I completely agree. I grew up spiritually abused in a cult like church. I was told because I had a crush on a guy, I had a soul tie. Giving pieces away of yourself.... Such a ridiculous thing. I also hate how many Christians wont even say "sex." They say "intimacy." This in itself is a problem because we are we say that God created sex but then we can't even call it what it is. I think that I have many sexually repressed Christian friends who I wonder if they're even going to have sex when they get married. When I first got married and started having sex I had such a problem with it because I felt guilty because sex have been off the table for so long, I felt it was dirty. Such a great topic. Thank you for talking about it!!
Soul ties? You could say that for any kind of experience that has a meaning for us. Friendships, pets, travels, interacting with nature, our jobs, literally any kind of good or bad experience. Everything that is meaningfull for us affects us in some kind of way, and is a part of our lives. Yes, some things remain in our memories, and make us into people that we are today. So you could call literally anything a "soul tie" But why would one look at sex as something that defines us for the rest of our lives? Why would anyone intentionaly put that kind of burden on themselves or force it on someone else? We change perspectives, asign different meaning to things, and we have different experiences. And not everything in our lives has to have a specific meaning for us.
I didn't grow up in a very religious household, but I can totally relate. I remember one day my father told me that "everytime you have sex with someone new, you give away a part of your soul. If you have sex with too many people you will have nothing left to give in future relationships." Practically telling me I would have no soul and be unable to connect with another human if I had too many partners. I romanticized this belief until now... When I saw this very video. Thank you. It has made me question so many things...
Thank you so much for this video. I feel less crazy now. I also noticed when I was young that there was no scriptural references to "soul goes". My charismatic evangelical Christian community just assumed it was "biblical" and never thought twice about it. Thanks for also validating those of us who have have been sexually assaulted or molested and told that lie.
I relate with this so much! I was told during "therapy" that my abusers had demons inside them and when they beat me those demands passed to me. They did it because it was instinctual to try to get rid of those demos. I was told that I needed to pray to get rid of the demons and if I still had hurt and pain over what happened to me then I didn't have enough faith. First, this implies that my abusers were just trying to get the demons out. This took the blame off of them. Second, this implies that if I feel hurt, I'm doing something wrong. This puts the blame on me. Third, being told as a child that there is a demon inside of you that you can't get out is traumatic on it's own.
That's so horrible. I'm sorry you were told that. Did you get Christian counseling and is that where they told you those horrible things? :/ My abusive guardian used religion to control me. She always said i had a "spirit of rebellion." A demon basically that I had to pray away.
@@mendingmandy869 yes. I know they meant well. But, there was a lot of blame the victim mentality in it. Im sorry you went though such horrible things as well. It would be even harder coming from a guardian.
@@minreie yes I agree! There is a lot of victim blaming in the Christian world. I almost think it is because Christians tend to take the mindset of "we need to be better so we can show Christ" so we need to own up to any bad thing. You obviously were not at fault and i hope you are healing from your trauma! ❤ it's so difficult when they are well meaning.
Have you heard of the channel theramin trees? I highly recommend his stuff. He's a registered therapist and all his videos are about trauma, religion and links between the two. It's very wordy but has helped me realise a lot about myself and the relationships I have typically found myself in
The church I was raised in never used actual terms like purity culture or soul ties, but I was taught the same thing. I was also taught the pain and mess of menstruation and childbirth are God's punishment towards all women for Eve's first sin. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family and dealing with undiagnosed depression and anxiety throughout my memorable childhood these ideas were amazingly efficient at reinforcing the idea that I was, as a girl, a lesser and disgusting human being.
Thank you so much for addressing this. Purity culture was one of the things that made me hate myself so much for being gay, because I was taught I wasn't whole until I had a soul tie to a man, and only after marrying him.
I have heard similar things from other gay people. They have been told that they are doing something wrong just by having specific desires. Even if you grant them that it's wrong (there is nothing wrong with it), Jesus was tempted. I've learned that they get very angry when I point this out as they do when I say that its not a sin.
The thing that first comes to my mind with this video is the fact that we emotionally bond with people by talking and spending time with them. I'm not sure why sex is the issue here. People have casual sex all the time and do not think twice about it, but it's the fact that emotionally bonding is more important than any physical act.
This is exactly why I left the church I attended most of my childhood. I was even so much as told that my assault was my own fault because of my suggestive behavior. (I was 8 when it started, so what suggestive behavior?)
I am so...so sorry that anyone ever told you that. That breaks my heart to hear...and makes me really upset. That is so absurd, and yet somehow, a chunk of people think it. Your assault was not your fault. 💜
Trauma Talk I learned a lot of times it happens when you’re a child and the adult who assaulted you is very respected and well received in the community and in the church. My grandfather took me in when my mother abandoned me so he was hailed as a saint and thus anything he did to me from 8-15 was my own fault for being too friendly or “cute” or dressing provocatively. He could do no wrong. Even now I became disabled two years ago and am in a wheelchair and 40 and family members still tell mutual acquaintances that my disability is my punishment for “forcing” him to do those things to me and for outing him to dcfs. Evangelical churches can be so toxic. As a parent I have a very hard time comprehending their point of view.
