning a lot about trans people and how to be a better ally and whatnot. And one of the things I never really understood was terms like non binary woman or non binary man. I would always be supportive of people who identified as such, because I’ve always believed in the validity of enbies, I’ve just never understood how someone could be a non binary trans guy or girl. It’s never really been articulated to me in ways that I’ve understood like this. But this video just helped make it click for me. So thank you for doing what you’re doing and educating dumb cis people like me.
Ahh I relate to this so much! I am an enbe woman. When I first 'came out' to myself, I thought I was enbe. I told some people about it, and decided that was enough; I didn't need to transition or change my appearance or anything. Managed to keep that going for like a year before deciding actually, transition was something I wanted. So here I am, realising I wasn't a guy and that I wanted to transition in the way most trans women do. I even learned that I preferred a 'female' name and feminine pronouns. So the only logical conclusion I could draw was that I was a trans woman; my experience just matched theirs so closely, so how could I assume otherwise? Several years later, and I come to realise I was right the first time! I am enbe, I just want to transition and didn't figure that out right away. I still prefer feminine gender pronouns, I still present as a woman, but that's no how I see myself. What I find strange is how that little bit of self-understanding can be so comforting. I generally don't bother to tell people I am non-binary, because it rarely has much of a bearing on things. But just knowing it about myself makes me sooo much more comfortable. I'm not really sure why. Sorry to ramble but yeah I really relate to your experience and it's very reassuring hearing about people who understand :)
I’m definitely gonna send this to my all friends when I come out (it’s way better than a powerpoint presentation anyway lol). But thank you for sharing your experience, and in such a clear and logical way! I’d love to hear your insight on detransitioning! I’m struggling to find a video essay that’s not explicitly transmedicalist (and that doesn’t ignore what detransitioners are actually saying in order to push the good old “this is why you need dysphoria” argument). That glittery eyeshadow is stunning btw ;)
You’re such a beautiful human. I just found your channel and now I’m binging all of your videos. Just learning more about you as a person makes me happy now, thanks for existing and being on this platform!
Why the hell aren't you more popular? Hearing the things you say feels.. so nice. Thank you. So much. Thank you for being a rational and supportive voice for non binary people. Watching your videos and hearing you makes me feel so much happier and more supportive of myself and I'm so so grateful to you for that. ((Also I love your voice. Your voice can only be described as sounding like I'm sitting on a soft couch by a fire reading a pleasant book and drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows.))
Hi, I found your channel from the Xanderhal debate. That part about "all I knew is I didn't feel like a woman and that I wanted testosterone" was so reaffirming to hear, because I thought those exact words (except gender-reversed) before I started HRT.
BTW FYI, in California we often use "dude" in a gender-neutral way, everyone is "dude" (even more so in SoCal than where I live in NorCal), I think that might be a useful concept
I have heard and read people say this before. They are often countered by others saying 'okay then, how many dudes have you dated?' I can see both sides of that argument tbh
I see it mostly as a dialectical or slang thing, I'm a nonbinary transfemme and I don't mind the term, I don't *like* it but it's not worth the trouble of arguing about it
I got here (all the way down from Argentina btw) because of Contrapoints. I've subscribed because I just love the way you speak up your mind, so honest and kind. I'm learning a bunch from you, which I think is extremely important to me: I'm a teacher and I believe that, even though every person on earth should shut the fuck up more often and listen up, so that they can grow some respect and empathy, teachers must lead the way because when parents fail, school should help kids out. So thank you for being here explaining all this. You're the cutest thing I've seen in a long long time - will you marry me? I'll let you be anything you want, I couldn't care less, I promise. Please, take care.
i sometimes wonder if i’m nonbinary but i think for me the distinction between nb and ftm doesn’t really matter all that much. like, i don’t really have a very strong internal sense of gender so whether i’m nb or ftm or anything else isn’t that clear or important, i just know that i want and need to present in a masc way. i like the label transmasc personally cause i feel like it encompasses what i feel. but obviously for a lot of people it’s an important distinction and that makes a lot of sense to me too.
If I had videos like these explaining to me the real intricacies of gender I would not have had so much trouble and feeling bad. I still find it a bit awkward calling myself trans but I do understand it's perfectly normal to be trans and nonbinary. I understand some people just feel a lot of discomfort and feel the need to get on hormones, but there's other who don't feel the same way and don't need hormones but they are still trans and/or nonbinary. It's just up to each person to decide.
It was honestly scary the more time went on and I couldn't help but wonder, "Is there a space for me to exist as I am? Is there a future for me or should I give up and hide what I am?" Just you being here, opening being a nonbinary guy really helps give me hope. Keep doing you, thanks
That sounds about like the mirror image of my journey through gender questioning. I often use the terms demigirl or transfemme nonbinary to describe my gender. Similar to how you describe, I am reasonably comfortable with a feminine social role, but my internal conception of my gender doesn't neatly fit inside the area the woman occupies. Great Video!
this is so me, i love to find people on youtube who i can relate to so much. thank you for sharing your experience! i will definitely check out your other videos!
This really spoke to me and my experience as an afab 23-year-old who also doesn't really have a concept of gender but knows they're uncomfortable being perceived as a woman and wanted to get on testosterone (I'm on week 10 as of yesterday). Thank you for sharing your story!
Woah, okay. I can't believe I stumbled across this video during the time in my life where I've been questioning my gender. I think I might be understanding where I fit! For the longest time I've been identifying as FTM (Trans male) because I know for a FACT that I do not identify as my birth gender, female. But the thing is, I've also tried to pass as male, looking more masculine, wearing masculine clothing, cutting my hair, etc. But at the same time I've never felt fully male, but I want to take Testosterone, I want to get top surgery, so that's what's been confusing me for so long. When I watched you're video I found myself relating to every point you made, it's just really good to know I'm not the only one who's struggled with similar experiences as I have. Makes me feel like Im not an outcast, which is something I've also struggled with the majority of my life. Of course I'm still trying to figure it all out, but thanks to this video I'm slowly starting to figure out who I am. Thank you so much for this! :D
This video helped me understand one of my friends from back home better. Sam was a transman when I met him but as time went on and he finished his transition he saint happy with the male identity and transitioned to nonbinary . I've been so confused how someone can want somthing so bad that when they get it they don't want it. But this made sense so im very grateful for you talking about your experience!!
