Our journeys with trauma are not linear. We cannot always defeat our monsters the way we want, and sometimes the ones we had defeated find a way to come off the mat for another round. On this day, in this moment, you beat your monster and that is something to be proud of.
OMG- pink carpet?! 1976-end of 83 my little bro, mom, and I lived in a trailer with pink/red carpet step-jerk had. Those years were HELL! Never heard anyone mention that carpet color, hope I never see it again! 🤬 I am so happy you're doing well; thank you for your videos❤
I've been suffering from PTSD for over a year, because of a horrible relationship. I managed to leave said relationship back in September, but of course, I'm still living with the trauma. There's a part of my body which will make me panic when touched. It can trigger when I get dressed, when I move around in bed, or just move a certain way. There are some days when it seems ok, when it doesn't seem to have much of an effect, but most days, my brain just freezes and is like "No, no, please stop, make it stop". I had tried finding a solution early on, when I was still in the relationship (with the guy that caused the trauma in the first place!). I identified it immediately as a trigger caused by trauma, so I thought, better try to tackle this right away. I talked to my partner about it so he wouldn't touch me in that area, and maybe we could slowly work together so that I could get over it. Nope. Unsurprisingly, he ridiculed me for it, and didn't like being told not to touch that area. So it worsened, not helped by the fact that he would still touch me there, even when I would physically remove his hands. He'd even sometimes poke me there when he passed near me, as a "joke". It was horrible, it was a relationship where the word "No", was taken away from me. If I didn't want sex, he would insist, and insist, and keep on and on touching me, until he wore me down and I felt I had no choice but to give in. And if I did stand my ground he would make me feel guilty, saying that I was hurting him by saying no, he would sulk like a child and wouldn't talk to me. In the end I was conditioned into giving in immediately even when I didn't want to, just to avoid the consequences. The worst is that, this has happened before, with a previous boyfriend. And it took me years for me to realise what had actually happened to me. So when I went into this relationship, I thought I was prepared, I had learned from the past. I had decided that the minute I feel like my boundaries weren't being respected, I would confront it, talk about it with my partner. And I did, I stood up for myself. And I was met with a wall, or ridicule, or denial, or it was turned back around on me. So it felt like all the progress I had made was all for nothing. It broke me, and I just accepted my "fate as a woman" after that. I finally got the confidence to leave, but my trust is shattered, my mind and body are traumatized, and I don't know what to do anymore. It's still fresh for me, but seeing your video... maybe there is hope, that one day, I will be able to move past this.
This video was perfectly timed for me, thank you so much! I loved so much of what you said here. I've found self-compassion and patience to be absolutely fundamental to recovering too.
It was really helpful to hear about your experience because it made me realize my entire hometown is a trigger. I knew I felt way more comfortable in other cities now after what happened here, and I knew certain parts of town and places definitely cause more panic, but I hadn’t really realized that the entire city is a trigger. Thankfully I have a service dog who can help me when I go out. thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so happy for you. You’ve been a tremendous help to me personally, and I’m so happy to celebrate your healing process and how courageous you’ve been while on this journey.
I am so glad I found someone who understands what it’s like with ptsd. It’s so easy for others to brush off what we go through even loved ones. And it may just be because a of a lack of knowledge . In a way this video has given me validation that it’s ok to feel the ways I do and that it’s completely natural. Thank you for being so open and honest. You are a true hero for showing how you are and that it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. In a way you are paving the way for there to be a stigma free world. 👍🎗💙
Hi i have ptsd and im 13 Cannot sleep without a nightlight without having flashbacks or nightmares if im sleeping, i got attacked by a great dane when i was seven he had a record and all i could feel for 2-3weeks after the attack was pain, i was friend's with a girl living there and they had seven dogs they were only aloud two AND they had a 4yo son who saw the whole thing he was such a sweetheart i hope hes doing okay i have a service dog because in public i have panic attacks wich is why i cant go anywhere alone because i will stop breathing my dog helps alot with continuing to exist around dogs shes helped alot and i now feel completley comfortable around my grandma's lab mix all thanks to my service dog without her i feel like i would never be able to continue my life in peace.
