And it’s harder than all Hell to find yourself again! But it’s also so beautiful when you start to forgive yourself, love and accept yourself, and most of all, take good care of you! You matter! It’ll come.
They certainly try! I think the reason I was able to survive for so long is that I created "work arounds" for his controlling behavior or just set firm boundaries in some areas. An example: I refused to quit my job. I lied about the money I made (otherwise he would somehow take it). I refused to open a joint checking account or go on a car note or credit card with him ever again. I couldn't keep extra sets of car keys around the house or else he took my car and left me to take the bus! I do have to say that having a job and access to your own money is key to dealing with these types. They really hate it too!
The worst thing to happen is having narcissistic parents. If the very people who should protect you and shield your emotions turn out to be abusers, that is the worst thing that can happen to a child.
I agree as someone who had a narcissistic mother. There is no escape. You believe you are the problem. She would never admit she was mentally ill, so there was never any hope that things would change. I am not even sure narcissistic people respond to therapy.
Copying and pasting this from my response that I just posted… Then I scroll down and see this from you Oh my. Take out the romantic partner aspect of this and you have precisely described 50+ years of familial narcissistic abuse. Complete with the enablers, the flying monkeys, and all of that triangulation and other attendant insanity that goes along with it. Hey: wanna make it even better? Multiply that craziness by 2 because it happens on BOTH sides of my families as my parents divorced when I was an infant. Yay me! There have been 5+ decades of this normalized BS and now I’m financially dependent on one of my abusers. WTF. I can’t/shouldn’t invoke my Social Security just yet because my abuser torpedoed the last eight years of my income, so if I wait until I’m 70 (and assuming Social Security still exists by then), then I can invoke guaranteed monthly income. Right now I have to tread on eggshells for fear of financial retribution. I guess it’s a good thing that I became a hoarder of oddball stuff because I’m supplementing my income by selling it on eBay and frankly, that parts kind of fun. But I’m also late diagnosis autistic and super neurosparkly as well, so I have a lot of complex grieving and recovery on my plate right now. The narcissistic abuse portion is just a really bad annoyance like an itchy unwiped emotional butthole, but as in real life, I can’t walk 3 steps without being reminded of the familial manipulation cesspool I’m treading water in.
It's completely different with narcissistic parent because in many cases you don't realize there was anything wrong because you've lived with it your whole life.
I kept telling my therapist that I am grieving the relationship for 26 years. It would have been easier to grieve him being dead than grieving the years of wasted years.
Do give that madness you lived to Almighty God, ask Jesus to help you heal, God, our Creator loves us, and want us to be happy, to feel complete, God loves you, embrace him and he will do protect you like a father.
This is such an important point that I think of often. Them being alive and grieving them is so much harder than actual death as grim as that sounds but it does make sense 😢
The hardest part of recovery has been trusting myself again. Having someone tear down your decisions for years disrupts your intuition and confidence. I feel like I’ve been stuck in limbo.
It’s a slow progress, healing. I do go into thoughts about myself as in faults but it’s temporary now after years and it passes away ❤ sending hugs and love ❤️
Cognitive dissonance and brain fog for starters. Weight gain and lack of motivation for life happens after the narcissistic relationship. I isolate myself too. This video is spot on!
@@khushiprabhudessai9760One gains weight the other loses weight. We are all different and suffer differently from abuse. I think it depends on how we compensate/coping pain, grief and loneliness in our lives.
All of the above . Even after 10 years I struggle with nightmares and all the shit that comes with living with a narcissist,I was with him for almost 40 years and now at 70 I have decided I don’t want to die like this, I will overcome it before I die.
Bless you I know exactly how you feel im 64 and have suffered Narcisist abuse since childhood then from my husband 30 years got to feeling its too llate for me to recover i pray you recover also you deserve to be happy dont blame yourself or deny yourself anything you deserve love the more you realise you deserve good things and give yourself love treat yourself the better you will be you were not to blame, the best thing about surviving the narcisist at this age is that although dont have any relationship now at least i can please myself and do what i want dont have to put up with that treatment anymore may God bless you and heal you so much love xxxxx
I don't want to live miserable any more! I'm 60, but wow, mentally I'm so reduced. All I want to do is garden and vacuum. I haven't even officially left him yet. Only about halfway.
Same but with females. If they are too loud, harsh, cold, I am done. On the other hand, my female co-worker kindly asked me to buy her a candy when I went for shopping, and she was so cheeris about it and thankful and warm, I started crying in the evelator already. My ex also tried to play this role but she was inconsistent of course and I couldnt get to know her better. Was she a narc? Dunno. She had some good deed, e.g. supported to seek out a professional. Maybe just a dismissive avoidant. Do I resonate with all these mentioned? Hell yes.
@@notsoseriousmoonlightI can relate. My coworker offered to clean off my car when it snowed one time. I was so touched. I didn't know how to respond lol
@@notsoseriousmoonlight I was the same way after I had been with the narc for a bit. When someone was really nice to me, I would cry. I couldn’t help it.
46 years of on and off, I was isolated.....no support because of narcissists in my own family. Now I have friends, myself and God and Im moving away and regaining my power 🙏
Hi just wanted to ask how long did it take you to become your normal self again. I too have been in a 46 year relationship and recently become separated and experiencing huge difficulties.
Yes,it's been over 20 years and I don't trust myself most of all. Am doing somatic exercises ,which release past trauma. Finally h a d deep ugly crying,not fun but later felt so peaceful and stronger.
There is also a feeling of complete and utter anger about letting yourself being talked to by a bully narcissist, especially when it is one of your parents, somebody who is supposed to love you and have your back. Being violated is an under statement.
They love to get you riled up and then once they get you there act like you're the problem and you should just 'shut up and go away' as I've heard plenty. Then you pass by them with all this anxiety and anger still inside you pushed on you by the traps of these people and they'll be smiling and probably peacefully resting into a nap. Sick evil people they are. I go out of my way so much to not get pulled into the traps that the last time it happened was because I touched the back door to the house that was left wide open by the flying monkey, my brother, and moved it to half open while making some food there in the kitchen. He come walking in minutes later and gives me this look and next thing you know they're going at me because I moved the door from open to half open.. as if that is a problem. Since then the flying monkey has been walking into the bathroom on me and sometimes with his phone in his hand, just saying to show how far they have to go to chase me into their traps. F'ing sick to the lowest degree.
7 years he ate my life ,he erased the smile from my face,he took the best out of me!!! He make me sell my house and my business I moved in his house after he manipulate me he changed his behavior, he became a totally disaster!!! He took evrething from me !!! I wish there is a law to held them accountable for destroying souls and people lives!!! I prefer to work 12 hours a day then staying one hour with a narcissists!!! They are just drinking your energy and the best of you!!! I wish nobody in this life to encounter a narcissistic person!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I'm sorry to hear you story, I too have been through a very similar thing, the sadest thing of all was my smile, she didn't have to take that but I'm sure it's in her trophy box along with the smiles from people from her past.
For me, it's been a long, difficult road out of narcissistic abuse because it's not "just" an experience with a selfish, manipulative person, but because it has permanently shattered my entire life so far. Realizing that I had grown up as a scapegoat in an unhealthy family, had gathered many friends with narcissistic characteristics around me, with whom I could no longer find any help or security after the current abuse, rounded off the difficult time after my latest contact with a covert narcissist.
After leaving my narcissistic husband and his wealthy family poverty was part of the trauma. They took great joy in watching me suffer. But let me tell you karma is real. When I was living in my car for years after I left him and that nice house. No then he took the kids. He thought I would come back if he had the kids. That didn't work so he called me and asked me if I wanted to take them back after he had ruined them. I knew he was just trying to use them as weapons pawns and spies on me again so I said no. He couldn't believe I set that boundary. So he yelled into the phone, "You have nothing!! That was true he and his family made sure of that. But I said "well I have my health." And he slammed the phone down. Not two months later, he died of a sudden cardiac arrest and now I get his social security benefits. So, thank you for that, God. Karma is real
Ugh. Well, as they say, for some there is a special place in hell and I am sure he’s there. Take solace in that. I’m in the process of a divorce from him and believe you and me, every day I wish I would get a call that says he’s no longer with us. 😂 I wish you all the best. You deserve it.
@@dontbeadogsbody3564He died,i. my absence, during the covid era, I couldn’t get back due to constraints. He left the house that we had lived I. Together, for 20 odd years, to a distant niece.
Give me liberty or give me death! - Paul Revere It's like we have to draw up an individual "Declaration of Independence". Narcs treat people the same way King George and his aristocrats did. Just most narcs don't have that kind of money and power. If they did, they would be every bit as horrible. It all boils down to evil. Evil is evil whether on the macro or micro scale.
Yes the peace calm after is such a feeling I've only Been 2 days no contact He'd one said don't text him if carnt help him financially if do he ignore or block so Its Me ignoring I' ve been single for long time after divorce till him was ldr nearly 3 years didn't learn lesson first time but sure have now time to.love ourselves wish You Happinness moving forward
My narcissist husband comes in and out of my life. When he is around me I can't sleep, my face is all cramped up, and I look 15 years older. I also have gal bladder problems, inflammation and neuropathy and I gain 5 kg every time. When he leaves after two weeks I look 15 years younger. Even my house is cleaner! I tell you his negative emotions attract dust, I have to clean my appartement 3 times a week. Which is amazing to me. How real are negative emotions to influence everything around the person.... 😮
Yes! Indeed! 🤯😵💫🤯😵💫🤯😵💫🤯😵💫🤯😵💫😭😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😞😞😞😞😒🙂↕️🥲🥹😊🙂😁🙃🙂🙃🙂🙂😮💨😮💨😮💨🤬🤬🤬🥺😢😭😭😭😭☺️🙂🙂🙂🤣😂🤣😂🙂🙂🙂🙂🤗🤗🤗🤗🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎉🎉🎊 Congratulations! You did it! You got through 💪😏
@@msshan-l1y Yes, one day and step and achievement/success at a time; big or small. It’s really hard. But the rumination does tapper down and then one day you’ll look back and realize that poof 💨 it’s gone! Took me a year or so 😒 Keep on keeping going!
@@msshan-l1y Remember, there are set backs. Then we scrape ourselves off the floor and get back on it! It’s a roller coaster 🎢 weee! 😩 We’re not alone. We’re here for each other!
Absolutely CORRECT! I knew I had to isolate in order to start finding my own self again in the safety of my own home with noone else around me !! It is a glorious thing and it works. Now I very carefully spend time with what I term SAFE PEOPLE. These are people who do not trigger any anxiety for no reason. It is hit and miss but it works if you stick to your guns and simply walk away from people who do not make you feel safe! I have no problems cutting off those negative people now and it is a wonderful thing to stand in your own power :)
Oh Sweetheart hang in there. Try and do what you need to do to be calm. Whatever it takes to keep yourself safe xxx. We're all here because we know the pain these people inflict on us, the confusion and trauma. It never goes away but it can be lived with. Seek help when you feel particularly bad and sad. You'll be ok xxx
It happens in this context but after sometime you feel better, its a process it's take time. M also suffering from it but now i feel something better. Its a gradually process. GBU 🙏🙏
Watching this was like being slapped in the face, You were litterally saying everything i feel now. EVERYTHING said was absolutely spot on. The ruminating now is so crippling you are right. THANK YOU so much for this amazing video
I can relate 100% 😔 I am a cancer and abuse survivor and I feel I lost myself after all ! My health is poor , but my mind is worst . Thank you so much, Danish ! ❤️
I am a post narc abused, feel so empty and dazzled , confused and off-balance, but the abuser is OK ( my son narc) acts as normal, with continuous abusing personality, we have to shield ourselves staying away from them, he often tells me: I'll get you when you get older
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I felt relieved and freed when she died. But then felt guilty and horrible for feeling that. I still struggle at age 56 because of the damage she caused. I am a mother and I worry about hurting my son because of my mental health issues. He has Aspergers and struggles with depression and anxiety. He has no friends and often feels lonely and rejected by the world. I don't want him to suffer. I would take all of his pain for him. I am already damaged. I want him to have the best life.