Thank you for talking about this. I hadn't heard the phrase soul ties before - I think you're right that the idea of "giving pieces of yourself away" or being "bonded" to whoever you have sex with is more widespread. I was taught things like that in public school sex ed, as were a a lot of my friends from various midwestern states. It's so horrible. I'm grateful that my parents and other helpful adults had already taught me healthier things about sex, and my church just never talked about sex, so I feel like I was one of the lucky ones who didn't internalize it as much. It's all so harmful and it's horrible that people said those things to you.
The sex ed in this country is terrible! Because there are no official standards, it also varies a lot. I wish we could have sex education be more like sexplanations, here on RUclips.
Thank you for talking about this concept and purity culture in general 💜✨ you have no idea what this means to me and how it's helping me and others heal and grow
Hey Jo, I just yesterday came to this channel from your Footless Jo channel. I’ve been looking at it. I think this will be much more meaningful for me. I am a former Evangelical Christian. (I’m now and have been for 20 years an Orthodox Jew). I can relate to some of the things you talk about. I am also a long time survivor of childhood trauma and am in chronic pain. So I think we have stuff in common. (And a lot not in common. I’m old enough to be your father. I have daughters almost your age.) I’ll be watching this and your other channel. You are very articulate. I believe I’ll get quite a bit from you. Keep up the good work!
My father raped me until I was 10. He was a monster and the sex involved was not about sex, it was only about power and control, pure and simple. I have struggled with religion since age 10 and felt there was never a place for ME, as a victim as a “dirty little girl” in the church. Even now at age 40, the church seems to still be about power and control and that’s not the unconditionally loving, nonjudgmental God I need in my life. I loved hearing your refreshing perspective on this topic. You are so succinct, kind, and open and I so appreciate that!❤️
Thank you for bringing this up, because though I haven't been scarred by the "purity culture" of evangelicalism (I have my own criticisms of it in other areas), I have accepted the idea that you are permanently attached to past sexual partners, whether consensual or not, but you're right, there's no specific passages or scriptures explaining it, so I think I've been misinformed. I think that God calls for sexual purity for reasons other than the superstitious "soul tie" belief. Honestly that idea of praying, fasting, and reading the Bible enough and in the right way is an irritating self-deliverance idea that evangelicals seem to sprinkle everywhere, and I think it downplays God's goodness and power.
I agree so much! It puts so much on the someone when you say that it all depends on how much you pray and fast and read your Bible. If you are like me and can't fast because of medical issues and learned to read late (so I will forever be "behind" on it, then I'm not as good of a Christian as others. It's so preformence based that even things out of your control like your health or being abused move you back.
Thank you Jo! We should just be kind, respectful, and empathic to others As always its sooo great hearing you and hearing this sincere thought A friend from México!
Thank you so much for this video. Beautifully said. I am so sorry for how this concept was used in a negative way against you. I was taught all of these things as well because I also grew up in the purity culture. As a man, we were told that our soul ties actually extended to pornography as well. So if you ever looked at pornography, you created a soul tie with the person in the video/picture. (This could also happen with movies or tv shows that had nudity). Then, you would carry all of those soul ties with you into marriage and destroy your relationship. It was really scary, because any time I saw nudity or even advertisements that were super sexual, it was a serious threat to my well-being. Likewise, this also exacerbated my own personal trauma, but I’m not going to share that in the RUclips comments. Anyways, thank you so much for the video and your channel. It’s been an amazing help to me!
This "soul ties" idea sounds quite medieval. But humanity moved, people evolved, most people have education, some type/degree of freedom and critical thinking, which wasnt common back then. P.S.: Jo is energetic in this video and in good mood (Brian must have been good boy), which is great to see.
I sometimes hear in churches that the early church was the best and we should always try out best to mimic that. I think we take that and all the other knowledge we have and then move forward. We have learned a lot about people and love since then and that's good.
I'm so grateful to have not been subjected to this thing called soul-ties growing up - I was raised Catholic-ish, so there's different fun stuff to unpack haha. Thank you for sharing! That's a really fascinating and problematic concept when it comes to bodily autonomy, eh? 😬
I really appreciate you covering this topic. This topic is so vital. I'd be interested in more videos with similar content. Thanks for everything you do!
I would enjoy hearing more of your perspective on things such as this. Thank you for sharing this...lots to ponder that I’ve never taken extreme time to do before
Thank You! You might want to create a splinter channel for your religious thoughts, feelings, experiences because trauma is often experienced by folks who may not understand or relate to your religious experiences. Yes, your religious life is deeply intertwined with all.of your life, but... Imagine you were a deeply religious [something non-Christian] how confusing this kind of detailed discussion of one part of Christianity might feel. That said: This is YOUR channel. Please take only the good and useful stuff here and disregard the rest. Posting on Facebook!
I REALLY appreciate this feedback, Don. I was actually considering that today...it is very intertwined for me, but I also tend to be more opinionated on these topics than others. And the last thing I want to do is make someone thing I'm bashing their faith, that has helped me, when they're looking for healing or help with trauma. I may just do that....thank you!
