Traumatic Bonding: Detoxing & Distancing - Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- Опубликовано: 3 июн 2019
- #trauma #family
#tamarahilllpc
Early upload!
In this video, I talked about a concept known as traumatic bonding and offer tips on how to escape it. *This is part 2 of the 2-day series on this topic.
Abuse often takes many forms. Trauma can interfere with our ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships (work, marriage, friend, family) and appropriate social interactions. Trauma can also affect development throughout the lifespan and lead to a lifetime of emotional lability (“switchable” emotional states or moods).
I welcome your comments and questions!
Helpful resources:
1. Adult children of emotionally immature parents (book by Lindsay Gibson)
2. Bonded to the abuser: m.barnesandnoble.com/p/bonded...
-----Contact me------
I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 11 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com.
Mail me stuff!
PO Box 113
Bridgeville, PA 15017
Social media:
Twitter - @therapisttee
Website - www.anchoredinknowledge.com
Blog - blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers
_______________________________________
#trauma #abuse #tamarahilllpc
*New videos Mondays & Fridays with a periodic bonus video on Wednesdays!
Your perspective and knowledge are really helpful. You are helping many and, given the nature of RUclips, will help many more the longer videos like this are up. Please continue to address abusive relationship dynamics (familial to romantic) -- it makes a world of difference to those of us who have limited access to therapy (even someone with a decent salary often cannot out-therapy $$$ a recent or current abusive experience. it really $$$ adds up). I am a regular watcher and really, really appreciate you sharing. Videos like this armed me with the knowledge I needed to overcome a trauma bond with an emotionally abusive man. The hallmarks of abuse - so obvious now - were mere feelings I couldn't conceptualize. I didn't have the universal and empowering vocabulary: gaslighting, narcissistic abuse, the trauma bond, codependency. A sad backstory I used to justify his behaviour. The adrenalin spikes, fear, yet unshakable 'connection' that made it all seem normal - that sinking sand sort of bond. I attribute my recovery and safety to RUclips and the kindness of survivors and therapists/educators who turn on the camera to provide essential, timely, and potentially life-saving advise to those of us who need a clear lens to stay emotionally and physically safe. Sending you a sincere and thankful hug!
Hi Mi
What a powerful testament of self-knowledge, trauma recovery, and slow deliverance. Thank you so much for your touching comment. 💖 I'm really glad these videos are helpful and I do hope to keep making them for a while!
Thanks for watching!
Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC
☺️✨
@@TherapistTamaraHill two years on i can't get over my ex dave
Takes Diligence SOME Bottoms For One Different From OTHERS! IF You Hurt Bad Enough And Want To Never Give Up On SELF.
Specially when it's your own family who did it.
When you care about and trust someone..and they betray and abuse you...it is the greatest emotional pain imaginable.
Yes. Very well put. That's why young children, who are innocent and have no malice in them, struggle with abusive and mean parents. They don't expect that. They become very shattered over time.
Abusive parents ruin their kids forever. I should know.
I'm so sorry Sunny.😔 They do.
They're typically sick and in need of help.
@@TherapistTamaraHill 100 percent. Unfortunately, these people can never admit they have a problem, even though it is obvious to everybody else. 😐
Very true. They're blind to their issues. Sad.
Going NO CONTACT breaks the trauma bond. I did it in 2017. Not easy but life is so much better now that I am not dealing with a character-disordered narc.
@@AMBER19280 I learned to meditate-helped me become more emotionally grounded. I journaled and read all I could about personality disorders. Resumed seeing a therapist and realized the person was never going to change.
I like that ... If you're rude and disrespectful enough to overstep my boundaries then I'll be firm enough to enforce them!!
yes!
The tips here are logical but I didn’t hear anything about the chemical dependency we develop on the relationship which is HUGE to understanding the bond. Cortisol (stress hormone) mixed with dopamine (love hormone) create an addictive emotional rollercoaster, very hard to get off for those who are conditioned to associate trauma/drama with love.
Awesome point.... The conditioning with the sort of almost masochistic movement from being punished/tortured/demeaned to the easing of that pain and the subsequent tranquility/eroticism that follows... WHAT AN ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS TWO-HEADED DEMON.
