Your Depressed Because of This Relationship
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- Опубликовано: 22 дек 2023
- There are things we go through in life that are hard. I hope this video gives you the education that you need and the encouragement to overcome some of the things that you have been through!
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I ended it with my ex girlfriend last weekend. I’m mentally drained from the pathological lying, the mood swings, the future faking, the shady behaviour and on and on. I changed my number too. Time to save myself.
Well we all hope it stays that way
Statistics show you average 7 times recycling
What can help though is getting into therapy for codependency and childhood wounding. Real eye openers why we got into a toxic relationship
Praying for you.
I pray you are on the way of healing I understand the place your in. God bless you
Stay strong. Block her on social media too
Must be something in the air…there’s toooo many narcissist out here… literally feels like I’m leaving ur girlfriend 😅… the narc I was with was a pathological liar, cheater, manipulator… all he did was drain me and I legit just left him this past weekend too… he said omg right before Christmas 😅…. Yessss perfect gift to myself ! 🎉
You don't realize the weight of these relationships until you feel the unweight of them.
💯
These relationships will absolutely obliterate your health.
It did for me. I have crippling arthritis and im only 34. Its so bad only imunossupressants stop the inflamation. Mind you i always ate right and moved. Im destroyed but im not giving up...maybe better days will come.
Yes it will and is ☹it is scary and very frustrating.
@@etcwhatever I just turned 49 and I completely understand you I have suffered from arthritis since my late 20's. When I was 11 I got a staph infection that infected my right hip joint and my bone marrow I was 98 percent infected. Long story short The Drs told me I would have severe arthritis when I got older. If you have these things going on and you add to it a toxic relationship it can def exasperate things. I pray🙏 you feel better, I am not giving up either👍 and better days WILL come 😇❤
@@shawnettezaccaria2462 thank for your kind words. I have a friend that has the same type of arthritis as you. Mine is genetic. Theres several types but theyre all tough. I send you prayers to you also. We need to hang on and remove stress as much as possible. God bless you 🩷🙏🩷🙏
And when you finally hit your breaking point and react, they make you feel like it is all YOUR fault
This is the DARVO gaslighting.
They Reverse the roles of abuser/victim, to make the victim break down mentaly
It’s like they hit you in they fase, then claim you did it to them. And they start to cry
The goal is to brainwash the victim. To think they where to blame for the insanity of the narcissist
FOG ( fear, obligation, guilt) creates trauma that keeps the victim under the control of the manipulator
Yep. 100%. It’s nuts
it's both your fault actually... both enabling each other to get to this point
@@Greg.J. 1: The actions of the abuse is the abusers fault alone.
2: The victim on the other hand has 100% accountability for their own REACTIONS, to the abuse. But zero fault. If the victim is a adult. The victim is accountable for the who the victim has in his/her life
See the distinction?. It`s important.
@@Ikaros23 you still have much to learn by using words as victim and abuser. only willing to see the situation from one point of view. this might come as a shock to you... but sometimes these self proclaimed victims use gaslighting and manipulating to push their partner into the "abuser" role. not even being aware that they are doing that unfortunately. i know it isn't easy to take accountability for actions you aren't even aware off.
educate yourself a little. eventually you will see there is more to it
They drain you emotionally, financially, mentally, psychologically, spiritually & she still doesn’t give a rat’s behind.
I’m 3 months out of a narcissistic relationship. I honestly didn’t realise the extent of the damage the relationship took on me until I left.
If you feel like you have to brace yourself before Christmas or any special occasion for that matter you can be sure there is a narcissist in your life. Narcissists are troublemakers, when you are happy it makes them sad and when you are sad it makes them happy. Stay away from people that treat you like this, you deserve better.🕊
Yeah, I've gone no contact with my mother.
@@SkyePhoenix My first thought was congratulations, it's really sad that narcissist's make you feel this way towards them.🕊
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
I was married twice for a total of 25 years. Been single for over 5 years now and would not even consider getting into another relationship. I really had no idea how blissful being alone really is!