I know I'm late to the party, but thank you for making this! I relate to this so much and it's amazing to hear someone else having a similar experience.
This is very good, I discovered you, boyform and dorian electra in the same week and honestly if I didn't I probably would've gone full transmed, very glad that didn't happen. I feel so much more free now!
Thank you so much Korviday, I needed to watch this bc I am feeling the same way as you do, I want to transition medically but I do not really feel like a "proper looking man" as many people refer to certain trans guys, I used to be afraid of non binary identities even though at first I presented as nb with a few friends, I just felt thay they didn't take me seriously and didn't understand that I wanted to have HRT and top surgery and that led me to say "you know what? Fuck it I am a trans man" but I never felt the conviction and neither I feel in ease with that set of words. I know that I am, as you, a nb guy but for now I will keep presenting as a trans man, at least till I can find within me the patience and strength to explain my friends and family what does nb means. But again thank you so much for this video, it helped me a lot
Thanks so much for making this, I've been struggling in a lot of the same ways upon realising I'm probably not cis and then trying to find out what I "really" am. It's so nice to have my feelings and experiences validated :)
I just found your yt channel today and I can't believe how much I relate to you. My gender experience is much like yours minus the going on testosterone because I don't have access to it and I'm not fully out to my family. Thank you so much for being an amazing human being/tree and I look forward to watching more of your content xx
Just wanted to say that you are an extremely vibrant, talented and interesting person I wish I was friends with. Came here from your parasocial audience grooming video and now I legit stan you. I can't wait to see more of your work, thank you so much for sharing your story and talking about it so openly. About time we accepted people for just being people.
This hit really close to home, as I'm still kind of in a phase of not being sure whether I'm "more" of a trans guy or a nonbinary person -all I know is that I'm not a woman and that I'm happy with the changes that come with taking T. I guess I'm both?? But still a very confused gender mess. I don't usually tell people that I'm a non-binary trans man because cis people can get so confused and it's already hard for them to grasp that I don't want to be referred to with she/her pronouns... and yeah, in France, neopronouns are barely used outside of trans circles, plus "iel", which is the one I like the most in written form, sounds so much like "elle" that I'd rather not use it. Hopefully we'll catch up soon? I hope?? Anyways, really like the glitter and the pink hat!! Thank you for the video, and thanks for (unvoluntarily I guess?) including the cute doggo at the end, they made my day!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. As someone who has always felt odd in my gender I've been thinking about this a lot lately and hearing things like this really helps as I consider things. Although I think I just have no attachment to either side of the binary labels. Will figure it out eventually!
I literally discovered you today and want you to know that you make me smile, you beautiful, beautiful person. I appreciate the wit and care that you put into this explanation. I often feel like the topic of gender is something I have a no place to comment on, but I want to thank you for adding another piece to the puzzle of my understanding transgender individuals.
I went through such a similar journey; over-doing it with the stereotypical feminine stuff in my teens (hair makeup heels), and then went straight into only men's wear in my early 20s, and then back again like a seesaw.. I was so confused why neither was "working", and I felt like such a lost idiot, honestly About 6 years ago after I escaped an extremely toxic relationship, I spent a summer soul-searching and researching in which I realized that I am non binary. I believe someday society will finally see gender on a spectrum, as it truly is, and individuals will be allowed the freedom from birth to figure out where on that spectrum they are without society cramming "boy or girl", "blue or pink" down their throats Thank you for your content korviday. You must be a bird lover with that name
great video! I started watching your videos a few days ago and this is one of my favorites so far I was really surprised to hear that you live in France, I myself am a French native speaker but not around currant French culture and only very recently, on accident heared of French neo pronouns for the first time I currently am surrounded by another language and culture that doesn't have a proper non genderd pronoun opinion and with my currant feelings about my gender that is starting to become bothersome, just knowing that there isn't an option and how people who are openly living as non binary get treated makes me hesitant to even explore my own feelings I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about binary gender language and and not fitting in to that and what people do in those situations
i too went from ftmtx and haven't seen anyone talk about this and oh my god i was so scared i was trying to trick myself into thinking im trans bc i wasnt comfortable being a man either. this is incredibly validating thank you
Ah, now this makes sense to me. Being AMAB but feeling neither male nor female I've been quite confused about why I feel fine being called "man" or "woman", but I'd feel weird about being called "wife" instead of "husband". It's because, for the most part, I stick to my male societal role despite feeling both hypermasculine *and* hyperfeminine internally.
I am so happy you made this video, because im even though I know other nb guys are out there, sometimes i feel like i'm shouting into the void when i talk about my gender and my lived experiences. So like..yeah. It also doesnt help im completely gnc even in my identity as a man (especially wheb youre black and black masculinity is a very very complex thing) so it confuses people even more. But hey we out here.
I identify as a genderfluid man, my gender definitely fluctuates, and sometimes its on the feminine side, and most of the time I think I'm kinda both, but I'm never truly comfortable with the idea of being a woman, I have no plans to transition medically
I'm a binary trans guy and I'm still educating myself on the wide array of nonbinary experiences! I find it incredibly interesting, especially since my older sibling came out to me as nonbinary about a year after I had come out to them as trans (they're specifically genderfluid). Anyway, thanks for the vid, I subscribed to your channel!
Dude, I have NEVER EVER been able to find someone who I could relate to, you are the first and this is so huge for me you are an angel! I went through and am still going through the same exact things when I started transitioning from male to female and i recently realized i was more of a non binary transgirl. It feels so liberating to finally find someone who knows exactly what I'm feeling and that I can relate to even when you are a non binary guy and I'm a non binary girl like i cant tell you how much i related to this. Seriously Thank you so much for sharing!!! Subbed 💘
whoahhh you really hit the nail on the head with this video. i also identify similarly and when i was first growing into my identity i too went through a stage where i tried adopting a "passable" wardrobe/ behaviours. it just didnt work for me and actually made me more aware of, and unfortable with, how often i am missgendered. i eventually circled back to where i began and realised changing my clothes was not going to fix the problem bc at the end of the day you cant chose how people are going to perceive you in public. i also love what you said abt calling yourself a guy despite being nonbinary. as n.b indiduals the hard reality is that we often do have to "choose a side" bc the options a limited for linguistic/ social/ safety reasons. this is actually one of the main reasons i took so long to accept i am n.b.