Wow, this hits home
You're right, this is a deeply grooved pattern in my consciousness. No matter the decades of therapeutic self-discovery and insight. The limbic urge is always in support of the well-worn groove.
This is probably the best explanation of trauma bonding I’ve heard. This video was incredibly helpful, thank you for sharing it!
Thank you!! I'm very glad to hear that.
I have to constantly remind myself that if my father keeps crossing boundaries, it's not love, it's abuse. It's been 43 years and I still am struggling to have a life because of him.
Hugs! I hope you're on a path to healing.
You Can Do IT!!!! MANY Going Thru The SAME.
My ex BPD narc literally told me with a straight face that emotional manipulation is not abuse...
If she only knew how much grace I gave her.
She killed me over and over for months on purpose
I wouldn't wish a trauma bond on my worst enemy man oh man this is a horrific post narcissistic relationship experience.
Yes, it feels very much like a trap.
it is so bad to know there are people that stay stuck in these bullshit relationships for more than 30 years and having wasted the best years of their lives...not only in romantic relationships but also in work relationships
Your videos help me to be a better woman mentally and emotionally.
If this video was helpful to you, please like, share, and comment! Makes these videos available to others searching.
When I got away I found myself and grateful about this win.
I totally agree. No matter how hard it is, it is so important to set boundaries. Practice it if it's hard. I consider this one of the biggest things to do.
I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU. I'm going to send this to my friend. Did you madly bonded with this guy just will not cut him off!!!
I have reflected. I have created a long list of cons. I’ve started writing a ebook. I now have aTHERAPIST.
THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤ so helpfull
You're welcome!😊 And thank you! Glad to hear that.
Just found you today Tamara .. what a wealth of information - that years of therapy has not brought me to ... I am unfortunately still stuck in a trauma bond. It is painful - I try so hard to back away but then I open the door for another peak and you know - there's the quicksand - and I am back involved all over again - and the dance begins. I am angry with myself that I cannot just walk away. It feels so painful and like I am losing something when I give this relationship up. But in reality - I am hurting myself everyday by being in it - and I turn into someone I don't want to be - because of the horrible addiction like yearning that consumes me. I subscribed today and have been going through all your videos. You are bright, intelligent, and I thank you for sharing so openly this information. It is so painful this journey ..............
Hi Maria,
Thanks so much. I'm glad these videos are helpful.
I often tell my clients/patients that because trauma impacts the brain in powerful ways and triggers multiple neurological processes, it is likely to last a lifetime and leave lasting scars. The key is finding the right training wheels and the right road to travel to prevent further damage. Healing is lifelong.
Welcome to the channel.
I could have written this about myself
@@mrenteria88 hi Mindie.. since I wrote this.. the door has closed on that relationship. it wasnt my doing.. but he was stringing me along and the pain was inctedible .. so i made a decision and cut it off and told him never to contact me again.. its painful but i choose me. but like tamara says the pain lingers its not a miracle cure and i know if he came back in my life the cycle would start for me all over again.. so its anhuge tednflagnthat this is toxic and trauma bonding has happened.. it wont heal.. i wont heal whilst he is there.. so the aim of the work is awareness... i never want to create this in my life again.. its incredibly painful.. good luck on your journey..
@@marialamari3560 how are you doing now? I’m currently trying to get out of the trauma bond but I keep going back and all my hard work just starts over
@@jamiemobley696 hi Jamie.. Im doing okay.. each time you go back you go back with more knowledge.. so dont beat yrself up.. just step up next rung of ladder of learning and before you know it you will reach a place where you choose you over the roller coaster of trauma bond. Best wishes.. you can do this. its not a one time fix.. its a continual journey of growth ... keep yrself educated and informed.. I know you can beat this...
You get it. Wholeheartedly concur with the pinned comment. This is a much needed lifeline of accurate, helpful, and compassionate therapeutic knowledge. ❤️
Thank you Ella!! 😊
Me too girl!!