@@TraumaTalk You can build many rooms or many houses for different purposes and you decide how your furnish them, finish them. And you decide what will be done in them and how often things will be done. Please leave enough time & energy to have a happy, healthy, and full life outside of RUclips. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for all the work you do here, elsewhere, and at home!
@@TraumaTalk I think this video belongs here - the focus is on the trauma caused by the idea of soul ties. That said, I would be interested to watch videos on your thoughts about religion in general if that's something you want to share.
@@TraumaTalk if it helps, I'm a Christian and I have not once felt like you are bashing my faith. I grew up evangelical but am now progressive so I relate a lot. Though, I understand someone still in the evangelical church could feel offended.
I think Jo is so respectful and thoughtful, anyone hearing this and having their religion crushed because of it probably needed it to happen. It’s like people who can’t believe the Catholic Church is in any way tied to the abuse it’s so a part of, the rest of us lying about it doesn’t help them. If someone has a healthy relationship with their spirituality or religion then none of this will shock them, it’s just facts. That’s of course my personal opinion and I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I also don’t see how lying about or hiding ones experiences of trauma could really be helpful to anyone. Just the opposite.
I love your videos and I find your voice very calming. I'll watch once for the content and again to help fall asleep. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us.
Yes I need to listen to more videos like this. Because I have had the same journey as you and it is helpful to hear others stories about purity culture.
To me, all of this sounds bizarre. I have heard about these strains of religion but not always too much about it. I would love to learn more about it to understand it and their followers more!
Favorites within the first 30 seconds. This is a HUGE reason why I am still a virgin. This was taught to me, repeatedly, through out my life. The analogy I remember most vividly is that your sexuality is like an apple. If someone takes a bite, it’s delicious! It’s great. But then... it sits. And it gets gross. And the next person who comes along will be eating an apple that’s browned. And gone bad. 😐 Mm let’s sit down and unpack that!!!!! I’ve given that the power to run my life! Which is BONKERS.
i am new here saw some current videos then looked at older ones. i am a clinical Empath. im in my 50s and still searching for the right one.i am divorced now 20 years. i have been through many years of self discovery. i want to feel connected with my soul before im connected by sex.your videos have brought much to think about in your videos. the soul is such a magnificent thing!
Purity culture is one of the many toxic parts of christianity their basically blaming you for you being raped you're just fine no matter who you have been with the Christian church is just scare mongering love you jo you're an amazing
@@liamodonovan6610 I would almost agree but so much advancement in our society is thanks to religion especially christianity. My theory is that we would still be acting like wild animals if weren't for organized religion bringing structure to our society, also the Christian calendar is so accurate that even with our scientific knowledge today we could not improve upon it.
@@liberalsarechomos9397 that's not true have you ever heard of evolution the Christian church has done nothing but push their rules on how we live all religions are just cults based on superstition with absolutely no evidence
Bacon Greace really sounds a lot worse than a wild animal for a woman to be told she is damaged if sexually active outside of marriage, then raped and told in all number of ways how she is at fault for that, not to mention any number of other things. Try to look at both sides, search for the information opposite to what you feel or think, if you feel religion is responsible for so much advancement, research the opposite viewpoints before you decide on opinions one way or another :)
I appreciate the video. Even though I don't believe that sex is bad in any way, or pre-marital sex, in the way that purity culture teaches you, I'm somehow scared to take it too lightly. I can get hurt too much if I don't know the person yet, especially if it's with a person I initally really like. And it feels weird to do it with a person I don't like, and also I'm scared to hurt that person if in return they get feelings for me.
That's why you communicate, and NEVER do it to keep someone, because of peer pressure. A loving person will be patient with you and you are free to go at your own pace. thankgodforsex.org I find is a great resource for building a foundation that sets you up to win, whether you chose to wait until marriage or not.
Those are absolutely real, While I was a missionary and taiwan, god healed me from the soul ties that were connected with my abusers. One person in particular. Before he did that feel like a piece of my soul was missing. I had no memory of my repressed dramas At forty four it took a good twenty years to get to a point where I could function I'm thankful for the healing god has done
Jo, I don't know if you read this but I would like to ask a question: Is it not too difficult to have an online visibility and presence the way you do? With society and the online world becoming more and more narcissistic I would be terrified to do that. And you're trying to be vulnerable. Narcs they love to hear your vulnerabilities. Aren't you terrified that there are narcs listening to this and then use it in some way to try to bring you down and hurt you (with comments or I don't know how?). And then you emit such a caring and empathetic energy, which I believe is beautiful, but aren't you terrified to do so? It's kind of the reason why I wouldn't want to build an online presence. Is it not too hard dealing with narcissists?