Oof I felt this. I tried so hard to be myself as a kid because I was a tomboy and my mom absolutely despised it.So I tried being feminine even though it made me want to rip my own skin off it just didn’t feel right being perceived as a girl. not sure if it was because I noticed all the misogyny around me and I didn’t want that, or if it was because of the gender roles my mother forced onto me at such an early age. I was lucky enough to have a friend who is non-binary themselves explain to me their orientation and it all clicked for me. But even then I still didn’t get it right the first time I tried to be as androgynous as possible and when I physically couldn’t do it it made me feel awful about myself.Like why don’t I look like the stereotypical White trans guy.I wanted to be perceived as anything other than just a girl. Took me literally seven years to realize I can do whatever I want🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ I really tried so hard to fit into a box when my entire identity was being outside of boxes smh.But I’m here now and I’m glad that I feel more secure in my identity
Great video! It's very informative that one could show to people that don't understand the concept of non-binary! Also I wanted to thank you for making trans and non-binary related video. I myself am just a regular cis gay guy, so it's good to have a person like you to explain these things to the general public and cis people that don't have these experiences, so we can have a better understanding of what's up. Keep up the great work! ^^
I feel you completely. I’m basically the same identity as you, I call it non binary trans man or effeminate trans man. I knew from the beginning I was never going to be a man’s man and I’m ok with that. But like you I feel more comfortable on the male side of the spectrum than the female side. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and as always your voice was lovely and calming.
I love the term "guy" because i feel like it acknowledges masculinity yet it's not as strict in its definition as "man"
Oh my god, I Iove other youtubers I watch watch other youtubers I also love!
‘Guy’ flows where ‘man’ is just a block.
I didn't expect to find Chipflake here haha! But yeah, I agree with you and korviday!
Fucking SAME
Same!! I feel a lot more comfortable calling myself a guy than calling myself a man. Man feels so binary and tied to gender norms, while guy feels a lot less strictly binary while still masc or “male-aligned” I guess.
Detransitioners have been on my mind as well. I see memes about how they're "getting what they deserve" or how the system is broken for letting them transition at all. I see transitioning like getting a tattoo or married. It is a life commitment with hard to take back consequences and changes your social world, and it should be a decision you make in love and faith for yourself. And, like transitioning, many, many people regret tattoos or marriages. The difference is we don't shame them for it the way transphobia allows detransitioners to be ridiculed.
It annoys me how many people think that those who detransition were "brainwashed" by trans people or "pc culture" into believing they're trans, that talking more about gender and educating people "confuses" them. In my experience, it's the gender binary and the strict expectations that come with it that lead to people transitioning and later detransitioning. As a trans guy, I sometimes heard people say "Why can't you just be a tomboy?" But as someone who presents kinda feminine, I also heard "You look ridiculous, guys with make up, that's just... ugh!" So, which one is it? Should I not transition, but presenting more androgynously is okay, or is it not okay and the only way to wear make up and be accepted is to be a woman? This is what confuses people, not "SJWs".
@@sourpetals1823 "the crazy transtrenders brainwashed and confused you" also really bothers me because it kind of implies detransitioners aren't able to think logically and make responsible decisions. As though more accessibility and information somehow corrupted your mind into thinking you must be trans or something. It's fucking stupid. Wasn't this how society talked about gay people in the past as well? "Don't be gay in public or it's gonna confuse and corrupt my child"
It's extra frustrating because a lot of the people getting real angry about transtrenders like to pretend they're some paragons of facts and logic, as though they didn't just fall for one of the oldest bigoted arguments in the book
@@ichbinben. ill add this way of looking at it into my lexicon. like, im still a confused terrified mess who doesn't know anything, but this is a calmer way of seeing what im also potentially seeing as 'THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE"
Just statisticaly it's like .5% of peope detransition because it isn't right for them. Most people do it bc family acceptance, friends, or jobs etc.and 60 somrthing percent of people who do end up retransitioning
sourpetals nb is trans? Like I’m nb and definitely still consider myself trans??? Sry what’s your experience??
The sparkle eyeshadow fight me is *chefs kiss* perfect.
Thank you for this. I'm a cis man, but I actually feel that, beyond understanding trans people better, hearing about their experiences also gives me a fuller picture of my own gender and its meaning, which I think is something quite precious for people who otherwise might never have been curious enough to question such things. It's rough that a few people have to open up about something so intensely personal for the rest of us to get that benefit, and it shouldn't have to be that way. I hope you know that it's appreciated.
Its nice to hear my life story from someone else
Thanks for the breakdown. I did the whole questioning-my-gender thing and came out the other side like “Nope, I’m definitely still a man.” so it helps my understanding to hear trans and non-binary experiences like this.
Love your voice btw
I live in Germany, so it's a similar situation when it comes to pronouns and public awareness of non binary people. I was assigned female at birth, like you, I tried every way to be a girl, I was a tomboy at times, I was goth, I was punk, I was ultra-feminine... I tried to espress myself within the confines of womanhood and it didn't work. Transitioning was kinda hard on my mental health, because I felt like an imposter. I had to tell my doctors and psychologists and the judge for the name change and the surgeon for top surgery that I was 100% sure I was a man, or else they wouldn't let me. But I wasn't sure I was a man, I was sure I couldn't be happy as a woman and I hated my breasts and I wanted a beard. Those are the things I was sure of, and I'm still sure of them. I usually just say I'm a trans guy, just because it's easier, but I am very feminine in many regards and don't feel 100% like a man. But because of all the trouble I went through to get this identity "approved", I feel it is a big part of me. I often say that calling me a guy is mostly correct, most of the time. Sometimes it's partly correct, sometimes not at all. There is definitely some fluidity to my gender, but I'm not 100% "sold" on any particular label. Also, while I'm out as a gay trans guy to pretty much everyone, only very few people know that it isn't that clear cut. It's that expectation again to know 100% what's going on, who you are. Coming out as trans, gay, etc. is hard enough, but coming out as "something... actually not sure yet, maybe never will be...", to me is even more terrifying.