Wow! Thank you so much for this video. It was so helpful for me. I wasn't completely sure exactly what the trauma bond was and this really helps. I am enjoying discovering you on you tube and I will be watching more. Trying to grow and heal. Thank you so much!
Thank you Ruby!! I'm very glad this video was helpful to you.
Thankyou for covering this topic.
Yes, absolutely! You're welcome.
You are the GOAT! I’m so blessed to have come upon your channel. I went through the video that explains what I’ve gone through, but now It’s time for therapy so that I may heal. Thank you! For this channel . Subscribed!
🥰 Thank you!!
So glad this is helpful and welcome to the channel!!
Great points in this video. A critical aspect of it has rightfully been illuminated here. This is a great service to people who are trying to recover from this kind of conditioning.
I have always felt that this kind of sick and perverted conditioning results in a kind of Emotional Masochism. The 180° swings from being demeaned and humiliated and abused to the opposite state which is the periodic tranquility or even a little bit of love that you receive from the abuser, creates a kind of extreme polarity in the individual, who then grows up to become a person who tolerates quite a lot of disrespect and abuse just waiting for the pendulum to swing the other way to try to get a bit of love.
It is a two-headed demon which needs to be exorcized
Thank you! I'm glad this is helpful. 🙂
this⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️100%
THANK YOU. You made my day and my future easier to deal with the toxic people that hurt me. I am so happy I found your videos. May God Bless You Always. : )
You're welcome! Very glad this was helpful to you. 💓 Thank you and God Bless you too!
Just found your channel. I am loving your videos. I was actually researching for a video I was going to make on generational trauma when I found you. I wish you would upload some new videos.
I’m so happy I can across this. I’ve been struggling not know what I had now I do!!
I'm really glad! That's great.
Love your videos about ptsd, trauma bonding and cognitive dissonans. Finding myself at a very vounrable place in regards to distancing myself from nervewrecking relationships but my mind have not been able to fathem the cognitive dissonanse term, so I have been back and forward, driving myself crazy over the constant ambivalence. So Thank you so so much for making me understand my excrusiating self doubt and self-crazymaking🙏👼🙏
Agreed
You are amazing!!! Thanks for sharing
Thank you! And you're welcome 😊
Thank u ❤️ left a 5 year abusive relationship 2 months ago and the trauma bonding is HARD. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I’m so glad I have my counselor and family. I wouldn’t of made it without both of these.
Absolute BEST advice I've heard so far on this topic!!!👍👍👍👍
Glad it was helpful! Thank you!!
⚓ found this video today and thankful for it.
Glad this was helpful to you!! Thank you.
Another wonderfully helpful video!
Thank you Miss Markle! Glad you found it helpful.
CT here on my last leg of graduate school and internship. Thank you for sharing your experience and clinical knowledge with the world.
😊 you're welcome! Thanks for watching.
This was very informative video I am looking forward to the video tomorrow to gain more information on this subject.
Thanks for this valuable information! 💗
You're welcome!! Thanks for watching.
Mine kept hurting me by accusing me of cheating when I wasn't! We would fight and get back together. I can't even remember how many times we broke up and made up. Same argument over and over and over again!! It definitely felt like I was a hamster on a damn roller-coaster! Trauma bonding is a new term but I see all the signs in my ex's behaviours. One minute Bruce Banner the next minute The Hulk!
I'm sorry you had to experience this. Never something you walk away from being untouched. 😔
yeah sleep with the narc early on, get disillusioned at their bad love making then you would not fight to get back with them... that sexual disability of theirs speak louder than their so called "love"😂😂😂😂
@@TherapistTamaraHill yes if not physically definitely emotionally
I’m literally going through this…well almost 6 years of this. Small child involved, no income for me and no family (both sides) to help with the child…idk how to get out or what to do.
Your Channel is a God send! Thank you for releasing this knowledge! You are naturally beautiful btw and encouraging me to embrace my own! 😊
I'm so glad! Thank you for that kindness 🤗 We need more of you in today's world! Welcome to the channel.