Agreed. Being alone is pretty awesome.
It took me a stroke and a nervous breakdown before the relationship ended, now I am in recovery mode. It's going to be all me now .everyone else could go to...
I had a stroke in '18 and he said I changed. It was nothing I could control, but I did start Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Sadly, I broke off the engagement twice and said enough was enough. He cheated on me with his meth-head ex-girlfriend. He's been gone almost a year. Thank you Stephanie for this video- it was very thought provoking.
Have a great holiday season!🎉
I have to say it sounds similar to my life, my x cheated with my friend that I help out because he just moved from another state and I told him I can help,but I was helping her instead. It all worked out the best anyway. I am an empath and she was Narc.. lmao.
That's dam right
Who you start out with is not always who you end up with 😢 also who you start out as is not who you end up as. Love wisely
My ex, who has major psych challenges like BPD and a Personality Disorder (clinically appraised), convinced me that I had depression.
Went to the doctor and was given a prescription of Zoloft…I crashed. Felt physically terrible and my demeanour changed from having been a light hearted person to moving on to being trapped and hollowed out.
If I wasn’t depressed before, I sure spun into it.
Since leaving that relationship, I have had psychologists and two psychiatrists level with me, that I don’t have depression, but that I had been through a really “shit time”.
Be careful people, the company you keep, especially in an intimate relationship, can sink your psychological ship.
Further, everything that Stephanie mentions in the video, is spot on
Peace for you
I was 12 yrs on zoloft. It sucked bad. They said it was depression, turns out im autistic and i dont need pills. Relationship stress did trigger in me an auto immune disease. Im on the last line of treatment because it got so bad everything else failed.
Zoloft really helped me to calm down and slow down. I think everyone is different. It really helped me for over 20 years. It was great.
@@maristella287 it’s great to hear it worked for you.
In my case, Zoloft was just the first stop followed by a series of other “antidepressants”. My point was really, that I was lead into thinking something was “wrong” with me by my ex. The things that manifested in my life was not the antidepressants, but the hollowing out of my character by my ex…I was left a shell, having lost so much self-confidence in my decision making and day to day functioning.
Go well Maristella.
20 years of neglect from my ex was devastating…I constantly blamed myself …15 years in I was so depressed it was catatonic…I was discarded…this stuff is no joke …ty for the video
I'm stuck in marriage that's just sucking the life out of me!! I don't know how much more I can take. I just want to be alone!!!
Right there with u bro, sux. When a relationship is in conflict with your well being it’s time to go. 25+ yrs of marriage and im just opening my eyes
If you've voiced your needs and heard theirs, tried to implement the steps to work through things (including going to counseling.... don't give up before getting outside help, it can be life-changing) -- maybe at that point it's time to go. 😑
If they don't care to work through things, especially as your spouse, then yea, probably time to go. I wish you luck and the strength to leave if you haven't yet. You'll be happy you did if it's what's needed to keep your sanity.
So true, the wrong relationships are so draining 🌸
After I started to study about narcs I realized that it doesn't really matters what narcs do, everything is about how we can train ourselves to not be involved in their games!😅
I keep my pace even if they are around. I don't care anymore. Almost 2 years of recovering process here🎉
Or rather narcissistic traits.
Made me realize, I'm not completely free of them either and that I need to cut down certain things as well.
Also to me it's really hard differentiating BPD from NPD.
Like, if a person uses manipulation, because they're insecure, they're probably more BPD than NPD, right?
I've recently watched a lot of videos about narcissists, but when reading about BPD, most things affecting me,
and the people I fall for, are more of a BPD sign.
(Like, people claim love bombing, is part of narcissistic behavior. But to me, that's part of BPD behavior.
Considering I have ADHD, it actually makes a lot of sense, that I would fall victim to that, as well as be someone like that myself.)
If I had to put it in simple terms, I think a BPD person is more likely to be the victim of bullying, while a NPD person is more likely to be the aggressor.