Well done Jo. That is a serious achievement. You're truly inspirational. Finding your channels has been the highlight of 2020 for me and been one of a small number of rays of light in an otherwise 💩 year. Thank you x
This was actually really helpful. "Expanding the definition" actually sounds like a great idea, and i'm really glad you talked about this. Hopefully, someday i'll be able to face my triggers without disassociating or having panic attacks. Thank you Jo, finding this channel has been amazing for me and my journey.
Im writing a book n its definitely bringing things up. But if i push it down itll never heal. Ive been abused my entire life. Im 44 n my younger self deserves to have a voice.
I have been really struggling with my own triggers and feeling like I'm not the only one that has these bizarre reactions to seemingly innocuous things is really helpful. I've been going through your channel and this has been, by far, the most helpful channel I've seen. It combines your own experiences and your own healing journey with advice that you have found helpful and trying to share and create conversations about these kinds of topics. Thank you so much for this wonderful resource you've provided me and so many others!
I can understand that! It's like me; if I see a male without a shirt on I instantly go into fight or flight mode thinking that they will hurt me (just because they don't have a shirt on)! My heart races and I start hyperventilating! Seems odd without context I know! That's me though! You are courageous and beautiful! I aspire to be that level with the understanding of my history! Thank God for you!!! God bless!
Hi, I just found this channel and the first thing I did was to compare the trauma and play down my own (as nobodey was intentionally mean to me). Mine is several visits to the dentists as a kid, I find it tricky to face it because you genereally have to do stuff when you are there (some of it hurts) so to face it on my own terms is something I find very hard to do...
this sounds really strange but have you ever...grieved during your recovery? i overcame my biggest trigger over the summer and have been in pretty intense therapy since last year, and yet for some reason, i feel...bad? that i'm healing. i feel like i've given so much of my time and energy and attention to my trauma that i'm scared to not be traumatized anymore. each trigger or challenge i overcome, i'm closer and closer to leaving my trauma in the past and there is a part of me that doesn't want to let it go. i'm scared of who i am or the lack of being anyone at all without my ptsd. i don't want to let myself heal and be happy- not because i dont think i deserve it- but, well i dont really know why. you know when someone passes away and as time goes on, you start to forget their voice or their smell or their face? i feel like that's what im feeling with my trauma. i've found lovely community in my healing journey and im scared to just be...normal. and happy. im scared that will make others and myself downplay the seriousness of my trauma, or make my abuser think i forgot about it and am unaffected. and while, in theory, it sounds wonderful to not have to deal with ptsd or trauma or triggers, i know that theres part of me that is holding myself back from recovering and it's a really scary emotion to not want to heal. have you ever had any experience feeling that when recovering? do you know if thats at all normal? :(
I think you're absolutely right. Out brain does not like to change anything. Especially anything important. And in a way people unconsciously hold on to the trauma because it gives you an illusion of being safe. It gives you something specific to be scared of and that way, as long as you fear and avoid it, you think you're saving yourself. When that's of course not true.
And I fully understand the part "well, does healing mean it was NOT actually that bad??" Please don't judge too fast what I am going to say: yes, it was NOT that bad. For the NEW you. The "old" you was totally unprepared for that. But now you are a different person. Like Jo said, you're never the same person after trauma. And... it is a good thing, actually. I think you could partly grieve the person you were before all that happened. Safe, happy, maybe even naive, but it's a blessing to be naive in a way. You are free of fear but also of a responsibility for your own soul and body. You believe nothing bad will happen to you, so why fuss. Now you KNOW. And it takes away part of you, that childish part. But it gives a lot more. So think about what you've been given, not what had been taken away from you. I think this will help. You are stronger, you are smarter, you have so much more experience AND the ability to cope. And it has been learned in a hard way, which means it will be so much harder to take away from you. While your past self was so much easier to abuse. Let them try now. This is the best thing to defeat your abuser: to let him know "No, you did not ruin me. No, cannot do this anymore, not to me." The abuser WANTS to know that they crushed you and ruined you. That's their sweetest prize. So don't think he or she will be disappointed by the fact that you survived and thrive. No, they will be pissed. Don't take any bs they will tell you about "Oh, so you were exaggerating after all, I am not a monster" Tell them "Yes, you are not a monster, you are a piece of shit. And I dare you to try that with me again, cause you will need therapy this time". I am sure you will be fine, I certainly wish that for you. Lots of love.:)
Thank you for sharing this perspective. It stirred my own feelings about my recovery. Very brave of you to investigate this angle. It's like we have a relationship with trauma response, like it's become its own thing. We are familiar with its characteristics and its patterns. Change is uncomfortable, even good change. I don't think these thoughts mean you don't want to get well. We have invested a lot....and it's been worth it. :) Sounds like you're close to a new milestone!