I got a lot of thoughts going through my mind about this, but the one that sticks out at the moment is a question that should be discussed by those who make a federal case out of it: “What *is* purity?” Because it seems like still another excuse to shame people they want beneath them, this time using sex. Seriously, what in general *is* purity anyway? And why do people got this obsession to chase it? Because they long to feel superior? Vanilla can be considered “pure” too. Yet I don’t see anyone complaining the other flavors of ice cream in the supermarket freezer are contaminated and shouldn’t be in there along with it. Vanilla is viewed in reality by a number of people as plain and boring. So it’s on these purity purists to explain what they mean and why they insist on it. These aren’t all Christians doing this. But I guess somehow purity equals spiritual and special, like the driven snow. Cleanliness is next to godliness....
I would love to hear your perspective on all kinds of things like this. As I was raised penicostal. Sands I an none denominationnal now. But also a chronie. and I don't necessarily believe that just cuz we're Christians we should be healed or that there's some kind of sin in my life preventing that so I love to hear your perspective and you should do more videos on this type of stuff.
Wow, I'd heard of this idea but didn't at all know it was this prominent and influential. I think both purity culture and hookup culture can lead to trauma in different (though possibly connected) ways -- they're a Scylla and Charybdis between which a healthy vision of sexuality needs to steer. In terms of alternative ways of looking at sex within a Christian perspective, I've found the "Theology of the Body" framework originally presented by Pope John Paul II to radiate the most beauty and truth. It likewise views sex as most properly belonging within marriage (obviously, it's the pope!), but there's nothing moralistic or shame-inducing about it.
There is plenty of evidence I was a missionary for a really long time I did lots of inner healing and deliverance I met plenty of girls that were demonized because of sexual abuse Some of them had problems because they had sex before marriage. That's really a lot of things that can cause this kind of problem
Purity Culture is definitely a North America thing, maybe it extends to South America (never been there so don't know) but in Australia and other countries, Evangelical Christianity doesn't have Purity Culture, which is a very good thing. Honestly, I hate it, it is damaging and not Biblical at all. It is focusing on one part of a person and placing guilt and shame on them. it's disgusting
what really gets me is it forgets and ignores JESUS, the one that makes us whole, and says that no, there is something else you have to do or not do to be whole. NO! Jesus loved sinners, including adulterers, and accepted them, when they accepted and decided to follow Jesus, they were forgiven of their sin. ugh, I just can't get on board with this culture at all because of how wrong and hurtful it is.
I do think it's important to not play down the emotional connection that forms. It's not something unbreakable but to pretend it's not there isn't safe.
Grace T Maybe at Hillsong London? I’m not sure how far they’re diverged from their parent church, but their message on this really negatively influenced the leadership at my former church
God doesn’t see his children as perfect or holy. He sees them as worthy of hell. He sees Jesus as perfect and holy. And if his children also believe Jesus is perfect and holy and invite gods first child to live inside them then he acts like a Holy Hoodwink which baffles god, causing him to only see Jesus shining out of each of his poor little sinner children.
Hi, can u make another video on 1) Dark side of casual sex/ hookups( does it create depression anxiety)? 2) There is an article/ study research regarding woman retaining some dna with every men they sleep.
having multiple sexual partners does negatively affect one's ability to pair bond, particularly in women, and is linked to depression and other mental health problems. sex is powerful.
I find it resentful that Jo constantly bashes on christianity but never speaks on how bad other religions are such as !slam Don't get me wrong all religion is hocus pocus but we as a society have a lot to thank for christianity
Hi Beacon! I'm confused (and would love your clarification). None of this is bashing Christianity - I made that disclaimer both at the beginning and the end. Talking about the damage that a very particular aspect doctrine that is taught isn't wrong or bashing a religion. Would you rather someone not speak up about harmful things (honest question)? I'm also here to share my story and experience. I have a lot of experience in Christianity - none in other religions. I'm not going to speak on topics or experiences that are not my own.
@@TraumaTalk I am sorry then my bad. My parents do a lot philanthropist work through their church, helping countries that are heavily Islamic so I find myself resentful against Islam and defensive towards Christians, something I should take a look at thanks.
I completely agree. I grew up spiritually abused in a cult like church. I was told because I had a crush on a guy, I had a soul tie. Giving pieces away of yourself.... Such a ridiculous thing.
I also hate how many Christians wont even say "sex." They say "intimacy." This in itself is a problem because we are we say that God created sex but then we can't even call it what it is. I think that I have many sexually repressed Christian friends who I wonder if they're even going to have sex when they get married. When I first got married and started having sex I had such a problem with it because I felt guilty because sex have been off the table for so long, I felt it was dirty. Such a great topic. Thank you for talking about it!!
Also, I’m a theologian and seminary student. You are correct about how none of that stuff is in scripture.
Soul ties? You could say that for any kind of experience that has a meaning for us. Friendships, pets, travels, interacting with nature, our jobs, literally any kind of good or bad experience. Everything that is meaningfull for us affects us in some kind of way, and is a part of our lives. Yes, some things remain in our memories, and make us into people that we are today. So you could call literally anything a "soul tie" But why would one look at sex as something that defines us for the rest of our lives? Why would anyone intentionaly put that kind of burden on themselves or force it on someone else? We change perspectives, asign different meaning to things, and we have different experiences. And not everything in our lives has to have a specific meaning for us.