Eye problems, sinuses, left side of neck has been bothering me since 1/2020, skin issues, ibs, fatigue, insomnia, brain damage, anxiety, fear, inability to make decisions, isolation, inflammation, I’ve had Covid 5x’s, inability to eat, addicted to sugar. I’m a mess and he knows it and relishes in it from his creepy distance.
I was in an 11 year relationship with a narcissist my wife, and she suffered from fibromyalgia chronic fatigue and depression and she unalived herself last October and I am not doing well. I hadn't gone back to work until last week. And now I couldn't work this week. I have explosive episodes and I keep running into people who make me question myself and it's extremely difficult to set boundaries that people respect. I feel like no one likes me anymore, even my family. I know that this is not true but it's how I feel. I miss being around people I know but I want to be alone at the same time. I feel so damaged. Thanks for sharing this video
@scarbaskt I'm truly sorry for everything you've been through. I hope you can find a nice therapist to help work on the (many) painful memories and the aftereffects. You are in a tough place, but you described it very clearly. For me, it was my father. I'm 65, and even though he died 10 yrs ago, the damage continues to affect my health -- behavior, relationships, mood, and more. I have no kids (thank god) but one sibling who is estranged, and immersed himself in religious zealotry to cope with his negative feelings about himself. It's different for everyone so that's why having a good therapist is SO vital. It's learning to love and to forgive yourself and others. Even if they've left this world they are still having an effect on you. It doesn't go away, but you can learn to live with the trauma (and it sounds like you have a lot of it) & to let some of it go so you can start to heal. If it can happen to me it can happen to you, I promise! Just take one step at a time, & take it slow! Light & love, good luck! ❤
My sister-in-law and I are both in the process of divorcing brothers from one of the most toxic narcissistic families on the planet. The mom is a malignant narcissist and is the absolute worst. I hate her with every fiber of my being because of the damage that she has caused generationally. My sister-in-law and I both noticed that as soon as we separated our brain functions started to return. Brain fog, the ability to concentrate, the ability to understand information, to remember information, to problem solve, to make decisions, to evaluate situations, to know what we want or need… We’re both intelligent strong women who have never had that problem, but with each passing year married to covert narcissist, it was a parent we were starting to decompensate cognitively. It’s been three months since I saw him and I feel cognitively almost like myself again.
I'm whacked all over and it's your right to be happy 😊 but I do ruminate cuz it keeps them at bay, I function well and all mostly so content rejoicing in the many facts that I'm not like them!
All of the above. But I was most surprised about the aches and pains and inflammation. I did not imagine that that was caused from narcissistic abuse. I always wondered what was wrong with me.😮
I agree I am too. We internalize so much and isolated that our bodies express the stress this way. I should have realized it. Doh! It makes so much sense, holding and internslixing so much negativity is going to find anogher way out.
Does anybody experience extreme loneliness? I lost many people being with him and always taking him back and my world has shrunk to family and best friend only. I feel so stupid and the loneliness is extreme. I think somehow I deserve it. It's karma. Paying the price big time. I realise how much we need friends to feel whole 😢
Same happened to me. It's what they do, they slowly but surely eliminate friends from your life because those people take attention away from them. Mine even tried to do it with my own mother. They are sick, twisted and evil people, and love to play the victim.
Yes They seem to drive away people in passive aggressive manner Slowly make u feel uncomfortable have anyone around Socially embarrassed And emotionally drained to even try freinds anymore
Yes! I went through a long phase of extreme loneliness, oh and it hurts indescribably bad, sometimes I wished to God that I could rip out all this hurt and pain inside of me, it could be unbearable at times, all I could do is cry 😭 and just ache and long for someone to hold me and love me through this!! But all I had was me. I lost friends along the way. I had to learn to love, validate and rely on me. It does get better, slowly, but surely. I had my mom, that’s it. I don’t trust anyone to be a true friend and trusted confidant, that won’t abandon me. I feel like the experience is so awful, no one would understand or stick it through with me. There is soooooooo much to this!! Only people who actually have been through this and similar experiences, can really understand. It’s really hard to be so alone, yet at the same time would rather be safe than sorry. 🤷♀️ Had Narcissistic husband for 12 Very LONG and excruciatingly painful years! PTSD, complicated trauma after trauma. Major anxieties, that I’m unable to work at this time. Forgetfulness. Flashbacks. Panic attacks. Extreme fatigue in every way. I don’t know how to be around people and social situations anymore, or know what to talk about. I still work at it. Lots of depression. Experienced suicidal thoughts, never acted on, just more I didn’t know how to cope or get out. Obsessive thoughts. OCD, the worrying kind. Lots of therapy. Etc. It is devastating. Despairing. Crippling. To go through and to come out of and heal from narcissistic abuse!!! But hold on!!!! Keep on going!!!! You can get through this!!! And it does get better!!! It’s a bumpy ride! Lots of ups and downs, highs and lows, confusion, doubting yourself, hopelessness, helplessness, etc etc etc… There’s so much to work through, get past and LET GO of! You can Do It! I’m still working at and through this! Love yourself! Enjoy yourself! Be patient and kind to yourself! It’s okay, to forgive yourself! You weren’t stupid! You were conned, deceived, mislead, manipulated, etc. This Is Not Your Fault! It Isn’t You!!
Betrayal, anger, and three illnesses brought on by my lifelong situations. Married a man like dear old dad. I’m older, so now what? Should I even care? At least I know what is happening now. Glad to have found your channel. I’ll be back!
I’ve moved in with family, if there’s an argument with yelling, I’m immediately overwhelmed, and bolt to my room. I break down and cry missing what I thought I had. When family or friends are nice and do me a favor I start crying, because the years of being dismissed, and devalued that the sheer act of kindness is overwhelming. These people are pure evil.
It’s terrible b4 when I didn’t know he was leading a double life I was coping; but since 2020 my world crumbled. Divorced in Jan of this year; there’s days I can’t function but hoping my faith will get me through! Without Heavenly Father I wouldn’t be here at all
@@suzettewalsh2854 I’ll keep praying for your recovery; stay strong and keep the faith. I’m in the middle of a divorce and can’t wait to be rid of him. I thank God for my faith, that’s what keeps me going too. ✨🙏🏻✨
This is so relatable..I don't even like when people are kind to me...I think it's because I'm always waiting for the "catch"...like kindness never comes on its own for me. It's always tied to something horrific so I'd rather just be left alone which is obviously not sustainable..ugh😢
I had every one of those. I got severe anxiety and depression. I still do not want to be close to my family. They still do not understand what I went thru. I have never found another significant other since my narcissistic ex. I was married to him for 30 years but it was NEVER happy. Cannot understand how I lived thru it that long. It was agony most days.
Its the panic and anxiety attacks that are most prevalent they occur out of nowhere and it takes forever to calm down and get back to normal. And the side effects of SSRIs and other medications on memory and speech.
The descriptions were right on for me. 18 years living with my narcissist father and 20 years with my narcissist husband, divorced over 17 years now. It's good to have validation. Thank you
Thank you for this vital information. Learning everything about these monsters has been the most difficult, but rewarding experiences in my life. Processing this pain is real. Cut out alcohol, unhealthy foods, and treat yourself like you are a tender baby.
The last one hit me hard. I feel shame for being so stupid, and I question if something happened when I KNOW it did. Sometimes I thought I was the one who might be the narcissist. The "WHY would someone who says he loves me treat me this way" makes me wonder if he really did, or am I just super sensitive. NOW I know the truth, but I'm stuck.
I came to realization my partner a narcissist I thought I trigger him that I’m a problem No he’s sociopaths They play compassion and righteousness But it’s a false power over people Underneath they don’t care
No your just probably empathetic personality which narc's target bc they feed off it.i am too. There comes a point where they have stomped on your empathy so much that you no longer have any to give or the energy to give it bc the narc gobbles it up like candy. Then bc your emotions have been so enclosed you wonder maybe YOUR the narc, and feel guilty for anything you do for joy for yourself. Its part of their game to break down any thing not done for their wellfare.
Thank you so much! You described me in a succinct way. I cried through the whole video because the truth of your words were so profound. I divorced my husband last spring. December I fell into severe depression. I haven't been convinced I did the right thing. The stress dealing with consequences of the divorce are overwhelming. Been praying for knowing I did the right thing leaving him after 20 years. You're video answered my prayers. I did the right thing.
I’ve lost my tolerance for narcissist and now I’m seeing them and I’m could lose my sh… with them, but it’s better just to say you know what you’re right to keep your peace and run!!!!!
I am all of that. I am here in just that broken state of being. I needed so badly to hear all of this because I realize it's not just me and I realize I was allowing myself to be controlled. I was with my partner for 22 years and finally said no to something - and he ended it. It's been over 10 years now and I'm realizing that he probably did that just to get me back under his control. I won't allow him to come near me again, but I still feel sorry for him as well because I truly believe that he was broken from the time he was a toddler in a nightmare of a family. Thank you so much for doing this video. And I thank the Universe for bringing this video to me at the time I needed it most.
I am a very happy 65 yo medical professional. You are spot on in everything you said. Got away from narcissistic mother. First husband (physician) narcissist I left after 10 years. My husband of 33 years very controlling with narc tendencies. He went to therapy and he has become really wonderful and caring. I have significant autoimmune (just like you said) and he is very supportive, I am very thankful. Two well adjusted confident adult kids. I broke the cycle.
3 of the things you talked about wierd body symptoms, inability to trust others, and blaming myself for what happened are what i have been dealing with as well as self doubt
🎉 That is wonderful to hear! Congrats!! Personally, i am not out of the Woods yet, but I am doing much, much better. These experiences have made my life richer and deeper for having gone through it, but I certainly wouldn't want to become enmeshed with a cluster B personality ever again
I totally relate to all of the 5 symptoms. I left an 18yr narcissistic relationship almost 6 yrs ago, and I still struggle with most of these 5 points now. My Dr has diagnosed CPTSD, Depression, Severe Anxiety, Fibromyalgia and a form of Bipolar called Cyclothymia. After watching this, I now believe I am suffering with the post traumatic narcissistic abuse disorder and not all the things my Dr has diagnosed me with.
Everything you are saying is correct. It describes my husband to a T. My difficulty is that he has everyone convinced that he is wonderful and caring and loving and that I’m the one who has gone off the rails. He even has my parents convinced of this. I feel like I’m just drifting around without any hope for help and for someone to take up my side. I’ve suffered such severe physical injury that I can’t even hold down a job right now, so I have to depend on him literally to stay alive.