Thank you again. I've watch this video numerous times. I can assure you I will watch it again to get it deep down inside and think it through. xoxoxo
You're welcome!! And thank you. It's good to know someone is being helped.🙂
@@TherapistTamaraHill I've been feeling the pull so I'm back again to review your videos...so glad they are still available xoxooxo
💖
TB is like quick sand...fight for objectivity, reflection, and getting help outside I find I don't trust so I do have a hard time. I will start journaling again. I can do this without people interrupting my thoughts. Boundaries is key for me 🤔🙄🙏🏽♥️💙❤💚🧡💛 thank you🐞
Well said!
Great Writing Positivity WORDS Are Therapy For The MIND...Is Like Healing Medicine 💊💉 You Have To Get Make A New Habit. Unlearn To Learn💯
Thank you for reminding me about getting things out of my head and my heart, on to paper! I'll do that tonight.
You're welcome! 😊
I'm glad this particular phenomenon is having its awareness raised by you and others because it really is the cruelest irony of our species how someone who faces childhood trauma would be drawn to the very same patterns that continue a cycle of abuse.
I've seen it in various parasocial connections I've made with artists like Billie Holiday.
And they navigate a true den of vipers where narcissistic supply is at a high, which attracts the very predators they're vulnerable to.
Awareness will hopefully lead to protections and far better measures when it comes to justice for victims. This has to stop.
I am trying to better and get out of 10 years of abusive relationships with my soon to be ex husband. It is harder with kids but you put out lot of good tips thank you. Kind of binging watching your videos lol
Thanks I have a Trauma Bond with my Father and I am 58. This channel is helpful. Thanks
You're welcome! Glad this was helpful.
Trauma bonds can last forever but that doesn't mean healing is out of reach. 🙂
This is literally my in laws my parents and my siblings 🥺
I'm sorry.😢
you are a great speaker and therapist!
Thank you Joisu121!
This video was so helpful, thank you!
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome.
One family bond feels like "snap, come here now", followed by "distancing- i'm busy", a Push-me Pull-you type relating. It's a cycle of confused unbalanced relating. If I ask why they don't call- they say, "don't read into it". If I then distance in response- they get upset. I cannot win- and, i can't get a healthy rhythm in communication. My conclusion: I feel better staying out of this confusion- but, fear the backlash for not being available. Tricky to let go, causes grief because it's family.
Is your role the family scapegoat?
@@kristatraumavictor Exactly!
@@kristatraumavictor YES, professional ex-scapegoat here!
I love that push me pull analogy that’s so relevant to my situation
Thanks Tamara!
You're welcome! Thanks for watching.
This is very helpful! Thank you
You're welcome! Glad this was helpful!
Great explaining thank you 🙌🏻☀️
You're so welcome!
Great job.
Thank you. Hope this was helpful.
I swear you get better by the HOUR! Girlfriend you are hitting the good stuff and, as I always say, Love Love the music.
What do I do if I realize I am still stuck, even with these tips!???
Thank you!!! Glad you liked this video.
I often tell clients who feel "stuck" to keep using the tools in this video and alternate. You don't want to get into such a routine of doing these things that you zone out and don't benefit. The purpose is to help you build agency and self-awareness.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Hi, I am a new subscriber! Thanks for your work! 🙌🏼
Thanks for watching! 😊
Thank yiou so much for reaching out to better help us suffering PTSD psyschosis which also then leads to traumatic bonding. Yoiu diagnosed my symptoms verbatim. Especially when cohersive treatment added to the equation.
Here they are all aware from the outside looking in, as they all assure me I'm just loosing my mind and going crazy now- wow and they do. I have had the unbearable realization of another implant, that i did not get the privilege of knowing about or let alone consenting. Yes it was without a doubt immediatly noticable this internal lump in only my left leg. Yet I try to be sane about it, saying theres no way this could of happened, after all I have no memory of such an incident taking place. There also was no scar associated with the implant. My confirmation came when I invited another stranger danger into my life. He immediatly went to and was only rubbing where the implant in my leg is- I KNEW IT! Not to mention the now severe constant muscle aches and spasms I am getting.
Ty so much!!
You're welcome 😊
Very helpful, thank you 👍
You're welcome!