I completely agree
I didn't grow up in a very religious household, but I can totally relate. I remember one day my father told me that "everytime you have sex with someone new, you give away a part of your soul. If you have sex with too many people you will have nothing left to give in future relationships." Practically telling me I would have no soul and be unable to connect with another human if I had too many partners. I romanticized this belief until now... When I saw this very video. Thank you. It has made me question so many things...
Jesus is Love
Thank you so much for this video. I feel less crazy now. I also noticed when I was young that there was no scriptural references to "soul goes". My charismatic evangelical Christian community just assumed it was "biblical" and never thought twice about it. Thanks for also validating those of us who have have been sexually assaulted or molested and told that lie.
I relate with this so much!
I was told during "therapy" that my abusers had demons inside them and when they beat me those demands passed to me. They did it because it was instinctual to try to get rid of those demos. I was told that I needed to pray to get rid of the demons and if I still had hurt and pain over what happened to me then I didn't have enough faith.
First, this implies that my abusers were just trying to get the demons out. This took the blame off of them.
Second, this implies that if I feel hurt, I'm doing something wrong. This puts the blame on me.
Third, being told as a child that there is a demon inside of you that you can't get out is traumatic on it's own.
That's so horrible. I'm sorry you were told that. Did you get Christian counseling and is that where they told you those horrible things? :/
My abusive guardian used religion to control me. She always said i had a "spirit of rebellion." A demon basically that I had to pray away.
@@mendingmandy869 yes. I know they meant well. But, there was a lot of blame the victim mentality in it. Im sorry you went though such horrible things as well. It would be even harder coming from a guardian.
@@minreie yes I agree! There is a lot of victim blaming in the Christian world. I almost think it is because Christians tend to take the mindset of "we need to be better so we can show Christ" so we need to own up to any bad thing. You obviously were not at fault and i hope you are healing from your trauma! ❤ it's so difficult when they are well meaning.
I would LOVE more videos about stuff like this, especially from a trauma perspective!!
I second this 👍
Have you heard of the channel theramin trees? I highly recommend his stuff. He's a registered therapist and all his videos are about trauma, religion and links between the two. It's very wordy but has helped me realise a lot about myself and the relationships I have typically found myself in
The church I was raised in never used actual terms like purity culture or soul ties, but I was taught the same thing. I was also taught the pain and mess of menstruation and childbirth are God's punishment towards all women for Eve's first sin. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family and dealing with undiagnosed depression and anxiety throughout my memorable childhood these ideas were amazingly efficient at reinforcing the idea that I was, as a girl, a lesser and disgusting human being.
There's lots of soul ties that had to break
After I went through each abuser most of my nightmares finally healed.
Thank you so much for addressing this. Purity culture was one of the things that made me hate myself so much for being gay, because I was taught I wasn't whole until I had a soul tie to a man, and only after marrying him.
I have heard similar things from other gay people. They have been told that they are doing something wrong just by having specific desires. Even if you grant them that it's wrong (there is nothing wrong with it), Jesus was tempted. I've learned that they get very angry when I point this out as they do when I say that its not a sin.
The thing that first comes to my mind with this video is the fact that we emotionally bond with people by talking and spending time with them. I'm not sure why sex is the issue here. People have casual sex all the time and do not think twice about it, but it's the fact that emotionally bonding is more important than any physical act.
This is exactly why I left the church I attended most of my childhood. I was even so much as told that my assault was my own fault because of my suggestive behavior. (I was 8 when it started, so what suggestive behavior?)
I am so...so sorry that anyone ever told you that. That breaks my heart to hear...and makes me really upset. That is so absurd, and yet somehow, a chunk of people think it. Your assault was not your fault. 💜
Trauma Talk I learned a lot of times it happens when you’re a child and the adult who assaulted you is very respected and well received in the community and in the church. My grandfather took me in when my mother abandoned me so he was hailed as a saint and thus anything he did to me from 8-15 was my own fault for being too friendly or “cute” or dressing provocatively. He could do no wrong. Even now I became disabled two years ago and am in a wheelchair and 40 and family members still tell mutual acquaintances that my disability is my punishment for “forcing” him to do those things to me and for outing him to dcfs. Evangelical churches can be so toxic. As a parent I have a very hard time comprehending their point of view.
My mom just told me that i enticed my date with spaghetti straps. I'm 34.
Thank you for talking about this. I hadn't heard the phrase soul ties before - I think you're right that the idea of "giving pieces of yourself away" or being "bonded" to whoever you have sex with is more widespread. I was taught things like that in public school sex ed, as were a a lot of my friends from various midwestern states. It's so horrible. I'm grateful that my parents and other helpful adults had already taught me healthier things about sex, and my church just never talked about sex, so I feel like I was one of the lucky ones who didn't internalize it as much. It's all so harmful and it's horrible that people said those things to you.
The sex ed in this country is terrible! Because there are no official standards, it also varies a lot. I wish we could have sex education be more like sexplanations, here on RUclips.