So yeah, even when I might not be completely one thing or another, hearing and reading about it, kind of helps to know, which behavior I need to regulate.
And what I shouldn't do, or what I should look at very carefully.
“It forces you to not be in the moment in your life”. This sentence resonated sooooooo much with me Steph….. like I was constantly overthinking, I could just not bring myself to be at the moment.
Same
Same!
💯
It’s been 6 months I’m still drained, mind f’ed, and depressed hope it gets better soon
Been 6 months for me too, just know that it does get better and the knowledge & wisdom you gain outta escaping the narcissistic fog is a silver lining- because not everybody acquires the tools they need to escape or avoid a narcissistic relationship whether it’s platonic, romantic, business, etc.
She is spot on!!
Yep, these relationships can become super draining, especially in the long term. It does start to seep into other aspects of your life. I was surprised it started to affect my physical health.
Some people will choose to leave, and other people, for a variety of reasons, choose to stay in these relationships.
If you choose to stay, I would highly recommend cultivating a healthy emotional detachment in the relationship. Get as calm and as zen as you can. Keep it light and polite, and cultivate healthy relationships outside of the home.
Especially if you're dealing with a difficult person, do not expect your emotional cup to be filled in the relationship. Learn how to self-soothe, make yourself happy, and have goals and dreams that are independent of the outcome of the relationship. You have to assume the other person isn't going to change, and find ways to create fulfillment within yourself and in other relationships.
It's normal to have emotional needs in a relationship, but in this situation, you have to assume filling your own cup as much as possible and not letting the other person's behavior get underneath your skin. Guard your peace.
OMG, thank you for this post.
I can’t thank you enough for your advice. So grateful. I am doing most of what you suggested thank you again
Thank u ❤ I needed this ❤
Thank you 🙏
I appreciate the acknowledgment that we need to examine our own contributions to unhealthy relationships.
This fraud has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, abused, defamed, and enslaved strangers for years to build her platform while she parades around as some expert when she isn't even basically sane. She isn't going to examine any contributions, isn't going to take accountability, isn't going to acknowledge her abuse, lies, actions for years, and she doesn't have to stop.
Another person only has power over you if you let them have it. Ask yourself if you want to live like this.
@@KRAZEEIZATION You have no idea.....
@@will7its Oh yes I do, trust me. I’d rather be alone than suffering in a toxic relationship.
@@KRAZEEIZATION What I meant was it could be 1000 times worse. Like when your govt. does it. Look up the Stasi for one example. There are lots more.
The constant uncertainty - I don't know why I tolerated it for so long... nothing ever made sense. We could have an amazing text conversation in the morning and make plans to hang out in the evening, and then the evening comes around and he's in a horrible mood and seems pained to be spending time with me. Of course trying to get him to acknowledge his mood just leads to gaslighting. It was like this for an entire year. Never knowing what to expect in terms of his mood, and never getting acknowledgement of his moods. It was a constant rollercoaster. Never again.
I told him yesterday that his “teasing” and “poking” (making fun of me) is belittling and hurts my feelings.
His response: “you can’t take a joke.”
This was my mistake ! I fell for her to fast. She was perfect physically for me and a PHD. We got married quickly. I did not realize the drama and narcissistic personality. Just 15 months later I had a nervous breakdown. I am am dead inside!! I am broke financially. I am so depressed and anxious .. I feel like I ruined my life !! 😢
Praying for you ❤ turn to Jesus for healing xx
People that add to your life versus those whom suck the life out of you. I remember as a youth while growing tomato plants in my dad's garden that at one stage we had to pull the suckers off the plants. The extra blooms were called suckers and would prevent the tomatoe plants from producing enough tomatoes
This is all true. 5 years ago I ended it with my narcissistic ex wife. I am still recovering - I lost everything, walked away with only my clothes and car. I even lost my retirement .
I didn't walk away to teach them a lesson- I walked away cause I finally learned mine.