Also grooming early in relationship hard to reconcile the behaviors.
Can relate to the part German heritage and not reaching out, hard to overcome this. People often reach out to me though as my problems stay hidden so they imagine they're non-existent.
Yes, this is a dichotomy for most people who are hood at hiding their emotions or appearing "ok."
Gratitude🌼
🤗
Great video 😊❤
Thank you!!
Thanks Tamara 🌸 this is so helpful 🦋
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome! And thank you.
@@TherapistTamaraHill for sure - you're doing a great job! this is not a topic everyone knows about! but people can be so damaged by the effects of it.
I agree! They certainly can.
And thank you!
Straightforward and helpful thank you! I subscribed (:
You're welcome!! Welcome to the channel and thank you!
Just went no contact hallelujah
Yep I have been reaching out searching since 2015 and now I find what works such a shame naricisistc abuse is so hidden makes me so upset there are no supports from when we feel the cptsd- Australia 🇦🇺
thank you
You're welcome
Thanks!
Welcome!
Thank you
You're welcome!
I like your delivery I like the way you crammed a lot into less than 9 minutes okay to put away relationships with family member very difficult thing to do not being angry is a different sing all together I'm still working on that
Thank you Silas! I agree this is very difficult. You really have to be emotionally strong to make positive moves.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you Tamara I have so many subscriptions but I will subscribe to your Channel I'm a little overwhelmed sometimes because I am not my diagnosis and I am in a very dark place right now I am not sure where to turn but I have my dialectical behavioral therapy and I have good direction from people like you sincerely Silas subscribed by the way you understood that I meant thing not sing😁🙏 I usually use the microphone because I do not keyboard very well thank you so much I will stay tuned I am trying to improve thank you for doing these videos and bonus you're not trying to sell me a coffee cup or a t-shirt🙂😇🌹🏝 I know you do it because you want to help people bless you
People do not stay in these relationships only out of fear. They often do because of practical/financial reasons. This also needs to be acknowledged. You can be well aware of the trauma bond but chose to work around it and buy yourself some time. Not everybody has loads of cash to start all over with kids !
@Qatalyst I understand your perception but consider this...There are no practical/financial reasons to stay in an abusive toxic relationship. The cold hard truth is abuse distorts a healthy safe state of being not only for yourself but your children who are watching and absorbing the trauma. You have to decide how much is your peace, joy, and dignity with...what is the $ amount. Speak life into yourself, love yourself, and break the bonds. You are worth more than a million loads of cash!
@@kimberlyclay612 thank you, for saying this. I am currently in this state. I need to let my marriage go. It’s a trauma bond. I’ve tried to go back and forth in my head about it but, I know God does not want this for me.
So true regarding the black community not asking for help. However, one other thing to add is that part of the reason is that that community is not good at helping and lovingly supporting their own in emotional crisis. As trained, they reserve that type of support for other people in society.
excellent
😊
Hiiii, I recently got out of I guess u can say a very toxic relationship with this one girl and here’s how it went, during the relationship she was very lovey dovey here n there but when ever we went out in public like to malls so to say should be like weird, when we were in stores shed be like can you move n give me all this shitty attitude but when a group of girls came near by she’d be all lovey dovey again, anyways we ended up taking a break due to her saying her mental health was affecting everything n stuff, but not only that the break lasted like to weeks so we both decided to restart so she can fully heal from what she was dealing with right anyways I was good with it for weeks but we were barely talking next thing yk I was being dumb n starting playing with my head n asked her “hey part of me feels like ur just doing all this to hook up with other people but not lose me in the proccess n I said that like 3 times but she just ignored me for 4 days n came back saying hearing stuff likes that drains her n she doesn’t know how to comfort me n stuff anyways after that happened we barely even talked n boom she starts talking about doing sexual stuff with other guys on her spam posting her being all jokingly flirty with her homeboy n stuff anyways yeah so I was like nah fuck that n told her like what’s the deal I wanna know so I can just move on anyways she tells me u should just stop waiting I’m not getting any better n I was like aight bet it is what it is, so I didn’t talk to her for one week and ignored her texts after that until on a Sunday which was like a week after we officially broke up she texted me “ I had the worst day today” and me being a big hearted person I am I wanted to be there for her n stuff, until she said I miss u because u always helped me out, my freinds are saying I’m being used n not to go back so I blocked her on everything n the last text she sent was why did u block me and nah it’s all I got u, the thing that doesn’t make sense is why tf do u want me to be there for u when u were never there for me when I needed u the most and keep in mind I told her about my past relationship and how I got cheated on and used but she still did the same thing kind of a case of same person different body
Subscribed Tamara. Thanks
Welcome to the channel!!