So, yeah, long story short, this video really resonated with me. Sorry for the long comment, I had to get this off my chest.
Same! I'm genderfluid, and bounce all over the spectrum, but 90% of the time I'm a man. So I just say I'm a trans guy sometimes to either not get trolled about my gender identity or just because it's just an easy default.
Being from Latin America, I see the points that you talked as well, most of the Spanish language is also gendered so it was quite amazing how you solve a problem that angloamericans or English speaking people don't even perceive.
i relate so much to your comment, seeing that I'm also from germany and also am more of a man than a woman but also not 100% man. I'm still at the beginning of the road of transitioning tho. i want my breasts gone, i want a beard and a deeper voice, i want to rather be seen as a feminine guy than a sorta manly woman
I am a trans man myself and what I don't understad sometimes is why do you see those feminine traits as part of your gender identity rather than gender expression. I mean you could still express yourself in a feminine without it invalidating your male identity. If cis men present in a stereotypically female way, they oftentimes still don't see themselves as less of a man because of that.
I don't want to be rude or something, I'm just trying to understand nonbinary people better.
@@j.troup0609 I dont see being feminine make me less of a man and i dont think other enby people feel that way. It just that "being a man" doesn't resonate with me all together. I feel like I dont relate with manhood, or at least my own interpretation of manhood, but Im a masculine leaning person so I usually tell people Im a transguy. I dont really feel like im on the gender spectrum at all.
I'm genderfluid and a man 90% of the time. I usually just say I'm a trans guy to avoid being trolled, so I kind of relate. I'm super fem, and wear makeup whenever my dysphoria will let me, so it was really cool seeing you use the eyeglitter at the end. ❤
@@starlesscitiess Thanks! Alex Fierro is my queen.
Is that Gerard Way in your pfp?? Because yeeeesssss!
Thank you, this was really helpful. I have a lot of internalised bigotry from never really fitting into the masculine gender role, and it caused me to be kind of reactionary toward anything outside of the binary.
Your explanation was so good that I think it's released some of the pressure I unconsciously put on myself to conform. It's very freeing to think outside of certain boxes.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
personally, i say i'm transmasculine because i'm nonbinary and trans but closer to the male side of the spectrum. everyone's story is different but i usually stay away from the term "transman" since it just leads to confusion when people ask me for my pronouns. i usually use they/them pronouns, but occasionally i like to use he/him. thank you for talking about this subject; its hard to find videos about the nuances of nonbinary experience
i see you and accept you and think you're a marvelous enbie ... while i also appreciated your claiming and use of the term "soft boy" earlier on Twitter. i hadn't seen that term before and value the way that you help it make sense to the cis community. thank you for the sharing and the emotional work that you do putting things out there. i hope that it's uplifting and validating and a net positive in your world, much like it is for our worlds, too.
Oh my god it's wonderful to see you under this video Deviant!
@@fropps1 it's wonderful to be anywhere, Fropps.... One more day on the right side of the dirt is a positive one, once you reach my age.
Glad to see you here and all the best to anyone else who's happy to be here, too.
pls whisper me to sleep every night so i can fall asleep by an acceptable hour
so i'm a cis woman and i watch a ton of videos of the trans community because i want to understand it as much as possible, you know, to never get someone's pronouns wrong or get in their shoes for a little while. i never really understand when people referred themselves as a non binary - boy or girl and i felt bad cause no one puts it right and simple. i know i sound so dumb but i want to get knowledge and i wanted to say thank u because you just explained everything so easy
bro guys can be fem..........................
i know look at me
As a fem trans guy I confirm
i love fem boys they're adorable :'))
@@rowan5542 can I ask what the difference between a femme guy and a non binary guy is? I don't quite understand.
@@mirandawatson99 "fem/femme" doesn't describe someone's gender identity, but the gender expression that is traditionally associated with femininity - for example someone wearing skirts and makeup while identifying as a man ☺️
im only 18 and not out yet, but part of me is worried that identifying as a ~trans nonbinary guy~ isnt valid and that people wont understand. this video really helped a lot, so thank you!
you're valid my dude!!!
andrew Of course it’s not valid, it is based on sex stereotyping that prevents credibility. You don’t need an ideology to be valid. Validity comes from within, you are fine just as you are.
It isn't valid lmao
It's not valid. 🤡
my identity is really similar to yours, & it honestly feels amazing to find someone else like me. thank you for making this video
as a non-aligned nb person this is almost exactly what my experience was like, the only main difference being that i came out as nonbinary to my mom before my transition and she laughed at me so i decided to just become a guy to avoid the ridicule. took me give years to realize i was right all along. thanks for sharing your story 💓💕
Welp, this was a relatable video.
Also, you're 25?! I can't tell why exactly this is shocking to me...
honestly, although my story is a lot different, i felt this. I tried to be a man for nigh on 20 years, and though i didnt want to be a woman, something wasnt right with the way i was identifying/presenting. Thanks for the excellent content as always, from one nonbinary guy to another c:
OOP-
I think I just catched feelings uwu
uwu
Hey, thanks for the explanation :) I do admit that as a binary trans person, the idea of a non-binary guy can confuse me. This helped a ton.
Thank you so much for your content and for sharing your experience being non-binary. I'm so glad we have voices like you.
On a side note, if you ever started a livestream where you read storybooks out loud, I'd play it every night while falling asleep.
Very relatable even though I'm amab and nearly 40yo rather than young and so pretty much from the opposite direction to you. I just wish I were able to be more feminine, though I don't really feel totally feminine but neither do I feel at all masculine. But I don't know how to do that in a country with very strict gatekeeping on all trans issues. But thanks to you younger people explaining it to us oldies who existed before the internet, I at least have the vocabulary and ideas to start understanding why I always felt wrong.
Thanks Korviday. This helps me feel better about identifying as a non-binary trans women.