Moving to normal feels like "why did I waste all that time feeling triggered?" And that results in guilty feelings for wasting time sometimes. It is hard to remember I couldn't stop the stress response at the time and I shouldn't feel bad about the time lost. Also the expectation of the triggers may still remain so if I feel better, there is still that remnant of expectation. Maybe there is a fear of forgetting anything. Though there were times, I wanted to forget, sometimes I want to remember now.
You're so amazing Jo! 💜 Your videos gave me a headstart in trying to face and deconstruct my triggers. I hope at some point I'll get to be as brave and strong as You are.
I'm in a new healthy 😢relationship after 9 months free from narcissist I'm having triggers every now an then when we r having a conversation I'm struggling with catching the trigger when it happens
Did you say October 30th? It's my birthday 😐 you are so so brave... Going there by yourself... Wow. I love the concept of expanding your concept of something that triggers you. I would have so many panic attacks while driving that I don't think i would be able to get there. 😔 I hate having panic attacks while driving. I used to love to drive. Now, depends on the day, but I can never drive for too far away. I freak out and it's terrifying because when you're driving you are supposed to be in control of the machine / car... But if you can't even control yourself...! I hate it. Can't figure out how to make it stop. 😒 Any ideas?
Our journeys with trauma are not linear. We cannot always defeat our monsters the way we want, and sometimes the ones we had defeated find a way to come off the mat for another round. On this day, in this moment, you beat your monster and that is something to be proud of.
Thank you for that suggestion to replace bad memories.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one scared of an exit on a highway.
Same!There's this one interstation on the highway that I absolutely hate because I've had a. couple very close calls with head on collisions.
Certainly not❤
OMG- pink carpet?! 1976-end of 83 my little bro, mom, and I lived in a trailer with pink/red carpet step-jerk had. Those years were HELL! Never heard anyone mention that carpet color, hope I never see it again! 🤬 I am so happy you're doing well; thank you for your videos❤
I've been suffering from PTSD for over a year, because of a horrible relationship. I managed to leave said relationship back in September, but of course, I'm still living with the trauma. There's a part of my body which will make me panic when touched. It can trigger when I get dressed, when I move around in bed, or just move a certain way. There are some days when it seems ok, when it doesn't seem to have much of an effect, but most days, my brain just freezes and is like "No, no, please stop, make it stop".
I had tried finding a solution early on, when I was still in the relationship (with the guy that caused the trauma in the first place!). I identified it immediately as a trigger caused by trauma, so I thought, better try to tackle this right away. I talked to my partner about it so he wouldn't touch me in that area, and maybe we could slowly work together so that I could get over it. Nope. Unsurprisingly, he ridiculed me for it, and didn't like being told not to touch that area. So it worsened, not helped by the fact that he would still touch me there, even when I would physically remove his hands. He'd even sometimes poke me there when he passed near me, as a "joke".
It was horrible, it was a relationship where the word "No", was taken away from me. If I didn't want sex, he would insist, and insist, and keep on and on touching me, until he wore me down and I felt I had no choice but to give in. And if I did stand my ground he would make me feel guilty, saying that I was hurting him by saying no, he would sulk like a child and wouldn't talk to me. In the end I was conditioned into giving in immediately even when I didn't want to, just to avoid the consequences.
The worst is that, this has happened before, with a previous boyfriend. And it took me years for me to realise what had actually happened to me. So when I went into this relationship, I thought I was prepared, I had learned from the past. I had decided that the minute I feel like my boundaries weren't being respected, I would confront it, talk about it with my partner. And I did, I stood up for myself. And I was met with a wall, or ridicule, or denial, or it was turned back around on me. So it felt like all the progress I had made was all for nothing. It broke me, and I just accepted my "fate as a woman" after that.
I finally got the confidence to leave, but my trust is shattered, my mind and body are traumatized, and I don't know what to do anymore. It's still fresh for me, but seeing your video... maybe there is hope, that one day, I will be able to move past this.
Thanks Jo. I had horrid things happen to me in a late November and early December years ago.