@@TherapistTamaraHill I am grey rocking while staying in because of the kids but my elder daughter (10 yo) is trauma bonded to her and acts like her desperate slave. I am extremely worried about not only her current situation but the repercussions for the future as well.
I'm sorry to hear this. Your best bet, if you can, is suggesting or getting a trauma-informed therapist who can identify this. Not all trauma therapists understand traumatic bonding but at least they may be able to get your daughter to open up and talk.
Thank u
Welcome!
So Tamara... how do I know I am not the narsarccist ? i have been in therapy for 20 yrs on and off (mostly on) trying to fix me. I am a cocktail of different diagnosis (self diagnosed) .. u know borderline traits, complex ptsd, trauma, addiction to needing to be needed etc.. its just been ongoing as I haven't moved out of situations and its just continued.. I look normal to everyone.. married 35yrs.. 3 grown adult children, but inside I suffer everyday with suicidal thinking, and I am in situations where I am very giving but if I feel I am being not paid attention to.. I will lash out.. Ive learnt to curb it.. put distance in that.. but my main concern is that maybe I am the narsarcisstic abuser?😥😥 you dont do phone sessions for Australia? your work is so succinct..and detailed.. thank you for these videos..
I have court for extending my order of protection and custody of our baby . I am dreading it.
It's been 4 months since my therapist, after 7 years of a seeming perfect match between therapist and client, suddenly discarded me like I was trash. I've never before experienced such a devastating emotional and psychological shock in my life. The person I believed I knew for 7 years who I loved and trusted and felt absolutely safe with could NEVER have done what "this" person did...except that she DID. She also went on a smear campaign telling lies about me to justify herself. The person I loved and trusted more than anyone became the person I hate and fear more than anyone...and if I'm not angry and hating her I'm missing and craving her, like an addiction. The first phase after her discarding me was cognitive dissonance and mind bending trying to reconcile the "two Roxanes"...but now after writing hundreds of pages I think I've finally brought them together cognitively...but I'm still in agonizing pain and I think that's the root of the trauma bond...not as much cognitive, but more "emotional dissonance"...I want to obviously hate her for traumatizing me and work toward "forgiveness/acceptance" and eventually I hope to feel indifferent toward her memory...but I still miss and crave her like an addictive substance and I think that is an essential fact of what it's like to be trauma bonded. I thought I was going to be able to use my rational thinking and emotional processing to kick dirt on this and move forward in my life...but after 4 months I'm worried that the traumatic damage is only shape-shifting and seeming better on the surface but getting worse in deep places within my mind, body and spirit. The worst part of this for me is that my abuser was my therapist...you might be surprised to know that it's not different from talking to the police about being abused by a bad cop. They don't want to know the truth, they just want to cover up and self-protect. I guess that's understandable, however corrupt, unethical and damaging it is to the people they are supposed to serve and protect. Great video and exceptional therapist by the way, thank you for your great work and insights. I'm going to subscribe and I'll be waiting for your new video sharing your insights and treatment for "Emotional Dissonance" once you've got that figured out :)
🌺🌼🌸
Would you say that a household parents whole family, even clinic, a lot of therapists and a over doctor did that?
Thats true!
💜✝️🙏🏼
I have such a hard time emotionally letting go of my abuse because it's the relationship I've known.
I'm sorry to hear this. That's fairly common because some people can't envision life without the abuse and that's what leads to traumatic bonding. It's a vicious cycle.
Thank you Támara I'm learning this and want to break this cycle and continue watching your videos.