If he's severely injured you, you should leave immediately, like I did! Go to an emergency Women's Shelter. They will hide you & keep you safe for a few months, until you can relocate or change jobs. Get away from him, before you can't!🙏🏽🦋
I have tried the same with a narc woman behaving in the same way convincing other people I am the culprit and the narc ever so fantastisk...narcs are masters of manipulation and twisting...you need to get away from the fake monster and find some people to understand you and help you out of this narc mess. If you stay, it will get worse over time and you breaking down
I have been in relationship from last 42 years , I am from Pakistan , I was so naive that for many years I didn’t know what is bipolar n recently I learned about narcissistic behavior , which is exactly he has , now it seems too late to get out of this relationship bc we r now grandparents ; Just thinking what the people would think about us , I think we r the oldest couple in town n people have great respect for us , it would be very shameful n embarrassing for us to set a bad example for the young people,every day I ask Allah help me n show me the right path Ameen Now I am thinking to teach Norani qida to convert children; might be Allah is showing me the right path
@khalidakarim1881 It is very complicated to find a way out. Ask yourself, your God, for answers to all questions. Wait, listen. Ask for ears that hear and a mind that knows what to do. I hope for your freedom. Regardless of faith, culture, age, we have this one life. And you dear one, deserve a peaceful remainder of your life. You have talents and abilities ready to be used for yourself first, then for others. Don't stop going forward, for you! I'm 70. My life since age 2 has been a struggle. But I am NOT stopping, for me! And there's a power that exists that honors my perseverance. It's Goodness, Love, God. It's here for the taking, and for us all. XXOO
Relate to everything you say. Been with a narcissist 58 years my advice is don’t fear confrontation, trust your instincts , take notice of the Red Flags. Don’t be a people pleaser, and get out of it when you can, or are able. Love and Prayers
I struggle with all of this. I have been in and out of theraphy for over 30 years. I'm 54 now. Not one single one talked about this. They didn’t know what to diagnose me with. Except anxiety, panickattacks and bipolar 2 which also turned out to be wrong. I had higher scores on suspicion but no personality disorder. Well I was just divorced from a narcissist abusive ex-husband. No wonder I was suspicious. Also growing up with emotionally immature parents or I think they are narcissists. Never did or do doctors mention this. The body keeps score and we have to educate ourselves. Thank you so much for this video 💜
Not being able to let it go makes me feel if I am also the one 😄🙈I am laughing now while I hardly cached my breath for 8 past months. I truly appreciate your hard work and life changing videos. Trust me narc survivors who listen or watch your videos don’t have that energy to use their fingers and write comments to you or sometimes it’s hard to breath to even accept what we are going through. For me after listening and watching your videos for the first time I got to know what narcissism is. It’s not that I just got in one narc relationship almost all of my close people have been narc and me being extremely caring helpful ruined my eyes with too much tears praying crying for them to be good healthy happy while never even expected same for myself. It felt like everyone else exists in this world except me. Today is the day I can finally write to you and thank you I extremely needed it and I appreciate your videos. it works like oxygen for a dying patient.🙏
Yes, you spot on.. Im going through all that you just described! Thank you very much for enlightening me my present feelings. Just got free after 60 years of marriage to a Narc. Really struggling to figure out why he treated me so badly all these years n finally 2 weeks ago he assaulted me. I blamed myself for not taking good care of him n deserved to be attacked! Thank you for making me understand that im not a Narc n deserve to be used n abused for the best part of my life! I wished to have learned about Narcissism early n save myself such a painful miserable life . I was planning to end my miserable existence thinking my life is over. Theres no more tomorrow for a 86+ years old lady.
Thanks Danish, your video explains what I’ve been going through for decades! Flashbacks, ruminating, isolation, betrayal, projections, cannot trust other people! I have serious health issues, the main one is in remission and the doc gave me 5y to live! I ‘m on y3 the doc said my life could be longer but no guarantee. At my age I cannot work, too old, and I do not want to be dependent on family. Your videos help very much and reading the comments I don’t feel so alone! Thanks again, God Bless!👍❤️🙏🏻
This is spot on. Even the health issues. While i have a history of autoimmune in my family, i have a hyperreaction to stress of any kind. It triggers flares worse than anything. My trust issues are so bad i have sociophobia and agoraphobia. The rumination hits home. Im 15 months out from fleeing and going no contact and i still dwell on that. Its why i watch these videos, to try to understand a little. To forgive myself a little. I just wish my nightmares werent filled with me arguing with her and trying to confront her.
Just get away , I did , with lots of things to deal with , just get out , good luck , you must be a lovely person because that's who they pick on xxxx🎉❤❤❤
I have been diagnosed with depression when I was younger but after watching this video and watching other videos on narc abuse I see where I get it from. I think I have more than one of them in my own family and it really doesn’t help when my boyfriend starts to mimic these behaviors. I feel the best being alone away from people which people used to tell me I’m a people person. What most don’t see is it’s draining on me to be in a crowd of people. I am working on myself though self help videos and books. The Body Code and the Emotional Code are very good books I’m currently reading. Every information piece helps!❤
I LITERALLY have every problem that he is discussing. It’s literally like he is describing my life since getting out of a relationship with a Narcissistic abuser YEARS ago! Amazing….
Thank you so much, I went to see a counselor and she thought I was exaggerating about my need to isolate and hyper vigilance and most of the things you mentioned. Like I should just get over it. Most don't understand narcissism and what victims go through before and after because of her I don't even want to talk to anyone about it again
Yes this was a few years ago, I only saw this person once and that it. It was free counciling so very low quality. If I ever see anyone again they will need to specialize or at least be aware of narcissistic abuse
This is so true 😢 I have autoimmune diseases due to the narcissistic abuse from my ex husband. I struggle with the fact that I ever allowed someone to treat me that way…I don’t know how to move forward and eventually forgive myself but also realise it was never my fault in the first place.
Thank you Danish, yes to many , rumination, trust, isolation. I ended up in hospital w broken heart syndrome, which worsened my heart condition, accelerated my physical inflammatory markers , i feel & look aged now w physical damage. Also the trust issue, hard to even make good friends, so many narcissists out there i would rather stay safe & i am isolated .I wish I had never met the narc so much damage for what? So many lies told abt me, so much defamation of character, to everyone, and how do I regain my joy ? Been many years post escape! Thanks Danish for the validation for all of us. Isolation occurs too post escape bcs few ppl understand how betrayed we are on every level, big & small, never love , everything was a waste of my time & life. That brought only pain & damage. So not like a normal loss.
The projections of his issues on me is HUGE!!! This is what he was the master of, and he would tell all of his friends and family these lies about me but they were all about him!!😢😢😢🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
We should do a meet up. Like a conference. We need to have a good positive name for it, but it would be nice to meet everybody who has suffered the same hell. There are so many of us and if we came together imagine what we could do to educate the courts and the medical system. Not that they care that we’re healthier, but they do have an obligation to society, as we pay exorbitant taxes for nothing. Professionals should not be paid when they are this ignorant about a huge, huge problem in our sick society. Additionally, it sounds like we need some options for people. If the number one thing keeping people stuck is financial, we need to find a way to support people through housing and other financial support, so they can get on their feet and get the hell out.
Loss of sense of self. Not in the same way people with BPD present it but rather the loss of joy in things that use to bring you joy and loss of the sense of self that would define what makes you, you; you notice things about yourself that affect you differently than how they use to or you begin to react to situations differently than you would normally. Like you remember how you use to be and don't understand why you aren't behaving the same.
The more I try to let go, the harder the memories hang on and flood my brain even though we have had zero contact for months. I lost all of my friends. I can't talk to my family. I can't even join a support group because I'm too afraid that there is just something wrong with me and that's why everything happened the way it did. I sign up for online groups and then end up cancelling at the last minute because I just feel there's nothing that can help me. I constantly feel stupid and question my own perceptions of everything. I can't trust my own eyes or ears or thoughts, let alone any other person. I have been in abusive situations before, but this has broken me in a way I don't know how to heal from. This has brought me to a point in my life when I can't even begin to believe there is any hope for me. I don't even feel like I'm a living person anymore. I feel like a ghost screaming in pain for someone --anyone --to see me or hear me or understand or care at all, and there's no one. The friends I had... It's like they didn't believe me, and they got frustrated with me for not pulling myself back up and moving forward, and I have tried! I've tried so hard for so long--years---so many things--nothing is helping. So I just get sucked into researching all of this, desperately wanting something to click on my brain, but it all just gets lost in a fog of cognitive dissonance. The bottom line for me is that, logically, all of this makes sense and the steps to follow toward healing would help--IF I JUST KNEW FOR SURE THAT IT'S NOT JUST ME. I don't know what's real anymore, and I can't seem to figure out how to know for sure what the problem actually is.
Omg finally someone who understands how I feel and cannot put into words, its as if you were speaking directly to me , I just wanted to reach out and hug you because you actually understand , thank you so much .
for me it is also no motivation at all and non stop procrastination. If someone would tell before that I will end up in this state of existence, I would never believe. I was such a different person.
Very same here... I had 3 different businesses... I was very busy, vibrant and somehow a this relationship progressed, the ups and downs, back and forth, inner turmoil, Break ups and let downs.....I really had no way of seeing how deliberate, Calculated and cerebral Me Ex really was. Slowly this union overshadowed and took center stage with almost everything. Even My very faith was shaken to its core. My going to Church to Her suddenly was perceived as just something I Do, "My Thing", like bowling or golf.... She was so fake Spiritual. Her friends/ new and old, phone- social media. Devaluations and discarding from time to time. We're going to be Parents, imagine 2 people that shouldn't even be together, bringing/ raising Children together. So much happening so fast... Getting settled in and Conditioned into unhealthy dynamics. This is hard, This is dark, cruel and cold stuff. Unless people have been thru it they'll never fully/ truly understand. Do whatever it takes to save and comeback to Yourself. So owe these evil people nothing. Stay as Prayerful and Vigilant as You can. God Bless and may peace, discernment and wisdom be among Your many tools readily available to You. Amen 🙏
@@user-cf7dk2ui4z God bless you, please speak to your friends and family and even some random people as much as possible, it's really helps. Amen. We have to get back to ourselves!
Same here, some days brain fog and procrastination just cant function. I see in my head what I need to do, simple tasks ( clean the porch for instance) and I rethink it over and over and don't do it, that and no energy to do it.
Very, very true, Danish, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm a 62F and have always wondered "what's wrong with me" until I started listening to your teachings and now I know. I was made to believe something was wrong with me, when I'm actually like everyone else who's had narcissists in their family. It's not us - it's them. Trust issues are huge. I did the opposite of people who go towards narcissists and marry them. I, in turn, basically said "hell no!" and didn't trust any man no matter how nice he was. I didn't trust, therefore am still single. I hate it but that's been my thinking. It's scary and maddening all at once.
After 30 years of narcissistic abuse I divorced my ex husband. Even though it's been 12 years since the divorce I still can't trust. I will not even consider another relationship and will not date. Then I got a new boss who triggered me so much because she acted like my ex. I couldn't please her and was under such scrutiny I couldn't take it. After 51 years of being an RN I had to quit and end my career. I am still in therapy and have a very thick wall around me so no one can hurt me, invalidate me, criticize me, insult me, gaslight me or blame me. All five of your points describe me. I am 73 and would rather be isolated and alone. Animals are my source of joy as I have never had a human love me or bring me happiness the way my dogs do. My ex began and ended his days with only concern for what pleased him. I am truly sorry that I never got to experience the kind of love where the other person thought of me first. Great video.