Thank you for talking about this concept and purity culture in general 💜✨ you have no idea what this means to me and how it's helping me and others heal and grow
Hey Jo, I just yesterday came to this channel from your Footless Jo channel. I’ve been looking at it. I think this will be much more meaningful for me.
I am a former Evangelical Christian. (I’m now and have been for 20 years an Orthodox Jew). I can relate to some of the things you talk about. I am also a long time survivor of childhood trauma and am in chronic pain. So I think we have stuff in common. (And a lot not in common. I’m old enough to be your father. I have daughters almost your age.)
I’ll be watching this and your other channel. You are very articulate. I believe I’ll get quite a bit from you.
Keep up the good work!
My father raped me until I was 10. He was a monster and the sex involved was not about sex, it was only about power and control, pure and simple. I have struggled with religion since age 10 and felt there was never a place for ME, as a victim as a “dirty little girl” in the church. Even now at age 40, the church seems to still be about power and control and that’s not the unconditionally loving, nonjudgmental God I need in my life. I loved hearing your refreshing perspective on this topic. You are so succinct, kind, and open and I so appreciate that!❤️
You are the Temple
so true, those all Demonic brainwash
Thank you for bringing this up, because though I haven't been scarred by the "purity culture" of evangelicalism (I have my own criticisms of it in other areas), I have accepted the idea that you are permanently attached to past sexual partners, whether consensual or not, but you're right, there's no specific passages or scriptures explaining it, so I think I've been misinformed. I think that God calls for sexual purity for reasons other than the superstitious "soul tie" belief. Honestly that idea of praying, fasting, and reading the Bible enough and in the right way is an irritating self-deliverance idea that evangelicals seem to sprinkle everywhere, and I think it downplays God's goodness and power.
I agree so much! It puts so much on the someone when you say that it all depends on how much you pray and fast and read your Bible. If you are like me and can't fast because of medical issues and learned to read late (so I will forever be "behind" on it, then I'm not as good of a Christian as others. It's so preformence based that even things out of your control like your health or being abused move you back.
Thank you Jo!
We should just be kind, respectful, and empathic to others
As always its sooo great hearing you and hearing this sincere thought
A friend from México!
Thank you so much for this video. Beautifully said. I am so sorry for how this concept was used in a negative way against you.
I was taught all of these things as well because I also grew up in the purity culture. As a man, we were told that our soul ties actually extended to pornography as well. So if you ever looked at pornography, you created a soul tie with the person in the video/picture. (This could also happen with movies or tv shows that had nudity). Then, you would carry all of those soul ties with you into marriage and destroy your relationship. It was really scary, because any time I saw nudity or even advertisements that were super sexual, it was a serious threat to my well-being.
Likewise, this also exacerbated my own personal trauma, but I’m not going to share that in the RUclips comments.
Anyways, thank you so much for the video and your channel. It’s been an amazing help to me!
This "soul ties" idea sounds quite medieval. But humanity moved, people evolved, most people have education, some type/degree of freedom and critical thinking, which wasnt common back then. P.S.: Jo is energetic in this video and in good mood (Brian must have been good boy), which is great to see.
I sometimes hear in churches that the early church was the best and we should always try out best to mimic that. I think we take that and all the other knowledge we have and then move forward. We have learned a lot about people and love since then and that's good.
I'm so grateful to have not been subjected to this thing called soul-ties growing up - I was raised Catholic-ish, so there's different fun stuff to unpack haha. Thank you for sharing! That's a really fascinating and problematic concept when it comes to bodily autonomy, eh? 😬
I really appreciate you covering this topic. This topic is so vital. I'd be interested in more videos with similar content. Thanks for everything you do!
Just found this channel, very much subscribed now. You're really well spoken and your personality is so fresh, thanks for uploading!
I would enjoy hearing more of your perspective on things such as this. Thank you for sharing this...lots to ponder that I’ve never taken extreme time to do before
Yes! Please more videos on purity culture and the church! I so appreciate your perspective and I am eager to hear more.
Excellent points. I had that question myself?
Thank You!
You might want to create a splinter channel for your religious thoughts, feelings, experiences because trauma is often experienced by folks who may not understand or relate to your religious experiences.
Yes, your religious life is deeply intertwined with all.of your life, but... Imagine you were a deeply religious [something non-Christian] how confusing this kind of detailed discussion of one part of Christianity might feel.
That said: This is YOUR channel. Please take only the good and useful stuff here and disregard the rest.
Posting on Facebook!
I REALLY appreciate this feedback, Don. I was actually considering that today...it is very intertwined for me, but I also tend to be more opinionated on these topics than others. And the last thing I want to do is make someone thing I'm bashing their faith, that has helped me, when they're looking for healing or help with trauma. I may just do that....thank you!
@@TraumaTalk You can build many rooms or many houses for different purposes and you decide how your furnish them, finish them. And you decide what will be done in them and how often things will be done.
Please leave enough time & energy to have a happy, healthy, and full life outside of RUclips.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you for all the work you do here, elsewhere, and at home!
@@TraumaTalk I think this video belongs here - the focus is on the trauma caused by the idea of soul ties.