You're welcome. Absolutely!
Take care
Thank you Támara! I’m effectively detoxing as of 3 weeks now...from a narcissistic mother using my siblings to triangulate. Implemented hard concrete distancing. I need to heal. I can’t block my mother from communication entirely, she keeps blowing me up, making my healing all the more challenging. I’m hurting bc I love my siblings but she will use them to get to me. I’ve truly have had ENOUGH! What self-help book would you recommend?
That is good to hear! Good for you. That's healing in and of itself that you can detox and walk away. What's the recommended self-help book without details on what exactly you are experiencing but I would suggest. The Body Keeps the Score by Van Der Kolk. You may also like this book:
Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach To Re gaining Emotional Control And Becoming Whole www.amazon.com/dp/1623158249/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_apa_i_FA6dGbBFBEZGJ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
And stay tuned on the channel because I just accepted a publishing contract and am writing on intergenerational racial and family trauma. It's a clinical workbook that might be helpful.
@@TherapistTamaraHill truly appreciate your knowledge, support and help, for now I’ve ordered Van Der Kolk’s book and Healing Trauma by Levine. It has taken me a long time to realize that my nervous system has been thrashed. I eat healthy 90% of the time and exercise regularly but I have gained much clarity; I need deeper mending so I can engage with the world without fear and intent, once again.
Congratulations on your contract, I’ll definitely stay tuned.
💖 wishing you the best!
And thank you.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I truly appreciate your kindness, much needed.🧡🤗
While I hurt, I’m also happy and confident that I’ve done right by me. Plus I’ll be able to extend a more stable lifeline to my siblings after I’ve weathered my internal storm. I pray that they have their own awakening in the meantime; they are all adults now too, my guilt is easing.
Wow this is me
I have been in a trauma bond since 1995, It's like the line in Brokeback Mountain, " I can't quit you", We went through actual physical as well as mental trauma. Can't fix. I feel like the quicksand has swallowed me up. Bio chemicals and neurotransmitter stuff. I actually "got" bi-polar Disorder due to parents and then him. ( I do see a therapist but don't know if she specializes in narcissism, trauma bonding and such.) HELP!
I'm sorry.
I would first start by learning more, as you are, about this topic and then asking your therapist what he or she knows about it. If they don't seem to know much about it, I would start looking at psychologytoday.com or goodtherapy.org for a therapist who specializes in treating personality disorders and family trauma.
Take care
I am living in such fear I honestly had to hurry up and press send before they come for me again
ITS BLOCK SEASON!☺️😏😜Nothing outweighs my health happiness and peace of mind .. Trust your intuition PUT THEM 🧘🏾♂️🧘🏼♀️TIMEOUT🧘🏼♂️🧘🏾♀️6mon at Time!! I AM GONE🏄🏾♂️
My mother is a cover narcissist ( no father )
But tamara has helped me see the truth if it wasnt for her i wouldve stil been manipulated and down graded
How i found tamaras channel :
One day i was wondering why my mother never days sorry for ehat she does wrong and i typed it in youtube " why is my mothet never wrong " and tamaras channel showed
Hello Dr Hill... all my relationships are based on Trauma Bond. I start detoxing today. I dont think I know how to bond any other way.
Hi Claudia,
Thanks for watching. This is a hood start for sure. It's a journey and a process with many twists. My suggestion would be to learn as much as you can about it.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you!!!
You're welcome!
@@TherapistTamaraHill I just saw your video of the 12 different kinds of trauma-I've had ALL OF THEM...
Claudia Trejos I can relate. I feel the same way about not knowing how to bond any other way.
Ms Tamara how can I get in touch with you to get one on one counseling?? Do you provide any of that type of service
Hi Rhonda, I know this comment was a year ago but I am just now retrieving it from spam folder. You can email me at my website www.anchoredinknowledge.com
Thank you jesus i found you
🤗Thank you!! And welcome.
Is it possible for both being wictim in a trauma bond? 🤔
That's a great question! Yes. In that case, it would be codependency with features of traumatic bonding. In other words, if this "couple" or these two people were seeing me for psychotherapy I would assess for PTSD as well as codependency.