I'm a binary trans man who happens to be extremely feminine, and I just wanna say I love you and all of my non-binary siblings
First of all, I really like Blaire White. Before watching your video, I thought that it was impossible to say "I'm a non-binary trans guy/woman". But, you explained quite well that it can be said. I'm a cis girl, so I can't really judge that much people who aren't cis, but I still am interested in this topic, because it's a normal thing we all should inform ourselves about, in my opinion. I don't think that Blaire is wrong in her saying, people pov can differ a lot with different explanations, it's great to hear different things from people with various mindsets, so it's easier to know what seems right or wrong to us. Keep going, your content is very interesting (I'm french and sometimes, I can't really understand everything in english videos, but you explained things correctly and I was able to perceive what you wanted to say without having too much difficulties). Thank you for helping me to widen my idea of who trans and non-binary people can be !
Thank you for explaining this!! I've been rather confused on this myself and how the two can go together, but now after this, I understand that I am basically a non binary gal.
Thanks for talking about this. Fellow non-binary guy here. I’m gender fluid and my sense of gender moves between no gender and male gender so That is why I feel like using non-binary trans guy fits best to describe me and how I want to be treated. All this gender policing by binary people must stop. Embrace the fluidity and richness of gender! 🌈
It's extremely comforting to know that there are many other people with similar experiences with gender as I've had. I thought of myself as a binary trans man for a very long time, and when I began HRT and slipped comfortably into the societal role of "man", I realized just how stifling it could be. I missed the kind of self expression that so often gets quashed by traditional masculinity, especially fashion/presentation wise. Much, but certainly not all of my dysphoria was eased by transitioning and winning the genetic lottery for good facial hair genes allowed me more room to explore my gender presentation by wearing jewelry, ""women's"" clothing, painted nails, grow my hair long, etc. without being seen as female. I now consider myself 2spirit, and being able to reclaim so much of femininity that I didn't allow myself to perform for years after realizing I was cisn't was probably the most liberating experience in my life.
I cant believe they just came out as French! What a power move.
Soft boy has to define words for people and then gets distracted by a long hat
This is the content I subbed for
You're simply a captivating speaker; the amount of presence you bring to each video is damn impressive, and the perceived ease at which you break down this - for fairly uninitiated people like me - complex topic, is seriously awe inspiring.
Please keep up the good work! RUclips is a better place with you in it.
I love the way you speak! How you explain things, your voice, it’s so calming?
woof I am in this situation myself. Being around older men is easily the most uncomfortable thing now that I am read as male. Getting "sir" by strangers consistently now has lost it's shine. I want to be a guy in a feminine social role, but that seems to be sort of restricted to cis (or at least binary) gay men? I'm a genderfuck bisexual. I'm also in the "Bible Belt" of the USA so being a visibly femme "guy" or obviously not cis is a ticket to harassment or worse. Screams into the void forever.
It's frustrating because I'm pretty much totally at ease around my friends who know my gender situation, but I spend 99.9% of my time navigating binary society. It really does feel like trading the discomfort you grew accustomed to for a new, unfamiliar discomfort that you haven't learned to tune out or deal with yet.
this is the video that broke my egg a year ago and i can say i went from non binary, to just guy to recently going for a more non binary guy vibe and now i come back to this and it makes so much sense now
Thank you so much for this, you have no idea how much I needed this. I've realized that I like being referred to with he/him pronouns as well as they/them, and I like being seen as a guy. I haven't told anyone because I'm afraid I'm not "masculine" enough (I adore cutesy things and pastel colors!). My parents know I'm nonbinary, but I don't know if they'd get that I'm both nonbinary and a guy. I apologize for rambling, I just wanted to thank you for making me feel a little less alone in the world. Thank you ♡
I've identified as a trans man for about 3 years. Lately I've been questioning if I am nb. This is exactly how I feel. This makes me feel so much more comfortable with being okay with being a nb tans-guy. I'm coming up on a year on T in about 2 weeks.
GOSHHH I just. SO appreciate your approach to these topics, your videos have proven some of the most accessible for me as I begin to settle into thinking about my own gender with curiosity instead of just... freaking out miserably about it lol.
Your voice is one I connect with. You approach these delicate conversations with such genuine care. I really don't have the brain power to type out a more cerebral analysis of your work at the moment, so all I can do is excitedly aaAAaaaaaAaa at you in thanks hahahah
KEEP GOING!!! ❤️
You encapsulate me and my feelings all too well. It's nice to hear someone else feel the same way as me. I feel less alone and less invalidated. So thank you for being you.
Just putting this out there, your voice is the most calming voice I have ever heard.
I loved this video. Videos like this really help me bc sometimes I want to put everyone into a neat box and The moment I don’t understand something, rather than feel stupid for not understanding, a part of me that tries to invalidate what someone says. But I don’t need to fully understand your experience, I just need to love and support you and hearing your story reminds me of that. Although, I need to be able to completely accept someone’s identity without hearing their story too
your vids are the best. also the glitter is pretty, what did you use?
You explain this subject very well. This is the first time I have really understood this subject. Thanks for posting this!
I feel like demi-gender fits exactly what you were describing. I myself am a demi-girl so it's something I wanna learn more about but I haven't seen anybody talking about it on youtube
I started with nonbinary as a "feeling out that space before I do any transitioning" but I found all of "trans nonbinary masc person" to bring me joy. I still want to medically transition as well. I thought it was confusing at first, but the more I lived with that idea, the more it felt right and less confusing.
I should get some glitter eyeshadow as well, lol.
It's funny to me that some people don't think you can be a non binary guy or girl, I mean non binary is THE term for people who don't entirely fit the binary, that includes non binary guys and girls
Okay i wanted to say something about my experience but turns out it is mostly the same
I am french, don’t know if I am non binary or a guy perceived as feminine by society and honestly I stopped thinking about it and I already used « non binary guy » to describe myself I don’t know why I think it suits me well
It is so cool to find out I am not alone ! Thank you !
Chances you won't see this comment, so I have this urge to express myself, so here I go...
I guess this video was like hearing a soft ring close to home for me...
First of all, Shalom to you,
Regardless of your calming and warm tone of voice, I've subscribed a few days ago when I'd got to know your channel by watching the Shane commentary you'd made. I deeply appreciated how creatively non-conforming you were in your approach; daring to state your mind with the words and phrases you believe that suits best to your perception of the world. At that time, before watching this video, I didn't knew how you identified yourself, but now it makes even more sense to me.