That said, I would be interested to watch videos on your thoughts about religion in general if that's something you want to share.
@@TraumaTalk if it helps, I'm a Christian and I have not once felt like you are bashing my faith. I grew up evangelical but am now progressive so I relate a lot. Though, I understand someone still in the evangelical church could feel offended.
I think Jo is so respectful and thoughtful, anyone hearing this and having their religion crushed because of it probably needed it to happen. It’s like people who can’t believe the Catholic Church is in any way tied to the abuse it’s so a part of, the rest of us lying about it doesn’t help them. If someone has a healthy relationship with their spirituality or religion then none of this will shock them, it’s just facts. That’s of course my personal opinion and I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I also don’t see how lying about or hiding ones experiences of trauma could really be helpful to anyone. Just the opposite.
I love your videos and I find your voice very calming. I'll watch once for the content and again to help fall asleep. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us.
Hi Jo, thank you for baring your heart around purity culture especially off the back of a previous video
Yes I need to listen to more videos like this. Because I have had the same journey as you and it is helpful to hear others stories about purity culture.
To me, all of this sounds bizarre. I have heard about these strains of religion but not always too much about it. I would love to learn more about it to understand it and their followers more!
Plus, if biblical backing is what we’re looking for, Jesus is clear that who you marry does not carry forward into eternity (Luke 20:27-38)
I agree and relate to everything you said 100%, I'd love more videos about this topic.
Favorites within the first 30 seconds.
This is a HUGE reason why I am still a virgin.
This was taught to me, repeatedly, through out my life.
The analogy I remember most vividly is that your sexuality is like an apple. If someone takes a bite, it’s delicious! It’s great. But then... it sits. And it gets gross. And the next person who comes along will be eating an apple that’s browned. And gone bad.
😐
Mm let’s sit down and unpack that!!!!! I’ve given that the power to run my life! Which is BONKERS.
I thought I had heard all the analogies… the tape that loses its stickiness, the gum that gets chewed up, etc
But wow the apple…
💚the sarcasm under tones, my father has a cousin who's a priest, i recon you'd get on great over a pint if you ever come back to Ireland
I grew up in a progressive Episcopal Church and never heard of this, this is so disgusting I hate fundamentalists 😫
i am new here saw some current videos then looked at older ones. i am a clinical Empath. im in my 50s and still searching for the right one.i am divorced now 20 years. i have been through many years of self discovery. i want to feel connected with my soul before im connected by sex.your videos have brought much to think about in your videos. the soul is such a magnificent thing!
Purity culture is one of the many toxic parts of christianity their basically blaming you for you being raped you're just fine no matter who you have been with the Christian church is just scare mongering love you jo you're an amazing
Please don't hate on christianity and their culture Isl am is far worse when it comes to womans rights.
@@liberalsarechomos9397 I don't hate on any religion all religions are toxic in their own way the world would be a better place without any religion
@@liamodonovan6610 I would almost agree but so much advancement in our society is thanks to religion especially christianity. My theory is that we would still be acting like wild animals if weren't for organized religion bringing structure to our society, also the Christian calendar is so accurate that even with our scientific knowledge today we could not improve upon it.
@@liberalsarechomos9397 that's not true have you ever heard of evolution the Christian church has done nothing but push their rules on how we live all religions are just cults based on superstition with absolutely no evidence
Bacon Greace really sounds a lot worse than a wild animal for a woman to be told she is damaged if sexually active outside of marriage, then raped and told in all number of ways how she is at fault for that, not to mention any number of other things. Try to look at both sides, search for the information opposite to what you feel or think, if you feel religion is responsible for so much advancement, research the opposite viewpoints before you decide on opinions one way or another :)
I appreciate the video.
Even though I don't believe that sex is bad in any way, or pre-marital sex, in the way that purity culture teaches you, I'm somehow scared to take it too lightly.
I can get hurt too much if I don't know the person yet, especially if it's with a person I initally really like.
And it feels weird to do it with a person I don't like, and also I'm scared to hurt that person if in return they get feelings for me.
That's why you communicate, and NEVER do it to keep someone, because of peer pressure. A loving person will be patient with you and you are free to go at your own pace. thankgodforsex.org I find is a great resource for building a foundation that sets you up to win, whether you chose to wait until marriage or not.
Those are absolutely real, While I was a missionary and taiwan, god healed me from the soul ties that were connected with my abusers.
One person in particular.
Before he did that feel like a piece of my soul was missing.
I had no memory of my repressed dramas
At forty four it took a good twenty years to get to a point where I could function
I'm thankful for the healing god has done
Do you still go to any churches or were you before corona? Love you Jo!
Jo, I don't know if you read this but I would like to ask a question:
Is it not too difficult to have an online visibility and presence the way you do?
With society and the online world becoming more and more narcissistic I would be terrified to do that.
And you're trying to be vulnerable. Narcs they love to hear your vulnerabilities. Aren't you terrified that there are narcs listening to this and then use it in some way to try to bring you down and hurt you (with comments or I don't know how?). And then you emit such a caring and empathetic energy, which I believe is beautiful, but aren't you terrified to do so?