Do you offer life coaching since as a therapist you can't see people in other states? #DefinitelyAskingForMyself
Hi Talia,
LOL love that hashtag! No shame here! We all need it!
I do not provide coaching! I'm sorry. That's just not an area where I have built expertise. I do provide consultations which are like coaching. I charge a small fee for the time. If you need 30min that would be $30.
Let me know if you are interested.
Take care!
@@TherapistTamaraHill Will be emailing you.Thanks
Where are you located
Where has she been🤷🏿♀️
😇☺
When you Confide in someone you Trust and They Turn around and tell everyone Your Deep Dark Secrets. How do you Trust That person Again?
Tenisha, I'm guessing this has happened to you. I'm sorry. I think it just depends on the situation. If the person you confided in was trying to help you in some way and they had to tell about your situation in order to get advice, suggestions, etc. then that may warrant forgiveness. But if the person you confided in has told things about you in order to harm you or intentionally disregard you, then I would no longer trust that person and consider distancing yourself. If a person engages in a behavior once, the chances of them doing it again is high unless they are very sorry for what they did.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank You I Forgive them!
@Tenisha, that's good! Perhaps that's the best choice.🙂
@@TherapistTamaraHill The abusers are never sorry!
Hi. Just came across this video today.
I have undergone abuse and survived trauma bonding. I don't know about anyone but I am extremely proud of myself for that 🌻🍁
Want to let fellow survivors know it is incredibly efficient to maintain a journal, where you would be putting all your reflections and contemplations jotted there, all the more important if you choose to start it while being caught in the traumatic bond, because you wlll be able to relate everyday experiences. You will get to own a tangible proof of what you had felt yesterday, because so many of the times gaslighting or even the simple goodness in us tends to see the wrongdoer in positive light no matter what. You will possibly have days where your rationality works like magic, the next day, your emotional self making you weak. So, penning everything down, will enable us to compare the two, we will be able to witness how contrasting one feeling is to another.
For reaffirmation, always confide in an absolute trusted friend. They will show you the most realistic view.
Easier said than done. Please please please keep up with yourself. Take care peeps ❤️🌻
Thank you for sharing your positivity! I'm sorry for the beginning of your journey but I'm sure the ending of it will be better.
Kadamn I saw this pretty woman here and said let me see.Imagine being raised by two abusive parents.The Daddy took care of the physical and Mom handled the emotional.How am I still here? Who knew?
I went thru shame reduction workshop and a PTSD hospitals,but I have always dismissed the verbal.Help.
I am 61 now please tell or refer me to what I need to relay to the VA for further treatment.I am 61 now but sleep maybe 4 hours after being up 3-5 straight.Been this way since I was 5 dennisdorsey111@gmail.com.Please help
Dennis, I think that's because so many Black men and women don't understand the importance of talk therapy or at least verbalizing the pain. Black men and women also do not have too many Black psychotherapists either to sit and talk to. So you end up keeping everything inside. It's tough...I know.
I would relay to VA that you need trauma-focused psychotherapy where you can talk about the things that have resulted in PTSD symptoms. Even if you just want to see if you still have PTSD you can ask for a psychological assessment for PTSD. The VA, who I work a lot with, have limited resources for Vets and I'm so sad to see that. We need to change that too!
Thanks for being here.Dorsey 5348
there is just something about your eyes that makes me trust you. its kinda weird xD i love you're videos, and I'm trying to learn so i can be a better person, and a better me, its hard but i feel like your videos have been helping me a lot thank you :)
🥰💖 awwww. You're welcome.. Thank you.
And welcome to the channel. Very glad my videos are helpful to you.
Detox so we ha e brain disease from the narcissist cos addiction is a brain disease I heard from Patrick cranes 😭🙏
Do u so private sessions
I do! But only in 1 state for now.
Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC Thanku maybe one day U can do online I’m overseas
Absolutely!! I'm working toward that. But I do offer consultation which is guidance on where to turn to help.
When you say “untrustworthy” I think you mean “untrusting”. The meaning is opposite. :)
🤭bingo!