Disclaimer: I feel much more comfortable talking about philosophy and big ideas than about myself so I'll start from macro to micro...
There is a quote I love which says "שפה יוצרת מציאות" or "שפה מעצבת תודעה", means: "language creates reality" or "language articulates consciousness." I believe the idea or essense of it all is portrayed perfectly well in the "1984" novel by George Orwell.
There is a uniqueness in the perceptions of people within the trans spectrum sometimes, which just draws me in; captivated by the authenticity of all of it. People who were not challenged by their given identities might've missed the opportunity to get to know the depth of the worlds within themselves and others out of ignorance or being feared of fear; being to absorb in distractions to pursue their existence.
I'm an afab and never felt comfortable within the gender boxes. As I've grown older, I've realized, the only way for me to feel free and comfortable and true to myself is by leting them go, as these boxes didn't have any use for me personally.
To this day, I identify as genderqueer, and although this definition give me all the space I need, my surrounding keeps drowning me in fear and self-loathing. Being out of the closet, mindfulness and therapy have been helping to sooth the pain and bring some self compassion. However, I still have questions that I'm afraid to ask.
I've heard this person who talked about [romantic/queerplatonic] relationships and said 'you'll balance yourself out of existence' and this sentence stuck with me and struck me with fear. As if "I'm supposed to be unhappy without someone; [and I think to myself] But aren't I someone?" ("My Future" by Billie Eilish]. And yet, being like a monk, single, I sometimes feel a sense of loneliness, and even feel as if I'm lacking. And then I'm glad I'm not in that kind of non-platonic relationship, because I want to be whole or at peace with my limitless before getting into this; to be one who meets another one. I can't fall for anyone anyways as the only ones I do are toxic people (being aware of this helps not getting into this and add more unnecessary trauma... not that there is a "necessary" one. I just have enough for a lifetime).
As a perfectionist, I'm too afraid to be mistaken since this world of mine hasn't shown me much forgiveness and compassion. I thought a lot about trying testo and top-surgery, but I also thought a lot about potential regret.
Hearing your voice and your fearless gentleness you carry with you and I just felt like - if I had a better moratorium space, would I give this a go? would my voice finally sound the way it does in my head or will I lose my ability to sing? will this body feel like my own or will I get even more hairy and detest it? can I let this chest be clear of this bumps I've never felt like my own, or will I be deranged as a human in this society and consequently or just genuinely come to have missed the femininity of it? can I really be comfortable and love this body I should call my home? how will I be able to love healthily when I struggle this much with loving myself?
All this writing and I still feel like I haven't manage to express... What are words for if I just get even more frustrated using them, you know? haha
Thank you for your honesty, sharing this video about yourself. It is gives a powerful sense of being vulnerable to me.
I'm not even dreaming of a reply since this probably is incomprehensible. I don't know if my intention was just to share, or maybe sort my thinking, or even get some guidance...
Maybe someday, in the probably far future, I'll have some answers, and be brave enough and safe enough to seek them. In the meantime, I try to have peace and gratitude with who I am now and what I've gotten and been through so far. At the end of the day, it's all about the journey, and I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and if I'll get to opportunity to experience it...
Long story short, and most importantly,
Take care ♥
V
This video was really helpful to me. I’m a cis girl and I am still learning a lot about trans people and how to be a better ally and whatnot. And one of the things I never really understood was terms like non binary woman or non binary man. I would always be supportive of people who identified as such, because I’ve always believed in the validity of enbies, I’ve just never understood how someone could be a non binary trans guy or girl. It’s never really been articulated to me in ways that I’ve understood like this. But this video just helped make it click for me. So thank you for doing what you’re doing and educating dumb cis people like me.
Ahh I relate to this so much!
I am an enbe woman. When I first 'came out' to myself, I thought I was enbe. I told some people about it, and decided that was enough; I didn't need to transition or change my appearance or anything. Managed to keep that going for like a year before deciding actually, transition was something I wanted.
So here I am, realising I wasn't a guy and that I wanted to transition in the way most trans women do. I even learned that I preferred a 'female' name and feminine pronouns. So the only logical conclusion I could draw was that I was a trans woman; my experience just matched theirs so closely, so how could I assume otherwise?
Several years later, and I come to realise I was right the first time! I am enbe, I just want to transition and didn't figure that out right away. I still prefer feminine gender pronouns, I still present as a woman, but that's no how I see myself.
What I find strange is how that little bit of self-understanding can be so comforting. I generally don't bother to tell people I am non-binary, because it rarely has much of a bearing on things. But just knowing it about myself makes me sooo much more comfortable. I'm not really sure why.
Sorry to ramble but yeah I really relate to your experience and it's very reassuring hearing about people who understand :)
I’m definitely gonna send this to my all friends when I come out (it’s way better than a powerpoint presentation anyway lol). But thank you for sharing your experience, and in such a clear and logical way!
I’d love to hear your insight on detransitioning! I’m struggling to find a video essay that’s not explicitly transmedicalist (and that doesn’t ignore what detransitioners are actually saying in order to push the good old “this is why you need dysphoria” argument).
That glittery eyeshadow is stunning btw ;)
Thank you for explaining this, it's something I've been trying to understand for a while
You’re such a beautiful human. I just found your channel and now I’m binging all of your videos. Just learning more about you as a person makes me happy now, thanks for existing and being on this platform!
The comparison of “walking up to a tree and screaming that the tree doesn’t exist” is the best comparison I’ve ever heard.
Why the hell aren't you more popular?
Hearing the things you say feels.. so nice. Thank you. So much. Thank you for being a rational and supportive voice for non binary people. Watching your videos and hearing you makes me feel so much happier and more supportive of myself and I'm so so grateful to you for that. ((Also I love your voice. Your voice can only be described as sounding like I'm sitting on a soft couch by a fire reading a pleasant book and drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows.))
Hi, I found your channel from the Xanderhal debate.
That part about "all I knew is I didn't feel like a woman and that I wanted testosterone" was so reaffirming to hear, because I thought those exact words (except gender-reversed) before I started HRT.