It took 14 years and ultimately being cheated on, dumped, and having the new person thrown in my face. Lesson learned. Been NC for almost a year- I've been 'involved' with a few new potential suitors- but I had to listen to myself and acknowledge the 'red flags' this time. I'm a very generous person and very forgiving- but I've gotten to the place where I need someone that 'hears' and 'see's' me. No longer am I a roadside 'placation station' stop on someone else's journey to hell.
If you ignore the 'red flags'- they'll take you down with them. No thanks. Moving forward. Knowing myself, and what I deserve. And it's not superficial crap. Just honesty and someone who doesn't bring up their 'mommy or daddy' issues on the 1st-3rd date would be nice. I'll wait.
Needed to hear this at 21 now happening again at 42 😅.
I was 18years old now I'm 41 I started getting grey hair alot of them 3years ago I'm don't know if it's coming with age r him/both and I know his happy that he accomplished them
I spent 22 years feeling that I wasn’t good enough and that my on/off depression was the issue, not realising that the emotional abuse/neglect from my husband was the cause.
He would constantly put me down and I felt useless. He’s been gone nearly 2 years now, but the wounds are very deep, especially as I became and enabler and tried to convince him to stop his emotional affair and choose me 🤦🏻♀️.
They are parasites 😔
More than just depressed; traumatized, depleted, disenchanted, perturbed, exhausted, hopelessly ruined, etc. 😢
She tried to controlling all of my movements this is crazy, I realised about her mental health.
Yep I have stalker she will say that she is unstoppable and will never stop I know she is mentally ill for sometime now but her behaviour effects me on daily.
You just described my ex marriage-and your videos helped me heal after the divorce-you do such important work-thank you!
Getting into relationship will definitely change ur life for good or bad!…it’s like more baggage on you & changing ur mental health. I’ve never been happier since I have decided to be on my own!!….love yourself!’❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
After ten years of an ok at times but mostly confusing relationship of multple rejections followed by bounce back love bombings, I decided to try everything to make it work. I was then treated with total indifference. I chose to let it go six months ago but yes I am still traumatised by trying to understand it and there is a lot of self blame and sadness with no clear end in sight. Its the indifference that pushed me away in the end. No willingness to make it work.
Yes, behavior counts. There was this young guy who was I think interested in my daugther????? He's (ice hockey) talking to all these girls and then he's wanting her to tell him whom she likes. I'm like wait; he talks to just about everybody, and he's wanting you to track down and publicly say "who you like" by a certain date??? and he's frustrated???? This makes no sense. Then in college on a huge scholarship, everytime she turned around her scholarship was being threatened in the first semester.??? She ended up in an institution for 30 days. I'm like WOW, she went from a confident, smart young lady to an emotional mess.....................In this case, she needed to remain out of both environments. The ENVIRONMENT you are in can be a contributing factor. It's taken a whole year to get her past all this.
Proverbs 19:8
He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good.
I developed fibro from being in an abusive relationship for a decade. I was bedridden for almost a month then lost control of my bladder. I got sent to a rheumatologist and she diagnosed me with fibro and asked if I was in an abusive relationship because the constant stress on the brain can effect your pain response like it did me. She prescribed medication and it helped so much but I still have my days with fibro fog,anxiety,body pains all over and insomnia.
Oh wow, I've been in an abusive relationship for 7 years. The last year has become really bad and recently about 2 months ago I had sudden loss of bladder control, I didn't think it could be from the relationship stress. Wow what type of meds were you put on?
Very exausting Drains your Soul
My childhood wounds led me to people please and have no boundaries and self worth. I ended up for 4 years in a toxic dynamic at work with a female . Ended up depressed and suicidal with all the manipulation and games. Everything but the kitchen sink was thrown at me to lower my self esteem and control me. Thank you for your videos, you helped me understand what was going on and after 2 years of healing I have the tools to protect myself and my family. Happy Xmas and all the best to you.
Omg!!!! This video hits hard. This is the second relationship in a row that I was involved with a narcissist. I gotta take responsibility and heal from past trauma from my childhood.