Yes it's so true, I have had 2 bosses over the years that were total narcissist. Triggered me greatly. One I had to quit and other I had to move departments. 2nd one couldn't understand why I wouldn't perform and be yes-man to him in his toxic feifdom. Luckily my HR Manager recognized that up to him as a manager I had been exceeding until him. He would do this to every new manager under him (I had a different manager over me for several years and had to tranfer to him.) He told me at first sit down that he wasn't going to tell me how he is, but to ask the other managers under him. Well none of them would talk. Literally would not say candidly what they thought. Big red flag!! I can usually get along with everyone, team player, if you respect me I will give you respect, but you earn it. From that point on, he went out of his way to make me miserable, and to others seeing me get beat down every day and question myself it was like blood in the water!! I could do nothing right, even though my team was top 2 in the unit. I wss told daily I never should have become a manager, I didn't have the creds, he thought I should know things as a senior manager of 8 years (no only bc what he thought I should know, when never on his team before). I was not allowed to talk to other managers compare policy on managing people. I would be brought into his officd if I did. He even tried to turn my team against me. Luckily they told me in a team meeting spoke up about how they see him treating me, and they didn't want any other manager but me. It brought tears to my eyes. Finally came a point where I knew I was not going to survive him, with HRs help moved to another department. On my way out told the other managers and unit managers exactly in private meetings why I was leaving. After I left 2 more managers took my place after and experienced the same. One quit after 15 years working there, the other got him demoted. I with my initial complaint and then the pattern after is what got him. My team gave me a huge party send off to my other department which goes to show you I was doing something right. But I have learned what to look for. Unfortunately was not so lucky in love life, was also dealing with narcissist at home. Work had been my go-to for my esteem. He was now happy he was making more than me and letting me know it. Then wanting to control everything. Everything after went into his name, the new car, the house we moved to bc my credit had been burned due to financial past on his part and his income higher. Unfortunately just when I was ready to leave, he had a stroke. Now I am running everything. Not sure what is worse. He will have to going into 24/7 care, i am feeling relief that not having to deal with the abuse, but can't leave him now due to the circumstances. I am home alone with the pets and rejoicing but unable to walk away.
@@TheAislynnRose My ex husband said that I didn't make enough money as a nurse and wished he had married a doctor to have more money. He said if he ever remarried he would marry money. One year after our divorce finalized he married money, lives in a 12K square foot multimillion dollar home. He is a big shot now. Money and status were the only things I couldn't give him and the two things that he wanted.
Well now its time to look out for you. If thats all he wanted tben good riddence he"s now someone elses problem. He is going to spend her dry. Don't look at yourself as the failure, it is all him. I wanted to be a nurse but found out Im too empathetic, I feel peoples pain too much. I watch what these nurses do for my husband and realize what silent heroes they are. You are one too!!
This is a fantastic video - so on point. I can feel the genuine empathy coming through strongly in this video. Thank you Danish, I think you have possibly the best handle and the most insight into narcissism of anyone on the planet.
Yes to the IBS. I used to say to him if he didn't stop stressing me out I would have to leave, which I finally did in 1999 after 22 years. I was blamed because I was the one who left but I have always said did I jump or was I pushed? The IBS continued but to a lesser degree, fed by guilt, depression, rumination and loneliness. The isolation of Covid lockdown actually helped as no one could make demands of me. A couple of friends and even my mother could cause anxiety and stress. The IBS is sorted after 30 years of suffering. Lately, discovering videos about narcissism have built my confidence and clarity. At last I now know who I am. Thank you.
25 yrs and 2 children. Husband undiagnosed, but I think he's borderline with malignant narcissistic traits that has left me trauma bonded. Thankfully, after learning that he's borderline I went Grey Rock so the discard was not so heartbreaking. I wanted it to end, my soul was in agony but I didn't know how to do it, enmeshed as I was with cognitive dissonance, brain fog, inability to think clearly or take decisions. Sexually abused as a child and raised by mildly narcissistic mother, weak father, I've had hormonal issues since my early 20s, hairloss n hirsutism, guy issues, chronic fatigue too. I've aged alot in the last 25 yrs. It's only now that I understand the cause of my psychosomatic illness, which has plagued me all my life. I'm taking life one day at a time, I have good days and bad days, my children are a great comfort to me, hug me and hold me close. Thankfully despite their own trauma, they've cut the chord and moved on with their lives post discard
I began to not look back. Refused to look back because it haunted me. It all happened. It was evil, devastating. He never pays the price. But I just go forward, as best I can. That saved me from the rumination.
Just know your not alone on this It hurt to know my spath narc Was toxic His sly false compassion and concern for me brainwashed and me Good people inheritently get caught up in this bc this logic of manipulators seeking relationships is strange
@@ArchAngel435 you could be describing me after I escaped. I couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t make a decision, brain fog, cognitive dissonance, everything. I started seeing a Christian counselor afterwards and a lot of the things that I thought I had forgotten came pouring out. She wanted me to set goals. I couldn’t set a goal if my life depended on it!. It wasn’t until after I got into another narcissistic relationship that I began learning about narcissism. It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t crazy.
Thank you very much, Mr. Danish. You have described me very accurately. I feel relief that there is a genuine professional, one who does not stick a "mental health issues" label on those like myself. In my case the perpetrator was my mother. She had never been abused in any way, and had no mental health issues; she was just simply evil. She most closely fit the description of a dark triad narcissist, but even more cunning. She abused me in many ways on a daily basis, thriving on sadism. She made several attempts on my life, and hired people whom she had convinced somehow that I should not be allowed to live, to make attempts on my. life. I have no idea how I could possibly have survived, but against high odds, I did. I have physical skeletal and brain damage, and am now very isolated, against my will, due to my physical limitations caused by 55 years of abuse. I was an abuse slave. I now live alone, in constant severe pain due to inflammatory issues, and can barely move, due to the pain and stiffness. I am also financially destitute due to not being able to work for the last 26 years. This is depressing because I love to work and miss being able to do so terribly. While I am still breathing at this time, I have no life. I will stop here, as the narrative of the rest of my situation would fill several books. Thus I am in the position to offer empathy, sympathy, and support to those who find themselves in a similar situation. It is encourageing, to say the least, that there are a few knowledgeable people who still view those like me as viable persons, even though we may not be able to be productive. The worst aspect is the belief held by many, that we do not deserve to exist. Best wishes and light energy go with you as you seek to overturn misconceptions and prejudices and offer support to us.
Thank you for sharing your situation with us. I'm sorry that you find yourself isolated I am in a similar place with pain and inflammation as well as isolation. I'm so pleased that you are willing to reach out to others, even in your condition. Sending love and light around the world helps in ways that we can't understand, but it is so important ✨️ I send you healing love, friend, and I pray 🙏 that your load is lighter and your troubles are better in the coming days weeks and months ❤️
@@nancyayers8322 Thank you sincerely for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear of your own situation. People who have never experienced life the way we have are fond of reminding us that we're "not the only ones" in our situation. I say to them that I'm well aware of that, and is it supposed to make me feel better to be criticized for being a "whiny" survivor? Well, it does not; in fact it helps me to feel worse to confront the fact that I have much company; and to be reminded that there is nothing that I can do to alleviate their suffering, much less my own, at least at this point. And I'm running out of time. All I ever wanted to do with my life was to assist others and contribute to their quality of life. The parent in question knew of this and went to great lengths to ensure that my goal would be impossible to reach. But enough about me. I gratefully and thankfully accept your gifts, and send you equal respect, and best wishes and positive and healing energy of my own. Light be with you.
I needed to hear all of this so bad! Thank you I am hoping I can get through it this time. Your absolutely right I need my drug and it is him and I am going through withdrawal and everyone just wants to judge. He promised me I would leave his house in a body bag someday. I tried for a long time for my son. I have a traumatic brain injury and with his abuse and then he had our 11 year old treating me literally the same way. I had no choice but to leave when he put his hands on me yet again! I want my baby but he will not leave his dad! I am disabled from a motorcycle accident in 2018. My family acts like it is me I have all the proof that it is him but they have always saw me as the person in the wrong! Thank you again for this post I know now this is part of the healing
Literally every single one... I am going through a horrible divorce right now, and I am finally able to see little of what I have been through. This made me cry. You were talking about me... I am glad to see the truth now.
"The narcissist isolates you from yourself." Well said.
And it’s harder than all Hell to find yourself again!
But it’s also so beautiful when you start to forgive yourself, love and accept yourself, and most of all, take good care of you!
You matter!
It’ll come.
Yep, I used to say just before my escape, " you have forgotten who I am, I have not, you will not kill me".
They certainly try! I think the reason I was able to survive for so long is that I created "work arounds" for his controlling behavior or just set firm boundaries in some areas. An example: I refused to quit my job. I lied about the money I made (otherwise he would somehow take it). I refused to open a joint checking account or go on a car note or credit card with him ever again. I couldn't keep extra sets of car keys around the house or else he took my car and left me to take the bus! I do have to say that having a job and access to your own money is key to dealing with these types. They really hate it too!
If they are a true narcissist in reality you don't even exist to them.
@@freedomwarrior5087 agreed
The worst thing to happen is having narcissistic parents. If the very people who should protect you and shield your emotions turn out to be abusers, that is the worst thing that can happen to a child.
I agree as someone who had a narcissistic mother. There is no escape. You believe you are the problem. She would never admit she was mentally ill, so there was never any hope that things would change. I am not even sure narcissistic people respond to therapy.
Agreed! I'm 38 and still trying to fix what they broke inside me .
Copying and pasting this from my response that I just posted… Then I scroll down and see this from you
Oh my. Take out the romantic partner aspect of this and you have precisely described 50+ years of familial narcissistic abuse. Complete with the enablers, the flying monkeys, and all of that triangulation and other attendant insanity that goes along with it.
Hey: wanna make it even better? Multiply that craziness by 2 because it happens on BOTH sides of my families as my parents divorced when I was an infant. Yay me!
There have been 5+ decades of this normalized BS and now I’m financially dependent on one of my abusers. WTF.
I can’t/shouldn’t invoke my Social Security just yet because my abuser torpedoed the last eight years of my income, so if I wait until I’m 70 (and assuming Social Security still exists by then), then I can invoke guaranteed monthly income. Right now I have to tread on eggshells for fear of financial retribution. I guess it’s a good thing that I became a hoarder of oddball stuff because I’m supplementing my income by selling it on eBay and frankly, that parts kind of fun.
But I’m also late diagnosis autistic and super neurosparkly as well, so I have a lot of complex grieving and recovery on my plate right now. The narcissistic abuse portion is just a really bad annoyance like an itchy unwiped emotional butthole, but as in real life, I can’t walk 3 steps without being reminded of the familial manipulation cesspool I’m treading water in.
53 here ... this sh*t has impacted 💥 my life in ways normal people cannot even fathom 😖 ...
It's completely different with narcissistic parent because in many cases you don't realize there was anything wrong because you've lived with it your whole life.
I kept telling my therapist that I am grieving the relationship for 26 years. It would have been easier to grieve him being dead than grieving the years of wasted years.
Do give that madness you lived to Almighty God, ask Jesus to help you heal, God, our Creator loves us, and want us to be happy, to feel complete, God loves you, embrace him and he will do protect you like a father.
This is such an important point that I think of often. Them being alive and grieving them is so much harder than actual death as grim as that sounds but it does make sense 😢
@@inesmartinez3685🙄🙄🙄
36 here and so much regret.
Exactly how I feel. On top trying to get back to true self and forgiving myself....
The hardest part of recovery has been trusting myself again. Having someone tear down your decisions for years disrupts your intuition and confidence. I feel like I’ve been stuck in limbo.
It’s a slow progress, healing. I do go into thoughts about myself as in faults but it’s temporary now after years and it passes away ❤ sending hugs and love ❤️
Same here, trusting Myself and other people is too much Hard ..😢
Cognitive dissonance and brain fog for starters. Weight gain and lack of motivation for life happens after the narcissistic relationship. I isolate myself too. This video is spot on!
But I lost my weight after ending relationship with the narcessist how?
@@khushiprabhudessai9760 me too the weight going down and my health is being restored. The videos help me understand what happened
@@khushiprabhudessai9760One gains weight the other loses weight. We are all different and suffer differently from abuse. I think it depends on how we compensate/coping pain, grief and loneliness in our lives.
@@khushiprabhudessai9760 I've also lost 8kg weight within 1 month after a great escape from the narcissist relationship
@@khushiprabhudessai9760I lost a lot of weight during the divorce but now carry too much weight and can’t get rid of it
All of the above . Even after 10 years I struggle with nightmares and all the shit that comes with living with a narcissist,I was with him for almost 40 years and now at 70 I have decided I don’t want to die like this, I will overcome it before I die.
you have my admiration !