Finding your channels was the best thing last month. You're amazing, Jo!
we are proud of you for being so open about your experenceses it's not easy
Good idea. Next trigger, I can try misspelling what it is. If the misspelling isn't a trigger.
This video was perfectly timed for me, thank you so much! I loved so much of what you said here. I've found self-compassion and patience to be absolutely fundamental to recovering too.
It was really helpful to hear about your experience because it made me realize my entire hometown is a trigger. I knew I felt way more comfortable in other cities now after what happened here, and I knew certain parts of town and places definitely cause more panic, but I hadn’t really realized that the entire city is a trigger. Thankfully I have a service dog who can help me when I go out. thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so happy for you. You’ve been a tremendous help to me personally, and I’m so happy to celebrate your healing process and how courageous you’ve been while on this journey.
I am so glad I found someone who understands what it’s like with ptsd. It’s so easy for others to brush off what we go through even loved ones. And it may just be because a of a lack of knowledge . In a way this video has given me validation that it’s ok to feel the ways I do and that it’s completely natural. Thank you for being so open and honest. You are a true hero for showing how you are and that it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. In a way you are paving the way for there to be a stigma free world. 👍🎗💙
Hi i have ptsd and im 13 Cannot sleep without a nightlight without having flashbacks or nightmares if im sleeping, i got attacked by a great dane when i was seven he had a record and all i could feel for 2-3weeks after the attack was pain, i was friend's with a girl living there and they had seven dogs they were only aloud two AND they had a 4yo son who saw the whole thing he was such a sweetheart i hope hes doing okay i have a service dog because in public i have panic attacks wich is why i cant go anywhere alone because i will stop breathing my dog helps alot with continuing to exist around dogs shes helped alot and i now feel completley comfortable around my grandma's lab mix all thanks to my service dog without her i feel like i would never be able to continue my life in peace.
I'm watching both videos! Again, we are proud of you!
Well done Jo. That is a serious achievement. You're truly inspirational. Finding your channels has been the highlight of 2020 for me and been one of a small number of rays of light in an otherwise 💩 year. Thank you x
This was actually really helpful. "Expanding the definition" actually sounds like a great idea, and i'm really glad you talked about this. Hopefully, someday i'll be able to face my triggers without disassociating or having panic attacks. Thank you Jo, finding this channel has been amazing for me and my journey.
Im writing a book n its definitely bringing things up. But if i push it down itll never heal. Ive been abused my entire life. Im 44 n my younger self deserves to have a voice.
I have been really struggling with my own triggers and feeling like I'm not the only one that has these bizarre reactions to seemingly innocuous things is really helpful. I've been going through your channel and this has been, by far, the most helpful channel I've seen. It combines your own experiences and your own healing journey with advice that you have found helpful and trying to share and create conversations about these kinds of topics. Thank you so much for this wonderful resource you've provided me and so many others!
I feel like I can try to expand my thoughts on my triggers but I would have never thought to do so.
Your videos give me hope that things will get better and to take my time. Thank you :)
My goodness. 9 years. What a journey.
I am on a similar journey at the moment. This video and the other one you did on Footless Jo helped me feel hope about my own journey. Thank you 💖
Iam so proud of you jo love you jo your a beautiful awesome person
You inspire me so much💗 I’m so proud of you and glad I’ve found your channel. You have helped through a lot
I can understand that! It's like me; if I see a male without a shirt on I instantly go into fight or flight mode thinking that they will hurt me (just because they don't have a shirt on)! My heart races and I start hyperventilating! Seems odd without context I know! That's me though!
You are courageous and beautiful! I aspire to be that level with the understanding of my history! Thank God for you!!! God bless!
Hi, I just found this channel and the first thing I did was to compare the trauma and play down my own (as nobodey was intentionally mean to me). Mine is several visits to the dentists as a kid, I find it tricky to face it because you genereally have to do stuff when you are there (some of it hurts) so to face it on my own terms is something I find very hard to do...