Hello. I prayed many times for god to remove my ex grom my heart. I woke up one day this month and didn't feel any more love for him and do not care what he xoes or who he is with. That awful anxiety I felt is vone. Amen and praise God for answered prayer. 🙏
Yep, Survival mode for 15 years, married for 32, last 7 were basically separated in same house. She finally left when I got help and put up healthy boundaries and refused to feed the narc. Went to therapy, but started working on myself 7 years ago. I am so much better. As I got better myself, the angrier and more nasty she became. Don't allow yourself to be destroyed folks.
It’s YOU ARE, or YOU’RE depressed. Gaaak! How can anyone be taken seriously if they won’t take the time to proof read their texts?
Silent treatment is also a freeze state. You hate to say anything because you could lose everything.
Hope you have a good Christmas
Had unexplainable pain for years, only started the year i met my ex, ended now 2 weeks ago after I processed the break up
I stayed for 9 years hoping it would get better allowing this person to tear me down the depression got worse i lost me my fault i stayed we spilt up we got back together at the time i didn't want to be alone finally realising this person no good for my soul will i recover not sure i am hoping with time and learning some self-love Thank you Stephanie God bless
I got to a point where I just decided to accept blame for everything and stop fighting. It only got worse. It hurts because when you leave them, they feel like the victim and you feel like they’ve left you.
I took accountability yes, now I wake up I feel like I’m crazy I don’t know what to do
Great video as always. Can you do a video on people who stay in unhealthy relationships due to the economy and inflation? They arent able to survive without the other halfs financial contribution to bills.
So much anxiety, and waiting for a call, and then to be told he was busy, etc. I am done. I can take care of myself and there is no compromising.
I tell this to people all the time. I think we often dont even realise how detrimental it is for our health. And this is for every kind of relationships, colleagues accountancies too. We have to be much more appreciative of our personal spaces than we much of the time are.
Key thing that I have learned with relationships comes within and what I mean by that is to get a true faithful relationship with yourself. Because this is where your trouble started from not having a loving relationship with yourself. So I say start there. And find God's will.
Thank u stepy ❤
Woow what you said is exactly how I felt for the past 2 years trying to figure out what this person is thank you 🙏🏾
Feeling depleted after spending time with them.
Seriously so awesome 💯
Thank you Stephanie!! I appreciate the video!! I’m out been out for a while. I’m getting there thank God!!
You right I'm so confused sometimes... lately I been accepting the situation and feeling like I should just be thankful and feed into it , but this is making things worse because I'm not getting treated fairly and I'm not happy or confident about it my confidence suffering is the reason I'm settling im tired I don't want to argue or fight I just keep taking action to change things while still silently suffering in the meantime
Leave
Thank you again for a another great video. I love that you continuously point out that we need to not just blame the abusive partner but we also need to look within ourselves to find out what we contributed to the problems of the relationship and also what was wrong with us from the start to be and stay in a relationship like this. Everyone wants to point a finger at the toxic person but truth be told we also had our own set of problems within and even eventually had our own toxic traits (especially when we talk about reactive abuse) but yes we need to stay away from the abusive person but we need to identify and work on things within ourselves as well. Not enough people are talking about that so thank you for being bold cuz many of us went through some horrendous stuff and most don't want to hear that they played a part in all of it. Please keep the great content coming. 🙏
Thank you!
Always good stuff.
Merry Christmas to you and yours ❤
Very insightful.
Merry Christmas Stephanie, you have helped me so much. See you next year, have a great one. xx
Great video! Thanks so much for this.
Spot on.
this is excellent
Merry Christmas Stephanie, wishing you a year filled with all the good things you deserve! Happiness Now and Always
It's crazy how you are explaining my entire life.
Thanks!
I like this video a lot. Every word is about me and my life. Also want to add that I could not start my heeling journey without therapy.
It was extremely hard to end the relationship, but I’ve noticed I’m feeling a lot more peaceful, confident, and sleeping better than I have in years! Still hard but I’m being patient with myself.