Yes, live on . Life is precious even though its short but make it beautiful n worthwhile.
43 years for me, when I look back in hysight there was tell tell signs 😞
Bless you I know exactly how you feel im 64 and have suffered Narcisist abuse since childhood then from my husband 30 years got to feeling its too llate for me to recover i pray you recover also you deserve to be happy dont blame yourself or deny yourself anything you deserve love the more you realise you deserve good things and give yourself love treat yourself the better you will be you were not to blame, the best thing about surviving the narcisist at this age is that although dont have any relationship now at least i can please myself and do what i want dont have to put up with that treatment anymore may God bless you and heal you so much love xxxxx
I don't want to live miserable any more! I'm 60, but wow, mentally I'm so reduced. All I want to do is garden and vacuum. I haven't even officially left him yet. Only about halfway.
Yes I prefer isolation because other peoples emotions can trigger me. Especially angry outbursts or slamming doors or throwing things, I gotta go!
Same but with females. If they are too loud, harsh, cold, I am done.
On the other hand, my female co-worker kindly asked me to buy her a candy when I went for shopping, and she was so cheeris about it and thankful and warm, I started crying in the evelator already.
My ex also tried to play this role but she was inconsistent of course and I couldnt get to know her better.
Was she a narc? Dunno. She had some good deed, e.g. supported to seek out a professional. Maybe just a dismissive avoidant.
Do I resonate with all these mentioned? Hell yes.
I once had a cop give me a ticket, and I cried afterward because he was so nice to me. I realized no one had been nice to me in a long time.
@@notsoseriousmoonlightI can relate. My coworker offered to clean off my car when it snowed one time. I was so touched. I didn't know how to respond lol
Get a cute dog and you will never need anyone else
@@notsoseriousmoonlight I was the same way after I had been with the narc for a bit. When someone was really nice to me, I would cry. I couldn’t help it.
46 years of on and off, I was isolated.....no support because of narcissists in my own family. Now I have friends, myself and God and Im moving away and regaining my power 🙏
Hi just wanted to ask how long did it take you to become your normal self again. I too have been in a 46 year relationship and recently become separated and experiencing huge difficulties.
It’s been years but I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone else with my heart ever again.
We're here for you, you've trusted us and we did not let you down!
Tske each Day at time I feel same at moment kerp.loving You ❤
Yep, me too.
Never again.
Yes,it's been over 20 years and I don't trust myself most of all.
Am doing somatic exercises ,which release past trauma. Finally h a d deep ugly crying,not fun but later felt so peaceful and stronger.
There is also a feeling of complete and utter anger about letting yourself being talked to by a bully narcissist, especially when it is one of your parents, somebody who is supposed to love you and have your back. Being violated is an under statement.
They love to get you riled up and then once they get you there act like you're the problem and you should just 'shut up and go away' as I've heard plenty. Then you pass by them with all this anxiety and anger still inside you pushed on you by the traps of these people and they'll be smiling and probably peacefully resting into a nap. Sick evil people they are.
I go out of my way so much to not get pulled into the traps that the last time it happened was because I touched the back door to the house that was left wide open by the flying monkey, my brother, and moved it to half open while making some food there in the kitchen. He come walking in minutes later and gives me this look and next thing you know they're going at me because I moved the door from open to half open.. as if that is a problem. Since then the flying monkey has been walking into the bathroom on me and sometimes with his phone in his hand, just saying to show how far they have to go to chase me into their traps. F'ing sick to the lowest degree.
7 years he ate my life ,he erased the smile from my face,he took the best out of me!!! He make me sell my house and my business I moved in his house after he manipulate me he changed his behavior, he became a totally disaster!!! He took evrething from me !!! I wish there is a law to held them accountable for destroying souls and people lives!!! I prefer to work 12 hours a day then staying one hour with a narcissists!!! They are just drinking your energy and the best of you!!! I wish nobody in this life to encounter a narcissistic person!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Mine did the same so I left with nothing just before I turned 60
I'm still in his house trying to leave but it's hard to find a place, single mom with two kids. And he is taking advantage!! Evil
I'm sorry to hear you story, I too have been through a very similar thing, the sadest thing of all was my smile, she didn't have to take that but I'm sure it's in her trophy box along with the smiles from people from her past.
@@justinejoubert3731Same here, I left 2 months ago. I turned 54 this Sunday.
I lost so much. But at least I am free. I try to not hold onto that resentment and try to find a way forward but it is hard.
For me, it's been a long, difficult road out of narcissistic abuse because it's not "just" an experience with a selfish, manipulative person, but because it has permanently shattered my entire life so far.
Realizing that I had grown up as a scapegoat in an unhealthy family, had gathered many friends with narcissistic characteristics around me, with whom I could no longer find any help or security after the current abuse, rounded off the difficult time after my latest contact with a covert narcissist.
After leaving my narcissistic husband and his wealthy family poverty was part of the trauma. They took great joy in watching me suffer. But let me tell you karma is real. When I was living in my car for years after I left him and that nice house.
No then he took the kids. He thought I would come back if he had the kids. That didn't work so he called me and asked me if I wanted to take them back after he had ruined them. I knew he was just trying to use them as weapons pawns and spies on me again so I said no. He couldn't believe I set that boundary. So he yelled into the phone, "You have nothing!! That was true he and his family made sure of that. But I said "well I have my health." And he slammed the phone down. Not two months later, he died of a sudden cardiac arrest and now I get his social security benefits. So, thank you for that, God. Karma is real
Ugh. Well, as they say, for some there is a special place in hell and I am sure he’s there. Take solace in that. I’m in the process of a divorce from him and believe you and me, every day I wish I would get a call that says he’s no longer with us. 😂 I wish you all the best. You deserve it.
When I got that call I couldn't believe the sense of relief I felt. I felt like God pulled a butcher knife out of my back@dontbeadogsbody3564
❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
I’m so relieved to hear that.
@@dontbeadogsbody3564He died,i. my absence, during the covid era, I couldn’t get back due to constraints. He left the house that we had lived I. Together, for 20 odd years, to a distant niece.
You are 100% correct and I agree, it's the worst type of abuse imaginable. It destroys you at your core!
Independence is the key. I know I can live perfectly on myself now. So no problems at all. Zero contact - peaceful life!
Give me liberty or give me death! - Paul Revere
It's like we have to draw up an individual "Declaration of Independence". Narcs treat people the same way King George and his aristocrats did. Just most narcs don't have that kind of money and power. If they did, they would be every bit as horrible. It all boils down to evil. Evil is evil whether on the macro or micro scale.
Smile and speak to a stranger it will make both your days!
Yes the peace calm after is such a feeling I've only Been 2 days no contact He'd one said don't text him if carnt help him financially if do he ignore or block so Its Me ignoring I' ve been single for long time after divorce till him was ldr nearly 3 years didn't learn lesson first time but sure have now time to.love ourselves wish You Happinness moving forward
I want to have my own apartment away from the narcissists.
Cheers!
My narcissist husband comes in and out of my life. When he is around me I can't sleep, my face is all cramped up, and I look 15 years older. I also have gal bladder problems, inflammation and neuropathy and I gain 5 kg every time. When he leaves after two weeks I look 15 years younger. Even my house is cleaner! I tell you his negative emotions attract dust, I have to clean my appartement 3 times a week. Which is amazing to me. How real are negative emotions to influence everything around the person.... 😮
Every single one is spot on. Emotional flashbacks and cognitive disonance are the worst.
❤️❤️
Same
Same 🥲
I cried the whole video. It's like you know everything I've felt for 15 years.
Rumination, lots of rumination.
Things become clearer, thank you.
Yes! Indeed! 🤯😵💫🤯😵💫🤯😵💫🤯😵💫🤯😵💫😭😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😞😞😞😞😒🙂↕️🥲🥹😊🙂😁🙃🙂🙃🙂🙂😮💨😮💨😮💨🤬🤬🤬🥺😢😭😭😭😭☺️🙂🙂🙂🤣😂🤣😂🙂🙂🙂🙂🤗🤗🤗🤗🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎉🎉🎊
Congratulations! You did it! You got through 💪😏
Rumination is where I need help 🙏🏽🙏🏽one day at a time
@@msshan-l1y
Yes, one day and step and achievement/success at a time; big or small. It’s really hard. But the rumination does tapper down and then one day you’ll look back and realize that poof 💨 it’s gone!
Took me a year or so 😒
Keep on keeping going!
@@msshan-l1y
Remember, there are set backs. Then we scrape ourselves off the floor and get back on it! It’s a roller coaster 🎢 weee! 😩
We’re not alone. We’re here for each other!
Reading the Bible renews your mind. I just remembered that and need to do it myself! Ruminating wears me out.
Absolutely CORRECT! I knew I had to isolate in order to start finding my own self again in the safety of my own home with noone else around me !! It is a glorious thing and it works. Now I very carefully spend time with what I term SAFE PEOPLE. These are people who do not trigger any anxiety for no reason. It is hit and miss but it works if you stick to your guns and simply walk away from people who do not make you feel safe! I have no problems cutting off those negative people now and it is a wonderful thing to stand in your own power :)
I can't take it anymore 😭😭😭😭 I'm feeling so lifeless 😭😭😭😭😭
❤ I can feel your pain 100% !
Please stay strong , it will get better , never worse ! You are a hero for arriving here !
Much love ❤️!
@@Ana_Sor4everCan i ever be able to move on!!!! I Don't think so...😭
Oh Sweetheart hang in there. Try and do what you need to do to be calm. Whatever it takes to keep yourself safe xxx. We're all here because we know the pain these people inflict on us, the confusion and trauma. It never goes away but it can be lived with. Seek help when you feel particularly bad and sad. You'll be ok xxx
You not alone🤞🏾
It happens in this context but after sometime you feel better, its a process it's take time. M also suffering from it but now i feel something better. Its a gradually process. GBU 🙏🙏
When it's a parent if you survive you have a strong mindset and truly know and love yourself.🧘
Pretty much resonate with all of this. I'm lonely but I don't really want to be with people either
I can totally relate to your words. Sad, isn't it😢
Dogs are wonderful companions.
@@user-ls2uq3pv1hI live with my son and 5 cats they are my life now
Same here
Cats are my only friends now.
Watching this was like being slapped in the face, You were litterally saying everything i feel now. EVERYTHING said was absolutely spot on. The ruminating now is so crippling you are right. THANK YOU so much for this amazing video
I can relate 100% 😔
I am a cancer and abuse survivor and I feel I lost myself after all !
My health is poor , but my mind is worst .
Thank you so much, Danish ! ❤️
🙏🌹🙏🌹🙏
I am a post narc abused, feel so empty and dazzled , confused and off-balance, but the abuser is OK ( my son narc) acts as normal, with continuous abusing personality, we have to shield ourselves staying away from them, he often tells me: I'll get you when you get older
I m also suffering 😭 my narcissists are vindictive 👿
@@MatrixofLifeSo is mine. And malicious
@@mercedesvallar3384 mine was planning revenge for 4 years spying on me! They really have nothing to do in life! And this person having wife/gf
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I felt relieved and freed when she died. But then felt guilty and horrible for feeling that. I still struggle at age 56 because of the damage she caused. I am a mother and I worry about hurting my son because of my mental health issues. He has Aspergers and struggles with depression and anxiety. He has no friends and often feels lonely and rejected by the world. I don't want him to suffer. I would take all of his pain for him. I am already damaged. I want him to have the best life.
If you can heal yourself, you will have more to give your sweet son🧡
Heal yourself for your Son. Lack of affection isn’t good. He will struggle to give it.