BTW FYI, in California we often use "dude" in a gender-neutral way, everyone is "dude" (even more so in SoCal than where I live in NorCal), I think that might be a useful concept
I have heard and read people say this before. They are often countered by others saying 'okay then, how many dudes have you dated?' I can see both sides of that argument tbh
I see it mostly as a dialectical or slang thing, I'm a nonbinary transfemme and I don't mind the term, I don't *like* it but it's not worth the trouble of arguing about it
@@izzyfox7575 *laughs in pan* but I do see the conflict of it.
I got here (all the way down from Argentina btw) because of Contrapoints. I've subscribed because I just love the way you speak up your mind, so honest and kind. I'm learning a bunch from you, which I think is extremely important to me: I'm a teacher and I believe that, even though every person on earth should shut the fuck up more often and listen up, so that they can grow some respect and empathy, teachers must lead the way because when parents fail, school should help kids out. So thank you for being here explaining all this.
You're the cutest thing I've seen in a long long time - will you marry me? I'll let you be anything you want, I couldn't care less, I promise. Please, take care.
i sometimes wonder if i’m nonbinary but i think for me the distinction between nb and ftm doesn’t really matter all that much. like, i don’t really have a very strong internal sense of gender so whether i’m nb or ftm or anything else isn’t that clear or important, i just know that i want and need to present in a masc way. i like the label transmasc personally cause i feel like it encompasses what i feel. but obviously for a lot of people it’s an important distinction and that makes a lot of sense to me too.
This video made my little enby heart so happy 🥺 also I like your voice a lot
YES. Thank you for making this video, I think I needed it right now :)
If I had videos like these explaining to me the real intricacies of gender I would not have had so much trouble and feeling bad. I still find it a bit awkward calling myself trans but I do understand it's perfectly normal to be trans and nonbinary. I understand some people just feel a lot of discomfort and feel the need to get on hormones, but there's other who don't feel the same way and don't need hormones but they are still trans and/or nonbinary. It's just up to each person to decide.
It was honestly scary the more time went on and I couldn't help but wonder, "Is there a space for me to exist as I am? Is there a future for me or should I give up and hide what I am?" Just you being here, opening being a nonbinary guy really helps give me hope. Keep doing you, thanks
That sounds about like the mirror image of my journey through gender questioning. I often use the terms demigirl or transfemme nonbinary to describe my gender. Similar to how you describe, I am reasonably comfortable with a feminine social role, but my internal conception of my gender doesn't neatly fit inside the area the woman occupies. Great Video!
This guy is so natural in front of a camera. Love his voice and personality like wow 💙
this is so me, i love to find people on youtube who i can relate to so much. thank you for sharing your experience! i will definitely check out your other videos!
This really spoke to me and my experience as an afab 23-year-old who also doesn't really have a concept of gender but knows they're uncomfortable being perceived as a woman and wanted to get on testosterone (I'm on week 10 as of yesterday). Thank you for sharing your story!
Woah, okay. I can't believe I stumbled across this video during the time in my life where I've been questioning my gender. I think I might be understanding where I fit! For the longest time I've been identifying as FTM (Trans male) because I know for a FACT that I do not identify as my birth gender, female. But the thing is, I've also tried to pass as male, looking more masculine, wearing masculine clothing, cutting my hair, etc. But at the same time I've never felt fully male, but I want to take Testosterone, I want to get top surgery, so that's what's been confusing me for so long. When I watched you're video I found myself relating to every point you made, it's just really good to know I'm not the only one who's struggled with similar experiences as I have. Makes me feel like Im not an outcast, which is something I've also struggled with the majority of my life. Of course I'm still trying to figure it all out, but thanks to this video I'm slowly starting to figure out who I am. Thank you so much for this! :D
This video helped me understand one of my friends from back home better. Sam was a transman when I met him but as time went on and he finished his transition he saint happy with the male identity and transitioned to nonbinary . I've been so confused how someone can want somthing so bad that when they get it they don't want it. But this made sense so im very grateful for you talking about your experience!!
6:38 Earthworm Jim vibes 🤣 P.S. soft boys are my favourite kind and you are a beautiful human
I know I'm late to the party, but thank you for making this! I relate to this so much and it's amazing to hear someone else having a similar experience.
This is very good, I discovered you, boyform and dorian electra in the same week and honestly if I didn't I probably would've gone full transmed, very glad that didn't happen. I feel so much more free now!
Thank you so much Korviday, I needed to watch this bc I am feeling the same way as you do, I want to transition medically but I do not really feel like a "proper looking man" as many people refer to certain trans guys, I used to be afraid of non binary identities even though at first I presented as nb with a few friends, I just felt thay they didn't take me seriously and didn't understand that I wanted to have HRT and top surgery and that led me to say "you know what? Fuck it I am a trans man" but I never felt the conviction and neither I feel in ease with that set of words. I know that I am, as you, a nb guy but for now I will keep presenting as a trans man, at least till I can find within me the patience and strength to explain my friends and family what does nb means. But again thank you so much for this video, it helped me a lot
Thanks so much for making this, I've been struggling in a lot of the same ways upon realising I'm probably not cis and then trying to find out what I "really" am. It's so nice to have my feelings and experiences validated :)
I love your definition. It's such a clear explanation I don't see how anyone could possibly disagree
I just found your yt channel today and I can't believe how much I relate to you. My gender experience is much like yours minus the going on testosterone because I don't have access to it and I'm not fully out to my family. Thank you so much for being an amazing human being/tree and I look forward to watching more of your content xx
Just wanted to say that you are an extremely vibrant, talented and interesting person I wish I was friends with. Came here from your parasocial audience grooming video and now I legit stan you. I can't wait to see more of your work, thank you so much for sharing your story and talking about it so openly. About time we accepted people for just being people.
This hit really close to home, as I'm still kind of in a phase of not being sure whether I'm "more" of a trans guy or a nonbinary person -all I know is that I'm not a woman and that I'm happy with the changes that come with taking T. I guess I'm both?? But still a very confused gender mess.
I don't usually tell people that I'm a non-binary trans man because cis people can get so confused and it's already hard for them to grasp that I don't want to be referred to with she/her pronouns... and yeah, in France, neopronouns are barely used outside of trans circles, plus "iel", which is the one I like the most in written form, sounds so much like "elle" that I'd rather not use it. Hopefully we'll catch up soon? I hope??