this sounds really strange but have you ever...grieved during your recovery? i overcame my biggest trigger over the summer and have been in pretty intense therapy since last year, and yet for some reason, i feel...bad? that i'm healing. i feel like i've given so much of my time and energy and attention to my trauma that i'm scared to not be traumatized anymore. each trigger or challenge i overcome, i'm closer and closer to leaving my trauma in the past and there is a part of me that doesn't want to let it go. i'm scared of who i am or the lack of being anyone at all without my ptsd. i don't want to let myself heal and be happy- not because i dont think i deserve it- but, well i dont really know why. you know when someone passes away and as time goes on, you start to forget their voice or their smell or their face? i feel like that's what im feeling with my trauma. i've found lovely community in my healing journey and im scared to just be...normal. and happy. im scared that will make others and myself downplay the seriousness of my trauma, or make my abuser think i forgot about it and am unaffected. and while, in theory, it sounds wonderful to not have to deal with ptsd or trauma or triggers, i know that theres part of me that is holding myself back from recovering and it's a really scary emotion to not want to heal. have you ever had any experience feeling that when recovering? do you know if thats at all normal? :(
I think you're absolutely right. Out brain does not like to change anything. Especially anything important. And in a way people unconsciously hold on to the trauma because it gives you an illusion of being safe. It gives you something specific to be scared of and that way, as long as you fear and avoid it, you think you're saving yourself. When that's of course not true.
And I fully understand the part "well, does healing mean it was NOT actually that bad??" Please don't judge too fast what I am going to say: yes, it was NOT that bad. For the NEW you. The "old" you was totally unprepared for that. But now you are a different person. Like Jo said, you're never the same person after trauma. And... it is a good thing, actually. I think you could partly grieve the person you were before all that happened. Safe, happy, maybe even naive, but it's a blessing to be naive in a way. You are free of fear but also of a responsibility for your own soul and body. You believe nothing bad will happen to you, so why fuss. Now you KNOW. And it takes away part of you, that childish part. But it gives a lot more. So think about what you've been given, not what had been taken away from you. I think this will help. You are stronger, you are smarter, you have so much more experience AND the ability to cope. And it has been learned in a hard way, which means it will be so much harder to take away from you. While your past self was so much easier to abuse. Let them try now. This is the best thing to defeat your abuser: to let him know "No, you did not ruin me. No, cannot do this anymore, not to me." The abuser WANTS to know that they crushed you and ruined you. That's their sweetest prize. So don't think he or she will be disappointed by the fact that you survived and thrive. No, they will be pissed. Don't take any bs they will tell you about "Oh, so you were exaggerating after all, I am not a monster" Tell them "Yes, you are not a monster, you are a piece of shit. And I dare you to try that with me again, cause you will need therapy this time". I am sure you will be fine, I certainly wish that for you. Lots of love.:)
Thank you for sharing this perspective. It stirred my own feelings about my recovery. Very brave of you to investigate this angle. It's like we have a relationship with trauma response, like it's become its own thing. We are familiar with its characteristics and its patterns. Change is uncomfortable, even good change. I don't think these thoughts mean you don't want to get well. We have invested a lot....and it's been worth it. :) Sounds like you're close to a new milestone!
Moving to normal feels like "why did I waste all that time feeling triggered?" And that results in guilty feelings for wasting time sometimes. It is hard to remember I couldn't stop the stress response at the time and I shouldn't feel bad about the time lost. Also the expectation of the triggers may still remain so if I feel better, there is still that remnant of expectation. Maybe there is a fear of forgetting anything. Though there were times, I wanted to forget, sometimes I want to remember now.
You're so amazing Jo! 💜 Your videos gave me a headstart in trying to face and deconstruct my triggers. I hope at some point I'll get to be as brave and strong as You are.
As far as the term goes when you mentioned you weren't sure what doing this was called, it's exposure therapy 🙂
You’re not alone, I have flashbacks too, I’ve been shot at, went through 7 hate crimes, I’m in Colorado too.
I'm in a new healthy 😢relationship after 9 months free from narcissist I'm having triggers every now an then when we r having a conversation I'm struggling with catching the trigger when it happens
My mom has PTSD and this is the mouth that triggers it
Did you say October 30th? It's my birthday 😐 you are so so brave... Going there by yourself... Wow. I love the concept of expanding your concept of something that triggers you. I would have so many panic attacks while driving that I don't think i would be able to get there. 😔 I hate having panic attacks while driving. I used to love to drive. Now, depends on the day, but I can never drive for too far away. I freak out and it's terrifying because when you're driving you are supposed to be in control of the machine / car... But if you can't even control yourself...! I hate it. Can't figure out how to make it stop. 😒 Any ideas?
❤
Wait, she isn't Lauren Southern?
0:57 Good luck you don't speak Spanish then!