❤
😢
OMG same here, felt nothing when she died, felt guilty and wondered if it was me the bad one. The damage they caused is horrible
Eye problems and brain damage has been the most hardest thing to overcome. I stay inside the house if I’m not at work
Same here, also my neck
Eye problems, sinuses, left side of neck has been bothering me since 1/2020, skin issues, ibs, fatigue, insomnia, brain damage, anxiety, fear, inability to make decisions, isolation, inflammation, I’ve had Covid 5x’s, inability to eat, addicted to sugar. I’m a mess and he knows it and relishes in it from his creepy distance.
I have anxiety big time
Omg we all have same problems/ symptoms🥹😩
@@Queen1111sunshine it sucks😕😔
I was in an 11 year relationship with a narcissist my wife, and she suffered from fibromyalgia chronic fatigue and depression and she unalived herself last October and I am not doing well. I hadn't gone back to work until last week. And now I couldn't work this week. I have explosive episodes and I keep running into people who make me question myself and it's extremely difficult to set boundaries that people respect. I feel like no one likes me anymore, even my family. I know that this is not true but it's how I feel. I miss being around people I know but I want to be alone at the same time. I feel so damaged. Thanks for sharing this video
@scarbaskt I'm truly sorry for everything you've been through. I hope you can find a nice therapist to help work on the (many) painful memories and the aftereffects. You are in a tough place, but you described it very clearly. For me, it was my father. I'm 65, and even though he died 10 yrs ago, the damage continues to affect my health -- behavior, relationships, mood, and more. I have no kids (thank god) but one sibling who is estranged, and immersed himself in religious zealotry to cope with his negative feelings about himself. It's different for everyone so that's why having a good therapist is SO vital. It's learning to love and to forgive yourself and others. Even if they've left this world they are still having an effect on you. It doesn't go away, but you can learn to live with the trauma (and it sounds like you have a lot of it) & to let some of it go so you can start to heal.
If it can happen to me it can happen to you, I promise! Just take one step at a time, & take it slow! Light & love, good luck! ❤
Over 5 years no contact. And still in this frickin fog! Wounder if it will ever end 😢😢😢
My sister-in-law and I are both in the process of divorcing brothers from one of the most toxic narcissistic families on the planet. The mom is a malignant narcissist and is the absolute worst. I hate her with every fiber of my being because of the damage that she has caused generationally. My sister-in-law and I both noticed that as soon as we separated our brain functions started to return. Brain fog, the ability to concentrate, the ability to understand information, to remember information, to problem solve, to make decisions, to evaluate situations, to know what we want or need… We’re both intelligent strong women who have never had that problem, but with each passing year married to covert narcissist, it was a parent we were starting to decompensate cognitively. It’s been three months since I saw him and I feel cognitively almost like myself again.
I'm whacked all over and it's your right to be happy 😊 but I do ruminate cuz it keeps them at bay, I function well and all mostly so content rejoicing in the many facts that I'm not like them!
5 years😬 2 for me, it’s so difficult to get back to yourself😑
All of them!
Yes, all the 5 signs
“Your body knows the truth” ❤ wow
See "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
All of the above. But I was most surprised about the aches and pains and inflammation. I did not imagine that that was caused from narcissistic abuse. I always wondered what was wrong with me.😮
I can relate.
I agree I am too. We internalize so much and isolated that our bodies express the stress this way. I should have realized it. Doh! It makes so much sense, holding and internslixing so much negativity is going to find anogher way out.
Same here, rheumatoid arthritis 😢
Lost peace of mind for 23 long years! Now facing lots of changes but have much better mental peace than before
You have described it so well. Thank you Danish. Narcisistic abuse is the evil’s masterpiece of abuse. It’s scope of destruction is unbelievably wide.
This is the best description I've heard. My mother... unyet I've looked after her most of my adult life.
Does anybody experience extreme loneliness? I lost many people being with him and always taking him back and my world has shrunk to family and best friend only. I feel so stupid and the loneliness is extreme. I think somehow I deserve it. It's karma. Paying the price big time. I realise how much we need friends to feel whole 😢
Same happened to me. It's what they do, they slowly but surely eliminate friends from your life because those people take attention away from them. Mine even tried to do it with my own mother. They are sick, twisted and evil people, and love to play the victim.
Yes
They seem to drive away people in passive aggressive manner
Slowly make u feel uncomfortable have anyone around
Socially embarrassed
And emotionally drained to even try freinds anymore
@@thurston4mor
It’s so true
Yes! I went through a long phase of extreme loneliness, oh and it hurts indescribably bad, sometimes I wished to God that I could rip out all this hurt and pain inside of me, it could be unbearable at times, all I could do is cry 😭 and just ache and long for someone to hold me and love me through this!! But all I had was me. I lost friends along the way. I had to learn to love, validate and rely on me. It does get better, slowly, but surely.
I had my mom, that’s it. I don’t trust anyone to be a true friend and trusted confidant, that won’t abandon me. I feel like the experience is so awful, no one would understand or stick it through with me.
There is soooooooo much to this!!
Only people who actually have been through this and similar experiences, can really understand.
It’s really hard to be so alone, yet at the same time would rather be safe than sorry. 🤷♀️
Had Narcissistic husband for 12 Very LONG and excruciatingly painful years!
PTSD, complicated trauma after trauma. Major anxieties, that I’m unable to work at this time. Forgetfulness. Flashbacks. Panic attacks. Extreme fatigue in every way. I don’t know how to be around people and social situations anymore, or know what to talk about. I still work at it. Lots of depression. Experienced suicidal thoughts, never acted on, just more I didn’t know how to cope or get out. Obsessive thoughts. OCD, the worrying kind. Lots of therapy. Etc.
It is devastating. Despairing. Crippling. To go through and to come out of and heal from narcissistic abuse!!!
But hold on!!!!
Keep on going!!!!
You can get through this!!!
And it does get better!!!
It’s a bumpy ride! Lots of ups and downs, highs and lows, confusion, doubting yourself, hopelessness, helplessness, etc etc etc…
There’s so much to work through, get past and LET GO of!
You can Do It!
I’m still working at and through this!
Love yourself! Enjoy yourself! Be patient and kind to yourself! It’s okay, to forgive yourself! You weren’t stupid! You were conned, deceived, mislead, manipulated, etc.
This Is Not Your Fault!
It Isn’t You!!
And let me add another thing…
It isn’t Karma!
NO ONE ‘DESERVES’ TO ENDURE SUCH TOXIC AND INSANE ABUSE!
Betrayal, anger, and three illnesses brought on by my lifelong situations. Married a man like dear old dad. I’m older, so now what? Should I even care? At least I know what is happening now. Glad to have found your channel. I’ll be back!
I’ve moved in with family, if there’s an argument with yelling, I’m immediately overwhelmed, and bolt to my room. I break down and cry missing what I thought I had. When family or friends are nice and do me a favor I start crying, because the years of being dismissed, and devalued that the sheer act of kindness is overwhelming. These people are pure evil.
It’s terrible b4 when I didn’t know he was leading a double life I was coping; but since 2020 my world crumbled. Divorced in Jan of this year; there’s days I can’t function but hoping my faith will get me through! Without Heavenly Father I wouldn’t be here at all
@@suzettewalsh2854 I’ll keep praying for your recovery; stay strong and keep the faith. I’m in the middle of a divorce and can’t wait to be rid of him. I thank God for my faith, that’s what keeps me going too. ✨🙏🏻✨
This is so relatable..I don't even like when people are kind to me...I think it's because I'm always waiting for the "catch"...like kindness never comes on its own for me. It's always tied to something horrific so I'd rather just be left alone which is obviously not sustainable..ugh😢
I had every one of those. I got severe anxiety and depression. I still do not want to be close to my family. They still do not understand what I went thru. I have never found another significant other since my narcissistic ex. I was married to him for 30 years but it was NEVER happy. Cannot understand how I lived thru it that long. It was agony most days.
Its the panic and anxiety attacks that are most prevalent they occur out of nowhere and it takes forever to calm down and get back to normal. And the side effects of SSRIs and other medications on memory and speech.
The descriptions were right on for me. 18 years living with my narcissist father and 20 years with my narcissist husband, divorced over 17 years now. It's good to have validation. Thank you
I relate with the last one, rumination....that lasted me a year BUT I'm over it now....been over it for 7 yrs
How did you overcame? Pl help
How did you overcome? Please help
Thank you for this vital information.
Learning everything about these monsters has been the most difficult, but rewarding experiences in my life. Processing this pain is real. Cut out alcohol, unhealthy foods, and treat yourself like you are a tender baby.
The last one hit me hard. I feel shame for being so stupid, and I question if something happened when I KNOW it did. Sometimes I thought I was the one who might be the narcissist. The "WHY would someone who says he loves me treat me this way" makes me wonder if he really did, or am I just super sensitive. NOW I know the truth, but I'm stuck.
I came to realization my partner a narcissist
I thought I trigger him that I’m a problem
No he’s sociopaths
They play compassion and righteousness
But it’s a false power over people
Underneath they don’t care
No your just probably empathetic personality which narc's target bc they feed off it.i am too. There comes a point where they have stomped on your empathy so much that you no longer have any to give or the energy to give it bc the narc gobbles it up like candy. Then bc your emotions have been so enclosed you wonder maybe YOUR the narc, and feel guilty for anything you do for joy for yourself. Its part of their game to break down any thing not done for their wellfare.
Thank you so much! You described me in a succinct way. I cried through the whole video because the truth of your words were so profound. I divorced my husband last spring. December I fell into severe depression. I haven't been convinced I did the right thing. The stress dealing with consequences of the divorce are overwhelming. Been praying for knowing I did the right thing leaving him after 20 years. You're video answered my prayers. I did the right thing.
100%. Hit the nail on the head. WOW!
I’ve lost my tolerance for narcissist and now I’m seeing them and I’m could lose my sh… with them, but it’s better just to say you know what you’re right to keep your peace and run!!!!!
I did resonate with almost all the physical issues that you mentioned!
I am all of that. I am here in just that broken state of being. I needed so badly to hear all of this because I realize it's not just me and I realize I was allowing myself to be controlled. I was with my partner for 22 years and finally said no to something - and he ended it. It's been over 10 years now and I'm realizing that he probably did that just to get me back under his control. I won't allow him to come near me again, but I still feel sorry for him as well because I truly believe that he was broken from the time he was a toddler in a nightmare of a family. Thank you so much for doing this video. And I thank the Universe for bringing this video to me at the time I needed it most.
I struggle with all of this and have since Jan 2020 when I realized who he actually was. It’s been extremely challenging.
So many of Us 😢 stay strong We can all do this
I am a very happy 65 yo medical professional. You are spot on in everything you said. Got away from narcissistic mother. First husband (physician) narcissist I left after 10 years. My husband of 33 years very controlling with narc tendencies. He went to therapy and he has become really wonderful and caring. I have significant autoimmune (just like you said) and he is very supportive, I am very thankful. Two well adjusted confident adult kids. I broke the cycle.
Chronic self doubt all the way...thank you Danish
Oh my God that sums up how I've been feeling for the last decade!!!💔😭
3 of the things you talked about wierd body symptoms, inability to trust others, and blaming myself for what happened are what i have been dealing with as well as self doubt
This Truly is a hidden sickness that unfortunately we all have to deal with and have ruined our lives. Mine will never even be the same
I experienced all points after leaving my ex husband. Now after 5years of no contact , I have healed completely.
That is so encouraging for the rest of us ! Thank you and congratulations on your recovery ..
Yes, no contact n prayers help to heal faster.
🎉 That is wonderful to hear! Congrats!! Personally, i am not out of the Woods yet, but I am doing much, much better. These experiences have made my life richer and deeper for having gone through it, but I certainly wouldn't want to become enmeshed with a cluster B personality ever again
I think you explained what I have experienced for 40 years. Including the onset of an autoimmune problem.