It's kind of the reason why I wouldn't want to build an online presence. Is it not too hard dealing with narcissists?
I got a lot of thoughts going through my mind about this, but the one that sticks out at the moment is a question that should be discussed by those who make a federal case out of it:
“What *is* purity?”
Because it seems like still another excuse to shame people they want beneath them, this time using sex.
Seriously, what in general *is* purity anyway? And why do people got this obsession to chase it? Because they long to feel superior?
Vanilla can be considered “pure” too. Yet I don’t see anyone complaining the other flavors of ice cream in the supermarket freezer are contaminated and shouldn’t be in there along with it. Vanilla is viewed in reality by a number of people as plain and boring. So it’s on these purity purists to explain what they mean and why they insist on it. These aren’t all Christians doing this. But I guess somehow purity equals spiritual and special, like the driven snow.
Cleanliness is next to godliness....
Wonderfully said! 💙
Hi Jo. I just discovered this channel via your amputation channel. I was wondering, are you still religious at all?
I would love to hear your perspective on all kinds of things like this. As I was raised penicostal. Sands I an none denominationnal now. But also a chronie. and I don't necessarily believe that just cuz we're Christians we should be healed or that there's some kind of sin in my life preventing that so I love to hear your perspective and you should do more videos on this type of stuff.
Thanks for this vid
Wow, I'd heard of this idea but didn't at all know it was this prominent and influential. I think both purity culture and hookup culture can lead to trauma in different (though possibly connected) ways -- they're a Scylla and Charybdis between which a healthy vision of sexuality needs to steer. In terms of alternative ways of looking at sex within a Christian perspective, I've found the "Theology of the Body" framework originally presented by Pope John Paul II to radiate the most beauty and truth. It likewise views sex as most properly belonging within marriage (obviously, it's the pope!), but there's nothing moralistic or shame-inducing about it.
As a Fundie I agree ☝️
I like it when your sassy 🥰
please keep these coming
Ty v much
There is plenty of evidence I was a missionary for a really long time
I did lots of inner healing and deliverance
I met plenty of girls that were demonized because of sexual abuse
Some of them had problems because they had sex before marriage.
That's really a lot of things that can cause this kind of problem
Purity Culture is definitely a North America thing, maybe it extends to South America (never been there so don't know) but in Australia and other countries, Evangelical Christianity doesn't have Purity Culture, which is a very good thing. Honestly, I hate it, it is damaging and not Biblical at all. It is focusing on one part of a person and placing guilt and shame on them. it's disgusting
what really gets me is it forgets and ignores JESUS, the one that makes us whole, and says that no, there is something else you have to do or not do to be whole. NO! Jesus loved sinners, including adulterers, and accepted them, when they accepted and decided to follow Jesus, they were forgiven of their sin. ugh, I just can't get on board with this culture at all because of how wrong and hurtful it is.
Souls aren’t a real thing
I do think it's important to not play down the emotional connection that forms. It's not something unbreakable but to pretend it's not there isn't safe.
Good thing she didn’t pretend it wasn’t there and that she addressed how emotional bonds can sometimes be formed!
I think this is American evangelical, don't know if anyone in the UK has come across this?
Grace T Maybe at Hillsong London? I’m not sure how far they’re diverged from their parent church, but their message on this really negatively influenced the leadership at my former church
@@israel963 sorry to hear that, i dont really know, I haven't been.
Thankyou smh
God doesn’t see his children as perfect or holy. He sees them as worthy of hell. He sees Jesus as perfect and holy. And if his children also believe Jesus is perfect and holy and invite gods first child to live inside them then he acts like a Holy Hoodwink which baffles god, causing him to only see Jesus shining out of each of his poor little sinner children.
Hi, can u make another video on
1) Dark side of casual sex/ hookups( does it create depression anxiety)?
2) There is an article/ study research regarding woman retaining some dna with every men they sleep.
Man, some people are nutters.
Religion is sick
Jesus is not so sad
I'm sorry but you're wrong. It really does cause problems when you have sex outside a marriage
yes if you are married and cheating on your spouse
having multiple sexual partners does negatively affect one's ability to pair bond, particularly in women, and is linked to depression and other mental health problems. sex is powerful.
Are You an incel?
I find it resentful that Jo constantly bashes on christianity but never speaks on how bad other religions are such as !slam
Don't get me wrong all religion is hocus pocus but we as a society have a lot to thank for christianity
Hi Beacon! I'm confused (and would love your clarification). None of this is bashing Christianity - I made that disclaimer both at the beginning and the end. Talking about the damage that a very particular aspect doctrine that is taught isn't wrong or bashing a religion. Would you rather someone not speak up about harmful things (honest question)?
I'm also here to share my story and experience. I have a lot of experience in Christianity - none in other religions. I'm not going to speak on topics or experiences that are not my own.
@@TraumaTalk I am sorry then my bad. My parents do a lot philanthropist work through their church, helping countries that are heavily Islamic so I find myself resentful against Islam and defensive towards Christians, something I should take a look at thanks.