Anyways, really like the glitter and the pink hat!! Thank you for the video, and thanks for (unvoluntarily I guess?) including the cute doggo at the end, they made my day!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. As someone who has always felt odd in my gender I've been thinking about this a lot lately and hearing things like this really helps as I consider things.
Although I think I just have no attachment to either side of the binary labels. Will figure it out eventually!
this is almost spot on what happened to me, and i just want to thank you for talking about it.
Very well said, and helpful for anyone who may be confused.
How the hell does this not show up in my recommended. jfc I look forward to these vids and a creator who speaks calmly and truthfully.
I literally discovered you today and want you to know that you make me smile, you beautiful, beautiful person. I appreciate the wit and care that you put into this explanation. I often feel like the topic of gender is something I have a no place to comment on, but I want to thank you for adding another piece to the puzzle of my understanding transgender individuals.
I went through such a similar journey; over-doing it with the stereotypical feminine stuff in my teens (hair makeup heels), and then went straight into only men's wear in my early 20s, and then back again like a seesaw.. I was so confused why neither was "working", and I felt like such a lost idiot, honestly
About 6 years ago after I escaped an extremely toxic relationship, I spent a summer soul-searching and researching in which I realized that I am non binary. I believe someday society will finally see gender on a spectrum, as it truly is, and individuals will be allowed the freedom from birth to figure out where on that spectrum they are without society cramming "boy or girl", "blue or pink" down their throats
Thank you for your content korviday. You must be a bird lover with that name
great video! I started watching your videos a few days ago and this is one of my favorites so far
I was really surprised to hear that you live in France, I myself am a French native speaker but not around currant French culture and only very recently, on accident heared of French neo pronouns for the first time
I currently am surrounded by another language and culture that doesn't have a proper non genderd pronoun opinion and with my currant feelings about my gender that is starting to become bothersome, just knowing that there isn't an option and how people who are openly living as non binary get treated makes me hesitant to even explore my own feelings
I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about binary gender language and and not fitting in to that and what people do in those situations
i too went from ftmtx and haven't seen anyone talk about this and oh my god i was so scared i was trying to trick myself into thinking im trans bc i wasnt comfortable being a man either. this is incredibly validating thank you
Really like your way of expressing yourself and explaining the way you are.
thabku!
as an agender “transmasculine” individual, this video makes me feel very positive about my identity. thank you so much for making something like this.
You're right about France being so far behind about NB people, and gender in general.
Ah, now this makes sense to me. Being AMAB but feeling neither male nor female I've been quite confused about why I feel fine being called "man" or "woman", but I'd feel weird about being called "wife" instead of "husband". It's because, for the most part, I stick to my male societal role despite feeling both hypermasculine *and* hyperfeminine internally.
I am so happy you made this video, because im even though I know other nb guys are out there, sometimes i feel like i'm shouting into the void when i talk about my gender and my lived experiences.
So like..yeah. It also doesnt help im completely gnc even in my identity as a man (especially wheb youre black and black masculinity is a very very complex thing) so it confuses people even more. But hey we out here.
I identify as a genderfluid man, my gender definitely fluctuates, and sometimes its on the feminine side, and most of the time I think I'm kinda both, but I'm never truly comfortable with the idea of being a woman, I have no plans to transition medically
I'm a binary trans guy and I'm still educating myself on the wide array of nonbinary experiences! I find it incredibly interesting, especially since my older sibling came out to me as nonbinary about a year after I had come out to them as trans (they're specifically genderfluid). Anyway, thanks for the vid, I subscribed to your channel!
Dude, I have NEVER EVER been able to find someone who I could relate to, you are the first and this is so huge for me you are an angel! I went through and am still going through the same exact things when I started transitioning from male to female and i recently realized i was more of a non binary transgirl. It feels so liberating to finally find someone who knows exactly what I'm feeling and that I can relate to even when you are a non binary guy and I'm a non binary girl like i cant tell you how much i related to this. Seriously Thank you so much for sharing!!! Subbed 💘
whoahhh you really hit the nail on the head with this video. i also identify similarly and when i was first growing into my identity i too went through a stage where i tried adopting a "passable" wardrobe/ behaviours. it just didnt work for me and actually made me more aware of, and unfortable with, how often i am missgendered. i eventually circled back to where i began and realised changing my clothes was not going to fix the problem bc at the end of the day you cant chose how people are going to perceive you in public.
i also love what you said abt calling yourself a guy despite being nonbinary. as n.b indiduals the hard reality is that we often do have to "choose a side" bc the options a limited for linguistic/ social/ safety reasons. this is actually one of the main reasons i took so long to accept i am n.b.
I'm 20 years old and went through a very similar experience. Happy to hear I'm not alone in this
Oof I felt this. I tried so hard to be myself as a kid because I was a tomboy and my mom absolutely despised it.So I tried being feminine even though it made me want to rip my own skin off it just didn’t feel right being perceived as a girl. not sure if it was because I noticed all the misogyny around me and I didn’t want that, or if it was because of the gender roles my mother forced onto me at such an early age. I was lucky enough to have a friend who is non-binary themselves explain to me their orientation and it all clicked for me. But even then I still didn’t get it right the first time I tried to be as androgynous as possible and when I physically couldn’t do it it made me feel awful about myself.Like why don’t I look like the stereotypical White trans guy.I wanted to be perceived as anything other than just a girl. Took me literally seven years to realize I can do whatever I want🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ I really tried so hard to fit into a box when my entire identity was being outside of boxes smh.But I’m here now and I’m glad that I feel more secure in my identity
Great video!
It's very informative that one could show to people that don't understand the concept of non-binary!
Also I wanted to thank you for making trans and non-binary related video.
I myself am just a regular cis gay guy, so it's good to have a person like you to explain these things to the general public and cis people that don't have these experiences, so we can have a better understanding of what's up.
Keep up the great work! ^^
I feel you completely. I’m basically the same identity as you, I call it non binary trans man or effeminate trans man. I knew from the beginning I was never going to be a man’s man and I’m ok with that. But like you I feel more comfortable on the male side of the spectrum than the female side. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and as always your voice was lovely and calming.
Hi Thanks for this video! I recently realised I'm nonbinary as well as being a trans woman.