Yes!!! I'm learning to heal. It's not easy.
I totally relate to all of the 5 symptoms. I left an 18yr narcissistic relationship almost 6 yrs ago, and I still struggle with most of these 5 points now. My Dr has diagnosed CPTSD, Depression, Severe Anxiety, Fibromyalgia and a form of Bipolar called Cyclothymia. After watching this, I now believe I am suffering with the post traumatic narcissistic abuse disorder and not all the things my Dr has diagnosed me with.
Everything you are saying is correct. It describes my husband to a T. My difficulty is that he has everyone convinced that he is wonderful and caring and loving and that I’m the one who has gone off the rails. He even has my parents convinced of this. I feel like I’m just drifting around without any hope for help and for someone to take up my side. I’ve suffered such severe physical injury that I can’t even hold down a job right now, so I have to depend on him literally to stay alive.
😢 same here
If he's severely injured you, you should leave immediately, like I did! Go to an emergency Women's Shelter. They will hide you & keep you safe for a few months, until you can relocate or change jobs. Get away from him, before you can't!🙏🏽🦋
I have tried the same with a narc woman behaving in the same way convincing other people I am the culprit and the narc ever so fantastisk...narcs are masters of manipulation and twisting...you need to get away from the fake monster and find some people to understand you and help you out of this narc mess. If you stay, it will get worse over time and you breaking down
I have been in relationship from last 42 years , I am from Pakistan , I was so naive that for many years I didn’t know what is bipolar n recently I learned about narcissistic behavior , which is exactly he has , now it seems too late to get out of this relationship bc we r now grandparents ;
Just thinking what the people would think about us , I think we r the oldest couple in town n people have great respect for us , it would be very shameful n embarrassing for us to set a bad example for the young people,every day I ask Allah help me n show me the right path Ameen
Now I am thinking to teach Norani qida to convert children; might be Allah is showing me the right path
@khalidakarim1881 It is very complicated to find a way out. Ask yourself, your God, for answers to all questions. Wait, listen. Ask for ears that hear and a mind that knows what to do. I hope for your freedom. Regardless of faith, culture, age, we have this one life. And you dear one, deserve a peaceful remainder of your life. You have talents and abilities ready to be used for yourself first, then for others. Don't stop going forward, for you! I'm 70. My life since age 2 has been a struggle. But I am NOT stopping, for me! And there's a power that exists that honors my perseverance. It's Goodness, Love, God. It's here for the taking, and for us all. XXOO
Relate to everything you say. Been with a narcissist 58 years my advice is don’t fear confrontation, trust your instincts , take notice of the Red Flags. Don’t be a people pleaser, and get out of it when you can, or are able. Love and Prayers
I struggle with all of this. I have been in and out of theraphy for over 30 years. I'm 54 now. Not one single one talked about this. They didn’t know what to diagnose me with. Except anxiety, panickattacks and bipolar 2 which also turned out to be wrong. I had higher scores on suspicion but no personality disorder. Well I was just divorced from a narcissist abusive ex-husband. No wonder I was suspicious. Also growing up with emotionally immature parents or I think they are narcissists. Never did or do doctors mention this. The body keeps score and we have to educate ourselves. Thank you so much for this video 💜
My eyes are open. This makes so much sense.
Not being able to let it go makes me feel if I am also the one 😄🙈I am laughing now while I hardly cached my breath for 8 past months. I truly appreciate your hard work and life changing videos. Trust me narc survivors who listen or watch your videos don’t have that energy to use their fingers and write comments to you or sometimes it’s hard to breath to even accept what we are going through. For me after listening and watching your videos for the first time I got to know what narcissism is. It’s not that I just got in one narc relationship almost all of my close people have been narc and me being extremely caring helpful ruined my eyes with too much tears praying crying for them to be good healthy happy while never even expected same for myself. It felt like everyone else exists in this world except me. Today is the day I can finally write to you and thank you I extremely needed it and I appreciate your videos. it works like oxygen for a dying patient.🙏
Yes, you spot on.. Im going through all that you just described! Thank you very much for enlightening me my present feelings. Just got free after 60 years of marriage to a Narc. Really struggling to figure out why he treated me so badly all these years n finally 2 weeks ago he assaulted me. I blamed myself for not taking good care of him n deserved to be attacked! Thank you for making me understand that im not a Narc n deserve to be used n abused for the best part of my life! I wished to have learned about Narcissism early n save myself such a painful miserable life .
I was planning to end my miserable existence thinking my life is over. Theres no more tomorrow for a 86+ years old lady.
Thanks Danish, your video explains what I’ve been going through for decades! Flashbacks, ruminating, isolation, betrayal, projections, cannot trust other people! I have serious health issues, the main one is in remission and the doc gave me 5y to live! I ‘m on y3 the doc said my life could be longer but no guarantee. At my age I cannot work, too old, and I do not want to be dependent on family. Your videos help very much and reading the comments I don’t feel so alone! Thanks again, God Bless!👍❤️🙏🏻
I did not know this was even a thing but omg it's totally accurate. I am at glad a ran across this
They tell you the opposite about you than other people in your life. Whatever is a good quality in you, they say is a bad quality.
Its almost scary how accurate this video is... Thank you for putting all of this into words, you cant imagine how helpful it is to hear all of this!
This is spot on. Even the health issues. While i have a history of autoimmune in my family, i have a hyperreaction to stress of any kind. It triggers flares worse than anything. My trust issues are so bad i have sociophobia and agoraphobia. The rumination hits home. Im 15 months out from fleeing and going no contact and i still dwell on that. Its why i watch these videos, to try to understand a little. To forgive myself a little. I just wish my nightmares werent filled with me arguing with her and trying to confront her.
Absolutely every single symptom resonates. I’m in counseling now. He’s destroyed my confidence and my self esteem, but I am determined to heal.
Just get away , I did , with lots of things to deal with , just get out , good luck , you must be a lovely person because that's who they pick on xxxx🎉❤❤❤
I got out. now I'm stuck I have nowhere to go no friends no family. I'm sick of running from these psychotic people.
@@kathismith2865 hi , find yourself a nice little flat , or a caravan etc , get a dog from the dogs home , and start your new life xx
It's not easy but this is really the only solution. I'm happy you made it🎉❤
I have been diagnosed with depression when I was younger but after watching this video and watching other videos on narc abuse I see where I get it from. I think I have more than one of them in my own family and it really doesn’t help when my boyfriend starts to mimic these behaviors. I feel the best being alone away from people which people used to tell me I’m a people person. What most don’t see is it’s draining on me to be in a crowd of people. I am working on myself though self help videos and books. The Body Code and the Emotional Code are very good books I’m currently reading. Every information piece helps!❤
It's been so long we are suffering ...Thank you Danish you know everythingwe are struggling ,,,
I LITERALLY have every problem that he is discussing. It’s literally like he is describing my life since getting out of a relationship with a Narcissistic abuser YEARS ago! Amazing….
Thank you so much, I went to see a counselor and she thought I was exaggerating about my need to isolate and hyper vigilance and most of the things you mentioned. Like I should just get over it. Most don't understand narcissism and what victims go through before and after because of her I don't even want to talk to anyone about it again
Try again
Get a new therapist
That therapist is (maybe) a "Dark Empath". Remove them from your life permanently and quickly 😇
Yes this was a few years ago, I only saw this person once and that it. It was free counciling so very low quality. If I ever see anyone again they will need to specialize or at least be aware of narcissistic abuse
@@sapphira5323 where do u live? An actual Narc and a therapist understanding is both rare
This is so true 😢 I have autoimmune diseases due to the narcissistic abuse from my ex husband. I struggle with the fact that I ever allowed someone to treat me that way…I don’t know how to move forward and eventually forgive myself but also realise it was never my fault in the first place.
I have systemic lupus, but my husband doesn't care! He claims I have pain because I'm lazy
Thank you Danish, yes to many , rumination, trust, isolation. I ended up in hospital w broken heart syndrome, which worsened my heart condition, accelerated my physical inflammatory markers , i feel & look aged now w physical damage. Also the trust issue, hard to even make good friends, so many narcissists out there i would rather stay safe & i am isolated .I wish I had never met the narc so much damage for what? So many lies told abt me, so much defamation of character, to everyone, and how do I regain my joy ? Been many years post escape! Thanks Danish for the validation for all of us. Isolation occurs too post escape bcs few ppl understand how betrayed we are on every level, big & small, never love , everything was a waste of my time & life. That brought only pain & damage. So not like a normal loss.
The projections of his issues on me is HUGE!!! This is what he was the master of, and he would tell all of his friends and family these lies about me but they were all about him!!😢😢😢🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
We should do a meet up. Like a conference. We need to have a good positive name for it, but it would be nice to meet everybody who has suffered the same hell. There are so many of us and if we came together imagine what we could do to educate the courts and the medical system. Not that they care that we’re healthier, but they do have an obligation to society, as we pay exorbitant taxes for nothing. Professionals should not be paid when they are this ignorant about a huge, huge problem in our sick society.
Additionally, it sounds like we need some options for people. If the number one thing keeping people stuck is financial, we need to find a way to support people through housing and other financial support, so they can get on their feet and get the hell out.
I think so too!
🎯🎯🎯 Excellent idea! Just what we need!
Absolutely‼️💯
That's a great idea. And it's just amazing how many of us are there and there's so many channels and so many of us.
I'm taking a screenshot of this and my wheels are turning. I would love to be a part of this somehow.
Rumination…wow, that’s my struggle. Thank you for talking about it.
Thank you ❤... 💯... Greatly resonates!!!
Yes, I relate to most of this! Rumination especially!
Loss of sense of self. Not in the same way people with BPD present it but rather the loss of joy in things that use to bring you joy and loss of the sense of self that would define what makes you, you; you notice things about yourself that affect you differently than how they use to or you begin to react to situations differently than you would normally. Like you remember how you use to be and don't understand why you aren't behaving the same.
I experienced utter devastation to my sense of self. I hopped from one narcissist to the next, tho
The more I try to let go, the harder the memories hang on and flood my brain even though we have had zero contact for months. I lost all of my friends. I can't talk to my family. I can't even join a support group because I'm too afraid that there is just something wrong with me and that's why everything happened the way it did. I sign up for online groups and then end up cancelling at the last minute because I just feel there's nothing that can help me. I constantly feel stupid and question my own perceptions of everything. I can't trust my own eyes or ears or thoughts, let alone any other person.
I have been in abusive situations before, but this has broken me in a way I don't know how to heal from.
This has brought me to a point in my life when I can't even begin to believe there is any hope for me.
I don't even feel like I'm a living person anymore.
I feel like a ghost screaming in pain for someone --anyone --to see me or hear me or understand or care at all, and there's no one.
The friends I had... It's like they didn't believe me, and they got frustrated with me for not pulling myself back up and moving forward, and I have tried! I've tried so hard for so long--years---so many things--nothing is helping. So I just get sucked into researching all of this, desperately wanting something to click on my brain, but it all just gets lost in a fog of cognitive dissonance.
The bottom line for me is that, logically, all of this makes sense and the steps to follow toward healing would help--IF I JUST KNEW FOR SURE THAT IT'S NOT JUST ME.
I don't know what's real anymore, and I can't seem to figure out how to know for sure what the problem actually is.
Yes, I struggle with everything you just said. That, deep, deep sadness is the worst.
Omg finally someone who understands how I feel and cannot put into words, its as if you were speaking directly to me , I just wanted to reach out and hug you because you actually understand , thank you so much .
for me it is also no motivation at all and non stop procrastination. If someone would tell before that I will end up in this state of existence, I would never believe. I was such a different person.