Thank you for sharing with this information🙏♥️ We must know about it more to be able to overcome that nightmare!
Thank you ❤
Wow this segment is very real and affected my life tremendously for many years nobody told me this and I had no idea that I was allowing even friendships to affect me in negative ways and it set my life on a very negative course for some time
I do appreciate your videos and how spot on you are! I am now six months out of a relationship with someone that I was truly in love with. It’s taken a lot of work and I view your view weekly to stay on course!! Thank you!
been in this kind of thing for 3 year.s. I didn't know how bad he was until after I was inlove with him..now trauma bonded and can't let go....he has blocked me many times and cheats on me...says such mean things to me..ruined my self esteem....been feeling so so so sad.....
Thank you you’re right, what I find and what you’re saying is this falls into dysfunctional people attract dysfunctional people
Tank you so much for helping me to find me.
I like how you wrapped up this video by encouraging me to examine the behavior and patterns in the relationship as opposed to focusing on labels. This actually helps me a great deal. Instead of trying to figure out how to try and recognize a person who I may have labelled as, fill in the blank, I am focusing on the behaviors that were damaging and examining why I became involved in that situation.
I went to a women's trauma unit in the hospital last January. And I have 5 years sobriety. Have worked hard on my mental health, but couldn't live at same time, I got anemic last year from fhe abuse 24 7. Finally I let go, because that's zero love, and he is just a son of a bitch.
Hey Stephanie, I'm, getting out of this relationship due to many things you mentioned of abusive and control... I just need to get my eggs lined up to leave. ~ it's complicated
Reading on point❤️👌🏻💯
Spot On ❤
“You’re” (you are) depressed with your relationship. Yes, it is soul destroying.
Grammatical errors happen... 🤷♀ 😂
🙄🙄🙄🙄
Thanks for the video, I loved it!
I don't know how this appeared on my feed but after looking at the comments it gave me relief knowing that people have broke things off and I'm not the only guy suffering ...being emotionally attached and fighting for change I mean the relationship not the other person when the other person doesn't come to table for wat ever reason ..
Well said!!!! You have great knowledge!!!! Thank-you!!!! xoxoox
After 5 years in this relationship he wanted me to move in with him but to move to Texas or else he was going to move on I told him it was nice knowing you but I'm happy with my family it's been 3 months that I have not spoken to him he has text me but I don't respond I feel that we had a toxic relationship I finally decided that it was the end and I haven't looked back I was emotionally drained with him I'm happier now I eat what I want I watch my programs on TV that I want I just got back from a cruise I am so glad I ended the relationship it was not meant to be
First 30 seconds. My previous 2 ex girlfriends had all these toxic traits you described.
In the beginning they acted all nice and sweet to reel me in.
Once they felt they had me in the net, they dropped the charade!
So true, did not realize it was the person and relationship. Wow,never had any drama in my life till I met her. OMG the self doubt was through the roof. No longer! Did that as a child,refuse to do this as an adult. I am focusing on me now
Crikey - you just described everything im going through
love this
6:41 9:11 10:04
Thank you, Stephanie - I needed this video today 💔🩷
Dear Lord I’ve had this in my “watch later” file. I’ve reached the end of my rope.....again......so I’m making myself listen to all the videos I know I should have already dug into 🤧😐😢 Man..
Non communication has destroyed me and not coming to the table because she can't articulate from her past partners trauma .
Why does things have to be so pricey for ppl who need help, this is why ppl don’t get help for their mental health they can’t afford it 😪
Happy Holidays Stephanie and thank you for all of your detailed content . You've been a game changer for me in creating my best life and d a t i n g with Joy and Peace over the holiday season xoxo 🎄
You are - You're.
I know all of this but unsure of what to do to change it... so I've cut out just about everyone and I self isolate.
You're %100
the problem is, i'm a worthless cripple. i dont have the resources to be allowed control over my own life. all i can do is survive until tomorrow and it's been too many decades of that kind of agony.
I'm right there now😢