Very same here...
I had 3 different businesses...
I was very busy, vibrant and somehow a this relationship progressed, the ups and downs, back and forth, inner turmoil,
Break ups and let downs.....I really had no way of seeing how deliberate, Calculated and cerebral Me Ex really was. Slowly this union overshadowed and took center stage with almost everything.
Even My very faith was shaken to its core.
My going to Church to Her suddenly was perceived as just something I Do, "My Thing", like bowling or golf....
She was so fake Spiritual.
Her friends/ new and old, phone- social media.
Devaluations and discarding from time to time.
We're going to be Parents, imagine 2 people that shouldn't even be together, bringing/ raising Children together.
So much happening so fast...
Getting settled in and Conditioned into unhealthy dynamics.
This is hard,
This is dark, cruel and cold stuff.
Unless people have been thru it they'll never fully/ truly understand.
Do whatever it takes to save and comeback to Yourself.
So owe these evil people nothing.
Stay as Prayerful and Vigilant as You can.
God Bless and may peace, discernment and wisdom be among Your many tools readily available to You.
Amen 🙏
@@user-cf7dk2ui4z God bless you, please speak to your friends and family and even some random people as much as possible, it's really helps. Amen. We have to get back to ourselves!
I finally am realizing why I feel the EXACT SAME WAY. I’ve been wondering about this for the last two years. This clarifies for me.
Same here, some days brain fog and procrastination just cant function. I see in my head what I need to do, simple tasks ( clean the porch for instance) and I rethink it over and over and don't do it, that and no energy to do it.
Add weight gain and you would be describing me perfectly.
Very, very true, Danish, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm a 62F and have always wondered "what's wrong with me" until I started listening to your teachings and now I know. I was made to believe something was wrong with me, when I'm actually like everyone else who's had narcissists in their family. It's not us - it's them.
Trust issues are huge. I did the opposite of people who go towards narcissists and marry them. I, in turn, basically said "hell no!" and didn't trust any man no matter how nice he was. I didn't trust, therefore am still single. I hate it but that's been my thinking. It's scary and maddening all at once.
After 30 years of narcissistic abuse I divorced my ex husband. Even though it's been 12 years since the divorce I still can't trust. I will not even consider another relationship and will not date. Then I got a new boss who triggered me so much because she acted like my ex. I couldn't please her and was under such scrutiny I couldn't take it. After 51 years of being an RN I had to quit and end my career. I am still in therapy and have a very thick wall around me so no one can hurt me, invalidate me, criticize me, insult me, gaslight me or blame me. All five of your points describe me. I am 73 and would rather be isolated and alone. Animals are my source of joy as I have never had a human love me or bring me happiness the way my dogs do. My ex began and ended his days with only concern for what pleased him. I am truly sorry that I never got to experience the kind of love where the other person thought of me first. Great video.
Yes it's so true, I have had 2 bosses over the years that were total narcissist. Triggered me greatly. One I had to quit and other I had to move departments. 2nd one couldn't understand why I wouldn't perform and be yes-man to him in his toxic feifdom. Luckily my HR Manager recognized that up to him as a manager I had been exceeding until him. He would do this to every new manager under him (I had a different manager over me for several years and had to tranfer to him.) He told me at first sit down that he wasn't going to tell me how he is, but to ask the other managers under him. Well none of them would talk. Literally would not say candidly what they thought. Big red flag!! I can usually get along with everyone, team player, if you respect me I will give you respect, but you earn it. From that point on, he went out of his way to make me miserable, and to others seeing me get beat down every day and question myself it was like blood in the water!! I could do nothing right, even though my team was top 2 in the unit. I wss told daily I never should have become a manager, I didn't have the creds, he thought I should know things as a senior manager of 8 years (no only bc what he thought I should know, when never on his team before). I was not allowed to talk to other managers compare policy on managing people. I would be brought into his officd if I did. He even tried to turn my team against me. Luckily they told me in a team meeting spoke up about how they see him treating me, and they didn't want any other manager but me. It brought tears to my eyes. Finally came a point where I knew I was not going to survive him, with HRs help moved to another department. On my way out told the other managers and unit managers exactly in private meetings why I was leaving. After I left 2 more managers took my place after and experienced the same. One quit after 15 years working there, the other got him demoted. I with my initial complaint and then the pattern after is what got him. My team gave me a huge party send off to my other department which goes to show you I was doing something right. But I have learned what to look for. Unfortunately was not so lucky in love life, was also dealing with narcissist at home. Work had been my go-to for my esteem. He was now happy he was making more than me and letting me know it. Then wanting to control everything. Everything after went into his name, the new car, the house we moved to bc my credit had been burned due to financial past on his part and his income higher. Unfortunately just when I was ready to leave, he had a stroke. Now I am running everything. Not sure what is worse. He will have to going into 24/7 care, i am feeling relief that not having to deal with the abuse, but can't leave him now due to the circumstances. I am home alone with the pets and rejoicing but unable to walk away.
@@TheAislynnRose My ex husband said that I didn't make enough money as a nurse and wished he had married a doctor to have more money. He said if he ever remarried he would marry money. One year after our divorce finalized he married money, lives in a 12K square foot multimillion dollar home. He is a big shot now. Money and status were the only things I couldn't give him and the two things that he wanted.
Well now its time to look out for you. If thats all he wanted tben good riddence he"s now someone elses problem. He is going to spend her dry. Don't look at yourself as the failure, it is all him. I wanted to be a nurse but found out Im too empathetic, I feel peoples pain too much. I watch what these nurses do for my husband and realize what silent heroes they are. You are one too!!
Oh my gosh! I lived with it for 20 years. I am in my fourth year of recovery.
Thank you for making this video!
This is a fantastic video - so on point. I can feel the genuine empathy coming through strongly in this video. Thank you Danish, I think you have possibly the best handle and the most insight into narcissism of anyone on the planet.
Yes to the IBS. I used to say to him if he didn't stop stressing me out I would have to leave, which I finally did in 1999 after 22 years. I was blamed because I was the one who left but I have always said did I jump or was I pushed? The IBS continued but to a lesser degree, fed by guilt, depression, rumination and loneliness. The isolation of Covid lockdown actually helped as no one could make demands of me. A couple of friends and even my mother could cause anxiety and stress. The IBS is sorted after 30 years of suffering. Lately, discovering videos about narcissism have built my confidence and clarity. At last I now know who I am. Thank you.
Check on the rumination. Idk how to let go of the memories. 20 years and 3 children worth of memories.
25 yrs and 2 children. Husband undiagnosed, but I think he's borderline with malignant narcissistic traits that has left me trauma bonded. Thankfully, after learning that he's borderline I went Grey Rock so the discard was not so heartbreaking. I wanted it to end, my soul was in agony but I didn't know how to do it, enmeshed as I was with cognitive dissonance, brain fog, inability to think clearly or take decisions. Sexually abused as a child and raised by mildly narcissistic mother, weak father, I've had hormonal issues since my early 20s, hairloss n hirsutism, guy issues, chronic fatigue too. I've aged alot in the last 25 yrs. It's only now that I understand the cause of my psychosomatic illness, which has plagued me all my life. I'm taking life one day at a time, I have good days and bad days, my children are a great comfort to me, hug me and hold me close. Thankfully despite their own trauma, they've cut the chord and moved on with their lives post discard
I began to not look back. Refused to look back because it haunted me. It all happened. It was evil, devastating. He never pays the price. But I just go forward, as best I can. That saved me from the rumination.
Just know your not alone on this
It hurt to know my spath narc
Was toxic
His sly false compassion and concern for me brainwashed and me
Good people inheritently get caught up in this bc this logic of manipulators seeking relationships is strange
@@ArchAngel435 you could be describing me after I escaped. I couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t make a decision, brain fog, cognitive dissonance, everything. I started seeing a Christian counselor afterwards and a lot of the things that I thought I had forgotten came pouring out. She wanted me to set goals. I couldn’t set a goal if my life depended on it!. It wasn’t until after I got into another narcissistic relationship that I began learning about narcissism. It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t crazy.
I had 47 years & 3 children. With him..he died during Covid...I'm in the procrastination & no energy stage along with rumination.
Absolutely nailed it. I feel validated. I am so very depleted.
What a fantastic talk ❤️🙌🏻
I thought I had a fear of crowds because I was grounded so much as a child. What you said makes so much sense. thank you for this.
Thank you very much, Mr. Danish. You have described me very accurately. I feel relief that there is a genuine professional, one who does not stick a "mental health issues" label on those like myself. In my case the perpetrator was my mother. She had never been abused in any way, and had no mental health issues; she was just simply evil. She most closely fit the description of a dark triad narcissist, but even more cunning. She abused me in many ways on a daily basis, thriving on sadism. She made several attempts on my life, and hired people whom she had convinced somehow that I should not be allowed to live, to make attempts on my. life. I have no idea how I could possibly have survived, but against high odds, I did. I have physical skeletal and brain damage, and am now very isolated, against my will, due to my physical limitations caused by 55 years of abuse.
I was an abuse slave. I now live alone, in constant severe pain due to inflammatory issues, and can barely move, due to the pain and stiffness. I am also financially destitute due to not being able to work for the last 26 years. This is depressing because I love to work and miss being able to do so terribly. While I am still breathing at this time, I have no life. I will stop here, as the narrative of the rest of my situation would fill several books. Thus I am in the position to offer empathy, sympathy, and support to those who find themselves in a similar situation. It is encourageing, to say the least, that there are a few knowledgeable people who still view those like me as viable persons, even though we may not be able to be productive. The worst aspect is the belief held by many, that we do not deserve to exist. Best wishes and light energy go with you as you seek to overturn misconceptions and prejudices and offer support to us.
Thank you for sharing your situation with us. I'm sorry that you find yourself isolated
I am in a similar place with pain and inflammation as well as isolation. I'm so pleased that you are willing to reach out to others, even in your condition. Sending love and light around the world helps in ways that we can't understand, but it is so important ✨️ I send you healing love, friend, and I pray 🙏 that your load is lighter and your troubles are better in the coming days weeks and months ❤️
@@nancyayers8322 Thank you sincerely for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear of your own situation. People who have never experienced life the way we have are fond of reminding us that we're "not the only ones" in our situation. I say to them that I'm well aware of that, and is it supposed to make me feel better to be criticized for being a "whiny" survivor? Well, it does not; in fact it helps me to feel worse to confront the fact that I have much company; and to be reminded that there is nothing that I can do to alleviate their suffering, much less my own, at least at this point. And I'm running out of time. All I ever wanted to do with my life was to assist others and contribute to their quality of life. The parent in question knew of this and went to great lengths to ensure that my goal would be impossible to reach. But enough about me. I gratefully and thankfully accept your gifts, and send you equal respect, and best wishes and positive and healing energy of my own. Light be with you.
@@sTinger12300
Thank you so very much! ❤️
I needed to hear all of this so bad! Thank you I am hoping I can get through it this time. Your absolutely right I need my drug and it is him and I am going through withdrawal and everyone just wants to judge. He promised me I would leave his house in a body bag someday. I tried for a long time for my son. I have a traumatic brain injury and with his abuse and then he had our 11 year old treating me literally the same way. I had no choice but to leave when he put his hands on me yet again! I want my baby but he will not leave his dad! I am disabled from a motorcycle accident in 2018. My family acts like it is me I have all the proof that it is him but they have always saw me as the person in the wrong! Thank you again for this post I know now this is part of the healing
I felt that to the core there is nothing you said that is not effecting me I don't know what to do I h
ave all you said 10 fold
Literally every single one... I am going through a horrible divorce right now, and I am finally able to see little of what I have been through. This made me cry. You were talking about me... I am glad to see the truth now.